Tag Archives: dark

423. Proof that I’ve been Mind Controlled

 

Following through a bit with this ‘happiness’ redefinition, I would not have been able to be comfortable in opening up this word to redefine if I hadn’t looked at a key aspect that I’ve been noticing for quite some time in walking this process of removing/stopping past self-definitions.

This became clearer when I shared in a podcast I called Doing Good = Uncool? about how currently there is a tendency to deem everything that is rebellious and antagonistic as ‘cool’ and everything that is supportive, disciplined and orderly as ‘uncool’ – and the way I found out that this mostly was a personal perception is when I attempted to find pictures on Google images that would depict this type of construct or judgments upon what I had seen as ‘cool’ and ‘uncool,’ there were no pictures for me to depict that! So that made it obvious that I had to rather look at it from a very personal manner instead and ended up creating my own ‘picture’ to depict the kind of perception I had held within me.

 

Cool vs uncool

 

My previous attempt in life was to become what I defined and believed to be a ‘cool’ person, so just because I had gotten so much bashing/criticism from my peers while growing up for always being ‘the straight A’ person in school and so being defined as nerdy for that and ‘tight’ or ‘uncool,’ I focused on finding ways to shake those definitions off by being very specific in the type of ‘person/personality’ I would become. This is how I decided to pick and integrate aspects that I could deem were going ‘against the grain,’ so to speak, against the expectations that I perceived everyone had around me. This influenced everything of me, the way I would dress/look, act, speak, the topics I would bring up, the kind of books I read, the kind of music I’d listen to, the way I would relate to people, to my family etc.  And TV was a great source of ‘inspiration’/dormant brainwashing for that, as I have shared here previously that I mostly grew up watching MTV and so there I shaped all my preferences toward everything and everyone that seemed to ‘challenge’ the status quo, to go against the flow and step out of the ‘schemes’ in one way or another, or be intimidating toward others, as a way to ‘challenge the establishment’ or being in a constant ‘defense mode,’ which is a ‘trendy’ way to actually hide the fear that instigates these ‘hardass’ personalities.

Little did I know that this was part of a greater scheme of social engineering to have kids grow up aspiring to be ‘rockstars’ or ‘artists’ and had nothing to do or no sense of responsibility to this world, but instead define all things ‘rebellious’ and ‘antagonistic to the system’ as being super cool.

So, this is how I then became what I could define as a disciplined rebel, because it’s not like I started slacking at school, I actually proved that I could still ‘pull out a straight A’ without even studying at times, just by being very attentive in class and so using my ‘wits’ to challenge professors and classmates alike – lol, I was really in for being like a typical dissident in many ways and deem that as cool, even if for others it wasn’t, to ‘me’ that was the definition of ‘being an outcast’ and enjoying myself within that because of seeing myself as ‘special,’ as having ‘no trend’ without realizing it was a trend and it was becoming more and more common in order to get people reacting, being angry and antagonistic against everything and everyone, just to remain in perpetual conflict and never looking at solutions.

Of course nowadays doing this type of ‘dissidence’ has become like the norm and it’s no longer as ‘shocking’ as it was some 10 years ago, which is how I’ve seen a fascinating shift in the perception of ‘values’ and the role that the media/TV has had on twisting people’s ideas of ‘what they want to do with their lives’ and what they find as ‘cool’ or ‘uncool’ by imposing a ‘new’ morality that claims openness, sexual liberation and ‘independence’ but it’s all just a false idea of empowerment through antagonism – been there, done that, doesn’t work!

So this is why I then saw that everything I deemed as ‘uncool’ was in fact that which was in fact supportive: to be self-responsible, to be disciplined, to be non-antagonistic, to have a ‘clean’ presentation of oneself, to not be destructive, to not bash or blame others, etc. This included a very key aspect that had prevented me from realizing I could live the word ‘happiness’ in fact, because I had associated happiness with people being fully blind and not seeing reality, I deemed it as a dirty word that could only be used to define an ever elusive utopia that we were too far away from or impossible of ever creating even. I deemed that anyone that could call themselves ‘happy’ were absolutely disingenuous and blinded from reality. So it is in this judgment that I then prevented me from even considering looking at this word ‘happiness’ for myself, meaning investigating ‘who I was’ toward this world, how I could live it in a self-honest manner; I was in a way still holding on to the ‘image’ or ‘idea’ of myself as still ‘challenging the system’ and being cool in that, but in no way wanting to get to what I had defined as ‘being a positive thinker’ of sorts by talking about things like ‘being happy,’ or creating a ‘happy future for everyone’ lol.

 

 

 

All of these are just judgments and perceptions wherein I was in fact denying to myself being able to expand my living into seeing the word happiness and not link it to some nerdy-good-doer type of personality as my own mind construct, as my own past definitions that came through ‘judgments’ that I refused to be or become at others’ eyes. In fact now that I can speak about it and define me in the process of creating happiness within myself and my world, I no longer see something pulling out inside me as a ‘NOOO what the hell are you talking about!!?’ type of reluctant backchat that would come within me whenever anyone talked about ‘being happy’ or aiming at being happy in this world. A part of me really, really rejoiced experiencing and living in misery, gloom and doom which is a whole construct that I’ve been debunking throughout the years in this process, and along with that discovering what I was preventing me from acknowledging as part of my living potential, just because I had defined it as ‘uncool’ lol, and going ‘against my personality.’

What are personalities really but locks and cells wherein we believe we would ‘get out of character’ if we challenge such self-definitions and preferences and dare to think outside of our box – it’s really all a mind job wherein we hold on to ‘past definitions’ of who we are and in that we lock ourselves in one way or another from being able to fully embrace our living potential, which is not at all about being a ‘good person’ now instead of an ‘evil one,’ not at all –  it’s about recognizing words for the expression they are and can be when lived in self-honesty, and no longer about words that hold relationships to pictures, ideas, personalities or preferences as they exist in the world system.

 

In this, I realize that if we are to genuinely become the living word, we have to expunge ourselves from any limitation, any self-delimitation/definition that keeps us locked into a phoney idea of ‘who we are,’ which becomes a constricted character that is still defined by attitudes, behaviors, preferences, personality traits and so forth which are all part of the egos we believe we are. So it’s always a matter of asking oneself: what do I accept and allow to define me and my every moment in this world? What am I still holding on to with preventing me from living this word – such as ‘happiness’- as myself? Why had I defined this word as uncool and a pure sham? What am I missing out when dismissing living a world that is actually able to be lived and constructed in a self-honest manner?

Seems that self-sabotage is the only answer as to why we prevent us from digging out the corpses that prevent us from give ourselves a real blank-slate to create our lives, free from the past, I mean why would I want to hold on to an idea of ‘who I should be’? To be liked by ‘certain kinds of people’ only? Because I wanted to get along and ‘attract’ similar people – but would I then be even ‘attracting’ real and genuine people or only other similar characters that focus on getting along with similar characters in their lives to remain locked in the same characters forevermore?

Time to break the shell of one’s personality in all ways and challenge it further, and to me having to be speaking of solutions, focusing on looking at practical reality outcomes and how I can be a living example of doing this would have been like an ‘uncool’ thing to do in the past, because I was following the bashing/ rebelling trend, lol, not considering that I was really on my way to be a self-defined pariah that wanted to be special and ‘cool’ through abdicating all responsibility to myself and my world, because ‘oh it was ‘so cool’ to only bash the world and do nothing about it.’ ´

My suggestion is to watch out for this kind of thinking construct, even more so when this kind of ‘attitude’ is shaping lots of youngsters mindsets with ‘life mottos’ such as Y.O.L.O You Only Live Once and ‘living life on the fast lane,’ being the most ‘rebel’ and ‘darky’ and ‘antagonistic’ to precisely avoid youngsters genuine awareness of how they can contribute to creating life, a better future for all – and instead remain in an abysmal and gloomy outlook on life, because in that way you get discouraged from ‘doing something about it’ and so, it’s most profitable to seek ‘happiness’ or fulfillment through trends, drugs, partying and sex than doing anything genuinely supportive in one’s life.

And so, this is then a general self-awareness point wherein this ‘live fast, die young , don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone, do drugs, have sex with as many as you can and enjoy the rock and roll’ type of mentality is seen as ‘the ultimate cool’: It is not, and that’s why there’s such a vast amount of disarray and mental/physical problems in young adults that follow this ‘trends’ that actually start from TV, from so called ‘alternative books’ as well as it happened in my case.

 

Here’s an invitation to look at yourself, where is it that you are still a product of social-engineering brainwashing through the media and ‘culture’ in terms of personalities, likes-dislikes, preferences, the ‘type of people’ you’ve perceived yourself to be and all the points that go ‘against your character’ that you have refrained yourself from openly investigating. I would not have been able to get to this conclusion if I hadn’t walked the process of deconstructing ‘me’ as a personality and so link the dots to see why I had a slight reaction to even talk about ‘happiness’ before.

 

Life is not about becoming a character that seeks to be the ultimate cool and ‘rebellious,’ that’s the illusion of freedom SOLD as an EXPERIENCE.

Genuine and real freedom from mind control is to take responsibility for oneself, to actually not allow oneself to be brainwashed into ‘trends’ or following what the masses think is ‘cool’ which at the moment is ‘the masses think being a rebel is cool’ which is then of course not at all an actual ‘threat’ any longer, lol, it never has been! Think of the punk movement as being part of social engineering in Britain to exacerbate youngster’s addictions and dissociation from taking responsibility in their society, because drug addicts and an impaired society is more easy to control than healthy, self-aware and ‘unbrainwashable’ individuals, which is what we have to now focus on being and becoming – mind control is only possible if we accept it and allow it.

So, are you mind controlled?

 

Unhooking Past Definitions

 

Cool blog to read on re-approaching Happiness:

Why I First Resisted The Relationship of Happiness to Money – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 653

 

Oldie:

2012 Destonians Take Over the World: The New Culture of LIFE

 

Read people recognizing their self creation abilities – including the redefinition of happiness – in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.

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2012 The Real Shady-side in Humanity

If Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty become part of an integral human education, therapies will NOT exist. We will instead be able to face ourselves, our thoughts, our own mind as the reality that we actually are, and will Not create this constant battle within our minds when realizing that we have lived a ‘double life.’ We can instead Work with our own Secret Mind to face it, self-forgive it and correct our standing toward ourselves and others. 


But the reality is that we allow ourselves to be caught within the sweet and sour polarities that we build within ourselves and toward others, wherein our relationships are based on ‘how we want to be seen/ perceived like’ – which is acting like the ever-agreeable sugar coated personality toward others, while hiding a seemingly perpetual ‘demonic nature’ that is constantly looming and rearing its head within our own minds: the ‘true nature’ that our mind, our beingness is actually existing-as, is the real shady business that we avoid facing as ourselves.


This came up while watching this therapy session by Carl Rogers enquiring a woman about her personal ‘issues’ in life wherein now – because we are aware of the tools of self support – it becomes obvious that the missing link throughout the conversation with  Gloria – the patient – would be walking through a process of writing herself to freedom, applying Self Forgiveness to stop existing in perpetual fears, morals and guilt-  and then start walking a Self-corrective process, wherein her personal troubles are then directed within Self-Responsibility. 


She continually asks for an answer to the therapist  – same construct that we develop toward masters, teachers, parents, presidents, god or any other perceived ‘authority’ in our reality. This is something common whenever we miss-out our Self-Trust by having lived a life wherein the consequences of our actions eventually lead us to exist within a catch 22 situation that we tend to avoid realizing that: we drove ourselves to-it, fully and completely.  Within her conversation, it becomes clear how she’s fearing having to accept the ‘shady aspects’ that exist within her, which leads her to ‘hate herself’ = thus fearing that her children would also dislike her for having her expose and explain her ‘true nature’ to them. 


What would allow her to accept herself as Self-Trust? Just that, first accepting herself, her thoughts, here inner struggle as something that she can actually walk through if daring to be Self-Honest. Through establishing and living in Self-Honesty, we develop Self-Trust because we will then know that whatever we do, live and say = we will stand accountable for. The way to walk as Self-Trust is realizing that: no matter how ‘bad’ it all may seem within my mind, I am able to Forgive myself, walk the consequences within Self-Responsibility and make sure that I remain building a life that I realize, will allow me to live and express – with no strings attached to keeping secrets and ‘issues’ in my own mind.


Her case is related to having a sexual life after she had been divorced, which by the time of this recording,  it was probably not widely ‘accepted’ – and even now still clouds sexual expression within the aftermath of people that go through divorce, in terms of the discomfort and ‘clash’ that comes up when having children and bringing new partners home. The reality is that, because we have built this ‘construct’ of society based on roles that are apparently ‘unbreakable,’ we limit and constrict ourselves to believe that all we can now be toward this/ that person is ONLY the role that we must remain-as for the remainder of our lives. And what happens when this ‘character’ or role is built upon a dishonest idea of self – which we all invariably are – is that the inevitable truth of ourselves comes to the surface, and we fear having to look at ourselves in the mirror – which is our life, our experience, our very own thoughts that creep up – until we start deeming that we ‘require help’ because: mind possession is in full-developmental stage.
We/ people fear breaking through this self-created bubble mechanism wherein we don’t want to step out of it and see that: the reflection that we create all the time toward others in our world and toward ‘the world’ itself,  is only stemming from ourselves.



The Shadiness

Gloria’s case is one of the most common examples to describe how we all function as human beings when discovering the ‘real nature’ of ourselves, our thoughts, our Machiavellic lifestyle that we believe others are ‘unaware’ of – because it is all delicately schemed in our minds.   Specifically in her case how parents instill a veto to speak self honestly toward children, creating an ‘immaculate image’ of themselves wherein, at the end , when finding out that they  – the parents- lied, there is this entire pedestal that is shattered to pieces, ensuing a general ‘mistrust’ from the child toward the parents and any other human being. This is from the basic premise that parents are the examples and ‘role models’ that children look up to for the immediacy that they represent within their lives. Thus, when this bond is broken, survival mode toward the world and everyone else kicks in, just because of the logical assumption that:

‘If my parents were able to lie to me – what can I expect from the rest of the world?’


Then the child goes into a fight or flight mode wherein general insecurities may unfold, creating an entire personality based on having a constant tag throughout their lives of ‘I cannot trust another’ and –unfortunately- we haven’t built a world based on equality-bonds wherein the child/ person could prove themselves wrong.  So, what is brewed at home then by this single point of parents not being able to communicate and effectively create a platform of support toward children? Children that will grow up in general mistrust, fear, hostility toward themselves and anyone else – it is not about ‘the world’ per se, but how each individual is now perceiving the world ‘to be like’ within the mind, which obviously we manifest as an actual world-reality within the understanding that we are the creators of it.



The Schizophrenic Mind = Mindsplit

The fear that Gloria has toward accepting herself is instigated by morals and social-connotations around sexuality and specifically, within the role of a ‘divorced woman’ – however her example is and can be applied to any event in anyone’s lives wherein we feel ‘split in half’ when living out a happy-kind type of personality toward certain people – yet being absolutely apathetic, hostile and irritable when being absolutely alone – or even while being projecting a glowing smile and having the exact opposite experience in the inside.  In Gloria’s case, the split is following a natural disposition to have sex and having this point of expression colliding with a previous lived role as a ‘spotless mother’ toward her children. These type of ‘splits’ exist because of us wanting to ‘cover up’ the real-deal that’s going on in our minds. And I say ‘real deal’  because if the nature of the human being was ‘benevolent,’ this world would not be the way it is at the moment.


Skhizein = to split – so that’s the basic nature that we are all living as– no need to use fancy labels upon our own ‘natural disposition’ to live as mind-systems caught between ‘our true nature’ and some honey syrup to cover it up. We realize that we can only correct our nature by becoming breathing-walking human beings that are able to direct ourselves in common sense.

What Gloria would have required to read is the following:


“Is the secret mind always visible or do we see it mostly too late? – It’s both – what is interesting with what we’ve done to ourselves is: WE KNOW EXACTLY what we do in moments in our minds – EXACTLY, we can see our mind run in front of us/within us as it moves, and we in no way stop, direct or change it – simply stand back and allow and in that it is ALWAYS VISIBLE and we always then want to change when it’s TOO LATE,  when we see the consequence we’ve created through thoughts/words/deeds but then we get so swept up wanting to change consequence, without questioning the origin, how we created it in the first place: Ourselves” – Sunette Spies


I actually had quite a laugh today when listening to Anu explaining how we in our minds tend to judge any ‘negative thought’ and immediately throw in some heaps of positive thinking to make sure that we stay on the ‘bright side’ of the road. I can remember this very well, what a pity! lol – and yes there’s some British accent in my mind as I write it – because we definitely live in this eternal battle of having to be ‘positive’ and ‘optimistic’ about life, placing fake smiles just to seem agreeable – yet living in a perpetual schizophrenia because our mind, is essentially going the opposite way all the time.


I once thought that hypocrisy was only people ‘talking behind your back’ and then placing a smile when meeting you again. I never took the point back-to-self to see how I was being hypocritical toward myself when wanting to only see the ‘good stuff’ within me and leaving the ‘rough edges’ out of the internal play out when ‘seeing myself.’  Once again: Self Honesty is not nice or beautiful as Bernard Poolman said once, and that remained within me to realize that, all that I had hid from myself – because of ‘not wanting to be negative’- was in fact deliberately chopping off the reality of the actual experience that exists here as myself. It is not only ‘my mind’ that was preprogrammed that way… it is actually Me, the actual truth of myself.

And that, my fellow droogs, is something that may shock us to the core because it debunks any preferred idea and belief that we are benevolent beings ‘by nature’ all the way, and only ‘corrupted by the environment’ as someone through comments in one of my videos said today.


The point that is missed is that we are obviously the ones that created the environment – society is ourselves, and if we exist in constant denial of what exists within us as our own mind, chances are that guilt, remorse, shame and perpetual fear of even exposing such points to ourselves, will lead us to our very own death, because thinking and becoming emotional is ensuring that we remain as Consciousness Systems, using/ depleting the actual life that we contain in and as our physical body that is being burnt – breath by breath – to generate enough energy to transport all nutrients and oxygen throughout our veins. This is what we know and can see with our eyes – so we focus on realizing that every moment that we spend one single breath to fuel a life of self-torture, guilt, shame, fear, remorse and self-judgment: we stop and we breathe. We realize that we are abusing life in that moment as we are consuming the very life essence that we are, and using it to fuel perpetual mindfucks that serve no purpose other than keeping us very busy ‘up there’ in our mind, preventing us from taking a look at the rest of the world that is HERE as ourselves – a world that is built individual by individual, and that won’t change unless individual by individual take the necessary moments to establish a basic platform of self support to become Self Honest.



Can I be Real/ Genuine within a Relationship?

If Gloria had known of the Desteni I Process and dared herself to be Self-Honest about her experience, she would not have to be seeking answers from Carl Rogers for a solution that she realizes she is more than able and capable of pulling out-  because she actually does say it throughout the therapy session. However, she allowed herself to create a dependency on a ‘doctor’ to solve her problems, while keeping stirring a storm in a glass of water because of her not wanting to accept such a natural aspect of  human’s life like sexuality, and exercising it responsibly – which entails developing communication with her children about it  from the get go.  We are the only ones that allow a problem to become like a gigantic snowball the more that we procrastinate giving it proper direction.


See- we/ people tend to see problems only from the ‘tip of the iceberg’ perspective – we don’t like to actually take a deep breath, and submerge ourselves into the depths of the ocean of our minds to see what is the exact nature of the accumulation of these thoughts, emotions, feelings, experiences that we tend to continue ‘covering up’ and eventually only bursting out in an ‘unexpected way,’ as it becomes quite a stench once the stuff starts to rot within ourselves – it is a burden having to carry all that accumulated weight of the past, as secrets that actually require our own constant ‘sustenance’ to keep them well locked and hidden within our minds.


The point that psychology and psychologists have missed is that desire to still give ‘value’ and ‘place’ to human emotions as something that must be ‘accepted’ and only ‘treat’ on a surface value. At Desteni, the moment that we realize that: we are Not our thoughts, feelings and emotions from the perspective of Not being bound to ‘remain as that’ for the remainder of our lives, we recognize that there is a solution to stop living in perpetual guilt, fear, remorse and regret of what we have done.


How can Self Responsibility – such as being Self-Honest within communicating with your own children – be considered as something that could can piss anyone off? This is generational and family-like morals that definitely fucks-up people’s lives. It is unacceptable considering that we are talking about millions of families that undergo this situation, wherein children are not able to communicate about what they observe toward their parents, simply because parents become this nice façade to consider/ look at as ‘authority figures’ (read: fear) with no actual interaction and communication. That’s why parents then also fear communicating with their children about themselves and their actual experiences besides the host-like smiles and format-like questions – and in the end, this is only to our own detriment as society. Thus, it is in the best interest of all to establish solutions so that we may ALL consider the aspects that must be taken within Self Responsibility, in order to stop the past-cycles of being tormented by our own mind = by our own participation in the mind.



Becoming aware of hidden points – being listened by other/ being willing to listen to yourself.

Roger’s technique is  cool from the perspective that he is allowing the person to come to their own conclusions and realizations wherein only some support is given – honesty is mentioned and realizations about ‘acceptance’ are discussed. However, because of HOW the mind works, we realize that these therapies work like a temporary placebo, wherein people may ‘fall back’ into their own patterns if not enough understanding and actual integration is practically walked by the person within a the context of Self-Responsibility.


Another point is that he eventually recognizes that he felt an ‘emotional empathy’ for the patient wherein even family roles are projected toward each other. I must be dead blunt about this, within my own mind that seemed like a sexual power play between Rogers and Gloria wherein this ‘bond’ is created throughout a session just because of the patient perceiving that the doctor is the only one that is able to ‘understand her’ and in that, if feelings are not Stopped and the discussion objectively directed to being that of self-support, it all could develop into something else, simply because we all know how the human mind works when it comes to these ‘irrational passion’ that comes up when there is a point of acceptance where there was ‘non perceived’ before. And this is part of the outflows that all ‘the.rapists’ must take into consideration to not allow themselves to be swayed by their own hormones throughout the session, if they are really willing to support another. The problem is that this ‘empathy’ within our current understanding is still seen as some type of ‘human condescendence’ when in fact, it’s still playing out the exact nature of our mind wherein we are all seeking our personal rewards and acceptance from others to make-up for the general self-rejection that we mostly live as throughout our lives.


We know that it is a popular cliché on how psychologists end up having affairs with their patients. I’m not here to judge it either – this is simply to place into perspective the type of stance and continual self-direction that is required to not get feelings involved when working with another human being if you are actually willing to support others as yourself.  Hence the point here is how psychologists would require to FIRST sort out their own secret mind and establish Self-Honesty within themselves, to avoid misleading an actual session of ‘support’ by their own ‘feelings.’


Cool points to consider for any person that establishes points of communication within their world, as this is in the best interest of all:

  • Will I find myself praising/ caring for this person? Is preference tampering my ability to support another as equals within this process of Self-Support?
  • Are feelings and emotions acceptable within self support?

  • Is this an actual ‘separate’ person that I’m talking to?

  • Do I have to understand the inner world of the other person/ see through their eyes/ move around the world of their feelings so that I know what it’s like to be ‘them’?
  • Is expressing feelings beneficial within communication?
  • Is construing  an experience out of a session of Self-Support actually Supportive?


I watched all parts of the Gloria case and there are several preferences, desires, ideas, nice pictures instilled by Rogers  that must be stopped within the therapy in order for the beings to actually support each other – the questions placed above are to be pondered within Self-Honesty and common sense within the consideration that: we cannot base Self-Support by creating personal-bonds with the person based on feeling and emotional identification – that’s simply Not Supportive and in fact, can add up to being yet another ‘issue’ within a being’s life.

So, realize that we can prevent an entire world of ‘treating psychological malfunctions’ and instead,  use the principle of Self-Honesty as the  basic point of education throughout the developmental years of a human being’s life. Consider that Transparency is definitely not programmed as our mind to ‘Write ourselves,’ because that would lead to the person seeing-themselves and a potential ability to understand self-creation, which is what currently stands as a potential threat to break the status quo that, we as the mind, always seek to remain-as – incongruently so.


Thus within this fear, we are accepting and continuing the current accepted and allowed world system as the direct result of this individual process wherein we ‘fear’ looking at ourselves and face the consequences of our actions. We have to write out and let out the nature of our thoughts to place them ‘on the table’ and work with them through from the starting point of Self-Honesty to walk a process of Self-Correction. What the hell does that mean? That we realize that we Do Not Have to Remain in this perpetual state of guilt, fear, remorse and fear of ourselves as ‘who we are’ within our own minds and can In-Fact, Create and Script the reality that we Are willing to Live-as into eternity.


“The idea of privacy have only limited the ability to learn from each other to become self perfected within the context of this world. This shows very clearly in healthcare where the protection of information makes the effective prevention and treatment of disease very limited. If we could learn about the physical from each other in a self honest way, most accepted disorders we will find we can stop as some one else have already learned the lesson. By not sharing the lessons, we shoot ourselves in the foot.” –Bernard Poolman



Stop casting the Shadows with Light and Love

By the single realization that this whole mental mayhem is able to be stopped by our own will, a weight is lifted off. So, any ‘congruence’ that we want to establish toward ‘others’ must begin within ourselves toward ourselves first. How can we expect ourselves to be ‘genuine within a relationship’ with another human being if we are still fearing ourselves and the nature of our very own mind! Ludicrous – yet we have all lived this way until now and the only answer to ‘How can I be Real?’ then is walking the already mentioned process of Self-Support wherein No Therapists are Required other than your own will to face your own Secret Mind.


Placing this point within the ‘greater picture’: How have we taken the haughty position to demand an ‘honest and transparent system’ to our ‘authorities’ if we haven’t even dared to take this point within and toward ourselves!? Fascinating, we are all about abdicating and projecting responsibility toward anyone else but ourselves.

This world is the mirror of our secret mind – we are here to equalize ourselves as our own mind to then, be able to establish relationships of self-trust wherein I-self stand as an accountable being for my actions, words and deeds, making sure that whatever I create as myself, is directly faced as my creation and directed within the principle of what’s best for all life.

This is not to be fearful about the ‘shadows’ that we exist-as within our mind – both poles as light and dark define each other – therefore, it is to simply see that the ‘shadow’ exists in contrast of the love and lightful thinking. If we turn off the light, what remains is just ‘what is’ – no shades and no light – just beingness that we are able to shape/ mold and script to actually apply/live within our every day lives. Self-Forgiveness is the key to stop existing as Gloria in our minds, it is absolutely unnecessary and unacceptable to continue perpetuating this ‘victimization’ as humanity. This is our creation = we take responsibility for it.


“Identify within you – what you immediately suppress in fear when you think about it/ fantasize about it – whatever especially about YOU comes up about ‘who you are’ directly related to YOU and you think about it in the nature/context of fear – this you must write out, why do you fear this coming up, how was the fear about this point/part of you created etc. – it’s to release your fear relationships with what exist within you, then look at whether it can practically be lived in this world and you will find an interesting thing: NONE of it can – everything you’ve feared about the nature of you that comes up in you as been an illusion, you’ve always feared an illusion, and have never really stopped out of that illusion and redefined words for yourself to in fact LIVE” – Sunette Spies


“We are here to stop ego and birth life. This each one must do for oneself – no other can breathe for you, no other can self-realize for you. Thus: apply and test the tools in self-honesty and be/become your own living proof. However, due to the nature of ego, it is highly unlikely to self-realize alone – as feedback is required to make sure one do not lose oneself in the self-delusion matrices of one’s mind/ego. This (self-)support is what we are walking at Desteni (see also Forum), while we self-honestly investigate ourselves in the context of this whole world-system / mind-system that has nothing but atrocity and indignity left to give. Best to forgive – and start giving life back to life.” Bella Bargilly

Interviews for Self Support:

E-Books

  • Desteni of Secrets: Your Self-Honesty guideline to begin to understand who and what we have existed as up to now and How to walk a process to stop our cycles of self-abuse and birth ourselves as living-words that create a world that’s best for all.

Vlogs

The Secret mind rules the Earth! by Kim Amourette

2012 The hard and soft veneers

While listening to Life Review: Keeping Quiet I saw how I was tensing my body, and my muscles were contracting and certain memories passed through my mind, specifically when he mentioned the point of  fearing conflict which was one of the reasons why I played-out and created a ‘nice person’ personality so that I could be the ‘neutral’/ stand in the middle road in all situations and be in a ‘safe zone’, be accepted which means not being opposed/contradicted, not to create any ‘enemies’ which I developed a fear for in terms of having being sort of bullied early on at school and not knowing what to do/ how to react to that, suppressing an entire shock and pretending that I didn’t care.

Interesting, this just came up as I am writing here, I hadn’t even considered that I have in fact played out both characters out of the same ‘fear of conflict.’ I created a ‘strong hold’ personality as well out of fear. This just came up as I remembered stuff like one girl wanting to asphyxiate me in the classroom, it was sort of in a ‘playing mode’ but still it affected me at the level of not knowing how to react/ what to do in such moments. She was one of my ‘best friends’ at the time. Events like these and being picked at for being a ‘smart ass’ early on in elementary school lead me to have my personal-support  coaching to ‘stand up and be stronger,’ which were words mostly provided by my mother which were ‘cool’ at the time to create a defensive mechanism of ‘I am not affected by others words toward myself’ – yet never getting an actual understanding of how or why they would react in such a way and how I simply didn’t have to participate within such judgments allowing that to obfuscate myself and create an entire experience within me.

That’s when I started developing a personality of being ‘tough’ or keeping a certain stance wherein I made sure ‘no one was able to fuck with me’ and this developed as early as elementary school into puberty.  A point that I played out in certain situations – standing within this same ‘tough/ superiority’ role is that I would deliberately test myself getting involved in opinionated conversations in school, just to prove my point right and within that, inflate my ego as this personality, which turned into superiority wherein I would then ‘not give a fuck about anyone else in this world’ because I was apparently ‘above that’/ not able to be affected. 

Now that I look at it, I’ve actually walked both polarities on and off.
One was the personality that I lived earlier in my life which is the one I have described as ‘being above it all,’ staring  at everyone with a blank-face in an ‘I don’t give a reverend fuck’ type of mode. This was also linked to what I’ve shared these past posts of believing myself to be a victim of this world, ‘not belonging here’ and having to deal with ‘stupid humans’ (playing out the superiority complex)– because that is exactly the type of thoughts I had to create in order to not exist ‘in fear’ toward other human beings. This is how I would judge and automatically ‘see’ everyone around me, wherein only those that shared the same views upon people/ this world would be the people I would hang out with – which were about 2, lol.

And as I’ve been walking this point, I can say that this is part of the physical corrections I am still walking I mean, it’s become quite a ‘way of carrying myself in this world’ wherein I would get feedback from others in how I seem to be a grumpy person all the fucking time, when I don’t ‘see’ myself as it, yet this personality has been recorded at such a physical level that I have to be completely Here, aware of myself as my breath to see how I am walking, how I am experiencing my physical body, how I am either frowning or tensing my jaw line when and while walking in the  street, stopping all instant-judgments that I would generate to virtually anyone, all in the same type of ‘shade’ as in belittling others while pretending to be ‘above that’ – yet living such belittling point within myself as an actual ‘nature’ that lead me to develop a ‘strong hold’ as a personality, a ‘hard veneer’ to present to this world, to not be vulnerable, to avoid being hurt = to avoid conflict at all cost.

The other side of the coin was later on becoming the ‘nice personality.’ It’s fascinating to look back at these two faces/ phases of my life which were clearly marked by the type of people I held as friends. Actually now that I see those two friends represented both poles – oh was it such a bomb when they lived together, it was like merging heaven and hell and me stuck in limbo. Eventually I could not keep up with both and had to ‘leave’ the friendship that supported this first aspect of playing out the strong-hold superior type of personality, the gloomy-dark times of absolute pessimism, depression and self judgment wherein I definitely resorted to paint, write and read a lot of books that would equally support this personality.  I can relate to what the man tells in this life review in terms of guarding his books like a treasure, I did the same and I was so ‘content’ with my little bubble of books, cd’s and paintings.

Back to ‘the other side of the coin’ aspect, the ‘glowing’ façade  I experienced in my late teens when having some sort of ‘spiritual awakening’ lol, changing my all black wardrobe to absolute flamboyant pieces of clothing that matched a ‘new perspective’ on life which I deemed to be ‘healthier’ and ‘full of positivity’ – I really thought of myself having ‘found the way’ while seeking some form of ‘higher purpose/ mission in life’ and presenting myself to people with this ever lasting smile, being servile, being ‘loyal’, being ‘positive’ about life, having a ‘good time’ apparently while smoking the hell away to suppress what I was in fact experiencing and still existing-as, without having had any actual direction to see how I was only creating the exact opposite of my past to apparently ‘wipe it out’ only keeping the same point in place but with a new mask that had to eventually blow out as well.

Now, I mention this ‘positive façade’ because in my mind I became very aware how I didn’t want people to antagonize me, I sought for their approval and the only way was making sure that they liked me/ accepted me = they weren’t able to tease me/ oppose me and that’s how I created a rather ‘happy’ person as a presentation of myself,  which ensured that I got everyone’s ‘appreciation’ and no one would dare to become an ‘enemy’ = fearing conflict. I can see how whenever I deemed someone to not like me, I would immediately react toward such being, which was only me projecting the inner fears that I never dealt-with in fact, because I was just covering-up all the fear with a nice benevolent and meek personality, suppressing the hell that I realized later on I had absolutely ‘blacked out’ from my experience through using weed. Yes, this I only got to know of because of all the writings I’ve kept for over 10 years now, wherein the mind-experience would come out, only to eventually forget about it all the next day. It was quite a shock for me to see how in my mind I link that time of my life as ‘glowing happy years,’ yet in fact they were also hell as I continued experiencing a constant inner-struggle and discomfort in my own skin that I simply managed to  suppress more and more all the time. This became unsustainable and it all burnt out to ashes the moment I found Desteni – thank Anu for that, otherwise fuck knows where and what I would be doing now.

The latter personality is still able to be spotted in my first vlogs wherein a bubbly personality comes-through while letting through at times the actual ‘inner experience’ that I was only covering up, which was exactly the  type of walking contradictions we have become as human beings when fighting against ourselves in our mind, and living a double life within ourselves and toward the world. Yes, complete schizophrenics, but we’re here walking our corrective process.

 

So, this point of the ‘nice person’ is still playing out at times, yet asserting myself as I go. When I was at the farm I would react whenever I would see/ hear conflict. This became so obvious to me at some point and it was so cool to face it in one definitive scenario wherein Bernard just spotted it like that:  ‘You Fear Conflict!’ – and yes I was, my entire body was in this constricted state while presenting myself to be ‘cool with it,’ yet being actually fearing to be ‘in the middle of conflict’ even if it wasn’t ‘directed’ toward myself.  Hence I had to walk through the point of realizing that I will be dealing with these situations and having to direct myself to face  reality and stopping the ‘I’m over it all’ and ‘I’m such a nice person you can’t oppose me’ personas which were created as defense mechanisms to not have to stand up in moments of perceived conflict or create any form of  perceived rivalry/ opposition/ antagonism.

What triggered both personality creations was fear and seeing ways to ‘cope’ with the fear of being vulnerable, fear of being hurt, fear of having to take responsibility for myself, fear of having to confront another, fear realizing that I was still belittling myself toward others. It becomes quite clear to see how we develop coping mechanisms to not have to stand up in common sense, which is ludicrous to even place out like this because it doesn’t make any sense to create excuses to not stand up for what we see is common sense, what we see is required to be done, lived, spoken-up about. Instead of using coping mechanisms, we have to create practical ways to face reality, that’s essentially what we’ve learned through walking this process: how to practically direct ourselves in any given situation that we would have previously simply ran away from/ shut down to not face it.

After I became aware of this fear of conflict once that it was ‘in my face,’   I’ve been walking the process of deliberately taking on points of speaking out, commenting, pressing-myself as common sense regardless of what ‘reactions’ it may trigger, because I see and realize that this is the only way to see and test who am I within those situations.  I am able to direct the point within common sense instead of just wanting to get rid of it and not having to face it at all, or having ‘others’ to do it for me, or eventually just pretending that ‘I don’t care’ which is what I saw was quite the nihilist type of defense mechanism, yet dealing with quite extensive inferiority/ in fear of others which lead to a constant requirement to ‘uplift myself’ to ‘keep up with the pressure.’ We were just discussing how it is really energy-draining to keep-up these ideals of ourselves as personalities, while living here in self honesty, as life, is actually very very simple and effortless as it only requires us breathing here.

We have accepted and allowed ourselves to cage each other in this world ‘keeping up’ nice pictures of ourselves as being affable and smiley as well as creating a tough-rough presentation out of fear. This became quite evident when interacting with people that would seem like absolutely ‘tough’ and ‘rough’ and with a haughty way of carrying themselves and getting to see how they were in fact these ‘sensitive, vulnerable beings’ that had developed such image/ presentation as a defense mechanism toward ‘others/ the world, which is then standing as an ‘inferiority’ point in fact, though we require Equal stance in all ways.

If we look at this point it is essentially how gangs are formed and why they exist the way they do. Look at the Maras, they create such self image to portray this literal ‘fearless image’  as beings that are able to provoke fear in others to protect themselves – why? because they are mostly beings that have been born into circumstances of extreme poverty and abuse that they eventually seek a way out of. That’s how they run away from home and become part of gangs that become ‘their family’ = their security, their way of developing an entire self-image that ‘cannot be fucked with’ using the ‘power of unity’ at its max– all because of fear and probably resenting the fact that they are not being considered as equals in this world. Surviving through using these defense mechanisms becomes part of their being, as their full-blown personality and lifestyle that justifies their actions like committing crimes out of that inner experience of having been disregarded within this system from birth. A usual mindset would be ‘Why would they ‘care’ to not ‘harm others’ without considering how they have been neglected/disenfranchised from birth?’

See how in such gangs, striking up confrontations is  actually part of the rites of initiation for 11, 12 year olds that want to become a part of such gangs. They have to endure all of  the pain and fear to ‘become a man,’ to be ‘over it’ – eventually becoming beings that are in fact only walking with a hard veneer out of fear, fear of others, fear of death, fear of anyone that could have more ‘power’ than them in this world, which translates to once again economical disparity wherein the Maras are usually coming from poverty backgrounds.

 

I realize how I have feared conflict, I see how I have created personalities based solely on ‘fearing others,’ developing a stance of being ‘over this world’ or ‘knowing better’ –  yet the point that differs from what we heard on the interview is how I didn’t remain silent. 

Now that I remember, I deliberately decided to start speaking up because I would see my mind filling the gaps in terms of, for example, seeing two people getting into a form of conflict and I would see the common sense of the point – yet because of seeing myself as not wanting to stir up anything and not wanting to ‘lose my friends’ or not wanting to ‘come across as fill in the gap,’ I would remain like the silent person that pretended to be ‘over such conflicts,’ being neutral, feeling/ portraying myself as some wise person that would only speak if enough ‘wisdom’ was at hand to share – quite a deluded position; and as I bring the point here, as I write and rewind on the points in my life wherein I would ‘feel’ this very same way, it is almost like having to keep up with the character, having to ‘sustain’ such silent frame of mind, such ‘wise person’ and ‘peaceful’ type of being – yet the internal conflict was still there, it only grew and grew – the more fear grew, the more I started compounding this experience wherein the only valve of escape was smoking weed and drawing and ‘listening to music,’ while experiencing myself in perpetual annoyance and irritation toward myself, this world and  everything, because of not seeing a ‘way out’ and it was all because of not having dared to face myself, to walk through that which I was gladly just covering up in an ‘everything is fine’ personality wherein the abuse and the gory aspects of this world had been ‘left behind’ to seek for ‘new healthier horizons.’

From this I can see how having being into spirituality, seeking a god and seeking some form of ‘remedy’ to myself and my “reality” were only ways to mitigate the fear and inner conflict that I experienced within me. It is fascinating that no one never really got to ‘know’ what the hell was actually going on inside me as I moved myself throughout my life, only ‘I’ knew, only I could see how while being with others I could create this ‘everything is fine’ personality, literally like a guru that believes that all conflict is just a mind problem and it can just be ‘sorted out’ by remaining in a perpetual resistance to think, speaking the least possible and ‘simply ‘stopping thinking’ which is and would be equal to trying to ‘stop breathing,’ because we see and understand now in our process how it is not about ‘shutting off our mind’ and our thoughts, but to walk a process of self-correction stand one and equal as our mind = being self-directive through actually participating and interacting with others in our world, instead of being taken by a ride by our own thoughts. This is taking self responsibility for ourselves.

 

How have I supported myself to stop fearing conflict? Through writing, applying and living Self Forgiveness, walking a deliberate process of placing myself in the ‘eye of the storm’ not for the sake of ‘proving myself better,’ but to see who am I within the face of such perceived conflicts/ confrontation and seeing who I am within it: am I able to ‘cope’ with it, am I able to stand fully and not fear speaking up, am I still fearing compromising any ‘idea’ of integrity I may have of myself, which can only exist at the ego level that we are here to stop and correct to stand in common sense as equals. This requires me to deliberately ‘push’ myself to participate, how else would I have known that I feared conflict? I mean, even the reason why I had initially created a blog in a service that wasn’t ‘well known’ was part of keeping myself in a safe zone out of ‘creating conflict’ with people in my reality reading my blogs and eventually having any form of reaction toward myself/ my words. I’m glad to say that I found a way today to bring all my blogs into this domain which is awesome. Yet I could still see the thoughts related to fear coming up in terms of ‘this being a well known domain now and people having more of a direct access to my stuff’ – which is yet again ‘fearing conflict’, ‘fearing exposure.’

It is a matter of walking the correction now because I’ve seen and realized for myself what such apparent ‘superiority’ as  in not speaking/ not participating because of seeing everything and everyone just so ‘out there’ and not having anything to do with me, and keeping myself in a fantasy land feeling like the incomprehensible human being that has this ‘sensitive side,’ yet portraying and carrying myself as the exact opposite to not have to explain myself all the time. It was almost a way of having others ‘fearing me’ to protect myself. This has remained as a point that even people walking this process have expressed having as an ‘idea’ of how I am based on the pictures they see, based on one single point of expression that vlogs are, until getting the actual experience of talking face to face and living together, which enables us to really tear down any beliefs created about each other. I saw then how ‘instilling fear’ is a protection mechanism as well as a form of creating an idea of power based on ‘being above others,’ a way to generate an idea of myself that people can ‘respect’ instead of being someone that is easily ‘picked on.’

Having said this, we can see once again how any form of fear is an actual limitation lived out as ‘who we are’ while remaining as the faithful followers of our personal religions wherein common sense is neglected while sticking to our “safe ways” of existing to not have to face ourselves. It takes a while to fully stop this,  it is only after four years that I am beginning to see how I have created myself in terms of creating positive and negative personalities from the starting point of fear.  From this we can see how this entire world is built upon fear! This must stop here, that’s how all polarity must be eradicated as any reason to be opposing anything or anyone is only separation, a point that we’ve neglected exist within ourselves as well.

We are here to create a world that’s’ best for all and that cannot be ‘questioned’ but simply realized and walked as that principle.

This blog is über lengthy now, but let’s say that the main point here is how stopping fear is the first point to be able to take on our own lives and the world through this process of walking the consequences. The moment we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the reality we are creating within and without, we become ‘less’ than that which we are creating, which is like a reversed-god complex if we can call it that, making ourselves less than our creation yet portraying a ‘superiority’ image at the same time. Quite unnecessary if we can stop it all by simply walking here as breath.

For this, writing is the tool, self forgiveness implies the self corrective process to walk the correction as we go living every single day. Simplicity is the key, we can just see through these experiences how I complicated my reality by trying to ‘cover up’ fear, instead of seeing fear for what it is: a self created limitation that comes in the form of thoughts that I can work with through writing, applying self forgiveness and directing myself in common sense.

That’s it.

Thanks for reading and suggest you listen to that interview because it was the point that triggered all of this here.

 

polarity as me

 

 

 

 


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