Tag Archives: conditions

197. Friends of Convenience

How many times have you been in the position of not ‘bearing’ a person but remaining with them for their material possessions, their house and general lifestyle they could provide you with in an indirect manner? Are friendships also based on the amount of benefits one get from one another? Is this happiness?

 

Continuation to the Elitist Character 

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how, with what we accept and allow within ourselves – we will accept and allow in the without of ourselves. Accepting and allowing poverty, famine, starvation to exist as the Physical Sorrow of/as this physical existence, to accept and allow Elitism to exist as the Physical Joy – with the Physical Sorrow, being caused/manifested by/through no Money, and the Physical Joy, being created by/through an abundance of Money. In reality – creating the negative/bad/low and also the positive/good/high, where we have not seen, realised and understood that we have created/manifested the Evil of/as this World System as a direct-mirror of/as the Evil of the Mind/Consciousness – where, as the Mind, as with the World System, we would continue accepting and allowing the polarities of positive and negative, so that we can continue using these polarities at the benefit of producing more energy within, and more money without, all of it at the sacrifice of the Physical Body, and so this Physical Existence, and actual humans, animal, earth lives.”

 

The memory that comes to mind is going to a very nice house of my parents’ group of friends and I was absolutely baffled at the luxury that these people lived in – I was probably 6 years old and I remember having a very bad experience with the girl of the house that was around 2 years older than me and that I was supposed to be playing with, because I perceived her as absolutely controlling, bossy and overtly conceited to the point wherein I simply kept quiet, interacted only bits while feeling generally uncomfortable and mostly keeping myself quiet, which is a general point I tend to act out when being ‘Intimidated’ by someone, which in this case and as a regular pattern throughout my life from there on, was linked toward people that I knew had money/ were rich/ had some sort of ‘power’ according to society.

So, in that moment I didn’t like being there and would be judging her as a spoiled kid with all these toys and ‘expensive stuff’ that I obviously did not have, which lead me to feel ‘less than’ her, yet at the same time creating this desire to one day have the ability to have such a house, such toys/ luxury and essentially what I believed then was like ‘dream like’ living-condition. Besides the point of desiring what the girl and this family had, I realized somehow that being related to these people was something I could benefit from, and that relationships with these particular group of friends would eventually lead me to get to a similar lifestyle in my reality, or at least enjoy it while going to their houses. Thus, even if I disliked and would most likely keep secret judgments about the girls and the family in general at ‘face value’ based on my general discomfort of being with her and in such ‘tight’ events,  I played along in order to be able to go and play with her stuff and enjoy her house, which actually didn’t happen in the end with this particular girl – but, the point is seeing how convenience ruled and hypocrisy became something that I begun playing out even as a child, learning how to smile even though I was uncomfortable just because of being in a social situation that I knew I could have some benefit from and that I only required to present myself as the ‘good girl’ at all times, while in fact not really enjoying the presence of particular beings BUT liking the environment/ the comfort/ the lifestyle that I could experience for a while there.

– Within this post, I’ll begin with writing Self Forgiveness upon linking the having lots of money/ wealth/ power/ success to a positive experience, fulfillment and a general happiness as ‘my purpose in life’ that I believed I had to pursue in order to be able to experience such ‘well being’ for myself again in my future.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the picture/ image and concept of luxury as having lots of money to happiness, joy, bliss, comfort and a general well being that I began to desire from that moment as a child and on, wherein I would then constantly be assessing my own house, my own toys, my own ‘lifestyle’ and family in comparison to what I had seen with people with more money and identifying them as a ‘better class’ as an elite that I believed were ‘more’ than ourselves, more educated, more ‘refined’ wherein I attached a positive value toward everything that could be bought with ‘lots of money’ such as big houses, big luxury cars, lots of toys, nice clothes, expensive schools and general way of being that I linked to a characteristic and quality which is having refined physical mannerisms, all of this which I installed as a ‘future desire within my life’ to fulfill.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to imprint the ‘picture perfect family’ as this still thought as the image of the house in the background and the family standing outside in the garden, altogether waving goodbye and being seemingly happy wherein particularly their ‘well being’ as the smile on their faces became a desire for me to also mimic and experience, which is why their attitudes and mannerisms became a basic ‘imprint’ within me from just that one day in order to play it out/copy it in future events to denote a form of ‘elegance’ and ‘class’ and ‘etiquette’ that I had acquired only from that day that I visited this family in their house.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the answer from my father without a question in terms of why these people were ‘so rich’? and how it was due to a family business lineage that they belonged to, wherein I then immediately saw it as something that was ‘meant to be’ and that was ‘acceptable’ within this world, wherein only a few families/ businesses/ lineage/ bloodlines are allowed to have all the luxury in the world/ all the money, while the rest of society has no access to such equal amount of benefits at all. Within this I realize that as a child I created this concept of wealth as a positive thing that one would want to ‘aspire to obtain,’ because of listening to y father saying that ‘they would do GOOD in their business’ which I linked then wealth to success to happiness, joy and bliss as the ideal lifestyle that I desired to have for many, many years just based on that one single day that I went to such house and got a vivid ‘idea’ of what being rich is all about.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that people with lots of money were in fact ‘better human beings’ as in ‘more civilized’ wherein I then desired to have such a status and position to Not be someone from the rest of the populace which I then begun comparing as ‘less than’ with adjectives related to rude, uneducated, unrefined as an inherent quality to people that don’t have ‘lots of money’ and therefore, their education was not as ‘good’ as the elitist’s one, which I began to take as a frame of reference to see who I would want to be friends with according to their picture presentation, their vocabulary, their parents, their house and everything that could denote that me being friends with them, would mean having luxury and benefits that I would not get at home/ not have them as readily available as these other beings would. Thus beginning to divide my perspective toward people based on money/ social position instead of actually seeing the being as one and equal to myself and direct myself to treat them all equally.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the belief that I had to be and become a ‘successful person’ and ‘do good with money’ as in linking this good/ positive experience to luxury, to having a big house with a big garden and animals and a ‘doll’s house’  and lots of toys that I could store in huge cabinets, and houses that seemed like a maze which I have linked to ‘perfect houses’ as in being able to provide a comfortable experience which was all based on money and within this, wanting to be someday a ‘successful person’ so that I could have all of this luxury that I became quite infatuated with for some time while growing up – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to pray to ‘god’ every day that we could win a huge house in a particular ruffle because that house represented ‘my dream come true’ as witnessed within this particular situation of the elitist house and how I would literally say that I would not ask for anything else any longer But that single house that would make me happy – and in this, equating happiness and fulfillment to ‘having a big house’ that was  part of a ruffle, and when we did not get it, I simply began questioning the might of my ‘prayer’ because ‘god’ had not listened to me/ given us the house of my dreams.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link happiness, well being and confidence to ‘having lots of money’ wherein I believed that my condition as my inner-beingness and experience was determined and defined by the amount of money we had, which is how I had created this immediate ‘pick-up’ experience in my family wherein whenever my father was ‘happy’ for having a ‘good day at work,’ I would be equally happy and joyful as he was – and when he was in a ‘bad mood’ according to having had a bad day at work or a continued phase of bad business days, I became more quiet and distant and worried all the time, just because of realizing that we were in a dire economical situation, wherein I simply accepted the fact that Money determined ‘who I am’ in my every day living condition.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my ‘ideal life in the future’ having ‘lots of money’ as a default ingredient, based on what I had witnessed was possible for human beings to have and live by in ‘my reality,’ which then created this constant inner conflict of me becoming rather unsatisfied with my house, with the toys that I had, with our cars, our general social-condition because of desiring the life of others that had ‘much better stuff than we did,’ and within this linking the middle-class situation to not being ‘good enough’ and as such, allowing myself to pursue relationships and social links that would allow me to get to experience such luxury for some time, even if it was for the while I could go and visit and enjoy their homes and ‘toys.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create this general judgment of rich people being mostly spoiled and within this being mostly ‘conceited’ wherein I then would not entirely enjoy such personalities, but would manage to ‘cope with it’ because of me wanting to remain as ‘friends’ so that I could benefit from going to the places and residences they lived in, playing with their extensive variety of toys and generally all the ‘goods’ they would have heaps of due to the amount of money their parents had, which I didn’t have at home – thus, becoming prone to constantly be seeing my family and house and my ‘belongings’ as less than because they weren’t as good as the stuff and properties that other beings had.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to begin linking ‘friendship’ to convenience this way, wherein I knew that if I was to be friends with someone, I would rather pick someone that I could get some benefit from at the level of money/ experiences bought with money, wherein even if their house wasn’t that great BUT they would have lots of toys or lots of variety of candy/ foods that I would not get at home, would be equally equated to ‘positive points’ that I would consider in order to remain being friends with them.

 

I forgive myself that I never questioned how it is that I would most of the times not want to go and ‘hang out’ with the kids themselves, but would mostly talk myself in my mind to go there to be able to enjoy their house, toys and house environment which to me then seemed like a better reason to go than actually being fully willing to spend my time with the beings themselves.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to from there on, measure the convenience that I had in relation to friendships/ relationships in general at school and friends of friends and people that I would meet according to the house they lived in, their social habits, the foods they ate/ were able to afford, the general ‘status’ they had within society according to the money they have as all of that would mean that I was able to be benefitted from in one way or another.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remain within this belief of rich people being happy/ better human beings and never questioning such condition as opposed to the rest of the world and even ourselves when not having sufficient money and within this, creating a general acceptance of wealth as a ‘good life’ that I simply had to ‘work hard for’ in my future, and that in the meantime, I could obtain a bit of it through friendships, wherein the more benefits I would get from such friendships, the more ‘comfortable’ it was for me to spend my days with them, even if at times the relationship with the people themselves was not ‘great’ – but would always convince myself of simply ‘bearing with them’ as long as I could have my own benefit of experiencing myself in their houses/ with their toys/ eating their food and going out to the places they went to and so forth.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to grow up within this belief that everything that I had to look for/ aim at was to have lots of money and social relationships that could ‘back up’ such lifestyle  – being ‘equally wealthy’ –  wherein I linked this belief to a purpose in life, an absolute fulfillment wherein I knew that my entire schooling/ career years would have to aim at this ultimate power and success, being equated to ‘doing good’ according to what I learned at home. Within this, never questioning why I would only be wanting to pursue such happiness for myself only and never even looking at other people’s lives and their ability to do the same, simply because I became used to thinking that each one had to ‘climb their way’ within society through ‘hard work’ and foolishly believing that only those that were wanting to have this similar social status, would have to ‘work hard’ or come from a wealthy family  – automatic riches – to then be part of the elite within society – never questioning if it was in fact that All people could equally get to have such amount of money even with  also ‘working hard,’ never questioning at that stage why then poor people were poor but only accepted it as part of my reality just like anything else that I would see was flawed – never fully questioned it, just kept walking my way to get to have my ‘happy wealthy life’ one way or another.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having created a resistance to walk this point based on how I would be ‘seen’ as self-interested person that is elitist, without realizing that as long as we keep hiding the actual ‘mechanics’ that we’ve existed as throughout our lives, we’ll remain neglecting our responsibility to this world as is, and would keep having a ‘safe spot’ within our egos to not ‘touch upon’ without realizing that it is in fact through walking the seemingly ‘unimportant’ that is the most relevant when it comes to basic mechanisms in which we have conditioned ourselves to Think reality, instead of Living Reality.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that I had Also at some point of my life also vehemently desired to be rich and wealthy as a synonym of ‘happy life,’ wherein I had almost tried to bury and hide such phase of my life due to the judgment I held toward the ‘me’ that I was while growing up until my early teens, wherein I was pretty much worried and concerned about society, upper classes, wealth and a general desire to be part of such realm due to the close-encounters with it, and believing that ‘life was much better when having it all,’ which remained as a constant conflict whenever I realized that I wasn’t wealthy and that getting such amount of wealth was mostly impossible for my family – thus acquiring a constant experience in a non-conscious level of not being living to my ‘upmost potential’ because of money always existing as something that is ‘there’ however in a limited manner, and not as ‘limitless’ as I would have wanted it to be.

 

I commit myself to continue opening up the elitist construct  as I see and realize that even the current lifestyle that I have ‘chosen’ to have is almost like a way to want to redeem myself from the money-desires that I had in my past in one way or another. And also realizing how within the Equal Money System there will be no need to desire ‘the neighbor’s house’ and money, as all will be granted with equal access to an optimum living condition for a lifetime.

 

Self Corrective Statements in the following post along with continuing dissecting the basic imprints on the Evil that this Elitist construct represents within me, as the separation that Money exists as within our world and society representing the ultimate segregation from the value of Life in Equality to a set of imposed values of more than/ less than existing at the benefit of only a Few in this world, which defined my interactions and general considerations toward other human beings in an almost unnoticeable automatic manner.

 

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179. Apathy as result of High Expectations

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate anxiety and fear when thinking and backchatting myself about the possible outcomes of having to present my work to other people and them assessing that it is not ‘good enough’/ that it is not suitable for this career, that it has nothing to do with what I am supposed to be writing about – without realizing that these thoughts are actually quite absurd when considering how it is that I have created these judgments within me as backchat that I would use in order to convince me that there is ‘no point’ in doing it, within it hitting the excuse and justification of uselessness as a reaction of apathy leading to the cycle of procrastination.

 

Within this I realize that my reaction of apathy and immediate neglect to what is required to be done is in fact me not having been Here as Breath – but instead talking to myself in my mind as all the negative reasons why I would Not want to get this work done due to having to actually Do It. I breathe and go into the next self forgiveness as a reaction to this realization:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in shame and regret as a form of now feeling ‘bad’ about everything that I did and I didn’t do, without realizing that in this, I am only creating yet another experience to cover up the immediate responsibility at hand, which is part of the reactions that I used to justify my inaction and commitment to do things – due to, instead of realizing that it must be done, going into further thinking/ backchat of all the future play outs and the supposed ‘validity’ of the work in itself, without realizing that any writing in itself will be supportive to se me, no matter in which ‘sphere’ of my reality it takes place in.

 

When and as I see myself going into shame and regret for all the time wasted and not lived to give proper direction to myself and my work to be done – I stop and I breathe I realize that facing the consequences of what I accepted and allowed is inevitable – however, going into an experience over it in no way supports and assists me to physically move – thus I stop any point of further self-manipulation to find reasons, excuses and justifications as to why I didn’t move – without realizing that such reasons, justifications and excuses only stand as a further deviation of the physical task at hand.

I realize that I have often used this same mechanism when realizing the points that must be done and instead of simply breathing, stabilizing myself physically here, I go into further judgment and justification as all the reasons, excuses, explanations that I try to ‘give a meaning/ value to’ in my mind, which only stand as a defense to protect my own self interest of ‘not wanting to accept having made a mistake/ having fucked it up’ – as that goes ‘against my idea of self,’ which is precisely what we are walking this process for: to see, realize and expose to ourselves to what extent we are able to lie ourselves continuously in order to protect a mechanism of self interest wherein the ‘who we are’ as the perfect/ ideal I have of myself in my mind, is always ‘spotless’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to place myself as a ‘considerate person’ whenever I would go into the negative backchat and within this considering that my reactions such as immediate fear and anxiety could not remain ‘within me’ as ‘who I am’ which is how I would immediately seek for another point to keep me ‘balanced out’ in my mind, wherein ‘my score’ would remain untainted by this one task I was not directing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within reacting in fear and anxiety to face one single aspect and task of my life, generate a complete callous experience toward it, of seemingly it not being ‘important’ and prioritizing other things in my mind, because within doing this, I would keep myself in a ‘safe spot’ of doing things right, properly, without realizing that even the input/ drive to do other things Instead of physically directing me to get this task done was motivated by my own desire to ‘even myself out’ in my mind, wherein even if I knew that I was not getting this task done, I would then create another task/ activity as a supplement to ‘even out’ my sense of remaining a ‘responsible being’ because of ‘doing this other thing/ taking this other responsibility’ – without realizing how I was in fact being selective within this process in order to suit my needs of self interest, to remain with a positive reputation in my mind at the eyes of other and myself, while deliberately knowing that there is this ‘chunk of things’ to direct and do, and that it won’t certainly just ‘go away’ by wishing it so or positively thinking.

 

When and as I see myself reacting with fear of losing my reputation as a responsible being when realizing I am Not directing myself appropriately – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is stemming from a defense of my ‘ego’ as this precious thing that I’ve created for myself to remain with a ‘positive stance’ toward people in my world and within myself in my mind, wherein it is no different to talking myself positively in order to create a positive experience for taking other responsibilities and neglecting others that are also important and priority in my reality.

 

When and as I see myself thinking ‘But! Instead of doing this work, I am doing that other work which is Also important’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that me doing the ‘balancing out’ wherein I try to even points in order to compensate for what I realize I am not doing, is another trick of the ego to always keeps itself ‘winning’ and ‘on top’ and ‘stable’ and even with a false sense of ‘calmness’ that is like a pill taken to soothe the initial shot of anxiety and fear experienced every time that the backchat ‘I am not doing this’ would be manifested not even as thoughts but as a physical doing of just side sweeping it right away, not giving any ‘second thought’ to actually do it, but simply get on to the rest of the things to do which I have defined myself to be ‘comfortable’ in doing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an experience of apathy and general dullness when thinking about doing this written work, as the result of the backchat such as ‘what’s the point for this?’ wherein I realize that I am placing a condition to my movement to do things based on the outcome/ result which is an expectation created according to what I would ‘want’ to get from it.

When and as I see myself thinking the backchat ‘what’s the point for this’ and going into apathy and idleness in that moment, I stop and I breathe  – I realize that seeking for a particular outcome that could satisfy my desire for positive experience is another way to sabotage my self-movement as an unconditional one, as a self-willed realization that this must be done regardless of any result or outcome.

I commit myself to be unconditional in my self movement in the physical regardless of the task I have at hand, as I realize that equalizing myself as the physical is not judging the task to be done as either ‘good for me’ or ‘more valuable’ or ‘less important,’ as I realize that within the assessment in common sense of what I have to do and what must get done, implies a physical consideration of it to be done as part of a responsibility or a practical functionality for myself and others in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in apathy and even defeatism whenever having the backchat ‘ I’m not good enough within this career/ what difference will it make to others what I have to say here?’  which is rather a product of self manipulation wherein I am giving into ‘thinking’ my doing based on how it will be received/ viewed and valued/assessed by others, making of this future backchat projection ( lol ) a single obstacle in my mind to simply then turn my back on this work, because of me secretly wanting and desiring and still keeping this belief of me having to ‘change other people’s minds about themselves’ through this particular work/ task that I have to complete. Within this it is seeing how I have created my own condition of ‘If I can be praised/ glorified’ within my mind based on the reception this work will get, then I gladly do it’ – but when there is no certainty of this, I then go into a negative experience toward it in order to  create an experience of being ‘not good enough’ and backchatting myself about it, simply because of expecting a reward that satisfies my ego within this all.

 

When and as I see myself thinking ‘I’m not good enough within this career/ what difference will it make to others to read/ hear what I have to say here?’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that within this I am placing a condition to my self-writing, my own physical process of doing things based on a future projection and assumption of how it will be received by others, instead of realizing that I have the absolute ability to simply write within the direction that I already see and realize I am capable of giving myself as the simplicity of opening the document and continuing writing – instead of allowing imagination, future projections, backchat and an overall reaction of uselessness and defeatism to be ‘more’ than myself and my will to move and direct me here.

 

I commit myself to stop going into future projections about the reception and how will ‘others’ read my words and what they will ‘think’ of my work and instead, simply direct myself to physically do it in the moment, as myself – directing-me to do it, regardless of expecting a positive or negative outcome of it, as I see and realize that within trapping myself in these two polarities, I condition my very physical to energy instead of realizing and living out the understanding of how the physical is able to move itself by simply the ‘force’ that I can redefine as self-movement instead of mind-energetic conditions to move that I had imposed onto the physical’s unconditional self movement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I’m wasting my time with this’ as an excuse to instead veer toward doing ‘something else’ – without realizing that the actual wasting of breath-time is whenever I am finding excuses and justifications to not do it, wherein I then create a positive experience of me not doing something based on the belief that ‘there is no use to it’ – thus creating and placing conditions to my self movement according to what I have defined as valuable and what I have defined as ‘not valuable’ and within this separation, actually missing the point of it all wherein I am waiting for something to be ‘productive’ for me to do instead of me doing and directing myself to ‘do it’/ be productive in the moment.

When and as I see myself thinking that ‘I am wasting my time on a task’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this stems from the inner value-system I have created toward tasks/ points that I have to do based on the experience that they create within me as either satisfying a positive experience in my mind or not, wherein I thus realize that anything that is generating a sense of ‘lack’ or wanting to do ‘something else’ instead, is already indicating that I am at the right place where there is no energy ‘flow’ within the doing of it, and as such, that all the points that come to my mind as something that I would ‘rather do’ are identified as mind-triggers for positive experience, which I must then debunk in order to see how my own value system of ‘preferred activities and tasks’ stems from the energetic experience I get of it , indicating that it is the mind that is seeking itself to have ‘time’ to satisfy itself instead of me as a self directive being directing myself to do things that will not cause me a positive or negative experience, but simply have to be done.

 

When and as I see myself then now attempting to go into a positive experience for ‘moving’ through this procrastination point, I stop and I breathe – I realize that making it a positive experience because ‘yay I am moving!’ is also a mind experience to still create positive energy within this – thus I commit myself to be absolutely clear and stable within me every moment that I go into the positive experience of stopping the procrastination character, as it would be rather futile to now make this stopping another mind experience – lol.

 

I commit myself to live Self Responsibility not only as a physical realization of having to ‘get things done’ but also within the understanding that every time that I give into energy – either positive or negative – to do/ not do things, I am abdicating my self-directive principle to move unconditionally and I am in fact abusing my physical body as every time that I create either a negative or a positive experience through thoughts manifesting either a positive or a negative experience, I am subjecting my physical body to be consumed by the mind that requires always to have an energetic fix which comes through the very physical-consumption of my physical body that is transformed into any of these experiences that I then believe is ‘who I am,’ which is unacceptable within the realization that physical movement is here as breath, therefore, as I breathe and simply make the decision to get the writing done/ to work on it I realize that there is no experience required within me, no judgment toward the task in itself, no future projection or conditional ‘result’ of it required, as I see and realize that all of these are mind-created obstacles wanting to get a positive outcome of it all which create a conflict upon that which can be simply physically done and directed.

 

I realize that the apathy experienced and deliberate ‘not doing’ a task stems from – within various other dimensions that I have probably yet to discover – having a future projection of a positive outcome within it, and within me generating this belief that there is no point to it/ not being good enough/ wasting my time to this. To understand more why thinking exists, listen to these two interviews that are vital in order to understand who we are within these ‘obstacles’ and what we are accepting and allow ourselves to be and have become within it all:

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85. Death to the artist–Bearthing Life

To stop the characterization in our lives implies self forgiving the configuration of our programming to instead, direct ourselves to be and become the actual living physicality that only requires to establish one single principle to be able to coexist: Life in Equality.

 

Any personality and its various characters leads us to act/ do/ say and think according to one single limited character frame that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to reduce ourselves to. Thus, within this I see, realize and understand that the end of the illusion is here as myself, in every moment that I decide to breathe, be here as the physical instead of perpetuating the lie of ‘who I am’ as a character in my mind and toward others.

This is the second part to 84. “What are you up to?”  seen from the perspective of the pattern such interactions represent within the context of who and what we become as ‘characters’ in the world system that exist as such just to live as illusions and delusions that have never in fact ever Lived. Thus, it is within me that the ability to ensure I establish myself here as a living physical being exists – this is to stop complying to playing the game/ being a player in the game we have called ‘life,’ which has never in fact being Living but only getting high on energy up to the last drop to then decay and die as the fleeting spark we have diminished ourselves to be.

 

Hence, this is the end at the moment for the ‘artist character’ in various dimensions as examples of what one single personality possesses our very being wherein we forget about the actual reality that we exist as, and become nothing else but another player in the chess game battlefield that we have superimposed to the unconditional physicality of ourselves here. It’s time to take off the costume – I am here to live, not survive.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the moment I comply to communicate with another based memories, I am in fact re-creating the same illusion that we have bound ourselves to – and by illusion is to understand that it was never in fact real – thus what is the point in perpetuating a Lie toward ourselves and others if we already understand that, within keeping ourselves as such lies we are in fact abusing of this entire reality from life after life after life, just because of this single acceptance of individualized characters that communicate as characters, fulfilling experiences as characters in this staged world-system wherein nothing that we have ‘created,’ has ever been REAL in fact, but only consequence of our eternal drive to ‘fulfill ourselves as characters,’ without ever seeing ourselves as the origin of such ‘search’ in the first place – thus running around in circles, chasing after chasing ourselves only, but always veiling ourselves from realizing this because of the actual positive experience we all sought for as energy itself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I’ve wasted an entire education on art because I am not creating any longer, without realizing that self interest would be to stick to doing something that I realize is not supporting myself as one and equal, and instead do it to simply satisfy the character that I was supposed to be.

 

When and as I see myself thinking that I wasted an entire ‘art career’ because I am no longer creating, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I’ve actually wasted entire lifetimes seeking to fulfill a character that was never in fact real in the first place – thus I let go of any ideal/ belief or perception of anything having any substantial ‘worth’ as myself here – I realize the fulfillment of the illusion was what kept me busy as only a character seeking to fulfill its due-characterization which is not who and what I am here as the physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others have to say in relation to my life as a ‘drop out of character’ without realizing that standing ‘as’ the character and fulfilling a life as such is the actual enslavement that we’ve all complied to without a question, wherein we buy into social pressures of ‘who we are’ toward others, instead of realizing that in playing such which-character-are-you-today game, we are in fact binding ourselves to an enslavement to the mind, the character and the stage alike.

 

When and as I see myself thinking that I have ‘wasted myself because of not following through art-education,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is just a victimization character to keep the mind preoccupied thinking that there’s something ‘wrong’ that was done with that – and instead direct myself to see how I have only been playing out a ‘character game,’ entertaining myself as whether I did good or not, without realizing that while existing lost in such characterization, I missed the entire reality that is here and that I was only focusing on me-as-the-character, missing the reality that we are binding to our mind-illusions, seeking to fulfill each other in order to not see what we are in fact doing/ consuming every time that we ‘call ourselves by our character,’ and thinking that it is ‘normal’ to exist like this.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever make of ‘art’ something important, without realizing that it was just another mind possession that I took on for the evasion it represented just as anything else- and I realize that it could have virtually anything of this world that I could have grabbed-on in order to make it ‘my own’ and ‘my thing’ in life, which is the only way we have kept ourselves busy in our minds, fulfilling each other with lies to believe that ‘what we are seeing/ hearing/ experiencing’ within ourselves is ‘real’ as ‘who we are,’ when in fact: it never was.

 

When and as I see myself placing ‘what I do’ as more than myself, I stop and I breathe – I realize that anything that I make to validate myself as a character is only serving the ego of the mind and not who I really am as a physical being that certainly does not require any form of recognition or validation from an external source to verify that ‘I am here.’ Thus I commit myself to establish the totality of myself as here in every moment of breath wherein I do not require to become a character or ‘create’ something in order to ‘exist.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out characters that seek to validate their own creation as real and ‘meaningful,’ without realizing that it is just another form of praising each other’s character as to see who becomes the best actor of it all, and as such get the most reward in the name of ‘who I am as the mind,’ instead of realizing that in / as the physical there is nothing to recognize as superior or inferior, there is no need to prove yourself to others, there is no need to become something ‘better’ for others to see or praise. Therefore

 

 

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When and as I see myself diminishing myself to become a character in order to fulfill the idea/ memory that others have of myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that self-as-here cannot possibly continue perpetuating the same game of ‘who you are’ and ‘prove yourself to others’ in order to satisfy a world system that thrives on personalization to create specialized fields to entertain ourselves in, believing that ‘we have to become a character for others, otherwise we are no alive!’ which is how we have compromised, abused and used the entirety of who we are in the name of that fleeting sparkle of ‘personality’ aiming to get ‘high’ in the world system, while neglecting the actuality of how we were able to do this as an absolute consumption of ourselves, reducing life to a single gimmick of living. That is not who I am and I commit myself to establish myself as the physicality in every moment of breath, stopping all forms of mind delusions that come up as temptations to follow through with a positive experience. I realize the illusion for what it is and remain constant and consistent here as breath.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to reduce myself to being a single ‘bright spark’ as the character that I sought to be and become in absolute ignorance of what is it that I was in fact using and abusing to fulfill my desires, hopes, wants, dreams, wishes throughout lives, never ever pondering about anything else but ‘who I am’ as this someone that ‘must become someone better/ greater no matter what,’ and within this single acceptance of becoming a professional in something, a single career, a single character I complied to playing the game of the world system of characters, believing that the most important decision in my life was ‘who I will be/ become when I grow up’ based on the limited variation of characters that I saw as ‘available’ and even with that, having chosen one that I could use as a means to apparently ‘evade’ reality, never realizing that I cannot escape reality at all and that wherever I go I am here – thus, I direct myself to face myself in every moment of breath to ensure that I stop the stupidity cycles we’ve existed as the mind, creating further separation from one another by fully embodying characters that never regarded life as ourselves here – but always used it and abused it to fulfill a program, a script as the character.

 

When and as I see myself loading memories to fulfill the idea of myself toward others in relation to the character I had accepted and allowed and defined myself to be, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the only way I can be real and exist here, is here as breath as the physical – and I dare to stop the illusion within another toward myself, as I realize that the very least moment that I ‘give in’ to play the same old game, I give into the character version of myself that is not real – hence I commit myself to be the one that places a final stop to characters and to face the reactions as what they are, characters complaining a character loss in another, as that debunks the happy-go-lucky character world that we’ve enslaved ourselves within and as.

 

I realize that it apparently takes courage to do this, however if we don’t do it we simply doom ourselves to a finite version of who we are yet again, which is unacceptable and this is how it must be stopped No matter What.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become a character that compromises itself as a character that depends on other characters to survive, which is how essentially we have limited, diminished and made ourselves dependent on a monetary system based upon abuse, determining ‘who we are’ in relation to others according to the amount of money we have a ‘power to exist,’ which is absolutely ludicrous when realizing that we actually would not require this enslavement at all, we have become it because we decide to become a character that seeks for its ‘great high’ instead of realizing ourselves as what is here, in its totality – which is how I see and realize that any point of ‘great potential’ could only exist as an illusion of who I am as the mind – and that the only reality that I actually exist as is the physicality that I am here as, which doesn’t require anything else but itself to exist.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to preoccupy myself with trivial experiences in relation to ‘the character’ that I’ve become in relation and toward others, without realizing that the only thing I really feared was losing the recognition and support of other characters to ‘my character,’ which was the way to simply continue lying to each other in believing ourselves to be these unique individuals as ‘special characters,’ without realizing what we have actually done to ourselves and each other as this entire world system that thrives on the ‘evolution of characters’ that consume more, that have specialized ‘likes’ and preferences that can only benefit a world system that only seeks to fulfill itself and never has in fact realized or supported life.

 

Thus, I commit myself to restore the world order, the life order on Earth and to expose the simplicity of the realization of how we diminish ourselves every time that we seek to ‘create’ in separation of ourselves something just to satisfy our characters.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience any form of guilt or remorse for stepping out of character toward others, without realizing that this belief of ‘biting the hand that feeds,’ is only a blackmailing mechanism used to always maintain each other’s character in place, seeing the ‘out of character’ as a betrayal and often ostracizing anyone that would dare to ‘step out of character’ to point out any for of reality, because they represented a potential threat to this entire world system of characters. Thus I realize how any point of realization that I could have ever experienced in relation to ‘having to choose what character to become in life’ and that I deliberately placed aside, I did so because I could not fathom not having a character to stand by in the world system, which proves to what extent we have become the very ‘masters’ of our own enslavement, believing that we had to fear losing our character as we would experience ‘rejection’ from others, because this is exactly how we have threatened each other to ‘remain in character,’ just like a gang wherein if one decides to stop being a member of it: they are haunted, ostracized, criticized, denigrated and sometimes even killed just because of not complying to ‘the rule of thumb’ of a majority that sought to keep the illusion in place, as the illusion ‘pays off great experiences,’ without even questioning why such experiences could only last but for a moment and never ever could remain here eternally as ourselves, because we actually doomed ourselves to death the moment that we chose to only be these fleeting characters and not life eternal.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself to ‘have to make a living’ in the world system based on becoming a character that could be ‘acceptable’ as a way to make money/ make a living wherein I could in one way or another have to comply to others’ characters in order to build mine – this implies that from the moment that I accepted people as relationships in separation of myself as equals, I complied to the game; and all the way throughout the basic indoctrination as part of the system called ‘education,’ I became aware of what character I had to be/ become and play in order to survive, which is how I accepted the requirement in the system to become a character as the only way to survive, because: if I didn’t do it, I would have no means to get money – and because I knew that we depend on money = I had no other option but to become part of it and in doing so, complying to each and every single rule that we’ve enslaved ourselves to wherein Life is not unconditionally supported and provide for all as equals, but is and has been instead only used as cannon fodder to win our battles upon others and make ourselves ‘great’ in our own minds, without realizing that who and what we have become in such characterization is promoting, supporting each other’s illusions/ delusions as only being ‘someone’ in our minds, in the world system, while missing out the actuality existing here at all times, covered up with this gimmicky living-reality that in no way supports life, that We have accepted and allowed as an actual prison to ourselves – and I cannot fathom how we have not realized this before.

 

Therefore, and hereby I commit myself to break the illusion, to stop my own characterization based on that complied-to character that I chose myself to be in all ways and through doing that, establishing myself as the physical which is what is tangibly here as myself, which is what I am certain of I really am – as if I don’t eat, I die – and that any other ‘idea’ that people of ‘my past’ had about myself is no longer relevant to who/ what I am here, in every moment of breath, physically.

 

I realize that all memories were only illusions and that complying to one single memory of who I am is enslaving myself and others to the same illusion. I commit myself to expose the illusion I had become through continuing writing, applying self forgiveness for the stupidity loop that we’ve been and become as this ridiculous existential fuckup that we have remained blind within until now. I understand the crucial point we’re currently living in, and that it is our decision to stop it here in every moment, breath by breathe, as we walk this process to finally break the illusion/ see behind the veil that we had covered ourselves up with in order to not face the truth that is not pretty nor is it gruesome, but only the reality and consequence that does not require to be qualified but only seen, understood and corrected as ourselves into a best for all living principle that I establish here as myself.

 

“I commit myself to show – how we have never in fact in equal and one awareness with ourselves, our beingness in our equal and one relationship with the physical/physical-body,DECIDED /directed ‘who we are’ in moments of interaction/participation with others, because our responses/experiences/relationships with others have always been dependent/created/manifested from MEMORIES as characters of our parents’ Minds within ourselves, that’s determined ‘who we are’ and ‘how/what we live’ and ‘experience’-ourselves as, as individualized characters in relation to others’ behaviour/physical-responses to/towards us in moments of physical-reality participation/interaction. Thus, we’ve constructed/created ourselves as memories/characters from memories/characters, and so have never actually in fact lived/really decided ‘who we are’ in our living, interaction and participation in existence as memories had come to control our entire mental-physical relationship from birth to who/how we are now in our entire mind-physical existence.” – Sunette Spies *

 

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Day 85: And God Created Slaves by Bernard Poolman 
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by AcceptingGod as the Ultimate Creator that Created All as it is, I accept and allow the Existence of Slavery in all dimensions like: Child Slavery, Debt Slavery, Sex Slavery – and that My attempt to change this Slavery while I accept God in this Position as Creation will be futile – as I, in my attempt to Stop Slavery, will be acting against my own Belief and Faith in God – and as I Gave all Power to God, I will be Powerless and thus Slavery will Not end in all its Forms, as I am the ONE that Create it through My Acceptance of God as Creator. Thus, the Decision must be clear. I am the One that Decides that Slavery must Exist, as I am the One that Decides that God must Exist, as I am the One that claims I can never understand God, as Why God Created all that is, According to God’s Will, as I am the Slave that must Exist so that God can Exist, as I am the One that Decides – and thus I must be God that Creates the Slavery, as I have my Reasons why I create Slavery, because I Can – as I am the One that Allows Me to Create a World in which Life is Not Equal For ALL – and for Slavery to Exist,Inequality Must exist – as I am the One that Created Inequality, as I vote for it in Every Election, and I vote for it every time I buy Goods Created by Slaves, Wage Slaves – this world through the Ages has been and will Be what I decide, as I am the One as the Image and Likeness of God with Free Choice that can decide Anything, even to Be the Slave or God that will decide whether slaves will Exist. Thus, I am the One that Must change theWorld to One where there are NO MORE Slaves – Meaning, I must Be the One that Cleans Up the Mess on Earth, Bringing Life Back as Myself, as Equal and One, in Each One – so that, in Fact, we are All Equal as Creators, making Sure we DO NOT FORCE each other Into Slavery, as I AM the One that Decides, as You are the One that Decides – and this is the Decision I must Make in Every Breath, as Who I Am: that which is the Change to What is Best for all, or that which is the Chains that Enslaves Myself and Everyone else to this ILL LOSING. Thus, I decide in Every Breath to be the Change that will Breath by Breath Create a Reality Where For Real All will be Equal and All Life will Be supported One and Equal, as I Give to ALL what I would Like to Receive – and thus I will Be the One that Receives, and so We as One, as we Decide and Live the Living Action of the Living Word of the Decision, will bring into Being Life in the Physical, and SO we will Be the One that is God in Every Breath, Creating the Character that Life Must Be to Be What is Best for ALL Life, Always.” – Bernard Poolman

 

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