I Know I can do it – a full potential that can only exist in our minds if it’s not lived as the totality of who we are here in one single moment that it can be placed into physical/ practical living application- otherwise we then simply become great parrots.
Through reading Heaven’s Journey To Life, I realized that this ‘I Know’ is no different to hope and having ‘faith’ in oneself which is a synonym of inaction and further waiting for something/ somehow being able to direct ourselves in the future, and in the meantime the ‘I Know’ remains as a point of security – as mentioned in the previous blogs, a false-confidence that serves no purpose other than holding a thoughtful-assertiveness without any physical results that prove it to be so in fact.
Continuing from:
230. Opposing My Roots
So, I’ve been debunking this self-belief of intelligence as just that: an accepted and allowed tag as ‘who I am’ that is no different to any other category we tend to reduce ourselves to. Therefore within this self-belief it is no different to holding the idea of a god in our minds having some form of power over others – same when I say ‘I Know I can Do it’ but not do it.
Memory within the ‘I Know I Can’ Character – Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements
Event/ Memory: Being worried, stressed out, anxious about an exam when I was either in 2nd or 3rd grade primary school and my mother saw me all worried about it and told me ‘You Know You Can, others that really can’t should worry, but not you’ within this creating a sense of security within the acknowledging of another that ‘I can’ because I simply didn’t trust myself – and from this moment on, I would hear the same words in my mind the moment I would go into any form of stress about exams or any other academic point wherein my ‘performance’ was going to be measured. Within this, it became like a ‘magical motto’ that I would use to gain confidence but never really dissected what was it that was implied within this single ‘You know you can’ statement that became my ‘I Know I Can.’
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to base a security of who I am according to Knowing what I am capable of based on previous results and experiences of getting a high-grade with certain ease wherein I would realize that stressing out was not required since I would always excel, which became a conceited way of existing as a knowledgeable character wherein I became of this knowledge-ego as myself as this certainty that became a self belief, creating a consequence of me really not being self-honest with myself because I stopped giving ‘it all’ that I could based on comparing myself to Others that would be in a much ‘lesser position’ and accordingly, measure my abilities/ capabilities as always remaining ‘on top’ but only through ranking systems wherein I stopped pushing myself further to actually develop skills or improve myself, but create a form of mediocrity wherein all that mattered is that I ‘knew’ how to do it,and would do it but that was it, there was no longer any push or drive because in my eyes and at the eyes of others, I was apparently already ‘good enough’ or ‘intelligent’ so
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within a self belief of ‘knowing’ which eventually became only a fluffy ego self-belief without any form of actual work, substance behind it, becoming this façade as personality that people would identify myself with, without me precisely working on actually being/ becoming a ‘better person’ according to my standards then, but just keep myself ‘on top’ to remain within that position at the eyes of others, but knowing within myself that I wasn’t really ‘giving my all’ and developing further skills and abilities, it only became an ego-driven effort to ‘keep my spot’ but not actually do it for myself for the purpose of actually expanding and learning more about myself, within this
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become apathetic when it came to all things school, because within this ego of ‘I know it all’ everything became too repetitive within my mind, too useless, too dull and boring because of me believing that I was ‘at the top’ and there was nothing else to aspire to within this
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to spite my own predictability of becoming someone ‘great’ within the world system just like all the other kids with ‘great grades’ such as what I had back then, and because of deeming this ‘excelling’ within the system as something that I had to do but also resisted/ feared, I ended up opting for an ‘unexpected choice’ in life wherein I did all I could to dedicate myself to studies that had nothing to do with ‘being intelligent’ apparently, only spiting my own character and ending up trapped in my own web – so to speak – because of this choice being made out of spite and ended up spiting myself and getting caught in my own regret as another for of stagnation – which is unacceptable, because I was indeed the one that made the decisions and in no way are such decisions being considering what’s best for all, but only spite the entirety of who I had accepted and allowed myself to be and become.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had ‘nothing else to do’ or nothing else to be or become because I had it ‘too easy’ and as such, would get the same experience in any school or career because the problem was not the school or what I chose to study but my starting point and self experience within it and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the careers I chose, the people I chose to be with, the likes and preferences I developed and essentially the totality of my choices in life as something that ‘didn’t work,’ without realizing that all of that was simply according to who I accepted and allowed myself to be as this knowing-character with no practical living considerations of what would actually be self supportive in self honesty, because I am well aware that I only sought my ‘highest excitement’ within my choices in life – therefore
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make my choices in life as to what to study, who to establish relationships with, what to be ‘inclined’ to learn more about, the ‘type of personality’ that I became was all driven by/ through energy as the mind that sought a point of excitement within what I perceived as a dull life experience, within this not realizing that I deliberately sought to create a form of inner conflict to ‘make my life more entertaining’ as in having something to be sad about/ be regretful and essentially trapped in my own mind bubble of regrets, without realizing that no matter which choices I would have made, I was going to end up in the same position because there was no principle established in order to live in self honesty and within the consideration of self support, because that didn’t exist in my frame of reference back then. Thus,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and blame others in my past and all the influences that I had throughout my life for having made the choices and decisions that I made, without realizing that it was only me that participated fully and fool-y within/ as them, playing the character for myself and others while holding a high expectation that was only sustained as a self-belief – not real as an actual physical movement of which one could only get the basics that would allow me to keep such position in place, but within me I Know that I didn’t quite give it ‘all’ myself as an actual self-movement, which ensued apathy and dullness within myself toward anything having to do with being ‘creative’ or ‘good’ at something, not realizing that these energetic experiences were the consequential opposite outflow of first having chosen my career and studies based on an energetic high where no 1+1 was considered and I am fully responsible for that, and well aware of it, wherein
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make decision in life based on energetic experiences of wanting to seek my ‘feel good’ point as a certain character/ personality that ‘I knew’ I could fulfill, without ever actually taking this decision and projecting it to see what are the practical points that I can employ myself in and being realistic about it according to how the world system works, which shows/ reveals that I wasn’t in my 5 senses when I made the decision, but was existing as this ‘fluffy’ type of self-belief of me ‘Knowing that I can make it’ as this self-faith and self-belief of being ‘capable of doing anything I can’ but never really testing out and walking the practical physical considerations of what I would be able to work in and do within these careers and actually Do it as an informed decision – but, I didn’t hence the consequences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my mother’s words in a similar vein to the ‘you know you an do it,’ type of self-belief and hearing ‘you are going to be great no matter what you do,’ and in this believe that I could in fact excel and be the best ‘no matter what I do’ which is what positive thinking and talk lead to: creating a self-hope and self-faith of being potentially able to be the best wherever and whatever we do and become – which is not a ‘bad’ thing in itself, but how I lived those words as a form of false-certainty with no practical application.
I realize that within these words that became backchat, I became only a character that could live-out these self definitions within the law of the least effort wherein my results were compared toward others and within this, living up to simply ‘maintaining’ the character but not really being here as myself being self-directive in everything that I do, which is what we tie ourselves to within this world system: remaining as that specific character For others and neglecting an actual self-development to our fullest potential, which is not even encouraged within our current education system either no matter how many ranks and studies one may have, it is still within the confinement of a selective-preparation that one can do wherein the actual beingness of the person is – most of the times – not regarded, but only accumulating further knowledge and information as a form of ‘betterment’ that has never been based on actually supporting a human being to become a Living being in the consideration of equality as life or any other living principle that we can live by for the betterment of all – in essence, a blatant self-belief with no actual practical application.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to elevate myself to my own expectations of being ‘good’ at whatever I decide to do, and take these words as an actual ‘positive statement,’ without realizing that if I would not in fact investigate in a practical physical matter what I would want to do, it would only became just another energetic-driven experience with no self awareness of the practical use of my decisions in life for an actual betterment of life. Within this
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that this ranking system in the school system more creates a sense of specialness/ uniqueness toward those with ‘high grades’ without really providing with an actual education and support toward actually being/ becoming something and someone that provides with an actual insight of the necessary points to change/ implement within this society for a common betterment, because none of this has been propagated or taught in schools, which then places into question the entire schooling system in itself, wherein if what’s best for all is not placed as the common-goal within any field of studies, then: what are we actually supporting as ‘education’? Who are we becoming within this education system within such terms and conditions of not really aiming at doing what’s best for all? Is then a so-called intelligent person within this system that is not aiming at supporting life in equality an actual honorable definition of what Intelligence should be in this world’? No, it only becomes a synonym of being well trained to not ask questions, seek your permanent status within such ‘higher ranks’ in society, get well paid about it, become an example for others to follow which is what enables the system to be perpetrated generation after generation, no one questioning what these ‘higher ranks’ in society are actually based and founded upon.
Within this all, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live out as an ego that believes can excel in ‘everything I decide to do,’ wherein it mostly became a sense of ingrained superiority against others as the primary self experience of ‘knowing better/ knowing more’ and creating this security based on what others believe me to be – only to then find myself obviously dismantling the entire self belief and realizing that if we look at what I actually did is nothing but just surfing on the ranks to maintain a mediocre superiority status for the sake of ‘keeping my spot’ as being intelligent/ responsible person, but the Who I was within such results was not really here as a self-directive being, actually doing it fully and whole heartedly, because I actually within this ‘having faith’ within myself, eventually ‘lost faith’ within myself and everything/ everyone, which became this constant apathetic self experience toward the world as the usual cycles of ‘what’s the use in this,’ without realizing that this is the ‘nitty gritty’ point that I often hit as a continuous cycle once that ‘I know how it will all end anyways’ wherein I actually become the predicament of my own thinking processes, wherein we trap ourselves within our own loops of ‘knowing how it all ends’ and blindly driving ourselves to repeat the same experiences over and over again with no change – why? Because who I am within what I do is not fully self-honest as the realization that I had never in fact lived and that all I pretended to ‘know’ and be able to project an outcome of was only a way to ‘give up’ on myself before even starting, give up on any actual self-motivation because of seeing the world as just ‘too fucked’ to have any change be possible –
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still hold on to a belief deep inside that there is no way we can change humanity, which is the ingrained ‘doomsday’ type of self-experience that I became wherein I mostly lived up to others’ expectations but not really placing all my beingness and effort and self-direction toward an actual living, doing all that I can to in fact develop myself further in a certain area or activity, just because of still holding on to this self-doom shadow as a constant presence of ‘nothing that you do will work, will make a difference’ which translates into an ingrained dullness and apathy within myself, giving up before even trying and just keeping a certain ‘standard’ but not really physically directing myself to for the first time motivate myself to live.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop challenging myself in life just because of believing that I have gotten to the ‘peak’ too fast and there was nothing else to ‘attain’ and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate life to an ‘attainment’ of sorts, believing that being alive was a synonym of getting ‘high’ in any form of rank of what ‘success’ is now measured within this world and reality, and within that realizing success for what it is, spiting it/ doing all I could to not become that, but only within an energetic-spite that then became as a hopelessness and uselessness wherein it did not matter how much I ‘knew’ it was ‘useless’ because it was never being placed within the consideration of what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of taking responsibility for our creation as this world system, create an experience about it, which is like complaining about our own fuckup as a form of victimization to not actually take self responsibility for it. Thus
When and as I see myself creating an Experience about our current world condition based on ‘what I Know,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that in this I am only focusing on my own self experience and use it as an excuse to not move, instead of simply moving, doing and directing myself to face the consequences of which I am absolutely self responsible for in an equal manner, consider what’s best for all and direct myself as it, physically – not thinking about it.
I realize that the perceived ‘apathy toward living’ is only an elitist self-experience that we are able to embody because we are secluded in this minute bubble of self-experience where the reality and the actual suffering in this world that is existent within everyone that have no access to money is simply disregarded, no considered – which proves how this apathy, hopelessness, helplessness and uselessness is only an egotistical experience wherein we are only looking at ‘how we FEEL about life/ our reality’ and create this entire self experience accordingly, instead of actually looking at the world physically, understand the flaws, understand how Nothing has worked in the past as a point of change and see where we have missed ourselves as living beings within it all.
I see, realize and understand that within this ‘knowing’ point, we diminish ourselves to our own self-beliefs as limitations that are and have never been based upon an actual consideration of Life, because Life is not a knowing but a living.
Within this, it is to currently realize that we have to walk the transition point from knowledge and information and all the characters we’ve become around this self-belief system of fake values, and individually walk our own self correction to establish a self-honest starting point within Anything that we are currently doing – because I realize that no matter what choices I would have made in life, I would have lead myself to the same ‘uselessness’ experience where nothing seems to work, nothing seems to make a difference because nothing of what is currently existing in this world is Meant to/ designed to/ created to make an actual difference in this world. Therefore
I commit myself to Live the realization that no matter where I am, what I do and the choices I make, nothing of what currently exists as the past and the old system that we are still living in is designed to ‘work’ and ‘function’ and be suitable for an actual birthing of life – because this IS precisely our task, our duty, our point of responsibility and within this
When and as I see myself ever again getting to the point of ‘oh but nothing I do will change anything within the world/ others’ without realizing that it is so, nothing will change and nothing will move if our starting point remains within the same old ‘starting point’ of this entire world system as it exist today, wherein nothing is veered toward an actual functional best for all outcome. Thus I realize that that is our work, that is our duty, that is our self responsibility that will not emerge ‘by magic’ but has to actually be conducted within self awareness of the required changes in the system in order to then be able to align ourselves to that which will create a substantial point of support for ourselves and others in this world.
I realize that there will be no quick fixes or results either, as such ‘quick results/ fixes’ exist only as a mind-interpretation of reality wherein no actual physical processes have been considered, nor any form of actual relationship that exists within ourselves toward each other and all the other living species, which then places into question how we have in fact never lived, because we have only ever equated ourselves to fulfill the same old standards within a system that has never really in fact functioned to support life.
Thus I commit myself to live the understanding and realization that a Knowing can only stand within the past of everything that we have been and become, and that nothing of this has ever in fact been living-conditions for each other – and that the motivation to then actually live won’t come as a Knowing of anything that we’ve been in the past, but must be walked s a practical living daily application of letting go of everything that we Believe we know and instead, walk ourselves through a process of re-directing ourselves to consider physical reality outcomes and current systematic transitions wherein yes, we are in this world, we have to still present a knowledgeable act but! who we are within ourselves is an awareness of this being a single ‘transition period’ that we have to walk through, facing our failures and manifested consequences and within doing so, concomitantly paving the way for a new ay of living and existing, as I see and realize that the process of birthing ourselves as life won’t have any ‘precedents’ within this system, it is an absolute self movement within the realization that it isn’t preprogrammed, it won’t come ‘easy’ or it won’t be defined according to ‘who I have been’ in my past. It is entirely subject to my own self movement here in every moment of breath.
Thus, from the past we can take what is useful and what can be molded/ shaped or corrected in its starting point to be able to function within the Equality System as the Equal Money System, wherein people won’t be regarded as ‘more’ for knowing what everyone will be equally capable of living/ doing – but instead, we will focus on supporting ourselves to develop practical skills that are readily useful to sustain ourselves in this world system as equals – no more hierarchical ranks in schooling systems of any kind.
I commit myself to stop existing in this self-hope of ‘I know I can’ but instead stop the past within myself by realizing that I don’t require to have this self-positive-talk as assertiveness, but simply direct myself to do it, within the consideration of having to walk through the past in order to correct it here as myself.
I commit myself to stop regretting the choices I’ve made in life and believing that they lead me to failure, without realizing that all in this world is currently failing and that the only way that we can stand up for ourselves is walking through this failure, facing the consequences and concomitantly living the solution within our living application of doing, being, proposing what is Best for All.
I commit myself to live the realization that we have to walk through the past, give it an actual ‘good riddance’ as a self-corrective process to face what we have become, what we left behind and everything we ‘Know’ but didn’t act upon and instead, give ourselves a start from scratch in order to actually build/ create what we are willing to stand equal and one to as our self-awareness creation, to no longer have to create a ‘negative’ or ‘positive’ experience about ourselves and ‘who we are’ within this world, but instead simply focus on aligning ourselves to be and become equal contributors to a best for all outcome in this physical reality – no more and no less, using the knowledge and information that can provide us with actual insights and data that we can consider in order to establish a world system based in Equality, the same process that we can apply for ourselves to not maximize our capabilities only at a thought level, but rather physically supporting ourselves and each other to ground such potentials toward an actual doing that ensues a result that benefits the whole in equality.
To be continued…
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The following illustration depicts this point, it is only going back to the ground wherein we can rebirth ourselves from scratch. It is then quite obvious how we could not be able to make ourselves ‘succeed’ from the starting point of everything we have believed ourselves to be. This is our equal point of starting from scratch, and this is how no one can possibly be ‘more’ than others or ‘more advanced’ as nothing in this world can possibly provide such advancement without the illusion of progress being tainted by self-abuse.
Time to live in common sense and realize that every breath is our equal-starting point as physical beings that can direct ourselves to live the words we write/ speak in common sense – this will prevent any form of perceived ‘failure’ in this world system, as we have all in fact already failed to live as equals – hence, the willingness to walk this self-corrective process: there is no way out of this, we have to face our creation.
Good riddance to any form of laureate past since everything we have done and become in this world has been based and founded upon abuse, there is no way to keep any form of honor within what we’ve become as that would be ego and self separation.
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