221. Insanity as a Fear turned into Fascination

Continuing with: 220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

First point: How did I come to link Drug Culture with Mad people as a point of fascination?

– Personal Story/ Characterization of the Black Sheep/Crazy person that supports Crazy People:

By Fascination I mean something that intrigues you, something that you cannot be certain of but containing ‘something’ that is mostly not broadly understood, acceptable, comprehensible, normal and having no ‘cure’ for it. And all of this formed part of all the various mysteries that I would always be fascinated to talk about, which is like a generational thing: all things occult, paranormal, mysterious, extraterrestrial, inexplicable events, myths and whatever it is that would cause me a point of Fascination as an energetic experience that I can describe as Adrenaline.  Where does adrenaline come from? Fear.

Yesterday I wrote that I didn’t quite know where this fascination comes from, so I got a perspective on how it was simply a point of Fear that I had turned into a fascination. I definitely see the point as there was an energetic movement that I realized I had to walk through first in order to be able to tell the story, walk the Self Forgiveness without holding onto the Experience that I imprinted on all these memories. Even the drawing I placed on yesterday’s post indicated the way to follow up: I fear going insane – which is a real thought in my mind that has existed at times and I bet that all human beings have had this thought at some point in their lives. To me such fear indicated how the moment I could not make sense of insanity, I turned it into a fascination, which is a very simple polarity mechanism of the mind to turn love into hate and vice versa, all for the sake of creating a relationship of conflict toward something/ someone. That insanity became what I realized would be linked to a sense of freedom – e.g. when I was a kid and ‘act all crazy’ and how I would have fun for causing a shock to my family, I mean this was quite a common way for me to behave, lol, and it was all because of the energetic experience. 

It was exactly a month ago that I began gathering information about this topic and so I got several points listed related to insanity/ drugs as a point of self definition. Therefore, this will be quite a ride since I can see a lot of the personality I had become was linked to this and may still be seeping through at times.

 

Hence this entire topic will be divided in two: Insanity and Drug Culture.

– I begin with insanity and my childhood years.

When I was a child, I would go into extreme temper tantrums, I’ve explained this before when talking about anger, getting possessed to the point wherein I would vibrate my whole body and I absolutely get till this day this chilling sensation on the left arm when recalling the energy and pain in the back of my head, occipital point right side. So, what comes up to mind is that when I would possess myself within these tantrums, I would mostly end up being alone in what was then my parent’s room and my mother would come in and be all angry at me for being throwing a tantrum,  I remember her eyes being absolutely wide open and then saying something along the lines of me being really crazy for being possessed with such anger/ in such tantrum. So, this word was connected to this shock that I would put myself into within this anger possession and her calling me crazy would only fuel this entire possession like a spiteful mode of ‘Oh you’re calling me crazy eh? well here we go, I’ll get as crazy as I can’ and so end up really just crying my heart out and feeling my body just go into this absolute energetic possession wherein I would feel every single part of my body going into a frenzy, anger in the utmost expression’ – I would only take this to a certain point because: I feared dying. Yes, I feared that my heart would stop and I would get a heart attack for tensing up my body that much, so I would only calm myself down out of guilt for what I realized I was doing to my body, I could feel what a draining experience it was for it and so I would stop out of regret, shame and feeling overall miserable and sad toward myself and ‘asking forgiveness’ to my body at the end, regretting the whole act, but not learning from it as I would then repeat the same some other times…  I would be alone when all of this would happen since my mother or father would mostly close the door after themselves whenever I was in such a state of possession. All of this I’m pretty sure would happen when I was 5, 6 or 7.  And this is as far as I can see I linked insanity with fear due to my anger possessions.

Later on whenever we would see ‘crazy people’ like vagrants on the street, my mother would take me by the hand and walk across the street or deliberately change our path/way to not go directly past the ‘crazy person.’ She was afraid of them and so I obviously picked up the fear toward them, ending up fearing being called crazy person, like them  – initially – which later on turned into the opposite point.

 

Another aspect is how whenever I would be exalted/ angry for any little thing in my world – listen to the short fused life review to listen to what I would mostly go through my life – my mother would have this joking-way of dealing with me and so she would start patting my back, caressing my back but she said something about such movement been done to ‘calm crazy people when going through an attack’ – and so I would then dislike her doing that because of her then doing it within the starting point of calling me ‘crazy’ and as such, being considered a ‘crazy person’ which I feared/ disliked. I took it absolutely personal and too serious so I would react to her in further anger whenever she tried to touch me again when I was angry.

The same situation would happen with my father, whenever he was absolutely angry and my mother would try and calm him down. What happens in this situation is that one is so possessed with anger that someone kind of making fun of your experience or ‘not taking it seriously’ = not ‘buying’ and in a way not supporting the mind’s tantrum, only fueled the anger because us in the mind is like ‘come on you have to get all fearful because I am Angry!’ – just like demons instigating deliberate fear around the people that are in the presence of a demon possession, which is what I’ve learned from the recent interviews by MyKey Demons in the Afterlife.  So, I essentially would do the same he did until my mother would not handle it and end up reacting in anger as well.  And so I would exacerbate the anger even further, until I would decide that I had been angry enough time for the day.

 

And so this ‘crazy’ person point became a relationship within myself toward my mother mostly wherein I would later on try and prove that I was ‘in fact’ crazy for liking, saying, doing the things I would do, which weren’t real shocking but always containing some form of instigation toward a reaction, as I would feed off from her reactions toward my actions, way of behaving, doing, living, preferences, etc. just the deliberate process of creating a point of conflict within her wherein I would get a kick out of ‘not following her ways’ and becoming that which I thought she feared me becoming.

Now things have changed obviously as I’ve walked my process and realized more and more how my relationship toward here was based on this antagonism to create a point of conflict within her and myself. Till this day she calls me loca as a nickname, which is only a remnant of everything that I lived out in order to seem outrageous for her/ my family, which is why I then went into finding out more about everything that was feared as insanity and drug addicts mostly. So, I essentially created a ‘fascination’ for some of the key aspects that I would hear my parents fearing: insanity and drug addicts as mentally instable people, as some sort of scum of society.

There you go, my antagonist/ rebellious character then formed according to creating a likeness/ being fascinated with that which was feared, being curious about that which you cannot understand, that which is not openly talked about – at least not at home or in y immediate environment – which were insanity and later on drugs.

 

This will continue.

 

Self Forgiveness on the First aspect of this entire point which is Insanity/ Craziness.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear going crazy when I was a child due to how I learned that insanity was something to be feared and that I could in fact end up being sent to a mental hospital, which would exist as a joke within my family of ‘dropping me at El Batán’ which became like similar to threatening me with the boogie man.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react in absolute fear literal petrification that one time that I was taking pictures around the pyramid in Cholula, and the mental hospital is right behind, and so as I was walking around, I heard a woman screaming ‘Let me out! Let me Out” and so her screams became this chilling experience of absolute fear within me, wherein I realized that I actually feared ever being in such a place that I had only ‘idealized’ from what one read in books or watches in movies.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience powerlessness toward ‘insane people,’ while feeling sorry for them being ‘locked up’ and at the same time fearing me being in such a place ever in my life.

 

I realize that I understand now why such type of absolute actual crazy people – not self-made crazy people, which is another story – were actually system-integration errors within the physical body, wherein the mind would not develop appropriately, leading to a physical development as ‘usual’ but the mind creating a point of instability/ malfunction leading to mental impairment or insanity – For further support to understand this which was actually a cool explanation to make sense of people with mental problems Life Review – A Child’s Mind in an Adult Body.

 

 

View from standing outside ‘El Batán’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to keep this picture as ‘special’ because it was taken right after I heard that woman screaming ‘let me out’ and imprinting it as an entire memory that I recall as  a point of fear but at the same time linked to the entire emotional aspect that I had lived out within myself toward gloomy-looking trees and sunsets, making it a ‘perfect memory’ of fear, enjoyment and whatnot as a Mindfuckism example of that which I accepted and allowed myself to be defined by.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was in fact ‘fascinated’ with insanity and/or drugs, without realizing how it was only me creating a relationship of likeness/ preference/ desire toward that which I feared and learned to fear through the memories of my childhood and the reactions I would pick up on people as in fearing insane people, drug addicts and within that, not getting any further information as to ‘why’ they were crazy or why they would take drugs in the first place.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am fascinated and curious by that which points out insanity or drug addictions, the inexplicable human behavior – I stop and I breathe – I realize that any point that I create a fascination toward is just a relationship of fear that I have built up based on knowledge and information and as such, I direct myself to breathe and equalize myself to that which I have built a ‘fascination’ toward, ensuring I stop all participation in any form of energetic experience that I have deemed as fascination –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘fascination’ to an energetic experience of extensive fear as adrenaline, as something that ‘I like’ which is not Me really liking such energetic experience as something ‘positive’ but it is who I am as the mind creating a relationship of fascination toward that which I could not understand and was feared instead. Which is how I developed later on fascinations toward the occult, mysteries, ghosts, spiritualism, dead people, and everything that would be usually ‘feared’ due to being labeled ‘insane’ or ‘abnormal’ and defining myself as ‘liking’ that which was not broadly acceptable.

 

When and as I see myself creating an energetic experience of adrenaline when participating with something/someone that I have considered as insane, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me morphing the fear into a fascination thus I stop participating in fear and instead, equalize myself to the physicality of the moment here as breath to ensure I remain here as breath when interacting, reading, hearing, watching anything related to insanity.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there was something ‘special’ in crazy people wherein I then thought that being crazy was an equivalent to being ‘sane’ in this mad world – crazy people being ‘more free’ and expressive from anything that was implanted as a point to be feared or not done in our society, which is how I would veer toward ‘craziness’ as only a desire to become that in a very moderated way, simply because of knowing that my parents feared crazy people and that crazy people were mostly relegated from society – and as such, me wanting to be ‘special’ in a way for being crazy as a form of positive experience and self definition in he mind.

 

When and as I see myself believing that crazy people were special in a way due to not abiding to the social norms and rules and as such, being ‘out of the programming’ in one way or another – I stop and I breathe – I realize that craziness/ insanity is a word that only points out what we have all been and participated within in our day to day living in this world, and that as such there has been no sanity that we could find within ourselves as humanity as a whole yet.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people as ‘crazy’ based on what the medical societies would define a person was, which then became a pejorative word to call a person that would be dealing with any form of mental instability.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my fascinations based on that which I knew would bother my mother, father and family in general, wherein I then veered to become the opposite of everything that I assessed they were ‘all about,’ and this being the beginning of me as the opposition/ rebellious/ antagonistic character that I later on became fascinated with as a point of energetic experience due to how I would identify with people that were insane or the fascination toward drugs as a sense of ‘freedom’ – hence linking ‘freedom’ to insanity/ drug cultures as everything that would be opposed to what I learned was prohibited, unspoken at home which was then ‘restriction/ fear’ linked to insanity and drug cultures among other perverse state of minds that were a taboo within society.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately want to ‘act crazy’ to instigate a point of friction and conflict within my mother, wanting to create some form of distress within her just for the sake of having the power to do so.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately shape, mold and create a personality based on everything which I thought and believed my mother would fear me liking/ becoming, in essence becoming everything that I knew would piss her off, just because ‘I could’ and just because I wanted to instill a point of conflict in her life as the actual evil point that exists within/ as myself as the mind that seeks conflict and friction to survive.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to want to blame my mother for all the fears that I acquired through her, not realizing that I was the one that accepted and allowed such fears to become part of my self definition, and that I continued acting upon them, later on using them as a way to become that which she feared as a point of ‘power’ over her, because of knowing that I could instigate fear within her for being/ becoming or liking things that she mostly would fear or reject. Again, this within the principle of me as the mind only seeking friction and conflict to be able to continue existing as the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to grow up believing that I could understand what an insane people would feel like.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience ‘fascination’ toward the pictures that I saw – not long ago- in an exhibition of a public photography archive of La Castañeda, which was the most ‘famous’ mental hospital here in Mexico City, and these pictures were taken around the 50’s and creating an energetic experience while watching them of fear/ fascination as well as sadness and condescendence while watching these pictures of the people, the place and their drawings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could deal with insane people easily just because of me apparently being able to ‘understand’ them, which is only me wanting to get close to that which I remember I had to fear/ stay away from while growing up in my family. Therefore

When and as I see myself believing that I am able to understand insane people – I stop and I breathe – I realize that ‘insane people’ can only exist as a definition of people in my mind according to a particular character that people have deliberately become in/as the mind, which is Not who the real being is – thus I ensure that I equalize myself to who and what the being really is in order to not look at the character they are representing and creating a point of empathy Toward the Character, but instead, assist and support myself to bring out/ equalize myself to the Being that is real, that is physically here as an equal. Within this also ensuring that I stop any form of condescendence as a projected victimization toward people that are being considered ‘insane’ nowadays, and believing that they require a ‘hand’ – not realizing that  as long as such beings are not directly deciding for themselves to support themselves first and foremost, I cannot possibly play the savior toward ‘them.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘crazy/ loco’ with a pejorative way to call a person as well as a flattering word to be called as, wherein I had linked first ‘crazy/ loco’ with a reaction of fear that later on turned into a fascination, hence accepting and allowing myself to feel almost ‘flattered’ whenever my mother calls me ‘loca’ which means crazy woman, which is obviously only a nickname that I realize I had reacted to in a positive manner due to how I had defined crazy people as Free from the social conditioning that we are all a part of,  within this

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a point of ‘joy’ toward the deliberately/jokingly exaggerated automated actions that my father would do whenever he’s in a rush and doing things and getting everything ‘done’ as fast as he can, wherein he tends to act a bit aloof and ‘crazy’ which is an aspect I created a fondness toward, like saying ‘hey look that’s where I got it from’  – which is just a point of getting attention for behaving in a particular aloof manner, as a ‘joke’ or humoristic way of being.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a point of identification with my father for his ‘crazy ideas’ lol and as such believing that ‘I knew what  he would go through’ whenever my mother would bring him ‘back to Earth’ and I would take such action as a repression/ suppression, which was at times so – lol – but I then used it as a way to ‘team up’ against my mother and developing an entire personality that I have walked sufficiently on a mind construct which is now pretty clear how the fear/ antagonism toward my mother also carries the words ‘crazy’ as a relationship formed of me presenting traits that my father had, wherein I saw how she would react the same way toward me when I presented myself/ spoke in a ‘crazy way’ just to get a kick out of her reacting to our craziness.

 

Lol I remember when riding in the car and talking about aliens/ UFO’s and my father saying that he wanted to be alien abducted and how I would say ‘yes! yes! me too!’ and my father would continue rambling about that and saying how we would both go there and live with extraterrestrial beings etc. etc. and my mother would only say and repeat ‘you are both Really crazy’ and how we would fuel that point of friction and conflict more and more.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘insanity’ as a fear instilling process toward my mother and any other person on the street whenever I want to create a point of conflict/ friction within them, and as such, deliberately doing acts wherein I would get a energetic kick out of doing that which was not ‘normal’ or that I considered wasn’t normal at the eyes of others, hence getting an experience out of ‘transcending’ my own fears toward insanity in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to copy my father’s mechanism of presenting himself as overtly ‘honest’ at times as a means to instigate a point of friction and conflict within my mother, wherein he would exaggerate things to blow them out of proportion so that my mother would react in a restrictive manner toward his behavior and hearing her say ‘(name of father’ you are really crazy’ – lol – and from there forming this condescending experience toward my father like ‘I know what you FEEL like, I’ve been there myself’ – not realizing that I am simply representing the exact same patterns he’s had throughout his life in both anger and a bit of aloofness which I had created as a mix of, precisely, fear and fascination in my mind like a fondness toward him due to what I would also experience within myself as what I perceived was similar to His experience.

 

When and as I see myself being fond of my father’s aloofness and tantrums, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this fondness that I have created toward him can only exist if I continue to see him only as that ‘craziness’ pattern that I became fond of due to standing as a point of friction and conflict that we could inflict within my mother and as such, creating an entire character about this particular experience of retaliating toward my mother due to the inherent friction and conflict I experienced toward her as ‘my mother’ and the corrective-person toward all my personal ‘treats’ that would give me an energetic kick, which was everything that she would judge and ‘go against’ throughout my life, not realizing that all those choices I made were essentially part of the character that I became to oppose everything she would see as acceptable, just to create and perpetuate a point of conflict within me/ my life and hers and call this ‘freedom/ rebelling against oppression’.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold this belief that my father would act aloof/ crazy as a deliberate way to instigate attention and conflict within others, which is nothing else but becoming a character in order to get some attention from others as a point of specialness/ outrageousness which is mostly considered as plain ‘crazy’ or ‘abnormal,’ which I equated to ‘freedom’ and ‘expression.’ From here creating the whole idea that I was a crazy person because I would not want to abide to social norms and I wanted to deliberately instigate a point of shock within people whenever I could as a way to gain attention, recognition, specialness, uniqueness, the ideal ‘free being’ type of expression which was all linked to this entire construct of initially having feared insanity, then using it as a way to instigate conflict in others which would give me an energetic experience in the mind that would confirm: I am a crazy person/ I am abnormal/ I am special/ I am misunderstood/ I do not fear breaking the rules – and all this ‘antagonist/ rebellious/ black sheep’ character that I became throughout my life in my family and environment in a very moderate way, but very ‘ingrained’ as ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience of adrenaline whenever I would do something that was deliberately ‘outrageous’ just for the sake of triggering a reaction within Others – which points out how if I had no people around me to instill a reaction within, I would have mostly not played out these characters at all as there is no point in acting like that whenever I am alone – hence realizing that everything that I created of myself as a ‘crazy character’ was just a way to get attention, be opposed, step out of the rules, be perceived as free and expressive and mostly instigate a point of conflict within my mother.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having desired to keep this specific way of being that can be labeled as ‘crazy’ and a bit autistic at times when being alone or walking through the streets whenever I want to protect myself from any potential threat – due to being alone/ walking alone – and present myself in a particular way wherein I expect people to believe that I am crazy and that I am ‘not worthy’ of assaulting or robbing as in me being deranged or possibly dangerous toward them.

When and as I see myself going through the streets and wanting to deliberately present a physical expression of being a bit crazy or deranged with certain attitudes like looking at the wall or moving my hands or walking too fast or looking ‘aloof’ in order to protect myself, I stop and I breathe – I realize that these attitudes are stemming from fear – and as such, I direct myself to act, be here and walk as breath without participating in any point in my mind wherein a point of perceived threat is activated when and while walking.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not deliberately brush my hair when I had hair as a way to denote ‘look, I am crazy, do not get close’ lol – which became part of the entire eccentric personality later on linked to the artistic character that I’ve also walked within this process.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever look at ‘crazy people’ or even autistic people with a certain ‘fascination’ and trying to understand them/ support them somehow which was an entire experience of fear turned into adrenaline whenever this happened, which I equated as fascination, becoming only a mind fixation of sorts due to the fear that I actually experienced toward them and transforming that fear into a fascination which in no way is it in fact assisting and supporting myself and others to step out of our fears, prejudices and definitions toward one another as physical human beings and within this, supporting  ourselves to stop existing only as characters that we’ve become in the mind, and instead focus on supporting one another to become physical living beings.

 

I realize that all of this is knowledge and information that served only a single purpose: to limit myself within a particular energetic relationship and experience as the mind, instead of equalizing myself as the physicality that we all are as human beings. Thus

 

I commit myself to stop all self-definitions as an energetic imprint within me linked to insanity/ craziness/ aloofness that I have linked to a point of freedom and apparent ‘fascination’ within the understanding that it all stemmed out of fear and familial relationships linked to reactions in the mind. Thus, I equalize myself as the physical here wherein no definitions can exist as ‘who I am’ or ‘what I like’ – but simply assisting and supporting myself to be and become the actual living-being that I am and that stops energetic experiences toward words, pictures and memories that are related to the ‘insanity’-fascination character.

 

I commit myself to continue debunking this point of insanity as fear as a point of apparent ‘fascination’ as only one of the aspects that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as a character in the mind, which is nothing else but an energetic self-definition that only feeds the entire personality of ‘who I am’ as the mind. Thus, I walk this process in order to stop any form of ‘minute’ experiences that I have linked to this particular character of insanity-fascination and support myself to equalize myself as breath, as the physical that I am in reality.

 

In the Equal Money System there will be education based on understanding how the mind functions, in order to be able to direct and educate all beings to correct any predisposition to veer toward the acting out of the mind instead of the physicality. The patterns will be able to be corrected as a physical process with specific support and assistance to also deal with anyone that may present any form of mental instability that could represent an actual threat to the community/ society.

 

Further support:

• Desteni Lite Process – Free Course to get to know what goes on in your mind

• Desteni I Process

• Desteni Forum

• Desteni

 

From the Book: 

Equal Money – Future of Money – Volume 1

 

Interviews:

• Journeys into the Afterlife – The Being Driven to Insanity – Part 13

• Life Review – Short Fused Temper Tantrums

• Life Review – My Life of Anger

• Life Review – The Crazy Mother

• Life Review – A Child’s Mind in an Adult Body

 

Blogs:

• Day 221: Talking to the Dead – ADC – Part 68

• This blog is part of the After Death Communication Series The History with Life After Death – Part 52

• 
  

  SELF-enJOY-MEnt (Part 2): DAY 221

95. Any Abuse is Always Self-Abuse

Continuing from 94. In-Sin–Irate: Anger Issues 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act upon abuse in a way that I am abusing myself as my physical body by reacting emotionally with what I have defined as ‘anger’ toward a scenario of animal abuse, without realizing that in such experience I am in no way changing the actual reality that is generating and causing such abuse in the first place.

When and as I see myself reacting with anger followed by a sense of petrification when witnessing animal abuse in my reality, I stop and I breathe – I realize that in order to be able to assist and support myself to stand in the face of the consequences we have created and manifested in our world, the reactions must be non-existent as they are only an indication of me placing myself as a reaction that in no way proposes a solution to stop the problem in itself. Thus I direct myself to instead continue breathing through it, as I realize that if I were to be able to witness the entire reality of what exists here in every single moment, I would be dead by petrification and anger.

 

I realize that it is about acknowledging and witnessing what we have become in order to become aware of the consequences that we have manifested for ourselves and imposed onto life/ animals/ the environment itself based on how the current monetary system is existing as, wherein dog fights are used as an ‘illegal way to gamble’ wherein greed, animal abuse and twisted entertainment are conflated into a profitable business just like any other business that is based upon abuse.

 

I realize that the reaction comes whenever I see in real life the actual consequences of the abuse we have imposed as humanity upon animals, life and ourselves becoming slaves to our own enslaving system, which makes it clear that it is not about the point of abuse only to a particular set of beings, but an entire chained-existence of actions, words and deeds that are existing in separation of who we are as one and equal. Hence everything that is currently existing, contains in an implicit manner the same form of abuse –the only point that changes is that we do Not see such abuse right away, we do not see the slave labor that is contained in the very computers we are using to write and communicate ourselves with, we do not see the family that earns slim to nothing for cultivating the coffee that I drink, I do not see the suffering of the animals whose skin was used to build the boots that I was walking on when approaching a ‘situation of abuse.’

 

Thus I see, realize and understand that we have been limited to only react to that which we can immediately associate with ‘abuse’ as an obvious image of a man hitting a dog – however, such abuse is implicit in virtually everything and everyone in this reality. Thus

To assist and support myself to clarify this point for me in and as every moment that I see myself reacting to an explicit image that depicts abuse, is to understand that everything and everyone is equally participating and equally responsible for what I am witnessing as ‘abuse,’ and that the only way to really stop the abuse that is here – whether I witness it or not – is through creating an entire reform within this system from its foundation, which is Money at this stage being the point of value over life in separation of life itself.

 

I realize that my reactions in no way can change the reality for such dogs, nor will it change ‘the mind’ of the beings hitting the dogs as they are most likely taking such point as a job that they are dependent on in order to live.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to judge the beings in my mind and see them as utterly ‘evil,’ without realizing that we are All equally evil just by having accepted and allowed ourselves to never question this reality and the ways that we have ‘built our civilization’ based on building, creating, selling, using, consuming what is here without any consideration toward what it is that we are in fact doing to ourselves, as we never had even considered that we were in fact equal and one to the animals that we abuse, equal and one to the environment that we suck dry in order to satisfy our needs and even ‘luxuries’ that are defined according to a point of ‘having more money/ more power’ to spend in points like ‘dog fight gambling’ as an illegal business that is existent due to all the factors mentioned above: separating ourselves from life as one and equal, getting an energetic experience of pleasure from seeing dogs fighting, from the very ability to ‘win’ within gambling and as such having everything wrapped with the nice experience of even making money out of the entire event, which is all created at a mind level – the same mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become without a question.

 

Thus I see and realize that the same point of abuse that I judged and blamed others for exerting upon dogs, is equally and one existing within and as me just by the mere fact that I have coexisted here in the same reality without ever daring to see what is behind everything that I ‘own’ and that I use on a daily basis in order to continue my ‘life,’ which within this understanding has never been a REAL equal and one self-supportive Life, but has been and existed as a condition of enslaved abuse wherein we have conned ourselves/ each other to lie, cheat, abuse in the name of survival – thus, I am not separated from the beings that hit dogs and abuse animals in the name of money, as I use the same money and the same products that use animal testing, the same money that is gambled in dog fights, the same money that pays for products derived from animals that are abused and treated as products only and any other living being – including the environment – that we use on a daily basis in order to ‘live.’

 

Therefore I commit myself to ensure that a new system is able to be in place in order to stop the chain massacre of events that we are equally responsible for just by the mere fact that we are equally existing HERE, ensuring thus that the new system is based from its very foundation on Life in Equality – and that Money no longer exists as a point of power that can only exist as abuse over life/ ourselves – but instead becomes a single tool to ensure that all beings are equally supported in this world, so that atrocities committed due-to and because of making profit/ making the most through abusing what is here is no longer possible, as there will be no need to create ‘wealth’ if all have the ability to have everything that is required to live in a dignified manner, wherein all GREED that is causing our world-system problem is treated as a disease at a mind level that each individual will take responsibility for.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in the moment of experiencing anger toward an event/ situation of abuse that I am only witnessing but a snippet of what goes on in this world on a daily basis, as everything that we currently use, consume and make money from is linked to the same system of abuse that we have all complied to by the mere fact of accepting money as a means to live – instead of making life something that is equally recognized as who we are and as such, start considering how to implement the best ways to use, transform and consume what we require to live in the most adequate and studied ways to ensure the least harm toward life/ animals/ the environment is considered within all aspects of our human-civilization living.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even try and exert anger and experience anger toward the event of abuse, without realizing that in such moment I am Only considering ‘my experience/ my own reaction’ to the event, wherein I am in no way supporting the beings to step out of such character as ‘the abuser’ nor am I creating an entire systematic change to ensure that dog fights are no longer existing as a clandestine business – therefore,

 

When and as I see myself wanting to conjure a plethora of reactions and offenses in my mind toward ‘those’ that I perceive as perpetrators of abuse, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am only reacting to what I am witnessing in that moment with my physical eyes, yet in no way looking at the entire context of how such point of abuse is equally existent everywhere else in the world wherein an exorbitant amount of abuse is being imposed onto virtually everything and everyone in this reality. Therefore I see, realize and understand that me in that moment wanting to cure and shout at another is plain mind possession that in no way would have changed the scenario for the people or the dogs in the event.

 

I realize that I am ‘them’ as well and that everything that I reacted to was a mirror of myself that I was not willing to recognize exists here as myself and as such, I see the reaction as my own point to work with in order to be able to stand in the face of abuse, to stop all reactions as self-interest within only looking at ‘my experience toward abuse,’ and instead become the point that works in reality to take responsibility for the current system we have created, which will be primarily working first with myself to stop all minor reactions toward abuse – and as such, prepare myself in every moment that I am able to breathe through such scenario to be able to then make actual decisions that will be directed to change the reality that is currently based on money only – and establish Life as the one and only real value on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to deliberately ‘make others see’ the point of abuse, which is no different to want to convert someone to ‘seeing reality the same way I see it,’ which is futile and of not practical solution as I am in such action only recriminating on another what I have defined as ‘blatant abuse,’ however in no way am I actually assisting and supporting the beings to realize what they’re doing within the entire context of how the money system exists, our relationship to animals, to this entire world and each other as equals. Thus

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘show’ to others the point of abuse that they are exerting over other life forms and themselves, I stop and I breathe – I realize that in no way my recrimination and judgment toward them will make a difference to those/ that which is abused in the moment, as I am in no way actually walking with the person to reveal the point of abuse and share the practical ways to stop and correct themselves, which is something that cannot be imposed onto another, but can only emerge as a decision self makes in order to be part of the solution and stop the problem.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself to speak toward other human beings without realizing that in no way my starting point for doing that is here as and in self honesty, because I am only in fact reacting to the entire event wherein I am in no way for example, the reactions and aftermath of what they could have done from me asking questions to them, which is then a point to realize how

 

When and as I see myself reacting within this surge as a desire to speak/ call out the abuse that others are imposing onto animals/ any other life form or themselves is stemming from actual fear and denial of what I am witnessing, with no consideration of how to assist and support the beings to realize what they are doing or participating in, as I am merely interjecting myself into a situation that I came to face ‘by casualty.’

 

Thus when and as I see myself with this desire to speak to others based on reacting to the point/ event/ moment/ situation , I stop and I breathe – I realize that everything that I have done thus far in my reality is by a pattern of ‘seeing the abuse outside of myself’ but never even daring to see how I am abusing myself and my very physical body because of and just by the fact that I had accepted and allowed myself to become the mind that reacts to abuse, but had in no way considered the practical ways and means to stop such abuse overall.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from ‘the abusers’ and believing that they have ‘no heart’ and that they are ‘evil in nature,’ without realizing that everything that we are just by the fact that we have become the very epitome of separation from and of life itself makes us all the reverse of Live as Evil, wherein some of us have made ourselves as the entire denial of such evil existing within ourselves – which then points out to see how it is dishonest to react to one single point of abuse and call it out on others, without daring to see it within ourselves first, without daring to realize that our very current survival is dependent on a system that is based and founded upon abuse – hence, no one is innocent, no one can possibly ‘wash their hands’ from being the very person that hits a dog that is trained to fight against other dogs in clandestine businesses such as gambling, as it is all formulated and schemed in a human mind that I also exist as.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and/ or desire to react in equal violence as thoughts directly linked to harming others the same way that I am witnessing others harming other beings, which makes me equally participant in that moment of the same abuse I was witnessing, as I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately want to harm and kick them, which is an aspect that is existing ‘here’ as myself and no different to exerting it out on dogs – therefore I see and realize to what extent I have made myself the ‘innocent’ and ‘righteous one’ that can ‘call out the abuse on others,’ without realizing the entire reaction that comes before ‘calling the abuse on others’ is me wanting to attack and harm them in an equal way as that which I am witnessing in the moment.

 

When and as I see myself feeling ‘righteous’ to call out on the abuse of others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that calling out the abuse and wanting to deliberately ‘do to them as they have done onto others,’ is taking a point of equally abusive vindication that I have in no way the right to exert onto another as I am in this only participating in the same cycle of abuse. Thus I stop believing that ‘I have the right to become angry’ by participating in a deliberately crafted momentary surge of anger and imaginary projections of violence and abuse toward beings in a way to ‘make justice’ to a point that is in itself stemming from an absolutely unjust system that has never ever considered life, that has never ever been based upon living Life in Equality and Oneness – thus, I am equally responsible for everything that is here and as such stopping the reactions toward it is the first and primary point to establish here as myself, in order to be able to practically face the consequences and reality we have become and in that, instead of reacting: work with myself and others in order to establish Solutions for this problem in a tangible and physical manner wherein such abuse will never again have to exist because of money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having deliberately wanted to ‘create anger’ within and as me, as that familiar state of energetically charged reaction of paralysis wherein ‘I want to make justice to the situation,’ taking the self-righteous point of me being ‘innocent’ and ‘right’ about it, without even taking a moment to consider how within this I am wanting to deliberately use my physical body to play out anger as a way to force myself to point out/ call out the abuse on others, which is unacceptable.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to become angry in the self-righteous position of ‘the benevolent being’ wanting to ‘call out’ on the abuse that I see others perpetrating onto something/ someone, I stop and I breathe, I realize that in such point I am becoming the ‘savior’ character toward other life forms that cannot defend themselves- however in such moment I am only becoming part of the fighting and retaliation system that in no way supports to create a solution, but only adds up to the entire conflagration of emotions and reactions that do have consequences on a physical level for all participants involved.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to movies portraying a clandestine business of dog fighting shot in the city I live in and merely take it as ‘fantasy’ and something that was not in any way a ‘reality’ of ‘my reality’ which shows to what extent ‘my reality’ has become only that which I am able to see, witness and experience first hand on my day to day basis, which is the very core of the problem in this world because we have not dared to recognize, see and understand that no matter if we live in a castle where ‘nothing ever bad happens,’ everything and everyone that is here is equally responsible for any and all forms of abuse that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become by the single acceptance of living as a mind over matter/ over the physical / over life itself.

 

Therefore, I see and realize that just because I don’t see it – the abuse – it doesn’t mean it’s not there/ it doesn’t exist – as I see and I realize that in this very denial that we simply cover up with further abuse we have neglected the reality that is here as ourselves, as all forms and ways of abuse that we base our current ‘life’ upon, which is no life, is abusing life to get by, continuing existing just as consuming beings that have no regard to realize that what is being consumed, used and exerted ‘power’ upon is ourselves, and that All Abuse is Always Self Abuse.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself ‘brave’ in that moment of approaching the beings that I am wanting to judge and curse at in a situation of abuse, without realizing that I cannot measure the consequences of this entire event and as such, I realize that I could also be harmed and cause further problems from me wanting to ‘exert my right to call out the abuse’ in a situation wherein within the current conditions of this physical reality, I did expose myself quite a lot, as I in no way had an idea of how the males could have reacted toward me.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to directly speak toward someone that I see is perpetrating any form of abuse onto themselves/ another – I stop and I breathe – I realize that in this besides wanting to ‘save another’ I am in fact placing myself in an unpredictable situation wherein I have no idea of what thoughts can drive another to do and react as – thus I ensure that I do not participate in such points unless the being is explicitly requesting to be supported s that would indicate that ‘then’ we do have an opportunity to create a solution – yet wanting to just ‘call out on abuse’ on others in that moment is actually a risky situation that I cannot measure its consequences to the T as to ensure that I would not end up being harmed as well.

 

Therefore, when and as I see myself witnessing a situation of abuse, I stop and I breathe – I realize that my participation in such point would make no difference to stop the situation and that I would only expose myself unnecessarily. I instead assist and support myself to see the context of the abuse to ensure that we do take into consideration everything that is currently linked to any form of abuse in this world system, which is nothing else but our own mind that must be walked through a process of self correction to ensure that everything we do, say and think is based upon Life in Equality at all times.

 

Thus I stop existing only as a self-righteous caller of abuse and instead, focus on becoming a self-responsible being for myself, my own reactions, my own reality wherein I no longer only ‘react to abuse,’ but I instead become aware of the situation, study the points behind such abuse – what caused it, who, how is it allowed and accepted and how it can practically be stopped – which is most likely always linked to money and the relationship we have created toward money in our minds

 

I realize that ‘my anger’ is just ego – wanting to feel ‘bad’ for a point of actual abuse which is unacceptable – thus I stop from wallowing into my own reactions and instead ground myself to breathe through facing and realizing the consequences of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become – and instead, walk the process of self-correction to ensure that I no longer am part of the chain that unfolds these crimes against life, against ourselves = I stop the inner battle of anger existing within and as me.

 

We’re all responsible and responsibility comes for all participants here as we can no longer just expect some god-president to do it for us, we cannot expect someone to come up with a ‘bright plan’ to just implement ways to ‘save the planet’ and ‘save the animals’ or implement peace in a world where war is waged against ourselves in our very minds every single day that we accept and allow ourselves to exist as our mind.

Until Here and No Further.

 

Support and investigate the Equal Money System wherein we are practically looking at the points that require to be realigned and directed in a way wherein all beings are equally supported to live, making of abuse only a mind-related condition that will be prevented with proper education and supported through a process of Self-Honesty that can be walked through the understanding and application of Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty and Self Corrective Application

 

Join us at Desteni – Life Calls

 

Journey to Life blogs: a day to day living education shared by people like you and me.

 

Ahora veo 2008 (Now I See)

 

Interviews that supported me extensively to come to these realizations and give myself proper direction to write Self-Forgiveness are:

• Life Review – My Life of Anger

• Life Review – The Benevolence of Evil

• How Illusion became Reality

• Why the Money-System does not Care about Life

• Reptilians – Language: the Sceptre of Creation (Part 1) – Part 70

• Reptilians – Language: the Sceptre of Creation (Part 2) – Part 71

• Reptilians – The Dawn of Religion (Part 2) – Part 69

• Life Review – My Life as a Peace Laureate

• Life Review – My Life as a President

 

Blogs:

• The Creation of the Self Character – Part One: Day 94

• Day 95: Would You?

• Day 60: Chameleon Character Self Commitment Statements

This is a continuation to:

• Day 58: Chameleon Character
• Day 59: Chameleon Character Self Forgiveness Statements