Revolutionary –Elitist Character – because all worry and concern about the system was not self-honest, but rather aiming at personal glory.
Continuation of the Elite Character
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I required a reason to stand up for life in equality as in having a particular ‘bad life’ or suffering in order to advocate a world system that will ensure all living beings are supported for life and in this, believe that any form of suffering was necessary for us to stand up, without realizing that such suffering, struggle and abuse has been he direct outflow of our own accepted and allowed existence in selfishness, self interest and utmost greed that leads to the negligence of other beings as ourselves, which leads to accepting and allowing a reality of abuse and neglect, simply because we were not apparently directly affected by it, when the reality is that we all are aware at some level of everything that goes on in this world, and that no matter how hard we try to ‘make our lives work’ and ‘try to make it’ in this world, we will never get to an actual state of well being unless we change the system that is currently fostering the conditions of abuse as a means to survive.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to comply and form my judgment about reality based on ‘critical opposition’ to a system that I thought had to ‘work for us’ no matter what, without ever questioning why it is that the only civil-obedience act that I would know of was paying for taxes and voting for political representation, never actually realizing that this world is the way it is because we have all collectively agreed to the non-sensical rules and regulations as ‘laws’ that are only benefitting a minority of the population that lives in opulence, while the majority is neglected and side viewed by any form of human-rights and laws that could guarantee the general well being of mankind as equals, though because this would imply having no ability to abuse and exert power over someone that isn’t forced to ‘make a living’ to get by and survive, we simply agreed that living in optimum conditions would mean having to work/ having to have a constant struggle to ‘make it’ in this world, accepting this as the general imprint we grow up as children, always aiming at ‘getting better/ progressing/ developing’ but always witnessing things only going wrong, bad, corrupted, failing and within this
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start conforming to an apathy and general mocking of our politics and governmental systems due to believing that they were the only bad guys creating the problems I was witnessing in my environment as the country and the world, and that we, the people, had to ‘fight for our rights and be heard,’ generating an entire energetic personality of constant opposition, criticism, wanting to hoard as much knowledge and information about the world as possible so that I could ‘defend’ myself when being asked about my opinions about politics, economics and social matters. I realize that in this all I was not In fact looking at the actual reality of people, but mostly being entertained by numbers, graphics, pictures that I would see in the media in order to create a particular Experience about ‘how bad, how wrong and twisted the world is’ without ever even questioning my own participation within it as an equal-part that is responsible for Everything that goes on in this world, no matter what I do or what I don’t do, the sheer fact that we are living beings is already indicating that we have all tacitly agreed with the current ways the system works – and within that, any form of change cannot come only from a new system in place, but must be In place through our individual change and self correction within the understanding of what it is that Life must be as What is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to for a while not question my reality further because of seeing that ‘out of my reach’ and seeing the understanding of how money works, how money is created and what the devaluation of our currency meant – beyond just ‘erasing’ three zeros’ – and simply brush it aside as if it was something that had ‘nothing to do with me’ at the moment. Not realizing that everything that was making my life work was not out of ‘nowhere’ but money that is what enabled me to continue living and being educated and existing only seeking for my own benefit, because it is quite clear how if I had any form of physical struggle to get money as in not having enough money, I would have questioned my reality further – yet I used the reality, the knowledge and information for my own benefit as a way to make myself ‘knowledgeable’ and what I’ve been tagging as ‘system savvy’ in order to perpetuate the intellectualism of the problems in the world to have interesting ‘talks’ with other people that would seem ‘equally interesting’ to me to do so, and within this never really actually SEEING the problems we were speaking about as the actual reality of people, but were only using it as a way to show off knowledge and information, have long talks over coffee and ‘plot’ some amusing plans to ‘overcome the system’ that would go no further than just that, talking and having no inkling of an actual plan, way and method to in fact create a change in this world – thus, my concern about the system must be seen not as an actual act of caring, but was also imprinted with my desire to start making a name for myself in order to get to be part of the Intellectual-Elite that could talk about the problems in the world and earn great money out of it. (Read: 207. Changing the World in Self Interest)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be ‘informed’ from an early age about what was happening in the world, but this was all based within self interest as in having the ability to Know more about the world, to be quite the ‘exceptional child’ that would not be amused by ‘childish games’ but would act as an adult in order to seem special and within this,once again, building up a point of specialness, superiority and recognition over time in order to get to be ‘the most’ everyone told me I could be, which became then an over-confidence as an Experience based on me being ‘opinionated’ and having ‘critical views’ on the world early on, which made me feel good when people would be amazed of my wits and knowledge and information, never really in myself even considering how what I was speaking about, was being actually lived and experienced in Reality by human beings that are also part of myself as everyone and everything that is here – which is how we have intellectualized reality instead of actually Understanding it in order to create a feasible way to change our living-ways and within this, promote an actual system-change.
I realize that my interest for the world matters was also in self interest for all of the above mentioned points: superiority, specialness, being ‘witty’ and system savvy wherein no real actual consideration of the lives of the people that I was generalizing with data and names and history was actually about. This is how once again, we are only able to intellectualize reality because of the protection and security that money is granting us, a select sector of the population that has been ‘gifted’ with the ability to have a dignified living, neglecting the majority that is out of our sight and only reduced to ‘world news’ of poverty, starvation, abuse, trafficking, animal extinction and wars that we see only as ‘interesting topics’ that will make us look like a person that Cares, but little did I even care to actually be and become a human being that understands the reasons and actual detail of why the lives of human beings have been neglected to such an extent that we’ve reduced Actual Lives to graphics, to GDP numbers and figures that in no way serve Life, in no way actually consider the living conditions of such people that are just forming parts of percentages, numbers and statistics that indicate an apparent growth or devaluation of life on Earth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question how it was possible to have a ‘Devaluation’ of our currency which would be the same as ‘devaluing’ life in one way or another – within this, missing out all possible common sense that I could have considered if I had allowed myself to investigate further on how money exists, and how money is created, and the actual laws and regulations that dictate our reality, but instead, only used such knowledge and information for my own personal benefit as a opinionated character, having some form of ‘criteria’ to speak about the world simply because of judging this as proper to educated and wealthy people. There you go, intellectualism exposed.
I Forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hide the fact that my interest on world matters was actually only based on attaining/ hoarding knowledge and information as a synonym of money, wherein I would be planning already how ‘great’ I was going to be when having had a life of being informed on social matters, politics, trying to understand wall street and becoming a news junky just so that I could give lectures/ talks about my education, my ‘awareness’ of the problems of the world while gaining a name for myself as this type of ‘good being’ that would fight for social justice and a revolution, without being self honest with myself to see how the starting point of this all was in self interest and not really caring about investigating the actual lives of the people I could be naming as general figures and numbers that we use in order to sound ‘cool’ and ‘intelligent,’ while neglecting even asking why such numbers and figures of poverty, starvation, war, crime, unemployment, rise of prices and any other act of corruption existed in the first place.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that exposing my selfish desires to ‘help the world’ would make me a ‘bad person’ not realizing that we have all been living lives masking our self interest with benevolence, goodness and ‘good will’ that has never in fact existed, as if it really had existed, we would have done something already about this world. Thus,
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to plan/ plot and project a life for myself based on being an ‘aware’ being, like the ultimate intellectual that could talk about all spheres of life in order to sound interesting, to even find a partner that could ‘fill in the gaps’ with more knowledge and information as an ‘intelligent being and socially aware – whatever such tag would in any way imply as ‘worthy’ to me – and a social-group of people that I could fit in based on my desires to have friends in elitist-intellectual positions as I deemed that to be ‘my spot’ within my life, and within this
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to admire, even idolize people that were these ‘examples’ in my life of what it was to read a ton of books, have huge libraries in their houses, collect art, have the ultimate sybarite lifestyle while being very aware of the system and talking about change while eating some form of delicacy with wine, which was the precise type of social reunions that I wanted to preserve in my life – and I repeat: while theorizing about the problems in the world, which is unacceptable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value who a person is according to the education they have, the knowledge and information about ‘the world system’ that they have memorized, because of having created my own standards of intelligence based on knowledge and information placed ‘at the service of humanity,’ which is where the revolutionary-intellectual character exists, never realizing that within this, I was supporting the very cogwheels that make this wordl system turn wherein knowledge and information is valued more than life, wherein all money is valued more than life without understanding how there could be no money, no real value if there was no actual physicality that we could in any way put a price tag on, including ourselves as ‘knowledgeable beings’ that can sell such ‘wits’ within the academic and intellectual circles in the form of books, lectures and general elitist-status of social investigators that may propose a ton of ways to create a change in this world but never in fact even consider how to make it a reality as a process of Self Responsibility by the individuals, because all solutions were only looked at in the form of opposition, revolution and further criticism of the system without looking at the monetary system as the source and core of the problem that must be corrected and aligned in this world to support Life in Equality.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to also use this accumulation of knowledge and information to gain the tags that people would generally see me as ‘acculturated intelligent person’ which became part of my ‘steps toward success’ in this world system because of having done all the research and deliberate accumulation of knowledge and information for my own benefit, to seem like a good doer, revolutionary, future ‘leader’ of change in self interest. I see and realize that there could be no actual good intention the moment that I was using knowledge and information as a form of reputation that I could later on Sell to the same system I was trying to oppose. I realize that within this world system, I tis not not oppose it or retaliate against it and try and make a living out of doing so, but instead become part of the system, educate myself, support other’s education in order to recognize the fact that there is nothing to oppose, but to align, correct and direct to an outcome that is best for all.
I realize that whenever self interest as our own personal benefit is in place when trying and ‘do good’ to this world can only backfire as a self-deception that we have to take self responsibility for, and that it is not to be judged any further other than taking the necessary actions to align our lives and our dedication to understanding reality not as a way to abuse such knowledge and information for our own benefit, but to in fact self-forgive any remains of personal/ selfish interest about ‘changing the world’ / making a change and take the necessary actions to be self responsible which doesn’t exist ‘out there’ as some major reform in the system at the moment, it begins with our every seemingly ‘unimportant’ thoughts in our head whenever we place ourselves on top of others, whenever we want to be ‘right,’ whenever we want to have the ‘right answer’ all the time which is a point that is not indicating anything else but the desire to remain in a knowledgeable and righteous position that actually does a lot of harm upon reality, wherein intellectualism has become part of the general abstraction of reality into nice words and pictures to depict the reality, instead of actually investigating how Reality operates, why such people have been neglected, how our very own lives depend on their suffering and abuse and how our very worlds of elitist first world lifestyles are stemming from another’s endless laboring days in conditions that no knowledge and information can change in this world.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see the desire of changing the world as a ‘noble act’ within our society that I had to attain to in order to be part of a select-renowned group of people as an artist or intellectual, or linguist or whatever that I could be and become in order to get my ‘big part of the cake’ while holding an image of a ‘good doer’ in my society, and be known and praised and recognized for that, without realizing to what extent I had simply then acted in self interest all the time and never really caring as the actual expression of what that word implies about the reality of the people and situations and events I was only reducing to long strips of words that were not lived at all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read people’s biographies as in revolutionary people, artists mostly as examples of what I wanted to be and become and within this starting point of fame, recognition, getting to be part of history books, desire to get to the ‘top’ and be ‘superior’ within my society as knowledgeable person/ an intellectual of ‘the greatest kind’ wherein I learned how this type of recognition was an acceptable way of becoming rich/ wealthy while still holding on a façade of ‘activist’ as a ‘good doer.’ I realize that I deliberately neglected the absurdity and paradox I would have made of myself by becoming rich out of opposing the system and the lack of integrity that really exists in all our so-called intellectual spheres in this world, where it is very nice and simple to talk and talk and talk about the problems in this world, blame the government or any other institution and always avoiding seeing one’s own life and the decisions made based on wanting to obtain a point of benefit in absolute self interest.
I commit myself to continue writing the revolutionary-elitist character out, in order to see how even in what could be spotted as ‘good intentions’ there were actual greedy interests behind it, most likely wishing to succeed only at an individual level and forgetting about the actuality, the physicality the actual living conditions of the people that are reduced to numbers, stories, figures that are sold in books and lectures and further story-telling journalism without proposing an actual living solution that can Stop such abuse and negligence in humanity. I commit myself to establish the Equal Money System as the common sense that is necessary in this world, which can hold no specialness or hero-like action, this is about the reality that should have always been but were too busy satisfying/ satisFRYING our own egos.
This will continue
Life Reviews to Open Your Eyes: