Tag Archives: financial woes

397. Come and Stop Worrying about Money & Children with us

Commentary on the Documentary ‘Come and Worry With Us’ featuring the band ‘Thee Silver Mt. Zion’

 

 

Many times I used to say that ‘Music had saved my life,’ and I never questioned that much about the actual lives that musicians have. I probably was ‘happy’ to imagine that they made a good amount of money to be living well after having so many fans and so many shows but today I got to realize that that’s not the case and in a way it does give me yet another reason to implement a new way of living where no one should ever have to suffer, be existing in constant worry, fear and anxiety that comes from living in plain survival-mode when trying to ‘make it’ in this world in an honest manner, which is impossible in a system that is forged with the idea of success as the ultimate goal and neglecting how it currently is – most of the times – achieved only through the effective abuse and control imposed upon others, which means having to cheat, lie, deceive, be dishonest and selfish to be able to make it ‘that far’ without questioning why it is that not everyone can achieve such ‘high standards’ in the society? Why is there no real equal opportunity? why is this ‘successful living’ rather sold to us as this magnanimous lifestyle that is actually unsustainable if we all had the same ability to live in such a lavish modality – this means: it’s not meant to be part of what real life is meant to be in fact.

The documentary Come Worry With Us is an example of how one of my favorite bands actually live like in terms of ‘lifestyle’ and financial woes with the amount of money they earn, which is certainly a lot less than what I would have expected which my assumption of them being a ‘famous band’ therefore not ever having to worry about paying their bills – and here this should apply to Everyone – but this is specifically to debunk the ideas we also create around ‘the rich and the famous’ where not all ‘famous’ people really make ‘a lot of money’ as one could imagine.

Specifically here Godspeed You! Black Emperor and its offshoot Thee Silver Mount Zion are bands that I could have identified as the perfect soundtrack for everything that I could only probably only paint and try to ‘picture’ in frames: a desolate decadent world that is going down the drain, seeing nothing else but death and destruction and the perfect soundtrack for ‘the end of times,’ as well as being what can be defined as a ‘political band’ when it comes to denouncing warfare and the general deception in the political realm at the moment.  But something changed in the life of the common member of both bands Efrim Menuck: he’s got a child now and so he realized that he had to ‘stop his own cynicism’ about life/the world and himself as now there is a person he’s brought into this world that should grow up to live in a better world than the one he is currently living in. I fully agree with this, and even if I don’t have children, every time I would see pregnant women or know of children being born I would create this inner fear almost sadness for them coming to this world that we are abusing and depleting faster than it could ever ‘replenish’ itself, while doing nothing to stop the ongoing destructive trend.

Human Chains (pic) - Copy

 

 

How many times do we say: ‘we require creating a better future for our kids’? It is saddening to see every single day news and articles of the kind of atrocities that are created toward children just because parents can’t afford taking good care of them – from dumping them on the garbage, abandoning them, giving them to adoption or having to make them work too and support with paying the basic needs at home. If there’s something I could worry about this life is precisely whether the little ones will have clean water to drink, clean air to breathe, whether they will be able to run around the streets and riding bikes and going out to playgrounds… or if they are going to be genuinely supported to their utmost potential at schools, whether their parents will be stable enough to raise them – huge point of concern – whether they are going to be having healthier ways of entertaining themselves, healthier eating habits – which are taught at home/ and through culture – whether they can in fact stop copying the fears, the mentality of the parents, whether they can in any way escape the generational sins that we’ve created in absolute selfishness because we believed that ‘it wasn’t going to be us facing the consequences,’ well, here we are, look around you and within you.

 

I would certainly not want anyone to suffer in this world, yet it is all I could always notice around me, or maybe it’s because it is existent as me and in everyone else: abuse, ignorance to the reality of how we create this world based on our absence of care, of presence to direct ourselves in our lives and relate to each other in a supportive manner.

In my case, all I could ever paint was suffering and I didn’t even know why because I had a good life compared to many that really have no support in this world. I do remember a phase in my life when I was around 9-10 years old where my father had a big problem at work, someone bought a lot of merchandise from him and ran away with it using a bad check – and we were almost broke and hearing about the fact that our house, that patrimony that my father was so proud about as ‘our property’ could be lost – the sheer thought of that frightened me a lot at night, the worry, sadness and frustration from seeing my father so depressed, so down, so worried and so angry as that was the only way he could exert his inner frustration about the legal situation and never ever getting that money back. This affected us all at home and I endured what it was to conform with having the basics and learned how to not to ask for more than what I truly required.

I remember at times thinking that if I didn’t exist any longer they could save the money from my food, my healthcare, my school which was a great effort since it was a good private school, I knew they were doing the effort to secure my future, to give me the best – and I know that every single parent wants the best for their children – but most nowadays cannot afford it at all, no matter how self-willed they have: there is simply no structural support to make those at the bottom of the pyramid scheme to rise. This is structural violence and children are meant to somehow accept that they are born into poverty, that mom and dad have to work 12 hours a day considering the commuting times and so children are raised by daycare employees, by internet and television, by mass-norms at school that are designed to also make them obedient and complacent workers and get to be just like mom and dad: workaholics by necessity, not by choice – or else, there is no guaranteed survival – this is the current violence we are inherently accepting in our everyday living, threatening each other’s life – we have to also recognize we’ve done this to ourselves by leaving the system in the hands of a few.

 

Nowadays I see the direct consequences where I live of how poverty affects families in a very pervasive manner. To me this place is ‘temporary,’ but for many it is the place and environment they are born into, it is the people they will marry and have their children with and also die in until the last days knowing to do nothing else but to work, drink every weekend, have ‘parties’ and pretend that life is fine while going back every Monday to earn the bread with the sweat of their brow the rest of the week, hoping for something or someone like a president to finally change their lives.

The frustration that parents create at work which is based on the threat of losing their job/not making enough money becomes the constant experience that parents then in turn become toward their children, toward their partners and so toward the world: a survivalist mentality that cannot be stable, here, present, enjoying life because of always being tensed, worried and anxious about getting the next paycheck to pay all the bills.

 

Jessica and Efrim discussing finances

Come Worry With Us (2013)

 

We are all currently required to break our illusions behind the usual question of ‘who would you like to be when you grow up?’ and then growing up and realizing that was just a dream, a fantasy, an ideal promoted to us to keep us completely separated from acknowledging the reality: this current world-system is designed to keep dreams on heavy rotation, to keep fueling the hope, the illusions, the wishing and desiring for the most hedonist lifestyle possible, a promised reality that never seems to just manifest into reality and it won’t for sure – nor do I personally consider it should ever, unless we actually work on creating such stability for all and make it sustainable for every other living being in this planet: environment, animals, humans, everyone.

Efrim explains in the documentary how he is part of the last generation that was promised a great future and from there on, we all got the opposite. It’s true, the first year in literature school we got told we were not there to ‘be writers’ and be creative, but to learn the hard-knocks of the science of analyzing literature and how we would barely make a buck with that – in art school we got told the most debasing facts about the poverty-lifestyle one usually goes through when trying to ‘make a living as an artist’ grounding us on how we could not just expect to just ‘be famous’ and earn millions like Hirst overnight. It might seem like a cruel thing to do crushing young adults’ dreams, however it is also the stark nature of the reality we have created for each other.

From there I started questioning a lot about myself, my decision to be an artist – would I make it? What would I have to do to be as ‘big’ as x artist that I admired at the time? And I bet this goes on in the mind of every other person that is taught to aim at the highest peak in a world where the peak is already occupied and not available for everyone else.

 

Does it make sense to live this way? To know we have all of this great potential as human beings and the way we could actually change the entire nature of ourselves and our relationships with one another if we were able to provide us the guaranteed right to live in dignity, to have money to live well if you’d like to dedicate yourself to a non-lucrative profession or arts which is also not a secured ‘job position’ but is dependent on several subjectivities like being liked, being ‘good’ at the eyes of others, being able to relate well to people to make business; getting to be known and published if you are a musician or a writer, or being part of a gallery and not even that guarantees good wages any longer.

 

There is also the point of having children and how that becomes a new primary responsibility for adults where one has to choose between being a parent or being a professional, especially if one is a woman. As an artist, for example, there’s not been such great possibilities to have a breathable life in a world where no more records are being sold, where art is sold only to a few elites and that is a minority of course, where movies and music are being downloaded for free, where people cannot afford to go watch a play, concert or sometimes even go to the movies – instead, all that is promoted is more greed and illusions of power in national TV/ media at home which is still the one point that seems to define what people conceive ‘life’ to be as this idea of ‘fame and fortune’, hence the belief that every person in showbiz should do as well as people on TV – but they don’t, at least not the ones that try and make honest business.

 

 

Some of the artists I enjoy and admire in a way have been able to ‘stay true’ to themselves in a world-system where arts are also another industry and the same abusive policies apply as everywhere else. In this case, music is something that inspired me to begin questioning the system. I began painting while listening to Radiohead’s OK Computer on repeat mode and all their discography became a way to also understand the underlying suffering that I could perceive in everything and everyone but somehow wasn’t that evident to me until 11 years ago when I first began painting. Now it’s very clear to me how this change has to be implemented and I have a clarity to it, to the point where I’ve stopped painting the death and destruction on this world and instead started to investigate, educate myself and begin actively working to promote and establish solutions that not only will benefit artists of course, but that will be a living guarantee for every person that is currently unable to fend for themselves and as such have are unable to develop themselves to become the person they know they all can be. We cannot also continue having honest and principled individuals to ‘adjust’ and ‘align’ to the current skewed mentality of a dog-eat-dog world where worry, fear, stress and paranoia have become everyone’s daily chronic sickness, this is the abuse we are dictating upon each other and it makes no sense at all.

 

This is not the world I want to live in, this is not The Good Life that our parents were once able to have – and some of you younger than me reading this not that for sure – but we have to question why every year that goes by things get worse, wages don’t go up while inflation keeps going up and the majority of the wealth is stacked in the hands of the minority: this is a suicidal machine we are operating here, and we have to stop it before we all sink together in it.

 

I want the children of this world to be able to have parents that can be satisfied with what they do with their lives, that can have sufficient time at home or simply available to be with them without the stress, without the fears, without the depression, without the constant every day nagging thought of what if there is no money tomorrow that I can get today to keep feeding my family? This is the most stressful situation anyone can face: being broke, being homeless, being with exorbitant debts that are usually now even transferred from parents onto children to ensure that one can ‘own’ something in this world, yet this world as the Earth itself didn’t come with such instructions of ‘how to use it’: we created them but so we also live the problem, so we have to understand it and be able to create and propose solutions, which is what we should all focus on if we really want to keep having our joys in life, such as music for example in my case.

9. Seykingumu

 

So, the least I can do to honor myself and those human beings that also see the necessity for change, that collaborate with creating awareness in their own ways such as with art and music and genuinely consider that we can all work together and make things work for everyone, is to dedicate myself and my life to promote the consideration and necessity that we have toward each other, the good life that I would like to give to those that have nurtured me either physically or as a living being in my ability to be inspired and influenced by people that were able to tell me through their words, their musical expression about everything that was wrong in this world, so that I could grow up to take the staff and be that person that they can also get inspiration from: becoming an individual that can promote and present solutions, because we’re all just too fed up to hear about the same problems and complains instead of realizing that through understanding the problem, we can and become aware of how we can make things work for everyone.

And for artists who I see are quite a lot within the realm of social-change and activism, thank you for your inspiration as well because sometimes one can get ‘lost’ in a sea of carelessness and hopelessness about being able to genuinely do any meaningful change in this world, but through our very own words, through the way we live and create, how we interact with others we can become the point of change that many others can then refer to as the proof of how we can direct our lives to a best for all outcome, which also determines how we live and interact with one another.

This principle of giving to others as I would like to receive begins within us, so let’s give the best we would want for ourselves to each other and through doing that, learning how to honor and truly appreciate our lives, instead of living as enemies in a chronic state of war.

 

Time to ‘be the change we want to see in this world’ for sure, but this will also only be fully possible when people are no longer strapped to their working chairs and fearing not having money the next day, therefore support the Living Income Guaranteed, to provide a guaranteed access to living needs when having no means to get an income, get higher wages in your current job/occupation and never again be ashamed of having to take this support as it is and will be our sheer right to life, to stop the paranoia, the fear and the self-abuse that comes when living in survival mode – we can do much better than this.

We are yet to discover who we all can be and become once that we step outside of the current divide and conquered set-up world-system we have (negligibly) created. It’s about time we join our creative efforts upon that which will ensure each other’s ability to create without worrying about money again, which tampers our creative potential.

 

Happiness does not exist yet, we have to construct it.

 

 

Living Principles

 

Suggested read for an in-depth review of the documentary:

 

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82. “WTF was I Thinking?”

Facing the consequences of our decisions and the ‘I have to do this’ character

When a point that is realized as not having been the ‘best option possible’ and we decide to walk it into completion, if the decision is not entirely walked here as self, as breathe, a new character forms from: the ‘I have to do this’ character where it all becomes a burden, a haunting time-loop that one is aware one is walking – hence any ‘realizations’ stemming from walking the consequences are still standing within the ‘I have to do this’ character, wherein the moment that blame, guilt, remorse, victimization and judgments exist, we know that we are still playing out the character of ‘having to face the consequences’ as a duty, as a resistance and not as a self-directive decision at all times.

Here I walk one point that I experienced in the last weeks of school while overhearing a conversation of fellow colleagues about having an art degree and the ‘pointlessness’ of it within the job world.

 

Pattern: ‘I have to do this’ character as a decision walked in apparent self-direction – yet still allowing judgments toward the consequences faced.

Stepping out of competition when believing myself to be ‘inferior’ to others that did ‘well’ in the characterization process.

 

Self-Forgiveness

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Who I am as Life is Who I am and Does Not require Memory as It is Who I Am.” – Bernard Poolman*

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear the moment I overheard people talking about being out of school already and finding no jobs, which is me participating as ‘fear’ and not here as breath. I realize that reacting to information as fear creates a limitation wherein I make such judgment real in my mind in order to use it as an excuse to give up before even having started.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is pointless having studied art because no one will ever place an ad on the paper requesting ‘an artist’ – which is how I maintained myself within guilt and judgment toward my career, instead of simply stopping and realizing that self-direction cannot be determined by the options offered – I must direct myself toward it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into further fear when overhearing people saying ‘the situation is quite fucked up’ – wherein I have allowed myself to go into self-deprecation and depression whenever there is a money-lack in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become so depressed when I was a little girl and we had extreme financial problems at home, and I would get petrified every time that my father would arrive home and say there were no sales, and looking at him with a desperate face of anguish and fear that I would mirror neuron his experience as a form of empathy, just because of believing that I had to be equally sad because everyone else was sad that there was no money, which is what I believed and perceived and projected upon others all the time during that time and whenever I see ‘weary faces’ in people.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘weary faces ‘ to financial problems, which is how I have judged the faces of people while being in public transportation and thinking that they are having a ‘rough financial time’ whenever I see such faces, which stems from how I would witness my father having this weary face whenever his business was not doing good at all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the news of there not being ‘enough jobs’ to fear and petrification, as well as a general sense of anxiety because of the ‘uncertainty’ that the future represents in a monetary-level.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and disillusionment when overhearing about financial problems, lack of jobs just because of how I lived that in my life as a ‘sad time, ‘ where we could not afford all the ‘fun’ we used to afford in my family during that financial crisis time, which indicates that my worry and concern was not because we had nothing to eat, but because we could not afford the ‘good life’ I had experienced before.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see that I had connected the ‘art career’ to ‘the good life’ that I sought to have, such as fame, fortune, traveling, meeting people and because I realized that such dreams were not based on reality and what’s best for all, shunning away my ‘dreams’ became a disillusionment in my mind, even if to me was ‘common sense,’ yet I did not investigate all the minor reactions that I had toward having to ‘give up’ such dreams, which is what I am now able to see with clarity.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access the character of ‘everything is fine’ and ‘I’ve overcome it’ without doing proper investigation and research about my inner experience when having to apparently ‘give up’ my dream of following throughout my career with 100% of focus on it, which is a point that I realized I had blamed toward ‘walking process’ without realizing that I was just unnecessarily creating a judgment upon a decision, just because it was apparently ‘hard’ to give up my dreams.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that such dreams were just part of the desires that I used to keep myself bound to this ‘ethereal future of grandeur’ without taking into consideration the actual physical reality at all. This means that I built ‘castles in the air’ and that I in no way was directive as myself in practical reality consideration when building up such ‘dreams.’ Thus, it is not that I ‘gave up my dreams,’ but they were never real, they were just an illusion to keep me busy hoping, dreaming and desiring of someday obtaining them, without looking at the practical considerations of such dream and the actual viable ways to walk them into completion. This means, they were only my creation and beloved mindfuck.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see disillusionment as something real, not seeing and realizing that it can only exist if I held ‘high stakes’ and hope to get somewhere/ something in separation of myself here. Thus the illusion was always unreal, as the name implies – therefore being disillusioned is removing the illusion from the equation of being here because it was never real and tangible anyways.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into regret and think ‘all this circus for nothing’ related to all that which I worked on throughout my career and seeing it as pointless, not realizing that in this is just a self-victimization process to make it all ‘worthless’ which means that I had given ‘more value’ than myself here to the entire career and what I would ‘become’ with it, as the personality moreness of the artist.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the thought pattern that I had used to accumulate shame, guilt and remorse about my past – discussed here – wherein sentences like ‘What the fuck what I thinking’? ‘I can’t believe that I’ve actually done that’ are used to reload myself as memories of the past, aggravate myself as blame, guilt and remorse instead of realizing that I can absolutely self-forgive the point and unconditionally let go of the past and walk myself here as the directive principle of who I am in every moment of breath in self honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with judgment believing that a ‘career’ is a ‘curse’ in my life, without realizing that I was simply justifying my experience in that moment by thinking about ‘who I am’ as a career instead of who I am here as every moment of breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘time loop character’ whenever I speak about having to finish my career/ art school, just because of all the judgments that I held toward it which was in my mind like having to remain with a partner that I was no longer ‘in love with,’ hence turning it all into a bad romance that I had to endure just for the sake of system purposes in separation of myself. I realize that I walked the point as a decision to walk through what I created for myself as my decision and taking it into completion.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into guilt, remorse, regret and feeling like I have ‘wasted 5 years of my life’ with it, without realizing that there is nothing ‘wasted’ as I am here breathing and that I cannot ‘be more’ or use more of myself here than breathing and existing physically here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that using sentences like ‘I wasted my time’ is just a way to exert guilt and blame in separation of myself in order to remain as a victim of my decisions as the mind, while who I am is here and is not bound to living as a memory when and as I direct and establish myself here as breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see getting a degree as the ‘reward’ after ‘the torture’ which is just a mind-game to see myself as victim that ‘had to go through it all for nothing’ when in fact nothing of what I do in separation of myself can remain ‘here’ as who I am, thus I realize that I simply walked into completion a decision I had made and that is the only practicality to it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge and manipulate into thinking ‘who the fuck requires a licensed artist anyways?’ which was a way for me to justify that ‘my career’ is something that does not require any validity within the system, which is an excuse and justification for me to not walk the system but remain within the ‘value scheme’ that is accepted in society according to ‘artists’ and ‘art creation’ being some type of ‘out of the system’ activity, when it is in fact not.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself unnecessarily by criticizing my own past as ‘bubbly fluffy dreams’ wherein who I am in such definition is existing as spitefulness, blame, guilt and even shame of my decisions in the past.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this judgment onto the people around me wherein I ‘cage’ others into the judgments that I have accepted myself to exist as, in order to believe that ‘I know’ what they are going through,’ which can only imply so if I remain as the character that is existing as the ‘disillusioned artist’ when perceiving ourselves to Only be this one character in our reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate a character of ‘changing directions’ as in realizing that I had made an ‘uniformed decision’ in my life, and within that instead of absolutely letting go of it to simply be here, remain as breath in self-honesty, I created another character that recriminates itself as the past, believing itself to be the remorse, guilt and shame for such decision, not realizing that all that I chose to be and become is only based on the character that I wanted to be and become – hence to stop all characters I simply let go of myself as memories, as the decisions made in the past and simply support myself to establish who I am in every moment of breath here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ponder in my mind about the decisions that are Already made, that are already done instead of realizing that it is done, it is the past and who I am does not require to exist as the past.

 

I see and realize how we have collectively kept ourselves bound to our own limitation when and by being affected as words of defeatism, lostness and general self-deprecation wherein fear is instigated in order to not step out of character and realize that who we are is physical beings not ‘artists’/ characters, and that we in fact determine who we are in every moment by what we accept and allow ourselves to be and become.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I only fooled myself,’ which could come through as a realization, however when thought and attached to a single experience of remorse/ guilt, I become the character that exists as ‘regret’ only – which is not unconditionally letting go of the past as memories, but still holding on to that judgment as ‘who I am.’ Which I am not.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the character of ‘having no enthusiasm to create any longer,’ which is stemming only from a self-victimized position in order to continue reminding me as ‘the one that was overzealous to create’ and within that, still compare ‘who I am here’ to that which I was in the past.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compare ‘my artistic character’ to other artistic characters that pushed themselves further to reach that ‘moreness’ of themselves as being considered within the art-character world as ‘the best,’ and according to that, believe that they were ‘really making it,’ as we have learned in society to give more value/ importance to those that wear the character with the most zeal and pride, earning lots of money as a societal confirmation that they have in fact integrated themselves as ‘THE character’ in society, which is how we establish from such characters a point of reference of what is ‘possible’ for each one if we strive, fight and compete to become equal-characters to such idea of ‘satisfaction’ and ‘fulfillment’ according to what such character represents and requires in order to achieve the ‘ultimate stardom’ as ‘the ultimate character.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I was stepping out of the ‘artist character’ by not following through any longer with the same pursuit of happiness/ fame and fortune as ‘my fellow artist peer characters,’ I was diminishing myself, becoming less, a ‘drop out’ and a ‘loser,’ without realizing that these are only the social conventions fear tags that we’ve imposed onto those that refuse to take the ‘moreness’ of themselves as money, fame, glory and an eternal pursuit of happiness/ success, just because this represents no longer supporting the character that everyone else has become. Thus stepping out of the character-world at this moment implies not being supported by others, because it represents a threat to their character, as the realization that everything that we have ever been is/ has been a lie.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play-out the entire relationship character with ‘art’ itself as the characterization that I used in order to pursue a ‘happily ever after’ type of scenario for ‘my future,’ and because I started realizing the illusion and fallacy that it was, I believed that now I had to be ‘sad’ and ‘spiteful’ toward myself as my decision because I was ‘giving up a dream,’ not realizing the dream for the illusion that it always was – thus the belief that it all ended up ‘badly’ just like in a relationship is yet another character for me to believe that I am ‘in fact’ now ‘less than myself’ which leads to a point of perceived lack, instead of realizing that who I am here does not require a characterization to exist, does not require a ‘moreness’ as an illusion available through and by the current fraud and illusion that money exists as in order to be satisfied with myself and call myself as ‘successful,’ which is how I had accepted myself to follow through my life: seeking success, recognition, satisfaction and this ideal ‘well being’ based on following the rules of the system to the T.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever feel ‘bad’ about the reactions that my decision to step out of character would influence other characters I have related myself to throughout my character-life such as ‘family’ and ‘friends’ when deciding not to follow through with the same pursuit as ‘characterization,’ but instead decide to walk the path of no-character wherein there is nothing more to be or become, there is nothing to attain, there is nothing to lose either, but only a realization of who we are as life and how we can practically direct ourselves as physical beings to create a world wherein what is best for all is considered and applied at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into further judgment about my abilities in order to justify my own victimization as real, as not being ‘as talented as I kid myself to be,’ which is simply the realization that I created myself as this desire, I created the idea or belief that I required a particular talent to ‘become someone else’ as ‘an artist’ in my life, in order to become another character in society that could be ‘more’ than oneself as all the values and ‘importance’ given to careers and professions as if they were in fact something that could support a human being to be and become an actual living individual, which is not because: all careers are based on creating characters that will interact with other characters to create a character world, wherein all that we really in fact are is dismissed by believing ourselves to be such characters seeking to fulfill the ‘moreness’ experience of what such character requires to fulfill itself as a ‘complete/ satisfied character’ – which is what I had sought to be/ become, without realizing I was absolutely diminishing myself to One Single Point as self-definition and missing the entirety of myself here as breath, as the physical, as who and what I really am.

 

 

Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself going into any form of fear based on not having a job/ fear or not having any money, I stop and I breathe. I realize that fear in itself is just another way to occupy my mind instead of practically and physically directing myself to find a way to ensure that I can be financially stable according to the possibilities and options available, without holding any judgment as to ‘what I am capable of doing’ based on having only studied a certain career.

 

When and as I see myself judging myself or experiencing shame for having studied the career that I chose I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not my career and that it does not define in any way who and what I am, and what I am able and capable of participating in. Thus I expand my possibilities to work and do what is best for all which is not defined by me as the ‘artist’ character any longer.

 

When and as I see myself projecting judgments onto people based on me believing they are worried because of having no money, I stop and I breathe. I realize this is me charging up memories of what I have defined as ‘financial worries’ according to certain ‘worry-like facial expressions’ that I see on people. I direct myself to not cage another in a certain character based on my own character-formations based on the past.

 

When and as I see myself creating a character of ‘overcoming’ something/ someone, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is another way to make myself feel ‘good’ about it and thus separating myself into another experience and not being in fact here as breath.

 

When and as I see myself judging myself as the past and the decisions I made, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is me existing as the mind as the past bringing forth that which is not who and what I really am. Thus, I walk the self forgiveness necessary and ensure that whatever I do, say, think is based on me in the moment according to the physical reality.

 

When and as I see myself accessing a form of belittlement based on the career I studied, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I cannot be more or less than another based on having studied something or not in comparison to others. Thus, I realize that I am not a career and the character that stems from such career, but simply a human being that is able to develop itself in the physical and practical consideration of what is required to be done and conducted/ directed in order to establish a new living reality wherein, who I am can physically express in equality. Which means that I cannot limit myself any longer to a single idea of ‘who I am’ as the past.

 

When and as I see myself haunting me with the memories of who and what I was, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not my memories and that I am not the character that is ‘correcting itself form the past,’ but simply remain here as breath, walking moment by moment facing whatever is here based on self-honesty.

 

When and as I see myself comparing myself to others that studied the same career that I studied, I stop and I breathe. I realize this is a mechanism for me to remain in constant self-defeatism and belief of not being ‘good enough’ as ‘an artist/ my career’ which is a character definitions based on what the character was supposed to be/ become. Who I am does not require to achieve something in separation of myself, as what I am is here as my physical body that can’t be more or less than what is, as is.

 

When and as I see myself accessing thoughts of ‘success’ and measuring myself according to what others ‘achieve’ in their lives, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within this comparative process we cage ourselves as more or less than others based on how effective we are in the system where money dictates who is ‘more powerful’ than others and who’s ‘less’ than others based on money. Thus, I realize that within me stopping defining who I am as one single character, I am supporting myself to establish myself as the physical equality as life wherein all that is here is myself – hence what’s required to direct and align is who I already am in relation to an equality as life that I begin living as myself.

 

When and as I see myself defining myself/ who I am based on ‘talents,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that who and what I am here is not defined by a career character, I direct myself to expand my ability to express and do based on practical application and experimentation in the moment in whatever I am required to do and direct myself as, based on the living principle that must be established here on Earth, of which I am walking as myself and I that there is and can be no limitation about it.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all Enslavement is in the End Self-Enslavement, as the Being Must accept their Memories on which the Programmed character Functions, as Real.” – Bernard Poolman

 

 

The Whiner 2003

 

Blogs:

 

Vlog:

The Reincarnation Characterization: JTL Blog Review by Bernard Poolman – YouTube

 

The consequence of our thoughts at a physical level!!!

Reptilians – Thoughts becoming Flesh (Part1) – Part 64


76. Art Saves: My Religion Exposed

 

Within looking at how I used my career choice initially as a way to ‘Get by’ and ‘a way out of the system,’ I am looking at how I would justify this decision by establishing relationships with people that would support and involve myself within such ‘life decisions,’ which is how I came to defend ‘our view’ the same way that any other religious person would defend their belief, which is something I was able to spot due to the latest Soul of Money interview How the Soul predetermined Human’s Relationship to Money – which also allowed me to understand how everything seemed ‘so perfect’ in terms of the relationship I had with specific people and ‘their dreams’ being ‘my dreams’ as well – all in all just the perfect way to feed my preprogrammed life and ensure that I would not delve myself any further than that which caught my attention first, which was art.

 

One of the reasons why I confirmed my ‘chosen path’ in life was due to having met the ‘most important relationships’ in my life because of art/ music, which was almost like a ‘miracle’ – ehm ehm preprogrammed – point in my life wherein I really believed that I was ‘meant to be’ with that person, I was meant to be doing that and that ‘god’ had given me such a good life with the opportunity to be an artist and have fun all the time – yes, this was MY religion and I would justify it with anything I could to maintain it ‘as is.’ No different to any Christian that pops eyes out when revealing the truth of the actual energetic kick they get of any rite – I had my rites and being with someone that backs up your religion with equal fervor ‘locks you’ into that self-belief with more candor than ever, making common sense literally nonexistent as all that exists is this glorious weedy ride where all is creation, art, laughter, enjoyment and chatting about existential matters that in no way regarded LIFE on Earth.

I would spend time at the terrace just taking pictures of the sky, hearing music, drawing, ‘living life’ in such peace that you know, everyone would like to just ‘stay like that forever’ – never daring to look at the real reality of human beings –why ruin such a moment? Everyone would think, and I also thought the same way until I dared to take off the blindfold for once and for all.

High-in-the-sea

2004

 

Some Self-Forgiveness for such existential-conversations with arguments to back up the Religion of Self as ‘the artist.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I in no way could ever see myself in a 9-5 job, saying that ‘I am way more capable than that,’ which was an obvious excuse and justification to ponder myself as this ‘artist’ that is ‘above’ the regular people and has this ‘special gift’ that makes her beyond the regular mortals, which is absolutely egotistical and self-centered statements where I was in no way aware of the reality of the world, but only caring about fulfilling my dreams and being with people that could whole-heartedly agree that they would not be able to see themselves in such a way either

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I could not see myself doing anything else than ‘art,’ I had the perfect excuse to never have to have a ‘regular job’ because apparently, I knew better and my life was ‘too special’ for that, which is the entire ego that got inflated by myself, my own thoughts, people around me throughout my life that also agreed that I had this ‘specialness’ in me that would get me into ‘very high places,’ lol never really realizing that they were only supporting my own ego-high that I even made real through becoming a religious weedy ‘ritualistic’ person, believing that my career was almost like a ‘divine gift’ and that I was able to have a ‘great life’ this life for some ‘good karma’ or something, which is how I justified and excused following my desires, having a good life and excusing poverty in this world as ‘bad karma people.’ Which is how I simply at that time ‘stopped caring’ about the world, because I was justifying everything with spirituality

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge everyone that had what I called ‘an ordinary life’ which was linked to having a ‘regular job’ and having to spend all day at work/ with kids and family, which I deemed like a curse to someone, just to be able to justify my desire to escape the system through my career.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my career as ‘an artist,’ could be the perfect excuse for me to not follow (and wallow according to my self-belief) into the family system of having kids, getting married, ‘settling down’ in just one place because I was busy following dreams of traveling, being famous, remaining ‘unsettled’ and ‘without a compromise’ with anything or anyone else than ‘art,’ which means that ‘art’ became my religion and my ‘savior’ from ‘the system,’ as an entire personality suit that I used to avoid having to take responsibility for myself and looking at the world that only ‘served me’ as inspiration, but in no way was I considering how to practically assist and support myself and others to make it a better place.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘living an ordinary life doesn’t allow you to expand and be creative’ which became like a mantra that I would repeat myself wherein ‘ordinary life’ meant having a proper job, family, money, desires for success and having a cool position within the world-system through business and professions that had nothing to do with ‘artistic careers,’ which is how I used ‘art’ as an excuse to be an ‘eccentric person’ meaning out of the ‘usual drill’ of living, which is nothing else but justifying the actual fear of having to face myself in the world system and be In it as a regular participant, believing that I could surely live of art and being ‘an artist,’ just because everything had been ‘so easy for me,’ which started becoming a self-religious belief wherein everything would come ‘with ease’ to me, believing it had to be like a divine gift of sorts for me to be able to enjoy ‘my life’ in this life as some type of good-deeds-in-the-past-life reward. Absolutely unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would not be ‘free’ if I had a husband and children, and equating marriage and children to a prison, a jail that I would run away from and even react in obvious disgust whenever anyone dared to question my ‘beliefs’ around marriage and having children in the future, just because of linking it to being bound to one place, having an ‘ordinary life’ when all I wanted was to be a ‘free spirited person’ that can ‘create’ and move around with no commitment, which would have actually lead me nowhere because the system simply does not work like that – meaning: to make money, you must be stable and committed to one point to work it through and finding odd ways to make a living is often leading to massive uncertainty in all aspects of our lives, which is why people that ‘make it’ are the most ‘settled,’ and within this understanding I see and realize that in order to equalize myself as the system, I must ‘settle down’ within the understanding and commitment to stand equal and one to the system of money and finally get past the ‘fears’ of being ‘ordinary’ as a self-belief.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that having a family, getting married, having a regular job implies constricting any form of ‘freedom,’ which implies that I believed myself to be ‘free’ in any form, never ever actually realizing how nothing and no one is Free until ALL is Free – and in that, simply using excuses and justifications for me to not ground myself to understand that, I could only thrive within the system by standing equal and one to it, which meant ‘the end’ to all these airy-fairy dreams of art and a ‘free spirited’ life-creation.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to my sister’s life and avoid at all cost becoming ‘like them,’ which meant the definition of having an ‘ordinary life,’ that till this day I see I have still judged as ‘ordinary’ and ‘boring’ and ‘constricting’ which are all aspects that come from this desire, want and need of myself to be ‘free’ and ‘unbound’ which is only a mindfuck of myself to perpetuate my own personality as ‘superior’ and ‘more intelligent’ – apparently – for deciding not to be bound to a relationship, a place, or even having desires to create a family and have kids – all of which was already quite ‘settled’ in my sister’s minds when they were my age.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience actual fear when writing about ‘creating a family’ because that is an aspect of ‘life’ that I ‘do not like talking about at all’ just because of how I have linked marriage, kids and family to being like a hell that I tried to escape through defining myself as/ becoming ‘an artist,’ and within such tag, making myself acceptable as the ‘eccentric one’ within my family = meaning ‘the one that would break the mold.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually future project myself with a partner living in a little house away from the city where he could play music, I could create art and have fun riding back and forth to the city to make money with art/ any other occupation and leave a ‘peaceful kind of life’ which became like this ‘dream’ in the back of my head that I almost get myself into fully right before I got to Desteni.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could in no way follow my sisters’ steps in life, which meant studying a career, working for a while to make enough money to then settle into having kids and having a family, just because of all the judgments I created toward ‘creating a family’ and believing that to be the ultimate imprisonment for ‘a free spirited being like me.’ Lol

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself and create my entire life as being ‘the antithesis of my sisters’ wherein I made sure that I would wear ‘the artist’s gown’ proudly, so that I could justify my actual fear to ever participate in the system of money as a regular being that has a stable job, that has a husband and kids, because that would mean the absolute ‘brainwashing type of life’ wherein I judged everyone that would follow dreams of success and money as ‘brainwashed,’ without realizing that I was doing the exact same thing, just veering to another direction but in the end: only seeking my personal heaven all the time in my ‘own particular way’ which became ‘my religion.’

 

I forgive myself to still hold on to the memory of my sister’s final exam in her uni where she was granted some honors that made everyone proud, and within that, thinking that I had to ‘top that’ which became this elusive comparison that I had to apparently ‘beat’ with my career just to remain within my self-belief of being ‘the most intelligent of my family’ that had a ‘promissory future,’ wherein the entire fear of failing at fulfilling such desire looms in the back of my head based on these future projections that I would participate in based in ‘making it’ within the art world.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to admire my sister because of having had a great final exam and great career development – then becoming disillusioned about her once that she had to quit her ‘kickass job’ because of following her desires to get married and have a kid, which was only confirming what ‘I was expecting of her,’ as self-righteous judgment that I used to fuel the idea that: ‘even if she was ‘great’ in her career, she won’t follow through with it, because her desires to have a family will be stronger than becoming successful in her career’ – and so it happened and I only fueled my self-righteous prognostic.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take a position of superiority in comparison to my sisters wherein I have believed myself to be ‘more intelligent’ and ‘wiser’ because of not following the usual ideas of having a relationship and being planning to ‘settle down’ and getting the entire house/ marriage/ kids type of life which I have judged them for in the back of my head, without realizing that it was all based on me actually fearing having to face such a life because it meant having to stand in the system and have an ‘ordinary life’ of making money to ‘settle myself down’ the same way that they have done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘There is no way that I ‘m going to waste myself that way’ wherein I used my sisters as the example of everything that I did Not want to be/ become, still till this day seeing their lives as boring and dull, which is just a spiteful judgment and self-righteous to justify my actual fear of even considering myself living their lives of great responsibility now that they have children.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually fear and be petrified by the mere idea of having children.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘support’ and a ‘supportive relationship’ that of someone that could agree with me whenever I would talk about ‘having an ordinary life’ as the worst thing one could ever do in a lifetime, and in that believing that whomever had ‘the same ideals in life’ was meant to be with me for the rest of my life, lol

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually veil myself from seeing that I was no different to my sisters/ anyone else in the world that plans a future with someone that can ‘agree’ with them and their ‘lifestyle’ which in essence comprises the same desires for happiness/ fulfillment/ satisfaction just the ‘means’ and ‘ways’ of obtaining that is what differs.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I wasn’t born to be that way’ pointing out ‘the way’ as the path that my sisters/ what I deemed ‘regular people’ would follow through within their lives, wherein I would instead believe that I had this ‘special gift’ that I could use as a justification to not have to go through that ‘path in life’ of the ‘ordinary living conditions.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘my thing is to create and be with likeminded people,’ which is how I would deliberately seek to create relationships within ‘the artworld’ and through those relationships believe ourselves to be ‘superior’ than the rest of the world because of the entire self-brainwash of considering ‘arts’ as an evolutionary step within a human being, which is how I would justify my own denigration toward ‘the ordinary lives’ that people live, without ever realizing the type of life I was aiming at being no different to that of any other ‘regular person’ in the world, and that I was in fact only seeking to be also happy, fulfilled and having a partner in life that I could continue my ‘creative dreams’ with, which still till this day remained as some elusive ideal in my life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the relationship that I had with that one person was absolutely ‘meant to be’ and it’s the relationship that has took me the most till this day to self-forgive and absolutely let go, because of all the dreams that I built around it for over half of my life – so, I realize that my dreams to be an artist were also based on wanting to be a special person that could be with this other ‘special person’ and be together in our ‘creative dreams’ wherein we could have art as the religion that binds us. This means that, within me realizing the religion I was following as ‘art,’ I am able to see with more clarity how I was structuring my life according to a single belief system that is no different to someone else’s wishes and desires to be ‘rich’ and famous, being absolutely religious in one way or another, or having knowledge as their ultimate ‘worth’ in themselves – art became that point that would bind my dreams and my relationship with the person that I had ‘dreamed’ about for a long time. Never ever questioning how come it had actually happened the exact same way I had envisioned it, and to what extent that relationship defined the entirety of ‘who I am’ and ‘what I want to be’ in the future.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I could do this forever: creating and enjoying life’ which was part of the self-belief that I followed in order to continue my self-definition of being with this particular person in my life, and reinforcing ideas of not having to be making a living out of ‘bullshit’ in this world – wherein ‘bullshit’ meant anything Not related to art-creation/ performance, etc.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think ‘What a better way to live life but to create!’ and in that, justifying my self-religion of seeking the ultimate satisfaction and relationship to others through that self-religion, as a way to not have to face the world system, remain in my happy-go-lucky artistic bubble with ‘likeminded people’ that I could simply use as a reinforcement to my own ‘decisions in life to be and become an artist,’ just because they were doing the same with their lives: trying to escape from themselves/ the world, feeling victimized from ‘the world system’ and wanting to create a safe haven outside of the city to just ‘be free, live and create,’ all of it just being a pipe dream, literally.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was genuinely happy at that time, which became just a mechanism of my mind to always take me back to those times/ memories as if I was genuinely happy and fulfilled, when in reality I was in the most self-suppressed state of being within a relationship that was not supportive at all and just using anything I could to not have to face myself, making myself co-dependent to another’s dreams and in that, make them ‘my own’ through association, due to the belief of art being a ‘savior’ in our lives, no different to any other religion.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I in no-way could do anything else than ‘art’ or any other artistic career like playing music, writing, photography and all these activities that seemed ‘acceptable’ as a profession in the world system, yet not fully being defined within my mind as the ‘ordinary type of career,’ which is how I came to justify my entire existence being based on ‘dream-fulfilling’ through art as a way to escape the world system.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could remain drawing forever and be with people that would be also creative and be ‘happy together’ lol, which became just the usual way to justify my career my decision and ‘what I want to do with my life’ with this entire ‘feel good’ attitude to it. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to establish my ideal life/ my idea of fun as being with someone else in a relationship wherein one could be playing music and I could be creating graphic art and fulfill our ‘creative dreams’ together, which is why I had a tendency to seek out for musicians lol – It’s an exorcism here so

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately seek out for musicians to establish a relationship with, because of the dream that I held oh so dearly as my ideal life wherein I could be ‘creating plastic/ visual arts’ and ‘he’ the ‘ideal partner’ could make the music for it, which became like this perfect future as the creative couple – just like many couples in the artworld that I sought to emulate – couples playing in bands, couples directing music videos, couples working in art-creation together.

 

Art Saves

Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself believing that I could in no way take a regular job, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am following my ‘self-religion’ as ‘the artist’ wherein I would justify my aversion to having to be In the system and have a regular income Within the system – thus I direct myself to equalize myself to the system wherein no matter what I do to earn money, I realize that the purpose of doing this is to support myself, to be In the system and to support an actual process of changing the way the world-system works which implies that I won’t only be in it for the mere sake of survival, but as an active participant to finally establish a world system wherein I/ we won’t have to depend on money any longer as a limit to what we want to be/ become in our lives, this implies that standing up for life in equality as a new monetary system will allow each person to express themselves in the way that they really want to live and exist as wherein money will no longer define what an ‘ordinary’ or ‘extraordinary’ life is based on the way that money is made to live/ survive in the world system.

 

When and as I see myself denigrating anyone that is currently living a life within the system and having what I had deemed as an ‘ordinary life,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the spitefulness that I bred in my mind in order to not have to face myself going through the actual equalization of myself as the system, which implies that I direct myself to simply focus on what I have to do and become in order to really stand Within the system, no longer defining it as following a dream/ deviating from a dream – but living decisions that are based in the common sensical steps required for each one of us to take Self-Responsibility for this world and do what we have to do to manifest it/ create it as a living-activity until it is done.

 

When and as I see myself ‘pondering’ what I would be doing if I had followed my dreams and all of the idealism I sought to fulfill in my life – I stop and I breathe – I realize that such ideas were simply pipe dreams that I used in order to not face myself, to not take Self-Responsibility – hence I stand as the decision that I’ve taken to support myself to exist as an individual that become part of the people that support themselves to let go of all limitations and fears to actually change the world from within and without through practically taking one point in our world as ‘our responsibility ‘and following through with it as a life commitment.

 

When and as I see myself judging people’s lives as ‘ordinary’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that I gave such definition in a derogatory way to believe that I was making the ‘right choices’ in life, based on preferences/ self-beliefs and ideas of me as an ‘artist’ being able to have an ‘eccentric unique life,’ an ‘extraordinary’ life, which is part of the programming embedded within society wherein an ‘artist’ is acceptable as ‘not normal’ based on societal patterns which is nothing else but another belief system in itself that in no way regards life in equality in/ as all living beings. I stop placing further tags upon life itself.

 

When and as I see myself silently judging marriage, families, having kids, and the act of ‘settling down,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I judged that as ‘ordinary’ and as the ‘locks of the system,’ based on me fearing standing one and equal as the system and actually fearing ever committing myself to such points in life, which I see that once I remove the fear and judgment to it, if and the point is here to be walked, I am willing to do so within the consideration of what is best for all life at all times and never in self-interest desires.

 

When and as I see myself fearing ‘settling down’ because of having the idea of always being and remaining a ‘free spirited person,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that the career choice was based on me being able to perpetuate myself as a ‘free being,’ but never based on actual practical physical reality taking into consideration earning money/ working within the system, but my entire decision was based on dreams, preferences and desires which I’ve walked previously – thus I realize that the direction that I give to myself will be based on being able to have a stable income, a stable place wherein I can work in the most suitable position in order for me to be an active participant in the changes that we’ll be walking within the world system, wherein I ensure that I am no longer bound to dreams and desires of the past – and instead, ground myself (lol wrote moneyself) to have a stable financial position as that is the primary point within the world system, as well as establishing relationships of Self-Support in the physical and practical considerations and no longer based on desire, attraction, support of fellow belief-systems and personalities and ego.

 

When and as I see myself comparing my life to the one of my sisters and their decisions in life, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to simply direct myself in the consideration of what’s best for all and not only trying to ‘step out of the family-mold’ which implies that I no longer resist walking any similar steps as all decision will be based on the point I’ll be walking in my reality which will be placing myself in the most suitable position in the world system to establish the necessary changes in the world in the consideration of Life in Equality – the measuring point for this will be cross referenced with people that I can get further perspectives on what is best for all whenever I see myself being stuck at making decision – yet being aware that whatever decision I take, will be walked in the name of Life itself – and never again my ego and personal desires.

 

When and as I see myself comparing the careers that my sisters’ have had – I stop and I breathe, I realize that such comparison stemmed from my desire to be ‘superior’ as ‘more intelligent’ within the family, which is all ego based – therefore I let go of my desire to end up being perceived as a ‘cunning’ person, but instead follow through with the necessary points to finish and walk the next steps in my life, preparing myself to place myself in the position that I will require to be in to support within this process of self-change into a world system based on Life in Equality.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am ‘missing out on life’ being ‘life’ linked to my previous artistic endeavors, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I had linked my entire future to ‘being an artist’ and within that, having no regard to me becoming someone that would have even get to positions that I officially ‘loathed’ in terms of it all having to do with social and political management, which is what I am willing to be and become as well as the necessary education, because that’s the foundation of support for all humans beings to start considering Life in Equality – so, I realize that what I will be doing will be actively participating in the near future, within the education of myself and others within the principles of Life in Equality and structuring my life in away wherein I can ensure that all relationships that I establish are in direct accordance to this process, my life commitment first, and then to existence as a whole, which is standing as who I really am in all aspects of my life.

 

When and as I see myself being ‘unsatisfied’ and seeking happiness, I stop and I breathe. I realize that such happiness I had linked it to airy-fairy dreams of ‘creation’ that were in no way supportive, and only based on equally high-conversations that did not consider the practical living reality at all but were just literal pipe dreams that would only serve to our egos and our desire to not face ourselves, which is unacceptable – thus I support myself to remind myself of the commitment to life I’ve made and that won’t require to be a ‘constant reminder’ as when I am here as breath as life, there is no need to desire or ‘yearn’ for happiness or fulfillment – one simply walks the decision with no desire to experience something , but walks in self-responsibility as the correction to stop all the self-interest and desires that have been the building blocks of this current world-system that we are her to stop within and as ourselves and correct/ direct into a best for all outcome.

 

When and as I see myself looking at people as ‘potential partners’ based on what they do in life – placing preference to musicians – I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am falling into the egotistical pattern of ‘being an artist’ and in that already creating a preference of people over others – thus I commit myself to stop following my dreams and desires toward people based on ‘what they do,’ but instead support myself to establish agreements, relationships in all aspects within the consideration of what is best for all life – wherein no preference intervenes to place myself in the most suitable position within the world system to walk my decision to support myself and others equal and one within this process.

 

I let go of my art religion, because I see that this is the ‘real god’ I’ve worshipped the longest in my life and it had gone so inadvertently that it is like draining myself from my ‘safe haven’ – It had always been ‘here’ as something ‘in the background’ throughout my life, never wanting to admit that it was like this faith that I kept as myself, just like people keep ‘their god’ up there, as a faith that they can just hold on to as a point of resort and self-definition.

 

I breathe and realize I am here, and that letting go of all these dreams and ideas and future projections can only allow myself to become more self-directive in the decisions that I make from here on in my life, wherein I won’t allow myself to seek out a relationship based on any artistic bond or desires to ‘create’ and ‘be happy’ – but instead take into consideration the actual ‘facing’ of the world system that requires our absolute self-responsibility to practically and physically establish solutions wherein we stop for a moment seeking only our self-interested futures and instead create/ build a future that is best for all.

 

 

No es mi sisema 05

No es mi sistema 2005 (It’s not my system)

This is an allusion of how I saw the world as ‘too corrupted’ for my pure beating heart  – instead of realizing I was IT as well. I face the system as myself without wanting to remain in a separate bubble of dreams – I am the only one that can save myself.

 

Blogs:

 

These interviews supported me to realize what  ‘my religion’ was linked to money as the ultimate experience


Day 36: Vulgar Display of Power

A spiritual master, a judge, a gun, the image of Christ on a cross, an exuberant city hall building, a prison, criminal record, a car, food, clothes, water from a tap, a toilet, a machine, a college degree, the Vatican, the White House, a famous person, a circus, a house, gold chains, kings, queens, a TV, a party, a synagogue, a sugary-drink corporation, a school,  a yacht, an ideology, a plant, a skyscraper, a personal gadget, a last name/ family name, a politician, a computer, a banker, a regular working man that ‘earns a living’ – in this reality where Money has become the divide between ourselves and Life in Equal availability for all, anything we use, abide to, follow, buy, sell and indulge into with masked innocent ways (read religion and spirituality) are governed by and represent a form of power over others – including your parents – why?  They all entail a relationship of power just as anything currently does in a world wherein life is subdued to the illusion of power that money entails in this reality.

 

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my dreams of wealth and success to become the control that decides the fate of many through protecting the rights of the few as justified as a free choice opportunity, brainwashing even many of the poor into the hope that they may also one day Live the dream without me realize that I have in fact created a dream for me, but a nightmare for others without considering that an Equal System is in fact a shared dream, without any nightmare as side-effect.” Bernard Poolman

 

The moment that we create a point of superiority and inferiority/ more than and less than idea and perception towards another being, an item, a single part of this reality that we create and generate a particular experience toward – either a want, need, desire, fear, resistance – implies one single thing: we are Not standing One and Equal to everything and everyone that exists in this world, and that means we are living in a constant re-creation of this Idea of separation through our current monetary system, wherein it becomes obvious that life is not being readily given accepted as one and equal for all in our reality, because we have created Capitalism as the way to instead become flagrant righteous beings that according to the amount of money you have, your vulgar display of power will be praised accordingly. And I say ‘praise’ because absurdly enough, we get absolutely mesmerized and tantalized by the ‘rich and the famous’ in this reality, to the point that we can have their sybarite lifestyles recorded, call it a “Reality Show” and it will get Millions of viewers that would rather get a vicarious sense of enjoyment from such vulgar display of power than informing themselves about How on Earth have we come to this low-end in society wherein Money is dictating the very breath we breathe in.

 

Hence the need to seek for god, the need to always have to decide upon yes/ no, black or white, be  in favor of/ against of others, subdue ourselves to a spiritual authority in the name of ‘good fortune’ where being a ‘good neighbor’ becomes a survival tactic rather than a real act of equal compassion. Because of this separation toward life, we have made of this living reality a constant survival mode wherein having food, water, clean clothes and proper sanitation can be a luxurious lifestyle for those that have Nothing to eat and drink; while on the other side of the coin, the need to capitalize money drives an entire civilization that is willing to do anything possible to get to achieve the regularly promoted ideal of happiness and well being that, in our contemporary society, means ‘being rich and having it all.’ Why have we accepted wealth which is a blatant display of spite toward any single being that is below the range of what any regular mortal can aspire to throughout a lifetime and not see it as abuse, but rather justify it with blatant excuses such as: god made us this way, people are paying for their past sins with such unhealthy pauperdom.

It is an absolute dissonance currently to click on an RT video to watch news about an ongoing war situation in this world and having to bare watching advertisement campaigns that fashion industries have designed to – now in a more ‘royally fucked’ way – implant the absolute desire to ‘be strong and powerful’ that is currently promoted toward women, transforming an opportunity to stand equal to all living beings – males included of course – and making it just another gimmicky ‘fashion statement’ while instilling desires for such ‘absolutism’ that was accepted some centuries ago in this reality as the ultimate power: having it all and the world at your feet (or below you several meters from your balcony.) Has anything ever really evolved? No, it just got suited into a TV format wherein the ruling of a few has become the very corporations and institutions that we all depend upon, once again, because of Money.

 

 

Ask yourself: why do we study degrees? To be able to have a stable income/ job that enables us to life – this is according to theory of course, as it is being proven now how having PhD’s can get you nowhere or remain underemployed, which proves that everything that you have specialized yourself was ‘not worth it’ in a reality where all that matters is to live fast and die young – which translates into: consume all you can until you end up eating yourself away. This is what at a physical level we actually do when accepting and allowing a reality of consumption with no regard of what the hell it is that’s giving us this ‘power’ to exist, and why on Earth is such power is not readily existent/ given for ALL in Equality.

 

We have now created ‘special considerations’ toward points in our reality wherein we justify such disparity and polarization when having to watch femmes seducing men in expensive gowns within a royal palace for a few seconds before watching information about an ongoing war with no signs of receding. Why is such vulgar display of power a must-watch for all? Because of money, because advertisement has become a powerful industry in direct proportion to how often we actually indulge into such ‘lifestyles’ as a means to mimic an idea of life that cannot possibly be a Reality for all. Come on, we’re being fed dreams and the naivety of it all is: we still fall for it. Other ‘special filters’ include justification towards abuse due to ‘respecting’ a particular culture, tradition, religion, preference, opinion – all building blocks of the illusion that we have become as selfish beings that don’t really care about creating a world that is best for all, but rather improving and evolving into ‘better ways’ to have it all for oneself and for that: Money is the weapon of choice.

How does this work?

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that a system of wealth and property rights is a system of control that is a form of protectionism where only some are protected against the others that do not have equal rights.” Bernard Poolman 

 

Isn’t it a vulgar display of power to have the audacity to squander money in things you don’t require to live while the world starves?

Money is the manifestation of Inequality in this world. We essentially have become the living-split and spite of ourselves when transforming life substance into energy, wherein Money represents that fuel that we have all made ourselves dependent upon, our own  enslavement as ‘our world system/ society’ wherein if you don’t have money = you die. And who benefits from this? Anyone that has generated enough wealth to be able to employ needy people created and accepted by default as ‘poor people’ in society to do the type of jobs that your regular rich person would simply not move a single hand to do. Thus this clarifies how abuse can only exist in the name of power/ power can only exist if abuse exists and abuse can only exist if energy as separation exists.

 

“ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that once an Equal System is in place, me as the wealthy will no longer have slaves whose Lives I can buy and will have to clean up after myself with my own two hands. This will force me to realize that I as the wealthy have only ever existed at the mercy of slaves and that I have abused the slaves without mercy and should not expect mercy when I never gave it. “ Bernard Poolman

 

A person that is not willing to give to another what they want for themselves, is already abdicating the very ability to live in this world, it is digging your own grave as it is the ultimate statement of you not willing to stand in the shoes of another and consider that they too are yourself and would very much like you tot care about an extreme level of  poverty and unhealthy precarious conditions that they are enduring.  There is certainly no regard to any other being the moment that a definitive stance against equality is established and complaining does a great job to abdicate our equal responsibility within this global problem we’re facing.

 

“I commit myself to the Institution of Democracy as Government by the People, through the People, in fact – with NO authority abdicated to parliament or single Leaders, as that always leads to abuse.

I commit myself to the recognition of the crimes of wealth and ownership as the admission of pre-meditated murder and abuse to do grievous bodily and mental harm, so that morality and integrity may be restored to be values of Life and not profit.

I commit myself to the end of the Tyranny of wealth and ownership.

I commit myself to restore Life to be the only acceptable nature of man on Earth.”

Bernard Poolman

 

It’s in our hands now – we either continue deprecating Life into a sensual experience that comes and goes where consuming the most is considered as being fortunate, lucky and wealthy – or we start realizing to what extent our own “values” are the very reflection of a twisted morality that has been shaped Not according to what’s best for all, but according to the interests behind a machine that continues instigating desires, wants and needs while defending it with the infamous ‘free will’/ ‘free choice’ and ‘liberty’ – all false concepts now being used to promote individualism at its finest.

 

The key to stop the engine of this roaring chainsaw is in our hands.

“It’s time to decide: We decide: we make it or we die “ – The Unicorns Tuff Luff

Be One Vote for World Equality – Support the Equal Money System 

 

malls the churches of capitalism

 

 

Blogs

All quotes from Bernard Poolman were taken from the blog:

Also read:

 

Interview to understand this process and the world:

And the Soul of Money Series that is a complete explanation of our current downfall along with the steps to create solutions that are relevant to each one of us in our reality.

 

 

Take a moment to watch this great animation by Micah Buzan that depicts the current reality wherein we are consuming ourselves in the name of Money

THE THIEF – Animation + Music by Micah Buzan


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