Tag Archives: despair

506. From Despair to a Constructive Aftermath

 

 The aftermath here is the time after one has faced a particular outcome that wasn’t expected or preferred in relation to something that we were investing ourselves to create. That can be a particular project that doesn’t gain as much traction as expected, a job that we get fired from, a relationship that didn’t work out, a health problem that limits our abilities in certain ways, the death of a loved one… all of those situations that are part of our lives are the ones that we usually tend to get more ‘stung’ by in the sense of feeling discouraged and beaten down from what is seen or perceived as a failure, as a loss, as a ‘having to start over’ moment, as something that we invested on so much of ourselves but simply didn’t add up to the expected result.

It is quite common to feel defeated, to go into thoughts of considering that we’ve wasted our money, time and effort, that it all was ‘for nothing’ and then starting to close down to the consideration of trying it out again, of starting over a business, starting a new project or finding new ways to support ourselves physically on the face of illness or disease. We usually tend to see these unfavorable outcomes as a really bad thing to happen to us, but one thing that I’ve found most supportive is to recognize and – as I’ve been sharing lately – ‘own our creation’ all the way from beginning to end.

This has assisted me to be able to stand up and through the whole unraveling of a particularly ‘unfavorable outcome’ and learning to see it with the eyes of ‘I created this, I can learn from what didn’t work out, I can stand up again and create myself again, not give up on myself’

The experience of ‘giving up’ seems to be a ‘default tantrumy setting’ for ourselves in these situations, wherein let’s say we don’t get a desired outcome from a business venture and one can go into the extremes of saying ‘Ah, I’ll never again open my own business again, I’m done!’ or if one fails with a particular project, one tends to go into ideas of ‘I should not have even done that, what a waste of time, I’m never going to do such a thing again, such a failure!’ and in terms of relationships failing or having to part ways, one can go into thoughts like ‘I knew I should have never stepped into that relationship, I knew it was going to be a problem, I’m never going to go into a relationship again’ and we tend to be pessimistic within it all which I have also had a tendency before to do, which is why here today I share how this is not how it has to be.

The aftermath of these situations is actually a key moment for self-reflection, to first of lay out for ourselves our creation, see in self-honesty who we have been throughout the whole creation of the relationship, project, venture etc. then write out and self-forgive the judgments, the blame, the sense of ‘giving up’ on oneself in that particular aspect of our lives – or sometimes even wanting to give up on life entirely – because in those usually tough moments we tend to see everything through a thick fog of ‘lostness’ and ‘confusion’ and ‘despair’ and that’s precisely, right there, where that potential of ourselves as that willingness to stand up and take responsibility has to emerge. It won’t be an ‘automatic’ thing to happen either, it takes an actual decision to not go into emotional victimization to whatever went wrong or bad in our lives and first own our creation: I did this, I created this, I participated in it from beginning to end, therefore I assume the consequences/outcome of it.

Now here one thing that has assisted me a lot is to focus on what I’ve learned from the ‘failure’/mistake/problem/outcome’ and focus on what my participation throughout It all was. Sometimes things are entirely moved and created by ourselves, but some other times we have to work in teams to create something. If that’s so, blaming another for something not working out will only lead us down the path of seeing others as the problem, instead of focusing on ourselves. This is where the equilibrium comes wherein upon me recognizing, admitting and owning my creation, my part in the situation, I can at the same time then assist others to look at it as well within that same starting point, without any hidden agendas like an attempt to blame or accuse, because in that moment I understand the importance of sticking to seeing ‘my responsibility’ and my participation – or the lack thereof – in something that I had invested myself to create or get to work in along with others whose participation also counts in it, and so seeing the conjoined creation as a sum of individuals’ responsibility.

This makes the whole aftermath process easier because I can then review all of my decisions in the creation that I ended up ‘failing’ at and stand with each one of them, understanding how in the moment that I made them I trusted myself, I gave it my all, I can be clear that I did push to change things within me to make it all more effective, I know where I wasn’t giving it my 100%, I can clearly see where and how I compromised myself, what I could have changed but didn’t get to it and the ways in which I also did assist others to do the same as part of the team or project. 

This is how even when the outcome is unfavorable or unexpected, one can stand in one’s two feet and stand with one’s creation: with what one did – or didn’t do – what one pushed to change and do – or didn’t change or do – what one invested on time, effort, money on – or where it all lacked – and so make of this whole ‘failure’ situation a time for a personal review where we can see where our weaknesses existed and take note of them so that one can work through it. And at the same time also acknowledging where we got to strengthen ourselves, to expand, to learn new things about ourselves and others, which regardless of the outcome of things, will always be there in any creation process, alone or with others.

Therefore, a strong suggestion is to not allow oneself to go down misery lane upon facing a particular outcome, a problem, point of failure, bankruptcy, relationship breakup, health problem, loss of a loved one or anything that we might perceive in our lives as a ‘failure’, a loss or an obstacle – these are moments where we can open up in self-reflection, looking back at who we have been and learn from it, also to be able to stand with our creation, owning our deeds and their outcomes.

Here then why I’ve been placing ‘failure’ with these quotes is because this is a loaded word where we usually can experience it as a complete ‘drain’ of all of our life force and feel like we won’t ever get back up again from it – but if we learn to see a failure as one shot, one opportunity, one way, one path that we walked through with all of our being and intent to make it work, and regardless of it all we still discover that we’re not leading ourselves to the outcome we wanted to create for ourselves, then that’s where it’s best to stop going any further, go back to the drawing board and create another way.

Sometimes I’ve seen how specially in relationships, we tend to want to keep walking the same path out of fear losing the person in the relationship or fearing the outcomes from separating from another, but we only know that if over time we have tested something out sufficiently and still we’re seeing the same problems emerge, it’s best to not prolong the ‘testing time’ and rather start focusing on changing paths and learning from what didn’t work out on both parties. This I’ve found is more honorable as well, where we don’t keep walking a lie, where we have the courage to stop a point of deception for oneself and for another and everyone else involved in it, because that’s how we also prevent further consequences and at the same time shorten the time to face our creation, instead of doing so further down the road where more people, more time, more resources have been invested into something.

Here I also have learned from Bernard Poolman, a mentor and friend to myself, how no matter how many times his business failed and had to go through the whole point of ‘losing it all’, he kept at it, eventually succeeding in what he wanted to create. This perseverance, this continuity and dedication to creating something – along with the responsibility it entails – is definitely something I can learn from and integrate into my life so that I know, no matter how ‘bad’ things get in our lives, in our projects or relationships, no matter how ‘bleak’ the outcome may seem, one can still decide to stand up from the failure, the loss, the ‘breakup’ and learn from it, get back on one’s own two feet to then start planning the next step in our creation, mostly being wiser, if we learn well from our mistakes, mostly stronger – if we realize that what we feared facing and eventually ended up having to face didn’t ‘kill us’ but in fact wasn’t as bad as we thought it was going to be.

This is the kind of self-trust that we always have and can stand as in our lives in difficult moments or situations where we feel it as “the end of our world”, but it’s not so if we decide to not give into all the depression and emotional aftermath and instead create a constructive aftermath, a time for personal reflection, self-forgiveness, self-introspection to see what we did or didn’t do and so, start paving the way to get back on our own two feet and continue walking the same path or a new path, it’s up to us, we decide, we are our creators.

Thanks for reading

 

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464.Changing My World View

Or how I stopped feeding a back door/way out or ‘quick fix’ belief in my reality

 

A continuation on:

454. Embracing Living Potentials

 

There’s something interesting that I’ve noticed not only in myself but through and walking with various individuals I also have the opportunity to assist and support, and that is how much of our own way of looking at thing in our reality, our lives changes as we go walking through our minds which means, understanding ourselves better, getting to know the nooks and crannies of ourselves in terms of how we think, why we experience ourselves in a certain manner in certain situations, what motivates us, what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to fear, to desire, to procrastinate, to hold on to in various ways… it can be endless to get to know us to the T in all aspects. However the more that I’ve gotten to do this and worked through with myself not only to understand me, but to also directly work on changing these aspects, what tends to change as well is the way that we see the world, see our lives and so the way that we experience ourselves in it all.

I can identify with many people I work with where our minds usually tended to look for the pessimistic, fatalist and all-destructive outcomes as a sort of a desired outcome for humanity, believing that it’s the way to do justice to the Earth and Life and all other sentient beings that are not humans. However as much as this could be an acceptable idea, I also had to acknowledge and recognize the fact that a part of me actually was giving up on myself and on everyone else’s potential to change, which translates the whole point of ‘wanting an Armageddon or ultimate self-destruction’ in wanting the ‘easy way out’ while believing this is only fair to Life, that it’s fair to the animals, that it’s fair to nature etc.

Well, once that I understood my own desire to ‘run away’ from reality and justifying it within these seemingly irrefutable facts above, I stopped advocating such ideas in my head and it wasn’t something easy to stop identifying myself with, because as long as I held to my reasons, justifications and blame toward all of us humans for creating the world system ‘as is’ and causing so much destruction and suffering towards what’s here, I was focusing only on the idea of doing what seems right or fair as a form of vendetta that life could take on us, and me accepting it in a form of apparent martyrdom, lol – but more and more I started realizing that I in fact liked to entertain those thoughts of imminent destructions because in reality, I wanted an easy way out of our responsibility that we all hold and have to what is here as our creation, which is this whole world as is.

How do I see that I’ve been slowly but surely changing this approach is based on how I interact with reality. A daily example is how I watch or read news everyday as I’ve shared before in blogs, and how I continually work on not allowing information ‘get a hold of me’ and so driving myself to feed again that self-destructive or ‘end of the world’ type of desire, which became even a sort of experience at an energetic level where a part of me would be really wishing everything to just go wrong and end ‘asap’.

Here what happens when not entertaining those ‘easy way out through destruction’ thoughts any longer and making peace with the realization that: we are not going anywhere, we are here to build the solutions from the ground up, bit by bit, no matter how ‘long’ or how ‘hard’ it may seem, there is like a point of ‘making peace’ with who I am, with what is here as our reality, with what we’ve become as human beings and so instead of continually being existing in friction and conflict towards ‘us’ as the creators of what is here, ‘building my case’ to kind of ‘prove to life’ that ‘we are not worthy as human beings, that we should be eradicated from the face of the earth ASAP’, I have been instead focusing more on seeing where I can start, where do we have to start as human beings to build sustainable solutions from the ground up, and this starts at a very individual level really, which is why I and many others are focusing on this level of self-awareness and so self-creation along with others to understand how is it that as we all go changing one by one, long lasting external changes will invariably also be created as a result of this individual self-change.

With this I am implying how my way of looking at things changed from destruction to creation. I am more grounded and realistic, more ‘here’ in the sense of embracing and accepting what is existent as ourselves, as this world – not to leave it ‘as is’ of course, but to simply stop continually fighting it in a silent yet continuous mode and I can definitely say that this continuous inner fight projected on the ‘outside’ leads nowhere other than procrastinating the real process of self-change that we can start by and with ourselves first. In short, I stopped ‘blaming’ and instead focused more on starting with changing this very aspect of ‘blaming’ and projecting my own experiences onto ‘the world out there’ – self responsibility first of all.

I find it somehow easier to see reality for what it is, to go stopping the judgments that I would usually entertain and feed within the idea of still building a case as to why we are just ‘lost’ and ‘without a remedy therefore we should just cease to exist’, seeing ourselves – human beings – as a cosmic joke, a mistake that should have never been and it is this kind of experiences of disgust, misanthropy in a way and a deep desire to just ‘end it all’ that would continually cloud my view of reality even in subtle yet ever present ways that would be creating this noise for me to not be able to see the potential in me and so in others in a full and crystal clear manner, because there were these constant back doors within me as seemingly ‘hidden desires’ for a ‘quick fix’ really, a way to just ‘end it all’ and not have to face the actual process of learning to recognize and take responsibility for our creation, to understand what is it that we’ve exactly accepted and allowed and so be willing to self forgive, let go of that past and do the work to actually change ourselves to something that we can live with and stand by for the rest of our existence.

Here it’s clear for me to see that one can have the greatest understanding of things and be agreeing with principles and ideas that represent a better outcome for all life, but I saw myself how as long as I held on to these ‘backdoors’ as ‘way outs’ that I still held as something that ‘makes sense’ that is ‘justifiable’ and is an ‘acceptable’ thing to exist within me, I would still eventually exert those beliefs as experiences and judgments that I would project onto ‘humanity’ out there. It’s interesting because I didn’t create a particular ‘personal fight’ against a particular faction of human beings, but all of them/us ‘en masse’ and so whenever doing that exercise where one can bring up the first word that comes to mind when holding in our minds an image of humanity, all that came up in me was an experience I can encompass as disdain, despair, disappointment, disgust, things that represented that part of myself that was not yet seeing the potential that each one of us hold within ourselves, which is of course yet to be developed.

So, upon walking those judgments that would turn into experiences that I would project towards ‘humanity’, I realized how I was only doing what most of us human beings do: blame, being lame in seeing others as ‘the problem’ for what we are experiencing, which as much as I could have reasons and validations for this experience with me based on the, yes, obvious destruction and enslavement we’ve imposed to all life, I had to also realize that there is really no point in blaming as that only keeps me locked into this fatalist experience, seeing no potentials in other beings – therefore within myself – and at the same time, it becomes a comfort zone to not actually change me, challenge me, my views because I believe that ‘I am right, I am making a point with those desires!’ – but that righteousness is precisely what easily blinds us from understanding where we are in fact still reacting, still blaming  – even in very subtle ways – like in the form of ‘doing justice’ or ‘doing what’s right’ yet still holding such experience within me that came from a starting point of giving up, of not wanting to do the actual work and dedication it will take to sort anything out in this world, starting with ourselves.

Therefore, I find it very relevant to check every time that I see myself getting again into that ‘despondent’ experience within me, where I start again building my ‘web’ or my case for seeing ‘no way out’ for us as human beings, which can be as easily as going into the streets and making a mind-decision to focus more on all the things that are wrong, that are consequential, that are creating problems, all the interactions between people that seem problematic and emotional, all the poverty, all the disregard for one another and go building my case as to why it is futile to stand up for any change because ‘look at humanity! It’s impossible!’ Really?

I’ll dare to say nope, it’s not – because I am living this change myself and I am walking it in a very real time process with people in my life that many others could have probably given up on long ago, which is still a process to walk but every day It assists me in seeing what is possible in real time change, only requiring a directive decision and awareness by each one of us to do so, and it’s quite marvelous and I can say for the first time this is not only me doing it in my own life, but also seeing it first hand in the lives of many that I also have the fortune to be walking with in this process and assisting directly as well in their personal Desteni I Process courses.

So whenever I get to feel ‘despondent’ towards the things out there in the world, whenever I get to feel that way in ‘rough times’ I can now use yesterday’s word and remind myself of Hope as an indication that my experience is letting me know there are new ways to explore to create solutions, there is a need to check within myself where is it that I am giving up and so how can I practically create ways through and solutions to the situation I am in or that I can contribute to in the lives of others.

I can therefore openly say that we are the hope for humanity, for real, because we are actively working individually and together in many parts around the world to start one by one creating and sticking to living this self-change that for many that have come and gone, seemed impossible. I definitely can understand all the reasons of why some decided to not follow through with it, I can understand every weakness that leads oneself to make such decisions because in one way or another, I’ve faced those myself in many ways including intense manners as well. But I am also glad to say that those were supportive challenges for me to continually re-affirm my vow to my life and the life in everything/us all – they have been parts of what I can call ‘the eye of the needle’ tests that I’m sure I’ll have to keep on walking through because this is only what is common sensical to do if we are to stand as individuals that can truly stand one and equal to life in all ways, I would not allow half-ways or dubious selves to be part of it.

This is then a realization and sharing of one of  my most tricky, yet ever present, obstacles that I have been able to ‘crackdown’ within myself in the past few months, and it’s quite a lol as well because it’s that which I had become or ‘lived’ within myself to such an extent that I was not even questioning such ‘nature’ in me as this character or set of patterns that saw ‘no way out’ but still found it important to stick to walking this process, while I was still holding on to a part of my easy-way-out ego that preferred to not see potential so as to not have to do the actual work to unearth it, ‘carve it out’, sculpt it and polish it so to speak, which means to actually develop and create something. In essence, diminishing myself in the belief that I could not ‘keep up with’ or be able to stick through the actual process to do this, but here I am going to challenge and prove that self-belief wrong by doing this for real.

This year is coming to an end and as much as it is funny to see people in social media ‘hating’ 2016, I more like understand where that sentiment is coming from, and as much as I could have joined that same charade in older times, I stand corrected with gratefulness for all the various challenges and changes and definitive decisions I took on this year which were quite a few, all of them having their ‘2 cents’ forcing me to look at deeper within me in order to process stuff, to change, which is great I mean, how else could I have gotten to that if it wasn’t for these challenges in our reality?

So, one thing is certain and that is how I definitely don’t see the world as I used to at the beginning of this year, I am committing myself to keep developing that focus on potential, on what is possible, on what can be worked on, carved out, sculpted and polish in each one of us and it’s truly gratifying to do this, I cannot be more grateful than being able to have the trust and confidence of other people walking this process directly with me as assisting them in walking through this same process in a parallel mode with myself, which is definitely not only a ‘one way’ form of support, it’s absolutely mutual as well. I definitely would like us all human beings to be able to do this for each other, to create relationships of support, care, nurturing each other’s lives and having that starting point of being there for each other, genuinely care to contribute in someone’s life to be better in whichever way we can, that’s what to me life is about, at least my current definition of course, but has certainly become one of my living purposes without a doubt.

Looking back to ‘check ourselves’ is cool and to keep a note on all the points yet to be worked on in the following year.

Thanks for reading aaand

Please give yourself some time to hear this awesome episode of Desteni Radio that definitely inspired and evoked this reflection within me today:

 

Desteni Radio # 10 – Joe Goes Mad Part 2: There is no Quick Fix

 

and a great quote from it:

 

Joe

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


443. Worry: Problems in the World Back To Self

 

A few days ago I had to take some pictures, the kind that one takes for passports and such. Throughout my life I’ve kept them all throughout the various phases in my life and it’s interesting to see the evolution of myself throughout the years not only due to the hairstyles, weight variations or ‘time of my life’ I was at, but more so seeing this constant expression that I had become aware within myself as part of my general rictus, which is what I would define as a worried face. I have a picture of myself as a four year old and what I see in my expression is worry. And surely, I have worried a lot throughout my life. Mostly when it comes to the global deterioration, us using/abusing the resources from the earth, depleting life to create our nonsensical ‘dreams’ that we call ‘living’ which I have also walked in a previous blog about ‘worry’ here:  Day 49: I Consume Myself – I Worry

Ever since I was a little child I’ve been ‘worrying’ about the water I use, how much I ‘spend’ of living resources including food, animals, vital elements for us to live and how we essentially use them up or pollute them to make our lives function, contributing to the wasteland that we are turning this world into. There was a time some 5 years ago maybe where I went through a phase of getting fed up of having to eat, getting fed up of having to go to toilet, and seeing myself as nothing else but this self-consuming parasitical entity that along with every other human being is equally depleting the life on Earth. I realized however through writing it out and making sense of it that I was in fact just becoming worried and living in self-pity as a very selfish emotional experience as well, because my ‘thoughts’ or ‘emotions’ didn’t change at all the fact that in order to live we have to keep consuming what is here, it is a consequential outflow as well of how currently life exists and me becoming on top of that ‘worried’ or ‘sad’ was actually placing more strain and stress on my very own physical body, the one that I was aiming at nurturing and supporting. I realized that I’ll have to continue doing it, over and over again until I die, and continuing in this ‘self-pity’ for having to live this way or hoping or wanting to die is not the solution either (hear my podcast on Efilism for more). So, I decided to instead make of my life something of support to life in this world, beginning with myself.

Being aware of the ‘greater picture’ in many ways, not only in what I would call ‘Earthly’ information as we see our politics, money systems, educational bogus systems, poisoned foods and airs… but also being aware of the greater purpose or meaning if you will of this life on Earth as it currently is, is both a way to make sense of my life but also can be at times a bit discouraging, considering that I am one of those people as I’ve explained  many, many times before that would rather prefer to die in order to let the Earth breathe again than hold on to my life and continue depleting it. I sincerely don’t recommend dwelling too much on that, because even if we all die on Earth, the ‘who we are’ and have become would at some point emerge again, maybe in some other living forms that would reflect again the same current ‘human nature’ and so, the ‘human problem’ would not be erased, because this goes beyond it being a ‘human’ problem only. Us humans are more like the climatic consequence of an existential process that goes beyond only looking at the ‘history’ we know of Earth and the rest of it. Though, because it would take a long time and many details to explain the ins and outs of why we are such ‘existential consequence,’ I rather stick to taking it back to myself and seeing directly how upon having this awareness of what ‘life’ on Earth is at the moment and the current problems we are dealing with, there is really no point in me continuing to worry about it.

Here as I write I notice that I’ve become worried about certain news I became aware of today. An example is how a business that opened across the street from where I live that I was quite committed to be a loyal costumer of to get my fruits and vegetables, is considering closing because there is not enough profit. I noticed I got sad because I had created an expectation of them doing well, I wanted to be part of the costumers that could make it thrive so that this family could have a good settled profit and business going… but it’s not happening. They are indebted and they cannot invest more money into it if the return is too low because of low sales, therefore there’s food that goes bad, the rent is too high and they had this loan already to pay back which means they are making no profit.

I started discussing this point and looking at the current set-up in the system where ‘new businesses’ are often the most difficult to get running and going, unless one has sufficient money to invest on it. Then I looked at the banking system where digits can be placed onto someone’s account and get some juicy profit back in the form of interests over the actual worked-for money back. There’s also the costumers that might prefer to get stuff a bit cheaper somewhere else, even though this shop has a great service, yet costumers might rather look first at saving some money instead of considering as I did in the sense of rationalizing that other settled business might not need ‘me’ as a customer any longer, I rather spend maybe a bit more to support this new business, this family and also choosing it because I like their service a lot. So, I looked at the absurdity of not having support for this kind of business as part of our economic system, because they are distributing essentials to live: food! Yet, for a variety of reasons that go beyond the ones explained as well, it’s just not taking off or there are no more means (money) to keep the trial phase.

Maybe someone might say ‘bah! It’s not your business, why do you worry about it?’ well surely it’s not ‘my business’ but I did like the fact that I could also benefit from it and at the same time throughout the months from the time It opened, I did create this constant if you will ‘desire’ to have these businesses thrive, supporting a new enterprise and family running it. I did expect it to work and well, we know what happens when expectations are created: one is prone to be ‘let down’ if they are not met, even though there is of course this risk that comes with any business too and people are also meant to be ‘ok’ or ‘ready’ for the potential outcome of having to foreclose.

This is another reason why it is important to accept things as they are and how they go taking place moment by moment. In my ‘ideal’ world everyone that has such supportive intent in a business – like distributing basics to live – would be unconditionally supported to get sufficient customers/business running for at least 6-12 months until it can be ‘running on its own.’ And also get sufficient support to do proper marketing as part of that initial aid/support to ensure that if the business fails, it is not based on doing all that the business people could to make it work, but for other reasons that pertain more to the products or the customer base, the demand for products and so forth. Anyways, won’t get too ‘technical’ here but in any case I don’t like just seeing a ‘closing story’ go like that, I want to know the reasons and see the potentials and the determination that the people have to make it work, which in this case I might also suspect they simply prefer to go back to doing other professions they were doing before, which is understandable in any case if that’s also part of the reason for closure.  So, that is one example that ‘got me worried’ today, though as I am writing of course I’m realizing that my worry does nothing really, it won’t sort out a single thing, at all. All I can do is rather understand why these things happen, suggest any solutions if I see them and then the rest that becomes too ‘unresolvable’ like debts and all of that, I then place as part of that ‘consequential process’ that we are all ‘coping with’ in this world, which we usually victimize ourselves in relation to which is usually money of course.

I’ve seen how there is this ‘hidden blame’ form whenever these things happen where once one traces the point back to ‘money’ as the apparent source of the problem, it is almost implied that one becomes worried, sad or even angry at things not working out ‘because of MONEY’ as well, yet as I was discussing this point the other day with my partner, it is quite futile to just point fingers at this ‘creation’ called money as the source of all of the problems, because of course money is not a ‘being’ in itself, it’s our creation and we are the ones that have decided – tacitly or blindly – how it works and by who and how it is created and who gets access to it and under which circumstances. To change that, as I’ve explained, it will take all of us one by one waking up to understand who we would have to be/become as individuals in order to then manifest the new nature of money as a life-enabler, not what it currently is as a life-enslaver so to speak. Yet this relationship of enslavement is not only existent as ‘money’ itself, not at all. It is but the main representation of how the relationship that we’re existing as within our own minds, toward our own body and so toward ‘everything else’ that has existed throughout our entire existence as human beings and may I say even beyond that as well.

Today I was also discussing how important and supportive it has been for me as this personality that would constantly worry about having to flush the toilet or take a shower because ‘ah there goes more of my waste into the world!’ and living in this constant apprehension mode,  to understand the ‘greater picture’ of why Earth is what it is right now, why we are here, how is it that we’ve all agreed and contracted ourselves to be here, experiencing this life and this world as what it is right now, and how it is actually a necessary thing as well to go through, undoubtedly so. 

Here even if one is not aware of the entire detail of why this is so or where I got this conclusion, due to the amount of time it would take to read/hear the whole history of this existence from the various sources that are available through the Desteni material and Eqafe, I can only say that if you are a person like me that has constantly worried about us having to live in this world, and constantly looking at the ‘greater picture’ more than one’s own life and experience here, and you have the time/resources and availability to learn about the history of mankind, the actual reasons for why we are here and the potential we all have in our lives, then please take a dive into the Eqafe material because it will assist you greatly in having a certainty as to ‘who we are/what we are doing here’ and at the same time, get the assistance and support to see what can one live/be/become to be part of the solution, instead of getting stuck within only seeing ‘the problems’ all the time or not having a clue about reality and still hoping that something will ‘magically erase all the problems’ which I’ve realized first hands tends to become a very gloomy view of everything without any solution, and would actually defeat the whole purpose of us realizing ourselves as co-creators of this reality and so, do our part in sorting it out.

This might sound a bit to generalized or cryptic due to not explaining the exact ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of the story, but suffice to say that there are processes that we have to understand as creators of our reality here. We cannot be trusted with life unless we prove to ourselves in our life that we can stand as the living principles, the living intent and purpose of making our own lives work in accordance to that which would enable life to grow, expand and thrive. Currently, we are not that yet, we are in the process of starting this change at an internal level to precisely realize or ‘see with real eyes’ how much we have enslaved ourselves within our own minds and bodies to the extent where we limit ourselves, we hold ourselves back from standing as real creators of the life we want for ourselves because there are fears, there are judgments, there are mental patterns that we’ve become entirely so to the extent that we become blinded by them and not seeing the  clarity of solutions, but only rehash the problem over and over again. So essentially – without the intent to judge myself and any other fellow human beings here but as a sheer realization – we have become our own trap and our own enslavement, starting with how we accept and allow ourselves to ‘operate’ and function in our own minds.

An example of this ‘acceptance and allowance’ is related to self-sabotage. I’ve been reflecting over this weekend about self-sabotage because it is a bit astounding to what extent we hold on to our failures, past destructive experiences and stories, creating this form of personal stigma that we keep carrying within ourselves as this bag of ‘dirty laundry’ that we don’t actually take to wash, lol. Meaning, there is almost this inherent nature in ourselves of self-defeatism, self-pity, self-destruction, self-sabotage to not see, lay out and focus on understanding our responsibility and so see the solutions that come with it, but instead we continue running around the same problems, memories, traumas, past experiences that we keep on ‘reloading’ in our mind, in our day to day awareness as almost a self-punishing reminder of why we are these ‘terrible’ creatures that deserve no forgiveness in life. I once was there, maybe not in the extent that other people with very difficult situations in life right now could be experiencing it, but to the point it is the same to consider that each one of us does have the ability to at least in our minds be willing to forgive ourselves, for everything that we’ve done and become. If this is not entirely understood as this actual realization of ‘what I have done and become’ and willing to let it unconditionally ‘go’ from our minds, then we are essentially condemning ourselves to live our own ‘sentencing’ as the judgments, the emotions, the memories that we’ve held on to as ‘the person we are’ and perceive ourselves to be unable to change ourselves.

Even if one may understand or see that “one has to be the change that we want to see in the world”, at a personal level we may still be holding on to this point of self-sabotage and dare I say captivity in how we treat or perceive ourselves in our own minds in a self-bullying mode, then how can we expect ourselves to move on, outgrow the old and expand in any real way?

 

And this is also why whenever we see or focus too much only on the ‘systemic’ problems out there, even if we take the point back to ourselves yet in doing so we perceive ourselves as powerless or unable to change or simply ‘too fucked up to do anything about it’ = it becomes the first deterrent in any process of real evolution and change in this world. And here the fact that I can become sad or worried about others doing this in their own lives, or others not having a successful living in their business becomes also a comfort zone for myself to only create an experience about it, yet it sorts nothing out either. I noticed how it’s also become too ‘comfortable’ to justify it as ‘I have a point in becoming sad about it!’ but: has sadness or worry in any ways assisted me to become a better living human being that is resourceful in solutions and also seeing immediately ways to act to sort things out or at least suggest them whenever possible? Nope, it hasn’t.

Today I actually did discuss options with the business people for example, yet at the same time realizing that it will also ultimately be their decision and what they are willing to go through of course, I still became a bit ‘down’ within myself after this discussion and surely discussed it with my partner as well once again to take myself back to this ‘greater picture’ understanding and it assists in not getting carried away with a sense of defeat. I’ve also realized that this worry has piled up from other situations I’ve become aware of lately where I see that any form of business that is geared as the kind of business/service that in fact supports the betterment of any form of living in this world gets little to no support or has to go bankrupt, because our priorities haven’t changed when it comes to what we prefer to buy and consume. Instead of say paying for a course that will assist you to become a very self-empowered individual that can become the gearing wheels to make anything in our lives work for the better – and not for a moment but for an entire lifetime – we decide to buy things that instead give us a momentary pleasurable experience that then might be blown up in smoke so to speak.

The same can be reflected with a business that focuses on ‘selling vegetables and fruits’ because if there’s more of a demand for junk food for example, then that also reflects a lot ‘where we put our money into’ and so the kind of businesses we push others to also consider as a way to thrive = and this is how we limit each other in very few options for ways to ‘ make a living’ where it is truly hard for anyone to make an ‘honest’ living with ‘honest’ activities altogether, which I dare say don’t or can’t really exist as such in a world where the very existence of money as is, is definitely not from a self-honest starting point of assisting life for example. And yet again, this is another consequence of who we are toward one another/ourselves that we’ve allowed something like money to exist the way it does now.

The same emerged upon seeing one picture of a collapsed and exhausted horse on the streets of NYC, once again realizing how much we are enslaving other beings that were once pure in their entire expression, and us humans have dominated them throughout time to turn them into the source of one’s income in an exploitative way, because: If we haven’t even focused on entitling each other human being with a dignified living income to have a decent amount of money to live well and at the same time, learn how can one best contribute back to society, then how can we not expect that the most abusive forms of ‘making a living’ emerge as a form to survive where people have to make use of animals for zoos, for hunting, for ‘romantic rides’ like in freaking NYC where this horse collapsed on the pavement as another consequential outflow of this monetary enslavement we’ve imposed toward each other – again, we have ALL – no one excused – contributed to the nature of what money is and the ‘laws’ behind its creation, which represents the exact nature and reflection of our own self-imprisonment, self-sabotage, self-punishment and ultimately self-enslavement as I explained above in terms of how we hold ourselves back from truly breaking-through to be the actual authors and directors of our lives.

So, how can we expect for example, this magical form of ‘democracy’ that currently exists to sort out things as in choosing x for z if we don’t even truly know what it means to gear one’s own power/capacity and ability as a person to be the living embodiment of what is best for oneself and so everyone else in this world? How can we even believe that such a choosing game contest that our current political circus represents, could deliver in any ways the ‘expected results’ if we live in an absolute abdication of self-responsibility and self-direction, or even a bit worse, we have no idea of what ‘that is’ or how to live it in fact?

This then goes back to oneself. It is truly a process that each one of us can take on in our most ‘simple’ day to day activities, it begins with taking on a particular experience in one’s day. Here I place my example, taking on ‘worry’ as an experience that has become almost this ingrained expression in my rictus ever since being a child, so the ‘why’ of this relates to probably other aspects that are not really needed to be ‘understood’ by myself in terms of knowing all the exact reasons and multiple dimensions to this experience – all I require to realize is that: I see it on my face, I experience it within me, I’ve been aware of it for most of my life.

So here for once and for all I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘by default’ or in a tacit manner blame money or ‘the way the system works’ that apparently prevents things from working out, instead of realizing that money works according to how we create it/make it work and function and as such any form of ‘blame’ is actually a lame way to keep oneself trapped in the problem, because it leads to no solutions, blame is like pointing the finger at a mirror that reflects ‘my error’ in any case. Therefore I realize that I have to stop these ‘hidden forms of blame’ towards money as the reason for things not working out in my life and rather realize that it is within each one of us/myself, to make money work properly in a way that is assisting for life/living, for myself and for everyone else in this world.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the expression of worry, concern, sadness when it comes to seeing the nature of ourselves as human beings, of this world, of the nature of how ‘things work and go’ wherein I now see, realize and understand that my worry, my concern, my sadness or ‘pain’ around it does absolutely Nothing to create a solution in this world; in any case it worsens it, why? Because I become the source of my inner War as worry and concern, which are emotions, energetic experiences that deplete my own physical body, that create a ‘fog’ to not see practical solutions and creates a strain on what is here as a point of life and support for myself: my physical body, my living substance.

I commit myself to use my mind in a way that is supportive, that can always bring the point back to (my)self where I see that continuing worrying and being concerned throughout seeing things not working out in people’s lives and things in the system in general creates zero solutions in this world. Instead I focus on me, on stopping the creation/recreation of worry within myself, in my body, in the nature of this ‘saddened’ expression’ in my face where I notice it becomes a general ‘low’ in my body, voice, experience and way of ‘handling myself’ in my body, tampering my expression.

Therefore I have to ensure that as I make this active decision to stop the worry from existing within myself, I have to breathe, to actively feel my physical body to the point where I can see I am not in ‘a low’ or ‘too tense’ or lost in some mind dimension. I straighten my back, I make sure I am no longer forcing my forehead to the expression of worry but instead extend my muscles to a point of comfortable relaxation – and at the same time focus on seeing solutions, whenever these exist at my own reach, and if not I focus on working out the points for myself/by myself and sharing them as I am sharing here.

Sometimes I’ve gone through this ‘circular processes’ of seeing the ‘bigger’ and the ‘smaller’ within myself yet believing that ‘bah this is too complex to lay out and share’ but, it is not, writing assists a lot in grounding oneself to see ‘the light at the end of the tunnel’ specially when one becomes this tunnel-vision mode and at the same time who knows, maybe assist others to see the same or confirm the same points they’ve been aware of as well.

 

One thing is certain too and this is that there won’t be easy fixes in this world, because I’ve realized that based on the lives ‘process’ that we are all facing in this world, we are here not to be punished or just realize how enslaved we are, but we are definitely here facing and living through the manifested consequences of who we are and have become in our very own existence to THEN learn and understand how to best stand as the solution and create solutions. Therefore, it is mostly about learning, understanding ‘our creative abilities’ which means: any ‘quick fix’ to only get money and get things ‘moving fast’ toward a solution without entire awareness of HOW we came to create the mess in the first place, would almost condemn us to repeat the same mistakes, because it would prevent us from understanding the self-creation process, which means realizing how we came to ‘this point’ where we are now and so what is it within ourselves that we have to learn to do, to correct, to align in order to become an actual living being that becomes part of that which enables life and proper living. Any ‘fast tracking’ on this could be consequential at the same time, but hey again, I’m willing to be proved wrong on how certain solutions can be implemented ‘on the outside’ and invariably see this immediate understanding or alignment of individuals in their minds, their behavior to adopt living principles and never again go back to ‘the old ways.’

Therefore because of the uncanny possibility the latter represents, even if I have been there myself as the people that would want solutions ‘now, now, fast, fast!’ to relieve all the pain and the suffering in this world and to those that are in extremely dire conditions,  I see that it does require active humbleness to embrace or accept the current nature of things as our manifested creation, which doesn’t meant to be ‘complacent’ or ‘do nothing at all’ about it, nope; it means not to fight it, not to become disempowered or saddened about it, but to understand it as, yes, an outcome and result of having kept ourselves limited and fearful, instead of actually developing living skills and creative abilities, actual self-supportive creative abilities to live in supportive relationships toward ourselves and our environments and so create societies that can become a structure of support for ‘our new human kindness.’

Now this ‘embracing’ or ‘acceptance’ doesn’t mean ‘look at it positively’ or ‘it’s all going to be just fine in the end’ type of ideas either, nope, not about wishful thinking. It means recognizing it as our own extension, reflection, as our own mirror (my-error) and our own creation and in doing so, in the recognition of this ‘whole mess’ as ours own, it actually empowers us, because it means no one else did it ‘onto us’ = we are the creators of it all, therefore we are also the keys, the points of change in this reality.

 

This would be for example the actual notion of what democracy would mean from my perspective as the ‘power of the people’, where each one of us recognizes that self-responsible ability/capacity to direct, to create, to assist in planning and constructing ways and means to conduct our lives the best possible way, individually and collectively. This approach doesn’t require the current political system as it exists, because if everyone is committing to do what is best for all, then there is no need for having person x or z to ‘represent you’ in doing something one can do for oneself… would we need ‘political factions’ with conflictive interests? Would we have the nature of ‘banks’ as they are right now? Would we have the need for the current existence of governments to ‘regulate our lives’ if we truly knew how to live in a respectful and honorable manner towards ourselves, one-another, our fellow earthlings and the earth’s resources? If we were truly aware of how interdependent we all are in this world, would there be a need to create ‘special interests’ for example? And the list goes on of potential changes that can emerge if we focus on essentially becoming self-responsible individuals that are geared to understand the problems, recognize the responsibility one holds to it and immediately direct oneself to see the solutions – within and without of oneself – in this, wouldn’t it be much easier to get to agreements, decisions processes and coexisting in a mutually beneficial system if everyone was living as the actual statement of honoring our life within and without? I bet it would, absolutely it would.

So, I also commit to stop getting worried/saddened or even a bit back into the ‘old depressed self’ as I used to be when it comes to seeing this ongoing self-destruction in the world, and understand that I rather use my living breath, my awareness, my focus, my living-body to learn what it means to live, as myself, and not having this constant ‘idea’ only in my head of ‘how bad this world is doing,’ I commit myself to not participate in such emotions but rather live as the potential of creativity and personal empowerment that exists within me to focus my life and attention to that which is supportive.

I share/propagate this awareness unconditionally for anyone that may or might face a similar ‘abyssal’ experience as the one I tend to get every now and then with this ‘world view’, yet! I can also say that throughout the years these ‘episodes’ last less and less time, because the more I stand as that decision of not contributing to the ‘wallowing’ experience but instead understanding why it emerges and so with awareness deciding to stop my participation in it,  definitely becomes easier to walk through it because it then doesn’t depend on ‘the world changing’ or ‘the system changing’ out there or me voting for x or z solution or waiting for some alternative option to emerge, but instead the focus starts with and goes back to myself: who I decide to be and how I decide to live here in my life, in my body, in what I do and what I decide to focus on.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Lost in the Holy See

 

Suggested interviews:

World War YOU – Reptilians – Part 304

Self Victimization – 2013 – The Future of Consciousness – Part 34

The Consciousness of the Dog – Part 2:What is the general experience within people of being alive and how does it influence your experience and perceptions of life?

 

Learn HOW to start doing this yourself :


428. How to Stop the Despair about the World?

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There are times when what one is doing toward any form of change doesn’t seem to be enough at all, in fact it can even be perceived as counterproductive or judged by others as useless or harmful. I’ve faced patterns of general ‘alienation’ in relation to seeing a genuine way in which one can create an effect for others as well, but I guess that the point missed is that in focusing too much on ‘doing it out there’ the ‘in here’ is left out of the picture, and what I mean by ‘in here’ is seeing where I am not supporting myself to the point of being the normal stable support for myself and so for others.

What happens is that I started focusing too much ‘out there’ only and being taken aback by the reality of many that are genuinely suffering. We know this world is in dire straits, it is our creation and consequence therefore, we cannot really ‘do much’ about it alone – we have to stand together in a similar stance and perspective to get to fine tune the solutions for the reality we have all co-created. Sometimes witnessing all the suffering in various bits and places and through news, documentaries, personal stories etc. make you want to simply drop everything and just cry like a baby for hours end. I experienced this recently as I had done before, and seeing others going through the same only reminds me that we can never really bring any ‘change’ with more sadness, suffering or emotional outbursts: that certainly does nothing. If anything these experiences are not meant to be judged either, but rather using them as a time to introspect what kind of situations one has allowed to be ‘piled up’ and accumulated to the point where one simply explodes when something apparently ‘bigger’ triggers it all. I’ve noticed I’ve been sighing a lot, as if there was some extra effort in doing things as well, even though I keep at everything, sometimes there’s a perceived ‘loss of meaning to doing things.’

Why would I lose a ‘meaning’ on it? Well because the focus was too ‘outwardly’ shifted instead of first ensuring I can be supporting myself, having clarity on who I am, what I stand for and as such with such inner-stability be able to direct myself in such clarity in my usual doings. The thing is that, when one allows oneself to be affected too much by what’s going on outside, one then becomes part of the drama that takes you down misery lane and it’s kind of hard to get out of it as one keeps repeating the images, the information that created the experience of hopelessness, powerlessness in the first place. First point is to not become a victim of information only and creating an experience about it, but rather understand that we become part of the pile of junk if we keep ourselves in the same gloomy self experience Guiño

 

I know this is a common point for many, specifically those that can conceive themselves as being ‘over sensitive’ about things, which doesn’t mean ‘you care more’ but simply one actually allows oneself to take what’s on the outside and ‘process it’ or ‘digest it’ as something that becomes an internal emotional experience. The world doesn’t need more sufferers, more depressed people or people that have no hope even in their own lives: world needs individuals that can see, understand the problem, that can recognize the responsibility we hold to it and from there seek to join forces with others on the same track so as to create an actual network of solutions and support, THAT is what the world needs. “God hates a coward” is the title of a song, lol,  I’d say Life hates a coward and if one is not truly willing to Stand up for Life and do all that it takes, then one becomes part of the problem, part of the ‘giving up’ ones of which the death realm is filled with, I bet.

 

 

Watch our Hangouts related to this topic!

 

 

 

Times like these are also cool to see where am I giving into other pleasures or plain laziness, where do I refuse to keep expanding myself, where have I become stagnant in my own self support and development? Am I doing enough for myself or do I then make of the world the reason for my own confusion, alienation and general ‘loss of meaning’ in everything which is another way to sugar coat a plain lack of insight and seeing direct as to what it is that I need to put my motivation back on.

 

I’ve been there many times before and it is also true that these hardly engrained patterns that I cultivated for many years won’t be wiped out overnight, it is a continuous process over years until they are no more at all, and more so to learn how to stand up from them every time, to keep doing what one has to do and keep going even if it ‘feels’ like feeding a dead horse… it’s about diligence and consistency and also as Nick Cave says: keep on pushing the sky away, to not wish to be dead and so ‘out of the mess of this world’ and going into extreme anger or apathy or general despair because all of these are only experiences, they too shall pass = they can be worked on an overcome them as we created them.

I would mostly suggest to flag point for myself whenever these experiences come up and instead of going down the memory lane of suffering and why the world is miserable, see directly: what am I resisting to do? Where am I procrastinating my change of ‘experience’ toward something in particular? If I am fed up with the state of the world, then I don’t have to make it my own ‘fedupness’ toward my own life and anything that I do in it. Again, takes some courage to see directly, and the faster the better otherwise one single ‘fall’ if not looked at for some time, can make one feel like one is dragging one’s dead body around, even while trying to act/be normal: we always know when there’s something ‘going on’ within us, and if it’s not health-related then we must know that there is something ‘up there’ that I still want to hold on to and justify one’s experience with.

In past week I came to the conclusion that there can be no real happiness in this world unless we eradicate all fear, all suffering, all hatred, all anger, all abuse in this world – no matter if you have the ‘perfect life’ with the necessary money and giving yourself some treats here and there, it is meaningless, it is shallow, it is pointless because as long as I know there is people that haven’t been ‘fortunate’ enough to have what I have, my ‘happiness’ is a self-interested experience. So, realizing this doesn’t make your life more cheerful or gleeful either, but it grounds you to see what one is focusing on/paying attention to and what one plans to do with one’s life altogether.

From my perspective, as I’ve said it many times, I will do and be with that which is the most supportive for life on Earth, no matter how ‘futile’ it might seem, how questionable sharing something in the vast sea of the internet and endless roads of information can be: I choose to contribute to the growth and support of everyone else that is willing to do the same for themselves than being part of the endless queues that want to desert out of life, which they too would have to be understood as a consequential outflow of all of us not having done enough to give everyone a decent reason to live. I decide to do this for myself and so for any other person that can benefit from it.

 

So, a clear decision is always a lifetime decision – there can be fogs at times and that is ok, it is a momentary reassessment that can take a few days, but eventually it is really so that No One can ‘pull you out of it’ unless You Decide to Walk Out of it Yourself. It is a Doing, not a Thinking.

Let’s keep walking.

 

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PS. Artwork and photograph not by me

If you want to learn how to support yourself too:

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


We Express no matter what!

This is a blog response to Lindsay’s video Uselessness that came in a very cool moment wherein after vlogging about Child Slavery and having spent few hours editing a video about war and poverty scenes last night, it is almost inevitable to not get a sense of despair with regards to the extent of abuse, negligence and general disregard that we’ve lived by in this world toward each other and everything else in this world.  I have often wondered ‘why only a few are able to listen and care enough to agree and speak up?  Why is it that no one cares?’ But this is in fact taking the points outside of myself without seeing how If I don’t like what I see within such considerations, I stand as the point of correction within this world that is able to demonstrate that such carelessness and disregard is able to be stopped, that the general apathy to address the problems in this world was more likely linked to these thought patterns explained in the Uselessness video like ‘What is the point within this all? Will anyone actually read/ watch/ care about what ‘I’ have to say about this?’ All of this being also a convenient point in the system for those that are currently ‘in control’ so that no one dares to stand up and start questioning their life and the reality we are living in.

The point of ‘Uselessness’ has come up many times throughout this process certainly. I remembered just now a moment at the farm where Matti was working through a similar aspect as ‘pointlessness’ wherein we got to hear Bernard’s perspective on how he was ‘missing the point of it all’ and that point was simply ‘himself.’ That was quite a revelation, it was like suddenly it all clicked, I realized how we had always sought something else to be the point of motivation for our lives and how we’ve never actually lived and done things for ourselves, within the realization that ‘this is it, I make it happen’ and making ourselves the point of our existence. Within this, we realize that we are doing this for ourselves, for what we see and realize is common sense regardless of how our backchat and general observations around this reality may say otherwise, hindering our expression and determination to speak up for what we see is common sense if we allow such thoughts to direct ourselves.

This is the point wherein we come ‘back to our senses’ and see the voices in the head for what they are, only thoughts in the manner of ‘This is useless, no one will care, no one will read, humanity is fucked anyways, we won’t change, it is all futile,’ and instead allow us to ‘just do it’ because we see that we’ve been deliberately hiding and suppressing ourselves for whatever fears and reasons we might give power to, wherein we diminish our voice while having a LOT to say.

I have definitely discovered that any time I allow myself to go into the thought of ‘Nothing is going to change the world’ it is a form of wanting to not take the necessary actions and responsibility that it would entail to create a point of change beginning within ourselves. I can actually realize in this moment that it is in fact so, ‘Nothing’ will happen and suddenly change this, WE have to do it as we realize that this is our creation.

If people at Desteni would have not ‘cared’ to commit themselves to share and become the base foundation for self support for all people that are willing to do so around the world, we would not be here. They are all living proof that it doesn’t matter what anyone says, common sense will prevail after all the lies and the deception of this system finally falls apart, because of it not being based on reality anyways.

We are Here and ‘We will not stop till life is free’ – this is Desteni, this is us, this is you and me that see the common sense required to be exposed, shared and lived in this world. We continue educating ourselves, sharing our perspectives within walking this process of Self Realization and supporting everyone that is willing to walk with us in Equality.

This is the most supportive bunch of people I could have ever met in this world, I invite you to check what Desteni is and take a stand today to speak up about the Equality, to share what you see is required to be lived in this world, commit yourself to Yourself,  become the point of change you want to see in this world and within that, walk and share with all of us that are doing the same already.

Thanks for reading, thanks for the vlog, Lindsay, awesome support.

http://www.equalmoney.org because Equality can only be implemented if ALL is equally supported in a tangible and physical way.

 

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