Tag Archives: confidence

532. Expressing Self-Trust and Confidence

 

§  Continuing from: 531. Redefining Self-Confidence

 

Here I’ll apply self-forgiveness on all the points I wrote out in the previous blogs, in order to tackle my self-created limitations and for once and for all rather see the benefit of owning my creation as my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hesitation, self-doubt and lack of confidence whenever I am having to make decisions on my own and have no one to reference my decisions with, wherein I have gotten used to always being able to have the approval or disapproval of others to then decide to make a particular decision in my life alone – instead of realizing that regardless of what others might say, I am the one that will ultimately live with the outcome of such decision and as such, it is ultimately a point where I have to learn to trust myself, which in this case means learning from making my own decisions, moves and choices and accordingly walk through them, not fearing making mistakes or going ‘the wrong’ way because that’s how I’ve found that I get to then define and fine tune my decisions, my next steps and next choices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate what is really behind the hesitation, self doubt or uncertainty before which is in fact a fear of making mistakes, a fear of not really achieving my utmost potential – however I forget that such outcome as ‘best potential’ can only exist through practice, through making many choices, possibly many mistakes and walking many paths to then get to find ‘my expression’ wherein, in fear, I actually don’t get to truly develop myself because of existing mostly in ‘fear’ and as such in a constant limitation that leads me to be in a stifling position, ‘giving up’ in doing something out of giving too much weight on an outcome or the opinions on them, instead of realizing that I am the only one that is able to give weight – or a negative value – to mistakes, to attempts, to apparent ‘failed choices’ – and instead learn from it, stand up and do it all over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others’ opinions and perspectives on my expression in order to keep going or completely use them as a deterrent to stop my expression in certain ways, instead of realizing that a point of expression is to represent who I am in that particular moment with what I want to create, what I want to communicate to others ultimately and as such, there is no ‘right or wrong’ or ‘good or bad’ in it, but only a process of referencing myself, seeing how satisfied or not I am with it, taking myself into consideration and not looking for others’ opinions to decide to continue or not.

I realize that I have been my own worst critic as well so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own worst critic wherein I have defined what I do as not ‘good enough’ when I compare it to what others do/express and so, have allowed myself to use this judgment as a reason to completely give up on something and get into an experience of ‘what’s the use’ – when a point of expression is precisely about practicing, doing it as much as one can until one can create or build a point of self-trust and confidence in it, which I can attest is definitely a process in other aspects of my life, but interestingly enough when it comes to creative expression, it’s like hitting a wall and this is mostly based on others’ feedback that I’ve taken ‘to the heart’, instead of staying true to myself, referencing it with myself first and foremost.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in self-doubt when it comes to assessing ‘what to do next’ or ‘what could I change or improve’ wherein the actual fear behind it is ‘fucking it up’ – wrecking it, messing it and so apparently ‘lose out’ an opportunity to have created something that I could be ‘proud of’ – but in reality there is nothing that we can create in ‘one go’ and have it come out ‘perfectly’ at once, and I realize that this ‘perfectionism’ or the idea that I have about what I can be satisfied with can be a huge show-stopper to me if I dare to start over-analyzing everything and then concluding that it is not what I expected, or it wasn’t as I intended – instead of realizing that this is a process of self-creation and self-expression, it takes practice, will take time, will take several tries maybe, but the point is to persevere and not give up ‘trying’ or getting frustrated for not getting a desired outcome.

I realize the practicality of practice and perseverance in this, wherein over time and continuous practice I am aware we can get to be more confident in doing anything – and the same therefore can be created in any point of artistic expression.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give judgments, opinions, positive and negative values to words in relation to any point of artistic expression to the point of using them to validate or disqualify what I do as ‘good enough,’ where deep down I know I can trust myself in what I see, but have ultimately usually veered to get others’ reference and perspectives, which over the years I’ve used as a reason to not keep going, but, this is entirely my own decision, my own process in reality that I cannot blame on anyone’s opinion, because it’s only me that has given it sufficient value/worth to make an opinion more important than what I decide to express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define confidence based on ‘doing something that is unique’ and so ‘special’ and so, whenever I started finding ‘similar work’ to mine, I sank into a pointlessness because of thinking that ‘everyone else is also doing it, so what’s the point?  When in fact, this is when comparison kicks in and so I stop seeing ‘the point’ when in fact, the point is myself, it’s about my expression regardless of what others do or not do or how similar it is.

Ultimately if I would measure anything I do based on how others do it, I’d be in a constant state of ‘giving up’ because ‘everyone else would be doing a lot of the same things I do anyways’ lol – when in fact this is about my expression, my development, my process, even regardless of the ‘final outcome’ but more so focusing on what I go learning about myself in the process as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for example diminish my photographs as something that ‘anyone else could have taken’ or something that ‘everyone nowadays can do with cellphones’ which I used as an excuse to give up on taking photographs based on ‘others already doing it,’ instead of rather realizing each one of those photographs were moments where I was truly focused in my reality and making a decision to capture something, it actually assisted me a lot to pay close attention to my surroundings in a constant manner, which I still enjoy doing yet don’t take photographs any longer because of thinking ‘what’s the point, there’s thousands of pictures with the same thing, nothing new’ where I then doubt myself even with the potential of taking a photograph because ‘others probably already took one similar’ – which again, if I expanded this kind of assessment to anything else, I would be constantly stopping myself from doing anything based on what ‘others have done already.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to doubt myself, become hesitant and ultimately feel ‘incompetent’ in relation to points of self-expression in arts because of going into comparison, believing that there’s nothing ‘special’ in my stuff so why should I bother? But I realize and have seen from others’ examples how people that stick to developing themselves and persist on practicing, eventually get to be quite confident in their creations – and that’s the potential that exists when we don’t stop to compare ourselves to others, but stay true to oneself, to the purpose of the point of creation which is ultimately of self-creation, where the result is only that, an outflow or a consequence of a deeper process that takes place while creating something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be focused on ‘a result’ within my expression, instead of considering the ‘who I am’ throughout the whole process, which ultimately is what is part of my self-creation that I’d like to develop and focus on, every moment’s decision and trusting myself within them, considering it all as a process to learn about myself, to learn about giving ‘shape’ to something and also to take responsibility for my creation where I am the one that is entirely behind it, and not any one else’s opinion or perspective on it – this way, whatever anyone else can say about it is an extra opinion, and not a defining factor that determines anything for me – but can only take it as a point of feedback for sure.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to discourage myself from continuing any point of self-expression based on my own opinions, judgments and expectations standing as self-criticism, that led me to then rather ‘not bother’ at all with it, in spite of how I see that when walking through my own veils of perception, I can actually enjoy doing it and I enjoy seeing ‘me’ in every step of the way and reflect it all back to what I am, where I am and who I am behind that one point of self-creation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have defined confidence in the past based on reassuring or supportive comments made by others whose opinion I deem as important and in some cases having certain authority or superiority over myself, to then decide to continue or not doing something, wherein I then placed my expression, my perseverance in the hands of an opinion, a judgment and a perception – instead of having allowed myself to trust me in continuing to work on it, and stop my own backchat in relation to it, while focusing on the physical process of creation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to covertly blame someone else as the reason why I decided to not play music anymore, wherein I am the one that took another’s words and attitude personally and made it a reason, excuse and justification why I didn’t have to bother anymore with practicing playing music, and instead only focus on doing visual arts – eventually extending my own judgments to anything related to visual arts wherein I then stopped doing any of it at all because of believing how pointless it all is – therefore, there is no one to ‘blame’ for this. This is essentially something I did to myself and so I can only now stand up from it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take an opinion, a judgment, a perception as ‘truth’ – when in fact the truth is who I am in every moment of creating something, the decision I make and their outcome – which means when I decide to stand all the way in every step of the way, that’s where I see I build self-trust and confidence in relation to ‘the outcomes’ because then I am certain that this is something I created for myself, by myself, without any pretense other than expressing who I am, which is where I want to develop my strength as well, instead of taking ‘what I believe others will say’ into consideration, which is not really about ‘others’ then, but about myself not limiting me by all of that. .

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perceive that ‘I didn’t enjoy making art any longer’ when in fact, it was the series of judgments, perceptions, opinions that I allowed to take precedence over the creation process of me-expressing-myself, and so that’s where it became tiresome, unbearable, causing more ‘stress’ than enjoyment – and it all was because of how much I gave value and worth to judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fear’ not having any other point of reference for my creation, wherein, I believe that I cannot ‘continue’ doing something unless I get any form of feedback from others – and in such situations or contexts it makes sense, but when it comes to artistic expression, it is truly the one point where I am the one with the ultimate and only say, because it is a point of expression that cannot be judged as ‘good or bad’ and this is also why I also started resisting to do anything related to arts, because of how ‘ambiguous’ it would be through my judgmental eyes in terms of being unable to define it as good or not based on ‘others’ perspectives’ but ultimately, this is where I have to be the one that stands through in it all regardless, doing it as my expression, which cannot be ‘contained’ in a few judgments of value.

I commit myself to continue practicing building, consolidating and densifying my ‘confidence’ through artistic expression – and any other point of expression for that matter – where I can learn to trust my decisions, walk a point of self-creation all the way and ultimately ‘own’ my creation regardless of the outcome, learning from it  and trusting myself in my ability to learn and stand up from mistakes, not being afraid to making mistakes but rather reminding myself that’s the way to continue moving forward in any point of creation, to persevere, to be consistent and to not allow judgments, opinions or perceptions about it in my mind to deter me from continuing.

This is then how one gets to be comfortable in doing something, through practice and then ultimately that practice & repetition creates a solidity of it at a physical level, where there is a point of control and flow as well, which means being present, being directive yet not rigid about the outcomes, flowing with it yet being aware of the path all the way – and this is then what I can integrate as a physical expression of self-confidence.

Thanks for reading.

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


531. Redefining Self-Confidence

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

Confidence is the first word to look at and the aspects that I see I require to fine tune this word are specifically in relation to an experience of hesitation, doubt and uncertainty that I’ve been facing interestingly enough in situations where I cannot really reference something ‘with others’ and where I have to stand on my own two feet, make decisions and learn to trust myself within it, learning from it.

I’ve noticed how when making decisions in my life, I’ve become used to always asking or having other people as supporters or detractors of what I decide to be and do – this being a source of ‘confidence’ for me based on how I take others’ words and perspectives as an encouraging or detracting factor for me to venture into doing something or not, and here I’m focusing mostly in relation to my expression, specifically in arts.

The outflows of this self-doubt, uncertainty or hesitation emerge upon assessing options or paths I could develop within myself when having a literal ‘white canvas’ in front of me. What emerges is that I start considering what would be approved by others, what would be most liked or appreciated by what I believe specific people could say about it – and interestingly enough, this is where what can be called as a ‘lack of confidence’ comes in, where I am desiring a point of reference, a second view from another approving or disapproving something that is very much my own expression, my own doing.

I’m actually talking about painting here, hence the ‘literal white canvas’ description, because that’s what I’ve been taking on again and I started realizing why I became so unsure of myself in something like painting or anything art related, and it all boils down to seeking a form of reassurance from others that I was doing the ‘right thing,’ or how I stopped for example taking photographs because I started judging the fact that ‘suddenly everyone can take photographs’ and it’s no longer some kind of ‘special thing’ as it was some 10 years ago when I started doing that and got to be the most prolific on it.

Therefore I saw the constant: I am having a projection, an idea of what I believe would be ‘others’ opinions’ or the expectation thereof in my mind as an obstacle within me to not continue expressing myself. And this is entirely my creation, my expectation, has nothing to do with ‘others’ really. The same when I started considering more what others were doing and comparing ‘my work’ to that of others, and how I slowly but surely got discouraged of continuing doing anything related to arts, because of having ‘others in my mind’ and using that as a source of discouragement – of course, it all has been self-created.

Therefore I can say I lost confidence in a way when it comes to expression in arts specifically – but if I look at it, was my ‘previous confidence’ actually real? Honestly not. I had built such confidence some 10 years ago based on the praise I’d get from teachers, friends, relatives, fellow artists and I kind of ‘elevated’ myself based on others’ feedback, building such confidence with having a backbone of opinions and perspectives by others that I took as ‘real’ and as a definition of ‘my work, who I am.’ This bubble then had to be burst and for the best, because if we are to truly embody and live a word, it cannot be sustained by anyone else’s opinions and perspectives but my own.

This also has to do with being sometimes ‘hyper-critical’ about my expression in the context of arts or musical expression. Same applies to playing music where I see that a tinge of fear emerges when considering ‘playing bass again’ or making music with others, because I remember all of those past times with people where I took someone’s perspective on my playing as ‘discouraging’ and in essence, I allowed myself to fall into a ‘uselessness’ experience about playing music, deciding that ‘my thing’ were visual arts and not music – essentially I took someone else’s opinion as ‘my truth’ and within that limited my ability to continue practicing and expressing through music as well. And there is really no one to blame here because it was me that took those words as ‘the ultimate truth’ = I accepted and allowed it.

And it’s relevant to say I’ve been challenging those past obstacles within me and in practice lately. I can also see why I have refrained myself from continuing to work on my artistic expression – resisting it, in other words – and in general keeping this ‘love-hate’ relationship I’ve shared when it comes to arts and expression in my life, but I am decided to for once and for all stop my drama around it and rather tackle my relationship with my expression in that realm of arts but also in general when it comes to my physical expression, because this has been one of those ‘trees I left to dry’ within my life, using several justifications  such as simply ‘not enjoying’ or having not such a ‘great time’ whenever I would paint and judging it as pointless, pondering what’s the use, etc. But the truth is that there was a background of not being sure about myself in such expression, which means I had gotten so used to ‘being sure of myself’ based on continuing to get feedback from other people to then define that ‘I’m on the right track, what I do is good stuff, this is good enough, others like it’.

So, uncertainty, doubt, hesitation about my self-expression are the result of having based my confidence on perceived good/positive feedback on anything I did, and used such opinions, views and perspectives as some kind of ‘fuel’ for my expression – which then I allowed to completely determine (or terminate, lol) my decision to express, getting to a point of not doing much for the past years, using many reasons and justifications around it.

However I’ve now been able to see the actual reason for it, and it’s because of the personal confrontation I get while making each decision on a painting or a point of expression: I have no other point of reference, there’s no one I can ask and say ‘hey, how do you see it?’ and base my next move according to someone else’s opinion – nope. It’s all on me now and that’s what’s actually cool that I am taking on again, it is not even so much about the actual ‘painting’ and result of it eventually, but more so the kind of certainty, confidence and assertiveness that I have to live while making a painting and learning to trust myself with it, as it, which I had not done before except when I first picked up painting in 2003 and I did my first paintings entirely for myself, no one else was  on my mind to ‘make them.’ However, this changed as I started showing them around and expectations started building… which I have to definitely get back to myself and develop as a trust, a comfort in my decisions to express and do.

I was sounding this word ‘confidence’ and it also sounds a bit like ‘comfy-dense’ as in solid-comfort where there’s assertiveness, there’s trust, there’s substance yet comfort, flow, expression in it and this is what I want to keep focusing on and deliberately applying while expressing myself, especially when it comes to trusting my decisions, and stopping having what I believe are ‘others’ opinions’ in my own mind.

This will continue….

Thanks for reading.

 

Suggested support:

Confidence: Practical Support – Atlanteans – Part 152

Self-Honesty

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


134.‘Gotta be On TOP at All Times’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see who am I within wanting to ‘secure’ a position on top of others wherein I have deliberately side-viewed/ neglected and ignored the fact that within me wanting to be ‘safe’ within a point of superiority fulfilling my wants, needs and personal desires and creating an entire personality as ‘superior/ greater/ confident/ powerful’ being, I am in fact existing as the absolute fear to lose that which I have defined myself to Only be, such as that point which makes me feel powerful and superior – being it money, relationships, knowledge – which is in fact everything that we have separated ourselves from, getting ourselves to the extent of fearing losing such point outside of ourselves because it is all that we have defined ourselves to be.

I realize that within the current configuration of the world as capitalism, we have abdicated our self-worth and self acceptance to whether we are ‘worthy’ at the eyes of the world-system to make money, to get sex, to be ‘successful’ and as such learning that it is only through these means that we can in fact be ‘great’ and ‘fulfilled’ in our living, which is an absolute lie as the story that’s never told is how for some to be successful and have all the money and all the successful-lifestyle, there must be those that invariably must be the losers, the slaves that work to sustain the earthly-heavenly experience that can only exist as the abusive illusion that money has enabled as a possibility – and our reality today – while justifying those that are abused as ‘the losers’ as inept, incapable, not good enough, not worthy enough to have equal opportunities to also aspire to get a life-worth-living, which is absolutely unacceptable.

When and as I see myself wanting to secure my position in an apparent point of stability within money, relationships as the entire suit of success – I stop and I breathe – I rather look at everything and everyone that must be ‘underneath’ me in this hierarchical world system in order for me to apparently ‘remain’ in such a position that is only held by money and relationships in this world system, wherein all that I have complied myself to be is the outflow of mind-indoctrination to be and become the next ‘big hit’ in my own mind in comparison to others, thus I direct myself to see and consider the lives of those that must be abused, that must be deliberately ‘left behind’ and below in order for me to be on top, to get ahead everyone else as ‘my goal in life’ and ‘My fulfillment.’

I commit myself to expose any dream of being successful and the ultimate powerful person as the actual point of self-abuse that is accepted and allowed currently in this world as a form of justifying the inequality that is necessary to keep an unequal system running making such points of ‘success’ and ‘loss’ possible. I realize that there can be no actual success if inequality exists, if abuse exists thus

I commit myself to expose the current accepted and allowed conception of ‘success’ as a nice way to cover up a deliberate form of abuse toward others that are seen a ‘less than’ and ‘unworthy’ so that only a handful can be seen as worthy, as powerful and successful.

 

“Interesting, that: the more money one have, the more time, effort and attention one can spend in/as one’s Mind in manipulating one’s physical-body and physical-reality to suit one’s personal wants, needs and desires in standing in the limelight within/as one’s own Life/World. That this is what each human being in this world in our relationship with Money, want, need and desire – the riches of the Earth/this World as what the consumerism giant provide.” – Sunette Spies*

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge within thinking of myself as someone greater, superior, powerful without even taking a look at ‘who am I’ within wanting to be a powerful person Above others and how this desire to be ‘on top’ of others is in fact the very mechanism in which this current society and capitalist system is founded upon.

I realize that I had been indoctrinated as a child to always seek to be ‘on top’ and remain ‘untouchable’ within such position as that would guarantee my ‘happiness,’ which is how I allowed myself to create an absolute fortress around me as a character to maintain my own ‘position’ secured in my world as ‘the best/ the greatest/ the most intelligent one,’ which supports the entire polarization of our reality wherein for some to be winners, others have to stand and be regarded as the losers.

When and as I see myself indulging into thoughts of me being the greatest and scheming ways to remain in such alleged position in my world, I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to in such moment realize to what extent I am separating myself from my physical body, considering myself as a physical being that cannot in any way be ‘more’ than other bodies as flesh and bones – thus

I commit myself to expose the superiority/ vanity/ egotistical thoughts that support the narcissist character wherein I stand as ‘the king of the world’ in my reality, through my own backchat and internal conversations – thus It is to realize how such seemingly ‘innocent’ thoughts become in fact the building blocks of who we are as the illusion of the character that believes itself to be ‘more’ than others, simply to fulfill one single belief of ‘power and control’ over others, which is in fact what must be exposed as the point of abuse and illusion as there can be no power in existence other than the physical that we have separated ourselves from, while existing only as a mind that wants to be and become ‘greater’ than others.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am busy in my mind scheming and participating in thoughts, internal conversations and backchat finding ways to remain on the top, to get to the top, to ‘beat’ another in any form of rivalry or competition that I have created in my mind, without realizing how this is what further contributes to the inequality in this world wherein who we are has been diminished to values/ worth and perceptions of who we are within a system wherein Money as the ultimate power dictates ‘who’s who in the zoo’

Thus, I realize that whenever I participate in thoughts and dreams of getting to be the greatest and the most ‘powerful,’ I am in fact saying that I am willing to abuse, manipulate and corrupt myself and others in order to make ‘MY dream come true’ and secure ‘MY place’ in this world as being the most powerful, greatest being, which is an absolute demonstration of vanity wherein we don’t want to actually look at and realize who and what we are directly and indirectly abusing with us keeping such desires to be and become ‘more’ in our minds.

When and as I see myself scheming ways to get ‘on top’ of others in the ultimate position of power as ‘success’  — I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to instead see how I am practically able to support myself to be an example of how I can stand in and as equality and oneness which is the point that will certainly then enable everyone to be equally supported, wherein All can have the same ability to have a dignified and ‘successful’ living wherein success is no longer defined by being ‘more’ than others or ‘beating’ others in a race, but a general well being that will be available for all once that we establish a living-system of Equality such as the Equal Money System wherein we will learn how to honor each others as equals and any desire to be ‘more’ than others, will be treated with professional support and assistance to re-align the being’s life to that which is best for all.

I commit myself to thus consider each and every single being whenever I am only thinking about ‘MY own success, MY own desires, MY own dreams of getting to a successful point in my world’ as I see and realize that it is only through re-aligning any point of personal interest to the interest of what’s best for ALL that I am able to then expand my perspective and realize the abuse that stems from chasing after my personal-interests and pleasure/ satisfaction creates when being created at the expense of other beings in inequality.

“I commit myself to show how/why this calls for the re-education of the Human Being that is in fact very uneducated regarding the principles of Life and Living, very ‘intelligent’ regarding how to manipulate, deceive, remain ignorant of reality, and abuse for the sake of survival and money, but actual COMMON SENSE as having the sense, the ability to SEE and SENSE with and as that which is COMMON, EQUAL, ONE as this physical existence and us all within and as it: do not exist.” –Sunette Spies

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react in jealousy the moment that I see someone ‘climbing up to MY spot’ within the perceived powerful successful position, wherein I then justify all means and ways to ensure that such individual/s do Not make it on top  -and as such, believing that creating a competition and definite rivalry is the way to ‘reclaim my place’ which is nothing else but actual fear of losing the privileges and ‘secured’ position of superiority.

I realize that in this current world system competition is reinforced and promoted as a way to ‘become better’ every time as it’s been proven how individuals work ‘better’ when under pressure and/or threat to ‘lose their jobs/ position’ in a particular scenario within this world system – thus ensuring that ‘competition’ remains as the method of excellence to ensure that people remain doing ‘the best they can’ and giving all their effort to it simply because of not wanting others to take their position and become ‘more’ than them.

When and as I see myself going into jealousy when and as perceiving that someone is going to ‘get my place,’ I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to simply remain constant and consistent in my application wherein I realize that playing the competition game in my mind only adds further stress as the fear of loss toward such position that only exists as a concept of superiority in my mind. Furthermore I realize that accepting a point of competition as ‘real’ implies that I am in fact giving into a form of fear wherein there must be a winner and a loser, thus moving only through and as the starting point of Fear instead of it being a clear self directive decision to move.

 

I commit myself to expose all forms of hierarchy as an atrocity against life and exposing it as the actual carrot on the stick mechanism to keep everyone busy ‘climbing the ladder of success’ all the time, without realizing who and what we are damaging in such moments, which is ourselves and the life that we abuse to remain in our powerful/ almighty bubbles of money that must burst in order to realize the reality that is here covered up with the illusion of ‘control’ that we have created through and as our current monetary system.

 

I realize how the only real value of Life is Life itself and that we can instead support each other to work together and learn how to coexist and co-create within the starting point of oneness and equality as life, as this is the only way wherein everyone can Win equally, because there will be no more abuse in the name of maintaining a polarized society of abuse.

 

I commit myself to spot myself whenever I see me wanting to be ‘On Top’ and ‘The Most Successful’ and See the abuse and exploitation that the mere existence of such ‘positions’ within the world system represent, as there is no ability to be ‘successful’ in this world at the moment without abusing others to create such perception of power and control that exists as an actual fear of realizing that we are not in fact of control of ourselves as our physical, as our minds, as the environment which already indicates the level of limitation and delusion that exists as this feeble concept of ‘superiority’ masking an absolute fear to in fact be apparently ‘nothing else’ yet nothing more than an equal and one part of the whole that has been subdued to a set of energetic fixes that we are here to Stop and finally realize what’s ‘behind’ these experiences as an actual physical reality that can certainly be ordered, managed and directed to be beneficial for all beings equally. 

“Interesting, that even within the World System itself, what is promoted is the Mind, thought, consciousness, imagination, visualization, energy…everything of that which completely separate self from reality, the physical, that is real, here. The World System promoting human beings in the Mind to such an extent that we’d focus on things the Mind feed us, the World System feed us – consumerism, images, fantasies; but would not give a moment’s consideration to the countless of human beings in PHYSICAL REALITY suffering from starvation, famine, war, poverty – keeping us preoccupied in the Mind, within our own MINDS to not see the reality of what we’re creating as this world/earth for a select minority of Humanity to finance and substantiate their Hollywood Minds.

And so, changing the human, from self-interest as what we’ve done with how we created ourselves in/as the Mind to serve only our own wants, needs and desires and so in fact change ourselves/our living to what is/will be BEST FOR ALL.” 

Sunette Spies*

DSC03365

 

Blog Review:

 

Blogs:

Interviews:
Reptilians – Convinced of my Own Righteousness – Part 85

133. ‘I Know More than Everyone Else’

Continuing with 132. EgoMania: Narcissism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I know more than everyone else’ as a way to always create an idea of myself being special, unique and having this sense of self-importance due to me believing that ‘no one else is getting this but me/ I am the only one that is able to understand this to the T’ –

I realize that this is nothing else but a knowledgeable ego that in no way considers life in equality, but only a mind that foams itself into superiority.

When and as I see myself believing that ‘I am the only one getting this/ I bet no one else is understanding this as I do’ – I Stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the narcissist character kicking which implies that I must investigate the actual point of fearing not getting it and/or being perceived as ‘not understanding it,’ which is a blow for one’s ego  – thus

I commit myself to stop all backchat related to making myself ‘more’ than others in terms of knowing better/ understanding everything to the T and instead, assist and support myself to ensure that I can in fact place into practical living application that which I have understood in order to Live the words that I’ve read, and not only store them for the sake of growing my own database of useless knowledge and information seen as power.

Also read: 71. Knowledge is $ Power

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry myself with a flair of ‘grandiosity’ as I walk past other being wherein I believe myself to be superior to them in my mind, without realizing how this general tense presentation and self-portrayal of invincibility, strength and toughness is in fact stemming from an actual fear of being violated, abused, threatened or directly attacked by others

Thus I realize that the way that I carry myself as a portrayal of strength, confidence and security is in fact a cover-up of an actual fear toward others that I have believed is ‘who I am,’ as a constant thought in my mind directed toward other human beings, without realizing to what extent I had built a shield/ defense-mode presenting myself as secure, strong and invincible in my mind just because of fearing the actual self-experience of me as vulnerable, insecure and feeble.

When and as I see myself walking down the street with a stance of toughness, invincibility and ‘strength’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am becoming the embodiment of the cover up the fears that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, such as fearing being judged/ criticized or diminished in another’s mind.

I commit myself to become aware of how I experience myself in the presence of unknown people in the streets and how I walk past them in order to not create any cover-up experience to the actual fears that may exist in such moments, thus I instead direct myself to investigate what are the fears toward unknown people that I still hold and that I have embodied thus far, so that who am I within and without is the living realization of being in fact one and equal to my mind wherein there are no more judgments in my mind, but only physical considerations to equalize ourselves as a worlds system that regards everyone’s right to be supported, so that no more fears of being abused for having/being something/ someone that others desire to have/ be like are existent.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge other beings as clumsy and inaccurate within my mind, as a way to portray myself by default as superior in my mind and having this special ability to point flaws in others, without realizing that I was in fact only judging myself and as such becoming my own mirror that I didn’t’ want to face as I was always only talking to myself when judging ‘another.’

When and as I see myself judging others in the name of my own superiority in the mind wherein I believe I am ‘always right’ in relation to how I judge other beings in my reality, I stop and I breathe – I realize I can only be speaking about myself as judgments, and that in such moments, I am in fact in no way supporting myself or another to live here as the physical moment, but in fact go into an alternate reality in my mind wherein I see myself as superior when compared to another being, which is the foundation of inequality in this world – thus

I commit myself to stop judging anyone in my mind and instead of Thinking about someone’s activities/ words/ thoughts, I direct myself to participate and interact in the moment with them, wherein if there is a point of support that I can provide, I can do so as long as the context allows it. This means, that I turn the point of judgment into a point of support for another – and if the point is not relevant in the moment, I realize that it is not My Duty to make it ‘visible’ as not all social interaction enable such point of feedback and communication toward one another – and this is part of the practical application consideration at the moment within our process

Also read: Day 28: I’m Always Right « MarlenLife’s Blog

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to associate/ hang out with equally perceived ‘special/superior people’ wherein I can then feel ‘secure’ that my equally-special self-belief of ‘who I am’ is protected, as within this character/role of self-importance one is seeking to be equally recognized and praised as a participant within other relationships that stand in an equal position – which is how this world system operates in terms of relationships that create the necessary reputation to make enough money through joining forces to do so.

When and as I see myself only wanting to relate to people that in my world are important and/or greatly recognized in order to keep my own ‘profile’ safe and secured, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a desire to preserve the same elitist mechanisms that we have fed and fueled in order to only care about ‘how we look/ how others see us’ within the consideration of being ‘special/ cool’ by association, as a desire of being admired/ recognized/ praised and imitated  simply because we haven’ yet given ourselves that unconditional support as a living-recognition of each other as living flesh equals.

I realize how the networks of ‘favoritism’ between people have become the pillars of the current elitist mechanisms in which the world functions/ works, wherein one seeks to be equally admired/ recognized ‘by association,’ which is still wanting to exist only as this ‘valuable ego’ that exists within another hierarchical process of ‘valuing ego’ instead of actually supporting ourselves to treat each other as equals.

I realize that money is actually the key factor for any so-called ‘narcissist’ to play around such ‘power games,’ due to how we have become used to having a polarized society by association, by arbitrary preferences and conditions that we impose onto ourselves for the sake of ending up looking being perceived as special, unique and powerful which in this world translates to having a superior position of money in this world system I order to only ‘get the best’ based on inequality. 

I commit myself to stop the social associations in order to empower ourselves as egos and instead, support all associations and social relationships that will enable us to expand our point of influence in the world to establish networks of support, wherein we can in fact stand in directive positions to implement a world system based in equality, wherein no more elitist associations will be required in order to ‘make it’ in this world, but where everyone will be equally endowed with a living-support from birth to death, which is how it will be in the Equal Money System.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be seeking for recognition, validation and as such linking this point to ‘acceptance’ of others toward myself, wherein I learned that I only would be ‘worthy’ if I would do something/be someone that could be ‘more’ than the rest in the hierarchical scheme of how we exist in society wherein those that have the most money, stand as the most special/ unique ones and powerful, and those that have little to no money at all stand as inferior/ unimportant and replaceable – thus

I realize that every point of deliberate interaction with perceived ‘superior beings’ in particular was a way to create a positive association and with that, generating a positive experience created only in my mind imposed onto the actual physicality wherein no favoritism or convenient alliances are required if we all agree to support each others as equals.

When and as I see myself seeking to be recognized by others by association with so-called ‘special people’ or through becoming something that is perceived as ‘worthy’ such as having a lot of money in this world system, I stop and I breathe – I realize that it is in this very dream of superiority that we re-create the same polarized system of inequality, wherein who we are is diminished to a single more than/ less than stance with no disposition to create a world of equals – thus

I commit myself to establish a world system wherein one will not require to create an entire backchat personality of seeking to be ‘great’ all the time, as there will be no other way to be ‘more’ than others than in a delusional state of a mind that seeks to impose any form of ‘superiority’ as an attitude toward others, which will become a single indication of such people getting specialized treatment to see where the point of self-separation and inequality exists, as there will be no actual need/ requirement to want ‘more’ than others when all are equally supported from birth to death, such as how it will be in the Equal Money System.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my thoughts, words and deeds to be immediately accepted as alright, as favorable by all, and everyone agreeing with me – and if such point of agreement is not reached right away, I go into a defensive mode wherein I see a point of discrepancy as an ‘anomaly’ within my plans, which is how hostility ensues when expecting everyone to always comply to what is being shared/ shown as ‘my words’ and ‘my perspective,’ taking an authoritative position and ego-position as words, instead of realizing words as the expression of self in equality.

I realize that expecting always everyone agreeing with me has become and automated experience that I must stop myself from participating in, and instead using that point of discrepancy to assist and support all to consider another’s perspective which is actually always supporting and enriching within a particular point that is being worked with in the moment.

When and as I see myself expecting everyone to agree with me from the starting point of seeing ‘MY’ point of view as ‘The’ point of view that is right, that should be by all means implemented  –I stop and I breathe. I realize that remaining here as breath while interacting with others is the way to stop any reactions to compliance and/or ‘opposition’ toward one’s perspective.

I commit myself to be and become aware of who I am within the words that I speak when presenting a solution toward others to be implemented and voted upon, wherein I ensure that I am in fact considering what’s best for all and not only that which will make me look like a ‘winner’ and a ‘know-it-all’ with no other practical purpose for an actual implementation that is self-supportive.

This is how when and while we are interacting with others and we communicate a perspective or point of view upon a particular point of action/ topic, it is to ensure that words are really expressed in means of taking them into living action and not just to glorify one’s intellectual ego that serves nothing and no one other than the mind that thinks itself to be ‘more’ than others for saying so.

 

This is how we can walk the correction of knowledge and information as a point of superiority into an actual living-consideration that can be implemented to support all beings equally.

 

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Journey To Life

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews:


%d bloggers like this: