Tag Archives: defense

February 28, 2013

314. How does Rebelling support Corporations?

By Marlen

What’s the word that describes the relationship between Power and Right? Righteousness. It is defined as Morally Justifiable when there is a ‘right justification’ to exert one’s will and decision to defend our Rights in a situation where they are clearly being violated or non existent which creates a struggle in the name of People’s Power = Democracy becomes a reason to retaliate against the ‘oppressors’ without understanding the consequences and outflows of doing so. This is a moral mechanism that can be adjusted to suit a power structure’s means as well, to understand how and why, suggest reading the previous entries:

 

 

Now,  in our current social, economical and political crisis, it is seen as a ‘Good thing’ to defend one’s rights, and promoting any agenda under the banner of ‘democracy,’ ‘liberation’ and ‘free speech’ along with the necessary ideological impetus in order to make space for certain demands and protests to defend one’s rights,  yet being unaware of what such demands can be in fact supporting and creating as a consequence on the long run. I’m talking about the point of protesting and rebelling, which is a massive cultural movement in our world-society that is willing to ‘fight to defend our rights’ while ignoring the basic aspect that ‘FIGHTING for your Rights’ implies as a benefit for the interests of those that currently hold the actual power in the system.

 

Revolutions like the Arab Spring and Occupy Wall Street became the way to unite people under the right to protest in means of creating an awareness of how terribly wrong is our current economic and political system,  and it is not that this isn’t so, but it is certainly coming from the starting point of blaming and pointing fingers at ‘people in power’ other than looking at Self’s Responsibility within the sustenance of the machinery at all.  Thus when people ‘stand up’ as in taking their arms or simply creating an opposition, it becomes an excuse for the system to generate new ways to maintain the order and control that enables our current hostile status quo with forces that seem to be about to explode, which are fueled by the sense of being the victim within the current critical conditions the majority is living in. As we see, in our current corporate capitalistic system, all possible means are being used to justify control and further evasion in people’s lives in means of security and reinstating order, this has escalated over the past years when revolutions begun hitting the streets with large numbers of people deciding that the way to create a change in our world system is through fighting and revolting. This has been discussed in this entry: 312. Are Rebellion and War the Same?

 

As we explained from the Documentary OBEY we can conclude that leading people to fight against the current system of power will only benefit the corporations that are eager to find reasons to implement further ‘security’ and control measures as the synthesis to the antithesis which is virtually any group or dissidence forming that is openly willing to retaliate and generate hatred toward current people in power. This means that if such movements had been in fact a threat to the stability of the current power structure, they would have been already exterminated, they haven’t, because there are interests behind the ‘revolution.’

 

What one can find out today is that any rebellion as an armed conflict requires Money to exist. Revolutionary movements such as  in Egypt certainly required  money to buy the necessary weapons to deploy the revolution. Today one can get the facts on how nations like Germany sold the weapons for the countries involved in the Arab Spring, although I would be more prone to speak of corporations and not Nations themselves, since this is now a Corporate World where Nations only stand as a conglomerate of corporate powers and laws tat enable such phenomena to be ‘acceptable.’ What does this have to do with Rebellion as a ‘Good thing to do’ in times like this?It is illegal and a criminal business to send arms to a conflict zone in German Law, and this is not being decided democratically, however the call for ‘Democracy’ in another country is accepting weapons as ‘necessary’ for the uprising – so using arms as a means to an end is suddenly fine and a good thing – this is what righteousness creates: a justified offensive in the name of liberation. Corporations are happy to sponsor such wars, people are ‘happy’ to rebel and the consequences can be read and watched here:

 

From the previous blog, one gets to understand how the ‘Right thing to do’  is a coercive statement that is able to trigger the experience of ‘Righteousness’ within the correct framework of interests in times of distress like now, which exists as that desire for liberation and self determination fueled by the idea of bringing down ‘corporate imperialism.’ However, what is not realized is how any form of opposition, antithesis, dissidence has been used by the system as a means to justify its upgrade for further control, further surveillance, limitations, hostility between the populace and security forces, which is what we are witnessing everywhere as your regular confrontations between the police and protestors, further laws and regulations and a CCTV reality where no one is now ‘out of cover,’ a phenomena that has escalated in the past 2 years more so than ever around the world.

 

Democracy has also been warped as a word that is now veiled under the premise of ‘Good’  and a ‘Noble mean’ – but is it so when funding such democratic movements implies waging war and installing new regimes controlled by foreigners? It is actually part of the Foreign Economic Policy from the major ‘Powers’ in our world system to support these insurrections, which should already indicate that there’s massive interests behind the incitation and support for people to rebel.  Wars are a criminal profitable business and this means that people participating in anti-system demonstrations are contributing to benefit weapon industries, control, surveillance and further laws and restrictions to ensure people do not deviate from the current status quo. But Why do people join these movements? Because of feeling powerless to create a solution that stands equal to the power of ‘the few’ and so, joining the majority that is enraged in such powerlessness  FEELS Right, this is where the retaliation toward The System’ is channeled through a collective effort wherein no one is considering the consequences of what trying to ‘create solutions’ by demanding/ protesting/opposing –in other words existing in separation and hate- will in fact generate as a consequence not only for them, but for the collective as a hole.

 

What’s not considered or understood by the protester is that: if such protests represented any real threat to the system, they would have been halted right away by force. This is not happening because corporations actually benefit from these movements wherein not only do they make money out of founding wars, but they can suit their interests to have a reason and excuse to intervene and ‘stop the conflict’ and present the necessary synthesis or resolution. Proof is how a Regime change such ass installing Democracy in another country became a reason for America to wage war against people’s countries, which is actually an Imperialistic tactic of course, using the Righteous banner of ‘Goodness’ to ‘Save Foreigners’ and support their ‘right to stand up to their government,’ but in reality, we must know it is not precisely how things work. You can look at how Iraq and Afghanistan are doing already after 10 years and if such support for a ‘Democracy’ was in fact beneficial to the majority. It was not. It was only an opportunity to gain control and generate wars  for the sake of profit since they are funded by private corporations and not the government itself only.  This is not a ‘new’ thing since Woodrow Wilson also pushed democracy as a way to establish Democracy in Europe as a way to present America as the winner and decision-making power  after WWI. America happens to be a Corporatocracy, not a Democracy which should now bring 1 and 1 together to understand why Capitalism uses the same morals to justify any means to a single end where de jure, the pursuit of happiness, the individual right to Life and to own property at all cost, to be ‘Free’ is an inalienable right, de facto they  are Not.

 

You can’t wage war without having someone to fight against, by becoming a rebel, you give the perfect reasons to reinstall order and control, as well as supplying the means – weapons – to do so. Perfect trap that everyone is falling for, you can see how many people follow Alex Jones attempt to ‘fight the system,’ while owning/ buying and promoting several weapons per capita. Why is no one looking at the obvious?

 

Rebellion can only worsen the conditions or furthermore, create an absolute retrocession to our current ‘civilization.’ This is an explanation of how under the right ‘moral filter,’ we can justify fighting for our rights while others can justify their own ‘rights’ through their own ‘moral filter’ which means making money out of individual’s pursuit of happiness, which means that if people have to ‘fight’ to attain that, they will use their right to maintain order and control at all cost, and this is where interests are mutually exclusive which leads to wars, just because of our inability to establish common sense as a living decision to support each other equally. Hell no, that sounds like an offense to the majority of the people, but how far can we go before we realize that we cannot get anywhere while ‘resisting’ and ‘fighting’ and generating further control out of that?

Solution                                                                         :

The Means to make our living rights effective is through Political Means, Not Fighting, Debating, struggling, Complaining, Blaming, taking Revenge, shouting, getting guns or drop out of the system, you can only become part of the Problem within such stance.This is about Taking Self Responsibility for the system we have all co-created and understanding that our Rights won’t be individualized needs and preferences above another’s interests, Rights imply Self Responsibility which is why individualism within equality means ensuring Every single living being is having Equal Support to Live in dignity, to have access to the best water, food, education, professions and jobs that we commit ourselves to as a means to contribute to maintain the system  in a successful manner, building and constructing places to live, to work and study that honor the lives of those that currently have nowhere to live in, no food to eat, no ‘right’ to defend either since they will exist as a de facto agreement in our system and way of living. 

The Solution is Education, understanding How the System works to clearly see how we have all been collectively responsible for our current living conditions.

We support Equal Rights for all to Live in Dignity and this is a political statement, not a means to retaliate and wage war with and this is the foundation of Equal Money Capitalism: Equal Rights = Equal Responsibilities as an economic, political and social system where each person counts and is counted on.

 

Rewards                                                                            :

Responsibilities ennoble the individual, and this is what Living in Equality implies, no more will we ever have to ‘Fight for our rights’ but instead work to make our living right sustainable and viable as the result of our decision to Live as Equals in a world where no person hates another, no one feels abused, violated or cheated will be the implementation of a society based on trust and fraternity, on an actual freedom that will consider another as yourself in every single moment.

 

 

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No More Conflicts – May 2011, MUAC – México City

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February 26, 2013

312. Are Rebellion and War the Same?

By Marlen

While watching OBEY, a video documentary based on Chris Hedges’ work, the point of war emerged again to see how the solutions given by the people that edited the video was to Rebel which no one seems to realize it means: wage war against the system, even if most would dispute there is a ‘difference’ in meaning, in actions I can only see it is virtually the same:

war
n    noun a state of armed conflict between different countries or different groups within a country. a state of competition, conflict, or hostility: a price war. a sustained campaign against something undesirable: a war on drugs.
n    verb (wars, warring, warred) engage in a war or conflict.

 

rebel
n    noun  a person who rebels.
n    verb  (rebels, rebelling, rebelled) rise in opposition or armed resistance to an established government or ruler. resist authority, control, or convention. show or feel resistance or repugnance.

 

What’s the Essence of these two words War and Rebel? Friction, conflict, competition, hostility, resistance, repugnance and Armed Conflict, all of these characteristics have one single origin in common: the Human Mind.

 

Problem:                                                                      

“WHY has Consciousness – for only those with Money Evolved, and Technology within the World System/Money System evolved, where for most part, those that are in Control within this Physical Existence, has utilized their ‘evolved Consciousness and Technology’ for means of War, and Profit through/from War to Protect Resources, Investments and Money within/on/as this Physical Existence? Why has our Relationship to the Physical Body, this Physical Existence, the Animals, Nature – THAT which in fact gives us Life, Not Evolved? Why has actual Life/Living Conditions for ALL in/as equality and oneness Not Evolved?”  – Sunette Spies*

 

 

It is astounding that Wars have been accepted as the way to regenerate Economy, expand territory, snatch resources, gain slaves, raw materials or ‘rights’ to have a say on someone’s territory. We can see how due to Private Property, Rights, Power and the ability to exert all of these with ‘proper justifications’ is what leads to justify War as a means to Defend One’s Right. We are Continuing from the ‘righteous’ structure Capitalism defends, in which Power is linked to Money – which we have already disclosed, but also Wars as a basic element to maintain and upgrade such Structure of Power. 

 

In a letter that Sigmund Freud sent to Albert Einstein in order to elucidate or ‘shed some light’ on the human instinct to wage war, one can read some conclusions that might have been revealing at the time, but yet again there was no definitive straightforward solution. It was mostly attributed to a ‘human instinct’ which was identified as an aggressive, destructive/ hatred instinct.  Going back to the point of Might Makes Right, I bring this quote forth:

“Thus the attempt to replace actual force by the force of ideas seems at present to be doomed to failure. We shall be making a false calculation if we disregard the fact that law was originally brute violence and that even today it cannot do without the support of violence”  – Sigmund Freud  (1932). “Why War?,” Letter Response

 

How does this tie with using ‘Power’ as a form of  abuse to overcome Power?

Humanity has managed to justify the desire to retaliate, take revenge and exist in spitefulness when perceiving that their Rights have been violated. According to Ayn Rand, Rights can only be violated ‘by the use of physical force,’ which enables us to understand why keeping people working with slave wages is Not a Violation to Human Rights within this context. This is the use of Power as Intellect that can determine ‘what is right and what is wrong’ as a Moral code that stems from the Power-Structure in itself, to keep itself clean, ethical and righteous at all times.

 

This is what enrages the majority: Our Rights are being Violated, but seriously: have we EVER Respected ourselves as Equals? Have we EVER considered every single individual living organism as the actual actors that enable Life possible? All that I see within these ‘elucidations’ about rights and wars is the human intellect justifying the right to abuse and as such to retaliate, while attempting to create Peace by suggesting turning to the opposite forces that lead both war and rebel, which is ‘love’ for the most part, which is a profoundly misconstrued and misunderstood word that we have not in fact ever lived throughout Human civilization, because every single word we’ve lived within the context of Feelings and Emotions of who we are as the mind.

Yet, we accepted the existence of such words in our own mind, as our own nature that plotted mechanisms to violate/ disregard/ abuse each other in the first place, the origin and source of that want, need or desire to abuse and disregard all other fellow living beings exists within Human Nature, who we are as the Mind in itself as Consciousness is the factor that Freud wasn’t able to pinpoint, because a Mind won’t see itself as the problem, but only as certain attitudes, behaviors or ‘instincts’ that we believe are ‘beyond our grasp’ and as such, justify with them being ‘untamed forces’ that have lead us to now justify Wars with moral and empathetic justifications like Nationalism, Defense, Pride and keeping the world ‘At Peace.’ Not many seem to see the obvious problem of Waging War Against Terror either.. A complete paradox, but what isn’t at this stage in our reality?

 

Righteousness is the fuel to rebel: someone is abusing/ offending/ violating your rights – but again, have we ever lived in an actual State of Right, of actual regard to each other as equals? No, hence rebelling stems from the experience of Powerlessness when understanding to what extent we have delegated our living-rights to this ‘Might Makes Right’ principle that sustains our current Corporate Capitalistic System. The way in which this perfect hate machine has been built and constructed is through laws and force – this is political decisions that are then taken to justify wars as ‘defense’ which is currently being used as a means to profit by corporations, which are the greatest investors in the war industry, not to say that in America’s case, their greatest economic activity has become the War Industry in itself. And now people are ‘waking up’ and wanting to use the same means of extortion to retaliate against the Pretty Hate Machine? Absolutely paradoxical and one Must see the common sense in that.

 

Self Interest is the origin of Power,since such form of Power can only exist in separation ‘Divide and Conquer’ and Wars do just that. Rebelling is Attacking the ‘imposed order’ by the same means a war is waged, what are the odds in such  play out when no human life is regarded as ‘Life’ but as a number to oppose and exterminate? This is how Rebels end up in jail or killed or assassinated, they all tried to Oppose the system by the use of force, retaliation, vengeance and civil disobedience .

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“You didn’t come from the Planets ‘Out There’ – you came from the Planet Earth. You’re not an Alien from another Planet, you’re an Alien from the Planet Earth. And, that is Why you’re an Alien on Earth that Destroy All the other Life Forms, because – you’re an Alien Invader. You only Look at your Own Self-Interest. You don’t regard the Other Life Forms that come from the same Source as you did, with the same Life Force that you have – as your Equal. They’re in fact far more than you, because they make your Existence Possible. You’re not making their Existence Possible. They don’t Need you. They can Exist without you…All of them. You can’t Exist without THEM.” – Bernard Poolman+

 

Solution:                                                               

The Solution to war is understanding that you cannot fight a fire with Fire, that’s the absolute stupidity of what the majority of humanity seems to be overlooking: protesting, opposing, rioting, wanting to ‘have all the power back’ can only lead to a reversed war that will lead us nowhere if we do not stop and see how all the rage and anger for having our ‘Rights violated’ is in fact just another fuel for the system to continue upgrading itself: further control, further repression and this is why we are locking ourselves even further the more we bark and demand change –but wait a minute, who has created this

 

Freud’s solution stand along the lines of : Strengthening the intellect, governing instinctual life, internalization of aggressive impulses, a change in cultural attitude, and the justified dread of the consequences of a future war – there is certainly no radical solution within this which is the same as hoping that human nature will change by itself.

 

Solution is Living Self Forgiveness, walking an individual process to Recognize what Self’s Responsibility is within the entire confabulation of this system as it exist now, it is not an ‘isolated imposition,’ it is weaved and perpetuated by each one of our individual thoughts, words and deeds within this state of ever-evasive self-interest that leaves no room for Common Sense which is Do and Be what is Best for All as Equals. Within this premise, the understanding of War will be clear: we can’t fight against ourselves, we can’t oppose our own creation, we can’t seek to ‘out do’ what we have sown in the first place. This is thus an individual process of stopping, correcting and changing the individual Human Nature of greed, power, desire to manipulate, control, be ‘the authority’ and have ‘More’ than others. Learning how to coexist as equals, learning the physical laws of nature will enable us to understand that we Cannot keep  allowing the Mind to dictate, the Intellect to define what’s Right or Wrong, we have to consider physical solutions wherein the nature of the Social Organism is considered – not what’s ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ according to morals, but a physical understanding of the necessary conviviality and symbiotic relationships that we have to forge from scratch if we in fact want to create a sustainable and peaceful future.

 

There is no value in retaliating, rebelling, fighting, opposing, it only leads to further separation and consequence wherein such war is not realized as a war against Self, sin ‘They’ and ‘Them’ are also Yourself/ Myself/ Ourselves.

 

Rewards:                                                                        

It’s quite obvious that the results from ourselves being able to coexist as Equals, give to each other the Right to Live with all the Best that we can create as a living sustainable system is the definition of a Utopia that has only existed in books and in the dreams of those that would also seek to ‘overcome  Power,’ but see, Power doesn’t have to be ‘overcome’ or ‘powered-out,’ it has to be distributed in Equality, it has to be recognized as each individuals Right to Live in a self-determined state wherein money is no longer a means to fight for or strive, but a right that will be available for all to in fact then learn how to live, which is something we haven’t done thus far, we have only learned how to ‘cope’ and ‘retaliate’ and keep fighting and resisting others due to our delirium of owning what is of the Earth and having it taken away in an arbitrary mode. Why haven’t we realized that establishing an Equality System will lead to the ever sought peace and harmony on Earth’

Only Self Interest can stand in the way, and that is the Mind and the Mind is each one’s Self Responsibility

 

I can paint the greatest picture of Rewards here, however it is quite common sensical that each one’s right when structured and founded upon Equality as Life will lead to the best of the living experiences possible in accordance to respecting, valuing and honoring each other as equals, and this is an individual decision to be made, this is what each one of us must decide to stand for – no more countries or parties or rebellious acts to defend, but one single outcome to honor and live by: Giving to each other what we want for ourselves, loving our neighbor as ourselves and learning how to Stop the Mind from seeking to outdo, have more and ‘take revenge’ against others, such words and attitudes must come to pass for the new to emerge as a self-willed decision to Live in Equality.

 

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January 18, 2012

2012 The hard and soft veneers

By Marlen

While listening to Life Review: Keeping Quiet I saw how I was tensing my body, and my muscles were contracting and certain memories passed through my mind, specifically when he mentioned the point of  fearing conflict which was one of the reasons why I played-out and created a ‘nice person’ personality so that I could be the ‘neutral’/ stand in the middle road in all situations and be in a ‘safe zone’, be accepted which means not being opposed/contradicted, not to create any ‘enemies’ which I developed a fear for in terms of having being sort of bullied early on at school and not knowing what to do/ how to react to that, suppressing an entire shock and pretending that I didn’t care.

Interesting, this just came up as I am writing here, I hadn’t even considered that I have in fact played out both characters out of the same ‘fear of conflict.’ I created a ‘strong hold’ personality as well out of fear. This just came up as I remembered stuff like one girl wanting to asphyxiate me in the classroom, it was sort of in a ‘playing mode’ but still it affected me at the level of not knowing how to react/ what to do in such moments. She was one of my ‘best friends’ at the time. Events like these and being picked at for being a ‘smart ass’ early on in elementary school lead me to have my personal-support  coaching to ‘stand up and be stronger,’ which were words mostly provided by my mother which were ‘cool’ at the time to create a defensive mechanism of ‘I am not affected by others words toward myself’ – yet never getting an actual understanding of how or why they would react in such a way and how I simply didn’t have to participate within such judgments allowing that to obfuscate myself and create an entire experience within me.

That’s when I started developing a personality of being ‘tough’ or keeping a certain stance wherein I made sure ‘no one was able to fuck with me’ and this developed as early as elementary school into puberty.  A point that I played out in certain situations – standing within this same ‘tough/ superiority’ role is that I would deliberately test myself getting involved in opinionated conversations in school, just to prove my point right and within that, inflate my ego as this personality, which turned into superiority wherein I would then ‘not give a fuck about anyone else in this world’ because I was apparently ‘above that’/ not able to be affected. 

Now that I look at it, I’ve actually walked both polarities on and off.
One was the personality that I lived earlier in my life which is the one I have described as ‘being above it all,’ staring  at everyone with a blank-face in an ‘I don’t give a reverend fuck’ type of mode. This was also linked to what I’ve shared these past posts of believing myself to be a victim of this world, ‘not belonging here’ and having to deal with ‘stupid humans’ (playing out the superiority complex)– because that is exactly the type of thoughts I had to create in order to not exist ‘in fear’ toward other human beings. This is how I would judge and automatically ‘see’ everyone around me, wherein only those that shared the same views upon people/ this world would be the people I would hang out with – which were about 2, lol.

And as I’ve been walking this point, I can say that this is part of the physical corrections I am still walking I mean, it’s become quite a ‘way of carrying myself in this world’ wherein I would get feedback from others in how I seem to be a grumpy person all the fucking time, when I don’t ‘see’ myself as it, yet this personality has been recorded at such a physical level that I have to be completely Here, aware of myself as my breath to see how I am walking, how I am experiencing my physical body, how I am either frowning or tensing my jaw line when and while walking in the  street, stopping all instant-judgments that I would generate to virtually anyone, all in the same type of ‘shade’ as in belittling others while pretending to be ‘above that’ – yet living such belittling point within myself as an actual ‘nature’ that lead me to develop a ‘strong hold’ as a personality, a ‘hard veneer’ to present to this world, to not be vulnerable, to avoid being hurt = to avoid conflict at all cost.

The other side of the coin was later on becoming the ‘nice personality.’ It’s fascinating to look back at these two faces/ phases of my life which were clearly marked by the type of people I held as friends. Actually now that I see those two friends represented both poles – oh was it such a bomb when they lived together, it was like merging heaven and hell and me stuck in limbo. Eventually I could not keep up with both and had to ‘leave’ the friendship that supported this first aspect of playing out the strong-hold superior type of personality, the gloomy-dark times of absolute pessimism, depression and self judgment wherein I definitely resorted to paint, write and read a lot of books that would equally support this personality.  I can relate to what the man tells in this life review in terms of guarding his books like a treasure, I did the same and I was so ‘content’ with my little bubble of books, cd’s and paintings.

Back to ‘the other side of the coin’ aspect, the ‘glowing’ façade  I experienced in my late teens when having some sort of ‘spiritual awakening’ lol, changing my all black wardrobe to absolute flamboyant pieces of clothing that matched a ‘new perspective’ on life which I deemed to be ‘healthier’ and ‘full of positivity’ – I really thought of myself having ‘found the way’ while seeking some form of ‘higher purpose/ mission in life’ and presenting myself to people with this ever lasting smile, being servile, being ‘loyal’, being ‘positive’ about life, having a ‘good time’ apparently while smoking the hell away to suppress what I was in fact experiencing and still existing-as, without having had any actual direction to see how I was only creating the exact opposite of my past to apparently ‘wipe it out’ only keeping the same point in place but with a new mask that had to eventually blow out as well.

Now, I mention this ‘positive façade’ because in my mind I became very aware how I didn’t want people to antagonize me, I sought for their approval and the only way was making sure that they liked me/ accepted me = they weren’t able to tease me/ oppose me and that’s how I created a rather ‘happy’ person as a presentation of myself,  which ensured that I got everyone’s ‘appreciation’ and no one would dare to become an ‘enemy’ = fearing conflict. I can see how whenever I deemed someone to not like me, I would immediately react toward such being, which was only me projecting the inner fears that I never dealt-with in fact, because I was just covering-up all the fear with a nice benevolent and meek personality, suppressing the hell that I realized later on I had absolutely ‘blacked out’ from my experience through using weed. Yes, this I only got to know of because of all the writings I’ve kept for over 10 years now, wherein the mind-experience would come out, only to eventually forget about it all the next day. It was quite a shock for me to see how in my mind I link that time of my life as ‘glowing happy years,’ yet in fact they were also hell as I continued experiencing a constant inner-struggle and discomfort in my own skin that I simply managed to  suppress more and more all the time. This became unsustainable and it all burnt out to ashes the moment I found Desteni – thank Anu for that, otherwise fuck knows where and what I would be doing now.

The latter personality is still able to be spotted in my first vlogs wherein a bubbly personality comes-through while letting through at times the actual ‘inner experience’ that I was only covering up, which was exactly the  type of walking contradictions we have become as human beings when fighting against ourselves in our mind, and living a double life within ourselves and toward the world. Yes, complete schizophrenics, but we’re here walking our corrective process.

 

So, this point of the ‘nice person’ is still playing out at times, yet asserting myself as I go. When I was at the farm I would react whenever I would see/ hear conflict. This became so obvious to me at some point and it was so cool to face it in one definitive scenario wherein Bernard just spotted it like that:  ‘You Fear Conflict!’ – and yes I was, my entire body was in this constricted state while presenting myself to be ‘cool with it,’ yet being actually fearing to be ‘in the middle of conflict’ even if it wasn’t ‘directed’ toward myself.  Hence I had to walk through the point of realizing that I will be dealing with these situations and having to direct myself to face  reality and stopping the ‘I’m over it all’ and ‘I’m such a nice person you can’t oppose me’ personas which were created as defense mechanisms to not have to stand up in moments of perceived conflict or create any form of  perceived rivalry/ opposition/ antagonism.

What triggered both personality creations was fear and seeing ways to ‘cope’ with the fear of being vulnerable, fear of being hurt, fear of having to take responsibility for myself, fear of having to confront another, fear realizing that I was still belittling myself toward others. It becomes quite clear to see how we develop coping mechanisms to not have to stand up in common sense, which is ludicrous to even place out like this because it doesn’t make any sense to create excuses to not stand up for what we see is common sense, what we see is required to be done, lived, spoken-up about. Instead of using coping mechanisms, we have to create practical ways to face reality, that’s essentially what we’ve learned through walking this process: how to practically direct ourselves in any given situation that we would have previously simply ran away from/ shut down to not face it.

After I became aware of this fear of conflict once that it was ‘in my face,’   I’ve been walking the process of deliberately taking on points of speaking out, commenting, pressing-myself as common sense regardless of what ‘reactions’ it may trigger, because I see and realize that this is the only way to see and test who am I within those situations.  I am able to direct the point within common sense instead of just wanting to get rid of it and not having to face it at all, or having ‘others’ to do it for me, or eventually just pretending that ‘I don’t care’ which is what I saw was quite the nihilist type of defense mechanism, yet dealing with quite extensive inferiority/ in fear of others which lead to a constant requirement to ‘uplift myself’ to ‘keep up with the pressure.’ We were just discussing how it is really energy-draining to keep-up these ideals of ourselves as personalities, while living here in self honesty, as life, is actually very very simple and effortless as it only requires us breathing here.

We have accepted and allowed ourselves to cage each other in this world ‘keeping up’ nice pictures of ourselves as being affable and smiley as well as creating a tough-rough presentation out of fear. This became quite evident when interacting with people that would seem like absolutely ‘tough’ and ‘rough’ and with a haughty way of carrying themselves and getting to see how they were in fact these ‘sensitive, vulnerable beings’ that had developed such image/ presentation as a defense mechanism toward ‘others/ the world, which is then standing as an ‘inferiority’ point in fact, though we require Equal stance in all ways.

If we look at this point it is essentially how gangs are formed and why they exist the way they do. Look at the Maras, they create such self image to portray this literal ‘fearless image’  as beings that are able to provoke fear in others to protect themselves – why? because they are mostly beings that have been born into circumstances of extreme poverty and abuse that they eventually seek a way out of. That’s how they run away from home and become part of gangs that become ‘their family’ = their security, their way of developing an entire self-image that ‘cannot be fucked with’ using the ‘power of unity’ at its max– all because of fear and probably resenting the fact that they are not being considered as equals in this world. Surviving through using these defense mechanisms becomes part of their being, as their full-blown personality and lifestyle that justifies their actions like committing crimes out of that inner experience of having been disregarded within this system from birth. A usual mindset would be ‘Why would they ‘care’ to not ‘harm others’ without considering how they have been neglected/disenfranchised from birth?’

See how in such gangs, striking up confrontations is  actually part of the rites of initiation for 11, 12 year olds that want to become a part of such gangs. They have to endure all of  the pain and fear to ‘become a man,’ to be ‘over it’ – eventually becoming beings that are in fact only walking with a hard veneer out of fear, fear of others, fear of death, fear of anyone that could have more ‘power’ than them in this world, which translates to once again economical disparity wherein the Maras are usually coming from poverty backgrounds.

 

I realize how I have feared conflict, I see how I have created personalities based solely on ‘fearing others,’ developing a stance of being ‘over this world’ or ‘knowing better’ –  yet the point that differs from what we heard on the interview is how I didn’t remain silent. 

Now that I remember, I deliberately decided to start speaking up because I would see my mind filling the gaps in terms of, for example, seeing two people getting into a form of conflict and I would see the common sense of the point – yet because of seeing myself as not wanting to stir up anything and not wanting to ‘lose my friends’ or not wanting to ‘come across as fill in the gap,’ I would remain like the silent person that pretended to be ‘over such conflicts,’ being neutral, feeling/ portraying myself as some wise person that would only speak if enough ‘wisdom’ was at hand to share – quite a deluded position; and as I bring the point here, as I write and rewind on the points in my life wherein I would ‘feel’ this very same way, it is almost like having to keep up with the character, having to ‘sustain’ such silent frame of mind, such ‘wise person’ and ‘peaceful’ type of being – yet the internal conflict was still there, it only grew and grew – the more fear grew, the more I started compounding this experience wherein the only valve of escape was smoking weed and drawing and ‘listening to music,’ while experiencing myself in perpetual annoyance and irritation toward myself, this world and  everything, because of not seeing a ‘way out’ and it was all because of not having dared to face myself, to walk through that which I was gladly just covering up in an ‘everything is fine’ personality wherein the abuse and the gory aspects of this world had been ‘left behind’ to seek for ‘new healthier horizons.’

From this I can see how having being into spirituality, seeking a god and seeking some form of ‘remedy’ to myself and my “reality” were only ways to mitigate the fear and inner conflict that I experienced within me. It is fascinating that no one never really got to ‘know’ what the hell was actually going on inside me as I moved myself throughout my life, only ‘I’ knew, only I could see how while being with others I could create this ‘everything is fine’ personality, literally like a guru that believes that all conflict is just a mind problem and it can just be ‘sorted out’ by remaining in a perpetual resistance to think, speaking the least possible and ‘simply ‘stopping thinking’ which is and would be equal to trying to ‘stop breathing,’ because we see and understand now in our process how it is not about ‘shutting off our mind’ and our thoughts, but to walk a process of self-correction stand one and equal as our mind = being self-directive through actually participating and interacting with others in our world, instead of being taken by a ride by our own thoughts. This is taking self responsibility for ourselves.

 

How have I supported myself to stop fearing conflict? Through writing, applying and living Self Forgiveness, walking a deliberate process of placing myself in the ‘eye of the storm’ not for the sake of ‘proving myself better,’ but to see who am I within the face of such perceived conflicts/ confrontation and seeing who I am within it: am I able to ‘cope’ with it, am I able to stand fully and not fear speaking up, am I still fearing compromising any ‘idea’ of integrity I may have of myself, which can only exist at the ego level that we are here to stop and correct to stand in common sense as equals. This requires me to deliberately ‘push’ myself to participate, how else would I have known that I feared conflict? I mean, even the reason why I had initially created a blog in a service that wasn’t ‘well known’ was part of keeping myself in a safe zone out of ‘creating conflict’ with people in my reality reading my blogs and eventually having any form of reaction toward myself/ my words. I’m glad to say that I found a way today to bring all my blogs into this domain which is awesome. Yet I could still see the thoughts related to fear coming up in terms of ‘this being a well known domain now and people having more of a direct access to my stuff’ – which is yet again ‘fearing conflict’, ‘fearing exposure.’

It is a matter of walking the correction now because I’ve seen and realized for myself what such apparent ‘superiority’ as  in not speaking/ not participating because of seeing everything and everyone just so ‘out there’ and not having anything to do with me, and keeping myself in a fantasy land feeling like the incomprehensible human being that has this ‘sensitive side,’ yet portraying and carrying myself as the exact opposite to not have to explain myself all the time. It was almost a way of having others ‘fearing me’ to protect myself. This has remained as a point that even people walking this process have expressed having as an ‘idea’ of how I am based on the pictures they see, based on one single point of expression that vlogs are, until getting the actual experience of talking face to face and living together, which enables us to really tear down any beliefs created about each other. I saw then how ‘instilling fear’ is a protection mechanism as well as a form of creating an idea of power based on ‘being above others,’ a way to generate an idea of myself that people can ‘respect’ instead of being someone that is easily ‘picked on.’

Having said this, we can see once again how any form of fear is an actual limitation lived out as ‘who we are’ while remaining as the faithful followers of our personal religions wherein common sense is neglected while sticking to our “safe ways” of existing to not have to face ourselves. It takes a while to fully stop this,  it is only after four years that I am beginning to see how I have created myself in terms of creating positive and negative personalities from the starting point of fear.  From this we can see how this entire world is built upon fear! This must stop here, that’s how all polarity must be eradicated as any reason to be opposing anything or anyone is only separation, a point that we’ve neglected exist within ourselves as well.

We are here to create a world that’s’ best for all and that cannot be ‘questioned’ but simply realized and walked as that principle.

This blog is über lengthy now, but let’s say that the main point here is how stopping fear is the first point to be able to take on our own lives and the world through this process of walking the consequences. The moment we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the reality we are creating within and without, we become ‘less’ than that which we are creating, which is like a reversed-god complex if we can call it that, making ourselves less than our creation yet portraying a ‘superiority’ image at the same time. Quite unnecessary if we can stop it all by simply walking here as breath.

For this, writing is the tool, self forgiveness implies the self corrective process to walk the correction as we go living every single day. Simplicity is the key, we can just see through these experiences how I complicated my reality by trying to ‘cover up’ fear, instead of seeing fear for what it is: a self created limitation that comes in the form of thoughts that I can work with through writing, applying self forgiveness and directing myself in common sense.

That’s it.

Thanks for reading and suggest you listen to that interview because it was the point that triggered all of this here.

 

polarity as me

 

 

 

 

4 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in acceptance, bullying, Desteni, destonian, Equality, image, inner-struggle, personality design, polarity, realization, relationships, self image, self judgment, self reflection, teenage loathe, wording, worth, Writing Yourself to Freedom

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