Tag Archives: convenience

281.The Benefits of Redefining Rewards in Equality

 

Positive experiences linked to the word reward – are they Really positive in nature?

When looking at the Positive reactions toward Rewards in the point I am walking with in relation to getting rewards for ‘being a good student’ throughout my school years, I begun to associate it with incentives and as such it is supposed to be a motivation factor for the person to continue doing their job in such an effective way which I associated to ‘selling myself’ and as such, losing my ‘honor’ if I would get any reward for doing something that was solely my point of responsibility.

Continuing from:

 

If we have a look at the word reward obviously in itself is a gifting that can be equalized to giving/ receiving in equality – but the problem is when there are hidden agendas and intentions behind such giving that makes it Not unconditional, but openly conditional and with a point of interest that is mostly driven by money, a point of benefit that will be ‘rewarded back’ by the person that originally gives. What are we looking at here? That the giving is not unconditional, but expecting something in return, which is what creates the building blocks of self-interest wherein one will not act from the starting point of self honesty and self responsibility, but always looking forward to ‘get something out of it,’ and this is what I have seen as ‘wrong’ just because of how money currently is earned and how it exists within the world system.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a positive charge to the moment of receiving a reward as money from my father because that meant I would be able to buy that which would make me happy such as cd’s and books, and as such, allow myself to create a positive experience in conflict with a negative experience based on what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ to accept according to the ‘honor’ and ‘dignity’ that I perceive was being violated the moment someone would want to reward me for doing something that I regarded as my responsibility, as well as the morals that I learned in order to be a ‘good humble person.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an inner conflict of feeling good for desiring money to buy things because of judging the act of buying ‘non indispensable things’ as a luxury, wherein I would constantly realize that ‘not everyone has access to such luxuries’ and as such, feeling guilty for having the ability to earn rewards from doing something that was my responsibility only, and in this rejecting the opportunity to have a cool moment of enjoyment with my rewards, going into an ‘I don’t deserve it’ mode due to linking this reward point to a discrimination, because not everyone could have equal access to the rewards I would get.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to generate a positive experience toward the idea of ‘what I can buy with rewards’ wherein the word reward became only a synonym of money/ buying, which is then why I have tainted the word with such a limited spectrum of definition, because of me being the only one that created this construct of  rewards = consuming something that will make you happy, which proves to what extent we have diminished our ability to understand giving and receiving in a world where happiness is linked to money and buying.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link rewards to a positive experience that I would not allow myself to experience because of thinking and believing that me enjoying something at the expense of money was ‘wrong,’ without realizing that this only existed because of how our current monetary system exists and within that, creating a general denial toward money and creating a rift of my relationship to money because of no wanting to be a ‘self-interested person,’ without realizing how within this I further separated myself from money without fully understanding it, and as such it is only now that we can establish a solution through and with using money to create a system that works for everyone equally, that I realize how I was in fact only denying a point of enjoyment due to such enjoyment being bought with/ by money.

 

I realize that it is thus my own responsibility for creating a point of desiring rewards but at the same judging them because I never considered the giving and receiving aspect that can be possible in this world if we all agree to stop making of rewards another ‘hook’ to keep one moving oneself or buying a certain product and as such, creating a consumerist loyalty for the benefit it represents.

 

Here I also have the aspect of being rewarded for being a loyal costumer.  Within this I realized that there are no Real ‘Positive Experiences’ because they in fact stem from the negative aspect as any energy for that matter that is  used as a ‘bait’ to keep the person going/ buying – the point thus is conditional movement.

 

 

Within this, such aspect would also bother me, because then I would thinkmy responsibility and achievements are now being rewarded as if I required something to motivate me outside of myself to keep doing what I do, the way that I do it’ and as I’ve mentioned, taking a point of pride to refuse these ‘positive incentives’ to make it clear that ‘I do not require rewards to move myself.’ However, in the end, I would accept them and enjoy what I would be able to buy with such money – such as cd’s, books mostly which is something that we should all have access to through a giving and receiving wherein through giving it is not to expect something in return, but to realize that it is our right to be able to enjoy what is existent here the same way that we contribute to the functionality of the system that enables such rights and benefits. This means that: if I remove the pride/ ego/ superiority aspect of ‘I do not require rewards to motivate me’ – I would accept and allow myself to receive such reward as a gift, as an equal giving and receiving without making a problem out of it according to morals and personality.

 

If we look at the money aspect,  the corporations/ companies/ businesses that provide rewards to their ‘faithful costumers’ are using such gifts to ensure that they have a returning costumer to such an extent that we create a bond/ affiliation with certain brand/ store / business and eventually becomes part of our identity: what we consume and our rewards for consuming it creates our ‘trust bonds’ which is the very-limited understanding of rewards I had existent as part of my understanding within this word, for the most part only linked to money and buying. In this ‘reward giving’ of the corporations/ businesses, they get the profit back through you being a continuous loyal customer, you get your product, and everyone’s happy – apparently. But what happens when such profit is only earned by the ‘heads’ of the corporation while you have an ‘army’ of laborers that earn very little to actually create / produce/ manufacture the produce one is consuming, and hardly see any of that ‘loyal consumer profit’ hitting their pocket? Well, then the whole reward apparatus to get more profit entails a point of abuse because what is earned is not equally distributed, and the only reason for giving rewards is to maintain a certain market due to the competition that we currently have of  different  brands/ companies, constantly pushing themselves to get the most costumers for their own benefit and reward – this is how growth and development of a corporation is rather abusive as well.

 

What does all of this entail? Deception, having to lie  and corrupt each other in order to ‘lure’ ourselves to do something/ consume something, which is all based on the self interest of wanting to ‘get the most,’ be the one that ‘wins’ and become ‘successful’ according to the standards that we’ve allowed to exist in the current system configuration, wherein only a few can enjoy the pleasures of having a great amount of money.This is what ‘turns me down’ about rewards and why I turned ‘against the system,’ because of identifying how our human relationships have turned into a point of convenience and self-interest to win ‘above all’

It all became just another self-interest/ greed game of fixed casino jackpots and within that, we accepted and allowed ourselves to found our lives upon abuse.  Within this starting point, no matter how ‘great’/ positive/ beneficial something may sound like, it would always entail a form of abuse, as it currently works in our world system where there is No actual positivity in the rewards obtained, simply because: as long as one single being is not getting such rewards = we are missing one part of the equation and such reward is an elitist benefit upon those that have none.

 

 

 

  • Redefining Rewards

 

We can learn how to give and receive through supporting and honoring each other within the understanding and acceptance of our equal right to live in dignity, a point of having equal rights and equal responsibilities. We can build this way a real integrity wherein we will act based on principles and understanding of a physical giving and receiving as a way of relating ourselves to each other: in and out just as we breathe, inhaling and exhaling as a constant symbiotic relationship that makes our lives possible. Within this, rewards is a gifting and an outcome of giving – a physical movement consideration instead of it being a mind-driven deception.

 

And rewards does not only extend to the point of being ‘directly receiving’ something tangible, it is also the reward of living in a common sensical and principle based society and government wherein all record keeping, all our laws and decisions made that affect the whole would be visible to all, and voted by all as a real democracy and as such, realize that we are the ones that have the power to decide how we live our lives. We have to develop a sense of Neighborism to the extent of truly ‘loving thy neighbor as thyself’ and as such, create a network of relationships as a world system of actual care –  

This is thus why and how  there can be no actual ‘success’ and ‘real rewards’ in the self-honest meaning of the word in a world-system wherein for some to have such rewards, others are left without any form of money to  live, and here is thus quite clear how we can only truly be free from such deception, corruption and bigotry of rewards/ building up a positive consumerist profiles when there is no longer competition between companies/ corporations to lure the most clientele to their businesses, there is no more need to give incentives in means of maintaining something/ someone in a ‘preferred’ position, because it means ‘winning’ over others; one will not require a positive energetic experience of expecting to be rewarded, but one will learn to act by/ as principle, to follow an actual behavioral code wherein the only principle that will guide it is what’s best for all – no more personality play-outs of superiority/ inferiority, but focusing on the physical enjoyment and retribution that we can give to ourselves as a recognition point of being equally working to create and maintain a functional system that’s best for all, which gives us equal rights to enjoy and have fun.

 

All of this will be possible within the implementation of the Equal Money Capitalism, the biggest reward would be to see no human being suffering hunger, poverty, disease, war, abuse, violence, mental diseases, drug addictions and everything that we can currently understand have become our self-annihilation activities that have stemmed from each one of us abdicating our point of responsibility to create a world that we are truly proud and happy to live in. This enables me to then embrace words such as joy, happiness and pride for contributing and working for a system wherein we will learn to live caring for each other, as a real intention without any hidden agendas.

 

All of this entails a radical change in our Human Mind, it requires Self Honesty to develop common sense wherein we understand that the biggest reward we can get is not money/ objects/ luxury and any other form of ‘pleasure’ that comes and goes in one moment, but the satisfaction of being able to wake up every single day in a world that you Really want to live in, in a world where your life will no longer be subject to earning money to live, but instead changing the equation of working to be rewarded with life back in an unconditional way, never again having the access to resources denied or abused/hoarded only by some – this is how I have envisioned that we will truly and openly live the word Reward in Self-Honesty, a complete renewal of the relationships we’ve built with each other, changing them from a point of convenience, abuse, neglect, parasitism, greed and desperate need to physical interdependence, cooperation, equal support and consideration of all bodies of existence being able to live in dignity as equals.

 

The best reward is establishing  Equal Money Capitalism:

“where the Capital is Life/physical resources and All Profit within/as being given an equal and one opportunity to practical physical survival/living in this physical existence; and the Humans manage/live this system through their contribution to making this system work not only for themselves, but for all” – Sunette Spies 

 

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197. Friends of Convenience

How many times have you been in the position of not ‘bearing’ a person but remaining with them for their material possessions, their house and general lifestyle they could provide you with in an indirect manner? Are friendships also based on the amount of benefits one get from one another? Is this happiness?

 

Continuation to the Elitist Character 

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how, with what we accept and allow within ourselves – we will accept and allow in the without of ourselves. Accepting and allowing poverty, famine, starvation to exist as the Physical Sorrow of/as this physical existence, to accept and allow Elitism to exist as the Physical Joy – with the Physical Sorrow, being caused/manifested by/through no Money, and the Physical Joy, being created by/through an abundance of Money. In reality – creating the negative/bad/low and also the positive/good/high, where we have not seen, realised and understood that we have created/manifested the Evil of/as this World System as a direct-mirror of/as the Evil of the Mind/Consciousness – where, as the Mind, as with the World System, we would continue accepting and allowing the polarities of positive and negative, so that we can continue using these polarities at the benefit of producing more energy within, and more money without, all of it at the sacrifice of the Physical Body, and so this Physical Existence, and actual humans, animal, earth lives.”

 

The memory that comes to mind is going to a very nice house of my parents’ group of friends and I was absolutely baffled at the luxury that these people lived in – I was probably 6 years old and I remember having a very bad experience with the girl of the house that was around 2 years older than me and that I was supposed to be playing with, because I perceived her as absolutely controlling, bossy and overtly conceited to the point wherein I simply kept quiet, interacted only bits while feeling generally uncomfortable and mostly keeping myself quiet, which is a general point I tend to act out when being ‘Intimidated’ by someone, which in this case and as a regular pattern throughout my life from there on, was linked toward people that I knew had money/ were rich/ had some sort of ‘power’ according to society.

So, in that moment I didn’t like being there and would be judging her as a spoiled kid with all these toys and ‘expensive stuff’ that I obviously did not have, which lead me to feel ‘less than’ her, yet at the same time creating this desire to one day have the ability to have such a house, such toys/ luxury and essentially what I believed then was like ‘dream like’ living-condition. Besides the point of desiring what the girl and this family had, I realized somehow that being related to these people was something I could benefit from, and that relationships with these particular group of friends would eventually lead me to get to a similar lifestyle in my reality, or at least enjoy it while going to their houses. Thus, even if I disliked and would most likely keep secret judgments about the girls and the family in general at ‘face value’ based on my general discomfort of being with her and in such ‘tight’ events,  I played along in order to be able to go and play with her stuff and enjoy her house, which actually didn’t happen in the end with this particular girl – but, the point is seeing how convenience ruled and hypocrisy became something that I begun playing out even as a child, learning how to smile even though I was uncomfortable just because of being in a social situation that I knew I could have some benefit from and that I only required to present myself as the ‘good girl’ at all times, while in fact not really enjoying the presence of particular beings BUT liking the environment/ the comfort/ the lifestyle that I could experience for a while there.

– Within this post, I’ll begin with writing Self Forgiveness upon linking the having lots of money/ wealth/ power/ success to a positive experience, fulfillment and a general happiness as ‘my purpose in life’ that I believed I had to pursue in order to be able to experience such ‘well being’ for myself again in my future.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the picture/ image and concept of luxury as having lots of money to happiness, joy, bliss, comfort and a general well being that I began to desire from that moment as a child and on, wherein I would then constantly be assessing my own house, my own toys, my own ‘lifestyle’ and family in comparison to what I had seen with people with more money and identifying them as a ‘better class’ as an elite that I believed were ‘more’ than ourselves, more educated, more ‘refined’ wherein I attached a positive value toward everything that could be bought with ‘lots of money’ such as big houses, big luxury cars, lots of toys, nice clothes, expensive schools and general way of being that I linked to a characteristic and quality which is having refined physical mannerisms, all of this which I installed as a ‘future desire within my life’ to fulfill.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to imprint the ‘picture perfect family’ as this still thought as the image of the house in the background and the family standing outside in the garden, altogether waving goodbye and being seemingly happy wherein particularly their ‘well being’ as the smile on their faces became a desire for me to also mimic and experience, which is why their attitudes and mannerisms became a basic ‘imprint’ within me from just that one day in order to play it out/copy it in future events to denote a form of ‘elegance’ and ‘class’ and ‘etiquette’ that I had acquired only from that day that I visited this family in their house.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the answer from my father without a question in terms of why these people were ‘so rich’? and how it was due to a family business lineage that they belonged to, wherein I then immediately saw it as something that was ‘meant to be’ and that was ‘acceptable’ within this world, wherein only a few families/ businesses/ lineage/ bloodlines are allowed to have all the luxury in the world/ all the money, while the rest of society has no access to such equal amount of benefits at all. Within this I realize that as a child I created this concept of wealth as a positive thing that one would want to ‘aspire to obtain,’ because of listening to y father saying that ‘they would do GOOD in their business’ which I linked then wealth to success to happiness, joy and bliss as the ideal lifestyle that I desired to have for many, many years just based on that one single day that I went to such house and got a vivid ‘idea’ of what being rich is all about.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that people with lots of money were in fact ‘better human beings’ as in ‘more civilized’ wherein I then desired to have such a status and position to Not be someone from the rest of the populace which I then begun comparing as ‘less than’ with adjectives related to rude, uneducated, unrefined as an inherent quality to people that don’t have ‘lots of money’ and therefore, their education was not as ‘good’ as the elitist’s one, which I began to take as a frame of reference to see who I would want to be friends with according to their picture presentation, their vocabulary, their parents, their house and everything that could denote that me being friends with them, would mean having luxury and benefits that I would not get at home/ not have them as readily available as these other beings would. Thus beginning to divide my perspective toward people based on money/ social position instead of actually seeing the being as one and equal to myself and direct myself to treat them all equally.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the belief that I had to be and become a ‘successful person’ and ‘do good with money’ as in linking this good/ positive experience to luxury, to having a big house with a big garden and animals and a ‘doll’s house’  and lots of toys that I could store in huge cabinets, and houses that seemed like a maze which I have linked to ‘perfect houses’ as in being able to provide a comfortable experience which was all based on money and within this, wanting to be someday a ‘successful person’ so that I could have all of this luxury that I became quite infatuated with for some time while growing up – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to pray to ‘god’ every day that we could win a huge house in a particular ruffle because that house represented ‘my dream come true’ as witnessed within this particular situation of the elitist house and how I would literally say that I would not ask for anything else any longer But that single house that would make me happy – and in this, equating happiness and fulfillment to ‘having a big house’ that was  part of a ruffle, and when we did not get it, I simply began questioning the might of my ‘prayer’ because ‘god’ had not listened to me/ given us the house of my dreams.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link happiness, well being and confidence to ‘having lots of money’ wherein I believed that my condition as my inner-beingness and experience was determined and defined by the amount of money we had, which is how I had created this immediate ‘pick-up’ experience in my family wherein whenever my father was ‘happy’ for having a ‘good day at work,’ I would be equally happy and joyful as he was – and when he was in a ‘bad mood’ according to having had a bad day at work or a continued phase of bad business days, I became more quiet and distant and worried all the time, just because of realizing that we were in a dire economical situation, wherein I simply accepted the fact that Money determined ‘who I am’ in my every day living condition.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my ‘ideal life in the future’ having ‘lots of money’ as a default ingredient, based on what I had witnessed was possible for human beings to have and live by in ‘my reality,’ which then created this constant inner conflict of me becoming rather unsatisfied with my house, with the toys that I had, with our cars, our general social-condition because of desiring the life of others that had ‘much better stuff than we did,’ and within this linking the middle-class situation to not being ‘good enough’ and as such, allowing myself to pursue relationships and social links that would allow me to get to experience such luxury for some time, even if it was for the while I could go and visit and enjoy their homes and ‘toys.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create this general judgment of rich people being mostly spoiled and within this being mostly ‘conceited’ wherein I then would not entirely enjoy such personalities, but would manage to ‘cope with it’ because of me wanting to remain as ‘friends’ so that I could benefit from going to the places and residences they lived in, playing with their extensive variety of toys and generally all the ‘goods’ they would have heaps of due to the amount of money their parents had, which I didn’t have at home – thus, becoming prone to constantly be seeing my family and house and my ‘belongings’ as less than because they weren’t as good as the stuff and properties that other beings had.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to begin linking ‘friendship’ to convenience this way, wherein I knew that if I was to be friends with someone, I would rather pick someone that I could get some benefit from at the level of money/ experiences bought with money, wherein even if their house wasn’t that great BUT they would have lots of toys or lots of variety of candy/ foods that I would not get at home, would be equally equated to ‘positive points’ that I would consider in order to remain being friends with them.

 

I forgive myself that I never questioned how it is that I would most of the times not want to go and ‘hang out’ with the kids themselves, but would mostly talk myself in my mind to go there to be able to enjoy their house, toys and house environment which to me then seemed like a better reason to go than actually being fully willing to spend my time with the beings themselves.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to from there on, measure the convenience that I had in relation to friendships/ relationships in general at school and friends of friends and people that I would meet according to the house they lived in, their social habits, the foods they ate/ were able to afford, the general ‘status’ they had within society according to the money they have as all of that would mean that I was able to be benefitted from in one way or another.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remain within this belief of rich people being happy/ better human beings and never questioning such condition as opposed to the rest of the world and even ourselves when not having sufficient money and within this, creating a general acceptance of wealth as a ‘good life’ that I simply had to ‘work hard for’ in my future, and that in the meantime, I could obtain a bit of it through friendships, wherein the more benefits I would get from such friendships, the more ‘comfortable’ it was for me to spend my days with them, even if at times the relationship with the people themselves was not ‘great’ – but would always convince myself of simply ‘bearing with them’ as long as I could have my own benefit of experiencing myself in their houses/ with their toys/ eating their food and going out to the places they went to and so forth.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to grow up within this belief that everything that I had to look for/ aim at was to have lots of money and social relationships that could ‘back up’ such lifestyle  – being ‘equally wealthy’ –  wherein I linked this belief to a purpose in life, an absolute fulfillment wherein I knew that my entire schooling/ career years would have to aim at this ultimate power and success, being equated to ‘doing good’ according to what I learned at home. Within this, never questioning why I would only be wanting to pursue such happiness for myself only and never even looking at other people’s lives and their ability to do the same, simply because I became used to thinking that each one had to ‘climb their way’ within society through ‘hard work’ and foolishly believing that only those that were wanting to have this similar social status, would have to ‘work hard’ or come from a wealthy family  – automatic riches – to then be part of the elite within society – never questioning if it was in fact that All people could equally get to have such amount of money even with  also ‘working hard,’ never questioning at that stage why then poor people were poor but only accepted it as part of my reality just like anything else that I would see was flawed – never fully questioned it, just kept walking my way to get to have my ‘happy wealthy life’ one way or another.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having created a resistance to walk this point based on how I would be ‘seen’ as self-interested person that is elitist, without realizing that as long as we keep hiding the actual ‘mechanics’ that we’ve existed as throughout our lives, we’ll remain neglecting our responsibility to this world as is, and would keep having a ‘safe spot’ within our egos to not ‘touch upon’ without realizing that it is in fact through walking the seemingly ‘unimportant’ that is the most relevant when it comes to basic mechanisms in which we have conditioned ourselves to Think reality, instead of Living Reality.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that I had Also at some point of my life also vehemently desired to be rich and wealthy as a synonym of ‘happy life,’ wherein I had almost tried to bury and hide such phase of my life due to the judgment I held toward the ‘me’ that I was while growing up until my early teens, wherein I was pretty much worried and concerned about society, upper classes, wealth and a general desire to be part of such realm due to the close-encounters with it, and believing that ‘life was much better when having it all,’ which remained as a constant conflict whenever I realized that I wasn’t wealthy and that getting such amount of wealth was mostly impossible for my family – thus acquiring a constant experience in a non-conscious level of not being living to my ‘upmost potential’ because of money always existing as something that is ‘there’ however in a limited manner, and not as ‘limitless’ as I would have wanted it to be.

 

I commit myself to continue opening up the elitist construct  as I see and realize that even the current lifestyle that I have ‘chosen’ to have is almost like a way to want to redeem myself from the money-desires that I had in my past in one way or another. And also realizing how within the Equal Money System there will be no need to desire ‘the neighbor’s house’ and money, as all will be granted with equal access to an optimum living condition for a lifetime.

 

Self Corrective Statements in the following post along with continuing dissecting the basic imprints on the Evil that this Elitist construct represents within me, as the separation that Money exists as within our world and society representing the ultimate segregation from the value of Life in Equality to a set of imposed values of more than/ less than existing at the benefit of only a Few in this world, which defined my interactions and general considerations toward other human beings in an almost unnoticeable automatic manner.

 

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196. The Elitist Evil behind Relationships

 

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the commonsense, practical, physical question regarding: the things coming up in the Mind, “seemingly coming from nowhere”, that I never questioned “where the things that come up in my Mind, seemingly from nowhere go when/as I resist/deny/suppress/ignore it?” – Sunette Spies*

 

 

Continuation to

 

So far I’ve walked the point of believing that I had the ‘right’ to assess reality outside of myself and Think/ Believe and/ Perceive that ‘I had nothing to do with that’ and that whatever would come up in my mind was strictly pointing out what existed in others wherein any form of reaction that ensued from this, was taken as ‘ my right’ to react to whatever I thought/ assessed about another.

See the point? I created my own judgments/ perspectives upon something/ someone in one moment, within my mind only, and according to my own assessment based on judgments, ideas, beliefs, perceptions, preferences at the level of backchat, I defined who I would be in such a moment toward the person and event. Now, where is the physical reality participation in this? Nowhere, I would mostly do this is one single moment of observing, ‘assessing people’ and according to this ‘evaluation’ determine already who I would be toward the person/ environment based on how much I could benefit from the relationship/ situation – mostly obviously, focusing on the economic status of the person and future relationships, which is mostly how I am realizing I was programmed to always be aware of and ensure that I would create relationships based on money, in which I accepted and allowed myself to become a silent elitist in my mind.

 

 

Why is this relevant to my process? I have shoved aside many times my own elitism implanted at an early age wherein I was taught to be aware of the amount of money people had within my ‘friends at school’ and within this, always being asked questions by my mother about the social status of my friends, their parents their jobs and this eventually making me angry because at my eyes, I knew that the point was me only seeking to be with people in the same ‘social status’ which eventually lead me to rebel against that at a later stage which is another story much later in my teenage years – however, as a child because of being under the ‘control’ of my parents, I would frequent and get along with kids that were part of an upper class that I was quite oblivious to before the age of 6, thus generating this inherent desire to one day have their life, their money and as such, believing that keeping these relationships would lead me to a similar economic outcome as them/ their families which is an upper middle class close to rich people.

 

 

 

Now, the most prominent point would always be remaining quiet in these situations and events. about the reactions as a defense mechanism, while keeping a ‘welcoming face/ gesture’ on my face when being in an environment that I was busy quickly assessing and deciding who I would be in such situations – the event here is not yet relevant, what is relevant is walking that condition of, after having gone through the righteousness of believing that ‘I am right/ I have the right to assess others’ then simply remain quiet and allow my own thoughts to determine who I am toward others/ in a particular moment/ even in my reality based on the benefit I could get ‘in the future’ from being liked/ accepted by a particular type of people. Why is this? Protection mechanism based on the fear of not being liked/ accepted/ welcomed, fear of  rejection and as such, limiting my ability to benefit from such relationships.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be thinking and valuing others and a moment in reality according to the amount of benefit I would get from such relationships, wherein I essentially allowed my self interest of experiencing a life of joy, comfort and luxury instead of common sense of an actual empathy toward the beings I was being acquainted with.  Within this, assessing my own participation in reality according to the amount of positive experiences I would get from it, which implied me having to ‘keep quiet’ all the judgments and assessments made toward others in order to remain accepted and liked by people that I thought and realized I could ‘benefit from’ within creating a friendship/ acquaintance that would lead me to a similar living-outcome based on the material possessions/ money they represented, which became a desire within me as well.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to determine reality according to my own subjective values of ‘what is in it for me?’ wherein the participation within any event/ activity/ relationships, was always made from the starting point of building a reputation of being a ‘good valuable person’ which would ensure that I created the necessary façade to not have any problems in my reality/ get the most benefits in reality, as I Knew that as long as one present an actively warming attitude and gentleness, people immediately create a point of trust and comfort which is assuring an imprint within another person’s mind of oneself being a ‘good person’ in order to then be able to get something out of the person in exchange to such amicable link in a future moment/ situation wherein such relationship would come in ‘handy’ for my own benefit.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use people, events and situations to my own benefit to build my own ‘persona’ as the reputation that I was aiming at in order to be liked/ accepted/ praised/ recognized by many people and within this appraisal obtained through me creating a positive input within their lives, assure my own ‘triumph’ within everything that I would commit myself to be and become in my reality, as I understood the importance of social relationships in order to escalate in the social-stratus, wherein me having ‘high hopes / aims’ within this world, I knew that I would have to present ‘the good side’ of myself, which was specifically prefabricated in order to create social relationships so that I could benefit from it, accumulating ‘positive relationships’ stemming from the actual fear of being relegated, ostracized, disowned, discriminated and essentially treating me as ‘less than’ everything that I wanted to be and become, which is linked to obviously ending up with no money/ no comfort/ no ‘happiness’ in my world – within this using relationships in my reality in order to only benefit myself, never considering how such relationships could be transformed to a point that could benefit all, because such principle was not even considered within myself in the past.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become a cunning observer of reality and acting according to the expected ways within the social-terms of how I would ensure that I always would have people on my side/ people that would like me and accept me within the realization that within this world system, the more you create relationships based on an empathy at a character-level of being a ‘good person,’ one ensures a point of support,  which is how I would abide to these rules in order to ensure that I would do things for others expecting something in return ‘in the future,’ and within this, seeing my participation within relationships with others as a plain act of hypocrisy in order to generate a good reputation for myself for and if I ever required to get something from a person or a situation, ensuring that I would most likely ‘get what I wanted’ based on me having first created a positive-link toward people, ensuring that they would ‘remember’ who I am and as such, support me/ help me out with any point that I would require from them in order to succeed/ achieve my goals or be gotten ‘out of trouble’ which reveals how every decision I made with regards to relationships in my reality were measured according to the amount of benefit I could obtain from them for either any potential ‘upgrading’ in my lifestyle or ‘getting me out of trouble.’

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to asses people and define ‘who they are’ according to the amount of money/ education they have and accordingly having decided to either evolve/ develop the relationship Or not participate at all, wherein the not participation would imply already that I would not get ‘anything’ out of such relationships that would support my aim of being and becoming someone ‘better’ in terms of escalating a social-stratus, ‘hanging out’ with more educated people which reveal to what extent I allowed myself to support the polarization of this world within the very ‘weighing process’ of my relationships since I was a young girl.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become used to seeing money as a relevant factor that would determine who I could hang out with/ who I would rather refrain from relating with, base on this inherent belief that I had to stick to people that I could benefit from at an economical and social-relationship level, which became the elitist mind within me that was an aspect of being the ‘good person’ as a building block of a reputation that I was busy scheming throughout my life in order to be and become someone of ‘power’ in my reality, aided from all of these relationships that I thought I could benefit from.

 

When and as I see myself assessing a relationship with a particular person based on the amount of money and benefit that I can obtain from such relationship, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this has significantly being walked as part of my process, however the point of creating relationships based on the benefit I can get from others at a later stage is still here wherein the only acceptable way of creating relationships in our social-reality at this stage, is to ensure that the outcome of such benefit can be directed and linked specifically to a best for all outcome, this is the Only acceptable way to continue creating relationships/ acquaintances within our reality

 

I commit myself to walk a process of self forgiveness and self corrective statements and application to ensure that there is not a single bit of self interest implied within the relationships that I create as getting something out of it for my own personal benefit – I instead ensure that I become aware of the relationships that I create, verifying that each one of them stands in alignment with the principle that I am living my life as, which is that of creating, establishing and being the very building block of a world in Equality, wherein all relationships will stop being only based on personal gratification, self interest, greed and the ‘upgrade’ of social-stratus based on wealth, and instead develop the very basic considerations of equal and one support to one another wherein Money is not a decisive factor within it, but more of a necessary mean at this stage in this world to develop and create a world system that will be based on Life in Equality.

 

I commit myself to stop participating in the same relationship dynamics that have lead to the polarization of reality wherein we have only sought to benefit ourselves/ escalate positions while ignoring the absolute hideous reality that the majority is existing in because of  only a few being busy building further ladders to escalate in the social stratus while neglecting the fact that we are equal and one to that which we neglect, deny  and suppress which is the poverty and the lack in this world based on an economic system that has not supported all beings equally – within this

 

I commit myself to walk this process of relationships in order to direct relationships to stop being the building blocks of this elitist society that is having money as a god, and as such align the understanding of how it is that only within the realization of the Real Value within Life which is LIFE can relationship and ourselves as individuals actually thrive in reality, as the moment that only self interest is continued to be sought in this reality for our own benefit only, the more we continue the separation, greed and absolute neglect toward the rest of the world that is Here as ourselves and requires to be always taken into consideration with ever y single relationship that we form from here on, as equals, dedicating ourselves to stop egotistical desires of ‘fame and fortune’ and instead, stand up to create and manifest a living condition that is dignified for all beings on Earth, as this is in fact what I would want others to give to each other in an equal manner as the actual well being we are perfectly capable of installing in this life.

 

There is a particular memory coming up which I will write about in my next blog. And this will be a series of exploring this which I had certainly not written about in my process before, which are these seemingly ‘unimportant’ experiences in my early childhood with particular groups of people and ‘friends’ that I was close to due to my parents’ relationships, which had a ‘better economic position’ than us and how many times I would swallow my experience toward them, my own anger, judgments and general irritation and envy within such friendships just because of not wanting to miss out the opportunity to go to the places where they lived and play with their games, and hang out in their homes which I perceived were better than my own and obviously, it was all based on the money that they had.

 

 

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