Tag Archives: deceiving

441. Paranoid Assumptions: How to Walk Through Them

 

This is a continuation to an aspect within myself that I had written down, disclosed and seen from many angles a couple of years ago in the entry 396. I Think, therefore I Assume but, certainly as with many other aspects and points we find within our minds, it is just not going to go away by writing it out or self-forgiving the mess made by assuming all at once. This point of ‘assuming’ which is a guessing process wherein, in my particular case, I use that uninformed ‘guess’ to jump into a conclusion about something/someone in such a fast pace that it can determine in one moment who I am going to be or how I am going to react to another person only by misunderstanding, jumping into conclusions, guessing ‘where the person is coming from’ or ‘what they are hiding’ or ‘what they are implying,’ which I must remind myself are all entirely my sole creation.

What do I mean by ‘my creation’? An assumption as I see it, is a series of thoughts that we concoct inside our minds as a reply or reaction based on some input we have, which means information from an external source. Now, upon discussing this point last night with my partner, I realized how I was kind of ‘vilifying’ the word ‘assumption’ in itself, and it is not that it is all ‘bad’ about making a guess about things, that’s Not the problem, but who we are within guessing or assuming and if one is emotionally invested into it.

So, I take his explanation to place it out here because it assisted me to see how there can be plain ‘guessing’ that comes without any personal investment onto it, like say I ‘guess’ or ‘assume’ it’s going to rain today because there’s a ton of those very gray clouds in the sky. That’s about it, a guess, an assumption based on the state of the sky in that moment. There’s an educated guess that comes from say checking out the weather forecast in more than one source – which is still not an absolute point of accuracy – and one can make an educated guess or assumption that ‘yes, it will rain because two or more sources indicate so.’ There can also be a ‘paranoid’ form of guessing where one is emotionally invested onto it, like say if I hated the rain because it ruins my possibility to go for a walk, and so if I look up at the sky and see the wind and the clouds and I immediately get flustered about it because ‘It’s going to rain, yes, and my going out will be ruined, oh god why!’ type of overwhelming reaction – exaggerated here but to get the point – is where one then creates a relationship to ‘raining’ or a particular weather as a source for personal discomfort, anger, frustration and the rest of it within oneself. This ‘paranoid guessing’ that comes from only checking up at the sky and then reacting emotionally to it, is what we usually create patterns of so that whenever I see the same colors in the sky, I don’t even bother to think further other than just jumping into the assumption that ‘my day is ruined because I won’t go for a walk, because it’s going to rain.’

Now this is a ‘light’ example so to speak, but if we transpose it to other more ‘personal’ situations like say assuming that my partner ‘would like to be with another individual he sees on the streets better than me’ based on a paranoid guess, a paranoid assumption and we don’t communicate or investigate further about it in terms of opening up ‘who he is’ within looking at another person in a particular way and so walking through that point together, one can jump into this ‘paranoid assumption mode’ that can spiral out of control into a form of paranoia, a reel of backchats within oneself that come with a tension, a fear, an anxiety of ‘them wanting to be with another instead’ or ‘I am not good enough for him so that’s why he checks others out’ or ‘I bet he’d prefer a less imposing relationship’ etc. etc. Which is something that actually has happened to me and that upon opening up this point with my partner, it was cool to realize how he understands the pattern, how automated it is as a simple ‘checking out’ which has also to do with very ingrained male programming that he simply has to be more diligent to direct if he is up for doing so. He clarified how there is no ‘intent’ in it beyond that momentary experience of ‘checking out’ for example that he had been quite conditioned to, so that will be then his point to work through and my point is to Not jump into these paranoid assumptions from one figment of reality that I take within me to react to.

 The point here is that through rather asking directly, opening up the point, there were no more ‘paranoid assumptions’ about it, but instead we can work with facts, reality checks. I got to see how in fact I was escalating the point waaay too much, which I had done before but that time in the past, I kept it quiet and building it up for some time, until I confronted it and turned out to be true in relation to these distractions, where I also shared my personal experience and process of in this case also directing myself to no longer ‘unconsciously’ seek for ‘other potential partners’ for example, no matter how ‘automated’ this had become in my case as well. So it became a point of understanding as well that it takes time and real diligence to master this point of no longer ‘deviating’ my attention once I am in a committed relationship.

So that was a long explanation, but! It was assisting for me to also see the variations of ‘assumptions’ and so here to redefine the relationship to these ‘paranoid assumptions’ where I have considered I jump into conclusions and ideas and perceptions all based entirely only on what exists within me

Here another point opens up: it means that these ‘paranoid assumptions’ are in fact  my own projection toward others, where I can be the one that hides, implies, beats around the bush or speaks from a state of reaction about things. So, I see that paranoid assuming becomes much more prevalent when – again, assuming – lol – that we all won’t just ‘say things as they are’ but implying there is always something that is kept away/aside/hidden for the sake of benefiting or protecting oneself or any other form of ego-trait that leads us to, for example, not explain ourselves entirely toward another, which can be also a practical reason in many contexts. An example is how one won’t go explaining one’s entire medical condition to someone that asks ‘how are you doing’ and even if one visibly looks not so well, let the whole clinical history out in that moment, we usually say we are ‘doing so so with x situation, but recovering’ and the other person can be ‘ok’ with the response, not lying just not giving the whole explanation, not for the sake of ‘hiding’ or anything, but for practical reasons.

These ‘paranoid assumptions’ imply the moments where I immediately ‘jump’ to ‘fill in the blanks’ coming from the starting point of already assuming that this person exists already in a constant state of seeking benefit or perpetual deception, or usually hiding something, or just blatantly lying for some reason. I can see that this can be defined as ‘lacking trust towards others’ but this is more of my own reflection as well when it comes to being aware how us humans operate in our minds  and so believing that others are lying, hiding all the time. This could be a reality, yes, but it is exactly because of this justification around ‘Everyone lies, everyone deceives, everyone is dishonest’ that I go justifying my ‘assumptions’ and qualify them as ‘real’ in no time, which has led me to jump into unbearable assumptions that mostly lead to conflictive situations, simply because of how fast I ‘made up my mind’ about something or someone without actually taking the steps to apply the ‘antidote’ to assuming: investigating, asking questions, communicating, clarifying, opening up the point with another until clarity is reached.

Why has it taken so much from me to actually ask? Because! There is a righteousness involved in assuming, in believing that ‘I am always right’ about another’s intentions, state of mind or hidden agendas, which is of course not entirely so. Sure, I mean, when we get to know how our minds operate and one becomes like a ‘mind technician’ where one is able to see the equations behind things, it does get a bit tricky to not immediately do so and assume that ‘it’s always going to work that way’ but, in reality there are lots of exceptions and I have been tested quite often based on the assumptions I have created toward my partner for example, and time and time again after jumping into assumptions and responding from my assumptions to something, and when deciding to ‘roll back’ the moment and see what steps did I ‘miss’ or ‘where did I jump into conclusions’ I realize that I in fact ‘filled in the blanks’ in my mind, even though what was said was quite clear in itself. This is the moment where I have to apply humbleness in recognizing that yes, I did assume or made it ‘more’ than what it is in my mind, which in other words is that acceptance of being wrong about my assumption and so propose a solution in that moment to my ‘mistakes’ which in this case are ‘missed-steps’ in communication.

One can also say that assuming comes from a form of control, believing that one ‘knows’ someone or knows how ‘predictable’ we all are that we immediately jump into these ideas or beliefs and believe in them, blindly so. I consider this is part of one of the greatest problems in communication in fact, where we believe we ‘know’ what another person is ‘truly about’ or ‘truly like,’ and how just by observing them, hearing their words, or misinterpreting their interactions toward ourselves or others that we can already assume/predict or magically ‘know’ exactly what they are ‘all about.’ Wrong! And we do this just because of a) not daring to actually get to know a person in reality, which means, actually communicate and truly see who are they in their words, in their life, develop a relationship with them; or b) because we believe we already ‘know the reasons’ behind anyone’s words – which is like this all knowing god-ego that we carry around in our heads – and so we apparently need ‘no more explanations’ from another because we are already in fact projecting our assumptions, our beliefs about others, so ‘why bother, if I already know it?’ type of reaction, which I could label as arrogant, conceited and egotistical of myself, however judging myself for it is of course not the solution here, at all.

I have seen myself create an entire ‘story’ of assumptions as to create a ‘why’ to something in what is called ‘quantum time’ meaning, super- fast and in that moment already reply, after seconds of hearing some version of a story, a set of words wherein I ‘assume’ that I know the real reason behind that, therefore I have the right to, for example, appear as ‘outraged’ about something even if through words I may say a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ but within an entire stance and experience within myself of apparently ‘already knowing the ‘truth’ of the matter’ and so, justifying my immediate reaction to something or someone within a particular experience. All of this is in fact one of those ‘chain reactions’ or massive paranoid assumptions that can unfold to what is most commonly known as arguments or verbal battles between people, just becomes of one or both – or more involved – going into various assumptions of what either one meant to in fact say.

 

So, first of all a point I have to continue working on is on slowing down, just today I had one of those situations where upon asking something to my partner and upon getting a very straightforward answer, I immediately went into assuming the ‘missing link’ I was already going to ‘take on’ as ‘what he implied’ but fortunately he immediately said ‘and by saying that, no, I don’t mean that I would do this/that’ which means, he added more information to prevent me from going into one of those ‘insta-assumptions’, which means that yes he’s already aware of my ‘pattern’ of jumping into these conclusions which actually have contributed to misconstrue the idea I have of him, which if I look back it actually becomes a way to continue imprisoning each other within those same judgments and ways to treat or perceive another, because we believe they ‘haven’t changed’ or ‘have been this/that way in the past’ and so not allowing another to in fact step out of ‘the past’ if I recreate it even within my paranoid assumptions. Lol, it’s been actually quite great because this way it becomes a constant point to test myself and see where I go into ‘reading between the lines’ about a situation, and when I in fact ‘burst the paranoia bubble’ and simply ask directly. So far, asking directly and to the point has dispelled a Lot of misunderstandings or paranoid assumptions on my side, which has in turn become a gift of developing communication, understanding and even trust in the sense that I then get to know where another stands in relation to something/someone and becomes an actual communication, veering towards a self-supportive approach rather than just recriminations, back and forths, quiet paranoid assumptions and the plethora of reactions that may stem from there.

Now, here I’ve used the partnership relationship as an example, but I could go on and on in the ways I assume things about almost everything, and so this is also a point for me to commit to slow down in my mind whenever wanting to ‘jump into paranoid assumptions’ and rather ask more questions, get more information, communicate more, develop a ‘getting to know’ another if I see I have held some judgment about them for some time, get to understand the ‘why’ of something, because this assists us in rather looking at potentials for solutions and change, rather than remaining escalating this paranoia which is of course not a cool way to go living at all.

Points to change or challenge oneself with when stopping paranoid assumptions? Real time application of admitting and changing one’s righteousness, sense of ‘pride’ or know-it-allness, one’s fear to communicate or open up something due to ‘fearing conflict’ for example, or ‘fearing losing’ a relationship of any kind, or just fearing breaking out of one’s bubble to communicate with another, and also very important! Once that one gets the actual facts – whether they are entirely true or not – to not go into paranoia about questioning that further information one may get when stepping out of assuming and communicating or investigating something further, like say me reacting to the realization that yes my partner was checking someone else out, lol, that would only re-wire the paranoia again. It is about in that moment talking through the points to acknowledge self responsibility in both sides – or if the other person is not aware or up for ‘self change’ then simply one’s own responsibility – to not go into further reactions or delusions, but instead then work with one’s own reactions, fears, emotions based on the responses we get, that’s one’s sole responsibility not another’s. The rest, should always be worked out, talked through with the two or more involved in the situation. That is to rectify that in fact, we can only change ourselves, we can only be an example and show to others ‘how it can be sorted out’ but, we can’t ever push another to do the same for themselves, unless they are entirely deciding to do so themselves.

Ok, some more dimensions/aspects might open up in time, but for now this has cleared up for me to see that when going into ‘paranoid assumptions’ I rather immediately communicate, speak up, investigate which means asking, confronting, walking through the fear that this might imply at times and realize that it’s just a limitation to actually see things for what they are so that we can work with ‘how things are’ in fact, and not building ‘possibilities’ or ‘ifs’ based on illusions/delusions or paranoid assumptions as uninformed guessing. This way one can instead build a solid relationship with another by understanding, by looking at solutions together rather than building up and remaining in conflicts and reactions.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Pointing back at me

 

Learn more about this and make it work for yourself!

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.

Advertisements

233. Are we Anxious because We Know We Lie All the Time?

Facing our Personal Judgment Day

When looking at strength the past week, I had a dream wherein I would see a symbol that represented strength being mended/ broken and covered up with a ‘surrogate symbol’ if you wanna call it that.  How can any strength be real if it is founded upon an Idea of Self based upon an actual survival mode-system that we’ve been living as, projecting the usual image of ‘self-control’ while inside one is a wreck? Well, that certainly creates an underlying anxiety which indicates simply what? One is not being absolutely self-honest with one’s living and words, one is still wanting to hold on to something as a point of benefit/ idea of self that in no way can be sustainable if one is walking down the road of Self-Honesty. 

 

An aspect that I’ve lived for the most part of my life is precisely this: show no weakness = live strength as an Idea of Self- in order to seem ‘immovable.’ But when this strength is based on being ‘on guard’ to any form of attack, then it is not real strength but just defensive mechanisms stemming from fear.  As we know, nothing that is energy based can survive as an actual integral living-of-words within myself. The outflow is precisely this point wherein we try and cover things up nicely. As I write this I can talk about my grandfather and how he would hide his huge financial crisis that took him to lots of debt after having had quite his own piece of heaven so to speak. One would always see him being what you can call ‘political’ about it, even when he was sick, he’d behave as if everything was just fine, a small bump on the road here and there, nothing to worry about, while at the same time we all knew things weren’t alright.  And the same with my parents, I guess it’s a protection mechanism to hide when things are actually not going well and I see that we have conditioned ourselves to always ‘look at the bright side’ and look all around or anywhere else but straight forward to speak things as they are. That would piss me off:  what are they hiding from me? why can’t they look at me in the eyes when they speak? And this would be applied to virtually anyone. However, I had not realized I’ve been living the exact  same point wherein I try and cover up any actual fears with a false sense of strength and certainty, which later on becomes only so much one can deal with till it’s no longer able to be ‘sustainable’ as a living-word = me being actually IT and all of it done to  ‘save my ass’ in any regard.

 

This works temporarily in a system wherein if you have a great presentation, you can get cool attention and consideration from others as a sellable item– but if we are talking about self honesty which means realizing the truth of ourselves for ourselves/ by ourselves/ toward ourselves, even that ability to stand as such point in the system requires one to first be fully certain of what an actual strength is as an actual living truth of oneself, which cannot be measured by anything that I have been before as any form of ‘props’ within the system as that is the usual role that I have played for a long time as part of preprogrammed personalities and characters I got characterize throughout my life.

 

All of this came up when reviewing the word intelligence and ‘being responsible’ and how I pretty much disliked being called that while going through school, because I didn’t want to be reduced to being this single brain that apparently thinks and gets everything alright. This egotistical trait lead me to seek other ways in which I could be ‘regarded’ as special, unique or someone liking me for ‘who I really am’ – but, did I know what I really am then? No, do I have an idea of what I really am now? yes If I define myself as a physical living being that exists as part of a whole that is in the process of aligning this entire ‘me’ that I’ve been as all the ego-trips and willing to stand as an equal being to everything and all in order to support myself as life –  this implies no lie sustained by the past system of false values can exist within me = all of the ‘me’ as any apparent positive trait must go.

 

So, within this point of conflict between being sincere/ genuine or actually live the words  I speak, create a sense of glib self experience we all know is part of the building blocks of a façade we keep up in order to survive, it’s just like people presenting an image of success to pretend that everything is under control / I am perfectly normal and okay, thank you – I would get pissed off at people playing out these characters  without realizing to what extent I was playing the game as well. A common example is virtually any authority-figure representing the ideal of ‘All is under control’ while behind there’s this massive fear running throughout your body because you have actually no clue of what the fuck you really are doing  – then why keeping this ideal? Survival of our own fittest-ideal of ego in a dog eat dog world that we’ve all accepted and allowed.

 

This is a common experience at times when having to face an authority – parents, teachers, mentors, the ‘law,’ people you owe something to, people that show some ‘respect’ to you in any regard – all of this that we play in between our daily interactions keeps a masquerade in front of us as if ‘nothing bad happened’ – this is the actual disingenuous definition of who we have become: pretending all is well, but how can it be if Nothing in this world is working as an actual force of benevolence that is able to support all human beings, No one in this world is living up to the standards of what caring for one another as equals in fact implies in all possible ways, no governmental or financial systems are working to regard all living beings as having equal right to live in dignity, no belief system has ever proposed a solution for this world that could provide actual love and care for every single living being in this planet, No scientific discovery or human knowledge has ever been able to explain why we simply don’t care about each other. Then how could we Not feel insincere and fake if everything we’ve been thus far has been founded upon these lies we bought and sold?

 

We keep a presentation as if everything was fine, good, so/so going while in fact, everyone’s having their own little hell inside that is being feared to be faced. Why don’t we just open up? Out of fear of presenting ourselves as something/ someone that is not ‘as good as the rest’ –but, it’s rather ludicrous to keep up to each other’s lies considering the amount of stress, worry, anxiety, petrification this single realization causes.

 

So, why do we suppress ourselves and keep a glib personality, pretending something that we know is all lies? Is it only to benefit our egos and save our reputation somehow? a Reputation that has been built according to a social conditioning that supports nothing but lies to be liked by others that have also been conditioned to buying lies, reducing life to a single paper of abilities and skills that can be sold to the greatest bidder? Reducing all we’ve been to the amount of money in our bank accounts? Reducing the physicality that we are to a single image that can be attractive to others for sex? Is that living?

No

Then why are we hiding from actually speaking things as they are and keep a ‘good sellable self image’? Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of ending up being seen as crazy, fear of failure, fearing being a loser, lunatic, hypocritical, selfish, self centered, dishonest and any other word that we’ve created out of the same consciousness that we have limited ourselves by.

This means that we can only create a form of conflict within ourselves according to ‘who we are’ if we still take such ‘who we are’ as an irreversible form of existence that we have to bear as our cross with no ability to change. That is certainly partly true, since the consequences of whatever we’ve lived while being in character are already here and having to be faced – but we certainly can walk a process to align ourselves through walking a process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to instead let go of striving between the poles of the good and the bad, hiding our actual self from Ourselves and in such process, taking responsibility for the massive fear we have inflicted upon our physical bodies, the truth and reality of what we’ve become while accumulating only worry, concern, anxiety and a general stress because of knowing ‘we’re bulshitting ourselves and everyone else, and not knowing ‘how to follow through’ once this is discovered and realized. Well there is a solution. 

 

How I see it is as if we are building up these bubbles around us sustained by air  itself that can also be destroyed by air itself which means they are as flimsy as all the thoughts we’ve tried to live out as ‘who we are,’ invisible entities that we’ve given our actual lives to, which is rather ludicrous and paradoxical: giving the real life away to live these characters of self limitation through pretentious ideas of self that ‘sell well’ in the market, which we’ve then externalized as our financial bubbles within which our entire ‘lives’ are dependent upon. Why is this? Again, peer-pressure, social-pressure, ‘filling the role’ the best way possible. I’ve caught myself many times projecting this judgment toward people in general, but, it is time I take the point back to self and investigate myself playing out the same role just to keep up with what one is supposed to ‘keep up with’ as a form of reputation/ consideration, which again, falls within the same social conditions of ‘who am I supposed to be’ toward others and how one is able to fall for chasing the presentation without really following through with the actual living of it – just like any nice words we might say, but how many times we don’t end up actually living it? Or creating an idea of having everything ‘under control’ but not really knowing how to take the wheel and drive?

 

What happens with suppressions is the more we hide, the more things pile up, accumulate to a bigger conflict only because of holding an inner-perspective of who we are as such conflict and how we should handle it, which again is usually falling onto the same ‘control measures’ based upon fear, not actual Self-Understanding of How one created the entire ‘ball of snow’ in the first place.

If one is not absolutely self honest, fire eventually catches up on you and from there, only consequences must be faced, walked as a starting from zero point in order to see what was based upon being mere ‘froth’ which sounds like ‘fraud’ and how one can align it into a real physical living integration as part of the integrity that one would want to actually live, one that is not based on creating the most ‘sellable persona’ in the social-market of financial bubbles – but a human being that is able to die realizing that one has in fact done, been and become All one can in fact Live as a certainty of self as ‘who I really am’ in order to dedicate oneself fully and completely to do what’s best for all, to support self to be an actual example of what that means in all ways – am I currently that? No way,  there is so much to walk and align until there is not a single inkling of conflict with who I am, what I say, what I do and why I do it and all as in everyone else stand within one integral principle: an expression of self as one and equal –because, as the saying goes: no one is free until All Is Free.

 

This is one of the reasons why one can experience anxiety when facing mostly people and general situations wherein one’s own stand is questioned. One realizes one has been fucking around and cannot hide the truth any further and as such, anxiety as an intense fear is experienced. This is how if someone spends a considerable amount of time piling up this anguish, stress and anxiety, it is most likely that one then end up believing there’s something ‘really wrong’ with one’s nerves or health or whatever – but, what we don’t realize is that we have all created this ourselves, by our own thoughts, by our own irresponsibility, by our own false-presentations in order to present a ‘good-doer’ type of persona – but, now that we are aware of the Evil as the human nature that we actually are, is there any way to in fact be able to be ‘good’ in this world, as we have conditioned our own ‘good’ to be about within a system where life is being sold and denied to those who have No Money at all? No.

 

Hence, in order to align ourselves to a sound living experience, one has to face the idea of self and why it was kept ‘up’ within such a positive light, for what purpose, what do we exactly fear losing as the unsubstantial ego that we’ve become. For what? for who? what is ‘in it’ for us? what were we attempting to gain?

 

So, a suggestion I that if you reading this in any way believe in the end of the world, you give yourself the opportunity to give an end to the old world that we’ve kept ‘alive’ by the tips of our tongues every time that we speak just to create a cover up of our actual experiences that we even hide from ourselves, ending up fooling ourselves and living an inner conflict wherein one believes that ‘I don’t know who I really am’ and everything seems fuzzy and foggy, nothing ‘making any sense anymore’ which is just another ESC personality as another attempt to try and avoid facing the outflow of actually fearing to see the truth of ourselves: we’ve tried too hard to ‘make it’ but how can we ‘make it’ in a world founded upon lies?

 

So these are the points to explore, most humbling I can say wherein as I’ve agreed to define this: learning from one’s mistakes and walking the correction to align oneself to an actual living that I can stand by not only as words or a particular ‘idea of self’ that won’t last, but actual living-actions that are in fact a physical alignment to living, doing, becoming what’s best for all – not just goody-god-doer glib talk.

 

I’ve walked this process to get to a point of Self Honesty and this is what I’ll continue working on based on the points explained within this post, so, walk with to get to a point of sanity to create ourselves as actual living beings that are ‘Real’ in the physical sense of the word, no more upgrading personalities to avoid catching up on fire, but be able to stand here, absolutely unwavering from having faced our own inner demons as the ‘hidden corridors’ and dark corners of our mind and as such stand as an actual integrity that we all can in fact cultivate as a self-forgiveness process of everything that we owe to ourselves as life.

 

If you want to begin testing out for yourself this, Go ahead:

  • Desteni Lite ProcessTry it out for Free – No compromises other than committing yourself to support yourself through writing and daring to face who you are as the totality of the lies we have become – and as I said sometime ‘exposing our minds is the least thing we can do in this twisted world’ – we are the twisted ones, not the world, so we align to the world instead.
  • Desteni Forum
  • Desteni I Process
  • Equal Money System so that our LIVES are no longer compromised in a system of Lies
  • Read our Journey to Life blogs

I am lying and you know it. And I Know it…

 

Blogs:

 

 

Life Reviews:


%d bloggers like this: