Tag Archives: excitement

603. Keeping Indulgences Secret

Or how it is easy to not question anything that feels good or positive in our experience instead of seeing to what extent it is affecting ourselves and our relationship to others, in order to understand it and take responsibility for our expression.  

Yesterday I had a revealing dream that most likely got triggered through listening to the audio from Eqafe called Tension in Working Environments – Relationship Success Support and Tension in Normal Environments – Relationship Success Support where there’s a very cool example that I guess women like me can relate to when we express ourselves in a particular manner around people that might be misinterpreted as being flirting or creating some kind of sexual innuendo in our interactions with the opposite sex.

I appreciate the explanations given in such contexts, because I have been ‘there’ myself in wanting to suppress my expression around males and even dressing in a particular way so as to not apparently ‘provoke’ certain experiences in others – instead of realizing that I cannot ever change how another is going to perceive me or how they might interpret my expression and relationship towards them, however there IS a point that I can absolutely take responsibility for, and that is explained in the second one linked above, where I have to keep an eye on how I might be expressing myself through energy, becoming in essence too ‘extroverted’ or ‘too expressive’ around males in order to cover up some kind of inferiority/fear/insecurity that is then ‘compensated’ for through energy. But in my case I discovered how there was something else behind such ‘expressiveness’ many times in my experience towards males before.

What I’ve been testing out in ‘real time’ is precisely deliberately spending time with certain people that I had all kinds of ‘hidden agendas’ towards in relation to creating experiences of desire or attraction towards – and that’s what I’ll explain here which matches as well what emerged in my dream in such a clear and almost ‘scientific experiment’ way that I just cannot ignore the relevance it has to what I have been observing and processing in relation to identifying those aspects of myself, my personalities and experiences where I am holding on to these ‘mind candies’ as I’ve been calling them, anything that gives me a momentary sense of pleasure or I turn into an ‘exciting’ experience.

While I was communicating yesterday about this dream and how I link the situation to identifying ‘my indulgence’ point in life, I realized how normal it had become for me to simply go into these energies before and how it wasn’t even about ‘the people’ themselves that I’d create these energies towards, but how it was all in fact the sheer desire to experience that energy based on the context that I’ll describe now.

So in the dream I would face two males in my life, one that I’ve known in ‘real time’ that I had built or accumulated many ideals around, creating an aura of desire towards that person based on the idea and even image that I wanted to believe they in fact were in order to feed this energetic experience of attraction towards them. What’s interesting is that several times before I proved to myself how I was more ‘infatuated’ with the IDEA and Experience that I would get from the thought of them – such as excitement, desire, fascination, the idea of being liked by the person, the idea of being desired by that person –  that I actually got ‘hooked on’ these thoughts as triggers for these experiences in the same way that an addict would towards drugs.

How did I come to conclude I was in fact hooked on energy rather than the actual person? Because I never really knew the person –or people – as in spending sufficient amount of time with them to truly get to appreciate them at that reality-physical level, which is also clarified based on the explanation on the Eqafe audio as well in terms of being realistic about the time that it takes to truly develop this kind of potentials with people.  It makes sense how I spent probably a couple of years feeding this infatuation in my mind, while merely spending a few hours every now and then with such person in my life – the result? I turned the person into a symbol, an idea of desire, while actually not really wanting to have something to do with the ‘real person.’ Yep, I realized how I was more ‘in love’ if you will with the idea of them that I would trigger within me as a ‘candy-thought’ to create this ‘excitement’ experience of attraction or desire in me about such person – but again, it was never about the person in fact and this was confirmed by my experience in the dream.

In the dream I was talking to this person and I basically went back to the experience I had towards him when I first met him many years ago, and all that mattered to me was that ‘energetic interaction’ that I was experiencing in the dream/while dreaming about the idea that I had of this person, essentially experiencing once again that energy that I got quite hooked on for years on in relation to males as a seemingly ‘acceptable’ and ‘common’ fixation I developed over the years, changing only the person but keeping myself ‘hooked’ on the same attraction or desire that I’d create towards them, which most of the times never consolidated or had any actual physical reality outcome as in having a relationship with any of them – instead I turned people into symbols of desire, attraction, lust within myself for the sake of bringing up these experiences within me, for my own pleasure essentially.

So, in the dream I noticed that I didn’t want to ‘stop dreaming’ or wanted to ‘elongate’ that process of existing in this flirty mode or that perception of being able to ‘seduce’ another – which is really only an experience I have only ever created within myself within the comfortable and seductive idea of ‘having power over’ creating an experience of desire within another towards me – yep, essentially a power game there going on that I’d get hooked on experiencing.

And what went on in a ‘separate’ moment in my dream is having exactly the same process going on where I’d get to meet a person that I never got to in fact meet in person and play out the exactly same ‘energy game’ of attraction, seduction, desire towards them without actually wanting to do something ‘in reality’ towards them other than just get to exist in that prolonged moment of building up the attraction, building up the desire and such kind of exhilaration that can be created with things that can be defined as ‘sexual tension’ and the rest of things that we can create and ‘comfortably’ participate with in our minds.

I was also translating this audio on Eqafe on Embracing Your Mind which assisted me to see how we tend to want to shove aside, hide, suppress anything perceived and felt as bad, negative, awful or emotional experience within ourselves, and in that becoming selective in our relationship to our mind, where we then don’t question the positive experiences, that which feels good, that which we usually want to ‘prolong’ as a ‘nice’ experience within ourselves, and I got to see that quite clearly in my dream how I basically became ‘hooked on’ within those interactions with these two examples of males in my dream and play out the exact same thing with both, so as to see that it had never been in fact about ‘them’ as people that I have created such infatuation, but it in fact was representing my relationship to the ‘positive experience’ I came to associate with all of these energies that I can describe as feelings, as attraction, seduction, pleasure, even in terms of power play which I had come to associate to one of my ‘abilities’ or ‘skills’ towards males.

Lol, here I understand how this can be interpreted and it’s certainly not my intent to enhance these patterns or personality-traits within me at all, it is simply to understand, recognize it, embrace it as the audio explained so that I don’t hold now a relationship of embarrassment or shame to what I’ve ‘comfortably’ played out many times throughout my life – and possibly beyond this life as well.

I also find it interesting that in these past couple of weeks I’ve been talking precisely about this ‘misinterpretation’ with a female friend of mine, of how certain males will react to our expression as females and how it is entirely up to us to ensure we are not giving the ‘wrong idea’ towards them in relation to who we are and how we stand towards them.  And It was cool to find out how she’s experienced very similar experiences to the ones I’ve had in my life as well, and where we both had to admit that yeah there was also this attachment to ‘feeling good’ about in a sense being able to flirt and create this momentary ‘excitement’ about the ‘possibilities’ that open up when developing such communication with another person, and how that eventually leads to take on the ‘next steps’ for example into creating a relationship, and eventually how that energy only lasts so long to the point that all that remains is the ‘shadow of the energy’ as a desire that one then realizes had nothing to do with the actual person themselves, but it really only was all about our individual energetic reaction to those moments where we get to first meet someone and deliberately create these energetic reactions as attraction, desire, lust, flirting and with that wrapping ourselves up into an overall experience of excitement that we then go seeking out everywhere we can, as in moving to a ‘new prey’ so to speak, just like vampires seeking energy. It becomes a ‘way of living’ in terms of turning others as objects of desire and ourselves as ‘desirable’ to others that we want to establish this kind of ‘connection’ with, which is of course the point to change here and take responsibility for within myself.

It was interesting because as I was sharing about these points with her, I realized that I was verbalizing my own solution to this ‘secret’ indulgence of mine that I had for the most part not really exposed or explained to anyone else, because a part of me wanted to hold on to it, which is a tendency we all have in relation to anything ‘positive’ in our minds. So as it is explained in the Eqafe audio, we were conditioned to not question and welcome all sorts of positive experiences, and do the opposite with all things negative. Therefore now that I see to what extent this energetic ‘pull’ exists within me, I realize the importance of developing an actual sense of honor, respect and stability when seeing that I am wanting to ‘recreate’ this positive-experience in relation to males in particular and keep myself grounded so as to not be deliberately going into energy as in building up any form of excitement or ‘attraction’ or ‘desire’ experience that can be seen by others and then interpreted as ‘something else’ which usually is interpreted in sexual or relationship terms.

And it’s interesting how I had become very vocal in criticizing females that would kind of deliberately place themselves as ‘sex symbols’ or deliberately wanting to evoke certain reactions in the opposite sex, and in that I realized how I had been also participating in the same kind of patterns in a different way, in a more concealed manner, but still the same energetic experience exists in that kind of ‘flirtatious’ escapades that I’ve had towards males in particular.

It’s also very cool to be able to discuss this with someone and have several references of how people experience this kind of ‘positive feelings’ in relation to for example pornography, something that I had created a righteousness about because of ‘not indulging into porn’ however, when looking at the actual experience one gets ‘hooked on’ in relation to anything that we use to stimulate these positive experiences in ourselves, it really is only a secondary thing to look at what or who we are turning into an object or image or idea that elicits this ‘positive experience’ within ourselves – it really becomes all about giving up and deciding to no longer try and ‘go into’ these positive experiences, trying to create our ‘mind candy’ as I call it which airs  essentially the cocktail of ‘feel good’ experiences I’ve merely come to define as excitement, desire, lust, attraction, power plays in relation to males – but in essence, it’s not even about people themselves, but my idea and experience created towards them which are all self-created.

My decision is then to build a foundation of self respect, honor and consideration not only towards myself, my body, my mind but also in how I relate to other people, specially males for all the reasons described above, where I have been proving to myself that I am able to talk to, relate and communicate with them and deliberately ‘not going there’ in terms of turning on the flirtatious design or experience, which means not communicate or interact through energy, but remain stable yet expressive, which is really all a decision in every moment to ‘not indulge,’ to ‘not go there’ and instead practice that stability in my experience while communicating and interacting with males, which I’ve also proven to myself is entirely possible and enjoyable in a different way, where there’s more of a sense of satisfaction in my case for the depth that I can create with another based on actual communication, than just creating an ‘energy-game’ towards them.

It did in a way bother me that I had such dream that I described above, in a way I felt like failing at being able to in my dream apply myself and stop seeking to recreate such ‘feel good’ flirtatious experiences. However I realize that this would be me being short-sighted about the extent to which I have in fact existed in this mindset, which is probably as far as I can remember existing, meaning, it has become ‘me’ to such an extent that it is only now that I am in fact deciding to open it up and take it on, because of its ‘positive nature.’ It definitely had become an aspect of self-definition that I was holding on to as a ‘little piece of heaven’ I could keep for myself – lol – but it’s in fact not cool at all to exist like that.

In this it does imply cutting myself off from supplying myself with these ‘feel good’ experiences which is entirely possible by me not ‘going into it’, not ‘going there’ whenever I see that I would usually just ‘automatically’ do it in the past. It is possible and I’ve tested it a few times already. Therefore what I see came up in my dream is to become aware of how I am still keeping it at a deep level within me as something I want to hold on to, to keep secret, to not ‘admit’ as a pattern that has dominated my life for so long, which is why I am also writing, sharing and talking about it to understand it, to see who I am in it and in doing so, placing it in my awareness to such an extent that I cannot any longer just ‘sweep it under the rug’ and continue deceiving myself about it – now I actively decide to change myself in relation to it.

As I was talking to someone about it, they explained how it is so that we cannot change this ‘high’ energy into something else, because it’s just like deciding to giving up drugs where you essentially have to learn to live without such ‘high’ or ‘buzz’ that the drugs give you at an energetic level – and it’s definitely so, it’s no different to how I have to now go about this in my mind, saying ‘no’ to wanting to create these ‘good feelings’ and take responsibility for my expression, and not seeing this as a ‘loss’ at all, but instead I see that it’s actually cool to be able to build this actual communication or understanding with others without the need to bring up any ‘feelings’ for it or turn it into a mind-game.

Here also taking into consideration how many times I have in fact caused consequences that I only later got to know based on this pattern of interaction with males, where in creating these energetic experiences ‘towards them,’ I’d then in fact give ‘mixed signals’ that would then leave them confused or angry at myself for not being ‘clear’ on what my intent was… and the reality is that I was in it all just for the momentary experience and only a few times did I ever really consider an actual relationship with people, so that’s something I have to take responsibility for in terms of measuring my expression so as to not create consequences in others as well – of course, I cannot control them all, but I can sure do my part to ensure I am clear at all times.

That means that  I do my part when it comes to these interactions in not ‘opening any doors’ to misinterpretation through going into energy when communicating with others, but remain stable, clear in my expression and still be expressive and outgoing as I usually am, but there is a distinctive difference when I know I am going into these ‘same old patterns’ and when I am actually ‘empty’ or devoid of any ‘good feelings’ while communicating with others, where I can genuinely stand in equality with the person, not reducing them any longer as a potential source to trigger or elicit ‘positive feelings’ within me, which is really not cool in terms of considering another being in the totality of who they are, and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce ourselves as males and females as beings that would ‘normally’ desire each other or turn any point of expression and communication into sex and relationships, which is the same as reducing myself and others as mere objects of desire, which is not how I want to continue living and seeing fellow beings as.

Here I commit myself to honor, respect and consider myself and others in being able to establish clarity and consistency in my communication with other males, being able to remind myself that I hold a point of responsibility in how I behave, and if necessary be able to explain ‘where I stand’ towards them so as to not give room to interpretations, which I’ve found actually quite supportive to do in order to ‘clear up any confusion’ in such situations and that actually assists to delineate or define my relationships to males in terms of support and/or friendship.

Ok, so that’s the point for me to continue working on, I am grateful for the dreams, for the support that is opened up through Eqafe in order to look at what I can change about myself in relation to these patterns and in essence for once and for all stop my indulgence into these ‘feel good’ patterns that I had so comfortably become.

Thanks for reading.

 

If you have a dream you’d like to have some perspectives on in order to understand how to work with it, I recommend requesting a Dream Reading on Eqafe.com, I have been able to walk through some very bizarre dreams to understand what they meant at levels of my mind that I’m not yet aware of.

 

Secret Indulgence

 

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553. Impulsiveness and Slowing Down

 

Here I’ll share a bit further on a vlog I recorded about a situation that I created and participated on, and share more on how when we are caught up in an experience that is perceived as ‘positive’ and getting excited about something, that is where I see I can also easily lose track of common sense and get ‘carried away’ by the moment, and how this caused consequences for others and also myself but in a way I could not see these because of only looking at the event and situation through the eyes of ‘excitement.’

Now, the reason why it’s relevant to open it up is because in my life and process within walking with Desteni, I had focused a lot more on all the ‘negative’ or ‘emotional’ aspects in my life and so I have not focused enough in how I have also allowed myself to be ‘carried away’ through feelings such as excitement and expectation towards something in the future. I have walked the point of expectation quite recently, but now what is still there to look at is the excitement in itself and how this experience can be equally blinding in my experience as ‘anger’ would for example, and the reason why I have not questioned it as much is because of perceiving it as a ‘good thing,’ but! I have now proven that I can be completely carried away by a positive experience and not considering my thoughts, words and deeds in a common sensical and ‘cold-headed’ manner, meaning, not in the ‘heat of the moment’ which I bet we all can relate to when we are impulsive and do things because the moment is just ‘kind of here’ and everything is just ‘there’ for us to indulge into it or participate in something that sounds enjoyable, good, exciting – yet we don’t really take a moment to stabilize ourselves and look at the outflows and consequences of doing so.

Getting to know myself in this state of being is definitely a necessary process for me as well, considering how I’ve noticed at a physical level how over an extended period of time of building this apparently ‘nice experience’, my body gets drained and I feel quite affected by it after a while which proves the point of how any energy is actually consequential, no matter how we see it, perceive it or define it as either positive or negative. And here’s where I can stabilize myself in relation to moments and things I could perceive as ‘exciting’ in general, which I’ve seen is more related to how I approach the whole point or situation, because it’s not really about the ‘thing’ in itself, but how I react to it within a positive experience wherein I get too ‘caught up’ into the moment that I lose track of myself, my stability, my ground.

I’ve noticed this happening in conversations as well where as I’ve shared before, I can get ‘too intense’ and not hear what others are saying but be in this sort of high that comes almost in a stressful manner around others – especially when getting ‘in depth’ in conversations or meeting people for the first time where there’s this initial kind of jittery sensation or nervousness that I have to then stabilize myself through while I go in the conversation, which comes in the shape of deliberately focusing on breathing, taking more pauses and realizing ‘there’s no rush,’ there’s time and this has been going better with practice.

However when it comes to ‘being impulsive’ that’s the actual point to decode here where I have to make sure that while I notice I am getting excited about something – especially if it is in the context of ‘getting good news’ and having something ‘happen’ that I’ve been waiting for a long time – I have to make sure that I can stabilize and ground myself in my own two feet and think/consider things with a cold head, where I can yes be ‘excited’ about something as in realizing the possibility or certainty of something being done or happening that I am aware I can enjoy myself in, however to not make any further moves, decisions, actions within such feeling experience of excitement leading to an ‘impulsiveness’ that might generate further consequences not only for myself but for others as well.

What is funny is that to me it’s clearer why I should not make decisions while being in an emotional state, but somehow I kind of ‘threw out the window’ the realization that I also have to be careful of not making decisions while being in a ‘feeling’ state at the same time, hence the ‘impulsiveness’ that comes as a mixture of excitement, a rush and ‘heat of the moment’ to do something that I am not perfectly considering in all contexts and potential scenarios.

impulsive

n   adjective

1              acting or done without forethought.

So, if I look at it this way, this ‘forethought’ can be moment to first breathe myself back into my physical body where I am not taking for granted the experience of a ‘high’ I can be experiencing in the moment, but instead make sure I can ground myself until I am the regular stable-self I am aware I can be, where I can start looking at or ‘thinking’ about the situation with a cold head and without going into an ideal of ‘how awesome something will be’ because that’s entirely only existent in my mind based on the memories I have of similar situations in my past and that’s all the reference I am re-enacting: me experiencing certain energy within a similar context, which means it doesn’t mean that this is ‘who I will have to be’ in that context this time around, because, I’m certainly not the same as before. So this is to stabilize myself as the excitement that is emerging, which is more of a consequence of me having fed this ‘excitement’ about this event possibly taking place after a long time of me being ‘waiting for it’ to happen and yes, simply seeing it for what it is: it’s really not a big deal.

The point of acceptance and allowance of a ‘high’ with this experience is what I have to be aware and careful of because it is amazing how much I can lose sight of when being in this ‘high’ and in this sense, I can also see the potential of who I could be in those same situations if I decide to get off ‘cloud nine’ and back to physical stability.

This is the way wherein I can make sure that whatever I do and act upon is not ‘distorted’ according to this energetic high as excitement wherein I become ‘impulsive’ and not really giving a thorough consideration to who I am in those moments. Now, I also have to create an equilibrium because I’ve also been there in the past within over-analyzing things and generally then preventing myself from expressing enjoyment due to thinking that ‘enjoying’ something is ‘bad’ or ‘of energy’ only and therefore I should not indulge, when in fact enjoyment can become a directive expression in a moment, as the situation is ‘here’ and taking place, but certainly no point in doing so before it’s even ‘here.’

Here’s where the fine line must be drawn wherein I can see that one can genuinely enjoy something, and not have a ‘high’ experience as in energetic-experience within one’s body – and this enjoyment is more of a presence-fulfillment rather than this energy high where our pupils dilate and our heart beats faster and one gets jittery and nervous inside, but instead there’s like this all encompassing fulfilling experience that can be here as an expression at any moment if we decide to create it, but is not subject to something ‘detonating’ it necessarily.

At the same time here it’s also to see that certainly some events, situations or contexts we might find ourselves in can trigger these reactions, where I have to simply establish self-awareness at a physical level to ensure I am not ‘losing my ground’ or ‘losing my head’ and instead make sure that I’m here, grounded, stable and most importantly not causing a strain on my physical body because it Is almost an invariable thing that after a few hours of me participating in this ‘energy high,’ I get to feel drained and sometimes get a headache, sometimes get gastritis as well because of course no ‘energy’ is really positive, it is only a way in which we categorize it in our minds but all in all both positive and negative energies are consequential for our physical bodies and this can be understood through walking the Quantum Mind Self Awareness series.

I consider I have been processing quite a bit this impulsiveness in me and it can manifest even in a split second where I think I can do something and get into a split second of risk as well,  like crossing a street while cars are coming where I trust that I can run and save myself from being ran over but, is it really worth it to live this impulsiveness just to ‘save some few seconds’ of time to cross a street? No, and I can definitely see this split second of impulsiveness becomes an ‘over-drive’ in my body at the same time where I feel quite ‘energetic’ in a way or very ‘agile’ but the actual ‘drive’ and ‘fuel’ behind that is coming from an energetic source that ultimately has its origin in a fear, in a desire or a want at a mind level where I can lead me to do tenacious things out of ‘impulse’ and have grave consequences. So, I have to be more ‘down to earth’ in relation to this and clear-headed to not make decisions while in this ‘excitement rush’ or ‘impulsive rush’ but rather walk – both figuratively and literally – in a pace where I know I am settled and grounded and won’t try to get ahead of myself.

 

With doing this, I can prevent consequences, I can prevent outflows that I could have missed in the heat of the moment and  in rushing a situation, and that’s definitely what I want to do for myself, where no matter ‘what’ is going on even if it’s quite a cool situation I can be in, there is no high, because the experience at a mind level can feel ‘good’ but at a physical level, it sucks, it takes a toll on the physical body so here I commit myself to develop self-awareness in the midst of these ‘positive times’ and moments where I can learn to enjoy myself without going into a high and where I can remain stable and ‘cold headed’ and not lose my ground.

 Thanks for reading.

 

 Haste

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


246. Why do we Seek to Escape this World through Emotions?

Continuing from:

So, quoting the post where I got the self support

Update on Music Post, June 1, 2008

Marlen wrote:
What I’ve experienced is some tingling, mostly like goosebumps when i listen to certain songs.. but this might be mindfuck as well… hmm it’s as if ants walked within my body and extended through it all. Don’t’ know why this happens but i used to have it before as well. But this time specific with music. So would like perspective because if i have to stop it I will… just to know where it comes from thanks

Answer:
The sensation experienced here Marlen, is when a physical manifested memory construct system – ‘activate’ within hearing the sound and words.

When this occurs – observe your mind and the thoughts that arise, as the thoughts as memories will pertain to the physical manifested system within and as you – which has become you, which has formed part of your self-definition of the mind.

Margot

 

So, the Self Forgiveness in the last post indicated an actual self-revelation of once again just another personality/ character defined by the type of likes and fascinations I created out of some initial fear or energetic relationship to specific situations and music, such as the end of the world/ death and mostly a perspective upon the world being fucked, never realizing that I was the only one that was accepting and allowing it to be so and rather victimizing myself about it, complaining about it without ever even considering how I could stand as the change within myself instead of seeking it outside of me.

 

If we take a look at our entertainment – whether is music, arts, TV, magazines, books, any ‘high culture’ type of hobbies and virtually anything for that matter is part of the same industries that are only seeking after money to remain with a certain spot within our world system, a perfect world system for slaves that seek to ‘get away’ from reality for a while which is the first and most important condition that exists in order for anyone to not question the system, to not question their jobs as long as holyweekend rewards of getting wasted and laid are in place as an obligatory sacrament in order to feel ‘alive’ as the renewal of the mind consciousness system’s life is rebooted by an extensive participation in the mind as energy. And I’m merely describing what goes on and what I see/witness every single weekend around here.

The same goes with any other form of spirituality for example, seeking a holy good-doer experience within some form of ritual or religious encounter wherein they get probably the same chills/ ecstatic experience that I do while watching some bombs obliterating the Earth to the music of Godspeed You Black Emperor, and I mean I understand this can be judged as rather insensitive, but it’s just within the understanding of how a point of fear is turned into a fascination. So, it is simply about revealing what is here and look at our personal self definitions with regards to images and sounds – if anything makes you feel ‘good’ or temporarily ‘high’ and ‘out of your senses,’ problem since it indicates we are only running as a mind and are not being the directive principle of our beingness. If there was no such ecstatic experience within the music I heard, would I have been so imbued into it? Probably not – the same can be applied to anyone that has created an energetic bond to virtually anything in this world – because as we’ve said many times: we’re all addicts and have not fully grasped what our addictions are causing at a global level.

 

So in essence, this point of music as any other form of energetic experience reminds me one thing every time: what am I willing to participate in just for the sake of an energetic experience? and because of this, I had actually prevented me from travelling across the city and spending money on tickets and rides there to get a ‘nice memory’ such as going to concerts, which became like a self-religion to be there and acting out of memory, because out of the several hours I had to spend travelling and waiting, all the money on tickets and rides would be a lot more than the hour and a half that the hype happened. If it was easier to go, I would not see it as a problem, nor would I judge it, but I am specifically looking at what cost do I go and seek for these experiences, not necessary.

 

I have been watching several documentaries on drugs because I can see how every single person that is a hard-core drug addict is seeking for this ‘something’ to feel to fill some apparent void. I was ‘lucky’ to be fearful of taking any hard drugs, feared consequence so much that I simply avoided that, but became aware of the temptation that exists whenever you believe you lack some spice in your life. It’s quite hard to look at methamphetamines and the current deadly addiction they represent, literally people just hooking up on it in the first hit. And this seems to be the decay that I have been focusing on, because this is precisely the ‘I want to give up’ attitude that leads us to seek an end of the world scenario while making of anything in your life your greatest ‘hit’ and high, either through legal or illegal drugs, music, sex, buying, killing, eating, exercising, painting, walking, stealing, consuming anything and anyone just for one single moment of pleasure.

This accumulation of Self Interest is what has lead us to what we have become now: top consuming addicts that will do whatever it takes to keep up with a hedonist lifestyle that disregards where all of these little ‘treats’ come from. Certainly we are so narrow minded that we believe that everything that we consume is somehow ‘safe to use’ and perpetuate because we blatantly believe that because it being sold in your supermarket/ regular shops, it is ‘probably’ tested and safe to use by people, and it is most likely non-harmful and bio-friendly type of product, of any kind for that matter. Really?

 

We’ve bought so many lies just to maintain our little happy world-play running at the expense of life on Earth and the lives of billions of beings that are either starving, absolutely neglected by any form of care or regard or working 3/4 of a day just to make enough money to stay alive and produce the the lifestyle that we are so proud of as technological advancements and any other ‘improvement’ that is only available for those with money and can only be produced by those that are forced to remain as slaves to make it happen. That’s our reality – and that’s what sustains any form of personal-interest as entertainment or a fleeting moment of escapism, without realizing that we should not even be seeking to ‘escape’ or ‘get high’ if we could all agree to make of this world a suitable living space for all beings equally, with unconditional resources to ensure life is honored as oneself.

 

 

From Energetic Fixes to Self Expression

Now, how to turn such experience of music/ painting into Self Expression? Me making a decision to hear music or participate in any other activity that involves any form of creative process, being here breathing and enjoying the sounds for what they are and that’s it. It is definitely something that for a drunk would mean having to drink beer without alcohol, but as I said, I cannot allow myself to enslave me to a single point of energetic experience that I would actually be quite a seeker of. I have already spent too much money in the past going to concerts just because of that feeling and experience, only to every time end up saying: next time, I’ll remind myself that it’s not worth it- but not really learning since there’s always this hope that I’ll have a good time. Last time I did, I danced around while being perfectly sober which was cool but I realize that I can as well put some music on and dance and jump around – no difference since the entire exhilaration of seeing a band live is mostly an energetic experience in the mind that turns just into this one experience that one can say ‘I’ve been there’ and that’s it. We can look at all other points in our life we conduct in a similar manner, just for a little excitement there can be lots of money and time spent, sometimes even getting in risky situations or travelling across the city at night which I’ve done in my case, not the most suitable option just to follow-through with a desire.

In terms of the self-definition, I can see that at the moment it’s not so much about me defining myself according to that music, it is just that energetic experience that comes up with and while listening to certain music, but I’ll have to walk this as I go since there are several types of music, several voices, sounds that I essentially saved in my memory for various reasons. If I would have to walk through each and every single music video I adopted something from, It would take me a thousand posts. So, it is a matter of breathing through the energetic thrill, see what thoughts came up, which is not so much a thinking any more but a remembrance of a personality, which implies I have to ‘go back’ and see what that song was about, what ‘era’ of my life does that song represent and walk the self forgiveness, because it is really uncomfortable not being able to be fully directive here when such experiences arise, I mean, it’s just like when you’re cold and you suddenly get chills – same point here, but the chills come even if I am not cold per se. It can only indicate layers I have to work with in relation to these ingrained personalities and yes, it is mostly like suddenly having to take the make up off the face when it comes to these points that I had kept nice and safe, without realizing to what extent I am still controlled by it since they meant my ‘get away’ from reality.

This is a point to consider for me every time that I simply miss myself breathing here and start accumulating this search for something to be entertained with. How I have dealt with it is simply physically doing the stuff I actually have to do, moving faster than the mind’s complains about it and that’s ok, however not applied to everything equally, which is the point to direct. However, I also have learned not to condemn everything that I would do for a moment of entertainment. As Anu said once, we would go crazy without those bits of entertainment, so it’s just to be aware of me not reloading the entire personality that I have created through, for example, listening to music and doing particular activities that are as simple as walking and deifying a particular color in the sky, but remain here as breath within the realization that in doing so, I am honoring myself and actually being self directive at all times within the experience.

I realize that every time that I deliberately take myself to a point of escapism through watching/ hearing something mostly is rather a red flag indication of what is it that I am not willing to face and direct within my reality – and as such I have to instead prioritize what I have to do instead of creating further judgments about it and creating a struggle between having to ‘do my responsibilities’ but wanting a moment of entertainment. The easy way through that is by agreeing to simply leave any form of entertainment for the end after I’ve covered all the points, or most of them that required immediate direction. Otherwise, backchat accumulates and then it’s just harder to get out of that inertia – for that I suggest reading Maya Rot’s blog Day 118 – Physics and the Desteni Process – Newton’s First Law of Motion – the Principle of Inertia to understand what it physically means to Move as a physical being in self-willed manner.

 

 

 

So, how can I turn this point of self interest to a best for all interest?

Stopping seeking only my personal satisfactions, seeking ‘a way out’ of my responsibilities in this world and instead direct me to implement a world system that I can be genuinely proud of having contributed to create. That’s what I have realized is what I’m here for and any form of entertainment can be seen just as that,  a moment wherein I do something else without defining myself according to it – obviously within the consideration of not harming myself/ anyone and considering at all times not enhancing these moments through energy, but physicalize it as part of the activities that I can give myself time to enjoy for a moment and that’s it.

 

If we create a world that is suitable for living in all aspects, everything we have deemed as our personality with specific traits that would exist as a form of rebellion toward the ‘establishment’ as I have done, will simply not exist. Now figure out all the entertainment industries that will have to be reconfigured to simply be an available point of expression wherein there is no more money involved or any other angst involved behind an expression, but simply being an actual available part for our personal development without having to make it a separate ‘profession’ or ‘career’ as I did in my case, studying art just because of not wanting to be part of everything that I judged this world system to stand for: abuse of life, never asking me how in my personal endeavors to seek ‘my way out’ I also neglected any form of reality and sought only my self interest wherein only ‘I’ could ‘feel good’ about myself and never even questioning what I was supporting with money and my participation in due to only seeking to exert my opinions and ‘way of looking at life’ without any consideration of the actual life as all the living beings that surely get neglected every time we only seek an energetic fix, which is the negligence to deliberately stop here.

 

What matters is existing as the consistency of myself here as a 1+ person that is committed for life to generate a world wherein who we are won’t exist as personalities that oppose, compete and spite each other, but work together and learn how to coexist to make life on Earth a point we want to Live in, and never again seek to destroy or turn into an energetic-factory machine for our personal delights and mindfucks.

 

– I’ll continue with some more considerations of our ‘doomsday’ personalities, the desire to End the world instead of taking responsibility for it and we’ll have a look at the Actual doomsday that is being generated by you and I every single day within our participation in this world system wherein Life is certainly not regarded at all.

 

 

 

 

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Day 50: I Ate Myself Today

What does it mean to ‘Feed my obsessions?’ and how is this related to Eating myself? The current understand that we’re getting from the Heaven’s Journey to Life blog, implies that we have in fact been our own parasite as the mind eating away on our very own physical body. It’s fascinating that we reprimand cannibalism – some can even express being utterly disgusted by it – yet we do this to ourselves every single moment that we are existing in our minds, feeding our obsessions as thoughts, feelings, emotions and anything that we can ‘grab onto’ from our reality, which becomes a point of stimulation for ourselves as the mind to hold on to that point, and take it to the level of complete possession wherein ‘who I am’ is no longer here-as-breath, but instead  consuming/depleting myself as the physical body every single moment that I give my breaths away to feed but one single thought, which through repetition and patterns can become an obsession.

 

This pattern of ‘me feeding my obsessions’ has been a great distractor within my reality, wherein one single point of stimulation can divert my attention from here-as-breath, physically present as my body, and into a mind-shift wherein all that I remain doing is ‘thinking’ about that something/someone/event that becomes ‘my point’ to grab onto in order to continue existing only as a mind that thinks and has no-regard whatsoever for HOW it is being fed in itself, which is: through the consumption and transformation of the physical into energy, which is like the way we have violated life of oneness and equality and extracting – just like fracking, drilling, exploiting wells – and transforming it – like refining oil for gas – into a form of energy that is able to serve as fuel for the mind.

 

I had begun exploring this point of judging waste/ garbage outside of myself, without being aware of how I am depleting myself at a physical level by the very participation in the mind as consciousness, within my conscious mind that then activates everything that I exist as within/as my mind consciousness system. This implies that we have all been very busy depleting, consuming and literally eating ourselves whenever we feed our obsessions = whenever we feed our own mind.

 

And, that has been a definitive pattern that I have walked wherein my own ‘diligence’ in other areas, becomes equally diligent within the ‘feeding my obsessions’ point, wherein I won’t stop until I satiate that need – it’s just like vampires, lol, now I see why I would get such a kick out of reading those stories because, the drive for blood was so great that it became almost like an elation in itself to ‘look for it,’ which is quite similar to how we go ‘seeking for love’ and sickening ourselves to the bone by depleting the very physical through that constant feed of obsessions with our own physicality/life substance, which is the very ‘point’ that we have missed as humanity all the way:

 

Our minds consume our physicality

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feed my obsessions’ indiscriminately because it usually generates this exhilaration as a ‘good feeling’ that I have accepted and allowed in the past to exist as ‘reasons to live,’ which implies that I diminished my day to day living to a continuous point that I had to ‘achieve,’ such as attaining a goal, a relationship, going somewhere, experiencing myself in a particular moment or event, which would become a constant conscious thought that I would ‘feed’ every single moment that I wasn’t here-as-breath but only as a mind feeding itself off of my physical body substance, which is the actual ‘fuel’ for the mind – without me ever being aware or even caring enough to ponder: how is it that my mind is being fueled?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever be afraid and disgusted at cannibalism, without realizing that I am my very own cannibal the moment that I continue participating in the mind while already now knowing that I eat myself, I consume and deplete my very own life substance ever single moment that I give my moment here-as-breath into feeding one single thought that becomes ‘my obsession,’ simply because it generates a ‘good experience’ within me – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was ‘okay’ for me to ‘chase my dreams’ because apparently ‘that’s what we as human beings are here on Earth for! To achieve our goals, dreams and greatest illusions!’ and in that, believing that because everyone else is doing it: why can’t I also do it? And so, becoming the perfect preprogrammed organic robot in a society that is specifically built, structured and organized in a way that we are constantly bombarded and stuffed with points that we can generate an obsession for: either a ‘perfect partner/ spiritual soul-mate,’ a pair of shoes, a great restaurant to attend, the ultimate car, some nice vacations in the Bahamas, getting the ultimate games, music, watching movies, attending parties, socializing while consuming anything – and any other point that becomes this ‘constant’ though in our heads that we then agree to ‘work for’ because: it is worth it, we are worth it – which has not become by casualty part of the advertisement’s mottos in order to make it ‘okay’ to feed our obsessions.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to neglect my common sense and shape myself according to what everyone else was doing, which was feeding their obsessions about music, idolizing famous people, wanting to buy lots of clothes, products that would make us ‘feel better’ about ourselves, without ever realizing that: from the moment that we give permission as the acceptance (cause) and allowance (effect) to feed that obsession as an actual desire/ want/ need = we comply to the entire consumerist behavior that is broadly accepted in our society, wherein we have all agreed to ‘feed each other’s obsessions’ through making it ‘okay’ to equate live = consuming, buying, satisfying ourselves with products, things, relationships as life-experiences that we believe is ‘all we’re here for’ when in fact, who and what we have become, is nothing but a machine that is able to justify, excuse and vindicate any means/ ways to obtain its satisfaction as that positive energy that is created the moment that we ‘give into’ our obsessions and don’t stop until we get it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never realize that I would actually only be obsessed and feeding my obsessions for the actual ‘good feeling’ that I would create within myself, placing aside the common sense that would actually rear its head every time that I would realize that: everything/ everyone that I desired and that had become that point of obsession, was never ‘as good as’ I had ‘Thought’ it would be, because the Idea and belief that I formed about that something/ someone Never matched reality. This implies that I had only been feeding my own mind, through using my physical life substance to do so, in order to make myself ‘feel good’ and in most instances, ‘feel alive’ through feeding my thoughts, feelings and emotions about that something/ someone, wherein I ultimately disregarded the fact that: it was never about ‘them’ but it was only about me-feeding my-own obsessions to make-me ‘feel good’ and reduce my physical body to a single energy-making machine that feeds the mind through depleting itself as life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use something/ someone as a point of stimulation within my mind that I grab onto as a way to continue perpetuating myself as only an experience generated through thoughts and feelings that I use to ‘feel good’ about myself, thinking that I was actually ‘living’ while desiring/ daydreaming/wanting/ needing – when in fact, all of it was made ‘acceptable’ within ourselves as human beings, through that very initial acceptance of ‘who we are’ as only mind-energy demons that feed off of the physical substance/ life that we are, which we have neglected throughout our entire existence, using it as literally only a physical bait to attract others into our reality, reducing ourselves to a single image-based reality that is virtually only fed-for and specifically manipulated in order to Feed our Minds – but Never consider what we really are as physical beings, beyond a single image in the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having become horrified at the sight of natural resources’ extraction/ exploitation such as fracking, without realizing that I have been doing the exact same thing within my very own physical body, which implies that this world is the exact replica and representation of who we are and what we exist-as within our own minds, which reveals to what extent we have become judges of our own deeds, condemning our very own functioning that we have conveniently veiled ourselves from seeing, because: the truth and reality of who and what we have become, has Nothing to do with light or love, has nothing to do with ‘feeling good’ about a single iota of mind movement that I use in order to satisfy and satiate myself as a mind, because all that I have ever fed is my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was ‘nurturing myself’ with ‘love’ which is part of the programming that I got fed-with through learning lyrics and complying to the popular culture in a specific ‘branch’ of it, that I deemed would use ‘love’ as a more ‘spiritual’ thing other than just a physical-bait for sex that is understood, without realizing that all forms of obsession are the same, we can simply choose to ‘coat it’ with either chocolate, caramel or nuts and still it is the same thing: a point of obsession that makes me feel ‘good’ about myself and my reality, which is only a reality generated through and by the mind, neglecting at all times the actual physicality that I exist as.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ask forgiveness to my body for what I’ve done to it in the name of feeding my relationship obsessions, I am witnessing the consequences of this continued application throughout my life and all I can say is that I forgive myself for having neglected at all times the fact that I sought myself outside of myself this whole time, while reducing my own physical body to a single instrument of chasing-after that which I wanted to ‘obtain/ get’ to ‘satisfy myself.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume my very own physical body/ life substance every moment that I sought to be ‘fulfilled’ in separation of myself through attaining something/ someone/ going somewhere else – and in this, neglecting every single moment that I lived HERE as myself, as Life in the Physical, which is now what I am walking as myself, in order to establish for the very first time that equal and one relationship with myself as my physical body, now that I’ve realized how I had become the ultimate obsession for ‘something/ someone’ in separation of myself in my mind, while disregarding and completely ignoring myself as my physical body that I am here, as breath as life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with my own mind as thoughts, feelings and ideas as future projections that I use to instigate a ‘good feeling’/ positive experience within me, which stems from this inherently accepted and allowed perception of myself ‘not being complete/ not being good enough’ wherein I then sought-myself in separation of who I am here-as-breath as the physical. Thus, I stop feeding my obsessions and becoming obese with my own over-eating to fuel my obsessions and mind-addictions in order to feed one single pattern that I, through cultural cultivation, had accepted as ‘who/ what I must aspire to be/become’ which is a ‘satisfied person’ – which implies the saturation of myself of positive energy that seeks to rejuvenate itself as a mind every single moment that such saturation of myself as positive energy goes to a low, which is when I then re-activate my obsession as the mind, neglecting myself here-as-breath – in order to place into motion the extraction of physicality life-substance at the service of the mind-system and Not of myself here-as-breath, as life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate the act of eating something outside of myself from eating-myself, which implies that the energy-resources that I am ‘craving for’ are in fact mind generated when not having established a physical-relationship with my own physical body to realize, see and understand what is it that I am ‘in-fact’ requiring to eat, and what is simply only a mind-related consumption of food in separation of myself here-as-breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘feeding someone else’s obsession’ was in any way some type of sexual innuendo that I would play out in order to have power over others, which I learned through songs and pictures and ideas of what would be ‘enjoyable’ within others, which was only enjoyable within who I am as a mind system that is willing to create the most twisted and bizarre ways of satisfying ourselves as an idea of the mind, as the ego and personality that has never in fact been ourselves here-as-life, as the physical – but only who we are as mind-systems that work in a system of money wherein everything that will give us a ‘high’ is directly linked to having to ‘buy it’ and consume it’ in the name of our personal glory and satisfaction.

 

I commit myself to establish my own relationship with my physical body first and foremost before even attempting to walk with others in equality, as I see and realize that the moment that I miss-myself and instead divert my attention of here-as-breath into the mind as ‘feeding my obsessions’ as future projection, I am in fact only existing in the mind and not here-as-breath. Thus I walk my self-agreement process wherein I make sure that who I am is always here as self, constant and consistently existing as the physical, wherein any single diversion into the mind, is called out into awareness of me here-as-breath to walk Self-Forgiveness here-as-life in order to establish myself as the directive principle of who I am in every single moment.

 

I commit myself to become more aware of what am I feeding myself with as food and going establishing awareness to see how if I am eating is in fact required by my physical body, or if it is only feeding myself as a mind-obsession that is always justifying and excusing its desire/ want/ need for mind fuel as the deification of energy for/ as the mind, while defying and neglecting the physical that must be invariably abused, used and depleted in order to satisfy the mind’s obsessions.

 

I commit myself to stop every single thought that becomes an instant obsession within myself, from a single picture presentation, an ideal of living, a desire to be somewhere else, a desire to be experiencing a particular emotion that I had become so used to in the past as any for of temporary sense of ‘satisfaction’ that would satiate my mind for a while, only leaving me high and dry after a while and asking for more.

 

I commit myself to establish myself from here on as the point that is able to give herself/itself back to Earth wherein the energy that I consume is no longer used to abuse life, but is instead used to support Life as who I am, wherein all that I consume is given back to Earth, Earthing all the energy that I’ve abused and give it back to self.

 

I commit myself to establish a world-system of money – the Equal Money System – wherein we will no longer be brainwashing each other in the name of consumption as buying, consuming, producing and selling that which we know is detrimental to life on Earth, but we currently comply to it because our lives depend on ‘making money to survive,’ which reveals to what extent we have compromised life to this compro = ‘I buy’ in Spanish – mise (miser) and in that, reducing our entire existence to a buy-consume happy-go-lucky living that is absolutely energy-based and Never has been physical awareness and consideration of self-here as life, breathing, walking, physically existing as the flesh and bones, as the organism that simply requires breath and physical substance at the moment to exist.

 

Do we really LOVE or only ( H ) Ate ourselves while doing so?

What are we doing to ourselves

 

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MFM Radio – Love is Only Me


2012 Self Honesty as Fear Label

“…we’ve become dependent on fear as a survival instinct and so actually fear commonsense and integrity as it is experienced/believed to be a ‘weakness’ – you have to live in fear in order to survive as the law in the matrix goes” Sunette Spies

There is indeed a label placed onto people that are common-sensical, have integrity as a human being and are ‘honest’ within the system’s terms. Fear of survival is that inherent ‘nature’ that we have accepted and allowed as part of the conditions to socialize and interact with other human beings in our reality. We don’t get to know ‘why,’ we just learn ‘that’s how things work’ and don’t dare to even question it further, because that also relegates you to the status of  ‘questioning God’- and that is something apparently untouchable and unable to be doubted. However, our actions and interaction mechanisms reveal the fact that they are actually NOT based on what is best for all at all.

 

What I see is that the ‘fear label’ of being an integral and common sensical person deemed as ‘weak’ is how bullying begins. There is an acceptance that exists behind this, and it is learned at home: you must cheat, lie and deceive if you want to thrive in the system – you must play the game no matter what if you want to live – and that goes unquestioned as well.

 

I have exposed in previous blogs here how I had a difficult time having to ‘get into the system,’ because I was so uncomfortable whenever I had to lie or do something that was merely done to be ‘accepted within the system.’ I had linked it to the culture I live in, wherein lying, deceiving, being corrupt is ‘our every day bread’ as it’s said – meaning, everyone does it, everybody knows and if you don’t do it: you are stupid and weak for not playing rough.

 

There are sayings that imply that you must cheat in order to succeed – hence anyone that is not willing to play that game is usually kicked out of the game and crucified, which means instigating hatred through what we commonly know as ‘bullying.’ The reality is that it is not only a ‘childhood/ teenage’ thing, it is a common way to threaten anyone that wants to straighten the laws of the current crooked system.  That’s how politicians that were intending to create a change were deliberately killed before getting to be presidents – that’s an example that happened here in 1994. And there are even movies that depict how anyone that has ‘good intentions’ within the political realm, will eventually be sucked in by the system simply because of being threatened to death to do so.

 

Thus, what is a bully but a person that judges a being that is mostly honest and common sensical – but because of them not ‘playing the game’ of  fear of survival and fueling the necessary opposition to create rivalry and competition that others can ‘beat’ and win over, the being is forced to participate by deliberately attacking and instigating reactions, which is exactly how within the system we learn that we ‘need to suffer to live’ and other bs like that. All about power games and emotional reactions that keep everyone well fed within a particular suit in the world.

 

“And yet – the positive illusion is so blinding that reality is not seen at all – or, is it that reality is deliberately denied because the illusion is just better and how they suppress the voices and sights in their mind/media of the reality of the situation and fall back into the bliss of the illusion of mind – too scared to face the truth they know already exist: positivity is making no difference to the reality of here

Sunette Spies

 

This is how far we have gotten ourselves as humans – that’s how anything that promotes Equality, Self Honesty, Life, Neighborism, Self Support, Self Forgiveness is tagged as a threat to the ‘status quo’ which is nothing else but living in absolute fear of each other, in constant competition and comparison, living to the rule of thumb of who lives and who dies based on ‘how well you adapt’ to the system of getting to the top no matter how many heads have to fall to do so – and the permanent underlying reason to do so is: Money.

 

And we claim evolution? Fascinatingly enough, evolution contains the word ‘love’ backwards – loveillusion can be the way to describe how these survival mechanisms are accepted, promoted and even defended with the proudly worn crowns of ‘free-will,’ ‘free-choice’ and thinking that ‘competition is healthy’ to create ‘well-bred human beings that make the best of their lives’ – however this free-willer type of statements are based upon equating ‘the best they can’ to their personal gain and satisfying a personal interest that is based mostly on being powerful = having money, ‘being successful in the system’ which, as we know, can only be done if participating within the rules of the game = if you don’t dare to abuse, you are not considered a productive element of society.

 

We have compromised each other to this mechanism and dared to call it ‘making a living,’ existing in fear of each other, transforming ourselves into survival robots that forgot everything about living in common sense – and that’s simply because of how we have structured and based our living reality upon laws and structures that are definitely NOT supporting the well being of all beings, but only perpetuating the same ‘survival of the fittest,’ because that ensures competition, consumerism and the replenishing of the system itself.

Once again without friction/ energy going on, there is nothing that moves the cathode to the anode and the light is not generated.

 

When we dare to see how we exist and what we have created of this system as ourselves, you inevitably change your perspective about your world and reality – if daring to be Self Honest about it. So, what Sunette explains is how we tend to ‘fall back into the mind’ wherein we keep ourselves in that instant gratification of ‘positivity,’ ‘love,’ the eternal pursuit of happiness wherein you can take a chill pill and pretend that ‘everything is fine.’ Sometimes this is not only about drugs, but merely constant self-talk on how ‘beautiful life is’ while neglecting the millions that are starving today.

 

“In a world flooded with positive thinkers, we have hell being born.” – Bernard Poolman

 

This is how our media and enter.tamement operates: ‘be happy, be healthy, seek for your next greatest excitement, seek the truth of yourself, spread love, ‘be yourself’ because you’re worth it and buy your happiness in the mall of your choice – get plastic surgery, look like people in magazines because they are ‘the’ role model to follow, you want to be like them, you can’t just aspire to be like them, you must become them. Get more money, work harder, you’ll eventually ‘get it.’ And billions live by this constant backchat impulsed by all media, family, school, society – virtually any man-made reality is based on these principles, just for the sake of keeping an economic system deliberately designed to enslave some, place others in a perpetual throne while spreading new ways to create illusions of ‘fool.fillment’ to attain to.

 

“Humanity is not growing in any other way but in the rising of consumption in the constant desire to have the next item that will create a feeling of happiness through entertainment” – Bernard Poolman

 

Life is NOT about any of what we have believed it to be about thus far – is Life about working your entire life until you die, having only made enough money to get by? No. Is Life about seeking to be accepted within a certain social-stratum in order to believe that you are now ‘worthy’ and ‘valuable’ in life? No – Who has placed such concepts like ‘value’ upon life to begin with!? We have. We are responsible for it, without any question.

 

Thus, what have we enslaved us to: to spawn beings that will be wrought by the ‘rules of the system’ wherein if you look like someone that would not ‘break a plate’ – which is stealing, cheating, deceiving, abusing in order to thrive – then you are seen as  a threat to the dog-eat-dog world. And it is fascinating that I had not seen this as clear as it is until today. Have a look at your matrix personality designs wherein ‘nerds’ or clear-headed kids are bullied because they are not ‘playing the game’ and fighting toward others to ‘get to be the king of the hill.’ I mean, they are relegated to being some anomaly that must be exterminated – and that’s how by default, only the ones that dared to play the game become part of the successful-stories of humans that ‘make it’ – those that didn’t dare to do the same,  remain secluded and ostracized. This is the proof of how the ‘rules of the game’ are in fact evil.

 

“Is the drive for profit a fear not fully realized yet? Or do those that thrive in the system place profit above all morality as they belief the less the consumer know, the less the possibility of fear?”
Bernard Poolman

 

No positivity will ever change the world because how can any form of ‘goodness’ be created upon a thick layer of slaves that are working 18 hours a day for you to have your latest iPad, which is a ‘symbol of success,’ success that you seek with such positivity and light-loving nature of asking it to the universe – Who is the real evil in this world to neglect the abuse and suffering that ‘successful lifestyles’ are based upon?

 

Not wanting to step out of the love and light illusion should be considered as a crime against life. There is no worse sickening bullshit being peddled around other than ‘seeking your next greatest excitement’ while having over half of the world suffering for not having the least to have a dignified living condition.

 

Do we have to go as far as having to lose it all in order to open our eyes to see the LIE we have created as an illusion of life? Do we have to get to the bottom of our self-created pit and exist in regret for the rest of our existence because of having neglected the reality that is HERE as ourselves, as our world? I say no – stand up from your meditation cushion, take off the blindfold, be part of the ones that stop nagging and inducing others to be abusive to thrive in this world, that stop pretending that living is achieving the ultimate status of a famous and powerful person while neglecting the lives that had to be enslaved to build such empire of dirt.

 

Time to wake up– we are here and ready to Stop All Fears in our Reality as this is the KEY to realize how much we have feared each other. Dare to be Self-Honest to stop being a happy-positive cogwheel that churns on fears and desires and self-induced needs that are not actually related to actual-living at all.

You don’t need love, you don’t need light, you don’t need ‘God’ – all you require is having the courage to live in Self Honesty which is not about ‘doing the right thing,’ but going through a process of self-investigation to see what we are participating in that is keeping the current system of abuse in place, and how to correct ourselves to create a reality that’s best for all, daring to expose the lies that we have ‘lived’ thus far and actually do something about it.

 

“The message of God uses the Fear of God to drive followers to the Love of God. This confirms that the source of Love is Fear. The world is Evidence that Love will never conquer Fear.” – Bernard Poolman

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Suggested read:

Jack – The Courage to live Self-Honestly

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Spirituality Under the Microscope – Volume 1

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Money is the Light of God on Earth

Fluffy-sparkly li(v)es

We all are here for some special purpose so STOP
STOP being prisoner of past
AND become the architect of your future
DO the things u fear… – spiritual proverb

If we were here for some special purpose, don’t you think we are way overdue in accomplishing it? Or that we should be getting some clear indication of what it might possibly be about? We have gone through the same cycles over and over again throughout thousands of years with no possible answer to ‘fulfill our mission’ – could this be an indication that there was no mission at all? What would it be like if we got to understand that we’ve been a cosmic joke? Would there by any ego-enhancement within that?

The relevancy of the Desteni material is to realize that all sweetened justifications and ideas of us being here for some ‘supreme reason’ have been  blatant lies to keep the entire belief system of ‘god’ and the holy trini.ties in place. In other words, keeping ‘good faith’ and believing that we would eventually ascend to a ‘higher status’ once we brake the ‘chains of the past’ has been another form of control to keep everyone seeking for the ultimate blissful experience and never ever questioning how dysfunctional the system is and how we’ve managed to live life after life without any actual progress.

Evolution anyone?

Here we are, more ‘human’ than ever, not even able to recognize ourselves as the creators of this entire existence and take self responsibility for it, not able to see the blatant lies we’ve believed in for such a long time beginning with the current monetary system, not being able to stop such basic problems like terminal diseases, poverty and starvation regardless of having enough technology to get to Mars and explore the nice pictures of the universe far far away; not being able to stop the constant thinking which is the very same chatter that makes us believe that there is something ‘magnificent’ yet to be unveiled as our living purpose. It’s all been fluffy sparkling lies to make us feel better = less miserable when realizing that there is no such purpose in this world other than realizing what self creation is – and that hasn’t been understood within all its implications.

False self-empowerment can only uplift someone through pre-accepted and allowed beliefs of grandeur and magnificence as our ‘true nature’ wherein self then tries to ‘overcome the past’ and the ‘limitations’ through doing that which you believe will ‘break you free,’ apparently becoming ‘more’ through beating yourself against the odds – lol. It is really ludicrous to have this idea that becoming a ‘better being’ entails only considering your own experience, your own beliefs, your own reality without even questioning what type of ‘fear’ can someone that is starving  overcome to become the architects of their future? Hmm, I bet that their greatest fear just as any other human being’s would be linked to dying and currently, not even if they could use the law of attraction and visualize themselves as ‘god’ itself could they manifest food to eat and clean water to drink. How narrow minded do we have to be to believe in such ‘uplifting statements’ of there being a god, a something/someone that is having it all ‘under control’ while there are beings that cannot clearly even conceive that the suffering they endure every single day could possibly have any ‘higher purpose’ other than being a sick joke from a non-existent god that solaces in watching people starve wherein they can’t even uplift their condition to a living one. If there is no god, then who are the ones allowing such atrocities to remain as a constant aspect of our reality without doing anything to stop it? No one else but ourselves.

All things god, all things light, all things love, all things happiness, all things enlightenment, all things spirituality, all things bliss, all things that can be ‘exciting’ have but one single purpose: keeping everyone with a fake smile in place making themselves believe that human life is inherently benevolent  – how can we possibly even pretend everything is ‘fine’ and feel ‘blessed’ and ‘loved’ when there is but a single person in this world that is you and me as well that is being abused, that is starving, that is suffering some terminal disease, that is being raped, that is being fired after serving as a loyal slave for a lifetime – all events designed by an apparent benevolent force according to all those that preach some form of godhead exist. How come that we’ve kept ourselves perfectly occupied within our minds, not being able to see the forest for the trees, yet always seeking the next biggest excitement, the next uplifting energetic experience that can keep us ‘going,’ putting on the same show everyday until there is eventually no more artificial power to keep it running.

This is how Self Honesty is the most difficult thing we’ll ever walk in this world as there can be no other point of motivation outside of ourselves but ourselves – being the point of our existence is something that we’ve never realized and in that, self-acceptance, self-will and creating an actual consideration toward ourselves as this reality are points that must be cultivated for the very first time in our human existence. Self Honesty means that we move by principle, we realize ourselves as the creators of this reality simply to take self responsibility for it, stopping any form of personal ‘upliftment’ to make us then feel better and special, just to have something to ‘strive’ for and accept the enslavement that exists as a tricky aspect of our existence and that’s it.

Well, there are thousands of quotes like the one at the beginning of this post polluting cyberspace – I say ‘polluting’ because they are like temporary kicks of sugar to our brain wherein we believe that we can ‘do it all’ and feel better about ourselves which is already accepting a form of ‘positivity’ and ‘brightness’ added to an existence that we’ve accepted as inherently flawed in the first place – that’s the only reason why we would stick to the ‘positive side,’ just to hide the actual facts and self-experience that I suggest: must be exposed for what it is. The more we keep our demons trapped, the more difficult it will get to face ourselves as such experiences to stop and correct them. Living in denial is living in such false sense of self-empowerment, it is definitely  yet another crime against humanity as one is certainly missing out the entire reality of this world that is certainly NOT blissful, not great, not special in any way whatsoever.

The moment we dare to step down from our high horse, we will be able to walk in humbleness, understanding how reality operates and walking the necessary steps to become the solution that has never existed within this world directed and created to benefit all equally.

Overcome your fears.

Okay so by following such advices like the one in the quote, I could jump down from the top of a skyscraper and apparently that would be creating my future and being ‘my architect’ – I bet that wouldn’t change a thing other than experiencing major fractures or injuries or even death – this reality is certainly not exactly the same as the matrix movie.  We can all see how this is the type of energetic ‘uplift’ that anyone can obtain in some form of spiritual exorcism wherein you feel completely ‘great’ and apparently liberated in the moment, only having to wait for a while until the effect runs out and the actual bullshit starts hitting the fan – just like any other drug really. This leaves us with the realization that such words can only feel like ‘sweets’ that dissolve very quickly and end up leaving a bitter taste which won’t be corrected unless we start taking actual self responsibility to Stop the Past, and be the actual creators of a reality that isn’t based on fears, limitations and polarities of good and evil as the memories of abuse and negligence lived out toward ourselves. For that, Self Forgiveness is the way.

The fact that in such statement self creation is only existing as a way to ‘overcome one’s fears’ and feeling great about it is revealing to what extent we’ve limited self creation to. ‘Overcoming fears’ can only be an initial point to start debunking the lies and limitations we’ve accepted as ‘who we are,’ but it cannot possibly be ‘all there is’ to this reality, not at all.

Real self-empowerment begins when we consider the ability to create a world that’s best for all – this has nothing to do with becoming ‘more’ than or ‘better’ or ‘supreme beings’ – No, it is simply establishing the way that things should have always been in this reality, it is a matter of aligning with the principles of life, the life that has been absolutely disregarded while getting ourselves lost in the ideas of being/becoming nothing more than some type of super hero that runs on batteries, eventually having to step down from the cloud to face the actual process of creating a world that is best for all.

Let’s stop being prisoners of our mind and start learning how we can direct ourselves to finally live, for real and not just think about it.

‎”Gratitude when half the world starve is not based on love or oneness or light, It has its roots in survival. To feel love and gratitude in spite of the evidence of suffering in this world confirms that good feelings are also demonic possessions and purely the result of trained methods with which to turn a blind eye to actual truth as reality. All masters and Gurus should be seen for what they are, send to deceive and distract you from being the dominion on earth that produce a reality that is best for all. What excuse are you going to have for not attending to the suffering when you are able to?”-Bernard Poolman

Learn more about the very basic steps to start supporting yourself in this process of Self Honesty, correcting ourselves to eventually live.


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