I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite life every moment that I opt for having a ‘good time’ and prolong that ‘good feeling’ which is like an energy high and continue with it, disregarding what I have to in fact do and take responsibility for, which is how I see that we have constructed our world, a world of massive entertainment and distractions just so that we neglect looking at ourselves every time, because we’ve defined getting to know the truth of ourselves as something boring, tedious, not exciting – without realizing that this energetic experience is created by the same mind that requires constant thrills as either emotions or feelings to continue existing – this implies that stopping participating in the high of the mind implies a self-directive action that will not feel ‘good’ or ‘right’ as a ‘sane decision,’ because we’ve defined sanity and normalcy according to the constant participation in the mind – which is how and why it must be understood that this world is in reverse.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate my self support and instead, opt to feed the mind that actually does not support myself/ who I am in any way – thus I realize that every time I opt to ‘feed my obsessions/ desires/ seek for my ‘feel good’ experience, I am not really even genuinely enjoying myself, but seeking a deliberate experience in the mind to ‘evade’ reality, which is then being aware of what we are actually doing and on purpose deciding to still opt for the ‘feel good experience’ while knowing that we are neglecting our self support that must be integrated as a ‘natural’ part of our expression – who we are as self support through our daily writings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be seduced by the constant entertainment that is existent in a bubble where there is comfort and luxuries that create an alternate reality of what the actuality of this world really is, which has nothing to do with following through a positive experience/ excitement that can only exist if there is enough energy to create such experience, which implies that one has enough money to eat and have a full stomach with delicacies that billions in this world have no access to – now
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately shove aside all moments of awareness of what I am actually participating in and deliberately continue, even if I realize it is not self supportive – but because it feels ‘good’ then it is like a inertia within a high that eventually comes to a low only to be sought again like an addict to their drugs – I realize that the world as the civilization that we’ve built is not built according to being supportive for ourselves in our process, it is mostly a reflection of all the various ways we tried to escape our reality and facing ourselves, our minds, our entire lifetime.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ride the wave of entertainment wherein it becomes no different to a moment of getting drunk and then getting a hangover when realizing all the time wasted in virtually nothing that was actually self-supportive, but only became a moment of absolute distraction leading to an eventual grounding again on the Earth and realizing that this ‘lifestyle’ is not sustainable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody a deliberate neglect toward myself and other points of self support just because of thinking that ‘you know, it can wait’ – and within this statement it is like the absolute declaration of being ‘waiting’ for us to finally stand up and be absolutely self directive in every moment of our reality, because, life is never placing conditions on us until it places the last condition which is death, and then there will be no ‘second chances’ to stand up and actually be absolutely self directive in every moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give continuation to a ‘wave’ of positive experience just because of thinking ‘I deserve it’ which implies that I have regarded myself as being ‘containing’ or ‘torturing’ myself with limitations, which is not so and as such it is only another way to justify my deliberate neglect for a day for a moment of re-enacting the moment of freedom which I have defined as being all lone – For further context, please read: 123. Home Alone: a Loner’s Paradise « MarlenLife’s Blog
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually allow myself to embody a character for a moment and deliberately decide to ‘give time to myself,’ but that time is not really self supportive, but only a deliberate way to follow through with something that will make me feel good while having actual things to do and deciding to procrastinate them because of believing that ‘I will have more time,’ but life is not something that we can take for granted, and if there’s something I’ve realized is the following.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that we have always taken life for granted and believe there is always a ‘tomorrow’ but, what ensures that, for real? And this applies to virtually everything that we do and every time that we decide to leave things for later, which then becomes leaving our lives for later, expecting something to come and give direction to us or waiting for our lives to happen, which leads to a belief that we will have another day as a consolation prize, but – what we disregard is that we don’t really have another day because life is something that is lived every moment of breath and we cannot be certain of our next breath and as such
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live by the daily statement of being able to say that I have absolutely lived the day, because every moment lost in the maze of entertainment, of feel good, of procrastination, of literally doing nothing is just life consumed, just as we are doing the moment that we burn the very life substance of the Earth in our engines for our own benefit, and even dare to make profit with it and wars out of it.
I realize that the spitefulness toward life is lived out every moment that I am not breathing, but using the breath to power some ‘excitement’ or ‘good time’ through the mind and through all the energy that I am able to eat/ consume when having more than enough to eat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself whenever I am not being here physically aware of myself but riding a wave of entertainment and distraction, and ‘feel good’ and even dare to desire to remain ‘there,’ without realizing that all things that go up must eventually fall and that the fall is usually a realization of having wasted time.
I realize that we can all have a moment of recreation or doing something out of the ordinary, however, when this becomes a continued self-experience that is pumped up for extended periods of time, then I have to stop and breathe and Deliberately make a decision to step out of the bubble of ‘feel good’ and bring myself back to Earth, to direct the points I am required to do, as I realize that life is not waiting for me, I have been always waiting for me to always be self directive and that me just deliberately moving that moment of absolute self direction to the next day, it is me only fooling myself and not really being self supportive at all.
I realize that money is like bubble paper that protects you from facing the actual reality and that the least thing that we can do is to direct our time, money and living to support that which will support all life equally – that means that every time that we neglect self direction, it is me spiting life, the life that is unconditionally existing here as myself –
I realize that every time I choose self interest to ride the ‘feel good’ wave, it is me deliberately saying ‘I don’t really care about myself/ life or anyone’ as I am only feeding the mind and I understand the abuse that the mind-system represents upon the physical body – thus, I realize that the consequences of us having ridden this energetic-entertaining bubble of feel-good as the world system that we’ve created is something unsustainable as it is founded upon highs of energy that we are literally extracting and consuming only for our own benefit – and this is getting to a limit that will not be reversible.
I realize that All the patterns that I live out as myself are my responsibility as I am the one that has accepted and allowed myself to live-by the laws of my own hedonism and as such, must equally deliberately stop participating in the inertia of comfort which is what I realize the mind likes: continuing in the oasis of comfort that our money, our homes, our position in society creates as ‘having money’ which is the lie that must be burst deliberately in order to stick to the reality that is here to work with, to ensure that we can instead create a world where no disparity exists and unconditional support is always provided for all, indistinctly so.
I realize that the fall from heaven is a literal thing: everything that we have sought for in our minds will no longer be sustainable, and all that will be left is us being like addicts on withdrawal symptoms, and you should see how addicts on withdrawal symptoms are like: they are willing to do Anything for the next high – thus
I commit myself to stop my own energetic highs and addictions as I realize that I am not supporting anything or anyone every time that I deliberately seek to ‘escape reality’ through entertainment, through anything that makes me feel ‘good’ and actually experience a ‘feel good’ moment through the mind. I realize this is the actual spite toward life because we consume it to feel good – and do nothing to give back to life – thus
I commit myself to deliberately step down of the energy bubble of ‘feeling good’ and entertainment, take a deep breath and direct myself to be here in the comfort and consistency of the actual breathing in the physical, because I see and realize and experience the pains that it actually takes to generate such energetic experiences of ‘highs’ and then going to the ‘lows’ which is how I commit myself to expose that it is only in the mind that we can produce such instability, while who we are as the physical is constant and consistent.
I commit myself to expose how the heaven is our minds and the moment that we exist in a feel-good moment in our minds, we will only exist as this constant and continuous seeking for ‘more’ – just like addicts seeking for greater doses to stay in the ‘high’ – eventually losing track of why we even seek to feel good, and only consuming to feel good while neglecting the reality that we are evading just because of seeking an illusion of ‘feeling good’ in our minds, which is actually the most self-abusive state because we are not self aware or self directive in the means and ways that we create such ‘feel good’ experiences, but only serve the mind and abuse the physicality that we are consuming to keep our ‘city of lights’ in place, which is our mind of multiple entertainments that we’ve constructed as the perfect entertainment center to escape reality.
I commit myself to make a deliberate self directive decision to step down of the ride of enjoyment and energetic experiences, stop the justifications and direct myself to do and attend my responsibilities and instead use the time to self support me and others equally.
I commit myself to no longer turn the back on life and stopping waiting for later or the next day to be and become self directive at all times – no matter what.
I commit myself to expose how the moment that entertainment is ‘at hand,’ one must be even more self-directive to not be easily distracted by the possibilities of all our potential ways to divert our attention from being aware of what we participate at a mind level which creates the patterns that we have blindly accepted as ‘how things are’ in our reality.
I commit myself to actually direct myself to LIVE every day here, breathing and stopping all patterns from the past and deliberately live and make a habit of that which is self supportive, as that is what it means to live: to stop the lie that we’ve become and create what we all want to live by and as from here on: doing, saying, thinking, directing ourselves toward a best for all outcome in Equality as Life.
Why are you sure that you are going to wake up tomorrow?
What if this is the last day of our lives?
How you do you know that you are not in trouble if this was your last breath, your last shot in life? – 2002
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This blog is part of the After Death Communication Series
This blog is part of the After Death Communication Series