Tag Archives: charity

286. The More Goods we Own, the More Good we Are?

Have we ever pondered why we call our physical requirements to live ‘Goods’ that we have Monetized and within that separated ourselves from our inherent right to benefit from that which is from the Earth? Because they create a point of satisfaction and fulfillment for our well being – yes, that is certain, however if we understand that these goods are an indispensable aspect of our well-being, then why haven’t we set up a system that ensures that All being are Equally supported with money to buy such goods? Here comes the ‘biggy’ point, a nominal aspect that we simply learned and integrated as part of our vocabulary in order to adopt a general way to name everything that we want/need and desire as an indispensable tangible or intangible product for our consumption or ownership.

 

Isn’t restraining people from buying such goods an actual collective evil that we have brushed aside and veiled from our common sensical understanding of how things work in this world, who gets what and under which premises do we allow ourselves to deny these goods to a vast majority on the planet. Look at it that way: you are a vagrant sifting through the dumpster at the back of a restaurant, and you see a family of 5 hopping out of the car, ready to order the most delicious food that you haven’t ever had money to buy in your entire life – you’ll know that in a few more hours, the left overs from their succulent food will be at your disposition, as waste/garbage at the back of the restaurant’s dumpster, the closest you’ve ever been to such a pleasure in life. You were born this way: no money, no education, no parents to take care of you, left out on your own, and no one wants to give a vagrant a job, ‘there’s no education!’How would you feel about the people that have it all ‘What do They have that I don’t? Why was I born without any money/ support?’

 

The fact is that the person with such money is able to ensure the family’s well being, because their ownerships are capitalized and as such, they will receive money for a lifetime without ever having to worry about ending up like such vagrant on the street, and the fine line that divides such family to the vagrant is drawn by money.

 

We are all equals as as living beings that require the same to eat, the same ‘goods’ to exist- so why have we turned our economic system into the most vilest form of constant self-abuse that is shaped in the form of shiny gold and silver coins and ever inflated shares and bonds and I.O.U’s that are never meant to be easy to pay back. Isn’t denying the right for all to have a dignified living that the worst form of evil that can exist?

 

In economics, a good is something that is intended to satisfy some wants or needs of a consumer and thus has economic utility. It is normally used in the plural form—goods—to denote tangible commodities such as products and materials.

– source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_(economics)

 

For context on redefining capitalism, read: Day 180: The Word ‘Capitalism’ in ‘Equal Money Capitalism Redefined

Continuing from:

 

Let’s look at ‘goods’ here again. A good person, a benevolent person is associated with having lots of goods. Believe it or not, this is an almost automatic thing wherein we associate poverty with all the ‘bad’ and ‘negative’ and all the good with the positive/well being. Now, I got this great perspective by reading: LIFE Regulation: Day 283 on Heaven’s Journey to Life wherein we get de-brainwashed in order to see how we have accepted and allowed to call ourselves ‘good people’ when we believe we’re not participating in anything ‘bad/ negative/ negligible/ detrimental’ to ourselves and others, but really, it is quite a narrow perspective to claim any benevolence when the sheer fact of having money in our pockets already places us in a superior position with regards to others that clearly have less or nothing than us – therefore, Who decided who gets what type of value/worth to be either in a fortunate/good position or in a poverty-line/bad position? Luck? God? Or was it ourselves and our own greed that lead us to pursue happiness at the expense of others?

 

This same schizophrenic acceptance of ‘the good/rich’ and ‘the bad/poor’ is the polarization of our own minds that has externalized such value-scheme upon everything in our reality, this means: we became our own worst nightmare, we set our own trap, we built the jail and now we’re locked in it, and the worst thing is that we could write/right our way out, but we somehow believe that we cannot change what we’ve become, we cannot unlock the lock that we coded ourselves, and that is our entire configuration as this world-system with money, governments, social institutions, family, entertainment, media and everything that we have shaped as our image and likeness of fulfilling our desires with all the goods and neglecting all about those who doesn’t have any access to such goods – human evolution anyone?

 

It is quite absurd to see it from this perspective, to realize how it is a matter of words that we imposed onto reality as good/bad, rich and poor that we currently have now real suffering, real people dying from starvation, murder, preventable diseases, real people being living the consequential outflow of someone’s decision that cut off their job, their regular ‘aid’ or simply decided to invest on some infrastructure for the elite instead of supporting the construction of basic services like water tubes and electricity lines, sewage for god’s sake…  yet when someone from the rich/ elite does something perceived as ‘good’ such as giving charity, we applaud them – why? Because of having the wondrous idea to direct some of the resources that were deliberately denied by default to those that have non and make them feel like suddenly we care for them for the first time, for a while? To make them ‘happy’ for a while and then forget about it all the next day?

This is no different to our minds: As long as we write or say that we will do something but we don’t, we are not living our words but still giving into this same ‘value’ system of the mind wherein seeking for that which we learned is ‘good for us,’ that which lead us to ‘happiness’ which is linked again to seeking for a point of comfort and acceptance of our ‘good life’ that is sustained by all those that have to work in slave labor positions for us to have the ‘power’  to give our numbers on paper money and buy it, and call that ‘buying goods’ – catch the drift? The same happens in our minds using the very physical body to power our mind experience.

 

By calling our products goods and all of their process entailing abuse, torture, exploitation, disregard for the natural sources as an equal and one part of ourselves, we are creating the greatest fallacy that is so ingrained at a mind level that the word ‘good’ becomes a synonym of the positive, no matter how much suffering and abuse the creation of such good entailed. We must be well into our minds to not see this at first sight. 

 

So, within this, it is to see and realize how we have become the greatest authors of our own encrypted cell wherein we’re selling life forgetting how  the air we breathe, the food we eat, the body we exist as wasn’t sold by the Earth and charging us interest for it, we simply accepted the money-system as is and feel happy and ‘rewarded’ when getting money, without ever  daring to look ‘behind’ it to see where such ‘power’ that money has comes from and how such power gives us a right to use what’s of this Earth and use it for our own benefit. What’s even worse is how we deny the access to such such paper-money-numbers-on-a-screen to some, so that they see themselves in the worrisome  and desperate position of having to do ‘anything they can’ to get money, to ‘buy the goods’ necessary to live, even if that means selling their body to get the ‘good money.’

 

It is disturbing and astounding that we hadn’t dared to look at how we buy and sell with blood, because every time that we sell life and acquire life, and there is one single being left out of this agreement to support each other as equals – which means that,  to be an equal giving and receiving participant of society/community, we’re playing with fire and we’re already getting quite burnt to the point of no return.

 

If I was the Earth in itself – which I am a part of of course –   I would do everything that I can to shake everyone’s assess to set some points straight to all human beings:  stop selling the real god that is this physical existence and start living according to the Law of My Being: giving and receiving Life in Equality.

 

This is the last call we get to understand that the Earth’s ‘goods’ are single parts of the whole that are not here to be part of our mind schemes of great profit and life sales, but to be granted within the understanding of how real benevolence in man can only exit once we set up an economic system that ensures life is distributed to all as a given access to make ourselves dignified living participants of the ecosystem we’ll all be able to finally call a dignified home for all.

 

 

Further Support:

DSC00363

Mother Nature is Pissed Off – 200

 

Watch the movie: There Will Be Blood , which is a great explanation of how one of the most important ‘goods’ such as oil can take over a human’s mind as a form of power possession, which is nothing else but an accurate depiction of what we are doing to ourselves on a daily basis, slowly but surely.

 

Blogs:

Interviews:

Advertisements

208. Doing Good as Positive Credit-Rewards

Benevolent Acts of Evil  – Yes, this is a paradox, but So are WE as Humans in this World System that is Our Creation – Only paradoxes and absurdity can describe the things that we’ve come to worship as benevolent and ‘good’ at the expense of others/life on Earth that is also ourselves.

Now, the 10 million dollar question: Where Did I Learn the Belief that Doing Good is equal to FEELING GOOD ?

In the previous blog I discussed even my dreams of ‘world change’ contained my own dreams of escalating in social positions in order to, yes ‘do good’ but also have a lot more benefits/ have more money and some social recognition for ‘doing good’ and as such, ‘deserving’ my rewards.

So after I wrote this blog yesterday I realized how the entire idea of wanting to change the world/ do good had a positive imprint on it – right – but, where did I get such idea from? Where did I first become aware of ‘doing good’ as something ‘good’ and that would lead me to have a nice experience that I learned to call ‘satisfaction.’

 

I can only trace it back to how my father used to say that when he does ‘good things,’ then it comes back ten-fold to him. And this was a general saying even: ‘may god multiply it to you’ and that’s what I would hear poor people telling him when he would ‘spare a coin’ to them – and so my father’s satisfaction in that moment as in making it a good experience became a reference point to this. Also in his work and position wherein he had some benefits for some two years,  I remember people greeting him and giving him gifts and being all happy/ joyous around him and ourselves – me and my sisters/ mother -when being there. Something similar would happen when visitors would come home  and how it was always such a nice experience to have everyone just being happy within being all cordial and show hospitality, helping others in any way becoming like this thing that would be ‘uplifting,’ which I came to enjoy for the ‘positive atmosphere’ that would represent, and yes gifts in return from abroad  +

 

However, I never knew the mechanics of how it is that only a few beings can ‘spare coins’ to poor people asking for some ‘charity’ in traffic lights, nor did I ask why people were smiling and revering my father wherein I was not seeing the convenience aspect of keeping a job, keeping a certain reputation and in essence, doing so out of fear of losing their current position within such organization, probably it was never because of some actual charm or enjoyment – lol. And the same within this belief that If I do good = good things will come my way. And I’d say this is the most ingrained belief, reinforced throughout time by my father’s predicaments based on books he’d read mainly about positive thinking at the time. So, I believed it, so I wanted to do good while waiting a reward for it, therefore it was never really unconditional within this. This is proof of how we have become absolutely deluded when it comes to ‘doing good’ while expecting something ‘good’ to come back our way instead of just establishing a system wherein we could ensure that we give to ALL Equally, wherein no matter what we decide to do and dedicate our lives with, we will know that we are living and supporting a system wherein no one is left behind. That would be True Benevolence not acts of charity to enhance one’s ego.

 

Do we see our life essence being equal when we do something good expecting something in return, meaning, do we see how it is simply giving and supporting that which we Also are? Or do we see only our egos expecting something in return? I’d say we’ve always lived in the selfish mind-frame of the second option and it is only now that within this whole point of a Desire to ‘Change the World’ we realize that it would be futile trying to ‘change the world’ if we haven’t stopped our own egos from continuing seeking ways to fulfill our own ‘satisfaction’ at the expense of others within a system that revolves around life-abuse. How bizarre it is, really, wanting to create a positive experience of ‘doing good,’ learning in schools, families and generally ‘ethics’ to always seek to ‘do good’ to another, but never even questioning why the inherent platform as the current system designed to neglect the lives of the majority would in any way enable such ‘human benevolence’ to take place – isn’t it rather deceptive and evil to do all these random acts of ‘benevolence’ for nice smiles, phony pictures of ‘charity makers’  – like celebrities do – and claim to have contributed to Change while always expecting some form of benefit in return.

 

As I was ‘jogging the memory’ – one of the first points I became aware of in terms of celebrities and doing some form of ‘good’ was becoming aware of the Free Tibet concerts that the Beastie Boys organized – now reading it was back in 1996 – so I was 10 years old and realizing that Hey one can have fun, be rich, be famous, do good and feel GOOD  about it. I actually made a video mentioning this when Adam Yauch died some months ago. I explain the whole deal here

2012 Spirituality and Activism Won’t Change the World

 

Now, an aspect I later on realized is that this goodness was not inherent to me, it was not something that I ‘truly’ wanted to do and even today I realize that all the bits and moments I ‘did good’ was from the starting point of getting some form of benefit from it, or ending up in a position wherein I would be able to be helped back by another, almost like keeping a score of myself in terms of how ‘good’ I was becoming as a form of Credit.

 

The ‘feeling good’ aspect of ‘doing good’ is not linked to anything else but actual money/ recognition that I would be able to get from other beings actually, which implies what?  That inherent desire to ‘do good’ was nothing natural to me, it was acquired through all the above mentioned points in my environment of getting rewards, gifts, recognition, appraisal, cordiality, getting this ‘goodness’ ten fold, etc. all stemming as points that would come from the en-virus-ment I’d say, all these viruses of positivity that I took as ‘word’ to be lived without a question.

 

The specific self forgiveness is then to see the actual ‘ugly truth’ of it all, which is had not really cared about myself as a physical living being/ I had not regarded Life as myself in all equally as one, I had only lived as an ego trying to uplift itself from ‘doing good’ and becoming ‘the savior’ in this reality while gaining money and recognition.  This stops here

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never question why I was pretending to ‘do good’ and ‘feel good’ about doing something to upgrade/ uplift or dignify the living conditions of other beings without asking first why on Earth they were being neglected and how my own existence was directly responsible for their current condition, and instead allowed me to stand in the position of being ‘indignant’ about it, which is the same mechanism of seeking who to blame instead of understanding how the system works and realize that I am a direct participant in the system that is currently denying support to beings that should be – by default, by virtue of being living beings – supported with all the necessary requirements to Live.

 

I commit myself to expose any form of charity or benevolent act of evil as the actual underlying reasons why they are taking place, and why charity nor fund raising or any other form of ‘support’ that exists as a form of benevolence toward the ‘less fortunate ones’ is looking at an actual solution to Stop perpetuating the requirement of ‘charities’ and ‘auctions’ to benefit this or that cause, and instead realize that necessary economic, political and social reform required at a global level for Actual Real Change : www. equalmoney.org

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that I was inherently ‘good’ wanting to ‘do good to others’ and in this world, without ever really even considering how this goodness was always expecting something in return in the form of a recognition, preference, specialness, even gifts/ material stuff in return as well as creating a form of ‘credit’ for a future moment wherein I would apparently someday require something from the being I was ‘helping out,’ and in that learn how to move within relationships of self interest instead of actually being unconditional within my ability to assist and support others.

I realize that this stems from the aspect of our current monetary system wherein I learned to save money/ to not squander it, to not just ‘give it away’ because it was earned with hard work, and such all ‘benevolent acts’ that implied me buying something to someone was charged with a bit of guilt but in this all, the desire to help to get a positive experience was ‘more’ than the practical considerations of money and my ability to give it away.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘do good’ to others based on my ability to buy it without considering further aspects in terms affording it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that wanting to do good/ make others feel good is based on self interest according to my own social-conditioning of expecting good things in exchange. Thus I direct myself to consider the practical physical reality of supporting others without compromising myself in my living conditions.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to project Care and Benevolence toward other beings, wanting to do good/ wanting to change the world while not being absolutely comfortable with myself, not really caring about myself as an individual and wanting the ‘best for myself,’ as all my relationships and truth of what I accepted and allowed myself to become revealed otherwise, that I wasn’t really caring for myself as a living being – thus, how was I preaching ‘goodness’ while being self abusive? A walking paradox I had become – thus

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself in the first place in terms of seeing how I could correct myself, and learn how to appreciate and care for my own physical body before even trying to ‘do good’ outside in the world just because of the experience I would get, which would compensate my actual lack of self-consideration/ self ‘love’ if you will, even though I cannot utter the word love without seeing it as a major deception still – so I will use self-appreciation as that is a consideration of the physicality that I am enabling me to exist and continue, even after all the time that I’ve been torturing my physical body even by my desire to get some ‘positive experiences’ which is part of what I had always been oblivious about in terms of how the mind works and how our physicals are always affected by the constant and continuous desire to live-through-the-mind as an Experience of either positive or negative experiences.

 

I realize that in this world and society we have never learned how to live as Physical Beings, and that the gruesome truth is that no one has really cared for themselves as equal beings, as the Life Substance/ our Equality that we exist as. Thus, I commit myself to continue walking my process of self acceptance, self appreciation and self-awareness to always ensure that everything that I am correcting within me is standing within a single physical alignment to what is best for all, thus no energy as positive or negative experiences is required.

 

I commit myself to develop my own self-relationship to my own my physical body to be able to actually walk through my own self-neglect first, before trying or attempting to ‘change the world’ outside of myself. As I see and realize and experience the physical trauma that we’ve inflicted upon ourselves in a ‘silent mode’ while existing in absolute separation of our physicals in relation to being only “living” up there in the mind, never questioning how it is that such experiences that we had equated as ‘living’ were not constant as the actual physicality that we breathe in an out – day in an out – moment by moment. That is our reality and that is what I see is required for me to equalize myself, so that no matter what decisions I make, I can can always exist here as myself and realize that there are many ways in which we can proceed to continue supporting beings to become aware of these basic principles: we have to first care for ourselves as Life in order to then understand why changing the world cannot be based on selfish self-interest, but how such self interest can only exist in common sense as Equality.

I must say that this whole evil thing has been actually very refreshing to me, from making sense of many paintings that I had and was confused about like wtf, why would I paint that? and also within cross referencing my own discomfort of having to smile and pretend to be a ‘good girl’ in certain social situations when the reality is that it Always seemed fake, period. I can say that if any form of joy exists in this world it cannot possibly exist as a reward of a deliberate input of ‘doing good’ to get something ‘good’ in return, no way – it must be an actual constant and consistent living realization of who one is as a living-force that contributes in equality within a system that can support all beings equally – nothing more and nothing less.

That’s what I would want for myself. Can I Give it to myself practically? Yes – I begin within me by removing the accepted and allowed social condition of ‘doing good’ as a positive experience, and instead equalize myself to a living-correction that implies only aligning myself/ who I am according to that which is best for all, which is then not energy based, but physical-reality based and in that any form of personal importance is vanished as there is no need to ponder any particular person for ‘doing good’ for all will be part of this way of living that has the potential to demonstrate what we can actually become if we start living in neighborism.

  • This will continue with more nitty gritty aspects of social conditioning seeking benefits out of ‘doing good’ to society.

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process

Desteni Forum

Equal Money System 

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews:


203. The Acceptance of Heaven is the Allowance of Hell

As humanity we have walked life after life not questioning anything in our reality, learning that things are ‘how they are’ because ‘that’s how it works’ and swallowing up this chill-pill-answer which in my case, I swallowed with some discontent initially – however, because I had no physical suffering, lack of food, lack of a house, lack of family, lack of education and learned that even though I was seeing suffering on the streets, being witness to hideous acts of madness – all was apparently ‘fine’ and we could still ‘enjoy’ and ‘have fun’ and seek for our greatest excitement and monetary success,  I simply learned to turn a ‘blind eye’ and being perfectly aware of every moment that I would compare my reality to that of children my age that had to be working on the streets, knocking door by door asking for food and clothes, me only reacting with absolute powerlessness every time, feeling sorry for a few minutes – then forgetting about it and continue with my happy go round life that was possible due to Money. Because, in the end,  what one learns at home when being in a middle-class society is to always aiming ‘higher’ in the social pyramid of greed and negligence and not really bother in trying to ‘save the world/ change the world’ as I had expressed some times – all of it actually stemming from me more feeling ‘bad’ about it than really even considering at that stage me being Them as in equally being here in this world, and that the acceptance of their condition held/ sustained my own pursuit of happiness.

This is similar to the acceptance of heaven and hell and my early obsession with polarity and wondering how I could only fathom ‘staying on the good side’ of BenEVILence, doing all I could to remain always at the good eyes of that god/ spiritual all-seer that I believed in and that became- along with my reality – the constant guiding forces while growing up: the social-conditioning of focusing on ‘aiming higher’ and the spiritual context (I apparently was not raised religiously, but ‘spiritually’ lol)  of doing good/ being a good girl/ aiming to ascend to the light realms when being dead. I did not know much about ‘heaven’ or the bible – but was well aware of Hell and I knew I had to avoid it at all cost. Now, this single neglect toward Hell/ Evil/ Demons the ‘Bad’ and Dark side of reality was almost like a taboo that no one wanted to talk about, not even talking about ‘death’ which obviously, lead me to later on develop my own fascination toward all the things that had been kept ‘unknown’ to me as part of any form of Education and Family/ Society, wherein all one focuses is ‘staying on the positive side! Be Happy! Seek for your own personal improvement!’ type of reality. But still, I was not satisfied.

 

I became a news fanatic when I was probably on my early teens and this was mostly beginning to wanting to understand the financial systems because of aiming at a career in such realms initially – obviously then veering off to the total opposite within hearing everyone say how I was absolutely ‘out of my mind’ if I even think I could create a change in this world – it bummed me out and that’s how I essentially Gave UP any form of actual career that would lead me to be In the system, the core of it in the money-markets and financial deals and veered toward that which I believed was more ‘humane’ such as socials sciences, ending up in literature and arts – which till this day even after all I see hold enough opening and consideration toward that which can create a change in this world if implemented at an educational level.

 

So this is a bit of a background of how I learned to ‘turn a blind eye’ on reality, essentially quickly conforming with everything that seemed like a ‘better option’ for me to take on in my reality, which suited what I was informed I had to aim at while growing up: being a successful person like my parents, in ‘whatever’ I decided to be and become. And I accepted that constant impulse as something ‘cool’ you know? Because I was being ‘cheered up’ by my parents every time that I ‘succeeded’ in my school, yet I always never felt quite happy with it, because I would go into ‘feeling bad’ about those that were behind me and were not even able of attaining a proper mark, even if I had witnessed they tried very hard to – and so this impotence grew and grew within me, not knowing why on Earth did I have it ‘so easy’ in  my life and others were struggling – and this, was my acceptance of ‘Heaven’  as something that was meant only for a few – and denying Hell as the reality of this world, as everything that I could see and perceive as being ‘behind me/ below me’ in any form of social taxation that I became aware of while realizing that there were kids my age – 6 –7 or even less – working on the streets, asking for food, asking for coins while their mothers fed babies next to them, on the sidewalk.  I allowed myself to just pretend that it is ‘fine’ and that they are somehow having to PAY for some awful act in some past life and that’s ‘why’ they are poor/ neglected and even receiving further abuse by the authority, the level of Injustice I became aware of really ‘brought me down’ into a constant state of depression and being sad about the state of the world, only later on and even today realizing/ remind myself how this is also a state of self interest, wherein I then certainly sought to escape from this reality through the realm of imagination, pictures, inspiration, seeking ‘beauty’ in this world where there was clearly non – all as a failed attempt to redeem life in one way or another, never ever considering to what extent I had ‘signed up the contract’ to be part of the ones that wanted to ‘change the world’ outside of ourselves, feeling ‘bad’ for the unfortunate ones and essentially committing myself to want to do some ‘good’ mostly from the starting point of me not feeling guilty for having had a rather privileged lifestyle, as opposed to what I would witnessed around me.

Continuation of the Elite Character

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to be and become ‘successful’ just like my parents, wherein this positive attitude and positive experiences was always linked to having money in our pockets and ensuring that we became ‘good savers’ and within that, giving some charity to those that had Nothing only to ‘share what we have’ without ever really considering how the very acceptance of us being able to give to ‘unfortunate ones’ that which we could spare them, implied the acceptance and allowance of inequality in this world as ‘how the system works’ wherein instead of learning about the creation of poverty and inequality that lead to social injustice, I con.formed to only feel ‘bad’ about them and give them money fro once in a while, giving  clothes away while creating an experience of powerlessness within me about them/ the unfortunate ones, which implies how I would only feel bad about them when being in their presence – yet remaining focused on my ‘aim’ to achieve my goals in life, which was mostly linked to being a good person/ doing good to others/ caring about ‘the world’ such as the environment, pollution – I did not even consider animals that much – and essentially creating this profile of being a ‘good person’ linked to success and most importantly, linked to a reward in the afterlife.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brush aside the fact that I did believe in a light-realm where all the dead people would go to and I was aware of the so called ‘caves of darkness’ wherein I learned that people that had, for example, been participating in wars would go to, and that I would simply have to do everything I could to avoid going there – it wasn’t called ‘hell’ but just ‘darkness’ so, I had to avoid darkness which in this world translated to avoid ending up as a ‘no one’ with no-money/ no-light in this world and within that, see all people that were with no-light/ no-money and living on the streets, being absolutely helpless as people that had probably been inherently evil in some past life and within that justifying their existence as poor people/ unfortunate ones according to that ‘law’ which I later on became aware it was called karma.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘do good’ in my life not because I genuinely cared about other beings, but because ‘I’ did not want to suffer and feeling bad when looking at them and realizing that I had ‘more’ than them – essentially thus any thought or intention of ‘doing good’ was directly linked to the inherent guilt and shame that I developed when and while growing up, due to me feeling powerless to do anything about their situation and as such, always only focusing on how I would experience myself toward the ‘unfortunate ones,’ and believing that I had to redeem Myself by being a good/ careful person even though I always felt awkward while pretending to be so, yet played the act because I wanted to be seen with ‘good eyes’ by society and ultimately by whatever force I was expecting on ‘the other side’ so, I did walk a life of ‘keeping score’ of being a good person, fearing doing ‘bad things’/ fearing ‘evil people’ and only promoting a way to ‘elevate ourselves’ in social conditions and even beingness such as being more ‘enthusiastic’ about life – wanting to ‘do good’ to the ‘less fortunate ones’ yet never in fact investigating what were the causes of their current unequal stance within the system, what was the reason why they were not being helped to have a dignified living and blatantly accepted then poverty just as part of my landscape, not bothering to question about it further because of not getting straight answers about it – thus con.forming, keeping quiet, turning a blind eye and instead focusing only on my personal world and satisfaction, escalating social statuses and aiming at all times to ‘be successful’ in whatever I decided to be and become.

 

I realize that my very starting point of ‘caring for others’ has never been something natural/ genuine to me, no matter how hard I tried to believe it was. But was mostly caused by the fear of having to ‘pay’ something/ someone in the afterlife for having been a ‘bad person’ such as having a ‘good life’ and in that, neglecting others’ realities such as the unfortunate ones, wherein I then tried to ‘do my part’ by seeking to oppose the system, criticize it, judge it and essentially pointing fingers at everyone else but myself, which is how I became self-righteous about my evil  (195. The Righteousness of Evil) and took it to the extent of denying vehemently that I was an equal and one participant of everything in this world that would case suffering, death, starvation in it – it really took me a while to understand how by just the single fact of me being Here as a breathing physical being, I was equally responsible for all that which I had turned a blind eye from for a very long time and how the very position of wanting to ‘do good’/ be a good person’ to the unfortunate ones was in fact blatant self interest, seeking to stop feeling ‘bad’ about those that had no money/ no support from anyone and within that, also earning ‘points’ toward a lightish/ heavenly experience, avoiding going to the ‘caves of darkness’ that I knew simply was something to avoid.

 

This became the foundation of ‘how I functioned’ in my reality, wherein for a long time what ruled me obviously was then only looking at the positive and doing essentially what I believed was ‘proper’ in terms of seeking to give charity/ support to the ‘less fortunate ones’ once that I had attained my elitist-supreme position that I did seek after in my mind/ imagination when thinking about professions and careers that I could direct myself to, which was not up to long ago some 6 years ago wherein I aimed at becoming a ‘well known’ artist so that I could then ‘speak up and change the world!’ because I apparently never stopped wanting to ‘make a change’ but I was precisely not wanting to give up my OWN benefits in order to see how everything works in reality and how I was directly responsible for that which I was trying to ‘save’ and ‘correct’ and ‘reform’ in this reality.

 

So, I commit myself to realize and accept the fact that I have never really genuinely ‘cared’ for other beings in an absolute unconditional manner, due to me always wanting to ‘add up to my score’ of doing something good to others, instead of realizing this is a matter of principle, of Understanding reality wherein once that you Understand, See and Realize how this entire existence functions, how the world system stems from our very relationship of the mind toward the physical, how energy and substance operate, what was heaven and hell and what they represent until today within our lives, how the world system functioned with a preprogrammed life path for all beings wherein there were by design some elitist beings that became the example and role model for the masses to attempt to ‘equate’ to  – while creating poverty, starvation, the ‘ostracized’ and marginalized people that were sustaining such wealth being absolutely disregarded out of the equation of any form of satisfaction and fulfillment. And within this all, realizing that there is No excuse at all to not stand up for life, not only because of it being our absolute responsibility, but because we are it – it is not even about creating a sense of ‘duty’ within it all, it’s about self-realization of us being that whole that is currently undergoing the ‘trials and tribulations’ that are nothing but the outcome of having lived entire lives only seeking to maintain an apparent ‘well being’ at the expense of others that were deliberately quieted/ shut down or even ostracized from the system in order for the majority to seek after the ‘good life’ here and in the hereafter, which became the most well known lie to be Sould in existence, not even only in humanity.

 

Thus I commit myself to realize that the starting point of myself within this process of Self-Equality and Oneness in Self Honesty implies realizing and recognizing the fact that one was initially motivated by obtaining something ‘good’ out of this, some form of ‘reward’ for walking process, without realizing that it is not about changing the world ‘out there’ for others, but changing My world With others – which is something you can read at Heaven’s Journey To Life which clarifies to the exact T. this subtle differentiation that makes actually a big difference with regards to the approach of ‘changing the world’/ wanting to go do good’ and all the points that we must consider before even being able to consider any form of ‘change’ within ourselves/ our reality.

 

I understand that Education is the fundamental aspect to this, as I am a witness of it myself. the more I educate myself about Reality with everything that is being presented as the Investigation of  Existence and this Reality through the Eqafe interviews, I become more certain about myself, my process, my understanding and playing my own ‘devil’s advocate’ to see where the hell there exist still any form of self interest to walk this process, which obviously cannot remain at all not a single iota of ‘convenience’ can determine my every move, otherwise it will be pointed out by myself in Self Honesty in order to realize that any form of Energy-seeking desire is Self-Dishonesty and that implies going to both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ as poles of the same energetic fix that the mind is always seeking for.

 

I commit myself to be absolutely self honest to any point of support that I commit myself to give to myself and share with others, in order to not create a certain persona of myself, standing up for ‘something good’ but simply realizing it is a single alignment and correction of how things should have always worked/ functioned in our reality. And this is then a matter of physical principles of living conditions, not of an egotistical approach to make ourselves feel ‘more’ than what we already are here.

 

I will continue  in the following posts debunking my acceptance of an elitist character within me, wanting to ‘do good’/ be good while still holding on mainly a personal self interest about it all to become ‘more’ than myself apparently.

 

For more information and understanding of yourself visit:

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Desteni Lite Process 

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System 

 

Eyes that see

Eyes that see 2003

 

Must Watch:

Human Resources: Social Engineering In The 20th Century

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews:

MyKey is in the house again: 


79. “I Feel So Cheated!”

 

Patterns:

  1. Remaining quiet/ building backchat about a situation that I accept and allow over a period of time wherein anger/ frustration and irritation emerges in an outburst with further consequences instead of taking Responsibility for them.
  2. Feeling victimized when something does not work out/ going into an emotional experience and thinking/planning how to escape from such ‘evil world.’
 

This is a continuation to ‘Be careful what you wish for” which is the aftermath of realizing what I accepted and allowed myself to participate in because of allowing things to ‘just be’ without placing myself as a direct active and involved participant to ensure I knew what I was cooperating in.

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat and remaining quiet about a situation that I am witnessing is not being directed in common sense out of fear of stirring conflict, without realizing that such conflict eventually creates anger, frustration and irritation that builds up to the point of bursting it out in one single moment with extreme anger, frustration and irritation toward others, instead of having taken responsibility from the beginning for and as myself to see where and how I am participating in my world/ reality, and ensuring that all points are walked in common sense and mutual agreement, so that each one is self-responsible about the consequences from each other’s participation and actions in any given event/ circumstance.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself every time that I think/ believe or perceive that ‘I have been cheated’ and that ‘I was used’ and ‘not properly informed,’ which is just a mechanism in my mind to justify the anger toward another instead of taking self responsibility to actually inform myself and walk the process of decision-making with proper communication and without assumptions, which is how whenever I see myself assuming things/ believing that ‘what’s best for all’ is being done, I stop and I breathe – I realize that whenever I assume and remain quiet, I am only allowing myself to not be directive at all times to ensure I stand equal and one to whatever and with whomever I am participating with and within in my world. This is the only way that I can stop compromising and victimizing myself toward others, and ensure that whatever I do, say and participate in, I am equally informed and participating to express perspectives of what is best for all and what must be considered before allowing the point to unfold to eventual consequences that are not best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate on the pattern of believing that ‘I am always the one to be blamed for when shit hits the fan,’ which is an ingrained mechanism of self-victimization from when I was a child and, whenever something ‘bad’ would go in my house, I was immediately waiting to be blamed for it, building a lot of resentment toward my family for always believing that I was the only one that would do the ‘bad things’ and break things around, which is how I grew up with this sense of ‘being rejected’ and belittling myself, believing that it was always ‘my fault,’ which I used to build my self-victimization personality as to not have to take responsibility for myself and my actions because: I would fuck it all up in one way or another as it always happens.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remain quiet throughout the entire unfolding of events, judging the expenses of the event as something ‘ludicrous’ without actually pondering how the point of support toward such charity could have been done in another way, but instead allowed me to believe that common sense was being considered and that I had to simply comply to what I had been invited to participate in, wherein I did not take proper time to investigate what I was going to be doing, but instead ‘trusted’ that the entire point was ‘good’ and ‘benevolent’ because of it being a charity-based auction, not really being aware of how it would precisely work.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a tendency to just believe that ‘my best interest is being guarded’ by others whenever I sign contracts and participate in events, without reading the ‘fine letter’ which is where and how I have to practically direct myself to ensure I read all contracts, that I inform myself about the details that I usually ‘shut off’ about in terms of money and money-making, to ensure that I in fact participate in something that is in the best interest of all – and if/ when realizing that such contract is not considering common sense, I must speak up and express the points to create an agreement wherein no consequential outflows of loss/ dishonesty emerge from the desire to profit in a situation that is supposed to be for charity only.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the character of ‘I still the mind, I shove away my reactions’ based on the knowledge and information on Buddhism, believing that such event was ‘a test’ for my patience and a way to ‘vanish my ego’ by not caring about money, which is proof of how I mindfucked myself into not looking into the practical aspects of this entire event in relation to communicating openly about money, about the mechanism of how the profit would be obtained to ensure I would be aware of how I was in fact contributing to such event – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always fear talking about money when being in a situation of ‘working’ / selling just because of believing that talking about money makes me a ‘self-interested person,’ without realizing that this is just a matter of practical considerations in this world and that I have to stop judging money as something ‘of self-interest’ in my desire to portray myself as a ‘humble/ altruistic person’ that was only ‘in it’ for the art and the fun, when it was not so in fact because we all require money to live and everything that I did cost money – thus I ensure that I stop my self-judgment toward the use of money and money itself whenever I sign contracts/ get involved into any working situation, to ensure that I am well informed in relation to what I am practically being involved with.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that when she (the person that invited me to the exhibit/ auction) was explaining about the loss of money from the event two days later in her car, I allowed myself to take that as a complain and that she was ‘blaming it on me,’ which is a mechanism of my mind to go into ego to create further victimization and conflict inside myself, instead of actually communicating about the practical aspects that were not considered from the beginning. This implies that when and as I see myself going into ego believing that people are complaining to ‘make me feel bad/ making it all my fault’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a mechanism that I use in order to become the ego that is ‘hurt’ so as to not have to look into my responsibility within the participation of such event and my actual lack of self-direction and proper investigation to see what I was actually going to be supporting and participating in.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for the decisions made, compounding anger and frustration for what I have participated in thinking that ‘I must blame them for getting myself into this,’ without realizing that it was me that did not bother to ask and be informed about the practicality of such charity event in terms of Money, just because of the judgment that I had held toward Money itself as something that would make me look like a ‘self-interested person’ and not the ‘benevolent artist’ that I wanted to be seen as, wherein I constantly said that I was ‘in it’ because of the art and charity, not for the money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain in this ‘benevolent/ altruistic persona’ wherein I avoid having to be dealing with money and conforming to whatever rules and dispositions I take part on, as long as I am supported and everything ‘works fine’ on the outside, without really getting to inform myself about how money runs in a business/ contract/ work point that I involve myself with –

 

Within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever agree on doing a job on photography and because it was for a religious association, I ended up not charging any money for them, even though it was agreed that I would be paid for it. Which is how within this ‘altruistic character’ I deemed that asking for money/ for my pay was self-interested, and that I had to let it go for that once, not realizing that within this I am compromising myself to not be effective in the money-system because of all the backchat held toward ‘earning money’ out of what I deem as ‘a pleasure’ such a taking photographs.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that person as financially stupid because of not equating the final profit-for-charity made out of the auction and the expenses for the event itself, wherein I allowed myself to compound even more anger about the entire situation which was only building up further as the consequences of the entire backchat that I simply thought I had to ‘breathe through and not deal with it’ due-to/ because of that ‘still the mind’ personality/ character that I had decided to deliberately play out within that entire trip/ event in my life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fester anger and absolute irritation as the consequence of me not dealing with the backchat in the moment, and instead allowing it to compound to a point wherein I eventually explode as the consequence of not having spoken up in clarity to ensure that we are all equally informed about what is being done and what I am participating in.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge the entire charity point based on the consequences that we were facing in terms of money, instead of having had enough common sense approach to know what I was going to be participating in, and propose an actual solution to the event before hand, but instead, I allowed myself to be overridden with enthusiasm and excitement about ‘being invited overseas to exhibit my work’ without reading the fine-print on how the money point would work and function. This implies that I was the one that did not take responsibility for myself and my participation, which leads to in this anger/ ego possession, only project blame and further judgments within the self-victimization character.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself every time that I see that I depend on another financially wherein in this case, I knew that I could not end up in a ‘bad manner’ with her because my hotel bill had to be paid – thus realizing how we compromise ourselves because of money wherein common sense and equal-agreements are not placed and discussed wherein there is a point of interest behind it all, which in this case was money all the time – yet, I blinded myself by thinking or believing that ‘true altruism’ is existent and that I was in fact being invited by ‘good people,’ which is not a point of further judgment projection, but a realization of how everything works in this world through/ as/ by and for money itself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into the self-victimized state of ‘I feel cheated’ because of seeing that I could not earn money other than just giving that money to pay for my hotel bill and that was it, wherein I compensated the entire thing with thoughts like ‘I earned good reputation from it,’ wherein I then gave more worth to the recognition/ fame experience rather than actually considering the expenses that I had to cover from the expectation of being able to earn a percentage of the works.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always talk myself into the ‘positive attitude/ positive side’ of things, wherein after I see that I have lost/ that the expectations were not met, I go into thinking that ‘the experience is worth it’ and that it was a ‘cool experience’ overall, which is how we have justified the ‘learning lessons’ point in life wherein we are actually participating in mechanisms of self-abuse without really taking on the points to correct within ourselves, but instead sugar coat it with ‘positive experience’ to not have to take responsibility for what we accept and allow from each other as the mechanisms of this world system based on money/ profit and greed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there were ‘true good intentions’ behind it all, such as supporting ‘emerging artists’ and gathering work from around the world, which is how I allowed myself to ‘calm myself down’ in the moment, ‘stilling the mind’ by accepting such positive view as real and more important than the actual money—issue that was discussed before, wherein I believed that because I was getting extremely angry toward her in my facial expression, she started ‘soothing’ the entire point by the good positive thinking attitude to it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I must contain myself’ whenever I am boiling up in anger, which is further self-manipulation wherein I am not allowing myself to simply breathe and without reaction speak in common sense to be on equal terms, but instead remain quiet only building up an inner battle of anger vs. stilling the mind and becoming utterly displeased and frustrated about the whole situation there.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to manipulate my expression once that I have already compounded energetic reactions wherein I know beforehand that whatever I speak will be like venom trying to sound ‘correct’ while holding the anger as energy accumulated equal in intensity to the amount of time that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat while remaining quiet/ not directing myself to communicate effectively with people with whom I am directly participating in a certain situation/ event/ process.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue existing as anger once that I am finally speaking out, wherein the anger then becomes seemingly ‘uncontrollable’ based on the self-righteousness that I access in that moment stemming from my perceived victimization, wherein I realize that because I have taken the ‘lesser/ victimized’ position, I believe that ‘I have the right to be angry’ at others, instead of realizing my point of self-responsibility within this situation wherein I was the one that accepted and allowed such anger to accumulate based on my laxity of self-direction due-to/ because of thinking that ‘everything was under control’ and that I did not have to worry about it, that I could just ‘let it be’ and breathe through my questions and uncertainties about the entire event, which are obvious indications that every moment that I ‘shut myself off’ without understanding why I was asking such questions lead me to a point of inevitable anger and frustration of which I didn’t see myself as absolutely responsible for.

 

I realize that I had held this event as a ‘bad experience’ in my life based on the relationship that ‘broke up’ in that moment, wherein I remain blaming the other person instead of having realized my absolute participation in every single moment that I allowed backchat to continue in judging and criticizing without taking Self Responsibility for it. Thus I see that every moment that I ‘breathed through my reactions,’ I was in fact only suppressing them to not have to face my own point of self-responsibility and instead, position myself as the ‘victim’ within the entire event.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to criticize everything and all justifications/ validations and excuses that were presented as the reason why such event took place because of not being in the moment hearing unconditionally, but I was already positioned within anger, frustration and victimization which is how no communication can be effective as I realize that once I am possessed with anger, I blind my ears as all I can see is ‘anger’ as me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be ‘right’ about my assessment on the entire event, keeping this self-righteousness as my assessment as ‘real’ because that way I could ensure that I would remain as the victim within it all, to not see where I missed my absolute self-responsibility within my participation of every single moment of and through the entire event.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to access the pattern of me wanting to ‘leave the scene’ every time that I get into a point of conflict with another, wherein once that I am possessed with anger and frustration, I feel like crying and yelling and storming out of the place – which is all based on the amount of thoughts that I allowed myself to participate in with no sense of self-responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buildup my anger even more every time once that I am participating in a conflict with another, they present the ‘bright side’ of the entire situation as to ‘ease the experience’ within myself, which is when I make use of them being aware that I am utterly pissed off to further enhance my self-righteous anger and simply not speak as to ‘let them know that I am utterly mad and angry’ – which is a pattern that I learned since I was a little girl and my parents and I would go into a fight, I’d play out the tantrum of being extremely pissed off and no matter what they did to ‘make me happy again’ – such as buying me some candy/ thing that I like eating – I would toss it back at them and enhance my tantrum with further crying and yelling as to let them know that ‘I was not able to be bought like that.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a self-righteousness within me to get angry/ be mad at people wherein once that I am possessed in this anger, I perceive it is too difficult to ‘let go’ of it, without realizing that it will take definitive and clear self direction to establish myself here as breath again, because anger is an indication of the accumulation of backchat over time that I allowed to ‘go by’ with no self-responsible direction to stop and instead, take responsibility for the points that instigated/ initiated the anger in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become even more irritated when the other person ended up the entire conversation with a ‘we all learned and had a good time which is what matters,’ without realizing that I have played the exact same point to make things ‘okay’ within myself at the end so that I do not have to face the consequences of not having directed me in every moment in the consideration of what is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create further disillusionment toward an entire career (!) based on one single event that lead me to believe that I was simply not able to ‘cope with the artworld’ which is a tendency that I had in relation to giving-up a point the very first moment that I see ‘it’s not working’ wherein all that I seek for is my way out of it as soon as possible, instead of facing the consequences, walking through the necessary solutions to ensure that I no longer remain as a victim in my own mind, but learn how to direct myself as life here in equality as what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to generate an immediate spiteful experience while thinking ‘art is just another fucking business’ as to justify my entire disillusionment and experience, wherein I allowed myself to be possessed by judgment and believing that ‘I had been cheated,’ while in fact it was all built due to and because of my laxity to be self-directive in everything I participate on, being aware of each step that I will be involved in, developing proper communication wherein there is equal understanding within the agreements that must exist when two or more people unite to give direction to a particular point/ event – and within this, also ensuring that I no longer judge money as ‘dirty business’ as I realize that this is the main judgment that lead me to create the laxity as in ‘not wanting to sound self-interested in money but only doing it because of the art,’ and also because of not wanting to exist as a ‘business person’ because of how I judged business people as ‘greedy people,’ and it all being just in my head based on the ‘puritan’ idea of myself as being not interested in money and being ‘alright’ just with the experience of going there and ‘doing my thing.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into the immediate pattern of isolating myself/ not wanting to see anyone when feeling this angry, using weed to soothe the moment and deciding that I didn’t want to be an artist any longer, which is an absolute tantrum that I threw as a constant pattern I have lived throughout my life wherein the moment things don’t go ‘my way,’ I simply step out completely of the game, lose all interest and mutate my interests into something else, just to remain within that eternal desire to fulfill myself in one way or another, which is what kept me ‘going’ in my life: creating ideals, dreams and desires that I could ‘live up to’ and in that, never really living HERE as life, but remaining only as a constant character seeking to fulfill itself in the right play.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of my ‘torment’ and entire anger/ frustration a ‘work of art’ wherein I dedicated myself to take pictures and create a little video that I entitled muerte/‘death’ as the death of my pursuit of happiness through an artistic career within this particular frame of ‘fame’ as glamorous art exhibits. I used this video as yet another shift in my character that I gave value and meaning as to my new approach toward art from a more ‘spiritual’ perspective – which is yet another character that I will be walking as the ‘seeking for a more meaningful art’ type of artist personality, which lasted for a couple of months before I got to Desteni.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to reinforce a pattern of justifying me becoming emotional and turning it into ‘art’ which is how I fueled the pattern of ‘ You’ll need to suffer to make any real art’ /Read the entry on this point here and within this, create another layer of mindfuck to make it all ‘worthy’ for myself again when making of this event another ‘source of inspiration’ which later on became a relationship of spitefulness toward art that I had to walk through the remainder of my career. Such a love story.

 

All of these events took place in a very rapid manner wherein I went from one spot to the other like a bumblebee trying to suck the very last drop of honey to see which one would ‘work the best,’ never realizing that such eternal search for ‘something’ in separation of myself was only me existing in separation of myself here, wherein I sought to be ‘more’ that ‘moreness’ of myself in separation of myself here as breath, as life, as the physical wherein I do not require to create events and experiences to LIVE but life is here as myself in every breath.

 

Disparate

Disparate 2005

 

 

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself ‘keeping quiet’ in any given situation wherein I do have questions and perspectives to share that are in essence questioning/ contradicting the nature of an event/ situation with one or more people, I stop and I breathe – I realize the pattern as the usual fear of creating conflict/ facing responsibility for myself – therefore I direct myself to ensure that I am here breathing and speak to share what I see in common sense should be considered within the event/ situation to ensure that I stand as the self-directive principle of what I accept and what I do not accept myself to participate in and exist within my world.

 

When and as I see myself accessing the victimization pattern of thinking that ‘I have been cheated’ and that ‘I am being used,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the way for me to not face the responsibility that I hold toward a particular moment and event, and that I must stop the victimized thoughts to take self responsibility for what I have created. I realize that I can in fact simply stop getting into the cycle by developing proper communication and understanding with all people that I have a direct relationship/ agreement with in terms of the participation within an event/ activity wherein I ensure I am in fact directing me and not a character of laxity and carelessness direct myself as an ‘everything will be fine’ type of personality. I stand equal to and one with the event and the physical practical considerations with no judgment toward the pertinent questions that must be asked and considered.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am the one ‘guilty’ for causing a problem or an emotional experience in another, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the pattern and mechanism that I use in order to not have to take responsibility for my own participation in such event/ situation, but instead place myself as ‘the sack of blame,’ taking it all on me to confirm that I have ‘done something wrong’ and within this, victimize myself instead of taking self responsibility for my actions and words in every single moment. Instead I direct myself to not participate in any form of emotional blackmail in a conversation/ communication and walking agreement with another/ other beings, as I direct myself in common sense at all times considering the consequence and outflow of my participation and words, which is how I can ensure that I do not engage in any ‘personal conflicts’ of the mind.

 

When and as I see myself judging the outflows and consequences of an event/ situation not turning out in a best for all way, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am only judging that which I allowed to unfold with no directive principle, which is the only way that things can ‘go wrong’ = when all participants and the purpose of something is not directed toward a best for all outcome. Thus I realize that I must not trust that points are being conducted in the ‘best possible way,’ but instead I ensure that I get practically involved in informing myself within and about all decisions and everything related to that point that I will be practically participating in, to ensure that whatever I do and with whomever I co-operate, I stand as an equal-participant in equal understanding of what is being practically conducted in every step taken, and all decisions made as to ensure that there are no ‘gaps’ of misunderstanding or any other opportunity to deceive one another.

 

When and as I see myself trying to only ‘still the mind’ as in suppressing the actual thoughts and experiences, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is another way of not taking responsibility for the thoughts that I am creating in my mind, and that it is another mechanism to evade having to take responsibility for the words that I am speaking/ and thoughts that I am participating in. Thus instead of ‘shutting them off,’ I breathe and I direct myself to see who I am within such thoughts, what is the starting point of it, how can I practically assist myself with such thoughts, self-forgiving and correcting those that serve no other purpose but fueling the ego and, that way ensure that I am able to express in clarity as breath, to expose the pertinent and practical considerations within any given particular event/ situation.

 

When and as I see myself judging me for asking about money when we are speaking about a job situation, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I can only judge this point for judging money as self-interest and greed in itself, instead of considering that it is an actual practical consideration that must be equally understood in any given contract and job situation, any transaction wherein money is involved and to see it for what it is, instead of tainting it with self-judgment as in ‘loathing’ the entire monetary system just by having to receive money to live.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to blame others for having something not working properly, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is another way of diverting my own point of self responsibility toward my direct participation in events, situations and agreements – thus I take responsibility for my reactions as the result of my own lack of self direction, as I realize that I am able and capable of directing myself within the consideration of the outflows and consequences of that which I participate and that which I do not direct as myself. Within this, I see that placing myself as the directive principle in everything I participate in is the way to ensure all I participate in stands in clear-terms between all participants with an intended outcome wherein all parts are considered and the aim is what’s best for all.

 

When and as I see myself trying to portray myself as a non-interested-in-money person, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am creating this character as an ‘altruist’ and that It leads to participate in unclear businesses and monetary situations. Thus, I ensure that I direct myself to inform myself about the monetary agreements in any point I participate in without any form of judgment for asking about the how, who, when and why of the monetary situation within any given point of job/ event wherein money is involved.

 

When and as I see myself compromising my expression based on depending of another financially, I stop and I breathe. I realize that being financially dependent does not mean that I must keep quiet and comply to all the rules and regulations within no question at all. I see that I am able to be informed as a right to know what I am participating in, and this is a simple part of ensuring that whatever I do and direct myself in is not manipulated by money having ‘power over me,’ but I see money-matters as a practical and reality-based discussion due to how money is the point that allows us to live at the moment in this current system.

 

When and as I see myself trying to find the ‘bright side’ to an event and situation that went wrong/ didn’t work out as intended, I stop and I breathe – I realize the pattern of covering up the fuckups for what it is and instead direct myself to see the point that I missed throughout the entire sequence of events to take responsibility for the point missed to ensure I correct and take it into consideration from here on. And even more so, I realize that I am able to stop this entire ‘making up for’ excuses by simply directing myself effectively within the engagement of myself within a certain activity/ relationship/ point I participate in, wherein I can ensure that I am considering the outflows and consequences of my decisions in terms of what’s best for all – and that if things ‘do not work out as intended,’ I will be able to take responsibility for the point as I recognize it as my creation in full awareness.

 

When and as I see myself accessing the pattern of ‘leaving the scene’ once that I get into a conflict, I stop and I breathe. I realize that leaving points ‘unsolved’ created further rifts and that it is absolutely my responsibility to face the point in the moment by slowing myself down to breath, and talking out without participating in any emotional reaction, but simply direct the point in common sense.

 

I realize that I learned this from my mother wherein every time she would face a conflict, she’d just leave the room and go to her room and so within that thinking that I had the right to do the same within such self-victimized state, instead of taking self responsibility to ensure that I indeed remained in a position wherein I can assess my thoughts, actions and participation to ensure I take responsibility for what I manifested and walk the necessary corrections.

 

When and as I see myself accessing the pattern of dissing/ diminishing that which is no longer satisfying me or has not fulfilled me in the expected manner, I stop and I breathe – I realize that any point of judgment is in separation of myself as the point of responsibility that must walk the self-correction necessary to ensure that I see myself as the creator and responsible of a point not working out the intended way and a such, ensure that I correct the pattern within me wherein I ‘missed’ the point – thus I learn from these mistakes to ensure I stand as the correction necessary within such event/ point.

 

When and as I see myself accessing a tantrum based on self-victimization, seeking to now glorify the experience as a ‘meaningful artwork’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that there will be no need to throw tantrums and go into self victimization once that I ensure I walk in equal-understanding and self-responsibility to all points that I participate in. This is then stopping the love/hate relationship toward anything and everyone in my world to ensure that I equalize myself as all relationships and associations I form based on what’s best for all and common sense – everything else is just deviation from the principle, which implies I take it back to self, walk it through self forgiveness to see which pattern I am playing out and walk the necessary living correction.

 

I commit myself to stop any desire to fulfill myself with seeking another experience/ event/ relationship once that another one didn’t ‘work out, as this is the usual pattern that follows once the positive energy experience is depleted from one situation/ event/ point wherein we see ourselves again ‘seeking for the moreness of ourselves’ in separation of ourselves. Thus I stop, I breathe and continue walking my day to day living ensuring that I remain as breath – and stop all desires to fulfill myself through experiences.

“Your past is just a story, and once you realize this, it has no power over you” Palahniuk Chuck

This drawing depicts that moment of the conversation in her car – however in real life I was not at the wheel. 2007

 

Blogs to Get out of Character:


Day 39: Hypocrisy

 

hypocrisy
n   the practice of claiming to have higher standards or more laudable beliefs than is the case.
hupokrisis ‘acting of a theatrical part’, from hupokrinesthai ‘play a part, pretend’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge another being as being hypocrite without realizing that we have all become hypocrites the moment that we live according to the idea that we want to fulfill of ourselves in our minds, chasing our wants, needs and desires and using all means available to achieve them, wherein we portray ourselves as a character that is able to ‘get what one wants’ by using deceptive means that in no way consider life and what is best for all, but only self interest and personal gratification.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people in my reality as hypocrites toward myself, when in fact the only one that was judging them was myself in my secret mind, believing that because ‘they need me/ they require my stuff’ they are being hypocrite toward me just to keep things ‘at ease’ around, without realizing that I have been the only one creating the point of hypocrisy by having thoughts, judgments about others in my mind that I have justified in self righteousness wherein projecting blame toward others makes me ‘the victim’ and the ‘good person’ that is ‘good spirited’ and is ‘true’ to herself – without realizing that the very act of judging and having thoughts in the back of my head about others that they can in no way see/ be aware of is making me exactly that which I am judging others for:a hypocrite.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that we have all always been hypocrites as that has become ‘the way’ to survive in a dog eat dog world, wherein pretending to care, pretending to be interested in another’s life, about animals, about the environment, about those in need comes like a ‘nice thought’ that makes us feel like we are ‘considerate’ toward fellow living beings, just to eventually in one second forget about it and continue living our lives, pursuing happiness, scheming ways to win, seeing how we can get the most with the least inversion, planning out ways to become effective within the system that functions in corruption and dishonesty by playing the game, without having ever considered that the acceptance of such constant scheming to be ‘more,’ to be ‘above others’ is what is driving this entire Earth to its absolute depletion, wherein everything that will be left-  if we don’t stop ourselves -is our dreams of chasing after the elusive pot of gold in the name of personal ‘power,’ that can only exist as an illusion within the delusional and schizophrenic monetary system that is based upon abuse and not life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as hypocrites for having approaching me in the name of self-interest and not in a ‘genuine’ way, without realizing that there are no ‘genuine intentions’ in this world wherein we have all bound ourselves to a system of survivalism, where the one that is able to be the best liar and ‘fool’ the most is the one that gets the most power as the ultimate reward = money in the world – hence how could I have ever gotten ‘hurt’ by seeing the truth of ‘others’ intentions’ without realizing that I have ruled my life according to the same principle of having to play the rules of this abusive game in order to survive, which are rules that I had never questioned and that I had accepted as ‘how things are’ and in that, justify all abuse and neglect toward life, which became me accepting hypocrisy as ‘who I am’ toward everyone and everything in this world, pretending to be ‘just fine’ while in fact, I could only deem that ‘everything is fine’ by deliberately accepting lies as truth and making myself ‘more’ through such ‘truths,’ as knowledge and information that I have defined as ‘who I am’ – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become equally deceptive and hypocrite the moment that I accepted another to be and become only a personality, a set of preferences, beliefs, judgments, values, words, pictures, emotions and feelings that I have accepted as ‘who I am/ who others are,’ which is in fact accepting the abuse of life ‘as life’ and pretend that we and everyone in this world were in fact ‘living,’ while in reality, we have all become hypocrites in pretending to live while abusing life, regardless of the evidence that is here every single day, in every moment  wherein animals are going extinct due to our abuse, people die out of sheer human negligence to provide unconditional life support, the environment is extremely exploited in the name of personal power, in the name of human supremacy over all other life forms that are regarded as ‘less than,’ which in fact makes me and all that have defined ourselves as our ego, our personality, our beliefs, our dreams, our feelings, emotions, preferences as hypocrites toward life, because we never dared to question ‘who we are’ in relation to life and how come that our ‘lives’ could only be fueled by using what is unconditionally here as the Earth and what we call ‘resources’ and selling it for our own personal ‘benefit’ which is translated to money as power in this world-system.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the ultimate hypocrite by believing that I could point out ‘flaws’ in others, while not even having dared to realize that who I am is the product of a society and a world built upon lies wherein no genuine thoughts, intentions and values have ever existed, because we’ve sold life in the name of money which means that whatever I ever pondered as genuine, as ‘sincere’ within me/ others was in fact part of the lies to keep myself within the belief that ‘I am a good person’ / ‘I am trust worthy’ – not wanting to see that this can only exist as long as ‘I am protected’ and I have money in my pocket as a form of security – otherwise, when my very own survival is threatened, all ‘honesty’ and ‘sincere intentions’ would be dumped out of the window because reality then knocks at our door to realize that: nothing that we have ever perceived to be ‘good natured’ was in fact so, as it had always been a cover up, a make-up for the inherent negative experience that we have all stemmed from since the inception and conception of ourselves within this existence. (Read Sunette’s blog for more)

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was sincere and a genuine ‘good hearted’ person, without realizing that I used this as a way to manipulate my reality to obtain and gain that which I knew would make me ‘worthy’ at the eyes of others in society and in that, being able to eventually create a ‘good reputation’ that can be translated as ‘good source of money’ in a system wherein personalities that are presented as ‘good willed,’ ‘sincere’ and ‘honest’ are ‘rare to find,’ yet not realizing that any self-perception of being ‘good natured’ and ‘honest’/ sincere has only been a way to continue surviving in the ‘good side’ of reality, while avoiding and deliberately covering up the ‘bad side’ which is how I had deemed others to be: hypocrites, cheaters, liars without daring to see how the very scheming and planning of my own life, myself, my personality and the picture presentation that I built of myself toward others, was aiming at serving two gods –  wanting to do ‘good’ to life but wanting to preserve my specialness and my recognition in the system as a way to be able to continue abusing/living a ‘good life,’ yet pretending to care about those that were ‘less fortunate’ than myself.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I’ve become the very epitome of hypocrisy, not only as an individual but as humanity, as an entire race that has dared to pretend that ‘everything is fine’ and we all go walking our days, seeking to ‘make it’ and looking for our greatest next excitement and successful living, living to the ‘max’ while neglecting all the effects and consequences of having lived by the law of self-interest throughout our existence, which is now facing a turning point that affects us all, and that must be a wake up call for everyone that is already seeing and living the consequences of our endless disregard toward life.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to judge smiles as a sign of hypocrisy without realizing that I would play out the exact same mechanism every time that I actually perceived a potential ‘threat’ or ‘antagonism’ from another, wherein the positive attitude such as unconsciously smiling was used to ‘soften’ any form of hostility that I could be facing in such moments, which reveals how being ‘affable’ and ‘good natured’ as an overall positive attitude is actually stemming from fear of conflict, fear of having enemies, fear of antagonism wherein through deception and lies we can ‘buy’ another to have them be ‘on our side’ in a world wherein only self interest can be the reason to divide and conquer.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have been a hypocrite from the very first stages in my life wherein I knew that presenting an ‘adorable expression’ would lead family, teachers, older people to be fascinated by me and in that, have everyone just ‘loving me’ and ‘appreciating me’ which would make me feel ‘good’ as the positive reward that I then became so used to constantly and continuously obtain from others – in this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that hypocrisy became the deceptive portrayal of a decorative positive experience toward people as my modus vivendi, in order to always have everyone/ the most ‘on my side’ and ‘agreeing’ with me, wherein I ensured that all things would always work according to ‘my plans/ my way,’ which means that hypocrisy became the ultimate manipulation to always get what I want, how I want it and whenever I want it, through instilling sympathy for me as the devil that looked for ways and means to always get ‘the most of the cake,’ as all the positive energy experience that attention, care, money and compliments that I could gather from others, in order to then ‘value’ myself as ‘worthy’ because others could see me/ consider me as ‘worthy’ and a ‘valuable person.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept positive rewards toward my hypocrisy which made a professional life-long hypocrite that knew how to ‘handle’ the system through creating and developing different personalities according to ‘where’ and with whom I was in my world, wherein I learned that different tricks as behavior, personality, words, self-presentation could work different according to each moment, each person to obtain my positive reward  becoming a chameleon that is multi-personality based,  and never ever considering this as something that was signifying deception and dishonesty, because I thought that everyone else was doing it, so it ‘must be’ the way to cope with reality, and in that

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an equal part of a deceptive, corruptible and life-treason system wherein we have all pretended that it was ‘okay’ to place price tags upon ourselves to be sold for that positive reward – to place price tags upon  life wherein we thought that it was ‘okay’ to have people starving in isolated countries in the world wherein they could not ruin our ‘pretty picture world;’ wherein I made it okay to compete against others by presenting a made-up personality,  misrepresenting, manipulating and abusing the very  life that constitutes my beingness and diminishing it to a single personality as a bundle of thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, wants, needs, preferences as a constant engine that had to be kept running by consuming more and more of anything that could keep me existing in that ‘positive idea of self,’ never pondering why I required to ever feel ‘more’ and ‘better’ about myself – and in this, never questioning why we were always seeking to be and portray ourselves as an ‘image of success’ at the eyes of others, in spite of the actuality that was going on within us, as all the inner conflict, self-hatred, self-loathing, anger, frustration and desires for revenge that we were only seeking to exert toward ‘the world/ others’ as an apparent blame for ‘them’ as the ones that went before us, having left a world in shambles, while the reality is that I as everything and everyone that is here have been equal participants in this game that we have called ‘life/ living’ wherein only through deceptive/ hypocrite means could we get some form of ‘decency,’ which implies that respect for life and human integrity have never been existent in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘higher standards’ can exist as an immaculate form of benevolence in this reality, without realizing that all positive experience is in fact stemming from our very own strife to make ourselves ‘more’ and ‘higher’ than what we are, because we have enslaved ourselves to an energetic system wherein we can only be ‘worthy’ and ‘good’ at the eyes of others through building up an image as a reputation that can be then ‘upgraded’ and ‘inflated’ like a price and sold and rewarded for good money as the actual positive-reward that can lead to fulfill the ‘higher standard’ that I sought to get and be recognized for as the ‘moreness’ of myself, which is and can only exist through abuse and general conflict/ opposition and abuse toward life and the consideration of Life in Equality.

 

As I see and realize that everything I have ever believed myself to be and think as a positive attribute has been part of the lies and deception in this world, I understand the importance of walking a process of Wiring, Self-Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application to give back to myself that positive experience that I always sought to be and become in the name of personal glory, wherein I tacitly agreed upon living in a system of abuse just to eventually get my positive reward for having been such a ‘good player’ in the system, abiding to the laws and rules of ‘survival of the fittest’ as the natural selection that I used as a justification to build up my ‘positive attributes’ to become part of the ‘winners’ in the system, and in that, forgetting eventually about all the ‘good-doer’ type of personality once that power and the desire for it simply corrupts even the most ‘honest’ man on Earth, as once that abuse is accepted and allowed in one single part/ aspect in our reality = it becomes acceptable for all, which is precisely how it is important for me to become The Point that Stops perpetuating the existence of myself as a deceptive and hypocrite toward myself/everyone else and this entire world the moment that I pretended to ‘care’ but only really care about my personal satisfaction, which can only exist as the saturation of positive energy based upon the abuse of all life.

 

I commit myself to expose my own hypocrisy toward myself/others/ the world from the personal to the global systems wherein everything ‘positive’ and ‘good natured’ was in fact the make-up put upon the actual shady, nasty and greedy side of each and every single participant in this world system that we have accepted and allowed to use for personal glorification and self-interest, and seeing it as something ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ to live-by and seek-for, without ever questioning why it is that we can’t ever get to an optimum position that benefits all and seeing that the cause for the problems in the world is in fact our own personal pursuit of happiness wherein we only care about ‘our own stability/ benefit/ security’ as money, while deliberately neglecting to ask/ ponder/ question the fact that not everyone in this world has the same access to money to have a decent living condition, nor can even they exist in the same ‘dream state’ of pursuing happiness without even having the very basic needs such as food, shelter, water, clothes, sanitation available within their world, which places into perspective the extremes of our deliberate human ignorance toward the world as ourselves.

 

Therefore I commit myself to walk my process to show and reveal to myself that anything that I had deemed as ‘good’ within myself, could only stem from a negative self-created experience that sought to be covered up in an acceptable way wherein I could obtain and gain other’s attention and acceptance in the name of my personal power, power that can only exist if others are ‘less’ than me in my own mind.

 

I commit myself to walk in every moment in Self Honesty wherein I ensure I no longer place myself as a separate part of the system that apparently ‘doesn’t abuse,’ because of believing that ‘I always wanted to do good’ – while not even realizing how this was also seeking a reward to myself for ‘doing good’ as recognition and eventually making of it all a ‘great life’ that I could live out of keeping myself as a lie within a system wherein hypocrites gain the most as they are the best liars when complying to the system and being seemingly ‘benevolent’ while in fact the world is in reverse, and all those that had nothing were the ones that we kept in such a deliberate isolated and caged position in order for us to ‘feel good’ about being able to do something for ‘the less fortunate,’ which proves that altruism is the most blatant form of hypocrisy that is stemming from personal glorification and never from a genuine care toward another as equals, as all that is sought in altruism is to feel good about having people depending on you, as that makes you ‘powerful’ as a mind that thinks that having power over others is something fulfilling.

 

I commit myself to stop any projection of hypocrisy as a judgment toward others in my head as I realize that we have all been equally participating within a system wherein we have compromise each other to only be able to thrive if we comply to the ‘rules of the game’ as a deliberate form of abuse toward all life/ all living forms in the name of personal power and self-gratification.

 

I commit myself to expose how there can be no ‘personal power’ unless it is based upon abuse, and how the only power that exists is here as ourselves as the physical breathing moment wherein I can stand still in my mind, not participating in desires, wants, needs, dreams and the opposite as lack, self rejection, blame, excuses, justifications and self-deprecation that are equally energetic experiences that I have defined as part of ‘who I am’ and in this, expose what is it that we have been In Fact abusing while keeping our personal states of mind ‘alive’ which is ourselves.

 

I commit myself to reveal, show and demonstrate how it is only through Self-Forgiveness in Self-Honesty that we can in fact stop fighting for our own survival and stopping the desire for ‘power’ and ‘moreness’ of ourselves – and reveal this process of Self Honesty as the only way that we can make us trust-worthy again with Life, that Life can stand in and as a system that benefits all, that is regarded as one and equal within and for everyone, wherein Who I am is no longer defined by a point of separation of my self equality and oneness.

 

I commit myself to be part of the group of people that have committed themselves to ensure that the rules of the game within this ecosystem function according to that which is best for all, at all times, wherein we can finally stop being hypocrites toward one another and discover what it is in fact the genuine expression of human beings and life, once that the bonds of dependency through the current monetary system as survivalism and abuse, stop and reveal the actual nature of ourselves to be worked with once that the threat toward life is removed as an actual self-willed action within the understanding that: we were the only ones that generated, stimulated an perpetuated such separation from substance/ life in an attempt to make of life an experience as a ‘feeling of being more’ than ourselves here, in the physical.

 

I commit myself to use the word hypocrisy as a way to rattle the cages of all that are caged in a comfort zone of self-dishonesty as I stand and dare to call out the abuse that we have all accepted in the name of personal glory, and in that, reveal our ‘true nature’ as well as showing/ revealing how we can only redeem ourselves once that we dare to care to create a world system of money that can be equally distributed for all, as a self-forgiveness act to clear the sins of our past wherein we only sought our individual satisfaction – we can only become self-honest and trustworthy with life/ as life if we dare to give and receive life unconditionally to all parts equally, within the realization that we are one organism that must function in equality at all times and that any form of abuse will only cause the re-load of the same abusive patterns of the past.

 

I commit myself to breathe here, to walk my own secret mind toward others beings throughout my life until I make sure that I have cleared my standing here as every moment of consistently existing as breath only, so that I can in fact be trusted again with life. And extend this point of self-support toward others as I see and realize that we can only stop if we All collectively stop and take responsibility for the spider web spun in separation of life as ourselves.

For more support, visit:

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Eqafe

Read our blogs at Journey to Life 

 

 

Blogs:

Download the Interview that will support you to clarify what this process is about and how to effectively assist and support yourself to walk out of the mind and into the physical, where no more ‘personal glorification’ is sought.

%d bloggers like this: