Tag Archives: cult

370. Desteni Insider: God, Spirituality, the Afterlife

 

Coming to the realization that who we are in this world is not working to create a better world made me seek answers to try and make sense/justify the suffering, poverty, wars, corruption, a lack of consideration to one another that I used as an excuse to remain only within a persistent process of questioning reality beyond what one is taught in school. I grew up being influenced by the ideas of there being ‘Life after Death’ and the dead coming through channelers or mediums to tell their ‘loved ones’ how they were alright and how everything was going to be ‘just fine’ for them. But also there were messages coming from a form of ‘brotherhood’ from which myself and my family would be getting all sorts of apparent protections and blessings in order to ‘do well’ in our lives. I kept questioning who exactly these individuals were and why in spite of them seeing the people that were seeking for help – being mostly desperately seeking money – was there no divine intervention to support them and end the suffering, end world hunger or even better: establish Heaven on Earth. All that was shared between these spiritual people were nice messages that gave hope and reinforced any kind of faith that would keep everyone waiting and expecting things turning out to their favor as a sign that this ‘god’ or ‘spiritual beings’ actually existed and were in fact on our side,  taking care of ourselves and solving whichever mundane troubled situation we were stuck in. Yet all of this seemed too staged, too dogmatic since it wasn’t something one could openly discuss due to the entire atmosphere of secrecy and reverence that existed whenever these beings would speak through the channelers/mediums that could only speak for a short period of time.

 

I was then familiar with the existence of a heaven or a spiritual realm beyond the Earth plane where the dead would go, yet we never got any answers as to why the world was in the verge of destruction and why us human beings kept existing in these ‘lessons to be learned’ somehow always yearning for a better living condition (translated to having money to live well and in peace) – these and many other questions were not allowed, it seemed that all that really mattered were our personal queries of any form of personal relationship gone wrong, or money problem which, if resolved, would only confirm our trust on these individuals within the belief that somehow we were being ‘chosen ones’ or ‘special’ for having this kind of contacts. It seemed unfair to me since I knew that everyone in the world could benefit the same way we were – apparently – yet others didn’t seem to agree since I had to keep it a secret throughout my entire life.

 

When watching Sunette Spies as a portal in the Desteni videos that were being broadcasted on YouTube since 2007, the in breath and out breath wasn’t anything unusual or weird to me, I instead thought I knew what was going on: I immediately assumed and believed she was a channeler/ a medium like any of the other beings I had witnessed throughout my life – yet there were significant changes that made me ponder ‘what kind of brotherhood/beings were these’ because the message somehow was quite straight, direct, there were no staged words or fancy presentations charged with the usual key words that the other beings I had witnessed before would express themselves with.  I started questioning more and comparing the Desteni Message to what I had heard before from what I believed were the same kind of beings: how come these beings speaking through Sunette were speaking as any regular person? How come they would be speaking about there being No God and reptilian beings having created the human being? Why were they not just leaving with some message of hope and ‘goodness’ rectifying that god is with us? Instead the reptilian point was opened which wasn’t any longer a mystery to me since I had also done a brief investigation on the subject prior to Desteni. Everything I thought I knew about channelers/mediums was debunked when I got to watch the video and read the articles related to channeling (Kryon – Pre-programmed Channels, Questions and Perspectives: Unconscious Mind Pre-programmed Channels, Questions and Perspectives: Continued pre-programmed Channels , Questions and Perspectives: Oneness and Equality with regards to ‘Channelings’ , Questions and Perspectives: How was psychics and channels controlled and why? , 2007 History of Mankind – Part 16 – Anu’s Plan – YouTube) explaining why it was also part of the program and why all forms of ‘light beings’ were part of the deception on Earth to keep individuals trapped in the belief that somehow, there was a benevolent god, that love was the way and that we only had to continue aspiring to have some manifestation of the divine through thinking positive or asking things to the universe. All of this was the real scam and later on understood as the cult of money that it has become nowadays (Read: Day 450: The Power of Now Illuminated)

 

So continuing with the previous post 369. Desteni: An Insider’s Report what I came to realize is that everything was in fact a preprogrammed and predesigned reality construct that we have been living in wherein even the higher beings, the gods, the ‘supreme energies’ that I had placed any form of belief upon were in fact also part of the reality design that we have all been participating in within our minds and in absolute separation of the reality that was certainly existing in complete dissonance to all the benevolent words we would get within the New Age culture – all of this was perfectly schemed as part of the diversion to never get to question ‘God’s creation’ and the beliefs we have acquired through familial and cultural tradition, all being part of the necessary programs that we have within and existing as Mind Consciousness Systems. This is when the point of enslavement was understood. I grasped how perfect the plan had been wherein everything in this world was in reverse and every single aspect of who we have believed ourselves to be as human beings in terms of the spiritual endeavors, seeking gods, bonding ourselves within religions, seeking eternal life, seeking the philosopher’s stone had been nothing else but a nice game that we blindly followed, never ever questioning why is it that we only sought our personal enlightenment, happiness and comfort? Why were we just expecting some god to do the work for us, or have these ‘special connections with a higher force’ while the rest of the world was submerged in suffering and agony due to lacking the necessary means to live which is the same as: lacking sufficient money to live; furthermore, why were all of these people suffering absolutely unaware that there were apparently some spiritual beings that could grant them healings and protect them from ‘all evils’ – apparently. This all made sense to understand how the vilest form of enslavement had to have a very agreeable and sugar coated image in order to be unquestioned and undoubtedly accepted as ‘truth,’ how our constant need to ‘seek god’ was just fearing to realize we are here alone and responsible for every single aspect that has gone wrong in this world, how the enslavement of humanity had been part of a ‘greater process’ by a few individuals that wanted to ‘be Gods’ in existence – it was all revealed to be a sick cosmic joke that we have all been a part of, life after life.

 

As I went through the material, I committed myself to remain skeptical about that which sounded the most fantasy like to me, simply because I could not witness myself the ‘other side’ or ‘the afterlife’/heaven  yet, once again the consistency of the message from the hundreds of beings from all walks in existence speaking through the portal lead me to realize that the final message was quite clear, consistent and made absolute sense as to why this portal had opened and why we they were calling out humanity to walk a process of Self-Honesty. I understood then how all the New Age agenda, the spirituality movement, the promoted ways for ‘peace of mind’ through meditation and seeking to align your chakras to be in resonance with god had been nothing else but a self-interest brainwashing that I had briefly participated in within an attempt to make my life less ‘miserable’ or as I experienced it to be miserable in my existential woes and ever present form of depression. After understanding religion, love, spirituality, channelings as a pillar and essential part to this enslavement of ourselves in our minds, I was ready to leave that all behind and instead begin walking a very different path that I never ever thought I would place myself in: letting go of the idea of god, of spirituality, of something or someone greater than me in order to get to know me as a creator in this reality.

clip_image001

 

What I came to realize was that we were truly all alone as human beings, we are the direct creators of the reality that I was wanting to escape from or completely eradicate or disguise with some ulterior beliefs about a genuine spiritual realm that we could somehow rely to in order to be supported or saved in worst case scenarios by invisible beings or forced of the ‘goodness’ that I thought existed beyond the Earth plane, little did I know it was exactly the opposite that this reality existed as.

These realizations led me to understand how I had veered my life to seek answers and make someone else responsible for the mess on Earth due to the fear that I had about who we are and what we have become as the real perpetrators of our crime scene: the world-system imposed on the Earth. This was what partly caused the emotional breakdown that I had to go through in order to be willing to see beyond what I had initially sought to find at Desteni which was just ‘more of the same confirmations about the goodness in existence’ I was wrong. For the first time I had a crystal clear understanding that if we don’t stop deluding ourselves in spirituality, religions, gods, masters, etc. we will continue to abuse and eventually destroy ourselves if we don’t stop.

I went from being a profuse reader of religions, philosophies and watching all kinds of conspiracy theories videos to a more down to earth verifiable investigation of the state of the world; while being subscribed to the DesteniProductions YouTube Channel (2007-2011) we would regularly get all kinds of documentaries and videos that would expose the reality of this world: poverty, crimes against life, corruption in the political world, the destruction of nature, the abuse of the animal kingdom, the conspiracy theory that our economy and monetary systems are, the madness of the human mind, including spiritual messages that were now clearly understood as a genuine scam to divert the human’s attention from the real problems we had provoked in this world. I was taken aback due to the realization that I had mostly avoided watching the full graphic reality that takes place every single day in this world – It made me angry and sad at the same time, going into a depression upon realizing to what extent we have all been too focused on our personal endeavors to get all kinds of gifts from the universe, attract all the money, health and all the ‘good stuff’’ in our lives, aiming at living a happy fulfilled life without ever really wanting to understand how such nice life was in fact being manufactured/produced/created by every individual that is existing in a slave position that earns the daily bread through creating our personal heavens, the real and actual forced labor that exists in this world happens when having no money means: you die.

The sensitivity that I claimed to have toward the world, the usual depression that I would allow myself to be in whenever I would go out in the streets and witnessed the misery, the ‘soft violence’ and constant fear that we all existed in became slowly but surely debunked as the mechanism to protect myself from actually understanding my responsibility within the creation of the problem in this world. I came to understand that my sadness, my depression, my ‘wanting to end it all’ was another form of manipulation to not take responsibility for myself and this world –the constant belittling believing myself to be ‘too little’ to make a change in this world was exposed as a personality trait that had lead me to stand in the background, to choose seeking to create images and pictures that ‘made me feel good’ in an attempt to seek something of ‘real value,’ something ‘greater’ and meaningful to do the work for me, to protect me, to give me some comfort and happiness while pretending that I could ignore the harsh and crude reality that exists for every individual that somehow we have all collectively decided do not deserve to have a dignified living, and yes I realized I am part of the clan as a human being that have accepted and allowed this without a question throughout ages. I understood my self interest to only have a ‘good time’ in this life and be ‘against the system’ while seeking some higher connection with the spiritual realm that I believed was ‘what was real’ – I was wrong, I was absolutely blind.

 

clip_image002

 

What became clear was that such ‘nasty thing’ that I had avoided to talk about and pretended to ignore was suddenly understood as the ‘real god’ of this reality: money and this was the simple message that I could clearly reference within my world due to having been keen on politics and sociology before my ‘spirituality’ phase that I had resorted to due to having been too disillusioned of the political and economic world that going to the opposite side was just another shot at ‘making it’ in this life. I had to go back to reviewing the facts of this reality, the same one that is here the moment we go out from the comfort of our homes and the money we have in our wallets – I realized it wasn’t ‘god’ giving me this life, it was money and so my spirituality trip came to an end within the realization that everything I had participated in was a feel-good story for me-myself and I in the mind and that it had made no difference whatsoever to the genuine struggle that the world is sinking in and is continuing to sink in, in spite of this also having been foretold by the various beings through the Desteni portal in 2007 . Five years later and humanity is still opting to hear the feel good fluff rather than walking through a process of self-investigation to see ‘who am I’ within this world, what is my responsibility within this and  how can I practically contribute to stop the madness in here in order to establish the constant and consistent message that Desteni presents and represents: Life in Equality.

 

I started shedding away the beliefs I had held till then since I understood it was only a mindjob in order to justify the worst crimes in our reality, including the monetary system as a belief system, the idea of self as a self-religion and the seeking of my personal desires as a self-interest life path that was contributing to the enslavement of the many and the ignorance that exudes from every corner of this world wherein we are so used to buying and consuming happiness and avoid anything that makes us re-consider who we are, what we’ve done and become and what we are here for.

 

Slowly but surely I made the decision to become an advocate of the rather ‘harsh’ side of reality in an attempt to provide sufficient evidence and personal realizations for all spiritual and religious devotees to hear about such as there being no god, we’re It and there’s nothing and no one coming to save us: we have to do it ourselves.

 

Once stripped from this individual aspect of spirituality that had lead me to voraciously read the articles on the desteni.org website and watch the videos available, I came to the conclusion that I had to obviously do something about this. It was impossible to now turn my back and pretend I didn’t just hear that, it would have been impossible for me to lie to myself any longer – so I directed myself to what was explained to be the practical process that each one of us could live by and apply: the process of Self Honesty through Writing ourselves to Freedom, Writing and Applying Self Forgiveness, Developing Common Sense and Dedicating ourselves to get to know who we are, how we came to be to begin stopping existing as a preprogrammed organic robot that gets to experience highs and lows in various personalities for all the various ‘life scenarios’ and occasions. That’s when I determined myself to be part of this process, because all of the enigmas about god, the afterlife, the creation of humanity were explained in such detail and with such consistency that the key to create and establish solutions on Earth existed in fact within our individual participation in this process – so, if this was the solution I made the decision to do it, I had to finally try these tools that they were constantly explaining and directing everyone to apply. This meant that I had to actually do the whole Process, I had to test the waters and see whether this was ‘for real’ or not – and so I committed myself to this, wanting to be ‘part of it all’ yet not really yet grasping the actual importance of this process on Earth and the changes that were to come within my world, this certainly was No longer an illusion.

SAYING THAT ‘THE WORLD IS AN ILLUSION’ IS AN ATTEMPT TO SOLVE THE PRIMORDIAL PROBLEM ON ‘WHAT IS REAL/ WHAT IS REALITY’ AND FOLLOW THE LAWS OF THE LEAST EFFORT AND ‘SEEKING/ FOLLOWING YOUR GREATEST EXCITEMENT’ TO NOT HAVE TO FACE AND CARE ABOUT THE WORLD/ REALITY WITHOUT SEEING THAT THIS WORLD/ REALITY IS AS REAL AS WE HAVE TO EAT, SHIT, DRINK AND RELATE TO OTHERS TO CONTINUE EXISTING IN IT. HOW COME THAT WE AS HUMANITY DARED OURSELVES TO SIDE-VIEW THE MOST BASIC COMMON SENSE IN THE NAME OF JOY, HAPPINESS, FAITH AND HOPE? EASY, IT’S NICE TO REJOICE IN THE MIND AND NEGLECT OUR RESPONSIBILITY WITHIN IT ALL.

This will continue…

clip_image003

The blog that explains it all : Heaven’s Journey To Life

 

Related blogs/ vlogs debunking spirituality – 

A selection of my investigation through the Desteni Process

2012 Life After Death–Interdimensional Portal | Testimony

The Video Tolle Doesn’t Want YOU to See

How to Raise Your Frequency (Ask Teal Episode on Increasing Your Vibrations

Spirituality and Capitalism Make sweet love through Hicks

2011 Pretty Happiness Machines – Vlog the Hell Out of this World

2011 AbrahamHicks – You Are Perfect As You Are – Video

2012 Spirituality and Activism Won’t Change the World – YouTube

Eckhart Tolle – Nirvana Is Already Here –

The Biggest Missing Piece – Abraham Hicks –

Fears and white light beliefs

Don’t try to get rid of the ego!” – Alan Watts’ review

The Jesus Message is Not Religious –

2010 ¿Spiritual Consciousness? Where’s the MATTER? –

2012 Positive Thinking Debunked! Heaven’s Journey To Life

2012 I Used to Be a Loving Person –

2012 Religious Consumerism: God is in the TV

2011 Vatican Exposed & the Faithful Deceived –

2010 EQUALITY: The END of All Religions

2012 Doomsday Character: Sick of Humanity?

2012 Existential Woes: Stop and Know Yourself

2012 Organic Self-Indulgent Lifestyle –

11.11.11 Opening Of The Portal Of The Divine

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 1 –

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 2

The Secret History of the Universe: The Discovery of Light –

2010 Do You Want to Be ETERNAL? –

Bruce Lipton ‘ The Power Of Consciousness’ –

2008 I used to believe in a god

Law of Attraction is Based on Memory

Why isn’t Love an Illegal drug?

2012 Love is a Drug: Are YOU an Addict?

Life After God

135. ‘The Secret’ CULTivates Narcissists |

future and white light crap |

Day 11: I.O.U. Life as a Debt System of Power

Occupy LOVE: New Activist Brainwashing

2012 R.I.P. God |

2011 Desteni Portal: Objectives

Desteni y las Teorías de Conspiración

How I was able to Hear Desteni?

In Heaven Everything is Fine

 

Advertisements

369. Desteni: An Insider’s Report

Preamble

My name is Marlen Vargas Del Razo and I’m here to disclose the actual and proven truth about what many can call the greatest Cult and Scam that has existed in the history of the internet according to various sources that, just as any other biased piece of journalism, lack any real practical self-investigation to come up with a veritable result that could be identified as a genuine piece of scientific evidence and an integral attestable piece of information that could provide people with a clear and verifiable perspective of what this infamous group is all about.

Unlike many that may research about ‘Desteni’ and immediately click on the most controversial links that may pop up in the 352,000 results (0.22 seconds) Google search, I suggest you rather take my name written above and run a simple search with it + the word Desteni to see some of the words written and spoken, as well as the various images that have been produced since 2008 as a result of my direct participation in this group, which is an internet based community dedicated to a singular and certainly sui generis cause which is to Educate the Human Being about the reality we have only lived behind the veils of our consciousness/the mind, our so called education, culture, languages, political and economic systems and all the images that have dictated who we are, what we do, why we do it and within this, basing our lives upon lies that we have made real as the current world-reality that we are all experiencing as an every day hell – unless one has sufficient money to protect ourselves from the actual reality that the majority is living in.

I will be sharing the details of what is now a 5 year Journey I’ve walked along with many other people around the world – including the year I lived at the Desteni Farm in South Africa (2009-2010) – that have committed ourselves to the same living principle that we find is the correct thing to do in a world like ours today: to create and establish solutions to live in a way that is best for all as equals. I have written over 1000 posts available in this website as a direct result of my process of self investigation, this is without counting all the other hundreds walked in the individual and specialized process of Self Support: the Desteni I Process, as well as the thousands of posts at the Desteni Forum and individual vlogs in two accounts on YouTube (MarlenVargasDelRazo and MarlenLife) wherein I have documented my individual process from self-investigation at an individual level to the publication and exposure of world-system solutions that are intricately related to the process of self investigation, self education and interaction with people in my reality in order to generate a change that is created at an individual basis and shared with the world; all of this is published a result of the certainty that I have acquired when it comes to proving over time that this process of Self Honesty and Self Responsibility is in fact the key to create a change in this world that will be the foundation to establish a new world order based on Life in Equality.

 

 

clip_image001

 

I was born in Puebla, México on September 1st, 1986 came out of the womb with a c-section due to having the umbilical cord around my neck which I blamed for a constant nagging sensation I had throughout my life as a constant emotional experience of suffering, fear, anxiety, uncertainty and definitively seeing the world as a danger rather than a genuine place to be able to live in. Till this day I am 26 years old and I became involved with the Desteni group when I was 21, and the day that changed my life forever was January 30th, 2008 when I watched the first Desteni video, yes one of those where Sunette Spies (Interdimensional Portal/ blond girl giving deep breaths at the beginning and end of the less than 10 minute YouTube videos) would have one of the hundreds of beings interviewed in to give some revealing message. In my particular case, it reminded me of all the other spiritualist-channelings and mediums I had witnessed throughout my life, it wasn’t ‘anything new’ apparently – yet the message that I heard in that 10 minute video was sufficient for me to leave the various books on spirituality, religions, esoteric agendas and any other philosophy to continue devouring the videos as I continued watching them one by one throughout the course of months until I had assured I had watched them all to get an actual understanding of what this whole ‘portalling’ was all about.

 

At that moment I was interested in obtaining some higher truth, some ultimate truth, some ultimate answer to all the questions I had accumulated throughout a lifetime of finding ‘no point’ in living in this world if all there exists is suffering, violence, wars, lies, corruption, deceptive governments, false relationships where we harm each other, hatred, self loathing and the list goes on and on… Therefore, the approach toward these videos that seemed to be ‘out of this world’ was to get a quick fix, a solution, seeking to find the recipe that contained all the necessary steps I had to follow to just ‘get it done’ and be somewhat healed, enlightened, all knowing, have the answers to the meaning of life in one go and get over my existential inquiries that had lead me to wait, hope and expect something grandiose knocking at my door to stop for once and for all seeking some kind of answer from a creator as to what I had to do with my life, or how to implement some kind of ‘divine plan’ on Earth –lol, little did I know that we were already living ‘his plan’ but that this god wasn’t precisely benevolent as we had been taught to believe.

 

Of course as many other human beings filled with fears and expectations on ‘things getting better somehow’ or having some alien/god/master/being from the universe coming here and saving us,  I only desired to create some kind of unity in this world while getting myself some kind of special connection with a creator, a god, an energy or whatever that could tell me that ‘my life had a meaning and a purpose’ so I could stop seeing the suffering that I could not make sense of. ‘God must have a reason for all of this to exist’ and that god/ energy/ all knowing one idea started slowly but surely fading away as I continued the research through the Desteni material and finding out that everything I had ever known, everything I had believed myself to be – including the persona that I was so eagerly building myself to be – was just another character that we have all created based on who we are told to be, the family we are brought up in, the amount of money we have, the country and culture we live in, the generations before us that left their genetic dynasty of a troubled self-experience existing in a world where survival defines our ability to live or die everyday, leaving little to no space to investigate the obvious truth in this reality: we are slaves in a preprogrammed reality wherein everything that we see as the current problems we all live in an experience on a daily basis is reflected upon the nature of the world as it is today.

 

Suddenly every single question, enigma, diatribe, existential anguish and any other form of ‘wonder’ about reality, the universe, human beings, the mind, spirituality, life after death, eternal life, god, demons, heaven, hell, the so called ‘end of the world’ were all concepts being explained in detail as the finite constructs they all represent within the greater construct/scheme and aspect of reality that we are aware of in which we’ve all been existing as: Consciousness. Within my limited understanding within that very first impression, my life was not going to get any easier from that moment on simply because of realizing that there was a lot of ‘truth’ in these ‘Desteni videos,’ yet I could not find what it is that I can do to fix it all now, or the opposite: what do they want of me and what is their genuine purpose of publishing this information and Why this was not part of the world news:

1. An Inter-dimensional Portal opened between Earth and the Dimensions in March 2006. This allowed access to Heaven/Dimensions by a human while being fully aware and visa versa allowed beings in Heaven/Dimension full access to Earth. This opened a journey that was not expected or could be imagined. This Portal was placed as the Grace of God.

· The Future of Heaven and Earth and the Universe Mar 19 2007

 

I knew that this was something I had to absolutely research in its totality before diving myself into it fully and completely. I kept myself at a safe distance from the Forum, not even reading it to not influence my own research through only watching the videos and reading the articles, not even knowing if there were people already applying this, which was something they were constantly mentioning to do in the videos. My research wasn’t complete until I had ensured I had read every single article in the Articles section of the website, including the parts that I had deemed as the most repetitive type of brainwashing I had ever read in my life, it was called Self Forgiveness and kept wondering who on Earth could have said that ME, I, the person that stood up for originality, uniqueness, ‘freedom of choice’ and all things ‘independent thinking’ would be suddenly reading the dribble of repetitive sentences that looked more like some serious kind of brainwashing and bizarre programming that I was supposed to write and read in order to get some kind of realization about it.. Initially,  I left the Self Forgiveness part for the very end of my investigation because it was certainly the part that most resembled any form of religious brainwashing – little did I know that I barely understood the word Forgiveness at all.

clip_image002

First Written Record of the Desteni Investigation , 2008

 

Through reading all the articles, watching the videos on a daily basis for several hours before and after going to school – all of this while studying college in the career of Visual Arts as the Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México –  I realized that this was something that I was going to be dedicating my life to, it was quite an immediate realization that became a certainty the more I watched that ‘I wanted to work with these people, I have to meet them and be part of this’. Of course it wasn’t easy to come to these conclusions since every time that I would Think about it, it all seemed ‘too good to be true’ yet too vast and consistent in every single piece of writing and video that I tried to dissect to find any form of flaw I could point out and boast that it was just another lie, another trick to get something out of us –and yes I still understand why many people try to discredit Desteni right away, because no one on this Earth has ever before come up with such a genuine benevolent message on Earth – besides Jesus – along with a practical solution to essentially establish the best living condition that we as individual human beings can exist as in this world, without expecting something from us in return. I had been taught to always get to know what people’s intentions are and not take just the ‘good stuff’ at face value, but see what form of manipulation is given in order to get the gist of the ‘good deals’ we get in life. I kept watching and every single time, I failed to find an inconsistency in the coherence and narration of evens that even if they were absolutely out of the spectrum of my physical ability to discern whether ‘the portal’ was real or not, the congruence, the convergence of points that I had gotten to read about from various other sources made me realize that this message was precisely the kind of intention I was aiming at living for in my life: a message of unity, of peace, of genuine care for one another  – yet the word ‘life’ was still as death as I was due to having little to no reference to what ‘life in equality’ actually meant – yet every single article and video was aimed at placing the necessary blueprint for us to test out for ourselves, correlate, self investigate what was being explained in the material. Obviously this was then gaining its place of being rather unique and never before seen in our world, because here all the answers, the solutions to our lives, this world and reality were being given by this girl on YouTube with little to no further information than visiting a forum that I mostly avoided reading through to not deviate myself from simply watching the videos and reading the articles on the website.

 

One of the first things that came up was getting rid of ‘God’ and it was far easier than I thought which was through being educated about the creation of the concept – what it meant as the ultimate separation and hierarchical imposition in the minds of all humans in order to establish a world order that has existed till this day on the basis of masters and slaves – therefore it became a matter of understanding the construct itself. I certainly then knew that the meaning of my ‘journey to find god’ had rather turned into a journey to understand and get to know myself, the reality that I live in and how I was in fact a direct responsible actor for every single atrocity I had only managed to complain, get angry and blame others for in this world. I was about to get myself into a cul-de-sac called Self Honesty wherein the only way out was to actually apply these steps that were repeatedly mentioned video after video, article after article: write yourself to freedom, applying self forgiveness, develop self honesty, apply common sense, oneness and equality, stand up for life in Equality. For sure at the beginning it seemed liked a cool thing to be able to get dead people talking through this girl, but why were they all saying the same message and how come no one else in the world was talking about this? To me it was the greatest revelation to such an extent that I was ready to let go of my intensive research in all things spirituality, philosophy, my personal cult to the belief of who I am as part of this culture, the role I thought I had as ‘an artist’ in this world and essentially place my whole life on a scale to measure what it is that I in fact was and who I would be without this construction of myself as ‘Marlen’ as the persona formed by the environment I lived in plus everything else that I managed to adhere through my quest to become that special being that we all believe ourselves to be.

 

clip_image003

 

But, why is it that I was into it from the first moment I watched it? Easy: words made sense, everything that was explained I could relate to. It was as if the hidden side of reality that we have all been ‘aware’ of at some level was finally placed into words, but oh dear god how uncanny it is to get to these ultimate truths in a mundane YouTube less-than-10-minute video, isn’t it? However, the more I watched the more I didn’t consider people being able to reject what was being said, yet only later on I realized the power of fear and the ability to dynamite any potential veil-breaking information that has the potential – if applied and lived individually – to de-enslave/ liberate an individual from the most profound forms of brainwashing that you and I have ever been remotely aware of. Our history of human development has come and gone and none of it in any way supported us to become better living species – it was true: knowledge without application was useless and as I continued consuming hours and hours of watching the Desteni videos, scribbling some ‘facts’ here and there, drawing while listening to a consistent message that made me ‘lose my mind’ and go into a 3 day breakdown where I began saying that ‘life doesn’t make any sense, oh my god who am I without my emotions, art is filled with emotions! and I am an emotional person! Everything I’ve done and been has been but a lie!’ and within this going into the fear that ‘these people must want to brainwash us for some ulterior purpose’ – and yes, oh was it true, that ulterior purpose is to step out of the preprogrammed mind design wherein I was on my straight way to hell and ready to become some kind of entheogen seeker of the divine and somehow save the world from an impending doom that I used to preach in order to justify why I didn’t want to live my life in the most responsible way…

 

If there’s any warning I can give to anyone stumbling upon Desteni is taking it easy to watch the material, obviously now there are thousands upon thousands of blogs, videos, articles, books, audio interviews recorded throughout these past 7 years that Desteni has been ‘live’ on the Internet. The whole world has been stripped from head to toe for us to finally understand who we are, what we are here for, what was our purpose on Earth, what is this world, why aren’t we happy, why do we seek god, why are we driving ourselves to our impending doom and a plethora of more questions and ponderings that we have consumed our lives with, going generation after generation filling books with what we believe ‘we know’ without having an inkling of idea about what the mind in itself is – of which I was quite an active participant of – and why is it that we seem to be devolving with all these wars, lies, corruption, discrimination, suffering, harm, hate-all of which I had noticed throughout my life had become a constant part of reality; no one could have ever seem to have an answer to this, not even the Jesuits at the school I studied which is the Instituto Oriente wherein I rather reinforced my heretic character and only liked and agreed with the one principle that made sense besides everything else they claimed Jesus said and did: equality and considering each other as living beings regardless of the amount of money we have, the last name we have, the amount of properties we have and so on, yet we were being trained to be part of the elite in society that would ‘ensure’ that we were ‘benevolent masters/ leaders’ to our employees/slaves. Of course no one could ever answer to me why was the Vatican the richest country in the world, why the pope would not give away his fortune in the name of ending the world hunger if he so would pray and hope god or some world leader could end it … and these are just but the ‘tip of the iceberg’ questions that lead me to confirm  that whatever speck of religious inclination I could have wanted to resort to in order to make sense of this world, was simply another mirage in my quest to find that ‘something’ in my life I had been longing for – apparently.

 

The truth is that I only wanted to have some ‘great place’ in this reality where I could be special and within that ‘make all my dreams come true’ which were as mundane as being famous, having some fortune, finding love in some kind of partnership/relationships, escape the corrupted country I live in and essentially live in a blissful state while pretending to worry about the ills of the world… This was the ‘me’ that I have to now be typing out for the purpose of this Desteni Witness Report, placing myself in the shoes of the discouraged person that I became when realizing that this world wasn’t getting any better, that everyone was lying, cheating and being corrupted and that all that I could do is… feel sorry about it, be depressed, be doomed and living in a constant gloom and cry about the many horrors that I had witnessed on daily basis here and no, it wasn’t war, it was worse because it’s become an ‘accepted’ form of crime against life: poverty, discrimination, inequality, greed and any other form of egotistical traits that I could see were doing harm and were a form of actual self-abuse.

So what on Earth did I come to realize about all of this and the ‘Me’ that I existed as up to the moment when I found Desteni?

Find out in the next entry…

Thanks for reading

clip_image004

What you are in your mind does not prevail – wake up!-  2008


Day 35: Golden Corpses for Sale

In a world where surgically removed stillborn babies are roasted dry and covered in gold leaf to then be trafficked and sold for £4,000 for any form of ‘good luck’ amulets/ rituals/ spiritualism, can we expect our fellow human beings to let go of beliefs that are sold in the most obscure ways? Can we redeem our insanity as species? Do we respect Life or do we value more Money than Life? Or is it Beliefs that we truly value the most? Are we all equally participants of this that we might believe is absolutely gruesome?[1]

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a living species that is willing to sell anything in the name of ‘good luck’ and ‘good omen’ as a belief in order to earn money that will allow me to continue living in this world, without realizing that I have only enslaved myself to the monetary system the same way that I have created a belief about stillborn babies being of any ‘good luck’ within rituals.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that selling dead fetuses covered in gold can in any way have any ‘magical powers’ to bring good luck/good fortune, not realizing that all that I am asking as ‘good fortune’ is related to money and sex, as these are the two aspects that have become the drive within my every day living

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to traffic dead bodies and cover them with gold to make them more special than the dust of the Earth that they represent, wherein I am making money out of that which should be buried back on the Earth – but instead I’ve allowed myself to make money out of a single belief linked to Kuman Thong and a good fortune amulet, which is again, desiring money and power that can only exist in a system where life is not respected, where life is sold and where I can traffic with dead bodies to make money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a buyer of dead bodies/living beings for the sake of my own personal interest according to beings being of ‘good omen’ within my beliefs which I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see are absolutely delusional when it comes to asking for ‘good fortune’ by using beings as a means to do so, which implies that I have become an equal abuser that is willing to pay for dead bodies in the name of good fortune.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I would not require to be selling/ buying living/ dead beings in order to make money within a certain religious/spiritual belief, if money was a given-right at birth, wherein I would no longer require to ask for ‘good fortune,’ which is translated to Money. I realize that I can instead of promoting beliefs in the name of waiting and hoping for a god/ energy/ source point to ‘give me good fortune,’ to actually Create it by Taking Self Responsibility for my world, the World-System as I see and realize that the opportunity to live in dignity is in my hands if I dare to stand up and let go of greed, beliefs and the desire to be powerful, as power can only exist if abuse exists.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make use of dead living beings for rituals in black magic, Santeria, animism and any other cult belief wherein the consecration of any living/ dead matter is used and abused as a means to obtain ‘power’ or any other apparent ‘good luck’ related charms, without realizing that all that has lead me to traffic life and death is only because of money not being a given-right to life, and I’ve resorted to make money and earn copious amounts of it by trafficking with stillborn babies as an ability to become part of the rare-item sellers that can produce for a selective group of people that are willing to pay for such items, due to their beliefs about them which have been created and instigated by fellow human beings throughout time.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create beliefs about charms and magical powers that any living being – including young children – have for rituals, spiritualism, spiritism, animism, black magic, Santeria – wherein abuse toward another being’s physical body is inflicted in the name of a godly-power, in the name of unseen spirits that are used as a way to justify abuse onto another being, which is then linked to ‘good fortune’ which can only prove the delusional traits that I’ve accepted and allowed to exist within myself in order to always ‘win’ and have the ‘best luck in the world,’ which is translated to Money and Sex – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create cults, religions, sects, spiritual endeavors in the name of bettering ‘human’s living condition’ which is often related to ritualistic abuse of the living matter in the name of money, power and personal satisfaction, which reveals that who I have accepted and allowed myself to become is a greedy being that is willing to kill, to sell dead bodies, to abuse young children, to kill animals, to torture beings, to force sexual acts, to denigrate a human being’s reality in the name of a ‘superior power’ as the ritualistic abuse that is conducted in the name of obtaining power/ control/ special gifts that are all based within the same belief system according to anything being able to be ‘more’ than who and what we already are as this physical reality that exists in equality – yet we have become so deluded that we are trafficking with dead bodies and covering them with gold to make them a ‘rare exclusive item,’ and in that placing such ‘rare exclusive item’ as an object of good-charms and personal power, which is proof of how insanity is able to be accepted as ‘normal’ if there is a religious background to sustain such belief

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the abuse of living/dead beings in the name of rituals within spiritual/ religious contexts as a ‘tradition’ that is seen as acceptable and ‘okay’ because we have become the accomplices of these delusions in the name of ‘respecting people’s beliefs,’ which is proof of how we are willing to see the abuse of life and selling it in the name of greed and personal belief of super natural powers as something that is acceptable because it is a religious/ cult/ spiritual belief.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that living beings can in fact have ‘superior powers/ magical powers’ and create any form of positive/ negative effect upon others, which is equal to and one with the belief that we have created the current system wherein money is the energy that allows us to have a positive or negative experience according to having/ not having it, which leads us to participate in the same system of abuse wherein selling corpses for money for ritual purposes is no different to selling any other living being for personal satisfaction, consumption and/or luxury item that is as promoted in our reality as any other religion would promote sacrifices as a way to obtain ‘more power’ over others.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that consumerism is a religion, and that any ritual behavior wherein life is sold is equal to and one with any other religious fanaticism that people believe cannot be changed/ stopped and is imperative to follow in order to obtain ‘good fortune,’ which is the same with how we all require money to exist and are willing to sell anything and anyone – including ourselves – in the name of money in order to survive, compromising each other to exist within cycles of abuse that are able to be stopped if we will ourselves to establish an Equal Life System

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish fellow living beings to items that can be sold, which includes everything that we are consuming at the moment to eat, to wear, to move ourselves as I see and realize that everything that is keeping my current ‘lifestyle’ running, is based on being able to have money to buy and use life’s source to transform it into energy to continue living – yet doing this within a system wherein Life is being Sold – wherein we are all equally trafficking with selling life in the name of survival, which is delusional when seeing and realizing that we can actually create a solution for All equally in this world to be able to stop all deification of money, all ritualistic abuse,  all super natural beliefs that are all leading to personal power, to create a Living System wherein money becomes the representation of Life in Equality as a given right for all to be able to live in dignity and stop indulging into abusing life in the name of money/god.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people selling dead stillborn babies covered in gold leaf, without realizing that by me existing in this very same system that enables the ability to buy/sell living beings/life, I am equally responsible for this form of abuse that is the current ruling government in this world, which leads me to realize that any form of judgment that I’ve held toward ‘abusers’ is actually pointing out to myself that I have become an equal abuser by the single fact of perpetuating a system wherein Life can be sold in the name of personal power  = we all equally buy it, sell it and thrive upon abuse.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people’s beliefs as ‘extreme/bizarre’ and ‘absolutely abusive,’ without realizing that who I have become as a participant within our current monetary system is being one and equal to any person being able to make money out of selling life no matter ‘which way’ it is made – I see and realize that the same a stillborn baby covered in gold leaf is sold for personal power/ good charms, the same for a woman that sells her body for sexual services to make money to live, the same someone buys a car in the name of personal satisfaction/ power/ social status or simple mobility, which proves that we often disregard how everything is interdependent as a chain-massacre of abuse toward life the moment that we have all accepted and allowed money to become ‘the point’ that we all require to continue living in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to create a world system of money that provides equal life for all, and instead support, instigate and be an enthusiast of beliefs that will apparently create ‘good luck’ out of nowhere, without having the least idea of how this reality works and how nothing can be brewed out of ‘nowhere’ in this reality, and within this neglecting the consequences that my desires and personal dreams create in this world, which is to the detriment of all living participants which includes myself, invariably so.

I commit myself to stop any beliefs of items/beings/ life having any form of ‘super natural power’ that can ‘heal me’ and make a more ‘powerful’ being, which is implying that I am not satisfied with myself here as the physical being that I am and that require basic sustenance, but instead want to ‘be more’ which can only exist as a delusional idea in the mind wherein atrocities toward life are daily perpetrated in order to satisfy a chain-need of personal satisfaction according to that which I can ‘buy’ to make my life better.

 

I commit myself to stop seeking any form of personal power/ wellbeing at the expense of other living beings which implies that, in order to do this, I must become part of the necessary reforms in this world to create an actual way to support all life in Equality, wherein beliefs are no longer a reason to abuse in the name of personal-improvement and power translated to money, but instead Life is dignified, respected and given and received as an actual realization that we can become beings that respect life as each other, and stop any form of abuse that was only held by the ability to make of life a lucrative business.

 

I commit myself to expose all rites, cults, spiritual fanaticism, deification of dead bodies and sacrifice of alive ones in the name of a spiritual/ religious beliefs and cultist behavior  instigated by the desire for personal power/ good luck which is and has become the driving force to accept any form of abuse in this world of which we are all equal participants the moment that we have endowed money with ‘real power’ over life, as a belief system wherein some can be/have ‘more’ than others according to the power to acquire life-resources to live and thrive in reality at the expense of others that cannot.

 

I commit myself to expose how it is only through an economical, social and political system based on Life in Equality that real well-being can emerge for all living beings, wherein religions, spiritual practices and any other form of cultist activity will cease to exist the way they do now, because it will be realized that there is no need to pray and abuse life to recreate rituals to obtain any form of ‘well being’ as it will be a birth-right to be supported to live and educated to understand how it is that any form of abuse of fellow living beings constitutes abuse toward oneself.

 

I commit myself to share myself and become part of the instructors of life that can allow human beings to step out of and stop participating in beliefs that have been inculcated and reinforced within particular cultures and traditions that never considered that a change in the world system is possible and that their current acceptance of spiritual/ religious beliefs is in fact a form of abuse toward life which is who they are as well.

 

I commit myself to promote information that can allow common sensical living realizations in various aspects of our day to day living reality as humanity,  in order to go re-educating ourselves into beings that start considering how our life will change the moment that Life is no longer a lucrative business, but given as an equal recognition of who we are as life, in Equality

 

I commit myself to promote the Equal Money System as the necessary reform within this system that will prove that abuse can only stem from the need to make money to live in this world – hence by giving Equal Money for All, we can begin establishing a primordial sense of Neighborism that should have always existed on Earth as a god-given right realization that Life is here for all, equally as one and that no one has the right to abuse it in the name of personal power.

 

Visit Desteni for more support to stop all beliefs

Walk the Desteni I Process to walk your own mind of all beliefs that have lead us to exist in the current belief-system that we’re living now that can certainly be equalized as we go walking our own individual processes of equalization within our own lives.

Visit the Equal Money System site and vote on the proposals that we present as a new consideration of what Life must be on Earth:

The Equal Money System will allow Religious Freedom of Association as long as it does not impede on the Right to Life and Protection and Equal Distribution of Resources, or impede on the Fulfillment, Education and Lifestyle of Each Living Being on Earth.

 

 

Articles:

Money-World System explained in detail:

  • The Hierarchical Distribution of LifeThe Soul of Money is a series of lectures that explain the relationship between consciousness, human beings, the mind, the physical and our current monetary system that is busy collapsing as an existential process of the Equalization of Life establishes its roots on Earth.

Blogs:

Books:

 

Read more about ourselves – Download the Free Book here:


2012 Self-Religion: The Tower of the Fool

The world Religion implies re-union re-ligare which in a common-sensical definition, it would mean the unification of man as one and equal; but as anything in this world, we have adjusted it to create our own set of rules and values that we established as ‘the ground we stand upon individually’ even if it’s absolutely uneven, swampy or completely unsustainable. But because we ‘stand on it,’ we believe that ‘it is acceptable’ and ‘sustainable’ eventually thinking that because of all the time, effort and money that we spent on creating such  base for us to stand upon, it is ‘our worth,’ sometimes we value more the idea of ourselves than actually taking into consideration what we are in fact as physical living beings. We sometimes end up defending and guarding it with our very own lives, often losing perspective and creating this entire ‘entity’ in separation of ourselves as equal living beings in this world.

This Self-Created Religion as all the beliefs, judgments, ideas, preferences, values is then created as a set of ‘laws’  that we have become and deeply incrusted them into and as our being, believing that it would be impossible to ever change them, because we’ve created ‘who we are’ in relation to that set of knowledge and information as our ego.

I have an example of this, it is my father – ‘genio y figura hasta la sepultura’ is a saying in spanish, an idiom for explaining how one will remain being one’s ego / mind-set/ self-religion until death. One can even take proud on such points, believing that it is actually something honorable to stick to one’s beliefs and thoughts and remain ‘unchangeable’ throughout one’s life – but not within a common sensical perspective of being stable and remaining what we call ‘grounded,’ but actually being extremely rigid about one’s ‘way of being.’  That’s how I could define a Self-Religion. I gave this example to place now myself into perspective, taking such points as myself and when I see this, I see: I’ve been quite a stubborn person in ‘changing my ways.’ I have played the exact same role of not being ‘flexible’ at all times, which means, I’ve lived by that which I ‘believe is so’ and anyone that could dare to challenge it, I would mostly attack and deny or even ‘prove wrong’ within a haughty position.

Man, was I stubborn, even my family members reminded me about that this last December when sharing about our childhood and how we used to be. I accepted the fact that I had been quite a picky and stubborn mostly spoiled child  – you guys reading this blog and following my process would not have believed how I was and how I behaved as a child. Though, that’s been mostly exposed for myself to see how I accepted and allowed myself to be playing this role as a ‘drama queen’ just so that I wouldn’t have to take Self Responsibility, which has been part of me stopping all forms of victimization and a general stance of self-righteousness often accompanied with rigid statements and ‘self-laws’ based on my personality/ ego/ persona.

I’ve been quite self conscious throughout my life, I would deliberately create certain ‘systems’ of beliefs/ preferences/ words/ mannerisms and everything else that encompassed ‘my world’  in a very specific way to build myself as a personality. Each point that I would ‘integrate’ as myself , I would  ‘make it my own’ and stick to it as if my very life depended on it.

This became part of how I would guard my belongings with my life, being extremely obsessed about having everything under control, being extremely strict about things that I would allow within myself and others that I simply would never engage myself with – essentially being rather stiff about everything. As a child I was extremely serious and disciplined and would suit myself according to the environment I was in at the moment. If I was at school, I would be very serious and behave like a little tin soldier. If I was at home, I would be rather spoiled and wanting to be just having the TV all for myself, all the time  = rather possessive and picking up frictions around with my sisters whenever anyone would dare to ‘invade my space.’  If I was wanting to dance or be all goofy, I would ‘take the stage’ and be that in an absolute manner. My mother has dubbed me as ‘extremist’ in terms of how I take on something and live it/ apply it full-on – lol, I guess that’s cool in terms of how I take on this process now, problem was and still is when I would take non-supportive things ‘full-on’ in a rather obsessive manner. I guess that’s how I got to know my ‘limits’ as well, hence not a ‘mistake’ but a road that I simply saw would lead me nowhere.

All of these aspects I can see I used to shape/ form my belief system as the ‘Marlen Religion’ that I fully became. Lol, I remember there was a moment at the farm, I was rather sick or going through some of those tortuous moments of facing myself within a specific point, I felt like shit and I knew that I looked as if I was dying, and Bernard came into the kitchen and said: ‘The death of Marlena! lolol’ which is supposed to be that process of having to let go of the entire ego/ personality and actually beginning to live. All I could do is realize that anything that I could perceive is ‘haunting me’ or feeling like this huge block on top of my head, causing me to be hunching more than  usual and having a rather droopy facial expression as a sign of ‘I’m not “feeling well,” was part of the self-created process wherein I got to see what I was actually torturing myself with. It was my own mind, of course.

See, the physical was simply here and just allowing me to see that I had to let go of such  fears and judgments that I was tormenting myself with at the time = that’s my religion. All preferences, all ideas of what and who I have to be, it’s like taking on custom-made suit that we used to wear to become this specific personality that we then believe we can’t just ‘take off,’ because we fear being naked and exposed or something like that. Well, this is obviously metaphorically speaking, but I knew that I had to walk out of that limitation and opening up to new ways of living and ‘handling myself’ in the world, which are here for me to be and become, to stand one and equal to in common sense.

The Religion of Marlen became quite obvious the more I got to know myself and started seeing how everything that I regarded as ‘who I am’ and ‘what I am’ are nothing but self-created ideas, beliefs, judgments and preferences that I have taken on and sown as the quilt that I’ve become, in terms of personality and overall self-presentation and embodiment as ‘who I am.’

What I explained in the past as going through an ‘emotional breakdown’ at the beginning of this process – and even a while before that – I linked to the Tarot card  ‘the Fool. The man in that Tarot card that I have has his hands on his face, all naked and had real messy hair, just like I had it back then yet all grey and of a rather old age. I would see that card as that moment when I realized that nothing of what I had believed myself to be was actually real, meaning this entire personality as the ‘tower’ that I had built of my personality to achieve some form of ‘success’ and that I had actually invested quite a bit upon in time, money and ‘effort’ had to be destroyed by myself. I name ‘the Tower’ because that was another card that I would see rather often at that time, and I asked myself what it would mean in terms of ‘losing my religion’ – yes, just like that R.E.M song lol – and how I later on realized that tower had to be demolished because I was never going to reach ‘god’ with it, I was mostly only inflating my ego, which had to be burst if I wanted to actually get Real and Live.

The ‘emotional breakdown’ that I experienced was mostly having to let go of my beliefs, my ideas, my over-detailed creation as the personality wherein every single thing that I would wear, say, do, have around me would have a meaning/ purpose/ a part of me/ a memory that I had decided to keep as myself. It was quite baffling when realizing I had to let go of all the value, time, effort, money placed in the creation of ‘myself.’ I remember I lied beneath the dining room’s table upon a rug, with my back on the floor and began painting on the back-side of the table’s wood like a ‘cosmic ascension scenario,’  quite a grounding experience, yet it was part of the tantrum I threw wherein I was almost ready to get rid of everything I had done and bought, lol I was quite a drama queen I’d say. But it also revealed to myself how much value/ worth I had placed on everything around me, to the extent of missing myself completely within that equation. I was also able to see how I was rather judgmental toward ‘materialist people’ regarding their wealth and properties as ‘their god’ while in fact, I was doing exactly the same thing.

After I started realizing that it wasn’t necessary for me to stop painting or stop absolutely living as I did, but only changing the starting point of everything I did, I saw how I could simply start looking at how I had created/ defined myself according to how I would carry myself through the world, what I would wear, how I would speak, what was the mindset I would have when interacting with specific people, what I had regarded of value/ worth, what I had defined as ugly/ disgusting/ nasty, what I had defined as dumb/ stupid/  and all the opposites to this, which is how I started debunking my own vocabulary in terms of having spoken about good vibes, positive energies, god/ creation, superstitions, good-will and everything else I mean, I’ll quote Lao Tzu

“when all the world knows goodness to be good, there is already evil”

That point debunked my then perception of the world in a subtle manner that I could only grasp much later on.

My self-religion was created in an attempt to become someone that could have an impact on this world within standing in what I deemed was ‘the good path,’ trying to leave a ‘good impression’ in people for the sake of being liked, being supported, being placed as someone ‘extraordinary.’ That’s probably why I wanted to become an ‘artist’ as this was the platform that I saw could support my inherent desires, yet at the same time, being able to create enough impact on people, while getting the regular dose of appraisal and glorification to keep the ego up to date.

We live in a world wherein individuals are meant to ‘shape their personality’ as part of the matrix-initiation of ‘life’ and ‘living,’ which is nothing else but establishing our own rules, paradigms, views/ perspectives on what we like, what we dislike, what we stand for, what we oppose, what we believe is so, what type of things we do, what we don’t like doing and all of this is endorsed by and within the system so that we stand as part of a certain population that will have similar treats and quirks on ‘how we live life,’ which makes of this world a quilt of types of people, each one being targeted by specific marketing mechanisms and everything essentially being linked to buying and selling life, ensuring the system is ‘kept alive’ by this competition of egos and imposition of beliefs as ‘the way’ to live and interact in this world.  Eventually I became part of this specific type of personality within which I was able to establish relationships, ensuring that I would only stick to communicating with people that I saw as similar as myself, and deliberately neglecting and separating myself from the rest, as if they didn’t even exist.

Part of being walking with Desteni as a group is facing all these various prejudices toward myself within a particular frame of mind (lol, wrote ‘friend of mind’) that I had deemed as immovable, unwavering, unchanging as al the aspects of myself that would not allow me to unconditionally stand with particular ‘types of people’ only because of how they looked, what they seemed like, what they enjoyed, how they expressed themselves, etc. This has been actually an ongoing process of unconditionally being able to stand equal to a person and deliberately walk through situations and events without falling for the usual automated prejudices wherein I would immediately categorize and place in my ‘charts of values’ all people around me. I actually even thought that I was the only one having the ability to do this ‘right away,’ only to realize through participating in this process that we all did exactly the same thing! No specialness anywhere, we were truly all just living out the same shit.

It’s funny now to expose it, but at the moment it was almost ‘painful’ having to let go of my definitions and specifically, letting go of cherishing everything that I had almost classified and kept for the sake of maintaining this constant memoirs and reminders of ‘who I am’ and ‘why I am what I am,’ lol. When walking this process one perceives such points as an internal “Nooooo!” but it is only the mind screaming back at itself when seeing that a source of energy as the kicks we get from anything we define ourselves as, is no longer supported, no longer ‘fed’ so to speak within revisiting all of those points as sources of memory/ reminders of who I am, why I do what I do and what ‘drives’ my life, which was all in separation of myself.

At that time, I saw that having to let go of using 8 rings in my hands, letting go of using my beloved black eyeliner and nail polish, letting go of my hair at some point, letting go of my general treats like smoking or drinking and getting high, letting go of friends, letting go of my beliefs in a supernatural reality, letting go of the idea of myself that I had fed until that moment as being a ‘special person’ was actually ‘losing myself,’ when it was in fact the other way around. It was almost physically painful getting rid of all the quirks and presentation of myself. I did become like a robot for some time, yet it was part of this process of initially giving ‘death’ to who I was.

The more we limit ourselves, the more we cage ourselves in a particular mindset. The more we become introverted – and dare I say selfish in terms of not being able to look at other people’s worlds/ realities – the more we deny ourselves the ability to get to know someone from the starting point of realizing how everything that we’ve imposed as categories/ types of people toward one another, have only been part of the systems that have ensured that we remain secluded in a particular ‘group of people’ with similar views, with similar tastes, even similar socioeconomical status only apparently ‘evolving’ within that small view/perception and realm within this world.

“Earth is like a giant painting where we have neglected most parts and just focus on tiny portions of the painting and make only those spots look pretty – everything else gets ignored” –Andrew Gable

It’s fascinating that we believe ourselves to be ‘losing’ something when in fact, getting rid of such limitations is expanding, it is mingling in this reality as others and getting to see how it is that I can only consider myself as ‘different’ to another at a mind level. The essence of who we are is the same  at a physical level, and it is then how through this process I’ve come to stop much of the judgment I held toward particular people, wanting ‘nothing to do’ with some others and still, I’m walking the process and reminding myself that I cannot judge another because I am judging myself, as simple as that.

My perspective on life, myself and others has had a major overhaul to be able to see how it is that whenever I see myself saying: ‘I would never do that’ – obviously in common-sense points, I am in fact defending my own credo wherein I am acting from a prefab version of ‘who/ what I am’ according to and based upon the knowledge and information that I’ve decided to “live” as myself in the past.

‎”Ego is a projected energy self based in polarities of good and bad, love and hate that is confused by the movement of the energy of the polarity and believes that it is the energy. When the energy ends, the ego ends and with it love and hate. This world , although physically dependent on energy, is not best served with an outside illusionary entity that pretends to be life” – Bernard Poolman

We can see how that outside illusionary entity that existed as myself as all of these polarities lying on the boldness of good/ evil, can in fact be stopped and not supported any longer by myself. The projection as the show that I was putting on as the character that I had become, had to have a major turn off so that I could start seeing what I had become, what was the motivation of every single thing that I said, why I said it, how I said it and so forth with everything I did, say, do, communicate about, etc. My ego as the self-created persona became almost ‘ unbearable’ for me to witness every time that I would speak almost in an automated way  – which still does happen from time to time  if I am not enough HERE as breath. At some point I would go into this sense of recrimination for having spoken just out of the automated version of myself as that ego, it’s like the memory that plays out automatically/ by default whenever I am not here as breath, it became very obvious to spot these situations because it almost feels ‘icky’ in the moment.

Thus the importance of focusing on breath as the actual energizing process that keeps our ‘power’ in place at a physical level, instead of giving all our focus and attention to ourselves as a personality, keeping up that entity that we’ve called ‘who we are’ and ‘how we live.’ As long as we are possessed by our own mind we haven’t in fact ever lived, we can only be existing here as breath as life in every moment when we are not existing in any ‘pole’ to create friction generating energy for the mind to keep running and going back and forth between poles.

What purpose does that mind serve? Nothing else but our own interest in separation of common sense = what’s best for all. That’s how living as an ego of the mind, as a certain personality is in fact living in dishonesty because within such frame of mind, we’re not considering what’s best for all, we’re not even aware of our full potential, because of existing in the mind as certain recurring thoughts, memories and patterns, having a limited version of ourselves to live by in every moment, just so that we’re able to ‘stick to our protocol,’ stick to what ‘suits our image.’  It’s like having a computer and having all of these full suites to work with – yet because we’ve become so used to only working with one single program, we stick to it because it’s ‘known,’  it’s become ‘comfortable’ with its own limitations. We then justify and create excuses to not go and explore the array of possibilities that are also existing here in our Operating System because that would imply stepping into the ‘unknown’ and getting out of our self-imposed bounds wherein we would think we’re ‘getting out of character.’

It’s like when being in a cage for too long, long enough to then get scared or freak out the moment that the door is open and we are able to simply walk out of it. It’s fascinating how the mind operates from this perspective, ensuring that we keep us limited as this personality just because of fear and in the name of survival, as that which becomes ‘reliable’ to live by, becomes our religion. If it works – even if it has its major flaws or absolute lack of common sense – we accept it as a fact and we make sure that we stick to it, otherwise it is like ‘disrespecting ourselves’ in some way. At least that’s how I would see it, even with petty examples like ‘not listening to this/ that type of music because it doesn’t suit my personality’ and within that, having limited myself from listening to various types of music at some point, just because of it not being in accordance to the entire mood-set that I had created for myself to live by every day for quite some time in my  life.

Ludicrous, and I then dared to judge Christianity/ the catholic church  so vehemently, never daring to see how I had created this self-religion and the ‘Marlen Church’ as the entire ritual that I created of my day to day living, how I would live every moment ensuring that I would stick to the  image I CULTivated of myself, so that I could be able  to kind of ‘be proud of myself’ and  get a kick out of my creation as this ‘ego’ sticking out in the world.

Becoming self honest is the process of becoming aware of what is really here as the physical world. Self honesty is the opening of the eyes to really see reality and to identify what of reality requires change to what is best for all life. Bernard Poolman

I shifted my eyes to look at the physical reality that I was. I started getting rid of everything that I would put on, wear and mask myself with because I started seeing the deceptive starting point for everything I’d say, do, think… I cannot deny that I would feel like going crazy at times – yes I dubbed that by saying in a video ‘it’s weird at times’ but it was actually a process of seeing this self image just requiring to be demolished, so that I could finally step out of it while applying Self Forgiveness for the extensive fear of loss that I would experience when having to get rid of something, when having to let go of a self-definition that I had deemed as ‘positive’ within myself.

All love and hate aspects within me had to be self forgiven even when still having the perception that ‘I was right in disliking/ judging this/ that,’ all the perceived treats and advantages that I had, all the good and the bad had to be placed on the table to see and realize that if I am here to create myself, this will be done from scratch, having no particular holds on to something that I regard as ‘nice’ or ‘unable to let go of.’ Oh man, that ‘death’ is what we all have to take on as it is in fact the process of liberation from such ego that is then walked as the entire process of Self Honesty. I mean, I’m  definitely not ‘done,’ it is an ongoing process that I am in at the point of self-creation wherein the moment that I let go of points, I have to now correct myself and make sure I fill in the gaps of such programming with self—supportive commandos so to speak. That’s then how we create not an ‘entity’ in separation of myself as a ‘better version’ or an ‘upgraded version,’ but as an actual being that is here in simplicity living in common sense, moving myself to create and establish what’s best for myself as what’s best for all.

This is the simplest way we can look at this process. I’ll add another point mentioned by Bernard as well: “Self Honesty is nor nice or beautiful” which is what got me to realize that facing myself, facing my religion was going to be a process wherein I would want to hide beneath that table again, yet only realizing that I could hide there for a limited amount of time until I realized that mindfucks are not able to be sustained that long until we start getting bored and fed up with our usual mind bs, which is actually how I discovered that expanding myself and letting go of this limitations, was the actual ‘freedom’ that I had sought and that I was eager to experience as myself.

Right now we realize that it doesn’t matter how ‘liberated’ one can get at an individual level, None is Free until ALL is Free and within this, we are here to establish a system that will enable ALL Beings to stand equal to the realization that I am sharing here as myself, as who and what we all can become when standing as Equals in a world where everyone is supported As LIFE, so that we can start living and exploring what actual Self Expression is in Equality.

 The Fool is the beginning of Process – the Tower and Death is when we let go of this veneer as our ego – we then walk the process  until we embrace the entire world as who we really are within standing as the principle that Life is: Equality and Oneness.

We’re already walking it, we are here and  you can walk along as well if you see that this makes sense in terms of getting rid of all religions and self-religions to finally be vulnerable and ready to mingle with everyone else in Equality.

http://www.desteni.org

http://www.equalmoney.org

 


%d bloggers like this: