Tag Archives: diligence

March 28, 2017

548. Being Dedicated

By Marlen

Or how to redefine the starting point for living the word dedication having self as the starting point

§ Continuing from 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

I looked at this word and found how I have lived dedication in several ways in my life, but a common factor is that all of those things wherein I’ve been most dedicated have been related to doing tasks or activities where there starting point was more about doing it ‘for others’ or to ‘benefit others’ only, and this is a common tendency I’ve seen in people like myself where we tend to shift our focus and attention towards ‘changing the world out there’ or ‘assisting others’ but in all of that, ending up missing out on ourselves, on being the starting point and principle of all living words and being dedicated for ourselves, as ourselves, as the very life that is in us and that exists in equality in everyone else.

 

An example is how I outlined this word from that blog I wrote on ‘attraction’ and finding words that I could see this person living for himself was – from my perception – living personal dedication wherein he became a sort of ‘expert’ in his creative field even when having a regular 8 hour a day job ‘in the system’ for decades, doing something that didn’t at all relate to his creative side so to speak. He still lived the same dedication to his art, his field of expertise and create himself from that, which has made him a sort of ‘wise man’ from my perspective based on his consistency and diligence to keep himself functional in the system, yet when it comes to his personal creativity, standing very much on his own ‘way’ which is quite a rebellious one to say the least in the context of what he does as art, but here I’m not even focusing on ‘him’ or ‘his art’ but more like the balance this person could create in terms of dedication.  

 

I’ve also been watching some series about designers and I’ve seen how creative people in general have always been a source of inspiration for me. I can be a person that whenever I am hitting a ‘blank’ in some way, I can watch an interview or documentary about a creative person in arts/music and be able to draw these words and aspects that they were able to live through in their lives to get to be who they ‘got to be’ as in being masters in their craft and art, which usually leaves a good set of learning-experiences from these people where surely they weren’t ‘perfect beings,’ but in the spirit of ‘investigating all things and keep what’s good’ – one can always find something very cool to learn from these visionaries, creators, designers, artists which are sort of the people I gravitate towards, but hey it’s not really limited to that, I’ve also found I can learn from any human being when getting to know their story and what they have managed to learn or overcome to live their life.

 

Seeing other people be dedicated about doing something ‘for themselves’ mirrored back to myself as a potential that I had given up for some years – and still in the process of creating my footing around it – wherein I ‘felt’ I truncated a career for me for some years because of focusing/dedicating myself only on this process in itself and perceiving I could not expand further from that or actually continue ‘creating’ something for myself, something that is entirely for me and existing as my expression – and not only related to say the ‘theory’ and support structure behind this process – but doing something that can stand as the reflection, the outcome, the result of this very personal process expressed into a point of creation that can possibly stand through the test of time as something that expresses/reveals me and can stand as a point of living-testimony of this process at the same time, so both points in one so to speak: self-creation and the living of this process in one.

 

This point of creation is not only about the creation of a project, a set of works I’d like to do, but it includes my own life where I’ve seen that I have to now shift my dedication to self-dedication as well and balance out that self-commitment not for ‘the process’ in itself and the dedication I’ve created to set this foundation for myself within it, but it does feel  – and I’ve been ‘feeling’ this for quite some time now – that it’s time to settle all of this towards the next step, which to me is also very much linked to dedication and the didactics within it – which from my perspective can only be a true-sharing and process of ‘teaching’ if one has also done the process and walked it for oneself.

 

Along with dedication I also see the words focus and perseverance, because that ‘trinity’ of words is exactly what I require to not give up on very personal projects I’d like to develop for me and my life and at the same time, be able to create an equilibrium in what I’ve mostly been doing for now as the core and movement of this process in itself for the benefit of many more.  

 

Therefore I can source from my own example in this word wherein I can see and recognize I have been quite diligent, dedicated and consistent with responsibilities that I’ve taken on ‘towards others’ or what I’ve defined as a ‘greater purpose’ – for a lack of a better way to explain it – meaning, projects that do not only involve ‘me’ as my own starting point and end of creation, but have mostly been dedicated when it is meant or geared towards a common benefit.

 

Why has this been so? I have been that kind of people that would also perceive that having a greater purpose would imply giving up personal projects, where I had in a defined or invested myself towards my own self-interest. Arts is one of those, but lately I’ve been realizing the sabotage I created within myself around it where I’ve seen how it really isn’t even about ‘arts’, but how I had created a relationship to arts that instead of redefining it from a starting point of self-interest towards one of self-support and having a career that I can live from, I neglected it by considering I could not resolve my relationship ‘towards art’ and that I should just give it up.

 

Though I also recognize that when I was formally having my time in art school, I was equally dedicated to both points, Desteni as in taking the time, discipline, effort and application invested on all of the vast material, references, interactions, courses and participation that I truly see it as a ‘second simultaneous career’ of sorts while also being dedicated to university and not just doing it ‘half-assed’ but fully knowing that this is what I wanted to create and be for myself, that I was going to give my best as my creation.

 

From applying discipline in arts creation, I’ve learned a lot from the discipline, detail, focus and consistency that it takes to create something in ‘old fashioned’ art ways, which seemed like quite a challenge at the beginning of my career where I was more into doing ‘fast art’ type of things, and I ended up challenging myself by taking one of the most rigorous and precise methods of image creation, such as print making learned through apprenticeship in methods that are a couple of centuries old. In essence I pushed some boundaries but I do consider I fell short in this, and I can still pull it through to something that I can genuinely stand as the creator of it myself.

 

This time I want to direct the word dedication to do what I can create for and as myself, for the first time without expecting or needing a ‘reference’ for me to keep going or to stop sabotaging me from continuing with a project based on the perception that this is ‘self-interest’ or ‘no one else is benefitting from this that I do.’

 

Here I have to instead remind myself that being a creator is about who we are within anything and everything that we do – no matter if it is building up a business from scratch, opening up a new field of knowledge and information that is supportive for humanity, being a visual artist, a writer, a set of parents that truly see themselves and their children as their ultimate works of art and live according to that, a person that can step up from very difficult living conditions and create a way through in life, people that overcome the worst kind of outcomes or consequences in their lives and find the strength to reinvent themselves and succeed in what they do…

 

Well, in essence I could expand the list to many examples, and that is also a good indication of how through this process one learns to see the potential, the process of ‘overcoming’ difficulties, but also the kind of self-mastery that emerges with living words like dedication, consistency, perseverance and focus to be someone that can understand the level of capacity and responsibility we have as creators, because that’s ultimately what our lives are really about from my perspective and current understanding: seeing directly through our thoughts, words and deeds who we are as creator, created and creation and live in/as our own creation, which yes can go both ways of completely acknowledging and using our creative abilities for the best of our potential or completely ignoring it all and diminishing or squandering our opportunity to genuinely live.

 

I definitely want to embody the word dedication not only towards something I can do ‘for others’ but also in my own life because that’s where I am aware I have been ‘slacking’ and lacking-me in essence to be and do something for myself, as myself, besides formal ‘process work’ and that’s also why one can get to feel ‘frustrated’ or in a ‘halt’ of sorts if one stops seeing oneself as a creator not only in a direction of ‘providing support’ but to first and foremost support oneself, create oneself and get to tap into the enjoyment and satisfaction of living that in a particular activity, field, line of work or projects where we can also expand, learn from and grow into, without in my case having to fall into the absolutism of only doing ‘one thing,’ because that’s limited for sure, we can be and do so much more if I step out of my two-dimensional view on my life.

 

Dedication also sounds a bit to me like the-deed-actions, the actual doings that we can place our time, effort, focus and perseverance on in order to see who we really are as creators, to learn to be consistent in doing something that I might see ‘no point’ in doing after some time and rather get to complete it, get to walk through it to its end to then have the real say as the creator of it and see who I was within the whole creative process, and ultimately assess how supportive or beneficial it was or wasn’t.

The key point for me here is to precisely not give up ‘half way’ in it, but be able to see something through until I get to complete it and then be able to have the ‘creator’s say’ on whether this is something that I can use and pursue any further or not, which is something that can only be assessed once something is finished, completed or achieved.

 

Of course this is in terms of self-honesty, meaning I have tended to hear a lot of my own thoughts of why I should quit doing something, so I have to be quite aware to not ‘quit’ on something based on reactions or having ‘second thoughts’ but only stop if there’s something that is genuinely consequential or compromising in reality– that’s a practical assessment – but in terms of experiencing a resistance, that’s where I have to live the word dedication and actually get to do and see the completion of something I set myself to do that I might initially think ‘it’s only for my own benefit’ or even pleasure. Ultimately this will be reflected on who I become as a creator in doing so, and that’s how we can eventually see where our efforts, consistency and perseverance is directed to and get to know our ‘wood’ as creators.

 

And this is also something I’ve only recently come to understand when it comes to ‘it’s about who you are within what you do’ – where instead of me judging the actual activity/work/creative process and outcome of it, I can see how I can test my creative abilities in whatever I get to do and work on. This is also in consideration of living in a world where we won’t only do ‘what we like,’ but we certainly get to test our preference-limitations through having all kinds of ways and jobs to make a living regardless of a ‘preference’ – yet even in those situations where we’ve felt most ‘compromised,’ we get to learn more about ourselves, the kind of person that we can develop ourselves to be within it all, the words that we can learn to live in those situations and contexts – all of that is certainly a place where we can live dedication for and as ourselves, as a quality to develop within ourselves, regardless of the outcome or ‘final product’ of something.

 

Therefore I see this word dedication is linked to action, to creation, to the consistency, the perseverance and focus I can put on doing something and ‘seeing it through’ which is what in my life has given me quite a sense of satisfaction, not because of ‘accomplishing’ something necessarily, but because of proving myself to be able to be and live to be much more than what I initially thought I could do or be in my life.

 

So, dedication, as ‘hard work’ as it may sound, it also comes with the inevitable fruits as a result of our input and output on a day to day living, and this is then where it stops being only something one has to be constantly ‘working on’ or ‘giving our time to’ but, we can change the equation to seeing how we are truly growing, learning about ourselves in order to be empowered and start creating, start directing, start and so continue paving the way through in what we want to stand as and live as in our lives.

 

Being dedicated to oneself as life can be the key to ‘see this life through’ with self-honor and self-respect and there’s only one way that one can predict this kind of outcome or future, which is by living self-honor and self-respect on a daily basis, living that dedication to be better in our lives and consequently affect others’ lives through that. The simple shift in this equation for myself is entirely having myself as the starting point, seeing every day as an opportunity to challenge myself, no matter ‘what’ I do but always remember it’s about ‘who I am’ in what I do that defines my truth and so what we make of ourselves in our lives, our ‘destiny’ or outcome of our self-creative process.

 

So, I’ll keep an eye on this word from here on and walk the next phase of using this quality that I’ve seen in me in certain ways or aspects and now use it to see who am I as this word if I see it’s not within something I see is benefitting ‘others’ directly, but is existing only as myself, for myself, which is quite a field to explore in my personal life.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Deconstruction of Self, living potential, living words, self creation

March 20, 2017

541. Creativity and Self-Creation

By Marlen

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

This word right here is ‘close to my heart’ so to speak considering how I have previously conceived creativity in a rather limited way, linking it to artistic skills for the most part and traits within myself and others that would be geared towards expressing oneself in any form of art or doing something ingenious, witty or clever that serves a practical purpose.

However throughout this process with walking the tools of self-support at Desteni, I’ve learned to understand the actual depth of who we are as creators, created and creation, which might sound a bit too ‘out there’ initially – and it certainly does require a vast context that one can find support to walk through step by step in several series that can be found at Eqafe.com. Here I’ll focus on debunking this limited perception of how I can at times still perceive that I can be separate from my ‘creative abilities’ by defining that only related to ‘doing original work’ or creating a particular trademark in relation to artistic creations, instead of realizing that these are all results, the byproduct of a much more intricate and personal self-process of understanding self-creation and the actual ability we have to determine our lives and so our destiny, not only in creating something ‘out there’ but as ourselves, identifying ourselves as our own creators too and honoring that creative ability in our lives.

Here I am therefore giving a step forward from my initial approach to this word as seen in relation to ‘liking another person for being creative’ and taking this word back to myself, to see who am I as this word and how I am living it, what needs to be fine-tuned and what I want to continue creating of myself and my life in the context of being an individual that can stand as an example of what it means to honor one’s creation and one’s contribution to the whole that we are all a part of.

Perceiving that we are not the sole creators of our lives leads to a sense of disempowerment, of ‘atrophy’ in believing that we are always subject to our weaknesses, our faults, our ‘human nature’ in which in my experience can show up at times being very quick to judge things or determine that something is not ‘good enough’ and get doubtful about myself and the totality of what I am doing in a moment, tending to compare myself to others or get impatient in this process of self-creation. All of these aspects are precisely the points that I have to continue working on and being detailed about, because whatever we eventually create and manifest not only as things we do or create in the external world, but every single thought, word and deed will be ultimately influenced by the very core of our being, who we are in every moment of our day = what we accept and allow to determine ourselves in our minds and so in our reality.

What does that mean? I’ve noticed that if I for example accept an experience of pointlessness or defeatism within something that I am doing, and believing that ‘there’s no point for it’ and lose my ground and initial vision to create something in my reality, I am quick to ‘give up’ on it and then judge it as something that ‘just isn’t for me’ and consider that there are ‘others that are better at it, but not me,’ resulting in separating myself from a particular capacity that I simply had to keep practicing and working on, but was very quick to give up to, meaning I didn’t live perseverance on it.

I discovered this when painting last year – which yes, certainly this is what might be considered a ‘formal creative activity’, but I’ve discovered that interestingly enough it is the one thing that had become a point I separated myself from due to reacting to what I was painting and drowning into judgments of pointlessness, dissatisfaction, lacking a purpose in it, ending up losing ground on what I was physically doing as the painting. The outcome? A painting that I was dissatisfied with and that I used as an excuse to say ‘I don’t want to paint anymore, this is useless, it’s futile, I’m done with this, I’m not good at it, there’s no point to it, I just give it up’

What I became aware of within that process is how I created my own outcome in relation to painting entirely through having allowed these judgments, thoughts that translated into emotions creeping up and completely directing myself in that moment as I was painting. I also realized that my very starting point for painting was flawed, because in that one day I was using painting as a way to evade my reality and a particular conflictive situation I was experiencing with someone in my reality, but not dealing with it in myself – so I essentially created my ‘sabotaged outcome’ when attempting to create something while I wasn’t stable within myself  or ‘at my core’ in that moment, and using painting as a way to ‘evade’ instead of being there and create as myself. 

So, who was I as creator in that moment? Evading myself first of all, believing I could create a better experience through painting and forgetting about the inner conflict in relation to something else in my reality. This created an outcome of recreating all of my weaknesses of the past and bringing them through in my act of painting charged with all of these judgments and inner-annoyance that I allowed within myself even before painting and it eventually outflowed into what I ended up painting.

The painting itself stood there for over a year as a reminder of something I left half way through and as a statement of ‘this is why I don’t want to go back to painting again,’ which I knew was unacceptable, but interestingly enough I also procrastinated getting back at it.

A month ago I took that same canvas and reworked it into a different outcome that I decided to experiment with, mostly to precisely in real time work on changing my relationship to painting itself, this time being aware of having a clear starting point, being stable and grounded within myself and my decision and ensuring that I wasn’t entertaining backchats and thoughts of how ‘terrible’ it was or how ‘pointless’ this was, but instead decided that: this is me directing myself to express in this painting, being flexible and open to the outcome of it, not having a fixed idea on it and walking through that resistance that I kept ‘alive’ within me for a year or so to not paint.

While having this clear starting point, of course the ‘usual doubts’ that I had experienced in the past emerged, the notions of ‘I should be doing something else’ and various other judgments, but I decided to continue doing it anyways, continuing directing, not focusing on the ‘result’ only but rather focusing on ‘who I am’ in this whole creative process. And this can stand as a good analogy to our lives where many times we can be very ‘result-based’ and if we don’t manage to create what we want, we drown into a low, a depression, a giving up – instead of rather seeing what can we learn about ourselves in the process of creating ourselves, what skills do we develop, what challenges can we identify and practically work on overcoming? All of this makes any creative process much more enjoyable where we don’t only focus on ‘a result in the future,’ but rather focus on who am I all the step of the way to get to do or become something, which is what matters in the context of life.

This example is a way to illustrate how we are the sole creators of ourselves. If I in that past moment of painting defined myself as not good enough, as having a ‘bad experience’ while painting, then of course the outcome became a reflection on that and I would resist painting after those few hours when I started that painting – and I ‘gave up’  even attempting to do something about it and instead made of my experience ‘who I am’ by letting everyone know how pointless it was to paint, how I am done with arts, how there’s no point to it – lol – now having to eat my words and forgive myself for it because I realized how it was a way of throwing a tantrum as a result of my own self-created sabotage. It was like deliberately cutting an arm off and then believing that “I’m fine without it” This is not only about arts though, but it can be applied to anything else in one’s life.

Another example can be where I go into judgment about an expression in another and remaining with that judgment about another, not questioning, not seeing it as something I actually must debunk within myself and align within myself in order to stand equal to that person – and what happens when I remain in that judgment is I am in fact diminishing my capacity to get to know that other person, to really live the word equality and create that relationship that I can essentially establish with anyone in this world if I decide to create it and nurture it, because it ultimately is our creation: we decide, we make the changes, we live the corrections, we walk the talk so to speak and there one goes.

One can walk through a veil of judgments and into getting to know a person for real, which I’ve personally have experienced various times where there was an initial judgment toward them and through self-forgiving and stopping my participation in those judgments within myself- along with time and in a deliberate decision to get to know them better – I’ve proven myself how much I had ‘made up my mind’ about them and all that I would have prevented myself from creating if I had remained in my mind-patterns.

Self-creation therefore can be as simple as deciding to make a change about a behavior or thought pattern in our lives, we determine it, we decide on it and we ‘give it life’ by integrating such change or point of creation in our day to day living, and that’s precisely what living words is all about as well, where these words won’t ‘come up’ like thoughts or backchat in our minds as a ‘natural flow’ or ‘desire’ even to live and create  – nope, we are unfortunately not hard-wired to live creation as life, we are mostly hard-wire to self-sabotage which is illustrated in what I shared about my relationship with arts and painting when I allowed myself to be dictated by my mind, instead of standing as the directive principle.

My current relationship to self-creation is thus a relationship of self-discovery, self-awareness and ultimately self-empowerment, which comes also with the understanding that in being responsible for all that I am and create, it also gives me that certainty that no matter ‘what’ I create – if I make mistakes, if I ‘fall’, if I go the ‘wrong route’ in my choices, decisions and actions – I can trust myself that I have my self-honesty to assess myself and so do the process with self-writing, self-forgiveness in self honesty, lay out the corrections and stand up again to continue walking.

There’s no excuse anymore to ‘give up’ on something based on a ‘bad experience’ with something, I can instead practically assess what is practical to do, what makes sense to change as well as what’s practical to dedicate my time, breath of life and effort to, to be the sole director of who am I day to day – that’s self-creation right there and accordingly, we also then determine ‘who we will be’ because this reality works in patterns, so we essentially can re-wire or re-write ourselves by imprinting new ways to live from morning to night time, we can decide how we look at our day: a day to create or a day to ‘relive the problems of the past’,  we can decide to be solution-oriented, to learn to live words in moments where we see the emotions or self-sabotage creep up, to make that decision to stand up and be directive in the moment – all of these moment to moment changes and decisions are already a point of self-creation and this is precisely what this process is all about.

So, we are all creative, we all create every single moment –for the good or for the worse – and realizing that ability we all are constantly exercising and learning to honor it and act as creators with integrity, with self-respect and regard to life can truly be the way to change the fabric of the relationships we create in this world.

Also, I remind my-self not to be discouraged if things don’t work as intended in terms of change in a few first set of times, it takes practice, it takes diligence, it takes focus, it takes dedication and a commitment to self, which are all words we have to also learn to practice, live and integrate into the fabric of our very being, considering that they are also not ‘natural’ aspects in ourselves for now, but they can become part of us with the same diligence and consistency one applies to learn or create anything in reality.

We live in a physical reality, so patience is very relevant, persevering is the actual word here to look at which is also a timely reminder for me, to not lose sight of what I create on a daily basis and always see it within the greater context as well of contributing to create and bring life into the physical through my day to day living.

Sounds great isn’t it? But it takes actual work to do, so my only suggestion is to consider this creative capacity we all have and decide who we want to be as artists creating ourselves as our own masterpiece, one that we will live with and embody for the rest of our lives.

Thanks for reading

 

Multiple Possibilities to Express

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in art, artistic, artists, living potential, living words, self creation

November 13, 2016

449. How to Face Consequence: Defrosting Nightmare

By Marlen

I’ll share a moment where I have been able to change my ‘usual reactions’ into a supportive outcome.

I own a fridge that still creates walls of ice in the freezer. For over a month, we had not eaten stuff that was in there and I kept procrastinating the process of getting to defrost because of how I knew that it would have to be entirely empty to fully defrost several centimeters of this thick crust of ice. What happens here is that this freezer is a perfect example of how we operate in our minds when we just allow the ‘layers of ice’ in this case to pile up, and we don’t do ‘clean ups’ regularly instead – say once a week for this freezer – but we let it all just ‘pack up’ until it becomes this really tough thing to handle when finally deciding to ‘do the tough job’ of getting all that ice out.

So throughout the week we cooked the stuff to be eaten and empty the freezer, then it was the time to actually get it to defrost mode. Took over one day for it to fully defrost. But halfway the process, there were moments where a huge chunk of ice could not be taken out, it was just stuck, there was accumulated water and the tray that holds it was stuck with this big chunk of ice. I understood that if I let that piece there, once the fridge comes ‘on’ again, it would only recreate the same problem, it would be frozen and would not be let loose. So, there were moments where I was having my hands frozen, having to be ‘sponging’ the water out (because of the tray being stuck) and trying to get the ice stuff out. I almost wanted to give up, thinking there is no way I’m going to get this stuff out. But, I knew that it’s just not common sensical to ‘leave it for later’ because this is a matter of ‘now or never’ – so, kept pushing, moving around the tray, doing some forceful movements until finally the big chunk of ice came loose and we were able to finally take the water tray out.

Here, ‘the usual old me’ would have gotten pissed, would have tried to blame ‘the fridge’ for being so old that it still forms ice, would have blamed ‘my partner’ for not telling me to do this earlier or for not eating stuff earlier or ‘reminding me’ of doing the defrost… but nope, I didn’t do any of these things, I entirely assumed my responsibility related to this, and so breathed through my own desperation at times of wanting to say ‘fuck it, I give up’  – I refrained myself from doing this, deliberately, and instead kept pushing, deliberately breathing, deliberately knowing that what I was facing was nothing else but ‘piled up consequence’ of all the weeks I left this to come to this outcome, now I had to ‘pull up my non existent pants’ and take care of this, or it would simply cause havoc/consequence and possibly damage the thing.

So, I’ve been working with the word ‘embracing’ in these moments, an acceptance where we come to realize what we’ve ‘compounded’ in any either ‘physical outcome’ – such as the fridge situation – or internally where we get to a point of feeling entirely stuck, piled up with tons of ‘frozen stuff’ that we think it’s absolutely hard to remove, hard to self-forgive, impossible to take out – but what it takes is diligence, is not giving up, is walking the process with its necessary time – bit by bit – to get the stuff out and not ‘lose it’ half way, because in this freezer example I knew I could only pile up more consequence if I didn’t do it, and frankly yes I am fed up with me causing this same consequence over the years (been having the same fridge for 10 years now!) So I asked myself, hmm why haven’t I actually created an effective routine of defrosting more regularly? Why have I allowed myself to just ‘let it go by’ expecting it to ‘do it on its own’ and instead have mostly always waited until it is too difficult, too thick to just ‘turn off’ the fridge for a couple of hours and instead, it becomes this 24 + hours of keeping an eye on this or else, everything in the fridge would get warm and flooded with water….

This very much became a perfect example of how we operate in our minds unfortunately, where I from now on will consider how much of a consequence is created if there’s no regular ‘self-check’ through writings, through introspection, through focusing on what I need to take care of within myself and so without, because we are experts in procrastination and leaving things ‘up to the last moment’ where the consequence is huge and becomes really tough to handle, yet at the same time, if we are already there at that ‘stage’ of consequence, really there’s no other way but ‘take the bull by the horns’ and stand up, woman-up/man-up to our creation and take it bit by bit, yet taking this process as a cautionary tale to learn from, not to do as I’ve done with this fridge where time and time again I seemingly ‘forget’ the past SAME scenarios I’ve caused because of my lack of diligence in taking care of something that just keeps ‘piling up’ as the snow in the fridge. Same goes for my mind, our minds, no need to get to these piles of emotions over time, reactions, or even worse! React and throw a tantrum while we are taking care of our consequence, because I’ve done that actually every time I have had to run this same ‘defrost operation’ in the past. And this is what I became aware of yesterday, how I usually would start picking on the ice to get it out but it’s not only a physical movement, it comes with some anger, frustration, a blame of sorts to the poor ice that forms by itself and by default as per ‘freezer function’ lol – and there I would usually be the angry monkey that gets angry at her own consequences…. Really? Do I need to rehash the same consequence every single time?No, I could now laugh at replaying for myself this same scenario, really lol – and it’s no different to how we KNOW what consequences we create with certain experience inside us, how we don’t deal with things or understand things any better with ‘emotions’ yet we still bring it up! It’s like law of stupidity really and this is nothing else but what I declare as the last time I allow this to happen within and without me.

So yesterday was the time that I deliberately said, fuck no, here I am not focusing on these seemingly ‘justifiable moments’ of desperation, anger and just wanting to give up and instead keep moving, keep breathing, not blaming anything but entirely embracing the situation as My Creation.

Lol it was even funny how I knew that ‘it would eventually come off’ this large chunk of ice, and I knew that the more I ‘fought it’ the worse it would be, and yes…. That’s how it went. I left it for a moment, to warm up my hands and then gave it a second try, some more brusque movements and it came off. I just had to ‘cool down’ in my intent (figuratively, because I was actually very cold in that moment lol) and then give it a second go.

Well, the whole process yes took some 24 hours but at last now the fridge is free from thick layers of ice and I was able to change a very long pattern of me usually ending up angry and frustrated after this ‘clean up the compound freezer mess’ project that emerges periodically, because I haven’t yet made a clear decision to schedule a regular defrost of it and so prevent consequence.

So, lesson learned and the words to live by: consistency and diligence in both taking care of the consequence as one goes through the ‘piles’ that we’ve accumulated, while at the same time realizing that I can prevent these consequences by regular ‘defrost’ that is shorter in time and of course much simpler to take care of.  Patience with myself when finally deciding to ‘deal with the consequence’ and taking care of the situation, to not go into ‘hissy fits’ when seeing my own creation at the door of my fridge lol. Perseverance: not giving up on the project and believing that it’s ok to leave things ‘half way done’ – nope, keep breathing, keep ‘pushing’ until it is done. Embracing and acceptance of what I have created, Understanding how I came to procrastinate a clean up and so voilá! Here I create my own master piece of ice to deal with.

The next point will be to effectively remember to defrost it, and not use the stuff inside as an excuse to not do so, because practically speaking, it would not make much of a difference to have 3 hours of no ‘freezing mode’ for the food inside, as opposed to having to eat everything and leaving the whole thing to defrost for 24 hours… This is where Prevention as a living word comes: doing  the defrost regularly, and prevent the fuckup.

I commit myself to do the same with my mind, as points emerge, to not even allow them to ‘pile up’ but In the Moment, change, decide to breathe, decide to Prevent consequence – and if it is ‘too late’ and I’ve created consequence, to stand up to my creation, to deal with it in a directive manner which means, not throwing fits, not ‘thinking what I should have and should have not done’ or attempting to throw blames at the thing or others…. But entirely embrace the situation as my creation and deal with it the best and most effective way.

This might be a seemingly ‘uninteresting’ point but, it actually reflects a lot as to how I can be very diligent in many things, but there are ‘simple things’ that I have left just ‘slip out of my awareness’ and cause this mess every month or two months – or more, it has happened! – so, for once and for all to integrate all of these points within myself, to learn also from a better way to deal with consequence, but even better: to learn how to prevent it, within and without of myself.

Regular defrosting sessions with myself mean: writing, speaking self forgiveness in the moment as I know and experience that I am diving into a reaction, and do regular writings from my day to day to see what have I changed, what can I learn from the day, where did I see I was challenged in my stability and so establishing ways to continue assisting myself to improve, to stand up to things in a more apt manner.

Emotions, just like the stuck piles of frozen eyes in my freezer, are nothing else but these seemingly unnoticeable consequences that we create day by day, moment by moment in our lives and if we don’t do regular ‘defrosts’, man, it piles up to the point of ‘exploding’ – or in my freezer case, become icebergs – around a point and then sometimes we believe it’s too hard or difficult to face our creation, our experience, our consequences… but, it really is nothing else but our creation, so we need to stand up to it and be HERE in every moment, which means deciding to apply that moment to moment change, it is a decision, a deliberate decision that won’t emerge naturally from within ourselves. This is what I see change means to me, and nothing/no one else can do this for me, I owe it to myself. It’s a decision to live words instead of rehashing the same old ‘throwing a tantrum me’

Thanks for reading.

 

yellow-leaf-on-the-snow

 

Learn HOW to start Living Words for yourself:

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Back To Self, Conflicts, Decisions, livin, living, living potential, living words

%d bloggers like this: