Tag Archives: destruction

464.Changing My World View

Or how I stopped feeding a back door/way out or ‘quick fix’ belief in my reality

 

A continuation on:

454. Embracing Living Potentials

 

There’s something interesting that I’ve noticed not only in myself but through and walking with various individuals I also have the opportunity to assist and support, and that is how much of our own way of looking at thing in our reality, our lives changes as we go walking through our minds which means, understanding ourselves better, getting to know the nooks and crannies of ourselves in terms of how we think, why we experience ourselves in a certain manner in certain situations, what motivates us, what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to fear, to desire, to procrastinate, to hold on to in various ways… it can be endless to get to know us to the T in all aspects. However the more that I’ve gotten to do this and worked through with myself not only to understand me, but to also directly work on changing these aspects, what tends to change as well is the way that we see the world, see our lives and so the way that we experience ourselves in it all.

I can identify with many people I work with where our minds usually tended to look for the pessimistic, fatalist and all-destructive outcomes as a sort of a desired outcome for humanity, believing that it’s the way to do justice to the Earth and Life and all other sentient beings that are not humans. However as much as this could be an acceptable idea, I also had to acknowledge and recognize the fact that a part of me actually was giving up on myself and on everyone else’s potential to change, which translates the whole point of ‘wanting an Armageddon or ultimate self-destruction’ in wanting the ‘easy way out’ while believing this is only fair to Life, that it’s fair to the animals, that it’s fair to nature etc.

Well, once that I understood my own desire to ‘run away’ from reality and justifying it within these seemingly irrefutable facts above, I stopped advocating such ideas in my head and it wasn’t something easy to stop identifying myself with, because as long as I held to my reasons, justifications and blame toward all of us humans for creating the world system ‘as is’ and causing so much destruction and suffering towards what’s here, I was focusing only on the idea of doing what seems right or fair as a form of vendetta that life could take on us, and me accepting it in a form of apparent martyrdom, lol – but more and more I started realizing that I in fact liked to entertain those thoughts of imminent destructions because in reality, I wanted an easy way out of our responsibility that we all hold and have to what is here as our creation, which is this whole world as is.

How do I see that I’ve been slowly but surely changing this approach is based on how I interact with reality. A daily example is how I watch or read news everyday as I’ve shared before in blogs, and how I continually work on not allowing information ‘get a hold of me’ and so driving myself to feed again that self-destructive or ‘end of the world’ type of desire, which became even a sort of experience at an energetic level where a part of me would be really wishing everything to just go wrong and end ‘asap’.

Here what happens when not entertaining those ‘easy way out through destruction’ thoughts any longer and making peace with the realization that: we are not going anywhere, we are here to build the solutions from the ground up, bit by bit, no matter how ‘long’ or how ‘hard’ it may seem, there is like a point of ‘making peace’ with who I am, with what is here as our reality, with what we’ve become as human beings and so instead of continually being existing in friction and conflict towards ‘us’ as the creators of what is here, ‘building my case’ to kind of ‘prove to life’ that ‘we are not worthy as human beings, that we should be eradicated from the face of the earth ASAP’, I have been instead focusing more on seeing where I can start, where do we have to start as human beings to build sustainable solutions from the ground up, and this starts at a very individual level really, which is why I and many others are focusing on this level of self-awareness and so self-creation along with others to understand how is it that as we all go changing one by one, long lasting external changes will invariably also be created as a result of this individual self-change.

With this I am implying how my way of looking at things changed from destruction to creation. I am more grounded and realistic, more ‘here’ in the sense of embracing and accepting what is existent as ourselves, as this world – not to leave it ‘as is’ of course, but to simply stop continually fighting it in a silent yet continuous mode and I can definitely say that this continuous inner fight projected on the ‘outside’ leads nowhere other than procrastinating the real process of self-change that we can start by and with ourselves first. In short, I stopped ‘blaming’ and instead focused more on starting with changing this very aspect of ‘blaming’ and projecting my own experiences onto ‘the world out there’ – self responsibility first of all.

I find it somehow easier to see reality for what it is, to go stopping the judgments that I would usually entertain and feed within the idea of still building a case as to why we are just ‘lost’ and ‘without a remedy therefore we should just cease to exist’, seeing ourselves – human beings – as a cosmic joke, a mistake that should have never been and it is this kind of experiences of disgust, misanthropy in a way and a deep desire to just ‘end it all’ that would continually cloud my view of reality even in subtle yet ever present ways that would be creating this noise for me to not be able to see the potential in me and so in others in a full and crystal clear manner, because there were these constant back doors within me as seemingly ‘hidden desires’ for a ‘quick fix’ really, a way to just ‘end it all’ and not have to face the actual process of learning to recognize and take responsibility for our creation, to understand what is it that we’ve exactly accepted and allowed and so be willing to self forgive, let go of that past and do the work to actually change ourselves to something that we can live with and stand by for the rest of our existence.

Here it’s clear for me to see that one can have the greatest understanding of things and be agreeing with principles and ideas that represent a better outcome for all life, but I saw myself how as long as I held on to these ‘backdoors’ as ‘way outs’ that I still held as something that ‘makes sense’ that is ‘justifiable’ and is an ‘acceptable’ thing to exist within me, I would still eventually exert those beliefs as experiences and judgments that I would project onto ‘humanity’ out there. It’s interesting because I didn’t create a particular ‘personal fight’ against a particular faction of human beings, but all of them/us ‘en masse’ and so whenever doing that exercise where one can bring up the first word that comes to mind when holding in our minds an image of humanity, all that came up in me was an experience I can encompass as disdain, despair, disappointment, disgust, things that represented that part of myself that was not yet seeing the potential that each one of us hold within ourselves, which is of course yet to be developed.

So, upon walking those judgments that would turn into experiences that I would project towards ‘humanity’, I realized how I was only doing what most of us human beings do: blame, being lame in seeing others as ‘the problem’ for what we are experiencing, which as much as I could have reasons and validations for this experience with me based on the, yes, obvious destruction and enslavement we’ve imposed to all life, I had to also realize that there is really no point in blaming as that only keeps me locked into this fatalist experience, seeing no potentials in other beings – therefore within myself – and at the same time, it becomes a comfort zone to not actually change me, challenge me, my views because I believe that ‘I am right, I am making a point with those desires!’ – but that righteousness is precisely what easily blinds us from understanding where we are in fact still reacting, still blaming  – even in very subtle ways – like in the form of ‘doing justice’ or ‘doing what’s right’ yet still holding such experience within me that came from a starting point of giving up, of not wanting to do the actual work and dedication it will take to sort anything out in this world, starting with ourselves.

Therefore, I find it very relevant to check every time that I see myself getting again into that ‘despondent’ experience within me, where I start again building my ‘web’ or my case for seeing ‘no way out’ for us as human beings, which can be as easily as going into the streets and making a mind-decision to focus more on all the things that are wrong, that are consequential, that are creating problems, all the interactions between people that seem problematic and emotional, all the poverty, all the disregard for one another and go building my case as to why it is futile to stand up for any change because ‘look at humanity! It’s impossible!’ Really?

I’ll dare to say nope, it’s not – because I am living this change myself and I am walking it in a very real time process with people in my life that many others could have probably given up on long ago, which is still a process to walk but every day It assists me in seeing what is possible in real time change, only requiring a directive decision and awareness by each one of us to do so, and it’s quite marvelous and I can say for the first time this is not only me doing it in my own life, but also seeing it first hand in the lives of many that I also have the fortune to be walking with in this process and assisting directly as well in their personal Desteni I Process courses.

So whenever I get to feel ‘despondent’ towards the things out there in the world, whenever I get to feel that way in ‘rough times’ I can now use yesterday’s word and remind myself of Hope as an indication that my experience is letting me know there are new ways to explore to create solutions, there is a need to check within myself where is it that I am giving up and so how can I practically create ways through and solutions to the situation I am in or that I can contribute to in the lives of others.

I can therefore openly say that we are the hope for humanity, for real, because we are actively working individually and together in many parts around the world to start one by one creating and sticking to living this self-change that for many that have come and gone, seemed impossible. I definitely can understand all the reasons of why some decided to not follow through with it, I can understand every weakness that leads oneself to make such decisions because in one way or another, I’ve faced those myself in many ways including intense manners as well. But I am also glad to say that those were supportive challenges for me to continually re-affirm my vow to my life and the life in everything/us all – they have been parts of what I can call ‘the eye of the needle’ tests that I’m sure I’ll have to keep on walking through because this is only what is common sensical to do if we are to stand as individuals that can truly stand one and equal to life in all ways, I would not allow half-ways or dubious selves to be part of it.

This is then a realization and sharing of one of  my most tricky, yet ever present, obstacles that I have been able to ‘crackdown’ within myself in the past few months, and it’s quite a lol as well because it’s that which I had become or ‘lived’ within myself to such an extent that I was not even questioning such ‘nature’ in me as this character or set of patterns that saw ‘no way out’ but still found it important to stick to walking this process, while I was still holding on to a part of my easy-way-out ego that preferred to not see potential so as to not have to do the actual work to unearth it, ‘carve it out’, sculpt it and polish it so to speak, which means to actually develop and create something. In essence, diminishing myself in the belief that I could not ‘keep up with’ or be able to stick through the actual process to do this, but here I am going to challenge and prove that self-belief wrong by doing this for real.

This year is coming to an end and as much as it is funny to see people in social media ‘hating’ 2016, I more like understand where that sentiment is coming from, and as much as I could have joined that same charade in older times, I stand corrected with gratefulness for all the various challenges and changes and definitive decisions I took on this year which were quite a few, all of them having their ‘2 cents’ forcing me to look at deeper within me in order to process stuff, to change, which is great I mean, how else could I have gotten to that if it wasn’t for these challenges in our reality?

So, one thing is certain and that is how I definitely don’t see the world as I used to at the beginning of this year, I am committing myself to keep developing that focus on potential, on what is possible, on what can be worked on, carved out, sculpted and polish in each one of us and it’s truly gratifying to do this, I cannot be more grateful than being able to have the trust and confidence of other people walking this process directly with me as assisting them in walking through this same process in a parallel mode with myself, which is definitely not only a ‘one way’ form of support, it’s absolutely mutual as well. I definitely would like us all human beings to be able to do this for each other, to create relationships of support, care, nurturing each other’s lives and having that starting point of being there for each other, genuinely care to contribute in someone’s life to be better in whichever way we can, that’s what to me life is about, at least my current definition of course, but has certainly become one of my living purposes without a doubt.

Looking back to ‘check ourselves’ is cool and to keep a note on all the points yet to be worked on in the following year.

Thanks for reading aaand

Please give yourself some time to hear this awesome episode of Desteni Radio that definitely inspired and evoked this reflection within me today:

 

Desteni Radio # 10 – Joe Goes Mad Part 2: There is no Quick Fix

 

and a great quote from it:

 

Joe

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:

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247. Blindly Following Our Progress

Doomsday is a novelty joke to evade the consequences of our thoughts, words and deeds of having disregarded the laws of nature and the physical in our reality in the name of following through with our mind-driven desires, all based on energy which implies the abuse of the physical for the sake of feeling just Fine.

What’s the fine line between progress and devolution? The neglect in which we have built this marvelous see-evil-I-zation wherein we have focused on the ‘I’ only of self interest, following our success, no matter ‘what’ has to be destroyed and potentially damaged for the rest of the Earth’s existence just to have a moment of bliss and ideal of progress disregarding the shit hitting the fan while smiling at the beautiful scenes of what progress implies.

Cities like Dubai are the perfect example of what human beings as gods disregarding the ‘forces of nature’ imply: creating this great buildings at the expense of the most horrid living conditions that any worker on Earth is currently having to go through just to make a living. The same goes for all the people that confections our clothes, build our gadgets, grow and reap our food which is essentially the extraction and transformation industries that get to do the most work at the expense of slave labor. The ‘retail’ industry is the one that benefits through us buying brands, lifestyles, experiences that we have tagged as our ‘successful living’ while neglecting everything that had to be destroyed for that single ‘lifestyle’ to be now something that is Normal to ourselves.

Read Matti Freeman’s Day 152: Slaves of Dubai – Exposing the Darkness behind the Glittering Lights of Progress for further context.

 

Continuing from:

 

We’ve come to the point where we would rather expect some 3 days of darkness to happen or some planetary alignment and suddenly have a renewed world all of a sudden. Seriously, is there any  trace of sanity in such beliefs? No – and this world-system is proof of how we have all been inherently insane to keep blindly participating in this world system wherein Nothing is projected to be sustainable in a long term basis.

I was watching Gian’s video on Hope – which I obviously suggest you watch as well – and realized that it is true, we are born with a certain belief/idea of ‘this is how things always have been and there’s no change in how things work’ – and in this ‘this is how things work’ is the doom of our race, because in such acceptance we have only gone either of the two following ways:

1. Waiting for the world to end/ be destroyed = doomsday character.

2. Waiting for something marvelous to happen that will wash away all the destruction and will wipe out all our atrocities in a blink of an eye = ascension/ transformation of consciousness character.

 

Both are equally fucked, to say the least, since we can read WAITING which is just precisely HOPING for something to happen. In both scenarios we either drive ourselves to a Negative Self Experience – which is what I have described in the past posts – or we drive ourselves to a Positive Self Experience, which is all your ascension/2012 transformation of consciousness type of messages. It is funny to recall the last book I read on the Mayan Calendar subject, right before Desteni – well in fact the day I finished the book I encountered Desteni – where Dr. Calleman said that by November 2012, everyone would be enlightened – I would quote the page of the 2012 Transformation of Consciousness book he wrote, but gave it away within the realization that I had just indulged in quite an extensive amount of unfounded statement. Wow, really wow.  If enlightenment means being ready to continue using and abusing the Earth by our every single move in everything we think say and do then by all means, we are full of light and will soon burst into flames if we don’t stop.

 

What I realize is that beyond me having gone into the negative experience about the world and feeling all sad/ depressed that ‘this world is shit,’ is really only the exact same as thinking positive and waiting for something Great to come, because in self-doomification I am doing exactly the same thing: Only waiting for an End while precisely only living to die and doing absolutely Nothing to stop the current ways in which our society has been made ‘acceptable,’ which is accepting and allowing self-abuse in all ways.

 

Now, the problem is not the Earth of course or the ecosystem and all the living beings beside the human being, that was perfect in its natural equilibrium; it is our force as human nature of actual Evil that has disregarded the physical forces we are subject to. That’s what playing God in essence has been about: believing we could somehow implement our jolly civilizations of multiple advancements without a single point of concern on ‘what’s next’ you know? Because there is a very important factor that we have ALL Participated in: We Trusted in those that have come before us to only give ‘permission’ – accept and allow – to implement what is currently running here as a living-condition that should be beneficial for all. But is it so? Of course not, not at all since all decisions made have been based upon Energy, which in this world system means Money/ Profit being the directive principle of the route we have followed through as humanity. And as all decisions made/founded upon energy: there is a massive disregard for its sustainability in the long run, and this goes from relationships that we found upon this energetic positive experience to making our living decisions of what career to study, what to ‘invest upon’ only within the same scheme of what we have currently valued as ‘More’ than life itself.

 

When I was a child, I developed this ‘ecological awareness’ in a very limited way, but it was ‘something’ and I remember being 7-8 years old and from that time and on, every time that  I flushed the toilet I would ‘feel bad’ for the water that will have to go with all the rest of the world’s toilet water and polluting the Earth. Whenever I would take a shower I would literally imagine how many more were showering around the world as well, how many were spending too much water in their showering while I was ensuring I would spend the least – I worried about things like littering on the streets and the smog produced by all the cars in the city – and I would become rather depressed whenever I would get to go to another country or see pictures of another’s travels throughout Europe for example, and be marveled at the cleanliness and order that those cities/places were in, it all seemed ‘to good to be true,’ which is another outflow and consequence of us regarding such advancements as something genuinely positive to follow and desire. I only created a loathing for my country and the people here, so I went into an absolute abhorrent state because in my mind ‘no one cared’.’  And again, going into a ‘powerlessness’ and ‘hopelessness’ because no matter how much I tried to make an effort to ‘do something,’ obviously it was futile, because I wasn’t really looking at or aware of the greater picture of how things work in this reality.

 

Throughout the years, it was like swimming against the tide all the time, everyone just wanted me to relax a bit about all the things I would constantly worry about – all that which I called ‘pollution’ yet never really saw how everyone’s – including my own-  every single move contributes to this ‘pollution,’ no matter what we do in this current society. So, this is part of a personality that I became until I simply opted for the ‘fly away’ type of personality wherein I would shove aside my constant awareness on dirt/ pollution/ contamination/ civil carelessness for the environment and blamed this country and its people for it, never really understanding the magnitude of the problem at a global scale of which this idea of progress was mostly the direct source of, and how it was because of the ‘improvements’ that people in the first world were developing as the ‘ultimate civilizations’ that we were in fact following through with this abuse, without the necessary education on how to DEAL with everything we would get now from such first world countries and simply started copying it, using it,  without any further regard, which became a problem because we simply followed through with the ‘advancements’ without really pondering: hmm, if I buy a v.8 vehicle yes I’ll have a shitload of HP and luxuries, but is this sustainable?

And so, our living standard instead of focusing on creating sustainable conditions for transportation became the ultimate presentation of an actual mock to any regard for the resources required to run a v.8 vehicle, because all that we really cared for is showing off our ability to pay for such amount of gas, taxes and maintenance as an indication of elevating our power of acquisition through buying that which could SHOW to others that we are ‘making it in the system.’ This is what our success have become.

 

“A Successful Failure, is when Failure is taken Personally – and the Purpose of Failure is not Grasped. Because Failure, has been Changed into the Illusion of Energy and is Experienced as some form of ‘Feeling’.
Failure, when Grasped – is the Map and the Road to Self-Perfection.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

The example I give is quite a tangible one, since also in my home city there’s Volkswagen and all the German people worked there and had this thing for cars, which I then became used to the idea of one has to have this latest-model of car and dispose the older ones because: you always get improvements. This is a single example of how we Always buy into the idea (social conditioning) of having the latest and most recent upgrade of everything as a sign of success – see for yourself how only the nice bright idea of power is looked at, but have no regard at the actual need for an upgrade and what happens with all the cars that are disposed, what are the current productions settings that have created our brand new car, the gas requirements, labor that has been put into it, how has it been paid for – none of that is of our concern, we feel like royals just having the ability to buy it and ride it and disregard everything else. And yes, it feels GREAT but I bet it won’t feel that great when there’s no freaking gas to pump into such v.8 vehicles, where already decisions are being made between eating or pumping gas into your car, as a matter of fact and consequence of disregarding basic common sense equations in which life should run upon.

 

Now we get the point of success being a blatant ignorant self-abuse, you see?

 

And then, when the shit hits the fan as it is happening now, we would rather follow through either of the above mentioned 2 options, instead of actually placing our hands on the problems and become aware of the series of steps that we have followed through until it’s become this chain-massacre of points that we accepted and allowed to end up in this blind-line of production and consumption that is disregarding and neglecting the primer matter of which everything is formed.

Please read an Economist’s Journey to Life for further  details

 

I had to just go and clean the fridge from all the food that my house mates have just ‘left’ and realized how just because we have the money to buy, we simply buy-buy-buy and don’t even think about what we are in fact going to in fact use. I can absolutely say that the waste of food I have created for the most part has been the one I have processed in my own physical body and dumped on the toilette, but I absolutely measure the amount of food I will in fact eat – and if some vegetables go rot, it’s a minimal quantity that I can place as compost for the tree and that’s it. And when confronting anyone about such blind-consumption, we only face the point of: Oh but ‘I’ bought it, so it’s ‘my’ stuff as a given right to abuse. The same we do with everything that we consume that we know it’s not beneficial, like people taking drugs and believing that it is only THEM that they are fucking up, not anyone else – which means that we disregard the basic fact that Everything we do, act and speak is linked through a collective process of coexisting in the same world, this means: there are no ‘isolated forces’ that will not have an effect and consequence on this reality, we’re all equally contributing to them.

 

And once again, what do we do? If you ask any regular person, everyone’s just hoping things will just go ‘mildly wrong’ in our lifetime as it’s being predicted everywhere, we just hope to ‘make it through,’ die and leave the future generations with the most heavy load of destruction to deal with. This is the statement we are living by every day that goes through without placing and becoming a solution to this world.

 

What is this whole ‘evolution’ based on, what is our progress based on? Abuse of the Earth to make things bigger, faster, greater, more efficient, more astounding and creating within ourselves this fantabulous self-experiences of this being a ‘marvelous world/ our creation,’ but we rarely or never even look at all the processes behind everything that we consume – and for that, we are ALL equally responsible.

 

And this is one of the points that listening to the See no Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak no evil – Life Review which really walks us through what we’ve become without a doubt in this world, and also a great way to gift to another a piece of audio-awareness that can be an eye opener for this ‘holiday season’ when all our “Love” is DEMON-strated through buying/ consuming and giving each others stuff that we have no idea how it’s been created.

 

So, where does our responsibility reside on? Having accepted and allowed the current lifestyles we’re living as ‘the way things are’ which is what Anu also explains is something that should be really questioned at all times, as that implies the inertia that we’ve moved ourselves within: how things are/ it’s always been this way wherein we automatically infer = then it is fine, then it is okay, then there is no harm or potential life-threat within this, because it’s been running for 50 years. Well, it’s certainly ONLY 50 years that’s taken us to massively upscale our current abuse on Earth and we call this progress.

And we expect doomsday? Lol that would certainly be a ‘gift’ if any god existed, we won’t get rid of any consequence any time soon unless we actually take responsibility for it, face it and fix it.

 

“Without Failure – Self-Perfection is Impossible.
Without Failure – Birthing Harmony on Earth is Impossible.
Without Failure – Perfecting Individualization is Impossible.
Without Failure – Enlightenment Perfection is Impossible.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

To be continued, for sure.

 

 

Red Fears

 

Vlogs:

 

Interviews at Eqafe 

 
    Blogs:

    2012 Existential Anguish: Solved

    Me Myself MarlenLife

     

    Here I share about this photo that had no description or explanation when I first made it and uploaded it on December 22nd, 2011 – to me it just seemed like another ‘anguished representation’ of a general experience that I’ve had – and most certainly every human being has had – throughout my life, wherein this ‘existential anguish’ became something that I could not ‘pin point’ yet it was definitely Here as myself, not knowing why or what I could possibly be so ‘sad’ about. It wasn’t even sadness either, it wasn’t a depression either – This was ‘something else.’

     

    When I was reading Sunette’s blog, and this specific quote  it all just clicked and this image that I had surreptitiously posted on Facebook as a way to share how I would experience myself at times wherein it’s not a personal anguish, because there was nothing ‘going on’ within my personal life – but a general/ existential anguish which would come through most of the art I have created – always depicting suffering and humanity in some form of massive enslavement – and I had no understanding within myself on why I was drawing this, why I had such a constant drive to draw the same type of themes, while getting a constant experience of being dismal about reality.

     

    So, now understanding reality and all the latest interviews and Sunette’s blogs have allowed me to understand everything that I ever sought to understand and there’s a phrase that I’ve been having on a constant basis while reading, hearing, understanding who I am here: all makes sense now, and it’s a great relief as much as it is a great duty to be informed and essentially, preparing myself because I’ve never been so sure about something in my life. I cannot even recognize who the hell I was in the past, feeling lost and so afraid of the world and people – and this is not a magic-wand type of realization: it’s taken time and I’m sure that as time progress we can only go asserting ourselves more and more within this process.

     

    Why is it a ‘weight off’ of my back to understand this? Because I could experience this constant friction and conflict within myself without a reason. I always got to read/ hear people’s stories that made sense as to why they would be depressed, or sad and generally self-destructive in their lives due to their contexts, but I always had a ‘good life’ and I simply got to believe that I was being just an attention seeker and spoiled brat trying to be a drama queen. But no, it wasn’t that either… it was definitely something beyond even a point of self manipulation as I mostly would keep it to myself, and actually play the ‘forte’ one with/ toward people that were ‘truly depressed’ by their self-created circumstances – yes, everything we have ever experienced has been Self-Created.

     

    So – to me this is understanding more of myself, what I was expressing, which made me ‘excited’ and still a little jump on my chest comes up when I bring ‘here’ that moment when reading Sunette’s blog The Forward March to HELL: DAY 28  and it all just suddenly clicked as I had have a general concern about not knowing ‘why I paint that’ – It’s one of the ‘lost pieces in the puzzle’ that I had sought in books, spirituality, philosophy, people, personal heroes and only now it is all coming together so that I can finally stop my personal mysteries and focus on that which is actually relevant, which doesn’t have anything to do with seeking some great truth behind art – I’m done with that, this is about Self-Realization – Self-Creation as a physical being that essentially can continue living here, breathing, walking all relationships back to Self wherein no more separation as relationships exist.

     

    The truth is that when I go stopping all past definitions as ‘who I was,’ I in fact remain and more ‘human’ than ever as a living flesh that is no longer torturing itself with mindful gaps that would occupy my mind on a constant basis at times in my past.

     

    I am the one that is able to now ensure that I stop all forms of EXPERIENCE toward the separation that I’ve ‘felt’ as myself, as this world and coming along with the usual dreary experience when seeing people not caring about each other, people striving to make a living, people living and begging for money on the streets, animals being hit by their owners, children being hit by their parents, people fighting and cursing at each other for no reason, people competing against each other and never even questioning WHY we can’t just Be Life.

     

    So – the death and destruction now makes sense to me as I see that I’ve done this all to myself and it’s in my hands to now stop it, walk my process of writing on a daily basis, applying Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application, so that all that I go realizing as the separation that I’ve become can finally be brought back to self, wherein I take Self-Responsibility to ensure that Life is never again dissociated from who we really are as physical beings.

     

    I invite everyone reading these words to check out the afore mentioned blog and all of our blogs that are being pressed on a daily basis as the commitment that we as Destonians have taken on as Our Lives.

     

    As far as art-creation, I’ll continue making it but I now can stop actually experiencing that as an energetic possession that was driving me mad – and instead, walk the points of separation as myself, as my own words and still be able to depict it in a picture/ drawing/ painting as the result of realizing how blind we have become and propose the solution that can be walked by All in the name of Life in Equality.

     

    The World is Not going to end – the only thing that will end is our human negligence and disregard for each other which most certainly needs to meet its end in each and every one of ourselves.

    Walk with us

    Journey to Life

    “Advantages of Blogging – it makes sure the disadvantages does not manifest as backchat/shame – but, seriously though – it’s cool seeing the days go as you walk – lol; and with continuing walking it’s like – man, I can’t turn back or stop now, because I know if I will, all that I have done this far will mean nothing, and will have to start again – so, you just keep on writin’/moving and becomes more natural each passing day” Sunette Spies

     

    Self Forgiveness is the Key to STOP All our Existential Woes and actually Get back on Track to what must be done in order for us to finally be able to say: We are Here and we are ALIVE

    Some other quotes I’ve taken from Sunette’s blogs that allowed me to understand more about myself:

    Vlog:
    2012 Existential Woes – Stop and Know Yourself

    If you want to hear a very simplistic explanation of this process, get the following interview:

    Reptilians – Where does Relationships come from – Part 40

     

    HEAR Great Music made by Destonians

    Earthonites-Jealousy

     

    And a cool blog to walk the correction:

    Day 2: Perfection Game
    Glorifying the Devil as the Nature of God: Day 36
    Day 36: Heaven on Earth

    I recommend hearing the following interview to make sure you don’t miss out on your own life and only realize when it is too late.

    Life Review – When Life turns its back on You


    2012 Death and Destruction

    To me 2012 was a year of ‘The End’ and I was once an acrid believer that something would happen in 2012. I would  get an energetic kick out of speaking about ‘the apocalypse,’ ‘the end of the world’ and all possible outcomes wherein I mostly wanted everything to be wiped out, it would make my life ‘exciting’ as in looking forward to the year we’ve just stepped in now.

    I assume that this belief got to my ears through the Discovery Channel back in 1998 or around that time when I was interested in watching exorcisms, prophecies and all things occult that they would broadcast from time to time. The idea of ‘the end of the world’ and ‘alien abductions’ were topics that fascinated me and my father from a young age. We both wanted us to get abducted by aliens – yes as bizarre as that may sound – until I got to see a movie called ‘fire in the sky’ and then stopped desiring being alien abducted going to the opposite of ‘being scared of being alien abducted.’  Funny that I didn’t remember that and it just came up as I began writing.

    The general ‘feeling’ of talking about aliens, the end of the world, Nostradamus, 2012, Earth’s cataclysms and the general madness in the world was that of excitement mixed with a sense of fear at the same time, along with a general sensation at a physical level like when you get chills,  it was an overall energetic experience to point it out bluntly. If I could give a word to it would be ‘sublime’ wherein something that is supposed to be of great horror produces a sense of  pleasure and fascination, mostly related to the pictures and aesthetics associated with it.

    Now, I would have to go as far as seeing how living less than a 100 km away from a volcano that suddenly became quite active when I was 7 years old became part of this constant ‘watch’ of ‘something bad happening’ in the form of a natural disaster. I used to be the one linking all possible tragedies and events to a potential ‘end of the world,’ I became a clue-finder seeking in all religions and all prophecies all points that could match a general pattern that could confirm to me: the world is going to end in 2012.

    2012 was of course then the reason why I came across Desteni while seeking lectures on YouTube explaining the Mayan Calendar by Ian Xel Lungold. This guy’s explanation seemed really accurate at the time in the overall understanding/ explanation of this calendar as the exact depiction of events and cycles that we’ve lived as humanity, which  made absolute sense to me. I bought a book by Dr. Calleman called The Mayan  Calendar and the Transformation of Consciousness – which I’ve recently given away – and after I read that book, I was eager to know ‘more’ about it all. So I ran a search and found Ian Xel Lungold from the Afterlife and the rest is history.

    It all made sense to me right away, I became extremely excited and kept watching the material until I realized that 2012 had been a sick joke, a part of the program to keep humans entertained and realized that I had been duped just like everyone else. I mean, when I was in high school I would engage myself in long conversations about how we required to just give an end to the world, because that was the only solution I saw  to the increasing problems we were facing in that moment –this was around 2004/ 2005.

    Now,we know that there will be no end of the world per se – The only End I could promote now is the endless human disregard and carelessness toward this reality as ourselves, the end of the negligence toward each other, the end of being self-centered humans that have no fucking idea of how the world works, how we are currently keeping the system in place and how the reality that we ‘seek to attain’ within this current system is sickening the world to its highest capacity.

    After all these years- and I mean a belief that probably remained dormant and as a secret ‘back door’ in my mind for over half of my life – I realized that I wanted it all to end because deep inside I would see no solution, nor did I ever see myself as the point that could be the solution itself. I actually went as far as making choices in life based on ‘the world ending in 2012’ – I’m walking the manifested consequences of all the deliberate decisions I made based on me literally thinking that by 2011-2012 the situation in the world would be so dire that I would not have any time/money left to study, I pictured myself living in the worst case scenario by 2012 wherein I could finally make use of my excuse to not direct myself effectively while claiming ‘The world was going to end anyways!’

    Just to give some perspective on the lies that I read. According to Calleman, by November 2011 there would be no human being on Earth without having reached enlightenment.

    However, this entire 2012 point became more than just ‘a year,’ it was a general view/ perspective creating an entire personality within me of seeing humanity as doom. Now this is not about now stopping seeing the reality as it is. It’s about stopping perceiving the reality through the eyes/perspective of a general ‘doom’ and gloomy view wherein the thoughts that would run through my head were only that of giving a ‘clean end’ to this world. I realize that I don’t have to be keeping this ‘view’ on the world all the time. I am aware of it yet don’t allow myself to participate within further energetic kicks and secret resorts of thinking that I want it all to just end for once and for all.

    AA’s videos on her wanting to end this entire existence were of great support for me in the past because I realized that I had the same ‘secret desire’ for that, yet she proved herself how it is not possible to destroy it all hence we go into the reason and excuse of why it was easier to promote and think of ‘an end’ to this reality without taking responsibility for it.

    Self victimization is just another way to not take self responsibility and actually do what is required to be done. It was much easier to just claim doom and not actually take the time and dedication to correct myself.

    As I continue this after having recorded myself in this, I see that 2012 point and general view on the world is no different to a god belief on something/ someone wiping out the Earth all of a sudden, with everything and everyone just having an end for once and for all. 

    So, what I am doing here is directing myself to stop this personality which is one of those points that I’ve held on to as a point of self definition that entailed ‘hope’ as well, not hoping for things to ‘get better’ but hoping for a clean end to come out of nowhere for everyone.  I mean, these thoughts of wanting to exterminate it all are quite old. I have an image of having these thoughts when I was in elementary school – around 5th grade – and how when discussing the rate of pollution and general problems in the world, I had this image of extermination of all humans in my head, I judged myself for having those thoughts because of seeing them as ‘evil.’ Ever since I kept it as a secret, a form of general ‘disgust’ toward myself and the rest of humanity for becoming the scavengers of this Earth. Once again, this is not to now claim ourselves to be little white doves, this is to end the energetic input I would place to this which would create general experiences of animosity and apathy toward human beings, another form of superiority wherein I apparently was the only one that ‘saw’ reality and our ‘true parasitic nature’ on this Earth.

    Actually, part of this process has been moving from this general aversion toward humanity into making myself the  proof that it is possible to change. This is not easy, it is a process – though I am certain that it is possible because we have examples already of that with many walking this process along. We’re not done yet of course and there’s a lot to be walked through as the manifested consequences of our general disregard toward life in this reality. However,  this time it’s very clear how to proceed from now on in terms of not participating in this general personality of seeing it all as gloomy-doomy eventually becoming my own experience and contributing to the actual doom and gloom that many human beings are in fact experiencing every single day because of our general disregard. Once again, it’s easier to have a particular gloomy perspective toward the world instead of taking self responsibility for it.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add a positive charge to ‘end of the world’ ideas as that would mean that I would be – apparently – able to finally ‘rest’ and ‘forget about it all’ in this world.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I could ‘get away from this reality’ by dying and within this, believing that ‘it all would end which could only signify that I am not willing to walk an actual process of re-educating ourselves to live for the very first time as equals.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of death and destruction  creating a general view/ perspective of reality wherein I would see ‘no way out’ of it other than  exterminating humanity to ‘end it all’ for this world.

    I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see and realize that within wanting to ‘end it all’ I would only be standing as a single perspective according to ‘how I see the world’ wherein acting and thinking from this starting point destroying it all, would be an actual selfish and self-centered perspective, without taking into consideration the whole as myself.

    I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that ‘wanting to end it all’ = wanting to end the creation that I thought I could not stand one and equal to, to create a point of self correction as myself within this reality, and instead resorting to quick fixes such as ‘ending it all’ because of believing and perceiving there was ‘no way out’ of it. I /we / all are creators of this reality and we take into consideration the fact that we must work together as equals toward a best for all outcome, instead of hiding and damning this reality by participating in thoughts that indicate an actual abdication of self responsibility.

    I realize that the only way for us human beings to be acceptable within this world will be through a process of becoming Earthlings, living according to Earth’s rules and cycles, wherein we actually become the caretakers of nature, the animal kingdom and the entirety of the planet and every single part of it that is equally here, assisting and supporting the unconditional expressions that are here and that we’ve neglected for all this time.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/ desire and wish for ‘an end’ to all of this as a form of not having to face myself, not having to actually live a life of actual work and dedication to create myself as the point of change I see we require to take on as ourselves to create a world that’s best for all. I see, realize and understand that ‘seeking the end’ is another quick fix to not have to actually face the consequences of our actions as human beings. I direct myself to be and become the change that I want to see in this world, not only for myself but for the rest of the beings that are equally here.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form this personality of seeing only ‘death and destruction’ as a form of sticking to a point of self-definition and entire personality wherein all things related to such points would be of my ‘fascination,’ which is another way to keep myself entertained and ‘fascinated’ with the experience/ energetic kick I’d get out of it, instead of actually investigating how I have contributed to the separation that is existent within this reality that is ourselves, our creation.

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate this point of ‘doom and gloom’ by engaging and promoting ‘the end of the world’ wherein the secret desire was that of not having to actually walk a life of taking self responsibility, of having a job, having to walk the general lifestyle that a human being has – hence I actually feared facing this reality ‘as it is,’ and the quick way out of that was through ‘exterminating everyone’ including myself, which is an actual self-righteous and self-centered perspective that is not taking into consideration the actual consequences taken in the name of others as well.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with this general fascination  with ‘the end of the world’ and create it as a ‘link’ toward my father because of him ‘liking these topics as well’ and making of it a justification of why I get these thoughts of death and destruction and have made them something ‘cool’ to talk about, because of how I used to use such topics to be able to relate to him.

    I actually got to confirm this by striking a conversation with him and getting to see what’s the source of his general anger explosions over really insignificant things (e.g. “losing” the parking lot’s ticket and becoming extremely irritated about it) and the conversation got us to how he gets violent thoughts toward other human beings wherein in the past, if enough rage accumulated, he’d actually engage into verbal/physical fights –

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to divert my point of responsibility by exerting anger and rage toward the world and seeing ‘the world’ and the people in it as ‘the problem,’ instead of first looking at myself and realizing where I am not being self honest and taking responsibility for what I am participating in within my thoughts wherein the ultimate separation toward other human beings and the entire existence is generated to eventually be manifested as the reality that we’re living in.

    We’ve accepted this ‘temperament’ as ‘hereditary’ and it was only yesterday that I saw how I would identify with such thoughts that he would sometimes externalize in a half-joking way. I always accepted them as part of my father’s personality, never seeing how such point existed within me as well. Hence all of this is here to understand how I have created myself according to my father’s thoughts in terms of death, extermination and so forth. It’s fascinating because you don’t get that impression of people holding these thoughts when interacting with  them (him/ myself) yet such thoughts are actually existent within us, which is a general fucked up thing really as the invisible backchat that we hold every single moment that we are not breathing here, it is only now that I am here to stop them for once and for all.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create  of this ‘death and destruction’ perspective of the world as another form of ‘hope’ and ‘belief’ for something just provoking the end of the world in one way or another, just so that I don’t have to actually walk through the manifested consequences of having separated myself from this reality and not taking responsibility of it/myself = self-responsibility.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever get a sense of comfort out of talking and voicing these thoughts with another and get validation in the form of ‘I think  the same way,’ wherein I then accepted my thoughts on death and destruction as ‘valid’ within the context of not feeling ‘as evil’ now because ‘someone else is also experiencing it’ therefore it must be ‘okay’ to stick with them.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to this particular personality as a way to keep ‘myself’ as an ego that solaces in thinking/ wishing for an end so that I don’t have to face myself in reality.

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have disgust toward myself as a human being and a general aversion toward humanity because of only seeing us as parasites sucking out the life out of this reality instead of looking at how we can become the points that support life and stand as pillars to restore that which we have destroyed and neglected throughout time.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep a ‘secret desire’ to end this world, to give an end to my life and everyone’s life just because of not seeing a way out of this. Very interesting, I see how self-righteous this point is

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in self-righteousness whenever I see and perceive that ‘there is no other way  other than killing everyone’ and within this, taking a decision for myself and ‘everyone else’ without even taking a moment to consider the actual implication of this point in reality.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view this world and reality from the starting point and perspective of death and destruction wherein I saw no ability to create solutions because of allowing myself to be overwhelmed by the words, pictures and images that I’ve seen and participated in, without realizing that with me existing in such a constant and perpetual ‘point of view,’ I am actually co-creating and manifesting this reality the way that I am currently seeing it and perceiving it – therefore I stop because it is common sense to stop adding more misery and destructive thoughts to this reality.

    I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that within the very starting point of ‘how I see the world’ I am perpetuating this general view of death, destruction, helplessness and overwhelming experience of the world ‘as myself,’ without realizing that whatever I accept and allow myself to think and experience, I am in fact not stopping but continuing to participate in it as a form of keeping my mind/ thoughts/ personality intact and creating an excuse as to why it is ‘okay’ for me to continue existing in this particular world-view/ reality-perspective.

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to engage into the perspective of death and destruction because of feeling like a ‘victim’ within this world, wherein I would see myself as a victim from the starting point of ‘not having ‘chosen’ to come to this world’ hence justifying my actions and perspectives as an outcome of me ‘not having chosen to be here.’

     I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create of the belief ‘I did not choose to come to this world’ a justification and validation to judge everyone in this world as ‘humanity’ as a form of spitefulness for believing and perceiving that I was only brought into this world without me wanting to be here – hence using t his point as a form of justification to rebel against my parents at some point and against the world that I thought ‘wasn’t meant for me.’

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use this perspective as a form of superiority wherein I was in fact only seeking to validate my excuses to not take self responsibility for this world just by the mere fact of being here.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a sense of helplessness when looking at the world wherein it became an easier aspect to ‘play out’ as an experience, instead of becoming the point of solution that I see is required in this world, instead of only focusing on the doom and gloom wherein the only ‘way out’ was a general wish/ desire for human extermination.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contribute to the current reality of actual death and destruction that I judge, criticize and complain about without realizing that within my own experience as the general perspective toward myself and this world, I was re-creating that which I wanted to ‘stop’ – hence I stop seeking an ‘end’ outside of myself and become the end of such experiences myself, wherein I do not accept and allow  myself to perpetuate such thoughts to use them as an excuse to ‘not stand up’ because it all being seemingly ‘futile.’

    I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to only consider ‘my own view’ of this world as ‘real’ and accepting the blunt ways in which I see/ perceive it as ways in which I could justify my apparent inability to create and stand as the solution, instead of always having the same starting point wherein no matter how much I could see the common sense of a general situation, because of having this initial and ingrained starting point of ‘wanting to end it all,’ everything would be diminished to the level of ‘temporary highs’ that I would use to get myself ‘up’ for a moment, only to reach the bottom once that I would go back to seeing the world in the same way/ perspective of death and destruction.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my own veil toward this reality wherein I have stated ‘all I can see is death and destruction’ and within that, creating my entire experience accordingly, wherein I would go judging people in this world from a superiority point without daring to look at myself and how I am in fact part of the same points that stand in separation from each other the moment that we dare to remain as such self-judgment, disregarding that we are in fact doing this to ourselves within the realization that we are all part of this reality that is here as myself.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within wanting to ‘get rid of something’ I am actually not standing one and equal to it to create a solution ‘within it’ and mingle myself as equal to such points to become the direction that is required to create a best for all.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  use the idea of ‘killing/ exterminating/ getting rid of’ as quick fixes to not have to actually walk the process of self-correction that is here and that I am being able to walk one and equal as everything and everyone else that is willing to stand as equals as life.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually fear facing the manifested consequences of this reality and within fear, wanting everything to just ‘disappear’ so that I don’t have to deal with the ‘ghosts’ of regret and guilt for not having done anything to stop this reality as myself, within myself.

    The point that I explained in the video 2012 the world ends with you is exactly this point: if we don’t like what we see, we then become the point of change that we want to see in this world instead of being perpetually judging it and confining myself to a single perspective wherein it becomes quite ‘difficult’ to see ‘some light at the end of the road’ without realizing that I have only been placing myself deliberately to look only through that tunnel, instead of realizing I can simply stand aside and see the greater picture without having to seek for ‘a way out’ but instead see how I am able to integrate myself – mingle myself – as one and equal as everything that  is here through practically correcting my perspective and view of this world to begin with.

    And so, this is the process that I’m walking. This is the beginning of the end of my self created doomsday perspective of this world. If I see that this reality must stop, that this reality cannot continue as it is existing now, I become that point that stops within myself at the thought level. Instead I support myself to start seeing how to create solutions, how to correct myself, how to implement ways in this world wherein we can walk an actual process of self-creation in equality in every moment that I am able to breathe here, stop participation in doom and gloom and instead, use that to expose this reality along with the practical solutions to stop such events from manifesting, which is the process that begins with ourselves. I stop.

    Suggest hearing AA’s video on this point which allowed me to ‘breakthrough’ this point

    Too Lazy to Change

    2012 The World Ends with You

    Support yourself – learn how to walk this process to the utmost specificity here

    Beginners – Thoughts, Writings and Self Forgiveness – Conscious, SubConscious and UnConscious Mind


    The Last Breath

    I had a dream where I faced death, once again though  -as far as I can remember – it was significantly different this time while ‘experiencing’ death within it. I was going in a car with my cousin and some other guys in the highway on our way to see Radiohead. It is odd because of how I used to say years ago that I would be able to ‘die’ after having seen Radiohead in a live concert. Lol, see how my mind creates and plays tricks on creating these situations to make me see how we cannot take life for granted. I was riding in the back of the car and the guy that was driving suddenly turned his head to face ourselves in the back and so immediately the fear of ‘oh shit, he’s not looking at the road and we may crash’ was created within my mind in the dream and so the inevitable happened, he overlooked the fact that the road would make a curve and we would then just break the contention bars and next think I know is we are flying off of a high cliff. All I’m able to see is all kinds of green patches of fields as if I was flying in a plane but realizing that this isn’t flying, but free-falling from high altitudes. The way I experienced myself was quite weird as those moments when I knew that we had crashed and that we were falling off the cliff I went through wanting to ‘save’ myself then immediately realizing: “nope, it’s not possible, this is it” and immediately reminding the following video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWqTn3YE_qA which actually was one of my favorite ones because of the expression, and it was surprising how in my dream – as I was about to die – I remembered this video and how suffering wasn’t going to be the problem but actually realizing that this was it, this was the end to my life and I took it with calm as I was ‘flying’ and so my last thought was to take one big last breath, wow it felt like the purest breath-intake I’ve ever experienced and that was it. My cellphone’s vibrator – my usual alarm clock – went off and I woke up. It was 6:00 AM and to my surprise I begin hearing some mariachi songs from a rather early serenade for some woman around my block. Lol, what a way to wake up and realize, hey I am alive! though I was quite amazed by the whole situation of dying in the highway because of how I had actually feared dying in a car-crash in such highway that leads to mexico city because we do go by high mountains and how I go through it twice a week.  Though the most important thing is how i experienced myself: calm! enjoying my very last breath as being alive instead of just freaking out on dying. Lol I see how I immediately went like: ok, I’ll leave this body then now, I’ll be interdimensional then and that’s it. Resignation I would say but I was calm and so I wasn’t afraid of dying, wow, it was so real all of it, even the exciting feeling of ‘being on my way’ to see Radiohead. Wow, what a mini film my mind created for me to see how I take death. I cannot doubt that all this that I just explained – as the thoughts that went througy my ‘head’ while being in that almost immense instant while flying in the car as being free-falling – are the real thoughts that would definitely come up if I do realize that I am dying. It’s great and to me it’s a great trancendence point.

    I got up, went outside for the walk and as the sun was rising I thanked life for allowing me to be here, to be breathing, for everything I’ve gotten through my life that comes from earth to nurture me, for just being Here. How it takes a ‘near death’ experience in a dream to realize my  point of view towards death at this moment within my life. I am cool with what I experienced and I do want to be that calm when such inevitable point within ‘life’ comes – death. I’ve always been fascinated with death, lol, my favorite tv-series has been six feet under, figure it out! lol


    Well after that I went downtown to pick up some stuff for the visitors that left today and walked around a bit then visited A, took my guitar and experienced playing my guitar with his amp which was quite cool. THen my friend Y. had invited me to go meet and visit one of his friends C. who is the woman that is with one of his colleagues so she was kind of interested in talking with me and so I agreed. We went there and spent the afternoon with her drinking coffee and cookies as we went through differnet topics. COmmunicating once again! Very very v ery cool because I see how I enjoy people that have the will to be doing something within this world to actually make a statement. We discussed on how theories won’t solve anything within this world and how nothing will ever change if we don’t firsdt change ourselves witthin our ‘human condition’. We discussed deep human feelings and emotions and how forgiveness is the soluiton to release ourselves from all past hauntings and conditionings that don’t allow us to be simply HERE. She is quite aware of being only the breath of life as being here which is very cool because she already knows the simplicity of what we really are and how we aren’t our ego and  the individuality we think we are yet, as myself as well, we still have to completely walk the talk though, I enjoy very very very much meeting people who are aware and who are willing to make a change in the way we experience ourselves. WE will sure meet again to talk more because all I know is that she’s got some illnesses as some tumors so she’ll be going into surgery soon. I kind of asked how she felt towards death because of me telling and sharing my dream. She said that she’d experienced death in a dream not long ago where her death brother actually would take some tubes off of her, some tubes that were within her mouth as she had it open with dry-violet lips and half-closed eyes. Her partner freaked out as she actually real-lifely gasped. I asked C. how she had experienced herself within such a dream and all she said was relief. She is strong willed – full of life woman, wow, It was the very first second time I’ve ever seen her in my life and I already had enough comfort around her as If we were long time friends. Really, it is weird meeting people like that so I’m just glad to meet her and talking what we talked, she completely dig what we discussed on desteni, wannes and equality etc.

    THen we said goodbye. Y and I went into a cab where we continued discussing what we were talking about on our way downtown. It was awesome how almost at the end of our journey inside the cab, mr. taxi driver decided to give his point of view and opinion saying ‘wow, all  you’re saying I agree with and so very cool’ Really, It was cool for him to hear us talking about this, to us it was even cooler how he spoke and how he had been paying attention to what we were saying. once again, we see the importance of talking common sense and involving everyone. Lol so weird, my thoughts are creating my realizty as i speak them.

    Well, THen I came and visited A. while he had some friends also visiting him and I ended up talking with the girl on waht I had experienced at C’s and how the conversations I enjoy having are stuff that ‘everybody knows’, that we all knwo but we don’t dare to take. Everybody knows we’re fucked yet, we do not do anything.

    So I realized how I enjoy communicating, articulating words that will support life only, myself as life and how I enjoy creating awareness by having direct contact with people. Actually great stuff

    Well cool happenings today I ‘hope’ more like these are to come.

    thanks for reading and

    I am here, i breathe – therefore, I am alive

     

    My dream in a drawing


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