Tag Archives: desperation

229. Not Understanding the Mind leads to Insanity

Self-Addiction to Emotions and Feelings as ‘Who We Are’ = Self Interest

Elitist Character: Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility – Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

“the Mind/Energy will ‘fight’ for its Polarities, its relationships, its For/Against definitions, because in this process – it maintains friction/conflict, which is what fuel the existence of the Mind, which is what fuels the existence of this very World System, which fuels the attention-diversion/distraction of the Majority of Humanity to be preoccupied in Polarities, Polarity definitions, fuelling separation “divide and conquer” – while the Minority Elite take the reins of Humanity/life on earth – cause no-one is willing to give-up/let go of their Polarity, their Personality Definitions and actually UNDERSTAND ALL THINGS and align them into and as equal and one Solutions for ALL.” – Sunette Spies*

 

Self Forgiveness on who I shaped myself to be as my emotions and feelings.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the energy of friction and conflict as ‘who I am’ within my mind without realizing that it was a part of me that I believed I had a ‘right’ to exist as, because: it is coming from me, it must be me – and in this abdicate my very first awareness to the thoughts in my mind as ‘who I am’ and ‘what I am,’ and from that moment on, losing any perspective to question my thoughts and experiences coming up in the mind and felt in my physical body, but instead simply continued to believe that this inner experience of friction and conflict had a reason’ to be inside me and such, begin defining ‘who I am’ according to my mind, the nature of my thoughts, how I experienced myself as thoughts, emotions and feelings wherein my attention then centralized and focused on Me, My Mind, How I feel, beginning to neglect the rest of the beings and reality in itself just because of being focused on ‘who I am as the mind,’ missing out even the reality of myself as my own physical body within this mind-mode.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually use and fuel my own self conversations as a form of entertainment and re-assuring that ‘I am this mind,’ because the process of identifying myself ‘as my mind’ became solid as a child and as such, having this be confirmed by people around me when they started to identify me with a certain character like being ‘angry’ or ‘too aloof’ or ‘too conflictive’ or spoiled, which lead me to continue growing up believing that there was a ‘problem’ within me and that I was not normal/ not as other kids because of having this inner-conflict within me of any kind really,  that I could not ‘sort out’ but believe that ‘this is who I am/ I was born like this/ there is no solution’ – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that this friction and conflict is something that defines me and that I would have to bear with the rest of my life, that there was no questions about it and that I would most likely end up like the adults, being able to ignite in extreme anger in one moment and not be able to stop, which indicates how I became aware of emotions as the aspect I resonated more with, which became a point of identification just because of what I had been exposed to in my reality as a child, which then defined ‘who I am’ according to these surges of anger  and distress that I would experience but was not able to solve within myself, therefore accepting these surges of energy as incontrollable/ unstoppable and ‘who I am,’ which is how I have come to accept the totality of the mind as myself without a question.

 

I realize that yes, the mind represents everything that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves from as ‘our nature’ as humanity which is not of harmony or completion or stability or benevolence, but, of actual evil as the reverse of life as all aspects of separation that we accepted and allowed ourselves to become. This is how I realize that I accepted conflict as a ‘problem’ within myself – just as any other human being – and that due to not knowing how others would also experience themselves, I created a point of specialness as in having some form of ‘anomaly’ for having these ups and down experiences which I identified as being actions that only ‘crazy people’ would have/ experience, eventually wearing the tag as a way to justify my inner conflict and even take proud of that because in one way or another, I was justifying my own personality as ‘special’ and ‘unique’ for having this ways of being which I actually fooled/ kid myself to believe I had no control of, when in fact as I review  such moments, I realize I absolutely was aware of what I was doing and how what I did was a deliberate point of causing and instigating conflict within myself as entertainment and others, because it just felt ‘good.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use friction and conflict within me as a point of self-infatuation and entertainment wherein I began only focusing on ‘How I felt’ in every moment wherein I was given the option to ‘feel good’ or ‘feel bad’ and define everything in my life according to likes and dislikes that became points/  aspects of self identification by people in my environment as ‘who I am,’ and within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that because people were okay with having things that they like and dislike or specific characteristics/ moods/ preferences, I was able to then do the same and seek the most unique ways to exist in comparison to them, which is how everything that I perceived as ‘normal’ around me, became my standing point to define myself as everything that I would be ‘against’ to, without realizing that it was never ‘Me’ as a physical being living at all, but just existing as a mind that would lead to define oneself according to standing ‘against’ the majority, standing against/ opposing one’s “normal-environment,” only for the purpose to have a way to stand as a ‘different’ or ‘authentic’ personality defined in opposition to others, and in this only fueling and supporting the separation, the friction and conflict that ensued from that moment on in my life,  wherein

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within this identification of who I am as the mind, I defined ‘who I am’ according to being ‘the opposite’ to what my family and peers at school represented, and as such, build  my own specialness and security within these definitions at a mind level, which only lead me to every time seek to upgrade my ‘personality’ and preferences, characteristics as a way to not only then antagonize my family or people at school, but the world system in itself in a spiteful mode that I took on toward everything and everyone, without realizing that everything that I spiting at all times was only myself when and while neglecting my very own physical body and the substance that I am as life, using it to power and fuel my  mindfucks, literally, which is unacceptable – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept this culture of ‘personality cultivation’ and creation based on defining me as a particular character with preferences and temperament as all the thoughts, beliefs, ideas and opinions I started creating as ‘my point of view’/ my way of being, without realizing that every single definition that I took on as myself became just another way to define myself As something that would invariably stand within one pole that would create friction/ conflict/ react to the opposite pole as another definition to which I would invariably react to, as I had to somehow ‘defend’ myself as My definition whenever the opposite would present itself in my reality.

I realize that I always had one moment before reacting wherein I would actually decide to ‘role play’ my part and react to that which I was supposed to react to based on my preferences, my personality and that which I defined would make me ‘angry’ or ‘mad’ or happy or sad or excited based on the preferences and personality that I began cultivating as a child as ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘fill the character’ that I became by my own apparent ‘will’ to do so, and do, react, say and speak the way that I had built myself to be, do, act and speak like, within this complying to the social norm of becoming a character that is predictable and would react against/ oppose or like that which is defined as the oppostite polarity of myself. Within this also,

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘follow through’ with my own script throughout the years and continue fulfilling the reactive character every time that I was almost expected to ‘fulfill the character,’ which is how I realized that the personalities that I created were mostly  ‘a show’ for others, a way to stand in self-importance, specialness, uniqueness and in that learned to only focus on my self, fulfill myself, react when I was expect to do and never question again this as something that could be stopped, because, I had already ‘gotten married’ with the idea of myself/ gotten too much into character, which then became a Lie I had to follow through with and eventually it integrated fully as ‘who I am’ over the years and that was it. I believed that I could not ‘change me’ and stop participating in the character because of the fear of ‘who would I be without it,’ not realizing that the only thing that fears stopping self definitions is the mind, not who we really as as a physical body that is actually being abused and neglected throughout our developmental processes in the mind wherein we are only focused on cultivating our characters and self-experience.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the inner conflict experienced would always be with me and that I would grow up to be as angry/ neurotic as the adults I was aware of in the family, and that I would end up being somehow sick and with some form of mental problem or disorder as well as an emotional problem – such as chronic depression or constant worry and stress – without ever really having investigated how this all was just part of me having identified myself with my thoughts, feelings and emotions as ‘who I am’ as well as adopting the ‘ways of being’ from the characters around me in the family/ society, and as such, believing that I had something ‘wrong’ within me because the inner conflict would not go away – hence believing that I was invariably going to have a ‘disease/ sickness/ mental problem’ at a later stage in life – hence

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize to what extent there is ignorance in humanity with regards to the nature of how the mind works, wherein one single energetic experience was perceived as something utterly ‘wrong,’ or a malfunction, anomaly or disease because of how we’ve programmed ourselves to believe that what we see on TV or as the façade of each other as ‘harmonious,’ ‘happy’ and naturally joyful beings was in fact ‘real’ and had to be ‘who we are,’ without realizing it is a masquerade to hide the actual fear, stress, depression that is experienced within, as that is the nature we have all accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as the mind, fueling this constant belief that we have to ‘keep up with the positive’ while all the time we experience this inner-conflict when participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions that veered toward the opposite and no matter how we categorize our experiences as positive or negative, they all represent a point of conflict which indicates energy which is of the mind and as such, able to be stopped and self corrected as a point of Self Responsibility.

 

I realize that this  ‘incongruence’ of my inner experience and the outer experience I was supposed to present, created a rift within myself believing that ‘there was something wrong with me,’ and this mostly being talked about in the media as mental disorders and being depressed or having low self esteem, being addicted to a form of self-abuse, belittlement and all of that which was considered as a mental problem/ a Grave problem, which I then kept quiet about and kept a well placed façade of ‘everything is fine, I am perfectly normal,’ even within my dissident/ antagonist characters, but ‘normal,’ and such, veering toward other ways to ‘make sense’ of my inner conflict, leading me nowhere but further confusion and relationships that supported this inner conflict, which became the focus on my life, trying to make sense of it through others, through living the lives of others and avoiding looking at my own, becoming friends with and having relationships that I thought I could use as a way to sort out my own inner conflict through others, instead of focusing on my own and within this, only aggravating the inner conflict that I kept for myself all the time, out of fear of actually having to ‘ask for help.’  Within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to label these energetic experiences as ‘mental disorders’ to that are in fact the ‘normal’ workings of the mind within how it  operates and understanding that for that matter, all human beings could be labeled as having some ‘mental disorder’ because The Mind in itself works through friction and conflict that we perceive as our emotions and feelings and thoughts, inner conversations, backchat – therefore there was not going to be in any way a ‘mental health’ or stability possible as long as we would seek only to make people ‘happy’ and ‘positive’ and get their ‘motivation’ back up, which is why and how I always resisted having any support because it seemed to phony to just veer to the positive and ‘be happy’ while the reality that I was witnessing, was nothing but happy for everyone, was nothing but harmonious wherein I would witness a world that was existing in constant fights and problems with money, politicians, poverty, wars and all of this only meaning to me one thing: this world is crazy and so am I, within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of ‘the state of the world’ as a way to justify my experience as being ad hoc to the state of the world – madness, instability, depressio, crisis – hence the entire characterization of ‘the sensitive being’ that reacts to what others apparently would not see, and in this becoming even more self absorbed in my own emotional experiences about the world, linking that to ‘art’ and ending up victimizing myself, believing that ‘there is no way out, it’s the devil’s way now’ which is how I see obviously even the music that I would hear would support this entire ‘depressed’ character not because I was not being supported to live – that’s why it is the elitist character, because I was not suffering a physical life of Lack of money/ health/ poverty or abuse – but I was only focusing on cultivating these emotions and ‘sensitivity’ to the world as a point of self interest, because of having learned how ‘artists were sensible beings’ and I actually made people accept me as ‘different’ due to this so-called ‘sensitivity’ and ‘specialness’ that I built in within myself, getting completely in this character that was probably even ‘allowed’ to be alone, isolated, depressed because of the same character of which I also expected to make a ‘name’ of myself for,  and justify my non-compliance to the system as well as defending my ‘point of view’ to not even attempt to create a change within the system itself – in essence: the ultimate justification to Not stand up for my life and the life of this world in equality.

 

All the time that I only cultivated my personality, my inner conflict, my dissatisfaction with life, my helplessness, my worry, my concern, my sadness toward the world, my depression, my confusion about people, my judgmental experiences of opposition toward ‘the world system,’ my desires to just ‘fly away’ and be out of the system, desires to expose the ‘ugly through something beautiful’ in some form of expression were again only actions, words cultivating a character within me, wherein I was not actually willing to investigate my self-experience, my mind and How I had created it, but only ‘get the most of it’ and making it into an acceptable character in society which is why I veered toward arts/ humanitarian studies and ‘dissed’ my apparent potential to become something else because of getting into this ‘sentimental character’ that was apparently my ‘humane’ aspect to cultivate as ‘my real personality’ – thus

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to cultivate my emotions  in order to be on the side of those that were ‘alive’ and could see the world and be sad about it and depressed and feel ‘misunderstood,’ which became really just another self-interest game where I would only remain as a victim, living in constant drama and this belief of there being something ‘wrong’ within me because of not being ‘happy’ and ‘joyful’ naturally – without realizing that:

I had never in fact understood how the mind functioned and how even if I was addicted to feeling sad, sorry for myself, depressed and victimized all the way, is still the same as fixating on everything that is positive, happy and joyful that I criticized extensively in the past, which proves the ignorance toward our own mind wherein we believe that we are somehow being more ‘responsible’ for being sad/ gloomy/ angry at the world when it is just another way to focus on our own experience and not really at all looking at the world and realizing that there are solutions required that will not be solved with us ‘feeling bad’ about it, that’s just blatant self-interest and an actual defense mechanism to not become a sound being that can stand in the face of reality and take absolute self responsibility for ourselves/ the world here as breath, which is what I have realized within this process: we cannot sustain this self-interested experiences of ups and downs and seeking happiness or being subsumed in depressions- which is the same thing – but actually stop participating in all forms of energetic experiences and focus on integrating ourselves to our physical body here as breath, that does Not require to have a particular ‘stance’ toward the world as an experiencing ourselves to do, be, say and act toward what’s best for all.

 

I commit myself to expose how our energetic fixations of the mind as desires, wants and needs – as well as rejections, denials, suppressions – represent the ‘who we are’ as the mind that functions through energy, which is who we have become as consciousness and within this, exposing how we have diminished ourselves in the physical to these limited characters that fight and define one against the other with no ability to actually create solutions, stand up for that which matters, because we are so busy trying to sort out our inner experiences, without even looking at the consequences that are ensuing from such self-experience as a drug of the mind. And so

 

I commit myself to stop any mind fixation within me either perceived as positive or negative and any participation in the self-definition of who I have been as a point of  preference or habit in order to finally be able to stand as  a sound stable physical being that can be effective to be self directive, self-motivated to establish solutions in this world and stop wallowing in any form of self experience as the result of seeing ‘the state of the world’ as that is only but a mechanism of defense to continue existing as a mind that ‘feels’ and ‘becomes emotional’ but establishes no solutions to the problems we’ve created, which is our responsibility at all times.

 

I commit myself to expose how our ‘mental instability’ is nothing ‘out of this world,’ but the mechanism of how the mind works and for this, realizing that reducing ourselves to have some form of ‘mental instability’ is the ultimate self-incapacitation in order to believe that we are not ‘strong enough’ or ‘good enough’ or ‘capable enough’ to stand up to create solutions in this world.

 

I realize that the moment we focus on our mind problems/ inner experience, we absolutely miss out the reality that is here and this is how it is imperative for all of us to get to a point of constancy and consistency as the stability that we are able to all live by here as Breath, as life in the physical, so that we no longer get distracted by our energy fixes of the mind as ‘problems’ and ‘instabilities’ that are self created just as another attention diversion aspect within our worlds.

 

I commit myself to expose how it is only possible for us people that have enough food to eat, a place to live and education to be focusing on this ‘inner experience’ due to having ‘more time’ to spend wondering in the mind instead of being physically working and participating in activities that are related to actually contributing to life on Earth. This is how depression and any other form of mental instability that can be identified as ‘mental disorder’ hence an apparent  “drug-required disease,” is just another way to make money for the pharmaceutical companies that use this ‘weakness’ within the human mind in a capitalist world to believe that emotions and feelings are a disease that can be controlled or healed with chemicals/drugs, instead of actually investigating one’s life to see how these ‘disorders’ were entirely self created, accepted and allowed and as such take responsibility for them, in order to not only correct oneself in one’s living and physical stability, but also to support establishing conditions in this world through education and the necessary changes in the entire system so that whichever system-deficiency is able to be identified as a problem that propitiates this mental problems, we create a solution for, which implies the implementation of the Equal Money System to ensure that people are no longer subject to a survival mode that feeds this inner conflict of the mind, but instead we are able to focus on re-establishing our living conditions to that which is optimal and supportive to be Living in this world as physical beings and no longer existing of/ as friction and conflict in the mind, feeding each other’s mind-realities and instead, support each other to ground ourselves as the physical, stop living as characters and work together to create a world that is based on life in equality.

 

— I will continue with looking at how these energetic experiences of the mind as emotions and feelings causing inner conflict, were reduced to being ‘mental disorders’ of the mind wherein we made an illness of something that is each individual’s point of self responsibility to correct, stop and align to the physical living wherein the focus must always be to stand as beings that support life in Equality with All – and within this, for once and for all, stop supporting each other’s inner-instabilities as ‘who we are’ and dare to call that a human crisis instead of a human problem caused by ourselves and resolved by ourselves individually.

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Emotions and Feelings are Self Interest – Stop the Self-Addiction

 

Educate Yourself about How your Mind Operates:

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Interviews to Step out of the Mind and realize the opportunity and responsibility we hold toward ourselves/ each other to create a world that is livable for all:

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131. Stop Yourself with Self Forgiveness before You Kill someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely unaware of myself here as breath whenever I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the backchat ‘I want to kill you/him/her/them or myself’ without being absolutely aware of what it is that I am in fact implying with this very sentence as an absolute statement of who I am in such a moment, which we have taken so ‘lightly’ in our reality, without actually considering how every single thought, word and deed that we give ‘life’ to, creates and manifests a consequence for all as equals – within this it is in the best interest of myself and everyone to investigate how we have become the words we created in order to have the ability to take someone/ one’s own life based on a mind-created retaliation process wherein who we are as life as one and equals is Not being considered at all.

 

When and as I see myself thinking, pondering and speaking the words ‘I want to kill you/them/ he/she or myself’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that to get to this point wherein we are able to exist as such backchat, there has been an actual accumulation of words that I have thought, spoken and acted upon without considering a single speck of the physicality that I am in fact abusing when existing as a self-created possession that can only exist if we give permission for it to exist as ourselves in any given moment.

 

I see, realize and understand that speaking words without awareness is an obvious result of never having lived the words we speak, but only THINK them and believe that they hold no effect upon oneself or others in any way whatsoever, without ever pondering how it is that our world is currently the construction of the words we think, speak and create in separation of ourselves, which implies that words and expressions of decisive violence against others are to be reviewed for the intention and starting point they hold as the accumulative effect of thoughts, backchat, internal conversations that we have believed it is ‘who we are’ in fact, without ever questioning WHO we are being and what we are accepting and allowing when existing as words that imply abuse, harm and violence against others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  harbor the backchatI want to kill you/he/she/them’ as the result of me not getting what I wanted from something/someone, leading me to the absolute opposite of that extreme desire I experienced to initially seek to get what I want/ needed/ required/ desired, which implies that I am in fact willing to harm/ abuse others within the desire to match my positive experience in the mind, to a reality that in no way will ever match my inner fantasies of ultimate positive experience, as such positive experience can only exist if there is a point of abuse behind it within the current configuration of our world system wherein not everyone is being equally supported to Live.

I realize that who am I within the wordsI want to kill you/him/her/myself’ I am in fact existing as the ultimate abuser that can be existent within ourselves as thoughts in our minds, the ultimate possession wherein who we are is reduced to one single point of self-destruction that is apparently ‘righteous’ in nature, and ‘makes sense’ without realizing that we in fact require to STOP, take a Deep Breath in order to realize what is it that we are in fact giving ourselves away to within a thinking pattern such as ‘I want to Kill you/ myself/ them’  – I realize that this is an absolute red flag wherein I must see and realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my own mind as the accumulation of time that I must take Self Responsibility for.

To do this, I Stop myself from participating or adding more thoughts to that single thinking pattern – then look back at the entire event/ points that I lead myself to get to this point of creating and holding the backchat such as ‘I want to kill you/her/he/them/myself’ in order to take Self Responsibility for oneself and one’s own thoughts, instead of using such backchat for further manipulation toward oneself and others in means of getting the problem solved, the ‘desired attention’ that we simply were not able to give to ourselves from the very first moment that we were seeking happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in separation of ourselves through something or someone as the point of desire.

(This is why and how the previous posts explaining the polarity created upon Hate and Love are relevant to read, please do so in order to understand how the desire to Kill someone stems from a perceived point of loss/ lack that is then projected onto others as the absolute opposite, as that is how the mind operates)

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the backchat  ‘I want to kill you/them/he/she/myself’ as the result of an accumulated backchat that I allowed to compound within myself without having a look at What is it that I accepted and allowed to exist within my world as a point of obsession and possession without giving it proper self-direction, which means that I allowed myself to get to the point of wanting to end someone’s life/ my own in order to ‘get away with murder’ wherein the implication of ‘killing someone’ is the ultimate apparent imposition of power and control over someone’s life – including one’s own – which is frequently seen as something ‘honorable’ to redeems one’s pride and position without ever understanding what real Honor implies as life.

Thus I see realize and understand that any belief about the thoughts ‘I want to kill him/her/them/myself’ being the ultimate free choice and free will decision to end someone’s/one’s own life is nothing but an ultimate self-medicated brainwash wherein I am in fact declaring that I am being possessed by my own self-created thoughts, leading me to create an inner experience of dissatisfaction, disbelief and or depression through relationship problems which I decide to make as something ‘grave’ enough to retaliate against another that I have taken as the ‘cause’ and ‘reason’ for my experience in the form of wanting to kill them/oneself in order to vindicate any sense of ‘pride’ and ‘honor’ when one’s ego has been hurt.

When and as I see myself wanting to Kill Someone in my mind, I stop immediately and I breathe, I realize that whatever I am seeing in something/ someone that is leading me to want to end another’ life/ my own life is simply a escapism distraction to not look at where and how I am absolutely responsible for my own creation in that moment – thus I take responsibility for myself to ensure that I in fact investigate within me, my life where I have created this particular pattern of anger, content and a desire to retaliate against others for something that I have directly created within and as my own mind.

I realize that throwing a tantrum about my own self-created obsession is the ultimate stupidity loop wherein I created and manifested a point of obsession based on all the positive experiences such as love, fulfillment, satisfying desires, needs, wants, dreams and the moment that I cannot fulfill these positive experiences in my physical reality the way that ‘I’ envisioned it in my mind, I then take it out on those that I believe and perceive were the reason why my dream/ point of desire and obsession was not able to be fulfilled – thus,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually be throwing a tantrum in my mind thinking about ‘killing myself/ another’ just because I could not get what I wanted, which became a self-created point of possession turning it deliberately into another form of Self-Victimization so that I could be labeled as ‘being mentally instable’ and s such, abdicate responsibility upon my own creation of which I am in fact able to be aware of from the very first moment of creating such a point of obsession/ desire as a possession, as I see and realize that anything that I created as a positive dream/ desire to fulfill, must eventually meet its downfall as the opposite negative point, which is how I believe I could ‘not take it’ to ‘lose’ my dream/ desire/ obsession, turning myself into an actual threat to myself and others’ lives just because of following my own thoughts to kill someone/ myself as a point to victimize myself and others as part of my own self-created obsession and delusion, that I see and realize ends where it began: within myself as my mind through taking responsibility for all that I have talked/ thought/ envisioned in my own mind toward that someone/ something that I allowed myself to become possessed by, losing all perspective of who I am as a physical being that only requires oxygen, food, water, shelter and basic relationships to continue existing and that anything else, is mind infatuation that I must take self responsibility for.

I see, realize and Understand that creating an ultimate desire for love, peace, joy and bliss as MY pursuit of happiness is what lead me to then experience all the opposite as hate, inner battles within my mind, dissatisfaction, dullness and self-hatred as the ultimate negative experience, that I then seek to ‘cure’ through exerting such anger stemming from ‘frustrated dreams’ against others, instead of actually stopping in one single cold moment to see what the hell it is that I am in fact using my physical body for, to think and scheme ways to kill others or myself just to ‘get away with murder’ within the love/hate relationship that I formed in my mind only.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to take revenge toward others/ myself for not being able to obtain/get what I wanted, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am the one that must take absolute responsibility for the entire point of possession and understand to what extent I have allowed myself to be possessed by these seemingly ‘innocent thoughts’ like saying ‘I want to kill you/her/him/them or myself’ as an apparent quick fix and solution to a problem that was created Only within my mind, thus I take absolute Self-Responsibility for every single experience that I created toward others in order to vindicate myself and always consider as if I had won after a perceived loss.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize to what extent I am abusing all and every single cell of my physical body and dishonoring every single particle that I exist as, the air I breathe, the beings I eat in order to continue living whenever I use life to create thoughts of self-deprecation, self-hatred and hateful self-manipulative rants wherein I believe that ‘I can get my control back by hating/ loathing something/someone,’ without realizing to what extent I am in fact depleting the very life that I  consist of every time that I participate in thoughts of any kind – whether positive as love, light, bliss, excitement and negative such as hatred, violence and absolute desire to control and abuse others as a way to feel better about myself.

 

I see, realize and understand that who I am as the thinking pattern ‘I want to kill them all/ myself’ is an absolute threat to oneself and others that I must immediately Stop and take responsibility for through immediate self forgiveness in order to actually See and Realize what is it in fact that I am participating in, what type of experience it is that I am creating when and while having these thoughts of killing another/myself in my head, what is it that I in fact perceive I lost that I am now wanting to take revenge of due to my own apparent inability to realize and see how any positive experience that I desire as an absolute point of possession that is not ‘doable’ and ‘livable’ in this physical reality, becomes the exact opposite as the ultimate disillusionment and hatred that is then sought to be compensated with exerting a point of power/ control such as killing others in order to satisfy one’s own ‘game’ in the mind wherein after the perceived loss of the happiness-point, one retaliates against the perceived point of loss in order to be the one that ‘has the ultimate say’ as the perceived ‘winning’-experience within a game that I only created within my own mind, as it was never in fact real.

 

When and as I see myself using the thinking pattern of ‘I want to kill him/her/them or myself’ as a way to feel powerful and ‘in control’ of the situation, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am in fact wanting to make up for an apparent and believed loss/ disillusionment that I must then take self responsibility for, as I am not going to solve anything within my life just by exerting this point of apparent ‘power’ over another’s life – or my own – by desiring to end it, but that I am in fact only hiding myself from the actual responsibility that I hold toward my own self-created obsession/ desire and fantasy that only existed in my mind through and by my own creation and participation in it.

 

I see and realize that I could only ‘give head’ to thoughts about killing another if I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give to myself that which I perceive I lack, that which I perceive I desire and cannot obtain, which is how and why the nature of the desire as a point of possession is what one must take self responsibility for, to see where and how we have in fact brainwashed ourselves to believe that we must have a relationship, that we must be rich, that we must be experiencing ‘happiness’ all the time, that we must be ‘successful’ and ‘gracious’ 24/7, without realizing how it is in this very accepted and allowed brainwash that I have created my own obsessions and desires as a perceived ‘lack’ without understanding how they have been deliberately created by each one of us individually and collectively as the ultimate ‘happiness’ that everyone is now seeking and busy ‘buying in this world,’ without actually stopping to see how false and unreal such satisfaction actually is, as it has never ever been considered within the base foundation of what is best for all life

 

Thus I see and realize that everything that I would want to take revenge of, retaliate against due to my perceived dissatisfaction and ‘unfulfilled dreams’ are points that I must take self responsibility for to see, realize and understand to what extent I have accepted all the ‘positive’ as love, bliss, happiness, sex, money, fame and glory as everything that is ‘normal’ to desire, without understanding how the entirety and totality of the world system is based upon these self-created ‘needs’ that function at a cultural level of imprinting/ programming desires/ wishes/ obsession points in order to keep us entertained within our minds within a believed ‘lack’ and ‘loss’ that we experience as a ‘negativity’ within ourselves, seeking to get to the ‘positive’ all the time, which is what keeps us all recreating and reinforcing the entire Money System of abuse wherein all points of attainment are based on supporting the entire machinery of money as the current function abuse upon life.

To understand this points further, please listen to:

 

Within this, it is to see and realize how we have all been participants and directly responsible for anyone having thoughts of wanting to ‘kill’ in the name of an apparent positive experience upon a process of disillusionment/ disbelief and dissatisfaction, which is in fact only demonstrating how everything that we have judged in our reality as so called ‘bad people’ and ‘mind possessed’ people are in fact no different to everything that we have become as our own mind, as the same thinking pattern that I can create in one single moment of anger upon not getting what I wanted, is exactly the same thinking pattern that accumulated within a killer’s mind that lead him to actually act upon those same thoughts.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge into the desires to love, have the ultimate bliss and happiness as a relationships to money, sex, success and anything that I created in my mind as a point of possession wherein I see myself in the ultimate ‘throne of glory’ as I realize that the process of realizing how the entire accumulation of the positive energy toward all those ‘good things’ comes inevitably to a downfall in a direct opposite manner to the absolute negative when seeing and realizing how unattainable my dreams/ wishes/ point of desire become, which is where I must investigate what type of fantasies, illusions and dreams which are only formulated in my mind did I give myself away to, did I allow myself to participate in just to get a positive experience out of it, deliberately ignoring how ‘unrealistic’ and ‘non-doable’ such dreams are, which implies that I must take responsibility for all my deliberate participation in all things positive to then see and realize that any perceived lack, loss or disillusion is only that, losing the illusion that I created in my mind as the ultimate positive imaginary experience leading me to the absolute negative when coming to the final realization that any point I seek to fulfill myself and my desires eventually devolves into a downfall as a negative experience – thus

I see, realize and understand that participating in the physical world does not require for me to create a positive or negative experience about it.

 

When and as I see myself participating in desires of happiness, fulfillment through relationships, getting the ultimate job and success in this world and reality, having all the money in the world, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the starting point of creating an entire cycle of self-abuse wherein we indulge into the positive experience that participating in all these ‘good feelings’ creates, however I see, realize and understand that such initial positive input must meet It’s opposite energetic output as the negative, the same way that the light is generated through friction and conflict as I see that I am allowing myself to be blinded by the delightful light, without considering the actual opposite as ‘the negative’ that is the foundation and starting point for any of my dreams and desires, which is to experience the positive and the ‘moreness’ of myself. Thus I ensure that I remain here in and as the physical body wherein I do not require to desire/want/need to obtain something/ someone in order to ‘feel better about myself,’ as I recognize and embrace myself as the totality of who I really am as myself in this physical body and in this physical existence that I have separated myself from through desire in my mind only.

 

I take self responsibility for every point of obsession and infatuation that I have created toward a positive experience, in order to stop the entire cycle of self abuse that seeking happiness entails and ending up in absolute despair and self-deprecation toward oneself and others just because of realizing that in this physical reality, all our dreams are just that: illusions/ fantasies/ thoughts in our mind that cannot be practically achieved without creating the absolute opposite within a world of consequence due to how we have created a foundation of ‘life’ based upon abuse. It is to investigate then the starting point of such want, need and desire and see where and how self is not giving oneself that which we seek/ desire from and as something/ someone in separation of ourselves.

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Thus it is to see, realize and understand to what extent we are all collectively responsible for creating the ultimate polarity of love and light in opposition to get away from the perceived ‘lack’ as a negative experience, keeping ourselves always valuing everything outside of  as ‘more’ than ourselves, which is visibly existent currently as our monetary system –

It is to understand then that all killers, all mind possessed people are no different to you or me as we are currently ALL Mind Possessed. Thus through the living and application of Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective application  to start becoming aware of how every single thought that we have in a seemingly ‘fleeting moment’ of flinching and throwing a tantrum against others, does in fact create consequential outflows within everything and everyone equally.

This is our oneness and equality, wherein we have abused ourselves, the Earth, the animals that we are in fact Killing  slowly but surely every time that we give head to the directions that we created and programmed in my own mind, without taking responsibility for them and realizing what are we in fact stating within this action of wanting to be ‘more’ than others, to ‘have it all,’ to have the ‘ultimate happiness’ that cannot exist in this world currently without abusing something and someone.

 

More so than ever, I cannot see myself detached from any person that has ever been labeled as crazy or mind possessed as we are ALL currently mind possessed and as long as we try and hide this, we will continue blaming everything and everyone for what is going on on a daily basis as all forms of wars, abuse, violence and direct personal-life retaliation processes that originated from exactly the same place that you and I Also exist as, which is the mind that we are now here in the process of equalizing to and as our physical to finally ensure that everything we think, say and act upon is in fact standing in the Best interest of All Life in Equality.

 

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FORGIVENESS is a Gift Given to Self to bring an END to the Illusion of a MINDSELF that is a Self Created Illusion, as Energy Presented as THOUGHTS, Feelings, and Emotions.” – Bernard Poolman 

 

Stop participating in those thoughts before it’s too late – there’s specific support for these thinking patterns available at:

 

Demonology

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

 

inner demons

2003

Blogs:

Interview to realize what it  is to Really in fact Experience that point of being trained to KILL others due to problems in our world that we have accepted and allowed with apparent no solution, without realizing that all wars stem from the inner wars we have created within ourselves as the mind.

Know Thyself:

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