Tag Archives: conforming

631. Notes on Compromise

 

Compromise:     the expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable.

Living compromise in my case has been existent mostly in the consideration of the relationships that I allowed myself to form in the past. Within the starting point of taking it back to self – and so not focusing on the others related to me this way – I realized how this allowance of something ‘less’ than what I could actually create for me and for the best have to do with a sense of self-deprecation and even ‘worthlessness’ that existed in me, wherein any form of relationships would reflect back what I was accepting and allowing with me. So they all were there in my life in accordance to ‘where I was’ in my life and as such, there is nothing to regret about because I’ve come to understand the process that I took in order to realize what I am seeing now.

We had a group chat on Friday where the point of pleasing people opened up. I couldn’t relate at first to pleasing per se, but I did recognize it in relation to how I would do things, shape myself in accordance to what I thought was more liked by others within a relationship. There were a few wherein I didn’t do it, but then compromise would show in other ways such as deciding to be with people that I thought I could eventually change and assist them in getting to some kind of ‘ideal’ expression or living potential – it never happened because of course, my starting point was focused on ‘them’ and not on being the best for myself, of doing and being those aspects I was seeking to change in others – it is common sense that if you are living the best of you, by default you won’t allow anything less than what you are living in terms of choosing who to share your life with.

I am focusing here on relationships because it is that one point we total choose to be in – well, at least it’s how it goes in most part of the world. So here I’m not talking about the necessary compromise that exists in other aspects of life like jobs and ways to make money to survive in this world, it’s merely about how we relate to others in relationships.

The reality is that when one starts living more of one’s truth, everything that doesn’t ‘fit the compromise shoe’ starts sticking out like a rotten fruit that needs to go – or rots the rest of the fruit. It becomes uncomfortable not because it represents a healthy challenge or an out of the comfort zone point of support, but because one realizes it is becoming a suppressing situation, one where there’s more of a ‘relationship management,’ going on, there’s more ‘lacks’ emerging, ‘longings’ and ‘ideas of how things can be’ and more things that ‘subtly bother me but I let it go by because, who knows? Maybe it changes later!’ or those moments where there’s this ‘slight’ seemingly subtle ‘sinking’ whenever one knows that one is not living one’s full expression in order to fit some kind of shoe we believe we ‘must be in’ to be liked or be okay with someone else in a relationship. Or even to ‘be in a relationship’ in itself, while it’s actually totally fine and ok if one genuinely decides to be alone and step out of the belief that ‘one needs to be in a relationship.’

Sometimes this pattern of conditioning and compromise goes well accepted in our society, simply because we believe we ‘can’t do any better’ or we just have to ‘suck the pain in’ and hope for better times. It has been baffling to me to get to know stories of how far women – and yes also males but mostly females in fact – stay in abusive relationships because of believing that they ‘love’ the other person or that without a man they are nothing, or for financial reasons and many kids in line, they have to stick to relationships that are very toxic. I haven’t been in such extreme situations, but I have been in relationships where I know that I am not living the totality of myself, that I am somehow trying to fit a shoe that doesn’t support me in fact – yet I still have put it on while secretly questioning my decision, and being in constant over analyzing of the situation and desiring for certain changes that I then go into hope and expectancy that ‘the other’ person eventually gets to in their lives and so consequently, in the relationship.

 

How I see it currently is that the creation of a relationship that is supportive comes along with ‘where we currently are’ within our lives, comes along with the kind of principles – or lack thereof – we are living in our lives. In essence, the ‘who we are’ is then going to reflect the kind of people we choose to be with. Many of us have gone into relationships out of need, out of wanting to ‘fulfill’ some aspect or some ‘existential void’ with a relationship and that is simply  meant to fail, because one is not entering a relationship as a fulfilled being, but seeking the comfort and dare I say ‘fulfillment’ in another. Well, I’ve been there myself a few times in the past and it’s a recipe for disaster.

There have been other times where I believed I was quite fulfilled within me and didn’t need to be with someone to represent that ‘fulfillment’ for me, but I still allowed myself to be in situations where something inside me knew things could be better, and not in the sense of ‘without conflict at all’ or being ‘better’ in an idealized way, but more in the sense that there is this untapped potential within me that I could in fact develop with someone that could be ‘ready’ for that. So, this is where the point of letting go of compromise comes as an understanding really. It is not about dismissing situations for seeing them as ‘less than’ but perhaps as being in different stages in life where personal development can be either diminished and suppressed or catalyzed in certain relationships or living decisions.

This is also where it enables me to see that if I live what’s best for me, it in fact becomes best for all. I’ve seen how in accepting and allowing compromise in me, it invariably affects the other person and everyone else that could be affected by it, because I’m not living my truth, the potential of who I can be and that becomes a series of diminishing steps that don’t support life in fact.

In terms of relationships, it’s about wanting the best for everyone involved. If a relationship is clearly not supporting someone, if it becomes something that is more about ‘managing’ one or the other, or about seeing ‘what the emotional experience is in the other’ or fearing certain attitudes in one another, or being over-vigilant about what the other one might be thinking, or how things are not working, or how things don’t seem right, or how I ‘should be in order to keep him/her happy’ then what do we know? We are compromising ourselves, we are not living our truth. It’s also about self-honesty and asking these questions not within the starting point of leaving ‘all the work’ to the other, but being honest about doing what it takes to make something work as with everything else.

I can say I have had compromised in every single relationship in the past. I have only now discovered and come to understand what it is to actually live me, be me with all my ups and downs, my qualities and my defects and not have anything to hide towards another, because that’s how I live my truth and now I know there’s people that’s up for taking that in, yes, that ‘intensity’ that I can be in my openness and not having any qualms about things, and how demanding I can also get to be – which yes I know I need to work on, but still, cool to know someone can understand such demanding nature as well. I enjoy the support that I can get from another that has a similar personal stance with his own life so that we don’t take bs from each other lol, it makes things fun and supportive in fact, because we don’t take things so seriously yet we point them out, because we know that our willingness to transcend the momentary bs is far greater than remaining ‘stuck’ in it or in an ‘experience.’

But I realize that as ‘easy’ as it might sound, it isn’t. It’s not like I got lucky only. Everything was a series of decisions that I took to get to where I am within myself to then decide to be with someone that supports the best in me, because this implies I am first doing and being and living that best for me. And also, it is not ‘honey over chips’ in a relationship where no compromise exists in such terms – of course there IS compromise, but it’s things that simply come with the living together of two individuals and what one is willing to live with – but to me the aspects that are relevant in relation to personal integrity, living habits and expression, are a supportive platform for me to live on currently.

It is only now that I can look back and see to what extent I ‘went’ to be liked, appreciated, to ‘fit in’ according to what I believe would make the relationship work, what I was willing to do in order to ‘make things work’ etc. The list goes on and the details are not even relevant because it is about the action, this ‘lesser of me’ being accepted where I know I ‘chip off’ a bit of myself and in that, it becomes a point of compromise.

Who knows if I am speaking from a place where I can still be living compromise and not be aware of it? But as I said before, I will eventually know as I continue deconstructing this personality system within me and continue focusing on self-development and self-creation. For now this is my current stance and I found it relevant to share about it because perhaps someone is going through similar experiences, having thoughts like ‘this is as as good as it gets’ when it comes to relationships, but I am now aware that you can indeed be with someone that is there ‘walking with’ side by side with you, instead of feeling like one or the other has to ‘drag’ the other to get to the top of the mountain. I did that in the past, but can’t also judge me for my choices because as I said, they reflect who I was at the time and that’s how I can now simply look back and forgive myself for it, because I know it is entirely ‘who I was’ in relation to ‘relationships’ at the time.

For now, I see that there is a foundation built for me to be the best of myself and a relationship can’t be ‘it’ for anyone. It is a companionship, but the rest is entirely up to me. Before I would take the relationship in itself as ‘the project’ to focus on, and it doesn’t have to be that way, that I don’t have to accept compromise, to have that ‘sinking’ feeling when being with someone, to fear losing someone, to fear not ‘being the best’ with another or to be in all kinds of fears and paranoia of ‘where they are at’ in their minds and lives, or expecting others to change. It then becomes another burden or ‘point to work through’ rather than being a platform of self-support and self-development.  It becomes much easier to be with someone that has a similar standing in life, because then the focus is on the mutual support to learn from each other, live and grow – not on managing ever present emotions or subtle experiences and frictions… Now I see how it feels to be living in compromise, and perhaps one can only realize one is living compromise when you step out of it and look back to realize how such compromise existed. At the same time I’m learning to focus on the present, on what’s here, on what I can be grateful for creating for me in my life and choosing essentially that which is supportive for my being.

It is ok to realize that not everyone can simply ‘bond’ with someone else based on preferences or similar mindset. Now I realize that perhaps it is the seemingly opposite worlds that complement themselves the most, because it’s not about having similar preferences, but principles, not similar personalities but similar disposition to learn and change in order to make something work like it is within a relationship. It is another kind of compromise, with ‘concessions’ where acceptances and allowances are made on both sides, in aspects that do not affect the main principles in which a relationship is built on, but adjustments that are meant to be there based on living with another person and embracing them as part of your life.

It takes two to tango, can’t expect things to work if only one is having the disposition… or perhaps it can, it really depends on what each person is willing to live with – accept and allow – I now know what is possible and what I see works best for me. This is what self honesty is, this is where I can’t make rules of this, because this is my current truth and stance – who knows? It can change in time, but for now I check within me and I’m clear, I have nothing holding me back in relation to the place where I’m at in terms of my life within a relationship – it’s the other way around for me at the moment, learning a lot each other, it is as if I at last I have the opportunity to be supported by another in a genuine way, instead of placing me on the supporter role only. Perhaps this is also a perception, but! I also have to be less apologetic in the sense of not wanting to sound ‘too dismissive’ – it is what it is really – and if it is best for me and others, I am sure this is what we all want for each other person, to be able to live their truth and be the best they can be no matter how or with whom. So this is also a cool note about compromise, where we believe that we are doing something ‘good’ for another by sticking with them even if that implies not being the best for ourselves…. Wrong… that invariably leads to their compromise as well one way or another, so best for all means, not accepting any lesser that what is possible for each one at any given moment in life.

 

There are a bunch of other things where I know I am compromising myself as in not living the best of myself and that’s where instead of focusing on ‘the lack’ I will be focusing on how to create, otherwise it again becomes a point to ‘fulfill’ through something/someone in separation of me.

 

Ok thanks for reading Sonrisa 

 

Join in if you want to start walking your own process of defining your Self-Honesty

 

 


238. I KNOW I Can

 

‘You KNOW You Can’ – Yes, but from Knowing to Doing there is Quite a Road to actually Walk.

Through repetition according to how other define us, we end up believing that ‘we are’ in fact that which we hear others say about ourselves. I have shared how people formed this opinion of me being ‘intelligent and responsible’ and I simply, as mind/ consciousness system,’ decided to direct my life in a way wherein I would not have to be/ act such role any longer- why? Because I had gotten ‘sick of it’ as if such things that I had considered as ‘normal traits’ within me were suddenly more of a course than a gift of sorts. Why? Because of the obvious disparity it created. I could not fathom why someone had to struggle a lot through school and I hadn’t, and they would study ‘a lot’ and still get the minimum grade. While I could spend hours just watching TV, leaving the studies for 12:00 am for my test the next morning. This became a habit since junior high school. Then it later on became a single assumption ‘I don’t have to study/ I don’t have to do that, I simply Know that I can do it’ – and I could, because I realized that one required to ‘pay attention’ to the class and with that you would get most of what you required to get a good grade – that’s where my focus and attention was, but not so much any more in studying in itself – again the memory point.

 

I do remember that whenever I was more apprehensive about school, which was around the first years of elementary school, I would be so nervous and anxious about my exams, I would do multiple questionnaires to aid me to study all the material for exams, writing supported me a lot to integrate the knowledge this way, even doing the so call ‘cheating little papers’ you know where you place potential answers for your exams and so forth, even just by having done those, I would not actually require to take them out during the exam, because writing had supported with me integrating the information for the moment. This is a cool point to consider and that I suggest when working with knowledge and information as required within school: write down with pen and paper what you see are the main points, like summing up the basic points that you require to learn. It assists with also being able to identify the core points of a writing and synthesize it with key words – even doing mind maps/ concept maps became another way of studying, which was then done as normal school work – not precisely ‘exam task’ – and so, I could just read through the mind map before exam and get the basics, pass well and the job was done.

 

My mother would tell me: you shouldn’t worry about the exams, only those that Do Not Know should worryYou Know You Can. And so that created quite a sense of confidence within me, like hey silly me, yes I can, why am I worrying then? And I mean, obviously this is My own point and my own fuckup – mother is not really the cause here – but I developed this ‘over confidence’ about the point, because as the title of the blog says ‘I Know’ and it became like a Self-Faith as me being capable of Doing things, even mind projecting myself already getting it all done and having no problem at all and having the greatest grades. Well, it did happen this way – among with the regular school work that I would definitely do as an extension of myself, meaning to me doing homework was like going to the toilet after you’ve eaten= there is no separation from taking knowledge and then working on it as your homework. Of course the level of integration varied from information to information according to the definitions I had given myself to with regards to certain subjects – like digging more subjects like English, Spanish, History, Social Sciences than Physics or Math – however I would pull out the show without a problem.

 

The ‘problem’ then came up when, within this over-confidence – I started following the law of the least effort, not giving it my ‘all’ in school – and this I have written about a lot in terms of my career which for other reasons I simply ‘walked through to get it done – but the situation is how this ‘I Know I Can’ became an ego entity speaking to itself wherein no actual push, no actual will to develop oneself further was instigated from my side, because I believe that I was ‘cool’ with what I had as a so called skill or ability, essentially me reducing myself to this ‘ability/ skill’ and Con.Forming to it, like a form of mediocrity in fact – no wonder I had judged people as ‘mediocre’ because I have stepped into it myself.

 

So this is a blow for the ‘intellectual ego’ because as much as I thought I was Not ‘intelligent’ as people would see or perceive me to be, I ended up somehow believing it was real and that I was just trying to be modest or something, which is all just a plain mindfuck personality-system playing hot and cold from pole to pole within one single self-definition, without realizing that Life/ Living is Not a Knowing, it is a Doing. And from ‘knowing’ that one can be good at something, that one can excel, that one can pull out a certain project in an absolute ‘flawless’ manner to the actual Doing of it, here’s a Long way to actually physically walk.

 

This is thus the mind-superiority as an over-confident ego that will only have ‘everything under control/ everything planned’ it’s almost like ‘I got it all wrapped up under my sleeve’ as a magic trick where no actual Doing is seen. This is what happens the moment I came to live the definition of ‘I know that I can’ without taking that mind abstraction to a physical level of actually Doing it.

 

And so the only reason why we can give ourselves this ‘time’ to only ‘think about things’ and not doing it, is because we’re not in a survival mode or actually having our lives depending on actually Moving ourselves to do something, regardless of how ‘master/ good’ or ‘bad’ you see yourself within a task. It is absolutely irrelevant to know ‘who you are’ without placing that beingness into application, it is actually quite a spiteful mode to live in wherein we ‘know our potential’ but follow the law of the least effort, just because – again – our lives do not depend on it, or so we believe.

 

This is a proof of how it is only through fear and threats that we stop assuming ‘who we are’ and actually walk the road to see what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become when creating this pedestal for ourselves as our minds while placing the least dedication and walking our lives in a half assed manner that only lead us to feel further ‘fucked up’ within it all, because we KNOW what we are doing, but we’re not doing anything to change the point, to direct ourselves – and this is what I can spot as the money-laziness which permeates our lives, wherein within this apathetic view upon reality we believe that ‘there’s nothing worth continuing living for, everything is fucked’ – but, we haven’t realized that such ‘fuckedupness’ is our own manifested consequence to live this law of the least effort and living a mediocre way of existing that only perpetuates the old ways in which we have lived thus far, which is certainly not honoring ourselves and each other as Life, but only mimicking survival mechanisms to ‘get by’ within this world and have no intention at all for changing our own situation within this, nor the greater picture of the world system for that matter.

 

So this is part of what I will be walking in relation to the ‘Intelligent Character’ as Self Definition, stemming from the ‘greater branch’ that I’ve been walking as the Elitist Character, because there would be no ‘intelligent character’ in place if I didn’t have the money to live in an elitist way, which is having money to live in dignity and have basic services and education, which is something that the majority in this world Don’t Have – that already places into question any form of ‘human intelligence’ that has not come up with any ‘bright idea’ to stop our limited accepted and allowed world-condition, that is until now.

 

Support the Equal Money System to understand then how we don’t require to be Nobel-Prize winners to come up with the brightest most revolutionary way to change this world system and as such, change the way we live life on Earth forever, an actual Doing stemming from a practical living consideration.

 

“the Problem that Exist, where the Platform is Infused with Religious Doctrine throughout Childhood, and all the Conclusions that the Mind will Jump to when giving Value to Experiences where the Person would Regard the Experience as ‘Evidence’ that their ‘Knowledge’ is in fact ‘True’. And Obviously, these Experiences will be Repeated, because – the Mind will Search out, That which the Individual Seek to Prove to itself. And so, Falling in the Trap of the ‘Assumption God’, becomes a very simple thing as Evidenced by multiple groups on Earth with Very Diverse Views, all Claiming to have Evidence and Experience “that their Version of God, is the True God”.” – Bernard Poolman *

 

This explanation is describing essentially our self-religion where the self as the mind believes everything we talk ourselves into for an extended period of time, it is thus trusting our own ‘god’ that works upon energetic experiences but, little is ever  actually taken into application. It is no different to when you are high and imagine these beautiful ideas, creations, plans and you think you got it all ‘sorted out’ in your mind, but, when you hit the ground and realize the actual steps to do it, one simply realizes that it’s easy to dream on, and that there is a definitive distance from this imagination/ projection point to the actual doing. After all assuming that ‘we know’ is how gods are created, and look at where we have lead ourselves within this ‘god Idea’ of self – to the verge of destruction because no actual Self-Responsibility is taken.

 

Thus, committing egocide as this knowledgeable character is certainly going to be a point to reveal the assumptions of having these ‘qualities’ that were never in fact ‘Real’ as it all only existed as consciousness/ mind ego that would allow myself to get some desired results in a very limited system which is our current schooling system, and dared to accept and allow myself to call that ‘intelligence’ or even ‘responsibility’ for that matter, since I was absolutely unaware of the actual responsibility we hold toward the creation of this entire world, as well as the actual IntelliSense that would be required to become a living being that considers and Does what is best for all, not just creates a nice concept about it to then ‘live it out later’ or something like that.

 

This is thus a preventive point of support to educate children and ourselves to stop holding ourselves in ‘higher ranks’ for the lies that we’ve been told about who we are, and instead live and apply it, walking the talk is the greatest gift one can give to oneself, to learn and establish an actual self trust that is not based on assumptions, self-beliefs and ego props, but simple self-applied verification of what we are in fact capable of, and within this stop this intellectual form of ‘positive thinking’ that only feeds the who we Believe ourselves to be, but we haven’t lived as an actuality of who we are in every moment and aspect of our lives – not only ‘schooling’ systems and such.

 

Is the ‘I Know’ then quite a spiteful point to live as or even speak? I have certainly experienced that  – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to voice out or think the phrase ‘I Know’ as a single statement of being aware of what I am doing, but not actually DOING anything to change it, which reveals to what extent we are protected by our own minds to face the consequences of our ‘knowing’ while being protected also by the money that allows us to us to remain within this ‘knowing’ phase but doing nothing to actually direct ourselves fully in our world and reality. 

I commit myself to walk this point of knowing vs. doing not as an antagonist situation, but a single realization that we have valued ‘who we are’ as our minds and within this neglected the reality of ourselves to an actual Doing and Living – which is also why it is suggested to consider who we would be in a dire situation of actually having nothing to eat or nowhere to stay and dare to say ‘yes I know’ and not do anything at all to change one’s condition. Thus, the money-mattress point is something that must be debunked in order to, as the lady in the Giving Up Interview says ‘Place some fire under our asses’ and actually give the totality of ourselves, our full physical ability and capability to everything that we do and dedicate ourselves to learn how to live on a daily basis, because others are in fact waiting for us to decide to live to establish a supportive system for all in this world that is our physical consequence and responsibility.

 

This will continue.

 

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