Tag Archives: breathing

511. Taming Emotions

Or what I observed about myself in a recent dream and how it relates to our possibility stand up in worst case scenarios

I had an interesting dream a few days ago that I find relevant to share because it speaks about my own relationship to emotions and specially fears that were represented quite well in my dream and who I was able to stand as in the dream, which was quite a surprising thing for myself and it relates very much to how I’ve been seeing myself quite stable and grounded regardless of some drastic changes in my life.

I was in a place where there were goats, like a mix of ox-goats because they were very strong and bulky, they were very unsettled and all over the place looking to simply ‘attack’ according to how I saw them – and immediately upon seeing myself in that situation, I got scared and feared that one of them would incrust its horns on my body and I’d end up dead on the spot. This actually happened immediately, what happened next is that the ox-goat was holding me with its horns against the wall and hurting me, yet when seeing myself in this situation – which dare I say for a dream is a ‘worst case scenario’ for sure – I made a decision to not give into panic and desperation, but rather do all that I could to soften up the situation, to slow down within myself and so with the animal.

I actually decided to connect with the ox-goat and aim to tranquilize him, to calm him down and so when he had me ‘pinned’ against the wall I embraced the goat/ox and started to quiet myself inside my mind and focused on breathing deeply until I was essentially still within myself. I interpret it as me going into the depth of myself, that part that is always here, as us, that part that is physical and stable, here, grounded and to my surprise it worked, which caused a little excitedness but I knew this could ‘wake him up again’ so I kept focusing on the stability, the breathing and holding the ‘beast’ as equal to myself, in that physicality and stability.

At the same time upon seeing the results, I knew that at the very least emotional ‘upheaval’ within me or attempt to let go out of fear, it could go back into the previous state wherein he was quite accelerated and literally all over the place wanting to hurt anyone he could. I was assessing this in that moment of being calm and embracing, yet I knew that then my ‘staying in physical stability’ and such calm and focusing on my breathing would have been also ‘fake’ if I was only doing it out of fear of ‘disturbing the beast again’ or only as a way to ‘save myself.’

So I had to correct my starting point again and continue breathing with it, embracing it, and being stable together and that’s all I can remember of that dream but I really liked the solution that I applied even in that very ‘worst case scenario’ of being wounded myself by its horns and I could also see the ox/goat wounded at the same time and instead of fearing, crying or just waiting to surrender to ‘my outcome,’ I decided to calm myself down and in doing so also get to calm the animal down and my intent was to show him he didn’t have to be all over the place, he could be at ease and peace within, which I had to stand as in equality to demonstrate it.

It was very cool indeed because as with any dreams, it’s not like they are just ‘made up’ things by our minds but currently dreams represent deep aspects about ourselves wherein we can actually apply our corrections, our processes of standing up even in situations that might seem ‘out of control’. Surely, maybe in real life this wouldn’t be possible and I would have been killed on the spot, lol, but what matters for the sake of the dream and my self-reflection is the decision I made right there to support myself and the animal as well to breathe, to be here, to be fully present, to get to our core and essence of both being physical and being able to recognize each other as equals, to not continue in the emotional upheaval or ‘fighting’ and ‘harming.’

This is quite a cool solution for myself wherein I can make sure that whenever I see myself going into emotions and be ‘all over the place’ I can decide to stop the inner-fight, the inner-conflict and simply embrace myself, remind myself of the core and physicality I am that is not of conflict, not of emotions, not of ‘fighting’ but where we can exist in a genuine stability as a way to support ourselves to calm down and essentially stop harming ourselves, because emotions do have a damaging effect on the body and it’s not cool at all to keep ‘rewinding’ our mind-cassettes that pump our emotions – or feelings – and eventually end getting us into a situation of self-harm, of self-disrespect, of dishonor, of pain, of sorrow, of hatred, of violence towards oneself or others – we definitely have to get out of that loop and instead learn to tranquilize ourselves, calm ourselves down, slow down and realize that just like in the dream, if one keeps ‘at it’ in our minds, generating emotions or feelings, causing continuous inner conflict, we’ll end up screwing ourselves, our lives, our bodies and our minds even more. There’s nothing ‘good’ that’s ever going to come out by acting out with emotions.

So I find it interesting that I had to see this in a more physical way and how I was hurting myself and what I had to do to precisely stop myself from getting wounded, and this dream came after a moment where I was becoming angry and in an experience of irritation for a situation I have created in my life, which I noticed was not the right way to follow through with and that I had to stop and take responsibility for my reactions, because nothing good was going to come out of it. This dream also came in the night after I wrote out the blog 506. From Despair to a Constructive Aftermath

where I wrote out and created a resolution for myself to not be ‘destructive’ against myself or others in the aftermath of a situation, but learn from it and change.

In a way here also to look at the name I’ve given to the animal as ‘the beast’ and how a beast is actually a physical being, have no mind as we do yet have instincts that are defined by survival, hence defense mechanisms, so upon showing that I meant no harm, I wasn’t playing out the ‘counter part’ to its reason to be exalted and all over the place, which then assists the other – the beast in this case – to calm down as well.

This is a cool confirmation for me, a genuine decision to stand up even in such situations and focus on the physical, literally, holding that ‘beast’ which I can see as my own emotional reactions and breathe with it, stabilize myself with it and prevent harm and further abuse within myself and toward others.

Breathing, stabilizing, calming oneself down are points we usually ‘forget’ about when we justify our emotions, but this image of myself being tackled by the ox can serve as a reminder for me to realize what I am doing to myself when being ‘all over the place’ with emotions or in an inner-conflict and instead, breathe, embrace my physicality, slow down and live words that are supportive for the moment.  

Thanks for reading and keep an eye on your dreams!

 

Hiding in my Sleep

 

Join us in our process of Individuals standing as Equals as LIFE

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459. Meditation: What is Missing in it?

There’s a movie I recently watched called ‘Choice’ and it caught my attention because it is about meditation and people promoting its use because it has assisted them so much in their lives. So, the following is going to be my perspective based on the understanding and self-awareness that I’ve walked – meaning tested and proven – when it comes to meditation as a source to achieve some form of lasting and sustainable support in one’s life.

In the movie there were various cases where meditation was implemented by deeply troubled people, including prisoners in Mexico, homeless kids in another state here in Mexico and patients with terminal illnesses like Cancer creating supportive outcomes for them. The way it is presented it makes one totally believe that this is really ‘the key’ – and a particularly easy one – to just ‘breathe oneself’ into stability or calmness and making it look as if it is a cure to one’s problems, which I can only partly agree on.

Here I’d like to focus on what I have become aware of in my previous practice and experience with meditation where there was a part of me that also wanted such peace of mind through simply focusing on breathing or stilling my mind during my everyday reality. Over time I found that there were inevitable moments where I did create reactions toward people;  I tried to every single time keep my cool and ‘meditate’ myself into stilling my mind and reactions, which only worsened the points and it all accumulated into moments of ‘exploding’ in front of that person or situation in a very, shall I say, bad way because I was only trying to suppress my experience with just breathing and calming myself down, while not dealing with the actual cause and source of such experience.

As with most practices and applications I’ve tested throughout my life, I was very keen on focusing on meditation and trying to achieve some ‘higher state of consciousness’ which with my understanding now, it only means getting oneself even more suppressed into the mind which is a system, a consciousness system that is representing in fact not the best part of ourselves, it is in fact a system that exists based on relationships of friction and conflict generating emotions and feelings – in essence energy – that we have accepted and allowed to exist as it does, which is essentially feeding off from the body itself to generate such experiences which means, it exists in ourselves, it’s a part of us that we have to directly face/confront and directly change.

Yet one common mistake we make is trying to ‘shut the mind off’ and dissociate ourselves from our thoughts and calling them off as if they were not a part of ourselves that we have in fact accepted and allowed and Created in our minds! Including as well all of the experiences that we have in our bodies – whether we are aware or not – they are all indicating to us that they are a part of us, our creation, they are here to be recognized, understood to then walk them through a process of acknowledging self-responsibility for experiencing them. We by now all can agree how there are many experiences in our minds that are not supportive to our actual physical living. Because any experience at an energy level – whether positive or negative –will destabilize ourselves, it will cause consequences whenever we are moved by energy and not making effective living decisions based on common sense.

But, what happens when one tries to simply keep the mind shut and focus only on breathing? All of the mind’s information as thoughts, emotions, feelings will only get suppressed through ONLY doing the breathing process. Here what I’ve seen is how there’s really no encouragement of walking a process of developing self-awareness, self-recognition of acknowledging this as a part of ourselves, as something we can actually take direction on and physically change.

Focusing on breathing is I’d say an initial step in being able to develop a physical awareness in relation to ‘seeing the mind’ and not being moved by it or so immersed/lost into it. Though what I found in the documentary/movie is that there was no talk about understanding what those thoughts or emotional experiences expose or signify as a part of ourselves, how we are the creators of such aspects of ourselves and so how we have the responsibility and power/ability to change that through a process of direct self-awareness, using writing and the application of self-forgiveness to recognize who we are as those parts of ourselves that is bothering us, that is causing a consequence in our physical living, that is keeping us bounded and limited to a particular destructive behavior – we all know in ourselves which ones those are, we all have something to improve in our lives, that’s what we can in fact take a more directive role in re-designing if you will.

Because what happens when we only focus on ‘breathing’ and stopping the mind, is that we create a huge void, a huge disconnect when it comes to not actually doing the necessary investigation of those aspects of our minds that we are trying to stop, we are not actively directing ourselves to recognize those experiences as a part of ourselves to understand, acknowledge it so as to redirect or transform that experience into a word that we can live and so assist ourselves with in Creating ourselves – or ‘recreating’ ourselves – into the person, the being, the life that we actually want for ourselves.

What I found through actually taking the time and walking the process to investigate, get to know and deconstruct my mind is that for example, I had in fact anger in me that I had suppressed entirely, in layers and layers of believing that ‘everything is fine’ and believing that I was always ‘ok and fine’ in which I kept myself hiding from what I was in fact experiencing, which I was only to open up and confront through developing self-honesty which means in a nutshell, allowing myself to investigate, see, recognize and day by day work on self-forgiving/taking responsibility for those experiences in me, understanding their ‘reasoning’ behind it and so making direct and self-aware decisions to change those aspects in me, one by one, day by day.

What have been the results of me walking this process? Let’s put it this way, breathing becomes a constant point of self-awareness wherein I can still go observing who I am in my mind, become aware of the movements that emerge in myself based on particular situations I am in – however, based on having walked this process of self forgiveness for some years now, it is easier to embrace those aspects of myself, take responsibility for it and so directively change myself in relation to that. This means that I have become more stable and grounded in my body, in myself, I now know I can be the directive principle of what comes up in my mind and have tools/ways to understand it, sort it out as in creating a solution to change myself in the moment. This is a very active and self-aware process, in which breathing plays a role yes, but only as a constant reference of ‘being physical’ of reminding ourselves to ‘slow down’ – but only slowing down, only focusing on breath does not mean that we are actively changing who we are in thought, word and deed, but mostly only create a quietness that feels good, sure, but is not essentially us stepping in and taking responsibility for ourselves.

 

 

The principle behind this is very simple: when trying to only meditate, the effort is only one breath away, one can just ‘plug out’ with breathing and keep ourselves quiet in our bodies and minds for a while – but this becomes a way to avoid actually and genuinely facing Our creation which is what we’ve become in our minds, our experiences, our bodies and all of its illnesses. What happens when using ONLY meditation is that we are prone to recreate the same problems and origins of what caused us to seek meditation in the first place. Because in physical existence, nothing that we create is ever ‘gone by itself’ or ‘gotten rid of’ just by breathing it – there is a process, a self-aware and conscious process involved in doing this and that’s what I’ve walked through in the Desteni I Process for several years, which is actually a real process of effort, diligence, perseverance, drive and motivation to investigate oneself, all the corners and ‘dark corridors’ as the aspects of ourselves that we are reluctant to see and become aware of – and so take responsibility for.  Because we usually want quick fixes, nice fixes, feel good fixes such as it happens when using only meditation in an attempt to achieve real ‘peace of mind’ or ‘stability’ or ‘enlightenment’ or its various forms in which it is promoted.

Here, I am not saying that breathing is wrong or that it is useless or meditation is bad – nope, I’m being quite specific in saying that ONLY doing meditation in an attempt to genuinely correct/realign oneself to live in a supportive manner is most likely not the best way to go doing so, because of this effect of compounding energies that one suppressed only through breathing, yet one is not actively taking self-responsibility for oneself to deliberately change ‘that nature’ of ourselves that we can recognize is our creation, we have given it power/time/breaths through ourselves, therefore we can change that of ourselves and transform it  into a living word, a new behavior, a new way of ‘thinking’ if you will that is instead supportive for ourselves in our lives.

At Desteni it’s been always explained how breath is essential when it comes to that moment of becoming aware of having an experience, to then BREATHE so as to slow down, come back to our physical body – but this in itself is not the solution, one has to deliberately also investigate what came up within oneself, what did that thought, emotion or feeling represents as a part of oneself that we haven’t looked at/understood and so taken responsibility for, because we are still going to have to face what we have caused in our bodies, the reactions that we’ve triggered and actively deal with them. Like this quote from a Kryon interview on Eqafe.com explains:

 

“For example one can do this breathing, and move all of what one is experiencing within oneself into the chest area, and in the out-breath move it out… but what happens in that is that nothing will move because self is not making the decision to actually in fact move it. So you have to make that decision to move all that is existent within you that is overwhelming. Just breathe it in, into the chest area, make the decision from that moment to really let it go as you breathe out, and just physically move it out. It is like giving yourself an internal beingness-physical massage as the overwhelmingness moves out. This does not mean that the things are gone. Meaning that you are still gonna have to face what it is that created that overwhelmingness in the first place. All that this assists and supports with is to stabilize your beingness in your body so you can have a stable starting point again to face your mind. Because if it is that this in fact released everything, we could have just had all of humanity breathe their minds out. That would have been fantastic but unfortunately we have to face consequence, understand consequence and learn from it. So this is simply a practical physical assistance and support to get yourself to a stable physical point whenever your mind gets overwhelming, and then get back to how it is you got to that overwhelmingness in the first place. This is a similar process with regards to my beingness relationship to movement in terms of actually moving my beingness.”  Kryon – My Existential History – Part 5+6

 

This means that we usually tend to see our consequence – our experiences, our overwhelming emotions and feelings – as something that we want to get away from, ‘heal from’ through various healing and energy therapies, through meditation, through wanting to ‘remove’ our past lives or heal stuff somehow with all kinds of technologies and deceiving mechanisms really, because everything that we are, do and create in this world is etched in our bodies, in our environment and we can’t really get ‘rid of it’ through some external means, it has to be a personal self-aware/conscious process to do so, otherwise we are prone to create quick fixes and seemingly comforting experiences, only to then go back to the same reasons and experiences that led us to seek for those healings and therapies, wherein we then make ourselves dependent on an external source to ‘get rid of our consequence’ – which means here: we are once again abdicating our responsibility in seeking ‘external means and ways’ to have others or something ‘take the burden away from us’/make something ‘heal’ for us…. Isn’t that contradictory?

The bottom line of this process within Desteni is that one realizes one is the creator of it ALL, nothing and no one is really ‘separate’ from ourselves, nothing is really ‘out of our realm of responsibility’ – which means that the least we can do and start with is taking the actual time, dedication and responsibility it takes to walk our minds which means to get to know ourselves, to understand our relationships to energy, to understand why do we react in a ‘negative’ or ‘positive’ manner to certain things in our reality, to actively recognize this that we ‘dislike’ of ourselves or get discomforted by – including illnesses – as Our creation.

So, surely, breathing can be a point of support, it can feel great for a moment to focus on breathing, some 5 minutes a day – without having to ‘seat’ in a particular way or focus on any spiritual imagery – simply breathing and being with the body is definitely one challenge I can share with anyone here because then we will start realizing to what extent we are ‘hooked’ on our minds and experiences that ‘live for us’ instead of us understanding and directing ourselves to live physically, to live ourselves, to decide what to live instead of being moved by energies, fears, experiences of all kinds ‘up there’ in our minds.

Therefore as a complement to what people in this documentary propose and practice, which is breathing/meditation, is to focus on understanding such personal consequence that exists in all that our minds show us exists within ourselves, from the ‘minutest thought’ to the biggest of behavioral patterns and overwhelming experiences – it’s important to understand the ‘mind mechanics’ behind it all so as to not spiritualize or create a belief about what energy is, but physically understand what it is, its source and purpose and the role we have in relation to it: it’s all our creation and taking that responsibility for ourselves is surely one first and primary step to understand who we are, our creation and so recognize the actual power to change ourselves, in a self-aware manner, in a responsible manner, in an act of self-forgiveness which at the same time is a process of recognizing ourselves as the creators of our experiences, our reality, and so consciously and willingly make a decision to create/build/construct the kind of person and life that we want to live and lead as an example of.

Thanks for reading.  

 

Meditation

 

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416. Relationships: Not about the Taste, but the Nutrients

 

There are times when the most obvious still manages to become part of my moment to moment living, and this has been mostly ghosts of the past meaning people, places, past relationships with specific individuals that I also developed highly obsessed type of relationships too. And so what I heard in an interview on Paranoia is about this “positive” type of paranoia wherein I realize that I had missed one single key point: the moment that we allow one memory to occupy our minds and we reactivate the experience of that particular memory in the past, we allow ourselves to re-activate that whole ‘me’ of the past in that single fleeting moment where one gives-up/ gives into any form of energy based on memory. Lol, really it is as if we decide to possess or poison ourselves for a moment just to give ourselves our energy-shot while imagining/seeing pictures in our mind, where we use illusions to kick off an experience within ourselves that we have defined as “pleasant” – either nostalgia, yearning, excitement, excitation, curiosity or merely believing that I miss the person or situation.

 

But then again of course when realizing this – after listening to this interview – it became very obvious how even almost like at a quantum level, even before translating this interview I was having an itching desire to just leave that one for later and go out for the walk. But, I didn’t, I made sure I got it all recorded before leaving and I was glad I did as I was then able to then use my time through my walk on my way back to apply Self-Forgiveness out loud for all the bits and pieces of memories and seemingly ‘insignificant’ moments where I would allow myself to trigger the thought of a ‘ghost of the past’ – meaning a particular memory of a person, situation, event – and then engage within it in a pondering manner, which is mostly what I’ve seen and realized means I hadn’t entirely decided to give ‘good riddance’ to it, to fully and actually let-go.

 

And in this, what came up was the realization that I cannot really ‘miss’ anything or anyone as I am already here, one can only ‘miss’ something as an experience in our minds, as the bond created toward that something or someone.  So, missing implies only ‘craving’ the relationship formed at an energetic level toward another which means: a relationship formed through the mind, which are the only kind of relationships that can be missed, spoiled or desired as they had a starting point of energy and ended up being busted as energy – never real.

 

Within this, I see that the people with whom I have formed relationships based on co-operation, co-working, working through misunderstandings and genuine decision to support each other are rather the strongest and most constructive type of relationships that I would genuinely suggest all of us as humans to develop and invest our time and effort on, it is the kind of relationship that is not dependent on ‘preference’ toward another or a fleeting experience of desire or attraction or based on being ‘similar,’ but rather in the equal recognition of each other as human beings with our weaknesses to strengthen and our strengths to share and learn from each other.

 

I saw that I had associated the word relationship in a rather limited manner wherein I could mostly only see a partnership type of relationship and within that of course, believing that because ‘my point in process are relationships, then I am not doing that well’ and so even creating an experience of ‘leaving that point for later,’ instead of realizing that I would not be able to be doing what I’m doing if I wasn’t able to actually establish relationships with other individuals.

 

So yet again, seeing to what extent I/we have been brainwashed when it comes to words and our narrow view of these relationships wherein even only defining relationships to ‘people’ is still a limited perception, as life is a conglomerate of relationships, and so relationships are the key to being able to function as one organism and be able to live in harmony. For that, each one of us as a thread in the tapestry of our reality has to stand in principle and absolutely clear when it comes to being able to work with one another – what does being clear and standing in principle mean? It implies that there can’t be no past memories haunting one another based on past mistakes, judgments, preferences or merely suggesting ‘incompatibility of characters’ that trigger emotions of contempt and disdain to one another or ‘nice’ and ‘positive’ feelings to one another. In this, any energetic experiences toward another, no matter how subtle, no matter how positive or negative are always coming from the mind, and as such they become like a poison that prevents real supportive and constructive relationships from developing.

 

Why do I bring up the word poison? Because in my own experience, I’ve seen relationships come and go based on the energetic starting point I started and developed them with, wherein even my sole intent and desire to create a bond with a particular person backfired to the point where none of those relationships is standing at the moment, and it’s for the best. It is a tough lesson you see, more so when we have created a culture where all that you learn from TV and movies is to ‘fall in love’ and seek for that ‘spark of love’ or attraction with another, or that nice warm empathy felt to someone that becomes your friend or else – it’s all about ‘feelings’ as fuzzy warm energy sparks that we create in our body, believing that ‘this is normal’ and ‘this is what love is’ or what ‘relationships should FEEL like’ – when in fact Relationships is anything but a Feeling or a fleeting experience in our minds. They are actual processes of walking with another/others throughout a considerable amount of time to get to a particular outcome – to either develop an intimate relationship as partnership or to develop common tasks and projects to take on.

 

Why is there no-energy type of relationships? Because all that we’ve ever known and learned about relationships is to place the FEELING before anything else, and this is rather consequential and on the long run, only smoke that eventually fades out and what is left is mostly the result of our failed relationships: broken marriages/divorces, inability to communicate and eventually war too is a failed ability to cooperate with each other as equals, but instead keeping a particular experience toward the perceived ‘enemy’ that is always self-created: we decide who we hate and who we love, instead of always placing our equality as living beings above all other forms of segregation, which is mind created.  

 

I also spoke self forgiveness for having actually used and abused myself when it comes to using a memory, a ‘ghost’ essentially to trigger an unnatural experience in my ‘physical-moment’ of being just here and suddenly going into this shift as an alternate reality of a sudden yearning, a curiosity, a ‘cherishing the past’ attitude that I took as normal without realizing that in going to the past in those seemingly ‘fleeting moments,’ I have kept reactivating the whole ‘me’ of the past, as the one personality with all its various memories and networks within me linked toward that particular person/situation/event whenever I would allow this ‘ghost’ to emerge within me.

 

I realized that the reason why I wasn’t letting go is because it is those first relationships that you establish that have the most energy, the ones that we get the most obsessed about or give the most attention to, which is why we go endlessly seeking over and over again that ‘first high’ – this is what I suspect heroin addicts seek forevermore after their first shot and they cannot get it ever again,  because it is unlikely that the body can experience such dramatic change of state again. And so addicts try and increase the dose, but it won’t ever be ‘the same.’ It’s the perfect trap when it comes to enslaving ourselves to memories attached with such ‘high experience’ you see: we keep chasing energy, we keep chasing ghosts in our own minds that no one can see but still we allow those ghosts to come up and absolutely define ‘who we are’ in one moment.

So this is a point of awareness to truly be here as breath and not allow the same memory/matrix point to lock-me down into the same thinking patterns, which at times it’s as if they were ‘there’ in the air in a particular place and one would go ‘picking it up’ as one walks through such path – just as one walks the street for example.

 

To Forgive and Let go

 

All that is Here is myself, it’s who we are, and I could only ‘react’ to it if I had formed a special bond/relationship to it through energy. Energy – for all practical purposes – is a mental experience, it implies separation and as such it makes perfect sense to remind me about this aspect of the points of separation that I create through holding on to the specialness in those ghosts from the past, a perceived importance, added care and interest to a part of me that I developed a particular relationship to.

Here another reminder is that no matter how ‘subtle’ this is, whenever I perceive this ‘ghost of the past’ as something that ‘defined me’ and as such is special because ‘it changed my life’ etc. it indicates a speculative relationship toward that something/someone: it’s energy, it’s my mind, it’s memories, it’s invisible, it’s a ghost and I have to stop haunting myself with them.

How I’ve seen these emerge is as if in my mind there were  like these various hooks that containing some of the most ‘attached’ type of experiences and relationships formed in my past, so it is like a broken record seeking to be flipped for another play. It is also quite laughable to what extent we have given up our ability to remain focused here on reality because of having followed these ‘ghosts’ in our minds, giving up our attention to us being here, breathing and suddenly whoop! Going up there in the mind, following these flimsy little things that we already know where it lead us and that tend to constantly emerge in the moments where the actual opportunity to be fully here, physically exist. They come up, ‘innocently’ and the moment we get into the web we get caught – so it’s up to us to decide how far down the rabbit hole we go or if we can absolutely prevent even getting ‘curious’ to fall for the same hole that we already know leads us nowhere in fact.

 

If anything, it is great to observe these memories, to really look at the experience triggered and sometimes it is as if ‘revealing the name of the game’ as the name of the energy would already break part of the spell, because it is in our inability to discern the ‘hold’ that such memory has upon us that breaks the ‘spell’ so to speak.

So instead of going into an experience of being unable to identify the experience we’ve linked to the memory (of a person, of an event) and perceiving that one ‘can’t name it’ but we ‘like it’ so ‘we keep going and go for it’ – it is to realize that I/we have to stop playing naïve when it comes to what we dive into and/or indulge into in our minds. And yes, it’s mostly always about memories, memories, memories – the ‘reminders’ of who we are supposed to be, act like, fear, like, dislike, desire, etc. There is always a way to find out the energy in a memory as in defining what makes us feel good or terribly bad as the most extreme points of fear and desire, like or dislike, these relationships of separation through energy as positive or negative experiences that we create in order to define us, to continue limiting us – but never realizing that by de-fining/delimiting and identifying us with a ‘few aspects’ we’re already building up our personality cage from which we then seek to interact with ‘similar cages’ and avoid ‘different cages.’

This is how we come to create a caged world divided by words, experiences, misunderstandings, offenses and past broken relationships. It’s even funny how we’ve learned to ‘get over’ with some past love or relationship with an individual by then going to the opposite type of relationships such as going from ‘love’ to ‘hate’ and so proceeding to ditch them, taking them in our minds to the opposite side. In this we recreate the exact same relationship to them, it remains in place because all we did was changing the ‘charge’ or the definition ‘tag’ of the relationship build up – in this case moving it from love to hate, but our personalized relationship to that one person/event/thing is still the same: based on energetic experiences that only we can define because: they only exist in our mind.

I still very much ponder how come we haven’t declared mental insanity around the globe so that we can create a genuine ‘state of emergency’– along with our regular duties and responsibilities – make it mandatory for our common wellbeing to work on our mental stability, health and support ourselves to go through it, as that is the key to genuine peace and solidarity on Earth, to learn to ‘love our neighbor as ourselves.’

So the conclusion is that I cannot keep going fueling these mosquitos from the past, these buzzing little things that can become our sole point of attention if we get to be obsessed with ‘finding more’ into them, instead of seeing them for what they are: ghosts, reminiscences of what once was and it has in fact nothing to do with who the person or situation really is or was in fact, as all that we remember is OUR EXPERIENCE about the situation/person, and that’s always self-created, that’s our own ghost-factory creation, and in this we only continue dividing and conquering each other by illusions.

 

So, hereby I commit myself to stop fueling any tiny thought or memory that leads to an experience about the person/event/ghost of the past and realize and so in those moments realize I can instead fully breathe and realize, I am here and I continue walking and enjoying the moment for what it is.

I realize that we only want to ‘make more’ of our moments as an experience in our minds, and it is the simplicity of breathing here what we perceive ‘lacks’ something, like insipid food that lacks salt and the salt being the energy. We don’t need those ‘extra flavors’ as the flavor comes and goes, it’s only perceived for a few moments on our taste buds and then what really matters is the actual nutrients that we are ingesting and how it will support proper development of our physical bodies – that’s the real type of nutrition then we also have to seek in personal relationships too: not going for ‘taste,’ but rather working on the actual nutrients that we all have and can develop further in each other as we work and live together.

 

My declaration of Living Principles:

22.    The realization that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

 

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Suggested Supportive Interview:

When Words are the Looking Glass to Ourselves – Reptilians – Part 203

 

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191. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination– Self Correction

 

Consequences within the Procrastination Character – Self Corrective Statements and Commitments

This is  a continuation to: 189. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination – Self Forgiveness from the day October 21, 2012

When and as I see myself experiencing anger and irritation toward my own neglect and deliberate brushing off of responsibilities that I’ve committed myself to do – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I don’t require to add a layer of emotional turmoil to that which is required to be done and given direction to in physical reality.

I commit myself to stop participating in anger and this is a process – yes – as I see and realize that the anger that I have exerted toward something/ someone outside of myself are stemming from me only and that it is Never about others. (Listen to the Quantum Mind series Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 22+23)

Thus I realize that anything could trigger this experience within me as it is in fact only me being angry at myself for not having corrected/ given direction to points within my world and reality wherein any point can become a trigger point to exert my own creation toward my own actions/ inactions.

 

When and as I see myself creating a rush about things, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I cannot move faster than the physical space time and within that, it is pointless to create a rush within me to direct/ move/ sort out things which is actually an energetic input stemming as a direct consequence to my own parsimony toward the time required for the task that I have neglected.

 

When and as I see myself recriminating myself for not having done something over time, I stop and I breathe – I realize that creating an experience of anger and irritation about the time spent having remain ‘stuck’ within one point, is further mind possession that requires a physical direction in the moment, which I suggest is writing it out in order to see how I can practically stop the emotional turmoil and give myself proper direction which implies, breathing, stabilizing  myself and then continuing with the task that must be done.

I commit myself to work closely with my emotional reactions to ensure that I am not  using Self Forgiveness as a way to exert the emotions without giving it immediate self direction, as that would obviously nullify the point of Self Forgiveness.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out/ exert my anger toward the world because of my own procrastination and unresolved points that I Know I have to direct, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within exerting my own unresolved points toward others is abdicating my responsibility and further victimization wherein I see that this is a pattern that I also learned from what I saw at home and developed myself which just emerged here as I write – so through self forgiveness first:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within being angry and irritated for things not going ‘my way’ exert such anger toward others so that others in that moment could also be aware of my anger and even wanting to deliberately affect them with my anger so that I am actually creating a point of power over others through making them react in fear toward my anger/ become angry themselves, wherein the experience is then only fueled without any correction but simply wanting to deliberately make others angry/ experience the same I was experiencing, which reveals to what extent when there is no self-awareness of what we are in fact accepting and allowing to exist within us, we lash out our experience toward others without caring how it is affecting others – within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider how my own anger affects others and how I am in fact responsible not only for myself, but for the experience that I instigate deliberately in a seemingly non-conscious manner toward others, without realizing that it is obviously done with the intention of others ‘feeling my anger’ in order for me to then justify my experience and within this, through anger, getting myself back to a positive experience when saying ‘I had a reason to be angry’ which is not acceptable in any way.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to deliberately lash out my anger toward others in order to have an effect on them and within this, have a form of power and control through them reacting in fear – I obviously stop and I breathe – I realize that others noticing that I am angry will in fact only fuel my own anger and irritation which is something that I have to sort out/ deal with/ correct within myself only – and that wanting others to be directly affected by my experience is in fact abdicating my responsibility to the points that I have to work with myself.

Thus I realize that anger in itself is another form of self manipulation to try and have others commiserating to my own negligence and in this case, procrastination, instead of realizing that every consequence must be faced here, directly in stability and within this understanding that me exerting anger is only perpetuating the cycles of self-abuse and indirectly seeking to involve others within my experience, which is plain evil.

I commit myself to stop my impulse to exert anger toward others in order for them to be aware that ‘there’s something going on with me’ which is plain manipulation in order to be able to involve others in my own experience, which is not acceptable as this is my process, my responsibility and within this, I cannot allow myself to perpetuate and externalize that which I have created for myself and through myself only.

This is how I can practically ensure that I stop creating division and wars in our world as I see that the moment that we externalize any point of friction with a deliberate desire to have others participate in it my experience, is another form of validating the experience in itself, which is not acceptable at all.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to rush things now because of having procrastinated them for a while, I stop and I breathe – I realize that now rushing to ‘get it done’ is not a self-honest way of living and it’s not what I would want myself to be and become only to ‘get the task/project done’ in a middle/ half-assed way – thus I ensure that I make the necessary arrangements in my world and reality to walk this point till its completion as it is my responsibility and point to direct/ solve/ sort out within the absolute understanding that creating further experiences about it is useless to create a solution, therefore only a waste of time.

 

I commit myself to understand that those projects/ tasks that I commit myself to walk, are part of that which I have decided to do as an extension/ expression of ourselves. This implies that getting things done just to ‘get by’ is only a dishonest expression of myself that I would certainly not want myself to express as, nor others for that matter.  This is to realize that the commitment to walk a point of responsibility implies the realization that I am here to correct the patterns that I lived thus far that are not self-supportive and within this, my deeds/ words are the direct physical and tangible proof of any form of self correction I am committing myself to. Thus I take equal responsibility for what I have committed myself to do and that are all equally part of the responsibilities that I have taken on in my life.

 

When and as I see myself equating life to ‘getting things done’ as only being a production machine, qualifying my life according to tasks to get done in order to define ‘who I am’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that tasks, projects and points that I have decided to do and take responsibility for are points that I have agreed to do as part of my own living-experience within the world system and within my own process  – within this, it is to realize that committing myself to do something is actually designating the necessary time to do it, as I realize that not doing so, creates consequences for myself and everyone else involved .

 

Within this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how my own actions/ inactions would also affect others wherein even if I knew that I had to do it, I simply didn’t do it. So this is part of me having to realize how every point of procrastination can be linked to individual moments of deciding to do ‘something else/ something that made me feel good about myself’ instead of doing what I was requiring to do.

When and as I see myself only considering me and my own consequences when not doing something deliberately – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the responsibility that I’ve taken on is not only toward myself but anyone else involved. Thus, I take responsibility for myself, my actions/ inactions and the consequential outflow they create toward others and reality as a whole.

 

When and as I see myself creating an experience upon getting more responsibilities, I stop and I breathe –I realize that getting any sort of anxiety or stress about it does not solve the point, will not allow me to work ‘better’ through it. It is a single physical point wherein I can instead focus on considering the task to bet done, assess it throughout some time to see how I can fit in all that must be done within my schedule and according to testing it out for some time, assess whether I am capable of doing it nor not. This is to then not further compromise myself with projects/ tasks to be done without having an actual living-physical decision to actually do it. Within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to face the consequence of not getting things done based on taking on other responsibilities and deliberately knowing that I was neglecting this other task that I must get done no matter what, eventually ending up procrastinating due to my desire to be able to ‘keep up’ with everything  and have time for it all, without realizing that in this I am only doing so as a point of compromise which is based on not wanting to let others down about my participation in things, which is something that I have to consider without the image/ role point that I have created of myself, and instead for this moment until I get this major task done, to consider how it is necessary for me to focus on my reality responsibilities before continuing developing any other points.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to take further points/ responsibilities without considering the ones that I am deliberately ignoring and leaving behind, yet knowing that I have to do them anyways – I stop and I breathe – I have to make a very cold decision in every moment that I agree to participate in something, as I realize that each decision implies a responsibility and a consequences and that I would not want for myself/ nor others to take several points and eventually not dedicating myself to them in every moment, but being rushing to do it, which is not cool at all.

I commit myself to assess in a very conscious manner the decisions I make in order to taken on projects, responsibilities and tasks when I have one single point that is being procrastinated/ not done and requires immediate attention.

I commit myself to ‘remind’ me of the consequential outflow of having procrastinated something wherein one does not know how such procrastination will create an eventual consequence wherein that one single ‘lagging point’ determines our reality and our very own internal stance toward ourselves and everything that we participate in.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to blame others for my own experience, I stop and I breathe –I realize that I must stop at all times exerting my experience toward others as I am the only one that must work with anger and irritation toward myself. Thus

I commit myself to stop reacting and blaming others for my own experience, being it music in the outside or people making noises – I realize that when I am here as breath, these points are not able to affect who I am. Thus every moment from here on when I see myself making a big deal out of an external aspect apparently ‘tampering’ my ability to direct myself effectively, I stop and I breathe – and I instead investigate how I have created this irritation and annoyance based on my own actions/ inactions within my world and reality according to tasks/ points that must be done and my physical direction to them.

 

I commit myself to stop becoming a demon in itself when it comes to being angry and irritated within myself toward myself due to what I have done/ not done as myself and exerting it upon others, as I see and realize that my starting point of doing so is that of wanting to get a positive experience for having others react to my own emotional state, which is a rather evil way of getting myself to a positive state and justify the anger and experience because at the eyes of others is apparently ‘okay’ for me to be angry and frustrated, even though I realize that the moment that I see in their eyes a point of fear and powerlessness toward my own anger, I get myself back to a positive experience because at least I have made others equally angry/ unstable as I am.

 

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189. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination

Consequences – Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger and irritation toward myself and ‘the world’ because of my own procrastination and within this, having ‘wasted’ the time that I had when I had it to do this properly and instead, having to now rush things to make them ‘work’  – however I see and realize that I must be very aware of not going into a rushing state wherein I end up doing things just to ‘get them done’ and forgetting about realizing that each thing that I commit myself to do  requires the exact same amount of self-awareness here as breath to do it, and within this, committing myself to not just ‘get things done’ and get the ‘obstacle’ out of the way – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate my life to ‘getting things done’ and seeing the tasks and points that require direction as simple ‘points’ that I have to simply ‘get done and over with it’ without realizing that in this attitude toward my tasks and projects, I am in fact missing out the entire point of the task/ project in itself, which is actually an opportunity for me to slow down, stop seeing life as this series of projects and assignments and instead support me to realize that each and every single task I commit myself to I can take on as long as I am here as breath directing myself in every moment and within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the consequential outflow of me now having more tasks to do and having ‘wasted the time’ before, I will have to simply be more strict with myself and my time frames, as I see and realize that if there is this ‘extra thing’ that I have been procrastinating to do, it must be done as soon as possible – and within this equate all things that I have to do appropriately.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the fear of ‘oh fuck I’ll be stuck here for another half year’ without realizing that I am not stuck and I created this for myself – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that any point of pressure and rush is created by me and the relationship I created toward moving to another place and finishing school but at the same time not wanting to simply get the whole thing done with the final paper, which I see and realize that the sabotage is only toward myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger toward myself and within this go into a pessimistic attitude toward it because I will not apparently be able to move in another half year, without realizing that if any consequences have to be faced, I will simply have to face them as they are and as long as it takes because there is no other way within this when one is subject to processes that I have no control over other than doing my part which is getting this document done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get pissed off when things go out of what I have initially considered they would go through/ as,  which implies having created a time frame for some other particular task, without realizing that I should have actually done this one written document long time ago and that it is my responsibility to now ensure that I use every bit of time to get to everything that I have to do, instead of wasting my time getting pissed off and irritated at everything and everyone because of my own dead corpse of procrastination.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience over procrastination as this further anxiety because ‘things are accumulating’ without realizing that I am the only one that is accumulating them as thoughts of what I have to do, instead of just doing it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to blame others for the decisions made and try and project my own anger and frustration toward me due to not having done the things that I had agreed to do a long time ago.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated because of having had music again the whole fucking day yesterday, wherein I go into a powerless mode because of not being able to go and shut people up so that I can have my peace and quietness to be able to write.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste another day and not write because of considering that the music/ noise from neighbors is absolutely irritating and impossible to write when having that constant sound.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even get irritated at someone arriving home earlier today and within this fearing that the noise will come through the interview and believe that ‘they should not fucking be here’ which is plain control-freak that wants peace and silence in order to please me and my ideals of having a quiet weekend.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up with a bad mood today because of things not going as I expected and within this, get irritated at everything, and everyone without considering that I am only acting out and lashing out my own energetic experience of anger and frustration for the accumulated procrastination toward points in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of things not being done according to how they were planned and agreed to be done, within this becoming inflexible and irritated because ‘things are not going the way that we decided and agreed to do them,’ without realizing that I am simply using this as an excuse to lash out and project my own irritation because of not having planed my life with my reality-responsibilities in order to be prepared and have everything done by now to then be absolutely ready and steadfast for anything that is required to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately neglect the consequences that I would have to face in real-time reality based on my procrastination to not get this particular scholar task done and within this, having to postpone everything else that I wanted to do for undefined time in order for me to ensure that I can in fact leave with having everything sorted out.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my own departure based on my own procrastination due to me wanting to leave but at the same time creating deliberate obstacles in my reality that make it impossible for me to leave, even thought everything else is ready and the one that I am only waiting for is myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated at my own deliberate self-sabotage because ‘I knew what I was doing all the way’ and I didn’t stop, which places into perspective the actual Evil that we are and do to ourselves in order to make our lives more complicated simply because of accepting and allowing dishonesty from our side.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss breathing the moment that I simply get knowledge and information as having to ‘rush’ something without considering that any ‘rush’ can only exist as an energetic starting point to do things, which obviously always will carry out a consequences – thus

When and as I see myself rushing to do something and wanting to get it done as fast as possible – I stop and I breathe until I see that I am in fact being here stable and the movement within my physical body is not that of an anxious movement and strain, but is in fact a self-movement here as breath. Within this, realizing that I can only direct one point at a time and that I require to establish a routine that makes it practical and physically possible for me to do every single point every single day – and within this, also not accepting and allowing further manipulation to want to stop doing something to do that other thing, based on preferences or specific values given to one or another task, as I see and realize that that which will become part of my daily schedule, is all equally relevant and important.

 

Within this, I see and realize that the rush that I experienced this morning was because of having an unexpected notice and within this, having my little plans ruined because of believing that I would ‘still have time’ to work on this written project that I have been procrastinating, without realizing that such project should have been done by now and that the only way I will get this done is through simply doing it and stop whining about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of this task this ‘huge’ obstacle in my reality based on and directly proportional to the amount of time I didn’t direct it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the consequences are for myself yes, but also toward everything and all – and that this is actually depending on me and how I am able to stop the energetic experience toward my own procrastination and simply focus on what is required to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience toward things going ‘out of plan’ without realizing that If I had in fact lived my life according to doing things in the time that I had also ‘planned’ to do, I would not be existing in such an energetic rush and anxiety because this is only the consequential outflow of my own procrastination and deliberate postponement to do things – the consequence is thus me having to simply do all things required without making an experience about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thinking ‘I don’t want to see anyone today’ wherein I am simply wanting to lash out onto people in my reality what I am experiencing within me due to having to face the consequences of what I’ve done, which is unacceptable since that is how I have criticized people as well, when they behave in absolute anger and irritation to people without the other people they are communicating with having anything to do with the person’s mood and personal frustration/ anger/ irritation thus

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out and be irritated at people in my environment as a way to show and reveal that ‘I am pissed off at myself’ I stop  and I breathe – I realize that this is actually rather foolish and stupid to do since who we are is already the accumulated and manifested consequence of having wasted our lives and time in entertainment and the feel good experiences of the mind which are now here to be faced as the time that I could have used to work on my task/project/ document, instead of now existing as an energetic experience of anger toward ‘the world’ as a way for me to blame and exert my reactions instead of taking responsibility for them, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even get irritated by the presence of someone at home when it is supposed to be ‘all quiet and empty’ in order to satisfy my desires to have no noise around me, which has become a rather constant point of desire that I will surely have to get to, because it’s being also the source of anger and irritation because of people constantly playing music in the house or in the neighborhood, which makes it impossible for me to record interviews, but at the same time, I see that it is a point of me wanting to control my environment instead of realizing that I have no possibility of doing that, and that if I want absolute silence I then have to wake up in the middle of the night to have a relative silence around.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated at someone cleaning in the house which reveals the absolute nonsensical way of existing as the mind, since I would get pissed off if people do not clean and now I get pissed off because someone is cleaning and ‘making too much noise’ – within this I realize to what extent one can utilize anything, virtually ‘anything’ outside of oneself to blame and project anger toward without a cause but our own self-created experience of anger and irritation that is only existent within ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am becoming my father when it comes to being constantly irritated and angry when things are not working ‘my way’ and be an absolute ‘sweet and loving person’ when things are going my way, which reveals the absolute disparity that I am allowing within myself based on the external environment and how it suits my preferences and desires/needs, instead of seeing and realizing how I have to take responsibility for myself and what I have created within me also as these energetic experiences of anger and irritation according to wanting to control my world and having things always working ‘my way’ and within my desired ‘time frame,’ without realizing that I have already imposed too much of myself as self interest toward my day to day living.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use another person as a reflection of myself to justify the anger and irritation as something ‘genetic’ without realizing that I also learned from looking at my father how he would go into anger and frustration and further retaliation toward others whenever things would not go his way, within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration as that surge of energy that I am just waiting to lash out on others, so that others can be aware of me being angry and somehow seek some misery-is-company type of words and attitude as a confirmation to me being ‘right’ in getting angry

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my physical body throughout all of this and that I have not been diligent enough with myself in order to be breathing and Here as I direct points and situations, and that missing out on breath and missing out time and space that I could have used to work on my project is simply no longer here and that the only point I can do is giving it direction along with any other commitment  I have agreed upon doing. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get very sleepy as I write this and want to just shut down and go to sleep, without realizing that this is a defense mechanism in order for me to simply not continue realizing that this has been a key-aspect within my reality: how I have become this replica of what I would see my father do and that would actually bother me quite a bit, which is lashing out anger upon others and not taking self-responsibility for it. Thus

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out my anger toward others and not take responsibility for this single moment of preparing myself to ‘present’ myself in a particular way toward another being – I stop and I breathe  I realize that this is the moment wherein I have to ensure that I sort out and deal with my own reactions through self forgiveness and self corrective application as this is the only way wherein I ensure that I stop the abuse that I’ve imposed on myself as my reactions being passed onto others that certainly have nothing to do with it – and even if they did, I realize that I have to work on the point of not getting angry at them as an energetic experience, but simply point out something in common sense and at all times considering not only my own preferences and considerations, but what is best for all and within this, I realize that I cannot ‘know’ what’s best for all when I am existing in an energetic experience in my mind as within that I will only continue doing that which satisfies my energetic experience which  – as evil as it sounds – is wanting to intimidate and make other feel guilty for whatever reason, without realizing that this is certainly not the way to go, as I am only projecting onto others that which I am doing to myself /as myself.

I breathe – here and walk the points as required within Self Responsibility – I stop the blame and anger projected onto anything and anyone in my reality and assist and support myself instead to realize that there is only one solution to this all: just doing what is required to be done.

 

Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments in the following post.

 

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175. My Sacred Time of the Day

The Positive-Thought and Reactions that have chained me to see everything else as a ‘lesser time’ of the day.

When we have a negative thought, in our mind we immediately want to jump again to the ‘feel good’ experience as that is essentially when we consider that we feel ‘fine’ and ‘great’ and create this sense of ‘everything is alright.’

Today I’m going to walk the Positive Thoughts’ Reaction in relation to the procrastination character. These particular thoughts are in essence like one single picture-frame that I see in my mind whenever I am ‘thinking’ about getting this document done and after going through the negative thoughts of all the tediousness and apathy experienced toward simply ‘doing the task’ as the memories discussed yesterday, I create immediately the ‘positive experience’ as that which I talk myself into rather doing because it is simply something that I enjoy doing.

Now, what’s interesting within this is that I’ve made of walking outside my every day ‘moment to self’ however if I applied the same rigorous immovable decision to ‘go out for a walk’ in all aspects of my day to get to all my responsibilities, I am sure that I’d be definitely more effective.

So first – I’ll walk the positive experience linked to this thought, then see how I can practically create a schedule in order to consider that I can place the same ‘drive’ that I have to go outside and walk toward any other task that I require to get done.

This ‘drive’ won’t be based then in having a positive experience, nor a ‘positive attitude’ toward it, but a single process of moving myself physically to do it – just like what walking implies – an effortless activity wherein I am simply giving myself physical direction to move and go somewhere and back.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the positive thought of the view of the street that I walk through with a golden like light shining on the pavement, with some clouds half way covering the sun as this moment that I would rather ‘walk outside for to experience’ instead of working with the task that I have at hand, which came up as the thought of ‘I must get to work on this today’ and immediately participate in the previous two thoughts or any other point of fear and unpleasant reaction such as tediousness, apathy, fear and general avoidance to it, wherein I then switch into the positive thought of ‘walking outside’ as one excuse to simply ‘leave it for later’ in order to go out and experience the thought that I have created in order to tempt myself to go outside, wherein I feel more at ease and ‘good’ about myself due to all the physical experience that I enjoy participating in.

 

When and as I see myself creating the thought of the street that I walk through as a temptation to not do what I have to do in the moment, and leave it for later – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the mechanism in my mind that I have submitted to in order to always ‘give in’ to what I have made part of my routine and an ‘alright’/ enjoyable point that I have never questioned due to it being part of physical activity and movement during my day, yet when it becomes a point of self manipulation it is clear that I must stop and realize that I cannot follow the ‘positive experience’ and drop/ leave the responsibilities aside, as I have made a habit of making it ‘alright’ to go for a walk and do what I enjoy doing regardless of any other point that requires immediate direction.

 

I see and realize that I have made of this point of walking a religious-point that I have made immovable in my every day routine, which indicates that because it is a positive experience of feeling ‘free’ as in moving and not doing something in particular, I have made it ‘my time of the day’ which I have respected as such during my every day living. Thus I realize that if I implement the same to get other points done in my reality, and making my responsibilities also an immovable and unbreakable point of my routine, then I can get to still have that time for me to go out for a walk and have the certainty of having worked with that which I must work with myself no matter what.Therefore,

I commit myself to implement the time throughout the day to get this writing done as an every day point that I get into for at least 2 hours of my day, which implies that I have to choose a moment every day according to my already existent schedule to get to this point and do it no matter what, to equalize the same drive that I have for going out for a walk, into this point wherein I make no excuses or justifications as to why I could not get to it today. This implies that within the rest of the activities that I had for the day, I can go also assessing which ones I can move around/ set proper times to do them instead of doing a little bit of all at once without really dedicating proper time to each task, as I see and realize that this can also be a supportive point to go into as I walk this alignment of myself to that which is priority in my reality to get done.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive thought as the image of the streets that I walk through with even the sensation of the slightly cold breeze with the sun coming down and several clouds as the enticing and temptation point that I ‘give into’ because of believing that this is something that ‘I’d rather do instead of remaining at home during sunset time,’which I have linked to a sense of depression and isolation and a feeling of seclusion, due to having created the habit for many years now to be outside walking during sunset time regardless of any excuse – unless it is raining/pouring heavily outside – and within this, create a positive experience of my day that leads to this one moment of going outside for a walk and even plan my day in such a way that I ensure I have time to go out for this walk.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I implemented this point of walking at that particular time of the day ‘back in the day’ wherein I would be experiencing myself as ‘isolated’ at home and making of this time of the day my religious moment to ‘be free’ and create an entire positive experience of the sightings and the weather, the pictures I’d see as my ‘high’ moment of the day, wherein this became a habit to simply not be inside my house when the shift from daylight to nighttime goes on, as I have created this sensation of sadness and dread to being at home and seeing the daylight go and night coming in, which then reveals how this positive experience exists as the opposite to this sensation of depression that I would go into at the time when I would not go out of my house at all –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get the memory at the moment of me being reading in my ‘old house’ when I was a young teenager and being immersed in the reading and looking up outside the window and seeing that there was still some daylight – then the next moment after a while looking up and realizing that it is already night time, wherein I would create this sensation of ‘having missed the sunset/ having squandered another day’ which created this negative experience of depression and dullness and dissatisfaction within me, due to realizing that I had seen ‘another day gone by and not doing something in particular but reading,’ which I knew was a distraction from actually going outside and interacting with reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then use walking as that positive experience that I created in my mind as a ‘personal improvement’ aspect which means that I have tainted the walking point with a positive experience from that time when I used to not go out for a walk/ remain at home and link that to a ‘dull time/ bad time/ depressive time’ of my life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program this point of ‘going out for a walk’ as a remedy to me ‘hitting the low’ as a depressive or dull moment in my day wherein the cheering up moment comes up as ‘going out for a walk’ as the ‘always effective method’ to get myself into a ‘high’ and positive experience even if it is as slight as having this impetus and driving force in a positive manner to go outside, which indicates that I have in fact used this point of ‘going out for a walk’ as a way to ‘escape from myself’ and the responsibilities that are usually existent ‘at home’/ in my room. Thus I realize how I have used the excuse of MY MOMENT of the day as this immovable/ sacred moment that I cannot put down for something else/ to do something else such as writing my document, which actually happened –thus the memory.

 

I forgive myself that I have linked the experience of being inside the classroom during the afternoon/ evening and seeing outside the window how the sun would be going down and wishing and hoping that I was ‘free’ to be able to go out for a walk, creating a positive experience toward the sole ability of going out for a walk during sunset – within this (okay this is seriously shocking the marlen programming here) I breathe  – lol –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link being in school or reading or writing or doing anything else BUT being outside walking during sunset as a negative experience within my day, which is how and why I have used this image as a positively charged thought in my mind that I have used to manipulate myself to ‘get out no matter what’ in order to not experience the negative as the dullness/ depression/ tediousness/ apathy that is linked to me being at home ‘secluded’ in my room, being at school attending class instead of being outside and being with the horses at the stables – which is ‘outside’ yet not walking/ doing what I want in that moment and use these points as an excuse to define al of those activities as a negative point that I do not want to do based on my self interest as the positive experience of ‘going out for a walk to make my day.’

Therefore, when and as I see myself getting this anxiety when seeing the sun coming down already and not being outside already in my daily walk – I stop and I breathe – I realize that what is driving me to hurry is that ‘negative experience’ that I have gotten from that memory wherein I would remain at home during ‘sunset time’ and be depressed just by seeing another day go by without doing ‘anything’ but reading/ being at school during class time and only being sitting close to the window or simply looking outside with ‘wonder’ as to manipulate myself to make of that moment something dull/ bad/ negative based on my desire to be outside/ being with the horses and supporting them before night time and not being outside walking, but being outside supporting another being during sunset time –  and as such, I realize that I have imprinted within me my own beliefs of what is positive and negative onto activities/ actions/ moments in my life based on different contexts and situations that cannot in any way continue defining ‘who I am’ within reading, who I am within attending class, who I am within supporting another being, who I am within walking, who I am within the particular time of the day – specifically sunset’ – which I have charged as this almost ‘sacred’ time of the day that I Must experience while walking, and whenever I was not able to fulfill this point of being outside walking throughout this time, I would also get frustrated or irritated for not doing what ‘I like doing’ – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of working with horses at the farm during sunset, wherein I would take much earlier than sunset since horses come into the stables at sunset, and as such have the experience of ‘missing out on life’/ missing out ‘my moment’ wherein I would simply be walking outside during sunset instead of taking care of another, which is also what I see factored into my entire experience of working with horses as a point that would ‘take my time’ as a ‘personal time’ that I had created as something untouchable and immovable such as going outside for a walk during sunset.

I see and realize that even the thought of not being able to do this once I am at the farm, has factored into ‘not wanting to leave my religious walk’ of the day and as such, how I have mind—controlled myself into this single limited perspective of my experience within walking wherein I am essentially revolving around this moment of the day, to get to this moment of the day, making it my ‘ultimate experience’ instead of actually seeing walking as that moment that yes, I can listen to interviews and ‘get out in the world,’ however not to make it an entire experience that is ‘positive’ in nature and that overrides any other point of responsibility within me, as I see and realize that this is the ‘problem’ that we create within ourselves every time that we only want to do that which we have programmed as a positive experience in order to avoid the negative experience linked to it.

When and as I see myself believing that I am ‘missing out on life’ because of being working with horses instead of being ‘outside walking by myself’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that such thoughts are what creates also a negative experience toward working with horses in that particular time of the day, based on the positive experience that I have imprinted throughout time to ‘my time’ as being alone, walking during sunset time as this precious time that I don’t even want to share with another  – as I have been so inflexible and rigid with my own self-religion when it comes to doing things the way that I am used-to/ ‘want them to be done’ which are all aspects that only sustain this rigid and immovable and closed-minded version of myself, wherein I see and realize that it takes a physical ‘effort’ to do something different within this walk in itself, like going out for a walk with another and being listening to another while walking instead of being all by myself, or spending longer time indoors when getting to a particular place during my walk, wherein the moment that I go out and the sun is down I believe that I have ‘missed the entire gist of my walk’ because I was not able to fully ‘presence’ the sun going down, lol, which is really ludicrous now that I write it out and funny, but that is essentially how I have been my own ‘clockwise’ in relation to my day, my doing, my ‘climatic moment of the day’ as being outside going for a walk and not wanting to miss ‘that’ moment of the sun going down.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see me spending more time within a particular task in the computer and see that it is already ‘being late’ to go out for a walk, I look up at the sky and if it’s already going ‘darker’ than usual, I create this experience of anxiety to move right away and cut/ stop whatever I’m doing, and rushing to putting my boots on and going out for a walk, simply because of not wanting to miss this particular moment of the day outside. Within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dominated and controlled by a single experience that I have considered is a positive experience within my day such as ‘being outside walking during sunset’ without realizing to what extent I have made this a ‘cannot miss’ point wherein I manipulate myself, my doings, my tasks and even others so that I can always ensure I have this time for myself in order to have the day ‘complete’ and experience  ‘satisfaction’ from it as a positive experience – and the other way around, creating a negative experience wherein for whatever reason I cannot be outside going for a walk during sunset, wherein a slight irritation and dissatisfaction emerges, due to believing that I have missed out on life today.

I realize that Life is not defined by a positive experience, nor defined by the pictures I see of a sun going down and setting my reality into ‘night time,’ nor is it this special moment that I must experience always being walking outside, alone, with earphones on and creating this whole ‘my time’ experience as I see and realize that within having created this point as ‘THE moment of my day’ everything else then comes in a ‘second place’ wherein my drive to do it is partially based also on ‘getting to the moment of going out for a walk’ instead of equalizing such impetus/ driving force as a physical breathing in every moment point that I commit myself to live in a stable and consistent manner.

When and as I see myself believing that being doing something else that is not walking outside during sunset time, is a reason for me to believe that I am ‘missing out on life’ and that ‘I have ‘just missed My Time of the day’ wherein an entire experience of dissatisfaction and even slight irritation comes up – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have created and made of this walking time an ‘immovable’ aspect within my life in separation of the rest of my daily tasks and activities and simple ‘being here’  that also require an equal commitment to get them done and to equalize myself as breath no matter where I am, with whom, with whatever I am doing – therefore

I commit myself to equalize this impetus/ driving force that I have created and lived-out in relation to ‘going out for a walk’ toward all activities during my day wherein this driving force is no longer linked to a positive experience of ‘enjoying the movement’ and the view of the world while walking while avoiding re-creating the dullness/ sadness/ depression that I would go into in the memory of myself remaining ‘at home’ through sunset time –  and instead direct myself to physically move to get all points done within my day wherein I can still go out for a walk without making it a ‘moreness’ moment within my day, wherein I have made everything else of the day as the ‘downfall’ compared to such momentum that I get from the moment I decide to go out for a walk, up to the moment when I come back and it’s already dark and within this, having the background thought of ‘I’ve made my day’ because of having had this positive experience fulfilled within me, which indicates that I have not equalized my daily routine to be an equal and one self-movement, but still held this particular time of the day as ‘more’ and ‘positive experience’ within me, which is unacceptable as then in my mind, I have created of the seemingly ‘tedious’ tasks which require my focus and attention as negative experiences when compared to my self-created positive experience of going out for a walk.

What I have realized within this is that it is absolutely necessary to go in depth to that which we have charged as the positive experience as this entire made-up positive experience overrides common sense and self direction to in fact direct ourselves to do that which we have deemed as ‘negative’ in our world and reality – it is all based on How we have imprinted such moments in our reality – thus we have the ability to re-define such moments as an equal impetus/ driving force at a physical level that we are able to exist as simply being breathing and equalizing our activities to breathing instead of ‘thinking’ and going into experiences upon thinking about reality and our actions.

Furthermore I can see how I have made of my ‘positive experience’ something that would seem quite ‘usual’ or ‘normal’ for any other person, however due to how I have specifically ‘conjured up’ this every day action within my day, it is definitely not something that I hold as ‘normal’ within my day, but have made it ‘more’ than any other moment of my day – thus I commit myself to stop holding any ‘moreness’ value to sunset time, to walking and to within this realize that I cannot accept and allow myself to be motivated by pictures and and a positive experience to move as all that I require to move is here as my physical body, breath and my will and decision to do what is required to be done and within this actually Live the entire day instead of ‘being living for’ only a particular moment within my day.

More to come

 

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Great must listen interviews:

151. The Food for Thought is Our Flesh

 

Thinking Reality instead of Living it

I was listening to e Life Review – BeLIEving if I Know my Past – I’ll Know Me and it was most certainly quite supportive to realize to what extent I have defined my ‘stability’ according to the external factors that have created such Experience of stability: money, family, education, living in stable and supportive environments that I would tend to judge as being ‘non supportive’ in the past, however I see and realize now how I would consider myself ‘out of place’ based on the personality requirements and ‘needs’ that I created for me as the mind. I never had a particularly ‘shifting’ reality in terms of suddenly having no money at all, o having no support to go to school, or not even living with my progenitors/ family, which is something that for many children is not a ‘given thing,’ and it’s once again the points I’ve taken for granted that created the ‘who I am’ as the mind that is within this stability due to having support to cover all basic needs and essentially, becoming that stability as a certainty of assuming that ‘I’ll always be able to take care of myself/ there’s always someone that will be able to support me’ which is in fact still delegating the point outside of myself, as I realize that I have missed the absolute establishment of who I am here as breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘who I am’ based on the stability that I grew up with and was born into, wherein such stability is translated to having been born in a family living in a stable environment that could provide all that which I required to live, which is what I took for granted and side viewed as a factor that determined how I am experiencing myself at the moment, as it is most certainly obvious that I would not have been able to continue living if it wasn’t for such basic support to do so.

Within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of living that reality of support to develop an absolute point of stability, I created emotional and feeling relationships as the mind in order to ‘make myself alive’/ living, which I had equated to being/ becoming emotional, having feelings and ‘stories to tell,’ which is how all of that ‘readily-given’ support to be able to eat, to drink water, to have a constant environment to live in, to be supported in all that I wanted to do is simply ‘taken for granted,’ and considered as not living, but instead went out to ‘create experiences’ so that I could define ‘who I am’ as a mind that experiences thoughts, feelings and emotions as a way to create the ‘idea’ of living, instead of actually living here as the physical, breathing, eating, relating myself to others as equals and establishing a relationship with my own physical body, which I Absolutely never considered.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while listening to the interview think ‘I must be grateful for having had a stable environment to live in,’ and within this separate myself from the stability that I am here as breath, wherein it is actually not about ‘where I am’ that defines who I am, it is to see to what extent we have separated our own experience based on the environment/ images/ people/ things around us, missing out the stability that is here as breath. It is almost as if we distract ourselves deliberately through thinking reality instead of Living Reality, which would be a constant and consistent in and out breath wherein our physical requirements are fulfilled and as such focus on seeing where such stability as the physical is not being fulfilled in other living beings to equalize such stability, which would mean creating a point of transformation in this world according to ‘how it works’ based on money, legal ‘rights,’ and an entire societal structure that must also support this realization of who we are as the physical, as we can see how right now we are essentially not living to establish ourselves as physical equality and oneness, but live in a system where the image/ picture of ourselves as an Idea is what’s being glorified, sought to be ‘upgraded,’ while missing out the obvious self abuse that has come with our ‘progress’ and evolution.’

I see and realize to what extent we have moved ourselves away from the obviousness of the physicality through transforming our world, our reality to a single set of visual-thoughtful-emotional bullshit that can only exist if we all have submitted and diminished ourselves to only be an image, to only be a ‘thought’ in our heads, to only want to Be a thought and an experience within other human beings. I realize to what extent it is absolutely delusional we’re still even alive when we are taught and learn how to fear from the beginning of our breath every day to the moment we go to bed, just dragging our lives along and accepting such experience of ‘dread’ and ‘drag’ and ‘doom’ as ‘who we are,’ without ever even pondering: how come my physical body is still here and is constant and consistent in its functioning, I mean, my lungs don’t get depressed and decide not to function one day or require therapy to continue going, or some type of incentive to realize that ‘there’s more to life,’ no – instead we judge the very air we breathe as we use such breath to only exist as a mind that judges, that consumes the physical to continue existing, building, upgrading ourselves only as a personality/ character that stands as the proof of everything we have separated ourselves from: ourselves as the mind.

Thus I commit myself to establish my self stability here as the physical breath, as I see and realize how effective it is to stop defining myself according to ‘where I am’ and as such, stop ‘evolving’/upgrading the IDEA of myself, and instead reinforce the physicality of who I am ensuring that I accumulate each breath to be here. This is at the moment only a statement that is ‘in my hands’ to live or not, however the physical is such a self-sufficient point that it does not require the mind to think of stability as it IS stability as itself, as its very own functioning and configuration – thus the point to live is assisting and supporting myself as my mind to stop giving attention/ giving my moment away to thoughts and instead breathe and assure the realization that I cannot continue providing myself as ‘food for thought’ as that food is my own physical body and as such, I cannot possibly continue depleting that which stands as the unconditional physicality that I exist as only to support my mindfucks, my deliriums, desires, wants, needs, ideas of ‘bettering’ and ‘improving’ myself, of happiness and fulfillment as an energetic experience in absolute abuse and separation of ourselves.

And all of this is yet to be walked, as I realize to what extent we have in fact configured this entire reality as ‘the perfect brothel’ for us to prostitute ourselves/ sell out to upgrade and exist only as a thought/ a mind that thinks itself, not even ‘thinks the body’ – and within that getting ourselves to the current ‘place’ we’re in: abusing this entire physical reality beginning with our body to sustain a ‘perfect picture world,’ that just as anything that runs with energy looks ‘pretty glimmering and shiny’ while being oblivious and ignorant to the actual process behind this point of ‘beauty in the eye’ that stems from the abuse of the physical.

 

I breathe and realize that I can only live these statements by being here as breath, not ‘thinking’ about doing it, but just living it, stopping participation in the merry-go-round of our constant thinking and support and assist ourselves to instead develop an equal and one relationship with ourselves first to see who we are as the mind, to get to know how we have become ‘who we are,’ continuing walking our process of self forgiveness, self corrective statements and application in self honesty to continue getting a hold of ‘how’ we’ve become what we’ve become and as such, correct ourselves and most importantly, ensure that we do not continue and perpetuate the same patterns of self abuse that we’ve called ‘a life/ living’ which is unacceptable.

 

Our entire ‘culture’ from the primordial conception of ourselves as ‘thinking species’ must be debunked, must be exposed for the abuse it represents, making it acceptable to praise ‘thoughts’ while being absolutely oblivious and separated from everything and everyone that is Here as ourselves, as this entire world/ reality and Existence which is something that we have always seen/ regarded as ‘too far fetched,’ ‘too much’ for us to even conceive it, without realizing that we Are It and we have only separated ourselves from-it through accepting and allowing ourselves to only be a mind that thinks.

 

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deadfrog

All of this can be understood in the blogs:

 

Also listen to the woman telling her story here:

 

And the Absolutely amazing interviews by frogs on this point of consumption as ourselves – I am grateful for being able to hear this and finally make sense of this point of consumption and within this realize the Absolute relationship that we have neglected of our mind and our physical as the very pattern that we have used to create the current ‘civilization’ we live in – it’s in our faces yet I didn’t even realize until hearing it within these interviews, to what extent we have created and set our own limitations based on ‘how we’ve thought reality’ instead of just Living it.  A MUST HEAR in order to understand our absolute equal and one responsibility to everything that we have created, been and become from the starting point of separation from ourselves as the physical.


148. Transcending Anger through Breathing – A Commitment.

Walking Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Commitments from the previous post 147. Hissy Fit: Cleaning Demonic Possession

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘one of my greatest fears’ finding a house absolutely dirty after I leave for a while, which means that I actually allowed myself to exist as a predictable reaction to seeing ‘a very messy/ dirty house’ even though I ‘believed’ that I was ‘over with it,’ without realizing that the moment that I allowed a point of reaction in that very thought just prior to entering the house about ‘finding a mess,’ I was already preparing myself to react in anger If I did find such a mess – and I did thus

When and as I see myself actually fearing leaving the house for a while and within this fearing getting back because of finding a potential mess, I stop and I breathe – I realize that within allowing such fears as future projections, I am in fact giving permission for the event to take place as I am in fact the creator of everything and all that I experience – thus it is to see, realize and understand how I have defined ‘who I am’ as this fear of ‘finding a messy house’ wherein I realize I can only breathe, and Ensure that I do not participate in the anger that is predictable to emerge.

I see and realize that the anger must be transcended, which is something that I realize now, as I do agree that being angry is only throwing a tantrum toward myself alone, attempting to get any attention in a futile manner, as I was all alone when I got to see the mess – thus even if there was people, it is to realize that getting angry won’t change them, getting angry won’t actually create a point of awareness toward others about ‘them missing their responsibilities at home.’ This is about myself and my own participation in what I had feared to experience as myself which is anger.

I commit myself to walk the process of transcending/ breathing through any attempt to create anger as an experience upon seeing dirt/ a dirty house and within this, stopping any thoughts that point out toward a fear of finding a dirty house. Within this, it is to assist and support myself to ground myself as the moment to face whatever is here, and as such, immediately just direct myself to do what I did anyways which is cleaning – I realize I can do it without adding the extra layer of anger to make it more cheesy – lol.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I cannot possibly live in a dirty house,’ as this is quite a justification for me to get angry because ‘THEY’ are Not considering that they live with ‘OTHERS’ which mostly imply myself as the primary person that gets ‘pissed off’ at dirtiness  – thus

When and as I see myself thinking ‘I cannot possibly live in a dirty house,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am thinking thoughts to justify a coming experience of anger toward others, instead of assisting and supporting myself to actually say No, I won’t participate in anger and the usual marlenesque reactions of actually exerting y anger onto the stuff around me which is absolutely unacceptable and a clear mind possession. Thus

I commit myself to STOP every time that I see myself thinking that ‘I cannot possibly live in a dirty house’ as I realize that this is the prelude to throwing a tantrum and as such, the primary ‘convincing self-talk’ in order to become possessed in anger for real. I realize It’s not necessary to get angry if the things are done and furthermore, thinking to myself is simply making myself the victim of the situation and as such righteous when it comes to reacting, which is in all cases, a mind experience that I see and realize I must walk through/ as breath to Deliberately stop it – and this is the commitment to walk as self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an imagination point of my plans going ‘smoothly’ wherein I pictured myself getting back early at home and immediately ‘jumping’ to do all my tasks and stuff, but instead encountering a very dirty kitchen and as such upon deciding that it cannot remain one more second like that, I pushed my plans aside to dedicate hours to clean it up, which is what pissed me off within the belief that ‘Why would I have to disrupt my plans for this? Why do I have to clean up someone else’s mess?’ – and within this, only creating further justifications and excuses as to why I can simply be pissed off at ‘the world’ in that moment because My routine was broken and my plans as the future projection of my ‘perfect schedule’ was tampered with this eventuality,

When and as I see myself getting pissed off at some eventuality disrupting my future plans , I stop and I breathe – I realize that I live in a world wherein we can ‘plan’ the perfect schedule, however we are subject to eventualities and points that one cannot control – thus, I assist and support myself to simply breathe and decide in that moment to take the time to clean up if I see and realize it is absolutely necessary to do so, and support myself to breathe through it, ensuring that I am aware of what I am using to clean, what and how I am moving things around, considering that I cannot just exert my anger upon the stuff around me as they are clearly not to blame, and certainly I cannot blame either but simply bring the point to the responsible people’s awareness in order for them to be aware of what they did, and the responsibility we all hold within living together.

I commit myself to be flexible/ pliable in terms of my routine/ schedule and plans wherein I breathe through any eventuality that may push the plans back, as I see and realize that getting angry won’t solve the problem, getting angry won’t make someone do the job for me, and instead I support myself to remind me how detrimental to my physical body it is to get angry, wherein pain is a certain thing after getting angry.

I realize that any beliefs of being ‘over anger’ are certainly bogus, this is a process and as such, it will be walked in space and time and in such case I can instead see this event as a way to measure where I am within my process of facing anger as myself, and this time realizing that I must get to a point of being able to stop all participation in anger in a constant and consistent manner, as this is the only way that I can ensure I am really here in the physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse ‘I am wasting time’ as a way to justify my anger for having to clean up/ use time to clean up something out of my schedule, without realizing that I haven’t actually been that ‘strict’ with myself and my schedule and that even if I was, once again, I am living in a world wherein there’s a thousand factors that have factored for us to be and become who and what we are now, which is placing into perspective my desire to ‘be in control of my environment, my time, my plans,’ as an actual point of ego, as within these thoughts there is no consideration of what is best for all, how can I assist and support myself to walk through actual events in reality that must be corrected – and instead, have focused only on ‘wasting time’ without realizing that this point was part of ‘my time’ to face anger as myself and as such see where and how I still react to it and what points require further consistency in application to eventually be able to stand in any given situation and not get angry at it, but simply use that driving force to give proper direction and self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat: ‘I leave and everyone just stops giving a fuck about cleaning at all,’ wherein I am placing myself as the necessary ‘ogre’ to keep a relative order within the house, without realizing that I am in fact only reinforcing the idea of myself as the ‘order maker’ and as such, believing that ‘I’ and my absence is the only cause for such mess to exist, without realizing it is actually factoring and stemming from the habits of other beings, thus

When and as I see myself thinking that everything falls apart here when I’m not home, I stop and I breathe – I realize that it is not about me, it is not about blaming others but instead walking the practical solutions in the moment to later on be able to communicate the point within practical considerations instead of wanting to blame or even scold others for not doing their point of responsibility, as I see and realize that within believing that it is ‘their fault,’ I take a self-righteous position to not support them – thus it is to keep it simple.

I commit myself to stop making myself the ‘order maker’ and as such embodying that ‘authority’ as a character that certainly dislikes mess/ dirty environments, thus it is to simply let go of any reaction in the moment, breathe, assist and support myself to focus on the physical activities and that’s it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to do what I thought they would, without realizing that within this I am wanting them to be ‘changed’ after 2 years of living together, and them at all times ‘considering me,’ without realizing how I cannot claim any righteousness to be angry upon others, as I see that anger is that point of self interest and even more so when projected onto others. Thus

When and as I see myself creating anger upon a point of disappointment because of not having been able to find a clean house, I stop and I breathe – I assist and support myself to realize that within this I am still trying to control others and as such, I realize that I cannot possibly try and control my environment when I am not even fully aware of myself, my entire body that I am in fact abusing every moment that I participate in thoughts, emotions and feelings, all the beings that have to ‘endure’ my anger as I push/throw things around and yell as if doing all of that could make any difference to the actuality of the physical reality and events.

I commit myself to stop expecting people changing, stop expecting things to ‘get better’ as I see and realize this was the ‘hope’ that I held toward others and as such, meeting my maker when realizing and coming to see how things have not changed and as such, realizing that we won’t change from overnight or a couple of years as we have lived for several lifetimes within the same mind frame without ever actually changing who we are, thus I cannot expect others to change/ do what I ‘think/ assume’ they would – Instead, I assist and support myself to take responsibility for what goes on Within my own mind, what I decide to participate in or not and within this, walk my own process of self-change wherein I can in fact stop re-creating the ‘cleanliness’ character and anger upon ‘dirtiness’ as the positive and negative experience existent within and as me at a mind level.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘why can’t THEY take Responsibility for cleaning up after ALL THIS TIME’ wherein I was expecting them to ‘already know/ change/ act’ upon that which I thought was ‘very clear’ by now, without realizing that it will actually take time for ourselves and our world to change and actually align ourselves to be self responsible at all times. I also see and realize how I diverted my attention from ME to THEM/ THEY as a way to not see and realize that the point of focus and attention should be here as myself within and as breath to not react and justify the reaction with further thinking as self-interest to make myself the ‘victim’ of it all.

When and as I see myself diverting the point of responsibility of change toward others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the moment I am backchatting about ‘they’ is actually a flag point wherein I must immediately realize that I am talking myself into a righteous-anger mode, which won’t ever change the situation, it won’t change ‘them’ or myself, it is in fact an unnecessary and actually physically damaging experience to go through anger as a way to apparently make myself ‘righteous’ to get angry at the point of abuse. I realize that within this all that exists is me and my thoughts and a messy kitchen – thus, I realize that if I have taken the decision to clean up, I can do so while slowing myself down to breathe through it, realizing and understanding that getting angry does not change others or myself in that moment, it is only a plain tantrum thrown around whenever we would want things to ‘go our way,’ without considering the actual physical reality but only our wishes/ desires of How we want to see the world/ reality around us.

I commit myself to actually take responsibility for myself first as this is where I am responsible and this is where I can actually see where and how I am still reacting to a point that I am diverting my responsibility toward, wherein I see and realize that reacting in anger does not support life at all, and it is only the predictable counter act to ‘fall’ into participating in the mind – thus I stop and realize that to take Self Responsibility means self toward self as one’s own thoughts, reactions and backchat in order to Live.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘It is impossibly that at this stage they are STILL doing this even though they know it is unacceptable’ wherein I allow myself to think this in order to be righteous about my anger, without realizing how I ‘know’ and ‘they know’ only as this point of past experiences of similar events wherein further conflict ensued when not supporting/ collaborating to take responsibility properly for what we do/ don’t do in our reality. I realize that I cannot focus on wanting others to change but instead assist and support me to stop reacting to my own point of change which implies stopping at all the anger, transcending anger breath by breath within the realization that it is unacceptable to drain my physical body when getting angry .

When and as I see myself thinking about others STILL making the same mistakes/ repeating the same patterns and using this as fuel for the conflagration, I stop and I breathe – I realize that within these words I am victimizing myself in my mind and actually diverting my attention and responsibility outside of myself, judging others instead of taking the point back to self to see where I am STILL also repeating the same predictable patterns of ‘anger upon messiness/dirtiness’ and within that, assist and support me to first stop me here as breath to then realize the backchat as the mind possession that it represents.

I commit myself to live as the example of what it is to ‘know’ one’s mind and patterns and what it is to Live/ apply the corrective statements to in order and in fact stop reacting to ‘dirtiness/ messiness’ as all the points that I have defined as ‘an obstacle’ to live, without realizing that cleaning does not obstruct life, and it is in fact the other way around how I disrupt life every time that I only consider me and only me within my own tantrums. Thus I realize it is unacceptable to divert blame onto others and instead focus on my own application at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘why can’t they have a bit of consideration’ wherein I am diverting all responsibility toward them ‘considering me’ and my special needs, without realizing that in doing so, I am victimizing myself in my mind in order to justify the anger that I then exert onto things and in the moment cursing all I can in order to ‘relieve’ myself, without realizing that such ‘relief’ and entire anger was actually the accumulation of my own backchat and reactions from previous events, wherein this event was the ‘drop of water that made the glass spill’ as they say here. Thus

When and as I see myself victimizing myself toward others and pleading them to ‘have a bit of consideration’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that within this all, I was only considering myself as my mind and that’s it – because I was in fact abusing my physical body when creating such point of anger – thus it is to first consider Me and have full consideration of myself as my physical that is the one that is abused every time that I only seek to validate my ‘anger’ and justify it through my own backchat, which is me as the mind justifying its means and ways to direct myself instead of me being self aware here as breath, wherein I can instead simply direct myself in the moment within common sense, which is cleaning while breathing to support myself to not react at all.

I commit myself to consider my physical body first here as breath before accepting and allowing myself to be and become any mind pattern that is self-destructive and detrimental – I realize that the first consideration is toward our physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘cursing’ as a way to justify why I feel so ‘damned’ by others, without realizing that cursing in such moments is only fueling my anger and as such, it is not supportive at all as cursing won’t make me a better person/ nor will it change someone upon hearing such words – thus

When and as I see myself wanting to curse to justify my anger toward someone, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am aware of what I am doing in such moments and as such, it is to take on the deliberate action of stopping, as I see and realize that getting angry only drains me as my physical body and cursing only adds ‘fuel to the fire’ – thus, it is to instead assist and support myself to breathe and remain here as the physical, breathing, stopping all backchat and internal conversations about others – Instead I focus on myself as the physical.

I commit myself to transcend anger and as such only speak words that I realize are an actual expression of myself in the moment, that are self directed and not just reactions stemming from a self-righteous point of anger as myself –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my own mind wherein I believe myself to be a ‘prisoner’ of my reactions as something that I ‘have a right to experience’ without realizing how in such ‘righteousness’ I am in fact deciding to diminish myself to only be a fraction of a point of awareness in my mind as that anger possession, forgetting about everything and all that is here as the physical and as such, becoming a consequence of my own thoughts as a reaction, instead of remaining here within and as breath.

When and as I see myself simply seeing myself as a ‘prisoner’ and a ‘victim’ of my own anger, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I absolutely have all the power to stop in one single breath, as I see and realize how it is that it is actually a deliberate action that I must take on in order to stop our reactions and experiences, and that anger won’t change a thing within ourselves, thus instead we have to focus on aligning ourselves to consider what to do practically in the moment and direct such practical solutions breath by breath, deliberately making a stand to stop reacting in an emotional way toward a point of what I have called ‘abuse.’

I commit myself to realize that it takes time to change and that getting angry won’t change a thing, and that I am the only one that is able to determine myself as my own point of change

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually experience a point of powerlessness when facing a point of abuse and instead of going into that ‘helplessness’ I bring up ‘anger’ as way to victimize myself within the situation and justify my reaction as something that ‘I have the right to do,’ without realizing that anger won’t ever solve the point of abuse itself.

When and as I see myself wanting to immediately get angry upon a point of abuse, I see and realize that the actual experience is that of powerlessness and that there is actually nothing I can do to change the point in the moment, as we have lived entire lifetimes within endless points of abuse toward ourselves, each other and the Earth itself. Thus

I commit myself to walk this process without judging myself for ‘falling’ into anger and thinking that ‘I should have transcended this by now,’ without realizing that it will take time to change the points that cause the anger in the first place and as such, focus on myself and my own reactions absolutely so that I do not allow anger to lead me to powerlessness and as such, diminishing myself to only be this ‘one’ limited point as anger-possession over something that is in fact something rather trivial.

I realize that if I would be aware of all the things and points that go on in the world, I would be ‘dead by anger’ from reacting to all of them – thus I realize that in order to face myself and face the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in, I establish myself here as breath to no longer create a point of possession in my mind upon something that is already done, that is already taking place wherein anger as such won’t ‘change a thing’ anyways – thus, I support myself to stand as the realization that changing who we are, changing our reactions, changing ourselves in fact requires an actual process to walk, thus it is futile to get angry and possessed by a point that won’t be solved overnight. Yet I assist and support myself to stop the unnecessary experiences within me toward/ as anger itself.

 

I realize that I ‘knew’ what I was doing and did it anyways which implies that:

 

“…every time I say ‘I know’ – I am in fact justifying ‘who I am’ as only this observer/presence/knowledge in and as my relationship to the Mind and so essentially every single time, reiterating and validating my limitation, victimization and powerlessness to/as the Mind as me.” – Sunette Spies

Thus, I commit myself to get to in fact know me so that I no longer stand as a victim within a deliberate participation in anger and saying ‘I know’ that I did and did it anyways, as this implies an actual point of ignorance toward the abuse that we inflict upon ourselves and the whole whenever we take on a self-righteous position of ‘I know’ without really knowing how in fact this statement is a way out to not face ourselves – I face myself and commit myself to live the words here.

Walk with us, learning about ourselves: who we are as the Mind, as the Physical and the relationship that we have Missed all this time seeking for ourselves ‘outside’ of ourselves instead of realizing ourselves here as the life that has always been here. It is a matter of realizing: We are here, we are not going anywhere, thus we stand up and walk any point of conflict/ problem within our coexistence by assisting and supporting ourselves individually to stand as a collective that is able to live by the principle of what is best for all life.

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System 

PIC_0089

 

Blogs:

Recommended interviews:

Life Review – A Doomsday Activist

Life Review – My Life with being Cursed

 

Other posts in relation to anger:

94. In-Sin–Irate: Anger Issues
95. Any Abuse is Always Self-Abuse
89. Righteous Victim
88. The Victim
87. Tantrum-me
131. Stop Yourself with Self Forgiveness before You Kill someone
121. Childhood Anti-Social Behavior
120. ‘I don’t like breaking my routine’
108. ‘Like Father, Like Son’
104. Anger Intimidation in Communication
Anger towards Authority
Madly in Anger
Street Fury: Is this the Solution?
Getting angry when directing others
Orderly Control– Self-Exposure for Self Correction
Anger – out of control
Victimization
frustration/anger/sadness

138. Honor Life

#JourneyToLife

My nose clears up and sometimes people certainly knock at your door and can change your entire ‘mind-frame –moment’ of the daily routine, almost like a clap that happens just a millimeter away from your nose to wake you up. And the lights are out …

However, I have a full stomach from the vegetables and fruit that I bought with the money that ‘ensures’ I have always enough food to eat every day. It’s interesting when someone’s expression can ‘break our schemes’ when not being used to seeing such joviality that one would judge for being too ‘fake’ to exist in a world like this, but it’s not really so. I got  a hug today and it almost felt weird as I had forgotten what it was like to have such warmth in such an expressive moment out of ‘nowhere.’ I saw myself almost being like a robot that did not know how to compute other than hugging back and then laughing about it.

We have accepted and allowed ourselves to become so lost and so afraid in our minds all the time that we have never in fact communicated with another, we have never in fact heard another unconditionally, we have never in fact Been Here within the realization that if it wasn’t for the food, the water, the sun rays, the air we breathe, the plants, the animals, the trees, the clouds, we would not be able to continue existing here. The Earth, the animals, the entire universe has given us all in a golden platter – what have we done? We create high heels and squash it with all our might while shooting bullets of gold toward animals to ensure ‘they’ know who the ‘king of the concrete jungle’ is.  We have diminished life to a single background that in no way is respected as ourselves, simply because: we have Never in fact respected and honored ourselves.

All delusions that we might trap ourselves into for one moment, a single ‘inner conflict’ based on self interest is immediately ‘earthed back’/grounded upon hearing a story about someone’s life that has been quite difficult – a relationship that suddenly after 7 years of living together turns into hell and a custody of a child that is held through endless papers and an absolutely inefficient bureaucrazy, calling people that reclaim the right to see their children ‘mentally unstable’ and giving longer terms to a case wherein the mother was simply held back from seeing her child, without any background of abuse.

Listening to a ‘hell of a ride’ story from a body that exudes a genuine desire to live reminded me what it is that ‘living’ is, that there’s no time for feeling sorry for oneself even if the worst case scenario becomes your every day living with no possible ‘sane’ explanation as nothing in this world makes sense anyways. This person’s drive to continue going after having been gone to hell and back is still the ability to be with her child, and this I place in contrast to realize   how we get so flustered upon minute things in our day to day living, while missing out on life really and by life it is not about any ‘grandiose’ event, but the literal Being HERE as every breath and physically, practically moving in all necessary ways to get/ solve a certain problem in our reality. 

 

I was also hearing to the Sheep’s interviews before all of this happened, I realized how much we have taken for granted. Here we are, most of us having our pacific lives with the comfort of money in our pockets – I can see how we would truly have to see ourselves in actual struggle to really learn to appreciate what it is to have a tangerine to eat, a plate of warm food, clean clothes, a decent place to live, a toilet to shit and pee upon, trees to get our clean air from, the oxygen to breathe, sun to say hi to every day, because we have become so deluded in our minds that we are truly not living, we have only been hating in our search for such ‘love’ and ‘happiness’ that has only become an elusive sellable ‘tag’ that we still tend to fall for as something ‘possible,’ while meaning the actual ‘joy’ that life can be – such as breathing and realizing I am here even when the whole world seems to turn against you. We have turned our back against life, and it is time to stop.

 

This is not living, and it’s amazing that someone has to kind of knock on your door to snap you out of whatever mindfuck you’re going through and realize that we are here to really continue going, as there is people that definitely want to live, that speak about wanting to honor life, giving and receiving in equality and even finding diversity as something that one can enjoy as well – my brain froze as I recalled all my controlled points while she was reviewing all the aspects she had noticed were an imposition to life, and it’s so true – who am I as control but a tyrant in my mind only, as I have not even truly honored my own physical body to begin with.

 

I am glad to meet people seemingly ‘out of nowhere’ that truly seem to care about the environment, about conviviality, about frankness, honesty and life itself. It all seemed like ‘happening by chance’ as all the situations that lead her to be here were a real stroke of luck, it’s as if without speaking we could only see each other’s eyes and know that there is a spark of life that we can share to support each other – it’s like that aspect of myself that I would have before judged for being too bubbly, yet I see the will to live life even if situations seem to only be spitting at you– it’s not an every day thing that someone tells you their entire harsh and strenuous life in one go, and still manage to have the ability to laugh and speak of words like waking up to breathe, see the clouds, breathe, smell a tangerine, say hi to plants, say hay to the sun and in essence: Honoring Life. Hence the title of this blog.

Might be the moon, but hearing the words that I usually read to myself or hear others through videos being said once again after so long from a ‘live voice’ of another person in my physical reality, in my house certainly allows me to see that we are here to create a world-system wherein people like her can re-establish an actual living, wherein legal problems are no longer Battles but actual Justice that benefits the ‘so called crazy’ just because of being overtly frank and expressive. I can relate to her and it’s absolutely ludicrous how just because of behaving a little bit ‘over the top’ can anyone deem that you are crazy, I see myself in her.

 

And so, this is not to create a la la lá moment, but rather a real wake up call to remind myself that there is people, LOTS of people we have to reach out to, because they are certainly willing to support themselves, willing to support others, willing to LIVE and literally survive after everything could seem like closing up in every possible way.

 

It is these ‘wake up calls’ wherein we learn to see each other and realize that the sense of being ‘strangers’ only exists in our minds as we already share the same world that we are absurdly exterminating while getting caught up with our pet peeves and quirky ‘personalities’ that we have sought to ‘respect.’

 

The Sheep series at Eqafe are a Must Hear – it is the most humbling experience to have an animal explaining to you a reality that we are absolutely oblivious of, explaining about things we can’t see, because we haven’t allowed ourselves to do so, because we have diminished Life to a single Lie in the mind that likes to satisfy itself in a little cocoon of happy-go-lucky lives that have no idea of what REALITY is about – and I include myself of course. This is how I realize that my position in this life is to support myself to support others, and to be that example and point of support that I as them/ others would want to give to myself as well. That is my commitment in life and that there is no time to ‘whine’ about life when there is actual life that awaits to see and realize that: there is another way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take Life for granted and every day that I wake up for granted, believing that because I go to sleep at night, I will surely wake up the next day which is actually the point that allows us to live in a perpetual ‘timeline’ dragging the past into the future, taking for granted all that I have done with ‘great ease’ and having mostly a ‘dull life’ simply because I had it all, without realizing how it is such opportunities in life that then indicate one thing: I must place myself within and as a point of support for everyone else that does not have a cool comfortable life, as this is the law of our being: honoring each other as equals and I see that there is no ability to be ‘SELF realized’ if one single speck and spark of Life  is left ‘lost’ while being willing to live and support themselves and others to live as well.

I commit myself to realize and ‘remind’ myself everyday what it is that I have decided to live for and as everyday – this is the people that might be a bit hard yet no impossible to find, because we have found each other as Destonians – we have lots to learn, a long path to walk – however we all agree that the way we have imposed a ‘functioning’ upon this world cannot continue, and that we are here to stand as the platform of support that is unprecedented, that is unique in all ways, that should be ‘on top of the spiritualist’s list’ as someone on YouTube commented today in one video. And yes, this is it: we are here to establish Equality as Life in this world  through and as the Equal Money System – and I am grateful, I allow myself to be grateful for having the opportunity to realize that there is people eager to live and share that will and drive to do so without any restrain.

To step out of the mind bubble and see what is real important to do, share and be in this world: to support all life thee same way that we are being supported to learn how to live for the first time here.

That is Self-Will – to Live for Living.

Walk with us:

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Journey To Life 

“I commit myself to CALL on Each to Face the EGO and WRITE YOURSELF to FREEDOM so that One MAY BE LIFE. Read the Blogs of those Walking the Journey to Life, and You WILL see How Much was taken for GRANTED.” – Bernard Poolman 

 

Blogs:

 

Grant yourself the gift to expand your horizons to hear a never before heard explanation about Our reality told by:


124. Who am I within ‘Wanting to be Alone’?

It is clear that it is a mind possession what we go through when desiring or fearing something. Wanting to be alone is just the polarity of actually fearing to be alone and as such, creating a pattern of desire and suppression as fear within events that I then define according to this single character as ‘The Loner.’

If we look at ourselves as society, we all eventually hit this spot of secluding ourselves within a constant desire or fear to be with another, fearing establishing relationships and at the same time desiring to be with others.

We have become so conflictive in our minds that we can structure an entire game of self-interest wherein all that exists is our personal benefit: ‘Oh I want to be alone/ Oh I want to be with another’ – and where’s Life in all that? Where is an actual Self-Agreement that we can consider as an actual point of Self Support that is not dependent on ‘external points’ such as people, environment and situations to  define who we are.

 

I realize throughout this exploration of ‘the loner’ that I have mostly danced around a desire to experience myself in a different way in relation to having company or not, which is then deliberately seeking to play a character that we can become for a moment and establish that as ‘who we are:’ I am alone or I am not alone anymore – and that’s it. And in that we can build and create a thousand events and stories wherein we revolve around a constant friction and conflict in relation to one single point, while everything that we are as human beings that breathe and that require to consider that there is much more than one single point of desire or fear that we trap ourselves into when believing ourselves to be these thoughts in our head, that later on become actual actions that we ‘give life’ to literally, as all actions based on desires or fear are in fact not based on a practical and common sensical consideration of who we are as individuals that exist in a physical biosphere  that we have abused when seeking only to satisfy our hopes, dreams and desires that we sometimes do not even realize we are ‘living for’ because we tend to make it ‘ok’ to keep one single piece of heaven in our pocket, without realizing that such heaven has always been an illusion,  a sugary thought that we keep just because it makes us feel content for a moment – yet it has no substance as a practical living consideration wherein we actually become beings that are able to consider another as an actual equal and one part of ourselves – instead we antagonize and desire each other, like strangers that cannot conceive that we are in fact one and equal.

 

Back to the question:

Who am I within ‘Wanting to Be Alone’?

It is just a character of self manipulation that is designed to actually activate the absolute opposite as a strong desire to create a relationship when and as the ‘conditions’ apply, which is once again a character that seeks to upgrade itself into a ‘completeness’ when being with another/ others, eventually creating yet another form of separation from that avoidance to be with others to an absolute dependency toward others – never in fact seeing and realizing that self is here as one and equal and as such, it is to step out of these limited versions of ourselves: struggling to be with others, yet wanting to be with others and in that just rocking back and forth like in a ping pong match wherein there is no actual ability to win or lose as none of the points are in fact ‘real’ – as we are never in fact all alone yet we cannot ‘complete’ ourselves with another either.

 

So this is a point of Self Honesty wherein we realize how we have created characters to stand as a form of entertainment and conflict to only exist up there in our minds, thinking why we would rather be alone or why we would want to be with another – and where is the rest? It’s simply out of the picture as we become possessed with one single point only, going in circles chasing after each pole instead of actually allowing ourselves to stop, breathe and look for a moment what it is in reality that we are whining about: is this character in any way supporting me to actually take on the practical considerations within this physical world that I require to do.

 

It is rather ludicrous how we have become the characters to such an extent that there are moments wherein we cannot apparently see beyond the fog, yet we are always here, breathing, an entire physical body keeping ourselves alive while we consume ourselves with emotions or feelings that we accept as ‘who we are.’ This is then how we have to consider how to stand one and equal as the mind to become self directive as the mind, so that everything we participate in our day to day, moment by moment reality is no longer the type of prefab limitations such as ‘the loner’ characters that only exist as the limited version that we accepted and allowed ourselves to consume ourselves with.

 

It’s definitely time to live, and by living at this stage it is to stop participating in all characters that we have created as the surrogate versions of ourselves, living for us just because we were too frightened to even consider that there is another way to exist.

I have realized how the participation in the mind is the point that becomes an addictive experience, believing that it is ‘perfectly normal’ to have some type of mind-discomfort translated as an actual pathology that we accept as ‘real’ such as ‘being a loner,’ which is just a delusion I cultivated in order to create my own character to entertain myself with – not necessary.

I have seen and realized how there is an actual fear to stop participating in our ‘personal favorites’ such as usual behavioral patterns that backup the idea of ‘who we are’ in our minds. It’s almost like an aberration to the mind the moment that we do not participate in emotions and feelings and that is an actual point of self-movement, wherein we stop acting out on that which we saw as ‘usual’ within us when the necessary conditions/ context would present itself to then look into our character wardrobe and decide what type of conflictive or pleasing ‘nature’ we want to play out in such moment, never ever realizing or considering the point of abuse that this represents.

So, it’s cool to see and realize how this character was just another way to keep me entertained in my tunnel vision in relation to myself and others

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself to a single character in my mind such as ‘The Loner’ character wherein I reduce an entire moment of who I am as flesh to one single ‘self’ that wants/ needs/ desires or rejects being with others and creating a positive or negative energetic churning and sparks about it, which is absolutely delusional to exist as a default experience that in no way assists as support me to be here as breath, physically living and considering where and how I have to direct myself to support me to actually consider how I can be and become an example of what it means to live the word: Equality as Life wherein no reaction or wavering exists when the decision to Live is done and placed in motion by ourselves,  I commit myself to LIVE as that is what we have not yet done/been in fact throughout our existence here: Life in Equality and Oneness

 

I see and realize that because we have all existed in our personal-limitations we have only feared actually getting to know each other because we have even feared establishing an equal and one relationship with ourselves, because we had not considered ourselves ‘enough’ but were actually waiting for something o someone to ‘fill in the void’ and because in our minds not just ‘anything’ can play that role. This is how we become hermits and loners to not have to actually realize that we were protecting ourselves from the actual opportunity of communicating and interacting with others as equals, which implies we cannot generate any positive or negative experience about it, but simply get used to and learn how to live and interact without any emotional or feeling input in order to assess it as ‘being actually living.’

This is how we break the addictive pattern of generating any positive or negative experience upon being alone or being with others as I then instead decide to remain here as breath.

This is the actual fear: just being here, in simplicity – how ludicrous it is – yet it makes ‘perfect sense’ as in the mind we’re always having to be bounding from one side to the other in order to keep ourselves ‘alive’ as the ‘who I am’ of/as the mind. Not necessary.

Alone is what I exist as here, as a physical breathing human body – yet I am a cell that is part of the whole that functions in unison. Right now we’re not Sound enough in our living – thus I align myself to live as the physical which means: no more powering up experiences that I entertain myself within my mind, living here as breath is like living rehab for the very first real time, giving our physical the breaths that we missed when searching for our next greatest hit. Time to live our commitment to live in and as simplicity in every breath here.

 

“We are not alone in this. And no ONE alone will change the world.”
Bernard Poolman 

 

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Equal Money System 

For further review on ‘The Loner’ Character:

 

Blogs that enable you to understand the 7 Year Journey To Life Commitment_

Day 124: TRUE ACTIVIST TEAMLIFE

How Thoughts Activate Personalities – Part 2 (Self-Commitments): DAY 124

 

GREAT Support my Marduk in these two interviews wherein I was able to see and realize the dedication to life required in order to LIVE this process day by day ensuring that we establish ourselves as the physical in the physical practical reality

Reptilians – Marduk and the Existential Mind (Part 1) – Part 81

Ever wondered what ‘black holes’?

Reptilians – Marduk and the Existential Mind (Part 2) – Part 82

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