Tag Archives: desires

580. Learning to Appreciate Myself

 

Or how I’ve walked through consequences of feeling ‘lonely’ and how I would create relationships from that starting point to where I currently am in transforming such emotional experience into an appreciation, understanding and embracing of myself and others as equals.  

 

I’ve been reflecting on several things these past days and one thing that I want to share about is realizing how I’ve  accepted and allowed to ‘give into’ a point of comfort and in a way ‘settling for the least’ in the past in order to stand in a point of perceived or believed ‘security’, of having ‘no-conflict’, of having certain apparent ‘control’ over someone or a situation and how that has eventually led me to create what I feared happening as the starting point of ‘who I am in my creation,’ which might seem like something ‘shitty’ to happen in one’s life, but as I share my story, it’s actually gotten me or ‘forced me’ to be at the place where I eventually had to be at, which is here.

For example, in relationships I had the tendency to create a relationship of dependency with the other person where I would ‘give myself’ to them and attempt to give them that which I believed and perceived they weren’t giving to themselves, which I used as a way to also ‘secure’ the relationship, to make sure they would not ‘run away’ because: no one else was giving that to them, not even themselves. And this is then covered up or disguised as a ‘benevolent act’ of trying to help another or ‘caring’ for another, and it is interesting because I actually knew what I was doing at the time but I would still decide in a conscious way to deceive myself, my self-honesty, and ‘do it anyways’ which is linked to another type of pattern that I’ve faced quite a bit in my life which is ‘rebelling’ against that anyone would advise me to do, where I would automatically just ‘do it because I’ve been told not to’ and not seeing through the actuality of the situation, which of course ends up only in showing myself the consequence of simply ‘doing it’ out of rebellion and not considering reality in its totality – learned lesson.

What I’ve realized in this is that no one can ever ‘warn us’ or ‘tell us’ what to do or not to do, because even if anyone reaches out to say so, we still have the ultimate decision on what we do and create. Therefore it’s actually quite a gift to acknowledge this responsibility, because there is nothing and no one to blame, but it is simply a deep realization that one can only ever deceive oneself. I definitely knew that I had been setting myself up for failure or future consequence and outcomes that would represent or ‘by default’ become the result of my very flawed starting points in, for example, creating a relationship which was standing in the shape of fear, fear of being alone, fear of ‘missing out’ on some experiences etc. or seen as a desire to ‘be complete’ in one way or another.  

If my starting point in my past relationships had been that of seeking a comfort zone where I would not be ‘left alone’ because of making the other person ‘dependent on me’ to ‘be ok within themselves’ and where they would not be in essence ‘good enough’ for themselves, then there was also that possibility of me having a certain control as in ‘ensuring the relationship’ or having this person in my life – apparently, again – which is completely flawed In the sense that it is a deceptive and self-interest starting point, because if I create something from the starting point of fear, wanting to dominate, wanting to control and in essence doing it all from the fear of ‘not being alone’ or ‘fear of being alone’ or ‘missing out’ or whatever else, well! Such apparently hidden starting point would eventually manifest the outcome of me having to stop a relationship because such consequences of choosing a flawed starting point would eventually come out in ways that I could foresee could happen before, but because of holding on to a ‘hope’ – which is in fact holding on to a convenient comfort-zone of wishing and thinking things will ‘go well in the end’ which is translated into ‘I hope that the truth of this deception won’t ever hit the fan’ type of thing – I simply kept the ball of deception rolling. 

But, who am I within such a decision? Yes, I was in fact existing in fear, in the constant suspense of something eventually happening that will force us to ‘break up’ because I simply knew that such possibility was there when I know I am not standing full, complete, whole within myself, but still creating a relationship from having at that time in my life felt ‘alone’ and so creating an idea of taking someone I could ‘support’ and ‘be with’ as a comfort zone masked or disguised as ‘support’ when in fact the actuality is that it was a way to not ‘feel alone’ anymore, which for sure had been a constant in my life up to that point.

So in essence I set myself up for failure in those situations and this is something I was aware of at a conscious level, yet! I did it anyways. And this is the point of self-sabotage that I want to share about as well as a self-reminder of how at times even when there’s this plain awareness of ‘self-sabotage’ about something, I’ve decided to ‘do it anyways’ based on deciding to go for the experience, to make decisions based on fears that are linked to ‘feelings’ and hopes and expectations, which are all non substantial reasons to make a decision such as who you’d like to spend your life with. And I knew it and I did it anyways, and I got my result to in a way bluntly show me and go through the experience of ‘this is what I decided to do, this is what I set myself up for’ which sure, it’s not a ‘pleasant’ experience, but in my case a very necessary one because after repeating this pattern for so many times in my life – almost in every single relationship I’ve had – it was about time I had to face some more ‘real-time’ outcomes that involved not only me and the other person but many more in it so that I could finally take my life seriously in that sense and stop hoping or dreaming of ‘changes’ happening according to my desired outcome.

What I’ve learned from this and from having repeatedly done this in my life is that I in a way decided to go through it almost to prove to myself – once again – why and how this cannot work, going through the somewhat ‘traumatizing’ situation of having to sort out an actual separation even in legal matters to now fully comprehend how ‘easily’ I gave into faith, hope and fear as the starting point of a relationship that had to end the way it did, because my starting point was flawed and I knew it all the way.

Now, something I’ve also learned is to not judge myself for it. I could be whining and saying I ‘lost’ x amount of time of my life, but I’ve instead managed to as with everything take it as a learning curve, getting to understand and see ‘who I was’ in every step of the way of such relationships, and it’s not the ‘me’ that is here as myself any longer – which is great – yet it is still a part of who I had been most of my life and it’s not something that’s just ‘gone’ but it is there and I am aware that I can decide to become that again or not, which is the same with any other patter, situation or conflictive experience within ourselves: we might have ‘gone past it’ now, but as with anything the potential is always there to recreate it if I decide to do so, it’s always up to me.

However I’ve now seen that it is only through this last consequence I created that I managed to ‘finally’ make a click within me and see what I was settling-with essentially. And here it’s not about diminishing or judging, criticizing ‘the other person’ at all. It is about what I decided, what my choices were, what my excuses, reasons and justifications were and how in full awareness of what I was doing and placing myself into, I simply ‘did it anyway’ in a form of blind faith and seeking some benefits and perceived convenience that led me to eventually yes, thankfully and through a sour consequence, burst the bubble and go back to square one of self-honesty.

Where I currently am in my life is definitely a different place, one where I know I would be prone to repeat myself if I follow ‘the same steps’ I’ve followed in my life before when it comes to relationships, and this time I’ve made sure that I get to focus on myself and fully see ‘who am I’ within this ‘aloneness’ point that had gotten me to seek out some kind of dependency before.

How have I gotten to do it? This process if for once ‘it’, there is no other way to get to appreciate me other than getting to know myself, every step of the way, learn to not judge me but understand my decisions, paths, choices and learn from it. Stopping for example creating some kind of obsessions and infatuations about people – of which I’ve been quite prone to do in the past – and instead get to appreciate me, live me, enjoy me, value me and this is something that has taken some time for sure, it’s all about making the decision to see myself with the same pair of eyes that I have tended to look at other people – specially males of course in my case – which I would turn into a form of attraction, desire or even ‘love’ and I’ve continued to test this out as I’ve been sharing in the past months with how I’ve been dealing with some points of ‘attraction’ or dare I call it ‘infatuation’ which has been quite a life-long habit in my life and I’ve finally learned to see it with a different set-of-eyes.

Last night I was watching an interview by another one of those people I have had what I can define as an ‘attraction to’ – yep another artist, etc. – and I definitely enjoy testing ‘who I am’ when seeing them, hearing their words, seeing how they move/express and seeing what moves within me. This time I noticed it has changed from how I would look at the person a few years ago and all that I would get is this slight churning within my solar plexus which is what I’d define as attraction and just leave it at that. Believing that ‘yes I like their personality’ and that’s it, but the reality is that I wasn’t looking any deeper than that because I wasn’t looking WITHIN myself deep enough, I wasn’t seeing myself as living words, I wasn’t seeing myself as these qualities that I actually enjoy about me, but was constantly looking ‘outside of myself’ for that, and the most common way was through creating ‘idols’ as in people I would admire – in the case of women – or develop these infatuations and attractions towards males.

So this time, I realized that what emerged within me was a sense of recognition of the other being for who they are, what they express, how they’ve come to be themselves and simply appreciate it, being thankful as well that there’s people in this world that throughout time I’ve been able to listen to and ‘get to know’ even in these very limited ways like through interviews or their creations and instead of only leaving my experience at a point of ‘excitement’ about them or infatuation, I’ve been able to transform that into a learning, appreciating the words that they are living within and as themselves.

 There was no longer that ‘desire’ in me, or that fleeting energetic bubble bursting up, in fact after I decide to face this ‘attraction’ in seeing, hearing them I am able to make a clear decision of changing the way in which I see another human being and instead turn that into an ‘embracing’ of sorts, which now that I see it is also what I would like any other person to do onto myself as well. I would definitely not want to be in their shoes and having someone being infatuated and obsessed ‘with me,’ because that surely is quite a point of separation to exist in, as I was existing in in terms of the actual relationships I formed and the relationships that I’d create in my mind in relation to all of these people that at one point or another I developed relationships with in my mind for the most part.

So, after watching that interview I realized how much I had transformed people – well males specifically – into objects of desire, of wanting to ‘possess’ someone because of what I believed I would get ‘from them,’ whereas now I am definitely at a place where there’s this self-fulfillment where I no longer go seeking this ‘other person’ to ‘fulfill me’ or ‘give me’ or ‘be for me’ that which I haven’t been able to live for myself. I can only now share myself, walk with, learn from and possibly contribute back, but that’s about it, there’s no ‘need’ any longer as I used to experience it in the context of personal relationships.

I’ve also seen how there has been this tendency throughout my life of expecting someone to ‘come into my life’ and appreciate me, value me for all that I am and have been through or have realized about myself, and every single time there’s that expectation within me, I’ve ended up disappointed, because it’s of course a flawed starting point, a desire for ‘someone else’ to do that which I hadn’t done for myself which is again appreciate me, enjoy me, be actually quite ‘fascinated’ by myself – and not in the narcissist kind of way lol – but in truly realizing that: I cannot ever fully share every single detail and moment of my life that I only know how I’ve gone through it, what I’ve developed within myself in every step of the way and have another ‘appreciate me’ for that. I can only do that for myself because I am the only one that has always ever been there with me, and this self-relationship and realization of ‘I got me and I will always do’ is quite a substantial one that I had known and become aware of at a ‘theory’ level, but I had not genuinely expressed that as a true form of embracing, gratitude and appreciation to myself, which is see if very much here now which I now am able to extend to anyone else according to what I express and give first to me. Which is how I realized I was able to change the ‘pair of eyes’ with which I look at people – again specially males I’ve been attracted to – and take from each ‘what’s best’ what words I see I can integrate from them within myself and ‘complete me’ that way, get to live what I yearned of others.

How does this ‘feel’ like or ‘translates’ to? Being comfortable with myself, with being alone as well and so being comfortable towards others too. I used to be the kind that was constantly yearning to not be alone or be in a relationship to have some constant companion and something to ‘focus on’ or ‘be for’, but I’ve realized and seen how I am quite fine by myself and that translates to being also quite fine and comfortable when being with a partner. Surely, I enjoy being sharing, expressing with another but even that would not be a constant point of stability, enjoyment, sharing and expression if I had not first developed myself within this path I just described and gotten to start living these words for and as myself first, so that a relationship therefore doesn’t become another ‘dependency’ point which I’m seeing is definitely possible as well and something that’s quite ‘new’ to me too.

Many times people having similar patterns to the one I’ve just described in relation to ‘relationships’ as the ‘weakness point’ in one’s life, we tend to make of relationships that ‘completion’ point, and I’ve been looking at this quite intently and testing myself out in the way I see people that for example I used to be ‘attracted to’ because of liking their expression or their skills or ‘ways of being’ and principles, values etc. And last night as I mentioned, I realized I no longer turn that into some kind of ‘physical attraction’ or ‘desire’ to have a relationship with that person, but instead has become a seeing within another their potentials, their ‘wisdom’ if you will as their very unique and individual experiences and expression. I decided to no longer look at another through the eyes of ‘infatuation’ or ‘I want to have a relationship with you so that I can have that which I see you are/have,’ but instead I take the words that I see or perceive they are embodying and living and make them part of myself, and some other things I simply appreciate them for, for what they stand for and do which at times it’s something quite unique and that I can only see and understand is an expression of what’s ‘here’ as ourselves and that’s it, embrace it, enjoy it- but not try and ‘possess it’ anymore, which is very liberating.

I am more learning to see people as equals in fact, not as ‘objects of desire’ which is of course a point of separation from myself. I’m learning to see and appreciate others for who they are and no longer go ‘wishing’ or ‘desiring’ a relationship as a ‘short cut’ to actually get to live and be ‘that’ for myself, which is a very cool position to be at really, it stops a lot of the ‘mindfucks’ and instead it has opened myself up a true appreciation of someone’s existence, someone’s expression, someone’s work, someone’s words and experiences for what they are.

I was laughing at myself last night when seeing this because I never thought I would be in that position of being able to ‘appreciate’ another human being at that level, where it is devoid of a ‘feeling’ or ‘fears’ but simply in the expression of ‘I see you’ and in a way appreciating ‘who they are’ as their expression, that ‘role’ or part of life they represent. I used to be the kind that would even disregard everything that I’ve learned from fellow humans in my ever-constant idea that there was ‘no point’ in life and that we should all just be doomed to be washed away from the face of the Earth. It’s been a long walk since I was living that kind of statements, I was sooo limited! So veiled by my own emotions and minimized view of myself and so of the rest of the world, but I don’t judge it, it’s just what it is, I am rather thankful and grateful I didn’t give up on myself and have continued to push through and get to where I am now.

It is so that I could not have gotten myself to see, express and realize these things before at all, it’s all ‘here’ right now as a result of all the years of self work through and with the Desteni tools and yes, some very necessary consequences in my life, some ‘hard spots’ to go through for me to understand the starting point of my creation and the consequences that I create when making decisions based on desires, hope, feelings and fears and now realizing more about myself, getting to appreciate myself more than ever before – not to place my on a pedestal as superiority here either – but simply in that realization of how I’ve come to where I am currently and no longer judging me for all of the past decisions, mistakes, deception that I’ve participated on, but understanding it as what in a way I decided to walk through to teach me something, to show me in real time and manifested consequences what happens if I miss ‘myself’ in the equation of my life and so instead turn that ‘missing’ into a me-is-here, realizing I’ve got potential, I decide what to live and express, up to me and my possibilities and willingness to do it, which is in fact a very liberating and expansive realization.

Thanks for reading.

 

Check out these and all other supportive material at eqafe.com to which I am forever grateful for, because I would not be sharing this if it wasn’t for what I’ve heard, learned and applied over the years with the support provided here

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550. From Expectations to Self-Grounding

 

Throughout this process I’ve learned how creating expectations can be a secure trip to get disappointed most of the times, considering how in our minds we tend to ‘elevate’ ourselves in creating these ideals as in ‘perfect or idyllic situations’ about an event or situation that could open up or happen in one’s reality.

 

What I’ve seen is how we are the only ones that set this trap of expectations to ourselves wherein we accumulate a lot of thoughts, emotions, feelings which are all energy-based building up an experience one can define as an expectation, where one goes into imagining, thinking, considering future potentials and scenarios of how awesome – or how terrible – something can turn out to be and in doing so, one entirely misses out on the physical reality here, where in reality we cannot at all be certain of anything that one is going into a ‘high’ or ‘low’ about in relation to something happening in the future.

 

I call this a ‘high’ because in my case when it comes to planning the potentials of doing something that I’ve been expecting for a long time can turn into a very exhilarating experience and yes, just as the word sounds ‘exhilarating’ it’s accelerating my pulse and I dive into this ‘rush’ upon considering finally having something happen in my life that I’ve been expecting for some 10 years and that is, yes, seeing one of my favorite bands in a concert.

 

Now, I could have also minimized this experience and say ‘bah, it’s just a concert, it’s nothing, it’s just something that will pass and that’s it’ – but in this opening to be more self-aware at a physical level, I did notice how upon been more actively engaged in the process of making such potential a reality, I’ve been building up all kinds of future potentials and play outs of the whole situation, or how ‘good it will be to finally see them live’ and I’ll explain what is behind this all.

 

The reason why I have seen myself go out of my ‘cool-calm and collected self’ about this is because this is one of those ‘dreams’ or ‘desires’ that I created over ten years ago where while listening to their music, every single time I participated in the hope, the dream, the expectation that ‘someday they could come to play here so that I could enjoy that in a live version’ and even making statements – at the time – of ‘I’ll be able to die once that I see this band live’ which are often said in a light manner by many music-fans including myself.

 

Another layer of this is that it became part of my personality, it became the ‘elusive’ type of situation that at some level became ‘something to look forward to’ in the future, and that I have experienced before in relation to other bands as well, which for context, has a lot to do with the intricate self-definition and experience-relationship I created towards music since I was a little girl, specifically at the age of 7 when my ‘particular tastes’ started developing – greatly based on the access to MTV at the time – which I know many if not most people can relate to while growing up in my generation.

 

So, this particular band is very much linked to my self-definition and due to how it may seem somewhat underrated or not well known, the expectations of them coming to play to my country were almost null throughout all of these years where I would regularly send emails to their managers to get a gig in Mexico City… and it’s only as of late that something seems to be finally coagulating in that regard and I did notice yesterday how I had built up quite a load of excitement as expectations about it, which was in fact the discharge of all those times throughout these over 10 years of having thought of ‘them coming to play a live show’ and how I would experience this excitement, expectation, yearning and hope ultimately, which are experiences that are of energy, and no matter how one can perceive them as ‘natural’ and ‘nice fluffy experiences’ they are not, I don’t particularly like this ‘rush’ that I’ve created towards the expectation of this happening and how unsettling it is at a physical body level.

 

Now, of course it is not about ‘them’ or ‘the music’ but entirely about myself and how I have created the layers of expectation over time, the years that I’ve spent desiring for this to finally happen and even creating these ‘statements’ in a semi-joking manner to say ‘I will be able to die peacefully after I see x band play live’ for example… and I forgive myself for having ever said that because of course it would be quite silly to kind of say I’m ready to die just because of seeing a live act, but we don’t fully realize what we are implying with that kind of desires, future projections and conditions we create upon ourselves with and through our words and intentions, which ultimately are things for us to reflect to what extent one can be ‘gone’ in one’s head being in a high experience about such kind of event happening and disregarding the reality that is here, where I cannot really ascertain anything on them coming, I cannot really ‘win or lose’ something with it other than having the opportunity to see them live and that’s it –

 

I’ve been able to be cool, calm and collected with other bands throughout the years, but due to the exacerbated expectation I placed over time to this one band in particular, I can now experience the physical toll of some hours spent in an active engagement into these potentials and ways in which I could contribute to make it happen.

 

On one side, sure it’s cool if it can happen and it’s not like I now have to go to the opposite side of the polarity to wish it doesn’t happen or not go at all – it’s about changing my relationship and starting point towards this possible event that I could assist to, and ultimately be able to ground it back to self: not making of this event something ‘more’ than me or something that I have charged a lot of expectation upon, but seeing it for what it is: a different activity on my day to day like going to watch/listen to some live music which is something that lasts a couple of hours and that’s it.

 

I’ve also seen throughout my life how whatever I place this accumulated expectation on, especially when building it up with all the apparent ‘nice’ and ‘exciting’ possibilities, what ends up happening is that one doesn’t get to experience that at all – therefore a ‘low’ comes as a result – or even if one does get to be excited and exhilarated throughout the concert, then next day becomes ‘shitty’ because there’s no longer that something that one is looking forward to.

 

This all has to do with conditioning our lives to the experience of an energy within us as a point of stimulation, to make ourselves dependent to ‘get to a particular day’ in the year in order to get to experience that which we have been ‘waiting for’ throughout a long period of time and it’s just like this build up that explodes and one goes into a ‘down’ or ‘depression’ or ‘lack of energy’ afterwards, because all of that build up is no longer sustained through our idea of having something happen in our reality anymore once that it is ‘fulfilled.’

 

That’s also what becomes a periodical thing to ‘look forward to’ and  ‘live our lives for’, and I’ve seen this a lot in the community of people that look forward to concerts as well where LIFE seems to ‘lose its meaning’ after having this major-event happening and unless there is a new band coming or something else to look forward to, everything loses ‘its meaning’ and ‘there’s no sense to live’ which sounds quite shocking really when I place it here in words to see, and having been myself one of those people that would declare such statements at times in the past, I can see how much I was – and have been – making myself subject to these buildups and releases that I end up creating in my body only to keep myself subject to these highs and lows that get the physical into an actual overdrive and strain, because all of these seemingly ‘exciting’ experiences are actually eating up my physical body.

 

It’s also interesting where some people have identified this adrenaline, this expectation, and exhilaration as ‘being alive’ or being completely human and so making it all a ‘natural’ experience, but it is so that only through the awareness of who we are in our minds and the relationship of energy to our physical body that I’ve learned with and through the Desteni material over the past nine years, I’ve come to see and realize that the – excuse the word but – fucked up body state that one gets into after having these ‘major events’ take place in our lives, leaves us ‘high and dry’ literally, which is why we then look for our next fix –  lol sounds like ‘netflix’ isn’t it? – where yes one wants to ‘binge on’ something and once that one ‘craving’ is satisfied, we look at which other band is coming next, or what other fix can we expect out there to arrive to our lives soon.

 

And this is not living, this is not being directive, this is certainly not the kind of experience I want to recreate within myself, my body because I don’t like being unsettled and having these unnerving experiences that I’ve seen come up more since I got to be more involved in this possibility and for a moment believing that ‘being excited is cool’ because it is not, my body certainly is the proof that it is not and it is quite an unsettling experience that I am quite aware was being detonated as I started participating in this potential moment/event/situation where I could ‘finally’ satisfy this desire that I’ve kept ‘alive’ within me for so many years.

 

A part of me wants to say ‘this is silly, what’s the point of sharing this, it’s a silly infatuation, there’s no point, it’s irrelevant’ but I know it is relevant for myself and I’m sharing it because this is supportive for me to actually write out this thing that I’ve held mostly in my mind for so many years – and ultimately it can be supportive for others to translate this similar process of creating expectations towards anything in one’s life.

 

It can be an expectation of vacation/holiday time, which makes you ‘hate’ your job and then simply think you can discharge and let go of the hatred once you are on vacation – meaning keeping yourself in the ultimate polarity of the highs and the lows in energy, which is the whole point to become aware of and stop participating in – or the expectation of one day ‘meeting the man/woman of your dreams’ as the ‘perfect relationship’ and go to bed every night getting excited about it and drive your day to day to wake up just looking forward to that, or getting the job deal that you have been dreaming for your entire life, or getting to travel to your dreamed place, being able to buy something, getting to have or own something that you’ve been desiring for a long time in any form or way – that stuff keeps one locked in this adrenaline, exhilaration, this unnerving experience which is actually not at all cool for the physical body and it’s actually quite draining in nature, considering how we’re now aware of how the mind feeds off from the physical body to exist.

 

I’ve been definitely seeing the effects of yesterday’s (last Thursday) ‘peak’ as well today (Friday) wherein I’ve experienced this tiredness which is definitely unusual to me, which at the same time is a very clear reference of how I have been ‘draining’ myself through these expectations and ideals I’ve been entertaining in my mind for some 24 hours now in a more active sense, but in total, who knows how much time I’ve spent entertaining these future play outs and potentials….years on.

 

So, what can I do in my case to stop causing the strain in my physical body? I can stop participating in the imaginations and potential play outs or even planning about something that I am not even certain will take place – therefore rather realizing that if it happens or doesn’t happen, it’s not all in my hands and even if it was, should not define me in who I am in every moment of breath. That means, I have to stop seeing this potential as this ‘marvelous and greatest thing that could happen to me’, because it’s not really, it’s only music, it’s only a live presentation, I’ve seen how I am actually more ‘excited’ beforehand than when it actually is happening where I then see how I kept myself in this ‘high’ beforehand that is almost gone by the time it gets to actually happen and it’s just like craving something and getting it, then forgetting about it type of relationship, which speaks quite a bit about the nature of ourselves as our mind, where we create these highs and lows in our experience and miss out on the actual substance of what one is interacting with and speaking of in reality.

 

I have to forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to apply this specialness to seeing this particular band live which I can see right now, my eyes just want to shut down and go to sleep because of how I have been on ‘overdrive’ about this and body is taking a toll, which is not cool at all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have participated in the expectation many times before towards seeing a particular band live wherein I start defining myself in relation to expecting the day where I get to have that experience, defining my reason to wake up as in ‘being one day closer to this event happening’ and ultimately end up creating the ‘climatic’ energetic experience on that day while at the same time securing the eventual ‘crash’ the next day after it actually happens and coming back to reality, which then would become quite a challenge as well because there is no more constant stimulation to ‘keep going’ on a daily basis, unless I would encounter a new ‘something’ to look forward to and put myself back on track on the energetic-bandwagon of ‘looking forward to’ something.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ‘looking forward’ to have something happen in my life that I’ve charged and built up with a substantial amount of expectations upon, as something I’ve been wishing for over a decade now, wherein I am justifying that ‘I have the right to be excited and ‘on a high’ about it’ when in fact, I am aware that this is only me as the mind and the ‘me’ that existed over ten years ago speaking, wherein I’ve also continued feeding this desire, instead of simply focusing on my day to day as usual and when and if the time and opportunity comes to assist to such concert, be able to enjoy it in the moment, not before or after but while it is taking place in reality.

 

Here then I can change my relationship to ‘looking forward to it’ into a ‘looking at it’ in the moment, when it’s happening and as it takes place, where even the possibility of it taking place or not doesn’t define me or where I do not become subject to a ‘high’ or a ‘low’ experience in relation to it.

 

 

An update on this point today Sunday on my side, after having been to a failed concert situation, this blog written prior to leaving to this ‘failed concert’ situation was quite supportive to be grounded and not create a low or a high about going to the concert and seeing it not taking place at all, which is a completely unusual situation to me but, I did notice that after having written out this whole blog, I became quite settled about the expectations towards concerts and I’ve been also more grounded about the potential outflows where I simply cannot be certain or ‘take for granted’ something, or even create a potential idea of ‘how it will go’ based on ideas, perceptions, future projections in my mind, but instead stick to reality on a moment by moment basis.

 

So, once again self-writing became a pillar of support for myself throughout the day yesterday and here I share the whole story in my vlog for further context: Adapting to Unfortunate Events – Decade With Desteni which in this case is related to this concert situation, but can be about virtually anything related to building up a positive or negative experience as an expectation of something happening and then having the opposite happen and how to ‘deal’ with those experiences, as well as this is part of what I walk through a threshold of seeing all of this too ‘irrelevant’ to share but, I saw how much of a hold this whole point had on me before writing it out, so here it is, sharing self-support.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

To understand more about the relationship of the energy in our physical body, check out the series: Quantum Mind Self Awareness at Eqafe.com

 

 Unnverving

 

 

 

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494. Self-Motivation: Do It For Yourself

Some years ago I wrote about self-motivation and it’s a recurring topic within me because this is probably one of the most challenging things I’ve had to face in this process, which is that of understanding what ‘myself-moving-for-and-as-myself’ in fact means, because as human beings we’ve always been motivated/moved/driven by energy in the form of fears or desires, by a particular set of achievements that we create as an ideal ‘out there’ that we push ourselves to obtain. I heard somewhere yesterday – or today – about a hypothetical case where someone based their entire life on obtaining something, and when they finally got it, they did not know what to do with themselves. Lol, it’s funny I can’t remember where I got it from but it stuck with me because it prompted me to realize how much we have driven the entirety of our creation based on ‘achieving’ something outside of ourselves or getting something that we believe will fulfill us or make us ‘feel better’… yet we can eventually ‘get that’ and realize there’s still this ‘void’ or ‘un-fulfillment’ within us, which is because we made that ‘something’ the core-drive of our every move, instead of making of ourselves the core-drive and motivation of our every move to be and create what we set ourselves to do in this world.

That’s why here I’d like to look at self-motivation.

See, the point is not so much about finding things to do ‘out there’ and making them our drive or purpose, because I consider giving ourselves a purpose is something that we all have to create in our lives in order to live in a supportive manner. The point here is to look at ‘who we are’ within that purpose and ensuring that we are the starting point and motive/motor of such purpose at the same time.

What does this in fact mean? It implies that one has to do it for oneself, even if that which we are doing, working on or creating is ‘for something else’ or even to serve a particular purpose in someone else’s life, the starting point has to always be oneself so that no matter what happens to that which we create or work on, we know that every single moment of breath and movement of ourselves was lived within the starting point of supporting ourselves, of living that ability to move, to live, to direct, to challenge ourselves, to persevere in doing something that ultimately makes us grow and become better individuals every day, no matter what the outcome is.

I am finding it a bit hard to explain what it is like to wake up every day and have oneself as a motivation and starting point for everything, where fear is not really a motivation, nor a desire for money, nor wanting to ‘get something’ in particular either, but simply moving throughout the day based on a set of principles where I have to essentially in every moment decide to ‘move me’, I decide ‘to do things’, I decide to ‘get out of my comfort zone’, I decide to do what needs to be done, what I need to direct, create, take care of and expand on.

In my experience, it has been a constant point to create an equilibrium on, that’s how I can best describe it because I have been one of those people that had mostly ever worked on things and been very diligent in stuff in order to get some recognition, to do something that’s ‘really great’ but still get my ‘share of applause’ back, and living for that is just something that invariably leads oneself to a low, because the starting point is then getting an experience that is entirely dependent on others, on likes/dislikes, judgments, opinions, perceptions, moods, biases, lol… and the plethora of human emotions and feelings that I could get back as a response to ‘what I do’ which I have realized throughout this process from consciousness to awareness that it became more of a petrifying-process than a gratifying one at the end of the day. I knew I had to completely let go of ‘others’ in my head or this something/someone else I was ‘moving myself for’ and be my own starting point to be, do, act, live and express myself.

Has it been easy? Nope, I’ve caught myself over the years many times fooling me that ‘this time I am doing it to support me’ but I wasn’t, I still would have some hidden agenda to do something, be something to ‘impress others’ or get some kind of recognition ‘from others’ – yep! That has been the core programming in me and so it is an every moment decision to focus back on myself, to do it for me, to express it as something that I do as myself, for myself, no expectations, no desires, no fears behind it.

It’s easy to say but it’s been quite a process where I many times still question my intent and purpose behind doing something, but at the same time I’ve also found that stopping questioning it assists in simply breathing through a moment, trusting myself and walking the creation of something and walking through the outcomes of it. This way, letting go of expectations is quite a supportive thing to do because in any case, any idea, judgment, perception that anyone may have about something I did or didn’t do, is still that, a point of expression coming from others that can surely can be a feedback point, but it comes as a secondary thing once that I first establish me, myself as my core and starting point to do things and ultimately doing what I do in the name of my own bettering as a person and standing as that one point in this reality that can at the same time contribute to creating what I’ve always wanted us all to create: better world, better lives for everyone.

An example with self-motivation and money.  If we judge a world where money defines the value of a person, or where money is defended and cared for more than someone’s life, we have to stop then also moving ourselves merely by a desire for money for example, and instead see the current necessity for money as something that enables us to keep living, to have a roof over our heads, to continue creating means of living, to be healthy – if we use the money properly, that is – but in this way of looking at it, money stops being an ‘end’ in itself, it only becomes a means to keep myself/ourselves alive in order to continue learning how to actually live in the best way possible where I can then be the best I can for myself and so for others, to truly ‘birth life from the physical’ as every word, every action, every decision that I can make through being alive, through having money to keep myself alive and well – that’s about it that I see for now with myself and money.

At the same time I salute everyone else that is conducting bigger projects with money and that’s quite awesome as well where the use and purpose of money is for the creation of a living-environment that can be replicated in many other places around the world and be of support not only to humans, but plants, animals and ecosystems alike. I suggest checking out Gian’s Earth Haven project for it, and that’s a great example of motivation as well where money is used in a direct and visible manner to educate, propose ways of living and actually build them out in reality.

 

I share my own example where assisting other people in this same process is motivated by a greater purpose that I decided to be a part of in this world, which includes me and everyone else’s life to be the best that we can create it to be. This then comes through my own dedication and building up of skills through the years, expanding my own understanding and potential where I can assist myself and others to be their best version of themselves. What I’ve come to discover is that I genuinely enjoy being able to assist people in birthing themselves/ourselves as life, to discover who we really are beneath the clogging-mess that we can create in our minds and that’s a purpose and point of self-motivation that I had sought in many places, in many ways but had not really found anything as personally fulfilling as being a buddy or life-birthing assistant – as I like to call myself – wherein I am learning so much more about myself and others which in a way I sought to do through arts like reading books, painting, looking at art or music, but none of it quenched my thirst so to speak.

It’s fascinating how the contact with human beings in a deeper manner and with a direct and concrete focus to better ourselves, to change ourselves for the best is precisely what I’ve found most fulfilling to do in my life, which is great because as I explained in yesterday’s blog, I didn’t ‘like people’ and I was directing myself to be as separated from people as much as I could, being engulfed in my own little realm of pseudo-comfort, not having to ‘deal with people’… but, it is in dealing ‘with people’ and actually getting to understand the sometimes ‘nonsensical’ experiences we create in our minds and learning to take on the challenge to step out of such limitations that I’ve found a self-fulfilling activity where not only do I stand as the origin and starting point of it, understanding that if this is what I can do and am good at doing, then I am fulfilling both purposes: what I am and stand for and move myself to support others in doing the same, which is also why I write these blogs as well.

Many times throughout the past every time that I started ‘second guessing’ sharing my writings was because I was not being ‘the starting point’ of those writings as myself – meaning I was not my own point of self-movement/self-motivation – but I was trying to ‘show’ something to others, I was trying to get a point across only ‘for others’ and that eventually becomes a trap of ‘doing it for others’ as in having ‘others as my motivation’ for me writing myself, instead of doing it as an expression, a movement, a decision I make and simply live out and do.

So this is how I remember I have been practicing – with its ups and downs, clearly – since I wrote the blog Self Will: If I don’t move … Nothing Moves back in 2011, how self movement and my own will, my own volition as a decision I live becomes ‘who I am’ with everything I do. It is liberating and empowering at the same time to see and try out ‘who am I’ if I move myself for myself, as myself, no hidden agendas, no expected outcomes, no desires hidden, no fears in it either… but only a plain decision to move, willing myself to do it and continue doing it as an expression, an extension of myself, an ‘I move me’ decision. It’s very simple really but in our minds it does mean a process of disengaging having ‘others’ in the back of our heads or a particular experience we might get out of it, or a particular ‘outcome’ or ‘result’ as an outflow of what we do and that’s been a continuous challenge for me that I have to essentially cut-off and let-go-of anytime that this ‘doing it for something/someone’ rears its head.

If I am Not doing it for myself or as myself, whatever it is that I am ‘motivating’ myself with to move, will eventually crash down only to take me back to base 1 where I have to again re-establish myself as my starting point of self-movement or motivation. And this is ok to repeat and do as many times as it is needed to stand up from this, because at least in my case it’s easy to step out of oneself and start creating motivation through a desire for an experience or particular outcome, which is when we stop being our own reason and starting point for self-movement, self-expression and self-motivation and we give ourselves away to something/someone else.

How to tell then if we are our starting point in whatever we are doing? By questioning our starting point in doing or not doing things, because oh boy, I’ve been there where ‘not doing something’ was also a way to make some kind of a statement ‘for others out there’ and it really was a waste of time and inertia for nothing. Therefore, all I can recommend is to make sure that whenever we see doing something ‘for others’ I can immediately look back at myself and see what I am willing to live and do as and for myself and remove ‘others’ as an idea in my head.

This is something I was recently pondering about in relation to my appearance and how I have shaved my head for 7 years now due to the commitment I made for/as/with myself, but lately I’ve been giving too much attention to ‘how it is seen by others’ and whether it is supportive to engage with others and creating a possibly ‘wrong first impression’… but upon writing this here on motivation or the ‘motive’ behind things I do, I realize that I am again in that doubtful stance where I am placing others in my mind first instead of myself, and this doesn’t mean not to consider feedback or comments about it, but in the end, I do have to consider myself: what I want, what I am in relation to this point of appearance and making sure that if I decide to stop doing it, it’s not based on what others are desiring of myself as a ‘look’ because it is ultimately ‘just a look’ – but it would only be an decision motivated by me, making a decision and living it out. It is a fine balance between righteousness and actual considerations, which is something I’ll simply look at whenever the point is here again, and that’s why I started off this blog by sharing how this is probably one of those ‘challenging subjects’ because there’s always a fine line between motivating oneself based on what we believe we ‘are’ for others or ‘should be’ for others, and being and doing so for ourselves, standing for ourselves and I’d say for the first time learn to have me-myself and only ourselves as a starting point and end-point in our minds.

In doing this, as it’s been said many times, if we are the best to and for ourselves, standing in authenticity and authority within ourselves, being the director and motive behind every move and every decision to live, change and express, then we entirely own ourselves, we are responsible of ourselves and we are then at the same time also an individual that is part of a whole that stands in self-responsibility, in self-creation. What a better way to ‘change the world’ but through doing this by and for each one of us, individually. That’s the real path to equality we’ve been looking for, that’s the real liberation that we’ve been demanding others to create for us… and that’s something that it is very much available for each one of us in our minds, bodies and beingness, lol, it takes a decision, a will and self-movement to live it and do it though!

So, that’s the challenge here for everyone and myself, to keep an eye on ourselves within our every move and try out asking yourself whenever you are unsure of ‘what’s moving you’: who am I doing this for? What am I looking for with doing or not doing this? What’s my starting point in this that I am about to create, express, change, do, move? And from there assess potential outcomes to see if they are genuinely supportive for oneself and so for others.

Though not to get confused with ‘likes and dislikes’ either. Many times we have to do things that we may NOT like to do, but again it’s not to get lost in the outcomes of say working in a particular job where the results are not necessarily that of ‘uplifting humanity’ but it is about being the starting point in the sense of the words we can live in such situations: the discipline, the motivation/movement in itself, the dedication, the management of our emotions and reactions in such situations, the relationships with others on a daily basis, the points that we can learn about ourselves in such situations and environments where we can instead expand ourselves beyond our preferences or personalities, the kind of habits that we can assist ourselves to make certain tasks or points of responsibility the best way that we can… there’s always room for self-improvement, no matter ‘what’ we have to do for a living or how we have to ‘spend our days’ in this world – it’s about who we are inside and doing it to support us, no matter what the ‘makeup’ of the reality we live in is like, this is all about who we are within ourselves in it.

Ok, long blog but, cool reflection for myself to continue grounding this self-trust on self-movement and learning from it.

Thanks for reading

 

waterfall

 

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484. Redefining Desires

Or how to see what we are separating ourselves from in wishful thinking to instead see what is feasible and what we can change or create in our lives for our personal and collective betterment.

desire

noun a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. strong sexual feeling or appetite. something desired.

 

When I read some texts on Buddhism 10 years ago, it was mentioned how getting rid of desires was the way to end all suffering which I considered for some time to apply, but as I’ve explained in various previous blogs over the years, I wasn’t taught how to actually understand my desires, how to work with my experience instead of just focusing on ‘shutting my mind up’ and ‘stop all my desires’ right away, which felt like renouncing, separating myself from something and remaining in a ‘lack’ that I was then supposed to perceive as ‘the end to all of my suffering’= see it in a positive light.

Well, this approach certainly did not work for me because I didn’t see the point of simply focusing on being in some ‘inner stability’ and remaining in a ‘Buddha’ type of mindset where one is literally creating a separation to the ‘mundane’ in order to focus on some ‘higher consciousness’ experience. By now I have seen how that state is still only an experience in our minds and it practically doesn’t assist us in becoming better active living human beings in this world empowered to change things.

Over the years I have been aware of this point of desires and to what extent we can create a besotted infatuation about something or someone wherein it becomes the one thought that drives our experience in a constant manner if we don’t decide to confront it and investigate it to see it for what it is.

I was looking at this word ‘desire’ with my partner the other day and he mentioned how ‘desire’ sounds like ‘these-I-are’ which I found very interesting because if we look at desire and the definition in the dictionary, it’s very similar to ‘hope’ in the sense that we fuel a want, a need, a wish for something to happen or be given to us without us doing anything to create it, which this sounding of the word assists us in realizing: these-I-are or ‘this I are’ as in realizing that what we are ‘desiring’ we are already existing in separation of – so, ‘these- I-are’ sounding of the word can be a way to remind ourselves that what we are ‘desiring’ is indicating a set of experiences, of fantasies, or possibilities that we have to first ground within ourselves in order to see how much of this desire is realistic, doable, practical and most important, if it is in accordance to what is supportive for our lives in consideration of what’s best for all.

Let’s look at a couple of examples. Desiring to be successful in life is something very common in our lives. One thing that I’ve also learned to see in desires is to at the same time of acknowledging this desire as a ‘positive point’, there is also an opposite point existing as ‘the negative’ part of it – this is based on how our mind works/operates at a mechanical level. Therefore in this ‘desire to be successful, there’s also a counter-point in its opposite polarity existing as a Fear.

In this example it can be a fear of failure, fear of ending up in poverty, fear of not getting an achieved status or position, fear of not getting the expected results into that which we want to succeed on. This is a very common sensical and grounding approach to see a ‘Desire’ as an opening of a self-investigation of ‘these-I-are’ thoughts and experiences as our fears and desires, as the points of separation that we’ve created in our minds that we have to face, look at, investigate, write out and self-forgive to then see who we really are and who we decide to be in relation to these wants, needs, desires and the fears that accompany such experience of desiring.

Through the process of applying the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, developing self-corrective statements, we can get to create and see our self-honesty about our desires: Are they realistic, are they doable or not? Are they common sensical as in considering what’s best for all? In the example of desiring success, we can get to realize how ‘success’ is not something that will get in our hands just like money raining down the sky – it won’t ever happen that way. We will find out how we have to actively create success, how to go step by step, bit by bit, developing a consistency, a perseverance, an active process of planning, doing, testing, expanding and finding ways and relationships that can assist us to get – slowly but surely – to a point of stability, growth, thriving and expansion through one’s own labor, through one’s own dedication, passion and consistency in creating what it is that we want to achieve.

Here a ‘desire’ then turns into a point that we can plan on, that we can turn into a set of plans, ways, methods to achieve what we want for our lives and that of others – then we are no longer caught day-dreaming within ‘a desire’ but instead, one can get hands on to create it, to make it a reality.

But let’s look at another example. Desiring someone else’s partner while we are in a relationship ourselves. It’s not something we would easily admit yet it can happen and it can become a ‘desire’ that we are fueling with our every thought on a daily basis and we are not even really questioning, what is it that we ARE in fact desiring, seeing the direct consequences of what it would mean to wreak havoc in relationships in order to satisfy an ‘idea,’ most likely a belief and a ‘positive experience’ that we have created in our minds about that other person that we’ve turned into a ‘desirable item’ for us, which is unfortunately something I have done in the past, and as much as one can be ashamed for it, being ashamed changes nothing. I had to ensure that I learn from the experience and no longer repeat the same in any way from now on, which means I have to investigate what am I desiring as a ‘person’ and instead doing the same self-investigation mentioned above to see and understand what am I separating myself from in relation to that person? What traits or qualities am I seeing as ‘separate’ from me that instead of desiring to ‘acquire them’ through a relationship, I can live out and integrate as a part of myself?

In this process of investigating how feasible, doable and supportive this example of desire is, I can realize that it’s not at all something acceptable, it’s not something that is best for me nor for the other person for that matter, where I am overseeing the fact that I am actually desiring relationship breakups in order to get together with that one person that I believe is going to ‘be better for me’ in one way or another. This point here we usually miss out when simply feeding and building up a desire, without at all really laying out the potential consequences of manifesting our desires. Therefore how I saw the point, it was not even a question that this desire is something that I have to self-forgive for all the points I am missing out as consequences I would create, while only existing in and following an experience of desiring something or someone, without placing my feet on the ground.

This reality check that we can do with our desires from my personal experience has to be at a written level, with the tools of self-forgiveness and self-honesty in order to acknowledge our creation, our responsibility and see where do we really want to stand in relation to our fabrications in our mind. There is something essential about this process of being able to see ourselves writing or typing out and seeing in front of us all the plethora of thoughts, experiences, fantasies, imaginations that we’ve built up or accumulated about these desires, to finally realize ‘these-I-are’ as these thoughts, these feelings are myself and I have to work through them all to from there see what do I decide to change, to stop feeding as ‘a desire in me’ and how can I instead use this realization into a supportive outcome for myself and so others as well.

In the topic of relationships, sometimes it is an indication of where we have to instead focus on our already existent relationship with another – or the relationship with ourselves, alone – and see how can we improve it, how can we expand in it, how can we use this ‘weakness’ perceived in ourselves or others and instead assist each other to change it, to strengthen ourselves which in turn makes the relationship a much more supportive platform for personal and so each other’s growth. While also making sure that we ‘leave the other person subject of our desires’ outside of our realm of fantasies and imaginations making a decision to stop feeding it every single moment that it ‘comes up’ again in our thoughts.  If we are to create a world where transparency, integrity, honor and respect reigns, we have to apply and live those principles within ourselves and toward each other first of all.

Here I have shared two examples of desires that indicates to us where do we have to create a direction in our lives to build and create what we want to be and become – and another example of a desire that is mostly indicating where we are separating ourselves from ourselves, where we can look at ways to integrate words, ways of living that we see others are doing for themselves and become that ourselves, which is where the ‘these-I-are’ reminder also comes handy, I have the potential to be that which I am desiring from someone else, I can work on developing and becoming those aspects or words as myself.

This is a genuinely empowering way to look at desires where we no longer just ‘renounce’ or ‘deny’ the desires in an attempt to ‘shut them up’ or pretend they don’t’ exist – no. Within the Desteni I Process, we face our desires, we open them up, we work with them, we learn how to understand the ways in which we are separating ourselves from our own potential, while also assisting ourselves to remain realistic and self-honest about what is possible to do or not do according to what we would ‘ideally’ want vs. what is realistic and doable for each one of us to build and create in our lives.

Thanks for reading

 

Desires

 

Learn how to practically free yourself from Desires:


479. Making an Impression

Or how to redefine the process of desiring to make an impression in self-interest to making an impression as an expression of what’s best for all

 

There was a very supportive audio that brought up a relevant word for me to look at and that’s ‘impress’ and impression, where the question was brought up of investigating who we are and where we stand in relation to this word.

I’ve realized that there is this existent undercurrent and constant intent within me of wanting to leave an impression, a ‘mark’ on a person no matter how menial or profound our paths or interactions are. That’s me then looking at creating an impression upon them, which nowadays relates more to in any possible way create an opening for others to see things a little bit more different in life, where I can possibly plant a seed to question ourselves more, to desire to learn more about ourselves as human beings – this is based on the kind of person I am creating as myself, a person that can actually have something meaningful to always share whether through words, actions, or sheer presence, that’s the kind of ‘impression’ I’d like to develop as an expression of myself. I have to admit it can become a ‘drive’ in me that likes to dig into the deeper dimensions within individuals whenever I get the chance to do so, and be vulnerable myself because I also see that ‘masking’ ourselves through pretension in wanting to be accepted or liked through lies/deception/masks is doing nothing more than recreating the false-sense of ‘individualities’ that we’ve taken as a normal human trait, which are all based on preferences, likes, personalities, cultural influences and the rest of it that are nothing else but disguises, ‘tags’ that we’ve adopted in order to ‘differentiate’ ourselves from one another.

But even if this ‘drive’ seems supportive, I also have to be prudent and moderate because sometimes I can get a bit out of hand with being a bit too unconventional in situations where others might not be entirely understanding ‘where I am coming from ‘and that can cause a ‘wrong impression’ that would take some time to walk through with others, and sometimes there are no possibilities or ‘second opportunities’ to do so – therefore, I have to remind myself of moderating myself, my expression, being patient in considering others as well, yet without compromising myself either, but developing the real me as an expression that stands in support of myself and so possibly stand as an inspiration or example for others to consider doing the same as well.

I’d like to make a case of looking at the possibilities and ability we have of leaving an impression on others that is more meaningful in the sense of ‘who we are’ as human beings, our substance – not our disguise, our masks, what we look like or wear or what we ‘carry around’ with us – but allow our own thoughts, words and actions speak for themselves. That’s the kind of person that I’ve been working on creating as myself, but this wasn’t always ‘the way’ it’s been.

I also have had and still walk through the other programming in the word ‘impress’ where there was almost an inherent experience in me where I saw myself also as having a potential to ‘impress’ or ‘be naturally charming’ which would then create a form of benefit with other people – but even as subtle as it was, it became also a reason to deliberately challenge my own image and do something a bit more ‘radical’ that could put to test this aspect of myself based on image. I shaved my head and then have tested out who I am when I am not relying on a sense of ‘beauty’ to present myself to others – or any other artifices – but keep it as simple and natural as can be. This is not me making a statement that it is superficial to have hair or do makeup or anything like that, I did believe some of that at some point but I have decided to not compare or judge others, this is about me and a particular path I am walking in a very personal way when it comes to how I have decided to present myself, which in my starting point and view is a way to ‘get past’ the appearance –even if we can’t ever get ‘rid’ of an appearance per se, we can decide to challenge it in ways that are not harmful or hurtful ‘towards others’ but a way to test oneself, and to me shaving my head has been one of them, plus letting go of a desire for recognition at the same time at an egotistical level, but more in constantly letting go of any pretense and just be, which is quite a challenge at times and it’s more of a fine balance between all of these points that becomes a constant practice.

Talking about ‘desiring to impress’ others from a point of inferiority in my past. I tried to impress people that I was interested on having a particular relationship with, which meant my whole starting point toward them was of desire, of seeing or comparing myself to them and assessing I was ‘inferior’ therefore, I had to ‘impress’ others through – in my case – knowledge and information in order to be liked or accepted by particular people. This includes personality traits that I believed would be able to ‘be liked’ by males particularly and of course this led me to live more for ‘others’ than for myself. There were times where I got so ‘sucked into’ a relationship where I lost my sense of individuality and my own life, as I was living for others, upgrading my personality ‘based on others’ preferences’ and desirable traits. This is definitely Not the way to live, it becomes an experience of being ‘racing’ towards something all the time, fearing losing that one person or ‘thing’ that one is getting/obtaining through constantly having to ‘impress’ or ‘keep impressing’ to maintain a particular relationship.

This was exhausting, not only for me but because I’d see the other person would also fall into the same game and I pondered why we were believing that we just ‘weren’t enough’ for each other… that’s the kind of relationships that of course have to come to an end because we are not being self-honest with oneself in who we really are and being vulnerable in rather acknowledging each one’s flaws and weaknesses in order to strengthen them in each other as a form of support or natural outflow of being in a supportive relationship. That becomes a richer process and it is definitely liberating to create relationships where we share ourselves as we are, without any pretense, without trying to be something that we are not, because what do we know if we transform ourselves for the sake of ‘a relationship’ with a particular person? We are not living for ourselves, we are entirely existing in a constant inferiority spot that becomes a constant experience of fear, of jealousy, of comparison if one is not yet valuing oneself as an equal to that other individual.

Therefore the whole desire to ‘impress’ in itself already rings an alarm that we can use as a flag-point to instead ask ourselves: where am I perceiving myself as ‘not good enough’? Where and toward who am I comparing myself when believing that I must ‘impress them’ and beat other competition, so that I can be the ‘chosen one’ in this situation or within a certain relationship? Why am I allowing myself to compromise who I am for the sake of creating a relationship with a person? And then, pushing oneself to be self-honest to see how if we tolerate this starting point of inferiority and wanting to impress others through presenting ourselves as something that we are not, we eventually get caught up in our own lies and the deception eventually catches upon us.

It reminds me of a movie that I watched last year called ‘A Perfect Man’ where this aspiring writer sees himself as incapable of writing a good story that could get published, so he finds the manuscript of a dead person and turns it into ‘his first novel’, which gives him the fame and recognition he was looking for, eventually leading him to have ‘the perfect life’ and his ‘perfect relationship’; but all of the pretense and lies eventually catch up to him as reality knocks the door. That movie precisely left me considering how far we can take ourselves in order to be ‘living’ a lie, and how much of a burden this pretension becomes just because one wasn’t wise enough to rather develop oneself, practice and create the necessary skills in order to eventually master something or get to be ‘good at’ doing or being something as an actual process of self-creation, instead of jumping into a ‘quick fix’ based on self-deception and lies, because of believing that one wasn’t good enough without ‘extra magic’ which in this case I’d refer to magic as all the characters, personalities, ‘extra traits’ that we might act out/fake in order to impress others.

So what I did to walk through from this ‘desire to impress’ from a starting point of self-interest – like acquiring a particular relationship – to the ability to make an impression on others in a natural way or as an expression of who I am is precisely linked to walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness. It is about letting go of one’s self-judgment, fears or insecurities and so desires based on a rather unfortunate common perception of seeing ourselves as inferior, seeing ourselves as ‘not good enough’ – which leads us to constantly devalue who we are and seek ways to be accepted, to be liked, to be loved, to be ‘irreplaceable’ in a relationship – yet, it actually gets oneself in very tricky situations where we may become ‘the perfect fit’ that we’ve modeled ourselves to according to someone’s desires, and in doing so not only do we trap ourselves to ‘always be all of that’ for that one person, but we also cage themselves in becoming entirely dependent on us and believing that all of those ‘desires’ they aspired to obtain are real traits or are ‘realistic’ in the way that one is compromising oneself to portray or act like ‘for another’. This probably happens more often than I am aware of, and what happens is that it turns into an unsustainable relationship – as it was in any case – where one eventually can’t keep up with the ‘act,’ because it’s no different to being inflating a bubble until it pops – and all bubbles have to burst! That’s a fact of life and a very necessary one, because all that ‘inflates’ those bubbles is everything that we fuel within our minds as ideas, beliefs, perceptions, judgments, comparisons, fears, desires that we impose onto ourselves as ‘who we are’ and ‘what defines us.’

So, once that one walks through a process of dropping or shedding these layers of self-compromise, what is left is ‘the real me’ that I can then focus on redefining, on nurturing, growing, expanding as a myself, as the real being that I am that goes beyond a particular image or façade created ‘for others’. In this I have in fact found my own skin and a sense of individuality that I can then honor as myself because it does change everything about oneself when we decide to no longer feed one’s ego in every step that we take in our lives, and instead decide to change ‘what we are all about’ as the kind of person that rather stands as a point of change in relation to what has been accepted as ‘normal’ or ‘normal-lies’ (normalized) that in my particular life and experience, I have definitely taken on the point of ‘rattling the cages of the caged’ as in deciding to physically as a ‘first impression’ have an unusual presentation which is that of shaving my head which I’ve been doing up to this month for 7 years now and it’s been quite assisting to me to be honest considering how much I had also debased myself according to beliefs on my appearance and so challenging myself further with removing one aspect that people would usually associate with ‘beauty’ or ‘sexuality’, I then present myself in a way where I make a clear statement of what I am about, of what I am ‘into.’ This has become a source of conversations throughout the  years that open up different ways to explain why I do it and what is it that I work on or explain my ‘views’ to random people in various contexts. That has been cool but it’s after all not so much about how it is received upon others, because I am also aware that it sometimes might alienate people that might be in their particular process and position a bit judgmental about appearance, but that’s entirely up to each one and it’s understandable as well based on how ingrained our parameters of beauty or presentation extend to.

But beyond making it about facing my image towards people, after all of these years of having worked on various reactions and upon seeing the plethora of reactions it might cause, I’ve learned to let go of focusing on ‘how others see me’ and instead make it my own, see it as my own physical representation of the principles I am dedicating my life to embody and continue expanding on.

I’ve also questioned myself if this makes me too ‘image driven’ at the same time as I know it does create a particular ‘impact’ or ‘impression’ on people at a first glance level, but it is still then only an image – what I however have liked over the years is how this particular self-created difference as a ‘haircut’ or the lack thereof can open up conversations that I would have to get to in a longer period of time with people, sometimes it becomes a catalyst to jump straight to explaining about this process and set of principles if the person is willing to hear the reasoning behind it, but ultimately I do it as myself.

 If we can make an impression or ‘stand out’ in the crowd then, let’s stand out for all the good reasons like being acknowledged as an individual that can be an example of a different way of living, not only in the ‘external ways’ but most importantly in the internal ways, to leave a mark and create an impression that can assist other people in possibly discovering more about ourselves as individuals beyond ‘first impressions’ and facades and the rest of cover-ups we create through our minds that become like layers that we then have to get rid of – one by one – in order to eventually get to the core of ourselves and from there, be able to decide who we really want to be, what kind of person do I want to create as myself based on what is best for all and considering self-honesty.

This is then a much more meaningful and honorable process that in itself is already ‘making a stand’ and requires no particular emphasis to ‘create a good impression’ on others, because our thoughts, words and deeds will speak by themselves, by ourselves, and that’s the kind of expression that will create an impression by default, an expression that I have to keep fine tuning, working on, deconstructing and reconstructing, which is my own impression or imprinting of words, attitudes and actions that are beneficial for me, so that I can stand as the better version of the that can in turn assist many others more to break out of the pretense and inferiority in order to discover the genuine self that exists in all of us as a potential yet to be discovered and developed.

Thanks for reading

 

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Express  Yourself

 

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469.Minimizing a Point

Or how I’ve been suppressing points to change and correct within me based on judging them as ‘meaningless’ and not a big deal.

 

Today what opened up for me is how I’ve been ‘Minimizing’ something that emerges within me to look at it, as in making it a seemingly insignificant thing, a ‘no big deal’ situation  within me which means I’ve been justifying myself to remain indulging in something particularly, not questioning it and deciding to in that moment ignore asking the basic questions like ‘who am I’ in desiring to remain in this experience within me? who am I deciding to believe that this is not much of a big point to change in me? What am I trying to hide? What am I defending, justifying or fearing letting go of?

This all emerged as I saw myself once again not wanting to wake up from a particular dream that gave me a positive experience, and lately dreams have been very cool in allowing me to face points and people in my past that I haven’t actually ‘processed’ yet which keep coming back over and over again and I go into the justification of ‘ah they are long gone in my reality, no need to look at it! It’s just a remembrance that’s it!’ while I am seeing very clear and defined patterns that I am acting upon on with them and even if in the dream I know that there is a change in me to be done, I still don’t align that self-application in my dream, but still allow myself to indulge into essentially old patterns that I used to be.

It’s kind of interesting how as I wrote that I became extremely hot as if I am supposed to not be talking about this or opening this up within me which means, same as when one goes red out of embarrassment – man! There’s actually quite a relevance of opening these ‘minimized’ points or ‘maximizing them’, zooming into them and realize there’s actually stuff to process in relation to these people/places of my past, experiences I used to seek vehemently and that would in fact control me, which have been coming up in dreams in a very interesting manner, a sort of self-testing where I am presented with all of these situations and I can always decide to indulge into the ‘old me’ or decide to stand up in those moments, and I have to say that I haven’t yet fully aligned the waking life me and the dream-state me to this application in all areas – in some others I have and those are points that stop coming up in dreams – but the ones that remain in very similar scenarios are pointing out to me something I definitely need to look at, which I will do for myself.

Here then I’m looking at the pattern of how we decide to place a ‘lower value’ on certain things that we face in our lives, where we ‘conveniently ‘see them as ‘not a big deal’ so that we can keep re-living them, falling in them again, not realizing that we are only in fact fooling ourselves anyways in doing this, because the more that we push them aside, ignore and neglect them = the more they will keep coming up and so creating what we know as a ‘time loop’ where a particular pattern repeats itself endlessly until we decide to stop ourselves from participating in it/falling in it and so stand up, make a decision to change and live the correction with consistency, proving to ourselves each moment that we decide to change this point absolutely, to stand up from it every time it ‘pops up’.

This point reminds me of the revenge of the ego where we believe we are just ‘clear’ about many things but some aspects of our past ‘come like a thief in the night’ and rear their head claiming attention and if I decide to ‘minimize’ it and make it only a thing of a ‘dream’ and therefore deciding to believe ‘it has no relevance to myself’ I am in fact deceiving myself because I am aware of that pattern, I know it can still be affecting me in seemingly ‘imperceptible ways’ which if I don’t deal with, will invariably come and bite me back in the ass – really, sorry for the bluntness but that’s what it is – because deciding to not look into a point and seeing it as ‘meaningless’ or ‘too small to care for it’ is only a mechanism of self-deception = self-dishonesty.

I brought this point into a group discussion and it was really awesome to receive feedback, points of self observation and suggestions on how to approach it based on others’ personal experience and that’s what is so nurturing about this process when one is not alone in facing one’s mind, but there are always ways within the Desteni community to cross reference things, to ask for perspectives, to see if someone can relate to something and you’ll get to see that no matter how seemingly ‘odd’ something is, voilà! Someone or more than expected have actually faced that and so it proves again and again how we really are ‘no different’ when it comes to the mechanisms in which our mind operates.

Today’s message is simple as a learning point and experience from this.

– Whenever I see myself minimizing a point as in thinking of it as ‘not an important thing to look at,’ saying ‘ah it’s not that relevant for me any longer, it’s a thing of the past’ or ‘ah but it’s only a nice experience for a moment in a dream, it shall pass!’ or ‘But I’ve worked on similar points before, it should not matter that much to focus so much on this petty one here’ – or ‘it’s just a small bit of myself, I take care of everything else anyways, why should it matter that much?’ I have to stop myself to remind myself that these are excuses, justifications and reasons I am making up within/as my mind in an attempt to conceal actually very relevant aspects of myself that are probably holding/keeping myself in a particular self-definition or fears/desires or holding on to an aspect of ‘me’ that I have believed I have ‘worked on or let go of’.

Therefore I have to make sure I don’t ignore this point but actually decide to open it up in the moment or make a note of it to work later on it in the day, instead of minimizing it, I have to maximize it/zooming into it, aggrandizing it to see the details and equalize the value of it to every other point that I face in my life, considering all of them as aspects and parts of me that I have to equally take responsibility for.

This ‘minimization’ particularly is indicating this seemingly innocent and subtle way in which I create awareness of something yet ‘make it something little’ so as to ‘not bother with it’  – but I’ve proven myself how these are in fact things we relegate and make ‘smaller’ because of the actual ‘hold’ they have of ourselves in our minds, which means there’s actually quite a lot of ourselves still ‘hiding’ in that one aspect and so it at the same time represents an equal gift that we can give back to ourselves with self-forgiveness, so as to not keep ourselves captive with it.

In this I have to remind myself that I don’t have to fear looking at it, I don’t have to fear ‘losing’ this energetic experience because it was never something of ‘the real me’ anyways, it wasn’t a genuine expression or self-creation – they are but remnants of my experiences in the past that I have to now make a clear decision to self-forgive and let go of. I  realize that I am not ‘missing out’ on anything within doing so, because I’ve seen how a lot of what I used to be and do really became this energy-bubble within myself that was unsustainable anyways, so getting to a point of self-honesty should not be seen as a ‘loss’ of sorts – how can we lose something that wasn’t real in the first place?

These are all reminders and points to indicate myself to do, ask and start processing whenever I see myself minimizing something again, relegating it to ‘a second priority’ when in fact, they are here, they came up in the moment, they are priority, they are gifts for me to open up as I ‘receive’ them so to speak, as they come up in my awareness, regardless of it being during my awake or sleeping mode.

– Whenever I go into manipulating myself to see a point as still not relevant to look at or too insignificant – I can do what was suggested today by Sylvia G to do which is to create a projection of how this one seemingly ‘minimal’ point could potentially affect myself, my life and that of others around me based on my continued participation and indulgence on it.

I can see that this in my case would lead me to create the worst kind of situations of self-deception that I in fact have faced in my life before and that I definitely would not want me to repeat the same once more. And upon doing this with the point I’ll be working on, I can see how absolutely relevant it is for me to dig into it, investigate it, fully open it to see it for what it is and disengage the energetic relationship I have linked to it, so that I no longer go participating in these seemingly ‘meaningless’ moments that are actually letting me know I still have several energetic connections to aspects of myself, my past that I have to fully correct within myself, by principle and awareness of who I decide to be and create as myself currently.

– Here’s then another reminder for me to not see dreams as ‘just dreams’ because they have proven to me many times that they can reveal very key and on the spot aspects for me to face where I actually know I am aware of having to apply myself, but when I deliberately don’t do so because of ‘minimizing’ an experience, it simply means I am deciding to continue my self-dishonesty, and that’s of course an indication of points I require to work with in my reality as soon as possible.

– Therefore I can use the ‘minimizing’ experience as a flag-word, an alert of making myself aware that I have to now make a decision to actually take the point as equally relevant as any other and to not procrastinate on them, but to be diligent in opening it up, not giving way into ‘fears’ about discovering myself, or giving way to ‘fears of letting go’ of something that is not even substantial, that is not of life– and so make a clear decision to not deceive myself in the face of those moments where I am clearly having to rev up my self-honesty, which means I know when I am deliberately not wanting to see something = I have to stop lying to myself that it is not important and make all things equally relevant and important to look at.

Here then realizing that the act of ‘minimizing’ something is already looking at it through ourselves as the mind, as the mind that doesn’t want to debunk itself. So the suggestions are to move oneself to deliberately see it for what it is, to not play ‘dumb’ so to speak in relation to it, to not wait for consequences to grow and show us how ‘big’ in fact of a point it is.

And it also was shared how these seemingly ‘minimal’ points can be in fact the tip of an iceberg that we haven’t faced/opened up within ourselves. These points that we create a relationship of resistance to, indicate at the same time a potential to liberate aspects of ourselves that we’ve trapped in secrecy, in denial, in shame, in regret, in guilt, in a relationship of desire and fear… any relationship of energy that we hold toward something will eventually ‘catch up with us’ to the point where it becomes inevitable to not see it, face it, deal with it and walk it through to a point of correction and so, get to a point of no return with it into self-honesty.

Also very relevant to remind myself what does it say about myself when I deliberately decide to make something seemingly insignificant to not look at it? It’s no different to wanting to run away from self-responsibility, no different to taking a quick fix, no different to preferring to remain limited in the mind to not really live – I do it to myself! Therefore I have to make a clear decision to stand clear in all aspects of myself, in actual self-honesty and not miss any bit of me that I become aware of to process from consciousness into awareness and self-honesty.

 

Thanks for reading

 

 Minimizing Self Dishonesty

 

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422. What is Happiness to me?

Is happiness only a state of mind? Is it something that lasts for a few moments only? Is it only embedded in the image of someone smiling, people jumping with their hands up in the air? is it the image of a peaceful and pristine paradise? is it a work in progress?

 

We had a two day workshop on Redefining Happiness, and what came up was an interesting and self-supportive array of points to consider within ourselves, to re-look at what one had previously defined as ‘happiness’ and so then walking those points within self-honesty,  collecting considerations and looking at practical aspects that are required within the creative and living process of happiness in a self-honest and self supportive manner. So here’s my self-investigation that culminates with the integration of realizations that came through during our group chat on this topic.

 

 

Happiness

 

Not long ago I would have defined happiness as something that is just ‘bollocks,’ an easy way to sell products, a blatant way to sugar coat self interest or else, but as with all words in our reality, due to the resistance that I had to even look at it, I decided it was rather best to start redefining words and walking a collective process to align our definitions to a common sensical outcome and creation. So, I’ll start here by disclosing my past-relationship with the word happiness.

What I had defined as happiness had to do with what I had learned I should ‘aim to live’ in my life, that ultimate goal that would make me absolutely blissful, content and fulfilled with myself. I definitely had trouble at times pondering what this could be because I could feel ‘happy’ for example before and while I would go to a music concert from my favorite bands when I was a teenager; as a pre-teen I could feel ‘happy’ after having binged in rollercoaster rides, and maybe happy as the experience I had when I first flew in an airplane when I was some 6 years old, also skating, jumping in an elastic bed or swimming were part of my happiness during childhood. Later on I started defining happiness according to being with certain people and in certain relationships, which has also to do with the ‘grown-up’ idea of ‘being happy when having relationships’ for example as a common goal in life.

Also, my idea of happiness was linked to ‘who I wanted to be’ as an artist for example, or a writer at times. I would picture myself being alone and living in some big city and being famous/recognized, earning good money and so being able to travel around the world and having the kind of ‘bohemian’ type of life where I would not have to worry about money and I would only have to pursue my personal satisfaction of fame and glory, lol. I thought that happiness was precisely getting to travel the world, showing my art in such places and having nice dinners with famous people or something, to be ‘in that circle’ of intellectuals and artists and so forth. Fascinatingly enough – and glad about it as well – I got to have a bit of a taste of this last early on as I was ‘sharpening my knife’ to be part of the art world and got to travel to another country and exhibit my photographs and hang around people that everyone would recognize on the streets. So I ‘luckily’ got to see what kind of agenda/day to day living they have, what is it like to be a genuine public figure, what happens to your ‘private life’ and family etc. It was very interesting that my whole expectation of happiness slowly but surely fell down the drain, because I could not feel happy about doing what I thought was going to make me happy, and so with that came what I call a ‘breakdown’ wherein I felt very lost/sad/depressed for a couple of months after having done that trip/exhibit, because I did not know if I wanted to ‘be an artist’ anymore or if that was genuinely ‘my idea of happiness’ any longer.

 

Right away after that, I started seeking other ‘spiritual’ ways to fulfill this longing for an apparent ‘happiness’ without getting anywhere really, mostly aiming at ‘helping others’ without having the least intention to first focus on supporting me. I kind of knew in the back of my head that it wasn’t ‘it’ and that it wasn’t going to work for real either. So, after this one trip I had, which was almost/exactly 7 years ago, I spent months really looking at whether these ideas I had built around happiness were in fact MY idea of happiness, and it was only 3 months after that when I discovered Desteni and so my perception of everything I had ever desired, wanted or deemed myself to ‘be’ changed almost completely. This is where I started to ponder my previous ideas around happiness as ‘the goal in life’ and got to understand happiness mostly as an energetic experience that one gets as the result of some input, like for example when taking drugs and getting ‘high’ and ‘feeling good’ and associating that with happiness – that type of experience, which is all a mind job of course.

I saw that my idea of happiness had to go through a process of purification if I can call it that, I realize that I had only aimed at benefitting me in pursuing MY dreams and in that, I was in fact forgetting and not considering everything and everyone in that equation.  Once that I had a bit of the taste of the ‘personal happiness’ or what I had defined as such, I realized that it actually made me feel emptier and more depressed than ever, because I saw it as meaningless = not doing something that I was yearning to do as in creating a ‘greater change’ or ‘saving the world’ out there.

So, it has only been through walking this process of self-support and self change and having the ability to self-forgive all past ideas, perspectives, illusions and desires for energetic experiences that I have been able to now trust myself in the ability to redefine the word ‘happiness’ so that it doesn’t become this fleeting and flimsy experience in my mind and body, something that ‘comes and goes’ but becomes an actual living word not only for ‘me’ but for everyone as well.

 

‘All I want in life is to be happy’ is a common goal in our lives, but this also means that we have been defining happiness with as many different meanings as there are minds in this world, some common aspects are linked like money, good relationships, good sex life, being the best at something, having good health and such, but do we ponder then why have these become desires instead of ways in which one actually lives the construction of such happiness? Why have we made of happiness an ideal, an ever elusive ‘goal’ in itself instead of practically assessing: what do I require to do to build a general stability in my life, a personal and collective wellbeing, a point of financial stability, what can I do to develop supportive relationships? How can I nurture myself in a way that is beneficial for my body? How can I stop worrying about this/that situation in my life? How can I change the world system so that it benefits all instead of preventing ourselves to live our fullest potential? How can I develop my expression and support myself and others with it?

 

See, happiness usually comes with a desire to ‘have no worries’ or be completely devoid of responsibility, without realizing that if one simply places oneself swimming forever in a beach at the Caribbean and do nothing about oneself or ‘the world,’ man, one could end as the richest yet most disgraceful person in the world – why? Because happiness is definitely something that entails us LIVING in a full manner in this world – and within this, what does it mean to live fully? To be a point, a person that lives and creates one’s personal well-being while at the same time contributing to the collective well being.

The problem that we have at the moment is that our general ideas of happiness have become very varied, very personal, even linked with products to buy or so – how can that be? This is why here we propose looking at happiness as the ways in which we can practically empower ourselves and each other to fully live in this world.

Within the documentary called Happy, many definitions and ways to live happiness are shared, and it’s interesting to see of course, to have a look at how personalized this idea of happiness has become whereas in other cultures/parts of the world, the idea of happiness is embedded within a collective wellbeing. There they define 2 aspects of happiness the intrinsic and extrinsic aspects, which I will share here now as parts that I have come to realize within walking this process.

 

We got the intrinsic aspects which have to do with

– Personal growth: which is precisely what I have seen is and has been absolutely life changing from 7 years ago, to walk this process of self-support, to develop self-honesty, to develop common sense which is the consideration of what’s best for all; to realize that I can change myself, that I have the tools, that I can trust myself in being able to walk through any point in my life to get to a point of stability within and without. This is definitely essential as an overall self-process that I can attest here is a genuine source of wellbeing, because one is also no longer defined by emotions or feelings to define myself, so I rather focus on supporting me, my mind, my body to live in a general stability.

– Close Relationships and the feeling of living in community: developing relationships with people even if they are not in your immediate environment, but relationships where self-support is the starting point is within my life and experience one of the most gratifying things, to be able to support me and support others, and work with people that are equally walking a process of taking responsibility for themselves, living day by day within the commitment of supporting and changing themselves to within that, also change the world is one of the most satisfying things as well. It would have been very tough to do this process of personal support alone, maybe impossible – so I definitely recognize the power of walking with a group of people – physically or non-physically around – to support oneself in this process of self-change and self-support. These relationships go beyond a ‘friendship’ or a feeling, they are genuine bonds of co-creation that will surely be long lasting.

 

The Extrinsic goals:

– Money is something that is definitely needed to create a financial stability for oneself. It is definitely something to question if a poor person claims to be absolutely happy, how can that be if happiness is about living up to our utmost potential? That means then requiring at this moment in this world money to be able to obtain the necessary resources on this. So, this is a genuine point that one does require to be ‘happy’ at this stage, to have a dignified living – which is definitely different from only desiring money as an ultimate goal – nope, money is a means to create such support and to nurture/sustain ourselves properly, but ultimately, greed is of course also a point to debunk within self-honesty, because no amount of money can create ‘wealth’ in itself if we weren’t living in our awareness of the interdependence we hold to each other individual and part of this reality.

 

– They claim that Image, personality and status or popularity is something that also gives happiness. I question this as a sense of ‘ego’ creation, though in a redefined manner, this can comes by default when one works on oneself and one starts focusing one’s life to support oneself and so be an active agent of change in the world. One’s words, thoughts, deeds start speaking for themselves and so this ‘recognition’ is not then a popularity game of sorts one participates in, I’d rather place it as the ability and potential we all have to stand as an example of what is possible to live and become when establishing living principles of what’s best for all in our lives.  This is then a point where one can simply recognize and acknowledge one’s living day to day actions and see the benefit of them for what they create as a consequence, and develop a sense of honor to oneself and all life around us which is definitely what I can also link to a sense of happiness, of fulfillment, of genuine stability and way to prosperity.

 

There was also a point wherein I simply denied all happiness to exist, and yes just as love defined as a slight or overwhelming churning of energies within ourselves, as an energy experience it is definitely not something that I could ‘forever experience,’ because it’s only momentary which indicates: it’s a mind job. Thus happiness had to become a word that I can mostly live through the consideration of how can I build, create this point of self-support, self-stability in my life and reality, how can I cooperate and co-work with others in order to create a change in this world. So, what’s interesting here is that me desiring to ‘change the world’ would have been also a point I would link to happiness, but little did I know that if I had only sought to ‘change the word out there’ I would have missed first my personal point of self-responsibility: changing myself, first supporting myself.

So I do say here that happiness as a word to live by does imply first self-responsibility: taking care of ourselves, ensuring one has sufficient money to live in dignity, where one has the ability and continues to improve one’s life, to challenge ourselves further, to develop ourselves to our utmost potential, to live by the law of placing the extra effort to get things done in a way wherein I can genuinely say ‘this is my creation, this is my expression and I am satisfied with it.’ Within this of course comes the consideration of how within me living by these principles, what I do in the ‘outside world’ will thus be the constant and continuous expression of what I live within and as me – this is thus how I have defined my ability to live happiness within giving myself, my life, my day to day a purpose which is to make of this world a place wherein we call all live actually happily, so that happiness stops being a ‘desire’ in our minds, but instead becomes a genuine and feasible practical method, a way and series of actions and steps that involve each one’s participation to co-create such happiness in reality.

This is how I see that in order to create and live happiness = the whole must be contained, everyone must be considered, because if we leave one person outside of this consideration, then that one point will make us all miserable again, because this life is about learning how to coexist as equals and so within this, I see that happiness in its FULL expression is not yet ‘here’ as the definition of all living parts in this world having a dignified and satisfying existence.  I see that happiness is a ‘work in progress’ when it comes to genuinely Living it at a global level – however, it is possible to work on creating a general stability and support for oneself to live in a responsible manner, which I’ve found to be actually a great source of satisfaction and fulfillment.

In fact, living this process of self-support with the Desteni tools is an awesome practical way to create and build this happiness for oneself, it won’t definitely make you all tingly within yourself, nor would it come with ease either, it does take actual work, dedication, discipline, consistency, self-will, determination, self-leadership and creativity to do this, but these are all aspects that are definitely worth investing one’s life and time on. Having said this, it does make sense to say that aiming to be ‘happy’ within this context and consideration, to create happiness for everyone in this world is a cool thing to aim at, because it will enable us all to create a general well-being wherein we can actively and continuously create and make of this world a system of support, of living-life instead of merely surviving or having to strive to ‘make a living,’ where our relationships become necessary pillars for us to thrive instead of obstacles to achieve personal gain and self-interest.

If happiness is a common goal in each one’s life, it’s best to then recognize it as something that can only genuinely exist if we all first place the consideration of creating this happiness, this stability, this self-support, self-care, and self-honesty within each one of us individually, so that then we become a +1 person that becomes a pillar to build this happiness in the world, no matter where you are: our lives, how we live/what we do in each moment, how we walk our day to day defines what we create collectively. So, it’s about time we stop seeking for happiness ‘out there’ and instead focus on creating it within and without.

What I can share as the practical way to do this is by walking this process of self-support, I hadn’t ever been satisfied with my life or even would dare to call myself as ‘being happy’ because I was a Grinch, so unhappy about life /the world and blaming everything and everyone for why my life wasn’t ‘working,’ instead of realizing that I do not have to ‘seek happiness’ out there, I have to actually recognize my ability to create it, to become it and to establish it/share it with others in this world. Sounds nice, yep, but it takes actual work and dedication to genuinely live it, it takes guts to also be able to let go of previous definitions of ‘happiness’ by testing it out, seeing if what one had defined as happiness is really a constant and continuous point I can live within my life that is Best for All for eternity – and there, first steps of self-honesty will emerge.

It’s surely enjoyable to take the wheel of your life, and this is precisely what we learn to do in this process, so I recommend it 100% percent.

 

I commit myself to any time and all time required to bring this world back to that which is life, regardless of what it will take and I commit myself not to allow the values the mind  as me have become to determine what is real value. Until this is done. – Bernard Poolman 

 

Living Principles

 

Suggested blog:

Day 2: Happiness and Me

 

I dare you to start questioning what happiness is for you and if you’re ready to live genuine happiness, join us here:

 

Read people recognizing their self creation abilities in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


344. Integrity in Equal Money

 

“It is Essential that Human Integrity as Life Equal be Restored as the Fundamental Rule of Law in this World. Call Out Those that protect Inequality, Become Politically Wise – Install a New Government, through Democracy and Re-Educate the Abusers of Life; in the same way they now keep Millions in the Chains of Inequality – ‘till they Repent and Show through their Actions that they Also Care about Life.”
– Bernard Poolman

 

Continuing:

 

 

 

Problem                                                                

“We’ve become dependent on fear as a survival instinct and so actually fear commonsense and integrity as it is experienced/believed to be a ‘weakness’ – you have to live in fear in order to survive as the law in the matrix goes” – Sunette Spies

 

  • The result of our abdication of self responsibility to the laws and mechanisms in which our physical reality visibly operates is expressed in the current organizations and institutions that we have become so ashamed of and continuously complain about, which are the  product of our primordial disregard of ourselves being one and the same organism that is subject to physical laws that enable life to exist. Instead, we created these external entities to become the deposits of our rights that we signed off when agreeing to become part of a system wherein money as our creation meant our ‘indebted access’ to have a dignified living. This means that we lost our integrity the moment that we placed ourselves to be subject to laws that were never equated to guard and ensure a constitution of life in Equality.

 

“You are in this World, because: You Have No Responsibility, No Integrity and because you have Never Cared about Life in the Universe throughout All Time. You are, in a way, in a Prison. A Prison you created for yourself. You’re Not Going to Get out of This one…not here or in the hereafter without facing consequence, taking responsibility for it and changing for oneself and so for all as self.” – Bernard Poolman 

 

  • What we face as our current world system is the product and manifestation of our abdication to Life in Equality. What does this mean? That the same system of oppression, or scarcity, of lies, of corruption, of hierarchical structures and imposition of power to generate fear is in fact the mirror of every single relationship that we formed in self interest, seeking for our individual benefit only in separation of ourselves as one and equal. This means that the imposition of ourselves as our Ego, our Mind, our Personalities, our Preferences, our Opinions, our Thoughts, our Emotions and Feelings, our Desires over the Physical matter is what became and exists now as the violation of our own ‘right to life’ where no Self Respect toward ourselves, toward the life that is here as ourselves and in the various Life Forms exists – instead  we have turned each other and this world into assets for our benefit and indiscriminate consumption. Life after life we have lived throughout generations guarding these interests as laws that we enforced to every single child born into our world without a question.

 

  • We made of our so-called Free Will and Free Choice that individual ‘course of action’ that determined the ability to abuse one another through the acceptance and allowance of self-interest, superiority and personal satisfaction of security and power over the common well being. Every single word that we have used to denigrate or deify something or someone became the symbols of power that we imposed onto ourselves as a sign of our Inability to See what is Real and Live according to it.

    All the suffering, harm and abuse  as the result  disintegration became a reality when  we imposed meanings, values as experiences over matter and made ourselves subject to it, instead of doing the process the other way around: ourselves becoming the direct beneficiaries of every single word thought and lived as a result of an understanding of ourselves as creators of our reality through the values imposed onto matter and experiences at a mind level, disregarding the physical laws and considerations wherein clearly no spec of matter has been regarded as equal, instead it has been always gauged according to the system of values that serves the Human Mind, the Human Nature that became the accepted and allowed behavior of ourselves as species, indoctrinating every individual to integrate the same patterns generation after generation, wherein some symbols became our gods – like money – and some others became the experiences in which we all got ‘lost’ and confused while missing physical reality, and dare it to call it our ‘human nature’ such as our desire to win, our desire to have more than others, our rejoice in emotions or feelings and any other mind activity that is never evident as an integral part of our physicality, because it is only existent at a mind level, as our creation.

 

  • What we regarded as ‘Our Human Nature’ in the form of emotions and feelings became the greatest distractor and consent enter-tamement to not question the laws, the rules, the systems in which we’re living in, but instead merely complied to them as a sign of ‘resignation’ because no one else seemed to be noticing how inherently flawed and wrong the system is, no one dared to question the abuse, the suffering, the poverty, the absolute madness and absurdity of how we bound ourselves to a system of values where money became an abstraction that contains the value of our work to obtain what we require to live – a giving and receiving in separation of an integral equality process, instead we became the embodiments of a an unequal relationship between what dictates in our minds and what our body requires to exist. Therefore it is through our very own laws and belief systems that we enslaved ourselves to what we believed in our minds is real, ignoring physical reality evidence of such facts being true as an inherent part of the matter and the physical.

 

  • Our integrity has been non existent from the moment we give our power away as the breath of life to exist in multiple ‘states of mind’ leading ourselves to feel ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’ to the physicality that we are, which is clearly indicating that we’ve always lived in a continuous separation from the integrity of our physical body that is as constant and consistency as the physicality that is nurtured and reconstituted in every singe breath that we take.

 

  • Our political system, our monetary system, our economy, our social structures denote the exact opposite of this physical relationship of equality and oneness that we could hold as ourselves and toward one another. This is the physical integrity that we have lacked in our words, which became our laws and eventual authorities wherein we created fictional entities to take care after ourselves. We created our kings, our policemen, our judges, our monetary system, our politicians, because they all represent the violation of our individual right to life in Self Responsibility.

 

 

Solution                                                              

Integrity and Standing in Reality is Not Determined by a ‘Piece of Paper.’” – Bernard Poolman
  • Words that stand as the law of our being of Equality and Oneness, lived and applied as a physical consistency of the recognition of who we are as life are the key and way to ensure that we establish our individual an collective Integrity by our individual decision to live according to that which is best for all.

 

  • The process of Self Forgiveness wherein we  take Self Responsibility for the Accepted and Allowed Mind-Nature as thoughts, emotions, feelings  that we have imposed onto ourselves as physical beings is the way to  establish our definitive integrity. This is for us to understand how we created relationships of self diminishment or self aggrandizement in self-interest, causing the tumor as an overgrowth  that indicates the violation of the physical matter of Equality. This Self Forgiveness Process is the key to understand our individual and collective participation in the current outcome we’re living in as our society and world system. This responsibility comes with immediate self-directive solutions that are understood and lived at an individual level to create and establish the Law of our Being in Equality.

 

  • Money as the creation and manifestation of such system of self-abuse will also become the solution; this is within the principle of ‘Like Cures Like’ wherein we are determined to make of money a tool that represents this reintegration of Equality and equalize its function to our physical breathing, which means it will become a guaranteed giving and receiving of the resources we require to live, it is an insurance to maintain our physical integrity where all parts are equally supported, which will translate into an  integral society where relationships are formed in an interdependent manner, existing in a one and equal recognition of our responsibility to live. This implies absolute self directive principles to grant each other the right to live that is not ‘demanded,’ but instead founded and created through our collective ability to honor ourselves and each other as equals.

 

  • Once that money ceases to exist as the driving force within our lives, actual integrity will emerge in our society which will create new forms of entertainment, of relationships, of social interactions that will be based on mutual support and understanding where no ‘hidden interests’ will exist in an attempt to harm or abuse for personal gain. This means that our ability to stop abuse will form part of our ability to construct this integrity as who we are: no abuse, no harm and no disregard will be accepted or allowed to exist.

Rewards                                                  

  • Living Self-Integrity is the foundation of a fear-less society where each one’s words can be measured according to the actions lived that generate the Best Living condition for all.  It is the actual consideration, understanding and regard to guard each one’s well being as our own which will result in a mutual honor that has never before been existent in our society toward each part of ourselves as one and equal. 

 

  • Self Honesty is the principle in which we recognize that our individual well being is founded upon our ability to respond and act in the best interest of all, which creates the relationships of self support, dignity, respect, compassion and consideration to one another once that we live in a world where another is seen as an equal part of ourselves and no longer someone to fear, abuse, extort or compete against.

 

  • The living of our individual Integrity leads to generate the necessary foundation to establish Self Trust within ourselves and toward one another to ensure that no matter where we are, what we say and the decisions we make, we are always acting according to that which is best for all which is the manifestation and living practicality of what Love and Honor should be. This is the key to manifest a heaven on Earth but for that, we have to establish our Self Honesty and Self Forgiveness first – this is the Individual process we’re walking and invite you to participate within the understanding that Education is the first step to understand where, how and why we separated ourselves from life.

 

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Equal Money Capitalism The Future of Integrity

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303. Competition: War Against Each Other – Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize the freedom to do whatever  we want to do onto another/ free will is a basic mechanism to justify perpetual war against each other.

 

The system is a reflection of our own mind, once that we have placed a common sense solution to competition in the previous post, I walk here the Self Forgiveness process for the competitive traits that I can see have been the basis of externalizing these desires and make it our capitalist system’s base foundation of selfish intent.

 

Continuing from :

For context on redefining capitalism, read: Day 180: The Word ‘Capitalism’ in ‘Equal Money Capitalism Redefined

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept inequality as an inherent trait existent within us all based on external considerations based on knowledge and information that has turned into positive and negative traits that make ourselves as humans greater or lesser than others, which is a mind process imposed onto physical reality wherein we’ve learned that such disparity is in fact real and a cause to justify one’s living conditions and social standards upon which we identify ‘who we are’ based on ‘what we have’ in society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider wits and someone’s knowledge and information a valuable trait that conditions someone to be ‘more’ or ‘less’ than others, which then became a reason to define who gets ‘the most’ and who gets the least, based on patterns of strength and weakness, which indicates that competition in itself stems from the need for survival that we then used to define ‘who we are’ toward each other.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed a comparison point to then become the reference point for me to desire what others have and within this, realizing that the way to obtain it would be through directly competing to aim at the same outcome/ end and in this, within desiring the same thing, the competition is then forcing each one to destroy or subdue one another since no two bodies can get the same thing/ end at the same time, same goes with wanting ‘the most’ wherein such opportunity is not a given thing to everyone equally.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never realize that the one I was fighting against inimically was another part of myself that I was opposing and waging war against based on me desiring to have the most/have that which others wanted as well in order to win and remain as the one that was able to overcome all obstacles and surpass others, which is seen as  a triumph instead of seeing it as the brewing pot of inequality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed competition as a means to strengthen one’s power without realizing that such power is based on having to subjugate others in order to have such position of grandeur as a mastering in reality which is rewarded with money, meaning that the person that plays the game in the most effective way =becomes the winner, but as we have realized, such game is not based on rules that lead to Equality but can only be one is one is willing to abuse and neglect another part of self. This is the basis of the winners in society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use competition as a means to aggrandize myself, setting a goal not based on a common sense aim that will make myself a better person as myself and others, but drive such competition in order to continue growing/expanding such power – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of competition a energetic drive to have more than what our general sustenance and conservation requires wherein the Experience of getting more/having more/ conquering/ winning against others was experienced as a powerful act, a powerful experience wherein we stopped seeing common sense and measure, and became a driving force to perpetuate the same powerful experience that winning against others creates.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see this competition as a legitimate way of ‘winning’ and seeing it as a ‘fair game’ without realizing that winning over others, creating is already an accepted disparity that we’ve learned to laureate and denigrate accordingly, becoming one of the inherent flawed self experiences within humanity when realizing that not everyone could be a ‘natural winner’ because we submitted ourselves to playing a game where some had to always be below for a few to be on top.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed a self experience of empowerment when winning a competition which then became an addictive experience, taking pleasure at contemplating one’s conquest and dominion and power which leads to further pursuit of power even through  the one that is already obtained is sufficient, the drive for ourselves as humanity to seek for more power is a disease that has become a pervasive economic system that is existent by default in everyone’s mind now, wherein we learn to continue winning, earning and having more and more and never consider a point of sustainability within such power and dominion, but all excesses instead are pursued, accepted and allowed.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience the contrary of this zealous experience when winning/having it all, and veering toward grief and dissatisfaction when being a ‘lower’ as in having someone else reaching and attaining that which one also desired, without realizing that such negative position is only the counter act of living in a fixed game where there would always be winners and losers based on a set of traits that were not equally existent in every being, instead of us having provided equality to all and within that no ‘goal’ would be existent outside of the common well being, but instead, we supported a minority’s ambitions and dreams and forgot about all of those that by default were not even considered to play the game.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never consider another as an equal-value to myself, but always seeing another as a potential enemy to overcome, a potential grabber of that which I am placing my eye upon which leads to an unspoken fear and rivalry that is accepted and allowed as a ‘fair game’ that has been externalized as a regular comparison and competitive interaction between beings wherein all that matters is one winning, and never really considering a common goal and a common well being.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the word competition implies fighting and rivalry, but instead learned to see it as a way to improve everyone’s living condition, when in fact competition also means the ongoing battle to continually get more and the most of that which others also want and desire, creating a point of  jealousy an justify it as ‘how things work.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify invading, conquering something that I could entitle myself to, wherein such fight or demand for obtaining the best/  the most is now embodied as a reputation that should be ‘maintained’ throughout one’s  time wherein I have lived by the statement that ‘not everyone can attain this,’ and as such, justify it with knowledge and information or physical attributes and experiences that should not take part of defining who one person is, as within this basic principle, all forms of separation then should cease to exist.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to relate wars directly related to competition wherein the ability to invade , have security and protection for my own benefit, justified any damage done onto others in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how competition when lived as a matter of life and death is violent, wherein the outcome is inequality at all times, leading to a constant war against one another, which implies that a constant competition dwindles any opportunity for real freedom and expression, since it means a constant state of survival and fear, which becomes the reality of a fearful and anxious man that we’ve become, fearing each other all the time.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to function according to this constant competitive mode against other human beings as a ‘default mode’ wherein I never questioned why I would compare myself to other human beings and generate fear when it came to being ‘less than’ and create a better experience if being ‘more than’ others in my mind, never realizing how I was being the very promoter of competition according to how I learned to act and be around other people, and see them not as team members but as potential competitors that I had to measure at all times to see ‘who I am’ in relation to them. ‘

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the moment there is no common sense in our living conditions, as in working together as equals to live in a sustainable manner, competition was the way with which we accepted injustice, disparity and inequality as a usual social condition of man comparing himself onto others and generating a secretive war to win against others, which means that we have never lived in a state of actual peace and common weal when a single man competes against another inimically.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that private property has made competition a  possibility between men in society, wherein everyone fights against one another for the same property, dominion, power over something or someone to get the most and have such ownership define the person as to ‘who he/he is,’ never considering how there cannot be such real entitlement of a piece of land and resources to a single being, since the Earth is of the Earth and we can only adjust ourselves to use it the most convenient and self-supportive manner wherein everyone is equally supported.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the desire for peace resides in the fear of death, which is what drives all competition ultimately, a desire embodied by positive experiences, a desire to obtain the most, the best not as a self-directive outcome, but the single stance of competition already implies fear to be out of the game/lose the game in this constant war against one another.

 

 

Solution:

I commit myself to live equality as myself as an individual that stops seeing others as enemies and people to surpass in any way, stopping seeing people as enemies and rivals since that indicates an inherent self interest to be ‘more’ than others.

 

I commit myself to live the understanding that a real state of freedom and power can only exist in equality where no men desires what the other has, and to make this statement possible in our current society, we require to establish a state of law that supports this realization of Equality wherein every being is equally supported with money to live as a result of their contribution to maintain and sustain our current system.

 

I commit myself to reform the educational system that includes parenting and school-systems wherein we stop promoting competition based on winning and losing and as such, establish competitions as a constructive self-reference to improve ourselves, our living skills by becoming our own standard of what is best for all.

 

I commit myself to live the realization that as long as I fear another human being, I am recreating fear and as such competition and its extreme which I wars – I direct myself to instead consider common sense as what’s best for all at all times

 

I commit myself to stop the desire to have what another has, since competition i s currently fueled by desires toward that which we don’t have.

 

Rewards:

I realize that the moment that we establish a common ground for all human beings of equal support and equal consideration as a basic living right and law, we will be able to stop fearing each other, stop fighting against each other and stop seeing each other as enemies and this is the only way in which true freedom and peace can exist:when no man fears another based on a state of survival, but instead come to the realization that we can only operate in a functional and sustainable manner if we support each other as equals.

I realize that the moment that we don’t have to ‘sell ourselves’ in order to get the necessary to live, but change the definition of work as a contribution in equality to make of our lives a sustainable system wherein everyone is equally supported the same way that we will support to make of our lives sustainable.

Giving and receiving in Equality means that the only competition available is only toward ourselves in order to better our conditions, to become efficient in our use of the resources, of ourselves as work force and intent in our principled living in common sense.

There is enough for everyone, eradicating scarcity and other beliefs of necessary limitation should be considered only as a remedy to make ourselves aware of what we in fact require to live and what we don’t, in this removing the ‘power’ in itself to own and possess, and instead focus on mutual support to live as equals, a real state of freedom.

Quod tibi fieri non vis, alteri ne feceris: do not do unto others what you do not want done to yourself

 

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259.Drug Addiction Prevented by Unconditional Living Support

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

I commit myself to create a world system and society that is based on equalizing everyone’s living condition to the best living condition that we all agree would be what is best for all, a society wherein one will no longer have to depend on money to live but rather work and develop oneself to receive equally a remuneration from the contributions that one does to a system that ensures all living beings have equal support and no one is left behind – this is what will ensure that there are no more systems/ governments to fight against/ rage against – but rather work with to create and manifest a world wherein life is finally dignified for all.

 

I commit myself to stop my own self abuse through seeking an energetic experience as a synonym of ‘being alive’ and instead, breathe and walk this Self Honesty process to ensure that all the past that I have accepted and allowed as ‘my personality’ and as this world system in the ‘greater picture’ finally stops within me – within this realizing that there is no need to continue spiting the past, but rather focusing on stopping the past, becoming the solution to stand as the pillar of the actual new way of living, which is and will only be life in Equality, because it is how things should have always been.

 

I commit myself to make of myself as my own decision to live my motivation and also to create a world-system wherein I would also want to live in for the rest of my existence, as this ensures that no matter where one is/ in which form within this existence, we are all equally supporting an actual dignified living condition for all. This thus implementing the law of our being as equality and oneness wherein implementing such law is what I commit myself to do and live till it is done.

 

I commit myself to expose how within stopping the consumption of drugs and alcohol, one face one of the greatest decisions: do we continue supporting self abuse or not and as such, share how it is through stopping drugs and the constant addiction to ‘feel good’ that one is able to finally establish a point of self-acceptance as a physical body that breathes, eats, shits and relates to other beings as a form of coexistence, which is the reality that is here and any other desire for a ‘moreness’ as an energetic experience must be seen as what it is, a mechanism of self abuse that must be stopped by each one of us realizing our responsibility toward our physical, our mind and this world system that we all collectively and individually co-create.

 

I commit myself to expose how drugs are the perfect way to keep slaves happy, because as long as people have a way to ‘escape reality,’ they won’t investigate and stand up for a way to change the system, instead of coping within it or antagonizing, which only perpetuates the irresponsibility we all hold toward each other.

 

I commit myself to expose how the entire drug culture is contributing to the current capitalist system wherein corruption is feasible where a lot of money is injected through illegal means to a drug trafficking business along with any other criminal activity that is only existent due to the same lack of money as well as greed for money and experiences that are only detrimental to the human being and the environment we co-create.

 

I commit myself to continue exposing how the solution will not come through retaliation and opposition toward the system using drugs as a way to ‘spite’ the system, but instead commit myself to live a life of sobriety in all ways wherein one can finally learn what it is to live in the physical, stopping seeking experiences that only happen at a mind level and that are expensive, harmful and addictive habits that should not be lobbied by any person that understands the responsibility shared when providing drugs/ sponsoring drugs to another being, which is unacceptable within the laws of what neighborism is: give to another what you would want for yourself and as such

 

I commit myself to support myself to always see and realize that any good feeling search is not really me as who I am as the physical seeking such ‘good feeling’ but only the mind that feeds off of emotions and feelings – thus

 

I commit myself to live the realization that breathing, being here in the physical body is the way to face oneself and breathe through any withdrawal symptom of stopping feeding a mind with thoughts that only lead us to seek for ‘greater experiences’ that end up in further abuse and neglect.

I commit myself to expose how there will be no need to use drugs/ seek for ‘greater experiences’ in a system wherein life will be finally given and received in equality and no longer sold to those who happen to have money by chance.

It is then my responsibility to ensure I focus on that which is leading toward a best for all outcome, and that any desire to experience something more is seen and understood as the mind seeking a fix that leads nowhere but further separation from what is here – it is to stop, breathe, and keep moving in the physical.

 

I commit myself to expose how there is no ‘easy way out’ in this reality and that consuming drugs is only a way to ignore the problem and aggravate it, since all drug cultures require money and as such it is to instead inform how money must be changed in the way it functions and as such, focus on supporting ourselves to Live as equals and working together to implement an actual dignified way of living through the Equal Money System and through this, educate ourselves about how the mind operates in the physical body and as such establish our own commitments to be the points that stop from feeding this machinery that works currently on desires, wants and needs that are not common sensical in most of the cases thus

 

I commit myself to stop following through the constant seeking of a ‘better experience’ and instead, focus on living/ doing/ working on the solutions that we all require to see as the foundation of the best living condition that we can all support to co-create once that more and more human beings realize that we have the actual ability to decide what is best for all and we can all vote to implement such best for all modalities that will mean an actual democracy that is a demonstration of the love we always liked to believe we had, but never actually placed into application – thus it is to Love our neighbor as ourselves and that will ensure that no single being is left behind, secluded and resorting to any form of escapism to avoid responsibility or facing ones world and reality, and extending a hand for support.

 

I commit myself to point out how any complain toward the system must be taken back to self to see how we are all equally responsible for everything that happens in this reality and as such, understand and focus on getting to know how such system is created at a thought level and this thus indicate we are all equally responsible for what is here.

I commit myself to create awareness of how this world is the reflection of ourselves as our mind and that any desire to ‘retaliate’ against it or ‘escape’ from it, is detrimental activity as it enhances the mind itself instead of assisting and supporting oneself to take responsibility for who and what we have become within such desires.

 

I commit myself to expose how drugs as any other business are very profitable system that works in illegal frameworks that only perpetuate the same system of abuse and as such, we all have to stop participating in any form of profitable activity that is based on self abuse within humanity.

I commit myself to explain how it is possible to implement a system that no more leads everyone to a a desires to ‘escape the system,’ but rather create enough awareness of how it is only us that can take the wheel/ make the decision to  live a life where the only experience is being here physically breathing.

 

This is thus a commitment to change from the source and the root of the ‘problem’ which is ourselves,  wherein through understanding how our mind works, how we drive ourselves to create any form of instability, desire, want  and need within our mind only, the responsibility is irrevocably here as an individual choice to either stop participating in such energetic seekings or not. I commit myself to stop seeking to satisfy an experience without ensuring that all beings have equal access to it as myself as well – this is to understand that it is not to condemn experiences, but the availability of it to everyone and such experiences being destined to exist as an actual enjoyment in the physical without requiring a substance to do so, other than oxygen, physical movement and expression which is what I find the most enjoyable: being able to share and coexist with beings that are willing to live in Equality as Life.

 

I commit myself to explain how it is through creating a system of self support that any drug addiction will be preventable, as all of them are based on a form of individual delirium as the mind that seeks to escape an unbearable self-experience and reality that mostly stems from the inability to live in the best condition possible within a world wherein everywhere you look, you can see life being supported and no longer abused only for the benefit of some.

 

I commit myself to implement an educational system wherein self-worth as life is lived and recognize within one another as a living fact wherein actual support is given to all beings equally, as this is what living words is about and as such, never again create disillusionment within ourselves as individuals existing in a constricting system, but rather learn from an early age to value life as who we are and be valued/ supported unconditionally the same way by the system – this is the actual giving and receiving as an actual caring that can definitely ‘move mountains’ and that is yet to be lived and witnessed by all that care enough to live at last, a life in Equality.

From previous post:

It is thus to realize that there will be no need to ‘escape from reality’ if we all instead dedicate ourselves to create a world system that supports all beings equally as Life, creating an actual respect for oneself and each other to create a system wherein on one will have a need to ‘escape’ an actual heaven on Earth we can all agree to create through a democratic vote that each one has the power to exert within the  Equal Money System – it is about time we stop numbing and harming our being that is fully functional and that of others through promoting ways to ‘escape the system’ and instead, work together to make of it the system and reality that we have always wanted to live in but believed ourselves to be incapable of changing – that is no more.

 

“Every Human Being Claim ‘the Right to Life’, yet there is no Protection of this Right – unless you, in the Current Capitalism, have the Benefit of Money; this Equal Money Capitalism (EMC), will Prevent. What will also be Prevented, is War. As War is Profit-Driven.
It is Time for a New World System. One Based on Prevention, instead of Reaction. One Based on Honouring the Right of Life, Equally for All.
Join the Journey to Life, and Become Part of a Solution.“ – Bernard Poolman 

 

 

Further support:

Go to the Equal Money System website and vote for our proposals to establish a world system where prevention of drug addiction will be part of our basic policies when understanding to what extent ignoring how the mind functions within the physical leads to the creation of abuse as our current world system.

 

Unconditional Living Support = Equal Money System

 

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Educational Self Support:


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