451. Will You Deliberately Read This?

 

One aspect of our human nature that is as clear as water for me now is the propensity to blame and behind this is the evasion of self-responsibility. As I write this I ‘feel’ I have just wrote about this in my last blog, but there’s really a myriad of ways in which we constantly try and find all kinds of ‘disguises’ or ‘covert’ ways to not have to take Self-Responsibility. How? We victimize ourselves, we believe we are ‘just enslaved to the mind’, we say that ‘we don’t know ourselves’ or ‘don’t see what we are doing’ or we get ‘angry at others/the world’, we say we ‘can’t remember’ or ‘are ashamed to see what we’ve become’ or believe that we have been ‘programmed this way by some gods or creators’ while comfortably forgetting all about what ‘oneness and equality’ means even with ‘those’ that supposedly are to ‘blame’ for what we’ve become. All  of these excuses I can note down here because I’ve seen myself in all of those aspects throughout my life as well, only to now see with clarity that they are all comfortable lies we tell ourselves to not get to see and recognize the raw truth of ourselves, which is not nice and not pretty.

There’s a particular great interview that I found resonated with me quite a lot, because this is exactly the reason why I am part of Desteni, because I am interested in us ‘taking off the masks’ that we have become with ideas of us being less and inferior to ‘something’ or ‘someone’, which are just ways to deceive ourselves really, instead of fully standing our ground and being ok to embrace ourselves – the seemingly ugly and horrible of ourselves as well – walking this path to review our lives  – not only personally, but collectively – and so be able to stand up and say: Yes, this is ME, I embrace me, I acknowledge and recognize me as the liar, the cheater, the victim, the creator, the whole of it.  I realize I have the ability/capacity/power to change who I am, because I have created myself and what I have become, and so I decide to LIVE that change, moment by moment in a Deliberate manner.

See this is a key word here to work on as I’ve been seeing it and realizing it with clarity within myself, because walking this process is a deliberate decision. Why deliberate? It’s not something that will flow naturally out of you, most likely it will be the most awkward ‘unnatural’ and ‘out of place’ thing one has ever done, because we have just not wired ourselves to live by principles of self-responsibility. Therefore being Deliberate is an absolute matter of willful action to see, recognize/acknowledge and realize our responsibility to who we are and what we have created as ‘what is here’ – and so at the same time, in equal realization opening the door to start creating ourselves in a principled manner, because we created ourselves and we are creating this reality as is = this means we are the creators of it all, so the question is: who do we decide to be?

We have created ‘greater sources’ and ‘gods’ from the very first moment of our existence, not as humans, but even before that, and all of it for the sake of creating a blind-eye and eventually forgetting who we are, ‘removing’ our responsibility to it all to place ourselves in a position of inferiority, of powerlessness, of enslavement, precisely so that we then could ‘lash out’ and ‘blame’ some god or authorities, later known as ‘elites/politicians’ and ‘controllers of the world system’ as the reason why ‘all is wrong in this world.’ It’s so obvious that all that we’ve done with our lies/beliefs and experiences is nothing else but masking ourselves further from seeing directly, seeing here, what is here as our creation, our reality, our reflection – no ‘other’ but ourselves here.

And this doesn’t only relate to ‘the world’ out there, but inside of ourselves. As I was saying, there is this interview that explains to what extent we can hide ourselves from even being open to ourselves! We hide and we don’t even want to admit what we are seeing and experiencing in our own minds – which means no one else can! – and I can say yes, it’s really shameful and nasty and not ‘nice’ at all to open to oneself these aspects of our true-nature, of our true-human nature. Yet at the same time, this is exactly where we have to be at and go to if we want to Actually start taking significant steps in this process of self-realization/knowing ourselves and so having the keys to this change we sometimes see sooo difficult to create. The interview I’m talking about is The Consequence of Suppression – Quantum Systemization – Part 143 because, funnily enough, I hadn’t really connected the word ‘suppression’ to evasion or wanting to get away from something, but only as a ‘hiding’, but here now seeing how we hide when we don’t want to get to see ourselves face to face with what is really going on within ourselves, that we usually project onto others as some form of experience, again to avoid/evade seeing ourselves directly as the creators of that experience within. And so that’s why we tend to usually ‘lash out’ at others, or the world – whichever becomes our pick of the day: politicians, parents, gods, your partner, your children, ‘the system’, the money makers… the list goes on as far and wide as our desire to hide and blame and excuse ourselves goes.

It’s astounding the level of separation we have created where we virtually wage wars against anything and blame anything or anyone for our ‘enslavement’ or ‘controlling us’ not even realizing the kind of deliberate dementia we have become to precisely ‘forget’ all about who we are, what we’ve become and in doing so, we still keep ourselves busy trying to ‘find ways’ to apparently ‘be free’ from ‘the oppressors’ and ‘the laws in this system’, and ‘the money system’… we are truly only fooling ourselves! We have created it all, because we are in fact ‘one and equal’ – so who are we fooling when trying to ‘stand up to the system’ really? Are we standing up to ourselves then as the phantom enemies that we’ve created to perpetuate division and separation?  

Maybe some unfamiliar to this might say ‘Nooo! Can’t be! I’ve always been a Good person!’ well, that is just not so, who we are and have become is visible in every inch of this reality and in the kind of experiences and thoughts we hold within our minds, even more so when they are seemingly dedicated to ‘do good’ but hold a desire to trump others, to take revenge, to show and prove to others wrong, to ‘beat the rest’ and achieve one’s success over something or someone…. All of it again nicely masked and disguised for the sake of keeping oneself in a pedestal of glory and nobility. It just doesn’t exist as a genuine aspect of ourselves, the only way to make it real is by getting to first stand and embrace the deep bottom of what motivates us to be and do what one does.

Hence the point here on the word Deliberate. It’s a fully considerate, conscious and intentional doing that in the context of this process is accompanied with the integration of the living principles which can be resumed to doing/living/speaking/acting/thinking what is best for all – not about wanting to be good or avoiding being bad – or who knows just wanting to ‘be bad’ either – but about creating a starting point to everything that we do in a way that we KNOW is best for oneself and so best for others.

We can only fool ourselves to think we don’t know this if we actually don’t want to let go of an aspect of our egos/personalities and multiple characters that benefit who we are as our minds. It’s very easy to debunk or find out ‘what is it that isn’t allowing me to see? What is it that I am resisting to let go?’ simply asking ourselves what do I don’t want to see of myself that I actually don’t want to realize as my creation, that I don’t want to take responsibility and do the work to change real time for, that I am actually ashamed of, lazy to change, want to take the ‘shortcut’ to do, want to do the least effort to bring through a supportive change… what do I want to hold on to as a comfort zone in myself, in my mind experiences and in my life? And just by asking these questions, things will pop up in our minds that we have to then Deliberately – as in fully considering, consciously and intentionally – open them up to for once and for all get to see how we essentially have been throwing tantrums all along, deliberately using the shield of ‘fears’ to not actually do the deliberate self-investigation, self-introspection that comes in the way of writing or even having supportive engagements with other individuals to get to know ourselves in an actual deep and open way, based on being willing to acknowledge that first and essential, primordial nature of who we are which is that of what has been of negative nature, of destructive consequences in our bodies, in our lives, in this world.

We all know what those are, because we can see the results and even kids can tell us what makes sense to do and what not to do… so why do we fool ourselves, be-living-a-lie believing that we don’t know any better, that we are too fearful, too scared, too weak to do anything about it.

There is a phrase that has come through in this process with Desteni throughout the years and I frankly only ear-marked it for some time, not really knowing what it meant. But more so than before I consider I am giving it a definition here that is supportive for myself. That saying of ‘walking through the eye of the needle’ and how I see that it precisely involves this Deliberate – consciously, considerate and intentional – doing of living decisions that are supportive, doing the necessary work/actions as changes that we need to start, continue and improve in walking this process of self-change every single day, every moment we are alive, because there’s always, always room for improvement. This IS where we decide: do I fool myself pretending I don’t know, that I need to blame others, that I cannot forgive something/someone (which is OURSELVES anyways), that we are too weak or powerless to change, that we don’t know how, that we are too overwhelmed in our minds… It takes a deliberate decision (see the following audio for more understanding on ‘Living a Decision’: Living the Word Decision – Reptilians – Part 311) to create change in one single moment. And this is what I’d like to see as ‘the eye of the needle’ here where it seemingly is the most difficult thing to do, yet it is that opening there which is just about the right size of a constant breath, a constant standing up, a constant facing of potential challenges that will enable us to continually define where are we standing on? Who do we decide to be: of life as self-creation, self-responsibility and deliberately doing what is best for all/best for self – or of the worst of ourselves as our minds, our patterns of all kinds of excuses, justifications and victimizations with which we have managed to avoid seeing back at us as the origin and source –which means the creators – of this all: We are IT.

Now this is all theory, it’s me really ranting about things that I have been realizing and seeing more direct than ever with the assistance and support of the material at Eqafe.com and having many points ‘click’ within me to see how supportive it has been in my case throughout my process to decide Not to deceive myself, not to fool myself and when I have done so, man, do I walk the consequences for sure and only I know where I have not stood, where I have stood and what is yet to be created as myself, my potential. And this is exactly where we have to let go of when fearing to be in this seemingly ‘uncomfortable spot’ because we have yet to create ourselves, yet at the same time it’s kind of silly because here we have on a golden platter the actual keys to freedom and liberation, yet we time and time again keep ‘choosing’ to ‘diss-the-track’ as in distracting ourselves and going back to what we’ve always been before, or seeking ‘more information’ … our minds, our patterns, our usual ways to keep seeing ourselves as little kids that are in ‘perpetual seeking’ yet not daring to turn one’s face back at oneself, apparently having no say in this world.

Come on, we need to ‘human-up’ here and start transcending our adolescence really, where we like to play adults and gods and ‘grown ups’ for certain things that usually have led us to our ruin, and play ‘the kids’ that don’t know any better for everything else that entails a real doing, a real acknowledgement of self-responsibility and so a genuine dedication of self-change, of real discipline to deliberate walk through all of those seemingly ‘difficult’ points, that are only seemingly ‘difficult’ because we don’t go feeding our usual ways in the mind, and we actually go through a withdrawal process, a withdrawal symptom because of how addicted we have become to, yes, self-destruction, inferiority, victimization, keeping a blind-eye to self-responsibility even if disguised in a ‘standing up’ manner when it comes to doing so ‘against’ something or someone…. Yes, we only can fool ourselves to continue making it as tough and as difficult as we decide it to be: no one decides that but ourselves.

An example is how we like to think that there is this government that is ‘spying’ on us and everyone is fearing the NSA and GHCQ and we have people like Snowden saying ‘oh oh fear fear! You are being spied, all of you, everywhere!!’ lol, really, we are only fooling ourselves from what we already by now should know: nothing that we do ever ‘goes up in smoke’, nothing. Not a single thought, not a single move, not a single ‘not-doing’ goes unaccounted for. And this is not any mystical mystery here, this is about laws of physics and the fact that we live in a physical reality that layers/keeps track of or ‘records’ every single one of our movements based on the sheer fact of us existing in this physical reality. And all of that is what we will eventually entirely have to review from beginning to end as our walk of self-responsibility for who we are and have become, either doing it here ‘in this world’ or in the afterlife as our Life Review of which you can hear hundreds of them by clicking on the link there.

So, we really can’t hide from ourselves and that’s what I got from the interview I mentioned above The Consequence of Suppression – Quantum Systemization – Part 143 because I really resonated with how things are explained there, because I see how I personally enjoy and like these rather ‘in your face’ wake up calls, that’s what  has been the most supportive for me in my process thus far – being very direct, stark, in your face, going directly to what one would fear looking at and acknowledging just because of fear, using ‘fear’ as an excuse really, as our own convenient ‘smoke’ to not see straight to the point and acknowledge: fuck, what am I really not wanting to do for myself to change? What am I being lazy about to change this? Where am I not placing my focus and attention to correct this which I know is having a negative impact on myself and so others around me? Why and How am I running away from myself? Because to me what has been of ultimate support is seeing how people in the afterlife walk through their entire life, revising every detail of it and getting to the core of the points to change, testing them in ‘real time’ as they go doing this, to acknowledge precisely their ability to stand, to change, to take self-responsibility, because hell, if we are to acknowledge –finally – our creation of this all, can we continue being (b)lame creators? Nope, we’ve been there, are there and have done that… doesn’t work.

We like hearing things like ‘becoming life’ and associate it with this nice fluffy thing, it is really not at all to be made into this spiritual joke, this is a serious process, the most challenging thing in our lives – not difficult though, because it’s really about Living Decisions, it involves our change in our consciousness, in our awareness, in our actions and inactions. It is not, thus, ‘difficult’ but challenging, and this is a never ending challenge where we decide who we want to be in every moment, every single day.

I don’t focus myself on this notion of ‘becoming life’ or ‘finishing process’ or whatever else… that creates yet a ‘something out there in the future to obtain’ which is how we’ve created the heavens, the gods and the rest of fluffy fallacies. This is about a Deliberate – conscious, intentional and considerate – moment by moment decision in thought, word and deed of how we are ‘spending’ our time here on Earth, what we give our focus and attention on, what we decide to live, what we decide to do and not do.

But please, if there’s a last thing I ask to myself and everyone else as a human being here as myself, is that we need to truly grow up now, to stop fooling ourselves, deceiving ourselves, to realize that we are the ones that give ‘power’ to our memories, that we create our fears, that we create our fuckups – no one else, no ‘god’ or ‘preprogramming’ or ‘challenging minds’ or ‘difficult past lives’ – no-thing of that is real, but covert ways to complicate our ability to see direct into what needs to be done. It is a deliberate – conscious, considerate and intentional – action to let go of our limitations as well, in every moment, and so focus on physicality, the doing, the direction, the ‘reminding’ ourselves of principles, of our responsibility – to not victimize ourselves, to not blame, to not see ourselves as ‘disempowered’ – but to acknowledge ‘we are it’ in every moment, we make it or break it. Up to us, no one else –  a very individual process yet a very collective one and the same one for us all.

There are tons – literally – of interviews of support for virtually just about any main aspect that you will face of your mind in this process at Eqafe.com and in all platforms listed below this blog. No one else can do this for you, you have to do the work, you have to deliberately decide to walk through ‘the eye of the needle.’

 Let’s do it.

 

 

 

Try these out!

• School Of Ultimate Living | Facebook

• 7 Year Journey To Life Process : People Sharing their Processes of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction
• Desteni Radio
• Desteni Articles
• Destonians
• Desteni I Process
• Agreement/Redefining Relationship Course
• Desteni Forum : Discuss and share with us
• Desteni Wiki
• Desteni Español
• Creation’s Journey to Life
• Heaven’s Journey To Life

425. If We Dislike Deception, We Have to Become Self-Honest

There is a phase when one becomes aware of the extent of the problems in the world and we go through the vast amount of information that is at our finger tips nowadays and really get to know the nitty-gritty details of the actual prison that we’ve created for ourselves, and the challenge that comes with this is: how not to get imbued by the perception of the ‘oh so ever powerful ones’  – that are in fact a minority in this world – being the sole problem and the ones to blame for everything that’s wrong, we perceive them as being invincible, which is precisely part of the function that they represent within the whole construct of the system in itself. Sometimes the information and getting to know ‘how deep the rabbit hole goes’ becomes a reinforcement to the belief that “there is no possible way out because ‘they’ are everywhere/ ‘they’ are so powerful and invincible.” In that, we actually psychologically become subdued to what we accept as ‘their power’ which we believe ‘is so real’ that the only thing that we apparently can resort to is blaming, complaining, judging others and believing that: there is no possible way out, so why bother? This is the mentality that we have to stop and that I’ll share here how I’ve managed to constantly work on preventing me from falling on the same old patterns.

 

Identifying one’s reactions to the problems

From my perspective and personal experience, it all begins with simple steps, such as how you engage in discussing relevant topics and ‘less known’ information that is termed as ‘conspiracy theories’ which many times are not ‘theories’ but rather the hidden/occult history out of our text books in school and universities and usually explain the actual workings of  this world system, such as who has been in fact ‘behind it all’ and the mechanisms used to galvanize it, which implies that we also had to be part of such control system by compliance. An easy response to knowing ‘who’s who in the zoo’ and in fact ‘sitting at the top of the hill’ can result in us reacting with anger which in turn leads us to ‘spew our mind out’ in blaming and finding this/that president/corporation/elite person as the culprit,  which is not necessarily something that can be supportive for others that might come through and read these comments and opinions on Facebook – or any other social media site – and be exposed to this information for the first time and be shocked at discovering that their president is waging a war in Somalia, Yemen and Pakistan killing over 2000 civilians, which means it is killing people that have most likely nothing to do with any sort of potential terrorists – yet this is all being paid by your taxes… In this case,  what would you say to ‘you’ as that person that is informing themselves about the ills of the world system for the first time, and realizing that their taxes are being used to obliterate certain nations to keep control of poppy fields and trade more drugs? Reinforcing the predictable behavior such as blaming, complaining, calling names and spurting general outrage about it is Not going to solve anything.

 

So where do we start, then?

One thing that I suggest starting with is considering self-responsibility – which is a tough point, and not many people are willing to recognize it, because it involves stopping feeling righteous about calling out the abuse and instead becoming a co-creator of the mess as well. t is about realizing that by virtue of living in this same world: We Are ALL Responsible. So instead of trying to ‘change the world out there’ which becomes indeed an ‘out of reach’ type of experience when considering ‘Oh my god, I have to change the entire world!’ we have to instead consider that this change begins with taking our own lives into our own hands, to become an example, which means: start with our own life.

I bet you also began questioning why this world is the way that it is and why are people in power only being corrupted and evil and being protected by the same laws we are supposed to abide to – is the system rigged in some way? So you as I did most likely began investigating, educating yourself about the problem, developing that interest and critical thinking skills, asking questions, and maybe even getting to know others that were also starting to look for similar answers. What I’ve realized now is that understanding the problem is one part of the solution, but then comes the necessary rule of Taking the point back to oneself and so Dare to ask the more uncomfortable questions, the kind that we’ve forgotten to ask ourselves all along such as: where was I when all of this ‘conspiracy’ took place? How have we allowed ourselves to be consumed and entertained to a point where we forgot about our responsibilities?

Instead we’ve learned to equate happiness to consumption and not consider how real happiness could be genuinely built if we could all come together and agree to integrate the principles we want to live by as a society into a new proposal for a political/economic and social structure, starting with the simplicity of how we can grant each other – for example – the basic right to live in dignity? This is what the provision of a Basic Income entails. This leads to the recognition of Self-Responsibility which implies ‘They’ and ‘Those in Power,’ the ‘Invincible’ ones or those that we perceive as ‘Untouchable’ are not going to give up their power, nor do we have to focus on ‘them’ to create any form of solution either. Instead it’s about focusing on how to empower myself and others at the same time with developing this self-awareness and an understanding of the problem, without reacting to it in the predictability of anger, frustration, rage, blame and wanting to tear the government building down – but instead with maturity and self-responsible assessments.

It is about motivating oneself to see through the a new solution-based mindset and at the same time, inciting others to consider self-responsibility and Act in the awareness of ‘How can I be the solution?’ ‘How can I consider Self-Responsibility?’ within the understanding that we won’t change ‘them’ or others for that matter –  we have to be the ones that step in, we have to be the ones that are willing to correct all of our personal ‘flaws’ which entail a personal debasement to for example, believe that we are disempowered. Instead we have to prove to ourselves that we can stand up as a reformed and corrected type of human being – as a New Human Kind –  that stops all forms of hatred, deception, violence, defensiveness, attack, complacency, defeatism, laziness, conformity and the ever so corrosive illusion of powerlessness, which is precisely what I many times have considered that is created as a result of an extensive amount or information on the fickleness of the human mind that might become emotionally affected by it, becoming obsessed to continue ‘dwelling’ on the same problem in spirals without landing on Earth back with solutions.  It is at the same time strange because this creates a strange sense of false-empowerment that leads – most of the times – nowhere; very, very few are able to read, understand and use the information and awareness constructively to continue building a foundation that gathers even more reasons as to why, for example, in the case of the American ‘Secret War’ as the Drone-Wars, the funds that go to combat a deliberately created boogie man, sending people to kill and enrich all the military contractors, should instead be spent in funding the provision of a basic income in America and creating a genuine safety net to prevent an upcoming crash that has been vaticinated for some time now, yet is already quite palpable based on the amount of poverty that exists in the U.S., isn’t it? So instead of waiting for the war-jackpot to hit home and revive the economy – why not informing people about the possible solution of using that money in a supportive manner that benefits the common man at home – it is about informing the society that such Military Defense budget Is in fact people’s taxes – this is just to name a brief example.

In this, I do not speak of creating Hope either, as it becomes a ‘waiting mode’ with idle expectations based on someone, somehow ‘turning the tables to our favor’ which won’t come at all by itself, and even if it happened that way, we would still then miss out the process of realizing that we actually have to be the ones that must do something about our lives – this whole process of facing massive consequences in this world is in fact a gift to allow ourselves to see what kind of responsibility we’ve abdicated throughout time, and so at the same time realizing that it is in taking self-responsibility that the solution begins.

 

What are the Practical Solutions then?

I can share with you what I’ve done myself which begins with getting to halt my own spewing that I used to vehemently defend and share with anyone else that I could as ‘my right to point out all that is wrong’ in this world and just remain there, in that complain, in that sense of protest which I lived as what I’ve denominated ‘The Loathing Politics’ character and having an ever present and growing hatred and disgust toward virtually anything that has to do with power and politics.  I live in Mexico and one of my first ingrained memories was listening on the radio about the release of a secret tape where some politicians and party enthusiasts were hiding voting ballots beneath the carpets of some governmental building during a presidential election, this was then about the politicians doing the necessary ‘dirty job’ to rig the game…  this became part of the pattern lived throughout my life of getting used to hearing about corruption and political neglect on a daily basis, it is a part of ‘how politics work’ here, hence my loathe and despair to it all back then.

So, to the day (January 30th) 7 years ago I decided to change my life and perspective toward it: from depressive and giving up on anything related to politics/system/society to recognizing that if I want my life and that of others to be genuinely good and supportive = I have to directly do something about it. It all started by me walking my own self-forgiveness on the past hatred toward every aspect of my life that I knew was detrimental to my personal development – this includes my reactions to ‘the world system’ – specifically politicians and people ruling in the catholic church – and so made a clear decision to for once and for stop being the predictable robot that only knows how to complain and blame.I decided to Stop adding my own bs and reactions to ‘those in power.’ Instead, understanding more about ‘the truth’ of this game led me to gather more and more reasons to understand that if a ‘few’ could do it, then our potential if united as the 99% of the world that is not ‘rigging the game’ can form an agreement to take responsibility for creating a new starting point in our society. I’ve also realized there is a massive potential yet to be unleashed that we have to begin growing and enticing within each other with simple steps, changing the way that we look at politics is an example of where one can start with.

 

“We need to do the opposite of what Russell Brand is advocating, we need to use our votes. Even if we don’t want to engage with the current broken system, we should not use that as an excuse for apathy. We should see it as an encouragement to engage in creating our own alternatives, our new co-created systems; to be creative about it and to connect. Connectivity is the key to a rapid change; but information in itself is meaningless if we don’t know how to decode it into wisdom.” –

Birgitta Jonsdottir  “Democracy in the Digital Era” – January, 2015

 

 

This is thus about first understanding the problems, understanding the ‘power structure’ and so realizing that if we see politics plays a big role, if CEO’s play a big role, if influential people in communities play a big role = then We have to become such ‘big roles’ as well! This won’t be an easy task either, because we are all essentially predestined to continue blindly walking the path of the least effort, giving up on the first obstacle we encounter, seeking the most reward without having to move a single finger and so on….  well, those days will be over soon.

We have to consider that we’ve allowed ourselves to be slaves for far too long, therefore it won’t take only 7 years to ‘wake up and change’ – no, we’re talking about walking through the human conditioning that’s lasted for thousands of years, which has increased in the last century at a rapid rate and is ever present now with the ability of be intercommunicated at all times. However in a way it also prompts us to consider first and foremost: how have I contributed to the problem as well with my inaction to take responsibility for it? Is my anger, hatred or blame supportive for myself or anyone? If not, then what would I do if – for example – I was ‘Obama’? or anyone you perceive has more ‘power’ than you for that matter…well, the thing is: we all have the ability and potential, we just squander it too much when being overwhelmed and emotionally driven to give up or just continually seek to focus on something more pleasurable and easily rewarding which is part of the necessary elements to keep ourselves in a divided and conquered mentality = this is the human failure that I decided to not be a part of anymore.

What do I practically do and support?

I support myself and other individuals to walk through this same process I just described, which is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever conceived I’d be doing with my life  – after perusing a rather selfish career in visual arts – and I gave myself a purpose to every single day share what I learn, what I consider as solutions, what I see as the problems and how we can use a documentary, a blog, a news article to reflect how what goes on ‘in the world’ as our individual and collective creation.

So, you can hear all my daily recordings which is a relatively ‘new’ project here: http://mixlr.com/marlen-vargas-del-razo/showreel/ – I support and am directly involved in the promotions of the  Living Income Guaranteed Proposal Living Income Guaranteed Proposal http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal / http://youtube.com/livingincome along with an exemplary group of people around the world at Equal Life Foundation which is part of the various efforts that we’ve proposed throughout the years as stepping stones toward political and economic change, while emphasizing on the necessity to include living principles which are similar to the same ones I’ve shared about my personal process.

So for example, providing a basic income/living income is a starting point to first get ourselves out of this survival-coerced mode and so, give each other the certainty of having the necessary to live. This in turn frees the necessary time to educate ourselves, to realize that it is about us now proposing solutions and giving that opportunity to each other to see who would we really be once that money stops being the main problem and obstacle for our personal and collective development. This also requires the will and volition to develop self-leadership and self-governance. It is not an easy task to do, though it is Not impossible either and everyone at ELF can be an example of what it is to live a regular life and still have the time to actually ‘walk the talk’ and direct ourselves to embody the principles that we agree on, the principles that we want to live by as a society and as a result of understanding the problems, which is what many people in the informed community already does – so now it’s about time to take the next step to encourage the development of a solution-based mindset.  

 

Giving up based on how ‘bad things look’ has become a common excuse to not do something about it – my take is: what else is there to do anyways in this world if not attending the problems we’ve caused? What else is there to do if not attending and raising your children, becoming an example of what is to do your work in the best possible way, supporting others to become better themselves, to recognize their potential and assist others in developing it –  which can be done once that one works on one’s own  – practicing our communication abilities, creating supportive personal and working relationships, becoming a living example of what is to Really ‘Be the change you want to see in this world’ and the list goes on…It only takes a decision from ourselves to be a part of the not-giving up group.

 

I would not even focus on trying to awaken those that are too fearful or complacent to even spare some minutes to read, watch or hear something that is beneficial to the whole. We tend to discourage ourselves from believing ‘no one cares’ when in fact, many Do care, but have no idea of where to even start with looking at a way through this mess, so that’s why education and information with a directive proposal for solutions is required and what we are in fact here for, no matter how ‘impossible’ it may seem at the moment – everything starts steps by step with oneself, isn’t it?

 

If we want to stop corruption, then let’s develop self-integrity, if we want to stop all lies and deception, then it’s time to develop self-honesty, if we are tired of ‘greedy people’ then we have to focus on developing moderation and being able to spot our own behavioral patterns and impulses where we give too much attention to that which only benefits ‘me’; this implies being a little bit more ‘selfless’ which is not giving oneself away, but developing a genuine care and empathy for others around us, as they are ‘us’ as well –  yes, even those in ‘high places.’ If we are so tired of the ‘same old’ bs, well, we have to also do some self-introspection and be willing to see and recognize what of ourselves we would like to change, what destructive patterns and habits we have that we know only lead us to a predictable outcome of failure/giving-up/passivity/complacency… how about instead we start considering how we affect ourselves/ others with our words, actions and inactions? What would it mean and what would I do if ‘I’ today had to become a person that is at the service of others like a public-servant/politician?

These are questions that lead us to recognize that we don’t have to wait for a president to give us nice answers on how to solve the problems, we can instead begin this process bit by bit ourselves, no matter how ‘unrealistic’ the feasible solutions might seem, because this ‘unrealistic’ conclusion about possible solutions becomes part of the obstacles to not think outside of the box and is part of the most common sabotage to potentially great ideas that, fortunately, are gaining more attention these days. 

These are the kind of questions that lead us to introspect and ensure that we live every day willing ourselves to see beyond the ‘fog’ and not get overwhelmed by how things currently operate. The trick is not to get lost in the rabbit hole and come out of it scared and only recreating another war as overloaded criticism and antagonism to those that we perceive as ‘the only culprits,’ or to try and attempt to ‘take the power away’ from someone through protesting and waging war – yet another one – with words, imaginations, intentions and predictable defeated outcomes.

This genuine (r)evolution is about focusing on individual self-change so that the way that we relate to one another and the world itself becomes the sheer result and accumulation of these seemingly ‘small changes’ that will certainly not get ‘Obama’ out of office – but will in turn encourage many others to start seeing behind the fog, to consider ways out in a human brain that is designed to always only focus on the friction/conflict and problem… it is about time we get rid of the belief, hope and sheer religious faith where we think that ‘those in power had to do this For Us’. It is about outgrowing the notion and comfortable denomination of ‘those in power’ by realizing that we are in fact the ones that abdicated such power: we are the majority therefore, we are in fact all capable of standing up for what we see will make our lives much better.

Our biggest problem at the moment is apathy and the perception of being powerless, and with this we do a disservice to life when we get too informed about the ultimate nitty gritty on conspiracies, but we don’t act in ways that prove we understand the problem and so have a better notion of how to start solving the problems as well.

 

I quote Junaid Malik with whom I fully agree with when it comes to the solution he proposes, and when I read his words I was glad to realize that not everyone that informs about the actuality and depth of the problem leaves a blog without a clear directive to self-responsibility:

 

“There is no short term solution to the multidimensional problems we are facing. Education and awareness are key prerequisites for the change, which can only be achieved through a long term process. Instead of being selfish we will have to revive our faith in self-sacrifice for the common good. Instead of accepting an unequal educational system, we will have to educate all the children, the next generation in this country, without discrimination. Education doesn’t mean reading, writing or getting a degree and finding a job. It means learning to see through the façade of pretense. It means attaining knowledge and wisdom; knowledge to understand what’s going on and wisdom to change it. Let’s give it a try and hope that our next generation, once educated and enlightened, will stand against injustice and inequality, showing the oligarchy the exit door and replacing it with capable individuals in the decision-making process.” – JM http://wp.me/p2zw1Q-1o

 

So, my suggestion is that instead of continuing to rehash the same old predictable self-defeat, we use our time, our words, our simple interactions to share common sense = What WE Can Do in order to realize that it is about US learning to agree on what is best for all, learning to properly communicate, learning to always take the finger back to us and be willing to recognize our own flaws and self-deception first, and so prevent ourselves from jumping into conclusions and criticizing others – it is about being willing to give it our All that is humanly possible to correct the mess we’ve co-created – we all know what would make our lives in this world better, so why don’t we instead focus on working on that which is not only meaningful and gives a new sense to our lives, but absolutely necessary and ultimately our responsibility to the generations to come?  

 Thanks for reading and: walk along if you are ready to stand up

 

You can listen to the original version of this writing here: http://mixlr.com/marlen-vargas-del-razo/showreel/if-we-dislike-deception-we-have-to-become-self-honest/

 

 

 

 

320. Economic Power in Equal Money Capitalism

It is a blatant imaginary system imposed onto physical reality, that’s what money is: a mind creation that represents the relationships of power and abuse that we created in order to have more than others, and use others to do the work for ourselves. This is a mind problem that has become our current economic system backed up by the necessary political powers to make it ‘real,’ when it is absolutely not so. It is our creation, and it is our responsibility.

 

Continuing from:

307. CapitalismUS: Pursuit of Happiness

308. Might Makes Right: CapitalismUS

• 309. Equal Distribution of Power
  • 310. The Illusion of Power – Self Forgiveness
  • 311. You Want ‘All The Power’?
  • 312. Are Rebellion and War the Same?
  • 313: Good, Evil and Power
  • 314. How does Rebelling support Corporations?
  • 318. Government in Equal Money Capitalism
  • 319. Political Power in Equal Money Capitalism
• 315. Rights and Equal Money Capitalism
  • 316. Rights are NOT Guaranteed to be Successful
  • 317. Equality in Equal Money Capitalism

 

 

Problem                                                                             

What is economic power?

The power wielded by a businessmen is the power to create wealth through production, and trade. In regards to trade in a free market, a businessmen can only entice you to do his bidding, by offering you something that you judge to be of equal or greater value in return as judged of your own free-will. His power is the power of persuasion: the power to appeal to one’s mind. Such power is derived by creating value–such as when Bill Gates (Microsoft) creates better products at lower prices. The businessman’s spiritual tool is the mind–and its material counterpart–is the dollar.

– http://capitalism.org/category/power/

 

A fundamental building block in our consciousness is the notion of and belief of power endowed to money and the ‘benefits’ that come with it, which makes of money and end in itself and with this, Power became a disease in the human mind wherein our ‘creative powers’ have built an entire fixed system where by ‘the way the system works’ we justify  abuse, control, subjugation  and the ability to decide upon others according to and directly proportional to the amount of wealth/ economic power individuals have, created by the necessary deceptive means as implied in the quote above.

I quote Bernard Poolman:

 

“There is No Morality. There is No Self Honesty. There’s No Consideration. There can be No Trust. You have No Integrity. There Can be No Integrity with the Current System. You Cannot Live within the System, with Integrity. It is Not Possible. You Have to Change it to What is Best for All, but…Will you? Not Really, because – you Can’t: “you’ll ‘Lose too much’”, you See – because you’re already Possessed too much. That’s the Demon within you – your Possessions: “I am Possessed by what I have, I can’t give it up – therefore, I can’t Share, I can’t Give as I would like to Receive, because I already HAVE.” – Encryption, encryption, encryption…Backchat, backchat, backchat – Self-Righteous, Justified.”

 

• This belief and justification of such Economic Power decides who stands at the top of the pyramid, who lives and who dies, who must live a life enslaved to a job to ‘make enough money to go by’ and who will be more focused on how to capitalize such wealth, which is in essence the disease of greed and power.

 

• Money was created to fix a very simple problem: how to create a medium of exchange that could give a value to two or more different things that were going to be traded, which is also entailing the requirement for a unit of account. Money is a convenient tool to exchange goods and services in a common unit.  The exchange rate came into the picture later on, which is in itself a relationship of Power between Nations and ‘monetary authorities,’ which is the hegemonic structure where abuse was installed.

 

• It is a Store of Value which enabled individuals to convert perishables into more durable goods – right, but it became a lot more than this since the amount of ‘durability’ that wealth has is more than just a mere practical form to secure your earnings, it has become an addiction in itself where earning more, having more, wanting more has overruled any form of common sense in an individual that ‘tastes the glory of power’ and becomes entrenched with the right of ‘pursuing happiness’ to do so, which is openly acceptable in our dog-eat-dog capitalist ideology and world.  So ‘Storing Value’ as money transformed into ourselves becoming and embodying such Amount of money that we have and call it ‘our wealth,’ our ‘power’ and justify it as our Lifestyle and Right to Be Happy.

 

• These are the very basic functions you’ll find Money exists for – so, how was it become our God  and who has decided that only a few could really enjoy the ‘powers’ of it when having more than enough to do those basic trading operations? Well, it became a way to Control and Accumulate Money in itself as a form of Power/Control over others, this is through our own accepted and allowed ‘Authorities’ that are able to decide the Value of a currency in comparison to others, which reflects what we currently call our first and third world countries, there’s also the process of fixing prices and the rest has been explained where these regulations provide all the necessary legal means to make the most profit without any form of responsibility toward everyone involved in the creation of such Money as Value that became a Power/wealth in itself for some.

 

• By becoming a monetary authority, states can manipulate “the Forces” that determine price levels and international capital flows. This is what creates the ever justifiable ‘monetary policy autonomy’ between nations, and this is what moves the world as we know it. A single authoritarian decision to create value systems that benefit some, neglect the majority and is perpetuated through legal means – this is where such ‘Economic Power’ resides, Not the Individual.

 

• The greater concentration of this power, the better and our hegemonic system flourishes every time that we buy and consume from the Multinational Corporations and Enterprises that have become the real hegemons in our world system. It is this desire for Power that currently sets the ‘regulations’ and policies that are tailored to suit the interests of those that already hold the power, this is thus not a problem of ‘the System’ only, but of Human Nature existing in such cynical manner where No regard toward Life is existent, but we all Feed the machine through our very own desires to also have such power, so there’s no one to blame for other than our very own mind-mechanisms that have created money as a means to abuse in itself.

 

• The main problem is conceiving this power as ‘good’ and ‘great’ and ‘your right to property, liberty and happiness’ instead of looking at the consequences that such mechanisms are creating in our world. The imposition of currency values as Exchange Rates determine which country dominates another through trade where the motive is self interest and greed, why has there been no motivation to create a single currency? Because there would be no benefit in that, there would be no acceptance from equal currencies to accept another country’s capital to buy cheaper labor to then ship the goods to be sold at a higher price abroad, isn’t it? Slavery, famine, homelessness, debts, lack of health, subordination, immigration, and any other form of abuse and slavery is accepted and allowed by this hegemonic system we’ve all complied to, a single VALUE we believe is real and ‘just’ by the means it was proclaimed to be so.

 

So, how to Equalize this Economic Power within our current system?

 

Solution                                                                             

• The key begins within the individual realizing that this current system of  abuse called our monetary policies, economic system and the executives behind it must cease to exist as they do now, that implies a reform through political means – democracy is the way to implement a new political and economical system that actually restores to money its very basic functionality of being a medium of exchange, a unit of value and account – and that it serves to enable people to buy goods and services according to the amount of money earned through the labor they support the system with, it is thus a giving and receiving motion wherein there will be no ability to abuse, since Equal Profit share means that no matter what position you are in within the system, you get equal amount of money from the total profit made by the business/ corporation, and the same in any other governmental dependency, charge, service that you give outside of a main organization.

 

• The Value of Money will be life in itself, no longer someone’s desire to win more in Wall Street or exploiting ‘Free Trade’ in third world countries. It is and will be a functional tool that enables us to distribute life to all people that contribute to participate in the system, co-creating a sustainability that everyone can benefit from.

 

• One currency would be the most practical of course since our Exchange Rate Regimes are only created out of the relationships of power an inequality that are currently accepted in our world-system. However we will only see how Currency exists –  for further reference on currency, read:  ¿What will be the Currency in an Equal Money System?

 

 

 

Rewards                                                                             

• The definition of Wealth will be an actual integrity of man willing to give and receive in equality, where money is the meaning of a generosity and appreciation for what we do to maintain and sustain a world system that is supporting each other equally. Appreciation means a-without price-  it is recognizing the value of our own work for the benefit and convenience it provides for us all.

 

• There will be no more concentration of power since all profit will have to be immediately distributed to everyone in an equal manner. This is the end of corporatocracies, poverty, the elite, wars, imperialism, the have not’s, the middle class and third world countries – everyone will have access to the most dignified manner of living we are able to construct/ build and create for each other, as Equals.

 

• Any desire for greed or power would be treated as a mental disease which will surely a security measure o ensure no human being is every again wanting to hoard any form of ‘economic power’ in the name of self interest.

 

For further reference, read  the Equal Money Wiki

• Place your questions as the Equal Money Forum and Equal Money Capitalism at Quora

• Visit the Group Capitalism vs. Equal Money group on Facebook.

• Read the Equal Money Wiki

• Read Economist’s Journey to Life

 

Artwork by Matti Freeman

Youtube:
http://youtube.com/mattifreeman1
http://youtube.com/matterfreemantv

Blogs:
http://www.matterfreeman.blogspot.com/
http://equalmoneyendspoverty.blogspot.com/
http://mattifreeman.blogspot.com/

 

Blogs

• 
  

  Why People Fear Equality, Part 3 03/06/2013

• Fear of Equality, Part 2. 03/03/2013

• 
  

  Fear of Equality, Part 1. 03/02/2013

•  

• Eau de Van Gogh – Day 325

• Day 314: The Children of the Law of One (Part Five)

• Day 315: The Children of the Law of One (Part Six)

• Prisoner of the Mind, Body and Spirit: DAY 313

 

Vlogs:

• Feeding the Fat Cats in Equal Money Capitalism? –

• 2011 Money is NOT EVIL – 

282. What do Spirituality and War have in Common?

When one speaks about the truth of ourselves which is describing the reality we live in/witness every day and use basic facts like children being maimed and have their limbs blown off by bombs because of a war that was founded upon a seemingly ‘positive thing’ such as ‘eradicating terrorism’ –or whatever the final reason is kept to be – and justifying it with things like defending a nation from external evil, this explanation is then received as a radically Negative message. However this comes from people that would rather pray or indulge in 24/7 with Positive thinking and mass distractions – or mass destruction by seeking personal satisfaction and pursuit of happiness, hooked on so many ubiquitous drugs that have lead people to bankruptcy, losing all their functional relationships, ending up living in tents and cars managing to panhandle just to maintain an addiction.

What’s all of this? an indication of fear: fear of facing ourselves as the mind that we are and have become, that’s what generates crisis: allowing our indecision and irresponsibility to build up to such an extent that we get angry at the world instead of facing ourselves first and this is the origin of protests/rebellion, and its counter part where people would rather seek for peace of mind through attracting all the positive to your life while fearing to see this reality of ourselves that’s becoming to hard to overlook. It’s like running away from ourselves, really.

 

Why would we require positivity/ spirituality movements/ new age exist? Because the negative is what has always prevailed in our society, no matter what –that should already be an indication of how that which is ‘effortless’ such as seeking for our personal benefit, our self interest and competing to ‘win’ at all times seems like a natural instinct for the majority of beings, isn’t it? Hence when such desire is not fulfilled because of the physical reality as our world demonstrating to us our creation as the direct outflow of irrational thinking manifested as our world-system, we turn to love and light and positivity to hide from it, because we can’t just  bear the fact that we are in fact our own worst nightmare and enemy. And yes, this is what creates Fear, the Fear to face ourselves as what we have become.

People would rather pray for the ‘fallen ones’ in war before questioning why does war even exist in the first place, what is ‘in it’ for us to accept war as part of a country’s ‘defense tactics’ justified by the law of ‘an eye for an eye’ as retaliation to purify one’s “honor” – this is the principle of war: masking real evil with noble intentions, creating deliberate occupations that are not meant to ‘fight terror’ but rather get a country’s ‘black gold’ that happens to be the motor of our current unsustainable lifestyle that we seek to improve through obtaining more money and more positive thinking – full circle of consumerism sanctified as holy freedom rights.

 

 

 

You drop out and tune in to the TV god that promotes several ways to free yourself, like buying lots of stuff you don’t really need, informing yourself about histories being told by those that would want to keep a certain order of this world and many spawns of religion in the form of spirituality programs and new age thinking that’s fed on a constant basis for massive indoctrination, supporting the surrendering to the here now moment of people that will feel like they’ve finally won a battle against the mind! Yet this is the perfect drug in fact, one so addictive that is hard to refuse and even harder to quit because it is not even considered as something harmful and detrimental to one’s common sensical reasoning and sanity: love, light, beautiful pictures and stories that keep us well contained in a parallel reality where no actual facts exist, where all the ‘ugliness’ of the world is covered up and justified with further things like god being wise and knowing why he would make some deliberately people left to suffer, and not even dare to question god’s word even if it means that we would be forever damned to see others starve while those with money can be thankful for our joyous lucky ride in life. Not a care, not a dare about how their system is being created, legalized and implemented by a set of deliberate flawed laws wherein people have not yet realized the actual contract one is endowed with from the moment of birth: to be a slave  to a corporation called nation that competes with other corporations/nations to make the most profit in this corporate-driven world – citizens are no longer humans with ‘god given rights’ but  employees with limited access to food, water, shelter,  drugs and weapons supplied to keep everyone feeling like there’s some freedom and liberty, feeling all happy and self righteous. with a moment of ‘entertainment’ while feeling safe at home. Hell yeah.

 

How have we come to accept our world as is and how have we come to invest our time, effort and resources  to disguise the massive totalitarian control that’s taking place. The charismatic leader is, unfortunately, not going to be someone like the usual fascist clichés imposing fear through  energetic personalities, but quite the opposite: it won’t be one single person, it won’t be perceived as ‘negative’ and it won’t seem angry – it is an ideology, it spreads like a feel-good drug that is easily indulged to by your own acceptance and allowance of thoughts that lead you to experiences that make you feel ‘good’ inside your mind and it will be presented as the ultimate remedy for a troubled angry hopeless human mind: Positivity. And yes, unfortunately in can only work if you have enough money to feed yourself to use up that energy to generate all the positive thoughts that we are so ignorant about in terms of what are the effects thinking and imagining create in this world – and not outside, as that is once again, our truth – but in the inside as in consuming our own living flesh to power up our own new-clear mind plant that we run inadvertently without ever pondering what the effects are of the words in our reality as building blocks of our creation.

 

Hence we go back to square 1: why would we require wars to get someone else’s resources through violent (vile-ends) means if we could instead establish a world system wherein resources are equally given and received?

Power requires abuse and the means to obtain it have been justified –we’ve done the same when seeking spirituality/ benevolence and our ‘prosperity’ that is composed and formed by a plethora of articles and services made and given by people that have no option but to work in such demeaning jobs with no other alternative.

 

In terms of war, it should be absolute common sensical reasoning that you cannot fight fire with fire and fighting terror with war is just that –would this prove that the level of intelligence and critical reasoning has been deliberately lowered in order to maintain an entire world driven by money, being busy seeking happiness through money that buys the sex, booze, drugs and a self-righteous superior position to ensure that there are always those that are enslaved to maintain the ‘life of the fortunate riches’ that are, at the same time, also consumed as an entertainment product that is bought/paid by those that live such menial lives that seek for a bit of ‘escapism’ from the dread of working to die and what do you get? TV and the most trivial entertainment that ensures people remain in this endless loop of barely making a living and using the little free time left to run the well known course of the seeking-for-something loop of god, sex, money, drugs, partying, remaining in isolation or openly hating each other to create excuses outside of ourselves as points to blame or get easily annoyed by, to then justify the personal desire for ‘inner peace’ through positivity or retaliation through war or killing your noisy neighbor.

  This is how the inner-demons are fought with light/love/positivity, not realizing that light also runs its course and cannot be sustained forever, just like ourselves in this world: what’s the point in going through an entire lifetime of endless battles within and without of ourselves? Is this what we are here for? I would say this is what we have created ourselves to exist for, which is different: we decide at all times what we do and how we live.

 

The inherent self-experience that we believe we just can’t get rid of-hence turning to love and spirituality as a cure, is definitively addictive pattern based on the lack of understanding how our mind works/operates, because just like the analogy of dark and light: the dark does not require batteries to exist, and the light does and as such, just like our oil that’s keeping our current ‘lifestyles’ in place, it will also come to a dead end in a not so far away future that’s already here.

 

What will run out first? Oil or Hope? I would like Hope to be the answer to this question, so that practical living measures are taken immediately and stop the inaction,  because we are in fact aware of what we are generating and perpetuating every single day and we realize one thing: we know the problem because we are it, we just haven’t realized to what urgency a solution is required to be in place so that we can all stop battling ourselves inside seeking for some comfort in the light that lead us to wage wars to  power/ sustain such light/positive/  progressive self experience, which is what we are currently seeing as all the beautiful pictures of what a wonderful lifestyle we can have if we just dare ourselves to dream and think positive. Nevermind the millions abroad fighting for a war they believe is a ‘higher purpose’ for a godly-blessed nation, nevermind those that work as slaves to produce such wonderful life.

 

Investigate Desteni to understand the inherent fear that we seek to mask and cope with by seeking spirituality, the same way that in fear we created money to create control and abuse – Equal Money Capitalism is the proposal to finally stop the massive destruction and abuse that is imposed when granting each other’s ‘rights’ in the name of self defense, because there will be nothing to ‘defend ourselves from,’ because fear will be understood and stopped within the understanding that we can only exist in fear when disregarding all parts of ourselves as equals.

This is a practical common sensical solution that will stop people from hoping and praying and instead use the available support to develop a real sense of physical living of cooperation and mutual regard in equality. No more will the sugar-fueled addiction of spirituality and love armed with righteous guns exist. Will this be a hard one to ‘give up’ here? Will common sense prevail after all?

Let’s find out – I dare you

 

The answer to the title of this blog is:

 

Further Support:

• Desteni

• Desteni Forum

• Desteni Lite Process – Online Free Course to take the first steps to walk in Equality with us

• Desteni I Process

• Equal Money System

 

Blogs:

• Day 280: The Power of Time

• Day 281: PROPERTY WORTH OWNING!

• CAPTIV(E)ated by Own IMAG(E)ination (Part Two): DAY 280

 

Free Download:

Spirituality and Rebirth

Spirituality Under the Microscope – Volume 2

The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 1

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I Finally Understand…

281.The Benefits of Redefining Rewards in Equality

 

Positive experiences linked to the word reward – are they Really positive in nature?

When looking at the Positive reactions toward Rewards in the point I am walking with in relation to getting rewards for ‘being a good student’ throughout my school years, I begun to associate it with incentives and as such it is supposed to be a motivation factor for the person to continue doing their job in such an effective way which I associated to ‘selling myself’ and as such, losing my ‘honor’ if I would get any reward for doing something that was solely my point of responsibility.

Continuing from:

• 280. Austerity is Self Abuse
• 279. My Ambivalent Relationship with Rewards
• 278. Judging what’s Best because not Everyone Can Have it
• 277. Finding it Hard to Accept Rewards

 

If we have a look at the word reward obviously in itself is a gifting that can be equalized to giving/ receiving in equality – but the problem is when there are hidden agendas and intentions behind such giving that makes it Not unconditional, but openly conditional and with a point of interest that is mostly driven by money, a point of benefit that will be ‘rewarded back’ by the person that originally gives. What are we looking at here? That the giving is not unconditional, but expecting something in return, which is what creates the building blocks of self-interest wherein one will not act from the starting point of self honesty and self responsibility, but always looking forward to ‘get something out of it,’ and this is what I have seen as ‘wrong’ just because of how money currently is earned and how it exists within the world system.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a positive charge to the moment of receiving a reward as money from my father because that meant I would be able to buy that which would make me happy such as cd’s and books, and as such, allow myself to create a positive experience in conflict with a negative experience based on what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ to accept according to the ‘honor’ and ‘dignity’ that I perceive was being violated the moment someone would want to reward me for doing something that I regarded as my responsibility, as well as the morals that I learned in order to be a ‘good humble person.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an inner conflict of feeling good for desiring money to buy things because of judging the act of buying ‘non indispensable things’ as a luxury, wherein I would constantly realize that ‘not everyone has access to such luxuries’ and as such, feeling guilty for having the ability to earn rewards from doing something that was my responsibility only, and in this rejecting the opportunity to have a cool moment of enjoyment with my rewards, going into an ‘I don’t deserve it’ mode due to linking this reward point to a discrimination, because not everyone could have equal access to the rewards I would get.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to generate a positive experience toward the idea of ‘what I can buy with rewards’ wherein the word reward became only a synonym of money/ buying, which is then why I have tainted the word with such a limited spectrum of definition, because of me being the only one that created this construct of  rewards = consuming something that will make you happy, which proves to what extent we have diminished our ability to understand giving and receiving in a world where happiness is linked to money and buying.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link rewards to a positive experience that I would not allow myself to experience because of thinking and believing that me enjoying something at the expense of money was ‘wrong,’ without realizing that this only existed because of how our current monetary system exists and within that, creating a general denial toward money and creating a rift of my relationship to money because of no wanting to be a ‘self-interested person,’ without realizing how within this I further separated myself from money without fully understanding it, and as such it is only now that we can establish a solution through and with using money to create a system that works for everyone equally, that I realize how I was in fact only denying a point of enjoyment due to such enjoyment being bought with/ by money.

 

I realize that it is thus my own responsibility for creating a point of desiring rewards but at the same judging them because I never considered the giving and receiving aspect that can be possible in this world if we all agree to stop making of rewards another ‘hook’ to keep one moving oneself or buying a certain product and as such, creating a consumerist loyalty for the benefit it represents.

 

Here I also have the aspect of being rewarded for being a loyal costumer.  Within this I realized that there are no Real ‘Positive Experiences’ because they in fact stem from the negative aspect as any energy for that matter that is  used as a ‘bait’ to keep the person going/ buying – the point thus is conditional movement.

 

 

Within this, such aspect would also bother me, because then I would think ‘my responsibility and achievements are now being rewarded as if I required something to motivate me outside of myself to keep doing what I do, the way that I do it’ and as I’ve mentioned, taking a point of pride to refuse these ‘positive incentives’ to make it clear that ‘I do not require rewards to move myself.’ However, in the end, I would accept them and enjoy what I would be able to buy with such money – such as cd’s, books mostly which is something that we should all have access to through a giving and receiving wherein through giving it is not to expect something in return, but to realize that it is our right to be able to enjoy what is existent here the same way that we contribute to the functionality of the system that enables such rights and benefits. This means that: if I remove the pride/ ego/ superiority aspect of ‘I do not require rewards to motivate me’ – I would accept and allow myself to receive such reward as a gift, as an equal giving and receiving without making a problem out of it according to morals and personality.

 

If we look at the money aspect,  the corporations/ companies/ businesses that provide rewards to their ‘faithful costumers’ are using such gifts to ensure that they have a returning costumer to such an extent that we create a bond/ affiliation with certain brand/ store / business and eventually becomes part of our identity: what we consume and our rewards for consuming it creates our ‘trust bonds’ which is the very-limited understanding of rewards I had existent as part of my understanding within this word, for the most part only linked to money and buying. In this ‘reward giving’ of the corporations/ businesses, they get the profit back through you being a continuous loyal customer, you get your product, and everyone’s happy – apparently. But what happens when such profit is only earned by the ‘heads’ of the corporation while you have an ‘army’ of laborers that earn very little to actually create / produce/ manufacture the produce one is consuming, and hardly see any of that ‘loyal consumer profit’ hitting their pocket? Well, then the whole reward apparatus to get more profit entails a point of abuse because what is earned is not equally distributed, and the only reason for giving rewards is to maintain a certain market due to the competition that we currently have of  different  brands/ companies, constantly pushing themselves to get the most costumers for their own benefit and reward – this is how growth and development of a corporation is rather abusive as well.

 

What does all of this entail? Deception, having to lie  and corrupt each other in order to ‘lure’ ourselves to do something/ consume something, which is all based on the self interest of wanting to ‘get the most,’ be the one that ‘wins’ and become ‘successful’ according to the standards that we’ve allowed to exist in the current system configuration, wherein only a few can enjoy the pleasures of having a great amount of money.This is what ‘turns me down’ about rewards and why I turned ‘against the system,’ because of identifying how our human relationships have turned into a point of convenience and self-interest to win ‘above all’

It all became just another self-interest/ greed game of fixed casino jackpots and within that, we accepted and allowed ourselves to found our lives upon abuse.  Within this starting point, no matter how ‘great’/ positive/ beneficial something may sound like, it would always entail a form of abuse, as it currently works in our world system where there is No actual positivity in the rewards obtained, simply because: as long as one single being is not getting such rewards = we are missing one part of the equation and such reward is an elitist benefit upon those that have none.

 

 

 

• Redefining Rewards

 

We can learn how to give and receive through supporting and honoring each other within the understanding and acceptance of our equal right to live in dignity, a point of having equal rights and equal responsibilities. We can build this way a real integrity wherein we will act based on principles and understanding of a physical giving and receiving as a way of relating ourselves to each other: in and out just as we breathe, inhaling and exhaling as a constant symbiotic relationship that makes our lives possible. Within this, rewards is a gifting and an outcome of giving – a physical movement consideration instead of it being a mind-driven deception.

 

And rewards does not only extend to the point of being ‘directly receiving’ something tangible, it is also the reward of living in a common sensical and principle based society and government wherein all record keeping, all our laws and decisions made that affect the whole would be visible to all, and voted by all as a real democracy and as such, realize that we are the ones that have the power to decide how we live our lives. We have to develop a sense of Neighborism to the extent of truly ‘loving thy neighbor as thyself’ and as such, create a network of relationships as a world system of actual care –  

This is thus why and how  there can be no actual ‘success’ and ‘real rewards’ in the self-honest meaning of the word in a world-system wherein for some to have such rewards, others are left without any form of money to  live, and here is thus quite clear how we can only truly be free from such deception, corruption and bigotry of rewards/ building up a positive consumerist profiles when there is no longer competition between companies/ corporations to lure the most clientele to their businesses, there is no more need to give incentives in means of maintaining something/ someone in a ‘preferred’ position, because it means ‘winning’ over others; one will not require a positive energetic experience of expecting to be rewarded, but one will learn to act by/ as principle, to follow an actual behavioral code wherein the only principle that will guide it is what’s best for all – no more personality play-outs of superiority/ inferiority, but focusing on the physical enjoyment and retribution that we can give to ourselves as a recognition point of being equally working to create and maintain a functional system that’s best for all, which gives us equal rights to enjoy and have fun.

 

All of this will be possible within the implementation of the Equal Money Capitalism, the biggest reward would be to see no human being suffering hunger, poverty, disease, war, abuse, violence, mental diseases, drug addictions and everything that we can currently understand have become our self-annihilation activities that have stemmed from each one of us abdicating our point of responsibility to create a world that we are truly proud and happy to live in. This enables me to then embrace words such as joy, happiness and pride for contributing and working for a system wherein we will learn to live caring for each other, as a real intention without any hidden agendas.

 

All of this entails a radical change in our Human Mind, it requires Self Honesty to develop common sense wherein we understand that the biggest reward we can get is not money/ objects/ luxury and any other form of ‘pleasure’ that comes and goes in one moment, but the satisfaction of being able to wake up every single day in a world that you Really want to live in, in a world where your life will no longer be subject to earning money to live, but instead changing the equation of working to be rewarded with life back in an unconditional way, never again having the access to resources denied or abused/hoarded only by some – this is how I have envisioned that we will truly and openly live the word Reward in Self-Honesty, a complete renewal of the relationships we’ve built with each other, changing them from a point of convenience, abuse, neglect, parasitism, greed and desperate need to physical interdependence, cooperation, equal support and consideration of all bodies of existence being able to live in dignity as equals.

 

The best reward is establishing  Equal Money Capitalism:

“where the Capital is Life/physical resources and All Profit within/as being given an equal and one opportunity to practical physical survival/living in this physical existence; and the Humans manage/live this system through their contribution to making this system work not only for themselves, but for all” – Sunette Spies 

 

Further Support:

• Desteni

• Desteni Forum

• Desteni Lite Process – Online Free Course to take the first steps to walk in Equality with us

• Desteni I Process

• Equal Money System

 

Blogs:

• Day 67: Relationship Dynamics – Part 2

• Luck and Luxury

• Day 53: Slavery Exploiting Sex, Life and Labor in the Consumerism Concentration Camp

• Day 270: Conspiracies of Synchronicities (Part One)

• CAPTIV(E)ated by my Own IMAG(E)ination: DAY 279

 

Interviews:

New Series at Eqafe :

• The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination – Self Image and Imagination – Part 1

• The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination – Self Image and Imagination – Practical Support – Part 2

233. Are we Anxious because We Know We Lie All the Time?

Facing our Personal Judgment Day

When looking at strength the past week, I had a dream wherein I would see a symbol that represented strength being mended/ broken and covered up with a ‘surrogate symbol’ if you wanna call it that.  How can any strength be real if it is founded upon an Idea of Self based upon an actual survival mode-system that we’ve been living as, projecting the usual image of ‘self-control’ while inside one is a wreck? Well, that certainly creates an underlying anxiety which indicates simply what? One is not being absolutely self-honest with one’s living and words, one is still wanting to hold on to something as a point of benefit/ idea of self that in no way can be sustainable if one is walking down the road of Self-Honesty. 

 

An aspect that I’ve lived for the most part of my life is precisely this: show no weakness = live strength as an Idea of Self- in order to seem ‘immovable.’ But when this strength is based on being ‘on guard’ to any form of attack, then it is not real strength but just defensive mechanisms stemming from fear.  As we know, nothing that is energy based can survive as an actual integral living-of-words within myself. The outflow is precisely this point wherein we try and cover things up nicely. As I write this I can talk about my grandfather and how he would hide his huge financial crisis that took him to lots of debt after having had quite his own piece of heaven so to speak. One would always see him being what you can call ‘political’ about it, even when he was sick, he’d behave as if everything was just fine, a small bump on the road here and there, nothing to worry about, while at the same time we all knew things weren’t alright.  And the same with my parents, I guess it’s a protection mechanism to hide when things are actually not going well and I see that we have conditioned ourselves to always ‘look at the bright side’ and look all around or anywhere else but straight forward to speak things as they are. That would piss me off:  what are they hiding from me? why can’t they look at me in the eyes when they speak? And this would be applied to virtually anyone. However, I had not realized I’ve been living the exact  same point wherein I try and cover up any actual fears with a false sense of strength and certainty, which later on becomes only so much one can deal with till it’s no longer able to be ‘sustainable’ as a living-word = me being actually IT and all of it done to  ‘save my ass’ in any regard.

 

This works temporarily in a system wherein if you have a great presentation, you can get cool attention and consideration from others as a sellable item– but if we are talking about self honesty which means realizing the truth of ourselves for ourselves/ by ourselves/ toward ourselves, even that ability to stand as such point in the system requires one to first be fully certain of what an actual strength is as an actual living truth of oneself, which cannot be measured by anything that I have been before as any form of ‘props’ within the system as that is the usual role that I have played for a long time as part of preprogrammed personalities and characters I got characterize throughout my life.

 

All of this came up when reviewing the word intelligence and ‘being responsible’ and how I pretty much disliked being called that while going through school, because I didn’t want to be reduced to being this single brain that apparently thinks and gets everything alright. This egotistical trait lead me to seek other ways in which I could be ‘regarded’ as special, unique or someone liking me for ‘who I really am’ – but, did I know what I really am then? No, do I have an idea of what I really am now? yes If I define myself as a physical living being that exists as part of a whole that is in the process of aligning this entire ‘me’ that I’ve been as all the ego-trips and willing to stand as an equal being to everything and all in order to support myself as life –  this implies no lie sustained by the past system of false values can exist within me = all of the ‘me’ as any apparent positive trait must go.

 

So, within this point of conflict between being sincere/ genuine or actually live the words  I speak, create a sense of glib self experience we all know is part of the building blocks of a façade we keep up in order to survive, it’s just like people presenting an image of success to pretend that everything is under control / I am perfectly normal and okay, thank you – I would get pissed off at people playing out these characters  without realizing to what extent I was playing the game as well. A common example is virtually any authority-figure representing the ideal of ‘All is under control’ while behind there’s this massive fear running throughout your body because you have actually no clue of what the fuck you really are doing  – then why keeping this ideal? Survival of our own fittest-ideal of ego in a dog eat dog world that we’ve all accepted and allowed.

 

This is a common experience at times when having to face an authority – parents, teachers, mentors, the ‘law,’ people you owe something to, people that show some ‘respect’ to you in any regard – all of this that we play in between our daily interactions keeps a masquerade in front of us as if ‘nothing bad happened’ – this is the actual disingenuous definition of who we have become: pretending all is well, but how can it be if Nothing in this world is working as an actual force of benevolence that is able to support all human beings, No one in this world is living up to the standards of what caring for one another as equals in fact implies in all possible ways, no governmental or financial systems are working to regard all living beings as having equal right to live in dignity, no belief system has ever proposed a solution for this world that could provide actual love and care for every single living being in this planet, No scientific discovery or human knowledge has ever been able to explain why we simply don’t care about each other. Then how could we Not feel insincere and fake if everything we’ve been thus far has been founded upon these lies we bought and sold?

 

We keep a presentation as if everything was fine, good, so/so going while in fact, everyone’s having their own little hell inside that is being feared to be faced. Why don’t we just open up? Out of fear of presenting ourselves as something/ someone that is not ‘as good as the rest’ –but, it’s rather ludicrous to keep up to each other’s lies considering the amount of stress, worry, anxiety, petrification this single realization causes.

 

So, why do we suppress ourselves and keep a glib personality, pretending something that we know is all lies? Is it only to benefit our egos and save our reputation somehow? a Reputation that has been built according to a social conditioning that supports nothing but lies to be liked by others that have also been conditioned to buying lies, reducing life to a single paper of abilities and skills that can be sold to the greatest bidder? Reducing all we’ve been to the amount of money in our bank accounts? Reducing the physicality that we are to a single image that can be attractive to others for sex? Is that living?

No

Then why are we hiding from actually speaking things as they are and keep a ‘good sellable self image’? Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of ending up being seen as crazy, fear of failure, fearing being a loser, lunatic, hypocritical, selfish, self centered, dishonest and any other word that we’ve created out of the same consciousness that we have limited ourselves by.

This means that we can only create a form of conflict within ourselves according to ‘who we are’ if we still take such ‘who we are’ as an irreversible form of existence that we have to bear as our cross with no ability to change. That is certainly partly true, since the consequences of whatever we’ve lived while being in character are already here and having to be faced – but we certainly can walk a process to align ourselves through walking a process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to instead let go of striving between the poles of the good and the bad, hiding our actual self from Ourselves and in such process, taking responsibility for the massive fear we have inflicted upon our physical bodies, the truth and reality of what we’ve become while accumulating only worry, concern, anxiety and a general stress because of knowing ‘we’re bulshitting ourselves and everyone else, and not knowing ‘how to follow through’ once this is discovered and realized. Well there is a solution. 

 

How I see it is as if we are building up these bubbles around us sustained by air  itself that can also be destroyed by air itself which means they are as flimsy as all the thoughts we’ve tried to live out as ‘who we are,’ invisible entities that we’ve given our actual lives to, which is rather ludicrous and paradoxical: giving the real life away to live these characters of self limitation through pretentious ideas of self that ‘sell well’ in the market, which we’ve then externalized as our financial bubbles within which our entire ‘lives’ are dependent upon. Why is this? Again, peer-pressure, social-pressure, ‘filling the role’ the best way possible. I’ve caught myself many times projecting this judgment toward people in general, but, it is time I take the point back to self and investigate myself playing out the same role just to keep up with what one is supposed to ‘keep up with’ as a form of reputation/ consideration, which again, falls within the same social conditions of ‘who am I supposed to be’ toward others and how one is able to fall for chasing the presentation without really following through with the actual living of it – just like any nice words we might say, but how many times we don’t end up actually living it? Or creating an idea of having everything ‘under control’ but not really knowing how to take the wheel and drive?

 

What happens with suppressions is the more we hide, the more things pile up, accumulate to a bigger conflict only because of holding an inner-perspective of who we are as such conflict and how we should handle it, which again is usually falling onto the same ‘control measures’ based upon fear, not actual Self-Understanding of How one created the entire ‘ball of snow’ in the first place.

If one is not absolutely self honest, fire eventually catches up on you and from there, only consequences must be faced, walked as a starting from zero point in order to see what was based upon being mere ‘froth’ which sounds like ‘fraud’ and how one can align it into a real physical living integration as part of the integrity that one would want to actually live, one that is not based on creating the most ‘sellable persona’ in the social-market of financial bubbles – but a human being that is able to die realizing that one has in fact done, been and become All one can in fact Live as a certainty of self as ‘who I really am’ in order to dedicate oneself fully and completely to do what’s best for all, to support self to be an actual example of what that means in all ways – am I currently that? No way,  there is so much to walk and align until there is not a single inkling of conflict with who I am, what I say, what I do and why I do it and all as in everyone else stand within one integral principle: an expression of self as one and equal –because, as the saying goes: no one is free until All Is Free.

 

This is one of the reasons why one can experience anxiety when facing mostly people and general situations wherein one’s own stand is questioned. One realizes one has been fucking around and cannot hide the truth any further and as such, anxiety as an intense fear is experienced. This is how if someone spends a considerable amount of time piling up this anguish, stress and anxiety, it is most likely that one then end up believing there’s something ‘really wrong’ with one’s nerves or health or whatever – but, what we don’t realize is that we have all created this ourselves, by our own thoughts, by our own irresponsibility, by our own false-presentations in order to present a ‘good-doer’ type of persona – but, now that we are aware of the Evil as the human nature that we actually are, is there any way to in fact be able to be ‘good’ in this world, as we have conditioned our own ‘good’ to be about within a system where life is being sold and denied to those who have No Money at all? No.

 

Hence, in order to align ourselves to a sound living experience, one has to face the idea of self and why it was kept ‘up’ within such a positive light, for what purpose, what do we exactly fear losing as the unsubstantial ego that we’ve become. For what? for who? what is ‘in it’ for us? what were we attempting to gain?

 

So, a suggestion I that if you reading this in any way believe in the end of the world, you give yourself the opportunity to give an end to the old world that we’ve kept ‘alive’ by the tips of our tongues every time that we speak just to create a cover up of our actual experiences that we even hide from ourselves, ending up fooling ourselves and living an inner conflict wherein one believes that ‘I don’t know who I really am’ and everything seems fuzzy and foggy, nothing ‘making any sense anymore’ which is just another ESC personality as another attempt to try and avoid facing the outflow of actually fearing to see the truth of ourselves: we’ve tried too hard to ‘make it’ but how can we ‘make it’ in a world founded upon lies?

 

So these are the points to explore, most humbling I can say wherein as I’ve agreed to define this: learning from one’s mistakes and walking the correction to align oneself to an actual living that I can stand by not only as words or a particular ‘idea of self’ that won’t last, but actual living-actions that are in fact a physical alignment to living, doing, becoming what’s best for all – not just goody-god-doer glib talk.

 

I’ve walked this process to get to a point of Self Honesty and this is what I’ll continue working on based on the points explained within this post, so, walk with to get to a point of sanity to create ourselves as actual living beings that are ‘Real’ in the physical sense of the word, no more upgrading personalities to avoid catching up on fire, but be able to stand here, absolutely unwavering from having faced our own inner demons as the ‘hidden corridors’ and dark corners of our mind and as such stand as an actual integrity that we all can in fact cultivate as a self-forgiveness process of everything that we owe to ourselves as life.

 

If you want to begin testing out for yourself this, Go ahead:

• Desteni Lite Process – Try it out for Free – No compromises other than committing yourself to support yourself through writing and daring to face who you are as the totality of the lies we have become – and as I said sometime ‘exposing our minds is the least thing we can do in this twisted world’ – we are the twisted ones, not the world, so we align to the world instead.
  
• Desteni Forum
  
• Desteni I Process
  
• Equal Money System so that our LIVES are no longer compromised in a system of Lies
  
• Read our Journey to Life blogs

I am lying and you know it. And I Know it…

 

Blogs:

• Day 233: Speak System, Speak!!! – ADC – Part 80

• This blog is part of the After Death Communication Series
• MAST(er)-UR-BA(i)TE (Masturbate) (Part 2): DAY 233

 

 

Life Reviews:

• Life Review – Being Liked

• Life Review – Positivity did Not stop the Darkness of Me

• Life Review – What if?

• Life Review – Why I Accepted a Life of Energy Disorder

• Life Review – Abdicating my Voice – Abdicating my Life

• Life Review – When you Lose your Money – you Lose your Friends

• Life Review – The Internal Battle with Pleasing Others

141. Making it or Breaking it

Stopping the conditions we have imposed to everything that we do, say and think as either positive or negative through aligning ourselves to always do, act, say, think that which is best for all, leading to an equal and one successful outcome not as a positive experience, but as the certainty of what is functional, viable and livable in a consistent and trust worthy manner as a practical system to implement on Earth that benefits all beings equally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define everything I do within the polarity of making it or breaking it, where I am reducing what I am in every moment to a chain of events that can only accumulate to create an experience in my mind of being ‘correct’ and ‘incorrect’ as the winning and losing that I I had imposed to that which I do as an automatic thinking of reality and what I do. 

When and as I see myself defining what I do  according to projecting an outcome as either success or failure, winning/losing, being acclaimed/booed, being liked/disliked, praised/abhorred I stop and I breathe – I realize that the moment that I immediately create the making it or breaking it projection upon the moment of actually walking a point, is an imposition that can only exist as thoughts in my mind that I can immediately stop –

I commit myself to live the realization that supporting the ideology of making it or breaking as an invisible inherent pattern upon everything that I do, is in fact a dictatorship upon the expression and living realization of something that we decide to practically live and do based on the principles of what is best for all, wherein all that we are will be defined according to an accumulation of thoughts, words and deeds directed to create, be and do that which is best for all at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate beginning with a certain task because of already projecting myself within an outcome of either making it or breaking it, already going as far as thinking that I will fail and that it will be a tedious process to ‘get back up again,’ or ‘making it’ and then feeling a pressure to ‘keep myself up on the top,’ without realizing that both points as the negative and positive are equally deceptive and self-sabotaging, as I see and realize that both standards can only exist in a hierarchical make-believe value that exists because of how we have configured our world and society based on the ‘who we are’ as our mind, valuing knowledge and information, reducing ourselves to only thinking-machines instead of considering life within everything that we do, which means we would not require to even have such standards as ‘making it or breaking it’ – but simply directing/ doing something and walking it into completion, with all its necessary fine-tunings, try outs, ‘mistakes’ as ways to see what is functional, what suggested to do/follow through and its improvements directed to an actual general living-improvement for all beings equally.

 

When and as I see myself seeking to get a result in a particular task I am beginning and already future projecting onto a certain outcome as either ‘making it or breaking it,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that both polarities stand as points of conflict in and as the parameters of a mind within winning and losing as positive and negative experiences. Thus I direct myself to stop all polarities as expectations of making it or breaking it when working on a particular project, as I realize that working within the starting point of what is best for all implies that there cannot be a success or a failure but simply effective and non effective/ not practical ways to do something. Within this

 

I commit myself to stop all polarities imprinted within the very words as values that indicate a success or a failure as these are words that support the creation of an experience as positivity and negativity upon our words, thoughts and deeds as things that accumulate to either make us a winner or a loser. I realize that when living through and as the principle of what is best for all, one cannot define what we do within the same old parameters that have created this entire world as a winning and losing arena, but instead look at thoughts, words and deeds as the reflection of ourselves and how we are able to direct ourselves to create, develop and promote what is best for all, which is how all can equally benefit from everyone’s thoughts, words and deeds and as such, create an actual living ground for all other living beings on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how I had created a measuring point of winning and losing/ being successful or a failure within everything that I do, going into a point of frustration as negativity if things ‘don’t go my way’ and generating the opposite experience as positivity if I am able to ‘do things my way,’ which means that I had defined my own mind-dictatorship upon reality as something that I could manipulate to suit me or not at mind level, without realizing that: when working, living, breathing and existing from/ as the starting point of equality and oneness here as Life, there is no need to create either a positive or negative experience out of an outcome/ result of an application based on the principle of what’s best for all, as I see that a positive experience supports the same hierarchical system of values as this world system wherein for something to be successful in the current terms of how this word exists, others have to deliberately lose/ have a negative experience and not ‘making it’ – thus

 

When and as I see myself measuring myself as my activities and projects according to winning and losing, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am imposing  a mind hierarchy upon my every-day living participation, which is in fact being a dictator upon my reality which is what must be realized as such in order to understand that I do not require to Think or create an experience upon my daily tasks, projects and future practical planning, instead of going into suppression of the positive and negative through only wanting to expect to ‘win’ at all times.

 

I commit myself to change the starting point of everything that I do/make, say, think to always consider what is best for all, wherein the necessary actions and decisions are made to ensure that such principle is lived and is practically functional within such projects/ future plans, as I see and realize that it is only through setting an equal value to all and everything that we do as equally ‘important’ that we can stop looking at our own thoughts, words and deeds as tools to earn money/ lose money as winning or losing, as the positive and negative experience that we have conditioned ourselves to when living in a world where life is not unconditionally supported, but instead made a business that we all ‘strive to’ be a part of for our own personal benefit – instead, we change the starting point so that we are always educating ourselves, doing, thinking and projecting only that which is best for all, as there will be no more ‘rewards’ that can create a sense of success above others, but only create at all times that which will have an impact to better the lives of all beings on Earth.

 

I realize that in an equality system, everything will be measured according to the ability and capability of a point being practical, livable, trustworthy in its application as that which will produce a result that is constantly and continuously best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that creating an experience out of a basic practical activities is enslaving ourselves to always expect either a reward as the positive experience or a ‘loss’ as negative experience wherein we instead act out of fear of losing instead of acting as the self-directed living principle to support ourselves and others in common sense as doing, saying and living what will be supportive for all life in equality.

When and as I see myself wanting to immediately assess a point of failure and success as an experience to either feel good about myself or bad about what I’ve done, I stop and I breathe, I realize that I was only then considering MY point of satisfaction/ dissatisfaction instead of always ‘keeping in mind’ that I am here to be,do, say and speak that which is best for all beings in Equality.

I realize that the fear of failure and fear to ‘lose’ any position of success stand as the polarity of fear fueling the desire to obtain that ‘glorious’/ positive experience as an external point of motivation to keep going/continue existing just as a mind-pattern that in no way supports Life on Earth, but is only a system of survival wherein no physical-equality measures exist yet, as products, jobs, activities are currently being measured according to the ability to create ‘quality products’ that equate ‘great profit’ – wherein such great quality might stem from an actual job of slave labor.

Thus I commit myself to ensure that as we go creating, building, manufacturing and venturing ourselves to create an equal and one supportive standard for all activities and points to do in this world,  to ensure that all activities/ projects are in fact done through and by the standard of what is best for all, wherein no more useless homework, tasks, projects are wasted time and effort upon, but to actually consider educating children – and adults at this stage as well – to recognize our ability to create/ do/ generate what’s best for all as the inherent starting point of everything we do,  depending on what is available, sustainable and supportive to do and direct, having a best for all impact upon the community/ people/ environment/ beings that will be affected by such decisions and choices made.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having defined all that I’ve done as being living ‘for something’/ to get ‘something/ someone’ as a positive experience in separation of myself, instead of first focusing on me equalizing all activities, all tasks that I do in an equal manner, wherein no task is immediately labeled as either prone to be a ‘winner’ or a ‘loser,’ a ‘success’ or a failure.’

 

When and as I see myself only living to ‘get a result,’ to aim at an objective, to only ‘be productive,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that these are ingrained patterns that I exist as, and as such it is to really be here grounded as breath to not allow ourselves to waver and thinking that something is immediately a success or a failure as a positive or negative outcome  from the get-go, which is actually a self-sabotage point that I stop here to realize that every practical point that we venture ourselves to implement will have its points to correct, its initial flaws and corrections/ fine tunings to make, as this is the first time that we are doing this self-realization living-decision in an existential level in the physical –thus it is to be aware of ourselves not immediately giving up or going ‘overboard’ when having a point that works/ is successful and the same with something that doesn’t initially work/ fails initially, as I see and realize that one could only give up upon these results if one is only interested in winning7 getting something out of it for personal benefit immediately, instead of actually being committed to live and created what is best for all.

 

I see and realize that this is the actual practical way and path required to walk through in order to get something done, wherein everything that we do is not result-driven, and instead considering the actual process of doing so being equally important, as I realize that when we equalize everything and all within who we are and what we do as what’s best for all, there is no need to judge any point or activity as being more/ less than, being a success or a failure as all will be measured according to that which is best for all, that which supports life and within that, only that which is harmful and deliberately detrimental to life will be discontinued as a deliberate decision that is common sensical at all times.

I commit myself to establish the Equal Money System as the basic foundation to create a world in equality, wherein everyone will be supported unconditionally so that we as human beings can focus on developing the best ways and systems that can be implemented on Earth to support life in equality, thus there will be no success or failure, as such points were based mostly on winning/ losing money to live – thus Equal Money is the key to ensure that there is no more positive or negative experiences required from our self-movement in our world, but instead simply focus at all times on doing what is best for all.

 

Join us to walk the process of equalizing ourselves as life in the physical, wherein all conflict/ success created at a mind level is stopped, self forgiven and self-directed to an equal and one outcome wherein life is ensured to be equalized for all beings on Earth.

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Equal Money System.

 

 

 

Blogs:

• Day 141: Narrative and True Activism

• The Mind System’s Conscious/Subconscious Mind Relationship – Part 1 (Self-Forgiveness): DAY 141

 

Educating ourselves about the world and reality in a never before given explanation about ourselves as the:

• Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 6

• Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 7

80. Seeking for a Meaningful Li(e)fe

“This is even better!” Is a constant way to talk ourselves into thinking that whatever we had perceived as a failure/ fall is now ‘overcome’ and the ‘new me’ is even better, so as to always remain like the ‘winner in the story’ wherein the character that suffered some great fall/ disillusionment finds something ‘greater’ than before, something that is ‘the real shit,’ the ‘real deal’ and absolutely ‘truthful to oneself.’ Can you recognize the gibberish? Yes, it is sponsored by the most common spiritual positive type of self-talk to always remain like a ‘winner’ in your mind, no matter what.

 

This is a continuation of:

• 79. “I Feel So Cheated!”
• 78. Be careful what you wish for

Pattern:

1. “I did not get what I wanted; I seek for something else to ‘truly’ fulfill me”
2. Wanting to escape from the ‘capitalist world’ and rebel by boing to an ‘unexpected extreme’

 

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Anything taken Personally is Just a Defense Mechanism to Protect a Character from being Diminished in its Role of Competing for Validation, and Influence and Happiness in the World of Illusion as Character to keep the Illusion going, because in the Illusion the Character makes all the Rules and is a Law unto itself, Regardless of what Harm it Bring to the Natural Living World” – Bernard Poolman*

 

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I do not get what I want, I drop it, diss it and ‘move on’ by spitefulness to seek something – once again – that will ‘fulfill me’ in a more ‘truthful manner,’ which is what is usually linked to escaping the world of money that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge extensively.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw psychological tantrums wherein through allowing myself to remain in a particular ‘emotional mode,’ I make decisions based on that emotional-spitefulness, without considering at all what is it that I initially reacted to and how I was absolutely self-responsible for that which I deemed was ‘done onto me,’ which I allowed myself to use to become ‘the victim,’ instead of taking responsibility for all the stages of the event/ moment/ situations that took place before I go into an emotional-breakdown wherein I ‘revamp’ myself by doing something ‘radical’ for a change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be against something/ someone that I had initially sought to attain and that, because I didn’t get my satisfaction from it, I then turn against it, diss it/ criticize it and judge everyone involved wherein I turn into a spiteful person that ‘does not want anything to do with that/ them’ in an emotional state, without being able to consider a solution simply because of allowing me to be self-righteous about my emotional experience, believing that ‘I had the right to be pissed off/ sad/ disillusioned.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and I would go into disillusionment, an ‘emotional breakdown’ and seeing my entire ‘world’ falling apart, I would do the next most radical thing that I could pursue in my own value and moral schemes, wherein I would then take me to the opposite extreme just to spite the previous situation, to not have to face my responsibility toward everything that I judged, but instead, become self-righteous about it and believe that ‘it is my right to do whatever I want and say whatever I want to say, I don’t give a fuck about anything’

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in my life while being possessed by anger and spitefulness, believing myself to be ‘right’ about being angry and this being backed up by friends that would agree with me, just because of how I would tell the story which was obviously to my benefit, to make me look like ‘the victim’ so that I could get their commiseration and have them backing up my ‘new plans’ for life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create ‘friendships’ based on how much they could agree with the character I was aiming at being/ becoming.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately become spiteful toward the people involved in an event that I projected blame toward, without ever realizing how I had accepted and allowed myself to just ‘trust’ without any form of actual communication and understanding of what I was in fact participating in and cooperating with.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use people to validate my perspectives, points of view upon the entire event so that I could feel like I was ‘cheated’ and remain as a ‘victim’ that had all the right to simply cut all ties with them and ‘do things my way,’ which is a recurrent pattern whenever I experience myself as ‘the victim’ in the world, gathering enough ‘votes to my favor’ so that I could feel good in my misery.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use ‘disillusionment’ from ‘the artworld’ as an excuse for me to seek new ways to create wherein I use people to validate my ‘new aims’ based on wanting to create a more ‘meaningful’ art that would not be sold in art galleries.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start a project based on spitefulness, a desire for revenge and an apparent ‘healing process’ to what I perceived was ‘done onto me,’ which was nothing else but 100% pure drama that I created in order to validate my own way out of having to face my responsibility, not realizing that any anger that I allowed myself to exist as was in fact anger toward myself for not getting my dream and instead facing reality, which was then me thinking that ‘I had made the wrong choice,’ which all boils down to me realizing that I simply was not alright toward myself at all and that my discomfort, anger and frustration was not even about the entire art event, but a general dissatisfaction with myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek to now turn into spirituality even further as a way to finally declare my dissociation from ‘mainstream arts,’ and seeking to ‘find the truth’ in that which I had been reading/ investigating which was in the vein of entheogens and spiritual awakenings through the use of acid.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to turn further into spirituality as a way to escape what I judged as the evil capitalist world that would ‘suck artists dry of their pure inspiration,’ which was nothing but blatant self manipulation to get things my way and remain as a ‘winner’ in my world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I used spirituality as way to spite the world as in spite-you-all that is also existent in the word spiritual. I realize that my search for ‘god’ or a transcendental experience was based on knowledge and information that I sought to ‘make real’ in my world through following a ‘divine path’ that I was creating for myself, wherein all signs and symbols and events that I started connecting would ‘match’ a pattern of me having to apparently become this enlightened being that could create a new form of art that could heal the masses.

 

This was the moment in my life when I was rapidly hitting rock bottom – this was December and I found Desteni the last day of the last month, where everything that went on for these two months was nothing but me drowning myself into my own ‘tormented soul’ and not getting any other satisfaction but the one that I was busy building as the ‘spiritual search,’ dedicating my entire days to research more and learn about conspiracy theories and everything that I could use to redefine my career.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘want to seek the truth behind the veil of money and success’ wherein I was aiming at becoming some type of ascetic that is only seeking for a ‘divine truth’ by detaching from all worldly things and pursuing my ‘spiritual awakening’ even further – never realizing or considering at all what I was in fact doing and proclaiming as an overall desire to ‘detach from the system,’ which was plain ignorant as I had no idea nor did I consider how no one is able to really in fact be ‘out of the system,’ yet I proclaimed I would do it in the name of ‘the truth’ and ‘my mission in life,’ which started blending more with my artistic-endeavors and I was busy shaping my ‘new religion’ based on spirituality, art and a guru-like personality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to seek ‘the truth’ through the use of drugs as a means to ‘speed up my awakening’ which proves to what extent I manipulated myself to ‘spite the system’ in what I deemed was ‘the key’ out of the system, seeking spiritual enlightenment so that I would not have to be ‘bound by the claws of the system,’ which was very naïve of myself and plain ignorant, because I never considered how everything that I consume had to be paid for, including the drugs.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘seek for something to give me the answer to my life’ and ‘seeking to create meaningful art’ as a point of self-definition based on spitefulness due to/ because of the previous event wherein my dreams of fame/ success we’re not fulfilled as I wanted them to be, throwing a tantrum and seeing everything as being ‘not good enough for me,’ believing myself to be ‘more special than that,’ which is how I lead myself to pursue an spiritual awakening and being predicating overzealously about it, which was me driving myself into my own religion wherein I could finally ‘do things my way’ and apparently ‘free myself from the system.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself at the moment of writing this because of seeing it as absolutely tantrum-based, typical emotional breakdown wherein overcoming the situation implies doing something ‘more rebellious’ than what was done in the past, wherein I simply would have continued trying something out and when being dissatisfied by it, dumping it and going for the next big hit in my life – over and over and over again moving from one spot to another seeking for a ‘truth’ outside of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as plain stupid for having done what I’ve done, and regret having existed with such self-righteousness in the past wherein I could not see anything else but what I deemed was ‘right’ and believing that what I was doing was ‘my right to do so,’ in absolute spitefulness and vengeful ways that I covered up in a positive manner through and by spirituality, believing that I had to go through such ‘tormented situations’ to give up my ‘earthly desires’ and pursuit a more ‘divine-relationship with god.’

 

So this is the moment that I was ready to go fully into the rabbit hole of spirituality and religions and, if it had not been because of finding Desteni and finally supporting myself to stop all my mindfucks, I would have probably continued that way for the remainder of my life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I had to seek ‘beyond myself’ and my ‘limited mind’ to create some type of transcendental art, wanting to ‘establish awareness with the divine in this world,’ which is how I justified all my endeavors in separation of myself, seeking for a ‘truth’ that I could defend zealously, because of thinking that ‘this time, what I was pursuing was ‘above it all’ as it had to do with the idea of god and the ‘whole’ as myself. I realize that this is the ‘oneness’ preached in spirituality, wherein I would only seek to fulfill myself and my dreams/ ideals based on ‘the positive’ while being absolutely oblivious to the entire world and Reality, where no bliss or happiness exists if you have no money to eat.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘change the world’ through art mixing it with spiritual practices, so that I could fulfill my spiritual ego and endeavors of something ‘greater than myself,’ which is the basic and primordial fuck that lead us to the point that we are now facing in our reality, wherein everything that we have ever sought is this ‘moreness’ of ourselves outside of ourselves, in separation of who we are as one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to validate my ‘pursuit’ by taking other artistic characters as examples, wherein I ‘knew’ that by creating this specialness about my life and turning into this ‘misunderstood misfit’ I could justify my work as even more ‘meaningful’ within the art world, due to how ‘drama’ was accepted as a key ingredient to ‘make any real art.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my abdication of responsibility toward myself, my word and reality by pursuing ‘spiritual realms’ wherein I could apparently only establish a relationship with something divine and somehow be magically ‘saved from this evil world,’ without even taking a moment to look at reality and see how I was the very +1 point added to the entire mess wherein we only care about ourselves, our own pursuit of happiness which I translated to an apparent ‘superior’ stage such as spirituality, never realizing it is no different to pursuing being a millionaire and having ‘all the power in the world,’ as I translated such power to light, bliss and ultimate wholeness that spiritual teachings claimed.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I don’t want anything to do with this reality any longer’ which was just another character script line so that I could justify my ‘eccentricity’ as a special being in this ‘fucked up world’ that seeks for something ‘greater’ that not everyone pursues, fueling my own mindfuck by the perspectives and opinions given by people around me which were all relationships backing up my character, my self-belief and within this thinking that I was ‘on the right path’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the thought ‘I just want to be at peace with myself’ wherein I implied that all that I cared was me-myself-and-I and the rest could go down the drain, because of believing that I was not my body, that this world was an illusion and that I had nothing to do with this ‘realm’ of earthly desires. Within this manipulating myself to be and become this spiritual-artist character that is ‘more special’ than everyone else in my own mind only.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge, criticize, diss and diminish the ‘glamorous art realms’ due to and because of me believing and perceiving that I had been ‘cheated’ within it, and that I was ‘too noble’ for such businesses, which became my excuse to not pursue anything ‘real’ within my career but only follow through my spiritual endeavors and beginning to start thinking again that I had made the wrong career choice, and that I should dedicate myself fully to spirituality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make an ‘oath’ with myself to only make art that ‘matters’ and not just take nice pictures, which was me making myself ‘more’ than before just so that I could not feel like I had failed in my dreams and endeavors to become famous and ‘well known’ in the artworld.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘I don’t want to sell myself out this time,’ which is when I started judging money even more as something evil and corrupt that would ‘taint noble young souls’ and ruining the ‘true artist’ which I deemed myself to be, based on all the stories I had read of other artistic characters that I took as a bible to follow

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that this time, I was going to create something ‘real’ and ‘meaningful’ which was just creating my self-religion based on past experiences wherein I was still trying to spite everything that could point out to earning lots of money/ being famous just because I had not achieved my satisfaction within that point, not realizing that if it had in fact ‘satisfied me,’ I would have continued walking my endeavors to escalate more and more in the artworld and continue defending ‘art’ the way that I did before.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever think, believe and perceive myself to being establishing a relationship with ‘the divine’ and wanting to express ‘god’ through my work, getting lost in meanings, symbols, knowledge and information that I consumed in order to create this ‘unique’ self-religion so that I could make of art and spirituality ‘my life,’ all in separation of myself, not even regarding how everything that allowed me to continue living was money to buy food and pay my rent and continue existing in this world, which is how I deliberately shun away the actual planning and the practical steps to be taken in order to establish myself as being able to earn money from art.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think ‘god is not money and fame, and it is here for everyone,’ wherein I deluded myself into thinking that I could escape from reality somehow if I established a real devotion toward ‘the divine,’ which is nothing more but pure fanaticism that I was busy building and feeding through knowledge and information that I would quickly embrace because ‘it sounded good to my eyes,’ which proves how anything that eventually shattered my world was seen as something ‘of doubtful precedence’ and ‘not trust worthy’ just because of how I had become so used to thinking that life was about beauty, art and ‘the divine’ that I had to somehow embrace as a constant ‘state of being, ‘ as eternally blissful even if I was in this world – which is the ultimate declaration of separation, as I was willing to pursue this eternal satisfaction, feeling untouchable by the world while the world could fall apart in pieces because I would be protected, because of being a ‘good divine follower’ to some god/ energy/ superior being that I was busy trying to create a relationship to- never ever taking the point back to myself to see how I was only seeking me in separation of myself here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I would not sell my artwork to ‘stay true to myself, ‘ which was nothing else but a tantrum-based declaration due to the past events of which I remain a victim of for a long time, due to me deliberately seeing how I was absolutely responsible for it all.

 

 

 

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself wanting to get rid of something/ someone based on a past event wherein I see myself as the victim – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this point will not have to even be existent if I stop the victimization process from the get go every time that I believe and perceive that ‘something is being done onto me.’ Thus I take the point back to myself, take responsibility for what I have created, said/done and within that, stop the cycles of spitefulness, revenge and retaliation toward anything or anyone that I have blamed for my experience.

 

When and as I see myself going into a tantrum of feeling misunderstood and building up emotions and feelings with it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that every time that I see myself going into a ‘down’ experience is linked to me not fulfilling an expectation that I envisioned in separation of myself. Thus I take responsibility to ensure that whatever I do is based on the benefit of all and not just pursuing my personal-life of seeking any form of desire as something/ someone in separation of myself. I realize I am here, breathing, and complete. I do not require anyone or anything to make me ‘more’ than who and what I already am here.

 

When and as I see myself seeking for a ‘radical change’ in my life, I stop and I breathe. I realize that such ‘radical’ and ‘extreme’ moves are based on wanting to spite something/ someone, wanting to make myself ‘more’ again based on a previous perceived fall leading to the belief of me ‘lacking’ something to make myself feel better again, which is all mind-state based/ experience based which is not who and what I really am. Who and what I exist as is the simplicity of breath here that is self directive and does not require to experience something ‘more’ based on a previous memory of a perceived fall. All I require is to stop participating in thoughts leading to a ‘more’ or ‘less’ experience of myself and continue breathing, doing and directing myself to be an do that which is best for all.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am right at being/ becoming angry at someone/ the world and people agree about this experience within me. I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is not a point to trust as I am manipulating myself to become the victimized character that seeks company and commiseration in order to justify my own experience as ‘real,’ which is not. I direct myself to take responsibility for any thought implying that I am being done something ‘onto me,’ instead I take responsibility for my thoughts, stop, breathe and continue directing myself within the practicality required in the moment.

 

When and as I see myself projecting blame onto others, thinking or believing that ‘they are doing something onto me deliberately,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is the victimized character mechanism to ensure that I continue seeking ways to ‘make myself feel better’ by opposing, creating further conflict to regain my ‘positive experience.’ I realize that who I am here as breath does not require to exist as a constant experience.

 

When and as I see myself using spitefulness and a deliberate self-deprecated sate of being as a ‘healing process’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I used this ‘state of being’ to manipulate people around me, to ‘have mercy on me’ and continue fueling my character of the ‘suffered and misunderstood one’ which is unacceptable, as it is nothing else but emotional blackmail that I am able to stop the very moment that I see myself feeling ‘down’ and ‘low’ as a deliberate expression presented onto and toward others.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘spite the system’ by doing something that is ‘against the law’ and against ‘morals’ I stop and I breathe – I realize the little game for what it is as a means to make myself be ‘more’ than/ more clever/ more ‘cunning’ in the system based on doing that which is ‘forbidden,’ which is just a tantrum and mind-game of self-importance that I ensure I don’t ever participate in by establishing myself here as breath wherein I take responsibility for everything I do, say and think.

 

When and as I see myself seeking for something to give me the answer to life, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am the answer to life by directing myself in common sense, stopping all useless participation in thoughts, emotions and feelings and realize that there is actual work to be done within myself and in my reality to be the solution required in this world. This implies nothing else but common sensical living, moment by moment, breath by breath, taking responsibility for all the mind-games that I’ve placed and ensuring I stop them here as myself in every moment that I breathe and stop participating in the mind.

 

When and as I see myself whining about wanting to experience something, I stop and I breathe – I realize I am creating an unnecessary friction in my mind to eventually become possessed by that whining and get it by all means possible, which is unacceptable. I remain the directive principle of myself here in every moment that I breathe and direct myself in common sense.

 

When and as I see myself accessing the pattern of ‘I don’t want to do this any longer’ I stop and I breathe. I check the point wherein I have missed the point of myself and how I am creating a ‘better experience’ in mind. I apply self forgiveness for the desire of a ‘moreness of myself’ in separation of who I am here as simplicity of breath. Within this I ensure that I remain in the simplicity, stability and consistency of myself in breath day by day, moment by moment without defining myself according to the past or any other desire, want and need that may emerge in the mind.

 

When and as I see myself seeking to create, be and become something ‘meaningful’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am separating myself in the desire of ‘meaningfulness’ as something more than myself here in simplicity as breath.

 

When and as I see myself judging selling my work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that such judgment comes from the self-righteous spitefulness toward the perceived ‘evil world system,’ which means that it is all judgment based on making myself feel ‘less corrupt’ than everyone else, which is a lie to see myself as ‘better than.’ Thus, I direct myself to if and the opportunity is here to do so, go for it and use the money to support myself in what I require to consume to continue living. Simple.

 

When and as I see myself thinking that I have to ‘stay true to myself,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this ‘truth’ as myself has been a personality that has believed itself to always be right as a character/ personality based on always seeing myself as the winner, the one that is right and always ‘on the right path.’ Thus I direct myself to simply stay here as breath wherein I see, realize and understand that I do not require to make myself as a ‘truth’ and ‘honest’ person based on a self-belief of ‘being right’ about my decisions and actions – instead I continue breathing and moving myself moment by moment without holding an ‘idea’ or belief of ‘who I am’ moment by moment.

 

“I commit myself to show that as Long as One Create Self as a Character in the Mind, one is a Criminal that Abuses Life for Self-Interest of the Self Created as Character.” – Bernard Poolman

 

For support on Self-Forgiveness go to the Desteni Forum

Read our blogs at Journey to Life

 

“I commit myself to show that Self-Honesty will be Tough, as the Characters of the Life of Self have Multiple Diversions and know all the Lies – and thus will Do Everything in thought Backchat to Invalidate Self-Honesty. Discipline Self, Breath by Breath, in Self-Honesty to Return to the Physical Body and to Stop all thought, as Thought Only Creates Characters of Illusion that Lie.” – Bernard Poolman

 

Blogs for de-characterization:

• *Day 80: Creating a Character

• The Sexualized Personality: DAY 80

• Day 46: Temper tantrum game Self Forgiveness Statements continued…

This is a continuation to:

• Day 43: Temper tantrum game
• Day 45: Temper tantrum game Self Forgiveness Statements

79. “I Feel So Cheated!”

 

Patterns:

1. Remaining quiet/ building backchat about a situation that I accept and allow over a period of time wherein anger/ frustration and irritation emerges in an outburst with further consequences instead of taking Responsibility for them.

2. Feeling victimized when something does not work out/ going into an emotional experience and thinking/planning how to escape from such ‘evil world.’

 

This is a continuation to ‘Be careful what you wish for” which is the aftermath of realizing what I accepted and allowed myself to participate in because of allowing things to ‘just be’ without placing myself as a direct active and involved participant to ensure I knew what I was cooperating in.

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat and remaining quiet about a situation that I am witnessing is not being directed in common sense out of fear of stirring conflict, without realizing that such conflict eventually creates anger, frustration and irritation that builds up to the point of bursting it out in one single moment with extreme anger, frustration and irritation toward others, instead of having taken responsibility from the beginning for and as myself to see where and how I am participating in my world/ reality, and ensuring that all points are walked in common sense and mutual agreement, so that each one is self-responsible about the consequences from each other’s participation and actions in any given event/ circumstance.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself every time that I think/ believe or perceive that ‘I have been cheated’ and that ‘I was used’ and ‘not properly informed,’ which is just a mechanism in my mind to justify the anger toward another instead of taking self responsibility to actually inform myself and walk the process of decision-making with proper communication and without assumptions, which is how whenever I see myself assuming things/ believing that ‘what’s best for all’ is being done, I stop and I breathe – I realize that whenever I assume and remain quiet, I am only allowing myself to not be directive at all times to ensure I stand equal and one to whatever and with whomever I am participating with and within in my world. This is the only way that I can stop compromising and victimizing myself toward others, and ensure that whatever I do, say and participate in, I am equally informed and participating to express perspectives of what is best for all and what must be considered before allowing the point to unfold to eventual consequences that are not best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate on the pattern of believing that ‘I am always the one to be blamed for when shit hits the fan,’ which is an ingrained mechanism of self-victimization from when I was a child and, whenever something ‘bad’ would go in my house, I was immediately waiting to be blamed for it, building a lot of resentment toward my family for always believing that I was the only one that would do the ‘bad things’ and break things around, which is how I grew up with this sense of ‘being rejected’ and belittling myself, believing that it was always ‘my fault,’ which I used to build my self-victimization personality as to not have to take responsibility for myself and my actions because: I would fuck it all up in one way or another as it always happens.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remain quiet throughout the entire unfolding of events, judging the expenses of the event as something ‘ludicrous’ without actually pondering how the point of support toward such charity could have been done in another way, but instead allowed me to believe that common sense was being considered and that I had to simply comply to what I had been invited to participate in, wherein I did not take proper time to investigate what I was going to be doing, but instead ‘trusted’ that the entire point was ‘good’ and ‘benevolent’ because of it being a charity-based auction, not really being aware of how it would precisely work.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a tendency to just believe that ‘my best interest is being guarded’ by others whenever I sign contracts and participate in events, without reading the ‘fine letter’ which is where and how I have to practically direct myself to ensure I read all contracts, that I inform myself about the details that I usually ‘shut off’ about in terms of money and money-making, to ensure that I in fact participate in something that is in the best interest of all – and if/ when realizing that such contract is not considering common sense, I must speak up and express the points to create an agreement wherein no consequential outflows of loss/ dishonesty emerge from the desire to profit in a situation that is supposed to be for charity only.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the character of ‘I still the mind, I shove away my reactions’ based on the knowledge and information on Buddhism, believing that such event was ‘a test’ for my patience and a way to ‘vanish my ego’ by not caring about money, which is proof of how I mindfucked myself into not looking into the practical aspects of this entire event in relation to communicating openly about money, about the mechanism of how the profit would be obtained to ensure I would be aware of how I was in fact contributing to such event – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always fear talking about money when being in a situation of ‘working’ / selling just because of believing that talking about money makes me a ‘self-interested person,’ without realizing that this is just a matter of practical considerations in this world and that I have to stop judging money as something ‘of self-interest’ in my desire to portray myself as a ‘humble/ altruistic person’ that was only ‘in it’ for the art and the fun, when it was not so in fact because we all require money to live and everything that I did cost money – thus I ensure that I stop my self-judgment toward the use of money and money itself whenever I sign contracts/ get involved into any working situation, to ensure that I am well informed in relation to what I am practically being involved with.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that when she (the person that invited me to the exhibit/ auction) was explaining about the loss of money from the event two days later in her car, I allowed myself to take that as a complain and that she was ‘blaming it on me,’ which is a mechanism of my mind to go into ego to create further victimization and conflict inside myself, instead of actually communicating about the practical aspects that were not considered from the beginning. This implies that when and as I see myself going into ego believing that people are complaining to ‘make me feel bad/ making it all my fault’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a mechanism that I use in order to become the ego that is ‘hurt’ so as to not have to look into my responsibility within the participation of such event and my actual lack of self-direction and proper investigation to see what I was actually going to be supporting and participating in.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for the decisions made, compounding anger and frustration for what I have participated in thinking that ‘I must blame them for getting myself into this,’ without realizing that it was me that did not bother to ask and be informed about the practicality of such charity event in terms of Money, just because of the judgment that I had held toward Money itself as something that would make me look like a ‘self-interested person’ and not the ‘benevolent artist’ that I wanted to be seen as, wherein I constantly said that I was ‘in it’ because of the art and charity, not for the money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain in this ‘benevolent/ altruistic persona’ wherein I avoid having to be dealing with money and conforming to whatever rules and dispositions I take part on, as long as I am supported and everything ‘works fine’ on the outside, without really getting to inform myself about how money runs in a business/ contract/ work point that I involve myself with –

 

Within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever agree on doing a job on photography and because it was for a religious association, I ended up not charging any money for them, even though it was agreed that I would be paid for it. Which is how within this ‘altruistic character’ I deemed that asking for money/ for my pay was self-interested, and that I had to let it go for that once, not realizing that within this I am compromising myself to not be effective in the money-system because of all the backchat held toward ‘earning money’ out of what I deem as ‘a pleasure’ such a taking photographs.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that person as financially stupid because of not equating the final profit-for-charity made out of the auction and the expenses for the event itself, wherein I allowed myself to compound even more anger about the entire situation which was only building up further as the consequences of the entire backchat that I simply thought I had to ‘breathe through and not deal with it’ due-to/ because of that ‘still the mind’ personality/ character that I had decided to deliberately play out within that entire trip/ event in my life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fester anger and absolute irritation as the consequence of me not dealing with the backchat in the moment, and instead allowing it to compound to a point wherein I eventually explode as the consequence of not having spoken up in clarity to ensure that we are all equally informed about what is being done and what I am participating in.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge the entire charity point based on the consequences that we were facing in terms of money, instead of having had enough common sense approach to know what I was going to be participating in, and propose an actual solution to the event before hand, but instead, I allowed myself to be overridden with enthusiasm and excitement about ‘being invited overseas to exhibit my work’ without reading the fine-print on how the money point would work and function. This implies that I was the one that did not take responsibility for myself and my participation, which leads to in this anger/ ego possession, only project blame and further judgments within the self-victimization character.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself every time that I see that I depend on another financially wherein in this case, I knew that I could not end up in a ‘bad manner’ with her because my hotel bill had to be paid – thus realizing how we compromise ourselves because of money wherein common sense and equal-agreements are not placed and discussed wherein there is a point of interest behind it all, which in this case was money all the time – yet, I blinded myself by thinking or believing that ‘true altruism’ is existent and that I was in fact being invited by ‘good people,’ which is not a point of further judgment projection, but a realization of how everything works in this world through/ as/ by and for money itself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into the self-victimized state of ‘I feel cheated’ because of seeing that I could not earn money other than just giving that money to pay for my hotel bill and that was it, wherein I compensated the entire thing with thoughts like ‘I earned good reputation from it,’ wherein I then gave more worth to the recognition/ fame experience rather than actually considering the expenses that I had to cover from the expectation of being able to earn a percentage of the works.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always talk myself into the ‘positive attitude/ positive side’ of things, wherein after I see that I have lost/ that the expectations were not met, I go into thinking that ‘the experience is worth it’ and that it was a ‘cool experience’ overall, which is how we have justified the ‘learning lessons’ point in life wherein we are actually participating in mechanisms of self-abuse without really taking on the points to correct within ourselves, but instead sugar coat it with ‘positive experience’ to not have to take responsibility for what we accept and allow from each other as the mechanisms of this world system based on money/ profit and greed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there were ‘true good intentions’ behind it all, such as supporting ‘emerging artists’ and gathering work from around the world, which is how I allowed myself to ‘calm myself down’ in the moment, ‘stilling the mind’ by accepting such positive view as real and more important than the actual money—issue that was discussed before, wherein I believed that because I was getting extremely angry toward her in my facial expression, she started ‘soothing’ the entire point by the good positive thinking attitude to it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I must contain myself’ whenever I am boiling up in anger, which is further self-manipulation wherein I am not allowing myself to simply breathe and without reaction speak in common sense to be on equal terms, but instead remain quiet only building up an inner battle of anger vs. stilling the mind and becoming utterly displeased and frustrated about the whole situation there.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to manipulate my expression once that I have already compounded energetic reactions wherein I know beforehand that whatever I speak will be like venom trying to sound ‘correct’ while holding the anger as energy accumulated equal in intensity to the amount of time that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat while remaining quiet/ not directing myself to communicate effectively with people with whom I am directly participating in a certain situation/ event/ process.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue existing as anger once that I am finally speaking out, wherein the anger then becomes seemingly ‘uncontrollable’ based on the self-righteousness that I access in that moment stemming from my perceived victimization, wherein I realize that because I have taken the ‘lesser/ victimized’ position, I believe that ‘I have the right to be angry’ at others, instead of realizing my point of self-responsibility within this situation wherein I was the one that accepted and allowed such anger to accumulate based on my laxity of self-direction due-to/ because of thinking that ‘everything was under control’ and that I did not have to worry about it, that I could just ‘let it be’ and breathe through my questions and uncertainties about the entire event, which are obvious indications that every moment that I ‘shut myself off’ without understanding why I was asking such questions lead me to a point of inevitable anger and frustration of which I didn’t see myself as absolutely responsible for.

 

I realize that I had held this event as a ‘bad experience’ in my life based on the relationship that ‘broke up’ in that moment, wherein I remain blaming the other person instead of having realized my absolute participation in every single moment that I allowed backchat to continue in judging and criticizing without taking Self Responsibility for it. Thus I see that every moment that I ‘breathed through my reactions,’ I was in fact only suppressing them to not have to face my own point of self-responsibility and instead, position myself as the ‘victim’ within the entire event.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to criticize everything and all justifications/ validations and excuses that were presented as the reason why such event took place because of not being in the moment hearing unconditionally, but I was already positioned within anger, frustration and victimization which is how no communication can be effective as I realize that once I am possessed with anger, I blind my ears as all I can see is ‘anger’ as me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be ‘right’ about my assessment on the entire event, keeping this self-righteousness as my assessment as ‘real’ because that way I could ensure that I would remain as the victim within it all, to not see where I missed my absolute self-responsibility within my participation of every single moment of and through the entire event.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to access the pattern of me wanting to ‘leave the scene’ every time that I get into a point of conflict with another, wherein once that I am possessed with anger and frustration, I feel like crying and yelling and storming out of the place – which is all based on the amount of thoughts that I allowed myself to participate in with no sense of self-responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buildup my anger even more every time once that I am participating in a conflict with another, they present the ‘bright side’ of the entire situation as to ‘ease the experience’ within myself, which is when I make use of them being aware that I am utterly pissed off to further enhance my self-righteous anger and simply not speak as to ‘let them know that I am utterly mad and angry’ – which is a pattern that I learned since I was a little girl and my parents and I would go into a fight, I’d play out the tantrum of being extremely pissed off and no matter what they did to ‘make me happy again’ – such as buying me some candy/ thing that I like eating – I would toss it back at them and enhance my tantrum with further crying and yelling as to let them know that ‘I was not able to be bought like that.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a self-righteousness within me to get angry/ be mad at people wherein once that I am possessed in this anger, I perceive it is too difficult to ‘let go’ of it, without realizing that it will take definitive and clear self direction to establish myself here as breath again, because anger is an indication of the accumulation of backchat over time that I allowed to ‘go by’ with no self-responsible direction to stop and instead, take responsibility for the points that instigated/ initiated the anger in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become even more irritated when the other person ended up the entire conversation with a ‘we all learned and had a good time which is what matters,’ without realizing that I have played the exact same point to make things ‘okay’ within myself at the end so that I do not have to face the consequences of not having directed me in every moment in the consideration of what is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create further disillusionment toward an entire career (!) based on one single event that lead me to believe that I was simply not able to ‘cope with the artworld’ which is a tendency that I had in relation to giving-up a point the very first moment that I see ‘it’s not working’ wherein all that I seek for is my way out of it as soon as possible, instead of facing the consequences, walking through the necessary solutions to ensure that I no longer remain as a victim in my own mind, but learn how to direct myself as life here in equality as what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to generate an immediate spiteful experience while thinking ‘art is just another fucking business’ as to justify my entire disillusionment and experience, wherein I allowed myself to be possessed by judgment and believing that ‘I had been cheated,’ while in fact it was all built due to and because of my laxity to be self-directive in everything I participate on, being aware of each step that I will be involved in, developing proper communication wherein there is equal understanding within the agreements that must exist when two or more people unite to give direction to a particular point/ event – and within this, also ensuring that I no longer judge money as ‘dirty business’ as I realize that this is the main judgment that lead me to create the laxity as in ‘not wanting to sound self-interested in money but only doing it because of the art,’ and also because of not wanting to exist as a ‘business person’ because of how I judged business people as ‘greedy people,’ and it all being just in my head based on the ‘puritan’ idea of myself as being not interested in money and being ‘alright’ just with the experience of going there and ‘doing my thing.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into the immediate pattern of isolating myself/ not wanting to see anyone when feeling this angry, using weed to soothe the moment and deciding that I didn’t want to be an artist any longer, which is an absolute tantrum that I threw as a constant pattern I have lived throughout my life wherein the moment things don’t go ‘my way,’ I simply step out completely of the game, lose all interest and mutate my interests into something else, just to remain within that eternal desire to fulfill myself in one way or another, which is what kept me ‘going’ in my life: creating ideals, dreams and desires that I could ‘live up to’ and in that, never really living HERE as life, but remaining only as a constant character seeking to fulfill itself in the right play.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of my ‘torment’ and entire anger/ frustration a ‘work of art’ wherein I dedicated myself to take pictures and create a little video that I entitled muerte/‘death’ as the death of my pursuit of happiness through an artistic career within this particular frame of ‘fame’ as glamorous art exhibits. I used this video as yet another shift in my character that I gave value and meaning as to my new approach toward art from a more ‘spiritual’ perspective – which is yet another character that I will be walking as the ‘seeking for a more meaningful art’ type of artist personality, which lasted for a couple of months before I got to Desteni.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to reinforce a pattern of justifying me becoming emotional and turning it into ‘art’ which is how I fueled the pattern of ‘ You’ll need to suffer to make any real art’ /Read the entry on this point here and within this, create another layer of mindfuck to make it all ‘worthy’ for myself again when making of this event another ‘source of inspiration’ which later on became a relationship of spitefulness toward art that I had to walk through the remainder of my career. Such a love story.

 

All of these events took place in a very rapid manner wherein I went from one spot to the other like a bumblebee trying to suck the very last drop of honey to see which one would ‘work the best,’ never realizing that such eternal search for ‘something’ in separation of myself was only me existing in separation of myself here, wherein I sought to be ‘more’ that ‘moreness’ of myself in separation of myself here as breath, as life, as the physical wherein I do not require to create events and experiences to LIVE but life is here as myself in every breath.

 

Disparate 2005

 

 

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself ‘keeping quiet’ in any given situation wherein I do have questions and perspectives to share that are in essence questioning/ contradicting the nature of an event/ situation with one or more people, I stop and I breathe – I realize the pattern as the usual fear of creating conflict/ facing responsibility for myself – therefore I direct myself to ensure that I am here breathing and speak to share what I see in common sense should be considered within the event/ situation to ensure that I stand as the self-directive principle of what I accept and what I do not accept myself to participate in and exist within my world.

 

When and as I see myself accessing the victimization pattern of thinking that ‘I have been cheated’ and that ‘I am being used,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the way for me to not face the responsibility that I hold toward a particular moment and event, and that I must stop the victimized thoughts to take self responsibility for what I have created. I realize that I can in fact simply stop getting into the cycle by developing proper communication and understanding with all people that I have a direct relationship/ agreement with in terms of the participation within an event/ activity wherein I ensure I am in fact directing me and not a character of laxity and carelessness direct myself as an ‘everything will be fine’ type of personality. I stand equal to and one with the event and the physical practical considerations with no judgment toward the pertinent questions that must be asked and considered.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am the one ‘guilty’ for causing a problem or an emotional experience in another, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the pattern and mechanism that I use in order to not have to take responsibility for my own participation in such event/ situation, but instead place myself as ‘the sack of blame,’ taking it all on me to confirm that I have ‘done something wrong’ and within this, victimize myself instead of taking self responsibility for my actions and words in every single moment. Instead I direct myself to not participate in any form of emotional blackmail in a conversation/ communication and walking agreement with another/ other beings, as I direct myself in common sense at all times considering the consequence and outflow of my participation and words, which is how I can ensure that I do not engage in any ‘personal conflicts’ of the mind.

 

When and as I see myself judging the outflows and consequences of an event/ situation not turning out in a best for all way, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am only judging that which I allowed to unfold with no directive principle, which is the only way that things can ‘go wrong’ = when all participants and the purpose of something is not directed toward a best for all outcome. Thus I realize that I must not trust that points are being conducted in the ‘best possible way,’ but instead I ensure that I get practically involved in informing myself within and about all decisions and everything related to that point that I will be practically participating in, to ensure that whatever I do and with whomever I co-operate, I stand as an equal-participant in equal understanding of what is being practically conducted in every step taken, and all decisions made as to ensure that there are no ‘gaps’ of misunderstanding or any other opportunity to deceive one another.

 

When and as I see myself trying to only ‘still the mind’ as in suppressing the actual thoughts and experiences, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is another way of not taking responsibility for the thoughts that I am creating in my mind, and that it is another mechanism to evade having to take responsibility for the words that I am speaking/ and thoughts that I am participating in. Thus instead of ‘shutting them off,’ I breathe and I direct myself to see who I am within such thoughts, what is the starting point of it, how can I practically assist myself with such thoughts, self-forgiving and correcting those that serve no other purpose but fueling the ego and, that way ensure that I am able to express in clarity as breath, to expose the pertinent and practical considerations within any given particular event/ situation.

 

When and as I see myself judging me for asking about money when we are speaking about a job situation, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I can only judge this point for judging money as self-interest and greed in itself, instead of considering that it is an actual practical consideration that must be equally understood in any given contract and job situation, any transaction wherein money is involved and to see it for what it is, instead of tainting it with self-judgment as in ‘loathing’ the entire monetary system just by having to receive money to live.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to blame others for having something not working properly, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is another way of diverting my own point of self responsibility toward my direct participation in events, situations and agreements – thus I take responsibility for my reactions as the result of my own lack of self direction, as I realize that I am able and capable of directing myself within the consideration of the outflows and consequences of that which I participate and that which I do not direct as myself. Within this, I see that placing myself as the directive principle in everything I participate in is the way to ensure all I participate in stands in clear-terms between all participants with an intended outcome wherein all parts are considered and the aim is what’s best for all.

 

When and as I see myself trying to portray myself as a non-interested-in-money person, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am creating this character as an ‘altruist’ and that It leads to participate in unclear businesses and monetary situations. Thus, I ensure that I direct myself to inform myself about the monetary agreements in any point I participate in without any form of judgment for asking about the how, who, when and why of the monetary situation within any given point of job/ event wherein money is involved.

 

When and as I see myself compromising my expression based on depending of another financially, I stop and I breathe. I realize that being financially dependent does not mean that I must keep quiet and comply to all the rules and regulations within no question at all. I see that I am able to be informed as a right to know what I am participating in, and this is a simple part of ensuring that whatever I do and direct myself in is not manipulated by money having ‘power over me,’ but I see money-matters as a practical and reality-based discussion due to how money is the point that allows us to live at the moment in this current system.

 

When and as I see myself trying to find the ‘bright side’ to an event and situation that went wrong/ didn’t work out as intended, I stop and I breathe – I realize the pattern of covering up the fuckups for what it is and instead direct myself to see the point that I missed throughout the entire sequence of events to take responsibility for the point missed to ensure I correct and take it into consideration from here on. And even more so, I realize that I am able to stop this entire ‘making up for’ excuses by simply directing myself effectively within the engagement of myself within a certain activity/ relationship/ point I participate in, wherein I can ensure that I am considering the outflows and consequences of my decisions in terms of what’s best for all – and that if things ‘do not work out as intended,’ I will be able to take responsibility for the point as I recognize it as my creation in full awareness.

 

When and as I see myself accessing the pattern of ‘leaving the scene’ once that I get into a conflict, I stop and I breathe. I realize that leaving points ‘unsolved’ created further rifts and that it is absolutely my responsibility to face the point in the moment by slowing myself down to breath, and talking out without participating in any emotional reaction, but simply direct the point in common sense.

 

I realize that I learned this from my mother wherein every time she would face a conflict, she’d just leave the room and go to her room and so within that thinking that I had the right to do the same within such self-victimized state, instead of taking self responsibility to ensure that I indeed remained in a position wherein I can assess my thoughts, actions and participation to ensure I take responsibility for what I manifested and walk the necessary corrections.

 

When and as I see myself accessing the pattern of dissing/ diminishing that which is no longer satisfying me or has not fulfilled me in the expected manner, I stop and I breathe – I realize that any point of judgment is in separation of myself as the point of responsibility that must walk the self-correction necessary to ensure that I see myself as the creator and responsible of a point not working out the intended way and a such, ensure that I correct the pattern within me wherein I ‘missed’ the point – thus I learn from these mistakes to ensure I stand as the correction necessary within such event/ point.

 

When and as I see myself accessing a tantrum based on self-victimization, seeking to now glorify the experience as a ‘meaningful artwork’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that there will be no need to throw tantrums and go into self victimization once that I ensure I walk in equal-understanding and self-responsibility to all points that I participate in. This is then stopping the love/hate relationship toward anything and everyone in my world to ensure that I equalize myself as all relationships and associations I form based on what’s best for all and common sense – everything else is just deviation from the principle, which implies I take it back to self, walk it through self forgiveness to see which pattern I am playing out and walk the necessary living correction.

 

I commit myself to stop any desire to fulfill myself with seeking another experience/ event/ relationship once that another one didn’t ‘work out, as this is the usual pattern that follows once the positive energy experience is depleted from one situation/ event/ point wherein we see ourselves again ‘seeking for the moreness of ourselves’ in separation of ourselves. Thus I stop, I breathe and continue walking my day to day living ensuring that I remain as breath – and stop all desires to fulfill myself through experiences.

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“Your past is just a story, and once you realize this, it has no power over you” Palahniuk Chuck

This drawing depicts that moment of the conversation in her car – however in real life I was not at the wheel. 2007

 

Blogs to Get out of Character:

• Day 45: Temper tantrum game Self Forgiveness Statements

• Day 79: Stepping out of Character with LOVED ONES

• The First Creation of Character: DAY 79