Tag Archives: comfort zone

595. All that Could Have Been…

Or walking through and identifying an experience of regret through self-forgiveness

So, as I was watching a video today on Facebook from Leila at the Desteni farm, I saw that I had this knot in my throat forming – emotional experience – because of how much I have appreciated her throughout all of these years and the bond that I created with her at the time when I lived at the farm for a year.

And then, I went into thinking once again how my life could have been if I had gone there, how I could be sharing my own video about ‘deciding to be there’ as I am also seeing others are taking that opportunity and living it, and so the ‘inevitable’ came up which is realizing a form of regret from not having made that decision in my life to live there even though I said many times to everyone ‘I would’ and how this has also been more ‘latent’ these past days for various reasons and situations, which has become a point that has been lingering literally in the back of my head and going into feeling sorry for myself, my decisions, feeling ashamed for ‘the decisions I made’ and in a way entertaining too much of this ‘what could have happened if’ which is definitely not a supportive thing to do at all and so here I share self-forgiveness on it, because I see this is a ‘biggie’ that I’ve held on to for so many years in my life, kind of trying to ‘stick to my decision’ and justify it in many ways.

But I deep down within me know as well what were all the reasons, ideas, justifications behind it all and come now to terms to ‘who I was’ back then and as such why I made the decisions I made ‘back then’ and within that, realize that I just wasn’t ‘who I am now’ back then to make a different decision, to see and assess things differently and so embrace the ‘flaws’ and ‘mistakes’ that I believe I have made in terms of deciding things in my life before – it is part of walking through regret and learning to let go of it, which is a process that comes mostly through forgiving myself for it and walking it practically in every moment that I see myself wanting to go into the ‘mental torturing chamber’ of ‘what ifs’ and ‘all that could have been’ –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret my decision to create and develop a particular relationship in my life instead of having taken the opportunity to go to the farm and live there and develop myself there, all within the idea, reason and excuse that I could make a difference in someone’s life, which upon seeing that there was no difference made in fact, I then have allowed myself to go into an idea of ‘time was wasted’ when in fact, I have to remind myself that I was very much there all the way through in that decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to this idea of ‘the past’ and ‘what I could have been and done’ as something that I compare myself to whenever I see the lives of people at the farm, instead of realizing how it is not supportive at all to be doing this to myself, to be holding myself captive to my decisions in the past and now seeing it all through remorse from ‘who I currently am’ looking at all the reasons why my decision ‘back then’ was flawed, instead of realizing that who I was ‘back then ‘ was existent in a particular context, timeframe, a particular experience that I had which I used as a reason, excuse and justification to make certain decisions in my life, which I have to here actually self-forgive for and let go completely of ‘all that could have been’ idea about myself, my life and my outcomes.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having created a relationship within the expectation of being able to have an impact in someone’s life and upon seeing such ‘expectation’ simply not happening, not being ‘fulfilled’ going into a sense of ‘losing time/wasting time/wasting resources’ and ‘wasting my life’ within such relationship, instead of realizing how it was in fact something I decided to do and was very certain of within myself at the time, which indicates that I have to learn how to ‘look back’ and see ‘who I was’ within it all in the context that it existed ‘at that time,’ because I am realizing how torturing it can be to want to see things ‘back then’ from who I currently am and in doing so wanting to change my decisions and go into these ‘potential scenarios’ of ‘what could have happened IF’ I had done this/that,  instead of learning to truly embrace and accept my decisions and stop judging myself for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the decisions I made a couple of years ago based on ‘who I currently am’ and how I am seeing myself, my life, my decisions, my potential currently which is certainly not the same as ‘who I was’ back then when I was there all the way making such changes and decisions in my life, therefore this is a point of me coming to terms with what I’ve decided to do or not do in my life and embrace what I did decide to do and create, and embrace its failures, mistakes, fallouts and turning points, because that is also what I see has had a ‘hold’ of me in terms of becoming comfortable with mistakes, but at the same time still holding on to a ‘what could have been’ which is in essence a very unnecessary way of tormenting myself within playing out these different scenarios of ‘what could have happened IF’ I had made this or that decision – instead, I have to completely take a deep breath, let go of that past and instead focus on what’s here for me to be, do, expand and create in my life – otherwise I’d be enslaving myself to ‘the past’ and spending my time feeling sorry about myself and my decisions, my perceived ‘failures’ and ‘mistakes’ instead of realizing how much I have also learned from that, including the first hand realization of what happens when I place myself in a ‘secondary position’ within the creation of a relationship and focusing on ‘doing it for the benefit of another’ which is again, not having a clear starting point within myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having created a relationship with a starting point of commiseration, which in fact does not reveal feeling ‘pity’ about another and their life and desiring to ‘make it all better for them only’ but rather  realizing that I was in fact as a starting point feeling pity about myself, about my life and how in doing so, I decided to create something within a flawed starting point resulting in an outcome that could obviously not stand ‘the test of time’ because of not having an equal relationship of self support in it, which I have come to accept and realize – though here for me, it is specifically about not seeing that whole creation point as ‘wasted time’ where I could have been doing other things, because the reality is that at that time I wasn’t seeing my life, my reality, my capacity and what I really want to live and do in my life as clearly as I consider I see it currently – which is part of also being considerate towards myself and not judge me for ‘the decisions I made’ in the past, or judge myself as being ‘too blind’ to see reality and then judge myself for the decisions made and the ‘failing’ outflows of such decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have avoided seeing my past relationship as a ‘failure’ due to seeing the word ‘failure’ as something that I would have avoided having in my life, instead of realizing how it’s actually a part of life, living, learning by making mistakes, taking ‘the wrong turn’ and making my way back to square one which does not only happen in relationships or over long periods of time, but it is something that I am prone to create in my day to day basis and as such I can only focus on identifying the ‘failure’ as a point to change and commit myself to do walking the correction, learning from it, but no longer judging myself for it.

Here I realize that I am the only one that has judged me all the way through in a very suppressed manner, which I have to now open up and come to terms with, because I definitely keep myself in a cage within this regret to ‘what I’ve done’ and ‘the choices I made’ within a certain phase in my life which is creating currently a ‘noise’ within me that is still causing me to not be entirely clear, accepting and embracing of myself, my current reality, my current decisions and point of self-creation, because of still in a very subtle way holding on to this ‘all that could have been different IF’ this/that decision in my life had been different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of pride within me to apparently be very aware of my decisions made, be very considerate of ‘who I was’ when I made the decisions and who I am currently in it – though in that not really looking at how I was still holding on a relationship to this ‘parallel life potential’ that I ‘could have developed’ if I had decided to for example go to the farm and develop myself there and how I have experienced a regret for not doing so and going into statements of ‘I really didn’t want to go there in fact’ when the reality is that any point of preference, dislike or ‘not wanting to’ is based on fears, limitations and not really wanting to be challenged in ways that I know I was challenged by when living there for a year, so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel regret for having made decisions in my life based on wanting to remain in a particular comfort zone and/or deciding to instead create a relationship wherein  my starting point was ‘wanting to change another/wanting to be ‘that change’ for another or in another’s life, instead of placing the focus on me first, what I really want for myself – though, here also realizing that I didn’t really ‘know’ exactly what I wanted or more like I didn’t dare to actually write it out and actively create it for myself back then, I was more within a position of ‘settling with the least’ in a way within me, which I manifested and lived out for some time until consequence – gladly so – hit the fan and I was able to wake up and start looking at what I had set up myself for.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for the decisions I made, for who I became in the decisions made within again this starting point of ‘who I was in the past’ instead of realizing that I have to embrace, accept that nature of me at the time and that it is still a part of me that I have to continue to learn to change, align and embrace as an aspect of myself that I can only now redirect, change, redefine towards a supportive outcome, such as now not settling ‘for the least’ or within a perceived ‘comfort zone,’ but actually embrace and move towards creating a life where I know I can be more challenged, where I can get out of a comfort zone – which doesn’t necessarily mean having to wait to ‘go somewhere else’ but I can start doing so from where I am and how I currently am living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a resistance to going into places like Instagram because of avoiding seeing pictures of people at the farm, all the farm projects and developments and life there because of perceiving that I gave that up as part of my life and that I would become jealous of them having such lifestyle even though I am aware I ‘turned down’ that decision to go there and so this is of course not about ‘others’ and ‘their lives’ or ‘what they publish’ but it all has to do with my relationship of regret, of ‘what ifs’ and ‘all that could have been’ associated with this parallel-life path that I’ve held on to throughout several years now in my mind within this intermittent idea of ‘I should have gone there’ and having gone to live at the farm or not, instead of deciding to embrace my decision and stop creating a comparison of where I am and what I currently am doing with the lives of others.

Comparison can be such a fuckup really, because in that one only focuses on these ‘ideas’ of what others’ lives are like and what ‘my life’ could have been like, instead of focusing on what’s here, what’s in my reality, what I can do and create in it, as is and if there’s something I am not satisfied with then looking at expanding it – it’s entirely up to me and it’s in my hands – so here realizing that the healthiest thing to do is to entirely let go of this idea of ‘I should have gone there’ or ‘I let that opportunity go’ in that particular timeframe in the past, which of course is not ‘here’ any longer and as such, I have to remind myself any time that this ‘I should have gone there’ experience comes up,  that it’s done, it’s not ‘here’ anymore, I let go and focus on my reality within the simplicity of realizing I made such choices, I own my creation and stop wallowing in regret about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the belief of ‘being able to turn back time’ and seeing myself making a different choice because I am fully aware of who I was when I made certain decisions in my life and I did say such things to myself as ‘realizing that I am fully aware of my decision’ and being entirely into it at that time, which means that such idea as in ‘going back in time’ is nothing else but a very torturing mental entertainment that has no purpose in my reality.

I have to instead rather make sure I learn from such past, to learn how I made certain decisions within a belief of ‘benefiting others’ or ‘wanting to change others’ instead of focusing entirely on me, my life, what I want to create and co-create with another in the future to come, which is then where I can make sure that I am entirely committing to and agreeing with the path that I decide to walk – and no longer compromise within ideas of ‘benefiting others’ or ‘doing it for others’ in any way anymore, which has actually been quite a constant in my life where I’ve ended up living more ‘for others’ than living my own life fully and along with that create and establish relationships and plans that are equally supportive for all people involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having believed that I didn’t know what ‘regret’ was because ‘I was there all the way’ in making certain decisions and choices in my life and being ‘aware’ of that, but I see now that regret in me exists as this ‘holding on to’ the potential ‘what if’ scenario or ‘all that could have been’ different – usually imagined within a positive light – IF I had not taken this/that decision in my life, which is then how regret becomes a torturing mind entertainment that has no value in my current life, and therefore I let go of it within the realization that I can only now reflect on that time in my life, the decisions made and embrace it as part of ‘who I was’ and all its harms and charms at the time, which become experiences I can learn from and stand up from now in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that I had to excuse myself towards others for my decisions made, that I had to ‘leave things clear for them’ only, instead of seeing that in doing so I was only trying to ‘clean up my act’ as a way to justify my decisions because I was the only one existing in a judgment and ultimately a regret about them, which has been opening up lately as I’ve seen people now making the decision to live in the farm which is something that I procrastinated for many years and eventually let go of as a possibility in my life, which I now embrace as my decision and my creation.

Now here not to make me feel better or go into hope, but that is gone, done, can’t go ‘back’ at all to change my mind and my decisions – but who knows also what I can decide to create in a future time and how I can finally ‘face the point’ again, maybe not in the same way I thought I would in the past years, but still as long as I am alive, I decide what kind of doors I open and close and this is the real focus here, being able to embrace my decisions, my past, my doings, my non-doings and stop judging myself for it all, because as I mentioned several times already it becomes torturing, emotional and a waste of breaths that I could be directing to what I truly have to focus on doing now.

So here I commit myself to stop giving into any potential outflows as imaginations of ‘all that could have been’ and ‘all the mistakes I could have prevented in my life’ If I had made this or that decision – I let go of the past while also embracing it as actually a very ‘necessary’ consequence in a way that I am now going through in order to see how far I can take myself when not focusing on ‘myself/my own life’ but more so focusing on ‘wanting to save/change others’ lives’ or ‘wanting to be there for others’ and/or even more so doing so in a form of spite of ‘demonstrating to others that I can care for another that has ‘not been cared for’ by others before’ and in a way realizing that ultimately I only spited myself back within deciding to have such starting point in my life and relationships – what is left to do? I can only forgive myself for it, embrace it, learn from it and let go of it to the point where I can recall ‘what has been,’ as the memories that I have in me and breathe every time any sensation of regret as ‘all that could have been’ idea comes into mind – and in that focus directly back to where I am, who I am, what I can do, be and create here where I’m at.

Ok, checking… empty of this point for now? seems so – therefore I’ll share anything else if it continues to open up as I walk this point real time. This is one of those examples of when we can interact with things even in our ‘computers’ and if we see something ‘moving’, we can take that initiative to investigate, open it up, write it out and in a way clear one’s relationship to the point/thing we saw that we had reacted to.

Thanks for reading !

 

A supportive audio to embrace and walk through one’s ‘backchat’ and learn to self-forgive it, is here:

Who Are You When Challenged – The Future of Awareness – Part 91

 

For more on Self-Forgiveness:


Difficult Moments of Self Forgiveness – Back to Basics

Realization and Forgiveness – Journeys Into the Afterlife – Part 90

Realizations Take Time to Create – Back to Basics

Real Forgiveness vs. Feel Good Forgiveness – Life Review

 

Nostalghia

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205. Self Interest as an Obstacle to Real Change

 

  • “Freedom of choice is now protected by the individual as it feels like it is free –in spite of the evidence to the contrary and even when it rebels– it only do so in ways that do not impede with its special comforts and thus –the system is safe from the group as the individual now act as a group through what it buys or watch on TV. So –you fear to lose COMFORT and CHOICE to BUY stuff” – Bernard Poolman

 

Continuation of the Elite Character

194. Let the Mask Fall!
195. The Righteousness of Evil
196. The Elitist Evil behind Relationships
197. Friends of Convenience
198. Wealth and Positivity a Synonym of Abuse
199. You Hate the Beautiful People?
200. The Make-Up Reality
201. Friends of Convenience: for a little piece of Heaven
202. Optimism as a Sign of Success
203. The Acceptance of Heaven is the Allowance of Hell

204. Opposing the System: Elitist Act of Irresponsibility

 

 

I would  judge people that would only spend their time focusing on ‘what to wear, what party to attend, calling their friends, sitting on their couch watching TV, going shopping, etc. which I deemed to be activities that only people that have no survival problems can participate on – however, I was obviously projecting the problem outside of myself and taking on again the ‘Self Righteous’ aspect of judging others, pointing fingers and blaming because it’s much easier to Blame than take Self Responsibility and see where and how I was doing exactly the same processes – different conditions, different scenarios but same starting point: having money, not worrying about having to ‘make a living’ and instead believing that through my wits and intellectualization of reality, I could create a difference in this world.

 

Well, what did I get from those endless hours of sitting sipping coffee with sociologists, writers, economists, poets, artists and plain dissidents of the system? Nothing else but always ending up with a feeling of ‘powerlessness’ while not having to worry much about it at the end of the day, because hey at least we were having money and studies to live, I see how even within that the point of change was projected ‘there’ in the future, never ever pointing fingers back to ourselves, I was so high up on my horse about blaming the system that I simply was absolutely getting an energetic kick out of it. All we would eventually realize is that  money determined everything and that no intention of change will do a single thing, nor criticizing will do a thing either which is part of what I was exploring yesterday in terms of the opposition of the system, of which I obviously participated in.

 

I was comfortably wanting to become part of the elitist groups of intellectuals that could speak about reality as politics, economics, culture ‘from head to toe’ and be revered for that while earning good money from the system for doing so – because of what I had seen some others in my reality doing – however never in fact becoming an active part of proposing a solution, because even then I was still only wanting to do it as a form of ‘resistance’ and ‘exposure’ which is how many of our current intellectuals and well-versed people can have ‘all the knowledge and information about how the system works’ – this being within the current available considerations that fall short when it comes to a holistic understanding of reality – and can even propose great sounding theories of how to create a change – but missing out the point of ourselves, who we are as the mind, how the world system is an outflow and consequence of this relationship of ourselves to our own mind has been absolutely missed.

 

Most of these theories are never taken to an actual political implementation, since they end up within certain groups/ factions of society that only seek to create a constant ‘war’ and opposition to the ‘establishment’ as a source of self-empowerment, without realizing how there will be absolutely No change in reality if we remain only blaming others, finding flaws without understanding the cause of such flaws, sipping our coffee in long hours of discussing the system, in conventions and global forums to ‘discuss the problems’ without proposing tangible solutions, or going to protest and then hooking up with friends to party, or raging against the system of which one is also being able to eat from; all of this reveals to what extent money is also a condition that allows us to ‘rebel’ only and be concerned in self—interested ways to make an apparent ‘change’ in this world, while being rather absolutely ignorant to the actuality of the process that must take place in order to Really in Fact consider even what an actual change in this world would require, which is at all times: ourselves, focusing at this moment on the individual and realizing that no matter how long it takes, education is the key here, and that as long as we continue diverting our efforts to seek to create a point of ‘opposition’ from our safety zones of ‘opposition’ and ‘dissidence,’ nothing will change.

 

So, it became rather part of the main branches of my personality, wanting to Remain within my comfort zone while taking on a seemingly ‘critical position’ toward the system, keeping my benefits, keeping my security and protection that money gives me, having the ability to ‘study lots’ to have all careers necessary to ‘empower’ myself  as a knowledgeable Act without Acting it out – this is how when getting to Desteni and realizing that I would Actually have to do it became quite a blow to my ego, and I can say that in this regard, I am barely only stepping within my own realization of what does it meant to really Do everything it takes/ whatever it takes to live out the words I am speaking here – otherwise, it would be no different to sipping coffee, theorizing about reality and expecting ‘world change’ to come while I remain in my comfort zone. 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could ‘change the world’ while holding on specifically to that which would ensure that every step that I take toward such apparent ‘change’/ revolution would not disturb my security and comfort zone within my reality, which implies: not allowing my own criticism toward the system to compromise my position, which is then being and becoming the absolute walking paradox, deliberately ignoring how it was only because of money that I was able to have the time to read and chat and educate myself about the system and direct such knowledge and information ‘against the system’ while also seeking to educate myself ‘more’ within the system to create further opposition/ criticism to it within a position of ‘respect’/academicism which is like wanting to use weapons to end a war – which does happen in our reality – and so, it reveals the level of ignorance we have accepted and allowed ourselves to deliberately create in order to ensure that We are Not affected by that which we are complaining about – this is within the standing point of the specific character of the educated/elitist antagonist of the system.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually initiate such desire to ‘oppose the system’ from a vantage point of having money, having a good life and only wanting to seek to do some ‘justice’ for the people mostly because of wanting to become a particular character in my society wherein I would still remain in a position of comfort/ power and ‘support others’ as well, which reveals how I was not willing to fully let go of my self interest and desire to remain in a comfortable position in order to create a point of change in this world, and I see and realize how this has been ‘the point’ that I have accepted as a limitation, because of still wanting to have the ‘good life’ at all times, which then becomes just another way of wanting change while holding on to an aspect of that which is required to be changed, because of fearing losing the comfort and general ability to buy/ consume/ fulfill my desires and in such point, I give into the same cycle of self interest that exists when considering having to do whatever it takes to create a point of change in this world, which certainly begins with myself and the decisions and Choices I have at the moment.

 

Within this, I commit myself to ensure that I am not deliberately wanting to stick to my point/ zone of comfort in order to remain ‘safe’ and ‘protected’ by the money that I have as a point that must be feared to let go of, and instead remind myself how Self Interest is The point that has always stood in front of any actual full-blown decision to stand as an immovable example of self-correction in this word. Thus,

 

I commit myself to investigate where and how  Self Interest exists within me, maybe not in the form of luxuries or comfort as money, but also as a point of further responsibilities and preparation that is required for me in order to stand as part of the actual change in this world system.

 

More to come.

 

OK Computer - Marlenlife's version

 

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166.Absinthe-Minded Comfort Zone

Enter-tament, me-die and the perfect drug for our minds created by ourselves as our mind.

Continuing from the blogs:

We’re diving in for a moment into a palpable aspect that is constantly ‘there’ as a seemingly innocent distraction that turns into a temptation which comes packaged and sold as ‘acceptable products’ called diversion and entertainment.

One of the aspects wherein we tend to ‘give in’ to this seemingly ‘enjoyable comfort’ is when we in fact get way too comfortable for extended periods of time surfing the net, watching series, looking at pictures, videos, reading magazines of filling-information – al of these actions that involve passively watching/ reading/ hearing something that is – most of the times – not supportive or even related to informing ourselves about the current state of the world, other than revealing and depicting the actual downward spiral that indicates the current state of the mind-possession we are existing as humanity. I have to clarify that I am in no way condemning entertainment, but I’ll speak today from my own experience.

To write about this today, I obviously had to try the enticing ‘cocktail’ first as I saw a news note about one of my past ‘idols’ being arrested for weed and hash possession while looking extra skinny/ anorexic. I wondered why it is that we are placing so much attention on people’s melt downs and disgrace and how this type of entertainment – such as celebrity gossip and all this type of sensationalism – becomes this pastry that we all nibble on to get a ‘filling’/ feeling for a moment,  even just when reading absolutely different kind of news, one ‘dabbles’ on the right side of the window where all the ‘showbiz’ news are on.

 

I saw myself gasping on the amount of money wasted in in a single nail polish, the entire scandals upon ‘rockstars’ throwing tantrums on stage or being jailed for drug possession, seeing people having babies and getting married or getting back together, ‘racy’ shots at all times and essentially this is something that no matter where you go in the net within a regular ‘newspaper’ / news site you get to. And the point of curiosity and eventual ‘enticement’ is what we eventually drown ourselves into, for a moment, for a while and suddenly we are just following an experience instead of actually being HERE as breath.  And  the important point to consider is this sudden shift wherein we can be doing something that is practically here and we’re for example being fully directive, however when this point of ‘temptation’ emerges and we go into it, it’s like diving into the rabbit hole if one is obviously not really self directive in handling images, information and pictures that can create this sense of ‘comfort’ through entertaining ourselves with other people’s lives and stories.

“This being due to the extent of our automated participation, acceptance and allowance of our relationship, definition and experience of/as the Mind as Energy that one would in the beginning of one’s process only become aware of a Character Activation in later phases of its activation stage. Essentially, that – we’ve in our Awareness, accepted and allow the “Force” of/as the Mind/Consciousness to automatically control, direct and ‘take over’ within ourselves, and so now one is assisting and supporting self in the Process of re-establishing self and so self’s awareness into and as self-directive principled living.” – Sunette Spies

 

So this is what I noticed in relation to us allowing the ‘force’ to become the directive principle, and  us giving ourselves away to become the ‘Absent-Minded’ Character, wherein one simply let oneself ‘flow’ with the drive of whatever is in front of us and start thinking and going deeper this is how the entire passivity that becomes our ‘’way of living’ in our current society, it is how the reward system after long hours of work is set up; you get home from work, you require to sit down and just Chill – worry not about the actual problems in the world – and ‘entertain us’ to in fact live in denial of what is here, and more than a denial a deliberate neglect toward our reality, how it functions, how other human beings are living in.   And within me trying this out and becoming ‘absent minded,’ I saw it and experienced it: it’s like being constantly watching movies wherein you don’t really have to do anything else other than looking, probably reading and filling in the gaps in the mind, and creating a sense of ‘comfort’ within it, which indicate obviously: mind experience as the only constant self-comfort that exists in fact and reality is here as breath, being absolutely self directive at all times.

For now we know that following this accepted and allowed pattern of entertainment is the best way to keep ourselves busy in trivial points that have no transcendence within our reality as humanity other than stimulating one’s own fantasies, dreams, imagination and any other mind experience, which is how ourselves as the mind and the entire world functions, really, even making money out of such ‘spare time’ is the greatest ways to make money, which implies that the system in itself is perfect within which we’ve lead ourselves to our own guaranteed doom if we do not act out and actually Do what is required to be done to re-establish a point of self responsibility toward everything and everyone on Earth.

 

Now, what does this have to do with procrastination? Distraction, it is within this decision to deliberate Not do what is required to be done that we immerse ourselves within the entire ‘media world’ wherein even if you’ve watched/ read the same news once, one go seeking for more as if there was a sense of vicarious atonement to other people’s lives that seem like ‘unreal’ to us, while presenting this absolutely deluded aspect of reality that somehow we’ve managed to venerate and revere to as humanity, calling it the outflows of fame and fortune: This is our civilization at the expense of the physical substance that is life on/ as Earth.

And this is our ‘entertainment,’ which seems quite innocent when it begins with quick glances at news from showbiz, quick glances at magazine covers, then getting hooked up in a particular article/ news and from there,  ‘one thing leads to the other,’ which is just a blatant excuse of course. What is is this sense of ‘feeling good’ within this all as the absent minded character, losing track of one’s breath and setting in on autopilot , it’s because one for a moment only delves in the experience of not having to be ‘performing’ something, not having to be doing/ acting/ speaking within the world, one can just simply ‘sink in,’ set in the media-drive and ride in autopilot for as long as we allow The Force to drive us by. 

 

What I realized is how media is an externalization of our own imagination, backchat, internal conversations and general mind-tament that we have created for our individual pleasure. Before there were ever iPhones and iPods and personal computers, there was only the theatre of our own mind, being able to be ‘fine tuned’ to match our own ‘wildest dreams,’ never ever ever being aware of what actually could power such marvelous ‘colorful theatre’ up there in the realm of ‘ideas’ that we identified as ‘who we are.’ Well, we have become such thoughts through actually acting them out/ living them out in the physical and that’s the ultimate possession. We have become drones of our own externalization of the mind and now it is as if Marshall McLuhan almost could have ‘gotten it’ for a moment, however he never pondered about the actual energy that could power such mind mechanism later on externalized as our current mediatized society.

Once again, I can see myself as the character I had become when judging the media and its ‘tacky contents,’ however who are we whenever we are not HERE present as the physical, who are we when we are not really aware of every breath that we take, where are we and what are we driving ourselves to when being passively observing, hearing and essentially consuming experiences in an audiovisual mode and see how we don’t necessarily have to be watching TV or reading up stories for that, we within the mind create our own entertainment. And, yes,  it’s the perfect addictive state to continue creating our own theatre of shadows wherein the shadow self is what we have actually become: nothing else but a single automated version of ourselves, allowing ourselves to miss ourselves here physically– however we often do not ponder How it is that we created such entertainment, why, what was its purpose? And it’s quite easy to answer all of this when realizing how within us accepting and allowing ourselves to build a world based on that which we could THINK of and rationalize about reality –with its obvious diversion-mechanisms – instead of actually physically being here, interacting, exploring and discovering what is HERE as the entirety of the physical relationships that we have absolutely missed when only living in a plastic bubbled type of living, always thinking about reality and/or rejoicing in absorbing/ consuming information that is utterly useless for us to develop as humanity.

 

There is a moment of deciding to Not do what we have to do, to Not give proper direction to our every day living wherein we Instead, picture ourselves being comfortably numb with sounds, pictures, stories that somehow we’ve sought to read in order to activate our autopilot throughout the day and pretend that ‘that is all to life,’ which is how it goes on with Television and any other social-media site wherein one spend long ours a day just consuming, passively taking and taking and taking in and missing every breath as we just zone-into the comfort zone.

 

And this is how within the nature of us seeking our own self-interest of the ‘good feeling/ comfortable’ experience in one single moment, we give into the mind, completely and absolutely. Test this out for yourself, probably you’ll not be even aware of this while ‘testing it out,’ but only realize about it once you directly decide to stop it/ step out of it, and that is where we fall flat on the face of ourselves and the amount of time we can spend on a daily basis doing practically nothing – be it media, be it just sitting doing nothing, finding any point of distraction to not direct ourselves to do things.

 

And this is thus exploring the thought that comes up which is a remembrance of such seemingly ‘enjoyable moments’ wherein we then seek to repeat such pattern at all cost, never ever knowing that such cost is not paper-money or metal coins or digital numbers on a screen – even if most of entertainment at such level must be a service one pay for – It is instead our very own flesh and physical body that we consume every time that we just hop in the bandwagon of entertainment which does not only comprise the most obvious types of media entertainment within TV or pc’s as well. This is about one single thought that we’ve attached this idleness/ passivity to, creating a single image, picture, thought, internal conversation and absolute ‘beingness’ of the being suddenly realizing: how the hell did I just spend hours surfing on the web, looking for this and eventually getting nothing out of it other than a few moments of believed and perceived ‘enjoyment’ at the actual expense of the physicality that is transformed into energy, which is how we power up any seemingly ‘good feeling’ experience.

 

Now, it is to understand that such media is our creation and reflection of who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become: self-gratifying individuals that hardly ever look at how it is that the money that buys the honey is created. And within this ‘machinery’ it is to also see how these are mind control and mind created mechanisms that we as humans have imposed onto fellow humans to generate passivity in relation to what should be our direct participation in the world system.

 

From Absent-Minded to Presence-Hereness

Have a look at how life would be if we suddenly had access to a dignified living for all, would we spend time only diving into images, pictures and sounds 24/7? or are we in fact living out the slave-enter-tament that we’ve ensured to even deify or even laureate as being ‘more’ than ourselves, never realizing that the entire set of entertainment is a well-made joke on us. This is not to satirize media or in any way become a blatant critic of it, it’s about recognizing the actual self direction that we abdicate every moment that we go into the me-die and allow ourselves to be mind controlled: we just hook on, log in and ‘play’ in our minds or more like get entertained by all pictures, sounds, stories and any other occassional artsy shot that we are so used to seeing everywhere nowadays. And this is how self movement and self expansion is mutilated at the core, creating a sense of ‘everything is fine-ness’ that we believe is real because we see happy people in our screens and magazines that we want to experience as well, in an imaginary way through this entertainment, believing that there must be ‘something’ about life other than endless payrolls and spending your last ‘savings’ on getting yourself bailed out for another couple of years.

 

Who has done this all ? We have, we as the mind invading the physical have driven ourselves to our very own decay, and within understanding the basic frame of how the mind words, one can go seeing, realizing and understanding that it is very easy to slip back into habitual patterns of finding out these type of entertainment that is not necessary to ‘exist’ at all. We rather breathe and take things for what they are, see the world for what it currently is: the externalization of our ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ about our creation/ our reality and within this ensure that we start pondering what actual honor is and how immovable it must be  to catch us all within the fishnet. And once again, having a snail teaching us about what science should be and how deluded our words are, is the most humbling experience, to learn how to see and recognize our mistakes, where we invest’ our time in, where we waste away our breaths into feeding a mind leech curiosity that we believe is ‘normal and innocent;’ well, best is to Not assume at all but actually understand this relationship between the mind and the physical and within this realizing what we have in fact postponed on Earth which is the ultimate establishment of an equality system, wherein no more profitable excuses will exist in order to NOT explore, support and expand ourselves in our Physical reality.

We are the ones that have created our limitations, we are the only ones that can set us free, beginning with ourselves. Thus is it still a ‘real freedom’ or a simple alignment to give and receive as equals, as what’s best for all?

 

We decide how we live the words and like any other addiction, we decide when and how to ‘give up’ the absinthe-minded droneism and start living here as breath in the physical.

 

to be continued…

 

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