Tag Archives: ego trip

86. Ego Trip

Ego Trip: n    noun informal something done to increase one’s sense of self-importance.

an action undertaken to enhance one’s own reputation


I had begun writing Self-Forgiveness on this ‘Ego Trip’ word that came up today in the dictionary early on today. However I left it because I was not looking into the word in its totality. I went out for my daily walk while listening to the latest The Secret History of the Universe interviews – it was yet again as with many other Eqafe interviews, a realization of many, many, many points that have always been HERE as ourselves yet missed in the absolute conceptual fuckup that we have lived as ‘our lives.’ As I was hearing, I realized ‘the point:’ our entire history, our entire ‘lives’ on Earth, the entire so-called evolution and everything that we have been can be called as an ‘Ego Trip’ – (to understand this ‘enhancement’ as energy, please read Heaven’s Journey to Life blog) – this Ego trip begun by the moment that thought emerged, the moment that we begun defining points in separation of myself.



And again! I have to write this out for myself because – I can again say I was not damn crazy! I have walked/written out before the moment I realized what a word did/does as in naming everything in separation of ourselves when I was in linguistics school. I pictured what Saussure called ‘the nebulae of thought’ as ‘the wholeness’/ the totality of what is here – substance/ life/ energy in Desteni terms – existing as one single mass, and suddenly ‘something/ someone’ deciding to separate itself and starting Giving Names/ Naming things in separation of itself, arbitrarily, giving words to Define/ Limit the wholeness, the ‘reality’ into concepts – the infamous ‘cookie-cutter analogy – THAT in itself to me was the most hideous and conceited act we could have ever done as ‘species,’ as I was definitely not ‘thinking’ in existential terms, but simply the moment that the human took a part of reality and defined one single part of what is here as a ‘word,’ and how such word would exist in contraposition to other parts of reality as words, cutting out, leaving other bits with no meaning, placing more value to some things and not others –  and so we went on naming the entirety of what is here as we pleased. (read 69. Change is in the Meaning of Money for more examples on this)


The moment I was in that class, realizing this all I thought that ‘it had to be a joke, right?’ – I was expecting some type of mysterious ‘divine’ source of language – then I went into judging it all – and by all I mean our entire ‘knowledge and science’ as absolutely absurd, I realized then how everything had to be only a joke, a staged lie as our so-called ‘human civilization,’ because: who/ what could verify that such a thing was in fact ‘that’ which was being named by a single word? Same thing got me into an ‘unexplainable’ situation when trying to talk to my science teacher about Objectivity and Subjectivity,’ because I had pondered how on earth we could ensure that what we see and how we define it is ‘objective’ if we ourselves are already subjects of that same situation.   It is  all just an intellectual ego trip called  ‘social convention,’ a mere ‘name-tagging’ that ensued the ‘reality’ that we now are able to spot as words, definitions, ideas, beliefs, opinions and the list goes on and on: nothing else but a blatant intellectualization of reality. I mean, how come we only learn this basic understanding in ‘specialized careers’ such as linguistics, when words are what we are currently existing as, words separated from self as one and equal. And not even there, because this primary question that I am now understanding through the Desteni material of course, had been such a blatant ‘mystery’ to myself, never realizing I was only looking in separation of myself, l-o-o-king Light observation/ illusion of separation as the superior/ supreme being that is able to ‘name things’ and call that ‘awareness,’ which is nothing else but ‘intellect/ rationalization = a name tagging game that we gave ourselves into and following an entire civilization founded with lies upon lies upon lies until the point that we are at today, absolutely blinded by such lies, believing that we are separate – but are we? And for that those interviews quench the ‘thirst’ for the knowledge and information I had devoured books for. Obviously to no avail as this is only being released TODAY for the entire world to hear – and you cannot possibly miss it.


Obviously – one and equal would only require one single expression As Itself. But what did we do? We started defining what we were able to see in separation of ourselves- never Into Ourselves – and there, the beginning of thought, the beginning of ‘creation’ itself: the Illusion of Separation.

I can only recall experiencing myself as a ‘mad person’ because no one seemed to have a problem with realizing that this entire world was a fallacy – oh but, Marlen, what did she do? ‘Oh this is it for words/ this fucked up life/lie/system, now I want to create images!’ and so the rest was the history of the character I became in spite of myself only (you can read the various blogs from 72. My Career Choice till 85. Death to the artist–Bearthing Life for more context)


I definitely realize that there is no more knowledge to obtain as knowledge can Never be life, how can it be if it was the very first point that we used to define each other in separation of ourselves!? However at the same time in the ever-lasting dichotomy: it is still ‘our creation’ and is life as nothing is really ever separate from self.

Hence the process of Self-Realization, the realization that comes in bits like a puzzle that we can certainly handle one point at a time, otherwise – I agree with Bernard – our brains would fry! lol.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word separation as something ‘real’ in itself,  without realizing that this word is what we have used as an excuse to make of our entire existence and current reality nothing else but an ego-trip wherein we ‘forgot’ who we are as one and equal, and begun intellectualizing reality and believing that such definitions, names, words given to parts of ourselves were in fact ‘separate’ from self, instead of realizing that separation is but a concept and that it is not real in any way whatsoever.’

We are the SEAparation – seeing only the appearances as divided/ separate from Self here as one and equal as one sea. We can take drops from the sea, that we can SEE with our eyes, as we are LOOKING for ourselves: Light observation in superiority of self-here as equality. And within that, getting lost in the maze of concepts, definitions, separation as the illusion of self – illusion is nothing else but a ‘fancy’ way to call  a Lie- and as the Lieght that we blinded ourselves with which we equated as ‘knowledge is power,’ we have enslaved ourselves to our own creation: the illusion as separation by the word of god.


I breathe – I realize I can only take what I can understand in the moment – yet I see, realize and understand that the fallacy of this world and reality that we have manifested as a consequences of this initial point of separation is our entire responsibility, as the ego-trip that we all accepted and allowed ourselves to become, in the delusion and illusion of being able to see others as separate from ourselves – never realizing we were always only staring back at ourselves.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to miss the fact that I have only used words in separation of myself and that I had only created further separation within stating ‘who I am’ in opposition toward everything/ everyone  that I saw with my eyes as being ‘separate from myself’ – I realize that even in the definition of myself as a some-one in opposition to a some-thing already gives more value to a mind that is able to think itself, without realizing that in that I became the ‘god’ that says who’s more/ who’s less – and deciding to create an entire hierarchical wording system to ensure that the mind that created it, would somehow remain as ‘the king of the hill,’ without realizing that the joke as always by ourselves upon ourselves only. Thus, we are facing the consequences of the absurdity of trying to play ‘gods’ in existence, missing out the obvious abuse that we can only exert upon ourselves and no one else, as there is no ‘them/ they’ in this reality.


I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that this entire delusion of separation is not who I really am, and that I have only been fighting against myself as there is no other ‘me’ in separation of myself. This is how we can only apply SELF-Forgiveness, as Forgiveness ‘to another’ can only exist if I exist as a character that is able to ‘endow’ another with ‘forgiveness’ in separation of self. There is only Self and any ego-trip wherein I sought to be more than others, seeing something/ someone as less than me is this existential ego trip that we’ll walking here as words, equalizing ourselves as words for the very first time, to ensure that never again we use words to define each other in separation of ourselves as one and equal – and within that, once the very basics is grasped: the actual application of this realization is walked breath by breathe, moment by moment – as I realize that everything that we have done is the complication of knowledge and information, opinions, beliefs, judgments as a staged reality that we believed is ‘who we are’ as individuals separated from each other – never realizing that we are living in an existential schizophrenia: separated by the words that we spoke as a way to spite ourselves as life in equality.

Thus, it is to no more judge, recriminate or resort to call this all absurd as that is also reinforcing the ego, blame and even shame or anger that comes up when realizing what we have done and what we have become in separation of ourselves.


I commit myself to establish myself here as the physical as I realize that the intellectualization of reality is what has lead us to the current fuckup we are in. As we go establishing ourselves in the physical, we go establishing ourselves that we can ensure will not create any further separation from ourselves as one and equal, but only exist as an expression of that which we are willing to live as.


I commit myself to expose how knowledge is and has become the very tool to create the illusion of separation in our reality, and that it is our responsibility to re-establish common sense as living words that we can all stand by for eternity. This is not to be taken ‘lightly’ as the light is what we followed in an ideal of there being something ‘more’ than who we are as one and equal.


I commit myself to call out my own characters, and any other character that I can realize is part of the illusion and delusional separation of self-as-one and equal here.


  This will continue, because otherwise it will turn into a long long long blog.

PLEASE: Give yourself the gift to understand what the hell we are doing in this world, who and what we really are: we can only do this All Together – this is my passion, this is my will, the will to open the eyes of all that are willing to see and to share myself as my words as I go realizing who we really are as one and equal – to not make it ‘more’ than a simple realization that can be established here as self- bit by bit – word by word – ensuring that the who and what we really are is recognized as the realization and process we are walking here.


All I can say is that any point of self-diminishment, any point of superiority, any point of abuse toward any single part of this world is a point against myself – and our duty is to call it out, to allow it to see itself for what it has become, as a mirror is that which we missed throughout time, to realize we have always been only looking at ourselves.

It’s time to decide and realize who we really are.


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Day 16: Ego-trips of the Heart

We live in a reality wherein we believe we are perfectly flawed by-design, which is what leads us to go seeking relationships to give ourselves some power when the ego trips. Such trips, however can become as toxic as a general addiction that is not supportive yet keeps us preoccupied in our minds as if it was a matter of life and death to get, want, need, desire and even be constantly fantasizing about a ‘becoming more’ by being at the side (expense) of another.


And it is this ‘power’ that we seek which we use to drive ourselves to within the ultimate egotistical existence that we’ve made of this world, which is when we are only thinking about ourselves, the satisfaction of our needs, wants and desires wherein all we really care about is creating our little heaven on Earth as a way to simply feel alright and content, which is created by energy that comes from that initial relationships that we exist as toward ourselves and everyone else within: negativity, dissatisfaction, ‘unwholiness’ which becomes this nagging experience of having to ‘fill the hole’ and the commonly accepted and promoted way to do so in our society, which is through establishing relationships. Little did we know that this was the perfect way to establish the necessary traps wherein each person could only exist as the necessary fuel to perpetuate the necessary combustion that would generate the necessary energy for our own mind-traps to exist in this reality.


It’s just like how you eat and oxygen ensues the necessary chemical reactions to obtain the nutrients for your body –though in this ego-tripping relationships we’ve formed in our world, such nutrients/ fuel was not at a physical level as self support, but was transformed into fuel to further elevate ourselves and our ego as we would go appraising our ‘value’ according to who we were toward others in our reality.


We as society work just like wall street – and we even dare to rejoice in judging wall street for that matter –because we’ve become the exact replica of trading ourselves in the ‘big market’ trying to sell ourselves to the greatest bidder. We have become the ultimate judges that decides who lives and who dies according to ‘how worthy’ / how worthwhile it is to invest on someone that could give me some proper remuneration after some time of capitalizing interest to get the most profit/ benefit from such investment/ relationship.


See, we’ve become the perfect money-depictions in our world, which means that we’ve lived as monetary values instead of actual living beings as Life that are able to coexist and relate to each other as equals – oh no, that would have been simply ‘too fulfilling’/ whole/ complete/ stable to ever generate any form of friction which is the only way that energy is created and the element that is required to keep our entire world system running .


I am certain that if you are reading about this for the first time, it might be a shock to know that the ‘love’ that you believe you give and receive from others can be equalized to monetary values – well, it’s not really a mystery either considering how because of us depending from money to exist, all our relationships are based on and stemming from the basic – conscious or unconscious – obliged regard toward our basic survival in this world, which is translated to: making sure we have enough money to continue ‘living’ which is the primary point that overrides any other desire or need for that matter which can be regarded as secondary when it comes to relationships.


Yes, what does that mean? That all our basic forms of interaction toward others and that which we have regarded as ‘pure’ and ‘innocent’  have in fact been the most suitable means to propitiate a life-long entertainment within a human being’s mind which is: love, relationships, sex and the entire cycle of ego enhancement that goes along with wanting to obtain some form of validation by another human being in this world in order to be ‘worthy of living.’ Is this Really so?


What is Ego enhancement other than the build-up of the idea of yourself as your personality, your beliefs, your thoughts, preferences, the entirety of ‘who you are’ which can actually be stopped and walked through a Self-Corrective Process if you are willing in any way to get to know who you really are behind the usual mask that we create to  present ourselves toward ‘others’ in our reality. That in itself, that very act of identifying ourselves as ‘who we are’ according to a single set of values/ preferences/ ideas implies that we are monetizing ourselves as money implies survival and survival is all we have sought for the moment that we are born into a world wherein life is not readily-given, but only earned throughout a process of believing that there is not enough for everyone and that you and ‘I’ must strive to ‘make a living’ in any way.


How is that related to seeking for love and a certain sense of fulfillment at a personal level? How else can you sustain such love if it’s not by money that is required by the very basic premise that you would not have anything to eat or time to think about love if the basic needs such as food, water, shelter, clothing and others such as education, proper income and a general stability in your world didn’t exist. Thus, this is to place into perspective how much we have taken for granted the ability to lie to ourselves, deny to ourselves the ability to live as equals simply because of having to feed each other’s obsessions through restricting and framing ourselves in a certain value that is not considering the only value that must exist in this world and existence which is Life – isn’t that the ultimate masochism at an existential level?


Yes, for love to exist an initial lack must exist. This initial separation can be labeled in any negative way. I am sure that at some point in your life you’ve hated yourself – in one way or another – and that includes projecting this experience toward the entire world and in that, missing out the basic factor that lead me to ‘hate’ and ‘love’ which is standing within a particular and defined idea of self that can only love or hate if disregarding in such biased filter of reality that there is absolutely much more than just fixating on the idea of a certain experience being fulfilled within unequal relationships.


Once this point of Self Honesty acknowledgment is established, it becomes very easy to see how we have fed each other’s beliefs on requiring to exist in relationships to be worthy, to be finally ‘complete’ and in that, miss out the actual trap that was created by and for ourselves which is existing in the name of the current capitalist system.

Who is going to unscrew ourselves from this artificially sweetened ‘lifestyle’? No one else but ourselves, walking through a Process of Self Forgiveness wherein we start living the realization that everything we thought we lacked, we can actually give to ourselves within an equal understanding for all, together.


So – if this is understood as a general living condition for all, I am sure that such unusual perspectives upon love and money will come as a necessary link to see how self-interest has become the driving force behind money.

This is how when equalizing ourselves as Life, the existence of money as the epitome of self-interest and greed in humanity must be transformed/ redefined and actually evolve into a sustainable system wherein the one and only value that can ever exist is who we really are as one and equals as Life


Equal Money System

Got a heart

Got a Heart? (2003)


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