Day 58: Eternal Spotless Mind

When we deem certain movies as ‘our favorite’ ones there are points that we evidently resonate with. I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) once again after several years, and brought back all of these ideals and expectations that I had created by that time in relation to how I wanted my relationships to be in ‘the future’ when I watched the movie for the first time some 8 years ago.

The identification with the rather feverish girl – Clementine (Kate Winslet)-  that was a rather eccentric and over-zealous woman with lots of energy and pent up emotions was prominent. It brought me back to the times when I used to wear these bright colorful clothes and all types of funky jewelry along with eternal desires to get my hair blue or red,  which I tried to do some 10 years ago and from there I got used to the habit of dying it pitch blue-black, fucking up my entire hair for several years onwards, just for the sake of creating a certain image of myself. But, besides the girl’s character, the entire phrasing and attitude was something I could relate to. I was this energized girl that was pleading others to ‘leave my mind alone/ I’m just trying to find some peace of mind’ and this general dramatic self-presentation to always be able to have ‘something’ to be yearning for, thinking about and so forth as a means to believe that I was actually ‘living,’ while we are now realizing within this process that: we are not our emotions, we are not our feelings or any other general energetic-experience as the ego of the mind.

 

Then there’s the entire memory-drill within the movie about the relationship that Joel (Jim Carrey’s character) and Clementine had which is how I envisioned what my ‘picture perfect relationship’ would be like, having fun in odd and surprising ways that were non-conventional and having these two ‘odd’ personalities coming together as a couple. Hence all this movie represented within me was this eccentricity that I had built-up as ‘who I am,’ as well as the partner’s character which I also identify with in how I would feel like the over-enthusiastic one that had to cheer up and drag along others to ‘live’ within the same view and perspective I had of life back then, always trying to impose ‘me’ upon others because I deemed ‘my way of being’ much more ‘healthy’ than theirs, which was obviously not now that I review this point.

 

For the most part, it’s a cool movie  in terms of realizing how a relationship/ a person in our lives is only a set of memories that if we ‘decide to erase’ or lose, we can eventually forget about – however we all know that each relationship leaves like this mark or scar that remains there as a bunch of memories and even copied mannerisms, that we then have to walk as ourselves and our own process because it is aspects that we had separated from ourselves initially and sought to ‘fulfill’ or complete ourselves with in relationships.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that in a relationship I would have to gather the most eccentric memories and experiences in order to believe that we were ‘truly enjoying’ and ‘living’ and having ‘a blast’ within a relationship, often placing myself in certain conditions and situations wherein I allowed myself to be driven by the ‘feeling’ of it rather than considering the consequences and actuality of what I was putting myself through.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, till this day, remember only the good and positive things about such ‘fun times’ that I deliberately created within my relationships in order to mimic the way that I imagined my life would be in a a similar way to what this movie portrayed, along with the drama, the misunderstandings, the ups and downs and eventual reconciliations as the ‘happy ending’ that I also sought to get all the time, which  in no way matched the reality of relationships.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of my life with others a drama that would always have to become just like a script of a novel as all the books that I would read back then, which shaped and molded the ‘who I want to be like’ toward others, eventually creating all sorts of events in my life wherein I ‘knew’ that I would be able to keep them as these ‘memories’ that I could hold on to for a lifetime and call that a ‘living’ and ‘enjoyment’ – which is how I designed myself as a memory-creator and keeper as a way to confirm that ‘I had lived’ through experiences and events in my life with another in a relationship.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be this feverish girl that sought emotions and feelings in a deliberate manner to be ‘inspired’ and have something to whine about in art or writing, which became a way to fuel my over-dramatic personality that was mostly wrought throughout my teenage years while learning through books, movies of ‘my kind’ what relationships were all about, yearning about that ‘connection’ with ‘the one’ and eventually experiencing myself in a relationship just like the one that made me feel all these fuzzy feelings in my stomach while watching eternal sunshine… and in that, believing that all my relationships had to be something ‘like that’ wherein we could have fun and do ‘wild things’ and ‘be happy’ while overcoming the usual friction and conflict that I thought was ‘normal’ in relationships, which also became part of the usual things to ‘walk through’ in relationships such as arguing in the car and leaving the house and being all dramatic about any slight problem, only to ‘forgive’ each other and get back together again, like a happy ending after the storms.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to adopt the belief that in a relationship one would Always have conflict and one would always be having these secret thoughts against the other and that it was part of ‘the game’ of having relationships, which is obviously dishonest and just existing for the sake of also getting a ‘kick’ out of the conflict as all the emotions and feelings that come when you are in a fight with another and get to enjoy that debate/ fight which became a masochistic way of keeping a relationship ‘standing,’ because the reconciliation would then be ‘even better.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to identify with the frustration that Clementine would experience toward Joel for having to deal with a rather quiet and introverted being that I would have mostly judged as ‘requiring some spice in their lives’ wherein I believed that ‘I could change the other for the better,’ without having even looked at myself and my surge of blasting energy to ‘live’ through experiences and trying to make the other see life the same way I did, which became a rather pointless effort to say the least, with both partners and male friends that were rather calm and ‘of few words’ wherein I would always think that I must ‘cheer them up’ and be the ‘sunshine’ of their lives, compromising myself because of this continual desire to ‘change them’ without even getting a look at how I had to first look at myself and what I was accepting and allowing to exist within me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this position of being the ‘optimistic’ and ‘feverish’ and ‘vibrant’ person in a relationship with males that were mostly ‘dull’ and ‘quiet’ and only after years eventually one of them becoming more ‘equal’ in such excitement – lol – which is when I started ‘disliking’ the other because I would no longer be the ‘special one’ that would ‘cheer him up’ but he was now becoming a rather positive thinker, blowing out of  proportion to the point where it got too cloying and pleasing ‘for my taste,’ which made me run away from it, without realizing how I had played out the exact same role in the beginning. In this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually having been addicted to conflict in relationships wherein if everything started being all ‘good’ and ‘pleasing,’ I would get bored because of how I had deemed conflict as a necessary aspect to create this sense of the relationship being ‘normal’ and ‘working’ which was merely an addiction to the energy that conflict would generate within me – hence when the person would no longer cause conflict within me, I’d lose interest and move on.

 

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how I would seek people that had been ‘troubled’ people mostly in a way because then I would see myself as having a ‘duty’ to ‘change them’ and ‘spice up their lives,’ which is how I now realize that I was actually addicted to the energy that I would get from having to deal with conflictive people that were nothing else but mirroring myself back to the conflict I wanted to create and stir within myself in order to have something to be worrying, thinking and yearning about throughout my days, just like a movie, just like a book where a lot of conflict and eventual resolutions would take place as that happy ending that I would also run away from, because I simply wanted some ‘conflict’ in my life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to also take the position of being the quiet, reserved and few-worded personality when being with a rather optimistic and cheerful partner, which means that I would act the ‘opposite pole’ in any given situation in order to maintain the balancing-act within the constant friction required to continue the conflict going on in my head, wherein I was never truly ‘satisfied’ with another, but would pretend that I was in order to keep the relationship going.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever wish to have a ‘tormented relationship’ because that’s the type of stuff I would read and get the most entertainment from, which implies that these erratic characters that seemed to be in the brink of madness  were the ones that I could ‘identify’ myself-with, due to the amount of energy I was just ready to exert in one way or another, not really even ever being able to understand why I had so much energy to give-away and how this energy became the directive principle within my life, wherein I used popular culture as books and movies like this one in order to create/ mimic such events to live-out and believe that I was ‘living’ just like a character in a book or a movie, and feel ‘good’ about it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually become used to this ‘tough love’ type of relationships wherein conflict and debating would be the way to ‘feel good’ about each other when we would eventually sort out the problems and reconciliation would ensue as a way to confirm that ‘we were willing to walk through hell and back and remain together,’ which is absolutely bullshit.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to begin relationships from the starting point of being willing to accept all types of dramas and antagonisms as what I gave myself permission to be acceptable within a relationship, because this is what I learned from movies, books and stories of people always having conflicts within their relationships, only to get to an inevitable happy or sad ending, just  like in the movies/ books.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become so used to the idea of having to fight another in a relationship, wherein I would maintain myself in constant fear of conflict yet at the same time, giving permission to it as a way to mimic the stories that I had read in books and movies, which implies that I made of my life a series of events that I could later on recall just like a movie that I could re-enact in my mind to get a positive feeling out of it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘empty’ whenever there was no ‘conflict’ going on in a relationship, because now I see and realize that all that I was seeking for was this rollercoaster ride of ultimate happiness and the direct opposite as conflict, anger, depression and any other emotion that I could use in order to deem myself as being ‘alive’ and ‘living’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to shape my relationships and my life according to having ‘something to remember’ as memories of good times and bad times within relationships, as a way to declare that ‘I had lived’ and in that, get a sense of completion for the amount of memories I would have been able to store/ gather from my past as a way to define that I had been ‘happy’ once in my life.

 

I commit myself to expose the nature of relationships as conflict and constant friction for the sole energetic purpose that they entail as in stirring these emotions and feelings within ourselves only, wherein it is really never about ‘the other’ that we are feeling or becoming emotional about, but only ourselves as the idea of the relationship we have formed toward people in our minds, which is then entire self-created and must be taken self-responsibility for.

 

I commit myself to realize that all that I had aimed for as relationships was the type of masochistic and conflictive type of ‘tough love’ that I had decided to use as a way to ‘fuel my inspiration’ linked to art and writing, which had become the way to believe that ‘that was what my life was going to be about’ in terms of living like a constant drama, just like the stories of the romantic dramas that some of my personal heroes would go through in their lives, within this

 

I commit myself to expose how we as human beings get extensively influenced by the media as books, movies, TV shows and other type of ‘entertainment’ wherein the stereotypes of society are portrayed as characters that we then try to ‘mimic’ which ensures that the population remains in a constant continuation of the past, without ever really pondering ‘what are we actually accepting and allowing as relationships in the world?’ because that would lead to self-realizations about the unnecessary drama in our lives, and eventually get to stop the entire commerce and business that buying books, movies, series that portray these exotic and eccentric type of stories as a way to continue binding ourselves to memories and experiences and the entire ‘who we are’ as personalities as the ego of the mind.

 

I commit myself to reveal and expose how it is that the only thing that we are neglecting all the time that we are caught up in our personal romantic affairs and conflicts, is the physical, life that is being actually used only as a fuel to convert into emotions and feelings that we had deemed as being ‘life’ itself, which is absolutely unacceptable when it comes to realizing that: all that we had ever been is these self-seeking individuals through relationships that do not care at all about the rest of the world and the actual conflicts and problems that entail Money not being available for all beings in the world, where real problems are in the nature of starvation, poverty, illnesses, diseases, abuse, sexual exploitation and a massive industry based on this ‘love as charity’ that certainly does nothing to actually support beings in equality as life.

 

I commit myself to walk through my own memories of relationships in order to clear my starting point for and if there is an opportunity to create an actual agreement of self-support wherein no emotion and no feeling become the directive principle within such relationship, as I see, realize and understand to what extent I had given my power away to live through my mind, instead of living here as breath walking equal and one with another as a physical being, and not as a crutch to continue all types of drama and conflict to have ‘stories to tell.’

 

I commit myself to expose how we have become addicted to ‘having stories to tell’ as a way to define that we have ‘experiences’ and ‘have lived life’ fully, when in fact, it’s just prostituting life in the name of personal satisfaction as any form of good experience that recalling memories as something of ‘value’ within our lives  can create within ourselves.

 

I commit myself to stop all wars within me when being with others as I realize that this is actually self-interest that then becomes one plus point to the overall conflict and continual friction in the world that keeps this entire system ‘running’ on self-abuse.

 

To support and assist ourselves in Relationships beginning with our Self-Relationship, there’s the Desteni I Process course on Relationships/Agreements that is the most specific way to go dissecting ourselves as memories in order to finally establish life-worthy agreements that can stand beyond any energetic fix that we had become so addicted to.

 

The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind would be actually quite cool as ourselves, living here as the physical breathing beings that we are wherein our minds are finally quiet equal and one as the physical, without memories to hold on to, without futures to look up to and in that, finally realizing the truth of ourselves in such completion. A long way to go, but we begin here.

 

 

Blogs:

• Day 57: Experiencing the Sacred Knowledge

• The Evolution of the Positive: DAY 57

 

Check out the Redefining Love group on Facebook and all the various vlogs and blogs about LOVE and Relationships

Inter-net

The internet has created bridges that we probably never really imagined in our past as humanity would have been able to be built. For this, it’s cool to be living in this moment wherein I am able to share, communicate, express and be part of a global movement that is moving through/ as the internet, wherein I have now become used to being constantly participating as a daily point of communicating, sharing and supporting myself to get to know ‘how the world works,’ which is what this ‘information era’ has allowed us to reach at the click of a mouse.

I am Here and this is what I realize, I share myself because I have been equally supported by a group of people that also realized that the internet was the way to reach people around the world and create a total revolution within humanity, it’s been a ‘silent’ one for many – however the effects of people understanding what’s common sense and considering Equality as a starting point in everything we do, remains as a ‘nagging thought’ even for those that initially or deliberately judge and criticize the Desteni message with all types of prejudices – mostly out of that initial fear everyone has to change. 

 

Through us Destonians being sharing ourselves through writing, sharing videos, information, participating in forums – we  are literally creating a ‘new cyberspace’ to be and become self-honest people that care enough to share themselves and walk a process of Self Honesty to stand as equal points of responsibility within our own lives, and eventually toward the whole world as well.

 

Me and Self-Exposure within the Internet

See, I had a tendency to fear conflict, fear of having to ‘expose’ myself within the internet, I saw it as the equivalent of going out in the night through dark alleys wherein you never know who’s going to attack you next, I feared criticism and judgment from others toward myself. My initial desire to have internet had to do with fulfilling preferences of downloading music only.

 

I nagged my father a lot to have internet – essentially buying me a modem at that time. Lol, my cousins would make fun of me because of being ‘building my own websites’ without having internet and within that, imagining that I was surfing the internet. When I did get it, I was just happy to be able to research on what I liked, reading artists biographies and everything else that had to do with music. I formed some relationships for several years at forums, people that I got to meet because of music mostly and these were people that definitely influenced myself to the extent of being one of the ‘bridges’ that I had to eventually get to Desteni at some point – even if they didn’t get to it themselves.

So – within forming all of these relationships through the internet, I became used to ‘being connected to the world’ and essentially creating a dependency to it – see the words: relationship-dependency. So – the process now is to remove all tags of ‘dependency’ toward the internet, and using it for what it is, a way we have to communicate with others, the world, to educate ourselves, to share and be part of an actual process of self-realization and self-correction required in order to understand how we have created this system as it is – it is essentially an ideal tool to do so.

 

I know that If I didn’t have internet, I would not be doing what I’m doing right now with/ as my life, as Desteni, as this process of Self-Responsibility. I would have kept myself in a very comfortable bubble of entertainment and following my dreams and desires with no further consequence to see ‘what’s going on in the world’ – this is hypothetical really, who knows what could have happened in reality so let’s just say that I wouldn’t be doing what I am now doing.

 

So the point is, I’ve had intermittent internet or no-internet at all for the past days which is somehow breaking a routine within my every day living. Though, what’s interested is that I noticed a point of ‘temptation’ coming-through wherein my mind then feels ‘too comfortable’ for not having to ‘be there’ all the time (be there = internet, communicating, participating) and within this, I acknowledge that my participation within the world at the moment happens through the internet mostly. So, not having internet is a way for me to ‘get too comfortable’ within this disconnection because it means ‘I have an excuse to not participate’ or not share and communicate with the world, which is how I used to exist: only being with myself, not talking to all people, but only to those that I thought could ‘understand me,’ I spent living a life through other’s eyes within reading books, listening to music, painting and all of that which satisfied my personal desires and ideals.

 

At that time I had already withdrawn from being constantly watching news and/or being ‘politically informed,’ because I had given up within the idea of realizing that wanting to be a ‘powerful person in this world’ involved getting down-and-dirty within a ‘corrupt world.’ I obviously didn’t go further into researching the system and how it all works for real – I just took the easy way out, deciding to study something that could at least get me closer to ‘feeling like a human’ than a money-making machine. Oh yes, I screwed up myself within that I had to walk through the entire decision until this day.

 

So, it’s a cool thing to be able to look back and see that I have come quite a long way from that initial resistance I had toward sharing myself, it was a deliberate push but also a process I understood from the group perspective = moving as a single ‘force’ within the system, within social media. Without having the understanding of what ‘walking as a group’ implies, I would have probably recoiled back to my old patterns of seclusion and just keeping my little depressive bubble in place, because even in such misery I was comfortable – nothing was disturbing me other than my own thoughts and personal relationships, it was all I had to ‘take care of’ at that time.

 

No Internet

So, obviously when seeing myself ‘out of the internet’ for a longer time, I get these memories of ‘who I was’ before I was into Desteni or the internet and believe that I could get ‘too comfortable’ by not being active in the internet again, which is literally a mindfuck only, but cool to see that it comes up as it is an indication that such ‘back door’ is still existent yet dormant somewhere ‘up there.’

 

I also see how ‘not having access to the internet’ becomes like a ‘time off’ of my responsibilities within it – which is then what I have defined as ‘too comfortable,’ because we all know that by human design, we would ‘feel better’ if there was nothing to worry about or be in charge of. However, I am now in charge of several points and this means that I must have access to the internet in a constant basis.

 

When coming back from SA, I spent two weeks without having internet – at least not being there the whole time and/ or having very limited time and access to it. But, because I was in another country, I would see it as a way to get some ‘time off’ as actual vacations for it, but the truth is that the point of daily participation in the internet was existent as a thought in the back of my head the whole time.

 

So it is to remove any ‘dependency’ toward it or idea of ‘having to be somewhere else’ and simply direct myself in every moment that I can or can’t be in the internet. This should not mean in any way ‘separating myself from process’ or the actual walking we do here – it is about using what’s here when and if available – otherwise I don’t have to nag myself with that constant worry or preoccupation that doesn’t allow me to simply direct myself in every moment.

It’s very simple –though the mind ‘loves’ to make it a lot more than what it actually is.

 

The reality is that I have made the decision for myself to get myself ‘out there’ and it’s been a very lengthy process. I mean, I had all forms of resistances to open up a blog to share myself, to record vlogs, to open up accounts in all the usual ‘social media’ – I avoided Facebook for like the first two years I had an account there, and I would have probably never broadcasted myself on YouTube or even have Facebook if it wasn’t because I got to understand that If I want to create a change in this world, I must use the tools that are here in order for us to do so. So, slowly but surely – and with Bernard’s support/ push when seeing and realizing what the fuck I was actually fearing in terms of ‘adding too many friends’ on Facebook and sharing my writings there, etc.- I got myself to create an actual platform of me sharing myself there: it was not-existent and it didn’t came out ‘naturally.’ 

When I saw the fear for what it is, I began being more ‘open’ about sharing myself there – this was mostly because of being connected to ‘friends and family’ there and fearing having them asking me questions about Desteni or the portal or what I am doing, as if there was something ‘secret’ to keep – which is how I had dealt with my previous beliefs in the afterlife and spiritual-realms that I used to believe in. So I realized how I had to stop keeping this as my ‘belief-system’ that I would only ‘keep to myself’ and took the information as what it is, self-supportive material that is able to be used and practically applied by anyone that is able to see beyond the images and ‘surface’ of what it ‘appears to be,’ and focuses on listening to the message.

 

 

Self-Broadcasting and sharing with the world as myself

So now that I share and participate and have deliberately made the decision to be a constant presence in cyber-space within everything we do at Desteni, I can see that there would be no other way of doing it other than through the Internet, at least not to reach as many people in such a wide area like the entire world, lol. All the fears about questions that I feared people in my world would ask were never real. It is fascinating to see how the mind keeps lingering to creating all of these seemingly frightening scenarios of ‘what Ifs’ and within that, we keep ourselves just bound by such fears instead of taking them for what they are ‘mind fears.’

 

Getting to the internet and Desteni specifically, became this huge window toward the world that has allowed me to not only get to know myself, but get to know other human beings’ life experiences and within that, understanding how we function and how we can develop ways to see where and how we can practically become agents of change and transformation within this world. Because after all, I was not really ‘happy’ with how I saw the world, even if I tried to ‘shove it off’ for some time, I can see that any experience of self-doom was created out of how I would witness my reality as the city that I live in, my observations toward politics, the government, ‘the system’ and all of that. It wasn’t then such a ‘struck of luck’ that I got to Desteni, because there was always this ‘nagging spine’ within me trying to get an actual answer as to why the hell are we here on earth.

 

Now that I see and realize what a great tool it’s been, I stop thinking that I could ‘get myself back to my old patterns’ with such a thoughtful-ease  – there is really no turning back and as much as this process might seem like too much, or ‘a drag,’ it is just part of the judgments we create at a mind level toward it, to make it seem ‘difficult’ because in essence, it’s been a perfect tool for ‘mind control’ which as Bella mentions, begins within ourselves.

There is no need to make it ‘more’ or ‘less’ than ourselves being ‘here,’ walking process in every moment of breath within the understanding that: there is Actual work, research, reading, participation, writing, sharing and education to be walked if we really want to create and establish a platform of self-support and education for more beings. It takes an actual walking-the-talk and doing, which is what I am grateful for I am now involved-with, because these ‘dormant’ resistances still come up, and it takes an actual ‘pushing’ for me to say: ‘I am in, I participate, I take this point on.’

 

I see and realize that any iota of desiring to ‘get back to my old self’ or ‘wanting to just leave it all’ is stemming from fear, fear of confronting myself and the reality I live in on a daily basis. And it might seem like entering this ever-lasting stream of information that we participate in on a daily basis – but once you get used to it, you realize that you are actually becoming part of the key points of support that are ‘here’ to share, direct news with common sense, sharing our own self support which is creating actual cool information that anyone can access to, and eventually support themselves equally if they have an intention and/or have made a decision to be serious about being part of the transformation required in this world to establish a world in Equality. 

It doesn’t matter if we are physically near or not, which is the cool point about the internet and Desteni, we are connected by common interests that are not ‘separate bubbles’ equating the CULTtures and values we are witnessing define everyone within ‘little realms’ of preferences and affiliations within this world. We take on common-sensical aspects that apply and pertain to all beings in this world, that’s our starting point and that’s how it is an all inclusive group: you are serious to be the change that this world requires = you begin  with supporting yourself and join a group/ a force that is already doing so.

 

I’ve finally found people around the world that are willing to live the same way that I once dreamed we could live as: supporting each other, reading each other, sharing ourselves – instead of having to discuss someone else’s books and fictional stories. This is the real deal and for that, I’m grateful to be walking here – I take all these minute fears and resistances through Self Forgiveness in order to see and expose them for what they are, nothing but habits and patterns that I realize must be stopped and directed on a constant/ daily basis.

 

This world works in patterns and habits – so I create a pattern and a habit of sharing myself, participating, deliberately wording myself and pressing ‘submit’ wherein I make sure that no fear stands in the way of me expressing/sharing and supporting the way to stand as the living expression of what Life should be lived as by all of us in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the word ‘obligation’ to ‘being in the internet’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependence toward internet for the past 14 years of my life wherein I get into an idea of ‘being disconnected from the world’ if not being in the internet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ‘too comfortable’ with having no internet because this means I am not aware of what is ‘going on’ in the world, apparently, and I can just remain in my own bubble wherein I don’t have any responsibilities toward the world –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the ‘internet’ to ‘responsibility’ because it is through there that I participate with others, I inform myself, I communicate and interact with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a ‘negative value’ to the word responsibility instead of realizing that it is a word that I am here to live as myself as the realization of what must be done in order to understand how the world works and how I can practically assist to create a new-system that will enable us to coexist in an effective-living way.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could remain in this state of ‘disconnectedness’ toward the world because it is ‘very comfortable’ to not have to do daily tasks and constant participation in the world within the internet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relate the word ‘comfortable’ as in being devoid of responsibilities, wherein I then see that it is actually abdicating self-responsibility and a mind-comfort created within this association, it’s not an actual physical comfort because I realize that I could ‘feel alright’ within my mind – but the nagging thoughts about myself and reality would continue if I didn’t have the will to support myself to stop and correct myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deeply wish or desire that I had never gotten myself into the internet which means

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the internet as a a ’blessing’ but also as a ‘torture’ in terms of who I am and what I have become now as an active participant within the internet as a way to communicate, interact, share, write, inform myself and co-operate within a group that is constantly working and creating information in order to support ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the internet as a torture toward myself but also a great tool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as a ‘torture’ because I would have essentially kept myself in a very comfortable bubble wherein ‘everything is fine’ and there’s nothing to do but ‘seek my personal fulfillment.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times create a slight resistance to go through my email, through Facebook, through forums, in fear of it being all just ‘too much’ to go through and in essence not wanting to participate because of the actual work and dedication it entails, without realizing that it is the best way I can direct myself: supporting myself/ supporting others which is essentially what we all should be doing as humanity in order to really create a world that’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am ‘not there’ for a day, everything will just compound and become unbearable. Without realizing that it is just an idea of myself toward the points that must be taken one by one without ‘rushing’ or creating and expectation of it all being ‘done’ within a particular time-frame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself in a constant ‘battle against time’ wherein I set up my own ‘scores’ and act from the vantage point of ‘who I am’ within a self-definition as being ‘fast and accurate’ which I have realized is an energetic ego-driven persona that I have developed throughout the years as a point of self-definition, making it a ‘positive aspect’ within myself, without realizing that I have only been ‘fighting against time’ and ‘beating my own records’ as a synonym of ‘self improvement.’ Lol which is actually bullshit really, I move and direct myself at a physical pace, as breathe here in every moment, without having to create the delusion of ‘I must go there’ and rush all the time.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the current awareness that I have toward this world as myself, and everything being part of ‘who I am’ and having to take responsibility for it, because within this, there is actual work to be done as in walking a process of self-correction to actually do something to create a world that is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire that I had never gotten to know about the actual reality in this world – because that would have meant me just continuing living my ‘little bubble’ wherein I was unaware of the actual state of the world- and within this,

I forgive myself that I am actually allowing thoughts of ‘not wanting to actually do the necessary work’ to create a world that is and will be best for all.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create any form of laziness which is actually fear of change, fear of exposing myself, fear of taking actual ‘actions’ that I have to conduct and will challenge who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, not only on a ‘personal basis’ but as humanity, as a whole.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a polarity relationship toward the internet as a ‘great need’ but also as a point of ‘rejection’ toward it in the back of my head if I get too overwhelmed by it – hence creating an opposite of feeling ‘comfortable’ with not having Internet/ not having to ‘be there’ all the time, and in that allowing me to get used to not participate, not voice myself, not write and share because that’s quite a comfortable way of existing wherein, we would only focus ‘toward ourselves’ and not the world and the current reality we’re living in.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep thoughts in the back of my head of an apparent ‘nice past time’ wherein I didn’t have to confront myself as in facing myself through this process and the world as myself, because it was seemingly ‘better’ to exist that way according to the memories that I have decided to keep of myself as the past, without actually remembering how ‘lost’ I felt when I was oblivious to this reality, which is how I resorted to  ‘seek myself’ through my own mindfucks in writings, books, music and relationships in an inherent attempt to ‘connect with the world,’ which is essentially how I have now decided to direct myself and my life through using the internet as a main tool of self-support.

 

I stop judging the internet as an ‘addiction’ or as a ‘first necessity’ point within my life, I stop seeing myself with bad eyes for being in it all the time, without realizing that this has become the way for me to educate myself, to direct myself to participate in matters that matter within this world, wherein I have finally found ‘the way’ to connect/ support and realize myself as others as well.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the internet, Facebook, mails, forums, news, videos as something that I could ‘resist’ in order to keep myself in a very comfortable position of ‘not having to do anything about it’ and in that way keeping myself in a very comfortable position wherein ‘nothing disturbs me.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the awareness of the reality of this world as something that ‘disturbs me,’ instead of realizing that this is just the way to start seeing what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, which should not create any ‘experience’ within me, but simply acting according to how I can stand as the solution, as the point of self-responsibility and self-direction in relation to what I am now aware of requires direction and correction within this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could have remained in  a ‘comfortable bubble’ within my world if I hadn’t gotten to the internet – without realizing that the truth of this world cannot be denied or ‘hidden’ within our every-day living reality to not see it. I have simply ‘chosen’ to become aware of it and direct myself accordingly.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge myself for my participation within the internet which can only come from a starting point of ego and not an actual realization of having assessed the publishing, sharing and distribution of information in relation to making a point of self-support available for myself/others in my world and through the internet.

 

If we all participate in common sense within the internet, being self-honest about who we are, sharing how we support ourselves to stop our personal interest and get involved in collective-interests, sharing how we can becoming effective at what we do,  sharing information that is practical and ‘valuable’ within the context of education,  the internet would be an awesome place to be in.

Unfortunately that’s not the case at the moment – and the same you can access a page full of pornography or ‘101 ways on how to commit suicide’ than you can open up a website on Self Forgiveness and how to become a Self-Responsible being. Therefore, at the moment it’s like a ‘free-range arena’ wherein you can decide what you want to browse for, what you want to participate in – this is how participating in Desteni is a fully self-directive point, wherein beings decide for themselves to either be a part of it or not – no one is pushing it down your throat as part of some squared educational system. It is a truly open-source platform of information and self-support that anyone can walk and have access-to if they have access to the internet.

For those that don’t have internet yet – we hear you, and we will make sure that in the future, internet is free and accessible for all because we have realized what a useful tool it is for purposes of education and, currently, establishing democratic procedures to become involved in the necessary actions and decision-making in the world.

Fascinating, this is how we can actually see who and what we decide to do and direct ourselves as in this world. I have decided that I want to live and support myself and others along, therefore here I stand.

 

Desteni and Equal Money–WTF?

This is a supportive read for anyone that may have second thoughts or still guessing what we’re all about.  It’s also meant to debunk some of the ubiquitous misinformation about us around the web. So here it is, coming from someone that has walked this process for almost 4 years and enjoying every single day that we walk together as this.

How can Desteni be linked to the Illuminati if we promote world Equality – which is the total opposite of what the so-called ‘elite’ stand for – how can a message of Self Honesty and Self Responsibility can be tweaked to then be something evil and detrimental to humanity? How is it that the current reality we live in which doesn’t make sense at all is still not even questioned by the majority?

What must exist in a human being to ignore common sense? To ignore the actual truth not as some fancy words but as the reality we live in which is able to be seen by everyone.

How could ‘shaving heads’ shock anyone more than having people using chemicals upon their heads to make their hair look in different colors? How can one or the other be any different as to any other style or modification – how come gathering around a table to eat and give each other products bought with overloaded credit cards isn’t viewed as cultish human behavior? How come praying to a god isn’t seen as potential delirium that may end up in absolute insanity? How is ‘believing in something greater’ that hasn’t ever shown up on Earth still held as something valuable in someone’s mind, while the world reveals that the current detrimental experience is the consequence of all human actions that haven’t been stopped, thus leading to an imminent destruction if not stopped and corrected right now.

How is talking to people from a dimensional existence talking through the portal, communicating absolute and irrefutable common sense seen as absolutely fantastic while we tend to hear and do what our own ‘voices in the head’ say which is often detrimental to ourselves and others and! No one else can see it/ them? How come that’s accepted and allowed as ‘who we are’ – how come we cannot expand our ability to conceive something beyond everything we’ve ever thought possible just because ‘it wasn’t taught in school’.

We’d like to have many people listening to the message of Equality as Life yes, loving thy neighbor as thyself not in the rosy type of way wherein you actually utter such words in some form of lightworking calamity, but actually work to create a world that’s best for all. Though it’s futile to have millions ‘following’ without grasping that such change won’t only come from voting for it, but it actually means vowing oneself to become a Self Responsible being, someone that cares for life, for each other, that cares to create a suitable environment for all involved in the same biosphere – that’s being one vote for world equality, less than that would only be following the herd of which the current political parties and churches are full of.

People seek to ‘believe in something’ or ‘someone’ to make a change for them = still delegating power. Some others do not want to ‘jump in the boat’ unless it’s got a well established foundation which in this current system translates to proper funds to ‘settle’ something, which proves that we are no illuminati or elite or any other super-power, otherwise we would already be making mind blowing movies and hiring artists to promote our solution.

We actually don’t have to convince anyone either. What we present is common sense and should be embraced as such, as part of Self-Realization and not just a nice-sounding proposal that may only bail us out of the current turmoil –No. Equal Money represents the way things should have always been but never was due to the inherent human nature that we’ve accepted as a ‘factor’ that determined the entire outcome and structure of the system we accepted and allowed and perceived as ‘unchangeable’, which is certainly Not in Equality and it’s NOT supporting any point of actual Self Realization.

We’re the average ‘Joes’ that have opened their eyes to common sense. We’ll require funds, a lot of funds to make this work and by publishing this as part of the realization of what it’ll take to change the world, we can see it is part of the points that have to be walked as a group. There is no hidden agenda as it’s simply realizing that everything moves in this world if there’s money in it and currently, we have to be in the system, work from within it to eventually create the solution so that all can step out of it equally.

We cannot use ‘world leaders’ for this as Equal Money may stand in their personal interests rooted in power and their pursue of greedy happiness.

The only point that we’re living right now as simile process to the one lived in the dimensions is linked to demons and how demons became the point of change in the dimensions. As above, so below and that’s how it should be done. We cannot magically make Equality be the living principle as it must be a self-realized ‘move’ so to speak, not only a program that is now implanted without any actual self realization of why we must walk through a process of self correction wherein we see and fully understand why Equality is the way to go in this world. Otherwise, we’d be prone to repeat this nonsense yet once again – we cannot afford doing this all over again.

The systems in this world run quite deep and are ingrained as the entirety of ourselves in all aspects, yet it is possible to stand as the point of change that we now see must be lived and conducted if we are up for creating a world that’s best for all. It would be deliberate spitefulness to not stand up for this solution once that we see the common sense in it, it would be like a double fuck up as it wouldn’t be coming from a point of being ignorant about the entire situation, but as something that is ‘already known’ yet not acted upon because of how ‘impossible’ it may seem like. In fact the way Equal Money is usually received is a cool indicator that we are on the right track as all revolutionary ideas are first ridiculed, then opposed only to be embraced at the end. So we’re in between the first two wherein more and more people are getting to expand the current narrow and limited ways of perceiving this reality wherein we can only create a change in the moment that we take on the challenge as ourselves. That way ‘change’ is who I am, self-correction, self responsibility, it is then not dependent on some pollutitian to expel an order to ‘change the world’, but I begin and walk it as myself.

What drove me to become part of Desteni and now the Equal Money System action team – lol – is because it makes complete sense. I didn’t have to think twice about it, it was immediate, it resonated with the entirety of what I had already seen and realized about this world. The money aspect was certainly something that I got to educate myself about as I was pretty much a money-detractor in terms of not wanting to do much with it, yet criticizing the system and everyone else within it. Ludicrous that I didn’t see myself as a part of it as well, but it doesn’t matter here, I’m already aware, directing and standing up for a solution so all past negligence has been self forgiven.

o
This will take time, yes – as the saying goes ‘Rome wasn’t built in one day’ and not that we want to build any mighty ego-driven cities, but it’ll take time to educate people about the principle – from parents to children – and then create the external change as a structure that will enable people to have more time to spend on education. It is definitely true that not many have a lot of spare time in their hands to research this as everyone is living in a fast-food mode, trying to make the most money to live in a decent way. Though to understand the basic principle we don’t require much time – it’s very clear and simple how all the Desteni material can be considered as various specific and detailed ways of explaining how giving to each other what we want for ourselves as the recognition of everyone and everything being equal as Life is the solution for this world. So we take self responsibility and create ourselves and the system as something that works for all equally.

o

o See, I don’t have a problem spending my lifetime dedicating myself to Desteni and the Equal Money System solution because it’s the only thing that makes sense in this world, it’s the only group of people that I’ve found on Earth that see things in a holistic and common sense way. We realize how fucked up this reality is and how it cannot possibly continue the same way. Any idea of us ‘doing something futile’ or running for an elusive ideal is simply part of the limitations and brainwashing we’ve accepted as humans to think ‘no change can be done, it’s impossible to do something about it’ which is reinforced by and within the current system to maintain people in the beloved submissive status quo. This is for the sake of keeping everyone fully subdued to a system that benefits from those that aspire to ‘someday’ obtain such powerful position that will lead them to the ever elusive ‘ultimate happiness and freedom’, while those in power have arranged the entire system so that there is never an actual possibility to get a hold of such pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yes, it was never real.

Even if my mind goes haywire at times thinking about ‘changing the world’ I stop and realize that this is not about ‘changing the world’ as that would be a literal crazy idea, it’s about being the change I want to see in this world in common sense, becoming the living proof that it is possible to do so. For this I cannot say I’m ‘done’ at all, no way – we’re all walking this and day by day we realize and see for ourselves what is possible to do once we stand as a group that promotes what’s best for all through our own lives.

o Ultimately, this is not only for the sake of ‘Desteni’ or ‘Equal Money’ which are only but synonyms to living life in dignity for all, for actual freedom of expression and freedom to choose what we want to be and do once that we are part of a world where everyone will be having the same ability to choose. I have no problem if I spend my lifetime walking the implementation of it and only get to see one single stone placed as an ‘Equal World’ – there is nothing else I would rather be doing in my life, this process has become my life, it is my life, my everyday breathing as there is nothing that requires more attention than caring for the very world we live in, caring for the way other fellow living beings are going through their days in this same Earth. Stepping out of my bubble has been the healthiest thing I could’ve ever done and that’s how I am such a militant for life in Equality and this process of Self Honesty, because I’ve seen and realized how supportive life can be when you live, share, co-work and stand with beings that are in equal understanding of what’s best for all and join forces to make it a living reality.

o At last but not at least, I wouldn’t be able to be doing this alone, no way. I often speak as ‘we’ because I consider everyone standing as Desteni as part of myself that is opening eyes, as one voice that shares about what is required to do and conduct in this world, ‘what we do’ is who we are and I’m always grateful for having found Desteni, having found people that are daring to be real and it’s quite an honor to stand along with every one of them around the globe – even if it’s not in a ‘physical way’, we’re always here and working together.

o Being a Destonian, standing up for Life, supporting an Equal Money System – all are but tags and ways to proclaim: I am a human being that has opened eyes to the reality we’ve created in absolute negligence of life, now we see and take self responsibility doing what is required to be done to create a world that’s best for all.

o We have a single goal and we’re already walking the way to get there – protesting and rioting the streets creating more violence won’t do a thing. Therefore we simply continue focusing on a single life principle which is and will be the only outcome that can prevail in this world.

• Join us as this is a monumental task ahead, but it can be made simple and practical by simply standing as individual points that support the whole.

  http://www.desteni.org

• http://www.equalmoney.org