Tag Archives: church

204. Opposing the System: Elitist Act of Irresponsibility

Revolutions and Dissidence as so-called Acts of Goodness while protected by money to keep fueling the same system that’s being opposed.

I was taught to fear the bad/ negative/ evil within both the context of morals as in ‘doing good things’ to be a ‘good person/ good girl’ and also within the aspect of fearing ‘dark entities’/ demons at home. I know this doesn’t sound something ‘usual’ but I was brought up more within a belief in the afterlife and a ‘white light brotherhood’ than anything Christian/ Catholic like churches and the bible etc., masses on Sundays or anything like that. This was all based on a bad experience my mother had when she was in her nun school and found a priest having sexual intercourse with a nun. The rest is history – I got to know of that story in a watered down version as a child, being old enough to realize the scam that the church was. Being religious in this country as in any other is a matter of ‘belonging’ and so I also had my phase of wanting to be ‘good’ and ‘fit in’ with the rest of the people, mostly because of the school I went to, which was a Jesuit one – great education, bad idea trying to play good and benevolent when attending the masses, in the end it just turned into a spiteful game I played toward all things catholic-church-the pope etc. and creating an entire personality about it that I have walked through in the past as well.

I would question a lot why the hell on Earth was the Vatican so filthy rich having gold all over while priests were supposed to have some ‘poverty vow’ or something – as well as a ‘chastity’  and many other flaws that I felt just perverted by even seeking to get a second hand communion paper because I believed that I had to have such paper in order to be able to feel good about having some form of sacrament other than baptism. And this became just another ‘stand point’ for me to simply begin pursuing being ‘good’ at my own terms. I liked the idea of god not being bound to a stone and rock temple/ houses like churches, it really seemed quite bogus to me to believe anything the church said for that matter like the Adam and Eve story which was nothing else but a similar story to white snow and the seven dwarfs to me for that matter, I just ‘tagged along’ to not question it too much – not to say that I once did try and learn ‘Catholicism’ in those lessons given to children my age (around 9) within my attempt to be a ‘good girl’ and dropped out after the first class, lol.  I also did it because of my friend’s family being very devoted and so, I didn’t want to be a ‘heretic’ as I was usually called as well at home sometimes, which was fine. I mean, I grew up in a house where you could not spot one single cross on the walls or on people as in ‘necklaces’ or earrings etc. as it was plain ludicrous to see a gory Jesus-look alike dummy figurine nailed to a wooden cross as a sign of any benevolence, I was in fact mostly haunted by any images I would encounter like that in people’s homes – lol even holograms – you know those images that change when you move from side to side – of Jesus shedding blood on the cross, bizarre kitsch shit to say the least, which is probably what religion has become, nothing but a merchandising fan base wherein having a button that says you’re the member of a club makes you feel in any way ‘special.’ To me seeing crosses in people’s houses was something similar to what for a Christian would be like to see a satanic symbol, not to mention that my white/light community made me stop wearing one of those David star symbols because it was apparently ‘not good’ lol– but that’s just how I grew up.

I seriously never got the point of him dying for our sins and I only now get the whole picture thanks to the Crucifixion of Jesus interviews that, I must admit, I began listening to with my left overs of ‘skepticism’ toward the whole Jesus story, only now realizing to what extent I was also wearing the ‘atheist coat’ for that matter, to abdicate any form of responsibility toward this institutionalized existence of good/ evil.

 

And so, the context I grew up with was obviously being overtly open about my criticism toward religious ‘authorities’ within my standard of ‘I am a good person because I ‘’unmask’ the lies and the false preachers of god.’ However, I was following a belief as well, about there being these light beings that were here to help me and my loved ones to ‘make it through’ in our lives, and ‘give light’ to the entities at home that would ‘lurk around’ from time to time. Lol, we were absolutely oblivious back then how the Earth was all Demon-based.

So that’s how I was so righteous boasting against the church, because I had my ‘true faith’ and ‘verified’ by these seemingly ‘heaven sent’ solutions to our lives in times of distress – I mean, I’m talking about stuff like my sister losing a watch – an ‘expensive gift’ in her 15th birthday – and these mediums/ light beings whatever suddenly making it appear underneath the couch  – and so there were all of these things that were always consulted with them in order to ensure that we remained with our ‘safety’ at home, that we were always ‘supported’ by these seemingly invisible beings that would care for us enough to always ‘be there.’ However, how it all started crumbling down when bad stuff happened, and we were left questioning: well, where the hell is our security? why did that happen? we are good people!’

 

See the trivial aspects of all of this? the narrow-viewed of what my reality consisted of? Only ensuring that WE as my family remain safe/ secured and using any form of god/ heavenly support as a way to also feel safe/ secured which meant what? Everything was done out of FEAR. The same with how I would feel so ‘righteous’ to boast about the ‘falseness of catholic church’ which was only possible if I had my so-called ‘security’ in place from what I believe was the ‘true source of power’ / true god in this world as these light beings and this channel-based congregation that I would not even attend to on a regular basis, but twice or three times a year only. However we would only blatantly use them whenever we were in trouble. This is how I grew up with lots of fear as well, because I was taught how one could ‘pick up’ other beings’ ‘bad energies’ and become them, which is the absolute easy way to project any form of Self-Responsibility for what WE Experience within ourselves in our minds.I was also taught that I had to ‘protect me from envious people’ and that’s also another source of anxiety, constantly checking up people around me and fearing – more like backchatting about them apparently being against me and at some point it was as if ‘everyone against me’ and the delusion grew quite big as a constant point of conflict, which I later on knew it is mostly something that we all have as human beings that exist as the condition of survival in this world, which is obviously stemming from how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live in a world configured to Only support some, and wherein being ‘out in the world’ would feel like being in a dog-race that I simply had to ensure I would always win –for what? Safety, happiness, success, fulfillment- as I have explained in the previous blogs. 

 

And so, in my righteousness, I only became part of the ‘opposition’ like the same type of disposition that people that call themselves ‘Spiritual’ boast out about Religions – mostly Christianity/ Catholicism –  so in that, I was already way ‘prepared’ to become a spearhead of any form of spiritual light and lovish movement wherein as I’ve explained various other times here in my blog, I wanted to end up creating my own religion, lol. Which is how I investigated quite a lot and the points that I would always end up seeing in common were yes, oneness, equality, the universe, chemical marriage, life – but all seen from this super fluffy furry perspective that I could get a positive kick out of, never really placing 1+1 together to in fact SEE and get to understand This World System, but only as another personality later on in my life of being the ‘informed citizen’/ member of the world, which was mostly an intellectual aspect linked to spirituality and making a concoction of these two with which I would feel quite proud of, having a mouth full of opinions without even daring to look at my own reality, as an individual and my participation within the delusional system that I was so happy criticizing and judging all the time, and I mean this: All the time. Quite the way that many of our current detractors and main critiques at Desteni spend their days as well, finding flaws outside of themselves due to the blatant resistance that is not being considered within common sense even: what you resist, persists and so, eventually the game of seeking ‘the bad guys’ outside of oneself becomes a rather sleazy way to abdicate Self Responsibility. I am glad I’ve stood up from this and realized that there is no point in opposing the system/ others, but rather Understanding the system, educating ourselves to see Why Religions exist, How it is that we would have actually been long-gone if a form of apparent ‘control’ was not existent such as the religious authority/ god beliefs that at least were able to create a bit of a ‘stop’ to our inherent human nature.

I can’t believe how much I’ve learned in the past months and all of this is thanks to letting go of anything I ever believed to be real, of course, and rather listen to the explanations as all the interviews published at Eqafe.

And to all of this: what did I Fear all this time? LOTS. Did I Ever even considered facing my fears? No way, ‘why would anyone want to do such a thing??’ – So, this was part of the aspect of how one tries to do good/ be the one that ‘unmask the false gods’ while only really wishing to benefit me, me and only me within it all, never really placing an eye onto ‘them’ and realizing I am ‘them’ as well – hell no, that would have stopped my battle against them, which is what our mind thrives one: friction and conflict – And so this is how I lived within myself and toward my world and reality,  until I encountered Desteni.

 

Continuation of the Elite Character

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my ‘goodness’ based on acts that were mostly viewed as ‘supportive’ within society, such as helping others, cultivating one’s own self-image to succeed In this world wherein I learned I could later on just ‘give a helping hand’ to those in need, instead of actually having investigated why were people with money mostly considered as ‘good people’ and people that were poor were treated like criminals, wherein I then feared everything that I could have no control of, such as seeing poverty on the streets or people going crazy due to not having any form of support and instead of allowing me to understand how they had become such beings that I would react in fear to, I simply neglected them and considered that I simply had to continue ‘my path’ and worry about my own fulfillment and not feel ‘bad’ about others – wherein within this idea of me not having to ‘feel bad’ about others, I accepted it as it being ok that I do not give ‘much thought’ about poverty/ crime/ corruption in this country because I would simply go into anger instead of understanding- which is how I simply decided to ‘stick to the positive’ in order to no ‘affect me’ in my personal life by knowing how things actually worked.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my goodness as in placing myself within a righteous position of being able to boast and criticize ‘the church’ mostly as a corrupt institution, generating even hatred emotions toward the organization and the authorities in it, without ever realizing that I was only judging them for what I had been taught they did as ‘mean people/ bad intentioned people’ while I never even questioned why it is that it wasn’t ‘bad’ or ‘mean’ to only seek for my own protection and well being  – as well as that of my family – creating an idea of myself as in doing some form of ‘justice’ in the world by ‘exposing the truths,’ without realizing that doing such form of activism as an opposition to religious authorities would mean nothing as I was absolutely unaware and ignorant of how the world system worked, and thus, created actually a relationship toward all things religious as a form of love and hate wherein I sought to ‘do good’ but in my own terms, which became then still seeking some form of power and grandeur outside of myself in the form of a religious belief that I could feel satisfied about – in this belief, never considering how I could for example, implement a system, a way for us all to stop living in fear and stop seeking to secured and having any form of ‘divine privileges’ but instead focus on solutions that could provide a dignified living for all, which reveals to what extent I was only busy seeking a self-enlightened interest, becoming some form of ‘liberator of society’ based on opposition, criticism, bashing toward the so called ‘evil’ as the church and other institutions, such as the government- never really seeing the ‘big picture’ of it all and how my opposition was also part of the necessary ‘balancing acts’ within the system to make it seem as if there was any real actual way of being able to ‘overcome it’ by force/ by opposition/ by revolutions – which has never been successful and should had already been proven as a useless way of trying to ‘make a change’ in this world, however it is still being worn as a nice ‘activist suit’ by many, that are living in protected ways by money/ house/ education, playing the ‘revolutionary intellectuals’ that in no way lead to a solution that is applicable and tangible toward this world. In this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with ‘like minded people’ that would perceive ourselves to actually ‘care’ about the world/ society by opposing, dissecting, criticizing and even ridiculing people in positions of power and authority – specifically people in government, media and popes – wherein I would get a positive kick out of being able to ‘bash them’ because of still having my ‘true god’ as a belief within me, which makes you ponder how we can only ‘boast’ and ‘bash’ and ‘oppose’ something or someone if there is a point of security one is holding on to – whether a belief, money or a relationship – it is all based on survival.

 

And so within this I realize to what extent this entire personality of being like the benevolent ‘libertarian’ was based on having a position to always be supported with, which is actually stemming from the money that exists as the fuel to this entire system based on slavery – which means I could in no way claim innocence/ being a good person by opposing the so called evil – and also realizing how it was fueled by a desire to be and become this ‘important person’ in society that would ‘free people’ within the starting point of opposing others/ bringing down certain powers in society, which indicates the level of ignorance really, lack of understanding how reality works which is how and why he Desteni material is the most important process of human education that All human beings should be exposed to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the security and comfort of ‘having what I need to live,’ create a point of conflict in my reality such as wanting to ‘unmask the false preachers of god’ as the catholic church mainly wherein I wanted to ‘do good’ based on implementing my own idea of what ‘the real god/goodness’ was all about, which was yet another belief that I simply had accepted as a ‘purest form’ of the divine – being spiritual – and within this righteousness generate a relationship of hatred toward religious institutions wherein I believed that I had to be the one that would ‘speak the truth,’ without realizing how I only felt ‘strong enough’ to speak up because I would still have my ‘basic security’ as family/home/ money which enabled me to not worry to oppose the system, being quite ignorant as to how everything that I was judging is Also myself and is an aspect of myself as humanity that I am one and equally responsible for.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that creating a form of vengeance toward the system would make me a ‘good person’ like a hero that at the end of the day creates this fantastic heroic act of any concept of ‘doing good’ while missing out all the forces that are actually creating such ‘evil’ in this world, which is in fact beginning with ourselves and our own thinking processes and emotions/ feelings wherein we have been absolutely obvious about as human beings, only focusing on solutions ‘out there’ and never looking within ourselves, which is how the moment that we become aware of how our mind works, we immediately – if self honest enough – stop criticizing and judging and separating ourselves from everything and everyone in this world through a relationship of oppositions, as we understand how such point of ‘opposition’ was created, for what purpose, what was the intended reaction from human beings toward such point of ‘control’ and how I tis possible for us to stand up from it Without creating further opposition/ wars/ conflict of any form of vengeance or claiming ‘injustice’ because, we have to blatantly self honest with ourselves first, to clarify our starting point of any single time/ moment wherein within this self-righteous benevolent act of ‘doing good by bringing  the bad guys to justice’  we neglected our own participation in the very processes that fuel and lead to the entire world system as I tis, as the most vilest human creation that we have abdicated our responsibility from, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see how I was in fact fearful about that which I opposed and that my act of ‘opposing’ the system/ the church/ institutions and constantly finding flaws in it, only lead me to a position of feeling disempowered-  and I repeat FEELING disempowered because I in fact was still being supported in order to remain within a physical security such as having money to eat, education which I used as a platform to ensue this ‘opposition’ without any point really, but making myself seem ‘righteous’ and ‘common sensed’ without being self honest about my reality, which implied that I could only take this vantage position of ‘revolting’ by denying the very system I was feeding myself from. Thus, missing out the entire ‘point’ of any form of change in this world and in fact, using this ‘righteous citizen/ person that cares’ character as a way to further neglect Looking within myself, my true desires to actually be in a position wherein I could live well and continue opposing the system as that which I learned from elitist academics, that I wanted to form a part of: intellectualizing revolutions, theorizing society in order to propose further ‘solutions’ only on ink and paper-  while earning good wages with it through writing or teaching at school. Thus I see and realize how my initial desires of ‘doing good’ were obviously not unconditional, but well planned and veered toward an inevitable position of power and even authority in the ‘intellectual world’ while remaining protected with money/ the necessary to live ‘well’ or more than well if possible.

 

I realize that self interest is always behind any form of ‘doing good’ or ‘justice’ and that we have never in fact been absolutely devoid of self interest to move ourselves to propitiate a change in this world, which is why change has never really existed, and no revolution has even been REAL for that matter. Thus, time to unmask the revolutionary, time to take Self Responsibility first, to see who we are as our own mind, How did we create this opposition toward the system and how it is in our hands that we are able to create an actual solution by living it, becoming it, working as a group world wide and stands as the actual point of Self-Responsibility in Self-Honesty that promotes an Equality system such as the Equal Money System wherein we all learn to be Self Responsible and within that, get equal support within the realization that opposition creates division, creates conflict and ensues wars. Such diatribes must stop – and so we begin with ourselves.

I commit myself to explain and educate myself and others about how within an attempt to ‘oppose the system’ and ‘bring down the bad government’ we are taking the righteous superior position of apparently being ‘innocent’ about the current conditions in this world, which is not acceptable, since there is no point in blaming but understanding the problems and instead of launching wars against each other to obtain the point of power, we can work together to establish solutions which would be in fact using time to our benefit as humanity, considering all living beings – and stopping all forms of separation, division, conflict within any false sense of righteousness and justice to the benefit of ‘some only’ – this is standing for ALL in Equality.

Desteni

Desteni Forum 

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process

Equal Money System

This will continue..

Bossing

 

Blogs:

Have you Seen my Happiness Anywhere? (Part 1): DAY 204

Day 204: After Death Communication – Part 52

 

 

Interviews:

Demons in the Afterlife – Part 1

The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 16

The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 17

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Day 46: Free Choice Godhood

 

“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”
― Charles Bukowski

 

I read some of Bukowski’s books in the past and had a great time identifying with the type of cynicism that would point out: everything is fucked, live fast and die young, enjoy life to its utmost degree of ‘fuck it all’ type of view upon my own existence. Oh man, did I get myself into my own conundrum when such self-created highs and lows started wearing out as fast as they emerged – dissatisfaction reigned over and I saw myself once again pondering about ‘God’ and this existence. Luckily enough, I found Desteni at the time right before I was about to get my ass-sent into some real lightworking behaviors that I would have most likely regretted in my life. I stopped myself before going deep into the rabbit hole, I cut all habits that kept me in such ‘li(e)fstyle’ and gave myself the opportunity to find out what it was to really live.

 

I found this quote in a series of comments within a picture that denotes that our educational system is a fraud, as it only creates suitable conditions to ‘succeed’ for those that have the inherent physical skills/abilities to do so, which means that we have accepted a mono-tone educational system that is mostly designed to segregate those that ‘do not fit in the profile’ of  ‘making it’ in the system, as being the type of obedient servant that will do anything to obtain the ever elusive dream-like lifestyle where wealth is the god at the end of the hard long road through hell, which means: walking our current reality as the system we have spawned here.

 

In the past I would have mostly agreed with Bukowski’s quote whole-heartedly as it ‘makes sense’ and does have a cool input in terms of reality/ world systems and pondering where is ‘life’ in that. However the intention and resolution for what’s being realized/ observed is directed toward ‘live well (read: hedonism), drink, have a good time, laugh, be pliable and wait till you die’ and this is then from the belief  that we as human beings have any ‘say’ upon ‘who we are’ and what we decide to live and do. This is reinforced and stated clearly as ‘I am my own god’ which is certainly a statement that can only be made at a mind level in the afore mentioned terms of perceived ‘free choice’ as living a life of positive-experiences and pleasures. Such godly statement requires a lot more understanding than the rightful act to ‘do as you please’ in the name of ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ which are the greatest human-made scam-concepts directed to create a righteousness that stands on the feet of any form of humbleness to realize: we have never in fact lived – therefore we’ve never had any form of actual free choice, we have only been the outflow and consequence of a primordial abdication of life to an energetic system that we’ve dubbed as ‘living.’

From here: how can any form of ‘Free Choice’ and ‘Free Will’ exist? It can’t – all our choices are ‘damned’ from the very moment that we as a whole went in for a ‘ride’ to see ‘what it would be/feel like’ to experience something’ = to ‘live’ a surrogate experience as ‘living’  instead of wholeness of/as  life, as who we really are.

 

I am aware that this eternal longing/ yearning to ‘return to the whole’ has been a constant topic in various artistic/ literature/ sociological subjects – however, all attempts to ‘get back to the whole’  have been conducted through more knowledge and information in the form of self-indulgent philosophies, religions, practices, art statements, anthropological/ scientific postulates – yet,  never ever walked as a process of Self-Forgiveness wherein knowledge and information is but a tool to recognize the point  of separation, but never the answer.

 

Through Self Forgiveness we recognize our direct responsibility to the fuckup of creation that we have spawned as a consequence of the primordial separation that is and has become ‘all we’ve ever known.’ For that, I suggest reading the following blog from Day 1: Heaven’s Journey to Life.

 

We are in a crossroads point in reality wherein the only ‘choice’ that is possible is: stand up and dedicate yourself to Life/ living and becoming part of a new world that is willing to consider, respect, honor each other and every single life form as one and equal – or remain as a finite energetic system that is only pursuing happiness through ‘being your own god’ and having a good time until death comes and everything is simply gone without having ever lived. The choice seems quite obvious to me – yet reality proves that not many are willing to commit themselves to live in a world of equals.

 

I’ve chosen Life – however it has nothing to do with ‘having a good time’ – it’s actually quite the opposite in terms of stopping any feel-good experience for the mind. It is stopping the mind as in stopping myself from being a single organic robot that is constantly bouncing from highs and lows in life, being a perpetual addict for energy, which is using the Earth’s life, transforming it into energy that we give different names/ categories as experiences through accepting emotions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, and perceptions as ‘who I am.’ Now, I have realized all of the above is everything that I am not – meaning: everything that I had deemed as part of ‘my own control’ upon my so-called ‘life’ – which includes having ‘chosen’ and made ‘decisions’ on who/what/how/ with whom/ where I want to experience myself in – have only been a consequential outflow that has always been dictated by the condition we all emerged from– and this is not only in terms of family/ society/ current world system – but seen from the initial existential emergence as who/ what we are now, which is only the manifested consequence of separation.

 

 

That ‘One Choice’ was subordinating our wholeness to an energetic system of perpetual enslavement – and for that, all that has been considered as ‘godly’ in the earthly realms of a hedonist lifestyle, must be debunked and exposed for the false-creation of ‘freedom’ as one of the pivotal points that encouraged a desensitized society that couldn’t care-less about reality other than satisfying one’s own idea of life, which has nothing to do with an actual living reality that is simply here, self breathing oxygen, nurturing our physical body and learning how to walk through directing ourselves as our own two feet – it does get that ‘simple’ in terms of having always only taken our mind for a ride, but never our body – and in that, we learn how to start walking on our own two feet while developing awareness of our physical body as we do so. This can be both literal and metaphorically speaking – however I am speaking in the more literal sense here.

 

The ‘path’ of self forgiveness may seem of absolute asceticism for many from the perspective of not indulging in the usual earthly desires and fixes that the majority of the population with  enough money can afford  – be it drugs, food/drinks, sex, entertainment, spirituality, religions, clubs and any other form of evasion of reality that can be bought in this world. Learning how to live means that we start regarding what it is to stop being a single factotum to the mind.  I can say that I’ve never been so ‘whole’ in my life-experience, not having this constant ‘urge’ to go outside and ‘seek something’ anything and all that could allow me to not ‘be here’ with myself, facing the who I am. And this process is explained in great and supportive detail within the interview The Split between two words. The choice then becomes more evident as one proves the ability to live in simplicity rather than being a constant bundle of joy, sadness, madness, anger, depression and suppression.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ever had ‘free choice’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that free choice was about ‘doing as I please’ and choosing to live ‘my way’ based on preferences, ideals, beliefs that I had accepted as ‘who I am’ as a mind system that only sought its own replenishment as an energetic machine that requires to be constantly fed in the name of personal satisfaction as the ‘idea of self,’ but never considering Life in Equality as who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite life in the name of ‘free choice’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my free choice through intellectualizing reality and believing that ‘I was free to choose what’s best for me,’ without realizing that I had not even in fact understood myself, who I am and what I am doing here – hence all specs of ‘certainty’ could only exist as the certainty of who I am as energy/ mind an idea that has established definitive ways to constantly feed itself/ replenish itself without ever actually considering Life in that equation as who/what I am.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself toe ever believe myself to have made ‘the right choices’ in my life in order to ‘escape the system,’ through using art as a way to sublimate (separate) myself from my reality, which I am now taking the directive principle to reintegrate back to myself as the physical body that I ignored while trying to be something ‘more’ than myself as a physical body that breaths, eats, shits, exists and interacts with everything else in relationships that must now be equalized/ walked in a self-directive principle of equality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my choice was ‘to not believe in God’ and give-up ‘God’ to become ‘my own God’ as a way to exert what I deemed was my ‘free choice’ and ‘free will’ which can only mean: doing everything that will please my ego/ senses and neglect the actual life that allows such pleasures to exist. This means that

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘Free Choice’ as an excuse to split myself between serving two gods: the mind and its pleasures and an apparent respect for life through deeming this ‘free choice’ as any form of ‘liberation,’ without ever realizing or considering that all my choices were damned from the get go, and that any ideal of freedom based on experiences, was only me reinforcing the initial separation and enslavement of who I am as a single experience that seeks for ‘more’ once that the effect runs out.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could ever be free through creating an ‘alternate path’ within wanting to be ‘outside of the system’ and ‘contradicting the system’ as the mainstream popular culture and opposing political regimes and creating alternate versions of ‘freedom’ through self-sustainable living, which was only caring about my own life/ my own experience instead of ever considering myself as the whole that had to create a solution for the whole and based on practical living reality, which implies that No Solution can be created upon the current monetary system that is standing as the image and likeness of that primordial choice of living in separation of ourselves as one and equal, and denigrated life into an energetic system that seeks to constantly add-up onto itself to generate an apparent ‘moreness’ of self through experiences, which is and has become our very doom of civilization – see-evil-I-zation wherein the actual evil nature as the effect and consequence of our separation has been made ‘acceptable’ as attitudes, preferences, likes, opinions, beliefs that stand against what’s best for all life – yet we’ve neglected this because: it makes us feel good – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate life to a single ‘feel good experience’ that comes and goes and call that ‘free choice,’ while taking the vantage and conceited attitude of being ‘my own god’ by ‘following my own rules,’ without ever questioning who/ what was actually dictating me to seek pleasure, satisfaction, happiness, joy and all the ‘good positive things,’ and what is it that I was actually creating and generating within myself and this entire world system while doing so, which implies that I gave up my ability to Live in/ as oneness and equality as real-Life, and became only a surrogate experience of energetic symptoms that sought to be alleviated by creating further chemical reactions and experiences = adding fuel to the ongoing fire that had emerged from one single spark of friction as the initial/ primordial separation of who I am as one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘my choice to live’ was based on opposing the system and instead, ‘opting’ to live a life of seeking my own satisfaction as what I believed were my intentions/ desire as  dreams, hopes and illusions that I could accumulate throughout my lifetime in order to be able to say ‘I have lived’ and ‘I have made the ‘right’ choices in life’ – deeming ‘right’ as opposing the system through an ‘alternative lifestyle’ that I would then seek to obtain benefits from, as we realize that no one can really be ‘out of the system.’ Yet, vaingloriously proclaim that ‘we do oppose the system/ regime.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that free choice was the ability to laugh at weakness/ the ability to laugh at our own human-oddity and absurdity, which I accepted as a ‘way of living’ wherein I could create an alternate version of reality in my mind wherein I could always have a good laugh about reality, write about, gossip about it with others in order to continue to satisfy our believed ‘alternate living’ as ‘free choice,’ which I used as a way to ‘empower’ myself and see me ‘above others’ that I deemed as ‘less aware’ of what was going on in the world, without realizing that such apparent ‘opting out of the system’ through an ‘alternative lifestyle’ was only a tantrum and conceited ignorant rebellious act as I was never in fact aware of what we have been as humanity, as creation and taking into consideration all of the outflows that such separation would entail –  thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify ‘free choice’ with knowledge and information that suited my own configuration/ personality as preferences and opinions that I deemed to be ‘correct’  – obviously, as we are all ‘gods’ in our own heads always thinking that we are always right and everyone else is just ‘deluded’ and ‘ignorant,’ without ever pondering: why don’t I then walk a process to support others to see what I see? And instead justifying my inaction and deliberate separation through thinking that ‘there is no solution now, we can all just consume, extract the most of it all to ‘be happy’ and die’ which has become a usual statement/ declaration of ‘free choice’ in the world, while neglecting the actual facts of what allows such exertion of ‘free will’ wherein all that is consumed is life and all that has been supported was systems of energy/ separation of who we are as the mind – but never life in/of equality and oneness.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I choose to live the life of a rebel’ without realizing that in such decision I was simply declaring a perpetual war against myself only, as energy is all that’s created from any form of conflict – hence all that I cared for was replenishing me as energy/mind/ ego personality, without having cared to actually investigate how this world-system functions and  how instead of declaring war against it as a personality-choice, seeing how I could practically become a participant in the system in order to change it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take proud on any form of free choice that ignored the entirety of this world system that exists under the siege of capitalism as a system that ensures that everyone ‘seeks their dreams’ as all those dreams entail supporting the same machinery that generates money of which only a few can get the most benefits of/ from.

 

I forgive myself that I ever claimed to be ‘my own god’ without even being aware of what breathing does within my physical body, without being aware of every single movement that I make, of every single thought that goes through my head, of every single reaction that I exert as my own creation as a being that has only regarded itself according to being a thinking mind – but never an actual living-being.

I realize, see and understand that ‘being god’ would imply being aware of self as one and equal here, as the totality of ourselves from the very beginning to the very end of who/what we are, which implies that any godly statements have only served as a way to proclaim that I had ‘free choice’ in life, while neglecting the actual physical reality that is here and that I have little to no clue on how it actually operates.

 

I commit myself to expose free choice as the actual abuse of life in the name of personal interest wherein everything else is simply neglected, deliberately ignored because when existing in such free-choice righteousness, we can only seek to perpetuate our own free-choice as righteousness without questioning ‘too much’ as the mind does not like to reveal itself as the actual-nature of having to be consuming/ depleting/ extracting and sucking dry life in order to continue existing – which is and would be the ‘raw’ truth that is required to explain in order to realize how we are currently the real ‘gods’ in this reality that are causing the current problems in reality of absolute extermination and depletion of life-substances as the Earth’s resources that we live and thrive on.

 

I commit myself to stop any form of idea of having ‘free choice’ within myself, my life as this has never been my ‘real’ self as one an equal, nor has it been a ‘real life’ but only surviving as a constant system that seeks its own satisfaction. I then stop all forms of seeking this constant satisfaction through experiences, as I see and realize that all choices made from that apparent righteousness can only derive into further separation, further obsession, further enslavement of who I am as mind, as energy.

 

I commit myself to expose how the world is in reverse and everything that we had deemed as ‘our freedom’ has actually been our own ‘doom’ and demise, therefore explaining and proving how it is only through stopping ourselves from being deliberate energy-seeking drones that we can truly begin to see what living actually is, which entails no conflict, inner friction, fear or any other form of detrimental experience as there can be no experience when being here as life, breathing, living, directing self in and as equality and oneness.

 

I commit myself to expose the lies that we have bought as ‘living’ and ‘free choice’ as the arrogant instrument with which we have justified the spitefulness and abuse toward life as a way of being ‘righteous’ while accepting and allowing the current state of the world ‘as is’ without ever pondering who we are as active participants within it.

 

I commit myself to believe that I have any right to ‘my free choice’ and realizing every time that I ‘think’ of having ‘free choice,’ asking myself If my organs have any free choice to decide not to ‘work’ today, or take themselves for a fleeting ride for a moment – which implies that I have only been considering an energetic limitation as ‘who I am,’ instead of standing one and equal as the physical that certainly doesn’t require any ‘free choice’ to exist, as it only Is, lives and expresses as an equal part of the great organism that is this ecosystem, thus

 

I commit myself to support and become part of the creation of a world in Equality wherein my choices are only what’s best for all and that everything that I do, say, think is based on exerting the will of life and never more serving the god of energy of power/ greed/ desire for money as a way to ‘be free’ in reality, as no one is and will be free unless ALL beings are living free within an Equal Money System wherein Life will be finally respected, honored and acknowledged as an expression and not a choice.

 

“I commit myself to show, how – giving up ‘Choice’ as ‘Free Choice’, as the process of stopping Consciousness/Mind/Energy-Authority and becoming an equal and one living being as Living Words in and as and with the human physical body, and eventually this physical-existence in and as standing as The Decision for and as Life: is the process of giving up one’s enslavement as Consciousness/Mind/Energy, is the process of giving up one’s enslavement to Fear/Fear of Loss, is the process of giving up the One Choice that has eternally damned/enslaved self and all as self within and as existence – and is thus, in this – the process of gifting self, and eventually all Freedom within the context of in fact living in absolute equality and oneness with self as all, and in fact manifest Heaven on Earth as ourselves.” Sunette Spies [*]

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