“Rogers described the concepts of congruence and incongruence as important ideas in his theory […] he recognized the need for positive regard. In a fully congruent person realizing their potential is not at the expense of experiencing positive regard. They are able to lead lives that are authentic and genuine. Incongruent individuals, in their pursuit of positive regard, lead lives that include falseness and do not realize their potential. Conditions put on them by those around them make it necessary for them to forego their genuine, authentic lives to meet with the approval of others. They live lives that are not true to themselves, to who they are on the inside.”
Sounds familiar? I can almost be sure that we have all gone through the ‘incongruent’ type of experiences within our lives wherein we could only trust ourselves based on other’s approval to our own ‘existence.’ In fact, that’s how socialization takes place. Some have the ability to be the ones that decide who’s ‘in’ and who’s ‘out,’ and accordingly create an incisure-factor within a being’s life to ‘feel’ accepted or rejected within the social context, which leaves a scar that is ‘ever present’ within the realization that: all and everything that we have experienced remains within and at a mind level  Quite shocking, but that’s who we are as the mind integrated within and as our physical bodies.
Incongruent social and economical system
Who has placed such ‘conditions’ to limit ourselves as life? We have. And the reality is that this obvious polarization was ‘necessary’ to instigate and instill the idea that beings would be either ‘winners’ or ‘losers’ within society throughout their lives. This stigmatization process/ fear labels begins at home by creating a point of preference toward a specific child that ensues rivalry between siblings – very well known for being an ever-lasting mythological topic; then emerges in the educational system wherein kids at school get the first taste of what social groupings are, and the usual accepted and allowed sectarianism accentuates the moment that kids start developing a sense of ‘value’ in separation of their initial unconditional expression.
Yes, you might have also gone through that phase in your life wherein one of your friends suddenly stopped talking to you because some other person thought you were either: a) no longer cool or b) suddenly too arrogant/ elevated for them. Social discrimination begins within this seemingly ‘innocent child-games’ without actually realizing to what extent a being’s life is defined by such moments of experiencing rejection and ostracism within the first developmental stages within one’s life.
However, as Carl Rogers postulates – beings still ‘pursue their happiness’ which in our case here is social integration – adaptation through survival of the fittest mechanisms – which will define and limit their ability to develop any other potentialities, just because of having to subdue any other expression to be accepted within a particular and constricted frame within the social environment that the being is interacting in. “Conditions put on them by those around them make it necessary for them to forego their genuine, authentic lives to meet with the approval of others. They live lives that are not true to themselves, to who they are on the inside.”
The reality, as we now know it/understand it, is that there are no lives that are entirely ‘true to ourselves’ at this stage, and any perceived ‘real pursuit of happiness’ is an equally deranged mechanism to maintain people within particular profiles that could give the ‘appearance’ that human beings were actually ‘diverse’ and aiming at ‘different directions’ within their lives. This type of personalization was beneficial to the emerging marketing mechanism during the second half of the past century, to make good money out of encouraging people to bind themselves to particular ‘conditions’ so that the market – those making money out if this – were able to continue keeping track on the types of people and creating new needs for them with the illusion of ‘upgrade.’ Now – what would be actually ‘true’ to ourselves in a world where money has dictated and set the rules of ‘who we are,’ what we eat, wear, what type of education we get, our basic needs met or not, the entire environment as the configuration that one being is developed in is currently pending on Money.
Incongruent Psychological Considerations
The fact that the mind is a mirror of our ‘true self’ as the actual beingness is a revealing aspect that we are places a point to ponder in relation to what ‘our real nature’ actually is: “They [incongruent beings] live lives that are not true to themselves, to who they are on the inside.” But what if what we are on the inside is actually that which generates the ‘outside’? What is something that is ‘true to ourselves’?
At this moment talking about being ‘original,’ ‘genuine’ and having certain ‘personality’ can be tags equally adopted by any product to be sold in the gas station of your choice. We have lost – or never actually had (!) – any sense of what our real ‘beingness’ is within this reality. I cannot blame anyone as to why so many people would rather dissociate themselves from this continual demon.stration of personalities and characters within this reality by deliberately becoming the mint reflection of the deception and dishonesty that we have created of this world. We have all had to incorporate some level of insanity in order to be able to ‘compute’ in this reality – the more insane, the merrier, I’d say. The fact is that such incongruence is only existing from the vantage point of having an apparent ‘solid’ and ‘firm’ identification of what ‘being true to yourself’ could actually mean…
Let’s place some cues here
If by ‘being true to yourself’ is believing that you have ‘free choice’ and ‘free will’ and can do whatever you want in this world – just because the bible/ constitution told you so – then we can start pondering what such ‘truth’ is actually based upon. If ‘staying true to yourself’ means having sex with random people to satisfy your ‘true needs’ without any iota of self-respect for yourself and others – If ‘staying true to yourself’ is following the path of money wherein greed and personal conquests are the family’s favorite hobby, then what do you know? Family pride and National honor comes first to ‘stay true to your principles in your ‘homeland’ – which translates in $ as the real ruler in this world. Where is the Common Sense?
It would seem ‘overrated’ – or it is so to me as I write it because I had to come up with the usual clichés to write that out– but the fact is that: this is what we have made up of this reality, a set of predictable games that only some have mastered to play – and the rest are left to be cannon fodder to keep the cog wheels of the system running.
In my experience ‘staying true to myself’ was believing that rebelling against my family, ‘staying out of the system’ and living a life wherein I could be an ‘outlaw’ seemed like the way to go to ‘stay true to myself’ – nevermind believing in spiritual realms or invisible forces ‘guiding’ my life . ‘Staying true to myself’ would mean fearing ever having to ‘sell-out for the system’ – which in essence meant having to participate within this system in a usual manner as any other regular mortal does –reading again: regular mortal, because we also know that, for others, ‘staying true to themselves’ is following a particular family lineage that would ‘save them’ from any fall by landing on a well cash-puffed mattress every time that the money-noose would get too tight to bear.
What are we?
“Rogers suggested that the incongruent individual, who is always on the defensive and cannot be open to all experiences, is not functioning ideally and may even be malfunctioning. They work hard at maintaining/protecting their self concept. Because their lives are not authentic this is a difficult task and they are under constant threat. They deploy defense mechanisms to achieve this. He describes two mechanisms: distortion and denial. Distortion occurs when the individual perceives a threat to their self concept. They distort the perception until it fits their self concept.”
Aren’t we all incongruent beings according to this definition? Come on! If you see yourself reading this and thinking ‘oh no, I cannot possibly be that!’ I suggest t to check your self-honesty-o-meter right now – here are some reality-check points:
We have limited ourselves to become a particular character in our lives that is based on defending our ‘territory’ as thoughts, feelings, emotions and secrets that we built around our mysterious persona that we hold dear as a baby that must be fed to grow healthy and, eventually, sustain itself, which is what we can identify as the full integration of the identification of ourselves as the mind, as ‘who we are’ within our physical bodies.
What is ‘malfunctioning’ but being bound to conditions that are simply Not supporting life-expression, but tampering the being’s ability to actually LIVE because of having a perpetual peer pressure, social conditioning and the ‘financial-survivalism’ that makes us believe that whatever we do, we are not anywhere near ‘making it’ within this world. Within going to the ‘other side’/ opposite pole, we believe that such financial stability is only leading to self-doom and absolute ‘sell-out’ within the system – however the consequences for both are still determined and bound to get to the same ‘score board’ that is equally defined by money – who created the money system then? We did, human beings in the name of misanthropy.
We all have worked to build a particular personality/ ego, something that we can be ‘proud of’ – even if that suit/ personality in itself is meant to cause the exact opposite projection of pride and self-glorification, it is also experience-based.
Whose lives have been ‘authentic’ anyways? No one’s! And this world is the very definition of living in a constant survival mode wherein we go fearing each other, fearing losing relationships, fearing losing our own little bubble of magical words that build up the daily dose of self-talk to make us feel good/ bad and in-between -but making us constantly ‘feel’ something to make-believe that we are ‘alive.’
Defense mechanisms, we are all experts on that. Our entire personalities become suitable fortresses wherein we constantly hide from anyone having the actual ability to get to know ourselves, fearing to lose our ‘privacy’ as that secret mind, be living a lie that sharing too much of ourselves would imply no longer being a mystery to others, becoming ‘part of the herd.’ Any idea of having a way to ‘defend ourselves’ is only existent ‘per request’ the moment that we fear losing that which wasn’t ‘real’ anyways. We go keeping our secrets behind our heads and fearing others talking behind our backs, eventually making of this life the ultimate battle field until we die. Is this what we have dubbed as ‘ living’?
– To know what we can create/ implement/ establish within this world to be able to function ‘ideally,’ read on the Equal Money System.
Dissociative Human Nature
This defensive behavior reduces the consciousness of the threat but not the threat itself. And so, as the threats mount, the work of protecting the self concept becomes more difficult and the individual becomes more defensive and rigid in their self structure. If the incongruence is immoderate this process may lead the individual to a state that would typically be described as neurotic. Their functioning becomes precarious and psychologically vulnerable. If the situation worsens it is possible that the defenses cease to function altogether and the individual becomes aware of the incongruence of their situation. Their personality becomes disorganized and bizarre; irrational behavior, associated with earlier denied aspects of self, may erupt uncontrollably.
Mind possession and its brewing process here – we have all undergone this in-detail procedure wherein our own fear of loss as our over-protected ego experiences the threat to be debased by some external factor – one that is also usually ‘identified/ targeted’ by the individual/ ourselves throughout our life as a silent rival/ enemy that we build our entire world around in opposition and absolute contrast to.
Walk through the streets, observe your thoughts, observe people’s thoughts through and as their movements, observe your own movements, every blink of the eye, every ‘involuntary shift of paths’– I’ve seen fear, resistance, entropy and other points that I could continue listing here – yet I realize that I am only describing myself and for that, this ‘threat’ must be understood not as some potential cookie-monster outside of ourselves: It’s Always Been Ourselves – only.
And that’s the thrilling and climatic joint-mode here – when we all would seek some-thing to swallow this one, simply because it has been of such delight to be able to blame society, the system, our parents, god, our siblings, childhood friends, teachers, doctors, bosses, partners, neighbors, presidents, money… yet forgetting or not even knowing that all – everything and everyone – has always been ourselves, this entire world as it is and how it exist is our creation. Quite an astounding level of separation from ourselves as our physical body and mind, powerful enough to create a sensation of ‘bizarre and irrational behavior’ such as believing that some paper and coins can contain actual value to get that which we need to live – some others going to the extremes to become ‘sick’ to get all the money they can as the ultimate delusion of ‘power’ and ‘control’ kicks in through the back door.
Would talking to ourselves in our minds not be considered something ‘bizarre’ considering that we live in a physical reality wherein everything that goes within our minds is absolutely matter-free and invisible? Why is believing in a god not the ultimate delusional and pathological aspect of the human being as an integral aspect to ‘research’ within psychology or psychiatry – if they want to find yet another ‘diagnosis’ that can be added to the FDA manual of self-created mindfucks to sell you some drugs to calm your ‘irrational behavior.’
Now, for that ‘uncontrollable eruption of the denied aspects of self’ as the past, as everything that we suppressed, I suggest: hold on before you attempt and do harm onto others or yourself. There is absolutely a way to stop being taken for a ride by our own mind, and that is Willing Yourself to Live and support yourself within walking an actual process of taking all the inner experience through a self-directive process to correct the words that stood as separation, and redefine what you want life to be like – for all as one and equal. Consider that it is possible for each one of us to be writing the new philosophy of life that contains 100% Equality considerations that ensue effective human development at all levels.
If we realize that all the ‘storms’ that we create within ourselves are generated at a thought level, it becomes obvious that we are the ones that must stop stirring the thoughts and take responsibility for our experience. All forms of separation, rivalry, struggle, having to ‘defend’ ourselves for whatever reasons we believed that we could use to remain in our awesome blissful chain-buying experiences to fulfill our pursuit of happiness – and all its related enterprises – must cease to exist as they have all served the $ame god in this reality, the greatest business and scam in our world.
We created it = It is our responsibility
If our basic human skills for socialization/ interaction with others is based on the principle of Life in Equality, wherein Self Honesty becomes the more-allity code, then no one will exist in fear of each other, there will be no need to ‘defend’ ourselves or even get lost within any form of inner or outer ‘true-self’ disparity. We are able and capable to redefine our entire existence by focusing on ourselves, making sure that WE are the ones that Stop perpetuating the limitations that we have built toward ourselves as personalities/ shields toward each other and feeding the FDA’s manual for selling ‘legal’ drugs. Vulnerability to communicate can only exist if we can trust each other as equals.
We stop the inner and outer wars that are currently led by the actual state of our reality that we can only define as ‘incongruent’ in all ways. There is no congruency available at the moment in this world: We must create it. We stop comparing, judging, harming, dishonoring, dissing each other and stand within a single basic principle: do/ be/ speak and live what’s best for all as others will do the same as well – that’s disentangling all our psychological dysfunctions and bearthing ourselves as the equality of Life that is long overdue in our existence.
Be-come part of the new Human-Kind.
Physical Psychology Interdimensional Support to understand the Human Mind: