Tag Archives: dignity

478. Want Transparency and Integrity? Let’s BE It

Or how to start becoming the solution to all lies and deception within our very own minds

There was a great opening by Cerise and Joe to consider how it would be for every person in our lives to know about what we have thought, imagined, fantasized in absolute detail doing or saying to them throughout our entire life and then asking ourselves if knowing all of this would change the way they see us, and if we would be able to face them without shame or guilt.

The ‘scary’ thought of this implies right off the bat: we got a ton to work on in relation to developing self-honesty which means acknowledging our very own thoughts, every fantasy or imagination, every experience created by ourselves as a form of self-interest where we only consider ourselves but never really give too much of a thought about that person that we are ‘thinking, gossiping, judging, fantasizing’ about in any way – positive or negative, same thing – because for the most part we’ve believed that these things do not affect others, but it’s become quite clear that we cage each other in our own ideas, beliefs, perceptions about others which we synthesize as a form of judgment, backchat, reaction towards another that we then turn into behaviors, ways of ‘treating’ a person which means, we make of those opinions a ‘very real’ representation of the other person in our minds, which then defines how we treat them/see them/acknowledge them, where we justify whatever we are doing onto ‘them’ because it seems righteous, because we believe ‘that’s who They are’ – but, considering that every single person would be able to see and get to know the exact detail of everything I have ever thought about them in my mind, it would surely be a daunting consideration, but to be honest I’ve been hearing the words ‘all will be known’ for close to 9 years now and this has definitely been a factor to curb my ‘self-entertainment’ in a continuous  way related to how and what I think about others.

However this does not mean it is entirely done and sorted out in me, not at all. I’ve faced many forms of challenges in relation to what I think, perceive, judge or react to in others, and the truth is that I many times don’t immediately stand on my ground of self-responsibility to rather see what are these thoughts, judgments, fantasies or experiences revealing about myself. I actually had been considering this for the past couple of days and here to answer the question, I do consider that people would definitely react upon seeing whatever I have thought or perceived about them, because we are not really taught to deal with such perceptions/imaginations about others in our minds as the expression of those that think or fantasize about it and that in no way does it really define ‘who we are’ – meaning, in any case, anything I have thought, gossiped, idealized, imagined, judged, reacted about towards ‘others’ is in fact defining myself and only myself as aspects or parts of myself that I have to work on, but that we as human beings conveniently usually deflect to ‘others’ in an attempt to dodge self-responsibility and self-reflection, which usually stems from wanting to see ourselves under a the light of ‘being a good person.’

Here then, I have pondered many times throughout the years about a potential situation in this world where we could suddenly have all the ‘veils of the mind’ lifted from ourselves in one go and all the chaos that would possibly ensue if we were to suddenly see every single detail of anything that every person we know – or don’t even know – but get to know of have had such imaginations, fantasies, judgments, opinions about ourselves, and how that could ensue like a real ‘world war’ if we don’t get to settle ourselves to understand how everything that we ‘think’ – imagine, perceive, judge, fantasize, react to – about another is in fact our own expression, judgments, ideas, perceptions and that in no way does it really define ‘another’ but ourselves.

That realization is usually an ‘ouch’ experience to most where we’d like to think that we ‘have a right’ to think of another in our heads ‘whatever we want’ with some sort of power to judge, criticize, fantasize about in whichever way – this is certainly a timely situation to consider that we don’t, and that no matter what we do, we’ll face each and every single person in our lives that we have ever had those thoughts about and walk every one of those relationships – no matter how menial – into a point of correction. That’s what our Life Reviews will be about.

So, I’ll share here how through walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness, I have already had my own taste of shame, regret, embarrassment and a personal experience of wanting to ‘dig a hole’ for my own head upon reviewing some of the most shameful things I’ve done, thought or fantasized about in my  mind about others. I am sure I haven’t walked through them all, but it is so that in those moments I have also projected possible scenarios where if I would face those people again, I would ask forgiveness and explain ‘where I was’ at the time of my life where I was creating those ideas, reactions, perceptions ‘about them’ – and in several occasions how I acted the way I did toward them, how my decisions were influenced by all of this mental chatter – and how I eventually found out all of it was in fact about myself only; I would share how I have learned to assist myself to correct these judgments, ideas, thoughts or participations so that we can stop recreating this ‘invisible world’ of lies and deception that we allow to exist in our minds towards another, but we don’t dare to actually confront and lay out before another to be honest about one’s own experience and walk a process of self-honesty to realize oneself as the origin and creator of those reactions that we are simply projecting or imposing upon others as ‘who we believe they are’ – when they are then, in fact, not.

Would they decide to change the way they see me upon knowing all of this? Considering how most of us operate in our minds, I’m sure it would create a lot of rifts in a relationship, because we haven’t learned to not take things personally, but we always are quick to believe that ‘that which another said about me defines me’ and forget all about questioning the creator of such judgment in the first place. So it would be quite expected and normal to walk through a phase of having all of those people suddenly see me with ‘bad eyes’ and then it would be my responsibility to acknowledge where and how have I worked on taking responsibility for those things said or fantasized about another and accordingly go working on my own responsibility about them through self-forgiveness and so walking a process of self-correction.

Would I be able to face them without shame or guilt? As I explained above, most likely not, even if I am not ‘technically’ seeing the people I have been reviewing memories or situations of my past – including ‘recent present’ – in my mind in order to process it, take responsibility for it in my head, I have felt such shame, regret, embarrassment and guilt many times before. But at the same time, I’ve learned how it can only be a temporary experience really, and it’s up to me to make of this shame more of a transitory learning experience rather than a self-bashing and self-judgment process that then becomes another layer of judgment for me to process. I’ve created a reminder to myself to not fall prey of ‘double-judgment’ where one judges oneself for the judgments, beliefs, perceptions one has created about another… it’s definitely easier to acknowledge the point, and yes it sometimes it may be impossible to not go through shame, guilt, regret, but here I can stand as my own surety so that it doesn’t become a form of emotional manipulation for me to not continue seeing my responsibility in it all, but step out of that belief that I become ‘less’ in acknowledging my faults, my own judgments – and so see how it is actually only a point of self-respect and integrity that I decide to build and create as myself when deciding to acknowledge my own creation of those parts of myself that I have the power – as in being capable and able – to change them for and by myself.

A very important reminder that has assisted me quite a bit lately is the realization that what defines a person is not ‘all that they have been’ in their past, but more like how we decide to stand up from ‘the past’ that we’ve been and become. It’s only us that hold ourselves/each other as prisoners of our own past perceptions, judgments and beliefs, leading us nowhere really other than recreating the same illusions of separation that are able to be self-forgiven, taken responsibility with the purpose to change the way that we stand in our minds, the way that we ‘use’ our minds and so in turn, changing how we interact towards others.

A practical reminder for me is precisely to consider how every single thought, word and deed Is part of who I am, my creation, therefore I have to be accountable for it all, because how I face and confront those challenges – such as suddenly people finding out all about how I ‘thought’ of them – is what defines me, and so I have to remind myself that no matter how ‘awful’ some of these points might be, what defines me is who I decide to be from now on that I acknowledge that aspect/part of myself that requires a direction, that requires my responsibility to change because of seeing, real time, that it is not at all supportive to remain in my own denial of these parts of myself if I am a person that is craving or even demanding transparency in this world.

If I am ‘demanding’ transparency and integrity, the ‘truth’ out there, we have to start by creating these words, living these words within ourselves. I bet that none of us that have desired this to exist in our ‘world systems’ have considered to what extent the solution resides in the very secret corridors of our minds and all those accumulated experiences toward people around us, people that we see on our ‘screens’, people that we interact with on a regular basis either in a very personal or impersonal manner… I personally would like to see the day where we could eventually see everything of each other, because then it would be so in our face to recognize that no one can claim innocence in not having ever gossiped, fantasized or judged another; we all have done it in various degrees and the way to start getting a taste of what it would mean to live in a transparent world with integrity is by reviewing all of those judgments that we have created or fantasized about in relation to others, take responsibility for it in recognizing it as or own creation, as our own acceptance and allowance that doesn’t define ‘that other person’ or situation, but ourselves entirely.

And so the only ‘salvation’ that exists here is truly self-forgiveness, no doubt about it. How else could we give ourselves a second chance to face these very grim, dark or despicable aspects of ourselves if we didn’t give ourselves the ability to stand up from it, learn from our mistakes and ensure that we stand ‘hands clean’ from now on in order to not recreate/repeat those same patterns toward other people, but instead develop the practice of ‘placing a guard in front of our mouths and minds’ as in being more aware of what we think, say, do, fantasize or react towards another about, and make sure that we know we are defined by what we believe is ‘defining another’ that we are projecting these thoughts upon.

It is all about self-reflection and in that, we will then be able to not only actively change the way that we interact, live and create our societies, but also at the same time stop the ‘sins of the fathers’ in relation to this deception, hypocrisy, judgments, fears in relation to others, so that we can start becoming self-accountable beings that don’t require a ‘thought police’ to be punished for some ‘bad thoughts’ about others that we turn into heinous acts or crimes – we can then know exactly what we nurture or feed within ourselves, we can exactly decide who we are in every moment in relation to another and ensure that we can stand ‘at the end of time’ clear and self-corrected in relation  to those thoughts, those judgments or experiences towards ‘others’ that, ultimately, are in fact also ourselves anyways – equal and one.

This is actually a very cool subject to bring to our awareness because it is through ‘dropping the veil’ of seeing another as a ‘separate me’ that we can start realizing how much of what we believe is ‘done onto another’ is always done to oneself – abuse, is always Self-abuse. Therefore, doing this exercise, practically, can assist us in becoming more comfortable and closer to the actual truth of ourselves, which is by default not something nice, pretty and pure – we all have our aspects and parts of ourselves to change and correct. Here then, we must not see guilt, same, regret or embarrassment as the solution, nor as a ‘way out’ of actually sorting out these points in us – these reactions are but distractors if they remain a bit too long as our experience – we have to walk through our creation and take responsibility, it’s the least we can do after we’ve ‘fired those bullets’ existing as harmful thoughts and experiences ‘shot’ at others.

Once the trigger is pulled, there’s no going back. But fortunately, with what goes on in our minds, we can at least correct it, ensure we don’t act upon it or recreate it any longer and more so, ensure we don’t take such thoughts or experiences about another into an actual bullet that maims another’s life. We can remind ourselves of this every time that we believe it’s ‘easy’ to imagine stuff, to think stuff and believe it all goes ‘away with the wind’ because ‘it’s only thoughts’ but nope, it’s all here, recorded in the very physical day to day life that we walk through in this world.

So, let’s define ourselves by having the guts to acknowledge and recognize our creation, by deciding to walk through all of these judgments towards ‘others’ and claim them back as our own creation that ‘defines us’ until we decide to also change those reactions about ourselves into something that is genuinely supportive for our lives, that can stand as a building block of the self that we are willing to stand by and with for the rest of our existence.

If we want a world that is no longer ‘full of lies,’ we have to stop lying and deceiving ourselves with an image or belief of ‘being a good person’ – none of us have really been so if we have ever allowed but one single thought about another in a compromising or harmful situation. Food for self-reflection, because it’s more honorable to take a step forward and say ‘I’ve done that, that’s me’ than giving a step back and running away with an idea of ‘I’d never dare to do something like that!’ – that’s a choice right there into self-honesty or self-dishonesty, all up to us – but let’s be aware that each decision we make defines our present, who we are and by all means defines the nature of the future that we are co-creating for ourselves and generations to come.

I’d say, it’s time to stand up with courage and claim ownership of our own lies, so that we can then take responsibility and gift those parts back to ourselves as words that we want to live within and toward others in our lives.

Thanks for reading

 

Suggested interview:

If you tolerate this then your children will be next

 

Walk with us in our path to create a transparent world:

 

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Motive-Action: No reason behind it but Self as Life

Through writing myself I discovered how throughout my life I had motivated myself day by day through relying on outside-points to keep going, I would hang on dreams and events that would ‘make my day’ – and I can’t deny about that being supportive in a way – yet it became obvious how depending on external factors lead to an experience of uncertainty within myself.

Motivation – self motivation – that was quite a point to walk through and still walking as I’ve had to let go of the dreams that became my motivation, I had to let go of expecting something of myself or someone that would ‘make my day’ – and by this I mean from seeing someone, from achieving something, from going somewhere – all about experiences, little flickering lights that would light my way so to speak.

Though once I realized that I couldn’t keep up to this, I had to become my own motivation, self-motivation yet I realized that I hadn’t actually cared for myself, I had built myself around an idea that was built in terms of how I wanted to be seen by others, in terms of ‘making a statement’ of how I viewed the world so in essence creating and molding myself as an apparent eccentric person that would still be defined according to the ‘center’ of society – this works in similar way as to how an atheist defines themselves according to the non existence of god – I did the same in terms of being the opposite of the ‘mainstream’ and within that, creating a ‘space’ for myself here in terms of being an outcast of sorts.

This indicated to me that I had created a limited space within reality where I could fit in, it’s fascinating because we’re the only ones that go creating such categories and ‘spaces’ like that, it’s not really something that is already-existent, we merely exist as this program that seeks for its ‘space’ and defines itself accordingly. So my ‘space’ was that of having never actually supported myself, never actually having embraced and accepted myself which made that motivation something quite difficult to walk through, because I hadn’t done something for myself, it all had been for the sake of something/someone else – and within that, I had to face the reality of the situation: I had never actually cared for myself to the extent of doing things as me for me –

Through writing myself I realized that such care wasn’t coming ‘naturally’, I discovered how anything I did was in relation to ‘the rest of the world’ and not really me being the starting point of it all – I didn’t care for myself and till this day I can say that such ‘carelessness’ lead me to self-abuse in certain ways that I’m still facing today.  This inherent desire to have another point to validate my existence – a.k.a. relationship – and seeking my worth and value within that became the modus vivendi for myself for quite sometime wherein I could only exist and define myself according to ‘who I was for such person’ – I couldn’t stand or bare to be alone and so within walking this process I’ve learned how to embrace myself, be by myself and get to enjoy myself again – such a self-given gift really, I realized how much I had forgotten about me within that, and I see that I still tend to do that which I am simply placing a ‘flag’ upon because, I can’t be focusing on ‘the outside’ more than I do on the ‘inside’.

Within this, self-motivation which is moving you for you, as you for the sake of supporting yourself entails first getting to stand within self respect, self-forgiveness is definitely a requirement to get to a point of dignity as ourselves, to finally allow ourselves to care for ourselves if we’ve never actually done that. When we realize all that we’ve done and how we disregarded our physical body, ourselves as life it comes as a bucket of cold water, yet it’s necessary for the sake of realizing that we’ve got to create that care, that acceptance and that self-support that’s never ever been promoted as part of what being a human being is, we’ve always been only taught to ‘work hard’ and ‘have great expectations of ourselves’ yet never actually learning how to motivate ourselves for ourselves within the understanding and acceptance of who we are as life – never has that been explained or even considered as part of being a human being.

The motivation that I’ve created for myself as myself doesn’t rely on hopes or wishful thinking of a better world, the motivation that I have is realizing that I’m part of a group of human beings that are standing up for life – I seriously doubt that I could’ve done this alone, by myself and within this it’s obvious that I realize that Desteni is that point available for everyone, all of us that are actually willing to support ourselves as life. The motivation that I’ve created as myself is seeing that I am no longer only supporting these systematic experiences wherein I would go seeking some feeling or emotion to ‘be alive’ but instead realize that it’s up to me to create myself as someone that is stable, self-directive and considering what’s best for all – in essence walking through the steps to be and stand as an actual dignified living being so that I can support in the implementation of a new way of existing – a new way of living in this world wherein we’re no longer motivated by money, by fame, glory or sex – but actually moving ourselves as the will of life we are to stand as equals and create a world that will be simply best for all – a reality that we’ll all be enjoying ourselves to live in.

At the moment I realize this is rather a point that seems too difficult to grasp, I get you – though, I am definitely here to stand as this point of self-support because I see and realize that my ‘life’ being miserably depressed lead me nowhere but to ensure I remained in a state of confusion, self abuse, eternal wonderings and most prominently seeking answers that would’ve made no difference to this reality whatsoever.

Here I place the importance of walking as a group – here I call on Desteni but we also place it within the context of humanity in its entirety. Finding people that are actually willing to care in equal terms has been definitely supportive from the very beginning. At moments where I can’t find that self-motivation, I take it back to the point of doing it for the sake of who I am as part of the group as equals – within that I can support myself in leading myself back to that self respect and self-support that I had realized is perfectly possible before. We’ve gotta ground ourselves from swaying back and forth within this –
If I move myself then it must be constant and consistence – this doesn’t imply ever only existing moving myself– this means within the terms of actually supporting myself in continuing this process as myself, supporting myself to remind myself what is it that I am doing here and how I am walking this as we certainly tend to lose that ‘grasp’ of reality at times. This is only a temporary bridge until we realize ourselves as self movement and within that not basing our application within a separate outcome or for a certain purpose/goal in separation of ourselves.
Equality is a point of motivation – finally dignifying LIFE as it always should’ve been – Self Honesty is  a point of motivation as it is within this way of existing that people will learn to consider all participants within all actions – this is the most excruciating part at the moment considering the state of possession we’re living as humanity – yet not impossible.
See, there is no ‘hope’ as I rather move myself to create a better future, there is no ‘faith’ required but on myself as that ability to reassure to myself that I can walk and breathe and do whatever is required to be done for the ultimate goal which is Equality as the certainty of who we are as life – this sounds ‘cool’ but in essence it is only within this that we can actually realize our full potential devoid of a personal interest that usually separates the outcomes into personalized ideas which is where people tend to go into ego.
Moving as one has a single outcome and motive-for-action: equality as life –within this it is the one point we can all agree is required to create and where we can all agree that our fullest potential exists. Therefore I have decided to live my life through this principle, to make myself the motivation for my own walking due to Equality being the single most prominent and important outcome that we require to realize as ourselves first.

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Self motivation:

Self is the motive to act and live to create a dignified living for all as what’s best for all which is best for myself wherein I am the beginning and end of my day to day living – there is no separate reason to it as I live by principle which is applicable to all equally and I move and create this as myself breath by breath through time and space till it’s done.

There is no ‘reason’ required to move, but only realizing myself as self will and within that the movement of it becomes self-motivation – always back to self without creating a separate point for me to move, act and direct.


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