Tag Archives: fear of conflict

384. Word Wars: Agreeing to Disagree

 

Today I’ve got to understand another reason why we have failed as humanity to  establish supportive communication and relationships because, within us completely embodying our mind, we’ve become our own military to defend our beliefs, thoughts, perspectives and when we get into a situation wherein we conclude that ‘we can’t agree’ with others, there’s usually the right(eous) off the bat expression of ‘well, we then have to agree to disagree’ which is a rather pusillanimous way of ‘ending a conversation’ where conflict is avoided or where one has gone ‘too far’ within emotionally reacting to a disagreement in a conversation with one or more people, and that’s where we then stop the conversation, ending up with a ‘bad taste’ which is usually remaining in an emotional reaction about the argument and seeing others as ‘being wrong’ or even sometimes taking another’s words as deliberate attacks or blaming them for the kind of statements that they’ve expressed, that leads us to further judge them and see others as ‘the problem’ only.

 

In my case, I’ve noticed a tendency that exists when I communicate with others and If I see that this person or people directly oppose what I speak of as what I’ve realized is common sense, or best for all, I start judging them for ‘opposing what to me is common sense.’

For example, a situation I was in wherein I was discussing with other individuals a child being bitten by another child and how that situation can be directed. These individuals pointed out that they had taught the child to close the fist and hit/attack back as a point of self-defense. So in essence is teaching kids how to ‘hit back’ when they are hit or bullied, as if that was the solution to the problem, which I then got to understand it was actually a pattern themselves had gone through in their lives and so had taught their own children to do the same, wherein the mentality is: well my son/daughter is all that matters, doesn’t matter if the other kid (the attacker) is hurt.

I then begun explaining why this idea of hitting back and continuing the violence between children and children-parent relationships is never the solution as the cause and core of the problem is not being understood or addressed. So, these individuals were rather shocked I was saying that, completely denying and refuting what I was saying, coming up with arguments such as ‘we are bred through violence, violence is everywhere so how can you expect the world to change?’ ‘How can the child allow him/herself to be hit and not respond back? It’s only Natural to fight back! Look at history!’ as well as the ultimate ‘we won’t ever change’ and so, Marlen’s red flags went on and I noticed a bit exaltation coming through as I spoke the words on how this kind of thinking patterns and beliefs are precisely what has perpetuated our violent behavior, our spite, our retaliation, our lack of skills to communicate and instead only learn to ‘defend ourselves’ which is an euphemism to say ‘fight back’ because that’s all we believe we are capable of – and because of the rather close relationship with these individuals, I left it to the point where I ensure I made it clear why I do NOT support violence and physical abuse/hitting/spanking or even ‘biting back’ between kids when one of them is first attacked. And the situation overall in the reunion changed so we didn’t give continuation to the discussion which also included why because violence is everywhere, even in videogames and children play them, then violence won’t ever go away.

 

Now, there are Multiple points to this and I will be walking them through because it’s not only my reaction to seeing how other human beings can still think that violence is the solution – disregarding the evidence in this world where no problems are solved through violence and only further separation or personal gain ensues – but also how I tend to not take other people’s process/mind into consideration. And so this will lead me to disclose how to live the word Flexibility as it’s been something I see I haven’t lived, wherein I become quite rigid and militant-like with what I see is common sense, what I’ve walked through and come to a conclusion is best for all. See, even if it is best for all to stop the patterns and cycles of abuse of enabling physical abuse as a way to ‘teach lessons’ or ‘get back at another,’ the fact that I make it a problem in my mind because ‘people are not agreeing with me’ has to do with myself and how I still believe that ‘It’s impossible people can think such barbarian behavior is a solution!’ and within this, I sweep aside my own reaction, turning it into a ‘righteous act’ wherein I justify my behavior because ‘they are wrong!’ without taking in consideration at all how other people have lived decades on within a particular mindset that they have carried out and even “educated” their own children with, involving the retaliation and vengeance thinking and behavioral patterns of ‘If I’m attacked, I attack back,’ without ever looking at the origin of the problem and further solutions, because in the mind: we’ve never actually learned how to establish solutions.

 

Another example is how some people believe that ‘spanking children to behave is ok’ – and me reacting to once again the ‘barbaric belief!’ without  placing myself in the shoes of others and realizing that  it’s all people have ever learned when it comes to disciplining children, it’s all that has been done onto them and as such me pretending to change their mind in a 5 minute explanation  is no different to me coming to a hardcore religious person letting him/her know that god doesn’t exist and to stop believing in it.

 

So we’ve lived our history within the ‘Might Makes Right’ statement and we’ve  become such belief to the extent that we see no other way out but exerting and imposing power, applying vengeance because we have become our minds, our patterns, our history, the sins of the fathers that were also people that were not able to ‘think outside the box’ into solutions but only use the brute force to establish solutions – so, how can I ‘blame’ a few individuals for simply mirroring our entire history back in that moment where violence is seen as the only way out?

 

Is it then a solution to want to change a person’s entire mind, context, personal experience, genetics, history in 5 minutes in order to convince them why violence is not the way? Or is this something that requires to be walked point by point in order to come to the realization that it’s about time that we stop believing ‘we can’t change’ and instead share my own process of how one Can in fact change and walk them through how this is able to be done, while being flexible, patient and in full consideration of their minds, their process and context? Well, of course the latter is the way to follow through with this. So here I walk the process to recognize the problem and get to the solutions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when certain individuals contradicted myself when it comes to the principles I stand for of not participating back with violent behavior or promoting abuse in children as self-defense, wherein I reacted with the judgment of ‘I cannot believe that they are saying this, how stupid can they be?’ in my mind, without realizing that in this, I was actually already expecting them to be able to agree with me, with the principle and common sense I communicated to them and that I stand for – without taking into consideration that at the moment none of these principles are being lived in this world – and as such, I have not taken them into consideration, understanding them as the starting point of their perspective, their entire process, their life, their mind, their personal experiences, their own education as children, as parents that they also are and as such being able to see their statements  as nothing else but their mind speaking, the who they are and who we all have become as our mind – therefore

 

I realize that I took their mind, their statements, their beliefs personal because I believed in the first place that ‘they would see things differently’ without realizing that it’s actually rare that people get acquainted with any form of principles, values, common sense and considerations that are taking others into the equation as what is best for all, because as humanity we’ve always only lived through the principle of ‘what’s best for me, how can I protect me and fuck the rest’ and as such, I now see, realize and understand that their statements came from that survival mode that is actually quite prominent in our minds as humanity, and as such it is for me to rather realize that me reacting to their words is furthering the problem instead of being a stable observer that can look beyond the veil of emotions and rather see how such conversation was me facing ‘the system’ as it exist, and how vehemently the ‘who we have become as the mind’ protect and defend one’s point of view which is why I got into a reaction instead of absolutely stopping myself and immediately bringing through the consideration, the flexibility when it comes to taking others’ processes and minds into consideration and into the equation of the situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to later on complain about the statements these individuals had made when commenting about this with other individuals, without realizing that in such act I was continuing to blame them, to judge them as ‘ignorant’ for the kind of statements they were defending and the type of attitudes they want to still promote with other human beings –  In this I see that through only judging and getting angry at what others speak of, attack, or the beliefs that any individual can be supporting, I am not entirely seeing the opportunity that exists in order for me to first of all not take it personally and secondly, see why the reaction to this comes as the anger that I created myself upon layered judgment wherein I’ve seen ‘others’ as the problem for us to be able to change, blaming ‘humanity’ instead of taking the point back to myself. So, I see that this is an actual layer of the system that we’ve become and instead of ‘not wanting to talk more with them,’ and getting exalted about it, I can take the opportunity to slow down and direct the situation in a mutually beneficial manner, or course without wanting to convince them otherwise and now having them ‘agree with me,’ but simply being able to communicate what I see, my perspectives and so have a normal conversation of the pros and the cons wherein I don’t immediately try and impose what I see is common sense.

 

When and as I see myself getting angry, upset,  feeling certain pressure in my head/chest region as I hear another speaking words that go entirely against the principles I stand for as the end to all forms of violence – I stop and I breathe – I realize that by reacting and wanting to ‘stop talking to them’ and leave the scene, I’m only shutting down yet another opportunity for me to first of all not take it personally, not go into reaction and then be able to immediately take into consideration their mind, their process, their upbringing, the amount of time they’ve lived with such mentality and as such, be able to integrate within me a more gentle way to live flexibility and humbleness as the ability to be open and considerate of another’s mind and process, and be able to hear/listen to what others have to say, make questions to understand their beliefs further and as such, while breathing and ensuring I am and remain stable, rather share from my personal perspective and practical realizations why I don’t agree, why I don’t support any form of violence and most importantly why I see this as actually detrimental to children’s education. Then I can proceed to share how I’ve proven to myself that it IS possible to change as a human being, to establish new principles that can prevent ourselves going further down the downward spiral when it comes to lacking education, principles, values that are virtually non existent in our society nowadays.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take people’s words personally when I perceive they are directly denying, attacking or simply ignoring the principles I am speaking about, what I am communicating of, and more so when they speak over my own words  as I see that I’ve defined this as ‘attack’ without realizing that I have to take into consideration their particular ways of expression which I already know are also quite frank, direct, without ‘holding back’ which is why when I also embodied such directness along with the reaction of getting angry about what they were saying, I tensed up because we were speaking over our words, without realizing that obviously this won’t ever lead to actual communication, but only a desire to defend our views and perspectives on the subject, which is how we as human beings usually end up in fights or in the covertly ‘tolerant’ saying of ‘We agree to disagree’ which I have valued as the easiest way to avoid confrontation and remaining at a certain ‘peace’ that comes as the result of a temporary ‘war of minds.’

 

I realize that there’s no point for me to mirror another’s experience and expression in an exalted manner when they are conveying points that I can directly understand deny or oppose what I’m saying, and within this not taking it personally as in ‘they are deliberately attacking me’ because it’s actually their mind, their process, their beliefs that is up to them to further investigate their expressions and reactions. Otherwise by giving into the reactions, I become exactly what I am judging: the one that perpetuates the war of words and the war of minds leading nowhere.

 

I realize that my stance and staring point within all of this is to remain stable – and simply speak/convey about the principles I stand for, how I apply myself and the reasons why I do this and how I see it is an excuse to believe that ‘we can’t change’ as human beings, because this has been the easiest way out of actually placing the effort and discipline that we all require as human beings in order to be able to change mind patterns, behaviors, belief systems, roles, etc. that we’ve nurtured and acquired ‘by default’ from birth, without a question throughout our entire history on whether this ‘mind’ could ever be stopped, changed or corrected to benefit us all in our lives – and yes, we can.

 

I realize that it will take quite a long time for an individual to even come to the realization that for example, there are other ways to prevent violence or attacks between children beginning with the education that parents, society and the media can provide in order to begin phasing out this idea that we can only resort to violence, physical abuse and attacking back when one is attacked, without first understanding the origin and starting point of the attack, which is not an ‘out of the blue’ situation, but has a context that can be investigated and further taken into consideration for solutions, to then expose how we’ve come to believe violence to be ‘the way out’ because we have never worked with the principle of prevention, preventing the problems in the first place instead of furthering complicated ways to ‘deal with the problem.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever take it personal that people might not agree with what I’m saying – because I believe I stand for what’s best for all and within this, I have created the equation that ‘if you oppose what I say, then you stand for what is not best for everyone and as such: you are part of the problem,’ without realizing that in shifting responsibility to others as ‘the problem,’ I have not allowed myself to see why I have taken it personal, instead of considering each individual’s mind, process, context, life experiences that will still have to be walked by each one of us, individually, in order to align ourselves to principles where no longer our mind, our ego, our lives can override the principles we can stand for and live by as human beings.

 

When and as I see myself taking another’s words personal as ‘attacks,’ as ‘opposition,’ as ‘competition,’ as ‘deliberate defamation’ toward myself and the principles I stand with and as, I stop myself within that surge of anger that can be rising up from the solar plexus, I stabilize myself within breathe until I see that I am motion-less inside, stable and then apply the living word flexibility, wherein I take such individual/s mind, process, life experience, age, context, culture, upbringing, and every other aspect that I realize I require to also see as the origin and starting point of another’s words as those words come from the mind, from such programming, environment, culture, life experience and in essence the ‘nature’ of humanity that we’ve perpetuated throughout our entire history – and as such also prevent myself from always wanting people to end up agreeing with me, as this is something I cannot control nor is my duty to do either. I can only share myself as an example of the principles I share and live by.

 

I commit myself to live the word flexibility when being discussing certain points wherein I see that there’s no general ‘agreement’ of others toward what I say, to not take it personally and instead rather integrate the understanding of where those words, beliefs, perspectives are coming from as ‘who we have become as the mind’ as ‘the system’ and not just see ‘the person/the people’ that are speaking such statements as the ones to blame or be angry at, as emotions divert us from seeing the point within its full context, and  instead

I commit myself to also see, realize and understand how we as human beings have become the embodiment of the mind, the system, the preprogramming that has been consequential and detrimental to each one of us that have blindly accepted the mind as ‘who we are’ without seeing the obvious consequences of us still fighting wars and ‘agreeing to disagree’ because we haven’t been able to physically be here and look at things directly to consider what is best for all, but we’ve instead sold our own freedom to become egos in our minds where we ‘fight each other back’ and that simply doesn’t make sense, so I commit myself to stop judging others’ perspectives, thoughts and beliefs and rather take the context into consideration and rather learn from the situation than victimizing myself about it.

 

I commit myself to instead of getting angry or blaming another for ‘the kind of thoughts, beliefs’ they have, to instead remain humble as in considerate about another’s life process and mind, and simply state what I stand for and how I am available to discuss this further if they are interested in getting to know more about how I got to these conclusions, perspectives and principles that they are initially opposing – as we all know that’s a trait of the mind to defend itself at all cost– so instead, I practice ways to not be defensive, but remain open, tranquil in my communication toward others so that I don’t become part of the war-mentality or the aggression principle in order to ‘defend my point of view at all cost’ as that recreates the divide and conquer war mentality.

 

I commit myself to breathe through any immediate surge of energy that might be emerging as I see, hear or read someone contradicting the principles I stand for, and instead remain as breath to continue reading, investigating or asking questions as to gather further context to their mind, their beliefs and perspectives – I realize that we can use this further to get to know about our patterns, our old-age behavior, our embedded traits and beliefs systems so that we can pattern-them out, map them out and further support us by developing material or sharing perspectives as to how one can support oneself to stop living within such patterns after having a particular education, environment, culture, life experience, even points of abuse that are so common  and why it is most beneficial for everyone to stop participation in such patterns and rather decide to change to integrate living principles that are beneficial for everyone equally – this once again, as a voluntary process where we agree to discuss and walk through solutions.

If another is not open for solutions then I let it go. If I am not open to another’s perspective I have to investigate what am I holding onto and where am I not being flexible to consider other’s perspectives and input too.

 

I commit myself to be the point that stops furthering the ‘taking it personal’ pattern we’ve lived as humanity, and instead live and become the example of what it is to be able to observe the patterns that come through us in and as the mind in order to understand us better as the mind and as such, be able to walk the solutions and further ways in which we can begin changing the way that we hear and comprehend each other’s words and can use our relationships as points of support to learn more about ourselves, our minds and see the practical ways in which we can change the existing patterns of ‘fighting for our right to ‘be right’’ to rather learn how to establish common sense which is simply practicing how to consider what’s best for all in every thought, word and deed we express as who we are.

 

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for the words and actions I express toward others, regardless of what they might say or express as this will ensure that I remain stable and stick to principles instead of giving into the mind and losing the opportunity to rather learn from the situation and the patterns developing in the moment for further investigation. 

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to be available and willing to assist and support those that want to know more about the principles, the perspectives of how we can change our patterns as humanity, how one can walk the process of implementing such changes at an individual level and as such be a point of support for others the same way that others have been for myself and that have enabled me to see, realize and understand this pattern in our lives as human beings, to walk from ‘fighting’ and ‘opposing’ each other to turning the point into a self-supportive aspect that we would not have been able to see if it hadn’t been opened up through communicating and sharing perspectives, so that’s another point to consider when it comes to realizing the need to share and open up topics that are usually not openly talked about, due to this inherent ‘respect’ for each other’s beliefs, which makes no sense because in the end we are all affected by each other’s beliefs and actions, so it’s best to rather see how we can establish a common ground to prevent further separation and problems and instead focus on establishing solutions within and outside of ourselves.

 

 

 

What are we doing to ourselves

 

 

To learn how to stop being only a mind that perpetuates the patterns and sins of the fathers, research:

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108. ‘Like Father, Like Son’

Equalizing communication by letting go of the fear to point out the patterns that we have cycled ourselves as from generation to generation through communicating about it, explaining how we have practically assisted ourselves  to no longer comply to what we have deemed as ‘fuckedup irreversible inherited patterns’ that we would only ‘cope with’ throughout our lives, trying to find some kind of pride through living them out in and throughout our lives.

 

This is a situation that has actually occurred again recently wherein I am having a meal with my parents and my father’s anger comes up as a point to discuss about – the point I am self forgiving is the time when I gave into his reactions when opening up the point to eventually comply to the fear of ‘hurting him’ or being ‘too harsh’ in the moment, which was essentially giving into the mind to ‘smooth things out,’ instead of realizing how I was in fact able and capable of supporting myself to breakthrough the fears and be self-directive in the moment.

However just a week ago I saw my parents and the exact same event took place and this time I was able to break-through the points and get an actual confirmation of it being beneficial for him this time, which is definitely cool.

 

So this is to self-forgive the past to ensure I do not step again on it ever again as I see and realize that we can in fact break the chains of the past by standing immovable as one single point: communicating here as breath, in common sense, not giving into reactions but continuing constant and consistent as breath itself within what we are conveying to another.

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define a point of congeniality with another such as ‘my father’ based on both of us playing out the exact same characters wherein were are in essence defining ‘who we are’ according to being irritable, which I would take as something to be ‘proud’ of, never even considering how in this very acceptance of myself being equal to a father-pattern is in fact the cycles of abuse that must be stopped no matter what.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever take ‘pride’ in being/ becoming like my father, which is essentially an incendiary person that would be known as an ‘angry person’ all the time and as such, creating a reputation of being friendly yet highly irritable if things don’t go my way –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a negative experience within me when I perceive that my father is not listening to me explaining why we must stop being simply angry with ourselves and toward the world, being easily ‘ignited’ by any little thing – without realizing that in this desire I am separating myself from simply sharing how I have supported myself, why I am supporting myself and as such, provide the very basic tools to do that for himself as well.

 

I realize that wanting to change another in order to stop our cycles of abuse, is imposition and it’s wanting to change others before doing this unconditionally for myself – therefore I can only share the path that I’ve walked as a means to show how it is absolutely able to be done and how we don’t have to condemn each other to just play out patterns from generation to generation, and instead learn how to support ourselves and others to do the same.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my father is not wanting to listen to me about stopping his anger and general instant-ignition with any point that may go wrong in his world, and accordingly start diminishing my expression wherein the moment I perceive that I am not being listened, I start considering that I must simply keep quiet and stop talking altogether.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a perceptual observation of him becoming pissed off and uncomfortable when being in a situation wherein we are directly talking about our anger patterns and as such, believing that I should stop talking just because he is becoming very uncomfortable with the entire situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist getting myself and another into a seemingly ‘uncomfortable situation’ which is exposing each other’s patterns to take responsibility for them, without realizing that it is uncomfortable because we had never talked about these points before – therefore, I can continue pushing the point in common sense without being aggressive or too incisive, but instead realizing that we can only become aware of our points to correct by talking about it, by sharing and exposing them – therefore that it is not to be taken personally, but simply realized as points that we can now take responsibility for and walk in common sense.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in such a moment, change the topic in order for him to not go into an absolute lockdown of not speaking and remaining quiet, which is actually me ‘giving-up’ to continuing speaking about relevant points such as patterns that we have to take responsibility for, wherein the moment that I changed the topic, I gave into his mood, made it ‘my own’ and as such consider that I should not ‘spoil the time’ for him – which is giving-up self-direction and comply to my fear of ‘making him have a bad time’ or fearing making him feel uncomfortable, without realizing that we just had to continue expanding on the point to walk through the resistance and get to the core of it through establishing a proper back and forth communication.

 

An update is that I recently went through the same situation – restaurant, being with both my parents and my mother bringing up the point of anger again, and I proceeded to share myself, be directly and specifically pointing at the patterns with specific example that I’ve been able to walk for myself wherein I have clearly stopped going into the anger possession, and instead supporting myself to remain here as breath. This time, he did remain quiet, but listened carefully; I only had to bring his attention back to seeing me and not other tables once, which is quite a cool thing lol considering he’d be mostly looking around whenever we would open up the point. And, I got a message from my mother recently which is like a week after we met, and she said how he’s been doing much better now with his anger and that’s very cool – all I required to do is not allow his evasiveness in communication to affect me in the moment of speaking, but continuing being directive and share practical examples related to breathing, self forgiveness and realizing that every time that we give into anger, we are in essence abusing our physical body, consuming our physical substance in the name of exerting one single experience that is detrimental to all, which is anger. Therefore, I can say that I’ve walked this point into correction in a way, however it is to apply and live it with everyone else that we may notice are deliberately wanting to ignore a point of communication through ‘locking down,’ which implies that there are points that are not being willed to face in the moment –thus we share our practical examples of how we have gone through the same thing and how we have supported ourselves to eventually walk out of the pattern into self-correction.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assess someone’s experience when communicating with them and beginning to worry about whether I am being too incisive, too frank, too direct, too harsh and within this giving into their self-generated experience as the mind in order for me to then go into a similar lockdown wherein I change the topic in order to remain within the ‘safety bounds’ of communication, which is actually further limiting our ability to actually transcend points by facing them in a moment of communication which is, according to what I have realized so far, the best way to support ourselves to face who we are and have become as our mind and as such, give ourselves the opportunity to establish ways to support ourselves, to correct ourselves and start living, as I see that this is the way to go in order to create a collective agreement as humanity to be and become human beings that care about life and are willing to stop perpetuating the cycles of the past as our ego, as our characters and personalities of self-limitation and degradation.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having felt compelled to stop talking to my father whenever I saw that our communication would lead to conflict or confrontation out of existing as ‘fear of conflict’ which has become one of the usual obstacles for ourselves to actually be vulnerable and communicate, because we would be so used to simply going up in flames = getting angry and not really supporting ourselves to face the pattern, realize the trigger points and establish solutions, but because we would always give into each other’s incendiary moods = we’d just give up communication and believe that there is no way we can sort this out and as such, simply giving up communication altogether, which is unacceptable as I see and realize that it is within this acceptance and allowance that we became characters supporting each other’s characters and as such, remain in a character world where we believed that communicating about our problems and finding solutions for them was simply ineffable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for ever having feared ‘ruining’ a moment with my father or anyone else when communicating due to exposing our mind, the pattern playing out wherein because of seeing others’ reactions, I’d also go into a lockdown wherein backchat emerges such as ‘I don’t want to continue speaking any longer either’ and essentially, giving up the communication, instead of actually walking through the conflict, point that is emerging and following through till we can both see the solution and get to a practical solution in order to establish ourselves as a self-directive being that will work with self’s own patterns, instead of taking it personal and just complying to making of a moment of communication a ‘frustration point’ between both parties with no resolution.

 

 

Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself thinking, believing and perceiving that I have ‘something in common’ with another based on playing out a similar character of self-limitation, I stop and I breathe – I realize that taking ‘pride’ in such aspects such as the saying ‘like father, like son’ is in fact the type of thinking that has gotten us to not move as humanity and actually changing into a best for all living realization as a process of self-correction, because we simply accepted our copied patterns from our parents as ‘who we are’ and believing that we had no power or say about it whatsoever, and we could only ‘deal with it’ and ‘cope’ with the inherited patterns, which is the same as accepting this entire world system of money as something that we could not ‘change’ at all, but only try and find ‘better ways to deal with it,’ which is unacceptable because it is in the very acceptance of this world as it is and of ourselves as ‘we are’ that we are simply running as finite cycles of fuckup patterns that in no way support life in equality at all.

 

Therefore I see that the practical way to identify our patterns in relation to our parents is talking them out and clearly sharing ourselves as the example of what is possible to correct and to stop within ourselves within a process of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application, wherein we can in fact make the decision to no longer be bound to ‘inherited patterns’ as a cross-to-bear, but instead taking such points/ patterns as self-corrective realizations that do require our will and decisive action to stop and walk into/ as a correction based on what is best for all.

 

When and as I see myself ever taking pride of any positive/ negative pattern inherited from my parents, I stop and I breathe – I realize that defining ‘who I am’ according to my parents is still limiting my expression and ability to live – thus I walk the patterns that I see and realize I have copied from my parents and ensure that who I am is standing here as a self-created being that can take points that are beneficial as part of one’s self-application, yet in no way define ‘who I am’ according to being someone’s daughter or having this particular ‘inheritance,’ but instead support me to realize that even if we have a certain predisposition to act and be in a particular ‘positive’ way, I require to be self-honest about my application within such traits and ensure that I am in fact aligning myself at all times as what’s best for all, instead of using it as a form of ‘superiority’ toward others.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to share myself based on a desire to change another, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I cannot possibly speak and communicate only from the starting point of ‘changing another,’ but that I have to in fact share my own process of self-realization about my own patterns and points that I am walking and taking self responsibility for, this is to ensure that who I am remains here clear, devoid of any secret agenda such as wanting to impose a change upon another, without such being making the decision for themselves based upon the evidence of what is possible to be and do, which is the example I am able to give and represent as being the living example of how it is absolutely plausible to stop ‘the sins of the fathers’ within ourselves and as such actually start living for the very first time in our reality.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to give into another’s ‘negative mood’ wherein I am perceiving a resistance to speak, talk and interact stemming from another, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the only way to actually walk through the resistance is opening up the communication about the resistance experienced in the first place, as that’s how we ensure that the backchat is exposed and we are thus able to stand ‘on the same level’ with any other being according to walking through a point of resistance from the get go.

 

When and as I see myself having the idea, belief and perception that ‘I should stop speaking because I am making another uncomfortable,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is just another way for us to eventually keep ‘our mind as is’ wherein we are not supporting anyone but only the ego of the mind that takes things personally and creates any form of silent or outrageous tantrum as to not have to face our creation and our patterns in our face.

 

I direct myself to remain constant and consistent within and while communicating with another, without giving into another’s experience and as such, supporting me to instead find various ways of communicating that can be more ‘appealing’ to another to engage them into the communication as well.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘change the topic’ because of fearing conflict in a conversation/ point of communication – I stop and I breathe – I realize that within this fear of conflict I had in fact only secured my own ego and other’s ego, leaving them intact in order to not have to actually open up the points that we can talk about and discuss with each other as a form of self-support. I realize that we are perfectly able to support ourselves to see each other’s patterns, mirror ourselves on others wherein we can in fact start being and becoming self-supportive in any moment we have of interaction as I realize that I am able to decide from here on ‘who I am’ and ‘what I am’ in any given moment of interaction with others, wherein I have the ability to stop being just another compliant character and instead, show the way of how we can really communicate as equals, beyond any character such as father, daughter or any other role that we may wear toward particular human beings, as I realize that change begins within me, and as such, I am the only one able to set the first stone in any given moment to establish a point of communication in equality and common sense, no matter ‘who it is/ was’ in my reality.

 

When and as I see myself taking another’s reactions into consideration as a point to define my own communication and words to them as going into self-suppression, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to communicate with another without having to diminish or lower my voice or ‘change my attitude’ into suppression just to not make them uncomfortable – as I realize that we have built a world wherein because of this fear of making another uncomfortable because of exposing ourselves as who we are as the mind, we rather ‘play safe’ in our communication which is how we have maintained a system of abuse in a blind acceptance and allowance, because we never dared to speak up and expose the patterns that we had accepted and allowed as ‘who we are’ without a question, which is what is relevant to expose and share now that we are able to see and realize how we are the creators of this world and as such, it is ourselves that must take the responsibility to ensure we are no longer perpetuating the limitations of the past, but instead become self directive beings that are willing to support themselves to step out of the self-accepted lie as a character that only ‘plays safe’ in communication.

 

I commit myself to challenge myself and others within communication in common sense, In means of exposing our own ‘reservedness’ as an actual fear of conflict and eventual ‘lockdown’ that we use to defend ourselves whenever we feel the ‘tide is too high,’ without realizing that in such point we are in essence complying to each other’s character an not doing anything about it. This must stop and it begins within and as ourselves.

 

When and as I see myself fearing ‘ruining’ a moment for another due to the topics and/ or point of communication that I am brining up, I stop and I breathe. I realize that whenever I have feared confrontation and/ or conflict, I end up being frustrated myself because of having complied to a mind that limits itself and within that missing out the opportunity to support myself to transcend and walk-through the fear of being ‘imposing myself onto other,’ which is not so in fact when all that I can do in reality is speak, share/ communicate with another in order to bring up points that will be up for them to either take or leave, as I realize that I cannot change anyone – however I can definitely present the practical solutions to walk a point into/ as self-correction.

 

Therefore, I realize that I can use any moment of communication with another as a window of opportunity to share myself, my process and what I am currently being/ doing with and as myself, without any limitation as I see and realize that if communication is based on common sense and sharing myself as the moment, what I am at the moment is walking process, walking my own self-correction and as such communication will invariably be about it, which Is very cool as this is an opportunity we all have to expand ourselves: sharing ourselves as our process without creating a need or want or desire to ‘change another,’ but simply sharing with others what is possible to be and become once that we stand as equals to ourselves as our mind, once that we get to know ourselves as our mind and as such learn how it is possible to go changing the way we live in this world one by one, no matter ‘who’ we are toward one another, self-honesty as the realization of who we are as one and equal comes first at all times.

 

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Day 14: Keeping Quiet leads to Relationship Failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance to write about relationships, without realizing that I am defining ‘who I am’ in relation to ‘what I’ve written in the past’ which is certainly gone and not ‘here’ as the current understanding of relationships and my own experiences toward it at the moment, which I can certainly bring through a new perspective that I probably was not aware of in the past.

So I breathe, stop the resistance and walk through it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of the topic of relationships ‘the point’ in my process due to past experiences wherein I accepted and allowed myself to diminish, belittle and compromise my own stance and process according to ‘being in a relationship,’ which means that the point I must correct from here on is remaining stable as I am currently when being alone, and walking the process of being able to remain stable and constant no matter where or with whom I am with.

I realize that by having made this point ‘the point’ within my process, I have given it ‘extra value’ that I have then being mostly defining myself according to but in a way that I am mostly resisting and/or avoiding even talking about, which only fuels the same cycles of creating a specific relationship toward ‘relationships.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing about relationships without realizing that any point I experience a resistance toward means that I have created a particular experience toward, which means that: I must walk it through with proper self-support for relationships.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to ‘relationships’ and the past as memories of people that have come and gone and that allowed me to see what I have been accepting and allowing to exist within/ as me, which means that everything that I ever blamed and judged others for, was in fact only revealing me to me what was existing in a silent/ dormant way within me.

I realize that it is within relationships that we get to face ourselves ‘full on’ because there is no other way that we would be able to trigger points that can’t possibly be triggered when/ while being alone. 

I realize that resisting anything that has to do with relationships at the moment is only me reflecting my own ‘unsolved issues’ toward it that I experienced myself as being ‘perfectly fine without,’ instead of seeing that I am actually resisting because I know, I have realized and seen how it is through relationships that the actual process of facing yourself at all times exists.

 

For that, I see, realize and understand that allowing me to first face myself, alone and walking the necessary self agreement is the necessary step to be able to stand here wherein what matters is that I ensure I stand and do not allow myself to change/ alter/ waver or transform ‘who I am’ according to the relationships I form/ establish within myself toward others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subservient within relationships, wherein I played the role of being the passive listener and faithful companion, diminishing my own life and living experience to being just that, existing for and defining myself according to being in a relationship

 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to remain in a ‘safe spot’ of complacency and not questioning/ being directly communicating as I realize I could have done in the past, because of not wanting to ‘step on another’s feet’ and interfere ‘too much’ within their individual processes, without realizing that it was simply about me fearing having to face my own fears of conflict, fear of losing a relationship if there was an uncontrollable outcome, which kept me basically tied up to an idea of who I had to be within the relationship to keep another by my side.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationships from the starting point of having to ‘keep people by my side’/ fearing losing the relationship, which I have experienced as a constant point of petrification because of how I had repeated the same mistakes over and over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge who I am in relation to the mistakes I have made in the past, without realizing that I can only learn from mistakes as the points that need absolute correction to never allow myself to repeat patterns, behaviors as limitations wherein I have compromised myself and my usual stance when and while I am in a relationship with another, which means that I must first establish a relationship as Self-Agreement with myself.

I see, realize and understand that any idea I created about another was in fact only about myself, projecting my own judgments toward others and in this, projecting blame to be able to stand as the victim that could complain and manipulate situations to suit my own limitations, which I obviously didn’t see as limitations back then, but preferences and ways of being.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remain quiet in fear of being imposing myself/ patronizing another and in that, fearing being too blunt/ harsh when it came to directly communicating which is essentially ‘fear of hurting others’ through words, while neglecting the obvious common sense that I see and realize I am perfectly able and capable of spotting in myself and others as self-support Yet when it comes to being in a relationship, I’ve kept quiet because of the relationship that I have formed toward such person within my reality.

 

Therefore I see and realize that the only way to correct this point is for me to establish a self-equality and oneness wherein no matter who I am supporting/ interacting with, I stick to presenting, sharing, pointing out common sense and not compromising this point just because of it coming from a particular person that I have regarded as ‘more than’ or ‘special’ within my life, which is unacceptable within the understanding of how these ‘value schemes’ that we project onto people, eventually have created the current system of disparity and polarization that entails abuse of all parts equally participating in this organism.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the ‘good-doer’ wherein I did everything possible to ‘keep another happy,’ which stemmed from fear of losing an relationship and in that, compromising myself absolutely to mold myself into a more docile version of myself in order to not stir any conflicts and keeping a certain apparent ‘stability’ wherein everything is supposedly ‘alright,’ without realizing that I actually feared being alone – and in that, compromising myself just because of not wanting to be left without such relationships, no matter how much I would actually be uncomfortable in it and knowing beforehand that it wasn’t supportive.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a single iota of self judgment just now as I review this point because of the obvious self-abuse I accepted and allowed within myself just because of fearing being alone as the fear of losing a relationship,

I realize that my desire to continue being alone is now the counter act that stems from these past experiences, which means that I must clear for myself these relationships and make sure I do not sabotage any opportunity that I have to expand myself in my process within standing with another in an actual worded, spoken and shared agreement wherein the most important aspect is Self-Agreement, which is what I am perfectly able and capable of walking as myself, alone, here.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to miss out  the opportunity to assist and support myself to be directive to actually share in the moment any point that emerges that can be corrected/ talked about in order to support myself to step out of the pattern of remaining silent and supporting another to see and realize a point that has probably not been realized/ seen before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I fucked it up because: I kept quiet’ when in fact, keeping quiet is the outflow of having accepted and allowed various other patterns to manifest within the relationship entities that I formed, mostly because of stemming from the idea of myself ‘not being good enough’ and in that, believing that I had to ‘make up for’ not being good enough by being complacent and subservient to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a relationship as a way to measure ‘who I am’ when in fact, all that I have been within relationships is just another personality that was ‘there’ for me to face, but instead I got lost in the character, allowing myself to create such an extensive turmoil that I forgot about common sense and self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of regret out of these past memories and experiences within/ as relationships.

I forgive myself that I never accepted and allowed myself to write about the intense regret I experienced when I heard B explaining to me how that opportunity was gone and done and that there was no turning back once the agreement was over. That day I learned what regret was and how it would remain within me as a life-long lesson to never allow myself to remain quiet and not giving absolute and proper direction to a point I am directly involved with in/as relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain subservient to a relationship entity wherein favors are done, wherein positivity is sought yet not realizing that in that input of ‘wanting things to work out,’ I am already fearing and accepting the ‘negative’ and the dysfunctional aspects of a relationship, and keeping quiet about it, as a way to remain in a safe spot wherein things seem to be ‘just a bit tense but nothing to worry about,’ and in that missing out the absolute opportunity to take the wheel of the situation and give it common sensical direction in the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the person that I stand within an agreement with because of having perceived that such relationship is a special bubble that I must take care of with separate terms as in being more flexible and subservient within the ‘hope’ that it will change/ get better after sometime, without seeing and realizing to what extent I have deliberately blinded myself when being in relationships, wherein I have caramelized the actual reality of the relationship through the creation of an apparent chemical marriage that I then used as a way to justify empathy as preference toward another, while accepting and allowing obvious patterns of separation that were Not Self-Supportive.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself the moment that I perceived that the other person was absolutely responsible for the situation, and in this, victimizing myself and believing that ‘I had done nothing wrong,’ that it wasn’t my fault that this didn’t work out,’ while being absolutely aware of all the constant patterns of allowances and acceptances that were flashing ‘red alerts’ all the time.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever experience myself so emotionally burnt after a breakup that all I could do was cry, without realizing that it was me only crying out for having actually lost the opportunity of that actual initial immediate point of comfort ability with another and that I have kept as a regret point in my life, without realizing that I had not even set out the basic points of self support as words within myself for that matter, which means that the entire relationship was only that and never an actual agreement, which is the actual truth that I could not see in that moment.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take relationships as something that can be brewed out of nowhere in one single moment without taking into consideration what I am actually really getting myself into, realizing that I only did it out of the spontaneous ‘struck of the heart’ in believing that ‘I must go there’ and in that, having the worst crash till the very bottom when realizing that I only fed my ‘good feelings’ about someone while neglecting the obvious reality that was yelling out separation and dysfunction in distinctive moments that I simply allowed to go by.

 

I commit myself to establish a self-agreement of communication wherein I make sure I clarify toward myself what I am willing to live by with/ as myself wherein I do not ever create another bubble as a relationship entity with another as a ‘separate world,’ while neglecting the obvious separation that such application entails.

 

I commit myself to voice myself no matter ‘who it is’ that I am talking toward as that is a practical living-realization of me being addressing myself/ voicing myself as that which I see is common sense and supportive to communicate about.

 

A cool point about this is that I don’t have to be fueling the ghosts of the past, it is only when directing myself to write about it that memories come up, images, pictures, moments that I believed I was really happy and that everything was alright – and I did have a lot of fun while it lasted. A point that must be stopped at all times is future projections when and while being in any give moment, and to make sure that I do not become stagnant in my perceived stability when and while being alone. I definitely see and realize that there is a long process to walk ahead. Enough for now.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

“Twin Soul – the only twin soul that can exist is in drawings of souls that look like twins OR within the minds of those fantasizing about twin souls in their minds – but within existence: twin souls no more exist. And the practical application here would be to – whatever one is looking for in the twin soul – is what self must gift to self to be/become whole again. TWIN SOULS should be saying something, in that – the TWIN/SAME SOUL is showing that self is in fact yearning for/looking for SELF. C’mon – the codes couldn’t have been MORE OBVIOUS.” Sunette Spies 

 

 

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