Exposing our preprogrammed-nature is part of walking this process and one of the coolest things about participating in Desteni is being able to read ourselves through others as we are all essentially copies that exist with similar patterns that we’ve defined as ‘who we are’ and only differ in ‘make up’ so to speak.
The physical judgment seems to be quite an extensive point and I’ve walked the point just as the majority of people in this world – we’ve allowed ourselves to be bound to a single idea of ‘who we are’ through the eyes of another – what a fuckup.
I can certainly remember how much stress I’d go through due to this point, due to not feeling ‘alright’ in my own skin and so because of all the self-judgment that I had accumulated through comparing myself to other girls specifically, I decided to step out of the usual cookie-cutter stereotype of ‘female’ and engaged into ‘alternative ways’ of looking to deliberately ‘not fit in’ and pretend to be ‘fine’ within that – yet in essence still creating myself as the opposite of that which I deemed as overrated, as popular, mainstream, the usual female-stereotype that I ran away from for such a long time only to then try to embrace it with even worse effects that I’ve talked about before extensively so – I share something I just read in Rebecca’s blog:
“Watch yourself; Do you tell the same stories again and again and again? Do you tell stories that “uphold” a belief you have of yourself? Are these stories really just a need for constant validation? And what does this really do?”
Dalmas, Rebecca. “Flea infestation reveals how we are in this world..” Rebeccakarlendalmas Blog (2011): Web. 29 Aug 2011. <http://rebeccakd.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/flea-infestation-reveals-how-we-are-in-this-world/>.
This is essentially what we do as human beings just tell the same stories that validate our ‘place in the world’ with our little stories that make our entire ‘lives’ apparently ‘something’ to ‘someone else’ while we didn’t even actually consider LIFE itself but only the creation of experiences that we regarded as ‘living’, as ‘being alive’ – fucked up. I can still, till this day, see how there’s this ‘desire’ to create an experience just for the sake of believing that’s ‘living’.
When I was at the farm for a year, I got quite used to living a simple kind of life wherein your life becomes that of actual living – taking care of things that make your life possible in the most practical sense. By this I mean, I had already enjoyed the usual so-called ‘chores’ of day to day living but there it was like integrated as an actual point of enjoyment – lol it may sound weird but that’s how it was, I enjoy having a cool place to live in wherein things are considerably clean and arranged in a way where it’s cozy, wherein we could enjoy ourselves even when living with another in the same room that wasn’t ‘huge’, like space didn’t matter at all – that’s when you get to see how futile it is to place value on the outrageous demands that this system places on your face to indulge into: big houses, big cars, big bucks to have ‘big experiences in life’ – all of that is seriously something that I got to see for what it is, and one then understands how people with money seek more and more outrageous experiences for the sake of out-doing their own experiences – it’s like a drug addict that needs larger quantities every time to get the same ‘effect’.
Life is NOT an experience, life is NOT an ‘effect’ of something – this is only what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to believe through the eyes of the mind, the cravings of the system that requires energy to keep going.
This is certainly what’s driving us crazy at this moment and it seems impossible to stop because, in essence, stopping your mind and directing yourself implies that: stopping allowing ourselves from being these machines that require constant ‘fixes’ to continue – even indulging in a memory for the sake of mental-masturbation is a possession wherein we’re not here but telling the same stories that validate ourselves as mind-systems – nothing else.
Yet, because we’ve agreed for so long that life/living is an accumulation of experiences, we’ve driven ourselves to our quest to gain some, to create some ‘living’ that is completely detached from our physical living reality. We go creating these characters of ourselves to believe that’s ‘who we are’ and people would remain ‘in character’ for the remainder of their lives. Fucked up! Glad we’re here aware of the cycles of the mind, aware of ourselves as programs that are standing up to life – yes, as blunt as it may sound that’s what we are and it is definitely possible to be patient and diligent enough to go stopping the participation in a world wherein quick-fixes as experiences that validate our existence are seen for what they are. Then it becomes more difficult to deceive ourselves and so everything is simplified, we’ve just got to accept the fact that we require to let go of the socially-acceptable ways of defining ‘living’ which is usually creating/buying experiences instead of actual physical walking breathing-living. In the most practical terms.
Our physical self judgment derives from this inherent desire to appear as attractive to others and within that, diminishing ourselves to the state of being a single image that we spend our entire lifetime to make ‘acceptable’ to others, erasing ourselves as life from the entire image-equation. That is not who we are, that is but information that we receive through the I/eye of the mind which has nothing to do with the essence that’s equal and one with everyone/everything here.
That’s something that I see it’s just plain common sense yet it’s ludicrous how in our society and in our minds the point of perfect-image has become the actual credo and acceptable backchat within our minds – obviously this is Not acceptable when considering Self Honesty.
We have to stop existing as our own capitalists within our physical bodies, accumulating more and more of that which will create the picture-perfect and ideal-character for others to ‘buy it’ and essentially, seek to ‘have it’/ desire it – aren’t we just then like products selling ourselves? hmm – aren’t we only then creating us for the sake of getting the best ‘bidder’ for our own cause/ self-interest? Aren’t we just wanting to be ‘the winners’ all the time then? to be acceptable, ‘buyable’, ‘useful’ from the systematic perspective that we are existing as?
The moment I’d see this in social relationships and got to spoke about it as ‘selling yourself’ people would get offended, but it’s really how we have existed in this world, selling ourselves, selling life, selling an image, and experience and from there creating this floaty-bubble of values and worth that has nothing to do with actual-physical reality wherein acceptance, embracing ourselves, standing up within the recognition of what and who we really are has been missed which creates the requirement to stop deluding ourselves within this.
If you look at what ‘having money’ implies, it’s all about enhancing your abilities to have experiences, to accumulate stuff that ‘adds on’ to your ‘value’ – If everyone had an equal opportunity to experience life without having to attach money-value to it, then it certainly would become an extension of our expression instead of something that is fought for and compared with others. Though, currently seeking for such points only brings further separation, further submission to the system just for the sake of obtaining some benefits – ludicrous, man and completely unacceptable.
We’re here to dignify ourselves – we’ll walk in the game but won’t get ‘lost’ within it at all, we’re done with that.
This is the last life we live as merchandise waiting to be sold to the greatest bidder
this is the last life that I accept and allow myself to place a price tag to food so that others can’t have it
this is the last life that I accept myself to validate myself only through the eyes of other instead of first accepting me fully and completely, not only as ‘myself’ but as the entirety of this world and thus see what’s required to be done and work to be part of a solution to end all delusions.
We stop the bidding, we stop the selling of lies to get props within the system.
We walk as equals within this, Destonians – thanks for that –