Tag Archives: depressed

467. Stepping Out of the Zone

Or how to redirect oneself into self-creation when being more quiet and stable within oneself.

A common experience that emerges within oneself after some time as in several years of being ‘processing’ one’s mind and upon working with the basics of understanding one’s emotions and feelings, understanding one’s reactions and how to practically work with them, one gets to a phase which I’ve defined as a ‘zero point’ or ‘dead point’ because it is that moment where one can noticeably be more stable, more quiet, not so many voices in the head or being more at ease within oneself to a point where we get to apparently feel a form of loss or death within us, and the interesting thing is that it’s not like we are in fact becoming more robotic or ‘dead’ inside ourselves, but the other way around.

This experience which is in fact a lack of energetic stimulation/not participating as much in our minds which we may experience as a loss or ‘missing’ something in our lives can be understood in two ways:

1.      We have defined ourselves so much according to energy as emotions, feelings, constant inner conflict and inner movements that we had equated those experiences as ‘being living/being alive’ where we had always accepted and allowed our self-definition to be equated to an energetic experience inside us, moving us, being the ‘driving force’ for us to do something. An example is where one gets to discover within this process of self-awareness that even our great plans and projects in our lives could have been in fact motivated by a form of self-interest, a fear such as an inferiority seeking a superiority, a way to ‘demonstrate’ to others one is capable of something and trumping others and calling this ‘one’s motivation to succeed’.

I found that a lot of what I did and moved myself with was in fact that of ego, of self-interest, of seeking an energetic experience and so, that was part of what I had to willingly stop doing and feeding in my life – and yes it felt like quitting a drug of sorts of course, but that’s what I knew I had to do in order to be the real me that is here, just physically here which practically means saying ‘no’ to all kinds of ‘temptations’ if you will for me to ‘go back’ into the old ways, to just participate into this or that ‘a little’ and it’s no different to craving a drug or sugar if you’re addicted to either, it seems like one just can’t hold it, but through continuous practice in one’s resolve and discipline, it is possible to ‘starve’ that experience and let it go.

 

 I’ve found that upon then being more stable, calm and quiet within myself, self-motivation and self-movement is are one of those seemingly challenging points because one won’t ‘feel’ like doing anything, but one can move, can direct and get to do things, regardless of ‘getting anything out of it’ as an energetic experience, but simply doing it based on a common sensical decision to create, to support oneself, to get to attend our basic responsibilities, to expand, to grow, to develop ourselves further and this is where one can easily fall into the idea that ‘nothing is opening up for us’/ nothing is moving, nothing is happening – because we are no longer motivating ourselves through energy, within constant friction and conflict seeking a ‘way out’ and we are no longer having these high and lows that we had defined as ‘who we are’ – but it will in fact be a more quiet process that in comparison to the previous ‘hectic and energetic self’ might seem indeed like an internal death experience, but it’s not.

 

This phase and experience of ‘not having much going on inside oneself’ and inside one’s head can even be felt in some as a form of depression, which surely just as ‘regular depression’ it happens when we are sinking into nothingness, finding comfort in doing nothing else but self-pitying ourselves and focusing on fueling emotional turmoil inside. In this phase and process I’m talking about, it might feel like ‘nothing moves, nothing makes us ‘feel’ any longer, so what’s the point?’ and that’s how if one does not in fact direct oneself to create oneself and fill that space there, one can go back to ‘the old self’ as in seeking for stimulations as energy fixes of any kind that we had become used to and apparently ‘feel alive’ again.

 

This is what happens when one ‘falls’ into a pattern again that one had self-forgiven and worked on before. It just means we didn’t sufficiently stand in our decision and resolve to stop a particular habit or pattern in our minds and so in our doings, it means that we allowed our addiction of any kind to ‘kick in’ as a mind- back up to keep ourselves ensnared in our minds, going into the old patterns because ‘it feels familiar, it feels like the good old me again’ and before we know it we’re back to base 1 of transcending/walking through a particular experience, habit or addiction for that matter, and we have to start the whole process of standing up from those experiences again, and as many times as required to get it.

 

So here it means that one has to actually get used to this seemingly and apparently ‘slow pace’ of living, which is an actual physical pace, not a ‘mind pace’ where everything goes super fast and can be insta-created as we wish and like and so forth – one has to let go of all of those bits that seem to be like ‘mind hooks’ coming up in our minds, wanting to go here/do that/think this/imagine that in order to ‘keep the mind alive’ so to speak, that’s exactly where we have constantly decide to starve those desires and false needs because really, we don’t need these experiences to be ‘alive’ at all, au contraire, they represent obstacles, detours that take us back to square one and not really move forward.

 

That’s also where one’s understanding of what is to be self-honest comes handy, because that is a constant guideline to know how do we decide to spend our time of the day, how do we decide to live every moment, what do we decide to invest our space and time on – and this is there where the point 2 comes in.

 

2.      This ‘deadness’ or ‘emptiness’ or ‘lack’ experienced is in fact an indication that we are at our blank-slate point or square one of self-creation. What happens when we stop particular habits or patterns is that we stop giving space, energy and time to that which used to ‘occupy ourselves’ in our minds, something that would most likely not be constructive but time-consuming, destructive, keeping us in fears, anxieties, feeling unsatisfied, wanting to do/consume something all the time to ‘feel something’ but, that desire right there once that it is settled and kept ‘at bay’ with one’s resolve and perseverance, what is left is in fact a space, a void that needs to now be reprogramed, re-wired, a part of us that now has to be self-filled with something like a living word, a new set of actions, a new plan to see where and how do we want to expand and explore ourselves into.

And this is where according to one’s environment, capacity, time, financial stability and a variety of other factors we can decide how to best redirect our time, effort and attention to self-creation in a way that is now supportive, in a way that we know we are supporting ourselves to become the versions of us that does not require to exist in constant stress, fear or conflict to be motivated to do something, that does not require to have a constant ‘competition’ in mind to decide to be better every day, that can decide to no longer be defined by particular likes, preferences or types of personality that could refrain ourselves from doing something that is ‘out of our programming’ so to speak, and see/test who we are within it and not fear the change.

 

This is then the phase we constantly are in whenever we go more effectively stopping ourselves from diving into a mind experience, and then there’s that opportunity to expand further or remain ‘on the nothingness-same spot’ – none of these two options is better or worse, it’s simply about where one is at one’s process and in one’s self-honesty. But in my case, whenever I remain into ‘not moving myself’ in those moments, it becomes like being stopping for far too long on a traffic light and knowing that there’s a green light again, an opportunity to step on the road and redirect myself but I don’t do it, and that’s what can lead myself back to similar patterns of the past like depression, feeling lethargic or apathetic or ‘seeing no point’ in anything because one has now created space in oneself to redirect, to create, to grow, to develop new ways and ideas, to make decisions on how to invest our time of the day on – and if this is not done, then we might go back to seeking to ‘feel’ something because we haven’t actually taken self-responsibility to create ourselves, to direct ourselves.

 

And this is also a very personal phase of self-creation because we are so used to having something/someone ‘telling us what to do’ or ‘what to create’ or ‘where to put our attention on’ or ‘what we have to complete now’ – we’ve done that all the time from when we were very young in our parents’ house and then on the education system, then at work, in society and we’ve been so used to always ‘following’ and having someone else ‘leading us’ – which makes it truly ‘awkward’ in this new phase because: we have to decide and give direction to ourselves, we have to test new things ourselves, we have to decide how far or how near we decide to take ourselves to in doing/living something, which directions to take.

 

For that, we can only have our self-trust, knowing that no matter ‘what’ we decide to do with ourselves, we always have the tools of self-support like writing, applying self-forgiveness, developing self introspection and self-honesty to then create solutions, create ways through in moments where difficulties emerge, where plans fail and we have to find a new route – this is a certainty that we can create within us because of having proven to ourselves that it is possible to stop being ‘guided by the mind’ and that we now can stand in the path of self-creation and test, find, be creative and know that we can always find a way through in it.

 

It’s also very much the realization of self-creation, of being god onto ourselves and understanding that there is nothing or no one that can decide this for us, we have to do it and so acknowledge the responsibility and results/consequences that may unfold from our decisions, for ourselves and for everyone else that is here in this world as well.

 

All of this might sound too much or ‘scary’ for some, but it’s actually the most empowering position one can stand on, and one that is enjoyable if one decides to make it so – again, it’s very much up to each one to decide who I want to be and who do I decide to be in this phase of creating the better version of myself that I can work for myself and that I can, at the same time, gift to others in this world/in my life to.

 

Sounds good isn’t it? It’s a constant redirection, because ‘temptations’ will always come in whichever form we have programmed ourselves to, each one of us knows exactly what those ‘weaknesses’ are that we have to develop into a strengths, simply making a decision that we know where such experience leads us – therefore, there’s always a moment to detour and take another way, one that is honorable, that is of self-honesty and that in the long run – no matter how ‘hard’ or ‘challenging’ it may seem at first to step into self-change – we know that it is the better way, it is the commendable way, it is the way that we will lead ourselves to get to a spot in our lives where we can ‘bear ourselves’ and embrace ourselves completely – no regrets, no guilt, no remorse, no ‘what if’s or ‘should have’s’ because this way means assessing what is it that we really want to use our life-time and space on and for.

 

All that is left from this then is a reminder for myself whenever feeling like ‘giving up’ or seeing things as ‘pointless’ or ‘nothing is happening’ or ‘feeling too empty’ and going into a general ‘low experience’ what do I know? I require to set myself a direction, to give myself a direction and at the same time expand to something a bit different than before so as to no create also a constant-comfort zone where there is no real expansion in it, but just keeping oneself constantly occupied on the same. That’s the challenge I have for myself and will look into this as I decide precisely, upon having this ‘blank slate’ where would I like to develop myself more, what would I like to expand my interests on, where can I expand my support on, what can I create?

 

The options are many, we can make a decision of what we do, where we do it, with whom or alone and make sure that whatever we create, we take responsibility for it at the same time.

 

So, time to step out of the ‘dead-nothingness-zone’ and give that step into self-creation.

 

Recommended: From Created to Creator – Reptilians – Part 306

 

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Check out these great sites for self support and self development :

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423. Proof that I’ve been Mind Controlled

 

Following through a bit with this ‘happiness’ redefinition, I would not have been able to be comfortable in opening up this word to redefine if I hadn’t looked at a key aspect that I’ve been noticing for quite some time in walking this process of removing/stopping past self-definitions.

This became clearer when I shared in a podcast I called Doing Good = Uncool? about how currently there is a tendency to deem everything that is rebellious and antagonistic as ‘cool’ and everything that is supportive, disciplined and orderly as ‘uncool’ – and the way I found out that this mostly was a personal perception is when I attempted to find pictures on Google images that would depict this type of construct or judgments upon what I had seen as ‘cool’ and ‘uncool,’ there were no pictures for me to depict that! So that made it obvious that I had to rather look at it from a very personal manner instead and ended up creating my own ‘picture’ to depict the kind of perception I had held within me.

 

Cool vs uncool

 

My previous attempt in life was to become what I defined and believed to be a ‘cool’ person, so just because I had gotten so much bashing/criticism from my peers while growing up for always being ‘the straight A’ person in school and so being defined as nerdy for that and ‘tight’ or ‘uncool,’ I focused on finding ways to shake those definitions off by being very specific in the type of ‘person/personality’ I would become. This is how I decided to pick and integrate aspects that I could deem were going ‘against the grain,’ so to speak, against the expectations that I perceived everyone had around me. This influenced everything of me, the way I would dress/look, act, speak, the topics I would bring up, the kind of books I read, the kind of music I’d listen to, the way I would relate to people, to my family etc.  And TV was a great source of ‘inspiration’/dormant brainwashing for that, as I have shared here previously that I mostly grew up watching MTV and so there I shaped all my preferences toward everything and everyone that seemed to ‘challenge’ the status quo, to go against the flow and step out of the ‘schemes’ in one way or another, or be intimidating toward others, as a way to ‘challenge the establishment’ or being in a constant ‘defense mode,’ which is a ‘trendy’ way to actually hide the fear that instigates these ‘hardass’ personalities.

Little did I know that this was part of a greater scheme of social engineering to have kids grow up aspiring to be ‘rockstars’ or ‘artists’ and had nothing to do or no sense of responsibility to this world, but instead define all things ‘rebellious’ and ‘antagonistic to the system’ as being super cool.

So, this is how I then became what I could define as a disciplined rebel, because it’s not like I started slacking at school, I actually proved that I could still ‘pull out a straight A’ without even studying at times, just by being very attentive in class and so using my ‘wits’ to challenge professors and classmates alike – lol, I was really in for being like a typical dissident in many ways and deem that as cool, even if for others it wasn’t, to ‘me’ that was the definition of ‘being an outcast’ and enjoying myself within that because of seeing myself as ‘special,’ as having ‘no trend’ without realizing it was a trend and it was becoming more and more common in order to get people reacting, being angry and antagonistic against everything and everyone, just to remain in perpetual conflict and never looking at solutions.

Of course nowadays doing this type of ‘dissidence’ has become like the norm and it’s no longer as ‘shocking’ as it was some 10 years ago, which is how I’ve seen a fascinating shift in the perception of ‘values’ and the role that the media/TV has had on twisting people’s ideas of ‘what they want to do with their lives’ and what they find as ‘cool’ or ‘uncool’ by imposing a ‘new’ morality that claims openness, sexual liberation and ‘independence’ but it’s all just a false idea of empowerment through antagonism – been there, done that, doesn’t work!

So this is why I then saw that everything I deemed as ‘uncool’ was in fact that which was in fact supportive: to be self-responsible, to be disciplined, to be non-antagonistic, to have a ‘clean’ presentation of oneself, to not be destructive, to not bash or blame others, etc. This included a very key aspect that had prevented me from realizing I could live the word ‘happiness’ in fact, because I had associated happiness with people being fully blind and not seeing reality, I deemed it as a dirty word that could only be used to define an ever elusive utopia that we were too far away from or impossible of ever creating even. I deemed that anyone that could call themselves ‘happy’ were absolutely disingenuous and blinded from reality. So it is in this judgment that I then prevented me from even considering looking at this word ‘happiness’ for myself, meaning investigating ‘who I was’ toward this world, how I could live it in a self-honest manner; I was in a way still holding on to the ‘image’ or ‘idea’ of myself as still ‘challenging the system’ and being cool in that, but in no way wanting to get to what I had defined as ‘being a positive thinker’ of sorts by talking about things like ‘being happy,’ or creating a ‘happy future for everyone’ lol.

 

 

 

All of these are just judgments and perceptions wherein I was in fact denying to myself being able to expand my living into seeing the word happiness and not link it to some nerdy-good-doer type of personality as my own mind construct, as my own past definitions that came through ‘judgments’ that I refused to be or become at others’ eyes. In fact now that I can speak about it and define me in the process of creating happiness within myself and my world, I no longer see something pulling out inside me as a ‘NOOO what the hell are you talking about!!?’ type of reluctant backchat that would come within me whenever anyone talked about ‘being happy’ or aiming at being happy in this world. A part of me really, really rejoiced experiencing and living in misery, gloom and doom which is a whole construct that I’ve been debunking throughout the years in this process, and along with that discovering what I was preventing me from acknowledging as part of my living potential, just because I had defined it as ‘uncool’ lol, and going ‘against my personality.’

What are personalities really but locks and cells wherein we believe we would ‘get out of character’ if we challenge such self-definitions and preferences and dare to think outside of our box – it’s really all a mind job wherein we hold on to ‘past definitions’ of who we are and in that we lock ourselves in one way or another from being able to fully embrace our living potential, which is not at all about being a ‘good person’ now instead of an ‘evil one,’ not at all –  it’s about recognizing words for the expression they are and can be when lived in self-honesty, and no longer about words that hold relationships to pictures, ideas, personalities or preferences as they exist in the world system.

 

In this, I realize that if we are to genuinely become the living word, we have to expunge ourselves from any limitation, any self-delimitation/definition that keeps us locked into a phoney idea of ‘who we are,’ which becomes a constricted character that is still defined by attitudes, behaviors, preferences, personality traits and so forth which are all part of the egos we believe we are. So it’s always a matter of asking oneself: what do I accept and allow to define me and my every moment in this world? What am I still holding on to with preventing me from living this word – such as ‘happiness’- as myself? Why had I defined this word as uncool and a pure sham? What am I missing out when dismissing living a world that is actually able to be lived and constructed in a self-honest manner?

Seems that self-sabotage is the only answer as to why we prevent us from digging out the corpses that prevent us from give ourselves a real blank-slate to create our lives, free from the past, I mean why would I want to hold on to an idea of ‘who I should be’? To be liked by ‘certain kinds of people’ only? Because I wanted to get along and ‘attract’ similar people – but would I then be even ‘attracting’ real and genuine people or only other similar characters that focus on getting along with similar characters in their lives to remain locked in the same characters forevermore?

Time to break the shell of one’s personality in all ways and challenge it further, and to me having to be speaking of solutions, focusing on looking at practical reality outcomes and how I can be a living example of doing this would have been like an ‘uncool’ thing to do in the past, because I was following the bashing/ rebelling trend, lol, not considering that I was really on my way to be a self-defined pariah that wanted to be special and ‘cool’ through abdicating all responsibility to myself and my world, because ‘oh it was ‘so cool’ to only bash the world and do nothing about it.’ ´

My suggestion is to watch out for this kind of thinking construct, even more so when this kind of ‘attitude’ is shaping lots of youngsters mindsets with ‘life mottos’ such as Y.O.L.O You Only Live Once and ‘living life on the fast lane,’ being the most ‘rebel’ and ‘darky’ and ‘antagonistic’ to precisely avoid youngsters genuine awareness of how they can contribute to creating life, a better future for all – and instead remain in an abysmal and gloomy outlook on life, because in that way you get discouraged from ‘doing something about it’ and so, it’s most profitable to seek ‘happiness’ or fulfillment through trends, drugs, partying and sex than doing anything genuinely supportive in one’s life.

And so, this is then a general self-awareness point wherein this ‘live fast, die young , don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone, do drugs, have sex with as many as you can and enjoy the rock and roll’ type of mentality is seen as ‘the ultimate cool’: It is not, and that’s why there’s such a vast amount of disarray and mental/physical problems in young adults that follow this ‘trends’ that actually start from TV, from so called ‘alternative books’ as well as it happened in my case.

 

Here’s an invitation to look at yourself, where is it that you are still a product of social-engineering brainwashing through the media and ‘culture’ in terms of personalities, likes-dislikes, preferences, the ‘type of people’ you’ve perceived yourself to be and all the points that go ‘against your character’ that you have refrained yourself from openly investigating. I would not have been able to get to this conclusion if I hadn’t walked the process of deconstructing ‘me’ as a personality and so link the dots to see why I had a slight reaction to even talk about ‘happiness’ before.

 

Life is not about becoming a character that seeks to be the ultimate cool and ‘rebellious,’ that’s the illusion of freedom SOLD as an EXPERIENCE.

Genuine and real freedom from mind control is to take responsibility for oneself, to actually not allow oneself to be brainwashed into ‘trends’ or following what the masses think is ‘cool’ which at the moment is ‘the masses think being a rebel is cool’ which is then of course not at all an actual ‘threat’ any longer, lol, it never has been! Think of the punk movement as being part of social engineering in Britain to exacerbate youngster’s addictions and dissociation from taking responsibility in their society, because drug addicts and an impaired society is more easy to control than healthy, self-aware and ‘unbrainwashable’ individuals, which is what we have to now focus on being and becoming – mind control is only possible if we accept it and allow it.

So, are you mind controlled?

 

Unhooking Past Definitions

 

Cool blog to read on re-approaching Happiness:

Why I First Resisted The Relationship of Happiness to Money – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 653

 

Oldie:

2012 Destonians Take Over the World: The New Culture of LIFE

 

Read people recognizing their self creation abilities – including the redefinition of happiness – in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


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