93. “No need to explain, I got it”

A pattern that has been prominent within me is when having to go through things twice in order to ‘get them.’ It is an button pushed for my ego when I believe that I am  able to ‘get things’ with one single explanation, and reacts when being ‘misunderstood’ in terms of me explaining something that in my mind makes sense while taking a another point into consideration – however because of my rush to explain, I do not take the time to give a proper context and as such, I end up getting pissed off because of ‘being misunderstood,’ without first realizing how in my rush to explain things, I did not say things specifically – hence beings cannot ‘guess’ what the hell I’m talking about and in that, friction/ conflict is created as in my mind. I blame the person for misunderstanding while I believe that ‘I know better/ I know that I got it, they just don’t get  what I get’ lol – and as such just become this self-inflated knowledgeable ego that becomes rather nasty to the point of shutting someone off for being too repetitive when explaining themselves – ‘No need to explain, I get it’ is the backchat that covers up the: ‘I know I am right, I know I understand me, I don’t require to understand you in equality’ – which is fucked up to say the least – this is a realization, not a judgment point.

 

So, this is also coming from the ego that believes ‘I don’t require any help to understand’ as if I had it all perfectly figured out in my  mind, which is obviously ego as well.

 

And it is because of this ‘rush’ and general almost like anxiety to get past things that I dropped out of courses, for example, to learn another language just because I would see everyone else as ‘too slow’ – hence the course being ‘too repetitive for my taste’ because of being redundant about points that in my mind, we could have already gotten. Within this character, I became an island as I was unable to work in team effectively, which is a point that I have been re-learning since I have been walking with/ participating with/as Desteni.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react the moment that I envision myself having to go through something ‘once again’ which is a reaction that I have created based on my desire to get things done ‘asap,’ which comes along with an experience of anxiety and general rush wherein because of not wanting to ‘wait,’ I want to get things done ‘in one go’ as in only listening/ reading/ doing something only once and as such, be able to ‘advance’ and go further, faster – thus

I realize that this emerged when I was in school and I would always finish everything first/ faster than the class and would thus get a nice feeling as in ‘being very fast’ meaning a positive experience such as having‘extra time’ to just wander around while others worked, which is a sense of superiority that I would recognize as something special and great within me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as superior within the idea, belief and perception that I am ‘fast and accurate’ wherein while being in class/ learning something and having to go through it more than once to ‘get it,’ I would react in exasperation and irritation because within my mind this would mean ‘retroceding’ and ‘wasting time’ – believing that I could have just instead  ‘go to the next level/ the next point’ which indicates the usual ‘racing/ competition’ programming that I would play-out throughout my life when it comes to knowledge and information within the schooling system.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my mind hold the backchat ‘I am able to ‘get things’ with one single explanation,’ which is a ego treat as a form of pride because of apparently having this super-ability to understand, and it all making ‘perfect sense’ within my mind. However when I communicate my understanding toward another and not being accurately explaining the point and the other person gets the idea/belief that ‘I didn’t get it,’ I go into frustration because of me not wanting Them to believe that ‘I didn’t understand what they were teaching/ showing me’ – and so it is a reaction in the form of  ‘not wanting to be seen as ‘me not getting it’ because in my mind ‘I did get it’ –thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then go into blaming the being that gave an explanation that I considered as ‘very clear’ initially, but when the clarification/ second explanation comes after the feedback I have given in relation to ‘what I understood’ – I take it personal within the belief of me having been misinterpreted and thinking that ‘they believe I didn’t get it, when in my mind ‘I did’ which is an entire unnecessary egotistical cycle to go through to try and defend my ego/ my position/ the idea of myself as ‘always understanding everything properly’ -which has been a constant aspect in my secret mind, wherein I think or believe that ‘I am understanding everything that is being said’ somehow, without realizing that this is my mind attempting and trying to ‘always be right’ and ‘always get it right away.’

 

When and as I see myself reading through explanations, hearing information and making up my mind quickly as to assess that ‘I got it,’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that my relationship with knowledge has been that of an added value to ‘who I am’ wherein I believed myself to be able to understand ‘more’ than others and a such, when getting a second explanation on a point, is then received with a judgment toward such person believing that ‘I didn’t get it’ which I have judged as me not wanting to seem like stupid or retarded because of thinking that ‘now I, at the eyes of others, apparently ‘didn’t get it’ which I see is  the point that ‘really bothered me’ as in me being judged by others as ‘not getting it,’ which is the essence of defending ‘who I am’ as knowledgeable ego –thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated, frustrated and angry when I believe that people believe that ‘I didn’t get it’ because that means that I am now ‘less than’ others at their eyes and that I have then ‘not gotten it’ from the get-to/beginning, which is as if I was being measured by my ability to understand the fastest/ quickest/ most accurate way at all times, wherein the conflict then comes when going through the second explanation and already existing in a precondition/default self-belief/ experience of taking it personal wherein I believe that ‘this is being said/explained again because of ‘me not getting it,’ and as such in an absurd way take the blame and judgment as if I had ‘failed’ to understand in one go – wherein in my mind, I still try and make up excuses as to ‘why I did get it,’ wherein I then want to simply clarify myself to others as to defend my posture/my ego that ‘I always get it,  you misunderstood me’

 

Thus I see and realize that I can only experience a conflict within me when the idea of who I am as the ability to understand something in ‘one go’ is questioned and exposed, wherein I then judge me for not communicating properly, I judge the being for ‘misunderstanding me’ and I judge then the entire second explanation because of believing that going through something ‘twice’ makes me ‘slower’ and ‘unintelligent,’ which is the personality that is attacked when having to go through something twice in order to get it.

 

I realize that any point of inner conflict stems from wanting to guard a specific personality/ self interest that has been deeply rooted within me as ‘intelligence’ and ‘being able to get things right away’ wherein it is through me talking myself into ‘I got it, it’s very clear, no need to explain more’ as a backchat and then having to go through a second explanation, to me is a ‘punch to the ego’ that would want to simply go through the points as fast as possible because ‘I am able to get it in one go,’ which is a knowledgeable egotistical trap of me wherein sometimes I would even ‘swallow’/ignore my own understanding gaps and believing that I could figure it out later as we go, wherein because of this rush to get things done as fast as possible, within the rush of wanting to ‘advance’/take advantage in something and ‘get it all done,’ I miss the actual learning and integration of knowledge and information process in practical terms, wherein I realize that the backchat of ‘I got it’ is only a way to satisfy the same ego pattern of ‘I am able to understand things with one single explanation, ’ which in itself is not something that ‘is not possible’ but it is the entire background that is implied within me speaking/thinking such words as the result of a  lifetime of experiences based on ‘getting things fast and with just one explanation,’ which is not true at all and it’s a self-belief that I have taken on as pride and as an automated response in my mind.

 

Thus, when and as I see myself believing that I do not require a ‘second explanation’ and that the person got it all wrong with me not getting it, I stop and I breathe. I direct myself to listen again/ read again being here, breathing, without trying to understand in my mind and having it all ‘sorted out’ in one go, which is ego and most likely pointing out to a timeloop that I am able to stop if walking with/ as patience, realizing that there is No Race to win, nothing to attain by wanting to ‘go fast’ through knowledge and information, as I see and realize that knowledge and information is Useless if not lived, applied, walked in actual physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then secretly blame and even ‘diss’ in my mind another for giving me a second explanation to something that ‘in my mind’ I have apparently understood to the T, wherein I take the second explanation as a blow to my ego because I apparently have been misunderstood as in ‘not getting it,’ which is actually also stemming from me wanting to answer things fast without giving proper and detailed context of what it is that I have understood – and this is also linked to the ‘fast and accurate’ personality that I have cultivated from the very first years of schooling, wherein this ‘fast and accurate’ ways of doing things became a ‘prop’ for my development in school, in comparison to others – hence I see and realize that superiority/ desire to be special is ingrained within ‘wanting to do things fast and accurate all the time’ – which is a multi-layered point in relation to knowledge and information.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to give fast answers as to what I understood I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can take my time to write out myself and communicate effectively in detail what I have understood, what is in context of what I have understood in order to ensure that I am not providing only ‘one-liner feedbacks’ but actually take the space and time to explain myself sufficiently to enable an effective communication / mutual understanding of a point.

 

I realize that this rush to answer as fast as possible is linked to schooling activities wherein you have answer questions by the teacher and the first one that raises their hand, ‘wins’ to give the answer, which is how knowledge and information becomes a competition game instead of an actual step by step, moment by moment learning process.

 

I see and realize that the rush linked to learning is then stemming from having lived knowledge and information as a point to compete with/ as in relation to others. Therefore I ensure that when and as I am here reading, hearing, watching something that I am learning from – including my own writing – I assist and support myself to slow down, take the necessary time to go through it, to ensure I am covering the points that I see are relevant to communicate myself effectively as I realize that there is no need to ‘rush’ to get somewhere else.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost ‘get offended’ whenever someone believes/ perceives that ‘I didn’t get it,’ because at my eyes and in my mind ‘I always get it right/ I always get it with one single explanation’ which is me existing in the mind from the starting point of being ‘in a race’ wherein I am used to always ‘being first’ and always ‘winning’ in contrast and in comparison to others – which is a mechanism I have used in order to place myself as ‘superior’ intellectually, nothing else but an egotistical treat to make of knowledge and information as something that makes me ‘more’ than myself here as the physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I know better/ I know that I got it, they just don’t get what I get’ wherein I try to always make myself as ‘better than’ and ‘right’ at all times, because accepting the fact that I did not in reality understand the whole thing in one go is a ‘no-no’ to my ego as the mind – thus I realize that

 

When and as I see myself going into the backchat of ‘I know better/ I know that I got it, they just don’t get what I get’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a validation, justification for my self-belief as always ‘being right’ in everything I do/ say/ think and understand, – In that moment I stop and actually hear what another is explaining/ saying unconditionally without assessing it based on a past moment of me ‘having gotten it and now having to go through it again,’ and instead walk through the point in the moment as a ‘new moment’ in every breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘: ‘I know I am right, I know I understand me, I don’t require your second hand explanation’ wherein I am in fact lashing out to another being the fact that I have been ‘bothered’ by having to go through something twice to get it, which is the knowledge system demon that believes it is always ‘getting it’ with just one single explanation, considering that I am diminished if having to go through something twice – thus I see and realize that within this

 

When and as I see myself going into the backchat of : ‘I know I am right, I know I understand me, I don’t require your second hand explanation’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am validating and making an excuse for me to not hear unconditionally another, but act from memory based on the value I have given to that past moment of me ‘getting it’ right away and as such, realizing that I can only judge if I have something to defend within me, which is the knowledgeable-ego character seeking to remain in the self-belief of ‘always being right/ always getting it right’ in order to remain as superior. Thus I stop participating in all backchat that goes confirming or denying my ability to understand.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having considered that I was ‘special’ because of being able to understand things ‘right away,’ which became an ingrained ego point in relation to others, wherein I then stand as this secretly self-belief superior shit compared to others, without realizing that knowledge will never be life and as such, no matter how much I engulf as knowledge, it cannot possibly make myself more than others – I stop racing against myself/ others as knowledge and information.

 

When and as I see myself going into the backchat ‘No need to explain more, I get it’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am in fact avoiding having to ‘go through it twice’ based on the memories and experiences of the ‘I am always right’ ego point. Thus I allow myself to hear the explanation as I realize in practicality that going through things more than once assures and ensures that I do understand/ confirm what I have understood and as such, ensure no gaps are left open within a point of communication and learning process.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that ‘I don’t require any help to understand’ which is in fact ego trying to make myself ‘capable enough’ to do it by myself/ on my own, this being the pillar of the ‘I work better alone/ I am capable enough’ as a defense mechanism when I perceive that another offering support is directly implying that ‘I do not get it’ or that ‘I have problems with understanding properly,’ which is the point of ego that I react that I see and realize comes from caring how others perceive in relation to being a ‘knowledgeable person.’

 

When and as I see myself judging another for explaining to me something twice/ being redundant, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me reacting from the knowledgeable character – an that it is a matter of ensuring that we are all ‘on the same page’ understanding all points, and that this i in no way implying that we are stupid or ‘do not get it,’ but is simply a way to walk each point with proper context and understanding

 

I commit myself to stop thinking that ‘I get it’ and instead walk the understanding through practically placing it into application.

 

I commit myself to slow down when learning/ walking through knowledge and information to ensure that I am understanding point by point and not jumping into conclusions that point out ‘I am right/ I got it right away’ immediately.

 

“I commit myself to show, that ‘fear of change’ – cannot exist within and as the full absolute trust and standing of who self is within the principle of and as what’s best for all/equality and oneness in an equal and one within and without living of ‘who I am’. Where self is the TRUST that stand here with and as self, and will within this – assess all knowledge and information within the starting-point of what is/will be best for all, and so for self; assessing knowledge and information with regards to how it can contribute to the life of all as with mine. And so, thus, where ‘fear of change’ and resistance to ‘new knowledge and information’ can only exist when/as we have a solidified/cemented character/personality within our Minds, that serves ONLY ourselves within particular-specific wants, needs and desires. And so will essentially only meet with new knowledge and information in fear of change/resistance, when there is in fact a hidden/secret want, need and desire within and behind that Character/Personality self is protecting/defending that serve only self’s interests.” – Sunette Spies +

Desteni Forum

Journey to Life

Walk with us the decharacterization of reality.

Blogs for further Self-Understanding

• +Friendship Suspicion Character – Part Two: DAY 92

• Day 93: Unconditional Love Explained

• I Think – Therefore I am Intelligent – Day 92

• The real truth about intelligence – Day 93

2012 Instant Gratification

This is part of the stuff that we share and walk at the Desteni forum, which is how we support each other to open up points that we can cross-reference in relation to ‘how we function as individuals’ within this reality, within a system that we have created as a reward-system wherein we sometimes get to experience ourselves within a ‘game’ of sorts wherein you must struggle in order to merely survive and ‘thrive’ within it, which is the entire pursuit of happiness mechanism that we are induced to by our parents, teachers, school systems, media, friends, society in general as a reflection of how we have equated ‘living’ to ‘experiences’ – commonly associated with ‘buying an experience’ and being instantly satisfied with it, only to seek for more after a while. That’s feeding only the mind’s cravings there.

 

So the following belongs to Cam Mantia in his writings within the forum.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a quick fix to bringing about a change in myself to stand as equality and oneness – I realize that the mind moves quickly and jumps from time to time and does not remain here; I have gotten so used to the immediate gratification of the mind that I had forgotten that this reality is currently time based and requires time to play and out and to be lived here in breath.

 

That point of Self Forgiveness opened up the ‘instant gratification points here’ where we have equated this process to something that will be giving us some ‘bliss’ or ‘glory’ as having and experiencing an instant change or have a drive-thru fulfilling experience of stopping a particular pattern or habit. Within this consumerist society, we have forgotten that doing things actually takes space, time and effort to get something done. We’ve become so used to only handing out money in order to get what’s available in the store – and in that, we definitely alienate ourselves from the production process that is behind that ‘finished product.’

 

 

So the mind moving quickly and wanting to get things done asap, is a definitive pattern I have walked and I am currently working with as well, though I had not linked it to a sense of gratification or ‘props’ for my ego until  I started writing about it within a mind construct wherein I have linked ‘effectiveness’ to rushing, wanting to get things done in an almost anxious manner wherein I have not allowed myself to step down a notch from my usual ‘drive’ – which is energetic in nature – instead of walking point by point in the physical, here, at the physical breath pace.

 

The interesting thing is that I tend to judge capitalism and its production mechanisms wherein the fastest something is produced = the better, the quicker, the more satisfying and ‘ultimately fulfilling’ something is, as that is translated to profit and ‘power’ for whoever holds it in such case. At a personal mind-level, I work the same way, wherein being and perceiving myself as ‘fast and accurate’ is translated to feeling instantly and ‘inadvertently’ gratified with having accomplished something.

I recognize that I have deliberately applied myself in stopping any feeling as a the fluffy ego-props this point of ‘efficiency’ can be equated to –  as it is within the application of humbleness wherein anything we do/ say/ accomplish is not taken as a trophy, but seen and realized for the practicality of it.  I had a history of reacting when getting public recognition as in getting embarrassed about it – later on realizing that I was playing in fact the opposite role as well within seeking recognition, which I have written about in the past and how it was the first aspect that Bernard pointed out to me the day I got to the farm, lol that was cool. Since then, I have realized that I can acknowledge these points that I have walked-through and applied, recognize them for what they are and stopping ‘adding on’ to the personal record. This is then living each moment with its realization and moving on – clear- no keeping track of the personal record.

 

How did I get to that realization? Well, we don’ require to keep a record of ourselves as that would be in essence having to ‘load’ an entire lifetime-achievement and keeping it as ‘who we are’ in every moment – which is how the ego is formed – instead of realizing that if there is an actual self-realization, we integrate it as ourselves in the moment, without having to boast about it or make ourselves feel ‘better’ or ‘bad’ for having done or realized something – thus we understand that through self-forgiveness we give ourselves back to ourselves wherein no ‘more or less than’ exist, wherein we equalize ourselves to the points that we walk as our very own living application, which is seeing and realizing that we cannot possibly get somewhere/ become more or ‘achieve’ something in separation of ourselves – there is nothing to ‘earn’ or ‘lose’ – only points to realize and align within the principle of what is best for all.

 

That’s how I realized I was ‘keeping a record/ score’ of lifetime achievements and ‘loading that up’ as the idea of myself – once we stop defining ourselves according to ‘what we have done/ who we were/ how we have lived’ as the past, we give ourselves a blank slate to remain with the basic and supportive points that we have integrated as part of us integrating self-direction as a living-decision.

I also  discovered this when writing out a mind construct – I share some self corrective statements that contain the exposed above:

 

When and as I see myself rushing within my world in an idea of rushing = ‘being efficient’ I stop, I breathe. I realize that this is a copied-pattern within the belief that through rushing I will feel ‘good’ about having done something in the fastest and most accurate way when in reality, I am only ‘playing a game’ against time, against others wherein I perceive ‘the rest’ as ‘slow’ and ‘inefficient.’ I stop following this self-belief of having to rush through everything I do as a point of self-definition that makes me feel ‘good’ about myself/ feel ‘more than’ which are experiences created as a positive thinking within my personal record of lifetime achievements. Lol

 

When and as I see myself doing things from the starting point of ‘rushing’ and ‘getting it done as fast as possible’ – I stop and I breathe. I realize that doing things the fastest way is not an actual way of living here as breath at the physical pace, but existing as a constant energetic rush at a mind level. Thus, I direct myself to do things at the pace that it is required wherein I am aware of my movements being self-directive and not out of ‘rushing’ – the same with my breathing-pace wherein there is nothing to ‘compete’ or ‘achieve’ within buying groceries, but simply getting what’s required and that’s it.

Just in case you were wondering about the ‘buying groceries’ point, that’s part of a mind construct on going to the supermarket experience and getting  ‘as fast as I can’ in and out of it in order to achieve the ultimate task of buying groceries in the most ‘fast and accurate way’ lol! There’s a LOT more than what meets the eye when walking a single event through writing in such specific ways as we do within doing mind constructs, it’s fascinating. And this point is definitely related to some of this instant gratification point which becomes our current ‘living in the fast lane’ type of lifestyles, wherein some people have dared to say ‘we barely have time to think’ – but I would say that it is the other way around, we think too much, we consume too much, we rush too much within the almost embedded idea that ‘time is money.’ And just to give another perspective on the self corrective statements, the ‘acquired pattern’ is in relation to taking my father as a reference from whom I have copied this pattern/ habit, which makes it fascinating to see how we acquire all our ‘personal quirks’ from seemingly mundane events like ‘going to the supermarket with my father’ – fascinating stuff that you get to walk through the Desteni I Process.

 

I’ll leave it up to here for now, there’s many cool points that open up when looking at ‘instant gratification’ as the mind’s tendency to seek for quick fixes to fulfill the very programming that we have created for ourselves, to keep ourselves busy ‘up there’ while perceiving that breathing and being here is ‘wasting time’ or that we should be ‘doing something’ – it’s time to walk a process of balancing our day wherein we give ourselves time for ourselves, to write, to reflect on who we are every day, what we participate in and also remaining effective and directive within any physical work/ task that we require to give direction to as part of our daily reality.

 

There’s an entire aspect of the instant gratification based on our consumerist society, wherein we have all become addicts seeking the next fix – and we have to be quite aware that within this process there is certainly nothing to ‘earn’ or ‘accomplish’ that can make us ‘more’ in any way whatsoever. It is essentially only adjusting ourselves to the reality and living-principle that we should have always existed as, and it is only now that we are able to walk ourselves through our writings and Self-Forgiveness in Self Honesty in order to demystify our eternal ego-competition toward ourselves and everyone else that has a mind in this world – within this, we hold the actual power to stop an entire system of profit that is based on satisfying these very ideas of getting experiences as props for our personal score/ ego, as a lifetime achievement of experiences that we can then hold on as ‘who we are.’ We are the creators = we are able to correct chasing after experiences and ‘points’ to add to our board, and within that, stopping the cog wheels that are keeping the current system alive.

 

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This time I feature Jeanne’s creation because it suits our current ‘living mentality’– lol – and the instant gratification point as the fuel that keeps this current system of zombies that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become. The quote says it all

 

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