Tag Archives: eqafe

608. Being Genuine

Or how to create the space to be real in our interactions while also working through our initial reactions or experiences in order to expand ourselves in our relationships

This word ‘genuine’ emerged as a solution to live when seeing myself in situations or moments where I was being slightly worried about the way that others would see me/perceive me and in doing so, having certain fears about what could ‘go wrong’ if I would not make or cause the ‘right impression’ upon others. That becomes a point of self compromise where one manipulates one’s expression in order to –apparently – create a better image of ourselves or a better outcome at the eyes of others. Though that usually comes with compromise because I had to realize the fears or perceived ‘missing out’ points that I was trying to avoid by trying to be seen/perceived in a particular ‘favorable light’ so to speak.

These are points that have to do with not fully trusting myself in my expression, which is cool that came up so that I could then in real time let go of any attempt to ‘hold’ a particular idea or experience within me within having ‘others’ as a starting point in my mind and instead, realize that any point of compromise I create in my expression – no matter how ‘subtle’ it might be – it would then become an unsustainable point to manage, which is what happens when we create different ‘personas’ towards different people in our lives, and one has to go ‘managing’ them and remembering ‘who we are supposed to be’ towards this or that person, and of course that’s not living.

This is how being genuine in my expression becomes the solution, where I stop the chain reactions in social relationships where we don’t ask ourselves who we are in approaching someone? What are we trying to achieve? What is our aim? Or what are our intentions or fears behind it? So that I can first clear up my hidden agendas and genuinely be able to live the word ‘genuine’ in my expression towards/with others.

In my case, I had to move in real time from believing I had to cause/create certain impression upon others, to deciding to be genuine and in a way ‘stay true to myself’ – yet this doesn’t mean being ‘righteous’ about my expression and not considering others or ‘remain exactly the same as I’ve always been’ – nope, it’s the other way around I’d say, where being genuine means walking through and working with reactions that may occur at first when meeting certain people or individuals that I may have reacted to before in my past, where I have to genuinely take a moment to see what reactions came up, what memories or experiences were triggered within me, so that I can then decide who I want to be and express myself towards such people/person.  

I recently heard in this audio  Return to Innocence – The Future of Awareness – Part 92

the following bit:

“It can even be one of those simple things of looking at feelings that we so briefly feel toward one-another where we think we’re good people because we’re nice to other people. But instead we’re lashing out a fakeness toward another person, and we might not even realize that the other is doing it to us as well and we’re picking up that fakeness and it’s resonantly leaving a mark of untrustworthiness that is spreading out in this world into the fact that we cannot trust anything of each other. So we’re lashing out and we are creating a world of distrust, and that’s if you even feel what distrust feels like, it’s a horrible experience. We’re resonantly doing that to each other. So practice the world you want to create even in those two simple moments where if you smile, genuinely smile at someone”

And it is a cool cross-reference to the solution I saw towards this reaction or point of self-manipulation as in creating a certain façade in moments to create a particular outcome. It also becomes very uncomfortable for me to ‘put on a mask’ so to speak, therefore I already know how that feels and that’s how I get to know, oh oh I’m compromising myself and get back to the writing-board to establish who I decide to be in relation to people that I might have an initial judgment towards, so that I can first clear my own bias as in judgments, opinions, memories, prejudices that I may immediately attach to a person which are usually there as a result of unresolved judgments and issues towards a particular ‘type of person’ that I haven’t worked through within myself.

I had a situation where I faced this point and what I had to do is first sort myself out so that I could understand my own reaction and experience through writing, seeing directly what was I reacting to, what were the points of fears, comparisons, judgments, prejudices so that I could take responsibility for all of that and so for my experience. So in the next moment of interaction with that person, I knew what I exactly had to work through and stop recreating all of the things that were previously preventing me to actually interact with the other person from a clear starting point.

So to me, the word genuine came up as the solution here, so that I can embrace and trust myself in being me, without pretense and without hidden agendas, which include working through any backchat/negative reactions I may create upon simply looking at and hearing another person for the first time, which is quite a common experience we all have as human beings and that I’ve faced many times where, upon looking at the judgments, ideas, initial perceptions I had about a person, I decide to deliberately get to know them more, talk to them and slowly but surely build more of a relationship with the person and yep, it turns out all of my ‘first impressions’ were ‘all in my head’ of course! as in being merely associations from my past that I was imposing onto this new person. Though if I hadn’t done that self-work to really look at why I was reacting to the person, I would have missed out the opportunity to get to know them and genuinely ‘see’ the person for who they are, rather than how I was interpreting, assuming or perceiving them to be.

With this, the tricky aspect to watch out for comes when we define our ‘being genuine’ as being ‘who we are and how we are and that’s it’ without really pushing to expand and open up to – for example – get to know different kinds of people that one would probably not directly go out and seek to start a conversation with. These are actually the most supportive moments and situations to face, because we are by design ‘programmed’ to only relate to certain kinds of people that are somewhat ‘similar’ to us, and those people that we define through personalities/ways of being as ‘too different’ or ‘the opposite’ of ourselves are usually people we would not directly approach to ‘strike  a conversation with’ or establish any form of contact with them, however that’s a cool question to ask as well, why would I regularly say ‘no’ to getting to know certain kinds of people?

It can only do with my judgments, prejudices, perceptions and bias that I cultivated throughout many years in my life, mostly out of comparison within a sense of superiority or inferiority, leading myself to simply avoid certain ‘kinds of people’ so that I would not have to deal with these experiences of comparison, judgment and inferiority.

That’s how ‘being genuine’ also becomes a decision, it’s not simply showing ‘my true colors’ so to speak, because if that ‘me’ is still existing as a particular ‘type of person’ or personality that is disliking other ‘kinds of people’ or having certain ideas, beliefs, perceptions or opinions that stand in judgment or in conflict with others, then, that’s more like being righteous in one’s stance, which would not allow any openness towards actually getting to know another, and I have definitely been there, done that for most of my life, which is why I find this word so relevant for me.

So being genuine becomes a decision that I make in getting to know another with a clear mind so to speak, with a clear starting point, not loading my prejudices, ideas, perceptions and associations in the moment of interaction with another person and genuinely Create an interest in getting to know them, create the space to get to know them.

I emphasize the word ‘create’ there because that space or openness usually doesn’t exist when we are still walking in real time through reactions and the barriers of ‘getting along’ with people we initially ‘right off the bat’ judge – whereas deciding to create this space, deciding to interact with another and deciding to be genuine in that moment becomes a moment of expansion and acknowledgment, as well as making that decision of how we decide to express and interact, regardless of the other person’s expression or experience within themselves, which assists in not making our interactions all about ‘how we perceive others,’ but rather how I decide to genuinely express myself.

This doesn’t mean that one has to become entirely open and embracing to the other person, lol, not about extremes, but simply ensuring that one is ‘giving ourselves a chance’ to get to know the person, which is a phrase I got from Sunette in the latest public chat, where she mentioned how we can give certain actor ‘a chance’ to interpret Bruce Lee in a movie, instead of jumping into conclusions of how he is not like the real Bruce and disregarding his acting and expression altogether.

 That’s exactly how it is when deciding to be genuine – and not only to not compromise oneself as in wanting to portray ourselves in a particular ‘light’ towards others – but also being genuine in our approach to others, deciding to walk through any resistances to do so with ‘certain kinds of people’ to then realize, they are just ‘people,’ and the ‘kind’ or ‘type’ of person I thought them to be is all in my mind, my prejudice, so I take responsibility for that and proceed to be ‘empty’ within me while deciding to interact with another, and that means stopping comparing, judging, perceiving or assuming – and simply take in the words as they come, in the moment and also deciding to be genuine in my interaction in terms of how I decide to express, to be ok to maybe not show an ‘equal expression’ of say, excitement that I perceive the other person is portraying as their expression, because that can just be their way of expressing themselves, and that means me being genuine about whatever expression comes up – or doesn’t come up – during such moments.

This application of being genuine, authentic in a redefined manner as in expanding myself or making space for the new and the previously ‘unrelated’ situations in my life is what I want to continue building and creating, which comes with the trust that whatever else I may face or whatever else I may initially react to, I know that I can work through those reactions first within myself, understand my own bias, work on it to clear it up and then make that decision to be genuine and learn to interact and get to know people with this clear-head and starting point.

I recommend the above mentioned audio on Eqafe.com because this is just one point that stood out for me based on what I had been looking at when it comes to what it means to ‘expand’ myself as one of the goals that I see as part of living and this process of ‘birthing life from the physical’ which is to be genuine and creating such genuineness whenever it doesn’t exist yet within us towards others in order to learn to see, embrace, understand and acknowledge others as extensions of ourselves.

Thanks for reading.

 

Mermaid

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE

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603. Keeping Indulgences Secret

Or how it is easy to not question anything that feels good or positive in our experience instead of seeing to what extent it is affecting ourselves and our relationship to others, in order to understand it and take responsibility for our expression.  

Yesterday I had a revealing dream that most likely got triggered through listening to the audio from Eqafe called Tension in Working Environments – Relationship Success Support and Tension in Normal Environments – Relationship Success Support where there’s a very cool example that I guess women like me can relate to when we express ourselves in a particular manner around people that might be misinterpreted as being flirting or creating some kind of sexual innuendo in our interactions with the opposite sex.

I appreciate the explanations given in such contexts, because I have been ‘there’ myself in wanting to suppress my expression around males and even dressing in a particular way so as to not apparently ‘provoke’ certain experiences in others – instead of realizing that I cannot ever change how another is going to perceive me or how they might interpret my expression and relationship towards them, however there IS a point that I can absolutely take responsibility for, and that is explained in the second one linked above, where I have to keep an eye on how I might be expressing myself through energy, becoming in essence too ‘extroverted’ or ‘too expressive’ around males in order to cover up some kind of inferiority/fear/insecurity that is then ‘compensated’ for through energy. But in my case I discovered how there was something else behind such ‘expressiveness’ many times in my experience towards males before.

What I’ve been testing out in ‘real time’ is precisely deliberately spending time with certain people that I had all kinds of ‘hidden agendas’ towards in relation to creating experiences of desire or attraction towards – and that’s what I’ll explain here which matches as well what emerged in my dream in such a clear and almost ‘scientific experiment’ way that I just cannot ignore the relevance it has to what I have been observing and processing in relation to identifying those aspects of myself, my personalities and experiences where I am holding on to these ‘mind candies’ as I’ve been calling them, anything that gives me a momentary sense of pleasure or I turn into an ‘exciting’ experience.

While I was communicating yesterday about this dream and how I link the situation to identifying ‘my indulgence’ point in life, I realized how normal it had become for me to simply go into these energies before and how it wasn’t even about ‘the people’ themselves that I’d create these energies towards, but how it was all in fact the sheer desire to experience that energy based on the context that I’ll describe now.

So in the dream I would face two males in my life, one that I’ve known in ‘real time’ that I had built or accumulated many ideals around, creating an aura of desire towards that person based on the idea and even image that I wanted to believe they in fact were in order to feed this energetic experience of attraction towards them. What’s interesting is that several times before I proved to myself how I was more ‘infatuated’ with the IDEA and Experience that I would get from the thought of them – such as excitement, desire, fascination, the idea of being liked by the person, the idea of being desired by that person –  that I actually got ‘hooked on’ these thoughts as triggers for these experiences in the same way that an addict would towards drugs.

How did I come to conclude I was in fact hooked on energy rather than the actual person? Because I never really knew the person –or people – as in spending sufficient amount of time with them to truly get to appreciate them at that reality-physical level, which is also clarified based on the explanation on the Eqafe audio as well in terms of being realistic about the time that it takes to truly develop this kind of potentials with people.  It makes sense how I spent probably a couple of years feeding this infatuation in my mind, while merely spending a few hours every now and then with such person in my life – the result? I turned the person into a symbol, an idea of desire, while actually not really wanting to have something to do with the ‘real person.’ Yep, I realized how I was more ‘in love’ if you will with the idea of them that I would trigger within me as a ‘candy-thought’ to create this ‘excitement’ experience of attraction or desire in me about such person – but again, it was never about the person in fact and this was confirmed by my experience in the dream.

In the dream I was talking to this person and I basically went back to the experience I had towards him when I first met him many years ago, and all that mattered to me was that ‘energetic interaction’ that I was experiencing in the dream/while dreaming about the idea that I had of this person, essentially experiencing once again that energy that I got quite hooked on for years on in relation to males as a seemingly ‘acceptable’ and ‘common’ fixation I developed over the years, changing only the person but keeping myself ‘hooked’ on the same attraction or desire that I’d create towards them, which most of the times never consolidated or had any actual physical reality outcome as in having a relationship with any of them – instead I turned people into symbols of desire, attraction, lust within myself for the sake of bringing up these experiences within me, for my own pleasure essentially.

So, in the dream I noticed that I didn’t want to ‘stop dreaming’ or wanted to ‘elongate’ that process of existing in this flirty mode or that perception of being able to ‘seduce’ another – which is really only an experience I have only ever created within myself within the comfortable and seductive idea of ‘having power over’ creating an experience of desire within another towards me – yep, essentially a power game there going on that I’d get hooked on experiencing.

And what went on in a ‘separate’ moment in my dream is having exactly the same process going on where I’d get to meet a person that I never got to in fact meet in person and play out the exactly same ‘energy game’ of attraction, seduction, desire towards them without actually wanting to do something ‘in reality’ towards them other than just get to exist in that prolonged moment of building up the attraction, building up the desire and such kind of exhilaration that can be created with things that can be defined as ‘sexual tension’ and the rest of things that we can create and ‘comfortably’ participate with in our minds.

I was also translating this audio on Eqafe on Embracing Your Mind which assisted me to see how we tend to want to shove aside, hide, suppress anything perceived and felt as bad, negative, awful or emotional experience within ourselves, and in that becoming selective in our relationship to our mind, where we then don’t question the positive experiences, that which feels good, that which we usually want to ‘prolong’ as a ‘nice’ experience within ourselves, and I got to see that quite clearly in my dream how I basically became ‘hooked on’ within those interactions with these two examples of males in my dream and play out the exact same thing with both, so as to see that it had never been in fact about ‘them’ as people that I have created such infatuation, but it in fact was representing my relationship to the ‘positive experience’ I came to associate with all of these energies that I can describe as feelings, as attraction, seduction, pleasure, even in terms of power play which I had come to associate to one of my ‘abilities’ or ‘skills’ towards males.

Lol, here I understand how this can be interpreted and it’s certainly not my intent to enhance these patterns or personality-traits within me at all, it is simply to understand, recognize it, embrace it as the audio explained so that I don’t hold now a relationship of embarrassment or shame to what I’ve ‘comfortably’ played out many times throughout my life – and possibly beyond this life as well.

I also find it interesting that in these past couple of weeks I’ve been talking precisely about this ‘misinterpretation’ with a female friend of mine, of how certain males will react to our expression as females and how it is entirely up to us to ensure we are not giving the ‘wrong idea’ towards them in relation to who we are and how we stand towards them.  And It was cool to find out how she’s experienced very similar experiences to the ones I’ve had in my life as well, and where we both had to admit that yeah there was also this attachment to ‘feeling good’ about in a sense being able to flirt and create this momentary ‘excitement’ about the ‘possibilities’ that open up when developing such communication with another person, and how that eventually leads to take on the ‘next steps’ for example into creating a relationship, and eventually how that energy only lasts so long to the point that all that remains is the ‘shadow of the energy’ as a desire that one then realizes had nothing to do with the actual person themselves, but it really only was all about our individual energetic reaction to those moments where we get to first meet someone and deliberately create these energetic reactions as attraction, desire, lust, flirting and with that wrapping ourselves up into an overall experience of excitement that we then go seeking out everywhere we can, as in moving to a ‘new prey’ so to speak, just like vampires seeking energy. It becomes a ‘way of living’ in terms of turning others as objects of desire and ourselves as ‘desirable’ to others that we want to establish this kind of ‘connection’ with, which is of course the point to change here and take responsibility for within myself.

It was interesting because as I was sharing about these points with her, I realized that I was verbalizing my own solution to this ‘secret’ indulgence of mine that I had for the most part not really exposed or explained to anyone else, because a part of me wanted to hold on to it, which is a tendency we all have in relation to anything ‘positive’ in our minds. So as it is explained in the Eqafe audio, we were conditioned to not question and welcome all sorts of positive experiences, and do the opposite with all things negative. Therefore now that I see to what extent this energetic ‘pull’ exists within me, I realize the importance of developing an actual sense of honor, respect and stability when seeing that I am wanting to ‘recreate’ this positive-experience in relation to males in particular and keep myself grounded so as to not be deliberately going into energy as in building up any form of excitement or ‘attraction’ or ‘desire’ experience that can be seen by others and then interpreted as ‘something else’ which usually is interpreted in sexual or relationship terms.

And it’s interesting how I had become very vocal in criticizing females that would kind of deliberately place themselves as ‘sex symbols’ or deliberately wanting to evoke certain reactions in the opposite sex, and in that I realized how I had been also participating in the same kind of patterns in a different way, in a more concealed manner, but still the same energetic experience exists in that kind of ‘flirtatious’ escapades that I’ve had towards males in particular.

It’s also very cool to be able to discuss this with someone and have several references of how people experience this kind of ‘positive feelings’ in relation to for example pornography, something that I had created a righteousness about because of ‘not indulging into porn’ however, when looking at the actual experience one gets ‘hooked on’ in relation to anything that we use to stimulate these positive experiences in ourselves, it really is only a secondary thing to look at what or who we are turning into an object or image or idea that elicits this ‘positive experience’ within ourselves – it really becomes all about giving up and deciding to no longer try and ‘go into’ these positive experiences, trying to create our ‘mind candy’ as I call it which airs  essentially the cocktail of ‘feel good’ experiences I’ve merely come to define as excitement, desire, lust, attraction, power plays in relation to males – but in essence, it’s not even about people themselves, but my idea and experience created towards them which are all self-created.

My decision is then to build a foundation of self respect, honor and consideration not only towards myself, my body, my mind but also in how I relate to other people, specially males for all the reasons described above, where I have been proving to myself that I am able to talk to, relate and communicate with them and deliberately ‘not going there’ in terms of turning on the flirtatious design or experience, which means not communicate or interact through energy, but remain stable yet expressive, which is really all a decision in every moment to ‘not indulge,’ to ‘not go there’ and instead practice that stability in my experience while communicating and interacting with males, which I’ve also proven to myself is entirely possible and enjoyable in a different way, where there’s more of a sense of satisfaction in my case for the depth that I can create with another based on actual communication, than just creating an ‘energy-game’ towards them.

It did in a way bother me that I had such dream that I described above, in a way I felt like failing at being able to in my dream apply myself and stop seeking to recreate such ‘feel good’ flirtatious experiences. However I realize that this would be me being short-sighted about the extent to which I have in fact existed in this mindset, which is probably as far as I can remember existing, meaning, it has become ‘me’ to such an extent that it is only now that I am in fact deciding to open it up and take it on, because of its ‘positive nature.’ It definitely had become an aspect of self-definition that I was holding on to as a ‘little piece of heaven’ I could keep for myself – lol – but it’s in fact not cool at all to exist like that.

In this it does imply cutting myself off from supplying myself with these ‘feel good’ experiences which is entirely possible by me not ‘going into it’, not ‘going there’ whenever I see that I would usually just ‘automatically’ do it in the past. It is possible and I’ve tested it a few times already. Therefore what I see came up in my dream is to become aware of how I am still keeping it at a deep level within me as something I want to hold on to, to keep secret, to not ‘admit’ as a pattern that has dominated my life for so long, which is why I am also writing, sharing and talking about it to understand it, to see who I am in it and in doing so, placing it in my awareness to such an extent that I cannot any longer just ‘sweep it under the rug’ and continue deceiving myself about it – now I actively decide to change myself in relation to it.

As I was talking to someone about it, they explained how it is so that we cannot change this ‘high’ energy into something else, because it’s just like deciding to giving up drugs where you essentially have to learn to live without such ‘high’ or ‘buzz’ that the drugs give you at an energetic level – and it’s definitely so, it’s no different to how I have to now go about this in my mind, saying ‘no’ to wanting to create these ‘good feelings’ and take responsibility for my expression, and not seeing this as a ‘loss’ at all, but instead I see that it’s actually cool to be able to build this actual communication or understanding with others without the need to bring up any ‘feelings’ for it or turn it into a mind-game.

Here also taking into consideration how many times I have in fact caused consequences that I only later got to know based on this pattern of interaction with males, where in creating these energetic experiences ‘towards them,’ I’d then in fact give ‘mixed signals’ that would then leave them confused or angry at myself for not being ‘clear’ on what my intent was… and the reality is that I was in it all just for the momentary experience and only a few times did I ever really consider an actual relationship with people, so that’s something I have to take responsibility for in terms of measuring my expression so as to not create consequences in others as well – of course, I cannot control them all, but I can sure do my part to ensure I am clear at all times.

That means that  I do my part when it comes to these interactions in not ‘opening any doors’ to misinterpretation through going into energy when communicating with others, but remain stable, clear in my expression and still be expressive and outgoing as I usually am, but there is a distinctive difference when I know I am going into these ‘same old patterns’ and when I am actually ‘empty’ or devoid of any ‘good feelings’ while communicating with others, where I can genuinely stand in equality with the person, not reducing them any longer as a potential source to trigger or elicit ‘positive feelings’ within me, which is really not cool in terms of considering another being in the totality of who they are, and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce ourselves as males and females as beings that would ‘normally’ desire each other or turn any point of expression and communication into sex and relationships, which is the same as reducing myself and others as mere objects of desire, which is not how I want to continue living and seeing fellow beings as.

Here I commit myself to honor, respect and consider myself and others in being able to establish clarity and consistency in my communication with other males, being able to remind myself that I hold a point of responsibility in how I behave, and if necessary be able to explain ‘where I stand’ towards them so as to not give room to interpretations, which I’ve found actually quite supportive to do in order to ‘clear up any confusion’ in such situations and that actually assists to delineate or define my relationships to males in terms of support and/or friendship.

Ok, so that’s the point for me to continue working on, I am grateful for the dreams, for the support that is opened up through Eqafe in order to look at what I can change about myself in relation to these patterns and in essence for once and for all stop my indulgence into these ‘feel good’ patterns that I had so comfortably become.

Thanks for reading.

 

If you have a dream you’d like to have some perspectives on in order to understand how to work with it, I recommend requesting a Dream Reading on Eqafe.com, I have been able to walk through some very bizarre dreams to understand what they meant at levels of my mind that I’m not yet aware of.

 

Secret Indulgence

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


488. Social Expectations and Self-Honesty

Or how to face a situation like a funeral in a balance of what is politically correct and what is our genuine expression in the moment.

For the last two days I was in a situation of facing the death of a close person and the attendance of a funeral for the second time ever in my life and to say the least, I had not yet created a way in which I can trust myself in those situations considering there are several aspects that I got to take into account, leading to a situation where I doubted myself at times that can be uncomfortable yet entirely self-created of course. So I’ll share here the raw process of me going through the whole lay out of the points and the self-forgiveness process wherein I establish common sense and points for me to correct/align in future similar situations.

Even if I had dealt with the sadness point about this person eventually dying it an accepting it, realizing that as we know, no one ever really dies and he’s probably facing his process in the afterlife right now, at the same time having to also be participating in all the processes that come after the person dies with the family became a new set of situations that I had not faced in my life therefore they became quite a part of myself to get to know and investigate further.

First of all, saw a dead person for the first time in my life. I saw myself not wanting to do it based on some kind of fear of ‘seeing a dead person’ but I did it in order to do it for once and for all and I found it a bit disturbing to say the least, I judged doing so as a form of morbid move as if there was something ‘to see’ in a dead body at the same time, which ended up being a printed image in my mind that I got stuck on for some time, seeing myself imagining how I would look dead, how my partner would look dead, how my parents will look dead and in that moment I said to myself like ‘whoa wait a minute what am I participating on?’ which was of course just a mental stimulation with no practical use, not even if for the purpose of getting comfortable with the idea of all of us dying at some point anyways, because it’s not here so, just indulging in imagination about it won’t certainly be supportive at this very moment.

Many times before I’ve skipped funerals altogether, I did not see the point and also feared seeing others sad and so fearing myself becoming sad and in a powerless situation. But after a while of reading others’ experiences and considerations around funerals, I decided to attend and be part of most of the processes involved in it this time and ensuring that I was making a decision to do so as my own volition, not self-compromise, but this wasn’t entirely so in various moments where I consider I succumbed my idea/belief or perception of what others’ expectations were based on the situation, where I saw myself being torn into what I consider my self-honesty in those moments and doing what I thought was going to ‘please others’ based on expectations of what to be and do in such situations where people are visibly mourning.

One thing I recalled from my first funeral I attended back in 2001 is how I could not feel a thing, therefore I started thinking myself into sadness in order to cry and then feel like I had been up to the expectations of what goes on in a funeral. This time I decided to be there for my own sake and to be with my family which I can say is my family even if ‘political’ but have spent many times together with them so, yep it was  of course sad for me but we got to know of this situation coming more than a month ago, so there was time to process it yet I found myself still not entirely settled in ‘who I am’ in moments of mourning and what to say or do to support others.

So here I’m starting to investigate my experience and make sense of it: what am I aware of? I made the decision to be accompanying the family in all the processes, from the waiting of the funerary services, which means seeing the body on the bed ‘as is,’ to seeing it leave to the funerary, to accompanying it to the funerary, to waiting for it to be received, etc. I saw it also as a learning experience, a first time in it all while also wanting to be of support in any way I could around there.

This part I found myself a bit too clumsy on, which might be a judgment. To me there was not so much of a point to have so many considerations for a body there, while I know that the being is no longer there and then it’s just a matter of rather being there for the family. It was surprising to find out about all the procedures and legal situations that need to be directed when a person dies – again, it was a learning experience but I also saw myself a bit conflicted in terms of whether I had to present myself in a particular situation or not. I decided to simply be a point of tranquility and stability during that phase to assist in any  way I could – but there wasn’t anything I got to actually ‘do’ in it all but just be there.

This ‘just be there’ clicks in me as if it was something that was ‘not enough’ or ‘minimal’ but it is me, it’s my presence, not defined through a ‘doing’ per se, but we were there the same way that we had been with all the same people in previous family reunions.

When I saw that I got a bit too conflictive was when it comes to assessing what was ‘sufficient’ in terms of time and moments of being there with the family and it was actually many hours throughout the past two days, practically whole afternoon until midnight in all the processes and even if we were suggested that we could leave at any time, I would assess ‘in my mind’ based on ‘what is acceptable and what is not’ by others, how ‘others’ would see it and in this is where self-compromise existed. I didn’t want to leave the spot, I didn’t want to cause an impression of ‘not caring about the person’ because in fact even if my interaction with the person wasn’t ‘that much’ every time it was actually very genuine and that’s what I am most grateful for about that situation that we could go beyond ‘age difference’ or ‘roles’ and speak frankly about things, which is also he liked about myself and my partner, not really ‘playing a show’ or being hypocritical as he would say, but just ‘be ourselves.’

So, in those moments of facing some coldness and hunger at times, some sleepiness too, I saw that I wanted to ‘stick up’ to being strong or resilient and supportive, while at the same time doubting myself altogether whether I should be there or not, whether it was of any support for others or not, whether it was best for us to leave or not, so in essence deciding to stick by based on doing it for others, to accompany them and also in a way of considering the memory of the person that died even though I know that he’s not ‘here’ or near his body but possibly walking his life review right now.

I decided then that we should stick through it all from beginning to end, taking some breaks in between but it was my first ‘full-fledged’ process of funeral in my life and I can use this experience as a way to learn more about myself in a situation like that and also confronting the point of judging myself as ‘not sure of myself’ in many situations or how to ‘act’ towards some people, because sometimes one doesn’t feel sad and I tend to be very transparent about it then judging myself as possibly being perceived that ‘I don’t care enough because I’m not sad or concerned’ which I did challenge as a belief within myself, not playing an emotion as a form of empathy towards others, while at the same time yes considering others’ pain and sorrow, and in some points yes admitting that I cried along with seeing some family members cry at the same time as a realization of their loss and that’s where I pushed myself to give a hand, to caress their back and simply be there for support .

Therefore I see that I have to let go of the judgment towards my actions in wanting to frame them as adequate or not, good enough or not, because as much as there are ways and certain politics or protocols in such situations, I can create an equilibrium between yes, adapting myself to it without compromising myself too much.

Where did I see the compromise? Well, when the coffin was open and the body was inside, people were going to greet it and say their goodbyes. I could not rationalize that it would have any meaning other than looking at an image of the person in the body and upon seeing everyone’s reaction to it, I considered that it was also a bit of a morbid situation, while at the same time rationalizing that ‘ok, it’s just a dead body, if I am resisting looking at it again, it’s based on the first impression I had the day before I saw the body ‘raw’ on the bed where he died’ and this time he already had some touch ups from the funerary, so I decided to look at the body and then the inevitable happened of course, the image triggered the actual realization of ‘the person is dead’ and you won’t ever see him again. So, there I cried a bit again which a part of me wanted to prevent and suppress while another was saying just let go and cry it out, while at the same time judging the emotional aspect of myself since it seemed ‘out of my control’ to handle.

In essence, yes as one can read, I was in a constant assessment and questioning of ‘what would be best for all’ to do in those moments, so I decided to not look at what I would like to do that much, but more look at others, the reason for this funeral to exist is not so much for the dead person – he’s not here anymore –but for the family, and that’s something I kept reminding myself so focused on being there as a point of presence for my family, for the family in general and as partner says, we are part of a social situation so we have to participate the same way others do and yes, learn from this situation for future ones because death is the most certain thing that happens to every person and not even our ‘tomorrow’ is secured, to any of us.

I also practiced simply breathing and being quiet within myself in those moments where there wasn’t really ‘much to do’ or not much happened. I also didn’t go into participating in the thoughts or memories about the person because I knew that would be a direct trigger to start crying or being sad about it, and I didn’t do that. I focused on what was in my surroundings and learned to be there with others in a similar manner, while at the same time ensuring I am not taken over in any emotional way, except for the couple of crying moments that didn’t last long.

I realize I have to also let go of judging myself if getting emotional in a situation like that. As it’s been shared in some material, one can cry and let it all out as a point of release, but at the same time ensuring that one is not ‘thinking oneself into crying’ either.

It also was an interesting situation because funerals and the death of a relative are such ‘common situations’ but funnily enough I had avoided going at those for such a long time, though due to the closeness with this person, I genuinely decided to be part of it, which is cool, I can see that I decided to live the word Empathy here in the sense of not become equally sad as everyone there, but decide to stand as a presence that can be more stable, breathe, and simply be there as a person that is there in the memory of the person that died and to be with the family. Here I have to for a moment be considerate and let go of more of my ‘radical self’ that would say that it is all useless as he’s not ‘there’ anymore and it is only a way to cry-out many regrets, fears or projections of our own death, but nope, I decided to be clear within me and not project, not judge others but there still was more of a questioning on how adequate I was in those situations – and instead learn from it, not judge myself over it, because it is in fact something relatively new.

We can only learn from making either decision – one or the other – because as partner says, if one see-saws then there are fears and then I have to look at what were those fears which I can see are related more into ‘what others might say’ rather than learning to trust myself, my consideration and not fearing making a ‘mistake’ in such a ‘delicate situation’ but all of these are like ‘special values’ I’ve attached to a situation like a funeral, which I should start embracing as any other part of our social interactions too.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project onto others ideas, beliefs and expectations about ‘how I should be and behave’ and in this compromising myself within these beliefs within me that I thought I had to ‘stick to’, which actually I ended up shattering once that I saw how the whole funeral indeed became like a small reunion of the family where eventually the sadness and protocol were past and people were able to relax a bit after some of the processes involved in the funeral were done, as well as realizing that I had created this whole idea about funerals in my head, from movies or situations that are not realistic in how things and people actually go and behave in them, so I confirm my own brainwashing, lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my actions and interactions during a funeral as inadequate or possibly not good enough when there is actually no ‘standard’ for it all nor is there any morality that I should adjust to, other than instead going in accordance to the actions and activities that are part of the funeral and remain in stability while being accompanying others in such moments, letting go of the idea that I have to ‘be sad or show sadness’ and instead continue pushing myself to be ok with being stable and rather of a supportive stance in the midst of it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge crying in a funeral as a weakness, as a form of ‘being in my mind’ upon seeing the person in the coffin which actually could have also triggered the idea of ‘no longer seeing the person around’ while at the same time remembering the times with them,  while at the same time invariably considering the death of everyone around me in that moment as something that I’ll face in one way or another – therefore, I can embrace death, death people as in dead bodies in front of me and see them for what they are, matter, while reminding myself that this funeral process is more for the living than the dead and that no matter ‘who dies’, I am here, I am breathing and anything I am fearing in relation to death I have to process for myself from the get go in order to not be holding on to judgments, ideas, beliefs around death and funerals and the social situation in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea that I should be ‘beyond’ this situation of funerals in terms of getting emotional in it, which can instead create a suppression if I have already participated in any form of sadness around it and as such, releasing it through crying makes sense for the body and myself, instead of holding myself back and causing more suppression in my body which I consider I created in me, experiencing a flu at the moment which sounds like a participation in the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears around the future of my parents dying, others in that same funeral dying and how I’ll have to take care of the situation which I managed to also turn into a constructive discussion with my parents to get to know more of the facts around their funerals and time of death, which has also become very much like a taboo topic that over the years I’ve been opening up more, but I could see how based on reactions I saw they had upon touching the subject, it was definitely not a ‘desired topic’ but they were ok to explain some things, which is cool and in this I rather turn those ‘fears’ into something practical where I know where I can look at the prevention and practicality of these points to look at.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into a future projection of how hard it must be to have parents die and how much I will cry or suffer when they are gone, and in doing so don’t stop myself from indulging into this imagination, wherein even if it could be a practical imagination and I considered how it would be reasonable to cry and be sad, there was also a fear of ‘not being able to be stable enough’ or ‘losing my ground’ which I rather hereby let go of the judgment towards a situation as the death of relatives, family, friends, partners that I will most likely face in my lifetime and instead be ok with whatever emerges in that moment, not judging sadness for the death of someone close to me as a weakness or a fall, but instead seeing it as a momentary process that I will also overcome with time and self-support, so here realizing that death of others is not the end of the world, no matter how hard it is at times, I am here, I’m breathing, I’m alive and so I rather not look too much into a future that I cannot ensure for myself either and instead, I can trust myself that when the time comes, I can deal with the situation in self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have tried to ‘break the taboo’ around the topic of death through speaking about it, asking how I would like to be buried or how others would like to be buried while at the same time still doing so within an inherent fear of actually having to face such moments – so here applies the point of ‘who we are’ in what we do, because even if I might seem comfortable in asking these questions and they can be in fact genuinely supportive to look at for practical reasons, if I am still existing as fear of facing those moments, then I am still having to let go of the fear of ‘what if’ for a future moment, stick to my present and trust myself I’ll be able to handle it when time comes, because death is the only certainty that we all have in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear of loss toward the people that are close to me and wanting to believe that ‘I’ll survive it, I’ll be strong about it’ when in fact I don’t know and can’t know, and have to accept that it might not be an ‘easy time’ for me, yet what I do know is that  I can eventually overcome it with continuing focusing on living and supporting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self-doubt about my actions and ways in general during a funeral wherein I am focusing more on what I am ‘for others’ and doing what is ‘expected’ instead of rather deciding to be the directive principle of myself there, doing what others do that I find is supportive like being there with the family, without indulging into emotions if they are not ‘here’ – meaning, not pretending for the sake of empathy – and at the same time, not judging myself if I do become emotional in them, wherein then I can come and write and see what other fears or points opened up in my through this experience and so instead of seeing this experience through the eyes of ‘fearing making a mistake’ or ‘not being up to the expectations’ – which are my own anyways – I can learn from myself in those contexts and continue being honest with myself about my experience, while realizing that I can stabilize myself and I can prevent emotional buildups through writing and reasoning through a death process as a preventive measure, but at the same time, not to judge if I cannot ‘contain’ myself in those moments. What matters is being able to stand up from those moments, not judging myself for being ‘at my weakest’ during the death of a person close to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wanted to play the strong one that doesn’t cry at all and that is ever stable when I have to also be self-honest in my experience and be ok with me being sad or crying at a funeral, while also keeping an eye on not being entertaining memories or ideas that lead to a continuous crying that is then being constantly generated by the mind and that I consider will also depend on the relationship with the person, the time spent with them and so not judging others when I do see them ‘break down’ and be very sad in those moments of mourning the death of a loved one. I have to embrace those situations as aspects of our humanity that might be difficult to completely face with zero emotions. Therefore not to judge myself as emotions, but rather ensuring I am not manipulating myself into emotions and instead let them out once that they are there and support myself to stand up again from such times/moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that we will miss him in family reunions because of his good sense of humor, kindness and embracing towards us for who we are, understanding our sometimes unconventional ways of being and enjoying that of ourselves, believing that then ‘no one’ will have that same stance towards ourselves, but here I can then apply the ‘miss-him’ to me-is-him realization whenever in future moments it comes up that we are missing him in our reunions, to rather live that kindness, welcoming, embracing, non-compromising expression he had with us, as well as with a good sense of humor and live it out ourselves, to continue being cordial to others and rather continue applying those words as myself toward others. That way I take the words, the aspects of him that I found most supportive and enjoyable and make it a point to live them as myself and so toward others.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel a bit powerless in wanting to help others that were in notorious grief and wanting to assist them in one way or another, expecting some kind of ‘result’ from it, instead of rather being unconditional with my presence and support and understanding how my desire to stop them suffering is still coming from a fear of them remaining in suffering, so I rather let go of a desired outcome of what my support should do for others and instead express it as myself, no judgment, no expectation, letting go of what’s right or wrong, but be able to trust my common sense in such moments and let go of the judgments, no matter how ‘new’ a situation might be for me, common sense is common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation towards myself in a funeral as in ‘wanting to be of support for others’ and so trying to find any way in which I could be ‘there’ as a point of support, which didn’t came through in any notorious manner, therefore here I have to let go of my desire to ‘be of support’ and instead embrace my presence as that, a presence that is there for myself and for others wherein I can then assist when and as I see is possible or required of me, but this does not mean that I am ‘only there wanting to support’ because then I condition myself, my decisions and my expression as in wanting to be ‘of support’ for others only.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to at times also consider whether I should be there at all, if we were not much of an ‘extra burden’ in such moments where I was assessing then in terms of ‘hierarchy of importance’ and ‘who’s who in the zoo’ in that situation based on ‘how close’ each person was to the person that died etc. instead of just being able to embrace my own conviction  of wanting to be there as my decision and that of everyone else that was also participating in their own decision – so I have to stop indulging into ‘what ifs’ in such situations, because yes as much as others could compromise themselves in not wanting to be rude to some people and ask them to leave, I also cannot create ideas about what others are desiring in relation to my presence there either. I can only be the one that is sincerely there as a personal conviction and so, others could do the same in relation to embracing me or not around and communicate about it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be ‘politically correct’ in a situation such as the death of a person, wherein it actually comes from a desire to be doing the ‘right thing’ in such situations but the reality is that it is many times a new experience for everyone therefore, there is no ‘right or wrong’ or expectations around it, but simply doing what’s necessary to do in such situations, following protocols while assisting oneself to remain calm and not feeding our minds with fears and experiences, while at the same time embracing the emotions if they are here at times.

 

I saw various points opened up throughout these past days and I noticed how in several moments I had to go making sure I am doing things within my own volition and decision, breaking through a pattern of avoiding funerals and instead testing out ‘who am I’ in them, in a way facing a fear of death in general I suppose that is more in relation to seeing others being sad or mourning and fearing that within myself.

I have to make peace with a process of mourning, that’s for sure and it’s something I’ll face probably several times in my life, therefore I rather assist myself with prevention and learning from this experience, which is another way to get to know myself.

 

Ultimately I have to consider and remind myself do as I’d like to be done unto – and in this yes I would not like people to be sad when I am dead but rather take one or two points they learned from me and live them through in their own lives, that would be awesome so, this process goes beyond ‘a funeral’ really, it can be turned into much more of what that person lived and what we can learn from each other and continue the life of these individuals through words we saw them live and live them ourselves.

 

Thanks for reading

 

For anyone seeking support on facing the death of loved ones , please read through the following blogs from Sunette to understand the process of mourning at a mind and physical level, very supportive:

Shock, Trauma and Stress: DAY 479 | Heaven’s Journey to Life

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Two): DAY 480 | Heaven’s 

Relationships and Death: DAY 481 | Heaven’s Journey to Life

Losing someone is like Losing a part of Myself – DAY 491 | 

Losing someone is like Losing a part of Myself (Part 2) – DAY 

 

To anyone wanting to know first hand shares from the life in the afterlife:

Death Review Series: This series consists of personal stories of beings during their process of death in various contexts and situations, detailing the relationship between the mind, body and beingness.

 

Life Review Series: This series consists of hundreds of personal stories of beings who passed, crossed over and reviewed their lives – all to share with us what they faced, what they learned and how they did or could have lived solutions.

 

Mourning Flu

 

 

join in the Process of Life


486. Understanding Our Origin

Or how to stop wondering for truths out there and focus on the potential that we have to develop within ourselves

 

I had a bit of a moment today when starting to translate the series ‘The Secret History of the Universe’ because I remember when I first heard it some 4 and a half years ago, it assisted me a lot to integrate a consideration of ‘where it all started’ as in considering the bigger picture whenever I come to be aware of seemingly big problems or consequences in our reality and remind myself that ‘this is all me, all of it’ – which goes also in conjunction to what I’ve been writing about in terms of manifested consequences and us facing them in our lifetime.

So the moment I had was when voicing this story out loud in Spanish and for the first time spoke that story in my native language, I got a sense of deep sadness within me because of being able to for the first time be sounding/speaking how it all started in this existence and in essence be translating the story of our origins for the first time ever in existence. The sadness came when realizing one thing that is still very much present in our lives and I’ve laid out in hundreds of patterns, behaviors, reactions that we continually create as human beings, and that is our focus on the external, always focusing ‘out there, always pointing our finger at others, wanting to achieve something ‘out there’ instead of focusing within ourselves. 

Missing out our very own self-investigation and awareness of who we really are has in essence led us to where we are now: dazed and confused with seemingly ‘no meaning to our lives’, opting for self-destruction, existing in sado-masochist patterns that we believe give us a sense of personality and good experiences. It’s saddening to see how far we’ve become, but this sadness wasn’t my usual pity-party type of depression and sadness, it was more of a deep realization of how far we’ve taken ourselves to because of missing ourselves out, forgetting about first looking at ‘who we are within’ before trying to make sense of ‘what’s out there’ and ‘others’ and ‘the world systems’ and ‘seeking a meaning’ or trying to make sense of life outside of ourselves.

Translating these first episodes of the series became a grounding reminder of the simplicity of what we’ve missed out in order to genuinely stand as creators of our reality, reminding myself of the importance of this Back To Self approach where we can all make sure to, yes, conduct changes ‘out there’ in the world systems, in the structures and institutions and consider alternatives and the rest of it – but let’s not Forget again about ourselves, about the changes that must happen within as a priority.

What kind of essential changes I’m talking about here? Recognizing ourselves as the creators, the created and the creation of everything that exists and has always ever existed, which means: we are life, in potential that have ‘lost’ ourselves, that have locked out ourselves in our minds and forgetting entirely about our real origin, our real essence, our real ‘who we are’ as life itself.

It becomes a daunting realization when upon hearing the translation of these old documents in existence about our origins as beings, manifestations and expressions how we have always sought Life ‘out there’, completely missing out the fact that there is no origin in Life, we are it. This single realization I had many years ago when first getting starting to investigate the Desteni material and understanding this principle of ourselves as the origin through the excellent article ‘Self is the Origin’ (later on renamed ‘Self is the Organism’) where I got the point that ‘If I cannot find the origin, I must be the origin.’ And it’s interesting because as much as one can ‘intellectualize’ this realization of what this means as the ‘oneness and equality’ principle and reality in which everything already exists as, throughout the years it ‘clicks’ differently as in hitting different cores in my being so to speak – and for a lack of a better way to say it – in relation to that seeing with real eyes/realizing what it means that we create a concept, a separate idea of what life is, of what this origin or source of everything is and in that single ‘mind-split’ idea, we have accepted and allowed ourselves/myself to create reality as we know it now, ourselves as the characters, personalities, relationships that we’ve become, lost and confused missing out on the core and essence that exists in every one of us as a living potential that we have to develop and decide to act upon in order to equalize ourselves to that life and substance in which everything exists – not for the sake of creating any ‘experience’ or self-definition of course, but for the sake of living in the way that we always should have from the beginning: no longer seeking to know ‘out there’ or obtain an experience, a ‘something’ or ‘someone’ outside of ourselves, but actually learning to embody and live as the creators of everything that is here, one by one.

Who we have become as humanity with our plethora of problems and situations that need correction is nothing else but the consequence of each one of us forgetting who we really are as this source/origin as life itself, to the point where we have diminished and locked ourselves out through layers of separation that we now have to walk through in the process of self-investigation in our minds, in our bodies through writing, self forgiveness, self-honesty, developing practical solutions that stand within the principle of what is best for all and common sense. This process that has opened up on Earth for now a bit over 10 years is here for all of us to realize ourselves and apply/live the essential understanding of what we really are and can be capable of if we stand one by one living these principles to take responsibility for our creations and so start aligning, correcting, fixing, discarding that which is not supportive from within ourselves first.

This is the key that I wanted to make sure I can share again in a more holistic way and in consonance with a part of our history that had not been ever available to us as human beings until now. It should be then a reminder of the fascinating times we are having the privilege of living in and experiencing in full awareness, of this opportunity to for the first time after eons of time to really live as the potential that we are all embodying in our minds, in our bodies and in our beingness.

A way to honor this time in our lives, is to acknowledge this ongoing process of self-realization from consciousness to life awareness, from living only in the mind to realizing ourselves as life here in the physical and so, understand in its totality the actual gift we are existing as if we decide to direct ourselves to be part of this reality in self-responsibility to live as the equal creators that we are and have been all along. This is the time to stop playing the victims, the slaves, the subdued and captive beings that had ‘no choice.’ We have a choice: do we want to be part of the new phase in this existence of life in oneness and equality and what’s best for all or do we want to remain locked in self-deception according to ideas of consciousness, of our minds based on relationships of separation and self-diminishment?

To me, that question has a no brainer answer. I stand for and as life myself and I am committing myself to my own personal change and self-investigation to continue understanding the many of ways in which we have separated ourselves and decimated our potential based on our acceptance and allowance of seeking ‘something out there’ or only focusing ‘on others’ or seeking to change something ‘out there’ instead of understanding the core principle of what it means to in fact be one and equal and our individual responsibility and so empowerment that exists within that principle.

I can understand this might sound a bit too ‘out there’ for a regular reader of this blog, but another realization I had when doing that interview is how we all can ‘relate to it’ as it is pertaining to the core, essence and origins of who we really are = there’s no one that could not relate to it, because it’s the story of our origins.

Here two very simple points that we have been repeating from the beginning of our existence that we have to correct within each one of us from the get go:

1.      Stop focusing on ‘out there’ as a starting point for change, self is the origin therefore self must be the change.

 

2.      Stop seeking answers, truths or ‘supreme concepts’ outside of ourselves. Life is not in any separate point from ourselves, it is Here as ourselves, as everything and everyone, we simply have to learn how to LIVE as Life of oneness and equality as what’s best for all in this reality, practically, moment by moment in who we are. That is this journey form consciousness to life awareness.

 

This is also to ensure I don’t ‘godify’ this or turn it into some ‘superior’ realization within me, because that would recreate the eyes as consciousness of separation, of ‘superiority and inferiority’ in which we have created the plethora of belief systems like religions and philosophies that create truths ‘out there’ instead of rather investigating oneself and in a principled manner see how can one, individually and so collectively, live and embody the actual principles of life and develop it as ourselves so that the more we stand in self-awareness, the more this uncovering of our truth will take place.

 

This is thus nothing ‘nice’ or ‘pretty’ or ‘marvelous’, this is both a daunting realization and the most fortunate one at the same time – we decide what we make of it through our own stance, who we decide to be and stand as in the context of our reality.

 

Let’s realize who we are as the everything that is here and see how much we have limited ourselves in ideas, beliefs, experiences, perceptions, judgments, characters, opinions, religious systems, sciences, philosophies  that more often than not keep pointing our focus ‘out there’ somewhere separate from us and not really looking within ourselves. That’s the challenge here I share with everyone: let’s focus on ourselves, let’s stop having other people in our minds, let’s focus on our own lives again, let’s investigate our own lives as a past-time instead of seeking entertainments ‘out there’ or seeking for a ‘meaning of life’ in spirituality or religions, when it is all in fact Here as oneself already, we simply have to learn to live that potential, one by one.

 

Change is something inevitable when one amplifies one’s understanding about who one really is and getting to know the whole history behind it. Therefore once again, I can only recommend investigating and investing in the Eqafe.com audio and video material, because this is information that can change your life forever if you do so genuinely want to stand up for something that goes beyond ‘us’ as ego, as personalities or characters, but stands aligned within a potential that is best for all life, because it is living as the potential that is dormant inside us: we have to wake up, we have to develop it, we have to do the necessary work to understand it, change it and so live fully – it’s up to us, it’s our choice and decision to stop the delusions and act according to who we really are.

Join us in this journey

 

Thanks for reading

 

 

Check out this series and its first episodes:

The Secret History of the Universe Series

 

We are everything as equals 08

 

Learn how to stand as life, as a real creator:


483. Standing Our Ground in the Physical

Or how to practically apply the principle of ‘two or more in my name and I am there’ in our physical process.

Sharing here some of what we opened up in an Eqafe hangout today with Garbrielle, where we could look at a practical way of understanding what it means to decide ‘Who I Am’ in every moment based on the two ‘options’ that we exist as and ‘have’ as a potential of self creation: for the bettering of ourselves, or for the worse or remaining stuck in a status quo in our minds.

The premise is that we are existing as a triad of parts/aspects that conform who we are as human beings: we have the mind, a being/beingness and physical body.

The mind exists as all the points of separation as the relationships to energy that we have formed and existed as which is everything that leads us to create or recreate the worst aspects of ourselves: self-sabotage, compromise, addictive patterns, destructive behaviors, only seeing problems, creating notions of polarities like inferiority and superiority, morality and the rest of our ‘mind subjects’ that are in no way physical per se, but that we end up making physical when we act upon them.

We have our physical body which is the element of substance, of life manifested, that exists as the living and physical example of what it means to be in stability, consistency, resilience, flexibility, adaptability, self-regulation and even autonomy dare I say because we have no idea all of the processes that our bodies go through in order to keep itself alive and adapting to all of the challenges in the environment, processing what we eat but also most importantly having to assimilate, digest and buffer all the experiences, the energetic experiences that we impose onto it through our participation in our minds.

Then we have the beingness or being which is that ‘spark of life’ – some people call it the spirit or our essence – which exists as that potential in all of us to either go on the way of life or go on the way of our minds.  As the word says, it is a Potential, it is not something ‘given’ but we have to directly develop it – it is not something that has been only ‘trapped in our mind’ or anything like that. It is that life within all of us that can go either way, to support the mind – which happens when we for example cannot reason or see a way out in a moment and can be stuck in an experience of anger for example, or an experience of love – different ‘charge’ but same effect – we get blinded by our experience without being able to step out of it in self-awareness. That’s the way that we have been mostly living as, dominated by energies, experiences, desires, fears and not establishing a directive principle in really looking at what would be most supportive for us to live, to decide to do or be. 

This implies that in the same way that this potential can be used for all things that are not supportive, we can also decide to take the other road of actually directing ourselves to self-creation, self-growth, self development as human beings, as life, which becomes a very real choice and so decision in every moment that we are alive in our day.

 

In the principle of ‘two or more in my name and I am there’ the point is recognizing that we have these three parts that we are ‘made of’ or composed of, which are now completely merged and fused, which means that it is not like we can just ‘turn off’ the mind and get rid of that ‘problematic’ aspect of ourselves and suddenly – magically – expect our beingness to come through and be ‘liberated.’ Nope, our mind is ourselves, it is that part of ourselves that we have to get to know, understand, investigate and learn how to ‘walk through it’ with the tools provided within the Desteni I Process: self-writing, self forgiveness, developing self-honesty and walking a practical corrective process that is entirely intended for us to start shifting away from the usual dominance of ‘who we are’ in our minds, into the uncovering, development and expansion that we can create when we decide to stand as and in that potential within our beingness and as our physical body in the name of life, in the name of common sense and what is best for us and so for all.

In that, how I see it, is that we have the two basic elements that will create the possibility for something to be created, something to exist. If we stand as our physical and as our beingness, then that in itself is us making a decision to stand as life, to live life, to direct ourselves in a supportive manner which in turn, becomes a decision and a ‘reasoning’ as well as a practical laying out of solutions that we plan and write out using our mind now as a tool, standing as the directive principle in our mind to no longer ‘fall into the same old patterns’ but now instead we can use our ability to reason, to write, to make assessments, to communicate, to direct ourselves to live the corrections laid out through writing where the mind then becomes this supportive part of ourselves that enables us to also walk through our mind itself and so, start practically changing the ‘dominant’ aspect of ourselves: from the mind as consciousness – with all the energetic experiences, memories, habits that usually lead to a non-supportive outcome  – to life in self-awareness as the physical.

This means we make a decision in our beingness to stand up, to see beyond the ‘usual patterns’ in our mind and instead, tap into the possibilities and potential that exists as our physical body and that aspect of ourselves that can be geared to support ourselves – for example, developing self-awareness, directing ourselves to do things differently and in a more supportive manner, trying out new ways and methods to create solutions to our problems, test out the consequences and outcomes, investigate ways in which we can expand our daily routines and interactions.  

Therefore what is always a decision for us is who do we decide to be: do we decide to go through the way of the mind, of energies, of conflict, of problems without seeing solutions – or do we decide to in a moment stand our ground, decide to do what will assist us and others, do the actual practical work and walking through initial resistances to do that which is ‘out of our script’, stepping out of self-limitations and instead develop the potential of who we can be once that we go stopping and so correcting our ‘usual ways’ of following our minds as energetic experiences.

‘Two or more in my name and I AM there’ – is an equation, two or more elements with the same purpose and intent and the outcome or result is that which each element in that 1+1 is intended to be and do.

This ‘I AM’ in the equation is what we have the ability to define as the decision of ‘who we are’ or ‘who do we decide to be’ in every moment of our days.

An example, if I stand in a moment with a decision to remain in some kind of anger experience or infatuation towards something, in that moment I am allowing myself to be directed through my experience in the mind, affecting the way my physical body feels and consequently, in my beingness as the core of myself, I am seeing ‘no way out’, I am not pushing for solutions or seeing possible ways to work with those experiences and overcome it. That ‘I AM’ that I am creating is that of consciousness, of the mind, of energies, of self-sabotage, of self-destruction and in essence becoming the ‘I AM’ as the lesser version of ourselves, less than our potential.

But if in that same moment where I see myself in the experience of anger and instead I make a decision to no longer drown in the experience but help myself out, like for example: I decide to write about the experience, the inner conflict that led to the anger, understand the experience as my creation, recognize my responsibility to it so that I can then proceed to self forgive it, understand that experience of anger as a part of myself that I have to correct and deal with, to see it as my creation that is here, waiting for me to take a supportive action to correct it and so create a preventive measure and solution to it.

In that moment I as my beingness along with the physical body decide to take the path of integrity, of self-honesty, of self-responsibility, of challenging ourselves to change that experience within us through actively investigating it, finding out the ways in which one can practically live the solution in, through and as our physical bodies that – along with ourselves standing up as our beingness in that decision of do what’s best for all, what’s supportive, of growth and expansion – we live the words and expressions as actions that signify “I AM supporting myself, I AM standing up, I AM taking responsibility, I AM creating life in a supportive manner” here it’s not about just making nice declarations – no, it’s about living these words through actually making the changes that would lead us to truly stand up, to truly live as self-responsible individuals. This is what creates a clear difference between the choice of living in the mind, in the illusions or delusions – or deciding to live in the physical process of self-responsibility, of self-support.

In making a decision to assist ourselves – the beingness/being standing as and with the physical body – enables ourselves to then see the mind as the aspect of ourselves that now has to accept our core decision and so, who we are and what we live through the mind will be directed/guided by us making and living that decision to live life, create life, change ourselves for the better.

What is left then is no other option or function for our mind other than becoming the aspect or part of us that rationalizes the process, that can process it as a living decision and in doing so, the mind is no longer this ‘thing’ that represents and brings up the worst in ourselves, but instead we use it to direct ourselves, to write, to communicate, to interact, to assess, to plan – etc. if we are to create a solid foundation to our lives, we have to decide ‘who we are’ in this ‘I AM’: do we take the road of the mind, energies, consciousness or do we take the road of self-creation, of living, of self-responsibility, self awareness and self honesty?

The choice is always ours, the choice is always existent in every moment where every interaction, every experience becomes an opportunity to live in a better way, in a self-honest and honorable way. It’s about deciding to see and live life differently which is a genuinely empowering and supportive decision and a living process that has changed my life for the best, there’s no doubt about it.

So, how about becoming aware of this basic decision in every moment of our days: can I push to become the better version of me in this moment? What do I have to practically do to achieve this? What limitations do I have to transform into a supportive outcome, one that can truly change our nature that we have tolerated for the worse for so long?

We decide! And that’s empowering

Thanks for reading and if you’d like to watch the hangout, here’s the link:

Atlanteans – The First Encounter with Anu – Part 21

As Garb said: Do I want to be part of the problem or do I want to be part of the solution?

I stand with the latter 🙂

 

Thanks for reading and watching

Two or More in My Name

Learn how to live your potential:


457. Defining Cancer

*Or How to stop fighting and victimizing ourselves in relation to cancer

Cancer is a word that is feared by most of us, it represents physical illness and ultimately it represents death. We usually want to ‘free ourselves from cancer’ or ‘heal ourselves from it’ but we never understand how it is that we have created it ourselves in the first place, which is how the whole thing about ‘healing’ is usually misunderstood, because we can instead focus on Preventing something rather than having to manage consequences based on the physical law of ‘action and reactions’ where participating/creating something that is not self-supportive repeatedly, eventually creates an outflow, a result that we most likely define as an illness, an unfortunate situation that we actually then have to walk through to its completion.

Us humans like to believe that cancer is something that ‘hits us’ and we have no say in it, but based on the research that has been done at an interdimensional level, cancer is something that we are entirely responsible for even from past generations. How I see it is that everything that we accumulate that is of mind and therefore not of living creation, not of living words, not of living principles starts stacking up as information, data, energetic experiences that we go generating, accumulating in our very own body as ‘cancerous cells’ yet not directly deciding to take responsibility for that part of ourselves, that expression of ourselves in a supportive manner.

An example  is self-deception, where we lie to ourselves that we are ‘alright’ and ‘nothing is up’ and ‘we are fine’ – yet we have a plethora of things that are making us physically uncomfortable and we’re not opening them up, not deliberately looking at them to ‘process them’ which means to understand the experience we are creating, to see how we are participating in our day to day living, to see where and how we are focusing more of our time and space in our day to day in problems, in keeping other people or situations outside of ourselves in our heads and so not really focusing on our self-creation, which practically means deciding to take responsibility for our minds, for our experiences in a way that one can ensure we are not propagating a problem, an emotional experience or unresolved issue into our own bodies manifesting it as a form of ‘stuckness’ or ‘layering’ of sorts that eventually causes mind possessions – where one is spiraling from one problem into another with ‘no solutions’ apparently on sight – and eventually illnesses and so could as well over time form cancer.

But who is creating this to ourselves? We are, entirely.

Here a fascinating premise to consider is how we believe that our experiences, our ‘mind problems’ as emotions or feelings or any other aspect that we keep revolving in our heads are an ‘invisible’ therefore, doesn’t affect ourselves– when in fact, it surely does: our minds and bodies are actually one single unit where the body is affected by everything that we participate in our minds.

To me a very essential form of looking at cancer is every single moment where we are in our minds, creating an emotional experience, remaining ‘stuck’ in a problem which means suppressing it, using a ‘fear’ as a reason to not look into it, because we usually dislike realizing what we’ve done to ourselves and so make it really much bigger than what it actually is –  which is how we shoot ourselves in the leg so to speak, when in fact it could be very easy to walk through it through writing, speaking and writing self-forgiveness and deciding to deliberately let go of our problems – lol, why do we even have to ‘remind’ ourselves that we should let go of all that is dysfunctional in our lives? It really is a ‘no brainer’ but I am very aware of how we are using our mind and preprogramming as an excuse to not actually do the work it takes to really change. Instead we usually keep rehashing an experience within ourselves, a particular set of thoughts that I have been tolerating every day there, habits, patterns in me that I know are Not constructive, that are not a platform from which we can grow, develop or transcend the old to create the new. If I am aware of this all, then, who am I within every moment’s decision to keep ‘in the same problem’ ‘stuck’ with no solution? It’s me abdicating my own responsibility to what I create and feed as my experience in my mind.

 If we look at how we exist in our minds and how we ‘operate’ in our day to day living, it’s very clear why there’s this upsurge of cancer in the world and it most likely won’t ‘end’ until we realize how we are essentially poisoning ourselves with our minds’ experiences, disregarding the physical body, sucking the body dry to power up usually very destructive, self-sabotaging and damaging emotional and feeling patterns in which we have learned to ‘live’ with, which is actually a coping mechanism, not a living one.

It’s easy to see ‘health’ as something that we can create by good eating habits and exercising and keeping an eye on the various levels of nutriments in our bodies but, if we do this while forgetting where we stand within ourselves as in ‘who we are in our minds’ that also plays an essential role in defining health, then we are prone to eventually find out that we can be screwing up even the best eating or exercising habits and nutrients if we haven’t yet changed who we are in thought, word and deed.

How I relate cancer creation in my life is whenever I am ‘stuck’ in my head, thinking about stuff that I know is only creating an obstacle for me to move into self-creation. In a way it means being stuck in patterns of the past, stuck in a personality pattern for example as the ‘me’ that I used to be before that doesn’t see a way through, that doesn’t create solutions, that dislikes anything that is of actual potential and finds comfort in ‘sameness’ without pushing to actually expand or grow.

And lately based on the points I’ve been opening up in my mind and process is seeing how I practically create this ‘cancer’ as a form of ‘bitterness’ to all things that represent, signify or are the living representation of growth, development, enjoyment and all the general good stuff in life, where the usual way to ‘relate’ to it is to go into a form of bitterness about it which means I suppress my own ability to stand equal to those examples, potential, enjoyment, growth, essentially it’s shooting myself in the leg when it comes to self-creation because of perceiving it ‘too good to be true’ when in fact, this comes up in me because I am not focusing on living that as myself, creating such potential in my life.

 This is Not a nice one to identify, I can assure that, but it is then with identifying it that I am busy with changing these ‘small’ experiences in my day to day living and so practically standing up/changing myself every time I see this experience opening up in me again.

I can assure us all that we all know there are aspects we want and have to change in our lives, and the ultimate question is: why haven’t I done so yet? What am I waiting for? Why do I always only considering changing once that consequence knocks on my door? And this is what happens with cancer where we are aware of habits, patterns, attitudes, experiences that we get physically uncomfortable/in pain, physically tight and struggle with in our day to day – those are precisely the points to look at, for example, why do I refuse to let go of a fear?  why do I refuse to open up this ‘secret’ within myself? Why do I want to hold on to this really nasty experience within me? Because that’s what we are doing when not wanting to open up an experience, a thought, an emotional reaction that we physically know is creating a drag on us / or rather that we are imposing a drag on ourselves as our physical body – and that’s why a manifested consequence such as cancer can be a great reminder of all the bits and points that we ‘let go by’ without active and deliberate self-awareness to take responsibility for those points and change them.

What does it say about ourselves as humanity to see the upsurge of cancer numbers everywhere? It means there’s a hell of a lot of need for understanding the responsibility to our bodies, to our minds, to our everyday experiences, to how we define ‘health’ and incorporate mental sanity in that definition as well, because we give far too little attention to what is constantly ‘up there’ as all those thoughts and experiences churning in our minds, so: when are we going to decide to ‘take those points on’, to stand up in those moments and decide to take responsibility for it all?

That’s the least we can do, that’s the point of self-change if one realizes the need to stop cancer in this world. It starts with self, it’s not something to ‘battle’ or ‘fight against’ because We are creating it, each one of us, in various ways – and this is not to then victimize ourselves in saying ‘we are the cancer of the world’ and give up and walk away from our responsibility that is here within ourselves and in our without as ‘the world system’ and its outflows that are visible to us all in this world.

Here, I definitely make an emphasis in focusing on ourselves first, our very minds, our very bodies, our day to day decisions that we make where each moment represents a choice: do I decide to remain stuck and repeating the ‘same old me’ that I know is killing me slowly/not allowing me to live? Or do I decide to deliberately apply self-awareness in those moments that I already Know and have identified as ‘my weakness’, ‘my point’ to strengthen, to walk through, to find and source solutions for.

It is only US that stand as an obstacle to not do this, it is only us that can decide to keep a hold of the poisonous/self-destructive thoughts, emotions, feelings, reactions that keep us in a repetitive pattern of death, but not actually living. If we know them, if we have identified them, if we can ‘see them’ in our every moment, then what are we waiting for to do something about it?

If we really want to ‘prevent’ cancer or ‘eradicate cancer’ we have to start looking within ourselves first, instead of making it a thing that ‘the UN tries to give funds to for science to catch up to realizing ‘wow, it’s self created, it’s mind created, we can prevent it with  proper self-responsibility of one’s mind and so one’s living decisions!’

We’ll get there some day, but for now, best is to be aware of what is already available as an explanation and source of awareness about cancer and suppressions through Eqafe.com, It certainly changes one’s view on ‘cancer’ and so many other things that we tend to see as some ‘external creation’ with some ‘external causes’ where we don’t like seeing our very own hand and participation in its creation – yet, as with everything, realizing this, being willing to acknowledge this takes self-honesty and that’s the kind of principle to develop and nurture in our lives so that cancer and many other diseases and disasters we have created, can finally cease to exist. Realizing this is not a ‘drag’ or ‘sad’ or anything like that, it is actually empowering to know ‘we do it to ourselves’ because then we have also the actual ability to prevent it, ourselves.

World change starts within self, all-ways.

To learn more about Cancer creation, check out:

 

Thanks for reading and if you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:

 

 

 

Check out this awesome interview from today:

 

The Lost I of the Universe by Thought


451. Will You Deliberately Read This?

 

One aspect of our human nature that is as clear as water for me now is the propensity to blame and behind this is the evasion of self-responsibility. As I write this I ‘feel’ I have just wrote about this in my last blog, but there’s really a myriad of ways in which we constantly try and find all kinds of ‘disguises’ or ‘covert’ ways to not have to take Self-Responsibility. How? We victimize ourselves, we believe we are ‘just enslaved to the mind’, we say that ‘we don’t know ourselves’ or ‘don’t see what we are doing’ or we get ‘angry at others/the world’, we say we ‘can’t remember’ or ‘are ashamed to see what we’ve become’ or believe that we have been ‘programmed this way by some gods or creators’ while comfortably forgetting all about what ‘oneness and equality’ means even with ‘those’ that supposedly are to ‘blame’ for what we’ve become. All  of these excuses I can note down here because I’ve seen myself in all of those aspects throughout my life as well, only to now see with clarity that they are all comfortable lies we tell ourselves to not get to see and recognize the raw truth of ourselves, which is not nice and not pretty.

There’s a particular great interview that I found resonated with me quite a lot, because this is exactly the reason why I am part of Desteni, because I am interested in us ‘taking off the masks’ that we have become with ideas of us being less and inferior to ‘something’ or ‘someone’, which are just ways to deceive ourselves really, instead of fully standing our ground and being ok to embrace ourselves – the seemingly ugly and horrible of ourselves as well – walking this path to review our lives  – not only personally, but collectively – and so be able to stand up and say: Yes, this is ME, I embrace me, I acknowledge and recognize me as the liar, the cheater, the victim, the creator, the whole of it.  I realize I have the ability/capacity/power to change who I am, because I have created myself and what I have become, and so I decide to LIVE that change, moment by moment in a Deliberate manner.

See this is a key word here to work on as I’ve been seeing it and realizing it with clarity within myself, because walking this process is a deliberate decision. Why deliberate? It’s not something that will flow naturally out of you, most likely it will be the most awkward ‘unnatural’ and ‘out of place’ thing one has ever done, because we have just not wired ourselves to live by principles of self-responsibility. Therefore being Deliberate is an absolute matter of willful action to see, recognize/acknowledge and realize our responsibility to who we are and what we have created as ‘what is here’ – and so at the same time, in equal realization opening the door to start creating ourselves in a principled manner, because we created ourselves and we are creating this reality as is = this means we are the creators of it all, so the question is: who do we decide to be?

We have created ‘greater sources’ and ‘gods’ from the very first moment of our existence, not as humans, but even before that, and all of it for the sake of creating a blind-eye and eventually forgetting who we are, ‘removing’ our responsibility to it all to place ourselves in a position of inferiority, of powerlessness, of enslavement, precisely so that we then could ‘lash out’ and ‘blame’ some god or authorities, later known as ‘elites/politicians’ and ‘controllers of the world system’ as the reason why ‘all is wrong in this world.’ It’s so obvious that all that we’ve done with our lies/beliefs and experiences is nothing else but masking ourselves further from seeing directly, seeing here, what is here as our creation, our reality, our reflection – no ‘other’ but ourselves here.

And this doesn’t only relate to ‘the world’ out there, but inside of ourselves. As I was saying, there is this interview that explains to what extent we can hide ourselves from even being open to ourselves! We hide and we don’t even want to admit what we are seeing and experiencing in our own minds – which means no one else can! – and I can say yes, it’s really shameful and nasty and not ‘nice’ at all to open to oneself these aspects of our true-nature, of our true-human nature. Yet at the same time, this is exactly where we have to be at and go to if we want to Actually start taking significant steps in this process of self-realization/knowing ourselves and so having the keys to this change we sometimes see sooo difficult to create. The interview I’m talking about is The Consequence of Suppression – Quantum Systemization – Part 143 because, funnily enough, I hadn’t really connected the word ‘suppression’ to evasion or wanting to get away from something, but only as a ‘hiding’, but here now seeing how we hide when we don’t want to get to see ourselves face to face with what is really going on within ourselves, that we usually project onto others as some form of experience, again to avoid/evade seeing ourselves directly as the creators of that experience within. And so that’s why we tend to usually ‘lash out’ at others, or the world – whichever becomes our pick of the day: politicians, parents, gods, your partner, your children, ‘the system’, the money makers… the list goes on as far and wide as our desire to hide and blame and excuse ourselves goes.

It’s astounding the level of separation we have created where we virtually wage wars against anything and blame anything or anyone for our ‘enslavement’ or ‘controlling us’ not even realizing the kind of deliberate dementia we have become to precisely ‘forget’ all about who we are, what we’ve become and in doing so, we still keep ourselves busy trying to ‘find ways’ to apparently ‘be free’ from ‘the oppressors’ and ‘the laws in this system’, and ‘the money system’… we are truly only fooling ourselves! We have created it all, because we are in fact ‘one and equal’ – so who are we fooling when trying to ‘stand up to the system’ really? Are we standing up to ourselves then as the phantom enemies that we’ve created to perpetuate division and separation?  

Maybe some unfamiliar to this might say ‘Nooo! Can’t be! I’ve always been a Good person!’ well, that is just not so, who we are and have become is visible in every inch of this reality and in the kind of experiences and thoughts we hold within our minds, even more so when they are seemingly dedicated to ‘do good’ but hold a desire to trump others, to take revenge, to show and prove to others wrong, to ‘beat the rest’ and achieve one’s success over something or someone…. All of it again nicely masked and disguised for the sake of keeping oneself in a pedestal of glory and nobility. It just doesn’t exist as a genuine aspect of ourselves, the only way to make it real is by getting to first stand and embrace the deep bottom of what motivates us to be and do what one does.

Hence the point here on the word Deliberate. It’s a fully considerate, conscious and intentional doing that in the context of this process is accompanied with the integration of the living principles which can be resumed to doing/living/speaking/acting/thinking what is best for all – not about wanting to be good or avoiding being bad – or who knows just wanting to ‘be bad’ either – but about creating a starting point to everything that we do in a way that we KNOW is best for oneself and so best for others.

We can only fool ourselves to think we don’t know this if we actually don’t want to let go of an aspect of our egos/personalities and multiple characters that benefit who we are as our minds. It’s very easy to debunk or find out ‘what is it that isn’t allowing me to see? What is it that I am resisting to let go?’ simply asking ourselves what do I don’t want to see of myself that I actually don’t want to realize as my creation, that I don’t want to take responsibility and do the work to change real time for, that I am actually ashamed of, lazy to change, want to take the ‘shortcut’ to do, want to do the least effort to bring through a supportive change… what do I want to hold on to as a comfort zone in myself, in my mind experiences and in my life? And just by asking these questions, things will pop up in our minds that we have to then Deliberately – as in fully considering, consciously and intentionally – open them up to for once and for all get to see how we essentially have been throwing tantrums all along, deliberately using the shield of ‘fears’ to not actually do the deliberate self-investigation, self-introspection that comes in the way of writing or even having supportive engagements with other individuals to get to know ourselves in an actual deep and open way, based on being willing to acknowledge that first and essential, primordial nature of who we are which is that of what has been of negative nature, of destructive consequences in our bodies, in our lives, in this world.

We all know what those are, because we can see the results and even kids can tell us what makes sense to do and what not to do… so why do we fool ourselves, be-living-a-lie believing that we don’t know any better, that we are too fearful, too scared, too weak to do anything about it.

There is a phrase that has come through in this process with Desteni throughout the years and I frankly only ear-marked it for some time, not really knowing what it meant. But more so than before I consider I am giving it a definition here that is supportive for myself. That saying of ‘walking through the eye of the needle’ and how I see that it precisely involves this Deliberate – consciously, considerate and intentional – doing of living decisions that are supportive, doing the necessary work/actions as changes that we need to start, continue and improve in walking this process of self-change every single day, every moment we are alive, because there’s always, always room for improvement. This IS where we decide: do I fool myself pretending I don’t know, that I need to blame others, that I cannot forgive something/someone (which is OURSELVES anyways), that we are too weak or powerless to change, that we don’t know how, that we are too overwhelmed in our minds… It takes a deliberate decision (see the following audio for more understanding on ‘Living a Decision’: Living the Word Decision – Reptilians – Part 311) to create change in one single moment. And this is what I’d like to see as ‘the eye of the needle’ here where it seemingly is the most difficult thing to do, yet it is that opening there which is just about the right size of a constant breath, a constant standing up, a constant facing of potential challenges that will enable us to continually define where are we standing on? Who do we decide to be: of life as self-creation, self-responsibility and deliberately doing what is best for all/best for self – or of the worst of ourselves as our minds, our patterns of all kinds of excuses, justifications and victimizations with which we have managed to avoid seeing back at us as the origin and source –which means the creators – of this all: We are IT.

Now this is all theory, it’s me really ranting about things that I have been realizing and seeing more direct than ever with the assistance and support of the material at Eqafe.com and having many points ‘click’ within me to see how supportive it has been in my case throughout my process to decide Not to deceive myself, not to fool myself and when I have done so, man, do I walk the consequences for sure and only I know where I have not stood, where I have stood and what is yet to be created as myself, my potential. And this is exactly where we have to let go of when fearing to be in this seemingly ‘uncomfortable spot’ because we have yet to create ourselves, yet at the same time it’s kind of silly because here we have on a golden platter the actual keys to freedom and liberation, yet we time and time again keep ‘choosing’ to ‘diss-the-track’ as in distracting ourselves and going back to what we’ve always been before, or seeking ‘more information’ … our minds, our patterns, our usual ways to keep seeing ourselves as little kids that are in ‘perpetual seeking’ yet not daring to turn one’s face back at oneself, apparently having no say in this world.

Come on, we need to ‘human-up’ here and start transcending our adolescence really, where we like to play adults and gods and ‘grown ups’ for certain things that usually have led us to our ruin, and play ‘the kids’ that don’t know any better for everything else that entails a real doing, a real acknowledgement of self-responsibility and so a genuine dedication of self-change, of real discipline to deliberate walk through all of those seemingly ‘difficult’ points, that are only seemingly ‘difficult’ because we don’t go feeding our usual ways in the mind, and we actually go through a withdrawal process, a withdrawal symptom because of how addicted we have become to, yes, self-destruction, inferiority, victimization, keeping a blind-eye to self-responsibility even if disguised in a ‘standing up’ manner when it comes to doing so ‘against’ something or someone…. Yes, we only can fool ourselves to continue making it as tough and as difficult as we decide it to be: no one decides that but ourselves.

An example is how we like to think that there is this government that is ‘spying’ on us and everyone is fearing the NSA and GHCQ and we have people like Snowden saying ‘oh oh fear fear! You are being spied, all of you, everywhere!!’ lol, really, we are only fooling ourselves from what we already by now should know: nothing that we do ever ‘goes up in smoke’, nothing. Not a single thought, not a single move, not a single ‘not-doing’ goes unaccounted for. And this is not any mystical mystery here, this is about laws of physics and the fact that we live in a physical reality that layers/keeps track of or ‘records’ every single one of our movements based on the sheer fact of us existing in this physical reality. And all of that is what we will eventually entirely have to review from beginning to end as our walk of self-responsibility for who we are and have become, either doing it here ‘in this world’ or in the afterlife as our Life Review of which you can hear hundreds of them by clicking on the link there.

So, we really can’t hide from ourselves and that’s what I got from the interview I mentioned above The Consequence of Suppression – Quantum Systemization – Part 143 because I really resonated with how things are explained there, because I see how I personally enjoy and like these rather ‘in your face’ wake up calls, that’s what  has been the most supportive for me in my process thus far – being very direct, stark, in your face, going directly to what one would fear looking at and acknowledging just because of fear, using ‘fear’ as an excuse really, as our own convenient ‘smoke’ to not see straight to the point and acknowledge: fuck, what am I really not wanting to do for myself to change? What am I being lazy about to change this? Where am I not placing my focus and attention to correct this which I know is having a negative impact on myself and so others around me? Why and How am I running away from myself? Because to me what has been of ultimate support is seeing how people in the afterlife walk through their entire life, revising every detail of it and getting to the core of the points to change, testing them in ‘real time’ as they go doing this, to acknowledge precisely their ability to stand, to change, to take self-responsibility, because hell, if we are to acknowledge –finally – our creation of this all, can we continue being (b)lame creators? Nope, we’ve been there, are there and have done that… doesn’t work.

We like hearing things like ‘becoming life’ and associate it with this nice fluffy thing, it is really not at all to be made into this spiritual joke, this is a serious process, the most challenging thing in our lives – not difficult though, because it’s really about Living Decisions, it involves our change in our consciousness, in our awareness, in our actions and inactions. It is not, thus, ‘difficult’ but challenging, and this is a never ending challenge where we decide who we want to be in every moment, every single day.

I don’t focus myself on this notion of ‘becoming life’ or ‘finishing process’ or whatever else… that creates yet a ‘something out there in the future to obtain’ which is how we’ve created the heavens, the gods and the rest of fluffy fallacies. This is about a Deliberate – conscious, intentional and considerate – moment by moment decision in thought, word and deed of how we are ‘spending’ our time here on Earth, what we give our focus and attention on, what we decide to live, what we decide to do and not do.

But please, if there’s a last thing I ask to myself and everyone else as a human being here as myself, is that we need to truly grow up now, to stop fooling ourselves, deceiving ourselves, to realize that we are the ones that give ‘power’ to our memories, that we create our fears, that we create our fuckups – no one else, no ‘god’ or ‘preprogramming’ or ‘challenging minds’ or ‘difficult past lives’ – no-thing of that is real, but covert ways to complicate our ability to see direct into what needs to be done. It is a deliberate – conscious, considerate and intentional – action to let go of our limitations as well, in every moment, and so focus on physicality, the doing, the direction, the ‘reminding’ ourselves of principles, of our responsibility – to not victimize ourselves, to not blame, to not see ourselves as ‘disempowered’ – but to acknowledge ‘we are it’ in every moment, we make it or break it. Up to us, no one else –  a very individual process yet a very collective one and the same one for us all.

There are tons – literally – of interviews of support for virtually just about any main aspect that you will face of your mind in this process at Eqafe.com and in all platforms listed below this blog. No one else can do this for you, you have to do the work, you have to deliberately decide to walk through ‘the eye of the needle.’

 Let’s do it.

 

 Artwork008

 

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443. Worry: Problems in the World Back To Self

 

A few days ago I had to take some pictures, the kind that one takes for passports and such. Throughout my life I’ve kept them all throughout the various phases in my life and it’s interesting to see the evolution of myself throughout the years not only due to the hairstyles, weight variations or ‘time of my life’ I was at, but more so seeing this constant expression that I had become aware within myself as part of my general rictus, which is what I would define as a worried face. I have a picture of myself as a four year old and what I see in my expression is worry. And surely, I have worried a lot throughout my life. Mostly when it comes to the global deterioration, us using/abusing the resources from the earth, depleting life to create our nonsensical ‘dreams’ that we call ‘living’ which I have also walked in a previous blog about ‘worry’ here:  Day 49: I Consume Myself – I Worry

Ever since I was a little child I’ve been ‘worrying’ about the water I use, how much I ‘spend’ of living resources including food, animals, vital elements for us to live and how we essentially use them up or pollute them to make our lives function, contributing to the wasteland that we are turning this world into. There was a time some 5 years ago maybe where I went through a phase of getting fed up of having to eat, getting fed up of having to go to toilet, and seeing myself as nothing else but this self-consuming parasitical entity that along with every other human being is equally depleting the life on Earth. I realized however through writing it out and making sense of it that I was in fact just becoming worried and living in self-pity as a very selfish emotional experience as well, because my ‘thoughts’ or ‘emotions’ didn’t change at all the fact that in order to live we have to keep consuming what is here, it is a consequential outflow as well of how currently life exists and me becoming on top of that ‘worried’ or ‘sad’ was actually placing more strain and stress on my very own physical body, the one that I was aiming at nurturing and supporting. I realized that I’ll have to continue doing it, over and over again until I die, and continuing in this ‘self-pity’ for having to live this way or hoping or wanting to die is not the solution either (hear my podcast on Efilism for more). So, I decided to instead make of my life something of support to life in this world, beginning with myself.

Being aware of the ‘greater picture’ in many ways, not only in what I would call ‘Earthly’ information as we see our politics, money systems, educational bogus systems, poisoned foods and airs… but also being aware of the greater purpose or meaning if you will of this life on Earth as it currently is, is both a way to make sense of my life but also can be at times a bit discouraging, considering that I am one of those people as I’ve explained  many, many times before that would rather prefer to die in order to let the Earth breathe again than hold on to my life and continue depleting it. I sincerely don’t recommend dwelling too much on that, because even if we all die on Earth, the ‘who we are’ and have become would at some point emerge again, maybe in some other living forms that would reflect again the same current ‘human nature’ and so, the ‘human problem’ would not be erased, because this goes beyond it being a ‘human’ problem only. Us humans are more like the climatic consequence of an existential process that goes beyond only looking at the ‘history’ we know of Earth and the rest of it. Though, because it would take a long time and many details to explain the ins and outs of why we are such ‘existential consequence,’ I rather stick to taking it back to myself and seeing directly how upon having this awareness of what ‘life’ on Earth is at the moment and the current problems we are dealing with, there is really no point in me continuing to worry about it.

Here as I write I notice that I’ve become worried about certain news I became aware of today. An example is how a business that opened across the street from where I live that I was quite committed to be a loyal costumer of to get my fruits and vegetables, is considering closing because there is not enough profit. I noticed I got sad because I had created an expectation of them doing well, I wanted to be part of the costumers that could make it thrive so that this family could have a good settled profit and business going… but it’s not happening. They are indebted and they cannot invest more money into it if the return is too low because of low sales, therefore there’s food that goes bad, the rent is too high and they had this loan already to pay back which means they are making no profit.

I started discussing this point and looking at the current set-up in the system where ‘new businesses’ are often the most difficult to get running and going, unless one has sufficient money to invest on it. Then I looked at the banking system where digits can be placed onto someone’s account and get some juicy profit back in the form of interests over the actual worked-for money back. There’s also the costumers that might prefer to get stuff a bit cheaper somewhere else, even though this shop has a great service, yet costumers might rather look first at saving some money instead of considering as I did in the sense of rationalizing that other settled business might not need ‘me’ as a customer any longer, I rather spend maybe a bit more to support this new business, this family and also choosing it because I like their service a lot. So, I looked at the absurdity of not having support for this kind of business as part of our economic system, because they are distributing essentials to live: food! Yet, for a variety of reasons that go beyond the ones explained as well, it’s just not taking off or there are no more means (money) to keep the trial phase.

Maybe someone might say ‘bah! It’s not your business, why do you worry about it?’ well surely it’s not ‘my business’ but I did like the fact that I could also benefit from it and at the same time throughout the months from the time It opened, I did create this constant if you will ‘desire’ to have these businesses thrive, supporting a new enterprise and family running it. I did expect it to work and well, we know what happens when expectations are created: one is prone to be ‘let down’ if they are not met, even though there is of course this risk that comes with any business too and people are also meant to be ‘ok’ or ‘ready’ for the potential outcome of having to foreclose.

This is another reason why it is important to accept things as they are and how they go taking place moment by moment. In my ‘ideal’ world everyone that has such supportive intent in a business – like distributing basics to live – would be unconditionally supported to get sufficient customers/business running for at least 6-12 months until it can be ‘running on its own.’ And also get sufficient support to do proper marketing as part of that initial aid/support to ensure that if the business fails, it is not based on doing all that the business people could to make it work, but for other reasons that pertain more to the products or the customer base, the demand for products and so forth. Anyways, won’t get too ‘technical’ here but in any case I don’t like just seeing a ‘closing story’ go like that, I want to know the reasons and see the potentials and the determination that the people have to make it work, which in this case I might also suspect they simply prefer to go back to doing other professions they were doing before, which is understandable in any case if that’s also part of the reason for closure.  So, that is one example that ‘got me worried’ today, though as I am writing of course I’m realizing that my worry does nothing really, it won’t sort out a single thing, at all. All I can do is rather understand why these things happen, suggest any solutions if I see them and then the rest that becomes too ‘unresolvable’ like debts and all of that, I then place as part of that ‘consequential process’ that we are all ‘coping with’ in this world, which we usually victimize ourselves in relation to which is usually money of course.

I’ve seen how there is this ‘hidden blame’ form whenever these things happen where once one traces the point back to ‘money’ as the apparent source of the problem, it is almost implied that one becomes worried, sad or even angry at things not working out ‘because of MONEY’ as well, yet as I was discussing this point the other day with my partner, it is quite futile to just point fingers at this ‘creation’ called money as the source of all of the problems, because of course money is not a ‘being’ in itself, it’s our creation and we are the ones that have decided – tacitly or blindly – how it works and by who and how it is created and who gets access to it and under which circumstances. To change that, as I’ve explained, it will take all of us one by one waking up to understand who we would have to be/become as individuals in order to then manifest the new nature of money as a life-enabler, not what it currently is as a life-enslaver so to speak. Yet this relationship of enslavement is not only existent as ‘money’ itself, not at all. It is but the main representation of how the relationship that we’re existing as within our own minds, toward our own body and so toward ‘everything else’ that has existed throughout our entire existence as human beings and may I say even beyond that as well.

Today I was also discussing how important and supportive it has been for me as this personality that would constantly worry about having to flush the toilet or take a shower because ‘ah there goes more of my waste into the world!’ and living in this constant apprehension mode,  to understand the ‘greater picture’ of why Earth is what it is right now, why we are here, how is it that we’ve all agreed and contracted ourselves to be here, experiencing this life and this world as what it is right now, and how it is actually a necessary thing as well to go through, undoubtedly so. 

Here even if one is not aware of the entire detail of why this is so or where I got this conclusion, due to the amount of time it would take to read/hear the whole history of this existence from the various sources that are available through the Desteni material and Eqafe, I can only say that if you are a person like me that has constantly worried about us having to live in this world, and constantly looking at the ‘greater picture’ more than one’s own life and experience here, and you have the time/resources and availability to learn about the history of mankind, the actual reasons for why we are here and the potential we all have in our lives, then please take a dive into the Eqafe material because it will assist you greatly in having a certainty as to ‘who we are/what we are doing here’ and at the same time, get the assistance and support to see what can one live/be/become to be part of the solution, instead of getting stuck within only seeing ‘the problems’ all the time or not having a clue about reality and still hoping that something will ‘magically erase all the problems’ which I’ve realized first hands tends to become a very gloomy view of everything without any solution, and would actually defeat the whole purpose of us realizing ourselves as co-creators of this reality and so, do our part in sorting it out.

This might sound a bit to generalized or cryptic due to not explaining the exact ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of the story, but suffice to say that there are processes that we have to understand as creators of our reality here. We cannot be trusted with life unless we prove to ourselves in our life that we can stand as the living principles, the living intent and purpose of making our own lives work in accordance to that which would enable life to grow, expand and thrive. Currently, we are not that yet, we are in the process of starting this change at an internal level to precisely realize or ‘see with real eyes’ how much we have enslaved ourselves within our own minds and bodies to the extent where we limit ourselves, we hold ourselves back from standing as real creators of the life we want for ourselves because there are fears, there are judgments, there are mental patterns that we’ve become entirely so to the extent that we become blinded by them and not seeing the  clarity of solutions, but only rehash the problem over and over again. So essentially – without the intent to judge myself and any other fellow human beings here but as a sheer realization – we have become our own trap and our own enslavement, starting with how we accept and allow ourselves to ‘operate’ and function in our own minds.

An example of this ‘acceptance and allowance’ is related to self-sabotage. I’ve been reflecting over this weekend about self-sabotage because it is a bit astounding to what extent we hold on to our failures, past destructive experiences and stories, creating this form of personal stigma that we keep carrying within ourselves as this bag of ‘dirty laundry’ that we don’t actually take to wash, lol. Meaning, there is almost this inherent nature in ourselves of self-defeatism, self-pity, self-destruction, self-sabotage to not see, lay out and focus on understanding our responsibility and so see the solutions that come with it, but instead we continue running around the same problems, memories, traumas, past experiences that we keep on ‘reloading’ in our mind, in our day to day awareness as almost a self-punishing reminder of why we are these ‘terrible’ creatures that deserve no forgiveness in life. I once was there, maybe not in the extent that other people with very difficult situations in life right now could be experiencing it, but to the point it is the same to consider that each one of us does have the ability to at least in our minds be willing to forgive ourselves, for everything that we’ve done and become. If this is not entirely understood as this actual realization of ‘what I have done and become’ and willing to let it unconditionally ‘go’ from our minds, then we are essentially condemning ourselves to live our own ‘sentencing’ as the judgments, the emotions, the memories that we’ve held on to as ‘the person we are’ and perceive ourselves to be unable to change ourselves.

Even if one may understand or see that “one has to be the change that we want to see in the world”, at a personal level we may still be holding on to this point of self-sabotage and dare I say captivity in how we treat or perceive ourselves in our own minds in a self-bullying mode, then how can we expect ourselves to move on, outgrow the old and expand in any real way?

 

And this is also why whenever we see or focus too much only on the ‘systemic’ problems out there, even if we take the point back to ourselves yet in doing so we perceive ourselves as powerless or unable to change or simply ‘too fucked up to do anything about it’ = it becomes the first deterrent in any process of real evolution and change in this world. And here the fact that I can become sad or worried about others doing this in their own lives, or others not having a successful living in their business becomes also a comfort zone for myself to only create an experience about it, yet it sorts nothing out either. I noticed how it’s also become too ‘comfortable’ to justify it as ‘I have a point in becoming sad about it!’ but: has sadness or worry in any ways assisted me to become a better living human being that is resourceful in solutions and also seeing immediately ways to act to sort things out or at least suggest them whenever possible? Nope, it hasn’t.

Today I actually did discuss options with the business people for example, yet at the same time realizing that it will also ultimately be their decision and what they are willing to go through of course, I still became a bit ‘down’ within myself after this discussion and surely discussed it with my partner as well once again to take myself back to this ‘greater picture’ understanding and it assists in not getting carried away with a sense of defeat. I’ve also realized that this worry has piled up from other situations I’ve become aware of lately where I see that any form of business that is geared as the kind of business/service that in fact supports the betterment of any form of living in this world gets little to no support or has to go bankrupt, because our priorities haven’t changed when it comes to what we prefer to buy and consume. Instead of say paying for a course that will assist you to become a very self-empowered individual that can become the gearing wheels to make anything in our lives work for the better – and not for a moment but for an entire lifetime – we decide to buy things that instead give us a momentary pleasurable experience that then might be blown up in smoke so to speak.

The same can be reflected with a business that focuses on ‘selling vegetables and fruits’ because if there’s more of a demand for junk food for example, then that also reflects a lot ‘where we put our money into’ and so the kind of businesses we push others to also consider as a way to thrive = and this is how we limit each other in very few options for ways to ‘ make a living’ where it is truly hard for anyone to make an ‘honest’ living with ‘honest’ activities altogether, which I dare say don’t or can’t really exist as such in a world where the very existence of money as is, is definitely not from a self-honest starting point of assisting life for example. And yet again, this is another consequence of who we are toward one another/ourselves that we’ve allowed something like money to exist the way it does now.

The same emerged upon seeing one picture of a collapsed and exhausted horse on the streets of NYC, once again realizing how much we are enslaving other beings that were once pure in their entire expression, and us humans have dominated them throughout time to turn them into the source of one’s income in an exploitative way, because: If we haven’t even focused on entitling each other human being with a dignified living income to have a decent amount of money to live well and at the same time, learn how can one best contribute back to society, then how can we not expect that the most abusive forms of ‘making a living’ emerge as a form to survive where people have to make use of animals for zoos, for hunting, for ‘romantic rides’ like in freaking NYC where this horse collapsed on the pavement as another consequential outflow of this monetary enslavement we’ve imposed toward each other – again, we have ALL – no one excused – contributed to the nature of what money is and the ‘laws’ behind its creation, which represents the exact nature and reflection of our own self-imprisonment, self-sabotage, self-punishment and ultimately self-enslavement as I explained above in terms of how we hold ourselves back from truly breaking-through to be the actual authors and directors of our lives.

So, how can we expect for example, this magical form of ‘democracy’ that currently exists to sort out things as in choosing x for z if we don’t even truly know what it means to gear one’s own power/capacity and ability as a person to be the living embodiment of what is best for oneself and so everyone else in this world? How can we even believe that such a choosing game contest that our current political circus represents, could deliver in any ways the ‘expected results’ if we live in an absolute abdication of self-responsibility and self-direction, or even a bit worse, we have no idea of what ‘that is’ or how to live it in fact?

This then goes back to oneself. It is truly a process that each one of us can take on in our most ‘simple’ day to day activities, it begins with taking on a particular experience in one’s day. Here I place my example, taking on ‘worry’ as an experience that has become almost this ingrained expression in my rictus ever since being a child, so the ‘why’ of this relates to probably other aspects that are not really needed to be ‘understood’ by myself in terms of knowing all the exact reasons and multiple dimensions to this experience – all I require to realize is that: I see it on my face, I experience it within me, I’ve been aware of it for most of my life.

So here for once and for all I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘by default’ or in a tacit manner blame money or ‘the way the system works’ that apparently prevents things from working out, instead of realizing that money works according to how we create it/make it work and function and as such any form of ‘blame’ is actually a lame way to keep oneself trapped in the problem, because it leads to no solutions, blame is like pointing the finger at a mirror that reflects ‘my error’ in any case. Therefore I realize that I have to stop these ‘hidden forms of blame’ towards money as the reason for things not working out in my life and rather realize that it is within each one of us/myself, to make money work properly in a way that is assisting for life/living, for myself and for everyone else in this world.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the expression of worry, concern, sadness when it comes to seeing the nature of ourselves as human beings, of this world, of the nature of how ‘things work and go’ wherein I now see, realize and understand that my worry, my concern, my sadness or ‘pain’ around it does absolutely Nothing to create a solution in this world; in any case it worsens it, why? Because I become the source of my inner War as worry and concern, which are emotions, energetic experiences that deplete my own physical body, that create a ‘fog’ to not see practical solutions and creates a strain on what is here as a point of life and support for myself: my physical body, my living substance.

I commit myself to use my mind in a way that is supportive, that can always bring the point back to (my)self where I see that continuing worrying and being concerned throughout seeing things not working out in people’s lives and things in the system in general creates zero solutions in this world. Instead I focus on me, on stopping the creation/recreation of worry within myself, in my body, in the nature of this ‘saddened’ expression’ in my face where I notice it becomes a general ‘low’ in my body, voice, experience and way of ‘handling myself’ in my body, tampering my expression.

Therefore I have to ensure that as I make this active decision to stop the worry from existing within myself, I have to breathe, to actively feel my physical body to the point where I can see I am not in ‘a low’ or ‘too tense’ or lost in some mind dimension. I straighten my back, I make sure I am no longer forcing my forehead to the expression of worry but instead extend my muscles to a point of comfortable relaxation – and at the same time focus on seeing solutions, whenever these exist at my own reach, and if not I focus on working out the points for myself/by myself and sharing them as I am sharing here.

Sometimes I’ve gone through this ‘circular processes’ of seeing the ‘bigger’ and the ‘smaller’ within myself yet believing that ‘bah this is too complex to lay out and share’ but, it is not, writing assists a lot in grounding oneself to see ‘the light at the end of the tunnel’ specially when one becomes this tunnel-vision mode and at the same time who knows, maybe assist others to see the same or confirm the same points they’ve been aware of as well.

 

One thing is certain too and this is that there won’t be easy fixes in this world, because I’ve realized that based on the lives ‘process’ that we are all facing in this world, we are here not to be punished or just realize how enslaved we are, but we are definitely here facing and living through the manifested consequences of who we are and have become in our very own existence to THEN learn and understand how to best stand as the solution and create solutions. Therefore, it is mostly about learning, understanding ‘our creative abilities’ which means: any ‘quick fix’ to only get money and get things ‘moving fast’ toward a solution without entire awareness of HOW we came to create the mess in the first place, would almost condemn us to repeat the same mistakes, because it would prevent us from understanding the self-creation process, which means realizing how we came to ‘this point’ where we are now and so what is it within ourselves that we have to learn to do, to correct, to align in order to become an actual living being that becomes part of that which enables life and proper living. Any ‘fast tracking’ on this could be consequential at the same time, but hey again, I’m willing to be proved wrong on how certain solutions can be implemented ‘on the outside’ and invariably see this immediate understanding or alignment of individuals in their minds, their behavior to adopt living principles and never again go back to ‘the old ways.’

Therefore because of the uncanny possibility the latter represents, even if I have been there myself as the people that would want solutions ‘now, now, fast, fast!’ to relieve all the pain and the suffering in this world and to those that are in extremely dire conditions,  I see that it does require active humbleness to embrace or accept the current nature of things as our manifested creation, which doesn’t meant to be ‘complacent’ or ‘do nothing at all’ about it, nope; it means not to fight it, not to become disempowered or saddened about it, but to understand it as, yes, an outcome and result of having kept ourselves limited and fearful, instead of actually developing living skills and creative abilities, actual self-supportive creative abilities to live in supportive relationships toward ourselves and our environments and so create societies that can become a structure of support for ‘our new human kindness.’

Now this ‘embracing’ or ‘acceptance’ doesn’t mean ‘look at it positively’ or ‘it’s all going to be just fine in the end’ type of ideas either, nope, not about wishful thinking. It means recognizing it as our own extension, reflection, as our own mirror (my-error) and our own creation and in doing so, in the recognition of this ‘whole mess’ as ours own, it actually empowers us, because it means no one else did it ‘onto us’ = we are the creators of it all, therefore we are also the keys, the points of change in this reality.

 

This would be for example the actual notion of what democracy would mean from my perspective as the ‘power of the people’, where each one of us recognizes that self-responsible ability/capacity to direct, to create, to assist in planning and constructing ways and means to conduct our lives the best possible way, individually and collectively. This approach doesn’t require the current political system as it exists, because if everyone is committing to do what is best for all, then there is no need for having person x or z to ‘represent you’ in doing something one can do for oneself… would we need ‘political factions’ with conflictive interests? Would we have the nature of ‘banks’ as they are right now? Would we have the need for the current existence of governments to ‘regulate our lives’ if we truly knew how to live in a respectful and honorable manner towards ourselves, one-another, our fellow earthlings and the earth’s resources? If we were truly aware of how interdependent we all are in this world, would there be a need to create ‘special interests’ for example? And the list goes on of potential changes that can emerge if we focus on essentially becoming self-responsible individuals that are geared to understand the problems, recognize the responsibility one holds to it and immediately direct oneself to see the solutions – within and without of oneself – in this, wouldn’t it be much easier to get to agreements, decisions processes and coexisting in a mutually beneficial system if everyone was living as the actual statement of honoring our life within and without? I bet it would, absolutely it would.

So, I also commit to stop getting worried/saddened or even a bit back into the ‘old depressed self’ as I used to be when it comes to seeing this ongoing self-destruction in the world, and understand that I rather use my living breath, my awareness, my focus, my living-body to learn what it means to live, as myself, and not having this constant ‘idea’ only in my head of ‘how bad this world is doing,’ I commit myself to not participate in such emotions but rather live as the potential of creativity and personal empowerment that exists within me to focus my life and attention to that which is supportive.

I share/propagate this awareness unconditionally for anyone that may or might face a similar ‘abyssal’ experience as the one I tend to get every now and then with this ‘world view’, yet! I can also say that throughout the years these ‘episodes’ last less and less time, because the more I stand as that decision of not contributing to the ‘wallowing’ experience but instead understanding why it emerges and so with awareness deciding to stop my participation in it,  definitely becomes easier to walk through it because it then doesn’t depend on ‘the world changing’ or ‘the system changing’ out there or me voting for x or z solution or waiting for some alternative option to emerge, but instead the focus starts with and goes back to myself: who I decide to be and how I decide to live here in my life, in my body, in what I do and what I decide to focus on.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Lost in the Holy See

 

Suggested interviews:

World War YOU – Reptilians – Part 304

Self Victimization – 2013 – The Future of Consciousness – Part 34

The Consciousness of the Dog – Part 2:What is the general experience within people of being alive and how does it influence your experience and perceptions of life?

 

Learn HOW to start doing this yourself :


426. Giving up vs. Letting Go

  

There was an interesting interview I listened about being able to let go of someone that is not willing to support themselves. Throughout my past, I have had a pattern of wanting to save people which then throughout this process became a necessity to want to show others their potential, to focus on the ‘good points’ they have and so how they could be used as a foundation for them to stand up for themselves. I can see myself in every person that considers they are not good enough to do something, because that was my life before. 

However, I have also realized there must be a line drawn when one stands as another cane to stand up at all times, or when someone does not even have the clear intention to stand up. then it becomes draining, then it becomes like having to take care of a chronically depressed person that has no decision to support themselves to transcend their self created experience, it becomes a way to accept abuse in one’s life as well;  It in fact becomes detrimental to another if one persists in supporting another while it is clear that after all suggestions made, all ideas for solutions, sharing of one’s own experience and many other resources for self-support and no clear indication of self-support is given, it becomes a futile process, a waste of time and just supporting another’s self-irresponsibility by treating another as if they had no way to actually assist themselves, which is a lie when we are talking about something that is entirely self-created like a constant depression or any other mind-related experience. 

I have a tendency to want others to acknowledge their self value by pointing out what I see is supportive/valuable about themselves, which is then a process of uplifting another through opinions, through my perception which in the end will enslave another to ‘my support’ because they won’t pick themselves up if I am not there. I’ve defined this as the ‘nurse’ construct, taking care of those that have derailed themselves in their lives, even at some point surrounding myself of friends that would all present similar characteristics and it is by no coincidence, in away I would find my own acceptance through being useful/valuable to others by supporting them or rather, fully standing there as their ‘cane’ which becomes an enslaving position for both sides. 

I have criticized this stance in others, yet I hadn’t wanted to admit I have done and still do the same, and if we did this about every other person in the world, we would only add more problems into our life other than assisting those that are already willing and clearly showing their intent to assist themselves.  Many times we want to save a particular relationship with the person, which means there is a point of self interest in doing so, because we like them, because they are ‘meaningful’ or ‘special’ to us in some way, but this has to be questioned, and in self honesty one cannot take such a stance toward another as it only recreates personalities, patterns of seeing others as ‘not able to do it themselves.’ Sure I agree that many of us have required such push and support for some time, but there is also a definitive difference when a person is clearly showing their intent standing by principle of assisting and supporting themselves and ‘falling’ in the process, then one can ensure one is there to momentarily step in and assist that individual – yet when it becomes the foundation for an entire relationship, and there is no clear indication of self support, I have realized that the best point of support one can provide is to let go. 

The point I have been looking at is when does one give up on someone and when is it a letting go?  I am seeing that giving up is what I have definitely experienced with regards to dealing with others and when I am the one that goes into a reaction about another’s situation/experience, when I am the one that is considering another as ‘the problem’ which is a clear indication that there was no actual self.responsibility acknowledged in this from my own side: taking responsibility for my reactions of impatience or anger or frustration or any other emotion that would ensue after I judge another’s life/process and so decide to ‘give up’ on it.  So in walking through this giving up on someone and so ensuring that I am not the one reacting to another’s words/attitudes , one can then start seeing the reality of the situation for what it is: no longer filtered by my own ‘struggle’ toward another’s experience/life, not clouded by a filter of likeness or preference or even empathic mirroring wherein I see the other as myself and so assist ‘me’ through them, no longer holding on to a past that was shared or some ‘good times’ spent with the same person – these were all filters and obstacles to see directly, to see where the person stands within their life on a day to day basis, how they react to support/assistance/suggestions for solutions and what they do with it. 

  In this, one is no longer affected by the person using or not using the support given, one gives it unconditionally, however it does get to a point wherein if there is no indication of standing up at all, it becomes a parasitical relationship, where one becomes the constantly needed ‘cane’ for another to stand up, to get some motivation or to get glimpses of ‘what could be’ if they start doing this for themselves, if they instead become their own self support after a significant amount of time that they have seen how supportive it has been to get this momentarily from another. However if one only sees the opposite happening, meaning the person becoming more and more dependent on it, or constantly requiring that support to stand up, then we have created an addict that will need one to ‘stand up’ and one cannot be the drug, one cannot be the doctor or nurse, there is a line to be drawn in order to also assist another to see how they have been shared/given all that was possible throughout a particular timeframe, how doing more would only make another dependent on one’s support and so never really give another the opportunity to stand up for themselves. 

This is how in an attempt to ‘assist’ another, one can become the constant perceived necessary cane to walk, when the bruise or injury is already healed and they are ready to walk again, we support the insecurity or muscle atrophy if we make another believe that they ‘still need us.’ This actually causes further harm than good. So letting go is about realizing that one has done everything that was possible/feasible to assist another, which is just that, showing the way, living by principle, being the example oneself – instead of dragging someone ‘toward change’ which becomes a draining experience for both sides. 

In this I have realized I also have to let go of the ideas, expectations formed about ‘what their potential could be like’ because it becomes then a desire projected toward others, which is usually charged in a positive manner, where once that one realizes it is not coming to fruition or not ‘happening’ at all, then comes the downside, the ‘fall’ of all expectations and place the person as ‘letting us down’ when in fact, it is never about ‘them’ in fact, but about ourselves, our expectation, our dreams of how ‘well’ something could work if, IF the person actually stands up. So what happens in such disappointment, the opposite of love is created, it becomes an unpleasant situation that makes us sad, angry, frustrated or disappointed, but hey! who did this to us? no one else but ourselves. 

So letting go of this constant ‘trying’ and this ‘battle’ to attempt to make others change is a necessary step if one has to get back to a point of sanity about a situation that can become quite stressful and draining at the same time. If someone is not willing to support themselves and this pattern continues for an extended period of time, then why holding on to it? So identifying the desire to do it and the fear that accompanies this is supportive to see how there are also personal interests vested on the situation, it is not entirely altruist and that’s where one’s responsibility has to be acknowledged as well in perceiving one would ‘gain’ something by another supporting themselves or that one would lose something as well by the opposite. 

I can see how many times still our most common sensical acts would want to be held on as trophies in one’s own mind, when this is just the mind that still wants to get some ‘hot air’ by doing something or ‘achieving’ something, when it is only the ego that would want to have this for personal satisfaction or because of any other hidden agenda about this. This is not an acceptable behavior in self-support assistance, no it is not an oxymoron, it is a specific term that indicates one can be a point of reference, of assistance to another’s process of developing self-support, not about ‘becoming’ their support in itself, which is the self-enslavement process I have defined in this blog. 

Should one feel ‘bad’ because one has to let go of this? Not at all, there is nothing real to lose or win anyways, this is about rather sticking to one’s own process of self-support to continue being a living example of how to do it onself, where everything one does stands as a test of time and consistency, which not only that one person/people can take as a point of reference, but anyone else that may find themselves in a similar situation in their life as well. 

There is no better support than the one that is provided without making another dependent on it, and so the analogy of stopping being a ‘drug’ or a ‘make another feel better about themselves’ role is quite spot on to understand this pattern. We cannot inject life into another and have them suddenly see things the way we see them and change, one has to rather let the point go and so go back to oneself with the things learned in these attempts to ‘support’ still standing with a point of self-interest, whichever this may be. 

There is a spark in all of us, waiting to be awakened if it hasn’t already been so, and one can only temporarily show to another what exists within themselves as well, but one cannot become the fossil fuel to keep lighting up theirs. Letting go is realizing one’s own responsibility to stop any reaction we create about another’s life/process. 

This is not a giving up on someone as they still stand within themselves, this is a letting go of my need to make others see themselves the way I see them and rather focus on myself, while being willing to stand as such unconditional support for those that clearly show they are willing to assist and support themselves, which then is not a ‘drag’ at all as it becomes  a mutual point of referencing and support, that’s definitely what all relationships in this world should be about. 

  


416. Relationships: Not about the Taste, but the Nutrients

 

There are times when the most obvious still manages to become part of my moment to moment living, and this has been mostly ghosts of the past meaning people, places, past relationships with specific individuals that I also developed highly obsessed type of relationships too. And so what I heard in an interview on Paranoia is about this “positive” type of paranoia wherein I realize that I had missed one single key point: the moment that we allow one memory to occupy our minds and we reactivate the experience of that particular memory in the past, we allow ourselves to re-activate that whole ‘me’ of the past in that single fleeting moment where one gives-up/ gives into any form of energy based on memory. Lol, really it is as if we decide to possess or poison ourselves for a moment just to give ourselves our energy-shot while imagining/seeing pictures in our mind, where we use illusions to kick off an experience within ourselves that we have defined as “pleasant” – either nostalgia, yearning, excitement, excitation, curiosity or merely believing that I miss the person or situation.

 

But then again of course when realizing this – after listening to this interview – it became very obvious how even almost like at a quantum level, even before translating this interview I was having an itching desire to just leave that one for later and go out for the walk. But, I didn’t, I made sure I got it all recorded before leaving and I was glad I did as I was then able to then use my time through my walk on my way back to apply Self-Forgiveness out loud for all the bits and pieces of memories and seemingly ‘insignificant’ moments where I would allow myself to trigger the thought of a ‘ghost of the past’ – meaning a particular memory of a person, situation, event – and then engage within it in a pondering manner, which is mostly what I’ve seen and realized means I hadn’t entirely decided to give ‘good riddance’ to it, to fully and actually let-go.

 

And in this, what came up was the realization that I cannot really ‘miss’ anything or anyone as I am already here, one can only ‘miss’ something as an experience in our minds, as the bond created toward that something or someone.  So, missing implies only ‘craving’ the relationship formed at an energetic level toward another which means: a relationship formed through the mind, which are the only kind of relationships that can be missed, spoiled or desired as they had a starting point of energy and ended up being busted as energy – never real.

 

Within this, I see that the people with whom I have formed relationships based on co-operation, co-working, working through misunderstandings and genuine decision to support each other are rather the strongest and most constructive type of relationships that I would genuinely suggest all of us as humans to develop and invest our time and effort on, it is the kind of relationship that is not dependent on ‘preference’ toward another or a fleeting experience of desire or attraction or based on being ‘similar,’ but rather in the equal recognition of each other as human beings with our weaknesses to strengthen and our strengths to share and learn from each other.

 

I saw that I had associated the word relationship in a rather limited manner wherein I could mostly only see a partnership type of relationship and within that of course, believing that because ‘my point in process are relationships, then I am not doing that well’ and so even creating an experience of ‘leaving that point for later,’ instead of realizing that I would not be able to be doing what I’m doing if I wasn’t able to actually establish relationships with other individuals.

 

So yet again, seeing to what extent I/we have been brainwashed when it comes to words and our narrow view of these relationships wherein even only defining relationships to ‘people’ is still a limited perception, as life is a conglomerate of relationships, and so relationships are the key to being able to function as one organism and be able to live in harmony. For that, each one of us as a thread in the tapestry of our reality has to stand in principle and absolutely clear when it comes to being able to work with one another – what does being clear and standing in principle mean? It implies that there can’t be no past memories haunting one another based on past mistakes, judgments, preferences or merely suggesting ‘incompatibility of characters’ that trigger emotions of contempt and disdain to one another or ‘nice’ and ‘positive’ feelings to one another. In this, any energetic experiences toward another, no matter how subtle, no matter how positive or negative are always coming from the mind, and as such they become like a poison that prevents real supportive and constructive relationships from developing.

 

Why do I bring up the word poison? Because in my own experience, I’ve seen relationships come and go based on the energetic starting point I started and developed them with, wherein even my sole intent and desire to create a bond with a particular person backfired to the point where none of those relationships is standing at the moment, and it’s for the best. It is a tough lesson you see, more so when we have created a culture where all that you learn from TV and movies is to ‘fall in love’ and seek for that ‘spark of love’ or attraction with another, or that nice warm empathy felt to someone that becomes your friend or else – it’s all about ‘feelings’ as fuzzy warm energy sparks that we create in our body, believing that ‘this is normal’ and ‘this is what love is’ or what ‘relationships should FEEL like’ – when in fact Relationships is anything but a Feeling or a fleeting experience in our minds. They are actual processes of walking with another/others throughout a considerable amount of time to get to a particular outcome – to either develop an intimate relationship as partnership or to develop common tasks and projects to take on.

 

Why is there no-energy type of relationships? Because all that we’ve ever known and learned about relationships is to place the FEELING before anything else, and this is rather consequential and on the long run, only smoke that eventually fades out and what is left is mostly the result of our failed relationships: broken marriages/divorces, inability to communicate and eventually war too is a failed ability to cooperate with each other as equals, but instead keeping a particular experience toward the perceived ‘enemy’ that is always self-created: we decide who we hate and who we love, instead of always placing our equality as living beings above all other forms of segregation, which is mind created.  

 

I also spoke self forgiveness for having actually used and abused myself when it comes to using a memory, a ‘ghost’ essentially to trigger an unnatural experience in my ‘physical-moment’ of being just here and suddenly going into this shift as an alternate reality of a sudden yearning, a curiosity, a ‘cherishing the past’ attitude that I took as normal without realizing that in going to the past in those seemingly ‘fleeting moments,’ I have kept reactivating the whole ‘me’ of the past, as the one personality with all its various memories and networks within me linked toward that particular person/situation/event whenever I would allow this ‘ghost’ to emerge within me.

 

I realized that the reason why I wasn’t letting go is because it is those first relationships that you establish that have the most energy, the ones that we get the most obsessed about or give the most attention to, which is why we go endlessly seeking over and over again that ‘first high’ – this is what I suspect heroin addicts seek forevermore after their first shot and they cannot get it ever again,  because it is unlikely that the body can experience such dramatic change of state again. And so addicts try and increase the dose, but it won’t ever be ‘the same.’ It’s the perfect trap when it comes to enslaving ourselves to memories attached with such ‘high experience’ you see: we keep chasing energy, we keep chasing ghosts in our own minds that no one can see but still we allow those ghosts to come up and absolutely define ‘who we are’ in one moment.

So this is a point of awareness to truly be here as breath and not allow the same memory/matrix point to lock-me down into the same thinking patterns, which at times it’s as if they were ‘there’ in the air in a particular place and one would go ‘picking it up’ as one walks through such path – just as one walks the street for example.

 

To Forgive and Let go

 

All that is Here is myself, it’s who we are, and I could only ‘react’ to it if I had formed a special bond/relationship to it through energy. Energy – for all practical purposes – is a mental experience, it implies separation and as such it makes perfect sense to remind me about this aspect of the points of separation that I create through holding on to the specialness in those ghosts from the past, a perceived importance, added care and interest to a part of me that I developed a particular relationship to.

Here another reminder is that no matter how ‘subtle’ this is, whenever I perceive this ‘ghost of the past’ as something that ‘defined me’ and as such is special because ‘it changed my life’ etc. it indicates a speculative relationship toward that something/someone: it’s energy, it’s my mind, it’s memories, it’s invisible, it’s a ghost and I have to stop haunting myself with them.

How I’ve seen these emerge is as if in my mind there were  like these various hooks that containing some of the most ‘attached’ type of experiences and relationships formed in my past, so it is like a broken record seeking to be flipped for another play. It is also quite laughable to what extent we have given up our ability to remain focused here on reality because of having followed these ‘ghosts’ in our minds, giving up our attention to us being here, breathing and suddenly whoop! Going up there in the mind, following these flimsy little things that we already know where it lead us and that tend to constantly emerge in the moments where the actual opportunity to be fully here, physically exist. They come up, ‘innocently’ and the moment we get into the web we get caught – so it’s up to us to decide how far down the rabbit hole we go or if we can absolutely prevent even getting ‘curious’ to fall for the same hole that we already know leads us nowhere in fact.

 

If anything, it is great to observe these memories, to really look at the experience triggered and sometimes it is as if ‘revealing the name of the game’ as the name of the energy would already break part of the spell, because it is in our inability to discern the ‘hold’ that such memory has upon us that breaks the ‘spell’ so to speak.

So instead of going into an experience of being unable to identify the experience we’ve linked to the memory (of a person, of an event) and perceiving that one ‘can’t name it’ but we ‘like it’ so ‘we keep going and go for it’ – it is to realize that I/we have to stop playing naïve when it comes to what we dive into and/or indulge into in our minds. And yes, it’s mostly always about memories, memories, memories – the ‘reminders’ of who we are supposed to be, act like, fear, like, dislike, desire, etc. There is always a way to find out the energy in a memory as in defining what makes us feel good or terribly bad as the most extreme points of fear and desire, like or dislike, these relationships of separation through energy as positive or negative experiences that we create in order to define us, to continue limiting us – but never realizing that by de-fining/delimiting and identifying us with a ‘few aspects’ we’re already building up our personality cage from which we then seek to interact with ‘similar cages’ and avoid ‘different cages.’

This is how we come to create a caged world divided by words, experiences, misunderstandings, offenses and past broken relationships. It’s even funny how we’ve learned to ‘get over’ with some past love or relationship with an individual by then going to the opposite type of relationships such as going from ‘love’ to ‘hate’ and so proceeding to ditch them, taking them in our minds to the opposite side. In this we recreate the exact same relationship to them, it remains in place because all we did was changing the ‘charge’ or the definition ‘tag’ of the relationship build up – in this case moving it from love to hate, but our personalized relationship to that one person/event/thing is still the same: based on energetic experiences that only we can define because: they only exist in our mind.

I still very much ponder how come we haven’t declared mental insanity around the globe so that we can create a genuine ‘state of emergency’– along with our regular duties and responsibilities – make it mandatory for our common wellbeing to work on our mental stability, health and support ourselves to go through it, as that is the key to genuine peace and solidarity on Earth, to learn to ‘love our neighbor as ourselves.’

So the conclusion is that I cannot keep going fueling these mosquitos from the past, these buzzing little things that can become our sole point of attention if we get to be obsessed with ‘finding more’ into them, instead of seeing them for what they are: ghosts, reminiscences of what once was and it has in fact nothing to do with who the person or situation really is or was in fact, as all that we remember is OUR EXPERIENCE about the situation/person, and that’s always self-created, that’s our own ghost-factory creation, and in this we only continue dividing and conquering each other by illusions.

 

So, hereby I commit myself to stop fueling any tiny thought or memory that leads to an experience about the person/event/ghost of the past and realize and so in those moments realize I can instead fully breathe and realize, I am here and I continue walking and enjoying the moment for what it is.

I realize that we only want to ‘make more’ of our moments as an experience in our minds, and it is the simplicity of breathing here what we perceive ‘lacks’ something, like insipid food that lacks salt and the salt being the energy. We don’t need those ‘extra flavors’ as the flavor comes and goes, it’s only perceived for a few moments on our taste buds and then what really matters is the actual nutrients that we are ingesting and how it will support proper development of our physical bodies – that’s the real type of nutrition then we also have to seek in personal relationships too: not going for ‘taste,’ but rather working on the actual nutrients that we all have and can develop further in each other as we work and live together.

 

My declaration of Living Principles:

22.    The realization that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

 

breathing being

Suggested Supportive Interview:

When Words are the Looking Glass to Ourselves – Reptilians – Part 203

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


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