Tag Archives: fix

227. Are We Addicted to our Emotions and Feelings?

Elitist Character: Drug Culture – Energy Addiction as our Self-Consuming Demise – Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application

Continuing from:

 

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements on Energy-Participation in the Mind:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself through a thinking and experiencing process that happens at a mind level wherein I have tacitly agreed to consume my physical substance/ the life essence as the fabric of my physical body for the sake of thinking, feeling, experiencing myself As the mind that is a system that requires energy to exist, and for energy to exist, friction and conflict must exist, without ever realizing the consequences that there exist at a physical and existential level of my own accepted and allowed participation in energy.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize and integrate the understanding of how energy is created through friction and conflict imposed by the mind upon the physical body and in this, continuing to participate in thoughts, emotions and feelings that I simply would not absolutely and diligently Stop in a self-directive decision, which is how and why we have accepted and allowed ourselves to ‘become addicts’ to our own mind and within this becoming addicts to/ obsessed with that which we allowed ourselves to diminish to a single energetic experience in our minds that we experience as ‘feeling good’/ having a good time, which is always an assessment that must be self honestly reviewed in order to see where and how we have participated in the mind.

 

When and as I see myself leaving a leeway or a ‘flexibility’ to my own stopping of thoughts and internal conversations that lead to emotions, feelings or imaginations, I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to breathe in and out deeply until I am aware that the energy / point that emerged dissipated and I am back here as the physical paced of breathing, wherein I ensure my muscles are relaxed, I am in a comfortable position and I am directing myself to do what is here to be done/ directed in my reality.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that every time I am in my mind creating experiences toward a piece of information/ words that I read, or toward another being or the environment, I am reducing physicality to a single stream of knowledge and information within my mind,  that in no way represent who I am as a physical being as one and equal to everything that I am thinking of or becoming emotional, or creating feelings about, but that this only benefits the configuration that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as a mind-system that reacts with thoughts, emotions and feelings to knowledge and information that I then convert into an experience later on filed and stored as memories, pictures, sounds in order to identify ‘who I am’ toward reality according to the reactions I have programmed myself to exist as.

 

When and as I see myself participating in thoughts, internal conversations, backchat, reactions toward something/ someone in my mind, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am diminishing physical reality to a single stream of knowledge and information which is Not Real here as the physical and instead, realize I am one and equal to everything to everything that I am aware of in that moment as the substance of the physical that we are all made of. Within this, the only practical assessments I can do, are based upon common sense which is the way in which I direct myself to stand one and equal to my mind in order to no longer be ‘fed’ with experiences of emotions and feelings that I am not directing, but instead I become the directive principle of every single aspect I decide to participate in.

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create Energy from my very own participation in thinking and internal conversations wherein through participating in the thoughts that get to be in my conscious mind, I am already accepting and allowing myself to be the subconscious and unconscious mind, which implies that the process of becoming energy exists every time that I think, have internal conversations/ backchat, go into an experience or behave in a particular way according to a determined context in my reality, which implies that I am defining ‘who I am’ according to How I Assess reality through the mind, instead of being here physically present, constantly and consistently no matter where or with whom, as the physical in itself adapts to physical conditions, not mind-created experiences according to how it perceives itself based on other beings or a particular environment, which means that I am the only one that is participating in defining ‘who I am’ according to ‘where I am.’

 

When and as I see myself creating a particular different experience within me according to who I am with or where I am in, I stop and I breathe. I realize that in this slight difference I am participating in, I am not existing here as a physical being but as the mind with its various personalities that I direct myself to stop and instead, focus on the practical reality wherein I realize that I don’t require to portray myself within a particular experience in order to interact with others, as being physically here and speaking in common sense is all that is required when it comes to Living Life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to cultivate the personalities that I thought I was ‘free to build’ and construct for myself, due to having seen everyone else doing it, so why wouldn’t I? which is then complying to the social norm of fixating into my own personal creation of ‘who I am’ as the mind with emotions and feelings due to the value and regard feelings and emotions are given by people in our world, wherein someone that would Not ‘feel’ or become emotional, was seen as ‘cold’ or ‘distant’ or ‘jaded’ which is what I feared being and becoming – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever fear existing without emotions and feelings and be seen as cold and jaded in my reality, without realizing that it is through this collective agreement of existing as personalities of the mind, that we have collectively agreed as well to the ongoing self abuse that stems from such self-definitions at a mind level wherein the physicality that enables such self definitions to be fulfilled, is destroyed, annihilated and consumed as this point of identification is what creates separation – and that is through thinking and thinking is a mental process which implies Energy.

 

I commit myself to breathing in order to establish myself as the physical wherein I am no longer participating in the thoughts, backchat or internal conversations and instead, ensure that I am here as the physical wherein I am able to be aware of my breath and my surroundings moment by moment, where no ‘waves’ exist within the physical other than the constant movement in and out of breath as the actual vital sign that I am here and I am alive – I don’t require any emotion or feeling or thought to confirm so.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider the effects and consequences I would have to walk through at a physical level due to participating in the mind as thoughts, backchat, internal conversations because of having admitted such activity of ‘thinking’ as ‘who I am’ and believing that I was doing ‘no harm to anyone by just thinking’ which is one of our usual excuses to not stop and realize that every time that we think, we are not here as our physical body and that we were most likely never going to notice unless we would be able to realize the consequences of participating within energy of the mind later on in life and then blame other factors such as food, pollution, stress or any other external environmental condition, without realizing that every detrimental aspect to ourselves as life, begins at the level of one single thought that already indicates a separation of ourselves from the physicality that does not require to ‘think’ to live, but simply move as self in order to continue existing, which is then focusing on vital processes and activities that support life in itself and within this

I commit myself to stop every time that I see myself thinking within the realization that it is Not Me making a decision to have these internal conversations that come out of nowhere, therefore, I stop within the realization that participating in such mind-chats means I am abdicating the responsibility and the hereness of being Here as breath as my physical body. Thus, I direct myself to think and use my mind as a tool in order to Live in Common Sense

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the energy experience that rises and that I participate in every time I direct myself to go seek in the web for something that will trigger a sense of excitement within me, which I realize is not me making a decision to have a moment to entertain myself, but that this usually comes when I am in the middle of doing something that is implying me-facing-myself and my responsibilities, which implies that every time I give into these distractions, I confirm that I am in fact opting to go for the Energetic experience  – thus

 

When and as I see myself wanting to go and visit certain websites wherein I can read or look at pictures or hear music that I know will make me feel ‘good’ for a moment when I am busy with my responsibilities, I stop and I breathe – I realize that in deciding to ‘go for it’ I am implying that I would rather participate in energy than being here as breath directing myself physically – thus I stick to breathing in and out until there is no movement left as a desire that comes up in the mind and stick to what I am already physically directing myself to do.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be absolutely directive with every single surge of the slightest energetic experience that begins arising within my mind and instead of being absolute and dedicated to stopping it absolutely, I left a leeway which is walking the middle road to not be absolute and dedicated to stopping all thinking and walking this process selectively, as there are definitive feelings and even emotions as well that I allowed myself to participate in – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Self Righteous about my experiences and justifying my participation in the mind wherein I would simply not be absolute to stop All participation but still leave an ‘open door’ to that which I thought, believed and perceived would not be ‘detrimental’ to my process, without realizing that the more we allow ourselves these ‘little participations in the mind,’ the more we accumulate energy to that particular thought/ emotion/ feeling that we believe is ‘who we are,’ and within that, before we realize it, we’ve lost ‘track’ of ourselves and have become that thought and embodied it to the point wherein now stopping it is more difficult because of all the extent of time and space that I have given away deliberately to participate in the mind, wherein I literally feed my obsessions and disregarded for such moments my physicality and everything that I am aware of within this process

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had a ‘right’ left to have a bit of excitement in my life and indulging in fleeting moments of thinking, becoming emotional or experiencing feelings, which are all stemming from the same processes in the mind wherein there are no ‘innocent’ experiences as I diminished them to be, or ‘natural’ energetic experiences, as I see, realize and understand that All energetic experiences are in fact only existent through the same processes that Any other emotion, feeling, thought, backchat, internal conversations and memories exists as.

 

I commit myself to apply myself within an absolute awareness of myself in every moment, as much as I do when I am participating outside with people, wherein I am aware of every blink of an eye, every breath, my entire physical posture and breathing and walk that into a point of comfort within and as myself no matter if I am alone or ‘with people’ so that I don’t create a personality of ‘awareness’ but instead equalize my self awareness at all times throughout the day, getting myself back to breathing every time that I ‘wander off’ in my mind, missing out on physical reality.

 

I commit myself to be and become alert, aware and specific within my participation in my  mind in order to spot all slightest changes of self-experience which means going into a reaction and identify who I was with, what did I see, what thought crossed my mind, what did I read, what was the last interaction with another being, what am I not directing effectively that is keeping me in a ‘bound’ experience to the mind, which is then the process of writing, self forgiveness, self corrective application as the tools to see the points for myself-

I realize this is the most beneficial point I can do for myself whenever I see that there is something I am apparently ‘not seeing’ or ‘being aware of,’ but all that happens is that when I try to make sense of it in my mind only, it remains without any actual physical consideration because it goes away as the thought that it is as a conclusion and realization which is how I require to write it all out, place it in front of me to be and become aware of my own words/ my own ‘script’ at a physical level and within that, self forgive it, correct it, breathe and integrate the self corrective statements as my application from here on, which always implies a dedication to breathing and remaining here, physically.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the experiences that I have cultivated in my mind, specially those ones that I became self righteous about within the belief that I could just ‘keep this little piece of heaven’ within me, which is the same as leaving a back door for abuse to continue while already being aware of the extent of abuse that we are imposing onto ourselves and each other just because of this self righteous identification of who we are as our mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify ‘thinking’ with an entertaining process wherein through imagining and projecting things I would get a sense of upliftment, excitement and even comfort that I defined toward a situation, events, people, activities, foods, entertainment that I have turned into mind-drugs for my personal satisfaction, which implies that I have agreed to abuse and continue abusing myself and others when not honoring life as one and equal with myself but, remain within a self-righteous mode in my mind to continue creating these positive experiences in my mind as a ‘temporary high’ of which it would then take a greater effort to ‘step out of,’ due to the extent of ‘comfort’ that it is to be only imagining, thinking, projecting, picturing events, situations, experiences in our minds while missing out the physical reality that is certainly not going to generate any ‘positive ‘experience’ however, it is to realize that it is through that chasing after the ‘positive experience’ that we have agreed to consume the physicality that we are in order to feed our minds to generate experiences in self interest. Thus

When and as I see myself ‘making it okay’ to continue indulging in an activity/ thinking process/ day dreaming  – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this ‘personal entertainment’ has consequences at a physical level that I am not absolutely experiencing, but am aware of, and this is the point wherein knowledge is placed into application and as such, as I see and realize that I am separating myself from the physical every time that I think, feel, become emotional or participate in imagination and backchat, which is then a process that I must ensure I stop in an absolute manner to assist and support myself to be here as breath, supporting myself as life as what I  really am.

 

I commit myself to stop any positive experience, no matter how ‘little’ or ‘innocent’ it may seem as I realize the level of precision and diligence, that I must live by and apply as a continuous self-movement of which I won’t get any positive experience out of, lol, but it is a self-decision made in common sense and within the realization that I am not willing to continue abusing myself, this reality as everything and everyone that I have reduced to knowledge and information that I have reacted toward in a positive or negative experience in my mind for my own personal vicarious pleasures as everything that I had defined the thinking and becoming emotional and creating feelings to be like – this is the point that must be ‘given up’ in an absolute manner in order to be able to stand here ‘absolutely’

 

I realize that it is ‘hard’ initially to let go of that which makes us ‘feel so good,’ but once that we understand how such fixations are only here existent through our own abdication to life, it is a decision made in Self-Honesty and Integrity to decide to stand up as a physical being that will no longer be an automated robot that will be triggered with emotions and feelings and thoughts about self as this entire reality, but instead establish oneself as the actual integrity/ completion that one is able to exist as when being here breathing and having no ‘waves’ in our waters moving, which menas, having no thoughts, feelings, emotions, worries, concerns or desires, wants, needs –  but simply being here. This is what I realize is the most absolute way to be here and when one is diligently integrating oneself as the physical, the energetic experiences feel like a drug throughout the physical body and it’s certainly not a nice experience, and within that

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘feeling bad’ experience out of the energy that I created myself and that I experience within my physical body as a poison or drug of sorts, without realizing that created it for myself and that ‘feeling bad’ about it is only wanting to victimize myself for something that I inflicted upon me – thus

 

When and as I see myself ‘feeling bad’ for experiencing the result of thinking / participating in the mind in a constant and continuous basis, I stop and I breathe – I realize that ‘feeling bad’ is still another mind experience and not an absolute stopping here as breath to move physically to assist and support myself to stabilize myself here and remain breathing to not recreate any experience again.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to choose life as in choosing breathing every time that I see myself veering toward/ opting for living out an experience in the mind, and instead become diligent to stop at the slightest energetic experience, through breathing and then immediately investigate the point through writing, self forgiveness, self corrective application in order to ensure that I am aware of what was that point of separation and become aware of how to stop it.

 

This will continue…

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This blog is inspired by MyKey’s Interviews on  Energy Demons which I suggest to listen to understand the effects and mechanisms of energy and our ‘decisions in life’ to get to a point of clarity to see what is ‘driving’ our decisions – is it ourselves as the mind or is it an actual physical decision to participate in a certain manner with other human beings.

 

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63. The Perfect Drug

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is absurd to be addicted to conflict,  yet all actions and deeds are now revealing that I had in fact used stories and pictures as people and relationships to cover up the actual truth of myself: an energetic junky that thrived upon conflict, pain and distress used to continue existing as a mind that thrives upon energy.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was ‘okay’ with people that have been addicted to drugs, and even believing that I was ‘attracted to people that had been into drugs’ which was only mind mind speaking as I now realize that these relationships have been the point of most conflict in my world that I made myself ‘keen to’ that deliberately, as that is the only way that my mind could continue functioning: through delving into conflictive relationships and situations just for the sake of keeping myself occupied in my mind and never ever seeing the truth of what I was in fact doing to myself, because I blinded it off with the idea of ‘love’/ attraction/ care or else toward others.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could become addicted to people which was never about ‘someone’ specific, but what the person represented as a point of conflict that I became addicted to as a mind to be constantly generating feelings and emotions as  a way to keep myself/ my mind alive through constantly having to charge thoughts up with either a positive or negative experience about something and someone, so that my mind could get its fix. Therefore it was never about people being ‘addicted’ the point of attraction but me being addicted to the conflict such pattern represented within me, so that I could generate an inner-experience of mixed emotions with feelings that lead me to become a wreck within actual dependency to fear of losing relationships in my world, which was never about ‘the person’ but the pattern that I had become addicted to: conflict, troubles, self-abuse.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I could never be addicted to something that I had deemed as ‘negative,’ yet my actions spoke more than my words and now I see and realize that myself as my mind feeds off of positive and negative energy alike, because it is in the actual conflict and friction that the mind gets its fix from, no matter what pole it is generated in -which is what I’ve only now been able to realize about myself and my relationships thanks to the Desteni I Process, the interviews on money energy at eqafe, on sex and relationships and the Heaven’s Journey to Life blog that has become the ‘lantern’ in a space that was completely dark and even hidden within our understanding as humanity and existence as a whole. 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to conflict, as this is what I would base my apparent attraction to troubled people, it was only my mind luring myself into that which would generate the most friction within me, in order to continue generating energy within me being preoccupied and in constant fear, anxiety and mixed feelings that would cover up such basic conflict, which is how we pair ourselves up in a way wherein we actually remain within the most conflictive relationships to keep the mind ‘in place’ and where it was ‘meant to be’ for the mind to always get its fix.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not hear common sense but go with ‘what my heart dictated’ which was not my heart, but my mind as the required energy to continue existing as a mind that thrives upon self-abuse in a literal manner wherein we drain the physical, the substance that we are and convert it into energy which is a reduced form of life that has a positive or a negative charge with a beginning and an end– I realize that I got myself into the relationships wherein I would get the most friction and conflict as the ‘negative,’ wherein within me trying to ‘change it into positive’ there was a massive collision of poles that the minds would rejoice in. Thus, I realize now how relationships operate when based on energetic ‘attractions’ which is opposite poles attract because that’s the only way that enough friction is generated to continue feeding the mind as energy.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be also brainwashed by songs like ‘The Perfect Drug’ wherein I foolishly equated people to drugs as way to explain how even if we realize that this is harmful, we continue doing it, which is what makes self-abuse the basic ingredient in relationships: self compromise, fear of loss, fear of ending up alone, fear of not getting the necessary fix: fear of the mind dying which is precisely what this entire process is about, overcoming this fear of ‘losing ourselves’ and losing our mind without realizing that the physical body can exist without the mind dictating its every move and relationship, as I realize that the mind exists as relationships and that we currently exist as relationships that have to be equalized in order to stop generating conflict and constant turmoil which is what the mind requires to continue existing feeding of our physical bodies.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that statements in lyrics like ‘without you everything falls apart’ and ‘without you I’m nothing’ were perfect depictions of relationships between two beings, without realizing that it was actually me talking to myself as my mind believing that without such conflict, without such turmoil I’d be dead (as the mind)– yet I had not realized that I was in fact addicted to conflict, to turmoil and it is thus the reason why I sought conflict in my world without being aware of it, I created it for myself when being directed by these energies that could have either gone positive or negative, yet found the most ‘thrill’ in the negative due to my self-belief of being a ‘positive person.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know beforehand that I was in the ‘wrong spot’ yet, I went along for the ride because of the experience this would create within me, an energetic thrill that eventually faded away and that’s when relationships stop, and then you go out seeking for another prey. Just like vampires.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that saying ‘the more I give to you the more I die’ is a literal meaning: the more I experience emotions and feelings, the more I consumed myself inadvertently at a physical level – yet knowing deep inside myself what I was doing, neglecting it because what was ‘stronger’ was the addiction to the energy and became oblivious to the physical experience that went with it, because what I gave permission to direct me was the mind, separating myself further and further from being Here as my physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to delve even further into the experience even though I knew it was ‘no good’-  and in this, I forgive myself for having ever accepted and allowed myself to judge ‘self abusive people’ without realizing that I was only judging myself for what I have become, driven entirely by this not-knowing-how-to-direct my energy to – hence landing anyhow on a spot wherein I could get my fix and keep it for as long as it ‘fed me,’ just like oil  wells and fracking methods to suck the life out of the Earth.

 

Thus, I realize that our self-abusive nature is just like being an addict –just like we have said many times before – because even though we know we are harming ourselves, we continue doing it and the only way that we can get to a realization about this is if we reach the bottom – the question is: do we have to? We have proven to ourselves that we only learn through experiences, and so far we are driving ourselves to face the consequences even more so ‘in our face’ to open our eyes. Unfortunately so, self-abuse seems to now be affecting more and more people yet there are still no clear questions being asked as to WHY this is happening? All the answers can be walked within self through the Desteni support available for all.

And this is another moment of absurdity for what  I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become: a sucker for abuse.

 

“one go into absurdity when one face something that you see the reality of – but fear it at the same time, cause it’s not a knowledge and information seeing, its a self realisation – thus, individual react in absurdity “No it can’t be real” – lol; but also at the same time do within their existential existence here see it is” – Sunette Spies

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to see people as separate from me in relationships wherein I blamed ‘them’ for what I would experience, not realizing that as long as the mind held the wheel of my reality, I would simply create relationships, form nice stories, ‘paint it’ in a personalized way and get myself imbued into it for the mind-experience that I imposed onto people in my world that only serve as linchpins to keep my wheel going – this means that I never really established a relationship with them, but only with my own mind and this energetic fixes that were perfectly orchestrated to make it look just like another fantabulous experience, when it was really not so.

 

I realize that in our minds, we are able to kid ourselves and make it all seem quite ‘nice’ but in reality, the actual experience is only that of being leeches of one another, eating ourselves up not metaphorically speaking and this is the truth of our reality. Hence the importance of stopping all energy-relationships as within stopping our energetic fixes, we stop the continued self-abuse we have thrived upon as the mind.

 

I commit myself to take Self-Responsibility for every single point that I blamed others for in my reality as being the cause of my experiences, because I see, realize and understand it was always only me and my own mind, my own energetic drive that I sought to satisfy as the saturation of myself as energy, wherein the rest were just part of the necessary players in the game to build a nice story around it. That’s how when stopping our mind, when realizing what we have done, relationships fall because we cannot continue deceiving ourselves as in getting our fix from people –

 

The only way that I can redefine relationship is  to realize the basic point of separation from self that each relationship entails – and that means that this process is walking through all our relationships as all the points we have separated ourselves from in the name of experience – either positive or negative – wherein through walking each point of separation, we stop feeding the mind and earth ourselves back as substance – this is explained in the blog  Wave-Theory of Creation: DAY 62 which has become a pivotal point to understand what we have done to ourselves in existence in an absurd manner – again – yet I realize that all reactions covered up within ‘absurdity’ are in fact a frightening realization of our nature and to what extent we took ourselves as life – in the name of energy as experience-  for granted

 

I realize that every moment that I give myself into the mind, I continue feeding this absurdity that must be stopped by myself in every moment that I can earth that surge of energy back to Earth as myself as Breath, b-heart – I instead breathe and hear the heart rate wherein I make sure that I re-mind myself the physicality that I abuse every time I allow myself to go into conflict, friction, desires and yearnings for relationships which are clearly based on self-abuse according to what I have realized throughout this process, but only now can see clearly and name if for what it is.

 

I realize that within me accepting others as ‘addicts’ I was simply speaking from the mind that justified and validated itself as ‘an addict’ because that’s the only way it can continue existing as ‘the driving force’ within our bodies – thus, I stop any self-definitions as having this ‘fascination’ for addicts/ addictions and experiences of any kind that are in fact the building blocks of self-abuse that mind exists as.

 

I commit myself to continue walking my own mind as my process of writing, applying Self Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application to give myself direction to live words, to establish myself as words that can be applied by all in equality wherein relationships can only stand as symbiotic and never more parasitical in nature.

 

I commit myself to expose how relationships are simply an addiction of the mind and that it is in stopping such mind-relationships toward anything/ anyone that we can start standing equal and one to such points/ people in our world, wherein people no longer represent ‘patterns’ in separation of ourselves, but we instead walk those relationships through this process of Self-Forgiveness until what remains is self, here,  equal to everything and everyone that are also here, and support others to do the same for themselves.

 

I commit myself to continue investigating any bit and memory that comes up in my head as every point of backchat, memory, as these are indications of a point we are reacting to and existing in separation from, which is how the mind is the greatest tool to walk this process.

 

I realize that I must first walk my ‘rehab’ as self-agreement wherein I make sure that I never again use people as patterns to thrive upon as energy but instead, learn how to practically coexist with others as equals wherein self-is self-directive as the physical and never again as an energy-driven mind.

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Why isn’t Love an Illegal drug?

 

I had felt a tremendous ‘yearning’ for something in my  life, it really drove me toward various directions wherein I was seeking this ‘something’ that I was ‘missing’ – apparently – and what’s funny is that it could be equally fulfilled with eating a chocolate, watching a  film or having a nice sex-session… and nope my ‘meditation’ never took me to such bliss, I guess I was too much of a neophyte in that.

 

What I never knew until now is that such yearning to be fool-filled was in fact nothing else but a preprogrammed system that we have accepted as ‘who we are’ which was given with the promise of ‘Eternal Life’ – or at least a Heavenly-experience once you die. We accepted this yearning for a spiritual realm wherein ‘everything would be fine’ as ‘that which is real’ of ourselves. By having this promise on the shelf, we accepted to live a life of ‘learning lessons’ and generating all types of connections to something ‘divine’ or at least something that could bring us ‘closer to God,’ similar to that Heavenly-experience which many would channel through different ways: spirituality, religion, relationships, sports, sex, drugs, alcohol to name but a few.  Now it makes sense! All those miserable years I spent within this ‘yearning’ for something else was nothing but me following my mind – because I always accepted my mind as ‘who I am’ – see.king to obtain the ultimate happiness/ bliss/ fulfillment in life. I never considered or even accepted myself as a ‘whole’ within my own body before.

 

When we would break apart from relationships or desiring relationships, we were in fact seeking to fulfill our ‘love-fix’ again, which has been also explained by science as a chemical-fixation  within our bodies. That’s how stopping a relationship is similar to the process of withdrawing from a certain drug. This is what we have accepted as ‘love’ – or even the term ‘lovesick’ when getting too much of it– however it’s gotten way more toxic than a simple chemical-dependency at a biological level.

 

 

And, if one look at for example, drugs/alcohol – it give one that positive/heavenly experience – equal-to and one-with that heavenly-experience self as the soul desired and so addictions are created to energy/heaven/afterlife searching for the ‘better life’ as we’re pre-programmed to yearn for ‘that experience’. – Sunette Spies

 

 

The fact is that when reading Sunette’s explanation on this energetic aspect, the word ‘drug’ popped up and began remembering how easy it was to get a quick-fix on an experience induced by a chemical drug, by spirituality, by this yearning to ‘be fulfilled within a relationship.’ It literally becomes this icky obsession that keeps us occupied in our minds the whole time, without even daring to ask ‘Is it really ME here that is yearning for this? Or is this just a mind-generated addiction?– for all cases, addictions begin at a mind level.

 

 

No wonder that it is easy to get fixated on drugs, sex, relationship, spirituality = we were preprogrammed to do this. And this ‘human trait’ became a juicy predisposition for anyone that sought to make money out of human’s feeble character easily swayed by desires –which is what has been vindicated as the infamous  ‘Human Nature.’ Yes, this great excuse to always be seeking for our personal-interest and seeking to be satisfied/ fulfilled/ content with buying, consuming and generating any form of ‘pleasant experience’ – whichever ‘form’ such experience would take.

 

 

My fix

I also fell for this big time. It began with this inextricable yearning for ‘something’ that lead me to become a music-junky – for real and by this I mean being listening to music most of the time when I was not in school and/or sleeping, even though I would go as far as sleeping with my earphones on sometimes. By this creating all of these ‘mental relationships’ with people that I got to idolize from the bands I liked. I can identify this ‘idolizing’ process as something similar to ‘feeling understood’ or even ‘cared for’ because of someone externalizing that which I then thought I was ‘also feeling’ inside me.

 

This is where the entire identification of myself as emotions/ feelings began, simply because I was yearning to experience the same that I could see those beings were experiencing when performing. I guess this is how I chose to be an ‘artist’ lol, because it was a way to justify me being extremely used to ‘being emotional’ and ‘being in touch with myself’ lolol I am laughing because I have written heaps before about me being a drama queen, and the usual stereotype of ‘artists’ is that of being an egotistical emotional-driven being that is then ‘accepted as is’ because ‘that’s who artists are/ that’s what they do,’ being and feeling ‘misunderstood’ and extremely ‘sensitive’ to the world.  Fascinating that we even created such niches in our society to never allow to question such experiences within ourselves, but even glorify them to the extent of equating ‘being a sensitive being’ to something that was almost touched by the hand of god, which is how artists were also identified as in the past.

 

Yes, we accepted these experiences or ‘gifts’ as a god-given trait or ‘right’ as you may wish to call it as well, I mean, we’ve essentially walked endless cycles of living out the same lives without being able to remember it, without getting to a point of ever questioning anything of this existence. And oh no if you actually got to a certain point of Self-Realization: you were screwed till the 9th hell which is here on Earth anyways, but just in a more miserable and in a position wherein ‘those in heaven’ would make sure that no one could get to a point of realizing who they really are.

 

So, I accepted myself as this ‘sensitive being’ and proceeded to cultivate my ‘sensitive preferences’ such as sticking to the world of ‘the intangible’ like music, literature, philosophy, painting, writing and so forth – I used to talk a lot to myself, it was my primary relationship and how I probably built up this idea of being a bit ‘coo-coo’ for doing that, never realizing that all humans do that, yet some hide it or simply take it as the infamous ‘human nature’ without having ever pondered ‘hmm, but where are these thoughts, feelings and emotions essentially coming from?’ So this is how I began giving myself my own ‘fixes’ through generating thoughts, feelings and emotions through all of these ‘activities.’

I never equated that to the same fix that everyone else was looking as ‘love’ – it is only now that I can understand I also drove myself through a similar vein.

 

 

The love fix

So I eventually got involved in relationships and got to see what a marvelous fix it was, and the fact is that it is accepted in this world without a question makes it something as ‘normal’ as having to eat to live. There are millions of songs, books, and anything that I could think of related to ‘love’ and ‘relationships’ and being happy or being feeling miserable because of not having this love-fix.

 

But,  I developed another curiosity which was mostly enticed by movies that I was attracted to for ‘some odd reason’= preprogrammed – wherein drugs was the main player. I know that there are many beings that have gone through this, in fact some of these movies became the first ‘bridge’ I built as a ‘likeness’ with someone that I could then call a ‘best friend’ or even ‘soul mate’ for that matter lol. So, I was very curious about drugs and dedicated some hours to reading articles about it, investigating the effects, read about the movements related to drugs like the ‘rave’ era in the 90’s, the Oxycontin boom in the early 200o’s and all the hype about heroin from the 70’s on. Music was pretty much linked to drugs and with me having ‘admired’ all these beings as personal-heroes, it lead me to think that ‘this is it, that must be that which I must be yearning for.’

 

So, just as anyone else in the world, I became a junky for various things including relationships, sex, weed, music, books, anything that could give me a very ‘specific’ energy- obviously at that time I didn’t question this nor did I ponder why I was ‘driven’ to-it, I just accepted it as part of my ‘personality.’ All the music I would listen, the relationships I had, the stories I would read, the nature of my writings would give me a specific energetic-kick that I then defined as ‘who I am.’ This only lead me to seek – just as any other junky in this world – ‘new ways’ of taking the energetic-kick to ‘the next level.’

 

An examples is how in pornography, beings stop getting their ‘fix’ out of the usual porn and go into various ‘specialized’ ways of presenting naked bodies that they can jack off to. That’s how sadistic porn, pedophilia and any other paraphilia is formed: becoming more specific in that which ‘turns you on,’ just like a machine that requires oil and fuel to ‘keep going,’ to keep ‘riding the rollercoaster’ which we have defined as ‘life.’

 

This is how we initially react so much to the point of having to stop our minds, simply because we are all addicts to generate experiences in whichever way we find ourselves ‘comfortable’ with. We have all sought for a ‘something’ to fulfill within our lives to give us a specific feeling/ emotion that we have called ‘being alive.’ It is fascinating how in our world and society, not being experiencing feelings or emotions is seeing as a malady, is seen as if ‘something is wrong’ with the being because, apparently, the being is ‘detached from reality.’ This is because of having defined life as a constant stream of energetic experiences, instead of realizing that it is an actual physical constancy and consistency just as we breathe here – in and out – at the physical pace that is not bound to ‘time.’ We end up depleting ourselves while trying to get the ‘most experiences throughout our day/ our lifetime.’

 

 

 

Love is a Drug

 

“Thus for spirituality to exist as love and peace — we have to allow ourselves to be blind to the actuality of the conditions in this world and promote this world as an illusion with reality only after death, making it impossible to reason with the spirituals”
– Bernard Poolman

 

 

I definitely got to experiment with drugs in order to see if I could get to this ‘transcendental state’ which I had heard, read and mindfucked myself-with from stories about Maria Sabina, Carlos Castañeda, Alejandro Jodorowsky and his ‘once in a lifetime’ intake of LSD – apparently – as well as Terence McKenna whom I had gotten to know of when investigating about entheogens, an intake of mushrooms or any other drug to create a connection with ‘the whole.’ So I was quite interested into this entire ‘exploration’ as a way to get to ‘transcendental planes’- I actually was ‘this close’ to further down that rabbit hole .  I was ‘saved by the bell.’

 

No wonder ‘ecstasy’ is called the ‘love drug’ because it really becomes this ever-glowing experience wherein everything just feels great – it is a FEELING, it is a literal mindfuck and we all go throughout our lives seeking for this ‘great experience.’ I mean, once again, look at your movie plots, songs, books, adds, religion, spirituality, self-improvement courses, self-help associations, supermarkets, it’s all about indulging into the gooey love experience that will ‘give a meaning to your life.’

 

Well, if by ‘meaning of life’ we have accepted being constantly experiencing such a chemically-induced experience that we have called ‘love,’ no wonder we’re living in a world full of addicts.

 

Unfortunately, this addiction has become also the greatest ESC button to neglect the reality that is HERE as our world, wherein we all know that no positive thinking, no ‘loving thoughts, no ‘meditation’ or seeing ‘world peace’ with daily prayer will bring food, water, shelter and proper living conditions to human beings that are starving on a daily basis.

 

‘Good spirits’ is then the perfect excuse to get drunk on the holy-spirit of alcohol, drugs, sex and call this a ‘heaven on Earth.’ Is this all that we aim for? Waiting for weekends to come to get a ‘heavenly mindfucking experience,’ getting a huge hangover the next day, ending up spending what was earned through the week, to then forget about the ‘awkward parts,’ keep the ‘nice fluffy experience’ as a memory to ‘save’ and be willing to do it all over again the next one. This is what we have diminished ‘life’ to, what a gas.

 

We induce this idea of ‘excitement’ and ‘happiness’ toward children as well, making use of the infamous chemical catalyzers to produce altered states of beingness which are commonly accepted as: candies. Can.dies as the sellable version of Sugar is then linked to ‘love’ through giving them as a ‘demonstration’ of care/ love toward people which is just the same as giving an ecstasy to your lover get the same ‘hype’ within a relationship again. And the reality is that all of this is seen as ‘normal’ without realizing that we have all been playing out the same game – either alone or along with others – within seeking this ‘something’ that will make us ‘feel’-something – you name the game, it costs money usually and it keeps us well occupied in our heads while neglecting the reality that is HERE as this world, that is now suffering the effects of a self-interest driven society.

 

Why would we want to be ‘eternal’ then? To continue seeking more fuel to energize our systems and get a fluffy experience, while neglecting the fact that the acquisition and extraction of such energy is depleting the planet itself?

 

 

God Is Love

I stumbled upon the definition for:

amphetamine 
n    noun a synthetic mood-altering drug, used illegally as a stimulant.

 

So, if love, sex, spirituality, alcohol, drugs, movies, songs, food, religion and god is able to give you a mood-swing ( lol ) why aren’t all of these things dubbed as ‘illegal stimulants’? Everything can be a drug for that matter and the fact that some are legal or illegal is just a matter of money.

You can get legal amphetamines in dieting procedures as well as using other masking-names for it like Benzedrine. Prozac is just the ‘over the counter’ counteract for it, wherein depression is just the reversed form of being in love – lol. Chemicals to ‘treat depression’ are seen as ‘meds’ whereas anything that induces love – which is a drug, remember – is promoted extensively just like candy, literally. Both are equally profitable and this is how, we can just say that we are full of drugs everywhere, just by our accepted and allowed ‘human nature’ as having to be experiencing something to being alive.

 

 

So, to get out of the ‘love trap’ or any other drug that keeps us bound to the ‘ups and downs’ we have dared to call ‘life’s cycles’ and ‘human nature,’ we must stop our dependency to thinking, to being constantly seeking to ‘feel’ something – as simple as that.

 

Love has been a trap that we have all fallen for – in one way or another – even in its opposite as ‘hate’ wherein the same energetic input is placed onto oneself or others, yet only varying on it being positive or negative energy = the human remains the same in that constant mind-trap wanting to be ‘experiencing’ something all the time.

 

What’s interesting from this is that I had despised ‘love’ all the way, dubbing it as something ‘too cheesy for my pizza’ yet never realized I had indulged in the exact same thing whenever I would have a relationship or would be seeking (or sickening) myself with a more ‘spiritual’ approach of such love through wanting to establish a connection with ‘the whole’ and, obviously, when indulging in chemically induced experiences through drugs.  I was only disconnected from HERE because of being thinking/ feeling/ yearning  instead of breathing myself here.

For that, the ‘God’ character is the main narco in this whole Earth-reality. ‘God is Love,’ remember?

 

 

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