112. Who am I within Evading Communication?

Who are we when we ‘don’t feel like talking to someone’?

This came up yesterday in my writings as a pattern I played out in childhood – however I can see it in subtle ways wherein even taking certain paths to not have to talk to certain people have been a constant throughout my life. And this has been such an ingrained pattern that it’s been only now that I am investigating it – it seems that to me it was perfectly normal to ‘not want to talk to people’ and essentially develop evasive patterns, which I disclose here:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question why I would simply not ‘feel like talking’ to people/ communicated and who I am within this evasive pattern wherein I am essentially denying myself the opportunity to communicate with another in any given moment.

 

I realize that this has been a life-long pattern that emerged as a child wherein I wanted to be and remain a ‘special’ and ‘unique’ girl that was deemed as more mature than others, wherein I used this positive-feedback as a way to justify my ‘selective/ picky nature’ wherein I would then feel righteous to choose who I would communicate with and who I would simply be able to discard according to the values I created within my mind as who was ‘worthy’ enough of communicating with me and who wasn’t/ at the same wondering if I was worthy enough to communicate with certain people that I deemed as ‘more’ than myself – this is how I built my own value-scheme wherein I essentially grew up to speak with people on the surface, but rarely ever communicate the reality of myself with others.

 

When and as I see myself going into a slight experience of anxiety and future projection of probably meeting someone while walking out in the street/ going out and already scheming ways to evade talking to the person/ people by changing routes, I stop and I breathe. I realize that me wanting to ‘hide’ from people stems from not wanting to interact, simply because of disliking having to ‘answer questions,’ without realizing that I decide what I share and how I direct myself in any given moment of communication.

 

I realize that I am the one that is able to stop following the pre-planned protocols of communicating with people in my every day environment, and that the experience of dread toward having to ‘talk about the same every time’ is depending on me and where I direct communication to now.

 

This reveals how any form of friendship or relationship was built always within the consideration of a ‘compatibility’ that inevitably creates a point of specialness between two beings, which is what generates the most conflict in reality, as one eventually reduces all ability to interact and express with any other being just because of holding to this ‘one’/ few relationships wherein we believe we are ‘being comfortable,’ however we are only comfortable because it is such relationships that ensure we remain trapped in our ‘personal limits’ as the characters and personalities that we agree to play out with one another, which is how we define ‘having a good time’ with a friend or a family member/ colleague or any other being that can immediately support our ‘who we are’ as the mind and as such, developing a kinship that separates ourselves from the rest of the beings, as there is now a ‘special bond’ created that functions like an ‘exclusivity’ between two beings while deliberately closing off all opportunity to expand and interact with more beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow up with the idea that I had to create ‘special relationships’ with whom I would be sharing myself with, which is how we learn that we cannot just communicate with anyone, but we have to create ‘special bonds’ and relationships to do this with only certain people. I realize that this mechanism is the primary way to ensure that human beings remain separated and secluded within relationship bubbles that become a form of private property and ownership wherein who another being is in our minds is defined according to the history, experiences, memories as the accumulation of moments we’ve spent with them – instead of realizing that interaction and communication that is in fact physically here is constant and consistent and does not require a ‘history’ behind to be able to communicate.

 

I realize that this point of preference is me still placing value onto people as in considering some ‘more’ and others ‘less’ according to a preferential rate that I have created within myself and that has run in an automated mode, wherein I have gone as far as thinking that people in my life that were ‘meant to be important’ were the ones I would find myself being comfortable with – while thinking that everyone else I had nothing to do with, which is how I lived a life seeking for these ‘special connections’ without ever even daring to see that all human beings are the same and that there is no need to create ‘special connections’ in order to interact, share and communicate with another.

 

When and as I see myself creating a point of separation as to ‘who I want to communicate with and who I don’t’ – I stop and I breathe, I realize that the mind is the only one seeking for ‘special beings’ to communicate with. Thus, I direct myself to break my own ‘religion’ of only communicating with certain people that ‘I like talking to/ I enjoy communicating with’  as this is the way that I can in fact expand myself beyond my own limitations of ‘who I speak to.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deliberately short-worded and laconic toward people with whom I didn’t want to continue communicating with, simply because of rapidly having assessed that ‘we were not compatible/ not in the same wavelength’ which even by the expression proves how it is that we have become nothing but frequencies looking to match each other to ‘complete’ each other, which implies that everything I had considered within communication was using words to feed the ‘who I am’ as my mind and that everything and anyone that challenged this, would be seen as threat that I had to immediately ‘stop talking to,’ yet because I did not understand this mechanism, I simply would assess that ‘we were not meant to be,’ and as such accepting such rejection toward another and reaction as real, without seeing how in that moment of deciding to deliberately stop talking to another was me as my mind deciding who I am in such moment – and never really even daring to see HOW it is that I created such a point of preference in such a short time, which is proof of how we go through our days assessing people as images, as few words and profiling them in order to see whether they ‘fit’ our value-schemes of potential friend/partner, just because of how we see that such beings would definitely support our own mind-possession as personality, wherein life is absolutely neglected and forgotten while everything that is looked for is a sense of ‘compatibility’ to support the ‘who we are’ as the mind.

 

I realize that this evasiveness is actually a cool point to flag from here on as this is the way that I can now be aware of me stepping into the ‘picky character’ that would simply decide not to communicate with someone based on a sparing assessment of a person, which is obviously only me as the mind deciding ‘who’s worth it/ who’s not worth it’ as an immediate mechanism to ‘choose’ who I want to communicate with, which is what I see and realize is as elitist as wanting to preserve benefits over any other beings in this world, as I realize that any form of ‘special relationship’ is in fact wanting to continue existing as that point of separation that we have created through/ as relationships in our reality and existence.

 

I realize that I am in the verge of stepping into mind control wherein I become complacent to the preferences of a mind that has never considered the possibility of being able to communicate with any other being as one and equal. Thus I realize that whenever I see myself wanting to evade a person is me playing out the ‘evasive’ character as a way to not have to actually share myself unconditionally, simply because of how I had placed such ‘special value’ to ‘me sharing myself’ to only apparent ‘special beings,’ without realizing that in this, I am creating a point of separation by my own selective participation. I see, realize and understand that these are the  opportunities to break the pattern of ‘selective communication’ that I had lived as without a question before.

 

When and as I see myself being deliberately short-worded and laconic toward beings while thinking that I want to ‘stop talking to them’ already – I stop and I breathe –I direct myself to continue speaking if the point is here for us to communicate, and/ or deliberately push myself to open up with others, to finally realize how it is possible to interact without requiring to load a ‘memory’ of someone or having built up a personal archive of experiences with another in order to interact/ communicate and as such live here in the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I had only a ‘few friends’ because of not many ‘understanding me,’ which was a deliberate self-victimization and self-manipulation patterns  that I used as an excuse to remain selective in my communication with others, which certainly ensured that I remained as the same character that would never question my ability to communicate with others.

 

I realize that I can communicate and share myself unconditionally with any being just by realizing that communication must be physical, words that are spoken in the moment can be expressed without requiring to ‘assess’ the being in order to know ‘how to communicate’ as that would be me wanting to ‘fit in’ another’s schemes and values as to who they want to speak to and who they don’t, which is how we have all caged each other within these apparent incompatibility that eventually leads us to not even try and push further such limitation, but accepting such ‘incompatibility’ as real, without realizing that two physical bodies do not require to be ‘compatible’ in nature as the organism in order to be able to interact – thus it is clear that such limitation is existent only at a mind level and as such it only exist in each other’s mind as our relationships with each other and our relationship to the world, wherein we believe that some ‘do deserve’ not having any money to live

 

I see, realize and understand that money is also a form of communication and that me creating a point of evasiveness and/ or deliberate separation from another is only me giving into the elitist world system wherein the distribution of the resources is not given to all unconditionally, but is determined by a set of arbitrary and evil rules and regulations that in no way considered that all beings are equal.

 

Thus, If I stand up for an Equal Money System, I realize that such point of Equality begins within and as myself wherein I stop valuing people as more or less than who I am here as a physical being that coexist with all other living beings that I have simply separated myself from when existing as a mind that only seeks to build up its special-guest party list in order to leave some as Very Important People in one’s mind and the rest as ‘Non-Important-People’ where we sever our ability to recognize each other as equals,’ essentially dishonoring each other as equals and instead giving into a  mind possession wherein there can apparently be something ‘more’ or ‘less’ than who we are.

 

Self-Equality and Oneness begins with me here, walking a process of Self-Forgiveness, Self Corrective Application wherein I can in fact realize and recognize how I became the image and likeness of this world system and how through my participation, I became the creator and sculptor of myself as a world-system keeper that only acted in one’s own benefit to create relationships that would only support myself as the mind and subsequently, give continuation to the world system wherein selectiveness, specialness and elitism became ways to ensure that no one questioned why we lived in such a polarized world, because we learned and acted upon such ‘selectiveness’ without a question.

 

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“I commit myself to show – why/how energy and money is in fact the evil in this world that reverse the opportunity for life/living with/as the physical, as money and energy is what consume life/physicality as the body and this physicality existence into and as its main system as the Mind/the World System to continue existing/surviving. And that the process of/as actual LIFE/LIVING that is here for all, equally as one, is walking out of the Mind into the Physical, aligning the World System to/as this physical existence/humanity in equality and oneness as the Equal Money System.” –Sunette Spies

 

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Read our blogs at Journey to Life

And Educate yourself about our co-creative processes in this reality at Eqafe 

 

Blogs to Understand the Equality Equation:

• Day 112: INNER STRUCTURE of an EQUAL MONEY SYSTEM – PART 2

• Day 111: INNER STRUCTURE of an Equal Money System – Part 1

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  Mind Backup Resources – Part 2: DAY 112

• 
  

  Mind Backup Resources – Part 1: DAY 111

 

Interviews:

• The Soul of Money – Individual and Collective Global Responsibility – Part 30

• Reptilians – The Inception of Mixed-Race Relationships (Part 1) – Part 74

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  Reptilians – The Inception of Mixed-Race Relationships (Part 2) – Part 75

The ‘Loving’ perspective

 

The point of considering others or everything/everyone within my equation of the previously perceived and self-created idea/definition of ‘love’ certainly broadened my perspective of how we are used to holding ‘special bonds’ to people that se consider ‘special’ within our reality – that’s then an obvious point of separation wherein anyone that would claim ‘loving’ would in fact only have in mind/consider that particular person, thing or even activity that they ‘love doing’.

I had only spoken/ written about ‘love’ within the past as all the illusions of relationships based on the creation of a certain ‘feeling’ or ‘experience’ towards others which were nothing else but my own creation, I never even considered that I had to first see what self-love was to be able to then consider ‘loving another’. That was an absolute energetic game that has no place within what’s here.  All in all I’ve cleared the word from the usual associations and then realized that I would simply use the word ‘care’ – as a less-energetically charged within the general understanding of such word within our society – to indicate that which I want for myself and others as Equals.

I simply saw that it is not necessary to create little fluffy clouds or create the opposite reaction as rejection to all usual representations around the word love – like experiencing the usual ‘heart’ as something obnoxious, nothing but an inciting red representation of what seems like a 180 degree opposite placement of an ass or a pair of boobs. Instead of ridiculing the word with such symbols, we should all rather consider what actual love is.

Considering love as myself first and see what I required correcting and aligning within myself to realize what it was in fact was the first point to take on.

 

What is caring for myself? Not abusing myself would be the  first definition and association, but it would be based on a polarity towards ‘abuse’ only. So within that, self care, self enjoyment, self responsibility, self respect become the building blocks to see how to construct myself as that and live it out; this way we actually create such point of self care which didn’t precisely exist before in such a common sensical perspective – meaning considering that what I can take as ‘self-love’ can be lived and applied by others equally devoid of any mental experience as feelings/emotions.

Self acceptance became the foundation on this as I had resorted in ‘finding love’ as finding ‘acceptance’ in and through others, by being ‘someone’ in another’s life so, that point had to be brought back to myself to Care for myself. Then it was an entire process which I’ve described before and that is still being lived and applied as we breathe here.

The point of physical care became an actual consideration of myself as the physical, and not just wanting to preserve a ‘machine’ in a ‘well state’ – it became a completely new understanding through what we’ve realized as ourselves being this physical body at the moment and how much we’ve neglected it while existing only as thinking upper boxes at the top of the body. That point of being gentle with ourselves, learning to experience ourselves from head to toe at all times – caring for myself as in making sure I am well nurtured, I don’t oversleep or sleep less than what I required, not place myself in any situation of potential harm etc. – and not done out of ‘fear’ but out of common sensical considerations. Being self responsible is also a point that has supported me to establish that point of self appreciation again.

There are many things I wasn’t even aware of at a physical level – if I ever was, I would regard it as ‘normal’ like experiencing a nerve wracking sensation, an anxiety experience, some type of depression experienced  as something ‘normal’ and ‘usual’ only to then find out that I’m actually also abusing myself within existing in such energetic possessions instead of being here-as-life, breathing.

From physical care as self-care to caring for another. I bite my lower lip in means of the giving and taking action that this implies. We’ve got to demonstrate through actions, words in our living reality that we in fact care for ourselves and thus, we extend such care for another as ourselves – equal and one – without any hidden agenda, being unconditional in any point of support given and received by another. The point of receiving is something I had to learn to ‘accept’ as myself as I would tend to go into a ‘humbleness possession’ wherein being ‘too meek’ becomes just another way of not acknowledging what we’ve become, what we’ve achieved for example within this process and it’s standing in a polarity point of other points like being ‘recognized’ and so, such humbleness became just another way of playing a personality as a limitation to give and receive what I want for myself.

Giving unconditionally, receiving unconditionally – then we have the creation of such relationships as stable ways of existing – meaning, making sure that such giving and taking is not compromised in any way, that we’re actually able to do this as part of our daily living acts, that we are in fact supporting each other within the principle of what’s best for all and not just continuing the support of ourselves as egos, as personalities – personal-ties –  as people with hidden agendas that seek something else out of it all. That’s how in fact we go transforming any initial point of self interest into a walking-realization of the points that require to be modulated so that any potential separation through the creation of a ‘special bond’ is always re-directed here as what’s best for all, grounding it back to the basics without further poof-loops in the air when realizing it.

Then caring becomes an expression that can be lived with anything or anyone regardless – it must be a two way system just as our binary codes and the very breathing we give and take – because exhaling might be seen as a residue or excretion but it isn’t, it’s beneficial for those beings that take the co2 for their own nurturing like trees/ plants. So we live in a system that is organic in nature where all parts – if not artificially modified to the extent of plasticity – can be restored and reintegrated to the environment with great ease.

[Isn’t plastic just another attempt of self-preservation? the long-lasting inherent desire of humans to be ‘immortal’ translated into an artificial compound that is ‘apparently’ unable to be destroyed? – fascinating us, humans, not considering the outflow of our exertion of inner-desires into the external reality and its disastrous consequences]

 

To care then is to consider that what another is going through within their lives is me in another life as well, considering that what we’ve walked and shared in this world will mark the way for others to come and as such, we cannot leave a world based in fluffy-popable love ideas that require money and feelings to exist. Love must be deflated as the ideal that has been implanted in our heads based on the continuous brainwashing process obtained through our media, through nice stories passed on generation to generation, through traditions and cultural ways of conceiving ‘love’ as that which everyone had to ‘live up to’., inherently linked to success, sex and excess.

We can make of such ‘love’ a grounded expression that is able to be applied, lived as being given and taken as naturally as breath, as who we really are once we’ve realized and placed into action the realization that we are here to learn how to coexist together as individuals, yet moving as one single being. Just like cells in the body that remain individual yet work in groups to form tissue, muscles, organs and systems that conform the entire physical body. That’s the basic functionality that we must realize as ourselves and knowing that if we fuck with ourselves, we’ll eventually fuck with another and within that, cause multiple harms that might not even be seen at first glance, but eventually within being part of the whole and everyone existing in such individualized and compartmentalized version of ‘life’, we start creating rifts between ourselves that are imposed on to this very basic functionality of what we must be/ exist and live as, a separation created only at a mind level – not at a physical one.

Hence the importance of stopping the mind, stopping ourselves from falling into any alternate delusional reality other than what we are and represent at this moment as part of the group that is this living being called Earth and thus simply adjust ourselves, our living reality to be part of the system that’s currently emerging that is completely aligned with who and what we are as Life, where all mental experiences and definitions are being corrected and placed aside to focus on the reality that is palpable and physically verifiable by everyone here.

 

Caring for another as myself then becomes a living condition that we take into consideration not as a ‘must do’ as some type of political obligation, but as part of the basic input we can all integrate every moment that we express ourselves and that when we use our mind, we use it to create and construct that which is best for all, to think that which can be externalized without any ‘shame’ as it won’t contain any personal desires or interests behind. That’s the process we’re walking and that’s the place we have to get to in equal-terms and as part of the equal agreement we’ve now committed ourselves to here on Earth. Transparency in fact.

So, love becomes the realization of self-acceptance, self care, self responsibility and self respect that we are all able and capable of living as ‘who we are’ at all times. It’s always been there, we just haven’t accepted and allowed ourselves to live as it, so we  have to simply live them as who we are.

If you’re ready to love yourself and get out of the previously cheesy conceptions towards such word or even repulsion to it – as I had experienced before –   you are ready to embrace and amalgamate that word as ourselves, as all of the practical living points mentioned here wherein eventually whether we say love or care or consideration, we will be living-it which is what actually matters: being the living word.

Motivation then becomes the movement of self to enjoy being/ doing/ giving what we want for ourselves and everyone else equally which stands along the terms of what’s best for all, so that I live every day knowing and realizing that I’m being part of the necessary change in this world to create an equal-world where Equality is no longer a ‘correction’ or a vacuous concept, but a living reality. I realize that all motivation had been previously delegated on to money, power, success, feelings, sex, glory, fame and any other ephemeral experience that we had tagged as ‘love’ -which is similar to ‘seeking happiness/ love/ bliss’ as the ultimate goal in life – and instead we make that a constant property of living through actual continuous actions, with no more having to pursue glorious scenarios of achieving such elusive ‘lasting effect’ as part of an overrated concept of love or ‘eternal love’ which is unfortunately how it still exists now.

 

So, if we want to change the starting point of our motivation as humanity, we have to begin with ourselves. Seeing where self interest is overriding our reality, seeing where self-enjoyment is not being allowed as ourselves or is obstructing our basic responsibilities – it’s all part of equalizing and moderating our reality into what’s best for all.

We can also realize how we cannot dissociate the Equal Money System from this process to create the necessary conditions for such unconditional love to exist.

Loving sounds like law-being, the law of our being is to stand as equals as life and live the words written here.

For more support or discussion, visit de Desteni Forums wherein we’ll be glad to read and support if required within the understanding of the new way of living as Equals as the life that we’re yet to become.

 

thanks for reading.

 

Embracing Self – by Bernard Poolman

Point of reference for this post, some interviews by Bernard Poolman:

How will people be motivated? – Equal Money FAQ

LOVE