Tag Archives: facebook

625. What I’ve learned from facing Gossip in Social Media


Recently I’ve been caught in between the outflow or consequence of social media accusations related to someone that’s close to me, which has led me to unveil a few things about myself, my relationship with the person involved in this conflict – who is my partner – and in doing so, I’ve taken the opportunity and responsibility to look back within myself to see where and how I have participated in gossip throughout my life – whether it is within relationships with people, social media or even ‘news’ for that matter.

For example, I’ve done this when getting to hear or read people’s stories about a certain point of abuse or exposure of a certain problem where ‘the offended’ starts finger pointing at ‘the culprits’ and how I’ve taken such situations blindly ‘as facts’ without a question, taking sides with the part that ‘I believe the most’ and in many other cases, adding myself up to give credit to any form of ‘testimony’ that simply goes along the lines of what I perceive or believe ‘is right’ or is ‘the true one.’ This is where shortsightedness leads to fuel more problems than contribute to any solution, and this is what I am now committing to change within me, no matter how ‘subtle’ my participation may be in this process of ‘taking sides’ with someone without an actual first-hand understanding and investigation of the situation

One thing that I’ve precisely been talking about within our group chats is learning to discern, not being ‘gullible’ in the sense of taking a story ‘as is,’ but being more critical. This means, not immediately jumping into conclusions, pointing fingers or even demonizing the ‘culprit’ in the snap of a finger. Something that comes for me at the moment is how I’ve seen several people become ‘divided and conquered’ on social media specifically over a myriad of topics, which is why I have refrained from participating in taking any ‘side’ because, in order to do so, there’s a need to be genuinely informed or have a firsthand say or experience in the whole topic or situation in order to create a position about it that’s worth sharing. At times even the ‘idea’ of having to take a side or a position about something is already divisive in nature, and that’s why many times it is best to focus on reflecting back where I stand and from there assess my own self-honesty.

Keyword comes again here: self-honesty. My response towards the allegations that my partner has been accused of was to immediately to consult with him about the situation. I decided to not react or immediately go into a paranoia – which could have been my ways of dealing with conflict in the past – which is essential when dealing with accusations that one person may bring up. This of course could be questioned by any other person in the consideration of me having to stand on the side of ‘my partner’ because of ‘him being my partner,’ but the reality is that with the integrity that I hold to myself, my life, my living purpose and the process I have decided to take on in my life for the past decade, I would not mind at all having to recognize the responsibility that any close person would have towards a certain situation where any wrong or fault was committed by them, and ensure that they own to it.

So, this is where it is interesting how some people have questioned me and my relationship with my partner based on the allegations against him. I understand this kind of reactions as well, because it may come with the intent of care or consideration towards me. But, as one of my friends said, if you question me and my relationship based on social media gossip, you definitely have no idea who I am. And that is a fact.

One thing that I appreciate about my partner is his integrity. I’ve even explained in previous blogs how he’s always been quite straightforward in the way that he works, and how yes, some people have taken that personally to the point of attacking back in a very venomous manner. I also have decided to create an understanding of the ‘offended’ person’s position in this, which is part of what I have committed myself to do: to not take part just because ‘he is my partner,’ but to get to understand the situation, to see the facts claimed, to read the words, read the context – at a social and political level even – see where each person stands and from there make a decision of ‘who I am’ within and towards it all.

Within me there is no doubt about where my partner stands and who he is within his life. He’s an open book when it comes to how he works with people and his general intent with people. He is also quite aware that he’s got ways of dealing and treating people that are a consequence of how he was raised himself, and how even these habits and behavior patterns when teaching and showing people how to best do their work, have been misinterpreted as abuse or violent behavior. This is something that he now has to learn when it comes to how he relates to people, regardless of his inherent and ever present intent to support people to become a better person, to create some discipline and standing in their lives, where they can be less fearful, less doubting of themselves and gain more confidence in what they do by willing themselves to do something they would otherwise resist doing, to learn something, practice and become good at what they do.

To me it’s a bit heartbreaking to see how easy it is for outsiders to immediately jump into the gossip bandwagon, where there’s an aim to discredit, attack, threaten and even pose as open enemies towards people that had nothing to do with the situation. But, this is also part of what I’ve known for a long time as well by now, how ‘easy’ it is to be triggered at an emotional level due to a certain kind of information that ‘touches our core’ and with that, we take blind faith to ‘believe’ the person that’s posing themselves as aggravated without further questions or asking the people involved directly to get a holistic perspective of all parties involved. Nope, in this case and situation, it has been frankly disappointing to see even those people that were perceived as ‘friends’ fall for the victimization trap and immediately place themselves on one side based on personal benefits or any form of convenience. Again, self-honesty is something that stands within each one, can’t be demanded either.

This is concerning to me now because of how it affects my life at the moment as well. But the reality is that this may happen more and more until no one is left ‘untouched’ to see to what extent we can create and propagate our worst nature through gossip and accusations that can be spread everywhere now through the power of social media, where even a response of understanding and total assumption of responsibility is deliberately misinterpreted as further ammunition against the people in question. This means, there’s not even an opening to conciliate or solve anything, there’s just a blind desire for violence, revenge masqueraded in the form of justice.

I am in no way exculpating the people involved. My partner knows where he stands in his responsibility and that is something that I also appreciate a lot from him. There was an immediate understanding of the situation in how it came to be, what his role was and subsequently, sharing the story that was untold from the offended’s side. That is quite valuable in someone,  that he is willing to recognize the things that need to be taken responsibility for, that he has no fear in facing whatever outflows or consequences and is willing to go ‘to whatever extent’ it is needed to create a solution for all parties involved. There is also a learning process that comes from the kind of situations that can be called out at a public and mass scale for personal growth, which is also something he has now taken to heart in terms of how he relates to people, how he expresses and learns to consider more about how others ‘may take his words’ and expression, to precisely prevent further problems like this one.

This is then something that I also got to learn from, how at times, yes, things need to ‘hit the fan’ this way to wake some people up about the nature of our actions and to realize in what ways they are affecting other people. One suggestion though is to always ask for support when it happens, instead of publishing information – or defaming – in social media, which causes irreversible consequences for everyone involved.

Is it sad that an attempt to support a person backfired in the worst imagined way? It is, but it’s not the first time that I’ve witnessed this kind of situations. Myself as part of the Desteni group have been subject of endless forms of trolling and abuse, we have proceeded legally many times to create any form of correction about it, without any real solution either. I have realized how facing this kind of situations can only lead to strengthen each one’s capacity to take responsibility for any damage done and see ourselves through it – while at the same time learning to prevent it in the way that we relate to others and how we do things.

Something else that I’ve come to see and realize is how there will be many people that will be completely siding with the person that has been the offended one without a question, and that is also part of the revelations that are here for all of us to witness. Seeing people’s responses as a confirmation of ‘who they are’ and what exists within them, where the subject of discussion disappears and all that’s left is the essence and nature of the person in their own words as response to something they may have no clue about, but are very quick to give immediate responses to. I also am learning to embrace – which means not react, not judge – but see it as situations that will continue to reflect back to each person who they are within themselves and where they stand as individuals –  that is: becoming aware of our own self-honesty.

What I admire in my partner is his stance within it all. To not fall into a form of emotional experience, to stand through it without having anything to fear and at the same time, suggesting the person to proceed against him or any other person presumed to be culprits of the situation, because he knows where he stands. He also understands the political and social environment that this conflict arises within, where some people could be given preference because of being perceived as the common victims in situations like that. We also know that the legal framework might not even have a space to create conciliation and solutions this kind of situations, and that is also ok, part of the shared responsibility point we all hold wherein we haven’t yet worked on standing in and creating a legal system where people’s lives are honored and considered yet.

All that’s left for us to face and confront are our actions, our words, our life trajectories to speak for themselves.  With regards to my partner, he is an open book as the public person that he is, the problem is not many have actually dared to ask directly what the story is in fact – and at the same time, cross-reference that story in alignment with the life that he’s led so far. And as we know, it’s easier, much easier to spread lies than to dare to do a proper investigation to get the full story on all sides involved.  And that’s how I take responsibility to prevent myself from taking a side, but only suggesting what is honorable for me and him to do: to face the music, to assume responsibility and walk it all the way through as it may be needed. That’s what self-integrity is to me.

What’s left is not participating in emotional reactions about it, even if it surely makes me sad, but I realize my sadness is more concerning to him than the situation in itself. Whatever outcome there is, there is a complete disposition to face it and take responsibility for it. That’s something I am also learning from him in terms of how to face ‘worst case scenarios’ and how to always be sure and certain that our thoughts, words and deeds will speak for themselves, even if they don’t stand in the ‘legal’ framework of our current systems in place: in the end, it’s only life and ourselves that know the truth of who we are, and that’s something that no one, no social media opinions, judgment, conclusions or misrepresentation can define or change.

This certainty that he has in who he is has definitely inspired me a lot. He has shared the many times controversy has knocked at his door, and how he has learned over the years to not fear it, but totally cooperate and assume responsibility. This is the kind of person I am and continuing learning to be as well, to understand that we all have a few things to face and confront in this life, and how they mostly show up in the form of obstacles, difficulties, challenges at every level, even health issues or any other form of ‘inconvenience’ that can make us wiser and stronger if we take it to heart as a cross reference of who we are, where we stand and how we decide to lead our lives.

In my regard, I’ll be a lot more careful in how ‘easily’ I take sides on any subject or topic on social media or on personal matters I may become aware of. This is something that my partner has also told me many times before: to not believe anything blindly, to go and test for myself, to talk to the person, be certain of what I am speaking of – otherwise, I am only spreading lies, gossip, misinformation and not measuring the consequences of this. I have explained several times before how righteous I have been with such kind of things, so this is also a learning experience for me to ‘see what it’s like’ to be – in a way by association – on the receiving end of defamation and the effects and consequences it has on many other people, all because of not questioning what we accept and allow to exist within us and focus on sorting things out, rather than aiming at punishment, vengeance or even violence as solution.

In any case, I also understand that difficulties like this lead to a very necessary learning experience which may be very sour and possibly more harming than supportive – but in the end, we can’t control things getting ‘out of control,’ or control how other people react or respond to certain situations. We only have ourselves, our self-respect, self-integrity, self-honesty and the understanding of what one accepts and allows. As they say here ‘the one that doesn’t owe anything, doesn’t fear,’ and that’s the saying that he and I consequently stand by.

My commitment to this life is to also face obstacles, controversies and difficult situations in the best way that I can. This means realizing that reacting emotionally – like becoming sad or feel hopeless about it  – is not the way to stand as a point of support for those that need it most. In a way it is needless to say that in being, there is no space to even consider disrespecting or judging the person that is coming out as the offended one, because I have applied the necessary understanding to see how easy it is for us to not measure the kind of situations we become a part of in our lives and how easy it is to blame, to fall into emotional traps, to be encouraged by group mentality to do things that we are not considering through and through in the consequences it creates, and as such, I take things from Who they come from and considering to the most of my ability the totality of the person they are, to the extent that I can visibly do. This leads me to understanding and forgiveness, which is I’d say the best approach to not ‘fuel the fire,’ while also of course considering the legal means and ways in which any form of conflict that has ‘gone out of control’ can be sorted through.

We live in very chaotic times, that is a fact. It’s not the first time I see this kind of things happening especially within the internet, but I also embrace it as a very necessary part of this existential process to truly get to uncover and expose more about the truth of each one in our lives. And as I’ve said many times, I stand in my own responsibility to the actions and choices I make, I have no intent of defending or painting a nice picture about myself or any human being for that matter, because that is not realistic at all.

I’ve made my point to share the process that I walk with facing my problems, character flaws and faults. We all have them, we all have our falls, we all can be singled out as ‘culprits’ of something – but if we continue to only point out the problems, without standing up to create and promote solutions, we are prone to end up causing far greater problems than then ones we already have in this world.

It is time where we can realize the value of our self-honesty, the value of being a person of integrity and honor towards ourselves and others, and if one is not doing so, surely, I believe life ‘dishes’ things our way to open our eyes and decide where we stand. So, as part of my learning process in this process and from the support I’ve gotten over the years from the many walking this process with Desteni and with the Eqafe material, I take this situation and adversity as an opportunity to strengthen my resolve to align with that and those who are of integrity in their own lives and so towards others. And if I make a false judgment about something or someone, I’ll face it inevitably too, it’s all part of the learning process in life, because the truth will always prevail.

This is where I can learn how to stand in my own truth, whichever it may be, and be willing to stand with it throughout the test of time. This is where I am the only one that can be responsible for my words, what I do, what I support or don’t support till the end of time as it’s said. And that is true empowerment to me, nothing can beat that.

This is something that I want to share considering that this kind of situations are becoming more and more prevalent in this world, to see and consider what one can learn, what kind of strength and resolve one can gather from deciding or making a choice of ‘who one is’ in the midst of conflict. That’s what defines a person: who they are in the face of conflict, not their past deeds and faults or however people may talk back about them, but how they are willing to own the situation and take responsibility for it. And this is what I take to heart as well, because that is what’s honorable to do for everyone involved, in the name of life itself.

We all make mistakes and what matters to me is how I decide to face my mistakes, my falls, my creation of consequences towards others and own it. That’s what matters – anything else people might say, will come and go, no one can control that. All we got is our self-honesty, and those words stand true today and most likely for the rest of time. What we can do is gain a holistic perspective of the situation by asking or talking to the people involved directly and taking a position based on that, considering all aspects of it to the point that we can, but in the end, not even that is a real solution. This is about personal responsibility in the end: each one can only know ‘who’ one is and who one was in the actions, words or deeds done or said.

Thanks for reading.


Suggested supportive material:

Practicing Responsibility Sharing
Embracing Responsibility
Paranoia & Gossip – Quantum Systemization – Part 136


Videos by Sunette Spies for Self and Living:
Gossip and Personal Pains
From Judgment to Nonjudgment
From Judgment to Understanding




Join in if you want to start walking your own process of defining your Self-Honesty 

2012 Destonians Take Over the World: The New Culture of LIFE

Tools like the internet as social media, video sharing communities and a general movement of ‘expression’ have been part of our current society with one single purpose: shaping/ molding/ creating a society that is kept well-bound to a system wherein we all learn from a very young age that: everything has a price, everything must be sold, everything you do/ express/ create must be part of a market that can be then valued according to a set of divine-laws that we never even get to fully ‘understand’ because they are simply NOT based on Common sense.


Within our current process of seeing ‘the collective unconscious’ manifested as the World Wide Web, we are facing the truth of humanity at a click of a mouse, we are able to access the brutality, the nastiness, the gloriously heaven pictures of a fantastic spiritual world wherein all forms of love and light blind the eyes of those that neglect the animal abuse, human abuse as videos of people hitting each other, torture, rape, all types of paraphilias, vanity that is sold everywhere, all self-improvement sites linked to making everyone just another obedient drone that is able to buy, consume and appear to be happy for a camera that will serve as an instrument to propagate a false idea of what ‘Life’ is. We have essentially corrupted inventions to perpetuate a state of slumber to keep just ‘buying,’ building our nice ego-personalities and aspire to become ‘number one’ in this world.

All of this is happening at an impressive speed wherein we forget what the hell it is that is actually happening in this world.  What about those billions that have no idea that there is such a thing as Internet? How about all the kids that spend their days working as slaves without having a fucking idea of what their extraction/ manufacturing job will ‘work like/ be-like/ taste like’ once the product is finished?  Millions are absolutely ostracized from our techno-era wherein tweeting and being on Facebook have become ‘the way’ of living  out digitalized personas wherein we’ve become merely ‘ideas’ of ourselves as “being living.”


One can only take a look at what the daily ‘trends’ are on twitter to realize: we are living in an absolute dimensional shift from reality, thinking about fame, fortune, our relationships, literal bullshit, celebrities, spitefulness, protesting, and arguing for our limitations while the actual matters in this world are side-viewed and often considered as ‘negative messages’ that a very few dare to see/ watch/ hear.


We have created the system as the image and likeness of that eternal ‘carelessness,’ the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude that has prevailed as a general starting point of allowing oneself to be absorbed by entertainment, by all things that sound comfortable enough to not have to ‘think’ about it. How many times have I heard people saying that they don’t like watching anything that ‘makes them think’ – which I have understood implies documentaries/ films that may change your current perspective on life, because that would imply change and that triggers fears and questions that I am sure everyone has asked themselves, yet we’ve left that moment just ‘escape out of the window’ because We Know that in such moments, we are able to see that everything that we are doing is actually a lie that is not supporting ourselves or anyone for that matter.

The majority of the people wants to just tune-in and ‘plug-out’ of reality while being immersed in a movie, in a stream of consciousness as a program that repeats itself using the same lingo that others around the world can relate to and use to keep each other within the same bounds of ‘entertainment,’ of nice images, nice ‘ideals’ and ‘role models’ that show us that Money, Fame, Glory is ‘the way to make it’ in this world.


I ponder, how long will that remain so? What will these people do when all the money is gone, or all the resources that had made that ‘life is a fantasy land’ type of ideal a ‘reality’ only for some. Every time that I read what’s ‘going on’ on Twitter and whenever I get to see what is going on around other people’s Facebook pages, we are able to get our reality check  to see what is occupying one’s world/mind/ day/ moment – it is usually everything else but actual common sense or any self-supportive material that reveals the world we live in.


We are here as Destonians and we are already a Network of People around the world using the Internet as our main platform  wherein we share our commitment and dedication to expose the reality we  live in, beginning with sharing/ exposing ourselves in common sense. We don’t only ‘complain’ about how this system is, because we realize that we have created it/ we are ‘it’ and as such, we take Self Responsibility for it. 


We understand the practicality, benefits and potential that tools like the internet have; in fact I would not be able to be sitting here writing these words if I didn’t have the money and education to do so. I am part of the human beings that have realized that I am in a position in which I can make a difference by using the tools and resources I have within common sense and directed to create/ write/ speak/ expose material as words/ images/ sounds that are in the best interest of AL Life. We just have to make them available to everyone and using them within common sense, using the ‘wise ways’ of a system that would only care to make money and provide equal access to that which is already HERE and can be used for human empowerment in Equality.


We are re-starting our starting point in this world as humanity, and this is the time wherein we create an awareness/ space in the internet about the ability we have to Use the Tools in Common Sense, become the glitch in the system that doesn’t use Facebook within its initial purpose to gossip and date people or even talk shit about others; instead we use it to relate, link  and get to know people that have always felt the same way we all, Destonians, once did: not wanting to participate in the usual bullshit of this world yet kind of accepting it because there were ‘no other options,’ never realizing we could create them. So, we’re here: creating an entire New Culture of Life that is speaking up common sense from most of the corners of the world, standing as equals within one single principle: What’s Best for ALL Life. Within this, we are changing the rules, slowly but surely, of how Social Networks are used and can be used if we all see that there is a definitive change/ transformation to create in this world.


Facebook’s platform of ‘What’s on your mind?’ when used in the Destonian style has become an immediate open stage to proclaim to the world ‘What do you see is common sense worthy of sharing with the world?’ And within that, educate each other that we don’t have to ‘stick to the rules’ of what a site was made for. The same applies for YouTube wherein we as Desteni have faced multiple trials and tribulations in terms of being censored, banned, false-flagged, false claiming copyright to take our videos down, removing our partnerships as well as being ‘attacked’ by groups that feel that we are a ‘great threat’ to this world, which we are if such people are the type of persons that get all the benefits from enslaving fellow human beings and get the most of the cake, without giving a fuck about the consequences that such stance is manifesting in this world.


We are a group of individuals infiltrating the net through blogs, vlogs, forums and comments on YouTube that are windows of opportunity to anyone that wants to join us, to stand one and equal to exposing ourselves, the ‘real deal ‘ that we as humans have become, which is not nice or pretty.


This has been a process for us to walk through, to walk enough time individually, asserting ourselves and walking a process of establishing self trust to be able to now speak up and share what we see is common sense = what’s best for all, what’s relevant for the world to know about. We are walking the process of proving to ourselves that common sense is actually undeniable, it is non-debatable, it is what is here and what must be exposed to create enough waves in the ocean to show the world that: There IS another way to this, that the current problem/ crisis we are facing in all aspects as humanity requires to be approached within the starting point of Taking Self Responsibility, it is about allowing ourselves to become part of the voices that stop vanity in this world, that stop supporting the usual bullshit just to be accepted and liked. We’ve come out of our hideouts to stand up and voice that which had never been voiced before.


We are a group because we understand that we would not have been able to walk this all alone – we walk as equals, we are everywhere just by typing ‘Desteni’ and ‘Equal Money System’ on your search engines– see how common sense is shared and exposed by people all over the world and how we are indeed, dedicated to change the way that the internet is being ‘lived.’ We use what is here and we are decided to make the most of it through creating the New Culture of Life: a Culture of Life Support with tools that will enable us to stand as Equals, a visual culture that exposes the atrocities accepted and allowed within this world and directing it within common sense to place the solution to it which is the Equal Money System as the way to give to each other what we want for ourselves.


Become part of the glitch in this current profit-image based system and Stand Up for a Dignified Living, a Dignified way of expressing commons sense, presenting solutions and interacting with others in the world within a new code of behavior that is best for all, to ensure we stop any ideas of life having to be a ‘lifestyle’ – Life’s Style must be Common Sense in all ways.

Wake up, Human, Desteni’s Got You

Follow the links below:




Watch our participation within Desteni @

Destonians Journey as the Desteni of the Universe

Vlogs that inspired this entry:

Is Facebook Guilty of the Degeneration of Humanity?

2012: Exposing The Deception of Copyright Laws

Desteni - The Culture of Life in the Internet
Searching for truths – 2007

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