Tag Archives: facing conflict

626. The Freedom of Shared Responsibility

 

Here I share an update to my previous blog which will be my personal reflection and reading of a situation like this in the current world we are living in where social media has become in the individual press or medium of communication that enables us to create awareness of basically anything in our world, and at the same time consider the ‘greater scheme’ of how things that will emerge and will be coming through as scandals or online viperous content are also part of a very bumpy – yet necessary – ride to create further awareness of the effect that our actions have upon others, while also learning to discern what is truth and what isn’t based on facts and within that, learning to essentially stand in truth because nothing can distort that, because it is self-evident, and that’s essentially our real freedom, to own and take responsibility of our participation in the co-creation of reality and know ‘who we are’ within it all, so that one can then decide to change the ‘problematic’ actions and attitudes within myself  – that’s self-honesty to me.  

So, without giving too many details for obvious reasons, I was part of the conciliation process that took place in order to create a form of ‘justice’ to the person that felt aggravated by the actions of other people that were professionally involved with my partner. My partner faced his own ‘charges’ directly with the person that felt aggravated by him. To me it was quite an example of how one can be the living expression of ‘your truth sets you free’ because there was nothing to fear when you know exactly what you did, how you did it and the starting point of it. It took an apology to realize that his actions and words simply had an effect he had not considered could cause a negative reaction in the other person, and that was essentially about it. The whole ‘exacerbation’ of the situation essentially deflated when he decided to talk to the person face to face and clarify the situation. This involved the acknowledgement of making mistakes and how we can learn from it, how to change from now on.

The ability to come to an agreement exists when people are placed face to face to talk things out without having the ‘he/she said this/that’ over social media gossip only. The whole thing changes when you are there talking to the person that created a certain image of you online and start laying out the facts, recognize the mistakes, ask for forgiveness and move forward to create a peace arrangement, recognizing the responsibility on the ‘aggravator’ side in this case.

I personally tried to share the concept of shared responsibility where it always takes ‘two to tango’ in any situation, and how the person remained in such work relationship by their own choice. I was vehemently ‘shut down’ with my remark, because the whole set up was of having a victimhood and aggressor type of polarity in the conversation. This is one of those moments where I realized there was no opening to this kind of concepts when you have emotionally ‘enraged’ people and certain laws being used to treat a point of awareness of responsibility as ‘adding fuel to the fire.’ I had to keep quiet after that realizing I could stir up more conflict in a situation where conciliation was aimed to be made.

Here I’ll be sharing my perspectives on what I’ve observed not only first hand from this situation, but also in the context of what’s going on in the world in the realm of ‘political correctness’ and all of these attempts to ‘make people pay’ for past situations where people that felt aggravated didn’t speak up – or where people are currently taking offense much easier than before, where even now trying to make a simple joke can give you labels of the worst kind, where even mentioning a word has led people to lose their jobs as CEO’s of big corporations, comics have been kicked out of colleges for ‘telling the wrong jokes,’ and world leaders are being a constant source of internet bullying because of not providing a ‘politically correct’ view of people… and the list goes infamously on. That simply shows ‘where we are’ as humanity, that’s our current mirror.

I’ve mostly been observing and seeing what the ‘climate’ of all of these accusations, ‘revelations’ and ‘me too’ movements have created and have become. Each person has the ability to use their words and the media of their choice to say what they feel they ‘have a right’ to say. The problem is we don’t consider our responsibility in it all and the way that we affect each other, and at the same time how to learn and realize that no one can make you feel bad, feel less, feel down, feel offended unless one allows it or unless one ‘identifies’ with certain ‘label’ or word that may trigger an emotional reaction in us. That is part of this process as well where I’ve learned to see where and how I used to identify with certain judgments – essentially standing as Self-Judgment – and from there realize that any reaction I get from anyone ‘calling me that’ is simply because I accept and allow such word and a reaction to it to exist within me. I know it sounds difficult to do, but it’s work that’s worth doing for the sake of personal growth and change.

Currently writing or saying something about ‘taking responsibility’ on the side of the ‘offended’ one becomes outrageous in a climate like the one we are living ‘out there’ where people are deciding it’s quite easy to accuse and become a victim – and in that blindly supporting the victims – which is why the world is becoming the kind of ‘you said he said’ circus of misinformation and gossip that are dividing people more and more.

It seems ‘easier’ for some to not create any form of awareness of responsibility or perhaps not even deciding to consider it because it basically would destroy every single accusation or offense claim done, because one would realize ‘whatever I feel or experience from these words, I create within me, no one else can get inside my head to cause me to feel bad about it.’ But these seem to be still ‘superhero’ concepts as in them being ‘out of reach’ of any regular human being, when they are not, we are doing it as well in this process at Desteni. This doesn’t mean that some people may in fact want to inflict abuse, harm or extortion on others, that definitely does exist as well, but then it takes us to another reading, to understand how a person came to be the kind that would want to deliberately harm, abuse or vex others. That is also something that can be understood to take responsibility  – as in assisting to change it within self – and forgive it, not taking it personally and creating more problems about it. Sometimes simply talking to the person to know ‘who they are’ leads us to understand why they do certain things, and this also assists in realizing one cannot take personally others’ wrongdoings either. But this is also part of this process where one willingly decides to live the word Understanding, rather than going through the seemingly ‘easy’ path of blame and victimhood.  

So unless the person is devoid of all of their mental and physical capacity to think for themselves, every single person that stands in any form of victimhood needs to assess this first point of responsibility: how did I come to create, accept and allow this in my life and reality? What kind of steps, decisions and choices did I make to get to where I am currently? This is one of the main things that have made me a ‘freer’ person. I’ve written in countless blogs how I used to stand in blame towards every single human – hypothetically speaking – for ‘how fucked up we are as humanity’ and how I saw no way out other than completely ignoring the world – well, trying to – but ending up with a very pessimistic and nihilistic view about life and of any future for ourselves.  This led me to feel anger, resentment and feel completely disempowered to change anything, because I kept blaming the world system, ‘those in power,’ those that apparently made all the ‘wrong choices’ that affected my life and those around me.

Deciding to step outside of victimhood and blame is genuinely empowering and this was only possible due to studying the Eqafe.com material where I truly got to understand the ‘greater’ picture, and I mean ‘greater’ as in existential-level greater, where I got to grasp that any form of abuse is always Self-Abuse, because we are all in fact one and equal, and this is not in the nice and fluffy sense that some aspects of spirituality or religion portray, but this is at a matter level, where we are truly one and the same, we have just separated ourselves into oblivion, not only as individuals, but even within ourselves where we have our mind, our being and our body separated ‘within ourselves’ which is why we don’t realize what we were – and have been – doing ‘it’ to ourselves all along, which is self-evident now that we witness the truth and reality we are in.

Even though a lot of ‘shit’ seems to be hitting the fan, and cans of worms seem to be opening up everywhere – which is something we also knew would Have to happen in order for the old to go and the new to emerge – there are also great things happening in the realm of ‘waking up’ and taking more responsibility and creating more awareness of who we really are, and that’s also why some events are causing the scandals we are now seeing in the media or on social media every single day, people coming up with past stuff to blame people and in a way believe that it is that way to create any form of solution to the problems, when it is genuinely not and it is causing much more harm, violence, defamation and unnecessary paranoia around it. However all in all, it does serve as a point of awareness to the kind of abuses, harm, violations to life that exist which are things that have been kept ‘inside’ each person throughout human history.

We just now happen to have things like Facebook, Twitter and other places where each one can share themselves to whichever intent. But in all of such expressions of accusations, I haven’t yet read or seen one single person admitting to have placed themselves in such positions to be on the ‘receiving’ end of any form of abuse. And it is rare at the same time to find people that assume full responsibility for their aggravations without fear, understanding the situation and committing to change themselves for the best. I personally am fond of my partner for being one of them and serves as a great example of how things can be sorted with self responsibility, and how there’s nothing to fear when you know exactly ‘what you did’ and why you did it.

As a side note, it was also interesting to see how a publication with ‘scandalous’ content got shared thousands of times and commented on endlessly, while another publication with a signed agreement of conciliation of peace between the involved parties got only ‘a few likes’ and a few comments of approval. It does reveal a lot ‘where we are’ as a society and this has saddened some of my friends, but, I stick to the point of seeing the greater picture of not taking it personally but move on with the solutions as planned, because I know that falling into despair is just another outflow of reaction that leads nowhere but personal disempowerment, thus, we need to acknowledge, understand and move on standing clear on it, even being willing to support others that may be affected by similar situations which is something that I am open to do as well.

I initially also felt limited or ‘violated’ in my right to speak about shared responsibility in such conciliation process, because I was essentially told to ‘shut up’ or I could aggravate the situation. That’s a moment where I had to see my reaction coming up and decide to slow down and take one step back, breathe and realize that there are and possibly will be situations where the actual truth of the facts cannot be fully embraced or even mentioned, because there are factions that are completely entrenched in a sense of entitlement  that prevents them from hearing any form of common sensical approach to a situation such as where the two parts are considered as co-creators of a situation. It was baffling to me, but in that moment I realized that I could indeed do more harm than ‘good’ by trying to ‘create awareness’ about something that could destroy a ‘conciliatory’ process in the making. What I did instead after the whole more ‘serious’ part of the conciliatory process was done is to extend a hand of support for the person that was aggravated, to share how I do this as part of my living and how I am interested in people’s wellbeing regardless of anything. So that’s where I decided to stand in relation to ‘the other side’ for the sake of giving a name here, it was my way of living forgiveness in that simple moment as well.

This I share as well as a cautionary tale, where one needs to learn how to read the matrix so to speak, the context of the situation, the political and social ideas behind these kind of accusations, the laws and how the people on the victim-stance are expressing – such as if they are enraged, angry, nervous, etc. Because then it is my responsibility to know that saying something can ‘detonate’ them further on, so that’s where I have to take that step further and not step on my ‘high horse’ so to speak, which could have caused more conflict.  It is also well known that our current legal frameworks do not cater common sense or the consideration of shared responsibility. It is a polarized system where the only sense of ‘justice’ that exists is placing someone in jail or sending them to death penalty or asking them for money as a form of conciliation. That is of course only handling consequences….

But how about creating spaces to genuinely converse and admit the simple fact of ‘it takes two to tango’ and assist both or more parties to step outside of the disempowerment of victimhood and offender – that in fact attracts more dissent, polarization, violence and rage – and in doing so, assume a more responsible and wholesome stance where each person involved is assisted to recognize their participation in the co-creation of the situation, to understand the mental processes that led to the creation of ‘the problem’ and from there create a conciliatory process where one can understand the other and commit to a process of learning from the mistakes to change such habits, attitudes, actions or ways of being in order to prevent further mistakes and so further problems or accusations. That’s living forgiveness and that is not currently in any legal framework to my awareness.

In a way it is sad that one cannot say such things in the moment, because based on the situation where there’s almost like a victimhood standoff, it is almost impossible to hear any form of shared-responsibility concept. But there I said it, perhaps I planted a seed of awareness, perhaps not. But at least I didn’t keep quiet about it, couldn’t say all of what I’m writing here today and that’s also how I see the importance of using the tools we have of sharing ourselves, of creating blogs, sharing our perspectives within self-responsibility. Here I am making the best that I can to ensure that my words stand as a perspective that is geared to support ourselves as human beings – not taking any sides here – to face conflict, to prevent conflict, to handle conflictive situations in a way that can honor each other and ultimately life itself.

This is how I see we need tools of support at a legal level so that the labels of ‘the victim’ and the ‘perpetrator’ are removed for a moment to look at where each one stands and how the situation came to be, so that there is an awareness creation of each other’s participation in the event, and so create a mutual process of real reformation if you will, which doesn’t come with a sense of vengeance or punishment or ‘compensation for the damage done’, but in the intent of actual change and restoration of the individual, for any ‘other’ is also ‘us’ that have gone astray in one way or another, they are also the product and result of the whole society/world we have co-created.

And this is why blame is lame as they say, it prevents us from acknowledging that we have all created the world as is, we have all been co-creators all the way, we have just blindly and comfortably forgotten, and that is what’s currently being used with greater force in certain factions or groups that create an identity point based sexual preferences, gender, race, nationality, ideology, political inclinations, religions, all kinds of paraphilias and the list goes unfortunately on, missing out the fact of how any form of label/tag divides and conquers us further. It truly saddens me to see how we have separated ourselves from the basic humanity that we all are, devoid of creeds, beliefs, postures, colors, dogmas. It is indeed sad undoubtedly how much ‘shit’ we can talk about one another, how easily we can attack and blame and not even care to investigate the facts. I’ve been there myself as well and can’t claim innocence at all in the past, but I’ve been committing myself to change that within this process for the past 11 years. Sometimes learning the tough way is what we need, a huge ‘wake up call’ to see how we are participating with each other person in this world.

At the time, it seems things are ‘getting out of hand’ in the world where virtually any wrong word may get you on the spotlight and be labeled as the worst of the worst…. We are on a learning curve as well on how to best make use of this current notion of ‘free speech’ and the ability we have to publish whatever we want. I believe it is only our truth that can set us free, and that truth doesn’t mean always doing things ‘right’ or ‘correctly,’ but it also means being able to stand in the front of the person and the totality of the world and explain ourselves, recognize the facts, the context, explain the wrongdoings and commit to change, to live forgiveness, for that is a far more valuable act and a much less ‘explosive’ than going through social media asking for revenge or simple slander to defame others and causing multiple effects that at times we have no consideration for, because we see it as ‘part of the consequences,’ but I see it now as another source of conflict even for people that haven’t been personally involved in the events.

This is also another rather ‘disastrous’ process that sure, can break us further apart, but in the cases that we do care to assist each other to ‘open eyes,’ we can take the time to share our perspectives on a controversial topic or situation like this to present a more common sensical approach to things, to learn to read things properly, to not take immediate ‘sides’ to a story and to formulate a personal stance in relation to all things that we may become aware of in the world. Doing this can in fact make us grow as humanity, but remaining divided – and so conquered – only adds up to the plethora of problems we have to sort out.

Based on the situation I explained in my previous blog, I became aware of people that came in contact with the information and created a conflict with one another for not agreeing on how things were taken by each. This is also part of seeing each others’ ‘truth’ if you will, it will disrupt the way that we believed we liked or agreed with each other to reveal the truth of who we are and yes, that’s part of discovering self-honesty too, it is not nice, it is not pretty, it will be something quite radical and may seem polarizing and disruptive, but it’s part of the necessary ‘opening’ of the cans of worms as I see it, where only – once again – one’s truth will set ourselves free. Actually if one stands clear within oneself, there is nothing to fear, and this is the way to debunk any claims of wrongdoings that one is certain one hasn’t done. IF one has, then, sure, there we go! It sure is time to step up and assume responsibility and commit to changing what one has done and focus on how to stop recreating the same in the present and in the future, because it is what’s best for all, it will prevent further harm, abuse or offense towards others.

Something that I also see is happening is a sense of false empowerment when accusing others, and this is also something that can only happen if there’s no acknowledgement of shared responsibility.  I’ve been there and done that in the past as well where, as I’ve shared countless of times in this blog throughout the past years how I used to ‘rejoice’ in speaking shit – sorry but that’s what it is – about governments, and the ‘elites’ I thought were to blame for everything going wrong in this world, about religious leaders and organized religions, and basically anyone else I judged as evil and wrong in my previous mindset, the one I had before starting this process of self-awareness with Desteni and the mindset I AM still working with whenever it rears its head within me day to day.

I cannot be any more grateful for the ability that I have now to recognize my co-creation and co-responsibility in the creation of this world, our lives, our bodies as they are. It has assisted me to change the very fiber of my being that used to stand in that sense of ‘entitlement’ to feel like a victim, believing I was ‘empowering’ myself by pointing fingers at others, never realizing that in blame and in that position of victimhood I was in fact the most disempowered, I actually felt the most miserable because I thought that punishment and ‘bringing others down’ was the only way to create any restoration of justice. I was in fact recreating the same problems I was complaining about in this world, I was wishing ‘the end’ of those I believed to be the problem. I never realizing I was ‘digging my own grave’ as they say here, I was doing it all to myself.

Walking the Desteni process and the Eqafe self-support material have enabled me to recognize the actual obstacle that blame and victimhood are, and so rather realize the potential and the actual power/capacity I have to focus on changing me, in stopping blaming others and feeling like a victim, to owning my thoughts, words and deeds, to be willing to recognize my participation in the ‘fucked up’ reality we live in and realize that the one true power I hold is to change ME, and that seeking revenge or ‘justice’ as punishment would truly get us nowhere as humanity but further down the downward spiral.

I have realized that I have to be the change, and stop focusing on pointing fingers at others, because that was causing more harm in my body, it was in fact like an ‘anger’ sickness that made me depressed and hopeless and yes, it has taken quite some time to change it, but every single moment I decide to stand in understanding of a situation within this consideration of who we are in our minds, the consequences we’ve created as a society, the role that each one of us has in creating the outflows we face and no longer taking a unilateral approach to things that I face in my life has been like healing a long lasting ‘wound’ of ‘feeling empowered’ when blaming others and believing that ‘that was the solution.’

Again, it’s not, but it also takes courage and a process to stand in self-honesty, to dare to see who we are, who we have become, to own our choices and decisions made that have taken us to walk through every single aspect of our lives, no matter how ‘fortuitous’ they may seem, if we are experiencing them, then we can own our responsibility in it, which simply means to respond, to own our actions, to be aware of the situations we might possibly create if we act or speak certain words – and to always consider what is best for all involved, to learn to do others as we would like to be done onto, to consider ‘the other’ as myself.

These are key principles that even in the face of moments where I believe that I am being ‘limited’ in my expression about something I believe ‘makes sense and is right’, assist me to take the ‘next step’ which is to read the situation in its current stance, to understand that some people are not yet at that position where they can be willing themselves to understand co-creation yet, to consider that for some people might take longer to understand a more holistic approach to any form of problem creation. To consider as well how blinded we can become by our own emotions or characters we take on that we believe empower us, and can’t see the reality of how they are in fact disempowering us.  Within such understanding of ‘where each other is at’ in their lives, it makes it easier to let go of wanting someone to understand something that they simply might not be ready or willing to acknowledge yet, and that’s where I remind myself of my only true power as well: to be an example of how to best handle the situations, how to stand in the face of conflict, how to take responsibility but not ‘enforce’ change or certain ways on others.

Here is also where trusting myself and trusting life comes in. At times I’ve seen how I can be quite pushy in wanting others to understand something that I see ‘benefits them/everyone involved’ and how this can cause further reactions and realize that such reactions are an indication that there is no ‘opening’ yet in the other person to see what I am seeing/saying. It also might mean that I’m ‘reading’ the situation completely wrong and that I need my own words and actions to be cross-referenced, because they can be in fact out of place and not clear. The reactions also allow me to read ‘where a person is at’ and also see myself in it, to see what still ‘disturbs me’ so that I can work with it and in so, seeing what I haven’t yet forgiven as my own experience, as my own creation. Doing that enables me to ‘move’ as in speak, act, direct accordingly.

I’ve met people in my life, including one of the persons that I’m grateful for has created the opportunity to create this moment of conciliation, that in an almost instant manner we could see that we were ‘on the same page’ so to speak in the reading of the events and the greater scheme of how these things are going on in the world.  This is actually quite cool because! It gives me hope in humanity to find people like that. I can also say this of a person that I met in the most seemingly fortuitous situation and eventually realized how ‘aligned’ we are in order to work together in a project and basically be on the same page about how we view ourselves, our lives and the potential we see in people. That is also another example of how upon communicating and learning to ‘read’ people through their responses I’ve been able to establish relationships with people that I know ‘are there’ in this world and are doing ‘their thing’ and in their own way yet within the same principles.

That’s comforting because, as crazy as it may seem, it is hard at times to walk this process at the level we do within Desteni and at times one feels a bit isolated, as if ‘no one else’ could see and understand things the way we do. Thus it has been comforting to find people that do see life/things in a very similar way and how it IS possible to create that understanding and common ground no matter what their ‘background’ is; it’s a confirmation that life and living principles stand on their own, no matter what ‘road’ you take to get to them, and that’s awesome and it is actually cool to know people like that outside of the group that I know and am aware of are people walking this same process with me – even if living in very distant countries. I am also glad that ‘they are here’ and walking with, even if not ‘in my environment’ at the moment, but always ‘there’ in the virtual world, which is something I am also very grateful for in times that may seem difficult and we need to reach out for support.

Ultimately what matters to me is to go establishing connections with the people that do care, that have eyes, ears and a body ready for the new living reality that we need to co-create, and this is something that ‘comes to the surface’ even from ‘unfortunate’ or bitter events like this one.

I share this because it is also a comforting point for me, to know that besides what may seem like ‘the worst of the words’ surfacing on our ‘daily feeds’ and knocking at our doors, there is something actually way extraordinary to be living for. For me it is a way to keep connecting and meeting people that are taking these steps ‘forward’ in their life, while it also reminds me of the necessity that I have to keep sharing, to not ‘back down’ and become a silent vigilant of the things that are going on in this world.

To sum up, as ‘atrocious’ as it may seem for many, these cans of worms are here for a reason and they sure may lead to temporary conflict and polarizations, but eventually out of all crisis there comes an opportunity for recreation, reinvention, and reconstruction – this is what I’m here for. To learn how to stand in the eye of the storms, to strengthen my resolve, to know that my truth will set me free, to be grateful for those that I can relate to and know that are also ‘here’ on track with the new path for life in this world of which I have vehemently decided to be a part of, because my intent has always been to ‘change the world,’ and from there I went from being ‘angry’ at the world for not changing and blaming everything and everyone around me – lol – to externalizing that eagerness to see ‘world changes out there’ to now internalizing, focusing on my own self-change which start in how to handle situations like this and then spreading some seeds again with others that may be ready to read and listen and share back how they see things themselves.

Once again I would not have this kind of resolve or ‘greater picture’ approach without the support of all things related to Desteni and the Eqafe Eqafe self-supportive material, which I have now integrated in my own skin as a new way to live and approach life. It also allows me to understand the greater ‘cataclysms’ that are taking place and ‘will’ most likely continue to take place in this world where everything will seem really ‘bad’ and consequential and chaotic, but here is where I remind myself and anyone else reading: there’s more to it than what meets the eye.

The best thing to do is to create Understanding, to not take things personal, to not only ‘react’ emotionally to things, to learn to discern, to learn to look back within ourselves and making an informed decision of where we stand about something before ‘spewing’ words about something or someone. To learn to let go and forgive people and situations where one can see that it’s only consequences playing out that one cannot immediately change and can only conciliate in the ‘best way’ that is doable in certain contexts.

What matters, as I said in my previous blog, is who we are in the face of conflict, in the face of admitting our faults, mistakes, falls, it is about learning to forgive ourselves and at times assisting others to do that for themselves if this is not yet considered as part of the solution, which is not limited to simply forgiving and letting go, but comes hand in hand with the commitment to change, to grow, to develop new ways of being now that one sees that the ‘previous ways’ were causing harm or detrimental effects on others. This is to me the real way to create peace, calm and conciliation.

This is our learning curve at the moment, it may seem out of hand, it may seem extreme, but again: owning one’s deeds, taking responsibility, learning to assume the co-creation roles we have in this reality and live the correction of the problematic actions will set us free and will benefit each other substantially. That’s real change, that’s real responsibility to me and that’s a supportive use of moments of conflict, problems and crisis, to be of support in those moments to walk through them the best way that we can, for ourselves and for all parties involved.

Thanks for reading

 

And! Happy new year! Enrich your life with signing up to the Unlimited Eqafe plan here: https://eqafe.com/unlimited_plan also available in Spanish Sonrisa

 

And once you’re in, you can access these awesome recordings from which I got the concept of shared responsibility here:

 

 

Can you be trusted with life

 

Videos by Sunette Spies for Self and Living:
Gossip and Personal Pains
From Judgment to Nonjudgment
From Judgment to Understanding

 

Join in if you want to start walking your own process of defining your Self-Honesty


501. Taking Responsibility Sets Us Free

Or how to Own our Creation, Learn from it and Stand up from it as a process of self-empowerment

 

This morning I noticed how we have the ability to wake up in stability but at the least movement of my mind assessing my current reality and a process of change and consequence I am facing, I experienced the movement of what I can define as energy in the form of anxiety and nervousness, also accessing imagination as future projections, outflows and potential situations where I would be facing and owning my creation, taking responsibility for a consequence I have co-created.

In these moments I also saw how in my mind, what I was doing is in fact bringing up the same anxiety or nervousness I had experienced in the past, long time ago when having to confront a situation, when I would mostly go into fear, anxiety, nervousness and worry while playing out these future moments in my mind where I would be confronting a situation, walking through the process it will involve and making it a worst case scenario in my mind through participating in these emotions charged to potential outcomes that I have associated with ‘worst case scenarios’ in my life before.

Therefore I had to stop and ask ‘what am I creating in this moment?’ because I could see this experience is here more as a memory of my past experience when facing somewhat similar consequences, yet I was re-enacting them again, exactly ‘feeling’ or ‘experiencing’ myself as who I was in those precise moments of imagining the worst and making of a situation that yes will involve changes, adaptations, walking through consequences yet in that moment I also actively decided to ask myself: why do I have to be the exact same memory of myself ‘back then’ when I am not the same person anymore that I was back then?

Here a very interesting point of awareness emerged which is noticing the conditioning of ‘who we are’ based on memories and past experiences wherein in my mind I learned to associate this kind of ‘problem’ or ‘conflict’ with a particular set of responses at an emotional level, which I was recreating to the T this time around.

So I saw how it is my decision to not play out those same experiences anymore – and what emerged was a bunch of justifications, how it is ‘normal’ to have this kind of emotions in situations like this and how it is kind of ‘expected’ for me to feel overwhelmed in this anxiety and nervousness – I decided to stop that again and instead focused on reminding me that those experiences I have self-forgiven, I have walked and understood as patterns that I have created before to ‘face’ things, but I had to now integrate within myself the realization that I don’t have to live through this consequence and situation just like every other time before when I had a ‘worst case scenario’ or what I’ve defined even as ‘worst case scenario’.

This also means that I realized it is up to me how I decide to See and Perceive things, which started from me stopping from the get to my ‘usual’ past ways of dealing with situations like this, feeling like a victim, feeling ‘worthless’ or feeling like I had done something utterly and completely wrong and that I was cursed for life – lol. So, yeah that was me facing a point that I created in my life and when it would not work out ‘the expected way’ I would yes, usually go into blame, victimization, not wanting to admit my role in the problem and consequences. All of that was disempowering as hell, because one can feed up those experiences as emotions up to the brim, and no result will ever come out of that, I can guarantee you, that’s how people spend years and years hooked on a kind of worst-past-case-scenario situation and existing in guilt, blame, remorse, what ifs, victimization, etc.. that’s definitely not who I decide to be this time in my life.

So, what is empowering is that I was able to make a clear decision to not judge others, to not hold it up ‘against’ anyone here, but entirely focus on my own responsibility in creating this situation/outflow as a problem, conflict or what I usually would define as ‘worst case scenario’ in my life, which is also something I am deciding now that I am writing it out to not see it that way, because that’s also how we condition ourselves to ‘label’ things in our minds and accordingly already prepare our ‘armor’ of emotions that usually go attached to ‘worst case scenarios’ and I decide to not do it any longer either.

Up to this time of the day, the anxiety or nervousness attached to future projections has come up several times, but I keep standing in that moment in my body and breathing and not even allowing the first ‘spike’ of the nervousness to ‘flourish’ but breathing it in, while realizing this is not what I decide to feed and letting it go.

Here of course understanding that I have worked on these emotions in relation to this situation real time when I saw the emotions becoming overwhelming, and from there living out the correction which is to not fuel, to not ‘go there’ and try and find anything in projecting these future moments – instead I have been reminding myself of ‘stick to the moment’ so as to not lay out my coming future in front of me as a series of unfortunate events, because surely, that’s how we doom ourselves in our day to day if we focus on all the ‘pile of things’ that we will face, but rather take it moment by moment, breath by breath and this has been a very supportive way to face this conflictive situations.

Another point then and as a title to this blog is owning my creation and realizing that taking responsibility for my part in the creation of this whole outflow comes from the moment that I stepped into the creation of this situation, and all the way through to what is now one of the outflows that I had also considered before, yet ‘went into it’ because I went into hope that it could function and work out for the best, but here again then reminding myself to not hold on to a potential so much if actions are demonstrating more than intentions the reality of things.

So, in my case then it is about reminding myself, actively, in every moment that an experience of sadness, sorrow, an experience of failure emerges in me, I remind myself that I have created this outcome, therefore there is no point in experiencing more about it, I can only focus on the next steps to create solutions.

Thus in owning my creation, my consequence I also empower myself in not depending on something or someone for me to stand up and be directive in my experience, because I don’t blame others or I don’t go into only seeing ‘the problem’ only and keep myself reacting to it – instead I understand that I can change my experience through it, that it doesn’t’ have to be as how ‘everyone faces conflicts’ in their lives and that this is again supportive in my life as I can only ever learn from my creation and take responsibility for it, to again consider these play outs and consequences for my life and what I decide to create for myself.

Here also then as I write that, a slight anxiety comes as changes are ahead, however again that is only based on a memory of how I used to always ‘face’ situations of change, of the unknown, or stepping out of a comfort zone, yet what do I know? I create my future in every moment that I am living here, there is no ‘future’ in fact guaranteed out there so in fact it is a series of decisions of what I do or don’t do on every moment.  I am also aware that no matter what, I have my self-trust, my self-awareness, my ability to discern and expand myself as it may be required.

Here then a very cool suggestion I got is to not only see the problems, conflicts or loss as ‘all the negative’ that we are having to change, correct, align and let go of, but also at the opportunities that emerge from it, what I gain as a process of growth with it because nothing in our lives, not even those ‘mistakes’ that we could hold us captive in blame for ages, are ‘in vain’ – we decide to make them ‘in vain’ if we don’t learn and grow from experiences, and we repeat the same and same and same over again.

Therefore I decide to also learn from my creation, to own it, to walk through it from its beginning to its end, and at the same time go walking through the challenges it will bring and see these challenges not as ‘difficulties’ but as opportunities to grow as well.

This is then what also ‘sets us free’ in owning our creation, in taking responsibility for what we’ve done and become, that we at the same time recognize our ability to change, to adapt, to expand, to grow and ultimately that’s what life is really about, whether we happen to like it or not, lol, the only thing that is certain is constant change and we can decide whether that change is for the best or for the worst, up to us yet, I also see that whenever ‘big’ consequences hit our doors, it is also an opportunity for growth.

So, I’d say it’s time for us to learn to approach problems, conflicts, consequences or so-called ‘worst case scenarios’ in absolute self-responsibility, willingness to learn from it and stand up from it. That’s the kind of decisions that I know! First hand, we are not ‘naturally’ doing or ‘comfortable’ with, and I noticed a load of memory baggage as reasons why I should be in a very bad emotional experience right now, but I decided to challenge that and at the same time work with whatever it is still coming out in my mind and so physical experience, because it also just won’t stop coming out, but I can definitely change who I am in relation to what ‘pops out’ and remain directive, take it breath by breath, moment by moment, and that’s how we can liberate ourselves from ‘the burden’ while at the same time not escaping or evading the consequence or point to change and walk itself, but remaining self-directive as one walks the consequence and at the same time seeing it as a point of self-change and self-growth.

Thanks for reading.

 

Recommended audios:

 

Azul


500. Standing in the Eye of the Storm

Or how to decide to walk through consequences in a directive and stable manner

One very supportive realization within this process of self-honesty is that whenever we face particular situations where emotions still wind up within us – like an anxiety, nervousness, stress, worry, anger – what matters is making a decision to in every moment as one is physically going through it, to breathe and reassure oneself that one is willing to and actively deciding to not engage in the experience but breathe through it, self-forgive the points that are coming up and not fight them or judge oneself for it, but see it as the momentary consequence of points that we then have to open up and become aware of for us to change them.

An emotional experience can be something like a deep sorrow for example that emerges upon having a particular big conflict in one’s life, where yes disappointment and sadness can exist, yet one has the decision and ability to see these moments as transient: they too shall pass, even if it might seem like very overwhelming in the moment. However it is also not that they will go ‘by themselves’ and so staying in a form of hope that it will change or go away, nope, that’s where we also become subject to our minds and an energy to direct ‘who we are’ in that moment, which is never supportive because emotions cloud our judgment and there’s no clarity in them.

The distinction here is to decide to breathe through the welling up of the energy, the decision is to not judge the experience either, but rather understand the situation that is leading oneself to have such ‘emotional outbreak’ – and direct ourselves, remind ourselves to breathe, self-forgive, work through the points to create a solution and at the same time ensure that the decisions to create such solutions are not being made in an emotional reaction, but as a clear decision based on what one is willing to live with and stand by, and at the same time work with it in order to correct ourselves, stop our dishonesty that caused  or contributed to create such problem or conflict and acknowledge our responsibility that is creating these consequential outflows that eventually had led us to experience the results of it all as a fall or hitting rock bottom in whichever form it might be.

A very supportive thing to do in these moments is to remind oneself that in emotions we can lock ourselves into a fogginess, not seeing ‘clear’ or getting confused, which I’ve found are the moments where I know I have to get to my writing, to lay it all out in front of me to establish self-honesty, to decide that I can stand up from this and realize that whatever is causing the reaction as an emotion or feeling, I can first look at  the cause or source of it and my direct participation in it, while at the same time knowing that this energy that has already been triggered and that I’ve come to experience is also a momentary experience if I decide to not fuel any further judgments, reasons, justifications, memories or any other element in our minds that usually unwinds more and more reactions, spiraling ourselves out of control from which we have to inevitably stand up from again.

What is a sobering decision in these moments is to stick to one’s self-honesty, to decide to not deceive oneself any further and in that even if it might seem like the toughest situation or decision to make, one can still decide to look at the source of the problem or conflict and at the same time, not fuel the problem with further emotions. That’s the actual ability we have in such situations because we’ve somehow misunderstood that emotions can bring solutions or ‘humanize’ the situation but they don’t, really. And I’ve noticed how even in such conflicts I’ve also brought up emotions that end up distorting one’s view of the facts and situation. Therefore, sticking to clarity, to the facts, to self-responsibility is one way to stand in the eye of the storm or problems within oneself and towards others.

It might seem like a daunting thing to do in those moments, but once that one realizes that emotions are only making things worse, it makes sense to walk through these difficult situations in a sober manner, meaning not elevated or ‘in a low’ as in feelings or emotions – there is a stability that is able to be found even in these worst case scenarios or situations, it takes a decision to stand, to breathe, to walk bit by bit unfurling the process to walk a solution, and remind oneself to not indulge into the experiences that might be coming up,  but push oneself to see with clarity, to stand in self-honesty.

A very supportive set of recordings on this topic are the following ones which I’d recommend listening to every now and then whenever we might be pondering ‘why’ we are facing tough times in our lives or situations that might seem out of control in our lives and these will assist in getting back to a point of self-honesty, of clarity, of self-responsibility.

 

Hitting Rock Bottom – The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 98

What to Do at Rock Bottom – Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 99

Nowhere to Run, Nowhere to Hide – Reptilians – Part 558

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Responsibility as LIFE


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