Tag Archives: doing good

November 10, 2012

209. Successful Living = Capitalist Brainwash

By Marlen

Continuing with Self Forgiveness begun in the last post 208. Doing Good as Positive Credit-Rewards

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to emulate the people throughout history that have been quite famous/ recognized in terms of creating a revolution, creating massive movements to oppose a particular system and within that, create a ‘name’ for myself and glorify myself within it wherein I was willing to live by the rule of ‘the cause justifies the means’ and in that, become someone of/ with power/ influence in the world, not realizing how this was pursued due to the positive experience as a form of desire to suit my interests/ my own benefit, and within this place more emphasis on the rewards I would get than the actual cause/ work to be done, which I saw it as a weakness that could be a certainty if I allowed myself to be dishonest – which even now I see could only exist if I would still be fooled by the mirage one is able to buy with money and call that a ‘successful living’ and make it as if all the neglect toward all life within that was not relevant, which is something one cannot turn a blind eye on any longer.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define power/ money/ wealth as something quite tempting at some stage when I was able to taste an inkling of what that could be like, and enjoying the energy, the attention, the recognition, the comfort, the luxuries, the preferential treat that I would be able to experience as an energetic experience of ‘feeling good’ within me, linking this to a justified happiness because I was willing to play the role in the game – so to speak – of standing in a leadership position of whatever I would have to do and within that, still hold dearly to my own personal interest of escalating social positions and being ‘at the top,’ without realizing that all leaders, all people ‘at the top’ end up mostly being corrupted by the power that such ‘top’ means – thus this is a matter of self honesty wherein I simply desired to be that person/ that role due to the power such position would bring as a form of social recognition instead of actually using that position to get to a point of absolute self-directive will, wherein one has the ability to support as many beings as possible to equalize and dignify the lives of all, which is definitely what is required to be done in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore how anyone that has stood up in the past in order to create a change in this world, has been exterminated, decimated, ostracized or punished wherein I realize that the way is then not to oppose the system, but stand within it and also within this, realizing how any position of power would only exist if there is a way to continue perpetuating such ‘power’ which is through money and money is the point of abuse in itself. I realize that all the ‘good things’ that one has linked to money is mostly existing as an incentive to continue perpetuating the current sense of ‘freedom’ and ‘liberty’ that we’ve been brainwashed to link to any form of social-progress in/as capitalism, while in fact, all of the things that one can buy and consume with money/ power, is the product of abuse, the product of slavery, the product of the rape of the Earth, which I am not willing to support and give further attention as an incentive to move in this world.

I realize that it is mostly impossible for me to now link any form of power as wealth/ more money than the majority as an equivalent of abuse and as such, we can only direct all money to fund a cause that will enable Life to be recognized as the only value in this world. This means, using money to finalize money as a world system of exchange of abuse and make-believe values – and instead, transform Money into Equal Money wherein we can all realize to what extent we have imposed our own separation as an energetic experience onto this world and our own physical bodies, which is how we have created money as a set of make-believe values that have only a point of reference and understanding within our minds, according to the values we have given to ourselves and everything in separation of ourselves, creating relationships of Energy instead of realizing our Equality and Oneness as Life.

I realize that a form of directive will must exist in order to stand as an example of what it is to deal with what is considered ‘power’ at the moment and not get lost by it. This implies at all times realizing the reason and principle I stand by as Life, which is immovable as the constant and consistent breath that is the real and only power that I can exist as, which means, the real power I have is here as myself as my physical body and every moment of breath that I commit myself to dedicate myself to establish a way to Learn how to Live in this world as Equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor these images of experiences in my past wherein I saw what it would be like to have lots of money and be in a position of recognition by many, as something that I enjoyed at an egotistical level, without even looking at the reality that is here as the majority that is certainly having no access to any form of luxury or ‘preferential treat’ and comfort that money brings – thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enticed by an experience of ‘wealth’ as comfort/ benefits/ preferential treat, as this experience that I wanted to have for the rest of my life, which is how I came to understand how rich people actually experience themselves when having it all, and within that, having it very easy to get lost within the benefits that one get with and while having money which is in fact so if one neglects reality and loses perspective of it while being high on the experience of money.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to learn how to ‘aim high’ as a constant ad-vice in my life, wherein my abilities and capabilities were being envisioned toward positions and careers wherein I would be able to get ‘the most money’ and the moment that I opted for a career wherein ‘the most money’ was not a certainty, was from the starting point of ‘spiting the system’ that I had desired to conquer at first. I realize that all extremes are just forms of self sabotage, because when I was aiming for my ultimate desires of fame/ fortune and when I went into an absolute denial of money/ this system, I was only still seeking to satisfy what seemed ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ to me, based on morals that were construed by my own preference of ‘who I wanted to be’ based on a certain character in society, which in the end or the last one was getting to be a famous person that could speak and change the world while still remaining in a certain position of power and recognition, just like sociologists, linguists, political analysts or even financial advisors would do.

I realize that the only acceptable direction that I can give myself is to use what I am able and capable of and direct it to an outcome that will benefit all beings equally, and that there is no ‘true satisfaction’ within ‘having it all’ because all of such ‘things/ pleasures/ luxuries’ are the product of our current world system wherein there can be no wealth without abuse, which is what we are mostly unaware of when owning things and not seeing the entire process that are involved for it all to be these sellable items that we are able to acquire/buy in stores. I realize that when looking at all ideas of wealth/ power/ money, I was never taught about the actual process that it takes to create such forms of ‘wealth’ and why exactly they were valued as such. I realize that I lived my life deliberately not wanting to look at the ‘ugly aspect’ of everything that I would be able to buy/ consume, because of ‘feeling bad’ about it – but, within this self-manipulation process, I then turned a blind eye to that which is the foundation to any form of power, which is enslavement and abuse of that which I am one and equal to as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enticed by the roles that I would see on the TV by people that had throughout history, apparently, trying to ‘make a change’ in this world and still be having fun, still be famous, rich wealthy – or the direct opposite with people like Gandhi that lead me to think that maybe I had to ‘give it all up’ – I realize that both extremes are just not workable, are not practical either and that the only acceptable way is to establish a relationship with money in a way that I don’t see it as a form of ‘power/ wealth’ but as a means to establish that which will enable the actual benefit for all beings in a constant and consistent manner.

I realize that money – just as anything else in my reality – must be equalized within me in order to not be moved by any form of ‘desire for more’ to become my incentive within reality. I realize that money is a means to establish a world system that will be best for all – and as such, we can only buy and consume what we require to live and direct it to fund the solution that will be sustainable as best for all in the long run. Any form of greed within ourselves is mostly stemming from how we were educated to always seek for more/ want more/ escalate the social ladder more and more. This implies that, who we have become as the result of having capitalist diapers so to speak, is the desire for more, the linkage of happiness to consumerism, to buying and accumulation of wealth/ saving as our purpose in life, when Life has Nothing to do with that, nor happiness can be linked to any form of benefit that only stands within the constrains of a system that only allows a fraction of the population to aspire such ‘happiness’- state.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link luxuries, comfort, preferential treat, specialness, exclusivity as aspects that I aimed to get in my life due to how I was educated to get to a position of power and within that, ‘satisfy’ myself/ my life and ‘accomplish’ many things that would be ‘praised’/ recognized/ highly rewarded with money as a sign of success, which is why I ended up despising money – apparently – and revolting toward all the expectations built toward me, to the point where I am now wherein I am not satisfying my design/ life path and instead, veering toward a best for all outcome, which is precisely deliberately stating that any form of satisfaction that I sought was a selfish act of self-indulgence in the benefits/ treatment that money represents within the system for my own personal glory. I realize that the primary personalities I have built as myself have money as foundation, have a desire for recognition as foundation and a desire to be ‘more’ as foundation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to build the entirety of who I am according to a future projection of having a lot of money/ being in a position of power and recognition as the motive/ motor of my life. This is how today, I realize that I must move myself as a physical being, as the recognition of who I really am as life – and that has nothing to do with consciousness as money as a driving force for further energy. Who I am as breath is consistent and constant and there is nothing that can ‘beat’ that, as it is what is real. I realize that money and the current perceived power is the result of our collective negligence and brainwash accepted as ‘world system.’ I realize that the moment that we understand money as consciousness, there is no way we can be ‘moved’ by it, as it represents the gateway to further experiences that can only be existent as mind-experiences of so called happiness,, bliss, enjoyment, fulfillment – all of them only existent as energies built with energies and energy is the result of the entire friction and separation from ourselves as life that we have been and become until this day, which means: the abuse of ourselves as life.

This is how only through equalizing money will we veer our eyes to look at that which is real, that which has Always been here but we ‘agreed’/ a-greed to cover up with further ideas of wealth/ power/ benefits within a system that allowed such delusions as something acceptable and real and even more so, linked to ‘positivity’ without understanding a single thing of how all things ‘positive’ came to be within our existence –

Thus – I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how every single desire that I had for ‘more,’ for ‘wealth’ within society was based on the collective acceptance of wealth as something positive, as a synonym of happiness and as such, believe that I had to conquer the world in order to be the most successful no matter what – without realizing that in such desire life was never part of my consideration, nor were any other beings involved within it, nor was any acknowledgement of the world’s situation taken into consideration or was deliberately side-viewed to create a personality that would be ‘acceptable’ such as the character of doing ‘something good’ for humanity – but at the same time, having and obtaining all the benefits that I believed would come with it. I realize that this energetic imprint was gotten from all those bits of moments of benefits, luxury, comfort, special treatment within my life that became these bits of heaven that I sought to re-enact throughout my life through people, through situations and in this, reducing life to a mere experience at an energetic level, reducing life to a file of positive-experiences that I could then use as a testimony of ‘having had a good life.

I realize that these experiences are only created in my mind – and that are only real as the illusion that I accepted and allowed myself to believe was real in such moments of experiencing what it was to have money/ benefits in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conveniently and systematically save these desires ‘for later’ and hiding them as if they were ‘not important’ within me and my process due to seeing the entire experience as something that wasn’t relevant within my life, apparently, not realizing how when opening up the point, the desire to have that became quite an ingrained aspect of ‘who I am’ as a personality in itself that I became unaware of, seeking to become someone to get that amount of money and benefits.

I realize that all my desire to hide myself, to not be seen, to seclude and isolate myself at some point in my life, was essentially due to me not getting what I wanted/ my ‘dreams’ come true and as such, I am aware of the extremist nature that I have played out, wherein I want it all or non and within this, when it comes to being patient for a point to develop, I simply get desperate and ‘give up,’ believing it won’t work, without ever having had enough patience to stand as the constant and persistent breath to allow something to develop, to work on something that will have a ‘fruitful outcome’ as the accumulation of the effect of constant and consistent work on something.

I realize that the conditions within our world have lead us to only ‘move’ if there is some form of benefit in the way, however, when one realizes that the ‘pay’ for such movement can only be money, and money is the point that we are here to reform/ change and align to a best for all outcome, I cannot possibly be moved by the same abuse that I am standing up to expose and reform, as well as realizing that once one decides to live by a principle, there is no way you can fool yourself and have a ‘peace of mind’ about it while knowing that your intentions are others – that simply cannot exist when one is aligning the totality of who one is as one and equal because in that, any form of power is an immediate dishonesty and self-deception of course.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to even create a double headed ‘me’ wherein toward others in my life wherein I would be presenting myself as an ‘anti-system’ person, a detractor of capitalism – yet in the inside still waiting to have the same kind of benefits I would witness were able to be obtained even by being a detractor of capitalism – which is through positions of academicism and intellectuals that were and are still doing this.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire the lives of the sociologists and political analysts, economists and historians that I met throughout my life, creating the inherent desire to be like them with all the knowledge, all the understanding of the system and getting great money to live in my ‘dream-like way’ with things that I learned were ‘acceptable’ to have and own in my reality, while being in a position of ‘opposing capitalism.’ I realize that these seemingly ‘unimportant’ aspects of my past became pillars for me to direct my life to be and become a particular character that could justify wealth/ power while apparently ‘standing up’ for a change in the system, which was mostly desiring to make money within the system out of opposing it through theory, through art, through knowledge and information as I became aware many people does.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a sybarite type of lifestyle, the same type of lifestyle that I got to be aware of from mostly intellectuals I met in my life experience, which made it an acceptable way to become rich/ powerful/ be recognized for doing ‘something’ to ‘save the world/ change the system’ while having a top luxurious home, a top luxurious type of ‘organic lifestyle’ and related types of businesses – mostly in the cultural aspect of society – that I became aware of as a possibility for me to remain as a ‘good person’ at the eyes of society, while benefitting from the money in capitalism just as the most self-proclaimed capitalist supporter would do.

I see and realize that there is no way to mask ourselves trying to play the ‘good character’ at the eyes of others, when the desires behind such character were the same as anyone else that would be openly willing to abuse to get the most benefit out of money/ power/ wealth – because I see and realize that as long as money becomes a driving force in itself for personal interest = there is a problem and lack of integrity and within this, a deliberate act of ignorance and or negligence toward the understanding of how money operates in this world.

I realize that the only sane way to direct our money is to support ourselves to continue doing what we are doing as Desteni and the Equal Money System, which is the unique platform within this world that promotes a world system change based on principles that stand for All Life Equally beginning with Self-Education – thus there cannot be ay form of self interest in a selfish mode within this – it can only be directed as and by principle – and in this I absolutely trust myself as being able and capable of living this, because I am aware of how futile it would be to ‘fall’ for something that is as ephemeral as money, as make-believe as money, as the actual nonsense that money has become when it comes to adding a certain value to what is here and a positive experience stemming from that which is of this Earth in order to establish a form of control to it. It is Unacceptable and quite delusional from us human beings to not see how we have dug our own grave due to giving money the power of ‘god’ that doesn’t exist but only through the self-righteousness to abuse the reality that is here in the name of success and happiness as an acceptable way to abuse the world and each other.

I commit myself to live and realize the dedication to life exists here in every breath and any other form of distraction from what is here as the simplicity of life, is capitalist brainwash, is familial brainwash, is ingrained patterns that I have accepted and allowed myself to become as my mind. I assist and support myself to bring myself back to breath as the physical every time that I experience a ‘longing’ for something ‘more’ than myself here in the moment, as that which is real and who I really am, as ALL that is Here as Life.

I commit myself to expose how money is the product of the knowledge and information we have imposed onto life – and as such, we are directly responsible and capable of aligning money to a best for all equation that dignifies Life in reality for all beings.

I commit myself to expose wealth/ power as the actual evil they represent within this current world system, which is conveniently being sugar coated to neglect the actual processes behind such wealth.

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6 Comments | tags: capitalism, change the world, doing good, luxury, marxism, money, organic lifestyle, positive experience, slavery, social progress, socialism, sociologists, sybarite, the cause justifies the means, theory | posted in acceptance,, anarchism, assistance, bubbles, characters, civil desobedience, correction, corruption, Desteni, Desteni I Process, destonian, destonians, discipline, Equal Rights = Equal Responsibilities, Equality, Evil, family, family values, freespiritism, future projection, human nature, instant gratification, Journey To Life, Life, life-taggers, mind control, money, motivation, Nature, personality design, philosophy, polarity, positive experience, realization, resistance, rewards, riots, Self Forgiveness, self trust, self-honesty, sexuality, sociology, special, survivalism, system, system savvy, teaching, thinking, wisdom, words, world equality, world system

November 9, 2012

208. Doing Good as Positive Credit-Rewards

By Marlen

Benevolent Acts of Evil – Yes, this is a paradox, but So are WE as Humans in this World System that is Our Creation – Only paradoxes and absurdity can describe the things that we’ve come to worship as benevolent and ‘good’ at the expense of others/life on Earth that is also ourselves.

Now, the 10 million dollar question: Where Did I Learn the Belief that Doing Good is equal to FEELING GOOD ?

In the previous blog I discussed even my dreams of ‘world change’ contained my own dreams of escalating in social positions in order to, yes ‘do good’ but also have a lot more benefits/ have more money and some social recognition for ‘doing good’ and as such, ‘deserving’ my rewards.

So after I wrote this blog yesterday I realized how the entire idea of wanting to change the world/ do good had a positive imprint on it – right – but, where did I get such idea from? Where did I first become aware of ‘doing good’ as something ‘good’ and that would lead me to have a nice experience that I learned to call ‘satisfaction.’

I can only trace it back to how my father used to say that when he does ‘good things,’ then it comes back ten-fold to him. And this was a general saying even: ‘may god multiply it to you’ and that’s what I would hear poor people telling him when he would ‘spare a coin’ to them – and so my father’s satisfaction in that moment as in making it a good experience became a reference point to this. Also in his work and position wherein he had some benefits for some two years, I remember people greeting him and giving him gifts and being all happy/ joyous around him and ourselves – me and my sisters/ mother -when being there. Something similar would happen when visitors would come home and how it was always such a nice experience to have everyone just being happy within being all cordial and show hospitality, helping others in any way becoming like this thing that would be ‘uplifting,’ which I came to enjoy for the ‘positive atmosphere’ that would represent, and yes gifts in return from abroad +

However, I never knew the mechanics of how it is that only a few beings can ‘spare coins’ to poor people asking for some ‘charity’ in traffic lights, nor did I ask why people were smiling and revering my father wherein I was not seeing the convenience aspect of keeping a job, keeping a certain reputation and in essence, doing so out of fear of losing their current position within such organization, probably it was never because of some actual charm or enjoyment – lol. And the same within this belief that If I do good = good things will come my way. And I’d say this is the most ingrained belief, reinforced throughout time by my father’s predicaments based on books he’d read mainly about positive thinking at the time. So, I believed it, so I wanted to do good while waiting a reward for it, therefore it was never really unconditional within this. This is proof of how we have become absolutely deluded when it comes to ‘doing good’ while expecting something ‘good’ to come back our way instead of just establishing a system wherein we could ensure that we give to ALL Equally, wherein no matter what we decide to do and dedicate our lives with, we will know that we are living and supporting a system wherein no one is left behind. That would be True Benevolence not acts of charity to enhance one’s ego.

Do we see our life essence being equal when we do something good expecting something in return, meaning, do we see how it is simply giving and supporting that which we Also are? Or do we see only our egos expecting something in return? I’d say we’ve always lived in the selfish mind-frame of the second option and it is only now that within this whole point of a Desire to ‘Change the World’ we realize that it would be futile trying to ‘change the world’ if we haven’t stopped our own egos from continuing seeking ways to fulfill our own ‘satisfaction’ at the expense of others within a system that revolves around life-abuse. How bizarre it is, really, wanting to create a positive experience of ‘doing good,’ learning in schools, families and generally ‘ethics’ to always seek to ‘do good’ to another, but never even questioning why the inherent platform as the current system designed to neglect the lives of the majority would in any way enable such ‘human benevolence’ to take place – isn’t it rather deceptive and evil to do all these random acts of ‘benevolence’ for nice smiles, phony pictures of ‘charity makers’ – like celebrities do – and claim to have contributed to Change while always expecting some form of benefit in return.

As I was ‘jogging the memory’ – one of the first points I became aware of in terms of celebrities and doing some form of ‘good’ was becoming aware of the Free Tibet concerts that the Beastie Boys organized – now reading it was back in 1996 – so I was 10 years old and realizing that Hey one can have fun, be rich, be famous, do good and feel GOOD about it. I actually made a video mentioning this when Adam Yauch died some months ago. I explain the whole deal here

2012 Spirituality and Activism Won’t Change the World

Now, an aspect I later on realized is that this goodness was not inherent to me, it was not something that I ‘truly’ wanted to do and even today I realize that all the bits and moments I ‘did good’ was from the starting point of getting some form of benefit from it, or ending up in a position wherein I would be able to be helped back by another, almost like keeping a score of myself in terms of how ‘good’ I was becoming as a form of Credit.

The ‘feeling good’ aspect of ‘doing good’ is not linked to anything else but actual money/ recognition that I would be able to get from other beings actually, which implies what? That inherent desire to ‘do good’ was nothing natural to me, it was acquired through all the above mentioned points in my environment of getting rewards, gifts, recognition, appraisal, cordiality, getting this ‘goodness’ ten fold, etc. all stemming as points that would come from the en-virus-ment I’d say, all these viruses of positivity that I took as ‘word’ to be lived without a question.

The specific self forgiveness is then to see the actual ‘ugly truth’ of it all, which is had not really cared about myself as a physical living being/ I had not regarded Life as myself in all equally as one, I had only lived as an ego trying to uplift itself from ‘doing good’ and becoming ‘the savior’ in this reality while gaining money and recognition. This stops here

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never question why I was pretending to ‘do good’ and ‘feel good’ about doing something to upgrade/ uplift or dignify the living conditions of other beings without asking first why on Earth they were being neglected and how my own existence was directly responsible for their current condition, and instead allowed me to stand in the position of being ‘indignant’ about it, which is the same mechanism of seeking who to blame instead of understanding how the system works and realize that I am a direct participant in the system that is currently denying support to beings that should be – by default, by virtue of being living beings – supported with all the necessary requirements to Live.

I commit myself to expose any form of charity or benevolent act of evil as the actual underlying reasons why they are taking place, and why charity nor fund raising or any other form of ‘support’ that exists as a form of benevolence toward the ‘less fortunate ones’ is looking at an actual solution to Stop perpetuating the requirement of ‘charities’ and ‘auctions’ to benefit this or that cause, and instead realize that necessary economic, political and social reform required at a global level for Actual Real Change : www. equalmoney.org

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that I was inherently ‘good’ wanting to ‘do good to others’ and in this world, without ever really even considering how this goodness was always expecting something in return in the form of a recognition, preference, specialness, even gifts/ material stuff in return as well as creating a form of ‘credit’ for a future moment wherein I would apparently someday require something from the being I was ‘helping out,’ and in that learn how to move within relationships of self interest instead of actually being unconditional within my ability to assist and support others.

I realize that this stems from the aspect of our current monetary system wherein I learned to save money/ to not squander it, to not just ‘give it away’ because it was earned with hard work, and such all ‘benevolent acts’ that implied me buying something to someone was charged with a bit of guilt but in this all, the desire to help to get a positive experience was ‘more’ than the practical considerations of money and my ability to give it away.

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘do good’ to others based on my ability to buy it without considering further aspects in terms affording it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that wanting to do good/ make others feel good is based on self interest according to my own social-conditioning of expecting good things in exchange. Thus I direct myself to consider the practical physical reality of supporting others without compromising myself in my living conditions.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to project Care and Benevolence toward other beings, wanting to do good/ wanting to change the world while not being absolutely comfortable with myself, not really caring about myself as an individual and wanting the ‘best for myself,’ as all my relationships and truth of what I accepted and allowed myself to become revealed otherwise, that I wasn’t really caring for myself as a living being – thus, how was I preaching ‘goodness’ while being self abusive? A walking paradox I had become – thus

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself in the first place in terms of seeing how I could correct myself, and learn how to appreciate and care for my own physical body before even trying to ‘do good’ outside in the world just because of the experience I would get, which would compensate my actual lack of self-consideration/ self ‘love’ if you will, even though I cannot utter the word love without seeing it as a major deception still – so I will use self-appreciation as that is a consideration of the physicality that I am enabling me to exist and continue, even after all the time that I’ve been torturing my physical body even by my desire to get some ‘positive experiences’ which is part of what I had always been oblivious about in terms of how the mind works and how our physicals are always affected by the constant and continuous desire to live-through-the-mind as an Experience of either positive or negative experiences.

I realize that in this world and society we have never learned how to live as Physical Beings, and that the gruesome truth is that no one has really cared for themselves as equal beings, as the Life Substance/ our Equality that we exist as. Thus, I commit myself to continue walking my process of self acceptance, self appreciation and self-awareness to always ensure that everything that I am correcting within me is standing within a single physical alignment to what is best for all, thus no energy as positive or negative experiences is required.

I commit myself to develop my own self-relationship to my own my physical body to be able to actually walk through my own self-neglect first, before trying or attempting to ‘change the world’ outside of myself. As I see and realize and experience the physical trauma that we’ve inflicted upon ourselves in a ‘silent mode’ while existing in absolute separation of our physicals in relation to being only “living” up there in the mind, never questioning how it is that such experiences that we had equated as ‘living’ were not constant as the actual physicality that we breathe in an out – day in an out – moment by moment. That is our reality and that is what I see is required for me to equalize myself, so that no matter what decisions I make, I can can always exist here as myself and realize that there are many ways in which we can proceed to continue supporting beings to become aware of these basic principles: we have to first care for ourselves as Life in order to then understand why changing the world cannot be based on selfish self-interest, but how such self interest can only exist in common sense as Equality.

I must say that this whole evil thing has been actually very refreshing to me, from making sense of many paintings that I had and was confused about like wtf, why would I paint that? and also within cross referencing my own discomfort of having to smile and pretend to be a ‘good girl’ in certain social situations when the reality is that it Always seemed fake, period. I can say that if any form of joy exists in this world it cannot possibly exist as a reward of a deliberate input of ‘doing good’ to get something ‘good’ in return, no way – it must be an actual constant and consistent living realization of who one is as a living-force that contributes in equality within a system that can support all beings equally – nothing more and nothing less.

That’s what I would want for myself. Can I Give it to myself practically? Yes – I begin within me by removing the accepted and allowed social condition of ‘doing good’ as a positive experience, and instead equalize myself to a living-correction that implies only aligning myself/ who I am according to that which is best for all, which is then not energy based, but physical-reality based and in that any form of personal importance is vanished as there is no need to ponder any particular person for ‘doing good’ for all will be part of this way of living that has the potential to demonstrate what we can actually become if we start living in neighborism.