Tag Archives: fearful

597. Embracing My Mind

Be humble in your relationship to the mind, humbleness meaning to walk it in understanding and consideration, it’s like this beast that you gotta tame. And approaching the beast with an attacking egotistical superiority is going to just unsettle it even more, so take it easy, walk it slowly but surely, take it day by day, breath by breath. And if anything, your process in your relationship to energy, especially in your daily participation is something I would really focus on because it is primarily through energy and energy experience that the mind gets you. That consciousness will move your awareness from the physical into the mind, it uses energy.” Mykey – Demons in the Afterlife – Part 11

 

I’m going to open up some points and realizations and practical test-outs that I’ve gathered from various sources like Mykey’s description above of the humbleness required in our relationship with our mind, and the description of how we’ve been fighting against stress in our lives while also not challenging ourselves explained in this Eqafe.com interview Senility, Dementia, and Alzheimer’s (Part 2) – Psychological & Physical Disorders – as well as seeing a picture of one of my favorite artists/singers with a caption saying ‘Embrace the mess that you are’ and also some of Ido Portal’s interview which I’m also enjoying quite a bit because there are a lot of points that open up parallels to walking this mind-being-body process as well, which relate to the form of movement that we have to also create in order to develop anything, to change anything, to challenge ourselves and the effort, consistency, discipline it takes to do so.

Something that we tend to do is fight those aspects that we dislike of ourselves, or become uncomfortable with getting to acknowledge the ‘truth’ of ourselves as the reality, of that which we’ve become but that we’ve become so used to masking, disguising in all kinds of ways to make it seem ‘better’ in our eyes than what it is – and this is mostly because of wanting to keep a certain ‘idea’ of ourselves as perfect, flawless, never wrong, always right, honorable, ‘immaculate’ and so forth, well at least these are some of the ideas I’ve had to debunk about myself which were the perfect ‘shields’ for me to not even question certain things or experiences about me that I actually was wanting to hold on to because of the ‘pleasure’ I derived from them in a very ‘sneaky’ manner so to speak.

Though interestingly enough I’ve found that the more I get ‘down and dirty’ with myself in all kinds of ways – yep don’t allow your mind to run rampant with that idea though! – I find that I become the most comfortable, more raw and honest with myself where I have been throughout this past year – more so than ever before – being really willing to let go of this ‘effigy’ I had created about me/who I am or what I seem ‘to be for others’ which was a huge thing in me as well, like having this idea of myself as a ‘politician’ in a way that had to keep a certain image at all times.

I now know exactly where this comes from – as a result of the many writings about it to open this point up – and how I developed this idea of self, which has to do with yes having been taught to behave a certain ways in certain social contexts and seeing how my family would relate to others etc. And here it’s just an acknowledgement, not at all judging or blaming, but an understanding – and so what I became was this very stiff, rigid, inflexible, ever ‘strong’ version of myself that had to appear in a certain manner all the time – and this goes as far as my first ‘big contact’ with peers in the first day of school in wanting to take on this idea of myself as strong, not weak, superior, ‘not showing emotions’ and all kinds of things that of course now I’ve been able to identify and so decide to open up myself more and share who I am in a vulnerable, natural, open, raw version of myself that to say the least has become a very enjoyable process to integrate as myself and so share with others in my life too.

I was talking with a friend the other day and he mentioned how he had this very shocking dream where he had killed someone and everyone noticed that ‘the killed person’ was missing and he started to get very stressed out and fearful about the idea of having the corpse in a bag and not being able to do anything with it, not being able to compress the body of evidence into non-existence. He freaked out about the images, the scene, the very ‘act of killing’ itself, so I suggested to not dwell on the imagery of it, the gory details of it so to speak, but to focus on his experience, which is that of suddenly becoming aware of what he had done, trying to hide it, getting fearful about facing consequence, being caught by others, eventually maybe having to admit having done such a thing (in the dream of course) and I simply suggested to take it back to himself to see/write out where in his life is he having this kind of experience towards some parts of him that he is fearing to admit, to see, to embrace. I left it at that. He is on his 21 days of stopping smoking weed and of course suppressions are popping up and I understand how that kind of changes can suddenly open up Pandora’s box within self, but it’s quite cool to know that he’s taking on the writing as a source of self-reference.  Though I could notice there was some fear, disgust, aghast experience about the dream, where he then became more unsettled about such ‘truth’ of himself that he might not even be aware of instead of simply getting to know himself, to understand it, which is also part of being humble to our minds, our truth, ourselves: not to fear it or resist it, but embrace it with all its ‘doom and gloom’ in it, we created it so there’s nothing to ‘fear’ in it, nothing is really ‘unknown’ to us, only out of our awareness.

I also watched a documentary about a band and how they said they had to become ‘fearless’ in their way to continue walking their lengthy career, having some pivotal changes in their lineup, having ‘core members’ leaving, having rejection towards the new members, testing out new things but their decision to persevere, keep going no matter what has turned them into a long-standing band with some 30 years of history now behind them, which is quite a merit and example for many more as well.

The word ‘fearlessness’ was mentioned a few times and it stuck with me, which is also something Ido explains is a very normal function in humans – practical fears enable us to survive, to be aware, cautious, make decisions to ‘keep ourselves alive’ of course – however there’s also the point of being taken over by fear completely nowadays where we’ve allowed it to override everything we are and do, to the point that we are now limiting ourselves extensively because of fearing ourselves and each other… a world dominated by fear in fact.

So, in this process of self-change, self-awareness, self-creation I find it very supportive to walk a process of self-forgiveness in order to identify all those things that we fear about ourselves. I remember writing out each and every other fear I had in my mind in the beginning of my process, man, the list was immense but I knew I was a very fearful person – and I am continuing walking through them – but the point here is admitting to oneself those fears, deliberately creating that acceptance and comfort of the ‘uncomfortable’ at first, admitting to oneself those actual thoughts, words and deeds that we have defined as bad, evil, wrong and Embrace them.

This is a keyword right here, to Embrace myself because the actual living of the word implies I cannot judge it, compare it, define the totality of myself in relation to ‘a few points’ that I become aware of – I instead write it out to understand it, to get to know ‘how’ and ‘why’ I became such personalities, patterns, experiences within me, what was it within me that enabled that and within doing so, I am more taking a position of learning about myself, observing myself yet not creating a reaction to it and making it personal. Sure, it’s not as easy as it sounds, it has taken me years to walk through certain points that I was quite ashamed of myself to even ‘talk about’ to myself about them and through sharing about them openly with a few people, it has assisted me to also let go of the ‘hold’ I had towards it all as something that I apparently could ‘never forgive myself for.’

Of course in that it is to be considerate of who we share with such very personal points, always in common sense, but I find it very supportive to have someone in your life with whom you can open up and lay those points out in writing, in conversations, creating that safe space for self-support in relationships which is one of the benefits we have as human beings to create, develop and nurture each other within the context of relationships where two or more beings decide to share themselves, open themselves in order to assist each other in that very personal process of self-creation and self-change.

And if this is something that is not yet ‘here’ as a potential for you to be comfortable with in terms of opening up with others, then it means that there’s some self-work to first do within self, to start developing that self-relationship first, and to me this came through writing within a self-honest starting point which means pushing through to see the ‘truth’ of myself, even if I wanted to hide behind my chair to not type it out or see it ‘for what it is’, pushing through to lay it out and embrace those things I was ashamed for in my life, all those things I thought would leave me ‘powerless’ or ‘losing my mojo’ in a way lol, or where I believed I would become this ‘lifeless being’ if giving up my craving for certain things that gave me an ‘energy high,’ which I ended up realizing where actually the chains and shackles I had enslaved myself to as ‘reasons to live’ or ‘points of motivation’ in separation of myself.

I decided to place myself through all of those uncomfortable spots through writing, through being honest with myself and all I can say is that the ‘bitter taste’ is only momentary, the rest of what one gets out of the box and opened up creates an actual ‘flow’ within oneself. It’s as if bit by bit I went ‘disentangling’ myself from my plethora of fears, judgments, limitations – and still am doing so – and with each point I went opening up, it was like opening up a window to let the air flow, or digging more ground for a river to flow wider… that kind of ‘liberation’ in fact, which I was reflecting about yesterday with regards to a particular point I tested myself with in letting go of something that I had to admit would give me an ‘energy high’ and within doing the actual change and decision to ‘let go of it’ in that moment, I realized that I was apparently letting go of a very automated ‘fix’ I had created in particular contexts, but I reminded myself instead of the actual integrity, self-respect, honor that I created instead for myself in that moment and towards others implied in the situation as well.

What did I have to practically do? Instead of fearing placing myself in such ‘tempting’ position so to speak, I decided to create it, to embrace myself in that moment and learn to see ‘who I am’ in that moment. I saw the energy movement taking a position in my body, I saw how the justifications opened up in order to ‘go for it’, I saw how ‘natural’ this had become for me to act on this experience without giving ‘too much thought’ into it before – and it was quite fascinating to stand in that point in the moment and what I practically did was the following:

– I decided to consider the consequential outflows of me acting out on this ‘impulse’ I had which I became aware of was existing as energy, there was no substance to it, just an ‘impulse’ that If I had given too many thoughts into it, I would have ended up convincing myself of just ‘doing it’ or ‘going for it’ – neverminding the outflows, the aftermath and consequence which is what I decided to remind myself of in that moment in order to not ‘go for it’ or not ‘move’ myself under the influence of this impulse/energy as desire.

It was quite cool because I was able to see it, stand in it, feel how it ‘feels’ and feel how I could go either two ways: get myself to heighten the experience if I would have given more of an opening to it or stick to my conscious decision I had laid out before of ‘who I decide to be/do’ in those moments of defined ‘temptation’. Therefore,

– I decided to remind myself that I would not be able to live with myself if I would give into that experience and act on this impulse driven by an energetic experience defined as desire. And within reminding myself of this and how I had essentially made the ‘same mistake’  a few times in the past, I decided to stand strong in my resolve to let go of it, to not ‘go for it,’ to discipline myself to ‘stand my ground’ not as defensive, defiant or antagonistic to my desire, but through having ‘immersed’ myself for a moment in it, seeing, it understanding it, get a ‘feel’ for it as the energy it was where as I said there was no other ‘substance’ to it other than the remembrance of ideas, beliefs of perceptions of ‘acting out on the energy feeling good.’ And that’s it… never ever having considered the actual implications, consequences of acting out on it, what I would cause as conflict or consequences for it, which would eventually lead me to become very dependent of ‘recreating’ the same experience one way or another, becoming subject to an experience, becoming subject to a ‘feeling good’ sensation only – and that’s what I decided to no longer be.

So all of this happened in a couple of minutes and then I decided to breathe myself into stability and fully decide to let it go, to not act on it and physically stabilize myself so that I would no longer be in this ‘heightened’ experience – and even if it ‘kept coming up’ or ‘being triggered,’ I would then repeat some of the above mentioned points of reminding myself of the consequence, of deciding to live honor, integrity, self-respect in those moments which means to me not ‘giving up’ on myself for a fleeting energy, but to test who I am within it, see with clarity the starting point, the context, the factors that I led myself to in order to face such point and then be able to come out on the other side of it having in a way yes ‘tamed,’ controlled, directed myself to not give into it.

See, maybe a few months ago I would have still feared myself in terms of believing I would not have self-control or that I should not even place myself in certain situations, but in a way I created the context and then realized that I can in fact stand and stick to my decisions to not give into this desire and what I gained from that is the satisfaction of having simply done that which is best for all, that which I know creates and expands my integrity, my self-respect and honor to myself and everyone else involved whether they were aware of it or not. And that’s what I decide to make the new matter to me.

Also it was quite cool for me to open this point up and reflect on it, see it within clarity and share it, communicate it as is because it becomes a way to debunk this ‘secret mind’ that I’ve kept for quite some time as ‘who I am’ because of in a way wanting to still hold on to that kind of ‘thrill’ or ‘power’ or ‘experience’ which boils down to energy that in fact tampers with the ability to simply express, enjoy, embrace and appreciate myself and others without attempting to ‘get an energetic experience from it’ – which is what we’ve become very ‘addicted’ to – and instead embrace the interactions in their simplicity, without any hidden agendas, without any ‘suppressions’ either, but simply understanding what comes up as ‘desire’ for example for a particular experience, seeing it, holding it, becoming it for a moment, not fearing to ‘get lost’ in it but keeping the focus on making that crucial decision to let go of it and in that moment decide ‘who I decide to be’ in the face of that experience or ‘temptation’ I created for myself in a way.

And that’s how I would define an experience of ‘embracing’ the whole of myself, not fearing to ‘have no control’ of myself, but to rather use the opportunities, situations, experiences as playgrounds for me to see ‘who I am’ in those situations, in essence creating my own test-drives so to speak to see if my written process and the commitments, corrections and solutions I’ve set for myself are practical enough for me to actually change in that moment.  And I did, it was in me all along, that ability to decide to not go for the ‘quick fix’ of an energetic experience, and seeing once again that I can in fact live beyond that and not really ‘lose’ anything other than an energetic experience, but instead gain self-respect, confidence, self-trust, self-integrity and honesty. In this I am also learning to see interactions with other people without wanting to get a ‘fix’ from it, which had become very underlying and common way to do so before in my life.

Ok! I had a very simple idea to start this blog, I ended up expanding it too much, well, it is what it is, I still find it quite a challenge stay in a few words… maybe I have to stop judging it or trying to ‘battle’ against the extension of these blogs and simply let myself be in it. It is how it is and comes out for now

 

Thanks for reading.

 

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184:Angstxiety

Physical Dimension: Reactions to the negative thought of having to complete a task/ activity

Within the entire series of the procrastination character that began on day 162. Either Do it or DIE I’ve walked the fear, thought, imagination – then even a fantasy came out – backchat and the reactions toward all of these points in both a negative and a positive manner.

The title of this blog comes from the realization that angst means fear in Dutch and anxiety is what we experience as the physical experience of such fears which sounds then similar as one leading to the other, while in English, angst means ‘anxiety about the state of the world’ which is how I can identify I have become the anxious person for the most part while growing up, which I have been working on as well in the death and destruction blogs going into both anxiety and dread about it.

 

Within the physical dimension is to then see how it is that all of these dimensions end up manifesting as a physical possession – how? Well, the moment that we give into the thought and make it a physical habit within it, we are essentially confirming that yes, the thoughts, backchat, reactions, fears are in fact ‘who we are’ and that all of such mind-experiences are ‘true enough’ for us to then live them out in the physical. Hence it’s this physical dimension the one that certainly exists as a consequential outflow of all the previous accepted and allowed mind experiences as real, it is the ‘physical possessed time’ wherein we have already abdicated the directive principle of ourselves and we essentially become the embodiment of our own mind control – sounds familiar? Yes, essentially every moment that we are not here breathing and being aware of ourselves as the physical and ‘lose track’ of what we are in fact doing in that moment – because of only existing in a constant myriad of thoughts, pictures, backchats/ internal conversations – wherein we are then only feeding the experience further and further while missing out the entire point of this experience which is nothing else and nothing more but a self created dis-ease through thinking and having a positive or negative experience about something/ someone in our world and reality.

 

Within the procrastination character, I realize that the moment that I am about to get onto doing something/ directing myself to complete a task, there’s a pinch of anxiety that emerges, that has been ‘slowed down’ so to speak from the time when I was a younger girl and going through school and having all the basic nervousness symptoms of having gastritis, multiple headaches whenever an exam or a ‘something to do’ would emerge that I would consider was ‘ahead of me’ and being overtly apprehensive, always worrying about the outcome of my exams, worrying if I’d get the highest grade – even if I pretended that I didn’t care – always wanting to get to places on time and essentially being in constant fear of ‘not meeting my goals’ which I later on suppressed as I went growing up with an opposite character. Within this I must say that my mother’s words were supportive since she always made me see how futile it was to be seeking to be perfect and strain my physical body for it, plus hearing words that would allow me to see that I didn’t require to worry about it since I had an ability to walk through school without a problem – however, the origin of the anxiety was never seen or realized in fact. So, I will dedicate myself to tap more into the anxiety experience, which has diminished considerably in the past years since I began my process of self forgiveness and self honesty, however, it still comes out which indicates that there are points that I must obviously still work through it and the realization is that such anxiety has been present lately due to and directly linked to the procrastination character, wherein the moment that we create our own ‘procrastination hell’ we become the embodiment of such ‘unsorted load’ and generate an overall relationship of self-abuse which is pretty much experienced at a physical level.

I had that yesterday in three different moments and all related to being asked the question of when the hell am I going to finish school – well actually could be four, lol since I had several chats with different people and realized that I am the only one that is procrastinating this.

So as I write this, there’s a flow of heaviness as energy that is experienced in my arms and in the pit of my stomach, which is where we could say the solar plexus actually is.

So far the only way that I have been able to slow down in physical reality in terms of walking slower, not rushing to get to a place (unless strictly necessary, lol) and going ‘ahead of time’ in my mind when for example, meeting someone, going to a certain place where I will have to face people, even making phone calls would be a reason for me to get anxious, like wanting to ‘get over with it’ – which is a key point here ‘getting over with it’ as this point that must be simply ‘rushed’ and ‘finished’ in order to ‘get to the next point’ – I mean, that’s not living, that’s just being like a Ford-T line producer that’s simply tied and bound to a single task-doing reality where no actual Living takes place. Unfortunately yes, this is the reality for the majority of everyone in this world because every moment that we reduce life to a sequence of ‘tasks to be done’ we are certainly limiting ourselves extensively within our capacity to see life not as a birth-consume-reproduce-produce-consume-die type of cycle with all the highs and lows in between – there is definitely another way of going through life even if it’s filled with ‘stuff to do,’ as I have realized that the moment we measure our days based on ‘stuff to do’ we miss out the point of how each activity is an opportunity to expand ourselves. And where does anxiety fit into all of this? Nowhere, it is a self-created TIME-triggered fuckup. I actually see how I have used Time as an excuse obviously, but also as a constant ‘counting’ of my day wherein instead of being here. I mean, even the sole ‘measuring’ of the day implies that I define myself according to what I did and what I did not do, which is just creating another aspect to give myself credit/ discredit for as an ego. No, I can instead decide to live in a way that is fully functional in every moment, and this implies not being subject to the reactions experienced Over going into an alternate reality of thinking, judging, backchatting, imagining, reacting over it etc.

I realize that I have separated myself from the actual ‘art of living’ which should be related to self mastery that I had on purpose seen as something ‘ahead’ of myself, impossible, ‘not now’ type of thing, without realizing that within this, I was kind of then sort of Still expecting me to do some ‘regular fuckups’ to demonstrate that ‘I am still mortal’ instead of actually taking a decision to not continue to allow any belittling within myself and others – as belittling was definitely one of the first points I worked with in my process which has been so far, cool – however, the anxiety point demonstrates that there is still this ‘uncertainty’ within me, and yes, directly related to this ‘something that I have to do’ and ‘complete’ as an ‘achievement’ that I am separating myself from.

 

So the physical dimension of this entire outflow of procrastination has to do with the various symptoms that one would experience as ‘anxiety’ among other physical habits like standing up and just moving away from the computer when the time comes to complete a task, or direct myself to get some water/ peanuts or raisins – or going out, which is what I have walked already in previous blogs, or simply doing something else.

As I was reading Heaven’s Journey To Life yesterday, I realized that I have in fact activated the ‘I don’t care’ character as a defense mechanism to keep myself in ‘good stand’ in my mind for not doing the task I know  I have to complete. This character would come as a temporary ‘shut up’ to the anxiety experienced at a physical level. Oh man, how far have I gone to cover up fuckup after fuckup of simply procrastinating a single task? Is it necessary? Obviously NOT! However, it seems as if I deliberately placed myself in this situation to walk through it, which is plain absurd but it ‘makes sense’ from the perspective that I have simply made an accumulation of decisions that were linked to the ‘positive experiences’ that I would use as an excuse to not get to this task.

A side note for me as well is how horrible it is to experience ‘excitement’ or some energetic experience that one would consider as a general ‘positive experience.’ I became excited about – oh god here I go – one of my so-called ‘favorite bands’ releasing a new album after a long time and so I went into this excitement that became a Really uncomfortable experience after a while, to the extent that I experience like a hangover of it due to the expectation – which creates anxiety – and the activation of all the emotions and feelings linked to this music – yes both emotions and feelings since it’s the type of ‘drug’ as an experience that I would be the most addicted to, this type of sublime experiences wherein you are rather overwhelmed by the sounds that terrifies us in a way and at the same time becomes a nice experience. And that, my fellow droogies I will walk separately and later on post as I will continue walking the procrastination character, but I see how the entire experiences linked to music must also be debunked, because it is ‘hard’ for anything or anyone else to create an experience of this kind within me, it’s mostly linked to music and the load I have imprinted on memories to it.

 

And This, I realized I have been a ‘frequent participant’ of based on what I got to understand in the Quantum Mind Self Awareness 18 that I highly recommend to anyone pondering about the ‘negative’ and being having mostly a ‘high’ from all things negative. That’s the shortest way I can describe it, get it  and then you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

 

So, let’s breathe and I’ll begin walking the Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective statements on the following blogs. Thanks for reading

 

 

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111. ‘Why aren’t you normal?’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept a belief within me about there being something ‘off’ within my behavior because of being called crazy and ‘not a normal girl,’ which I then took as a point of pride because it would make me feel at least ‘special’ in a way, which then turned into an excuse to play out a character that would essentially justify any decision in life based on having been dubbed ‘crazy,’ hence taking such belief as myself as ‘who I am’ and making myself embody/ become it to the best of my possibility, so as to spite anyone that had called me that way.

 

When and as I see myself judging my expression because of thinking that ‘I am not being normal,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I’m acting out of the past according to a single label as ‘the crazy one’ that I believed is/was ‘who I am,’ which I used in order to make myself ‘honor’ the label and as such remain only as an ‘out of the ordinary’ character as a basic ‘eccentric personality’  which is how I realize that we become that which others believe ourselves to be just by giving us a single label and us taking such label as ‘real,’ when in fact it has nothing to do with who I really am here as a physical breathing living being.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I didn’t have to apply self forgiveness for a point that I had deemed as ‘petty’ to consider walking in self-forgiveness, without realizing that it is in the small things that I created entire personalities linked to being called ‘crazy’ and ‘abnormal,’ which I mostly took as a point of inferiority  that I converted into a superiority point in order to ‘spite’ the people that had called me crazy or abnormal while growing up, without realizing how such ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ standards were created by parents that would only deem certain characters to be ‘acceptable,’ as such characters would lead to securing a financial future for the child when growing up, as sociable and charismatic people tend to ‘make it’ in the world of business and social relationships that lead to having lots of money – apparently.

 

When and as I see myself considering certain points of Self Forgiveness as ‘petty’ to apply Self-Forgiveness for, I stop and I breathe – I realize that we as the mind tend to make these points ‘less’ in order to keep our entire characters in place. Thus I open up the point and walk the necessary corrections in order to see and realize ‘who I am’ at the moment in relation to such perceived ‘petty’ point.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to as a child fear being judged by others for not speaking, for not wanting to have friends and communicate with other kids , creating several tantrums whenever my mother wanted me to ‘team me up’ with other kids to play, just because I didn’t want to do it – thus creating an entire reaction every time that there was a kid in a social-situation wherein I believed that I had to then socialize with them just because ‘we were kids.’ I would become absolutely fearful of having another kid in the same situation because I knew that the ‘grown ups’ would team us up to play and get along together, but I didn’t want to because I always wanted to be a ‘grown up’ in those moments – hence being called by my mother as being ‘ugly’ because I would not want to communicate and interact with other kids.

 

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that I am in fact being ‘antisocial’ for not wanting to communicate and speak, I stop and I breathe- I realize that this is a condition that I acquired from when I was a child and my mother would force me to interact with people – grownups and children – using subtle threats for me to do so, which would make me fearful of ‘what would happen’ if I didn’t want to interact with other children.

 

I realize that in my mind I’ve made of my mother ‘the ogre’ in my life, blaming her for my own experience however it was really me that accepted and allowed such self-victimization in order to always be alone and always have things working my way as that would make me feel like special in my ‘not belonging’ ideas.

 

I realize that at the moment any point o barrier to communicate with another can only exist if I hold a judgment toward myself and another being – yet I am not defined by ‘who I have been’ in relation to communication and my apparent reservedness as a child.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into absolute fear and anxiety every time that we as a family when I was a child go into a social reunion and there was a table specially for kids, and I would simply be wishing and hoping that I would not be forced to sit along with the other kids, simply because of me always wanting to be with the adults, because of believing that I had ‘more in common’ with the adults which is a belief that I held throughout my life in order to feel ‘special’ about myself and not being like all the other kids. Yet because I would not communicate about this, I would only create a point of friction with my mother because of her judging me for not wanting to be with other kids.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I have ‘more in common’ with adults/ older people than me nowadays, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am acting out of the memory of childhood wherein I would always prefer to be with ‘older people’ than kids my age, simply because of believing myself to be a ‘special kid’ that was ‘very mature’ for her age and within that, making all other kids and younger kids as ‘less than me,’ which is what plays out as a point of judgment and comparison toward other beings in relation to ‘who they are’ as their age. Thus I see and realize that a being is not an age, is not a cultural background or even popular-culture associations that I can use to ‘get along with,’ but a single being that is also part of this world and as such what we have in common is being part of the human race that lives and coexists in the same planet – I do not require some point of ‘affinity’ toward others in order to establish communication.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to as a child to go upstairs into my room whenever my mother was attempting to get me to play with other kids, which I absolutely rejected because of believing and perceiving that ‘I was not a normal child’ and as such, I would not want to play ‘childish games,’ but I wanted to be talking to grown ups or watching MTV which is how I created myself as an ‘anti-social person’ that would not get along with people her age for several years until I allowed myself to ‘be a child’ again.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to be older in order to like the type of music that I was listening to when I was 7 years old, which my cousins/kids used to judge me for, saying that I was not a ‘normal child’ because of watching MTV instead of cartoons.

 

When and as I see myself creating a point of separation toward people based on the age group they belong to and believing that ‘I’d rather be talking to older people that I can relate to’ is in fact me speaking from the character of ‘I only get along with grown ups and not younger people’ based on the idea of ‘I am more mature than others.’ Thus I breathe, I stop and direct myself to communicate with others without taking into consideration their gender, sex or nationality – all beings equal and one here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there was something profoundly wrong within me for not wanting to play with other kids, often getting to the point of crying because of not wanting to do it, because of not wanting to be forced to do it – therefore creating this anxiety in social events such as parties and so forth because of having gotten stuck with the belief that I would have to be socializing with other kids ‘whether I liked it or not,’ which is how I would mostly remain sitting at the table, because going outside would imply kids wanting me to play with them and I didn’t want that.

 

When and as I see myself still triggering any form of experience when going to a social event/ situation and having a fear of ‘having to socialize’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am acting out of the memory of having ‘loathed’ to socialize with others and the distress that I would create whenever I was forced to do so – thus I direct myself to simply remain here as breath and when and if the opportunity to speak arises, I speak, I share, I communicate – yet I do not judge myself for not speaking either, as I realize that any belief of ‘having to socialize’ was imposed as a parental order that I simply complied to out of fear.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start avoiding social interactions based on the premise and memory of my mother pushing me/ forcing me to socialize with other kids, simply because I would not want to do it ‘by myself’ apparently – yet deep inside me I was only wanting to be self-directive to do it ‘on my own,’ which is how I would always react whenever my parents wanted to ‘do things for me’ such as hooking me up with friends to socialize with.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create  a notorious preference to only want to socialize with ‘my best friends’ from school and seeing everyone else as ‘less than’ my friends – which is how I would mostly deem that I had nothing to do with other kids, leading me to simply remain alone and wanting to go home to be alone, wherein I would not be ‘disturbed’ by others, which is essentially not being challenged to step out of the rigid preferential character that I developed as a child, wherein I became an elitist from an early age because of only wanting to ‘socialize’ with kids that ‘I liked’/ my best friends – and making everyone else just less than and annoying, therefore developing a character that would only have ‘few friends’ that I would be able to fully express myself with, reducing such friends to one or two people in my world that would support my judgments toward the idea of being with ‘too many people’ and/ or being deliberately apathetic in social situations, wherein I would sometimes push myself to go just because of not wanting to be judged again as ‘the hermit’ and  ‘the weird odd one that never goes out’

 

When and as I see myself wanting to go ‘go home’ whenever I am in a social situation, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I made of ‘my home’ my safe heaven to not have to challenge my ‘rigid patterns’ as characters that I have believed can be influenced if I am ‘too exposed’ to the world. Thus I direct myself to move and open myself up with others without any form of prejudice toward doing so, as I see and realize that it is only through communicating and sharing with others indiscriminately that we can actually establish an equal and one recognition of who we are as physical beings in this world, and as such learn how to coexist in a way wherein our characters do not interfere in our communication, but stick to physical practical common sense at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when being silent among others, as I see,  realize  and understand that these are essentially beliefs that I created about a ‘social context/ situation’ as a place where I had to speak no matter what by force, thus creating a general negative experience whenever I attended any form of party and not really enjoying it because of being fearing having to socialize with other kids and play games and ‘act childish’ which I judged as ‘inferior’ for my age – even though in reality I was in fact an infant.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am being judged for being silent, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I grew up with the belief that whenever I was with other beings I had to be talking in order to be sociable and ‘charismatic,’ without realizing that this is just a belief system and that there is no need for me to be constantly speaking in order to be accepted and judged as ‘normal’ by others.

 

I realize that I would have not created such a fear to speak as a child if I had not been pushed and deliberately to do so, which is how it only became a way for me to ‘go against’ my mother, as part of that ‘opposition’ I developed against ‘her rules,’ which is how I see and realize that it was mostly a rebellious pattern that I took as ‘who I am’ toward others, and believing myself to be anti social, without realizing that if I had been left to socialize ‘at my own pace,’ I would not have created such a friction and resistance to do so, simply because we tend to oppose and go against that which we are forced to do by our parents. Thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having judged myself and gotten even angry for me not being able to understand why I was so reluctant to get along with other kids, becoming essentially a hermit by choice and having this memory of me being in a party at my house and just going upstairs and locking myself into my room because of not wanting to play with other kids. My mother came eventually came in and got very angry at me because I didn’t want to participate with other kids, thus beginning crying and not being able to understand why I disliked being with other kids, why I resisted getting along with other kids  and why my mother would be so infuriated about me not socializing. I realize that I would react because of it being an imposition and not a point of self-directed expression, which is how I developed myself to be a loner or a person with ‘few friends.’ What I would then believe and do is simply oppose and distance myself from any person that in my mind ‘at the eyes of my mother’ would be a ‘suitable friend,’  just because of keeping that point of opposition and friction toward my mother at all cost, which is how I developed a personality that would go against what I perceived were ‘her parameters’ and expectations’ toward me – and choosing people as friends and relationships that I knew would not be fully accepted by her, which all came as a point of spitefulness from the times when I was a child and being forced to interact with other kids.

 

When and as I see myself going into any form of ‘down’ experience because of apparently not being able to ‘relate’ to others in a social context, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is just stemming from the past memories of me being forced to socialize wherein I would then believe there was something ‘abnormal’ within me for not wanting to play with other kids. I direct myself  to simply be in the moment and taking to people as who they are in the moment and realizing that I do not have to speak all the time, yet I do not have to go and hide either as I realize that the moments when and as I see myself wanting to ‘get out’/ ‘get away’/ ‘go to my room/house’ is in fact a character taking place wherein I am believing myself to ‘not have anything to do’ with the context in the moment.

 

Thus I ensure that whenever I decide to remain quiet, I do so from the starting point of being here as breath – and whenever I see myself wanting to go to my room, it is an actual self-directive decision in self honesty and not stemming from backchat of inadequacy in particular social contexts such as parties/ reunions and events with more than the usual people in my environment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid or even reject looking at myself as ‘antisocial’ because of believing myself Not to be so – yet by resisting it, it is implying that I am in fact fearing labeling myself as antisocial, without realizing that I don’t have to be ANY label at all, as all that I am is here as a physical being that in no way is defined by a single label denoting an aspect of myself that was created out of an imposition/ fear by parents or society in general.

 

I realize that I decide who I am in every moment when and while being interacting with other beings, and I ensure that I am not defining ‘who I am’ in every moment as in seeing ‘which character am I playing?’ in a social context – I direct myself to remain breathing and participating/ communicating and not considering ‘who I am supposed to be’ within such situations.

 

I commit myself to expose how when parents force their children to socialize, children develop the opposite pattern as the friction created by instigating communication through force is definitely something that remains as a ‘grudge’ within the child, developing anti-social patterns just because of parents always wanting kids to be and do ‘positive things,’ which is actually stemming from the fear of kids being – in this case – antisocial.

 

I commit myself to remain silent if I see and realize that I am here breathing and that I do not require to be talking all the time in order to exist.

 

I commit myself to expose how children are indoctrinated to be ‘optimum’ within the social standards that regard ‘sociable kids’ as charismatic, happy and joyful as people that will grow up to develop proper social relationships in order to make money and survive in this world. Thus I see and realize how as children we are immediately being wrought in order to become ‘good social material’ in order to ensure our own survival in a world where ‘sociable people’ make the most money because they are ‘positively charged’ and this is what ‘the system likes,’ never considering what such impositions have created upon a child. Thus children in an Equal Money System will never have to be and become subject and or forced to act in a particular way to ensure their survival as money will be given to all to have a dignified life from birth to death, which will enable real expression to develop within children and adults once that we stop binding each other to ‘social norms’ that lead to a ‘successful living.’

 

 

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Blogs:

Awesome vlog:

 

Interviews:

Reptilians – How the Physical became the Mind (Part 2) – Part 77

Day 48: My Smile is a Rifle + I’m pointing it at you.

  • When you smile at a stranger, there is already a minute outflow of energy. You become a giver.~Eckhart Tolle*

 

The truth is that I would smile to people on the streets when having eye contact and when I had deliberately decided to establish such contact through ensuring that I could have them ‘by my side’ by demonstrating a physical gesture that would let them know ‘I come in peace and I intend no harm’ – which implies the starting point was  fear itself:  “People are strange when you’re a stranger” is what I learned from Jim Morrison only as a phrase that could get stuck in my head along with any other song that I would listen to in casual places.  When spirituality came into my world – or I drove myself into spirituality – I read information on how within giving away these ‘positive vibes’ and ‘thinking positive’ all the time could in fact ‘help’ to create a better world. Obviously having been submerged in a rather stagnant and pessimist phase before that, I went for it – and began being the positive charm that could engage anyone with a soft-voice and a pre-planned smile that I knew could open the doors in a world wherein fear closes them all.

 

So,when going through life smiling at people during this phase, I can confirm what Mr. T* says in his quote here – I would create this fluffy experience which can only confirm two things:

1. I did it because of the nice fluffy experience within myself only, while thinking that I was causing the same in another as well – foolishly so believing that this in any way could ‘make their day better’ lol – which is what LOVE is justified as

2. I always did it in means of protecting myself from the actual fear that I would  carry myself around with when interacting/ directing myself toward humans in general when walking on the street – smiling as in ‘breaking the ice’ in order to sugar-coat the actual need to be ‘smiled-back’ as a means to talk myself into believing that: people aren’t that ‘bad’ after all, all we need is a bit of extending your mouth to demonstrate that you are a ‘good person’ as well! – yes, I  cannot even recall ‘who I was’ as such person any more. It did work at all times and would get me many opportunities however: all stemming from fear, from actual deliberate manipulation to have people ‘on my side’ while actually fearing they could insult me, rob me, attack me or anything else that I would be constantly paranoid about while walking in the streets – this way I thought I could ‘prevent me’ from being deliberately targeted as then any people would commiserate and believe myself to be this enlightened being that doesn’t deserve such harm. Of course I didn’t do this with every single person, it was mostly with those that I had to directly communicate with them for any practical purposes, as well as the ones I had to have ‘uncomfortable situations’ with, like sitting on the train together, in a bus, in an elevator, arriving at a bench in a park and sitting next to someone, etc.

The fact is that it is so much ‘better’ for the mind to be an affable person all the time and smiling and seeking this acceptance all the time as it creates you a ‘good reputation’ + the added positive energy wherein I would self-talk myself into being adding props for my enlightened closer-to-god personality that is used to manipulate people with the ‘I am Love’ Tag while secretly asking ‘Love me back, please’ – yet what I see is that I was only following my own deception: ‘giving a smile’ is obviously not going to change anything in this world other than generating a few energetic sparks inside my body and believing that I was supporting my self-enlightened interest to become an absolute benevolent being. Lol, yes delusion is easy when being in spirituality/ the good positive side of the coin – or should I say the ‘moon’ because I was certainly not even aware of how on Earth I was able to maintain myself living with using money as a means to do so. I have only found out after years that I was only playing another ‘video game’ reality of attaining heaven through keeping score of my own ‘good deeds’ – the more I could create a fluffy experience about it: the better.

I actually after having written out this first part of the blog, went out on the street and noticed that a girl around 9 had this very eerie gesture toward me while watching me walking down the street, and as I came closer to her she suddenly just grinned – which proved the point that I had written out here on how people first Fear each other all the time and then smiling is just a way to cover up that initial fear or whatever it is she could have experienced and demonstrated with her face in awe. (note: I still have a shaved head and that’s still not a regular thing around here for women.) And! I also realized that I would constantly have a smile on my face, like this rigid gesture that I would keep in order to seem affable for all of the above mentioned reasons – the same when ‘looking at nature’ and believing that GOD had wanted me to get out of my house for a walk in that very moment because I was going to witness these two little birds chasing after each other – or a piece of glowing plastic with the sunrays creating this beautiful contrast with the green foliage and a bit of dry leafs – the same would happen when encountering a dead little bird on the side walk – and I am exaggerating a bit with the ‘god’ thing, but I would definitely create all forms of nice positive experiences from JUST looking at reality. Yes, people, I was very/ highly deluded creating and seeking experiences through my eyes – and I’ve walked that in the blog ‘Lugubrious Romantic’ that you can read more about and the process of self correction for it, which I have been applying and was definitely cool to spot the point in such a specific way.

 

 

So, I must say to Mr. T that I wholeheartedly disagree again with his statement, as it is reducing any actual ability for a human being to realize what giving and receiving in equality is and implies, and wrapping it up to nothing more than just another double-cheese burger to-go that can satiate the never ending quench for energy that we as human beings have denigrated ourselves to: nothing else but loveseeking fizzy bubbly machines to always seek for our next greatest excitement (energy) – yet neglecting any actual understanding of what it would actually mean to be a ‘giver’ in reality. Instead of smiles becoming an actual expression in the moment as self, they became just another way to cope with my reality of which I was extremely fearful of, constantly, almost paranoid at times – which was also enhanced by the delirium that ‘I am this benevolent being in a world of tyrants and mean people’ – so a lot of fabricated delusions can be played out in a single fleeting moment of smiling to a stranger. Some can even understand ‘SEX’?’ and get the message entirely wrong – you never know what gestures imply as they have also become a part of the deceptive means to ‘imply’ things without having the courage to speak about them up front. I speak for myself when I say that, and have walked that specifically as I realize how we fear actually being willing to communicate openly and in self honesty, which is how the infamous ‘misunderstandings’ emerge as a way to confuse us even further from the initial point wherein we sought some sense of recognition and comfort – a single smile.

 

Another fact is that when reading that quote at first me as ‘marlen-value’ pointed it out toward sex: ‘you are a giver’ as in you are satisfying someone else’s senses – which is like giving entry to someone for sex. Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the very mind that has perpetuated the sexualization of society with single statements that I usually associate to the ‘double-meanings’ that I was so used to understanding when hearing words and linking them toward sex – thus I realize that the solution is stopping sexualizing what should be an unconditional expression in the moment such as openly smiling with no fear, no holding back. Once again, this is to expose how ‘positive feeling’ are always linked to two things – or three: sex, money and god/ religion which is kind of the same as it can turn into a rather sexualized experience that is now comfortably understood as ‘religious experience.’

 

Therefore, this is another reason why light and love will lead you to fluffy deliriums about reality wherein the actual physical giving to another being in the name of Equal-consideration of who we are as one and equals, is pulverized to a ‘cosmic spark’ of smiling at others and believing yourself to already be a ‘good doer’ in this world. Absolutely unacceptable as we have billions indulging in this positive bullshit that is polluting the airwaves with mantras of enlightenment while poverty, famine and sexual exploitation increase every moment that a single person decides to smile in the name of that inner personal satisfaction as the illusion of who we are as energy bodies that will ascend ‘higher and higher’ some day, as we treat each other ‘with Love’ which is the mask of fear that we portray in order to avoid facing our reality: unless we establish a system of life that supports all living beings equally, no matter how many smiles we exert to strangers: NOTHING will change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use smile as a way to mask the actual fear that I experience toward people while walking on the streets. I realize that this is not necessary to do if I stop the fear itself within my mind, as it is only stopping the initial thought of ‘I fear people’ and instead, realizing that smiling at others will create no difference whatsoever within a being’s reality, as well as within myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word ‘giver’ with sexual connotations wherein I have become the very mind that sexualizes reality and all gestures and movements ‘must be’ related to sex, as I have deemed this to be the only thing that moves humanity – and even if it’s so, I realize that there are more points to debunk in relation to judging it, instead of actually walking a process to support myself and others to stop only creating the usual ‘curiosity’ and ‘double sense’ that implies a sexual context within my mind, wherein I am becoming part of the entire mechanism that uses sex as a means to obtain energy, instead of realizing sex as an actual physical experience that must be part of our education within this world in order to stop profiting from it as a means to make it seem ‘secretive’ and within that, stirring thoughts that will propitiate sexual obsessions with no practical and physical support to assist myself and others to realize that: we have vandalized sex and any other sexual suggestion to only being an energetically mind-driven mechanism to make ourselves ‘feel good’ as in obtaining that positive rush within ourselves, while actually neglecting and even not knowing what real physical sex and experiences would imply.

 

I commit myself to expose positive attitudes as the actual mask of fear to perpetuate control and the desire to manipulate/ have power  over others, wherein all things LOVE are actually stemming from fear, fear of loss and the sense of ‘lacking’ wherein we, human beings, believed that we always required to be ‘loving’ in order to feel satisfied and fulfilled, never realizing that it is within this acceptance of ‘love’ as something ‘good,’ that we have blinded ourselves from reality wherein the actual TRUTH of ourselves is seen in every kid that is starving and pondering: why on Earth do these people ‘rejoice’ in love while I am left to simply die? What do they call ‘giving’ then?

 

I commit myself to expose the positive, love and light  lies as excuses to keep ourselves bound to a single ‘streamline’ of ‘positive thinking’ and believing that in doing so, any form of change is being conducted in reality – thus exposing the actual GIVING and RECEIVING that must be a process of education as a new way of living called Neighborism that we are all able to begin walking as a individual self-honest process that we all can and must, actually, as our point of Self Responsibility conduct in our every day living to ensure that we in-fact change human nature into a real love-giving being that considers ALL beings in equality and creates the Equal Money System as the way to promote actual feasible GIVING and Receiving solutions that contemplate the physical interdependence of all organisms/ beings in order to live in Equality as Life.

 

We must realize that as long as we don’t the basic points to live in dignity as a guarantee in our reality, we’ll continue seeking fleeting answers to a reality – such as positivity, law of attraction, smiling, giving hugs for free, seeking peace, meditating, chanting, dancing, reciting mantras, the bible, talking to god and any other schizophrenic attempt to ‘do good,’ reality will continue to be obliterated in every second that we continue seeking our personal satisfaction instead of actually dedicating ourselves to establish our own Equality as life and bringing some actual justice on Earth by our own hands.

 

Investigate Desteni, the Equal Money System and us Destonians in our Journey to Life wherein we are finally breaking the spells upon creation, exposing the light and lover addiction for the sexual innuendo that is currently plying out – most of the times -and instead educating society to realize that everything that moves us is sex and money, and a self-seeking desire to attain ‘god’ as the ultimate reward for whatever ‘good deeds’ we’ve perceived ourselves to accumulate with smiling at people.

 

Sunette Spies – The Genuine Smile Of Laughter

 

Sonrisa

‘Sonrisa’ 2004

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2012 Existential Anguish: Solved

Me Myself MarlenLife

 

Here I share about this photo that had no description or explanation when I first made it and uploaded it on December 22nd, 2011 – to me it just seemed like another ‘anguished representation’ of a general experience that I’ve had – and most certainly every human being has had – throughout my life, wherein this ‘existential anguish’ became something that I could not ‘pin point’ yet it was definitely Here as myself, not knowing why or what I could possibly be so ‘sad’ about. It wasn’t even sadness either, it wasn’t a depression either – This was ‘something else.’

 

When I was reading Sunette’s blog, and this specific quote  it all just clicked and this image that I had surreptitiously posted on Facebook as a way to share how I would experience myself at times wherein it’s not a personal anguish, because there was nothing ‘going on’ within my personal life – but a general/ existential anguish which would come through most of the art I have created – always depicting suffering and humanity in some form of massive enslavement – and I had no understanding within myself on why I was drawing this, why I had such a constant drive to draw the same type of themes, while getting a constant experience of being dismal about reality.

 

So, now understanding reality and all the latest interviews and Sunette’s blogs have allowed me to understand everything that I ever sought to understand and there’s a phrase that I’ve been having on a constant basis while reading, hearing, understanding who I am here: all makes sense now, and it’s a great relief as much as it is a great duty to be informed and essentially, preparing myself because I’ve never been so sure about something in my life. I cannot even recognize who the hell I was in the past, feeling lost and so afraid of the world and people – and this is not a magic-wand type of realization: it’s taken time and I’m sure that as time progress we can only go asserting ourselves more and more within this process.

 

Why is it a ‘weight off’ of my back to understand this? Because I could experience this constant friction and conflict within myself without a reason. I always got to read/ hear people’s stories that made sense as to why they would be depressed, or sad and generally self-destructive in their lives due to their contexts, but I always had a ‘good life’ and I simply got to believe that I was being just an attention seeker and spoiled brat trying to be a drama queen. But no, it wasn’t that either… it was definitely something beyond even a point of self manipulation as I mostly would keep it to myself, and actually play the ‘forte’ one with/ toward people that were ‘truly depressed’ by their self-created circumstances – yes, everything we have ever experienced has been Self-Created.

 

So – to me this is understanding more of myself, what I was expressing, which made me ‘excited’ and still a little jump on my chest comes up when I bring ‘here’ that moment when reading Sunette’s blog The Forward March to HELL: DAY 28  and it all just suddenly clicked as I had have a general concern about not knowing ‘why I paint that’ – It’s one of the ‘lost pieces in the puzzle’ that I had sought in books, spirituality, philosophy, people, personal heroes and only now it is all coming together so that I can finally stop my personal mysteries and focus on that which is actually relevant, which doesn’t have anything to do with seeking some great truth behind art – I’m done with that, this is about Self-Realization – Self-Creation as a physical being that essentially can continue living here, breathing, walking all relationships back to Self wherein no more separation as relationships exist.

 

The truth is that when I go stopping all past definitions as ‘who I was,’ I in fact remain and more ‘human’ than ever as a living flesh that is no longer torturing itself with mindful gaps that would occupy my mind on a constant basis at times in my past.

 

I am the one that is able to now ensure that I stop all forms of EXPERIENCE toward the separation that I’ve ‘felt’ as myself, as this world and coming along with the usual dreary experience when seeing people not caring about each other, people striving to make a living, people living and begging for money on the streets, animals being hit by their owners, children being hit by their parents, people fighting and cursing at each other for no reason, people competing against each other and never even questioning WHY we can’t just Be Life.

 

So – the death and destruction now makes sense to me as I see that I’ve done this all to myself and it’s in my hands to now stop it, walk my process of writing on a daily basis, applying Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application, so that all that I go realizing as the separation that I’ve become can finally be brought back to self, wherein I take Self-Responsibility to ensure that Life is never again dissociated from who we really are as physical beings.

 

I invite everyone reading these words to check out the afore mentioned blog and all of our blogs that are being pressed on a daily basis as the commitment that we as Destonians have taken on as Our Lives.

 

As far as art-creation, I’ll continue making it but I now can stop actually experiencing that as an energetic possession that was driving me mad – and instead, walk the points of separation as myself, as my own words and still be able to depict it in a picture/ drawing/ painting as the result of realizing how blind we have become and propose the solution that can be walked by All in the name of Life in Equality.

 

The World is Not going to end – the only thing that will end is our human negligence and disregard for each other which most certainly needs to meet its end in each and every one of ourselves.

Walk with us

Journey to Life

“Advantages of Blogging – it makes sure the disadvantages does not manifest as backchat/shame – but, seriously though – it’s cool seeing the days go as you walk – lol; and with continuing walking it’s like – man, I can’t turn back or stop now, because I know if I will, all that I have done this far will mean nothing, and will have to start again – so, you just keep on writin’/moving and becomes more natural each passing day” Sunette Spies

 

Self Forgiveness is the Key to STOP All our Existential Woes and actually Get back on Track to what must be done in order for us to finally be able to say: We are Here and we are ALIVE

Some other quotes I’ve taken from Sunette’s blogs that allowed me to understand more about myself:

Vlog:
2012 Existential Woes – Stop and Know Yourself

If you want to hear a very simplistic explanation of this process, get the following interview:

Reptilians – Where does Relationships come from – Part 40

 

HEAR Great Music made by Destonians

Earthonites-Jealousy

 

And a cool blog to walk the correction:

Day 2: Perfection Game
Glorifying the Devil as the Nature of God: Day 36
Day 36: Heaven on Earth

I recommend hearing the following interview to make sure you don’t miss out on your own life and only realize when it is too late.

Life Review – When Life turns its back on You


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