Tag Archives: desteni

564. Too Quick To Judge and Reflective Aftermath

Or how to walk through an emotional reaction, deconstruct it and see what’s there for me to learn about it

I had quite an experience today after watching the documentary called ‘Machines’ by Rahul Jain during the annual Documentary Festival Ambulante here in Mexico, of which I’ve been quite an avid assistant of for some years now. The reason why I watched it is because the topic interested me and the director was there to have a chat Q&A session afterward, which is where the whole point of ‘being too quick to judge’ emerged in me and that I’ve been looking at for a few hours now.

The documentary is about Indians working in textile industry for over 12 hours a day with minimal pay, the typical slave-job scenario yet shot quite ‘beautifully’ in the sense that you truly get to experience the dread of being in the factory and the noises of the machines, the repetitiveness, the heat, the dread that workers there – including young men as well – go through on a daily basis out of needing the money of course. I also found it quite eye opening in terms of textile creations and how fabric industry and ultimately fashion’s primer matter is created through the usual exploitative means just like everything else in our reality.

So, I actually liked the documentary in the sense that it opened myself to a reality that I had not have an opportunity to ‘vicariously witness’ before. I didn’t have a good time throughout it because there was a guy sipping some cheap alcohol throughout the whole documentary, and I started feeling very weird and reacting to that; ultimately it really got me feeling very off and almost sick, just like I would feel like when drinking alcohol in my younger years. I cannot know exactly how this happened, maybe the smell got me ‘activating’ some memories or maybe I was pissed off about the whole situation of someone ‘sipping on alcohol’ and ‘having a good time’ while watching a documentary that to me was actually quite sad and in essence quite a terrible working situation, though not as gruesome as the one that I watched last year called ‘Behemoth’ which truly accentuates the drama of slave-labor in China’s coal mines, the hell that the workers go through, living in abject poverty while at the same time being surrounded by the infamous Ghost Cities. Anyway, that was another story that I didn’t even get to tell about at that time because I could not find anything to say about that one documentary, no direction to it other than what it currently is as the consequence it is.

Back to this day after the documentary screening, the director and photography director – who happens to be Mexican – were there to answer questions. There were lots of people considering this documentary just won some awards in Sundance, so there I was being curious to see what the hype was all about. I made the first question to him about what was his reaction when the workers would talk to the camera and ask him to do something to change their situation, they were demanding an 8 hour work day instead of 12 plus and better wages, they asked humanity to wake up – and the response from the director is that he didn’t have any, he had no answer to them, and yes I understand he could not change anything of their situation, but he couldn’t either in that moment explain what that moment was for him, but simply said that ‘nothing’ came up, which I took as a ‘whaaat?? How can you??’ type of reaction, and the photography director probably understood my question a bit better and said that at the end of the documentary he simply had many more questions about our reality, and that’s it.

The rest of the questions were a bit more into the photography and the ‘beauty’ of it which is where the word ‘disconnect’ started coming up in me. I could not fathom that people were more focused on the beauty of how these textiles ‘flowed’ and how it was so nicely shot, while we had just witnessed the gruesome working experiences of probably millions if not billions of people not only in India but around the world and… well here is where I have to create the ‘alert’ explanation of what ‘MY WAY’ or MY expectation was about having an aftermath chat with the director geared to create an awareness about these people’s lives and the rest of it, or expecting some ‘societal change’ after it but the reality is that it’s also quite new, it hasn’t even been shown in India yet, so there I go with my ‘being too quick to judge’ position where some of these documentaries do end up having an effect in reality, but they do require a lot of hype and screenings so that people can start becoming aware of these mirrors that documentaries are for sure.

Another lady expanded on my question so as to see how shooting this documentary had changed the director’s life but he said that he didn’t change much because it’s not like stopping purchasing clothes will change a thing, or these people would go out of work, but I still didn’t get my expected ‘personal insight’ there and that’s when I simply lost interest = when I wasn’t getting the director’s insight that I expected based on previous experiences in similar screenings and their directors/creators.

To me this was a complete turn off and final point where people were asking how they had experienced the environment in the factory and the photography director responded with saying that the molecules around there felt hot and there was a heat from the machines and that he created his own environment, which I took as another ‘disconnected’ answer based on MY expectations of wanting to hear how draining or emotional it had been for him to witness the lives of these people, and in a way I went into the pattern of again seeing artists as detached voyeurs that use people’s suffering as their subject for fame, fortune, recognition and prizes through their films and the rest of it. So, at that point I felt physically ill due to my experience towards the guy sitting next to me, which is something I had never before experienced in this festival and it’s to me also quite a saddening experience that someone has to be drinking alcohol while watching other people’s misery, but that’s also a judgment and my own expectation of how I would want everyone else to also be eating their ‘heart’ as I perceive myself to have been doing, but, am I also not only just a comfortable voyeur of these situations through a movie? And so whatever I believe I experienced ‘towards others’ is in fact towards myself, in a way it was a deep sadness that I again become aware of these situations in a very ‘in my face’ manner and we haven’t yet been able to do something substantial about it, nor do I see a ‘soon end’ to it all either, yet I understand the level of consequences we’ve created as well.

I remember this is also the reason why I slowed down a lot from watching documentaries on my own, because it gets to a point where you can be so aware of many things going on in the world, but there’s the risk of falling into the helplessness, hopelessness and disempowerment oblivion when perceiving one cannot do anything at all to change these people’s lives right away, and that’s an actual fact and truth that we have to live with for the most part; yet that I still find myself getting caught into it and going into a covert blame point towards people, the directors, the whole notion of making of people’s suffering a subject of ‘appreciation’ and ‘award winning’ situations, but bear with me this is all currently having to do with my judgments, my expectations and ideas of how I wanted the whole discussion to go, how I wished that there was no human being drinking in this world and how I wish that all people in privileged positions such as myself could have some kind of open dialogue about our responsibility to create a better world for ourselves and the generations to come, which begins with stepping aside form indifference or apathy about the world’s situation.

I ended up leaving the Q&A only to dive into a whole walk of going into a very deep sadness and sorrow and I could exactly recall the various times that similar ‘episodes’ have happened in my life. It’s been always related to watching documentaries about the harsh reality and survival conditions in the world where I get ‘triggered’ by all that I get to see and become aware of, where I tend to sink into crying and being sad or angry at myself or others – or both – about the situations that people are going through in this world.

And in a way get angry at myself being just a privileged person that can sit around watching documentaries and am in fact so detached from many of these people’s lives yet they are also here, they are also a part of what’s here as myself, we are in fact equals and it ends up bothering me that yes, I cannot do much to change their particular situation and that I can only make sure I can be that one person that changes in my ways of living and approaching others and their situations, to do and be whatever best I can to continue living the principles where we can become supportive toward ourselves and one another, and to not lose track about myself and my life purpose based on how I perceive others’ words or interactions or sheer approach to this kind of discussions or documentaries.

Bottom line is I cannot expect people to see and understand or even approach these documentaries the same way that I do, nor can I imply that the way I approach them is the right way either. All of it is simply a reflection of myself and where I am in my life, where I see that I have yet to not generate contempt and disappointment towards other people upon seeing that they are not ‘responding’ the way I expected, because I was in a similar open discussion on Friday – yesterday actually – about religious hatred and that was a very cool one on the documentary ‘Forever Pure’ from director Maya Zinshtein, which was actually quite opening to me considering I have walked through a particular contempt about a faction that is presented in her documentary and instead, learn to see humanity or any other human as a reflection of myself /ourselves which she also did in her documentary about the religious hatred that exists between Jews and Muslims, and that’s a whole other story in itself but it was refreshing to see the kind of dialogue that opened up in that documentary and I went out of there being grateful that I had yet another perspective on documentaries being a mirror to see ourselves so that we can form our own conclusions about the points that we have to work with, such as in my case, to not create contempt towards those that bully others, otherwise I’d become the bully and hatred-recycler myself, which became quite clear within me while watching that documentary which is absolutely recommendable because it’s really not about ‘soccer,’ but about who we’ve become as humanity and hatred in general.

So, after I walked through my discharge of emotions, I realized that this time I wasn’t going to ‘drop the towel’ and go into the usual bashing of films or documentaries or art in general as a silly way to pretend to make any change in the world, because it’s not about that, but about who one is within what we do. And this time I made the decision to use these moments of weakness and not dive into the past-experience of saying ‘there’s no point in this’ and instead said ‘Ok, if no one else is seeing what I see can be done with arts, then I have to be that person that presents what I see is possible with the use of arts in any of their forms.’

In a way I used this weakness and moment of going into an emotional reaction about what I experienced or ‘saw’ in that moment to reassure my position and decision to do my part in arts and use it within the same context that I use these blogs, to process myself, to still walk through the various reflections and ‘meta’ analysis that I end up having while watching a documentary, while interacting with the audience that watches such documentaries and using that whole experience as another way to see where I can fine tune myself, where I am becoming emotional, where I am wanting others to have the exact same ‘realizations’ as I do when watching something, where I am expecting all film makers to do things because they want to ‘change or better the world’ we live in. . . because this is entirely MY desire, my perception, my starting point and I have to learn to embrace people’s different points of view and starting points, because not everyone will approach ‘arts’ as a platform to ‘change the world’ no matter how focused this festival in itself might be geared towards that, each creator has their own starting point.

Another bottom line is: I have to accept that not everyone sees the world or reality the same way I do, and that not everyone will have the same objective as I see within arts, film or any creative endeavor, I cannot ‘force’ others to do it either – nor do I have to go into the hopelessness of ‘there’s not hope for humanity’ if or when seeing that some people might not necessarily ‘care’ in that same way. I actually just saw an interview done with the director I just talked about and I could see how I might have been in fact too quick to judge considering that he seems to be working on similar subjects for his next films, which means that maybe he’s not that ‘great’ with words and explaining his perspectives, but the fact that he is investing his time, money and work on creating documentaries/films about environmental issues is already denoting an interest that even if it doesn’t have a clear purpose, they serve as works to learn to reflect about ourselves, so he explains that in this video:  Sundance 2017 Winner MACHINES Dir Rahul Jain

So, I am now seeing the clarity that I lacked a few hours ago when only getting caught up in the emotional aspect but, I also saw that I didn’t allow myself to go really ‘down’ as I used to in the past and remain in some sort of emotional self-manipulation, but actively made the decision to let it all out, to do some ‘ranting and raving’ for myself which served as an initial platform for me to then be able to start looking at a clear direction for myself within it all and this blog is also a part of that for sure where I don’t claim that there’s absolute clarity in it all, but it does contain some major directives for me to focus on and consider: not expecting others to see things the way I see them, my way is not the ‘right’ way, each one has a different process, not judging a person based on a 10 minute interaction or hearing their words and jumping into conclusions about ‘who they are’, being open to people’s approach and perspectives even if they are not geared to ‘change the world’ type of starting point, be willing to learn from others’ approaches and continuing to find ways to best approach situations like having a person drink next to me where if I am bothered then I have to change the spot and if there’s no other option like it happened today, then I can instead let go of the judgment and focus on whatever I am watching there.

There’s probably some more points for me to open up but for now at least I got some more clarity. I am forgiving myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become emotional and in essence jump into conclusions about other people based on my expectations and my ideas of ‘how things should be’ where I have to instead learn to embrace people, their perspectives, their starting points and learn from them instead of discriminating them because of them not ‘seeing life the same way I do.’

So this is a constructive shame about my  reactions and actions afterward, I didn’t make of it a big deal ‘against others’ though, but I did make it a big deal in the moment within myself, so best thing to do is to realize: ok I got triggered, what is this about, let the emotions out and be determined to walk through it and keep an eye on similar situations from now on, so that I can ground myself back into common sense rather than getting lost and trapped into my own ‘ideas’ of how things should work and be in reality.

Thanks for reading

 

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


556. Transcending Inequality One at a Time

A story of how to be the starting point of getting past social and economic statuses through changing our relationships towards one another

I read the following article today Commercialisation: the antithesis of sharing by Mohammed Mesbahi and I find some supportive aspects he looks at when it comes to realizing that the obstacle to sharing are our individual desires to succeed at whatever cost above others, above nature, above common sense and how this way of thinking in a very egotistical manner has permeated into the nature of commerce itself, in how we exchange goods and services and so the nature of the system as we see it and live it on a daily basis.

I’d like to share a more personal perspective and experience as a way to walk through a potential solution in the seemingly realm of the ‘impossible’ when it comes to stopping the current nature of this system – which is entirely OUR human nature embodied in the ‘nature of the system in itself’ –  so that one can consider the effect that we can have within the decision to stand in certain living principles and decide to take on processes of self-change that precisely stop the antagonism, the fight, the constant hidden sense of blame towards ‘a few’ in the system as the only culprits to where we are currently in this massive inequality, because! It always takes two to tango and so we are all equally responsible for what’s here.

Invariably so, whatever consequences we face from this economic-outflow as damages are the ultimate wakeup call – just like any other consequence – for us to start looking back at ourselves as the source of the problem and so realizing the solutions we can embody if we also decide to put on some of our very own  

If I look at what I had to deconstruct and redefine within myself individually through walking this process with Desteni in order to embrace the equality of all people and all things – therefore of everything that’s here – I have to first start off by saying how it’s not as easy to simply ‘speak the words’ and right away live such equality as life. There are massive layers of mental conditioning that were accepted and allowed by myself throughout my entire life based on the totality of my  environment, family, social and economic context, information, education that I made my own and that I learned to start acting out on as a young person in this world.

An example is how in my early teens upon having access to magazines and some ads on TV, I was starting to get very much focused on wearing certain brands on my clothes, being quite ‘picky’ in relation to the social and economic status of the people I would be friends with and generally being more cautious and concerned about the role that money plays in creating relationships between people, in choosing friendships, in choosing where to go and hang out in or what one can afford to buy as clothes, entertainment, trips, luxury time, restaurants and the rest of it.

At the time – and this being when I was 12 or 13 years old – that was a source of insecurity as well when being in a school where people with a good amount of money went too as well. I am quite aware that my parents did their best to keep me grounded and not be impressed by the amount of money I saw some peers had, but ultimately it does affect one when not being ‘equal’ in that sense, especially during my early teenager years where upon seeing that I could not ‘follow up’ with their lifestyles or feel that I could ‘fit in’ entirely according to their hobbies, their likes and preferences and ‘affording’ them, a resignation emerged within me where I simply ‘gave up’ even trying to ‘fit in’ in certain groups of people. I’ve never been in a rich family, yet was fortunate enough to have access to very decent education which I am also grateful for, but that came also with witnessing quite an array of lifestyles that I simply was not going to even ‘try’ and match because I simply couldn’t and eventually I made myself entirely believe that I didn’t want it either.  

In that ‘resignation’ also came a definition of myself as ‘never being able to reach a higher economic status’ and so, building a sense of resentment towards those that were ‘richer’ than me, where I used intellect as a way to compensate for what I perceived was a ‘lack’ of traits that these other people had, like the money, the looks, the expensive things, the access to things and places that I simply gave up on even trying to get or fit into, which was entirely my decision as well because I am aware my sisters – having been in the exact same family context as I was – managed quite well to be part of that and not having to exist in an ‘urge’ to have more money or anything like that, which was cool. But in my case I became more like  the critical-eye to the lifestyles of my peers, demeaning them, judging them and being over-critical on what they would spend money on. The interesting thing is I made friends with them as well and as much as we could relate to each other as ‘human beings’ and ‘peers at school’ there was always an underlying point of separation based on me not precisely ‘having’ that which most of them had in terms of money and common lifestyles.

The bottom line is that I allowed this money-factor to determine ‘who I am’ in relation to others while going through junior high and high school, wherein as much as I could get along with everyone, I also in a very subconscious and conscious manner separate myself from them ‘by default’ due to the money-factor being an ever present point of comparison within me. And I have to say that I masked this quite well by taking a more critical eye to all things capitalism and the sheer desire for money and going into the judgment of it all as being ‘bad’ or ‘selfish’ as well, which I would blurt out at any opportunity I could.

I created a form of resentment towards money itself as well because I simply went into the resignation of ‘never’ in my life possibly been able to get to have their position, their status, their family benefits and the rest of it, which fueled more my antagonistic personality in which I gained a sense of power through in fact feeling powerlessness and inferiority/being less than when standing next to people that I knew had a lot of money, even denying the possibility of me having a boyfriend at the time of such friendship circles due to me believing that I was simply ‘not equal’ to them and at the same time, yep! There were some cases where some may have arranged relationships and marriages between ‘similar families’ to re-create the same elites they’ve always been a part of. Now that I look back at this it’s quite funny that I got to see firsthand how elitism works within a school context and how I accepted and allowed myself to get affected by it because I frankly saw it as impossible for me to ‘stand fully equal’ to the power of money that others portrayed in ‘who they are’ as personalities, as the stuff they own, as the positions they had in society, which I consider is entirely the same process that we all get conditioned through with either being on the ‘have’ or ‘have not’s side.

So, what I am aiming at here is looking at how each one of us recreates the acceptance and allowance of inequality through accepting and allowing money to define ‘who we are’ and so proceed to assess that one is ‘inferior’ or ‘superior’ to others for example in the context of ‘who has more or less money.’ And I’m also aware that not every single person defined themselves according to the money they had, maybe to some of them it was just a second skin they could not differentiate themselves from to the extent that there was no reflection upon it.

But in my case it did become a silent source of inadequacy, questioning and resenting elitism – while I made it quite a part of myself as well through judging, criticizing and antagonism out of spite – and at the same time creating a denial to ever conceive that ‘I could ‘belong’ to that’ – yet, would I have actually wanted to be part of that? At the time it wasn’t really so, but who knows if I had been born in what I call a ‘golden crib’? I bet it’s quite hard to distinguish ‘what’s normal’ or ‘the standard’ when all that you’ve ever lived in is comfort, luxury, benefits, VIP status wherever you go and frankly, I consider it will take a long time for all of these points to change, because it actually begins with us debunking the notion that money gives us ‘power’ to our persona, that we become in fact ‘more’ with the more money or control over others we get to have, and because we get so used to the comfort that money brings and because ultimately, we all would like a good and comfortable lifestyle, the problems are the extremes in it all where we’d have to learn how to be moderate yet not judge money as ‘evil’ in itself, but see through that veil to continue working on our potentials, on or purposes, what we can do in order to benefit more of life with money, instead of continuing to recreate the same parasitical patterns fueled by ego-driven desires.

I have also been on the side of directly creating hatred to a fellow peer in school – that later on became a good friend of mine by the way – where I would challenge his ‘wits’ that I considered were the result of having lived in a business family where he already was ‘hard wired’ to think in money and business-making ways, where he knew that getting more money wasn’t about ‘wishing money’ and that’s it – he understood that it all starts with creating the relationships, having the motivation of yes ‘making money’ but creating a suitable ideas for businesses.

At the time in my teenage years, I was getting to be more conscious/aware of capitalism and the system in itself, where I became his faithful opponent whenever he’d speak out his opinion that was geared to seeking this personal benefit through actions that would ultimately lead to ‘winning,’ to ‘being successful’ even if that meant stepping on top of others. One can imagine this kind of back and forths during class discussions over readings like ‘The Art of War’ and how I could simply have a hard time conceiving having to consider so many difficult moves in order to ‘win’ over someone else and me questioning that, which yes ultimately turned out to be quite ‘naïve’ when it comes to knowing ‘the ways of the world’ at the time.

I also had a very moral-based view on life at the time, where I was placing myself in this ‘good side’ of the equation, while not even being aware how we in fact have to consume life every single moment in order to exist and I didn’t even consider that as a factor that outflows into this world-enslavement that we’ve co-created, yet I was very quick to judge his Machiavellian ways and challenge his positions in what would end up in heated back and forths in front of the whole class. I definitely am aware I wanted to debase him and treated him as if he was only an egotistical rich dude that I had to expose at the eyes of everyone else, but eventually we walked a very realistic forgiveness process in our mutual relationship over time.

Situations happened in his life where somehow he probably realized how some of his views were separating him from more and more people – as in being disliked, hated, etc. – and he started being more considerate, flexible and that’s when we actually started having constructive discussions where we eventually found a common ground and I could learn more from how he was ‘wired’ to look at things in his mind, which was quite awesome by the way in how he could look at solutions and ways to ‘move’ reality to create a particular outcome.

In the school context, I was able to then take advantage of his skills and ways to even relate to teachers and we’d work in teams together when it came to school projects and such, it was quite the collaboration for our two last years of high school where I knew my ‘strengths’ and I knew his and we’d made a good team to get things done in a win-win way – which of course in school terms translates into good grades or passing exams and projects etc.

So I share this because it was quite a cool process to walk through after having had some two previous years of constant conflict with each other. But in order to create that, we both had to work with our personal issues as prejudices or points to transcend – like perceptions and opinions about each other – that had been primarily shaped according to and through money, defined according to his family name and social position and my own which was of a regular middle-class person that had to let go of a sense of inferiority towards him in order to start rather appreciating and developing more awareness on who he really was as an individual, behind this ‘façade’ that I had always seen him through which ‘oozed’ superiority at my eyes and possibly at the eyes of others. I had to apply humbleness and I know for a fact he did as well.

Later on I got to know who he was in a more in-depth manner which was actually very different to the myriad of prejudices or ‘first impressions’ that I had gotten from having heard a few of his opinions about just anything he could express, which I guess bothered me so much because they also reflected back to myself how opinionated I became to ‘counter act’ him and so, it was eventually kind of interesting how similar we ended up being when stepping out of our own egos. From ‘hating’ each other’s’ guts, we got to appreciate each other as friends and collaborators at the time.

Even though I had shared about this friendship in blogs before, it’s certainly the first time that I bring through the dimension of money, social status, ego and power as a reason for me to exist in a form of ‘inferiority’ towards him, while I also got to discover how he got to ‘make up for’ certain more personal inferiorities through the power, connections, relationships he could build through and with money itself. I actually got to see this more ‘real’ aspect within a few people in the same environment, and I had not reflected how interesting that part of my life was when it comes to being able to see people for ‘who they are’ as equals to me, with the same kind of ‘personal problems’ or insecurities, yet how the notion of money or certain status became a veil for me to see them as ‘unequal’ and ultimate a way for some to ‘cope’ with more personal issues – which is the same that I did with using intellect as a way to compensate for my sense of inferiority in terms of the ‘lack’ of money compared to others or how I didn’t have the ‘perfect looks’ and how I didn’t aspire to become a super-rich person as I initially thought I had to do when I had some ideas earlier on in my life of becoming a financial advisor and follow through that same kind of lifestyle that I saw others were aspiring or already having around me.

The greatest thing from this all is that I could see people through the façade, through the amount of money in their wallets or awaiting for them through their family, and I got to see who they really were as fellow teenagers, struggling with the same peer-pressure that we all collectively created towards one another and that it would only be through a directive decision within ourselves to ‘let go’ of those superficial values to really establish a point of equality, a common ground – even if not ‘in its totality’ – at least as a way to establish a consideration towards others and not just focus on ‘oneself.’

Who knows, this might also in my case be a result of having been in a Jesuit school that did inculcate some of those ‘serving others’ principles in various practical ways, which I am sure my peers also got to learn from and I realize that as much as I had initially despised the whole ‘set up’ in that school, I got to test myself in very specific ways in there when it comes to being in the midst of how elitism is brewed, inculcated and ‘knitted’ through relationships that begin in a simple place such as a classroom and how they build up to become the very people and relationships that later on stand interconnected in leadership positions in businesses, politics and schooling systems which continue shaping these specific circles of concentrated power from generation to generation.

So, what can I learn from this? What is the actual key to start ‘rewiring’ the fabric of our unequal society? It’s definitely not going to be through expecting people in elitist positions to sacrifice their benefits. My friend always let me know that he wanted to do good but of course with also getting his big piece of the cake along with it all, and I found this as acceptable because I knew that him and people like him would never give up the privileges that they have for the benefit of the majority. However there was an emergence of a consideration to not be so ‘obsessive’ about power, to create some modesty and moderation around it while also considering something that is beneficial or for ‘the greater good’ and that being linked to a purpose in his life. This is the last thing I got to know of from him some years ago when I last saw him after several years of having last been together in high school. And the key here is to understand what he decided to go through in order to ‘moderate’ his very ingrained ‘power-seeking’ ways, and that was linked to a personal process where he saw himself devoid of purpose in life, going to therapies to ‘seek the meaning of life’ and assisting himself with regular visits to psychologists, it’s commendable that he sought his ways.

It was then that I understood how maybe people like him are more common than I thought, people that may ‘have it all’ but still seek a meaning to their lives or lose a ‘sense’ for their lives even though anyone else would crave to be in their financial position as well. He didn’t stop having some political and business aspirations at a bigger scale, but those aspirations included doing something that’s beneficial for people, creating something of quality and common good that gives him sufficient money to live well off, but at the same time without leaving others aside from his plan. And I consider that this is the kind of self-change that we can encourage within each other whenever we have an opportunity to do so, through personal example in our relationship with others.

I’d like to think that I may have influenced his potential to see outside of the box he had been entirely geared to and consider greater benefits, but ultimately that would be my own self-interest speaking. I frankly have not established any contact with him as of late, but I made a deal with him that if he’d become part of the local politics as some of his family members did, that he’d call me to create some social projects to assist people in learning more about themselves, their mind, their ability and capacity to live better within themselves, while also considering ways in which people can both contribute economically to a society and benefit directly from the fruit of that cooperation, without the fear of losing a job, without the ‘barely making it through’ experience and limitation. That’s yet to be seen J but hey! at least I had the idea and he got to know how serious I was with all that I dedicate my life to.

Therefore, I consider we have a great lesson to share here, me and in the name of that friend of mine where we both had to step aside from our social/economic conditioning in order to find the common ground and a middle ground as well where I am not ‘battling against’ people in higher social statuses or continually criticizing them as reckless and egotistical, because I also got to be aware of how it takes hard work to build any long-lasting successful business and so, long-lasting source of money as well. The problem is surely when a never-quenching thirst for money/power and control ensues in an individual and that’s where the personal moderation and measure comes in, and that can only be a very individual decision that maybe each one of us could influence or affect through sharing stories like this or decisions we’ve made within ourselves to stop defining ‘who we are’ through the amount or ‘value’ of things we own, or what we dress or look like or the amount of money we have in our bank accounts – while also stopping ‘fighting’ against a perceived ‘reckless’ elite, but instead find ways to cooperate, one by one, to stop the antagonism and rather use each one’s strengths to collaborate and create a more sustainable system where we can forge win-win solutions.

This is then how I’ve also decided to no longer fuel that personality that stands as an apparent ‘victim’ at the hands of the ‘all powerful ones,’ because once you get to know people like that, you can’t really keep up a straight face and not acknowledge their effort, their focus and dedication to get what they have. Ultimately, we are all equally responsible for the way that we currently function and operate in the system, we cannot blame others that were clever enough and possibly had some intrinsic ‘wiring’ to think in business-terms while some of us were more ‘slow’, ‘detached’ and judgmental when it comes to money, because of not understanding it as a life-enabler but still seeing it as an ‘evil’ that we had to get rid of, which is something I surely will still have to work on in my own life in order to equalize myself to money in all ways, to use it in a way that can benefit more people and at the same time dissolve any remnant of ‘inferiority’ and ‘superiority’ based on my past experiences in certain social-circles and situations where the ‘money factor’ was a source of inferiority for me.

And this, my friends, is precisely what I see we all are aware of, we all can ‘feel it’ and ‘be it’ at a very silent agreement, this intrinsic inequality and separation that we’ve created toward one another through the eyes of money, of social status, of ‘positions’ in society with our peers, in our day to day lives and with new people we meet.

So! That’s where focusing on who we are as equals, getting past the notions of money, status, richness and poverty comes in – without fighting it or desiring it – but instead understanding the current consequence in which we all are currently existing in within this ‘monopoly game’ that we can also one by one and so collectively start recreating into an ‘Equapoly’ game and learn to use each other’s’ strengths to cooperate in creating a more best for all scenario in terms of our world economy; it is possible, and I’ve just shared how it boils down to the very kind of relationships and people and purpose that we decide to cultivate within our lives and so in our societies.

Let’s never underestimate the power that standing by principles has even in the face of the seemingly ‘stubborn and righteous’, we all have that same potential to wake up and change, starting with and focusing on ourselves first and living forgiveness towards others and our consequences, learning to work together and focusing on doing and creating what’s best for all.

Thanks for reading.

 

 Equapoly

Image by Joe Kou for EqualMoney.Org

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


551. Walking Through What Wasn’t Done in the Past

Something I got to see and realize today is how I have tended to look at the past and what ‘I didn’t get to do’ within a particular experience of regret or pondering ‘what could have been,’ which created certain outflows that I had deemed to be ‘manifested consequences’ considering that this is about something that I had the time and opportunity to do and walk in a particular timeframe a few years ago and I didn’t get to do so, mostly out of preferring to not go through the process it entailed and considering that I would not require to get it done at the time within my life choices and where I saw myself in the future a few years ago.

However, that was ‘then’ and now it’s a different story where I’ll be looking at walking through that process I ‘left off’ some years ago considering some potentials in the future and within walking a chat with my Desteni I Process Buddy, I realized how I was seeing it as this ‘left off’ process that I was labeling as a manifested consequence and therefore in a way seeing it as something I was partly ashamed of for not walking through it at the time that I could have done it.

I was able to realize how sometimes there are multiple factors that were present at the time that led me to take that decision and who I was at the time, and how now I’m not the same and the context is not the same at the time as it was ‘back then’ and in essence being able to embrace what’s here, what’s required to do without going into any form of guilt or regret about it, because it is so that having made such decision at the time, could have changed my life direction back then.

The realization I had was that many times we regret having ‘lost time’ in not doing something or not directing ourselves in a particular way in the past, but it is definitely so that being lamenting ourselves about our past is not something supportive at all, because there’s nothing to be done about it and carrying it around like a heavy stone is also pointless. I can only focus on what’s here, what I can work with currently and direct myself accordingly.

It was very relevant for me to see this because sometimes I do have the tendency to get ‘hung up’ on the past and in doing so, frame particular decisions as ‘bad decisions’ or ‘wasted time’ but it is so that at the time my priorities were different, my plans were different and at the time I saw no need for it, which has changed at the moment and it’s a cool thing to finally get to do, considering I see it as convenient.

Here also considering the notion of ‘having wasted time’ because I am aware I didn’t ‘waste my time’ back then, simply my priorities and focus was set on a different direction and that’s it, it’s no better or worse – life changes, priorities change, directions change and so I rather adapt accordingly to make the changes, processes and decisions that are needed for it.

It is also supportive in stopping seeing things in a very ‘black and white’ manner as in judging my decision back then, instead of realizing that now it’s a different timeframe, context, possible paths to walk for me where walking a particular process becomes relevant, but it wasn’t so before – and that’s it.

Therefore I share this also as a way to consider those things we left off, didn’t get to complete or do for a particular reason at the time, and there being a moment where the point is ‘here’ again and becomes relevant again, where it’s kind of pointless to lament oneself in relation to something that is ‘gone’ and ‘done’ in the past – it’s definitely much healthier to consider one’s current context and do what’s needed to do, without adding any layer of guilt, regret, remorse, ‘I should haves’ and lamenting oneself about it – because it is so that we change, our life and potential paths change, so I better adapt to the currents in the moment than holding on to a past, while also considering there is a future process to walk as well.

So I can keep in mind how we cannot hold ourselves captive to ‘who we were’ in the past and our decisions ‘back then’ because, if we are seeing things differently now than before it is an indication of how we’ve changed In how we are seeing things now, how as time progress we do have a different context than before within ourselves and in our external reality – so it becomes a bit futile to see our decisions isolated from these internal and external variables, because it usually only leads to seeing things through the mind, through opinions and drowning oneself in emotions ultimately, which is not needed once that one is here in the present moment realizing something that we have to do and simply proceed to do it, no need to give it adjectives or to bash ourselves for ‘what once was’ or ‘wasn’t’ – what we have is ourselves here so, why not simply act on it in the moment and give ourselves a blank slate to get our things done, it’s entirely up to us.

Thanks for reading.

 

denken2

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


542. Living Expression

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

I have identified the word ‘expressive’ with a set of personality traits where a person speaks in an assertive, directive manner and using mannerisms that look somewhat ‘effusive’ or ‘extroverted’ to me, like moving hands, doing various facial expressions, even being humorous as well. Now, all of these are aspects or traits when looking at them as something I merely react to in a positive manner, which leads me to create an assumption or judgment that the person is ‘expressive’ or ‘outgoing.’ However, this is only what I can perceive in a moment of a person’s expression – I realize that it does not represent what it actually means to be expressive. This initial approach I just described above would be a form of confinement to the potential that we all exist as in the word expressive. Now, what does that mean?

When investigating my feeling-based reaction that I’ve experienced towards people that present this kind of qualities – I have seen how I’ve actually at times gone into a bit of a ‘sinking’ next to them, when interacting with them or observing them, because of considering that no one can ‘top their expression,’ which unfolds in reacting within inferiority, which is an indication that I’ve separated myself from my own potential expression and therefore, judge someone else’s as ‘desirable.’

This is also why I’ve been debunking my own set of beliefs around these words I had felt ‘intimidated’ by or creating a form of ‘attraction’ towards and instead, directing myself to clear out their meaning for me and take those words back to self, which means realizing that we all have the ability to live these words in a self-supportive manner, and not only as some kind of ‘show’ for others or personality trait, but as a genuine expression of who we really are, which is also expression as a process in itself.

Part of what I’ve learned in this process within Desteni is to understand expression in self-honesty, wherein one actually goes ‘reverse engineering’ one’s preferences as likes and dislikes, our emotional and feeling reactions to virtually everything in our lives, and we can then spot what kind of energetic experience motivates us, essentially looking at what exists behind every thought, word and deed in our lives.

It has been a very grounding and supportive process for me to do this, to realize how much of what I deemed ‘my expression’ was motivated –in my case – as a ‘show for others,’ or a form of ‘mask’ that I could put on to be liked or accepted by others, seeking appreciation, approval, seeking relationships out of need or dissatisfaction with myself, wanting to appear as ‘more’ than what I was truly experiencing within myself in certain moments… and the list could go on.

So, upon going understanding and seeing clearly ‘what motivates me’ in my life and noticing all of these fears or desires as starting points, what was left was a decision within me to self-forgive all those fears, judgments, desires and instead, apply myself to now learn what it means to be the starting point of my expression, what it means to direct myself to do something for and as myself – in other words having no ‘fear’ or ‘judgment’ or ‘desire’ as a motivation to do something anymore – but instead genuinely in a moment decide to do something and live it, do it, ‘go for it’ in other words and create it, express it – of course in consideration of what’s best for all, in common sense and self-honesty, essentially making decisions that are supportive – not just ‘random’ stuff that could be consequential, lol.

This might sound too simplistic in words, but it can actually be a challenging process for most of us that have conditioned our very decision to move and do something in our lives for something or someone else but ourselves.

An example on changing this starting point is how I initially decided to start painting and get into arts to avoid being bored, to cope with being alone one summer at home and also desiring to someday be very famous and well known and travel the world and the rest of it. Of course this doesn’t mean that I now have to stop doing any art because I had a flawed starting point –which by the way, I actually did stop for a while because of thinking it wasn’t valid anymore in my life, lol – but in self-honesty one learns to then realize we can change that starting point or ‘reason’ for why we do things or ‘who we are’ within doing art in this case and so, learn to be my own starting point, learn to express myself as art, which means not doing it to ‘get’ an experience or ‘avoid myself’ or ‘expect’ me escalating my position in my society, but simply as an expression, a movement, a decision, a realization that I work on for myself.

Changing this starting point in whatever we do, make, say and think in order to make it an expression of ourselves is actually easier said than done of course, because we’ve mostly learned to do things ‘in separation of ourselves’ – therefore, such a point as being expressive or expressing ourselves may have a huge baggage behind it as a set of reasons to ‘do’ or not to do something – like for example having the starting point of wanting to compete against others to ‘win’ something, to ‘get a relationship’ out of a fear of experiencing loneliness as a ‘negative outcome’ and the list may go on.

These are just examples but the point here is to explain how we are the only ones that can truly be aware of when we are genuine and self-honest in our expression and when we are in fact not so. And this is what has been very supportive for me to understand considering that I had been the kind of person that would use any form of motivation ‘outside of myself’ to express and be in a particular manner to create a ‘show’ of myself for others – but saw little to no point on doing it ‘for myself,’ which as strange as it may sound, it is actually a far more common situation than we would like to accept.

A cool test for myself lately has been the situation of being by myself and not having anyone necessarily being the ‘receptor’ of my expression or ‘expressiveness.’ This has been very cool for me to see what of the things I used to do when having someone else around me most of the times I stopped doing or changed in the ways I would do it because there’s ‘no one else around me’ that could be the witness or receptor of such expression – whether it was something I do or how I express myself in those ‘little moments’ of interaction with others.

I initially saw that I was wallowing into a ‘pointlessness’ considering there was no one to interact with in relation to this expression – but I instead made a decision to apply this realization about self-expression: to be the source and reason of my expression. And so upon the various years of living alone in different phases in my life, I’ve learned to do things for myself, from the way that I care for my own body, how I dress, how I have my surroundings, the food I make for myself, the things I do for fun, the kind of work that I do, hobbies –I’ve learned to have ‘me’ as starting point for these points, of course every now and then having to re-mind myself of that considering how easy it is also to start placing something or someone as the ‘reason’ to do anything in this world in separation of ourselves.

Now, I understand some might say ‘oh isn’t that selfish, doing it only for you?’ but it is not, this is of course within the context of doing things that are supportive in nature and that I then through habits on a daily basis have turned into my own expression, which can be easily translated into ‘who I am, how I am, what I say, how I behave, what I write, how I present myself with people, how I look, how I speak’ within the starting point of being directive in it all and within the consideration of the principles of what’s best for all, being supportive in other words and without making it a point of ego.  

Now going deeper into this word ‘expression’, we express ourselves in every moment. Every moment of breath is self expression, it’s my body expressing itself – every thought, emotion, reaction, judgment, opinion is also a form of expression, an expression of my mind that I’ve learned to now assess and question every time to see how supportive this expression is for one’s life and that of others, which is the self-honest application upon one’s expression and so placing the opportunity back to ourselves to decide: Who do we want to be and How do we really want to contribute to this life and existence in every moment that I am existing?

Being alive is already in itself an expression, it is ourselves existing as a plethora of potentials to develop according to our context, capacity and abilities – but the point is then to expand this word ‘expressive’ not only to a set of characteristics that can be perceived or received by others in only a fraction of interactions in one’s day, but it is about acknowledging that we are in fact expressing ourselves every moment of our day, whether we are aware of it or not.

So, one of the points here I would like to remind myself about is that, even if ‘no one is seeing me’ – apparently – and no one is ‘benefiting’ from my expression as my ‘doings’ in my day to day living, I actually am aware that by the sheer fact of being living in this world where we are in fact all the same – as in one and equal as life – whatever I accept and allow, what I change and correct within my life in common sense, what I work to develop in my life, the words I decide to live, the expressions I decide to fine tune within me, the destructive or self-sabotaging habits I decide to stop and correct within me, the words I choose to use to communicate, the foods that I eat, how I care of my body, the way that I l decide to confront a ‘problem’ or conflict in my life, the way I relate to people around me, the way that I present myself with others, the words that I write, the things I support in the internet, the way that I approach my work, the ideas that I have to create something and who I am in the process of creating something are all ways and forms of self-expression: they are all parts of me and they all stand as an impression or ‘signature’ of who I am in all of it – therefore we are constantly expressing, therefore also communicating with every single one of these in our day to day, it’s how we participate as co-creators of this reality.

That’s the kind of holistic self-awareness to practice in my day to day really, where I continue to align myself as the starting point of what I do within the understanding of being best for myself and so being best for all – and also in being able to enjoy all of this that I do as part of my self-creation process, which is actually something we tend to forget to do many times when we are too busy living ‘for others’ or to ‘get something’ out there, forgetting who we are as life yet to live to its utmost potential, which to me is precisely linked to self-creation, to sculpt ourselves as our creation, to work on our potentials, to fine tune our expression and genuinely learn to live, and so be an example for many more that might be ready to consider doing this for themselves in their own lives.

How to live then the word ‘expressive’ in relation to interactions with others? It’s actually quite simple because once that one walks through this process of self-writing, getting to know ourselves and deciding to change the judgments, limited perceptions, beliefs, opinions that we might create about ourselves or others, what is left is a core expression of oneself as an individual which is the definition of being ‘expressive’ as in not having obstacles to share, to be open, to enjoy, to share the kind of enthusiasm that emerges within oneself when we start ‘piecing ourselves back together’ from the scattered-self as all of the mind-traits that we had defined ourselves by.

Therefore, being expressive is also a result of walking this process using the tools of self-support provided by Desteni and realizing that we actually have much more potential than we thought we had when being only ‘in our minds’ and not yet getting to live who we really are as life, as our physical body – and this is only the start for me, there’s lots to do, fine tune, continue expanding and growing on but so far, best thing I’ve been able to decide to commit to in my life.   

In this, I also learn to not ‘compare’ myself to others’ ways of expressing, but rather learn to appreciate others in their individuality, being aware that I can always enjoy it ‘with them’ while also sharing myself and learning from each other to become better human beings. Interestingly enough that’s very much what we also do as the Desteni community and that to me is definitely an example of what being expressive is about, it all being related to ‘sharing the life’ in one another and the ways in which one lives it, how one works through it, what kind of solutions and paths one creates to continue tapping into one’s potential and that to me is what life and living is all about.  

Thanks for reading.  

 

Enjoy this Desteni Radio episode: Desteni Radio # 22 – Drinking Water and Why Change is Difficult

 

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


535. Self-Enjoyment and Expression

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

These two words expression go hand in hand and I’ve seen that in my case, they are also a result of me first sorting out any point that is creating noise within me and so discomfort in my body. Speaking of which, I just watched today a very cool SOUL video on this topic which is recommendable for everyone to listen to because it is something we all can relate to regardless – it’s about who we are in our body and developing a sense of it and linking it to ‘what goes up in our minds’ or experiences, so here it is: How Are You In Your Body?. This aspect of comfort I’ll also get to in blogs to come since it is something that I’ve outlined in this series of words to ‘look back into myself’ in relation to that point of attraction from which this blog series is stemming from, and I defined it ‘comfort in one’s own skin’ which is the same as being comfortable in our bodies and what I consider is having a relaxed expression as an outflow of self-acceptance and self-appreciation.

However here I’ll focus on Self-Enjoyment and Self-Expression in the context of not having any trigger going on in my reality to enjoy and express myself – meaning not doing it ‘for someone else’ or within a particular context where there’s more people involved, but getting to the core of who I am within myself as these words alone.

This is again reflecting a bit on the original point of ‘attraction’ created towards another in relation to this point of self-enjoyment I perceived in them, wherein I cannot really tell ‘who they are’ in relation to self-expression while being alone/with themselves, because all that I’ve seen and known of them is based on interviews, documentaries which means there’s always an interaction of sorts with other people recording the interaction, in essence it can be also a ‘show’ towards others – however the words are here for me to look at in both contexts.

One thing I am certain is that I definitely can enjoy communication with others, it can be either through a chat or video chat or in real time, I appreciate a bit more the real time ones because of being in a particular environment with the people face to face, I consider that there’s really something about being in the presence of others that makes it very real – but it is still a perception because I can still communicate in the rest of the ways and enjoy myself as well.

However here I want to focus more on ‘who I am’ as self-expression and self-enjoyment within myself, alone. This opens up the possibility for me to fine tune this point of self-expression in relation to what I decide to live in every moment of my life, as a set of decisions, choices, doings that I do for myself, as myself – hence the word expression where there’s no ‘separate motivation’ behind it, but entirely doing it as myself. Now this I have gotten to integrate to a certain extent in who I am, doing things as an expression of me, however! When it comes to ‘me time’ or personal time and self-enjoyment that’s where I want to really look into. 

Self Enjoyment is easier to express when doing something where I am particularly being productive, being of assistance to others or when I go for a walk and there’s that ‘perfect weather’ like windy and cloudy yet having bits of sun shining through, that can really make me genuinely smile and enjoy the moment. However whenever I don’t have any particular ‘triggers’ or ‘reasons’ to enjoy something in a moment, meaning there is no ‘stimulation’ of sorts by external elements, that’s where I have been testing out making more of a decision in moments with myself to get to express and enjoy something, while being alone and doing so entirely for myself.

A point of conditioning that I’ve seen for a long time is how I’ve defined self-expression in relation to only a set of particular activities, namely art related, in writing, in communication – and all of these are more ‘production’ based or interaction-based, but this creates a huge gap into the rest of the moments where I am not doing any of that and perceiving that I am not ‘expressing’ myself or that I am not ‘enjoying myself’ which is the deception to clear out for myself here.

I have a tendency to focus too much on ‘doing things’ and ‘getting things done’ to a point where I can easily not stop from the moment I wake up till I go to bed and not get a ‘break’ to ‘smell the flowers’ so to speak, except when I have to eat or if I go out – but my challenge and focus here is on expanding my ability to enjoy being (with) myself in simple situations where I am not necessarily ‘doing’ something, but simply getting to enjoy me, my presence, my physicality as in ‘I’m here’, I’m alive, I breathe, I am content with myself.

It is definitely awesome where one stops ‘longing’ something or someone to create an experience within us, because one is no longer defined by having a ‘positive experience’ being triggered by something or someone else, but can instead be one’s starting point and decision to enjoy a moment with ourselves.

An example is where I can simply step outside for a moment and just look at the sky and breathe some fresh air, or laying down for a moment, closing my eyes and practicing to just breathe and not engage in thinking, but develop that physical awareness in those moments and be in my physical body– as simple as it may sound these are enjoyable moments. Same with just staring for a moment at ‘life passing by’ and being ‘empty’ within myself – those are some of the peaceful moments, but they are also a result of me first getting to do most of the things I set myself to do, meaning, I very much dedicate my day to ‘doings’ yes, but at the same time I’ve also been learning to integrate some ‘me’ time where I can develop these self-enjoyment moments, like cooking or preparing something for me to eat or drink that I enjoy, or going to the movies which is definitely something I enjoy – and truly the way I get myself to watch a movie because it’s tough at times to do so at home – or when I decide to jog in the morning and it’s simply so nice to go to the park early on and having the sun not out yet – those are moments with myself that I appreciate – but I also want to be able to enjoy myself regardless of any of these activities.

And this is where I’ve noticed that ‘enjoyment’ per se if definitely not going to be as defined by consciousness, as a super high experience of ‘thrill’ or having a ‘buzz’ in my body where everything goes super fast and I’m like on a ‘high’ point – nope, this enjoyment is more of a fulfillment, self-fulfillment and lately is being linked to self-appreciation which is actually emerging from this same self-introspection I’ve been doing to debunk all of my supposed ‘lacks’ as well or points I’m ‘missing’ when in fact, these are just thoughts that I’ve given power to in my mind, but the ‘magic’ of writing is that upon seeing it for what it is in my words on the screen or on paper, they lose their ‘power’ so to speak, because I can see where I have not recognized the words I’m already living or how I have separated myself from certain words as well, which is great, it’s like a self-consolidation process and that’s very cool for this time of my life.

However, here I push for detail and specificity. Within me there’s a tendency when getting ‘too quiet’ to also bring up more like unconscious patterns of diving into a melancholy or slight depression, experiencing a sort of lack, longing, yearning etc. which has to do very much with the word I opened up yesterday in relation to comfort in solitude, where that comfort becomes a platform for me to enjoy and express me, for me, as me and at the same time, it has led me to ‘rekindle’ a relationship with myself based on how I can recognize who I am, what I’ve become, what I’m working on, being able to truly start appreciating myself, the path I’ve been deciding to walk and living it out in my life thus far, being grateful for all the people that I’ve gotten to meet and be with – and learn from it all – and realizing how much this has assisted me to grow as an individual. 

I also have had a tendency to value this experience ‘with others’ as something ‘more’ than being alone, which is why I open up this self-expression and self-enjoyment on my own, meaning getting to at the same time be comfortable in my own body, in every moment,  but also in deciding to do or express things for myself.

Self-expression and self-enjoyment is about who I really am in every moment, how I am experiencing myself in my body, being able to investigate myself if there’s any ‘noise’ going on in my head that is creating a particular experience in me and finding out what it is all about, which  actually becomes something enjoyable for me to do as well – and so be able to make a decision to get back to a point of comfort within my body so that I can then express myself in whatever I do as a point of flow, direction, focus and determination in my regular responsibilities.

That’s how in working with writing, self-forgiveness in self-honesty and deciding to create the changes I need to establish myself back into my own two feet and express myself, I become enjoyment as well which I can also define as a satisfaction within me, as in being satisfied about all the day’s actions, of how I am directing myself throughout the day and this is certainly not about having positive thoughts or anything like that at all, it’s about principles and doings, it’s about knowing who I am and what I want to be and create – and so expressing, doing, sharing myself based on that realization, translating it into actions, considerations, choices, decisions, plans and projects, things to make and produce, while also yes, now integrating some ‘slow-me-time’ into the equation, that’s the challenge here.

 

If it is a ‘me-time’ where I don’t have anything specific to do, I can then practice on enjoying my physical experience, my presence, my surroundings, that quietness and stability that I am aware I can get to once that I have worked with what I had to do and create for the day as my expression.

So as I was mentioning earlier, self-expression and self-enjoyment has got to start for me, as me yet invariably of course this resulting in affecting the way I relate to others and the ways that I share who I am with others, in my interactions and such, which I find is most enjoyable.

Ultimately as I expressed yesterday as well, we cannot define our own expression and enjoyment based on where we are or with whom, nor if we are entirely ‘alone’ in a certain environment. I consider that being able to enjoy self in whatever we do is a point of self-acceptance, self appreciation and self-trust that is built throughout walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness as life as well, it just doesn’t come ‘in one go’ and it has taken me some years to get to a relative point of self-enjoyment and self-expression, but here I’m definitely pushing myself to the next level of continuing to fine tune myself in detail in relation to these aspects of myself as self-expression and self-enjoyment.

So, some self-forgiveness here on the perception that I cannot enjoy myself unless I share my expression with another or sometimes wishing that I could share myself or an activity with someone else in moments where it’s just not possible at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that I can only enjoy myself genuinely in the presence of another/others, wherein in moments where I can be genuinely enjoying myself, I go into a ‘wishing’ or ‘longing’ to be in the presence of someone else that could also ‘benefit’ from this enjoyment or this activity as well, instead of realizing that myself as part of the whole, living this self-enjoyment is already me being it/expressing it as others as well. What I can practically do is then proceed to share myself with others in relation to how I’ve done this, the process I’ve walked to get to this self-enjoyment – or get to establish relationships with people where this kind of enjoyment can be shared – however without making it a condition for me to express and live self-enjoyment for and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought before that ‘life is better when sharing it with another’ – and so conditioning my expression in relation to ‘being with someone else’ and perceiving that when I am alone I am ‘miserable’ and so seeing no point in enjoying myself, which is a perception and a belief again that ‘this expression right here could be also shared and/or experienced with someone else’ which it is so in fact, it can, but it doesn’t have to ‘necessarily’ be so to make it enjoyable for myself alone – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of ‘something or someone else’ the motivation for me to express me, to live enjoyment – when in fact this is precisely where we cripple ourselves in believing that it’s not worth ‘fully being here as ourselves’ in moments when we are alone, because we are not affecting someone else in any way of seeing them also enjoy and share a moment with us – when in fact, that is only a perception, because regardless of who is there or not, one can express and enjoy for and as oneself, and this is then a living expression that one becomes an example that can be shared with many more people that have conceived it as pointless to express and enjoy themselves alone – so I in essence have to live my own words and realizations into myself, so that I can be self-honest in my expression around this whole point, and truly become a living example of what it means to live these words self-expression and self-enjoyment even in the perceived ‘silent’ or ‘still’ moments within myself, deciding to be more expressive for me as me and not only doing so for another that is around me. And this has been a point I’ve been practicing for sure, bit by bit I’ll continue expanding myself on this.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition my expression based on who is around and how I can ‘affect them’ or ‘trigger them’ with my expression, which is then a point of separation such as doing something funny, enjoyable or express myself in a particular way to ‘create happiness’ or ‘enjoyment’ in another, which I can instead learn to do for me, as me, as an expression – no need for observers or onlookers for it.

I commit myself to embrace me, my expression, my enjoyment and whenever those thoughts come up of ‘Oh I wish I could have shared this moment with someone else’ I simply breathe and realize I’m here as me, I enjoy it, I live it – whenever there’s an opportunity to share it with another, I will, but then it won’t be doing it ‘for them’ only, but as an outflow of what I’ve already lived for and as myself, as my expression.

Thanks for reading

 

Inner Creations

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532. Expressing Self-Trust and Confidence

 

§  Continuing from: 531. Redefining Self-Confidence

 

Here I’ll apply self-forgiveness on all the points I wrote out in the previous blogs, in order to tackle my self-created limitations and for once and for all rather see the benefit of owning my creation as my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hesitation, self-doubt and lack of confidence whenever I am having to make decisions on my own and have no one to reference my decisions with, wherein I have gotten used to always being able to have the approval or disapproval of others to then decide to make a particular decision in my life alone – instead of realizing that regardless of what others might say, I am the one that will ultimately live with the outcome of such decision and as such, it is ultimately a point where I have to learn to trust myself, which in this case means learning from making my own decisions, moves and choices and accordingly walk through them, not fearing making mistakes or going ‘the wrong’ way because that’s how I’ve found that I get to then define and fine tune my decisions, my next steps and next choices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate what is really behind the hesitation, self doubt or uncertainty before which is in fact a fear of making mistakes, a fear of not really achieving my utmost potential – however I forget that such outcome as ‘best potential’ can only exist through practice, through making many choices, possibly many mistakes and walking many paths to then get to find ‘my expression’ wherein, in fear, I actually don’t get to truly develop myself because of existing mostly in ‘fear’ and as such in a constant limitation that leads me to be in a stifling position, ‘giving up’ in doing something out of giving too much weight on an outcome or the opinions on them, instead of realizing that I am the only one that is able to give weight – or a negative value – to mistakes, to attempts, to apparent ‘failed choices’ – and instead learn from it, stand up and do it all over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others’ opinions and perspectives on my expression in order to keep going or completely use them as a deterrent to stop my expression in certain ways, instead of realizing that a point of expression is to represent who I am in that particular moment with what I want to create, what I want to communicate to others ultimately and as such, there is no ‘right or wrong’ or ‘good or bad’ in it, but only a process of referencing myself, seeing how satisfied or not I am with it, taking myself into consideration and not looking for others’ opinions to decide to continue or not.

I realize that I have been my own worst critic as well so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own worst critic wherein I have defined what I do as not ‘good enough’ when I compare it to what others do/express and so, have allowed myself to use this judgment as a reason to completely give up on something and get into an experience of ‘what’s the use’ – when a point of expression is precisely about practicing, doing it as much as one can until one can create or build a point of self-trust and confidence in it, which I can attest is definitely a process in other aspects of my life, but interestingly enough when it comes to creative expression, it’s like hitting a wall and this is mostly based on others’ feedback that I’ve taken ‘to the heart’, instead of staying true to myself, referencing it with myself first and foremost.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in self-doubt when it comes to assessing ‘what to do next’ or ‘what could I change or improve’ wherein the actual fear behind it is ‘fucking it up’ – wrecking it, messing it and so apparently ‘lose out’ an opportunity to have created something that I could be ‘proud of’ – but in reality there is nothing that we can create in ‘one go’ and have it come out ‘perfectly’ at once, and I realize that this ‘perfectionism’ or the idea that I have about what I can be satisfied with can be a huge show-stopper to me if I dare to start over-analyzing everything and then concluding that it is not what I expected, or it wasn’t as I intended – instead of realizing that this is a process of self-creation and self-expression, it takes practice, will take time, will take several tries maybe, but the point is to persevere and not give up ‘trying’ or getting frustrated for not getting a desired outcome.

I realize the practicality of practice and perseverance in this, wherein over time and continuous practice I am aware we can get to be more confident in doing anything – and the same therefore can be created in any point of artistic expression.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give judgments, opinions, positive and negative values to words in relation to any point of artistic expression to the point of using them to validate or disqualify what I do as ‘good enough,’ where deep down I know I can trust myself in what I see, but have ultimately usually veered to get others’ reference and perspectives, which over the years I’ve used as a reason to not keep going, but, this is entirely my own decision, my own process in reality that I cannot blame on anyone’s opinion, because it’s only me that has given it sufficient value/worth to make an opinion more important than what I decide to express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define confidence based on ‘doing something that is unique’ and so ‘special’ and so, whenever I started finding ‘similar work’ to mine, I sank into a pointlessness because of thinking that ‘everyone else is also doing it, so what’s the point?  When in fact, this is when comparison kicks in and so I stop seeing ‘the point’ when in fact, the point is myself, it’s about my expression regardless of what others do or not do or how similar it is.

Ultimately if I would measure anything I do based on how others do it, I’d be in a constant state of ‘giving up’ because ‘everyone else would be doing a lot of the same things I do anyways’ lol – when in fact this is about my expression, my development, my process, even regardless of the ‘final outcome’ but more so focusing on what I go learning about myself in the process as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for example diminish my photographs as something that ‘anyone else could have taken’ or something that ‘everyone nowadays can do with cellphones’ which I used as an excuse to give up on taking photographs based on ‘others already doing it,’ instead of rather realizing each one of those photographs were moments where I was truly focused in my reality and making a decision to capture something, it actually assisted me a lot to pay close attention to my surroundings in a constant manner, which I still enjoy doing yet don’t take photographs any longer because of thinking ‘what’s the point, there’s thousands of pictures with the same thing, nothing new’ where I then doubt myself even with the potential of taking a photograph because ‘others probably already took one similar’ – which again, if I expanded this kind of assessment to anything else, I would be constantly stopping myself from doing anything based on what ‘others have done already.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to doubt myself, become hesitant and ultimately feel ‘incompetent’ in relation to points of self-expression in arts because of going into comparison, believing that there’s nothing ‘special’ in my stuff so why should I bother? But I realize and have seen from others’ examples how people that stick to developing themselves and persist on practicing, eventually get to be quite confident in their creations – and that’s the potential that exists when we don’t stop to compare ourselves to others, but stay true to oneself, to the purpose of the point of creation which is ultimately of self-creation, where the result is only that, an outflow or a consequence of a deeper process that takes place while creating something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be focused on ‘a result’ within my expression, instead of considering the ‘who I am’ throughout the whole process, which ultimately is what is part of my self-creation that I’d like to develop and focus on, every moment’s decision and trusting myself within them, considering it all as a process to learn about myself, to learn about giving ‘shape’ to something and also to take responsibility for my creation where I am the one that is entirely behind it, and not any one else’s opinion or perspective on it – this way, whatever anyone else can say about it is an extra opinion, and not a defining factor that determines anything for me – but can only take it as a point of feedback for sure.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to discourage myself from continuing any point of self-expression based on my own opinions, judgments and expectations standing as self-criticism, that led me to then rather ‘not bother’ at all with it, in spite of how I see that when walking through my own veils of perception, I can actually enjoy doing it and I enjoy seeing ‘me’ in every step of the way and reflect it all back to what I am, where I am and who I am behind that one point of self-creation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have defined confidence in the past based on reassuring or supportive comments made by others whose opinion I deem as important and in some cases having certain authority or superiority over myself, to then decide to continue or not doing something, wherein I then placed my expression, my perseverance in the hands of an opinion, a judgment and a perception – instead of having allowed myself to trust me in continuing to work on it, and stop my own backchat in relation to it, while focusing on the physical process of creation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to covertly blame someone else as the reason why I decided to not play music anymore, wherein I am the one that took another’s words and attitude personally and made it a reason, excuse and justification why I didn’t have to bother anymore with practicing playing music, and instead only focus on doing visual arts – eventually extending my own judgments to anything related to visual arts wherein I then stopped doing any of it at all because of believing how pointless it all is – therefore, there is no one to ‘blame’ for this. This is essentially something I did to myself and so I can only now stand up from it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take an opinion, a judgment, a perception as ‘truth’ – when in fact the truth is who I am in every moment of creating something, the decision I make and their outcome – which means when I decide to stand all the way in every step of the way, that’s where I see I build self-trust and confidence in relation to ‘the outcomes’ because then I am certain that this is something I created for myself, by myself, without any pretense other than expressing who I am, which is where I want to develop my strength as well, instead of taking ‘what I believe others will say’ into consideration, which is not really about ‘others’ then, but about myself not limiting me by all of that. .

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perceive that ‘I didn’t enjoy making art any longer’ when in fact, it was the series of judgments, perceptions, opinions that I allowed to take precedence over the creation process of me-expressing-myself, and so that’s where it became tiresome, unbearable, causing more ‘stress’ than enjoyment – and it all was because of how much I gave value and worth to judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fear’ not having any other point of reference for my creation, wherein, I believe that I cannot ‘continue’ doing something unless I get any form of feedback from others – and in such situations or contexts it makes sense, but when it comes to artistic expression, it is truly the one point where I am the one with the ultimate and only say, because it is a point of expression that cannot be judged as ‘good or bad’ and this is also why I also started resisting to do anything related to arts, because of how ‘ambiguous’ it would be through my judgmental eyes in terms of being unable to define it as good or not based on ‘others’ perspectives’ but ultimately, this is where I have to be the one that stands through in it all regardless, doing it as my expression, which cannot be ‘contained’ in a few judgments of value.

I commit myself to continue practicing building, consolidating and densifying my ‘confidence’ through artistic expression – and any other point of expression for that matter – where I can learn to trust my decisions, walk a point of self-creation all the way and ultimately ‘own’ my creation regardless of the outcome, learning from it  and trusting myself in my ability to learn and stand up from mistakes, not being afraid to making mistakes but rather reminding myself that’s the way to continue moving forward in any point of creation, to persevere, to be consistent and to not allow judgments, opinions or perceptions about it in my mind to deter me from continuing.

This is then how one gets to be comfortable in doing something, through practice and then ultimately that practice & repetition creates a solidity of it at a physical level, where there is a point of control and flow as well, which means being present, being directive yet not rigid about the outcomes, flowing with it yet being aware of the path all the way – and this is then what I can integrate as a physical expression of self-confidence.

Thanks for reading.

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


531. Redefining Self-Confidence

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

Confidence is the first word to look at and the aspects that I see I require to fine tune this word are specifically in relation to an experience of hesitation, doubt and uncertainty that I’ve been facing interestingly enough in situations where I cannot really reference something ‘with others’ and where I have to stand on my own two feet, make decisions and learn to trust myself within it, learning from it.

I’ve noticed how when making decisions in my life, I’ve become used to always asking or having other people as supporters or detractors of what I decide to be and do – this being a source of ‘confidence’ for me based on how I take others’ words and perspectives as an encouraging or detracting factor for me to venture into doing something or not, and here I’m focusing mostly in relation to my expression, specifically in arts.

The outflows of this self-doubt, uncertainty or hesitation emerge upon assessing options or paths I could develop within myself when having a literal ‘white canvas’ in front of me. What emerges is that I start considering what would be approved by others, what would be most liked or appreciated by what I believe specific people could say about it – and interestingly enough, this is where what can be called as a ‘lack of confidence’ comes in, where I am desiring a point of reference, a second view from another approving or disapproving something that is very much my own expression, my own doing.

I’m actually talking about painting here, hence the ‘literal white canvas’ description, because that’s what I’ve been taking on again and I started realizing why I became so unsure of myself in something like painting or anything art related, and it all boils down to seeking a form of reassurance from others that I was doing the ‘right thing,’ or how I stopped for example taking photographs because I started judging the fact that ‘suddenly everyone can take photographs’ and it’s no longer some kind of ‘special thing’ as it was some 10 years ago when I started doing that and got to be the most prolific on it.

Therefore I saw the constant: I am having a projection, an idea of what I believe would be ‘others’ opinions’ or the expectation thereof in my mind as an obstacle within me to not continue expressing myself. And this is entirely my creation, my expectation, has nothing to do with ‘others’ really. The same when I started considering more what others were doing and comparing ‘my work’ to that of others, and how I slowly but surely got discouraged of continuing doing anything related to arts, because of having ‘others in my mind’ and using that as a source of discouragement – of course, it all has been self-created.

Therefore I can say I lost confidence in a way when it comes to expression in arts specifically – but if I look at it, was my ‘previous confidence’ actually real? Honestly not. I had built such confidence some 10 years ago based on the praise I’d get from teachers, friends, relatives, fellow artists and I kind of ‘elevated’ myself based on others’ feedback, building such confidence with having a backbone of opinions and perspectives by others that I took as ‘real’ and as a definition of ‘my work, who I am.’ This bubble then had to be burst and for the best, because if we are to truly embody and live a word, it cannot be sustained by anyone else’s opinions and perspectives but my own.

This also has to do with being sometimes ‘hyper-critical’ about my expression in the context of arts or musical expression. Same applies to playing music where I see that a tinge of fear emerges when considering ‘playing bass again’ or making music with others, because I remember all of those past times with people where I took someone’s perspective on my playing as ‘discouraging’ and in essence, I allowed myself to fall into a ‘uselessness’ experience about playing music, deciding that ‘my thing’ were visual arts and not music – essentially I took someone else’s opinion as ‘my truth’ and within that limited my ability to continue practicing and expressing through music as well. And there is really no one to blame here because it was me that took those words as ‘the ultimate truth’ = I accepted and allowed it.

And it’s relevant to say I’ve been challenging those past obstacles within me and in practice lately. I can also see why I have refrained myself from continuing to work on my artistic expression – resisting it, in other words – and in general keeping this ‘love-hate’ relationship I’ve shared when it comes to arts and expression in my life, but I am decided to for once and for all stop my drama around it and rather tackle my relationship with my expression in that realm of arts but also in general when it comes to my physical expression, because this has been one of those ‘trees I left to dry’ within my life, using several justifications  such as simply ‘not enjoying’ or having not such a ‘great time’ whenever I would paint and judging it as pointless, pondering what’s the use, etc. But the truth is that there was a background of not being sure about myself in such expression, which means I had gotten so used to ‘being sure of myself’ based on continuing to get feedback from other people to then define that ‘I’m on the right track, what I do is good stuff, this is good enough, others like it’.

So, uncertainty, doubt, hesitation about my self-expression are the result of having based my confidence on perceived good/positive feedback on anything I did, and used such opinions, views and perspectives as some kind of ‘fuel’ for my expression – which then I allowed to completely determine (or terminate, lol) my decision to express, getting to a point of not doing much for the past years, using many reasons and justifications around it.

However I’ve now been able to see the actual reason for it, and it’s because of the personal confrontation I get while making each decision on a painting or a point of expression: I have no other point of reference, there’s no one I can ask and say ‘hey, how do you see it?’ and base my next move according to someone else’s opinion – nope. It’s all on me now and that’s what’s actually cool that I am taking on again, it is not even so much about the actual ‘painting’ and result of it eventually, but more so the kind of certainty, confidence and assertiveness that I have to live while making a painting and learning to trust myself with it, as it, which I had not done before except when I first picked up painting in 2003 and I did my first paintings entirely for myself, no one else was  on my mind to ‘make them.’ However, this changed as I started showing them around and expectations started building… which I have to definitely get back to myself and develop as a trust, a comfort in my decisions to express and do.

I was sounding this word ‘confidence’ and it also sounds a bit like ‘comfy-dense’ as in solid-comfort where there’s assertiveness, there’s trust, there’s substance yet comfort, flow, expression in it and this is what I want to keep focusing on and deliberately applying while expressing myself, especially when it comes to trusting my decisions, and stopping having what I believe are ‘others’ opinions’ in my own mind.

This will continue….

Thanks for reading.

 

Suggested support:

Confidence: Practical Support – Atlanteans – Part 152

Self-Honesty

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


529. Changing Human Relationships Starts With Ourselves

 

“When pondering the meaning of right human relations it is also helpful to conceive of the principle of sharing as a great social physician or planetary psychotherapist, one that has the power to heal in almost every possible way—by feeding the hungry and curing the diseased, mending broken families and restoring mental health, rebuilding communities and nurturing individuals to regain their confidence and creativity, and so on without end. So if you want to heal yourself as an individual or as a group, advocate for the principle of sharing to be implemented into world affairs and serve humanity by heralding Article 25 with every ounce of energy you have, thus decentralising yourself from the disease called separation and playing your part in establishing a new earth based on right human relations. –Mesbahi, Mohammed (2016). Heralding Article 25: a people’s strategy for world transformation. See more at: http://www.sharing.org/information-centre/reports/heralding-article-25-peoples-strategy-world-transformation#part v

Recently I got this book as a gift from Sonja Scherndl who was very kind in considering I would find a lot of common ground with the author’s proposal and our perspective as Equal Life Foundation and after completing it, I realized it is so that it’s the first book that I can most relate to from recent articles or books I’ve read on the topic about world economics based on the principle of sharing and satisfying what we define as Fundamental Human Rights which are in fact the basic needs that have to be covered for every human being as part of dignifying each other’s livelihood, giving to others what we’d like to be assured to receive and so create a genuine upgrade of our humanity.

I found the voice of the writer something I can relate to at times almost word by word in many aspects, specifically on topics I’ve written over the years on the subject of Human Rights and our proposals as the Equal Money System and Living Income Guaranteed; as well through my personal investigation and application of the principles of Oneness and Equality as Life, which is what the author also addresses as being part of considering ourselves as a One Humanity as well.

I was also glad to see the reference to ourselves as human beings being the origin and source of the problem – not the system, not the ‘isms’ like capitalism and the rest of it – but instead the kind of relationships that we’ve built with one another which in turn, have created the nature of the markets, the economic systems and the nature of the dog-eat-dog current form of capitalism, which is in fact a reflection of ourselves: who we are within creating the without.

Something that I’ve discovered for myself and have shared in previous blogs is that the economic problem is not really a structural problem or a matter of fixing a faulty system ‘out there’ only – it’s in fact the clear reflection of the very separation – also mentioned as such in the book – that we’ve created from one to another, and the general disregard of our equality with every other living part that is coexisting in this world, which means we are not only ‘interconnected’ but are in fact one and the same, which the author brings through with an awareness of this same source we all come from. Therefore we have to also consider and look at all the reasons why we have justified, excused and reasoned all the abuse that we’ve imposed onto each other to create inequality, poverty, consumerism, miseducation, in order to understand the source of the problem as ourselves. Meaning we have to also look at how we have all been co-creators of the problem and how this is all coming from the current nature of ourselves as humans in our thought, word and deed.

Now, interestingly enough as much as I find the reading of the book an essential walk through many of the topics that would be eye opening for people that are starting to investigate alternative solutions for world-problems, I also find the one solution proposed by the author as something that could be redefined or taken one step further close to home.

Mesbahi speaks of every human being understanding the importance of the principle of sharing the world’s resources as an expression of common sense and as a primary source for peace, for eradicating poverty, of getting out of competitive and selfish motives and in turn get to heal ourselves from how we’ve essentially conditioned each other to a survival-mode that has affected the totality of our expression and so of our human relationships. The solution proposed is to create worldwide manifestations demanding to governments to fulfill the Article 25 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which interestingly enough also Sonja and Anja Askeland – who I have had the opportunity to interview before – wrote and published about today a linkage of it to the Universal Basic Income, which I’m very glad to read about and the article is here: Article 25 and a Universal Basic Income: the perfect match

However here I also propose something else beyond only the consideration of staging mass protests demanding these fundamental living rights.

I’ve concluded from my personal research that we require to also learn to live the principles of Oneness and Equality as Life at a very practical and realistic level in our day to day living, starting within ourselves in our own minds and in the way that we live and interact with everyone and everything around us. Because sharing is an expression, an outflow of a deeper realization and understanding which Mesbahi outlines in the book and he expresses that it is not his position to exactly say ‘how’ to create this change at an individual level in this book, which I found interestingly enough is precisely what we are focusing on directly not only as proponents of world-system solutions, but as individuals that have also committed to propose ways, tools of self-support that we are applying in order to embody these principles through practice, walking a personal process of genuinely living the principles that we also see in common sense would be best for everyone to embrace in their own hearts and minds.

What I discovered throughout my active participation and engagement throughout various proposals essentially exemplifying this principle of sharing, of making of money a rights-giver rather than a source of discord and inequality, of providing support to everyone starting with the most forgotten ones – is that the biggest resistance came not from defining all of it as impossible or utopic – but rather from people that literally would express their refusal to give to another what has been given to all of us unconditionally by the Earth. The reasons, excuses and justifications I’ve read throughout these past 9 years of actively having engaged in discussions with various people upon presenting these ideas various methods around the web were that “it won’t ever happen because there’s always going to be inequality, there’s always going to be someone making more, we cannot really ‘just share’ and there’s always going to be someone stepping forth into greed, cannot dream of equality because it doesn’t exist” and the list of excuses goes on.

That’s where I realized that along with the various movements which are very much getting into a peak currently in relation to Universal Basic Income, Share The World’s Resources – whose founder is Mesbahi – and many other independent organizations whose principles are similar, we also need to emphasize the importance of this role of Education that is also framed as an essential process of human change in our world by him:

“Thus if there appears to be an irreconcilable conflict between opposing political ideologies, the lasting solution lies not in the victory of one ‘ism’ over another, but must be found in what can unite us all through a universal acceptance of our shared humanity—which ultimately requires a new education into the true nature of the inner Self.

There is nothing sentimental or naïve about these suggestions as such an attitude to human relationships has the potential to transform society once a bulk of the population is educated to think and become aware of themselves in a more spiritual, heart-engaged and inclusive way. “

– See more at: http://www.sharing.org/information-centre/reports/heralding-article-25-peoples-strategy-world-transformation#part v

 

I certainly agree that we need to re-educate ourselves, to learn how to live and embody these principles not only of sharing, but also of considering at all times what is best for all, of developing and inculcating within ourselves an integrity, self-respect, self-honesty, self-responsibility and a consideration towards all other beings as oneself. This is by far the hardest process that I see we are already engaging in within this world, because we have allowed ourselves to be hardwired with all the opposites to all these words that I just mentioned and that could in turn create the world we all would like to live in: a world of sharing, of prosperity through cooperation, of expressing ourselves to our utmost potential, of assisting each other, of actual prosperity and expression. However, as I mentioned above, by far the biggest resistance and the biggest obstacle to do this resides in our very own minds, our very own current human nature, which is the one point that we have to find ways to open up the majority of people’s eyes to understand this, the majority that are still very much secluded in a ‘my space’ world, where only me-myself-and-my-interests exist.

What I’ve been dedicating myself for the past 9 years is precisely deprogramming all of these ingrained aspects that led me to become a person that might have cared about the world and wanted to change the world, but wasn’t willing to look back at myself to see where and how I had to take responsibility for my very own thoughts, habits and ways of living that were in fact not representing the ideals that I wanted to create out there in the world. I’ve learned that if we really want to change the nature of the world system, we have to at the same time work within ourselves to fix and create what we’d like to see out there, we have to start with ourselves, with our immediate relationships, with the choices we make on a daily basis.

Here, what I would add as an extra chapter to this educational book is adding the necessity of embodying these principles of sharing, of regarding each other as equals, of working with our own patterns of selfishness, greed, irresponsibility, competition, hatred and lack of consideration for others as a primary point of self-accountability in this process of transforming the way that we share this world and so share the world’s resources, of which from my perspective sharing resources would be a natural outflow to do if we first work to integrate the common sensical principle in each one of our minds, which surely can be done through reading this book and the many other proposals with similar views, while also verifying how it works in your own life and community.

I see it as a within and without process where we cannot wait for an education system to upgrade itself and start teaching these principles – we have to start being them, applying them, being the trail blazers that in turn as parents can raise children that are already living in family and community environments where the principle of sharing is ‘the way to live’ and do not know of ‘the ways of the old world’ who can in fact become the future of the world. This is particularly something I’ve been witnessing – from afar – with people in our community who are having children that are also now learning the new ways of a real human-kindness, the kind of people that we need to create a future that is embodying the principles of oneness and equality as life, of self-responsibility, of sharing, of being stable and common sensical human beings, of considering other beings as themselves, of being that One Humanity and so living the principles of sharing as the only way to live with one another as equals.

Therefore, I agree that the more we speak of solutions proposed along the lines of sharing in equality, the more we can start opening up possibilities that may not have existed before at the eyes of a majority – while at the same time also considering that the door towards a systemic change can also start from developing a personal awareness of who we are and what our role individually is in the context of life on Earth. This means, starting from a process of self-awareness to investigate and learn to see what we’ve become in our minds, in our lives, in our being and so walking a process to align our thoughts, our perspectives, our stance as human beings toward the principle of oneness and equality as life, of sharing in equality, of regarding others as ourselves, of self-responsibility, self-honesty, self-awareness so that with both changes taken in our hands within and without, the actual process of world change manifests not only as a ‘changed system,’ but also as a result of deciding to stand up within ourselves to do what’s best for all –  and align to the way of life as it is and shall be, which I agree with Mesbahi it is an inner-process to learn the way of the One Humanity – Oneness And Equality – and a challenging one based on my personal experience, yet it is essential if we are to take part in the new world, because we have to be the ones that place the first stones to create it, and leave a first great set of steps for generations to come.

So, I recommend to anyone this book, while considering what I share in this blog, to not forget about our day to day living which defines who we are and what we create in our world. To consider this individual process of being able to assist and support myself and many others to integrate the way of life within our day to day living, the way of self-honesty, of self-forgiveness in order to create and reach our utmost potential individually and collectively.

The only difference is I am deciding to focus form the within towards the without currently based on my personal expertise and awareness at the inner-level, yet the result is intended to be the same: creating a world that’s best for all, that can be a platform for life creation for the first time in our human existence.

I can agree this book represents what I and many more are considering very obvious and common sensical to do, but I do challenge and suggest everyone to share this kind of books with people that are generally sceptic about these topics, about changing the system, about distribution of resources as a human right – so that people can get a comprehensive view of it including a very personal purpose that I see myself and many more in this world can align to in relation to the ways to change ourselves and this world, but we need to keep expanding awareness on all of these possibilities to people that are not yet seeing the common sense of this, and so share things like this book, blogs, vlogs and any piece of media that is creating an awareness of the potential we all have to change this world through our very own change of mind and participation in these principles.

We are the ones that have this window of opportunity to wake up and do something to change things, and we don’t have to wait for these massive manifestations happening on a daily basis either, we can and also have to start within ourselves, learning to live these principles of oneness and equality, changing the nature of our human relationships and changing the nature of ourselves in our thought, word and deed, it’s the way of Jesus’ message as Mesbahi also explains, and I couldn’t agree more, that’s what we are all here to learn and live, because it’s now or never.

Thanks for reading

You can find the whole text of the book available at:

http://www.sharing.org/information-centre/reports/heralding-article-25-peoples-strategy-world-transformation

 

To watch the series of interviews conducted on topics related to Living Income, Fundamental Human Rights, Alternative Systems please visit:

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Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


525. Living Dedication

Or how to apply this word in different contexts and situations within this process of self-change and self-creation

This word has come up as a solution to apply when it comes to walking this process from consciousness to awareness. One thing that’s required is self-dedication, making time for ourselves to write, to reflect on our day, to be observant throughout the whole day in fact of our every movement, every experience, every choice – that’s how this process is not just a separate ‘thing’ we do every now and then, but it becomes a way of living, a learning-to-live process.

Dedication means being devoted to a task or purpose and focusing on it completely, doing it ‘all the way’. I discussed this word with a friend the other day and we looked at how we have lived this word ‘dedication’ in various ways and times throughout our lives, we just haven’t lived it in the most supportive ways fully yet.

For example, in the past when discovering some spiritual practices or studying certain knowledge that I got quite ‘hooked’ on to search for what I used to define as ‘higher truths’ or a ‘spiritual path’, I would be very diligent and dedicated to get to do all my responsibilities in the university and then spend the time in the library reading books about various philosophies, spiritual practices, cultures etc. I was truly dedicated in taking notes, borrowing books and finding all of the bits and pieces that I wanted to integrate to my life to study further or get to apply at a certain time. Sure, over the years I really can’t remember any of that except for a few principles that are common sensical and I may have forgotten and lost all of what I wrote out, but here even if the whole lot of knowledge ended up being quite useless or pointless for my current life, I did get to see my ability to live that word ‘dedication’, which means I can then live this word but directed in a genuinely practical supportive way.

Same with some art fields that were more of an apprenticeship experience for me, a set of meticulous processes to get a certain result, such as in metal etching which even if I am not doing that at the moment or dedicating my life to it, I am quite grateful that I took that workshop because it taught me the importance of discipline, of following steps and being dedicated to it, which I would very much be considering I would spend 6 to 7 hours three times a week – sometimes more – to it and I got to be quite good at handling the processes. So, regardless of the ‘outcomes’ or final results, I got to know myself in that kind of tasks and processes that I had initially deemed as ‘too complex’ or ‘too slow’ for me to take on, but it assisted me to develop patience, dedication, consistency and discipline as well.

Another less ‘obvious’ example and showing how we can get to live words in a less ‘seen’ way is the following one. I was very dedicated as a child to study in school while at the same time being very dedicated at watching MTV all of the afternoon and still make both ends meet in me being responsible and have my entertainment on most of the time while studying and doing homework, lol. I was truly dedicated to watching music videos throughout my childhood and early teens, I would keep a record of every single music video I would watch in a notebook ordered in alphabetical order – no joke, this is true!

And I can name other things that I would do almost in a ‘religious’ manner like being very dedicated to thinking about certain people or desired outcomes in my life and how much time I would take of my day to fantasize about that, without realizing I wasn’t actually moving myself to create any of that at all in my life for real, nor even ponder if that was genuinely supportive. And if I look at the outcome of it all, sure the result of that was not something ‘useful’ for my life – yet, I still can recognize I lived the word dedication, therefore I simply now can direct that aspect of myself as dedication to supporting myself in this process of self-change and self-creation.

What I am trying to share here is that whenever we hear about ‘living words’ we have to remember that it’s not like this is something unknown or ‘new’ to us, we all have been living words, just not in the supportive way or in other aspects of our lives that we mostly tend to ‘automate’ creating compromising outcomes in our lives.

So here, it’s about seeing that we can review our lives and see how we’ve lived or have been living a certain word thus far and so in common sense decide how we can live that word in a constructive and genuinely supportive manner.

An example with dedication in my life, instead of being a dedicated ‘over-analyzer’ or ‘truth seeker’ or ‘information junky’ trying to get to the ‘bottom of things’ that ultimately doesn’t really assist me/support me in changing who I am in my everyday living or in my relationship with others, I can instead dedicate myself to know myself, to work with correcting my own habits and patterns that I know are a distraction and a deviation from the person I’d like to be and become.

If I see that I’m too quick to ‘give up’ on something based on a first few attempts of doing it, then I can apply dedication in terms of being more focused on practicing something, testing it out throughout more time, making the time for myself to do it and not allow excuses, reasons or justifications as to why I am so quick to give up upon trying something out a few times. Everything and every relationship requires much more time to assess ‘who we are’ in relation to something or someone and also get to know that something or someone better.

If I see that I am too quick to judge other people based on first-impressions and am too quick to create an ‘assessment’ of how I see myself in relation to the other person over a five minute conversation – then I can apply this word ‘dedication’ to genuinely dedicate some time to being with the person, getting to know them, giving myself the space over time to see who the person is in reality, beyond my immediate judgments, opinions or prejudices based on a ‘first glance’ towards someone that I meet for first time in my life.

If I am painting after over a year of not doing so at all and I dislike the outcome of it from the get go and wallow into an experience of ‘this is pointless, this is going nowhere, I should just not do it anymore, what’s the use?’ type of experience, I have to stop and instead dedicate myself to continue practicing it over time, not engulf myself completely in it, but rather dose this activity throughout the days and not attempt to get a perceived ‘successful result’ from the get go – I have to develop patience, consistency, diversification and dedication to get the outcomes I am aiming at.

If I see I am too dedicated to checking out news and general ‘world gossip’ every day and I haven’t actually given myself the time to focus on my own process, my own day, my own responsibilities and activities, If I am not dedicating myself to seeing myself in my own experience, checking where I am and how I can direct my time more effectively, I can apply this word ‘dedication’ to doing what I know it’s most supportive to myself, rather than wasting my time away in distractions that end up being wasted time of my life.

If I am picking up an instrument after years of not playing it at all and I see that I go into the experience of ‘what’s the use, it’s pointless, I’ve lost all practice, I should just give up’ I have to apply the word dedication and to understand that it will take time, patience and practice to get back on track with it, and that I can instead make sure I give some time of the day to it, rather than creating a resistance to it or seeing it entirely as ‘pointless’ because of not seeing any ‘visible results’ from it – I have to remind myself about how I once learned and how gradual the whole process was, which applies to any point of acquiring skills, learning something new or changing any habit, pattern or behavior within our lives as well.

So, as a recap, I’ve proven myself to be a dedicated person, just not all the time towards the supportive actions and things that I could genuinely benefit myself and others from. So it’s about adapting this word and living it in a way that I can apply that same devotion, focus and consistency I have lived to many other things in my life, and now use it towards a supportive outcome.

Thanks for reading

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


522. Standing Up From The Past

Or stopping self-definitions and self-judgments according to my past and focusing on who I currently am in my life

It was an interesting day because for various reasons I got to be recalling  a lot about ‘who I was’ over 10 years ago and what I was like and what I was ‘up to’ around that time. I discussed it with different people for various reasons, one of them being related to music because I plan on attending a music festival for the first time after some years of attending that kind of events, but this time I got a nice offer for it and a free trip to go there through a concert travel agency because of the amount of times I had used their services throughout my teenage years – probably going to some 15 concerts at the time so, they had this promotion that with having over 10 trips with them, one gets a free trip and that’s what I got, which is great! And I truly was doubting myself in going for it, like even seeing myself as ‘too old for that stuff’ lol – but I decided to give it a go and be open for it, regardless of my reluctance.

The point here is how I saw this people after over 10 years and it was quite funny how they remember me – over 10 years ago – yet I also noticed I was genuinely glad to see them too and see that their business has flourished. I also saw an ex-school mate in a store and it was also interesting to see someone – that I would see around on a daily basis during high school – after over a decade which again made me consider ‘the time that has passed’ yet being able to relate to him just because of that common space as high school.  Then I was talking with my mother about ‘the old times’ where I was very much this avid teenager that wanted to be going out to concerts all the time and what was my life back then: music, books, my friends and doing the whole ‘exploration’ of what it means to live at the same time.

I also had a chat with another person about how I used to play guitar and bass and how I once had a band for a little while and the people I used to be friends with, and some other things that led me to ‘bring the past back here’ and even though I enjoyed sharing myself in this, in some aspects or specific ‘topics’ I noticed I was a bit ashamed in relation to ‘how others will see me now’ based on the kind of relationships I had and how I held on to them as if they were really supportive for me, when the reality was that they were not really so. Yet as with everything, ‘investigating all things and keep what’s best,’ even while having been at the time with people that are not that easy going or having certain ‘special ways’ of being generally conflictive or having certain addictions etc. I could also in that moment realize that there were a few things that I did learn about them and that I’ve integrated as part of who I am in my life, things that I saw I liked about them and when applying them in my life it made my relationships with people easier, and I also shared that so as to explain that it’s not like it was ‘all bad’ but also create an equilibrium with some cool points from it all.

I did notice that while going back to over a decade ago in my conversations with people today, I got a sensation first of all of ‘Man, I’m growing old, I’m old! I once was young!’ LOL! Which I actually said out loud to some guys today and it was a funny moment – while others after so many years thought I was only 25 – well! Anyone would be flattered with that but I stand on my age really which is 30 and as much as at some point I really had become like ‘marked’ by some things of my past, it was truly when I started walking this process at Desteni at the age of 21 that I learned to let go of ‘carrying my past’ as a burden and stopping doing everything that I was seeking to do just to now be a ‘better person’ compared to ‘who I was in the past’.

And it was true that my past was ‘haunting me’ as it was explained in a structural resonance alignment research video that I was quite fortunate to get 9 years ago, because it was the first time that I was able to see to what extent I was always carrying my past as a ‘burden’, as something that I could not ‘make peace with and let go,’ and that’s because I was still defining myself, who I am here in the present according to my past, which sounds simple and easy to understand but it was truly in that moment when I heard this video-recording that I realized to what extent I was compromising myself because of ‘holding my past’ in my present, in this moment.

Now, this point of ‘holding the past in the present’ exists in fact as everything that we have become in our minds, it’s the way we think, we do things, we react, how we’ve ‘always’ done something that we haven’t directly changed or aligned within ourselves, that’s still us recreating the past within ourselves. So, at the time I worked quite a lot with self-forgiving all those memories, relationships, experiences, judgments, a lot of the judgment towards ‘all of that’ which I also might be making worse than it actually was, which is also a common thing we tend to do in our minds: blow things out of proportion.

So as I was sharing more about this ‘past time’ in my life, I noticed that there was an inkling of discomfort, very subtle when sharing some of the decisions I made at the time in terms of friendships and relationships and having myself be associated with people that at some level I wish I would not have been associated with, a form of subtle regret. However, at the same time it is part of what ‘shaped me’ and even though I got to see with clarity years later on what ‘drove me’ into those situations in my life and what I compromised of myself within it all, I still can only learn from it and ensure that I do not continue these same patterns.

In this case, unfortunately I do consider I continued repeating similar patterns which I definitely see that I have to be very aware and careful when it comes to who I decide to be in my life which will therefore define the kind of people and relationships and projects and things that I associate myself with.  So, this is a reminder for myself that as much as my past does not define me – and I frankly as I shared about it yesterday, cannot see ‘me’ in the same way that I was in the past – there will still be people that will relate to me based on those memories that they had of myself back then and yes it will be quite a change but, isn’t that actually very cool? That I can share with someone of ‘my past’ and say yes I’ve changed, I’m not the same as the person you once met but it’s still ‘me’ just not in all of those traits and aspects I had, it’s a better version of me.

And that’s what kind of happened when seeing these people ‘from the past’, people that I had not seen in over a decade and I actually also asked where they’re at now, how they have gotten their family growing, their businesses growing, asking how ‘life has been’ in a way where there’s simply a genuine enjoyment at the same time of being able to relate to people ‘from the past’ in my present moment.

I also realized I don’t need to even explain myself of ‘where I’m at’ because I simply relate to them with a genuine gladness of seeing them again, that’s who I decide to be then from now on, which actually also happened last month with seeing a girl that used to be one of my best friends in high school and seeing her was a genuine ‘good moment’ for me even if we don’t keep in touch anymore and that also kind of made me remember ‘who I was’ and how I used to be and behave in high school and almost wanting to say to her ‘hey I’ve changed!’ but it wasn’t needed, I simply was ‘me’ in the moment and let go of ‘how she would see me now’.

So as I’ve shared before, even if I had certain ‘traits’ and personalities before this process, I made sure there was always this constant in me of being able to relate to all people and that’s now what’s coming up even stronger in me as a point of expression, which is enjoyable for me and for others as well, because that’s the world I’d like to also create with all of us, where we can relate to each other and start ‘anew’ every time, be clear within ourselves instead of talking only to ‘memories’ that we’ve held within ourselves about each other and hold on to grudges and past ‘feuds’ and stuff like that, it’s not healthy for anyone, so best way is to forgive oneself for whatever ‘went on’ in our lives and move on to stand clear in our present within ourselves and so towards others.

In essence I had to let go of my judgments about myself, about ‘who I was’ and even when sharing more about the people I related with, to not be afraid to share this because yes, that’s where I was in my life, it does not define ‘me’ currently, it’s not what I’ve continued ‘to be’ up to now yet, there will always be people that were ‘with me’ or part of my past or a time in my life that I cannot ‘swipe off’ completely, I rather make it a point to greet everyone the way I’ve done in these occasions and in general, not holding a judgment up to people, but simply being ‘in the moment’ with them, which also simplifies things a lot in our interactions.

Now it’s about me not fearing that others will ‘define me’ according to who I was or who I related myself with, not that I was ‘the worst of the worst’ either lol, but simply quite different to where I am now. However this is actually a bit weird because I would find it awkward if I had not moved an iota as a person in my life and develop or change in any way over 10 years. It is actually then questionable why I would worry about ‘who I was’ and believing that at the eyes of others I am probably the same I was when I was 17 years old… it doesn’t make sense! It only makes sense if I am the one that is defining people according to how I saw them 10 years ago – now that’s the point here to take it back to myself.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually hold a memory of who these people were in the past and still believe I can ‘know who they are now’ based on those memories, which would be the definition of me doing onto others what I am precisely fearing they would ‘do onto me’ which then I must stop and cease to do within me first of all, because that’s the judgment I hold to myself, about myself and about others that must stop within me here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subtly fearing that others will define me according to who I was over 10 years ago and hold me in that ‘idea’ of myself, and so creating an experience of being ashamed or regretful of my past, of who I was back then or pondering ‘how they saw me’ which again, proves that these judgments are not theirs but only my own, my own ways in which I have gotten to still judge aspects of my life, decisions I made, relationships I had – but I also see that I would not be ‘here’ as I am if I had not gone through all of that which led me to also seek for a way to support myself at the same time and give myself a purpose beyond of all of those things and ways in which I was quite desperately and eagerly ‘searching for myself.’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only judgments that I can in fact look at and change are my own, not anyone else’s, and that if anyone has an idea of myself about who I was in the past and tries to match that who I am now, it’s entirely their process and their decision to do so, I cannot change that at all nor can I control or try and ‘create a new version of me’ so that they know ‘I’ve changed!’ because that’s not the point here either, not about others, all about myself.

What matters here is being clear within myself about all things related to my past, that time of my life while I was a teenager and all the things that I did which might not have been the ‘best ways’ to explore my life, but at the same time I have stood up from that and evolved into the person that I can now genuinely be with and not be afraid of ‘being in my skin’ and knowing who I am and actually genuinely recognizing the worth within myself as life that I have been working on to develop within myself and so in whoever I get to be in contact with.

And that’s much more substantial and why not, valuable for me than any perception, idea, belief or judgment I may hold ‘against’ me based on my past – because I’ve decided that my past doesn’t define who I am in this moment and I’ve mostly ‘shed that skin’ already, which I am glad for and this is also me entering t into 30 years and 6 months of age today and I like doing some of these ‘life recaps’ not only on a birthday but whenever I see the calendar hits the ‘first day of the month’ and I consider that today was an interesting set of events that led me to ‘remember me’ and see what could still come up as a judgment – but it’s definitely not something I get emotional or reactive about, I can easily speak about it as a part of ‘who I was’ – but it’s more of a shame ‘at the eyes of others’ which emerged, so I have to remind myself that what matters are not ‘the falls’ and being defined by ‘who I was’ but I decide to define myself according to the ways in which I have stood up again, in which I am till this day committing to support myself to be the person that I know I can be with for the rest of my life, and continue developing myself for the best.

So I am grateful for my day today where through various interactions and moments with others I was able to open up the ‘box of memories’ and confront others beyond ‘the memory’ I had of myself with them, but genuinely expressing and presenting myself as who I am now, while still being able to relate to them, without trying to ‘re-live’ the old me or anything like that, not needed at all. I was more in a stance of this is me now, this is what I do, this is where I stand and that’s exactly what I want you to be interacting with right now.

And that was nice to do as well in new interactions with people where I could share about my past candidly and simply take a ‘note’ of this slight shame that came up which I’ve realized here in this blog it’s just my own judgments that I need to stop based on ‘the past’ and so focus entirely on who I currently am.

That’s about it for now, point of the day: not to be ashamed or be ‘haunted’ by one’s past, not to allow myself to define me by my past, but rather focus on who I decide to be in this moment, who I decide to express myself as with new acquaintances and older ones that I had not seen in a long time, and that’s in fact all around awesome and self-supportive

Thanks for reading,

Enjoy

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


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