Do not disturb – an ideal external silence as a positive ideal fix for the mind that seeks to preserve itself as ‘the loner’ at all times.
Within ‘The Loner’ character in relation to the ideal of ‘home,’ there’s a particular point I have faced wherein it is not only ‘wanting to be at home’ in order to be ‘at ease/peace’ within me, but also wanting to be all alone in the house itself, not wanting to have people around me, not listening to the chatter, laughter for extended periods of time, or music (that I don’t particularly like,) or just plain loud voices. I like to be at peace alone, wherein I know that no one will disturb me, there will be ‘no surprises’ as in having people suddenly yelling or screaming or shifting things around – in essence no disturbance, it’s all me. These are the thoughts of ‘the control freak’ character in relation to the ideal-experience of ‘being alone,’ which is certainly only a mind creation in relation to how I created this idea of freedom in my mind linked to not having anyone around me/ being alone – being without observers or noise makers at home.
The backchat around this point is the following, and it stems from the most prominent experience I have face in relation to living in a house with other beings wherein I have and still am facing myself with regards to this desire to ‘be alone/ be left alone’ at home and having no one around me.
I won’t be bothered with noises around me
No more crazy laughter
I’m going to be at last free
All space is for me
No disturbance or unpredictable visitors
If I could just be alone all the time
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience of weekends wherein I know that I will be alone at home, simply because of how I have made myself believe that being around others is something that bothers me and annoys me, which is all based on how I have defined my beingness according to people around me and in no way actually considering that who I am here as breath is constant and stable and that any other belief of being annoyed by noises/ people around me, is just part of how I programmed myself to always want to be alone/ always have a silent environment, because of linking noises to disturbance and as such, creating a negative experience within me whenever I do hear ‘noises’ which is is really an exaggeration to what extent I have become aware of another’s moves to the point wherein I can identify who gets home without looking out the window.
I realize that all these associations have been created at a mind level wherein I am expecting to be bothered by another’s voices, noises or simple presence due to how I have believed myself to be ‘more free’ when being absolutely alone and within a quiet environment.
When and as I see myself desiring the weekend to come to be alone already, I stop and I breathe – I support myself to realize that no matter who’s at home, I am here and breathing in the physical and who I am does not change according to being alone or with people – I direct myself to find the exact trigger point when this thought as a desire emerge to see where I am in fact separating myself from others as myself and my beingness as breath into an experience related to being alone or not that exists Only in my Mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an apparent unpleasant experience within me when being around others, when people are in the house, which is just a consequential outflow of having defined me being alone at home as ‘me being free,’ me being ‘at ease’ – thus I realize that it is not about others in fact but about myself and how I have associated being home alone with a sense of ‘freedom’ in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get excited the moment that I know that the last person has left the house on Saturdays, which means I can be ‘fully alone,’ which is just a mere association I have created within my mind with regards to ‘how’ I experience myself when being with others around me, instead of actually seeing and realizing that being alone or not must not change a single iota of who I am in every moment of breath.
When and as I see myself getting slightly excited about people leaving the house, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating a positive experience out of being alone only to later on create the opposite when they come back, thus I assist and support myself to breathe in and during the moment I hear the door closing and realizing that whether there is people around or not, I am here as breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bothered by noises around me such as lousy music, laughter and/or the sound of glass bottles clashing against each other as this is all related to ‘people in a group’ that I have defined as lousy/noisy and bothering because of what it entails as a disturbance to my ‘perfect order’ as ‘my space’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by, without realizing that this is in fact wanting to control others to only behave and be as silent as I want them to be at all times, just so that I don’t have to ‘be bothered’ with noises.
I realize that I have desired silence around as a‘perfect moment’ for myself, avoiding noises without realizing that I am the one that decides whether noise becomes something that ‘bothers me’ or not –
I realize that the laughter, the chatter and sound of bottles indicates a social reunion that I have programmed myself to loathe, simply because of linking it to drunken people that I have disliked due to the ‘disturbance’ they generate in a particular environment.
When and as I see myself reacting in irritation or anxiety when hearing more than the usual voices in the house as chatter, loud laughter, music and the sound of beer bottles clashing against each other, I stop and I breathe. I realize that me reacting to this is playing out the control-freak wherein I believe myself to be ‘the owner of the space’ and as such, not wanting to deal with any disturbance/ any additional ‘guests’ at home, because I have defined noise as disturbance. Thus I assist and support myself to simply focus on breathing and realizing that I cannot avoid people from laughing, talking, drinking or coming here – thus it is all about me supporting myself to stop all reactions and focus on doing whatever I is I am doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tense my body and become slightly anxious when I hear a group of people coming to the house, as I associate it with drinking and lots of people going to the toilet, which has also become part of the annoyance that I have allowed to preoccupy me in the moment, wherein I have justified my right to be ‘pissed off’ because of having more people at home, which is just quite an exaggeration from my side most of the times as the mind possession indicates itself to be.
When and as I see myself getting slightly anxious and reacting with tension because of hearing people coming to the house, I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to simply continue doing what I’m doing instead of creating all sorts of backchat and reactions toward others, because my backchat and reactions won’t make them ‘go away,’ thus I only abuse myself within stopping breathing here and allowing this mind possession of ‘loathing visitors’ at home.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘at peace’ whenever there is no one home wherein I can ‘sing aloud’ without others having to hear me, which means that I have judged and suppressed my expression around others within the idea and belief that I do not have to bother them, just because of how I was taught to always be silent and quiet as a child – which is a justification really – thus believing that everyone must be equally silent and quiet at all times as a ‘norm’ of conviviality, which is just me wanting to impose ‘my own ways’ onto others a.k.a. wanting to control and manipulate another’s expression to suit my ‘standards of conviviality.’
When and as I see myself feeling at peace as a positive experience because of no one being around and being home alone, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this only exists because of me perceiving that I can now ‘be free’ to express myself, instead of seeing how I have imposed this limitation to myself due to the beliefs of me having to always be quiet and ‘not disturb others,’ which is why I have allowed myself to be disturbed by others within the consideration of them being ‘noisy’ – thus I assist and support myself to sing, express myself around others if I want to, without holding myself back as I see and realize that it is only fear of being judged what I am using as an excuse to not do so unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘freedom’ to ‘being home alone,’ wherein I would feel at ease and just ‘free’ because of not having my space being ‘disturbed’ by others and also not having people to see what I do, which is all based on me then suppressing myself and hiding myself from others, which implies that I am still supporting a desire for privacy that has gotten ourselves in our world to abuse as one can only extremely so desire to be private about stuff wherein one can be involved in any form of abuse – thus I realize that this sense of freedom is in fact only linked to what I have defined as freedom in self-interest, and in no way does it point out to a reality of actual equality and oneness wherein no secrets exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider and associate parents as authority toward whom I had to ‘keep secrets’ in order to remain with a ‘good person’ character, without realizing to what extent my desire to fulfill a positive experience within me became a pattern of constantly desiring to be alone in order to have a ‘positive experience’ about my reality, that would only last for so long and that this in fact becomes just another desire and preferential point that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as.
When and as I see myself thinking that ‘freedom = being home alone,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this stems from my initial desire to be and do something that would not be allowed or witnessed/ known by others, hence doing so when being home alone. Thus I assist and support myself to breathe at all times wherein whether I am alone or not, it does not influence who I am as my beingness in every moment of breath. I allow myself to express myself regardless of the noise that my movements entail, as it is part of moving in the physical world – I do not have to ‘tip toe’ around all the time.
I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have ‘my space’ so that I could do things that I knew were ‘secret’ to others and were linked to my idea of ‘freedom’ as in ‘I can do whatever I want,’ which comes as a positive polarity from the usual oppression existent within families and parents, wherein we as children after being told what to do and what not to do, seek for a way to ‘be free’ and this means having ‘no authority,’ which is why the idea of freedom as no observers and no authority consummates in my desire to be alone.
I realize that I have created this excuse to make sense of my single desire to have a positive experience that I have linked to ‘being alone’ – thus I take self responsibility for the patterns I created within me in relation to wanting to be alone at home.
When and as I see myself wanting to ‘have my space’ and being alone at home for an extended period of time I stop and I breathe – I realize that my desire for freedom is mostly linked to personal interests of secrecy and privacy – thus I direct myself to instead act and live in self honesty wherein I do not have to create a ‘separate moment’ for me to be ‘without stress’ when being around and with others.
I see and realize that this is a pattern from childhood wherein I would not want to play with other kids simply because of considering them as ‘too messy’ and clumsy for my ‘perfected ways’ of being, which is ludicrous since that would mean I’d have to live in a museum to not be ‘disturbed,’ and that is certainly not living. I realize that every time I react in annoyance, I am in fact indicating myself that I am up there in my mind possession and not here as life breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a negative experience out of knowing that people will be back home, which means I will stop being alone and as such linking being ‘with company at home’ to a ‘negative experience’ again, just to keep myself bound to the next moment wherein I will eventually get to be alone again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the backchat ‘If I could just be all alone all the time,’ which is actually a belief that I hold in order to create positive and negative experiences in relation to being with people or being alone, wherein I am not in fact considering the practicality of living alone, for example, which would not be as beneficial in a world where sharing expenses makes like a lot easier – thus I realize that if I would follow my mind’s desires to be alone, I would have been in fact in an island because in this world we cannot possibly function being ‘alone,’ as no one is ever really ‘all alone.’ We walk our process individually, alone, yes – but the interactions and relationships that enable life are physically and intricately related a group, an organism –thus I stop my delirium of ‘wanting to be alone’ which is just a tantrum-throwing backchat in order to always be either waiting to be alone or creating a negative experience when being with more people at home.
When and as I see myself thinking that ‘I want to be alone at all times’ and having a negative experience because of seeing that other beings are coming back, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am the one that must deliberately remain here as breath so that being alone or with people does not define who I am, and instead I assist and support myself to remain here as the physical, as breath at all times.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to end up believing that ‘my perfect peace will be destroyed’ when others arrive, which is just a way to create a negative and positive experience within me when being alone or not
When and as I see myself thinking that ‘my perfect peace will be destroyed’ when seeing more people getting home, I stop and I breathe – I realize that ‘freedom’ as experienced when being alone is just a perception and as such, I direct myself to simply remain here constant and consistent as breath, wherein who I am is not defined by having people around me or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how I eventually end up missing people after some time, wherein after a long time of being all alone, I start to ponder about wanting to have people around for short periods of time, which is just me trying to manipulate my entire world to ‘suit my needs’ according to how I want it, which is how I always sought to be conditional in my approach to people as I never learned how to really stand with others unconditionally, but only agree to communicate and open up according to whether I liked or disliked them, which is the entire point of who I am within evading communication, as part of ‘the loner’ characteristics of only talking to and communicating with people that would reinforce my characters, instead of having actually allowed myself to get to know people and interact with them based on common sense.
I see and realize that such desire to ‘be alone’ and ‘not be around others’ is just a mind fix that I have created within me in order to actually defend the ‘who I am’ as my mind as the loner character that in no way assists and supports myself to LIVE, but only keeping me busy within my own ideals that I have seen and realized never meet reality as it is only in the fantasies and future projections as ideals of ‘being alone’ that I create a positive experience that I ‘look forward to’ experience, yet when it comes to actually being alone, I realize that I do not in fact want to be ‘all alone all the time,’ and that this has only become a way for me to believe that the thoughts of wanting to be alone is ‘who I am.’ Thus –
When and as I see myself wanting to ‘be alone’ as a thought of quietness and stillness that emerge within my mind, I see and realize that this is a mind fix that I have used in order to activate ‘the loner’ character and create the inner conflict that I see and realize is absolutely unnecessary as I am here as breath and I am not determined by being with people or not.
Thus I assist and support myself to stop and breathe every time that I see myself ‘wondering’ about being alone and how much ‘fun’ I can have when being all alone, as I see and realize that most of the times I even end up doing nothing different to the rest of the time that I am with people. Thus I stop this useless character within myself as I have realized the inner-play outs that I have created in order to keep an ideal ‘loneliness’ at home with no foundation whatsoever upon practical and physical reality of oneness and equality, and instead existing as the opposite of separation and further backchat wherein I absolutely forget that I am here as breath.
Support yourself with mind possessions at Demonology
Visit the Desteni website
and the Desteni Forum to support yourself in walking a process of Self-Forgiveness to finally see and realize how this world is a reflection of the separation we have participated in within our very own habits, treats and patterns in the mind. Our behavior is the point of change that will reveal who we are in every moment: divided within voices in the head or breathing here as one and equal.
Support the Equal Money System wherein support will be provided for every human being to walk the process of taking responsibility for the separation we have created within our world based on what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become in our mind.
This is for the children of the world.
How Thoughts Activate Personalities – Part 1 (Self-Forgiveness): DAY 123
173. The Shocking Truth of Thinking
What one can realize within reacting over our own thoughts, backchat and imagination is how the moment that we generate an experience about our own mind-creations, we are in fact asserting that ‘this is who I am’/ this is how I feel about this situation, which is then giving full permission to in such moments abdicate any common sense and simply allow ourselves to be flaunted with that feel good/ feel bad experience wherein, as we have realized, none of them are supportive in order for us to actually physically move and direct ourselves to complete the task. The moment we are enthralled within our own backchat, busy making excuses and further imagination points, we are already stating this is ‘who I am’ at the moment: just these thoughts wherein I am busy trying to get myself to the positive experience again wherein, even if I realize that I am procrastinating acting upon something, I am doing ‘my greatest effort’ to continue kidding myself and finding ‘good reasons’/ excuses/ justifications to not do so.
What I have realized within this all is that we waste so much time and breaths trying to elaborate a con.vincing story in order for us to make it ‘alright’ to simply not do something. I mean, who are we then just fooling within that? Ourselves, no one else. It is fascinating how sometimes we even dare to think that by doing something/ not doing something we are ‘taking our power back’ over something/ someone when in fact it is not, at all, how can we ‘spite’ something or ‘make a statement’ with points that we are simply not doing while we are aware it is our absolute responsibility to do so?
Furthermore if we look at integrity – I have realized how within the single point of accepting myself to BE these excuses and justifications and actually ‘Think’ that ‘I have a point there’ – I simply continue to listen to the same thoughts in my mind wherein I loop myself around the same over and over and over again with no actual physical movement to do so, which would practically imply what? I stop listening to my thoughts, backchat, internal conversations, endless excuses and going into imagination to either a positive or a negative aspect toward it and instead simply take a deep breath and WORK on it.
How ‘difficult’ is that? Well, the realization here is that the moment that we create a pattern to not move and keep ourselves in a single point of stagnation/ inertia, we become Subject-to these conjures up in our minds. Where is Self Direction there? Nowhere to be found, as we abdicated it the very first moment that we give into one single THOUGHT to not do a particular task, one single imagination point that leads us to a ‘feel good’ experience in an alternate reality in our minds, all of it covering up the initial trigger point for these plethora of mind-creations based on a single belief and idea of ourselves apparently not having something/ not being ‘suitable’ to take on a particular task, which most of the time involves the realization that: this world is not moved by the power of our thoughts, but by the physical direction that we are able to give ourselves as physical beings to complete/ do a particular task.
So, within going into the reaction point, this is the nitty gritty aspect of our reality, the moment that we are absolutely Not aware of what is going on at a physical level, the level of abuse that we are inflicting ourselves by reacting over our own thoughts, backchat and imagination. Within the systematic aspect and perspective of our lives, we have been so used to only considering that we were ‘really alive’ if we experience ourselves at a physical level in any energetic experience – whether ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ – same thing and the point here is that we have never been in fact aware of how it is that one single thought means our aging, our own slow but sure death – yes, this is the Shocking Truth and the way this actually happens is able to be understood in absolute detail within the Quantum Mind Series available at Eqafe, and I’m glad to share that they are being translated into Spanish. I consider this, among any other material available at Eqafe, a pivotal point to study in relation to the Physical Psychology that’s being investigated, explained in detailed and published by Desteni for over 5 years now.
Thus, there is an absolute in-detail process that is being walked within us taking on basic points we are facing in our reality – such as procrastination – and for the very first time in our reality as humanity become aware/ have the tools and information of what it is that we are in fact supporting every time that we THINK reality, every time that we abdicate our physical self-movement to a thought to ‘leave it for later’ or believing ourselves to not be ‘good enough’ to do it right away or simply lacking a point of ‘motivation’ as a positive-experience created as a reward in order to then MOVE ourselves based on getting a positive experience out of it.
What I’ve realized at this point is that it all begins with a thought, as shocking as it is and within this what I continue doing with participating in procrastination is feeding my own mind through depleting my own body to do so – believing that I a in fact opting for ‘what’s Good for me’ without having ever had an idea of how these ‘good’ experiences are in fact generated from utilizing my own resources as my own physical body – and within the single acceptance and compliance to a thought as who I am, I am in fact stating: ‘go ahead, consume my physical body so that I can have a fleeting moment of a positive experience.’
And this, my fellow droogs, is the reality that we have been blinded from up to this point. Now that we understand – which is what we missed all the way – now that we have the tools of Self Support such as writing, applying Self-Forgiveness in Self Honesty and Self Corrective Application we have No Excuse whatsoever to continue doing this – as all excuses, as we have seen so far, are part of the same entanglement to continue looping up there in our minds comfortably so while being oblivious to the shocking-truth of the reality that is being consumed for us to keep the ‘dream-making machine’ running, yes the mind.
This will continue, but Self Abuse Stops HERE.
Desteni I Process
Equal Money System
‘This world as it exist as multiple countries, societies is exactly the same as it exist inside the human where you have characters based on memories, events that form parts of a personality which is like a global society which then interacts with other planets or humans, similarly this is happening right here, right now on Earth where every child when they’re born through Quantum Mechanics of the mind and the physical as one would Develop and Integrate everything that is already Here preparing themselves to approximately 70% of what they will know in their lifetime, all of this happens in the 7 first years of the child’s life –” (Listen Interview below) – Bernard Poolman
Interview by Bernard Poolman :
Consciousness is a System of Government
Character Dimensions – REACTION Dimension (Part 4): DAY 173
A History with Life After Death – Part 7
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