Tag Archives: bipolar

226. Seeking for a Posi+ive Fix All the Time?

Why are we always wanting to ‘feel good’ without seeing how we are pinning ourselves up in the cross we all bear as the desire for posi+ivi+y?

 

Elitist Character: Drug Culture – Energy Addiction as our Self-Consuming Demise

 

 

Ok, here’s the deal. I realized that in order to walk this process to the fullest it is to take a similar decision to when you decide to quit taking drugs or stop any other habit that has been life/time/money and self-integrity consuming. The decision is made in one moment – Living it, becomes our entire lifetime.

Fear of commitment? Well, let’s see it as easy as: the moment I fear committing myself to something is because I am already wanting/ needing/ desiring to leave an open back door to be able to ‘escape for more,’ which then not a decision made by Self Here in stability as the physical, but still wanting to remain satisfying ourselves as the mind.

Then I ask myself: am I willing to continue deceiving myself for a longer time here? The answer is No, I can’t. And even if I am aware that there will be ‘withdrawal symptoms’ of whatever I am willing to stop, it is a certainty of what must be done in order to walk this Process to the T and focus on breathing, living and not continuing supporting the who I am as the mind of energy that comes through all these wants/ needs/ desires like:

  • I want to
  • I need to
  • I desire to
  • I look forward to
  • I am living up for
  • I crave for
  • I could die for
  • I would kill for – see how these idioms are part of our lexicon lol
  • I hope for
  • I pray for – yes the religious infection here
  • I dream of
  • I fight for
  • I wait for
  • I wish
  • I live up to

 

Have a look for yourself, how many times a day you think or speak these words and anything that comes afterward is a point that will most certainly cause you a certain good experience, something you want/ need/ desire to fulfill as an experience that you’ve defined as ‘more’ than what you already are here.

 

 

Yes, that constant inner-experience of: wanting, needing, desiring, hoping, yearning, wishing, craving, looking forward to, being dreaming of, living up for and essentially, everything that I used as a point to eventually ‘get’ in separation of myself, that something that became a single abstraction that I would be bound to in a masochistic manner. I say masochistic because it is so, every time we bind ourselves to the idea of wanting, needing and desiring something or someone = red flag, the mind’s got us by the balls. And that is a certainty  really, to be unaware of what the hell goes IN FACT inside our bodies when we access the single slightest level of excitement which can only stem from fear, the single slightest level of love that can only stem from fear, the single slightest experience of happiness that can only stem from fear – how? why? simple mathematics that we’ve learned, isn’t it?  (-) (-) = +

Interesting that even the ‘Positive Sign’ is a Cross, did Jesus get crucified on a cross to point out the suffering of what seeking the Positive does?

 

Did Jesus die to get us all unhooked on drugs? That would be a contemporary explanation of the crucifixion = +fixion, the fixation on the positive, the happiness, the bliss, the drugs, the high of the mind as emotions and feelings. Isn’t that our demise currently? It is, all this world is being consumed by us, human beings, due to having followed our ‘dreams’ as desires in our minds while disregarding basic physical considerations within reality that must be extracted, abused and consumed to create a certain experience within us. Whenever I write about ‘consideration of the physical’ the reproductive cycle of fish comes to mind. That’s where I learned that people should not fish every single day during the whole damn year, because the species had to reproduce and then grow to eventually be fished. Did we respect such reproductive cycles? No we didn’t, because we had to satisfy our mind urges to have quantum fish here, in the ‘Now’ of our fantabulous consciousness. You see the CON now?

 

Got your Fix?

This is about the reduction of reality, of life, of who we are to mere stimulation things. Everything became a point separated from ourselves due to the relationship formation processes we created toward everything and everyone in existence. The nature of such separation is inevitable suffering, separation, abuse of any form – all because of missing out one primary aspects as existence: we are all one and equal.

Now, this context is necessary to understand then why being addicted to Energy is the same as being willing to lick Satan’s boots if you are a Christian for example. Meaning, how could we in any way pretend to be ‘good doers’ if our very mechanism in which our mind operates at all times is based on the consumption of our very physicality to transform it into Energy, Energy that we have glorified, deified and crucified ourselves to be able to constantly get our energy fix through which ever mean one would program oneself to: money, sex/ love, sports, drugs, food, buying, jumping off cliffs, food, TV, books, magazines, gardening, cleaning, exercising, traveling, learning, working… yes, the point here to realize is how we have essentially equated everything into a drug, Anything can be a point of stimulation in our minds and that means that we have been preponderant to be able to abuse and turn into an energetic satisfaction of sorts.

Is there any form of integrity within these relationship formation processes? No, the word says it itself: integral = whole/ complete – whereas a self-corruption within conformity – as our entire system is currently functioning – leads to a massive acceptance of self destruction upon warning or missing out all the warnings along the way. It is done, we can’t create more specialness to everything and everyone to what is already here, fake characters interacting with each other consuming self-defined relationships of abuse as an energetic fix that would

And so, I will walk the self forgiveness for having reduced life as this physical reality and people to equivalents of drugs, because: to understand drugs, one must understand the mind and the energetic requirements that are the actual driving forces in our reality – are we in control? Have we been the directive principle of ourselves? Never, we’ve always succumbed to the nice fluffy experiences even if it is obvious that such experience is based and founded upon abuse.

To me being able to understand this was also a like solving a mystery I could not fathom within myself: why do we always FALL for the same thing over and over again? Why do we Like self abuse? Why do we enroll ourselves in abusive situations and relationships even if there are options to not do so? The reality is that the physical as Life as who we really are would not make such decisions, it is the mind that is assessing how to maintain its constant energy fix through us participating in fixations in the mind. That’s it. Now, there is an entire mind-technology behind this all and you can for sure Educate yourself on how this all works within the Quantum Mind Self Awareness interviews, as well as understanding the real forces that we’ve been living as till today, which are the actual evil in this world due to all energetic relationships are the result of separation, friction and conflict. This is how there can be no love as a bunch of butterflies in your stomach, there can be no happiness when it is stemming from the actual fear that one exists in the first place to seek the Posi+tive .

 

What does Jesus have to do within all of this – all the story is told here: The Crucifixion of Jesus to understand the relationship between the physical body and the mind and what the pinning of Jesus to the cross actually meant, which is at simple view the sacrifice of the physical body for the mind/god which is nothing else but the energy requiring machine. That’s what we’ve satisfied only: the Body, the physical flesh does Not require to ‘feel good’ to exist, in fact, Living is not about Feeling but about remaining Here as Breath – breath provides the necessary oxygen for all the nutrients to be absorbed by the physical body. I remember reading in the back of a Radiohead cd: Oxygen should be regarded as a drug and realized we had gone too far already with the entire drug culture point to the extent of making the air we breath another high – well, it keeps us alive and that’s what matters. Do we require more than that? We don’t, but who we are as the mind does.

 

This is how the cross + our seeking of the positive is the sacrifice we’re always inflicting upon ourselves as the physical, it’s like a battle between the light and the dark but everything’s been in reverse and the darkness represents the physical body, the substance, the life from which we all come from – the light is the mind, the system, the energy that dazzles our sight and is presented in all these beautiful /positive forms while ignoring the actual processes that are existent behind any form of energetic experience – whether positive or negative – same point – because both positive and negative signify poles of the same thing which is Energy. Therefore, we can see that the real problem here is all that we’ve done to ourselves in the name of Energy, The Mind, Consciousness acting as a parasite on the physical. 

 

To learn more about this existential explanation of who we are as the mind as consciousness, read Heaven’s Journey To Life where the road to the physical is essentially stopping feeding our obsessions and abuse toward the physical and BE in and as the physical body, participating in our physical reality supporting each other to step out of the same fascinations and turn this world into a rehab center, if you will, an educational one where we are not seeing each other as sinners any longer seeking for bits of heaven, but as individuals that understand how this is a decision that must be made in absolute self awareness of what we are doing to ourselves and the actions that we have to correct within us at an individual level to stop existing as/ supporting only the energy consuming machine that we’ve become as our mind only.

 

 

This is a general background to understand why and how we have turned our reality into an energy source for ourselves as mind-machines being willing to do anything to get our fix: this entire reality as the world system is working the exact same way and based upon the exact same principles I’ve described above, and who’s benefitting from it? Only the system in itself, not even human beings in positions of power are being benefitted from this process wherein we have all ‘played our part’ and unless we stop role-playing, we’ll probably continue this game until there are no more roles to play, as there will be nothing else to buy/consume for our satisfaction.

.Now you understand a bit more of what the cruci-fix-ion is about within this context, fixating on energy in which ever form you wish, we are all addicts and certainly not proud of it as this world is the result of every single bit of want, need and desire that stemmed from our mind that only seeks to benefit itself, never life, never the physical: we are the ones that must change the way reality, our physical body and this entire world system functions. There is no Jesus coming to save us, that’s for sure.

I extended the ‘introduction’ but, it’s necessary to have context to understand addictions and all types of fixations before we commit ourselves to stop – Why would I want to stop that which makes me ‘feel great’? Because that which apparently makes me ‘feel great’ for a few hours, minutes becomes the most enslaving experience that one can be constantly existing as, which is only existing as a mind in tunnel vision fixating on wanting, needing and desiring to get this/that in order to apparently feel fine – but, as Marduk explained: once we get it, we realize something: we really didn’t want it anyways, it was just the experience of Wanting it that which kept us always hooked on the same thoughts, feelings in our mind.

That’s not living.

Next post: Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Application on the basics to walk this self-commitment to stop participating in energy of the mind and what that entails.

 

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189. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination

Consequences – Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger and irritation toward myself and ‘the world’ because of my own procrastination and within this, having ‘wasted’ the time that I had when I had it to do this properly and instead, having to now rush things to make them ‘work’  – however I see and realize that I must be very aware of not going into a rushing state wherein I end up doing things just to ‘get them done’ and forgetting about realizing that each thing that I commit myself to do  requires the exact same amount of self-awareness here as breath to do it, and within this, committing myself to not just ‘get things done’ and get the ‘obstacle’ out of the way – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate my life to ‘getting things done’ and seeing the tasks and points that require direction as simple ‘points’ that I have to simply ‘get done and over with it’ without realizing that in this attitude toward my tasks and projects, I am in fact missing out the entire point of the task/ project in itself, which is actually an opportunity for me to slow down, stop seeing life as this series of projects and assignments and instead support me to realize that each and every single task I commit myself to I can take on as long as I am here as breath directing myself in every moment and within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the consequential outflow of me now having more tasks to do and having ‘wasted the time’ before, I will have to simply be more strict with myself and my time frames, as I see and realize that if there is this ‘extra thing’ that I have been procrastinating to do, it must be done as soon as possible – and within this equate all things that I have to do appropriately.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the fear of ‘oh fuck I’ll be stuck here for another half year’ without realizing that I am not stuck and I created this for myself – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that any point of pressure and rush is created by me and the relationship I created toward moving to another place and finishing school but at the same time not wanting to simply get the whole thing done with the final paper, which I see and realize that the sabotage is only toward myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger toward myself and within this go into a pessimistic attitude toward it because I will not apparently be able to move in another half year, without realizing that if any consequences have to be faced, I will simply have to face them as they are and as long as it takes because there is no other way within this when one is subject to processes that I have no control over other than doing my part which is getting this document done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get pissed off when things go out of what I have initially considered they would go through/ as,  which implies having created a time frame for some other particular task, without realizing that I should have actually done this one written document long time ago and that it is my responsibility to now ensure that I use every bit of time to get to everything that I have to do, instead of wasting my time getting pissed off and irritated at everything and everyone because of my own dead corpse of procrastination.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience over procrastination as this further anxiety because ‘things are accumulating’ without realizing that I am the only one that is accumulating them as thoughts of what I have to do, instead of just doing it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to blame others for the decisions made and try and project my own anger and frustration toward me due to not having done the things that I had agreed to do a long time ago.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated because of having had music again the whole fucking day yesterday, wherein I go into a powerless mode because of not being able to go and shut people up so that I can have my peace and quietness to be able to write.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste another day and not write because of considering that the music/ noise from neighbors is absolutely irritating and impossible to write when having that constant sound.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even get irritated at someone arriving home earlier today and within this fearing that the noise will come through the interview and believe that ‘they should not fucking be here’ which is plain control-freak that wants peace and silence in order to please me and my ideals of having a quiet weekend.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up with a bad mood today because of things not going as I expected and within this, get irritated at everything, and everyone without considering that I am only acting out and lashing out my own energetic experience of anger and frustration for the accumulated procrastination toward points in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of things not being done according to how they were planned and agreed to be done, within this becoming inflexible and irritated because ‘things are not going the way that we decided and agreed to do them,’ without realizing that I am simply using this as an excuse to lash out and project my own irritation because of not having planed my life with my reality-responsibilities in order to be prepared and have everything done by now to then be absolutely ready and steadfast for anything that is required to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately neglect the consequences that I would have to face in real-time reality based on my procrastination to not get this particular scholar task done and within this, having to postpone everything else that I wanted to do for undefined time in order for me to ensure that I can in fact leave with having everything sorted out.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my own departure based on my own procrastination due to me wanting to leave but at the same time creating deliberate obstacles in my reality that make it impossible for me to leave, even thought everything else is ready and the one that I am only waiting for is myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated at my own deliberate self-sabotage because ‘I knew what I was doing all the way’ and I didn’t stop, which places into perspective the actual Evil that we are and do to ourselves in order to make our lives more complicated simply because of accepting and allowing dishonesty from our side.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss breathing the moment that I simply get knowledge and information as having to ‘rush’ something without considering that any ‘rush’ can only exist as an energetic starting point to do things, which obviously always will carry out a consequences – thus

When and as I see myself rushing to do something and wanting to get it done as fast as possible – I stop and I breathe until I see that I am in fact being here stable and the movement within my physical body is not that of an anxious movement and strain, but is in fact a self-movement here as breath. Within this, realizing that I can only direct one point at a time and that I require to establish a routine that makes it practical and physically possible for me to do every single point every single day – and within this, also not accepting and allowing further manipulation to want to stop doing something to do that other thing, based on preferences or specific values given to one or another task, as I see and realize that that which will become part of my daily schedule, is all equally relevant and important.

 

Within this, I see and realize that the rush that I experienced this morning was because of having an unexpected notice and within this, having my little plans ruined because of believing that I would ‘still have time’ to work on this written project that I have been procrastinating, without realizing that such project should have been done by now and that the only way I will get this done is through simply doing it and stop whining about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of this task this ‘huge’ obstacle in my reality based on and directly proportional to the amount of time I didn’t direct it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the consequences are for myself yes, but also toward everything and all – and that this is actually depending on me and how I am able to stop the energetic experience toward my own procrastination and simply focus on what is required to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience toward things going ‘out of plan’ without realizing that If I had in fact lived my life according to doing things in the time that I had also ‘planned’ to do, I would not be existing in such an energetic rush and anxiety because this is only the consequential outflow of my own procrastination and deliberate postponement to do things – the consequence is thus me having to simply do all things required without making an experience about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thinking ‘I don’t want to see anyone today’ wherein I am simply wanting to lash out onto people in my reality what I am experiencing within me due to having to face the consequences of what I’ve done, which is unacceptable since that is how I have criticized people as well, when they behave in absolute anger and irritation to people without the other people they are communicating with having anything to do with the person’s mood and personal frustration/ anger/ irritation thus

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out and be irritated at people in my environment as a way to show and reveal that ‘I am pissed off at myself’ I stop  and I breathe – I realize that this is actually rather foolish and stupid to do since who we are is already the accumulated and manifested consequence of having wasted our lives and time in entertainment and the feel good experiences of the mind which are now here to be faced as the time that I could have used to work on my task/project/ document, instead of now existing as an energetic experience of anger toward ‘the world’ as a way for me to blame and exert my reactions instead of taking responsibility for them, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even get irritated by the presence of someone at home when it is supposed to be ‘all quiet and empty’ in order to satisfy my desires to have no noise around me, which has become a rather constant point of desire that I will surely have to get to, because it’s being also the source of anger and irritation because of people constantly playing music in the house or in the neighborhood, which makes it impossible for me to record interviews, but at the same time, I see that it is a point of me wanting to control my environment instead of realizing that I have no possibility of doing that, and that if I want absolute silence I then have to wake up in the middle of the night to have a relative silence around.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated at someone cleaning in the house which reveals the absolute nonsensical way of existing as the mind, since I would get pissed off if people do not clean and now I get pissed off because someone is cleaning and ‘making too much noise’ – within this I realize to what extent one can utilize anything, virtually ‘anything’ outside of oneself to blame and project anger toward without a cause but our own self-created experience of anger and irritation that is only existent within ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am becoming my father when it comes to being constantly irritated and angry when things are not working ‘my way’ and be an absolute ‘sweet and loving person’ when things are going my way, which reveals the absolute disparity that I am allowing within myself based on the external environment and how it suits my preferences and desires/needs, instead of seeing and realizing how I have to take responsibility for myself and what I have created within me also as these energetic experiences of anger and irritation according to wanting to control my world and having things always working ‘my way’ and within my desired ‘time frame,’ without realizing that I have already imposed too much of myself as self interest toward my day to day living.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use another person as a reflection of myself to justify the anger and irritation as something ‘genetic’ without realizing that I also learned from looking at my father how he would go into anger and frustration and further retaliation toward others whenever things would not go his way, within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration as that surge of energy that I am just waiting to lash out on others, so that others can be aware of me being angry and somehow seek some misery-is-company type of words and attitude as a confirmation to me being ‘right’ in getting angry

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my physical body throughout all of this and that I have not been diligent enough with myself in order to be breathing and Here as I direct points and situations, and that missing out on breath and missing out time and space that I could have used to work on my project is simply no longer here and that the only point I can do is giving it direction along with any other commitment  I have agreed upon doing. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get very sleepy as I write this and want to just shut down and go to sleep, without realizing that this is a defense mechanism in order for me to simply not continue realizing that this has been a key-aspect within my reality: how I have become this replica of what I would see my father do and that would actually bother me quite a bit, which is lashing out anger upon others and not taking self-responsibility for it. Thus

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out my anger toward others and not take responsibility for this single moment of preparing myself to ‘present’ myself in a particular way toward another being – I stop and I breathe  I realize that this is the moment wherein I have to ensure that I sort out and deal with my own reactions through self forgiveness and self corrective application as this is the only way wherein I ensure that I stop the abuse that I’ve imposed on myself as my reactions being passed onto others that certainly have nothing to do with it – and even if they did, I realize that I have to work on the point of not getting angry at them as an energetic experience, but simply point out something in common sense and at all times considering not only my own preferences and considerations, but what is best for all and within this, I realize that I cannot ‘know’ what’s best for all when I am existing in an energetic experience in my mind as within that I will only continue doing that which satisfies my energetic experience which  – as evil as it sounds – is wanting to intimidate and make other feel guilty for whatever reason, without realizing that this is certainly not the way to go, as I am only projecting onto others that which I am doing to myself /as myself.

I breathe – here and walk the points as required within Self Responsibility – I stop the blame and anger projected onto anything and anyone in my reality and assist and support myself instead to realize that there is only one solution to this all: just doing what is required to be done.

 

Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments in the following post.

 

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2012 What’s your Mark?

What has ‘marked you’ in your life? If you ask yourself this question you might come up with a memory, a moment in your life that ‘changed it all’ for you. Does that define who you are? Another answer would be having physical marks that could indicate the walk in time-space wherein our physical body starts to deteriorate according to the current experience of ‘getting older’ – does that define your current experience in any way? Marks are also qualifications, standards, requirements, symbols, representations, points of reference – setting up marks as goals can also be applied the same way, competing against ourselves. In essence, we could say they are imprints that we create and regard as a reminder of something, someone, identifying ourselves with a particular something/ someone for the sake of keeping track of ourselves.

There’s also a general desire to ‘leave a mark’ in this world – that’s almost the type of purposes we all had, whether it is going toward the usual success and pursuit of happiness associated with fame and glory, or the opposite polarity as becoming that point that leaves a mark as a reminder of everything that is wrong in society; that’s for example how serial killers have remained as transcendental beings for showing/ revealing the extremes of the accepted and allowed ‘human nature,’ they played out the reality that we have secluded and kept ‘secret’ within ourselves – they became the manifestation of what has existed in every single being’s mind as the idea of harm, abuse and violence toward ourselves/another. Such beings have tainted/ left a mark in human history that can be regarded as ‘negative’ – however we have all been the creators of such actions, regardless of the initial point of denial to take Self Responsibility for this that may come up while reading these words.

Some others seek to leave a ‘great mark’ in their lifetime, becoming someone ‘outstanding’ and influencing this reality in a  ‘positive’ way – these are people that are usually honored/ reminded in society as benevolent beings. From here all the delusional stages of light and bliss, god, angels, positivity, good vibes and the divine stem from, never ever questioning how it is that we have created of ourselves heroes and villains just to maintain a fuckedup status quo of ‘good vs. evil’ that apparently keeps everything in ‘balance’ which implies that the friction is not eradicated.

We can see that it is such desire for peace/ balance/ harmony that we are  not supporting ourselves to consider the root and cause of everything that goes on in our reality that is currently not supporting life, not supporting our expression, but only existing as beings that are always apparently subject to experiencing the highs and lows of ‘reality.’

As much as we would like to neglect the following, it must be said: it is within our little bubble (mind) wherein we walk a lifetime trying to ‘leave a mark’ in this world. We become so self-absorbed in our own realm of oddities and stories as the personal mythology that we neglect the world that is here, physically revealing to ourselves what happens when we stop watering a plant: it dies. This is a single example of how this reality had been specifically designed to keep us all well entertained with our own mind – and the relationships we have formed in it – as a form of never questioning or even having the least consideration to look at other beings’ life-experiences in this same world. Opening our eyes to see how it is that we spent our lives trying to create an effigy of ourselves in the name of whatever we believed in – and wanted to be ‘reminded’ for –  is only another mindfuck that reveals to what extent we as humanity have neglected reality while seeking to outdo our personal scores, to leave our mark.

Winning, competing, striving, fighting, outdoing, overcoming are actions that imply a necessary effort to accept a starting point of ‘adversities’ that we have accepted and allowed as ‘how life is.’ Isn’t this world now looking like a rat race in a labyrinth wherein each one is only trying to find the most ‘outrageous’ way to get through it? This comes to mind as I see the usual world that billions are immersed into: entertainment, TV, music industry, fashion, glory, big business, pursuing happiness, being Special.

To me leaving a ‘mark’ is wanting to be Special and exist in any possible way wherein we make ourselves ‘more’ than the rest, become ‘different’ by any possible means wherein we can make sure that we ‘leave a statement’ which is usually  linked to a single belief, a single character we decided to play in our life. Some dedicate their lives to be benevolent, others to play out the villain, others to simply seek happiness regardless of anything that may come on their way.

We have all played out these roles and, at the moment, all of this bs is what’s stepping on top of the lives that have no desire to be ‘special’ or even enough energy to think what type of ‘mark’ they would want to leave in this world, simply because they have no food, no water, they have no house to live in, they have no proper education and they are mostly used to living in constant fight or flight mode, merely surviving or even having to mitigate their daily struggle to live in the physical level using any form of drug – not for ‘recreational processes’ but to stop thinking about being hungry and having no means to feed themselves. The same goes for all the slave workers that dream of ever being able to leave such hideous jobs while having no possibility to do so, leading them to now leave a mark that is mostly a reflection of the consequences we can create in a world that doesn’t support all beings equally: they commit suicide.

I am watching a news report on Homs, the Syrian city that has been extensively terrorized the past weeks with as much as 4 detonations every 5 minutes, a conflict where thousands of people have already died including civilians of course, the usual ‘casualties’ wherein kids have their brains blown off by bombs, wherein people have lost their family and friends already – “Where is the UN?” is the question they ask themselves, where are the so-called ‘Human Rights’ organizations?– We all know that such ‘unity’ is non existent in this world as long as there are interests behind the gears that move this reality. It is obvious that such consistent war is financed for ‘higher purposes’ of control and conquering the territory to have access to the resources, that is also a statement of ‘creating a mark’ in means of showing ‘who’s the boss’ now.  CNN has placed this ‘warning’ sign at the beginning of each segment saying that ‘the graphic nature of the content may not be suitable for all viewers’ – how come this reality is censored when it comes to seeing/ witnessing in a voyeuristic manner the outflows of the human ego trying to take control an entire territory for the sake of money? How could we neglect these events while entertaining ourselves with our personal lifestyles seeking glory and power?

We have accepted such war scenes as ‘normal,’ as ‘part of the necessarily evil in this world’ as some dare to call it.  Yet on the other side of the coin, people mourn the ‘loss of a star’ in the entertainment industry while celebrating with pompous awards wherein people carry thousands of dollars on top of themselves to look ‘great,’ to leave and set a mark in the world, to win something. This is the type of madness we are living in – yet all I see is that who I am in this world as part of it all is linked to such entertainment industry, because I consume it one way or another  – I am not apparently linked to anything that goes on in the middle East, yet I use the same money and resources  that are the ‘hidden causes’ of such wars.

‎”If suffering were payment for karma, the elite would be in hell in every breath. The system of money as it now exist proves that karma is not functional in this world at all at the moment.” – Bernard Poolman

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: we are living in a bi-polar world. I cannot still fathom how anyone that is willing to pay over a 1000 dollars for a pair of shoes can neglect this entire reality wherein people are starving and could eat for several months with such amount of money – how low can we go? The same can be applied to someone that could only seek to harm and abuse others to make evident the already accepted and allowed abuse, yet only wanting to perpetuate themselves as a character that did this in order to ‘make a statement,’ which is how the regular terrorist organizations work and function like. Either poles and all the stages in between, are not supporting ways wherein all beings could actually unite for the very first time within a single principle to establish equal possibilities to Live,  having a constant and consistent form of support that could place all in an equal ground to LIVE.

I mean, come on! All our system of ‘leaving a mark’ just to be reminded in a certain person’s mind, in a history book, in a certain piece of reality for the sake of exalting ourselves as the ego that we have only existed within/ as our minds, must cease to exist, because it is in this very pursuit of a goal that we end up forgetting about anyone and everything in this world. This is how we turn ‘the world’ into a me-myself-and-I situation within a limited scope of reality comprised in our mind.

What would be the ‘mark’ that I would like to create in this world? Leaving a mark that would ‘taint’ everyone with a self-honest realization of having to live by the principle of what’s best for all in order to stop the current accepted madness in this world. The mark would be living as the example of what is possible if we set a single goal for humanity: Walking a lifetime dedicating myself to create a world that’s best for all, a world wherein the future generations can come and finally stop the recrimination and projection of blame to the ‘ones that came before them,’ because of not having done anything to stop the cycles of abuse and disregard of life in this reality.

I’m looking at and being part of a very strange phenomena that is already leaving a ‘trace/ mark’ in this world and this is what we are doing as Destonians, as people that are  paving a non-existent road in this world which is walking the way to establish Self-Equality in all forms/ ways in this reality.

How to transform the world from this manic-driven self-inflicted ego possessions of importance, competition, rivalry, superiority and general madness wherein we have made ourselves to accept inequality, injustice and wars in the name of progress? We place and create ourselves as the solution: we stop within ourselves existing as that constant coming and going between poles of right and wrong, good and bad, as that friction and struggle that we create at a mind level and stand as the point that allows the world to see that: we don’t have to seek answers and solutions outside of ourselves, we must become the point that stops and corrects the current ‘human nature’ we are still playing out.

If we look at the marks in the bodies of people  from having to experience war and be part of the set of ‘casualties’ within a careless money-driven conflict, such marks can only remind us one single thing: we cannot perpetuate a world that is biased in nature, that is bipolar and has lost all sense of regarding any other being as oneself, losing a sense of reality while being indoctrinated with what media, society, educational systems have  told us that ‘we should be’ which is not based or even pointing at the necessary implementation of an Equal World  – at all.

Do people that have no money have an option to ‘leave a mark’ in this world’? As harsh as it may sound, they do – only as part of a number in a statistic of people that are living in poverty, that are starving, have no means to aspire for a better living condition or have died in a war.

Turn your TV on, glance through all the channels, see the variety of realities that are fictional and real that we are creating as a reflection of ourselves in this world. We don’t have to go that far to look ‘outside’ for that madness and general chaos – we just have to look within ourselves in our minds: that’s where the chaos begins. This is how we begin a process of Self Honesty to investigate how and why we are participating in the current reality in such selfless manners until we become the point that Stops.

The one and only mark as the final goal of each one of us is one and equal = establish Life in Equality for all, self-forgiving all our personal-scores to create and leave the ‘best mark of it all,’  the best mark that could ever and should only exist is: Equality as Life – right now, we only carry the mark of having accepted and allowed a world of abuse.

Time to open our eyes, time to start looking at what we accept and allow in our world, what do we occupy our mind with, how much do we actually ‘care’ about our own personal-marks as the constant competition to become someone ‘better,’ instead of simply vowing ourselves to live a lifetime of self-support for ourselves and for the rest of this existence that is now crying out for ‘help,’ which can only come if we all work together and stand up for Life.

We are all responsible, it is impossible to deny this any longer.

Choose Life.

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Burst the bubble @ desteni.org


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