Tag Archives: dreams

469.Minimizing a Point

Or how I’ve been suppressing points to change and correct within me based on judging them as ‘meaningless’ and not a big deal.

 

Today what opened up for me is how I’ve been ‘Minimizing’ something that emerges within me to look at it, as in making it a seemingly insignificant thing, a ‘no big deal’ situation  within me which means I’ve been justifying myself to remain indulging in something particularly, not questioning it and deciding to in that moment ignore asking the basic questions like ‘who am I’ in desiring to remain in this experience within me? who am I deciding to believe that this is not much of a big point to change in me? What am I trying to hide? What am I defending, justifying or fearing letting go of?

This all emerged as I saw myself once again not wanting to wake up from a particular dream that gave me a positive experience, and lately dreams have been very cool in allowing me to face points and people in my past that I haven’t actually ‘processed’ yet which keep coming back over and over again and I go into the justification of ‘ah they are long gone in my reality, no need to look at it! It’s just a remembrance that’s it!’ while I am seeing very clear and defined patterns that I am acting upon on with them and even if in the dream I know that there is a change in me to be done, I still don’t align that self-application in my dream, but still allow myself to indulge into essentially old patterns that I used to be.

It’s kind of interesting how as I wrote that I became extremely hot as if I am supposed to not be talking about this or opening this up within me which means, same as when one goes red out of embarrassment – man! There’s actually quite a relevance of opening these ‘minimized’ points or ‘maximizing them’, zooming into them and realize there’s actually stuff to process in relation to these people/places of my past, experiences I used to seek vehemently and that would in fact control me, which have been coming up in dreams in a very interesting manner, a sort of self-testing where I am presented with all of these situations and I can always decide to indulge into the ‘old me’ or decide to stand up in those moments, and I have to say that I haven’t yet fully aligned the waking life me and the dream-state me to this application in all areas – in some others I have and those are points that stop coming up in dreams – but the ones that remain in very similar scenarios are pointing out to me something I definitely need to look at, which I will do for myself.

Here then I’m looking at the pattern of how we decide to place a ‘lower value’ on certain things that we face in our lives, where we ‘conveniently ‘see them as ‘not a big deal’ so that we can keep re-living them, falling in them again, not realizing that we are only in fact fooling ourselves anyways in doing this, because the more that we push them aside, ignore and neglect them = the more they will keep coming up and so creating what we know as a ‘time loop’ where a particular pattern repeats itself endlessly until we decide to stop ourselves from participating in it/falling in it and so stand up, make a decision to change and live the correction with consistency, proving to ourselves each moment that we decide to change this point absolutely, to stand up from it every time it ‘pops up’.

This point reminds me of the revenge of the ego where we believe we are just ‘clear’ about many things but some aspects of our past ‘come like a thief in the night’ and rear their head claiming attention and if I decide to ‘minimize’ it and make it only a thing of a ‘dream’ and therefore deciding to believe ‘it has no relevance to myself’ I am in fact deceiving myself because I am aware of that pattern, I know it can still be affecting me in seemingly ‘imperceptible ways’ which if I don’t deal with, will invariably come and bite me back in the ass – really, sorry for the bluntness but that’s what it is – because deciding to not look into a point and seeing it as ‘meaningless’ or ‘too small to care for it’ is only a mechanism of self-deception = self-dishonesty.

I brought this point into a group discussion and it was really awesome to receive feedback, points of self observation and suggestions on how to approach it based on others’ personal experience and that’s what is so nurturing about this process when one is not alone in facing one’s mind, but there are always ways within the Desteni community to cross reference things, to ask for perspectives, to see if someone can relate to something and you’ll get to see that no matter how seemingly ‘odd’ something is, voilà! Someone or more than expected have actually faced that and so it proves again and again how we really are ‘no different’ when it comes to the mechanisms in which our mind operates.

Today’s message is simple as a learning point and experience from this.

– Whenever I see myself minimizing a point as in thinking of it as ‘not an important thing to look at,’ saying ‘ah it’s not that relevant for me any longer, it’s a thing of the past’ or ‘ah but it’s only a nice experience for a moment in a dream, it shall pass!’ or ‘But I’ve worked on similar points before, it should not matter that much to focus so much on this petty one here’ – or ‘it’s just a small bit of myself, I take care of everything else anyways, why should it matter that much?’ I have to stop myself to remind myself that these are excuses, justifications and reasons I am making up within/as my mind in an attempt to conceal actually very relevant aspects of myself that are probably holding/keeping myself in a particular self-definition or fears/desires or holding on to an aspect of ‘me’ that I have believed I have ‘worked on or let go of’.

Therefore I have to make sure I don’t ignore this point but actually decide to open it up in the moment or make a note of it to work later on it in the day, instead of minimizing it, I have to maximize it/zooming into it, aggrandizing it to see the details and equalize the value of it to every other point that I face in my life, considering all of them as aspects and parts of me that I have to equally take responsibility for.

This ‘minimization’ particularly is indicating this seemingly innocent and subtle way in which I create awareness of something yet ‘make it something little’ so as to ‘not bother with it’  – but I’ve proven myself how these are in fact things we relegate and make ‘smaller’ because of the actual ‘hold’ they have of ourselves in our minds, which means there’s actually quite a lot of ourselves still ‘hiding’ in that one aspect and so it at the same time represents an equal gift that we can give back to ourselves with self-forgiveness, so as to not keep ourselves captive with it.

In this I have to remind myself that I don’t have to fear looking at it, I don’t have to fear ‘losing’ this energetic experience because it was never something of ‘the real me’ anyways, it wasn’t a genuine expression or self-creation – they are but remnants of my experiences in the past that I have to now make a clear decision to self-forgive and let go of. I  realize that I am not ‘missing out’ on anything within doing so, because I’ve seen how a lot of what I used to be and do really became this energy-bubble within myself that was unsustainable anyways, so getting to a point of self-honesty should not be seen as a ‘loss’ of sorts – how can we lose something that wasn’t real in the first place?

These are all reminders and points to indicate myself to do, ask and start processing whenever I see myself minimizing something again, relegating it to ‘a second priority’ when in fact, they are here, they came up in the moment, they are priority, they are gifts for me to open up as I ‘receive’ them so to speak, as they come up in my awareness, regardless of it being during my awake or sleeping mode.

– Whenever I go into manipulating myself to see a point as still not relevant to look at or too insignificant – I can do what was suggested today by Sylvia G to do which is to create a projection of how this one seemingly ‘minimal’ point could potentially affect myself, my life and that of others around me based on my continued participation and indulgence on it.

I can see that this in my case would lead me to create the worst kind of situations of self-deception that I in fact have faced in my life before and that I definitely would not want me to repeat the same once more. And upon doing this with the point I’ll be working on, I can see how absolutely relevant it is for me to dig into it, investigate it, fully open it to see it for what it is and disengage the energetic relationship I have linked to it, so that I no longer go participating in these seemingly ‘meaningless’ moments that are actually letting me know I still have several energetic connections to aspects of myself, my past that I have to fully correct within myself, by principle and awareness of who I decide to be and create as myself currently.

– Here’s then another reminder for me to not see dreams as ‘just dreams’ because they have proven to me many times that they can reveal very key and on the spot aspects for me to face where I actually know I am aware of having to apply myself, but when I deliberately don’t do so because of ‘minimizing’ an experience, it simply means I am deciding to continue my self-dishonesty, and that’s of course an indication of points I require to work with in my reality as soon as possible.

– Therefore I can use the ‘minimizing’ experience as a flag-word, an alert of making myself aware that I have to now make a decision to actually take the point as equally relevant as any other and to not procrastinate on them, but to be diligent in opening it up, not giving way into ‘fears’ about discovering myself, or giving way to ‘fears of letting go’ of something that is not even substantial, that is not of life– and so make a clear decision to not deceive myself in the face of those moments where I am clearly having to rev up my self-honesty, which means I know when I am deliberately not wanting to see something = I have to stop lying to myself that it is not important and make all things equally relevant and important to look at.

Here then realizing that the act of ‘minimizing’ something is already looking at it through ourselves as the mind, as the mind that doesn’t want to debunk itself. So the suggestions are to move oneself to deliberately see it for what it is, to not play ‘dumb’ so to speak in relation to it, to not wait for consequences to grow and show us how ‘big’ in fact of a point it is.

And it also was shared how these seemingly ‘minimal’ points can be in fact the tip of an iceberg that we haven’t faced/opened up within ourselves. These points that we create a relationship of resistance to, indicate at the same time a potential to liberate aspects of ourselves that we’ve trapped in secrecy, in denial, in shame, in regret, in guilt, in a relationship of desire and fear… any relationship of energy that we hold toward something will eventually ‘catch up with us’ to the point where it becomes inevitable to not see it, face it, deal with it and walk it through to a point of correction and so, get to a point of no return with it into self-honesty.

Also very relevant to remind myself what does it say about myself when I deliberately decide to make something seemingly insignificant to not look at it? It’s no different to wanting to run away from self-responsibility, no different to taking a quick fix, no different to preferring to remain limited in the mind to not really live – I do it to myself! Therefore I have to make a clear decision to stand clear in all aspects of myself, in actual self-honesty and not miss any bit of me that I become aware of to process from consciousness into awareness and self-honesty.

 

Thanks for reading

 

 Minimizing Self Dishonesty

 

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381. Carrying the Horns of Evil

 

Within our minds, we make associations where we might attach an image with an emotion or a feeling, we start defining such image according to the context we see it in, according to the people, according to what we hear/believe in according to such event/place/people and so, start defining ourselves according to all of the knowledge and information that comes from these mental associations that we integrate as ‘who we are’ and how we ‘understand the world’ and start categorizing our reality according to that, but with this comes also the definitions of what is good, what is evil, and where I stand within it all.

So, dreams stand as this ‘creation’ of myself to see what is coming up and why I’ve been dreaming of these things that seem rather random, but in a way they are only points that I orchestrate in my mind wherein I can see how I stand in relation to the people, the symbols, the places and contexts that I may not be physically linked to, but comes up due to having ‘activated’ some thoughts around such points or images, or people lately.  So, I’ve done this exercise of looking at my dream again, which has allowed me to review a part of my background and the judgments I’ve had toward that in an undercover manner inside my mind, which came to the surface when looking at this dream.

This time it was related to what I can consider as ‘family’ or lineage, since I was in that one building owned by some relatives toward which I have crated a like/dislike relationship as a child, a property that exists as the representation of power over others in terms of how economics operated the past century in this country, wherein some ‘main houses’ would stand as the property of the landowner in which many other people would work in, demonstrating the great disparity from rich/wealthy and the poor/slaves of the town. This type of buildings represent the way to set the mark of ‘who rules in the land’ – probably no different to how a castle operates in feudalism – but at a ‘minor scale’ –  these constructions are called ‘Haciendas’ and this one was built probably around the end of the 19th century or so,  and it has been held as something we should be somehow ‘proud of’ too.

The reason why I disliked the place was mostly due to me as a little child reacting with lots of fear to the kind of parties that took place in there. I would see how lots of money would be spent on alcohol, animals were sacrificed for the food of the day, lots of people would come in, politicians and people I had to greet as ‘my family’ without having ever seen them in my life, causing then an aversion to family reunions. Also at the same time there were some rumors of the place being haunted, which as a child gave me the creeps all the way, and essentially tainting the whole experience of having to go there to family reunions, reacting with lots of fear – later on as I grew older it became something that I was a bit ‘proud of’ when understanding what such place represented, as well as indulging in the alcohol drinking that was absolutely ‘normal’ for family, even as a young child.

 

 

Well, the dream was located in that place – or at least a representation of it, I would see the people I have associated to that place – some relatives – and how I would see them as ‘evil’ somehow. Of course when I was a child I did not question how one gets to have such amount of money to buy such a place and have political positions in a small town in this country, so it simply became as ‘normalcy’ to me, even a point of pride somehow and that’s where it all converges.

 

In the dream, I had on my head horns, like a goat’s skull with its horns, and I would actually see the skull on top of my head with blood. Usually when I dream about blood it triggers something within me which I have identified as the ‘killing of life’ that we are all participating in it. However the symbolism within this is quite clear: horns in my mind association stand for ‘evil’ and me having ‘this’ on top of my head when getting to this place, indicates the associations toward the place, the people, some hidden associations I’ve held onto as well as disliking in general being there. I would see some mental patients around the place which  I have no idea what about them but they were.

 

So what comes up, first of all the fright, the shock to see such thing on top of my head and me trying to take it off, yet I wasn’t able to, which made me feel horrified. In a way we can say that we all have blood in our hands, we all carry these ‘horns’ on top of us as the result of who we are/ have been since the beginning of time: the manifestation of evil that destroy life, yet fear to face it as such. I realize that I have personally linked that particular family lineage to a relationship of both pride and honor but at the same time of resisting to get to know ‘how’ they actually got that power, how they got to that position, and how they have mismanaged the money, how they have had many children due to the money they have, how they have business related to alcohol, how there have been various accidents related to alcohol yet continue to consequent such behavior as normal. And so within this, how I was dragged along the line of ‘having respect to them’ because of being family.  And here I have to say that it’s not like I ‘dislike them’ or ‘like them’ consciously, but it is about opening up the ‘hidden layers’ that exist around this point not only for myself as an individual within this particular family-configuration, but as humanity wherein one way or another – no matter who or what were our ancestors, we have all been the consequential outflow of having been driven by our minds, a system that thrives through abuse, the abuse of life in order to ‘live.’ I see that no one really has had any ‘clean past’ in terms of what our parents, and their parents and their parents of their parents did, so we cannot claim sanctity one way or another: we’ve all been here for ever and cannot claim that we did not participate in what is here today.

I realize that subconsciously I’ve held onto such disdain for what I have deemed as ‘unacceptable behavior’ from relatives, however I realize that remaining with such ‘hidden scorn’ or ‘mixed emotions’ between honor, respect – which were mostly ‘taught’ onto me – and the unveiling of ‘what was really going on’ has made me rather keep the point ‘separate’ from me as to ‘not have to deal with it.’ So this is why I see that the whole set up was to me rather ‘shocking’ in order to realize that in my dream I was trying to hide from them, and at the same time wanting to take of this piece of skull with blood off my head, but I couldn’t, not until they found me and I had to face them, which is quite obvious in terms of how we hold onto things because of ‘not wanting to face them,’ instead of realizing that if we dare to face it, we can actually let go of the point and face the ‘over-mystification’ that happens in the mind, that takes more energy and attention than if we were to simply face it, let it go and equalize ourselves to the people, the places, the situations we have held so many resistances and reactions to.

Another point is that: I am not separate from them, and that whatever ‘sins of the fathers’ I saw myself as separate from: I am one and equal to them as well.

 

(For the reader: various ‘dimensions’ open up here so bare with me as there are various associations linked to the set-up of the dream, so it’s best for me to look at them all here so as to clear the whole point, even if it may seem like ‘jumping’ from point to point at times)

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my dream react with fear when seeing that I was holding these ‘horns in my head’ along with blood, and how I was unable to ‘take them out’ right away until I had faced the family I was ‘running away from/hiding from’ in that hacienda, wherein I realize that I haven’t wanted to face this particular part of myself, my family, my ‘forefathers’ which are people I know very little from, yet in terms of how I have judged what I have come to know of them in public sources, by being with them has made me create a certain disdain toward them that I’ve harbored in a ‘background’ manner, since I got to know more about structures of power, money, and the connections created with politics, which also was another reason why I had ‘loathed politics’ in the past, due to witnessing and knowing of how these relationships take place in what I have judged as ‘lavish’ meetings where there is a huge use (judgment: squandering) of food, and alcohol and entertainment in order to demon.strate a social-status, power, and within this, create more networks of power and influence over the majority.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in a covert manner enjoy the benefits, the experience of being part of that one family with certain ‘name’ around a certain region as this made me feel ‘important’ or with certain ‘relevance’ ‘above the majority,’ which indicates that I was the one that created the whole experience that I projected onto others as ‘what they are/what they experience’ without realizing I created this experience toward the people, toward the place by judging it, associating certain knowledge and information – and when realizing how ‘wrong’ it was to desire or enjoy the benefit of having certain position in society, I went to the complete opposite to condemning all forms of power abuse, politics and such due to the basic witnessing of how that takes place when money is ‘not a problem’ and used only for the benefit of a few, while it was rather obvious that the entire place, the people working in there were not ‘at the same level’ and so witnessing first hand how inequality ‘looked like’ when you are ‘at the top’ and have people serving for you.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and sad about the people I would see working in there, witnessing the abundance of food and drinks and luxury given away for a few hours while them having to resort to only ‘being the workers’ for such place, for such people, which is how I started questioning why the hell only a few can have this kind of benefits  – and within this create an inner conflict about it in terms of what looks good, what feels good within me, but judging it as wrong and detrimental to people and as such, because I veiled myself from seeing the ‘bigger picture’ at that stage, I simply decided to ignore that realization I have had, about power, about politics, about who benefits and instead only create an avoidance to all of it, as well as a way to not want to recognize that I liked the idea of being able to have ‘such power’, but, in the mind we go into reactions as to not have to face our responsibility to it, and instead we usually become victims to our own experience.

 

I realize that I can only judge something when being separated from it, when believing that  it is ‘them’ and ‘others’ doing right/wrong things, without realizing that I am both sides of the coin, and that judging it and separating myself from it create no solution to it at all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of being ‘ashamed’ in the dream for having these horns on my head with blood, and not being able to take them off, because I didn’t want to see me with such thing in my head, nor did I want others to see me with that either – which is revealing how this is something I had to face, walk through, self-forgive as to no longer be ashamed or try and deny my experiences toward positions of power, when seeing abundance of money, when being benefited in any way by any position of power, which made me then create the polarity of ‘I like it’ and ‘I enjoy it’ even if it’s only for a few hours, and then go into judgment about it, inner conflict and mostly not wanting to have anything to do with ‘them’ because of any associations with power/abuse that it may bring. Therefore I see that I created my own ‘friction and conflict’ based on memories, definition, information that I took personal an defined myself in relation to it, when in fact it only serves as a point of reaction within my mind.

Therefore, I continue to see what else is in it.

 

I realize that we have all as human beings have participated in abuse, in one way or another, and how we all in fact carry such ‘horns with blood’ in our head as the symbol of the evil nature that we all are in fact, the blood as the sacrifice of life for our benefit, and we all carry this ‘sin’ within us until we are able to self-forgive and directly create solutions that prevent these ‘sins of the fathers’ from repeating over and over again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever see any family member with disgust or disdain or plainly fear them as a child, not really knowing the reason why other than hearing certain deeds that I knew were not ‘beneficial’ for themselves or others, including the massive procreation of people as a result of the power and ‘recognition’ they held, which also I have held as a relationship of disgust and shame, mostly – without realizing that that is what someone with certain power eventually ends up doing: abusing it, misdirecting it without measuring consequences, and this entire world is the result of us abusing each other in one way or another for that matter, so judging these individuals due to ‘them being related to me’ has more to do with ‘me not wanting to be associated with abuse’ and that’s the reason why I didn’t want to see me with this piece of skull with blood over my head, yet it would only ‘come off’ once I would face the people I was hiding from in the dream: the generations that have gone before us.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to having wished coming from noble people that are ‘honest’ and ‘trustworthy’ not realizing that this was only for my own benefit, of being ‘immaculate’ which is impossible considering who and what we have always been as humanity in this world, wherein most likely no one has such immaculate origin, as no matter ‘where we come from’ or ‘who is our family’ we are all equally responsible for the atrocities in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be horrified, ashamed, fearful of having such ‘horns with blood’ in my head in my dream as what I have defined is a symbol to realize that I also carry that which I have judged others for, and avoided facing as myself too.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify a piece of skull and bones as horns as something ‘horrific’ along with blood, not realizing that I am composed myself of bones and blood – therefore I see the association of ‘horns’ as ‘evil’ and blood as something disgusting to look at, due to how horror films – which I don’t even watch but okay it’s part of the collective unconscious – uses blood as a symbol of horror, crime and so forth to generate fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the scenario in my mind of an experience of fear due to the place that I associated with that old hacienda where I have believed that there were ghosts or people haunting others, which is also why I held such an experience of fear about it as well, petrification in fact when it came to even thinking about having to ‘spend the night there’ which never happened, because I always threw tantrums in order to never stay there.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an extreme experience of fear when getting to this place because of knowing that there would be lots of alcohol available, therefore lots of people in a party-mode which I came to then resist due to not liking to see people becoming drunk and stubborn, as well as – on top of that – fearing the entities or ghosts I had heard of.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to dislike people that drink, and large amounts of people because of the extreme fear and even nervousness and anxiety that I would go through when getting to this specific place due to all the elements involved: lots of people, rooms filled with bottles of alcohol, lots of chatter and the myths and stories of the place being haunted.

 

I realize that as a child and being as usually afraid of everything as I used to, the idea of having to spend the night there was a nightmare to me, which I never did, but I would go to great lengths to make my parents leave the place so we could rather sleep at a hotel and not there, which is how I have in my mind connected all the points of fears toward that place specifically, linked to ‘the people’ in there and now I see that it’s only me in my mind how I have ‘mystified’ it all, and actually holding more energy in relation to the memory itself, how I remember it, how I defined my experience in there as a memory in itself, instead of realizing that it’s just a place, it’s just people and that the one experience of fear I had created in my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a kind of hatred toward drunk people, not realizing that I’ve been there myself as well and that I stopped because of living by a principle of doing what is best for all, but it is certain that I would have also become ‘my own worst nightmare’ if I had continued to drink, and do it as ‘normal’ as it is considered for family or the majority in society wherein alcohol is an ‘okayish’ thing to take/drink, which is absolutely unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the family business because of it being linked to alcohol and how I stand for ‘banning alcohol’,’ which had become a point of conflict when relating to my family, yet I’ve realized and actually walked the point wherein I stick to what I see is common sense and stand as it. Yet I realize I must stop any judgment that may still come through in relation to alcohol, as alcohol in itself is just a substance, it is the individuals that drink a lot of it that become a problem, and a danger to themselves and society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go from pride to shame when it comes to the relationship with this family when I got to understand power, politics, relationships and how this was closer to me in the family than I expected – and as such created an ambivalent relationship of ‘liking’ the fact of having such background but at the same time, not wanting to be associated with it due to the relationships of abuse that are formed within such positions. However I realize that I can only judge this reality and others based on my own value systems, thoughts, knowledge and information which is then what I take responsibility for, as I cannot ‘change my background’ or my relatives, their businesses or anything like that – I focus on myself and what I am, and instead work on stopping and eradicating any form of subtle judgment toward anyone in any position of power or the opposite as poverty/disempowered.

It is within me stopping this sectarianism within myself that I begin the change within me first, by stopping defining people according the structural abuse of the past.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to memories of my past, and within that holding on to judgment, beliefs, ideas and perceptions as well as my own reactions as part of ‘how I see myself in relation to relatives’ from this specific family, the place and all of it becoming ‘more than what they are’ in my mind, because it’s certain how our memories become the instrument to ‘haunt us’ meaning to cause reactions and re-live the initial experiences of that moment, without realizing that we are here in the moment, physically in another space-time and that it is pointless to continue categorizing, judging, identifying and labeling people, places, circumstances according to how I reacted to them in the past – I take full responsibility for my reactions and ensure I let go of the ‘haunting’ experience which is only of benefit to my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to judgment toward others and certain relatives based on how I have deemed them to be toward each other, themselves as ‘abusive’ without realizing that within this I am only holding on to the ‘negative’ to be judged instead of rather also looking at what I can learn from others that is of benefit for everyone, as I see that I tend to be a tad extremist when it comes to painting something/someone either white or red. Within this, I see that instead of judging all that is ‘bad’ or ‘wrong,’ I rather investigate further to see what I can learn from them/others that is beneficial for myself and all, and apply it to my own life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create such a tantrum at that time with my parents just because of not wanting to stay in that place in fear of ‘having ghosts lurking around.’ I realize that as a child, I allowed fears to absolutely drive me to also lure others into doing what I wanted them to do based on my fears to, for example, not stay at a certain place due to potential ‘ghosts’ coming out at night.

 

I realize that I allowed myself to believe many stories, many ideas about spirits, ghosts and other paranormal phenomena which in turn became a constant fear within me as a child, which I held onto until the time when I got to know there were no more ghosts, spirits and so forth, which is only 6 years ago due to finding about Desteni.

 

San Bartolomé del Monte - Hacienda

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold any judgment, idea, perception toward others as family members that I could create an experience of shame or avoidance to be linked to, as this only perpetuates self definitions according to ‘who I am’ in terms of being part of a particular family, holding a particular name, which is only how we have constructed the system – yet in reality: we all are equally related to one another, as we are in fact one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for being part of humanity which has been a point that emerges from time to time when witnessing the abuse we impose toward each other and everything around us, not realizing that everything that we are is ourselves and so, every abuse that is ‘committed by others’ is in fact committed by ourselves too – we have been the evil in this world, and this is why I relate the horns upon my head as a representation of how I have also participated in this, I have also formed part of the atrocities that I associate the skull with horns upon my head as the representation of who I am in the mind, evil as the reverse of live/life, and as such the reaction to realizing ‘I am also part of it/it’s upon me’ is unnecessary yet for the dream being a way to realize that I cannot ‘separate’ myself from it.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘hide’ from consequence, hide from having to face what I first created a ‘taste’ for such as alcohol or the taste of bits of what I defined as ‘power’ and ‘social recognition’ above the majority, and create an avoidance toward it later, not wanting to see it as part of what was going to ‘shape’ me and who I am, and what I like and what I’m supposed to be proud of – not realizing that this is absolutely nothing to be taken personal, it is where I was born just as any other thing or person is defined within this system – and even if my core family wasn’t rich or having these privileges as those relatives did – at their time – the notion of ‘being recognized’ or having ‘certain power’ did create a likeness for it initially within me, which I later on veiled and covered up because of not wanting to face my own participation in the ‘taste for power’ linked to specifically higher status in society, which I have also disclosed in previous blogs extensively, the polarity of desiring power/ loathing power and how to correct it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge elitism and inequality, yet I create such conditions every time that I define people according to the amount of money/power/status they hold, and how I also participate in it in my mind when judging anyone based on money/power/status – without realizing that this that I have defined as ‘evil’ – being money, power, social status – is something I also participate in and require in order to ‘live’ within the set up in this system, therefore I stop holding judgment toward what is here, the hierarchical levels, the forms of structural violence that exist in our hierarchical society – as I realize that we will only stop these definitions once that we recognize equal value as the recognition of who we are as equals.

 

In the dream, I was only able to take the horns off after I had faced them, after they found me because I was deliberately wanting to hide from them. So it means that I can only take off the horns is when I have dared to face this experience that I had been harboring within me, without realizing that: the more I avoided looking at it, talking about it, writing about it and clearing myself around this point, I would only be holding on to it as the polarity of like/dislike, what I enjoyed at some point in my life and how I am correcting myself to not ever fall for what I deem is the corruption that comes along with power, and with this stop the cycles of abuse that have existed throughout our history as humanity.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that these specific relatives had to abuse in order to obtain such power – without realizing that even if it was so, me holding on to such judgment doesn’t change the facts, the past, what has been done – and also within this not to try and now hold on to this ‘myth’ of there being some kind of ‘good doer’ in the same family that was ‘stealing from the rich to give to the poor’ as a way to redeem myself and want me to be directly linked to that person because ‘oh he was a good doer and wanted to bring social justice in early 20th century’ which is just creating the polarity of wanting to be associated with the ‘good ancestors’ and avoid anything related to what in my mind I have defined as ‘evil or bad’ ancestors.

The truth and reality is that all of it were designs, were placements, were roles that had to exist to create the entirety of the system as is: of rich and poor, of abuse, of power and enslavement – and within this, I realize that I have been a product in and of this entire system, regardless of my direct lineage or family – I realize that an individual has the opportunity and the gift of self forgiveness no matter how ‘evil’ or ‘bad’ or ‘good’ they’ve been, and that’s what I see is mostly relevant: to let go of the fear to face the evil we have become, to face the crimes against ourselves and all living beings in this Earth for our self-interest, for power, for money, for status, etc. And in this we can liberate ourselves, free ourselves from ‘the sins of the fathers’ and ensure that we ourselves, myself, do not fall ever again for traits that come with the illusion of power that can only exist as abuse within the context of this system we are and live in at the moment.

 

 

Self Corrective Statements and Commitments:

 

When and as I see myself being ashamed of carrying the ‘horns of evil’ metaphorically speaking, when realizing where and how we have contributed to the problems, the abuse in this world –  I stop and I breathe – I realize that going into shame or avoidance to look at it only leaves us as victims once again of what is already done. Instead, I commit myself to stand within that realization, take into consideration the entirety of this world-system, see where and how I have directly participated in what is here, and no longer take these things personal, but instead walk through the shame, use the shame as a reminder that I can no longer re-crate the sins of the fathers, to recreate that which I came to first like and enjoy and then loathed and avoided as a polarity construct in my own mind.

 

I realize that holding on to shame based on my own memories, judgments, ideas, beliefs and perceptions around any individual that I am related to directly as ‘family’ is useless to keep, as the shame itself creates and recreates the definition that I hold toward ‘them.’

 

I commit myself to stop any form of shame and avoidance that exists within me when looking at the things, the consequences we have created as humanity as this only recreates a mind experience about it, and does nothing to solve it – therefore,

 

I commit myself to transform the shame, the avoidance of looking at something into an opportunity to equalize myself with that, so as to understand it, to place it into context, to see what can be done  in relation to preventing, correcting, aligning relationships that have enabled this abuse

 

I realize that we will face the real nature of ourselves and that being ‘horrified’ by it, by seeing our direct implication onto it makes no difference to what is already done – therefore

When and as I see myself being ever horrified at looking at the consequences we are generating as human beings on Earth, I stop and I breathe – I realize that being ‘shocked’ at what I/we create every day – directly or indirectly – does no change, creates no solution to such problems and situations. Therefore

 

I commit myself to stop participating in any emotion of shame, horror, disgust, avoidance, disdain when seeing, understanding and/or witnessing how we directly impact the world, how we directly abuse ourselves and each other – and instead commit myself to live self forgiveness, to not get ‘trapped’ in the experience and wanting to ‘run away from it’ or ‘take it off of my head’ metaphorically speaking – but instead, face it, be willing to walk through it in order to establish solutions, realizing as well that it is only when we dare to face the true nature of ourselves that we can then get to understand why we are in the condition we are in our world and reality and as such, within understanding, and no longer judging it, one can create solutions.

 

I commit myself to no longer be ashamed of or want to hide from people that I wish I was ‘not related to,’ without realizing that this would imply holding on to shame toward all of humanity and myself, as I am part of everything and everyone as well – therefore I let go of the judgment and instead walk in self-forgiveness, stopping any reactions and separation toward all that is here as myself.

 

I commit myself to stop fueling my own ‘myths’ and mystifying people and places only for the sake of entertaining past memories of certain experiences that serve no purpose to who I am here and as such, I let go any definition toward my own memories as ‘haunting’ and instead, focus on living here, every moment, being self directive.

 

I realize that it can be a bit shocking at times when we get to see how we/others behave, what we/others do in terms of creating consequence in our reality and why it is that we ‘do it’ and so the ‘shock’ comes from not being able to ‘compute’ about the crimes against we have all – equally – committed against life, against ourselves. And this is why I suggest educating oneself about the nature of who we are and have become as the mind, as these consciousness systems that in no way have considered life, the reality and the substance of who and what we really are. Therefore, every form of ‘evil’ in this world, every word, thought or deed that doesn’t benefit us all as equals, is the reality that we have created in un-awareness of who we are as one and equal, and as such, we stand up, we face it, we direct and establish solutions to prevent the problems and align what’s already here to the benefit of everyone in equality, beginning with myself.

 

DSC00638

 

To stop judging the world as ‘evil’ and start living:


116. Dreams of Perfect Lives as Mind Control

Self Forgiveness and further realization about how we have accepted the expression such as ‘Follow your dreams’ to define our current life as either successful/ not successful based on the imaginary future projection that we created at some point early on in our lives, wherein we complied to that single question of ‘What do you want to be and become when you grow up?’ wherein the question itself would already suggest that we could do whatever we wanted with ourselves and our future to satisfy our personal desires and preferences, never really taking into consideration that we are all here in this world, living the consequences of everyone seeking our own personal pleasures and ‘happiness’ without considering at all who and what we abuse and neglect while we are very busing building our own little castle of our ‘perfect future,’ which can only be manifested if we have enough money to do so.

Though, we’ve held these‘memories as pillars to create the characters  that we spend our entire lives trying to fulfill, which is once again, trying to match a dream/ imaginary future projection mind creation to a physical reality that is governed by an economic system that does not support all beings equally.  This can be read and understood in the blogs Heaven’s Journey to Life  and also Creation’s Journey to Life.

“The dreams will determine where you are within process – what’s still suppressed/hidden and require more focus and what you’re realising/transcending – so, basically all aspects of your process you’ll see in dreams or a specific point that require direction” – Sunette Spies

 

I have been having dreams and sometimes I have even desired to ‘keep dreaming’ just because of how entertaining it is, which indicates that I am still allowing the point of entertainment to be a driving force, which is obviously creating an illusion of me experiencing something ‘more’ than myself here, which is ludicrous when we consider how we are in fact only lying on a bed with our eyes closed and ‘having a ball’ in our minds. Well, that’s no different to how we go through our lives

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Dreams Look so Real, as Dreams are Formed from the Same Substance that forms Characters, and the Dreams as Character as Memories are the Only Reality yet known to Man, and because of that, Man cannot Determine the Difference Between Actual Reality and the Dreamstate of illusion on which Consciousness is based.” – Bernard Poolman
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-115-dream-evolution-2012_7.html

 

There’s also times wherein the situations are quite ‘mundane’ and it’s as if I am still seeking to keep dreaming to see ‘where does it all lead to’ – and the most ‘extreme cases’ are when I have seen myself just wanting to keep dreaming because it is ‘more entertaining than real life’ which is is part of how we function as human beings, always seeking to be living within the ‘moreness’ that exists as an illusion in our minds, having nothing to do with the actual physical reality.

“The dream shows that your version of reality you so much dislike and how to sort it out is not clear. Do self forgiveness on judgments of how you see people and your perception that you are somehow more than those that seem blind. Also that you have no clear directive understanding on how to clear and direct reality in a way that is best for all –dissect the dream to remove all limited views”

“ALL DREAMS and everything/everyone in it – reflect SELF, it’s never about the person in the dream, that person will represent a part/aspect of you
Cause only you are in your MIND, there ain’t anyone else in there – so whatever goes on in there – is ALL YOU” – Anu

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the common belief of me having to ‘follow my dreams’ when I was a child, wherein the moment I was asked ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ and later on ‘Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?’ I allowed myself to project myself with all my ‘dreams come true’ which were primarily based on being a writer, an artist someone that was ‘famous’ and would be able to make enough money to live with luxuries in the top of a building in some important city like New York City, which became me following the idea of what an ‘American Dream’ would be like, which is how I drove myself to spend my time working on what was necessary for me to become a music-review writer, as that was one of the ‘dreams’ I had – as well as being an artist or any other ‘important person’ that could step out of the ‘ordinary’ experiences in life, which is how I directed myself to build and sculpt my personality according to my ‘dreams’ and my desires, which is how the moment that we keep such dreams in place, everything else will seem quite ‘mundane,’ and if we don’t get to ‘fulfill our dreams,’ our life seems like a waste and a failure –

However, I didn’t realize how my dreams were only that: an imaginary process that I indulged myself in without taking into consideration the physical, practical reality and the actual current conditions in which our dreams are definitely not able to be ‘fulfilled’ as easy as we imagine them to be, without realizing how we see them as ‘possible’ simply by our cultural input of ‘follow your dreams’ and believing that this world is made for us to ‘conquer it,’ which is nothing else but absolute brainwash to keep each being bound to one-single-dream, and if this one-single-dream is not fulfilled, we go into the downward spiral believing that we are not ‘good enough’ to accomplish it, that we were not the ‘chosen ones’ that could be benefitted with having such a ‘good lifestyle’ the same as what we see on the media in relation to famous people.

 

When and as I see myself comparing my current life to that of my ‘dreams’ when I was a teenager and that 10 years later I was supposed to be ‘living out’ and going into an experience of me ‘missing out on life,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that such dreams were never ever real and that I was just complying to what I was taught to ‘think about’ in school in order for us to always aspire to be and become ‘the next great successful person’ that could play out being just another example of what ‘making your dreams come true’ would mean, in order to instigate the same type of idealism within others. I see and realize that All dreams as positive life-style experiences are based upon abuse as there can exist no positive experience  at the moment in this world that is not leaving another behind, and this is clearly obvious within our current monetary system wherein we have defined ‘happiness’ and ‘dreams’ based on having money and being ‘more’ than others within a world system wherein wealth stems directly from the abuse of other beings’ lives.

 

Thus I see and realize that me thinking and believing that ‘My dreams didn’t come true’ is an actuality and a realization within the consideration that I had only allowed myself to create such imaginary scenarios as a ‘potential outcome’ within my life, just because of how ‘good’ it felt to do so – yet I never really considered or even walked the actual path to get there, which is how I mostly hoped that all of it could develop by some type of ‘fate’ that I was supposed to live, without realizing how this is precisely the trap that we have all indulged in at some point in our lives, leading us to actually always hold such dreams as the ‘aim’ and ‘goal’ for a lifetime without actually taking the practical steps to do so in physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself want to continue dreaming and therefore sleeping in order to continue experiencing that which I deem in one moment as ‘more entertaining than real life,’ wherein I then give into the mind’s experience of whatever it is that I am doing in order to satisfy a positive energy experience that I have defined as being ‘more’ than myself here, without realizing that it is such experiences that instigate a positive experience within me that which becomes the hooks to keep me bound to one single desire/ hope/ dream that I hold on to as a ‘potential outcome’ in my reality, without realizing how within keeping this point in the future as a potential successful achievement, I am in fact binding myself to only search and look for that one point that I have defined as the ‘moreness’ of myself, without considering how I have been in fact the creator of such separation the moment that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can in fact experience any form of ‘moreness’ within and as myself.

 

When and as I see myself waking up and realizing that I am having a ‘cool dream’ wherein I want to ‘keep dreaming,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that in this very moment I am giving into the ‘positive experience’ in my mind when and while dreaming wherein all that I am stating is: I decide to live a positive energy experience instead of myself being awake and self directive in the physical reality moment, which is unacceptable. Thus I direct myself to immediately take a deep breath and step out of the bed in order to instead write and walk through the dream point in order to establish what it is that I am still ‘falling for’ as a positive experience that me as my mind is showing/ revealing to me in order to see where it is that I am still allowing myself to ‘follow a dream’ instead of me being self-directive here as breath.

 

I realize that such positive experiences in dreams are based on the ‘adventures’ and ‘positive experiences’ that I had created according to the various characters that I vowed myself to be and become in this world, wherein the dream thus becomes an actual point of support for me to face that which I am not being able to face in real life at the moment – therefore I direct myself to be and become aware of my dreams in order to walk them as a point of self-support instead of actually giving into the experience and wanting to elongate the dream just to continue experiencing myself in such a ‘thrill’ in my mind when and as dreaming.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in my dream, try to find the ‘gist’ of the dream wherein I am actually seeking to get to a climax experience within it, which often doesn’t manifest, revealing to me how there is still a pinch of hope and desire to have a positive experience in my life, which is what is still influencing myself in moments wherein I compare such positive experiences as my mind with the dreams that I have created and held within my mind in order to believe that ‘someday’ it will manifest or that ‘someday’ I will finally be and become such ‘moreness’ experience, which is not real in any way way whatsoever, and is instead one of the primary points wherein we give into the mind in order to maintain this one single point in separation of ourselves.

 

When and as I see myself trying to find and attain that ‘positive experience’ within my dreams, I stop and I breathe – I realize that me still being ‘looking for’ and ‘searching for’ that one positive experience in my dreams is still an indication of still holding dreams, secrets as positive experiences that I have bound myself to in order to have this ‘backdoor’ that creates this experience at times of my life not being ‘as thrilling’ as my dreams, which is why and how we go through our lives believing ourselves to be ‘less than’ and ‘unsuccessful,’ just because of how we were taught to always ‘follow our dreams’ and do everything we could to fulfill such positive experience in our lives, which is what we then use as a measuring point to see ‘where we’re at’ in relation to such high stakes, eventually always concluding that we are not in fact ‘good enough,’ thus considering ourselves a failure based on an imaginary outcome that was self created.

 

This is how I see and realize that we go comparing ourselves to such delusional ‘goals’ as ‘our dreams’ in life which were always only considering our own benefit, our own ‘feeling good’ experiences but never ever really taking into consideration how we could actually walk our lives in order to actually make such dreams come true Within the consideration of what is best for all life, which would imply that all our hopes, all our dreams, all our desires that kept self interest in place would have to be re-aligned to an outcome and direction that can benefit all beings in this reality within and as the principle of Equality as Life, as I see, realize and understand that the world is a consequential outflow of everyone following their ‘dreams’ and wanting ‘OUR dream to come true,’ wherein we are willing to compete, fight and deceive others in order to get to our desired outcome.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to foolishly compare my current life to that of my ‘dreamed life’ which was always only this literal imaginary projection of myself doing what I made myself believe I was ‘good at’ and what I really ‘wanted to be’ when I grow up, without realizing that our dreams would always look much better and ‘brighter’ in our imagination than the actual reality of it, which is how and why we then create a negative or a ‘lesser experience’ within ourselves because we compare such positive-fulfilling-bright imaginary future projection toward our own living-reality that we then judge as dull, unfulfilling, sad, boring and unexciting, which is the perfect trap for us to then always seek ways and means to achieve such apparent plausible positive experience which translates to living a life of consumerism, of doing all we can to have more money, to get the ultimate relationship, to ‘get the most of the cake’ without stopping to look at how it is that such ability to ‘seek for more’ within an ambitious-surivalism type of experience can only exist within people that already have money and already know what ‘money can buy,’ whereas ¾ of humanity do not have such ability to even ‘dream’ of having a constant and stable living condition in their world, wherein their dream is to have a clean toilet and running water from a tap, which is how this places into context how deluded and actually abusive our dreams of ‘fame and fortune’ actually are, wherein we neglect the lives of the majority of beings that are Also ourselves and that we placidly ignore in order to just focus on ‘our dreams,’ and never even considering that such dreams should be Equally available and possible for all.

 

Thus I commit myself to stop following any form of positive experience in my dreams, as I see and realize that this is the perfect trap to keep me bound to one-single-point as a minute ‘positive experience’ that I am following in my dreams, such as the desire to be somewhere else, to be someone else, to have ‘more’ than what I have which is only reflecting how we have projected such dreams and desires into a media that we feed ourselves with, eventually weaving our own spider web trap of ‘unattainable desires,’ simply because we have dared to make money as that ability to abuse others in order to manifest/ materialize such ‘positive experience’ which in our current world and society translates to having all the money in the world to buy it.

 

Instead, I commit myself to establish a world system wherein Life is equally valued, where our only ‘dream’ stands as an actual ability to give to each other what we want for ourselves which is a practical way to manifest our dreams/ our heaven on Earth within a system that is actually able to be implemented in this world without having to even ‘dream’ about it, but simply through deciding that money can be valued as Life and as such giving Equal Money for all to live the best way that is possible for all beings on Earth, as I see and realize that we have only separated ourselves from our fullest potential as humanity because of binding ourselves to a system that was inherently designed to only benefit some while leaving a vast majority out of the ‘happiness loop’ that money creates for those in elitist positions.

I see and realize that we are here educating ourselves about how our dreams have become the greatest obstacle to actually implement, manifest and practically work to create a world that is best for all, because we accepted and allowed ourselves to believe that we could in fact ‘make our dreams come true,’ never realizing how this was the actual trap that we bind ourselves to without realizing that We are the ones that Decide if we actually create the world of our dreams or not where every single being can be Equally supported to live the life that we all want for ourselves/ each other in this world.

It is never too late as long as we are still breathing here – no more Waiting, we are Here and perfectly capable of walking the necessary steps to realize how life can only thrive in Equality.

Let’s Do it.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Dreams will be of Great Assistance from 2012 Onwards for those in the Journey to Life, to Realize where Illusion is still in Control of Determining the Future Self and thus the Future of Life on Earth, and that Each Dream must be TIMELINED and Dissected to find the Motivating Characterization and to Remove this, so that one Can Return to the Actual Reality of the Physical World and Leave Dreams to where they Belong, as Illusions.” – Bernard Poolman*

Hiding in my Sleep

 

Very supportive Life Reviews to realize and understand how ‘Following our dreams’ has not been aligned to an actual physical reality within our current context wherein the opportunities to achieve our ultimate ‘goals’ is not a certainty and most of the times, cannot even be fulfilled within a world wherein Inequality is all that has prevailed – we are the change that the world requires:

 

Blogs:

 

Vlog on Equal Money System 

Watch The Trap, The Century of the Self and Psywar


115. Following our Dreams is Plain Delusional

When we are children, we are taught to create plans to see where and how we ‘envision’ ourselves in our future, we learn the expression ‘Follow your Dreams’/ Making your Dreams come True!’ and what comes to mind is even that type of vintage pictures wherein such concept was literally ‘pictured’ like, no different to Nazi or socialist propaganda really, but no one cared enough to even look at how images of happy fami-lies became the golden standard – I mean the golden path to follow as an apparent ‘purpose in life.’ All of this was part of an entire cultural brainwashing in order to keep this system in place – Yes, following a personalized dream and fantasy using a delusional system to abuse reality became a ‘normal thing’/norm for all of us to accept as ‘real’ and friendly known as the American Dream, setting the standard of a self-proclaimed Excellence in ‘Living Standard’ worldwide and setting the trend that would essentially lead us all to our current downward spiral, as we see capitalism our image and likeness made an economic model to follow in mind and heart – destroying the very  life that we have literally abused in the name of ‘following our greatest excitement/ dreams/ happiness,’ you name it – the gist of it is one and the same: Focus on what YOU Want, do all you can to get it and screw the rest of the world.  

How is it that such elusive ideas became an actual aim/ goal in our lives, separating ourselves even further from physical reality and as such, buying all the lies that we have crafted in order to ‘materialize’/ manifest such imposed living standards based on consuming all we can as a synonym of power – how deluded: consuming ourselves as a symbol of ‘power’ and ‘success,’ no wonder we are in the verge of self destruction.

Who and what has created this consequential outflow that we are now sunk in? We have – many say we are doomed and lost forevermore – I learned from an interview at eqafe that as long as we are breathing, it  is never too late.

 

world's highest standard of living

What are we exactly saying when uttering the words: I am following my dreams!

What supported me to see this point was listening to an interview wherein I realized how one of the perfect traps is playing the game of wanting to ‘see more’ than ourselves here, wanting to BE more than who we already are, and that’s how we’ve lived endless cycles trying and attempting to be ‘special’ from the very beginning of human civilization  (I suggest to listen to the fascinating details about the technical aspects of what real Avant-garde reality existed here and the inner experience of beings within such context in Reptilians – Existential Devolution – Part 78) – never in our dreams would we have dreamed of having the actual creators explaining how we have created this reality ready to be the platform to develop our eternal ‘pursuit of happiness’ as ‘our dreams’ such as the perfect ideals of power/ a ‘moreness’ of which we never realized the consequence of, missing out the fact that we cannot literally build castles in this world without having slaves working to manifest it, we cannot keep ourselves ‘dreaming’ all the time about obtaining/ gaining/ stealing something MORE without even looking at how because of keeping ourselves in this perpetual slumber trying to be ‘more,’ we have in essence doomed ourselves to be and become our own worst nightmare, because we tried to manifest in this reality our mind-dream states of programmed perfection, power, grandeur, specialness, majesty while going neglecting every single being that must suffer the consequences of our Laws of Attraction, our Secrets, our Divine Light Wisdom Hollywood Treats that are like pungent shots of sugar rotting the very teeth that we use to bite the hand that feeds.

American-Gothic Dream

American Gothic mocking the dream

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Dreams will Use All available Memories and Mutate them to Specify the Greatest Fears, which are the Greatest Desires to make sure the Characters Remain ALIGNED to their Intended Evolutionary Path, which will Lead to the fulfillment of the Goals Set by the Characters in their Initial INCEPTION, as Characters through which HUMAN Nature Role play, is Accepted as the Only Way Life Exist on Earth as the Human. Regardless of the Evidential Outplays that Show that this Evolving Human Nature is a Destructive Force that Only Consider Self Interest and have no Conceptualization of What Life Actually IS.” – Bernard Poolman 

 

It’s very clear with Bernard’s blog today how instead of falling for the ‘thrills’ that dreams present, we instead develop and actual ability to see who we are in the dream, what characters are we still ‘falling for/ playing out’ and actually reacting to in our dreams – sometimes they even represent cool points wherein we can see ourselves not giving into the pattern, however the test of time is the real decisive factor here, wherein it is to ensure that we go facing our subconscious and  unconscious dimensions as part of our own process, until who we are in our waking moments and asleep is equal and one –

Within this I realized how the slightest moment wherein I ‘give in’ within my dream to play-out a single fear, a single secret mind desire, a single moment wherein I am waiting for something ‘more’ than myself to just ‘happen,’ I am still living in a mind-frame of reality wherein the physical is disregarded and we still try to get a kick out of any type of experience in our minds, all because of energy.

 

It is no coincidence that the ultimate pursuit of happiness can be explained as ‘following our dreams’ yet we never questioned it for the actual mind-creation to keep the system running that it represents, wtf? The lies we’ve followed as our ultimate goal being even called as the illusion that they are yet we align our entire lives to work, educate ourselves and essentially prepare ‘who we are’ to ‘fool-fill’ such dream, which is always linked to sex and money.

 

Our one and only dream should be Life in Equality for All through establishing the Equal Money System , simply because we have never even considered how our very ‘mundane dreams’ such as the overrated pursuit of happiness and any other delusion of grandeur are preventing us from actually LIVING and have actually lead us to a self-evident devolution, which is something we haven’t ever really done, because we’ve always given-into ‘the pursuit of ‘the dream’ the same way that we give into sleeping whenever we are not diligent enough to breathe and be the directive principle to live the declaration of who and what we really are as one and equal as the body, as the mind, as the physical reality that is already here and simply having to be organized in a way wherein all bodies in existence can be equally supported to finally establish an equal and one living-state wherein no more ‘dreaming’ is necessary, as it will be given unconditionally by mere virtue of having been born in this world.

 

Our fantasies have become our own demise, trying to live out that which has only ever been fabricated in our own minds, the perfect carrot on the stick that was only a holographic illusion.

Developing an equal and one relationship with ourselves as this physical reality is the key to actually make our ‘dreams’ an actual physical reality for all beings as one and equal where the Power of Equality is all that we can in fact be benefitted from.

 

I commit myself to stop any form of mind quest for an energetic experience that takes place when we go into a seemingly innocent ‘daydreaming’ state, which are precisely the building blocks of our entire delusional reality, wherein we have become walking zombies seeking for the next big thrill. Limited, very limited – and we are here to demonstrate to ourselves that it is absolutely possible to step out of our own tunnel vision of ‘great expectations’ and actually consider practical solutions at all times, to stop creating castles in the air of no substantial support for LIFE itself. Thus, time to get ourselves really grounded with our two feet on the ground to work together and see how we can practically make our ‘dreams come true’ as a tangible, physical, constant and consistent living reality for all beings, for once and for all.

Time to Wake up from this perpetual slumber:

Desteni

Desteni Forum

7 Year Journey to Life 

 

Huye

Blog:

Understanding why desiring to Live our Fantasies is and has become our own demise: Why is evolution a fantasy that exists only in the Minds of humans and Media in the World-System? Find out here:

* See The Trap by Adam Curtis for context, as well as The Century of the Self


78. Be careful what you wish for

I realize how we live to ‘pursue our dreams and desires,’ however when one gets to ‘fulfill’ such dreams/ expectations, one suddenly no longer wants it, the entire ‘gist’ of keeping ourselves occupied in that yearning/ hoping and dreaming is the actual point of positivity that is generated because of how ‘unreal’ it is, it keeps us busy / occupied in our minds – it is an actual pattern that I realize I have lived when the platonic / ideal point that I pursued was no longer that ‘attractive’ to me once I had it. Once it was fulfilled, I would suddenly search for something else to create as an elusive point to ‘someday fulfill,’ which is how I could keep myself entertained in my mind.

In this case, I’m sharing about getting to experience a bit of what it feels like to be ‘on the spotlight’ in terms of being an artist, selling your work, and doing the usual promotion anyone in such world has to do.


Some background on this:

The way that I used ‘law of attraction’ was daydreaming constantly about being invited to another country to exhibit my work and be famous. Well, that ‘dream’ happened sooner than I ever expected in my life, which lifted my ego and my ‘enthusiasm’ to keep taking photographs, to continue pursuing my ‘artistic career.’ This event took place through the beginning of my second year in art school and I was already on a roll within spirituality, I was beginning to learn how to breathe yet ‘keep calm’ while actually not knowing how to deal with my reactions in such unknown environments and situations.


I went to another country alone, met the people that invited me which had found my photoblog and invited me to take part of this charity-auction and art exhibit. To me it was like a dream come true, but it all turned out to be a rather uncomfortable situation because of the extent of things that I was suddenly having to be doing and saying, being introduced to actual buyers/ ‘rich people’ that would buy the works, I felt like absolutely out of place all of a sudden, I just wanted everything to go back to normal. I got to be tired of having to be walking at the same ‘rhythm’ as this woman that is a rather famous person in her country with a packed agenda every day. I would keep breathing while riding with her and just witnessing all the relationships that she had made in order to make such charity auction with our works – I thought I was going to genuinely enjoy it, but I didn’t based on the judgments and expectations I had held about this event. I was not comfortable at having to present myself as ‘an artist,’ which was like having to deny a constant mirror of my desires to actually be recognized as one. I realized how it was ‘more fun’ to just pursue my desires, but living them out turned out to not be ‘my thing,’ which lead me to experience disillusion and another ‘career crisis’ early on.


Here I walk the Self Forgiveness on having to be with some of the buyers of my photographs and the entire experience as ‘the gifted young talented photographer’ that they portrayed me to be and had announced myself as, I felt like I was cheating everyone just because of not understanding how all characters were fake anyways.


Pattern: Wishing something with all my might and then not wanting it anymore, experiencing myself as a victim of it all.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wish something with all my might, daydream about it and eventually when it manifests and I am ‘living the dream,’ I no longer want it.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek fame and fortune with a constant daydreaming application about it, wishing to be invited to exhibit my work in other parts in the world and when it did happen, feeling absolutely sad and depressed, simply because of having expectations on ‘me having a great time,’ and instead filling myself with judgments about the money system and the ‘artworld.’


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel like I was cheating everyone because I was not apparently an ‘artist’ in the proper meaning of the word, which implies that I saw myself as ‘unworthy’ of being there, and because of not believing myself to be the ‘character’ that they were expecting me to be, I experienced inner-conflict because I knew that I had sought this to become ‘true’ as a ‘who I am,’  but I felt that I was simply without a clue and felt ‘lost’ within it all, just because of perceiving myself as ‘less than’ and ‘immature’ to be part of such exhibition.


I Forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience fear, nervousness and constriction in my breathing whenever I was introduced to one of the ‘very important people’ that bought my artwork, wherein I would feel like I was meeting a ‘god’ that I had to make a reverence to, instead of breathing and simply communicating as I would with any other human being.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was selling myself the moment I had to ‘greet the buyers’ wherein I had initially desired to do so for the ‘importance’ it entailed, but in the moment of and when I actually had to do It, I started judging myself and believing myself to be too fake because of having to be smiling according to the idea that I thought I had to present myself as toward ‘important people’ as ‘rich people’ in order to be liked.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, as a child in ‘political situations’ as ‘fancy meetings,’ learn that I had to smile and present myself as ‘gracious’ and ‘delicate,’ over-exerting what I have deemed as my ‘feminine side’ which was in this case backed up by wearing a fancy dress and perceiving myself as being ‘the star’ of the night, putting on the suit of it while judging myself in the back of my head for doing so – I realize it is unnecessary to create such inner conflict when participating in the world if I just shut my mind off and simply participate in it.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I must smile and behave as a delicate and charming person’ as if I was ‘enchanted’ by the presence of these people, just because of them having bought my artwork and me complying to the point of having to ‘thank them’ for their contribution and essentially feeling lame for ‘having to lick their boots,’ which is how I had judged these type of interactions while growing up wherein I knew that, even if people could not stand each other and were ‘enemies,’ they would still shake hands, smile at each other and behave ‘politically, ‘ which marked my behavior in ‘society’ in what is considered to be the ‘rich and glamorous’ situations, wherein because this person that organized everything is a ‘star’ I thought I had to mimic her attitude in order to ‘please the buyers.’


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to ‘please the buyers’ through smiling and behaving in ‘the most correct manner,’ wherein I made sure I would speak with this soft voice and appear as a very ‘knowledgeable’ and ‘profound’ person, just because of believing that that would make me more of an ‘artist’ according to what I have come to believe people expect ‘an artist’ to talk about and express themselves as.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘not know what to say’ when he asks me about the story behind the photos he bought, and feel insecure because of ‘trying to say the right thing,’ as a way to please them, wherein I thought that if I said the ‘incorrect thing,’ my work would not be valuable enough for them, which was an overall uncomfortable situation just because of trying to ‘fit in’ to the expectation that I created in my mind about the people based on the entire event being ‘beyond what I expected it originally to be,’ feeling intimidated by the prices, the money, the party and event in itself, wherein I felt I was completely ‘unworthy’ of being there.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to decide to ‘add more mystery’ to the story behind the photographs just to please the curiosity that I believed the buyer of the work was expecting, wherein I deliberately manipulated my expression to be more ‘poetic’ and ‘thoughtful’ and make simple photographs something ‘really deep’ just to satisfy the buyer, which depicts to what extent I compromised myself just to please people that I deemed as ‘above me’ because of their position being that of ‘being rich/ having loads of money,’ which is how I allowed myself to believe that I had to ‘reverence’ them and do whatever they wanted me to do and be for them.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to tell him a wondrous story with me aiming to ‘touch his heart’ so as to make myself more ‘valuable’ at the eyes of others, which is how this entire world-system works: build yourself a ‘sellable’ personality, sugar coat words that will delight someone else’s ears that you can benefit from, which in this case was selling my work and having to ‘please the seller’ which was an entire uncomfortable situation because in the back of my head I felt like being a prostitute, having to please the one that gave the money for the works.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to please people based on the perceived power I believe they have over me, wherein I compromised my expression such as smiling and speaking in deliberately manipulated ways so that others can confirm that ‘I am a true artist, she’s worth it!’ Just because of fearing people finding out that I had been taking photographs for less than a year before I was invited, and them feeling cheated for buying work from an amateur, which is how I compromised myself entirely because I never asked the terms and conditions and felt just ‘out of place.’ However, everyone was just playing ‘their part’ in that entire situation and I was just resisting to play the character that I had been invited to play-out initially, yet I saw it all as ‘wrong’ because of the beliefs and ideas of me ‘being honest’ toward others, not understanding how the world system works, but instead wanting to be just this humble spiritual person that gets to be famous. Which created inner conflict when seeing and realizing that I could not simply ‘play the game’ without getting lost in it, so I ended up losing my ground in that moment.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be backchatting when people are talking to me, specifically when I am judging their words as something that ‘I have to hear’ because ‘I owe it to them’ and justifying my smile and complacency just because of money, of such people being seemingly ‘superior’ to me due to and because of the amount of money they paid for my work, wherein I feel compromised to have to hear, follow through the ‘artist-buyer’ game, yet feeling absolutely out of place because of me Thinking and becoming emotional in the inside, while having to portray the exact opposite in the outside as ‘being enjoying the moment’ and being ‘comfortable’ with an older man that has a lot of money.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to this man from the moment that he was introduced as the president of some corporation and people telling me that ‘he was a very important person,’ to which I then reacted as in ‘I have to please him no matter what,’ which is how the money system affects and permeates all our relationships when money is the one that decides who plays which character.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel better’ about myself when he expresses that he loved the explanation, wherein I feel then positively fulfilled and like ‘I’ve done a great job’ by pleasing others and fulfilling the character expectation of what I believed I had to be toward these people: being a profound and thoughtful ‘young artist,’ and eventually starting getting lost in the flair that I got as the positive feedback from the man upon my work in general and him ‘expecting more of me’ in the future.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start deviating my attention from the moment and start thinking about only going back to the hotel so that I don’t have to be around people any longer, which is how the point went in reverse and from having desired this type of experiences in ‘the Artworld’ of fame and fortune, I suddenly simply started disliking it a lot based on all the backchat I formed around myself not being ‘good enough’ and ‘mature enough’ to be there, which became this uncomfortable energetic experience within me, wherein I believed that I simply was in the wrong place.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hypocritical whenever I thought that I had to behave and act in a certain way in order to please people, wherein I could be smiling from ear to ear yet at the same time pondering ‘when is he going to shut up?,’ which is something that I would judge people saying, never realizing I was simply projecting my own backchat onto everything and everyone.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ultimately uncomfortable when he grabbed my hand for an extended period of time as in ‘thanking me,’ which I immediately associated it with something sexual, which is how I started backchatting and judging myself as being a prostitute and fearing that he was ‘checking out my boobs’ in the meantime, which added more discomfort to the moment.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel like ‘fake’ because I was bulshitting people with stories about my work and ‘who I was’ as ‘a young artist,’ which was actually ‘the moment’ to express all the self talk, future projections and daydreaming that I had fed for some years up until that moment, which I came to believe that it had manifested as a result of ‘the law of attraction.’


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel like I was lying to people, thinking that I had to get a certain ‘degree’ to ‘call myself an artist, which was just me trying to wear some character proudly, never realizing that all characters are equally make-believe and that in no way do they represent who and what I really am, which means that I simply judged myself based on the value and worth that I was giving to money as ‘rich people’ and to ‘art’ and the ‘artworld’ itself, as me not being ‘worthy’ of it, not realizing that it was just people and money that I could have equalized myself to, to walk through the point without reacting. Within this


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist in continuous judgment toward ‘the world system of money,’ wherein I reacted from the very first time that I saw the price to one of the photographs and believing that ‘they simply were not worth it,’ continuing this reaction within myself as in thinking that I had to ‘please people’ because of anyone daring to pay such amount of money for something that I deemed as ‘not worthy of it.’ So


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define money as being ‘more’ than myself, as being something that imposes power over my own beingness wherein due to and because of selling my work with such a price tag, I felt compromised to think of my work as ‘important,’ creating all this value-scheme in my mind based on how I knew that ‘the artworld worked.’ Within this I realize to what extent, I have always reacted to people differently whenever I would get to interact with ‘rich people,’ wherein I tried to behave the best way possible as a way to ‘mimic’ them as what I perceive is ‘who they are’ based on the amount of money they have being translated to ‘being well educated,’ this is without realizing that I was just playing the same game that everyone does in the world system, yet I simply wallowed in judging it instead of not taking it personal, walking through the point and being able to express myself indistinctly of ‘who everyone is’ according to the money they have.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to also feel flattered and feel that my ego was being stroked because of all the compliments which is when I felt ‘good’ about it all on the surface, yet battling inside myself because of seeing it all as ‘too staged’ and ‘too fake’ to be real – never realizing that this entire world was it equally and one a stage, and we are all characters. I realize that all the inner conflict I experienced in that time of my life was because of beginning to realize the lies that we have lived as ‘our life,’ which became instead of an understanding: a burden, judging myself for having to participate in this system, getting to seek to escape it further instead of considering that I could support myself to stand one and equal to it.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘lost’ within such event, wherein I allowed myself to be overridden by the appearances of everyone, by the place, the music, the entire situation of me having to play ‘the guest star’ within it all, to which I thought that I had to first ‘actually be’ an artist in order to please people’s expectations of myself as it.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start judging everyone when realizing that it was all ‘too fake’ and illusory as everything was just because of money, not realizing that this entire world is existing as that: a staged scenario run by money where people relate to each other based on the economical dependencies formed, wherein those that have the most money are reverenced and pleased with anything they want – and those with no money or below the ‘higher planes’ of society’s members, have to continue working to please the minority with less money to escalate in the social stratus and eventually be and become an elite person like them.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to shove away all observations and judgments I had toward such charity event even before accepting to go it, and all because of believing that it was all ‘too fake to be real,’ never realizing that this entire world as the society and its functioning created by humans is equally staged and with no common sense direction.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into depression when thinking too much about the environment, the relationships between people as observed through my eye as being of only convenience as ego-recognition and because of money, wherein I start feeling disgusted by having to participating in ‘such event,’ without realizing that I was just witnessing first hand how the monetary system works and how the relationships in this world work base on money and fulfilling each other’s positive experience when money is the driving force of such relationships of ‘abundance.’


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wallow into sadness while waiting to leave the hotel to go to my hotel and believing that I was used and abused, without realizing that I had complied to be there and play ‘the artist’ as it had been ‘my dream’ for a very long time, not realizing that I was simply being and becoming aware of how the world really works, wherein I realize that judging it is further separation and that I can actually participate in the world system without adding more judgments toward it, but instead ensure that I learn how to walk it through breathing through all the necessary points to ensure I no longer stand as ‘reactive’ person toward this world system of money, but instead work on myself to share and propose the Equal Money System, where no one will ever have to lie to get some money flowing.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience disillusionment about my own dreams that when living them to a certain extent, I simply wanted it all to end as fast as possible, just because of how I had idealized life and the artworld wherein I didn’t really consider what It would mean to have to interact and be ‘famous,’ which I thought to be something great but when having a taste of it, participating in self-judgment and getting ‘depressed’ because of it not being thaw I had envisioned at all.


I realize that I could have only judged myself because of how I had judged money as bad, as something evil and ‘dishonest,’ yet wanting to separate my dreams of ‘fame and fortune’ from such evil, which was obviously an ensured inner battle that became just another reason and excuse for me to want to stop pursuing such dreams by further rejection and reaction toward the people involved in the event, never really considering how I had participated in the entire event and situation with full awareness – and that’s the point to further open up: how we know what we are doing, but prefer to not be aware of it in order to not feel ‘guilty’ for participating, which is absolute self-deception.


Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself seeking to fulfill a desire, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a mere point of entertainment in my mind to keep me occupied finding ways to satisfy such desire, when in fact I already know how once the desire is obtained, I eventually create something new to desire as that is the way the mind is constantly occupied seeking for ‘something’ outside of myself, without realizing that I am here and that I do not require to become a desire in separation of myself.


When and as I see myself doubting myself as ‘who I am’ and ‘who I must be’ for others in relation to being a particular profession/ occupation and ‘acting’ like it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I do not require to define me according to a profession, a career and ‘wear the suit’ to be recognized as such – I am a human being that is able to participate and direct oneself in the world within practical ways wherein the point that matters is the consideration at all times of what is best for all to be, do and direct oneself as.


When and as I see myself reacting in inferiority and uncertainty toward people that are deemed/ considered as ‘rich’ because of having a lot of money, I stop and I breathe. I realize that with me reacting to ‘money’ as ‘who they are,’ I am perpetuating the hierarchical system that is imposed onto life according to the value/ worth in separation of ourselves that we have created as the illusionary ‘power’ that money entails upon another being. I direct myself to express myself here, in common sense within the consideration of being talking to a fellow human being and that’s it.


When and as I see myself smiling in a forced manner toward people in order to seem ‘agreeable’ and ‘affable,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is actually a coping mechanism to be liked by others because of believing that If I don’t smile = people won’t like me/ won’t support me in this case to ‘buy my work,’ which is just a social convention that I learned as a child and that I see is not necessary if I instead am able to share myself in common sense without any form of persuasive presentation to be liked/ accepted by others.


When and as I see myself accessing the ‘charming person character,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is a coping mechanism so that I can be ‘easily liked/ accepted’ by others, instead of me actually supporting myself to remain breathing, relaxing my face and being aware of the words I speak as an actual expression of myself in the moment, in common sense.


When and as I see myself trying to ‘say the right thing,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am accessing the personality of ‘wanting to be liked/ accepted by others’ which is only self-manipulation as the ‘who I am’ in my mind based on the past. Instead I direct myself to express in the moment with no preconceived ideas of ‘who I am,’ but simply speak in the moment, communicating in common sense.


When and as I see myself using words to be seen/ perceived as being ‘more’ than myself in the moment, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am accessing the ‘agreeable persona’ that seeks another’s acceptance through the belief of me being/ having to be someone ‘special.’ Thus I direct myself to become aware of my expression being here as breath, wherein I ensure that what I speak is a representation of myself in the moment of breathing, sharing with no ‘loaded personality’ to obtain something in separation of myself.


When and as I see myself perceiving that something/ someone has power over me in relation to the amount of money they have, I stop and I breathe. I realize that through me accepting this as a form of ‘authority’ is me perpetuating the same system of hierarchical order that does not consider life. Thus I direct myself to stop all judgments toward others based on ‘how much money they have,’ and communicate in common sense within the consideration of being equal human beings of flesh that communicate.


When and as I see myself accessing the desire to ‘be alone/ be left alone’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating this experience based on the judgments I am projecting onto people, the environment, a place and situation in separation of myself. I thus breathe and realize that I am able to stop creating of any given moment as an ‘experience’ by breathing, walking in self forgiveness the judgments I generate and as such, ensure that I am not defined by people, the environment and the situation, but realize that I am here, breathing, I direct and continue walking.


When and as I see myself feeling uncomfortable with another ‘stranger’ touching me, I stop and I breathe. I realize that in these ‘social situations’ any experience is created by me ‘thinking’ and backchatting about it. I direct myself to not judge and place meanings onto actions that I can instead walk through breathing and at all times remaining in common sense to ensure no abuse is allowed either.


When and as I see myself inflating my ego by receiving compliments about anything I say or do – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am not the judgments that anyone can say about me as all judgments are points of separation as ‘value’ that is in no way who I really am as life – thus I stop any positive or negative reaction by remaining here as breath and self-forgiving any experience that emerges if a word ‘strokes my ego,’ as this is what I am committed to stop: seeking a sense of satisfaction by and through the positive feedback one is able to get from others about ‘who we are’ and ‘what we do’ – which is all personality/ character based.


When and as I see myself feeling like I was being ‘used and abused’ in a situation where money is involved and ‘me’ serving to ‘earn money’ – I stop and I breathe. I realize that self-victimization is the way for me to not take responsibility for what I accept and allow in my world, which is how I have to ensure that all that I get myself involved in, I study with care and considering all consequences and outflows of such decision, instead of just allowing myself to be ‘overridden’ by desire and making decisions based on energetic experiences such as desire/ fulfilling dreams that are Not practical ways to make decisions in life.


I commit myself to be and become specific about the contracts that I will sign, about the activities I will be involved with and not hesitate to ask about money and how the actual ‘workings’ of the money earned will work as I realize this prevents further ‘misunderstandings’ and ‘surprises’ based on not having asked from the very beginning in full clarity about it.


When and as I see myself wanting to ‘immediately escape’ a situation by creating backchat where I can degrade everything and everyone around me as a way to justify my ‘way out of it,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize this is a looping-mechanism wherein instead of me taking responsibility for the choices I’ve made, I access the ‘escapism’ that I believe I can apply whenever I am ‘no longer pleased’ with something, instead of actually first taking responsibility for everything that am and become, ensuring that I walk through the consequences in a self-directive manner to not just wish my way out, but instead face what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become in a practical manner.


I also realize that the entire outflow of events can be stopped from the very first moment that I see myself participating in backchat and degrading judgments about others/ an event/ environment, which is how we can stop the entire chain of events in this consequential outflow that can be stopped from the very first thought that I see myself participating within, in relation to not wanting to face a point that I have created for myself in/ as my world.

I’ll continue walking this character of ‘the artist.’


Blogs

Day 78: Stepping out of Character

Looking for MORE of mySELF: DAY 78


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