Tag Archives: future

509. Walking From the Past or Future, Into Self-Presence

Or how to stop projecting oneself in the past or into the future and instead walk out of that alternate reality into owning one’s physical reality

 

I watched Gian’s latest vlog on a particular process he walked where it is quite astounding how something that has been generally ‘common’ in our lives can cause such physical consequences and how he was able to also heal himself from it by living out an immediate process of self-correction.

I could relate a lot to what he shared in relation to the cause of his condition, which is about not living fully in the present but ‘walking in the past’ and so in his mind constantly going back to ‘the past’ and also projecting into the future and living in alternate realities recharging the emotional aspects held within such past moments, instead of fully embracing and accepting the reality that is here for him to live and ‘own’ in a way.

I can relate having done this many times, possibly not in the emotional way he described, but certainly in the sense of giving my breath and my presence into the mind entertaining images or ‘flashbacks’ and going into a ‘pondering’ mode of ‘what if I was there instead’? This would happen in places I had settled myself in for a ‘limited time’ or being generally ‘uncertain’ of my future there, I would constantly have flashbacks of what I had defined in my mind as a ‘preferred’ place to be at, and this would be a constant experience going on in my mind, where I wasn’t fully embracing, accepting, standing fully on my ground, my reality, my environment, the people around me but still I was indulging into the myriad of possibilities I could create in my mind like ‘who would I be with right now if I had not chosen to come here?’ ‘What would I be studying if I had not left to study here?’ and all of this would constantly come up during the most practical and physical moments in my reality, a distraction of sorts that I would give attention to unfortunately.

I never really questioned this in the sense of saying to myself  ‘Ok wait a minute, why am I constantly ‘dreaming of’ being somewhere else and projecting myself as in ‘who I would be’ if I was with other people, in a different place and situation than the one I currently am in?’ – I didn’t do that, and the reality is that I am not aware if I have had any physical consequence out of participating in this kind of ‘looking into the past and into the future’ instead of embracing my reality completely here. This was though some 7-8 years ago mostly – however, it has appeared lately again, wherein out of ‘nowhere’ I start having these flashbacks and considerations about a city that I left precisely because of finding it not supportive for me to live in – so, isn’t that contradictory?

At the same time I’ve noticed how in a very ingrained manner I have spent the past almost 7 years now in a way sort of perceiving my current situation as ‘temporary’, as if there’s something that’s going to happen and I won’t be here anymore, I have been in ‘waiting mode’ for many years now and I have caused to myself a point of stagnation at the same time, because I haven’t directed myself to ‘build roots’ so to speak, because of having this ‘plan’ in the back of my head of this being ‘a temporary place’ and me not going to stay here forever.

However, the point here is that instead of hoping or projecting myself somewhere else or living in a ‘waiting mode’ all the time, I have to make a directive decision about where I would like to establish myself and look at the potential and possibilities, practicality aspects and live out that decision.  This is a very ‘deep’ aspect though because I have lived mostly in a ‘normal way’ all of this time yet, I am also aware that I haven’t really settled where I am at, and the point that prevents it is the idea of ‘why building roots here if I won’t be here forever’?

That is quite a detrimental aspect of myself and I’m glad I got to see it clearly thanks to Gian’s sharing, because in a way I have been living with ‘one foot out of the door’ while the other half of myself has been living out ‘normally’ and ‘embracing’ my reality at a very superficial level, while there’s this constant background experience of ‘this is temporary’ and in doing so, I am not fully embracing and living my reality here – but instead living it as a form of ‘temporary step’ even almost in a ‘resignation’ mode as if I had no ability to choose or make directive decisions for my life.

In this, I don’t only have to consider what I would like but what is possible, feasible, doable and then direct myself to do it. But I do see how in any case, what I allow inside my mind as a retrospection or future projection in moments where I am supposed to be Here in my physical reality, completely in it/as it and walking through it, I have been indulging too much into ‘what was’ or ‘could have been’ or the ‘potential outcomes’ and in this, I am not living myself, I am living in alternate dimensions in my mind.

I enjoyed how Gian explained the solutions to this point that he walked where he decided to be in every space he’s at and ‘own’ it in a way, completely embracing and accepting the fact that he is ‘here’ in a particular environment, and making of his responsibilities ‘his’ completely, not ‘temporary’ or ‘in the meantime’ – he stopped living in the ‘waiting’ mode as I would call it and completely embraced the reality he was in.

Interestingly enough, I consider I haven’t yet fully lived that and it is one of those things I have to create, define and establish for myself. But the trick here for myself is to not go into expectation mode of ‘finding the place, the situation, the environment’ and so ‘waiting’ for it to somehow come into my life – nope.

The point is to let go of these past and future projections and instead completely embrace my present moment, my reality in living words that I can integrate as my self-presence, who I decide to be and live – instead of the ‘mind presence’ of past and future tense –remaining aware of whenever I am diving into a ‘thought’ of the past and ‘what once was’ or indulging into a remembrance of ‘how my life used to be’ to instead become aware that I am in fact repeating myself in the past and in that, I am not living Here, I am not growing here, I am not completely embracing my current reality and owning it, standing in it completely, not having ‘other places or other people’ in my mind. I have to focus on being truly here, breath by breath, moment by moment and at the same time being directive in who I am and what I do.  

That’s what I’ll practice and work on in order to walk my present, walk my ‘hereness’ so to speak and see how this will also support myself to not be in a ‘temporary-here’ mode, otherwise I could end up ‘living’ out the rest of my life in this ‘waiting mode’ or ‘temporary-here’ mode and miss out the actual process of self-creation and expansion.

If I am to make decisive changes, it’s up to me – and if I am not yet making them, then I have to embrace where I’m at currently and live the day to the best of my ability, owning my environment – not ‘for tomorrow,’ not going into ‘the past’ either, but fully embracing my life, my responsibilities, my self-creation here, no matter ‘where’ I am, I’m always here, in the physical, today – not yesterday, not in a tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

 

Occupy the Space That You Breathe In

 

Join us in our process of Individuals standing as Equals as LIFE


463. Redefining Hope

Or how to practically live a word that usually only means an expectation, a desire, an intent

 

I’ve challenged a fellow Destonian, Tormod, to redefine the word hope, but whenever I see within myself and I realize that I also have some redefinition to do around that word then it means: I have take my own suggestion for myself as well.

I also consider it’s timely since this year is ending, and usually what we tend to wish for one another in general is ‘hoping for better times’ in the year to come as in waiting for things to get better, to have ‘the good times/future on our side’, to be fortunate, to have all the best and no more of all ‘the bad/negative’ stuff, which is also an interesting premise first to look at in terms of how hope is usually said when things are not so well, things are going wrong or bad or not having the expected results.

I had shared before how supportive it was for me to in essence adopt the words ‘Kill all hope’ as a means to let go of that usual notion of hope as this word that almost evokes this whimsical experience where one can almost envision these ‘winds of change’ coming through from somewhere, somehow, almost with this ‘magical halo’ as if something/someone will come and fix our problems, will come and save us, sort something out for us, expecting something to get better by itself, “we’ll have better luck in coming times!” the future looking like this promising illusion that is nowhere to be found ‘here’, meaning, we are precisely just staring toward the upper right space above our heads, staring at a nothingness and imagining, fantasizing, wishing and so ‘hoping’ for good things to come our way.

So what do the words ‘killing all hope’ meant to me as a starting point to precisely correct myself in my experience that I just described above and so get back to ‘here’ to my physical reality and myself? Quite simple: stopping waiting, stopping fantasizing or weaving an illusion in our heads that we project and web into the future, someday, somehow…. Out there! So I questioned, who am I existing as within this hope? And I found that I am inaction, I am disempowerment, I am fears, I am sunk in inertia, I am depression, I am positively-thinking and fantasizing only, I am abdicating my responsibility for my self-creation to god knows what or who to do something out there for me.

Upon seeing that, I realized that surely I had to let go of all hope and so instead gear myself to not ‘wait’ but act, move, direct, create, plan and walk the first steps to achieve something, to do that something I was merely existing in ‘waiting-mode’ for. So this is more of a practical approach for changing hope into words that are the reverse of inaction or waiting.

However, I did notice at the same time that I then sort of refrained myself from using the word ‘hope’ and that would mean that I can still do some work to make it ‘my own’, to redefine it in the sense of filling that word with a meaning I can live by, stand by and so share it, speak it within the context that it may be suitable for.

 

So here I want to nail this word down within the context of communicating with others and understanding when they use the word hope as a means or way to, for example, give themselves strength, courage and motivation to keep walking through a particular difficult situation in their lives where it is common to hear ‘let’s hope for the best’. I’ll share a particular example that I want to use as a platform to redefine this word hope for.

I’ve been recently in this situation of being aware of someone being very sick and possibly dying soon, I listened to people express hope for this person’s health to get better. I must say I did get challenged in that I thought it would not get better at all, but I’ve been proven wrong, which is great, but I also considered that as with everything, even if things can go ‘better’ for some time, once that a particular diagnosis is certain, hope can only exist ‘that far’ in terms of a person’s life, and it applies to all of us really, we all have a limited timeframe in this world and if we only ‘wait’ for something better to come our way, we will certainly waste our precious time here.

I shared above how I can now ‘fill in’ the meaning within the word hope in a way that is much more substantial than just waiting or wishing or thinking positively. Developing strength, courage, self-motivation, consistency, diligence and perseverance are great ways to live hope in a way that one can give that to oneself – in whichever measure one is able to and according to the context/situation and conditions. These words are so much more ‘here’ and empowering and able to be lived by and directed entirely by ourselves, no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the tasks we are moving ourselves with, what matters is precisely having this intent, this starting point of supporting ourselves or something/someone with that vision or outcome of creating a better situation for everyone involved moment by moment, day by day.

Here also considering that once that such active support is provided for example for a person, hope applies in the sense of yes doing what is necessary to assist another, the person assisting themselves with these words that they can live for and by themselves regardless, and there comes a practical ‘waiting’ in this case, where yes there is a waiting process at the same time to see how things evolve, what works best in creating a better quality of living in such difficult situation, it’s more of a timeframe to assess, to evaluate – but definitely not a time to be ‘with arms crossed’ doing nothing  – so this is also a practical way to see ‘hope’ as a practical waiting/observing of a development or unfoldment.

It also assists me in letting go of the usual image I have associated with hope which is that of ‘long faces’ as in sad faces that are ‘hoping’ for better times, like people in war that one can have as images etched in our minds of how all of them are yearning for something better, for the war to stop, hoping for the best, but many times being incapable of ‘stopping the war’ themselves – but they, as many people in war torn situations, have demonstrated that in those worst situations the better of themselves can come through and assist them to live through day by day. They do become that courage, that strength, that diligence to face their day to day even in worst case scenarios and not giving up, and that’s a key word here as well that can nurture and substantiate the word ‘hope’: not giving up, not letting oneself be blinded by emotions, but also not fall into ‘false illusions’ but being very realistic about the work to be done, the process ahead, the amount of self-work and diligence it will take to do that and so realizing that hope is not a given thing, hope doesn’t come ‘by itself,’ Hope is created as a day to day living process where each decision we make is in fact affecting and so creating our future.

This is also another dimension as well where at least in my case I tend to associate hope with this elusive ‘future time’/ a future-tense word where one is kept in ‘tension’ and so in a ‘paralyzed’ mode in the present ‘waiting’ for that future someday… but that’s exactly the kind of ‘trap’ that we have to prevent ourselves from falling into when using the word hope and instead be able to redefine it into the realization that we are creating the future every single moment, ‘we are the future’, the future is already here for us to create, because it doesn’t exist in fact ‘out there’, that’s only an illusion. All we have is the present, and so the present is an active living, an active doing and working on that which we want to change, create, redefine, align, build and direct ourselves and others towards.

Here’s another cool dimension that this opens up! Many times hope is linked to an expected outcome or result, that is mostly suiting our interests, our desires and it’s usually something good or positive in however we see or frame things. I’ll take the example of a person with a terminal illness and them waiting and hoping to get better, or their family members. So realistically, it is probably not possible for them to live much longer, but that certain outcome as death should not define ‘who they are’ in their every moment where they are still HERE, still alive, still breathing, yes with definitive problems in the functioning of their body, but there is in fact much more that we can still live of ourselves even in those worst case scenarios, and this is something that I’ve had the luck and opportunity to become recently aware of through the recordings on Eqafe from a dear friend that is sharing with us her process through Cancer, and needless to say that it has changed so much of my perception around the notion of pain and terminal illness that in a way it has assisted me to also dispel my own fears that I projected unto her and others that I see in such terminal-diseases, and realizing that there’s so much more to each one of ourselves, regardless of the physical ailments and impairments that we might or may go through in our lifetimes.

So, hope became a very convenient word to look at in relation to a process of ‘wishing someone to be well/get better’ – but in this I see that it makes much more sense to focus on a day by day basis, not to expect that ‘desired outcome’ as in ‘full recovery’ or ‘back to 100% health’ because that would be an illusion, but instead definitely focusing on living this hope as in sticking to the best aspects of ourselves, our strength, our courage, our transcendence of fears and limitations, which means actual work, a constant being and doing in every moment that we are here breathing, breathing life into life instead of giving it away to worry, fears or empty waiting modes.

I very much appreciate the work from Sunette at SOUL – School of Ultimate Living that has opened to us a myriad of possibilities to look at words and how to practically redefine them, it’s quite a gift to give to oneself once that one is ready and willing to support oneself to change in one’s day to day reality. So, this is here my sharing in honor of what I’ve learned from her and through her in the awesome videos that have been share thus far this year at SOUL. Please check them out!

If you reading this have other points open up for you in relation to hope, please share them! I’d like to read and expand more on possible aspects contained in this word ‘hope.’

And so I take these words I’ve written also to place into context the usual expectations on the new year, and how so whenever hearing or reading the word ‘hope’ one can use it as a ‘flag point’, a reminder that there are actual ‘doings’ attached to that word: it’s up to us to create it, to stand as that which we want to live by and create for ourselves. And so also here realizing that no matter how challenging, harsh and difficult situations might be –because let’s face it, that’s how reality is for the most part – we can decide who we are in those moments, and not allowing ‘the bad/the difficulties’ to define us, but rather decide who we are within ourselves while facing and walking through such moments, challenging ourselves to get past the wishful thinking mode and instead go straight into the actions that stand as solutions, as a clear determination of us deciding to live the best for ourselves and practically do it.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Recommended series that will certainly assist you in those difficult times in one’s life and health, but not limited to that either, gift yourself:

1.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 1

2.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 2

3.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 3

4.      Cancer Becoming Emotional – Death Research

5.      Getting Yourself in Tune – Death Research

 

 Hope

 

I leave the post with a picture that is used by one of my favorite bands and it happens to be that, lol, I never quite got ‘the point’ with this image until now! Throughout the years I actually found myself more like judging or reacting to the fact that they usually have this word ‘hope’ as a constant in their presentations and related images to their music. However, now that I finished this blog and have grounded myself in this redefinition of the word ‘Hope’ I can see that the hammer in this illustration can be a representation of ‘the work to do’, the actual actions to live in order to create such hope in a supportive, realistic and sustainable manner, scaring away the ‘wishful whimsical thinking’ lol.

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


202. Optimism as a Sign of Success

 

Continuing with the Elitist Character – word of the day: Hypocrisy

 

Also suggest exploring my previous approach to  Day 39: Hypocrisy which is the precise word I woke up with this morning, which taps into the ‘good person’ character tied to the Elitist character.

 

Since I walked that point of hypocrisy, it becomes blatantly evident the moment that I pull out a smile just to be representing a form of optimism and within that, obtain a point of benefit with other people. It happened yesterday actually with another lady that smiled at me and I one split second I decided to smile back just to create a form of ‘warmth’ in the moment, which is part of the belief system that is quite ingrained here, not so much openly talking to each other and being ‘overtly expressive’ but just a smile on the face says it all, and I learned this and the memory that comes to mind – lol – is about my mother and she’s aware of this how I would observe her and as she was interacting with other people like in social situations, friends and so forth, she would act in a complete different way and this always concerned me, because she acted so differently toward other beings whereas she would be less ‘docile’ and ‘gentle’ when talking to us, her daughters and at home let’s say. And so because I would observe her doing this, I pointed it out to her even from a very early age like: hey have you noticed how you keep a very tight smile on your face when you’re talking to people, and then I’m talking to you and you don’t pay any attention to me?’ And she was seemingly unaware of this going on, which kind of concern me how ‘off’ she seemed every time that we were with people that we were supposed to have to behave toward them with a certain ‘class’ and ‘etiquette’ and ‘mannerisms’ that we learn almost by osmosis. I mean, I didn’t get much instructions to do that, I simply knew how things worked wherein if we were with any form of elitist/ important people – and not that I hung out with many, lol – but what I perceived people of ‘respect’ according to this system which implied someone that would do business with my father or some other important family connection – and in this, I learned ‘la politesse’ which was mostly linked to behaving in a very adamant way toward my parents when being in front of these people and looking for ways to present myself in a more  candid and jocose expression BUT moderated, because whenever I would begin feeling ‘at ease’ my  mother would start making gestures for me to keep it down/ tone it down/ keep quiet or not speak openly about certain topics, which I was a specialist for, I mean I’m talking about being 5-6 years old and very much living out the pattern of wanting all the attention from people in a not so direct manner, but slowly but surely seeking their attention.

 

These ingredients were basic foundation of the elitist character which would come up whenever I was the ‘small girl of the house’ and there was no other girl that I could compare myself to  – but only be the ‘star of the night’ and end up having people liking me, adoring me at the end of the day, which is what caused me a sense of acceptance within society – therefore, I had learned the ‘recipe’ which was smiling, being docile and gentle and optimistic and funny and all of these aspects that would make people laugh and like me. However all of this was learned from the context of relationships = the key to success in our reality. All these people we’ve met through my father’s business people which became like a second family to me and learned their ways of how to handle myself in such situations and even more so later on when having to play out other roles within the same context due to my father’s two year leadership  position in a certain association, which I will also walk through because as I’ve been writing, I can see that a lot of myself got imprinted from that time wherein I would go to these national conventions and meet all of these people and learn how to handle myself in greeting many unknown beings that I was supposed to be ‘glad to meet,’ lol  – I mean it’s quite hectic to do this when you’re 6 years old, 9- 10 and having to present this one ‘nice side’ of you the whole time, just because ‘that’s how things work.’ And all these people were also part of the group of people from which this memory that I’ve been walking in the past blogs  stem from. 

 

From all of these events and situations I was ‘put through’ at an early age, I learned how to ‘behave’ in society and create this immaculate image of myself which I later on realize even influenced my decisions in life and relationships to the extent of becoming spiteful to it all when raging against ‘the elite’ and ‘society’ in my older years – but for now, I  am speaking about the first 7 years of my life and a bit older up to the puberty phase wherein I still desired to be part of  the so called ‘elite’ within society. Even the way that I dressed obviously gave a 180 degree turn when I decided I would no longer be wanting to study to become some ‘financial advisor’/ actuary and earn lots of money to travel around the world, and choosing that ‘ideal career’ just because of how I was told I would be able to ‘handle it’ and make lots of money with it, which obviously moved my interest to be part of the elite and held such desire of becoming it until my early teens.

 

Within this, there were Several dimensions added to what I am explaining, such as ways to behave, to interact with others, the clothes that I’d wear, the gestures, mannerisms,  sometimes even the lies I had to learn how to disguise when learning ‘how things work ‘ in what is called a ‘political manner’ wherein two people can be talking bullshit about each other all the time but, when being in official meetings be smiling in photographs and standing next to each other as if nothing happened – and the same with the families that had to get along even if there was a massive massacre of gossip and lies going on behind.  From there I became very reserved about ‘my private life’ lol toward people, till this day – and also I can see some grandfather influence on that based on my entire mother’s family being mostly people that relate to ‘people in power’ and me learning about all of that and carrying some ‘flair’ even if I never really get to see a single penny of that, lol.

 

Now, this is not for the purpose of exposing anything of my family or myself – this happens really every single day and it is nothing else but the reality that we have become wherein all that is kept ‘untouched’ is a reputation that can ensure money is always on your pocket/ bank account, and how even if I questioned such ‘conditions’ of people being hypocrite to each other, I was told that that’s how it works and that coming up with the truth or creating a disruption based on disagreeing with others could lead to a rupture in the entire association – and within that I learned that people had to keep a mask on in order to succeed, to survive whatever situation they were in. This was though in terms of handling situations/ businesses and associations at national level, which was of great pressure for my father which I took personal and actually developed quite an anxious personality when having to behave myself in such moments/ events when being participating along in these reunions – and I’m talking about being  9.- 10 years old and I would take the whole thing too seriously I’d say, wherein I knew exactly what was being spoken about this and that person, yet we had to sit with them and share the table while having to put up a smile on my face all the time, even though we all knew we could not really ‘bear our guts’ due to the unspoken problems and situations going ‘underneath the current’ which were not being confronted between families and were kept as a ‘thing of males’ that had to be sorted out in secret meetings/ in private.

 

So, this is a basic layout of an aspect of my life that I had side viewed for quite some time and within that also being permanently used to having some form of benefit that lead us to have a ‘piece of heaven’ every now and then, which made the whole act of pretending quite worth it according to the morals I had learned throughout these years of course – there was no consideration of any form of equality or ‘giving to all’ implied other than my father teaching me how to administrate money and make the economy ‘roll’ by consuming/ buying and within that, not hoarding the money but supporting others through you buying them.

 

I realize that this became an important aspect for me to consider due to the age that I was when I got to be exposed to ‘the ways of the world of success’ and essentially learning with great ease how I could just present myself in a definitive positive way as a happy educated considerate respectful girl that would be ‘accepted’ everywhere due to that, eventually learning quite well how to manipulate people to my own benefit of course and in all of this, was I even considering why only ‘I’ had the opportunity of having such moments of ‘bliss’ and ‘nice life’ even indirect experiences wherein just by ‘association’ I was able to get a good treatment, a point of favoritism or preference, which became a constant point that I sought to maintain, not being ‘part of the mass’ but standing out one way or another, which became my inherent desire to be apparently –lol – original and unique and all of that which became quite strong when being my teens and even rebelling to all of these ‘treats’ in order to ‘stand out’ even from the patterns and expectations that I believed I was being expected to fulfill within my family.

And so that also ended when I realized that not the good or the opposite antagonist character was actually me, obviously, but that I simply had to stop acting out a character only for the sake of my own benefit in any/ all areas of my life, and dare to see who I am without me supporting such characters. Obviously I am speaking about getting to Desteni and beginning to see what I had become – and in this realizing that it is not about not smiling or not having relationships or not wanting to participate in the system – no, it is all about the starting point of what I decide to be and become within the consideration at all times of that which I participate in  being what is best for all in all ways.

 

So, what I will continue debunking specifically after this ‘refresher’ for myself and what I had accepted and allowed within this façade of optimism/ positivity and general character of being a ‘good person’ in order to fit in the ‘higher society’  became part of ‘who I am’ as a constant character that would always be measuring myself and others according to the ‘level of success’ we had within the system, obviously seeing myself as ‘successful’ and expecting probably a lot from myself that was all directly linked to money – and this is part of the points that I haven’t faced within myself, how I would picture myself 10 years ago being this successful writer or working in some publication as an editor in chief or being a financial advisor – lol – I mean, it is plain to see that we are always taught to ‘aim high’ in society, but we never question why we were even only being trained to have such leadership positions while going on ‘missions to support the poor’ – I’m talking about junior high and high school in Jesuit school – and never even pondering WHY poverty exists and WHY we had to be come this type of benevolent dictators within society that would ‘manage’ and ‘administrate’ a point in our society BUT with a pinch of humanitarianism in the Jesus’ style which is more like a Jesuit style wherein money obviously plays great role in it.

 

It is fascinating how one believes that we were not influenced by seemingly ‘unimportant moments/ situations’ in life, but we were and to a great extent. Now, all of this is me ‘laying it all out’ not for the sake of exposing any organization or my family or anything else but just the patterns that we have become as society, wherein we have learned how to lie, how to keep a smile upon our face in order to be liked, accepted and within that, follow the lines of this optimistic/ positive type of approach in this capitalist world wherein it’s all about how you Present yourself as an image to others in order to get a job, get a promotion, be successful in whatever you do, learning that in order to create relationships you have to be cordial and moderately jocose toward them and keeping this ‘puffed up’ stance in order to equate yourself to a Belief of what power should ‘Feel like’ – all based on the idea of money that I have discussed and walked within Self-Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements in order to equalize myself to my physical and the postures that I decide to implement within myself for physical support, instead of linking them to a sense of superiority/ money / power that can only exist in our minds and the entire generations we’ve lived in this world with Royals and Elite beings that we’ve learned to mimic and copycat in order to apparently ‘attain’ the same success and power they represent, which is part of the whole consumerist society trick that is in  no way acceptable, since all we have been doing is chasing the carrot on the stick with a Great Smile on our face while neglecting the reality that is HERE and being lived with billions not having anything to eat – I mean, all of this proves how we are essentially tunneled vision to disregard anyone ‘below you’ and only look ‘up and above you’ to aim to get near/ close to or equal to people in power and control in society, which is simply being and becoming part of the Elite.

 

This also obviously created a huge dissonance within me, even more so when us people from ‘the city’ would be placed to live with poor people in remote locations for a few days to learn how they live and within that, apparently gain some form of understanding and consideration toward those ‘unfortunate ones,’ but it was actually us just interrupting them in their day to day living conditions, just because of wanting to get a ‘close view’ to them as if they were specimens to be explored and studied and investigated in order to later on simply write an essay for our ‘human values’ class, and report how much we’ve learned to ‘value what we had at home’ and how we would want to ‘change their situation’ someday, but never in fact even being fully aware of how their condition is directly created by the ‘higher positions’ in society, and how without their work in the fields we would have nothing to eat, and how all the money they lacked was probably spent in order to spiff up some part of the city to attract more capital and more investment to become what my home city has become now, quite the epitome of elitism to the max, to a point wherein there are capitals stemming from drug cartels being directly poured into infrastructure, which is actually becoming a mined field, wherein criminals are now resorting to hide there in great mansions and places that are being newly built,  which reveals how far we’ve gone in our world in order to continue this idea of wealth and power wherein nowadays, trafficking guns and drugs is part of the ‘normal riches’ in society, having no scrutiny or any form of regard toward knowing where does all the money come from, which is obviously money laundry and criminal activities. All of this coming from the sheer desire to be part of the elite, to be able to survive with comfort in our reality. Are any of the 40 million poor people (or more) in this country even looked at within all of this that I just explained? – Not at all.  And this is the context for the ‘big cities’ that can afford having a ‘great life’ here in a country that also has one of the richest man in the world, which implies that the highest level of slavery also exists here in an ‘unspoken manner’ just because of essentially allowing only a few to become extra rich out of companies that obviously should be  part of the basic services that – as any other service for that matter – should be free and equally available for all, which is communication.

 

Right now, I am only able to communicate and use the internet and my phone thanks to that rich elite person – hence it is not to want to ‘oppose’ them, it is about seeing how such services must be equalized and available for all within a system that stops promoting the ‘growth’ of power/ capital for only a few that own the entire business/ infrastructure/ industry – but are taken to the point of considering how Life can thrive only in equality and how not only in this country but everywhere in the world, we can become the best living beings we were always meant to be if we stop seeking and hunting preys only for our own benefit – that is stopping viewing life with only a positive attitude of winning and instead, direct our effort to create solutions that can benefit all individuals equally.

 

I experience this as if I had exposed some part of my ‘secret religion’ lol which is interesting because of how we tend to brush aside or ‘leave out of the picture’ aspects that defined quite a lot of ‘who we are’ at the moment and how we stand within our world at the moment, which I will go explaining as I walk and continue the elitist character until it is done with implies all the hidden desire for money, for success and power that got suppressed and transformed into a retaliation toward the system, only to then realize that it is not about opposing the system, nor about seeking to ‘become a better person’ – but about transforming the system into a structure that supports all beings equally, and that is what we are proposing as the Equal Money System.

 

I realize I will also have to clear up my starting point of any form of wanting to ‘clear up my past’ toward standing for equality now, having now seen that all that I obviously initially wanted was to be part of a select few that could ‘remain having it all,’ So I realize that no guilt and no ‘clearing up act’ can be the starting point of supporting the Equal Money System – that is how radically self honest we must be in order to be able to stand in the face of everyone and be able to walk our past, our entire lives and see where and how we were only existing for that ‘piece of heaven’ that money enabled for only a few. Time to burst all the bubbles and elitist dreams – this world can only ‘afford’ Equality now.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep these memories of my past and those ‘bits of heaven’ as something positive and ‘good’ that happened in my life early on, wherein I never questioned further how the motivation of me moving toward a position of money and ‘power’ in this world was not something ‘natural’ or stemming from my ‘inherent impulse’ to become part of the elite/ people with lots of money in this world, but was based on the entire process of being exposed to the benefits and reality that people with lots of money experience, which became a part of my ‘operative system’ without me being fully aware of it, wherein I would have an immediate assessment of my reality according to money/ power/ benefits that I could get from a relationship, a situation and accordingly act and behave in order to obtain it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to brush aside seemingly ‘unimportant aspects of my life’ that are directly linked to how I was educated and what I was exposed in terms of money and the benefits that such money brings which became part of the desire that I held throughout my life – either in a conscious or an unconscious manner – as a form of not only surviving in this world, but making ‘lots of money’ in order to have the most comfortable lifestyle that I had become aware of by the people that I would hang out with through my life

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to adopt the optimistic way of being as way to succeed in this world and within this, becoming a sociable person in my early years wherein I knew that ‘success was guaranteed’ if one satisfies another person by standing as a positive individual that has a positive stance such as smiling and speaking in the most ‘adequate’ manners, ensuring within that my acceptance or even appraisal from other beings/ mostly grown ups which made me feel like I was already paving my way to success in my future, and this was only me as a child, which also contributed to me not being used to hanging out with lots of children, but mostly being wanting to form part of the ‘adult world’ at an early age – all of this because of having learned the ways of entertainment and enjoyment that grown ups had – all of this due to being exposed to it at an early age, which lead me to ‘aim high’ within the first phase of my life to become equally successful and rich to be part of that circle of people for real, and not just ‘sporadically.’

 

When and as I see myself wanting to present myself in a positive attitude and optimistic expression from the starting point of covering up my desire to be part of an elite and or be successful by creating relationships wherein I am regarded as this positive/ responsible being, I stop and I breathe – I realize that everything that I have become is the direct outflow of learning how to survive and ‘make it’ in this world based on money – and that all that I require to do is re-direct these aspects to a best for all outcome wherein I see that it is not about now opposing the system or ‘retaliating’ about it – as I’ve done in the past – but simply insert myself within the system with this acquired points in order to benefit the most people possible in my reality as that Is what I really want to be and become, a spokesperson that can deal with all types of people in order to educate ourselves to understand how it is only through working together as Equals that we can bring forth and sustain a system that supports everyone equally, wherein no more ‘social statuses’ will exist, but only that which is best for all and for that, we have the absolute power to decide to do so now that we see and realize how detrimental to our world and reality it is to keep a system based on profit and self interest for only a few, just because of life not being regarded as equal in all ways.

 

Self Forgiveness will continue as well as Self Corrective Statement to Align myself to that which is Best for All.

 

 

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process : Enroll today, Free Online Course to learn the living skills to live in Equality

Equal Money System

 

Press the funk

Watch:

Barbara Ehrenreich – Smile or Die

 

Blogs:

 
The Series of Interviews The Soul of Money exists as a backbone and necessary material to study in order to understand the dynamics of the monetary system, economics and our individual lifestyles – a must hear to have a practical perspective on the changes necessary within this world in order to create a living condition that is best for all.

 

Suggest reading the following series by Maya Harel to understand the Desteni Message

The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 1) – Day 198

The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 2) – Day 199

The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 3) – Day 200

The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 4) – Day 201

The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 5) – Day 202

 

 


201. Friends of Convenience: for a little piece of Heaven

Continuing with the Elitist Character

Continuing with Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments (Part 4) on the Elitist Character from the memory within the 197. Friends of Convenience post.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to benefit from friendships and people in my environment that were in better economic positions than myself in order to enjoy their lifestyle when being at their house, even though sometimes I was not being comfortable around the people themselves, but simply held onto it because of wanting to ‘be in the place but not with the people,’ which indicates a level of compromise that I essentially manipulated myself to be and become in order to have a taste of ‘the good life’ that I perceived I didn’t have, which became only a point that I became aware of through other people since I had the necessary to live at home and lived ‘well’ – however not being used to being ‘spoiled’ and having certain ‘luxuries’ that I could have access to through other people as friends and their family that were ‘more wealthy’ than mine – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and my experience based on the picture presentation of the place I am in, the comfort and luxuries I can have access to wherein I actually ‘fear’ becoming so used to it when I have to go back to my house and realize that ‘my position is not as good as theirs,’ and within that, create a dissonance in my own experience according to the place I live in, the general economic position that is not as ‘wealthy’ as I wished it to be – and in that, create a point of inferiority and dissatisfaction within my self as my ‘beingness’ which indicates the level of self-manipulation I have accepted and allowed to exist within me based on ‘where I am’ and ‘with whom I am’ and allow that to determine myself and my every moment of not being here breathing, but rather limiting myself according to what I ‘see’ and ‘experience’ which are all aspects that relate to ‘who I am as the mind

 

When and as I see myself determining my beingness according to the picture presentation of the place I am being in and the people around me and define it as either ‘less than’ or ‘more than’ my own house and living condition – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the moment I allow a picture presentation and the environment to define who I am within myself, I am being subject to energy and reducing my breathing-moment of physically being here to only a good or bad experience as a the positive or negative that I had defined according to a superior or inferior position based on the amount of money one can have and experience oneself in – according to that which money can buy. I direct myself to remain breathing here as a physical living being that is self directive and not defined by pictures or people around me as all I realize that I am in this moment is here, as my physical body, as breath in stability.

 

When and as I see myself going into inferiority when experiencing myself in an environment with luxuries and ‘wealth’ and go into an inferiority mode about it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is all just part of the physical reality that is here and that any form of ‘moreness’ only exist as the value that we have accepted and allowed money to have in order to create such places/conditions for only a few human beings. Thus I direct myself to equalize myself to the physical reality that is nor positive or negative in itself, as these are all only human conditions imposed on the physical due to how our current monetary system functions.

 

I commit myself to equalize myself to the physical reality wherein the lie as the make-up ideals and beliefs imposed onto physicality stemming from the power we have given and created our current monetary system as, is seen as the point of inequality and abuse it represents, wherein all the majestic picture presentations of reality are mostly built upon abuse, which is unacceptable then to praise as ‘more than ourselves’ in any way whatsoever.

 

The point that emerges here is how for example we see things like ‘the great wall of China’ as something marvelous and majestic, however how many slaves had to give up their lives to build it, how many people had to literally give their entire physical force to build it and make it a reality. The same with all the great architecture of ancient times that we ponder as marvelous relics in this world, wherein we are not seeing the actual suffering and sweat spent in every single brick placed in such ‘astonishing constructions’ – and this is the principle to consider and apply to everything else that is deliberately built to imprint a point of power/ ownership and control even through constructions, houses, institutions, federal buildings, old castles, universities or entire cities that are built as the epitome of power and control in order to make a tangible representation of the amount of wealth/ money such country/ person has, which instead of being revered as something great, it should be recognized as the point of abuse it actually means.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn that I had to be ‘impressed’ by everything that ‘shines as gold’ and that represents having lots of money such as big houses, lots of cars, nice clothes, lots of toys, being able to travel and stay and eat in expensive places wherein the entire consideration of a ‘good life’ was imprinted within me as something that I had to ‘aim to’ and that one could only aspire to obtain through working hard – within this, becoming used to focusing on ‘fulfilling my elitist way of living’ in a future, instead of actually realizing or even considering how it is that only a few of us were being trained to become the ‘elite’ in terms of aspiring to get a higher position in society, while there were kids working on the streets with their parents because of barely having anything to eat. Within this not taking into consideration how I live and participate in a world wherein not everyone is being supported equally which implies that who we are as physical beings should aspire and actually commit ourselves to establish a world system that can support all beings equally.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be moved by my self interest to experience myself in a position of power/ wealth when and while visiting ‘friends’ and remaining within such relationships and friendships just because of being able to go biking in the area they lived in, or jump in their trampoline, be spoiled with watching movies and playing video games that I didn’t have, or dolls that I never got as well as a general over-protection that I considered such families to give to their kids, wherein I became resentful toward my parents for not giving me ‘as much as’ I saw other parents gave to their children, which is an indication of how I essentially valued more the material aspects and that which is self-interest based than an actual sense of ‘moderation’ and common sensical administration of our day to day living at home, which meant not going over the top with any form of luxury or ‘spoiling’ the children with lots of material stuff as we learned how to simply make things work with what we had which was actually precisely the necessary items and food and requirements – though, because I would see and witness these ‘over the top’ situations in other homes, I desired to have the life of others and within that, become judgmental about my house, my parents, my financial situation and later on desiring to be part of such elitist lifestyle, leading to an eventual downfall onto the opposite and creating further disparities Just because of wanting to experience myself in a positive manner when being in ‘wealthy environment.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and convince me of remaining within friendships and relationships that signified a point of ‘collateral financial convenience’ wherein part of the friendship became me being able to be granted gifts, and going out to eat in expensive places, and ride in luxurious cars and have people paying for my bill and experiencing myself in their houses and so forth, wherein I experienced a sense of fulfillment for having all these things, while neglecting and brushing aside the actual relationship that I was cultivating with such people being mostly ‘accepted and allowed’ as in it not being in an equal and one stand of self support, but mostly compromised myself to remain in such relationships due to valuing everything that ‘they had given me’ as something that I had to ‘pay back for,’ which implies remaining friends with them even though clear points of abuse or manipulation were existing from both sides – I would remain within it out of fear of being seen as ‘ungrateful’ due to all the benefits that I had gotten from such specific family and friend.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my relationships as something that I ‘enjoy’ based on the amount of money I could have access to through them in a collateral way – wherein I would be invited to tag along and experience what it is to have ‘more money’ than what I had and eventually becoming used to a point of luxury and comfort in my reality that I didn’t practically own, which became a reason in the back of my head to just maintain the relationships so that I could keep on benefitting from the comfort and luxury, which is plain manipulative and an indicator of how we are willing to ‘sell ourselves’ in order to have some material benefits in our lives.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to recognize how I had also been driven by my blatant self interest to ‘move’ myself within relationships and friendships in my life , wherein I would mostly seek to remain having some form of benefit while being with them which I obviously came to ‘fear losing’ if losing/ stopping the relationship, which is what eventually had to happen in order for me to face myself alone and at home and realizing everything that I had placed value/ worth upon in separation of myself and a relationship with Me first instead of seeking to be satisfied through material aspects and relationships that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘follow through with’ even if they weren’t self supportive at all.

I realize that following self interest implies a level of self abuse, because we are not aware of who or what we are dismissing, neglecting, shoving aside and deliberately ignoring in order to only focus on that which makes us ‘happy’ and ‘positive’ which in this world, cannot exist without the negative and the abusive aspect of our reality.

Thus, when and as I see myself valuing a relationship based on the benefits I will get from a certain place or situation I will be in while being in such relationship – I stop and I breathe – I realize that establishing relationships out of convenience is not the way to go within this world and that at all times, I have to ensure that I am not compromising myself for a ‘better experience’ in my reality based on having ‘more money’ – I realize that who I am cannot be determined by the external factors of a ‘nice picture to look at’ or conditions that are defined as luxury – I remain constant and consistent no matter where I live and who I am living with, which indicates that all relationships and decisions I establish within my life must consider money only as a practical requirement in order to buy the necessary to live, and that the amount thereof as in having ‘more’ than what is required cannot imply a point of positive experience within me – nor the lack of it create a negative experience within me, as I would then be subject to money as a determining factor to who I am, instead of focusing on money as a single point that we currently require to buy that which enables us to live.

 

When and as I see myself seeking only to satisfy my convenience of being with particular people in particular places wherein I am only considering my well being as in my personal enjoyment of the place and the people according to the amount of money ‘running’ in the place – I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to consider doing with money that which benefits all beings equally in the particular environment we are in, wherein the point of self interest only exists as a consideration of what is best for ALL beings equally – therefore I direct myself to ensure that I am participating in an adequate manner within an environment wherein I am not taking ‘more’ than what I need,nor am I lacking what I need which would imply also a reversed for m of ‘guilt’ toward my inherent desire to ‘have more than what I have’ – thus I equalize myself to consider having that which I require to live and stick to practicality at all times with regards to my relationship with money.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to when I realized at some point that I was being a self-interested person with regards to my reality, try and prove myself otherwise by establishing relationships that did not involve obtaining any form of material benefit, going to the extreme opposite of then compromising my own money and support ‘for others’ and within this, trying to play the savior toward then and trying to make people happy the same way that I had perceived myself to be ‘made happy’ when people could give me gifts and share their ‘wealth’ with me – not realizing that I was trying to ‘make up for’ my self interest by now giving to others and eventually compromising myself and my relationship with others based on wanting to ‘give’ and creating a polarized relationship in terms of support which became unsustainable and another point to recriminate the other being about in the end, in terms of how at this point in our lives the money factor does matter in terms of establishing an equal and one agreement to support ourselves instead of wanting to only have one side of the relationship doing it all, as I’ve seen and realized to what level we compromise ourselves whenever we are not supporting ourselves independently.

 

When and as I see myself trying to ‘give’ to others that may not have money as a way to ‘make them happy’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that deep inside I am trying to ‘clear myself’ from having been self-interested in the past without realizing that who I ma here is not defined by the past any longer, nor do I have to ‘make up for it’ in order to become a ‘better person.’ I can simply direct myself to be supportive for myself and others without any form of compromise on a monetary level as I see and realize that we still live in a world wherein the best point for each one is to be able to fend for ourselves and create relationships/ agreements based on an equal participation to do so, as I am aware of the type of consequences and further play-outs when one of the sides within the relationship is compromised with the other at a monetary level, leading to inequality and a disruption in the relationship even if the communication and support is stable, if money becomes a problem then there is no way to solve it with ‘support and understanding.’ lol

 

I realize that we have to be very practical at this stage wherein we still depend on money to survive – and within this realizing that having enough to live in a dignified manner is sufficient as I am proving myself now. However in my current situation, I see and realize that I am also denying certain things based on me wanting to ‘clear up my act’ from the past wherein I actually feared becoming so used to luxury that I would become greedy just to be able to sustain my ‘lifestyle,’ which means that whenever I am restricting myself of something such as buying something for myself or a different meal, I am actually acting out of guilt and remorse, which is not necessary – thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refrain from buying something for myself and some ‘practical enjoyment’ like some meal, based on this idea of me not wanting to get used to ‘luxuries’ which is almost like wanting to get used to ‘living with the least’ just in case I have to live that way the rest of my life, which is then living within a future expectation of not having enough money to live and denying my current possibility to do so in a moderate manner of course, and within this stopping the guilt and ‘clearing up act’ toward my past and my own fears of desiring to become an elitist person at all cost, which is why I was pretty much enfilading myself toward that realm of society in my early life years. Until the dream was torn apart – lol.

 

When and as I see myself refraining from giving something to myself/ buying something practical for me within the belief that I cannot ‘get used to luxuries’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that I tend to go to the extremes of first wanting to have luxuries then denying and even criticizing them, which is not the point here I mean, If and when I have the ability to give myself a treat, I allow myself to do that instead of now playing the victim of my own mind as in having been ‘greedy’ in the past and now trying to redeem myself from playing this ‘poverty bow’ that is not necessary as that would also be creating a positive experience within me out of ‘refraining’ from buying me something and becoming a ‘good being’ in my mind – thus I stop all self manipulation and direct myself to consider the practicality of spending money on this/that point for myself and as such make a decision based on the practicality of the expense and my ability to give myself something for a change and that’s it. Not making it ‘more’ than myself or fearing that I will later on want ‘more’ of it, lol, which would indicate only mind control about it.

 

I commit myself to begin valuing myself as life in every moment and accordingly stop defining ‘who I am’ based on the past or the future, and instead become used to considering the current present moment as what I am willing to give to myself and others in equality – which implies creating a moderation with regards to my relationship to money and within that, ensure that whatever I decide is always in the consideration of what is best for all in Equality. I realize that in order to live these words a point of measure is required wherein I am considering the practicality and consequential outflow of the decisions upon and with regards to money according to an actual requirement of that which must be bought and be aware of buying out of ‘buying’ which I have stopped significantly though, to a point that can be considered as ‘denying/ suppressing/ refraining’ which is not acceptable either.

 

This will certainly continue –

 

Mind control stops here:

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process : Enroll today, Free Online Course to learn the living skills to live in Equality

Equal Money System

 

entertamed

 

Blogs:

 

Must Hear Interviews related to Racism, Skin Color, the Elite and body designs in order to STOP the Inequality based on the physical aspect of our body.
The Series of Interviews The Soul of Money exists as a backbone and necessary material to study in order to understand the dynamics of the monetary system, economics and our individual lifestyles – a must hear to have a practical perspective on the changes necessary within this world in order to create a living condition that is best for all.

200. The Make-Up Reality

 

Becoming a character that is  seemingly ‘Not good enough’ requires accepting who you are as a point of limitation in comparison to others – that is accepting and allowing the enslavement of humanity as a whole not only through looks/ perceived ‘personalities’ we are, but within the context of our current monetary system that functions within the reductionism that we accept and allow as being/ becoming only an image, an amount of money in our wallets, the properties we have or don’t have, the type of ‘lifestyle’ we have, the education – all of it currently existent as an unequal consideration toward the whole that is Here as physical beings, abusing each other through this reductionism at a mind level of what is positive and negative and defining ‘who we are’ toward others based on such configuration. Unacceptable, hence walking the correction here as part of the equalization of all bodies of existence as that which is Real which is HERE as the physical.

 

Continuing with the Elitist Character

Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments (Part 2) on the Elitist Character from the memory within the 197. Friends of Convenience post.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to feel ‘less than’ people that I could see had ‘lots of money’ wherein I immediately would go into a submission and keeping quiet mode, due to being impressed by the presentation of the beings and the house and properties, which made me believe that because they had ‘all the money they wanted’ it made them superior and better than me, which became a point of reference for me to realize that I ‘didn’t have it all’ while growing up when comparing my life to another’s life based on the amount of money that they had.

 

When and as I see myself going into an inferiority mode based on the social status and position of people in my reality and believing that I am ‘less than them’ because of not being as ‘powerful’ as them in terms of money, I stop and I breathe – I realize this allowing the definition of who I am as money/ properties to define my beingness in that moment which is unacceptable, since who we are is our physical body as the equality that we exist as, thus it makes no sense creating an experience based on comparing the ‘who I am’ as my current monetary position toward other beings. I direct myself to remain stable here as breath and not be ‘impressed’ by the pictures, words, things that I see around me and identifying them as ‘more’ than who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to behave the same way that the girl behaved – which I perceived as confident and overtly expressive/ extroverted, I would require the same amount of money in order to feel ‘that happy’ wherein her expression became a point that I realized I could never ‘live’ as myself because of her life having all these luxuries and ‘having it easy’ whereas I perceived myself to be in a dire situation with my family – hence ‘finding my place’ within the opposite of what I perceived her to be and represent, even if I had experienced myself in a similar mode when I was younger back then – which would be 3-5 years old, wherein the consideration of money was not yet within my concept of reality. Thus I see and realize that the comparison began at the age of 6-7 when I became aware of a significant difference in the way we live when it comes to people having lots of money, people not having as much money and people having no money at all, which was also a point that became part of my awareness at the same age.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could never express myself with such confidence and openness because of not having as much money to ‘be happy about’ which is how I linked a confidence and ‘well being’ expression to having money – within this limiting my own expression to believe that I was doomed to never get to be ‘that happy’ as in ‘having it all’ in my life and as such, if I ever presented myself as ‘happy’ it would be phony, without realizing that no energetic experience as either happy or gloomy represent who I really am and that all of these considerations were based upon the role that I have accepted and allowed money to have within me, wherein I feel ‘content’ if I have everything I require and go into worry and concern if money is being a problem as in ‘not having money.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being ‘intimidated’ around people that I considered were ‘richer’ and ‘more’ than me due to having lots of money, instead of realizing that within that moment I was allowing myself to believe that ‘I am my money, I am my properties, I am my looks only’ – and in this, compare myself to others as a way to justify and validate my inner experience of ‘intimidation’ and a belief of never in my life being able to ‘equalize’ myself to them because of how I look, the money that I had and the entire context I lived within in comparison to those that were fortunate and having the ‘perfect looks’ according to how I judged other beings in such positions to be like.

 

When and as I see myself defining my ‘beingness’ according to the amount of money that I have and believing that I cannot be ‘here’ and stable when not having money – I stop and I breathe – I realize  that the polarity of being happy and concerned when having and not having money respectively is based on the perception of other people’s mood and beingness in relation to money that I accepted as ‘how things are/ how I should behave as well,’ which is unacceptable when considering how we have defined this entire world according to a positive and a negative represented mostly by a have/ have not situation of money.

 

I commit myself to stop defining ‘who I am’ according to the money that I have or that I don’t have, and instead dedicate myself to be part of the solution to this current monetary system to ensure that all that remains as monetary system can be a equality system where all life can be considered as equal and where no more worry, concern and distress exist due to lacking money to live – and the opposite no overtly positive attitudes exist as all the happiness, bliss and joy that is created directly from the ‘confidence’ that money brings when having enough or more than enough of it to live. This is within the realization that within Equality as Life there are no positives or negatives – hence the equalization of Money as Life within the Equal Money System, implies removing any lack and removing any excess in order to ensure that everyone has equal access and as such learn how to live moderated and regulated living conditions that support all and harm no one.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to consider that standing up with a very straight back means superiority and a confidence that can only exist if you have ‘something to be confident about’ which I linked to money, properties, looks and ability to express/ interact with others, wherein this girl became my first impression of what it was to have a ‘perfect life’ and linking all of this to a physical stance of ‘standing with a perfectly straight back’ –

 

I realize I imprinted within me with that particular moment of being at this girl’s house and watching her/ admiring her expression and physical gestures and mannerisms which I linked to the confidence that money brings, the ‘good education’ from parents that were part of elites from generations back, and within this all compare myself to her and believe that ‘I did not have the right to stand up straight’ because of not being as ‘graced’ with looks, not having the money to back up my belief of confidence linked to money/ properties, nor did I consider that I could be as expressive as her within such refined manners – all of this becoming something I would essentially evolve and develop into my own ‘antagonist character’ that I created myself in opposition to, in order to justify my perceived inability to be as expressive, to stand as straight, to walk and interact with such openness – and instead went into the opposite as in being mostly hunching my back, hiding myself in social situations, not wanting to interact a lot and most of all, judging every person that I would see standing, moving and expressing in similar ways within the same category of them being ‘conceited, spoiled, rich girls’ that I simply could not compare myself to due to all of the reasons around looks and money, and in this, believing that ‘my place’ in the world was simply to never be as perfect and always stand as a rather ‘opposition’ to these girls and find my ‘happiness point’ within that.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a beings’ expression as conceited, arrogant, proud, spoiled and overtly expressive as an indication of having lots of money to be ‘happy’ about, without realizing how it is all part of the design wherein people with money would mostly feel ‘okay’ within their bodies and expression so that their inner conflict related to ‘body’ and ‘who they are’ would not tamper their focus on their world-system functions linked to money – therefore, I see and realize that the moment that I accept such expression as ‘more’ than myself, I am accepting the power of money equally as ‘more than myself’ instead of realizing that how we present ourselves and how we look and the money we have is only linked to who we are within this consciousness reality that is currently moved and directed by money, which is a point of inequality and representing the abuse of life at the moment – thus I cannot allow myself to be ‘impressed’ or ‘affected’ by a picture presentation, mannerism and general expression of elite beings that have been designed to present such expression and such experiences of confidence and ‘superiority’ that are inherently linked to a particular position in the world system.

 

I realize that the way to stop giving a point of ‘power’ to money in this unequal manner, is to stop defining people according to how they look, express and ‘are’ in relation to the amount of money they have and as such, focus on the physicality that we are all existent as, wherein there is no ‘more’ than physical bodies that function the exact same way in every one and that we certainly have to equalize in this world within a world system that stops complying to a seemingly ‘superior position’ that can only exist as the ‘power’ we have all agreed to endow money with, which is currently an abusive relationship toward life.

 

When and as I see myself linking standing with a straight back with an Experience of Superiority as a confidence that can only be obtained through having lots of money hence being spoiled and conceited/ having something to be ‘proud of’ – I stop and I breathe –  I realize that standing up straight is a physical position that is supportive for my back and that in no way requires any ‘concept’ behind to allow myself to stand with a straight pose.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link a ‘straight pose’ to being a ‘poser’ and ‘phony’ because of how I believed that only people with money/ power/ fame/ fortune could ‘afford’ to stand in such a manner, which is how every time that I was suggested to walk with a straight back, I would not do it because of believing that I had ‘nothing to feel superior/ proud of’ which is how I existed as the belittlement of myself, and getting to the point of tears every time that people would say that I had to stand up straight and believing that I just could not do it because I was not ‘perfect’ – hence

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk with a straight back as a synonym of ‘physical perfection’ that I separated myself from based on the idea of only ‘catch penny girls = rich, spoiled, good looking, confident girls’ being able to stand within such a position and expression, which is how I limited and separated myself from the ability to stand up straight without having an experience of being ‘off place’ and ‘phony’ and ‘wannabe’ essentially – thus

 

When and as I see myself creating an experience of me when standing up straight as being a poser, a wannabe or plain phony, I stop and I breathe –  I direct myself to support my physical body focusing on my standing position and realizing that a physical posture cannot define ‘who I am’ within as my inner experience, but only represents a point of physical support for my body.

 

I commit myself to stop believing that there are certain physical poses and ways of ‘carrying oneself’ that are only able to be ‘lived out/ expressed’ by people that have particular body features or a certain configuration of ‘who they are’ linked to power/ money/ fame, and instead allow myself to equalize my physical expression to that which I see is best to ‘exist as’ within the physical consideration of myself as a physical being –that’s it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately categorize beings according to ‘how they move/ express and talk’ as a way to define the amount of money they have, wherein I would immediately assess whether I would want to create/ establish relationships with them in order to ‘better’ myself through them as in getting along with ‘rich people’ who I considered as ‘less troubled people,’ and avoiding having relationships/ friendships with people that had less money as I considered them as being insecure and quiet and ostracized which I  felt mostly ‘sorry’ for and within this experience, rather deciding to get along with people I did not have to ‘feel bad about’ and as such, focus on having what I defined as ‘positive people’ because they had a fair economic situation at home.

 

When and as I see myself defining ‘who a being is’ based on how they move/ express themselves and categorizing them as either positive or negative and according to that ‘making up my mind’ in relation to ‘who I will be’ toward them, which is how we perpetuate the inequality between all human beings when seeing the person as the ‘character’ that they have become as the configuration that exists as a predisposition to the being according to the mind, the social and economical context which is the make-up as consciousness that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to define ourselves as, which is Not life in equality – but a system to deliberately create separation, disparity and further friction and conflict when comparing one to another.

 

I commit myself to stop the inequality between all beings according to how I define them based on looks, ways of expressing, vocabulary, education as I realize that all of this is valuing knowledge and information as ‘who we are’ which is unacceptable – All beings are equal as the physicality that we all represent and being guided by a point of expression, a physical appearance or any other attribute that we obtain from another through our senses must be immediately assessed as part of the ‘make-up’ within this reality that was meant to brew separation – thus it is not who we really are as physical beings that function the exact same way at a physical level.

 

The inequality between all bodies of existence begins and ends within me.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my own elitism at an early age during primary school wherein I began avoiding being around/ being friends with people that I considered as quiet and reserved and mostly ‘insecure’ as a way to identify that they were probably having a ‘tough situation at home’ which would imply that me in such relationships as friendships would have to go through all the ‘bad stuff’ of ‘dealing’ with them, thus I sought to instead be with people that could allow me to experience myself as a point of happiness, joy and even more ‘comfort’ than at home due to what they had, which is becoming prone to seek for relationships that could ensure I could have a ‘good life’ in one way or another, even if at home it wasn’t necessarily so at the time.

 

When and as I see myself defining people as either positive or negative based on the amount of money that they have and wanting to avoid ‘negative people’ at  all cost – lol – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this would be me giving power to money as an acceptable attribute/ lack to define a being’s ‘beingness’ which is Not who they Really are as physical beings that exist in an equal manner as everyone else in this reality. Thus I direct myself to treat all beings equally regardless of how they look, how they express themselves, their choice of words, their appearance, their properties or general ‘beingness’ as I realize that this is the configuration of the being we se through the Eyes of the Mind and as such, meant to brew separation.

 

I direct myself to equalize my expression to also ensure my own words, stance and expression do not veer toward a compensation toward what I see they ‘lack’ or a compensation toward that which I see they are ‘doing a lot of’ – ex. such as talking ‘more’ with a being that is not as talkative and talk less when being with a being that ‘talks a lot’ and instead, equalize myself to at all times simply consider my expression in the moment when necessary, and not as a ‘counter act’ to the people I am relating myself to.  I see and realize how within the moment that I allow a single point of expression in another to determine and define ‘who I am’ toward other beings’ is allowing me to become a ‘counter balancing act’ toward another character and in that, allowing them to be reduced to a single character. Therefore I direct myself to be the example of what it is to live and exist as an equalized expression that considers a physical communication in equality, in the moment wherein no pictures, no backgrounds, no possessions, no colors exist as a mask to talk through/ express through.

 

I commit myself to stop reducing people to ‘who they are’ as knowledge and information translated to social positions, picture presentation, properties, lacks and what I perceive as positive or negative which can only exist as the ‘masks’ that we’ve worn in order to create an unequal reality based on Money.

 

(To be continued)

Mind control stops here:

Desteni

Desteni I Process
Desteni Lite Process : Enroll today, Free Online Course to learn the living skills to live in Equality
Equal Money System

 

mind controlled

 

Blogs:

 

Must Hear Interviews related to Racism, Skin Color, the Elite and body designs in order to STOP the Inequality based on the physical aspect of our body.
The Series of Interviews The Soul of Money exists as a backbone and necessary material to study in order to understand the dynamics of the monetary system, economics and our individual lifestyles  – a must hear to have a practical perspective on the changes necessary within this world in order to create a living condition that is best for all.

 


199. You Hate the Beautiful People?

Find out why and start considering where you initially wanted to be one of them.

Continuation to the Elitist Character

(I will continue in the following post with the Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments –Part 2 on the Elitist Character from the memory within the 197. Friends of Convenience post. For now a clearer point emerged while listening to the Interviews* listed at the bottom of the page that I require to give immediate direction to)

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge rich people as patronizing everyone with arrogance, being conceited and prepotent wherein I immediate took their expression personal to diminish myself when being in their presence because of perceiving myself as having ‘nothing’ to boast about, nothing to back up an actual ‘confidence’ as the one that I would see people with money/ the girl and family in the particular memory represented as ‘the elite’ and my first encounter with a ‘wealthy lifestyle,’ wherein I then immediately assessed that my position, my way of being toward them would always be that of being inferior because of not having as much money as they did, not having the same type of clothes that they did, the house, the cars, the exuberant garden and the general area and school they attended to and their general social status and education that represented the money that only a few in this world have in order to have a real optimum position in the world system.

 

I realize that I have projected these judgments toward people within a ‘superiority’ wherein I would immediately take their stance/ attitude as personal as a form of ‘superiority’ being imposed onto myself, without realizing that every and all experiences I generated toward them such as going into intimidation, belittling, inferiority were caused by my acceptance and allowance of such ‘power’ being ‘real’ according to my belief of money giving the beings the power and success that was only for some, wherein I then created a inferiority based on not having as much money, not having that perfect life – or what I assessed looked like on – not having the particular looks of the people and as such, believe that I was ‘damned by god’ and there was nothing I could do, without realizing that this is part of a specific world-system functioning and design wherein some beings were specifically given attributes in order to remain in such elitist positions, where as the rest of the human beings had to be left struggling with money, image presentation and the entire configuration of our lives as ‘less than’ when comparing ‘who we are’ as our money, as our bodies/ physical appearance and general social status to an elitist being/ rich people.

 

When and as I see myself judging people with money as prepotent, arrogant, being patronizing me and experiencing myself within an immediate ‘inferior’ position – I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to communicate, be with them as who they are, as human beings of flesh and bones wherein at a physical level is at all times equal and as such, I ensure I stand one and equal to them in my physical stance and remaining breathing to ensure that I remain within the physical context of the conversation.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to identify ‘who I am’ toward others based on money and a general ‘beingness’ that I considered as ‘real’ within them being ‘superior’ with all of these attitudes because they had apparently something to ‘feel more powerful’ about – which is money – and from there on, creating this inherent belittling and self diminishment toward myself in all aspects in my reality whenever the point of Money would indicate me that I wasn’t a ‘rich person’ and that because of that, I was immediately on a lesser position and as such, unfulfilled and ‘not as graced’/ lucky/ fortunate as them, creating a point of envy and jealousy toward people that to my eyes at that age ‘had it all.’ 

 

When and as I see myself identifying ‘who I am’ based on the amount of money that I have and comparing myself/ my position to others that have a lot of money and go into envy/jealousy for them ‘having it all’ I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to remain grounded within the realization that who we are as physical beings is equal and one and that all disparity caused by the amount of money we have, the looks, the ‘power’ over reality is nothing else but the consequential outflow of who we have become as the mind neglecting the physical reality, which implies that any form of ‘disparity’ only exists within the context of this world system where money defines who has a rich/ elitist life and who doesn’t. 

I realize that any separation that is existent within this world exists at a mind level, which is how money as the externalization of the relationship that exists between the mind and the physical, means that money is the externalization of the justified abuse upon this reality to create a polarized society wherein some have all the money and others have non.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a grudge toward rich people based on what I perceived as superiority and power within them based on the amount of money they had, the looks, the convenient relationships and privileges that they would get just because of ‘being from the elite,’ which I then was experienced as a form of being damned/ cursed by a ‘god’ that simply didn’t want me/ my family being that rich and powerful and good looking and having it all essentially, which remained as a Quiet grudge and constant inherent experience of ‘injustice’ and irritation and even anger toward people with money, wherein I started mimicking their attitude as arrogance and a sense of superiority just to be able to ‘cope’ with my inner inferiority and sense of ‘victimization’ toward rich people/ elitist people based on the constant comparison I would do of ‘who they are’ and ‘who I am’ as money.

 

When and as I see myself creating an experience within myself of superiority and ‘equalizing’ my physical stance toward people that I perceive as ‘more than me’ because of the amount of money they have/ their position in society – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a coping mechanism in order to camouflage my unsorted inferiority toward them basing my self definition as ‘not having as much money/ not being rich/ not being powerful’ and in that, create a physical experience of myself as being ‘equal to that power’ based on/ stemming from this inherent inferiority thus

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always have denied that I experienced inferiority toward people with money, because of Always having projected my own friction and conflict about this onto them and ‘blaming them’ for being arrogant and spoiled and conceited, not realizing that my assessment of them as being such characters, stemmed from my own desire to actually have what they have, look the way they look and generally having their lives, wherein the way to victimize myself was making myself experience some form of ‘discomfort’ as if ‘they’ were doing something onto me, instead of me taking responsibility for what I was experiencing toward them in my mind and actually see how I could only judge another as their money or their looks if I have defined myself only as my money and looks and everything that is bought and stemming only from these two points that I have equated to ‘power’ in this world.

 

When and as I see myself going into victimization as an experience of ‘injustice’ when hearing, seeing, witnessing events wherein money is being spent by people in what I have defined as menial points/ shallow expenses, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am only judging them because of me actually having desired to have the same amount of money and probably do the same – thus I see that all the judgment that I would project onto rich people stems from my own inferiority and sense of it all being ‘unjust’. Thus I stop the ‘unjust’ experience and direct myself to rather see how the problem in our society is stemming from how money is currently determining a being’s living conditions in unequal proportions ,which is then how I direct myself to simply remain breathing whenever I witness these events of purchasing, shopping or spending lots of money with ‘no consideration,’ as I realize that in order for a being to have further considerations about money and the current world system, education is required and an actual dialogue would be required to allow people with money to understand how we can only change this world if they realize how such privileges as in being rich/ from the elite, are equalized to more people – and this must be done as part of our current participation within the world system as I see and realize that No opposition and no fighting against the elite will Ever work out  to create a solution – and within this, something that I realized yesterday and is very present here today:

 

I commit myself to educate myself to the T of how this world system works, so that I can explain and share and communicate with beings within elitist positions about the importance of equalizing the living conditions in this world in order to establish an actual harmony/ peace on Earth within the implementation of a new economic system that will change the way life is lived on Earth, wherein it is not about ‘losing power’ but actually realizing how such power was only existent and possible because of the abuse that such ‘powerful’ positions represented on Earth as something acceptable, without considering that as an organism, we all require to be equally supported in order for this entire world to continue going, and as such, commit myself to take this point to its last consequences  which means, do whatever it is necessary to be done to educate myself and others about the Equality Equation of the Equal Money System 

 

I realize that in order to do this, I must stand as one and equal to these beings wherein there is not a single experience toward them as being ‘more’ than myself in any way whatsoever, so that the communication is always existing at a physical equal and one level, not influenced by their current ‘characterization’ within society based on the perceived power they have based on money, as I understand how money exists and it is in fact the other way around of how money is perceived as a ‘good/ positive thing’ when having it, while in fact it represent the very reversal of life at the moment which is one of the points that must be understood by people with money, to understand he direct relationship we all hold toward this world system based on us having agreed to have Money as it does and currently exist within our world system of capitalism.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the position of an elitist being as something ‘real’ within the context of the person being gifted with such benefit as a form of grace/ actually ‘deserving’ it on Earth, which is how I created further delusions of Karma and other justifications and excuses as to why there were rich people in this world having all the money, the great looks, all the great life that seemed of absolute happiness and bliss while the rest of the population remained in poverty and extreme Lack of virtually everything required to live in a optimum condition, and as such believe that they were ‘gifted by god’ somehow for having these benefits, without realizing how it was all just part of a system that had to work like that in order to achieve the necessary conflict on Earth and striving for life in order to generate energy to actually create a ‘heaven’ that would be mostly veiled even to people in the Earth as the elite, who were/are inevitably also part of the scheme, of which we all as humans beings have to now Wake up and take responsibility for what we’ve allowed as it is in our own acceptance and allowance of such system to continue until today.

I see, realize and understand that we hold the absolute responsibility toward our creation and that any form of wealth being seen as a ‘grace’ or a ‘divine power’ over others is in fact a cunning deception that must be exposed and known on Earth in order to realize, see and understand why it is absurd to continue and perpetuate a system of extreme polarization which is what is causing the current consequential outflows not only toward people but this entire world with all beings here, that are suffering the consequences of this constant ‘search for more’ that we have linked to attaining wealth/ power/ money as a sign of happiness, bliss, joy and fulfillment, linked to consumerism, linked to looks, linked to having the ‘best lifestyle’ without ever considering What and How is such lifestyle being a possibility within this world, which is of course, only through the abuse of the ‘less fortunate ones.’

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that I had Also at some point of my life also vehemently desired to be rich and wealthy as a synonym of ‘happy life,’ wherein I had almost tried to bury and hide such phase of my life due to the judgment I held toward the ‘me’ that I was while growing up until my early teens, wherein I was pretty much worried and concerned about society, upper classes, wealth and a general desire to be part of such realm due to the close-encounters with it, and believing that ‘life was much better when having it all,’ which remained as a constant conflict whenever I realized that I wasn’t wealthy and that getting such amount of wealth was mostly impossible for my family – thus acquiring a constant experience in a non-conscious level of Not being living to my ‘upmost potential’ because of money always existing as something that is ‘there’ however in a limited manner, and not as ‘limitless’ as I would have wanted it to be.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my position and my stance toward people with money would Always be that of being inferior, less than, never as good as them because of how I would assess that ‘they had it all’ and as such, create this entire constant ‘profiling process’ wherein I eventually would be automatically assessing who I am toward beings based on money and looks – wherein I would either place myself as superior or inferior based on these two aspects, without ever realizing how mechanism is what fed my experience of ‘not being good enough, not being as ‘good as’, not being perfect looking and al of that which I began comparing myself to and that secretly desired to be and become – however, because I simply saw myself as incapable of obtaining such power/ looks and general ‘well being’ as an elitist being, I accepted and allowed a diminishment of myself that became my physical stance, the personality I became as an ‘alternate version’ of a person that would Not seek to look ‘perfect’ but deliberately going to the opposite as in being ‘flawed’ and ‘messy’ and wearing clothes that would not attempt to match the elitist status, wherein within that, I would then remain within my own ‘safe spot’ of not wanting/attempting to ‘match’ the elitist beings, instead of confronting my actual inferiority and envy toward them, correcting myself to stop defining myself as ‘less than them’ and as such, realize how creating an alternate character as an opposition to this ‘elitist wannabe’ type of personality, was only a coping mechanism for me within society, to be accepted as ‘flawed’ and within my ‘eeriness’ just because of perceiving that I was in no way able to equate myself to ‘the beautiful people’ – lol – so I created my own alternate realm of ‘having less is more/ being ‘freaky’ and using so called intelligence in order to ‘cope with’ the lack of money and looks that I perceived made me a lesser being, which is unacceptable.

within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately decide to become ‘the opposite’ of some people in my reality and that I had considered as ‘aspiring elitist people’ which caused me to compare myself to them on a constant basis and as such, come up with the conclusion that I was unable to be as ‘good’ as and pretentious as them, thus, creating an entire polarity/opposite personality toward them after having tried to become like them and going into further identity crisis – lol – because I realized how I could just not see myself pursuing to be an elitist being without having the money to do so. Thus I became the opposite of what I would witness in my reality such as family and in my school/ reality, which is how I became the constant ‘opponent’ to all that perceived they represented as positivity, wealth, money, joy, bliss  – and me becoming rather negative, sulky and irritable based on my constant discomfort in my own body and the consideration of me not being able to have the money and the looks to be a ‘superior being’ according to my assessment then, which is how I then preferred to remain as the ‘opposition’ / giving up any attempt to match what I judged as prepotent and arrogant beings, all because of me not having the actual power as money and looks to be and become an elitist as them.

I realize that the inherent anger that I created about witnessing this situation on a daily basis at school lead me to accumulate layers and layers of constantly comparing myself to these ‘beautiful people’ beings wherein I decided not to try and ‘fit in’ any further’ but become just ‘my own personality’ that would deliberate be in opposition to anything elitist for that matter, as I realized that I could not in any way ‘match’ their clothes, looks, money – and as such rather remain in my ‘relegated bubble’ than trying to ‘equate them.’

In this – I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become that ‘relegation’ as ‘who I am’ developing an entire beingness of constant conflict and irritation toward ‘all things elitist’ that I would have to participate in from now and then, wherein all I would become was judgments in my mind, continuously spiting the amount of money used for this or that occasion, without realizing that in the actual depths of myself and my beingness this entire opposition was created obviously from me first having desired to have such ‘fortunate’ positions thus – within accepting my grudge and general discomfort around ‘elitist beings’ existing as the memory of myself being conceiving who I am based on the amount of money and looks that I have as a determining factor of ‘who I am’ which is not acceptable since money and looks stand only as attributes that are currently valued as the mind and in no way represent an actual equal and one consideration of who we are as physical beings in this reality, which is at all times being one and equal.

 

When and as I see myself going into judgments toward beings based on the ‘elitist positions’ they represent in my world and reality, I stop and I breathe – I realize that all the judgments I can have toward them stand as my own assessment of who I am only as money/ looks that I have compared to that of people with money and looks as ‘better than me’  – therefore, I take responsibility to equalize myself to all beings at all times and remain in a point of conviviality based on who we are as physical beings wherein no money, no skin color, no ‘looks’ and physical configuration of our physical bodies determine ‘who we are’ as those are only aspects and considerations were are seeing through the I of the MInd and in no way represent the equality and oneness that we are as life as living beings.

 

I commit myself to continue investigating all aspects of how I created this inherent belief of me being never ‘good enough’ based on the underlying constant comparison to the people that I defined as ‘having it all and being perfect’ within the consideration of money and looks that we have accepted and allowed in this world to be a point of ‘value’ in separation of who we are as life as one and equal.

 

I realize how for example protests function in a similar way wherein people ‘hate the government and the people with power’ but in fact their opposition is not really within the starting point of proposing an equal and one real benefit for all, but more like desiring to BE in such positions which is what I suggest people protesting ponder about, if the starting point of ‘rioting’ the system is in fact within the desire of establishing an equal society or just ‘bash the party’ for the elite in vengeance and spitefulness toward the elite – because if so, that, my fellow droogs, would indicate that the Evil that you see within ‘others’ in this world is definitely Also existing within you – there are no real benevolent acts in this world yet.

This will continue…

 

Desteni
Desteni I Process
Desteni Lite Process : Enroll today, Free Online Course to learn the living skills to live in Equality
Equal Money System

 

Uma

Blue light beings – lol

 

Blogs:

 

Must Hear Interviews related to Racism, Skin Color, the Elite and body designs in order to STOP the Inequality based on the physical aspect of our body.
The Series of Interviews The Soul of Money exists as a backbone and necessary material to study in order to understand the dynamics of the monetary system, economics and our individual lifestyles  – a must hear to have a practical perspective on the changes necessary within this world in order to create a living condition that is best for all.

198. Wealth and Positivity a Synonym of Abuse

Continuation to the Elitist Character

Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments for the previous posts.

When and as I see myself linking an Image and current concept of wealth to state of happiness, joy, satisfaction  – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the problem it’s not in itself is not the image in itself, but how I have accepted it as a ideal of fulfillment that can only be currently achieved in our reality based on the amount of money that one can have in order to obtain such a lifestyle/ picture presentation reality, that should not exist as an ‘exclusive’ type of living, but should in fact exist as a possibility for all human beings within the consideration of what is a dignified living, wherein no abuse to create such ‘luxury’ takes place – thus, I direct myself to realize that living is not equated to the amount of properties or money that one may have, but having the necessary means to live and as such, realize that wanting ‘more’ than that within the current configuration of this system implies greed.

I commit myself to realize that Living in this world does not mean having all the positive experiences that money can buy, as this money is currently existing as an abusive point in our reality, and within this it is to be aware of how I align myself to a living consideration of what is required in this world to live, based on what is best for all, ensuring that I remain within the current considerations of living without seeking a positive experience linked to ‘wealth’ in itself, but take into consideration the actual processes that have allowed and enabled such ‘wealth’ which at all times within this current system, implies abuse-  thus it is to Stop desiring to have a positive experience and instead, direct oneself to realize what actual living implies with having the basics to live and directing one’s life to equalize an optimum living condition for all beings on Earth.

 

When and as I see myself identifying a general positive attitude that is being presented by people such as smiling and having a general well-being based on the amount of money that they have/ the security that money represents within them, and within this Desiring to experience the same as them, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is within this images that we seek to become that we neglect HOW such happiness/ wealth/ well being exists in this world only for a minority, while it is the majority that is enslaved to maintain/ sustain/ produce all the necessary aspects that create a ‘fulfilling life’ that only a few can afford. Thus I allow myself to realize that the picture is not Real, but it is an illusion based on the positive experience and positive energy that money creates and enables a few to have/ experience at the expense of the abuse of life, because of this current world system existing as the representation of who we have become as an energetic experience as the imposition toward that which is Physically Here as Life. 

I realize that the perfect picture representations in this world representing ‘happiness’ and ‘joy’ and ‘stability’ based on smiles, perfect picture homes and living conditions at this moment, are but incentives/ motivation factors for everyone to keep accepting the current world system ‘as is,’ without any further attempt to question it/ study it/ realize how it works, because it’s become easier to follow the positive experience of happiness/ joy that money brings than pondering why such well being must be strived for instead of unconditionally existent and given/ received by and through each other’s agreement to give to ourselves what is Best for All as a dignified living condition, that will not then be based on positive energy, but a physical constancy and consistency of being able to support All Equally.

 

 

When and as I see myself being complacent to accept the fact that one must ‘strive’ to make a living and linking the word ‘doing good’ with ‘earning lots of money’ or that one can be instantly benefitted within a particular privileged lifestyle– I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to at all times take into consideration what Lies behind the creation of wealth, how all these luxury products and a general luxurious type of living is currently only possible within a system of abuse because not everyone has equal access to it. Within this, it is to always direct myself to remain physically aware of directing my life and living considerations to that which enables me to physically live.

 

I realize that this was the imprint I got as a child in order to believe that I could only get to be fulfilled/ happy if I pursued an ultimate wealthy lifestyle that would allow me to experience the same that I saw people with money experienced within themselves, which is an energetic experience based on money that which allows such wealth and fulfilling lifestyle to be passed on from generations to generations, without having questioned until now.

 

I commit myself to expose how we’ve accepted and allowed the concept of fortune/ wealth as a positive experience,e while in fact, it cannot possibly exist/ be materialized without other beings being deliberately abused/ used in order to create a heavenly existence only for a few, which is unacceptable and as such, the passing on of wealth from generation to generation must not be an elitist-way of living only, but a general living condition within an Equality system wherein wealth won’t exist in the form of ownerships and money itself, but as the actual wealth of being able to sustain and maintain a system that will ensure that all beings are taken care of from birth to death from generation to generation, without anyone being left out of this equation.

 

When and as I see myself immediately assessing a being’s ‘status’ in terms of their picture presentation, their  vocabulary, their family, house, properties as the general ‘money-condition’ and defining who I am toward them based on them having this or not having any of this at all – I stop and I breathe –  I direct myself to treat all beings equally regardless of any indication of them having money/ not having money as I see and realize that I had been conditioned to create a divide toward people based on the amount of money they had.

I realize that any form of ‘positive quality’ within a being such as having an education, properties, ‘proper manners’ and expression abilities are in fact only characteristics that are able to be acquired by a few that have an inherent support from their families that were already existent within a position in the world system that would enable these people to have proper house, proper education, and a general well being image that is linked to a ‘well being’ in the realm of luxury and comfort, which is then something that is not readily available for us – thus any indication of valuing people according to their image presentation within the connotation of them having money/ not having money, is in fact part of the segregation and general discrimination that I had accepted and allowed based on my ideas of believing that I had to only seek to fulfill my life with the ‘positive experience’ and literally avoid/ deny/ suppress/ get away from anything or anyone that represented  the ‘not having money’ aspect of our reality.

I commit myself to equally expose and educate others as myself to understand how it is really like worshiping the Evil the moment that we are all wishing and desiring to become the epitome of the Elitist person in the world, as that ideal should be a synonym of the most abusive person in the world, based on how wealth/ money can only exist as a benefit for some while the reality that is suffering and that has no access even to the most basic goods and services, are relegated, denied, suppressed and never brought to a single question which is Why have we accepted and allowed poverty and misery as part of the a population’s living condition? And instead only focus on achieving, wanting and desiring to obtain our ‘happiness’ which is linked to money and a position of power above others within this current world system, which is unacceptable.

 

When and as I see myself linking the belief of happiness to a single property or ideal living condition, I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to realize that we’ve limited and reduced Life to being an experience based on the amount of money that one can have or not – thus I direct myself to identify this ultimate well being of perfect picture presentations as part of the abuse that we’ve all participated in while neglecting the fact that one can only ‘thrive’ in this world based on creating the most profit in any way possible, which already implies a relationship of abuse within the current world system that is Not considering such well being as a human right to every living being here.

I realize that this is the most basic form of mind control that we’ve accepted and allowed within our reality, wherein we have focused Only on pursuing our happiness through becoming wealthy/ having lots of money as the ultimate state of ‘power,’ success and satisfaction in the world, without ever questioning why it is that such well being had to be strived for instead of being readily given for all beings in equality.

 

 

When and as I see myself allowing myself to determine ‘who I am’ based on the amount of money that I have/ don’t have – I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to realize that money is currently only a point that allows me to buy that which I require to Physically live and not Mind-Experience live, which means that I direct myself to use the money in order to satisfy my needs and requirements to live.

 

I realize that defining who I am based on the amount of money I have and creating a positive or negative experience must be at all times realized as part of the inherent accepted and allowed programming of life as an experience wherein having lots of money is linked to being happy and not having money being linked to sadness/ depression – thus it is to realize that for the moment, the living conditions in this world is existent within a polarity of a majority living in a constant depression/ crisis due to money and that only a few experience such ‘confidence/ security’ based on the amount of money one has – thus, I commit myself to educate ourselves to understand how we will all only be absolutely fulfilled when we understand that we require to provide/ give equal access to the necessary resources/ goods/ services that every living being requires, as that would ensure an equal and one acceptable well being wherein we can finally stop all forms of crisis/ depression as an opposition and directly-created polarity manifestation of wealth/ happiness linked to money.

 

 

When and as I see myself being ‘unsatisfied’ with what I have based on money, I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to realize that my satisfaction resides on the ability to fulfill my basic needs such as eating, having the basic services, housing, health support if necessary and a general well being in terms of living environment, which is the basic aspects one can have a dignified living with –

I realize that this dissatisfaction can only exist in a physical reality when we don’t have enough money to eat/cover our basic needs, and that any other form of dissatisfaction can only exist based on wanting to ‘have more’ in order to have a positive experience based on having lots of money, which would be re-enacting the processes that enable this world system to continue functioning based on the instigation of a desire to fulfill – such as being wealthy – while never questioning why it is that a proper living condition is not a readily given point of support for every human being – within this,realizing that wanting more than this as a point of seeking energetic experiences is the point of abuse.

 

When and as I see myself judging people with lots of money/ wealth as being ‘more’ than myself as well as being conceited/ arrogant or identifying them with vainglory, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can only hold a judgment toward them based on the identification of people equal to the amount of money they have, which is not a real consideration as to who the being really is as a physical being that is equal to myself – thus, I stop projecting my own spitefulness desires of having what they have and being envious about them, leading to creating a negative experience toward their attitude/ beingness and direct myself to treat them/ communicate with them as equals.

 

When and as I see myself experiencing a discomfort when being with people that currently have a wealthy position in the world system and creating a negative experience toward them – I stop and I breathe – I realize this only exists as long as I hold  a particular knowledge and information such as them being ‘wealthy’ as ‘who they are’ which is not in fact so , thus I stop seeing the person as their money and possessions– I direct myself to communicate and equalize my expression toward other beings at a physical level wherein I ensure that I stick to the practicality and physicality of the interaction on an equal one basis.

 

I commit myself to also walk the realization of how this perceived ‘power’ that others have based on the amount of money they have is stemming from a general acceptance of money as ‘power over life’ and within his, power over everyone else that would not have a similar amount of money as an actual personality that we’ve become wherein we have separated ourselves form ‘the elite’ as well and seeing them as ‘more’ than ourselves, when in fact, we are accepting the very ‘value’ of money to become more than ourselves and a such create social status that in no way stand as a consideration of all beings being equal as life.

 

I commit myself to expose how in this world, for the positive the Negative must exist and that as long as we keep valuing a ‘rich’ and ‘famous’ lifestyle as something positive as in having a lot of money, we are in fact accepting and allowing to neglect the negative/ the abuse/ the suffering that is accepted in this world as in people not having the necessary to live/ striving to make a living in order for only a few to have the positive experience of happiness/ joy/ confidence/ security/ well being that money in this current world system provides – thus it is only within the Equal Money System that we’ll be able to remove this energetic polarity as an experience created by the lack or ownership of money and instead, ensure everyone has equal access to all that is require to live in an optimum condition, as that is what we would want for ourselves, so we give it to all in equality and stop the polarization of society.

 

I commit myself to expose how it is only through the individual understanding of Equality as Self as one and equal to Life that we can in fact promote a living change in this world, as no system will do it For Us, but we have to in fact take responsibility for the disparity we’ve accepted thus far in our reality, which is mostly unacceptable based on the conditions that have been perpetuated without a question for far too long – time to Wake UP from the brainwashing of happiness, positivity, wealth and fortune as something ‘good’ in this reality within the current context of this world system.

 

More Self Corrective and Self Commitments to come…

 

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process : Enroll today, Free Online Course to learn the living skills to live in Equality

Equal Money System

Cabellos-Rojos

 

 

Blogs:

 

The Series of Interviews The Soul of Money exists as a backbone and necessary material to study in order to understand the dynamics of the monetary system, economics and our individual lifestyles  – a must hear to have a practical perspective on the changes necessary within this world in order to create a living condition that is best for all.


83. Finishing what I Started

The ‘Fulfilling character’ character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self-doubt based on the ideals that I’ve kept with regards to what is an acceptable expression based on what is pertinent to express in relation to only being one single character as ‘an artist,’ instead of realizing that I am a human being that is able to express in any way that is self-honest and congruent in relation to the physical moment that I am walking in relation to my process.

 

I realize that I had been limiting myself based on being ‘caught’ between being ‘academically correct’ while trying to remain ‘true to myself,’ which means that I am still allowing myself to separate the ‘intellectual’ aspect as something that I have to ‘work further into,’ without realizing that what I am working with is myself, and that at the moment there is nothing I am creating as everything is already here. I am simply sculpting myself, using what is here already as myself and giving myself direction to become the expression of who and what I really am as life, which is the process I am walking here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist as doubt the moment that I have to present a ‘final work’ toward the academy, just because of the ideals that I have created around ‘the final work’ and how I have deemed it to be this ‘huge event in one’s life’ which is how I have instead shoved it aside and believe that I have to pull out a ‘great show’ for everyone, which is only stemming from the ego and personality I have been throughout my life as a student that is ‘bright’ according to judgments that I’ve accumulated as ‘who I am, ‘ which I’m not.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually ‘fear’ letting go of these standards because of considering that me-expressing myself in simplicity will not make me something ‘outstanding’ which is what I had been tagged as throughout my career ‘being outstanding’ and believing that everyone is expecting me to have this ‘outstanding career,’ which in no way correlates to the process I am walking as myself. Thus, I stop preventing myself to express and move based on these ideals that I am secretly keeping as a ‘final shot’ within my life, without realizing that I cannot serve two gods, and that my ego is no longer a point to be taken into consideration when I am the directive principle of myself here.

 

This means that I cannot possibly continue procrastinating and allowing myself to be waiting for the right moment to write-myself as the declaration of who and what I am as my own process of self creation, because I see and realize that I was waiting to have something ‘finite,’ without understanding that it is the mere explanation of myself as my process and as such, it won’t be anything that can be measured as right or wrong, as it is a creative-process in itself with no precedents. Thus, I allow myself to walk this point with no predisposition toward anything or anyone in separation of myself and my expression here.

 

I realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to still take the ‘academy’ as something above me, as something that could refute anything I could say just because I am not presenting any artwork per se. Ye the process in itself Is the creation as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I was not going to be working with some work of art per se, I was standing in ‘dangerous territory,’ which is just me using an excuse to validate my self-doubt and hesitation based on mere beliefs what and how I should present myself to have this ‘flawless’ project, without realizing that because of holding such Ideals, I am in fact limiting myself to make of this work a simple and practical extension of the process that I am walking on a daily basis through writing. This proves how one single belief can tamper my ability to direct myself and essentially become like a haunting ghost that is seemingly ‘beyond myself,’ which is absolutely unacceptable as it is all based on the belief of who I am as the ‘perfect student character’ which is only feeding an ego that is busy dying.

 

I direct myself to express myself here, in simplicity and stop the haunting ideals of me fulfilling anything for anyone else in separation of myself. I realize that whatever I write and express as myself is within the consideration of what’s best for myself and all as equals – thus there can be no ‘wrong doing’ in that.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place conditions toward my expression based on wanting to fulfill a certain ideal/ ego/ pattern of myself in separation of who I am as life. This means that I stop creating an elusive ideal to fulfill in separation of myself within attempting to write ‘for someone else’ such as ‘the academy,’ instead of realizing that this is about me writing myself as my process and in that, it is no different to the expression that I write myself as every single day.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the reason why I was not facing this point is because I was still holding on to the idea of ‘who I am’ toward teachers, school, the consideration of my entire student career throughout my life, wherein I was still aiming at this ‘perfection’ but not based on self-developmental perfection, but perfection base on the idealism I lived as myself in terms of being awarded with ‘the highest honors’ always, which is what I have kept in the back of my head as this ideal that I apparently have to fulfill.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually program myself from a very young age to be able to obtain the ‘highest honors’ when graduating, which is just an idea of what I thought would make ‘more than everyone else,’ and that would fulfill the ‘perfect student career’ that I was busy maintaining as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place conditions onto everything that I do based on which characters I am seeking to fulfill and reinforce, which proves that I have become essentially a character that works to fulfill other characters wherein I miss out the absolute expression that is here as myself at any given moment, and instead believe that I have to get to a certain point to be able to express myself, or that I require to ‘find the right expression’ in separation of myself, which is just indicating that I was simply wanting to maintain a character within myself that keeps the pillar of the ‘flawless student,’ which is a character that I felt I lost the moment that I dropped out from my first career – as an accumulated self-judgment toward myself – and having left school for one year to be living abroad – which became me losing my opportunity to have an automatic graduation, which meant to me losing the perks of being this ‘flawless student.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that because I won’t be able to get the highest honors, then it Is just pointless to do something ‘worthy’ – yet at the same time fearing not being acceptable enough for the academy, thinking it won’t be ‘sellable,’ which is just me trying to fulfill another’s expectations in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up before even having started, which means that I have become this character to be fulfilled/ bashed and accordingly only move as fear waiting for the ‘right moment to come,’ to give myself direction, instead of realizing that the more I procrastinate, the more I compound the single possession of fear, shoved-away anxiety that comes with it, which is absolutely unnecessary considering that expression as words is here as myself at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually stop myself from directing myself because of fearing not being ‘good enough’ at the eyes of that ‘world’ that I have kept as superior than myself, which is the academy/ schooling institutions even though I am aware how they function and how it is all part of the basic conditioning of creating competition and these apparent ‘high standards’ upon human beings – hence I realize that any form of limitation is just a stupidity loop in fact, because I am accepting and allowing the realm of knowledge and information to be ‘beyond myself,’ while all that I require is here as myself already.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘letting the career down’ and everyone else involved in it, based on how I had walked it with having these great expectations toward myself and because I am in no position to fulfill them, my entire starting point of doing this work is stemming from me having failed at ‘becoming an artist,’ and having failed to fulfill the expectations that I had toward myself and that I believe, think or perceive that others have upon myself.

 

Thus I realize that the only point of betrayal can actually exist if I continue allowing myself to tamper my ability to express myself here in every moment by wanting to suit myself into a character to fulfill other characters’ expectations, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know that I would experience regret and still not do anything about it, which is just proof of how one single point of belief can be an entire point of self-sabotage if not walked, addressed and opened up immediately as self. I realize that self-movement is compromised the moment I hold but one single iota of character to be fulfilled as myself, and in that, I am entirely responsible to face the consequences of what I am creating for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually project myself into ‘that day’ when I have to present this work and go into fear because of all the value I had placed to such moment from a very young age as this apparent ‘magnificent’ event’ wherein I placed myself as the character that would go ‘beyond history’ with some magnificent final work, which is just base on my ideals that fulfilled the ‘perfect student’ character I accepted and allowed myself to be and become as ‘my worth’ and ‘who I am,’ which is the point that I now see and realize I was not willing to entire let go from the moment that a point that I am not directing as myself is directly linked to preserving this elusive ideal of myself toward others and in a particular institution.

 

I realize that within these ideals and beliefs of who I am and how I must present myself in such moment is stemming from comparing myself to other beings in my family that have presented a ‘flawless work,’ wherein I placed a higher standard for myself in order to end up being ‘the ultimate winner’ at the eyes of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in future projections as the image of me in that room with teachers in front of me, asking me questions and having ‘an audience’ that I must apparently dazzle with my wits, which is just an entire mindfuck that I’ve used to only torture myself, instead of giving me absolute self direction at all times with it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear when thinking ‘will teachers/ academics buy this concept of art as myself?’ and in that, already limiting myself for giving worth and value to what others can say about a point that is and will be a point of self-expression in its totality, wherein I realize that the ideas of me having to comply to a certain institutional format is just self limitation and doesn’t represent at all the unconditional expression that I have walked and proven to myself I am able and capable of doing with no obstacles a all. So, I realize that I had still held fear and fear of being judged by ‘weird’ and ‘unconventional’ even in art school by my professors, which is ludicrous considering the type of work I am presenting and the school that is precisely created to break patterns of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable within an academic world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others based on what I am working with, without realizing that this is not about ‘defending my thesis’ as this is not a thesis as something to ‘prove’ to others, but a single explanation of myself as this moment an this process of self-creation that I am walking and how it goes along with artistic expression as a point of support for it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘betraying’ or ‘not making use’ of what I was supposed to have learned in school, just because of not being presenting plastic work in some specific discipline, which is just me fearing being judged for not complying to the usual modes of presenting the final work, without realizing that I was only trying to please others with my work in my mind, instead of actually physically walking it as myself without expecting to create any special form of ‘feedback’ that I could feel better or greater about myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to still hold on the idea and belief that I had to come out with the ‘greatest score I could attain’ which is what I would then be satisfied about, not realizing that because of fearing not getting this, I am instead not moving myself within this point simply because of fearing being judged.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is such an ‘important thing in my life, ‘ without seeing and realizing that just by this single belief I am creating an entire point of separation between myself an this ‘final work’ based on the ideals I was still wishing and hoping to fulfill about myself, instead of just walking it as self and in such way, not having to be ‘expecting’ something out of it other than what I am able to express as myself in every moment that I dedicate myself to write here as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first create these entire ‘ideal’ about my final work and separate it from the actual walking it on a daily basis believing that the ‘final document’ had to be this outrageous and ‘outstanding’ expression which I now see and realize I was simply busy trying to fulfill in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the positive feedback as a point of self-acceptance in separation of self, wherein I went into idealism instead of practivism, and that’s the entire point wherein I tried to fulfill the idea of who I am in separation of myself as the physical moment I am living in that I can simply direct myself to write it out, without going into fear of being judged, fear of not ‘fulfilling’ the reader, fear of coming ‘short’ in my expression and – all of these fears are absolutely unacceptable.

 

I realize that any moment that I see myself judging this point of work as ‘something separate’ from the daily writing I do and direct as myself, is simply an excuse to not dig further into realizing how obviously I was still holding such ‘final work’ as something beyond my nose, which means that I projected it into this elusive future, instead of bringing it here as self and as such ensure that I walk it as self, as the realization of who and what I am able to be and express in every moment of breath in relation to the process I am walking as myself here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that I’ve made the ‘write choice’ for the topic because it was ‘positively accepted’ by my professor, which is just a point of self-manipulation based on thinking that ‘it is already great because my professor liked it,’ which then becomes a point to fulfill ‘for others,’ instead of myself expressing myself here in every single moment of breath.

 

I forgive myself that I accept and allowed myself to move myself based on positive feedback, wherein I can see that I am not absolutely self directive the moment that I am still trying to fulfill an idea of myself based on what is ‘good’/ great from others, instead of taking myself into consideration as the expression that is here in common sense and that as such, It cannot be possibly refuted.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself to a single belief and expectation, which is as limited as a single thought waiting to be fulfilled by an external stimuli to keep the positive energy running. I stop myself as a character that seeks to be something ‘great’ for others, and instead, remain constant as the realization that all that I am is already here and that any delusion of moreness or less than is just a mind-belief that is in no way who and what I really am.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to still allow my mind to direct myself as fears that I suppress with other activities, thinking that ‘the right time will come,’ without realizing it won’t ‘come’ by itself, but that I have to practically and physically direct it as myself at all times.

 

 

Rumbos-inciertos

Rumbos Inciertos 2006

 

Self Corrective Statements.

When and as I see myself resisting and not wanting to go into what I have deemed as an ‘academic writing,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am separating myself from information and placing it as ‘more’ than who I am in every moment, without realizing that this is one single point that I can direct as the expression of myself in the moment, instead of being wanting to become something ‘else’ to be academically correct, which is the point that I have been struggling with and seeing it as ‘something I cannot yet be sure about, ‘ which would imply that I am seeing the ‘academic work’ as separate from the expression of who and what I am in every moment of breath. Everything is here, I allow myself to direct it as myself.

 

When and as I see myself creating this final work something ‘more’ than myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am making it more than myself because of the ideas that I have created toward ‘finishing a career’ and comparing myself to my sisters and their final thesis/ presentation, of which I personally took it as this point that I had to ‘surpass’ and better at all cost, just so that I could go out with the triumphant belief that I had been this bright student throughout my life and that ‘my final exam was no exception,’ which is just me future projecting and expecting to be ‘remembered’ by teachers, by parents, by colleagues as something ‘great’ other than myself here in simplicity.

 

When and as I see myself doubting my own expression in any given moment in relation to presenting a work toward any institution, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am only separating myself from the constancy and consistency of myself as self-direction and allowing me to be tampering it with the ideal of me having to adjust such expression to be liked/ accepted by the academy, without realizing that this is just a self-belief that I’ve come to feed and fuel as ‘who I am’ as the character of ‘the perfect student’ that has no place here as myself, as the physical body that is not defined by knowledge and information or ‘who I have been’ in/as the past.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to fulfill the ideal of ‘the perfect student with a perfect final work’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that I am seeking to fulfill an ideal of who I am in separation of myself, which is not acceptable, as everything that I am is already here as myself and any idea of me as ‘more’ than myself and/or wanting to ‘maintain’ a self-imposed title is only ego.

 

When and as I see myself placing conditions onto my expression in order to suit an ideal according to be presentable to a certain institution/ school / academy, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this limitation can only exist as fear that I can stop in a moment of breathing and physically directing myself to express in common sense. Who and what I am is constant and consistent no matter what, thus any condition/ impediment is only stemming from myself as the mind wanting to preserve or remain stuck within a single character which I realize now is unacceptable.

 

When and as I see myself still believing that I have to ‘become’ a character in order to write, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the elusiveness of me writing myself is still a mind-created experience as any form of ‘impediment’ can only exist as an actual fear of being judged, fear of doing something wrong, fear of not suiting the ideals placed by the academy, fear of getting ‘stuck’ into something which are all bullshit and ludicrous points as I see that my nose clears when I clear my head from these ‘ghostly limitations,’ that can only exist the moment I place myself into THINKING about it, instead of just physically directing myself to write.

 

When and as I see myself seeking perfection outside myself based on the ideal of ‘who I as in the past,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is only me sabotaging my entire ability to be/ live and express in one single moment, one single being that is here as the physical expressing self as the physical, which means that I do not require to get myself into a certain ‘state of mind’ to write out the work, nor do I require more ‘knowledge and information,’ for it, it’s just a matter of directing myself to do it.

 

When and as I see myself still as something/ someone in separation of who I am in every moment of breath when/ while being preparing the work for school, facing teachers and so forth in such ‘art realm,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that the anxiety that I’ve suppressed and experienced was just this suppression of myself based on the ideals of how I had to do it, who I had to pleas and where I could ‘be wrong,’ which was all based on me having difficulty explaining myself in the past whenever I tried to explain this process to others, without realizing that at that time I had barely begun it, and that it was impossible for me to really express myself as it, because I had not walked it.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I have to ‘keep up’ my status toward others and caring about what family/ friends will say about me and my final work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is it, this is the moment wherein I can finally allow myself to step out of my beloved character of miss perfection and allow myself to express in common sense without any expectation toward it, as I realize that the point that I will be serving is Life itself and not a single character building career.

 

When and as I see myself feeling defeated because I could not attain to ‘the highest honors’ I see that this is just plain egotistical bullshit and has no space to hold here as myself any longer. It’s all memory based and memories are only self-limitations as the lies we believed ourselves to be in separation of who we already are here as one and equal. This is no higher talk, this is a certainty. This implies that any egotistical institutional reward is nothing but an ego-game to gain further positive experiences that are only energetic fleeting moments to rub the ego as the mind. The physical cannot be flattered.

 

When and as I see myself forming a character when trying to fulfill a character, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the moment that I see something as ‘difficult’ and that I deliberately place aside to not give it immediate direction, I am in fact just fearing having to face letting to of my own ideals and facing the reality of myself without the highest expectations that I had still held within myself, which became a point of comparison toward ‘who I was’ in the past, which is in no way who and what I am here any longer – the character is not real.

 

When and as I see myself still believing myself to be this ‘flawless student,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this ideal was actually stemming from the fear to not be good enough and fuck it all up, which is the exact fear as irrational as all fears that I have been living out with no direction given because of believing that I had to do something ‘else’ in separation of myself.

 

When and as I see myself fearing not being ‘good enough’ at the eyes of people in academy, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the ‘betrayal’ toward the career is only me wanting to fulfill a character in an ‘appropriate manner,’ which is in no way what I am willing to diminish myself to. Thus, I stop the bullshit and direct myself to express myself here, no judgments attached.

 

When and as I see myself worrying/ future projecting about the moment of presenting my work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this all stems from the value/ worth I had kept toward ‘the academy’ as something superior than myself, without realizing that this is just a limitation that I created within myself and has no space In reality as a certainty – thus, I stop.

 

When and as I see myself going into regret, I stop and I breathe – I realize I am simply sabotaging myself even further, the only point to correct this is to practically and physically direct myself to do that which I was procrastinating to direct as myself.

 

When and as I see myself going into comparison in relation to how my sisters presented their final works in school/ university, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I cannot possibly compare myself to others, as each one’s process is different – hence I stop placing these benchmarks for myself and rather direct myself to do what is required to be done and that’s it.

 

When and as I see myself fearing what academics will think, believe or perceive about myself and my work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this point of fearing being judged is just irrational as all fears, and that there is no possibility to fear expressing myself here as who and what I realize I am. I cannot possibly remain trying to defend myself as a character, and I see that the entire problem is how I titled the work itself – as ‘the artist’ and that because I do not see myself as an artist, I created an entire unnecessary conflict with it, simply because of fearing simply presenting myself as a human being, not one single character only.

 

Thus I direct myself to make the necessary arrangements to express how I cannot only define myself as a career in order to satisfy some ideals I Have upon myself and others toward myself. I cannot lie myself any further for any purpose or any justification, as the work itself is about myself and my self-honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place myself as ‘intellect in conflict’ and within this forgetting completely about the physicality that I am and exist as, which is and cannot possibly be diminished to a single character playing as ‘who I am.’

 

When and as I see myself believing that I will have to ‘prove’ myself to others, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I had ‘lived’ this point toward other beings in my world, but somehow I had held school as this immaculate piece of reality that I could not equalize myself as, still seeing it as ‘beyond’ myself.

 

Thus, I direct myself to finally let go of any idealization toward myself and my career – and everything that I had linked to ‘art’ itself and really, actually equalize it as myself, as who I am.

 

When and as I see myself trying and believing that I have to ‘impress’ others with my work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is not me here as physically speaking and doing in the moment, but existing as a future projection of ego wanting to be fulfilled.

 

When and as I see myself placing value onto my ‘final score’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that this is the character-rating that I have been bound to the most time in my life, always being used to ‘getting the most’ and believing that if I don’t get ‘the most’ this time, I have failed. Which is not so, it is just a character waiting and wanting to get ‘the most’ to continue existing as myself. Thus, I direct myself to present myself and express in the moment with no expectations as I see how expecting creates anxiety and anxiety creates a limitation to express unconditionally as it is all fear based on being judged, I stop and I direct myself in the moment.

 

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that ‘this is such an important moment in my life,’ and seeing it as the ‘pinnacle’ of myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that who I am is not based on memories and future projections, but simply here walking the system for what it is – I walk it in equality – no more and no less.

 

When and as I see myself expecting my ‘final work’ to be this outrageous paper, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am going ‘ahead’ of myself, and that all I require is to express myself as I exist in the moment, which can express in common sense without any extra desire to be ‘more’ than myself, thus I direct myself to express me without wanting to suit/ fit in a certain ideal of myself toward myself and others.

 

When and as I see myself using positive feedback as a way to move myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is only the ego being stroked and getting fuel to continue going. Who I am does not require positive feedback but only self-movement as the realization that everything that I require to be is already here as myself .

 

When and as I see myself separating this ‘final work’ from any other writing I do on a daily basis, I stop and I breathe. I realize that all I was doing was keeping it in a ‘special compartment’ which is not acceptable; otherwise it would not be me writing myself but me as character writing for other characters, perpetuating the character world. I am here to stop all characters as myself and in others, and instead direct myself to write something that will not be base on wanting to ‘fit in’ within the academic world, but that genuinely represents my own process of self-correction and self-direction as the creator of myself.

 

When and as I see myself using zeal as positivity to direct myself to do something, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within this I am only reducing myself to a single character fulfilling itself and is I no way me supporting myself as the expression that is constant and consistent here as breath. No more and no less required.

 

When and as I see myself expecting a final resolution of having a ‘great work’ and getting compliments in such future projections about myself and my work and ‘who I am’ toward others, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is not even a matter of being humble, but simply realizing that anything that can be said about my work and myself has I no way any influence as to who I am, as all I am is here as breath and no words can make me more or less than ‘it all.’

 

When and as I see myself existing as a future projection and expectation of fulfilling myself as a character, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the desires that I fueled from a young age were based on me only being a single character/ ideal that is in no way who and what I am as the totality of myself. Thus, I direct myself to walk this point as per requirement and stop limiting myself and my expression based on characters I played in the past that is not here any longer.

 

When and as I see myself deviating myself to do ‘something else’ instead of finalizing this work I stop and I breathe. I realize that the word ‘finalization’ means giving it a breath by breath direction without holding on to a single ‘outrageous outcome’ that I expected of myself in my mind, as that is in no way related to who and what I am here as the constancy and consistency of breath.

 

I direct myself to finish what I started.

 

 

Azul

 

MUST READ BLOGS:

 

 

 

Must Hear Song!

 

Note to Self: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make such a mind drama today, without realizing it’s hormones taking the wheel instead of myself here as the physical. Thus I direct myself to stand one and equal as my physical so that I don’t have to go wondering around what the fuck is wrong with me today.


Day 43: Careless

‘I couldn’t care less’ and ‘I don’t care’ – who am I within this as a thought pattern that makes me care-less? This is been an ongoing pattern for over a year, actually almost two years now wherein due to not being having and having slowed myself down within participating in the usual pressures to ‘do excel’ in school and existing in such survival mode in terms of consequences in numerical values if work was not delivered or not done at all, I went into the opposite and became rather careless in a way wherein I would not really ‘fear’ the consequences any longer which would still manifest quite an accumulation of tasks. such as the ones I have at the moment.

 

The word carelessness represents this specific relationship that I had lived as before in relation to all points of responsibility, wherein I would mostly do things out of self-created pressure – ultimately fear of not making it/ survival mode – and once I started becoming more and more ‘lax’ in school and everything as the nature of my studies became more lax themselves, I created this carelessness point wherein I stopped pushing myself to direct myself as effectively as I used to do before when my motivation was fear, which proves the point that we read today on how we have all become addicted to fear as a movement instigator, which is how we have turned it into a positive thing when saying that Money moves us – but in fact it is the fear of Not having money the one that moves us – yet, as always, we rather look at the ‘positive side’ and not seeing the actual reality for what it is.

 

It is fascinating how I simply cannot lie to myself when developing a self-honest communication wherein the word is pointing me out exactly what I have been trying to suppress and apparently saw as ‘not important’ to write about, yet it is consuming my being and keeping me in the conscious mind as points accumulate and then there’s this laxity and ‘carelessness’ wherein I have gone to an extreme opposite of how I used to live in the past, wherein I would be in constant strain and anxiety to ‘get things done.’ Now I’m in the middle unacceptable road as whenever I place myself to do something within a self-directive manner, I get it done until it is done – yet whenever I allow myself to walk the middle-road = I don’t do things, I leave them hanging by the half and go into this ‘carelessness’ mode wherein I simply cover up the remaining ‘task to be done’ as some form of idleness in laxity, meaning, it is still there but masked/ shifted in a way wherein the thought of anxiety is transmuted as an ‘everything’s gonna be alright’ – no wonder I’ve held such backchat toward Bob Marley and that three little birds song that I had to learn when I was in primary school, it sounded so ridiculously optimistic to me that I developed this aversion toward the single sentence ‘Don’t worry about a thing, ‘cause every little thing’s gonna be alright’ or something around there – not realizing that this has become an actual mantra in my head whenever I allow things to just go by and in my journey to step down from this hyper-apprehensive person I created within myself this point of extreme ‘confidence’ that is merely intention and knowledge based, without any actual substance/ work  to be so sure about it.

 

So,   I masked this carelessness point to think that ‘is alright,’ when I am in fact accumulating work without getting it done, wherein I justify the fact that I have been able to always ‘pull everything out alright’ in the past and becoming too apprehensive, stressed, nervous and in a constant state of fear to do so, thus using the past a a way to move myself here, which is in no way acceptable, I cannot direct myself according to ‘who I was in the past’ as a way to reference myself here.  I see that’s been the most ‘clash’ wherein because I had tried to let go of this apprehensive personality, I went into another personality as laxity, just wanting to test out what it was to just not do the homework and see what would happen – fucked up self-sabotage, as it’s not about now stopping being responsible due to the extensive self-definition I had lived as an energetic personality, but to become self-directive which I have proven to myself I am able to be and become when decisions are made – however when I accept and allow any form of ‘leeway’ within me, that’s when ‘shit hits the fan’ as I stand in a quicksand middle ground of no self-direction and only allowing the days go by and leaving points half-way done. Yikes

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the past as an excuse to not move, wherein I simply become part of the old world that is perpetuated in our every day living actions within this world, which are exactly the type of attitudes that have driven ourselves to the current experiences that we have in relation to being in an absolute zombie mode and only being driven by that which entails highly-rewarded activities and only moving when there is energy-reward/ compensation/ remuneration involved, instead of realizing that within a world in equality the only point of motivation is self-here as breath, wherein within that realization I see and understand that everything I do is as a self-willed movement is one plus point to the creation go a world that is no longer profit/ energy driven, but self-willed at al times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ‘carelessness’ as an actual state of being wherein I apparently ‘don’t care’ about consequences and outflows of my own procrastination, when in fact, it is just another way to mask it as it all being ‘alright’ while compounding actual stress, fears and anxiety that I simply wash down through going into the carelessness-mode where I am not in fact being self directive, but only using a no-reaction mode in order to believe that ‘everything will be just fine’ and that I will be able to pull-through it based on the past and my experiences to always ‘get it done’ without realizing that I cannot possibly base the who I am in every moment based on the past of having just walked through the points that must be done, and ‘get away with it’ as in everything turning out ‘alright,’ while in fact this indicates that I am conditioning myself based on the ‘who I was’ in the past which is in no way a self-directive decision, at all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having created a pattern of going to the opposite after having lived a life of extreme apprehension to ‘get things done/ get assignments done’ and always having to excel and be on time, whereas from the past years that this energetic drive has receded, I have now gone to the extreme opposite of apparently ‘not caring’ to excel and always be ‘perfect,’ which is just another self-sabotage mechanism as I am not being self-directive at all within this, but only justifying my previous energetic drive to always ‘have everything done on time’ and always doing works and projects and label myself as a responsible person, to the point where I have now that I am not apparently ‘fearing’ I have only transmuted that fear of the consequences for me not being diligent in my tasks and have made it ‘alright’ as an excuse that ‘I had been so apprehensive my entire life that I required a break’ – yet that ‘break’ is not going into the opposite and stop caring to continue being responsible and use bullshit justifications as to why I am not moving, and instead realize that Because I am stopping self-motivation through energy/ mostly fear of getting a bad grade/ not being able to have proper credits in my school, it doesn’t imply that I then have ‘no motivation’ to do it, as this is now all about Self-Movement wherein I have seen the result of there being ‘no drive’ as an energetic drive – thus believing that something/ someone will push me to do it, which is absolutely unacceptable and a total victimization wherein I am trying to justify actual procrastination in the name of ‘healing myself from the past’ of worry, anxiety and apprehension toward all assignments and work to do, without realizing that it is only a mind justification that is in no way valid as there is no excuse that is valid when it comes to Self-Movement, as I am the only one that bears the consequences and the only one that is able to change that pattern.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consuming my being without actually Caring enough to see that I am simply making it all ‘alright’ and creating a point of extreme laxity wherein because I am no longer driven by the effect of fear of not getting something done, there is simply ‘nothing’ threatening me which is exactly the type of conditioning that I have accepted and allowed in this world as a point of motivation wherein

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be playing out precisely the point of ‘Lack of Self-Motivation’ that most people complain about within the Equal Money System presentation, wherein because there is no Fear as Fear of Survival that drives the human being to act, work to be part of a giving and receiving society/group as humanity, everyone asks ‘what will be the point of motivation within the Equal Money System?’ and in that, realizing that the motivation given by earning money/ making profit out of any activity is in fact the fear of survival/ not having enough money that is driving everyone currently to keep going within this system – this implies that in my case, as I am not being threatened to life to do what I have to do, I am in fact only allowing myself to confirm that I have been an organic robot that can only function based on fear as a crutch to move and use it as a motivation, which is unacceptable as I am in fact recreating the patterns of the old world wherein nothing moves if there is no money/ energy incentive as motivation.

 

I realize that in this point in my process, there will be Nothing moving if I don’t move and this has been the starting point of me having continued writing after a long hiatus – or intermittent participation in writing – in the past wherein the very act of writing had become the same point of ‘idleness’ wherein If I didn’t move, I obviously would remain in that comfort of ‘nothing happens,’ when in fact I actually simply let it all go-by and not take the moment to write myself because I believed that it was all ‘just fine’ – which is one of the greatest lies that we have all, collectively as humanity, accepted and allowed as a way to avoid facing the real responsibility that is required to take on in this world, and I realize that if I continue in this laxity and apparent ‘carelessness’ in this aspect of my direct participation in an outcome that is part of a collective effort, I am being the one point that along with many other points add up to the queues of ‘carelessness’ wherein we rather focus on something else and outside of ourselves, instead of absolutely giving myself the time to focus on my own process of self directive and self willed movement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only make everything within my world being ‘alright’ because there is no fear involved driving me to do things – but that it is thus the specific moment wherein I must step outside of ‘the zone’ that I had been specifically warned about, and realizing that Nothing will truly move if I don’t move’ – and this applies to every single aspect that I move myself in, wherein I am not being as self-directive in all areas of my every day living.

 

When and as I see myself going into the thinking pattern of ‘it’s fine, I’ve got time, there’s no need to rush, take it easy, everything will turn out to be fine’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is exactly the type of thinking patterns that I have used as a justification to not move and remain in idleness while holding a belief that somehow I will do it eventually which is an absolute time-trap that I have built within myself, wherein I am only procrastinating my own correction within self-movement as an equally-applied point in my reality

 

I direct myself to stop creating differences of my application according to what the task is and what is the task for, wherein I stop valuing my self-movement and direction and placing toward that which I have placed as ‘more important’ in my mind, yet not realizing that all points that I have directed myself to participate in are equally important. Thus, what we are here to do is realizing that the reality that I have built for myself as my own life and my world has been that of ‘waiting’ and ‘hoping’ that something will ‘move me’ and only moving if fear of survival/ fear of loss is involved – which implies that I have been proving myself to be a conditioned organic robot to only function based on fear and the stress of a life-threatening application, which is the base foundation of the entire current system wherein we are all just moving and chasing after because we have accepted and allowed the fact that if you don’t work = you don’t earn money – therefore you die as the fuzzy logic system that instills fear and a life-threat in order to cause movement. This implies that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my life I had never in fact being a Self-responsible person and actually moving by my own will, as I have simply driven myself through and by energy as fear, life-threats that are not ‘spoken’ but simply known and accepted as such, because of believing that ‘this is how the world works.’ Thus, the moment that I accepted and allow myself to require a point of motivation I can see that I am not being self-directive and self-willed at all, but that I am only adding one point to the entire fear-fueled reality that only moves according to the amount of life threats that we can receive in order to get things done.

 

I forgive myself that I have abdicated my power to move in every moment of breath to the mind as the pattern of ‘carelessness’ wherein I am constantly shifting myself to ‘do something else’ instead of focusing on my own tasks and assignments that must get done by me-moving-myself as a self-willed movement that I realize, see and understand won’t come by ‘a magic wand’ but require actual self-movement, self-direction and within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be in ‘all places’ at all times, pushing for a point of moving ‘faster’ yet missing out the point that this existence moves at the pace of breath, wherein rushing and trying to speed up any form of process is just a waste of time, actually, as this process won’t get ‘done faster’ unless I become that point that proves to myself that the actual way to walk this is in every moment of breath that I Direct myself to a best for all outcome, which implies also dedicating myself to Move myself, to see for myself and actually create a point within my living pattern of Not requiring energy to move – in this, being an actual part of the solution that understands what it means to will ourselves to move without requiring threats and/or emotional blackmail to move myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the point of others promoting ‘positivity’ as laxity and carelessness while believing that ‘everything will be alright’ while in fact, I am living by that which I ‘loathe’ which is washing it all down as ‘there’s not a problem, it should be fine’ instead of actually investigating in the moment what is it that I am in fact suppressing and making it ‘alright’ to not have to face the actual point of change as self-movement, which implies that we only project onto others that which is deeply ingrained within ourselves. Therefore, I take self responsibility to ensure that I stop all forms of delusional expectations on something ‘working out just fine’ after a while out of nowhere, instead of seeing and realizing that this process requires my every-breath direct participation in the construction of a world that is certainly self-directive and self-willed wherein we can prove that we can stop being slaves to become equal self-directive free beings, that do not require a shackle and whipping to move, but that we can simply direct ourselves to just do it.

 

I commit myself to become the self-directive point in every moment that I see myself deviating into doing ‘something else’ other than what I see is priority within my own process, which implies that I must establish the point of self-movement as self-motivation without any form of fear or life threat as an instigator for such movement, but I realize that nothing will change and nothing will move If I don’t change and if I don’t move – which I now realize are the most important aspects that I have to direct within my every day living, to prove that we as human beings can actually motivate ourselves and move ourselves in the name of our own self-support as life, wherein we stop seeking for an energetic ‘high’ of getting something done, accomplishing something in separation of ourselves, but instead walk the necessary actual application to get things done for/ by / as a Living Principle – which is living life in a self-directive mode instead of being fueled by positive and negative experience as a motivation, which resulted in the current world where we live in extreme greed and extreme fears alike.

 

I commit myself to get my shit together and establish and actual self-direction in my world wherein I stop wavering and riding the waves of ‘It’s alright, it’s okay, I’ll get it done somehow and someway’ which is a constant point as ‘carelessness’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to become, wherein I am in fact delegating my power away, the power that exists here as every breath, and using my time and space to divert my attention from what requires to be directed, which means that I have to stop the patterns of procrastination by masking it with ‘overcoming a previous life pattern of apprehension, worry and concern’ to always get things done, which is in fact self-manipulation to excuse my actual lack of self-movement, which I then become rather cynical about in terms of realizing that ‘yes, I didn’t move’ and not walking a practical solution to Move and Direct myself to get my tasks/ work done.

 

I commit myself to stop every moment that I go into the same laxity and carelessness and making something ‘alright’ without further investigation if there is actually something hiding behind that ‘carelessness’ due to washing down the energetic movement that arises and that I simply transmute into another experience which is also energetically based as ‘laxity’ and ‘carelessness’ – which implies that I must stop and breathe in every moment to see where I am allowing myself to ‘flow toward’ and not be self-directive in every moment, as I see and realize that it is in these seemingly ‘small fleeting moments’ that I actually walk away from self-direction and enter into ‘the zone’ of riding the waves of going into any point that ‘comes to me’ and ‘emerges’ instead of me directing myself toward it as a self-directive move and principle.

 

I commit myself to stop the ‘carelessness’ attitude and laxity and instead, move myself as self-care wherein I make sure I walk my own process instead of being constantly shifting myself out of HERE in order to go and ‘do something else’ other than the obvious points that require direction which can be directed in a single moment of breath and actual physical move wherein I see myself as the only point of motivation required to do so, as an actual motility instead of only thinking about it – I move myself as an actual physical movement to do so and in that, stop procrastinating self-movement into an energetic-driven reality.

 

“If I don’t change, If I don’t move

Nothing will change and Nothing will move”
Anu from the Hereness of reality.[*]

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interview support:

[*]Reptilians – How Hope Creates Hell – Part 38
Reptilians – Patience, and how to Live it – Part 43  
Reptilians – Where is Life – Part 28

2012 Dreamcatchers: Who Imagined this Fuckup?

 

“Be willing to dream, and imagine yourself becoming all that you wish to be. Keep in mind the basic axiom — all that now exists was once imagined. It follows then that what you want to exist for you in the future must now be imagined.”

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

 

“all that now exists was once imagined.”

This can only lead us to ponder the nature of the accepted and allowed mind that could go to the extent of imagining a world in poverty, starvation, war, rape, crime, animal abuse, violence, genocides, political and economical enslavement affecting the lives of billions of beings that are currently pending from one string to remain alive. Is our imagination something that we could be proud of?

Have you ever pondered how ‘comfortable’ it is to sit within our minds and ‘fly away’ into an alternate reality for a moment, only having to snap back to reality wherein the landing is often rather bumpy – why? Because in our imagination we ‘take the wheel’ whereas in reality, we have allowed ourselves to be driven by our own thoughts wherein we believe that: what we think, we can manifest. Is it really so, Mr. Dyer?

 

That ‘mind’ has been ourselves all the way: we created everything that is here, as it is, and within the current aberrant conditions we’re living in, we care realize that we manifested a fuckup as our reality that we have now covered up with a thick layer of glossy and sticky statements like Dr. Dyer’s quote above– how fluffy and nice! ‘Be willing to dream!’ I mean, as if it wasn’t known that sleeping is one of the most common methods to suppress our experiences and avoid facing our reality which is, yes, not a nice cotton-candy reality wherein we can all enjoy ourselves – however: we created it!

 

This reality has become the polarity opposite of our ‘wildest dreams and imagination’ wherein everyone is fearing each other, living only to get the next paycheck and seeking to fulfill the inner-experience with relationships that are mostly adding on to the self abuse in this world. Is this what We Imagined? or rephrasing: How come our imagination never fit the actual reality wherein any super-happiness and ultimate bliss-dream cannot possibly be fulfilled as a reality for ALL Beings? Of course, if Dr. Dyer speaks to the rich and famous that can follow the dreams through playing the game in the system, then there’s an obvious counter productive and abusive side to sustain such ‘charming’ words. Having such ‘bliss’ can only happen at the expense of others, and this is the single acceptance that reveals our ‘true nature’ within the ability to only imagine and fool-fill ourselves with unrealistic panoramas that are mostly keeping everyone busy making money to hypothetically make them their reality. That took quite some nitty-gritty scheming that we are all participants of as this entire system.

 

It’s a usual selling-grip to instigate human’s gullibility to buy that which sounds like honey to your ears – I mean, who on Earth wants to hear about Self-Responsibility and Self-Honesty and creating a world that is best for all through actual work? Not many, unfortunately – however what Mr. Dyer is missing is that: life cannot be neglected, denied, suppressed or even cheated through magic games like ‘imagining your best possible scenario and it will manifest!’

 

How predictable have we become to literally buy-into such glorious effortless quotes, that add fuel to an already fucked up Idea that living is about accumulating stuff that can define ‘who you are’ or ‘having all the money in the world’ or getting the ‘person of your dreams,’ which is certainly – proven 100% here by the writer of these words – Not what you ever expected it all to be. The fame and glamour that  you believe you want to get eventually becomes a nightmare for many – not even in having it all would you be able to sort out your inner-conflict that is most likely Not solved with money.

 

Bottom line is: when imagination meets reality you can either stop fueling these mindsturbations by daring to be Self-Honest and realistic about the current situation we’re living in and facing within this world – or you can decide to continue mind-fucking yourself which implies not only doing it to yourself, but dragging more along, such as what Mr. Dyer is doing within peddling such statements that are Not in any way whatsoever supportive for humanity.

 

How easy it is to sell dreams.

 

Dare to be Self Honest, Dare to see that his world is NOT here for our personal-fulfillment while having some actually slaving their time away while barely having anything to eat, just to make ‘your wishes and dreams come true.’

 

Who’s been the abuser and evil in this world all along?

 

Time to take Self Responsibility and dare to actually LIVE – it won’t be as easy as wishing or hoping without realizing that we can actually – instead of hoping and wishing –create a reality that is tangibly physically best for ALL LIVING BEINGS.

If you seek to ‘dream’ and ‘imagine’ just because your life is apparently ‘sad and miserable,’ read the following quote and see that reality is not about mansions, ‘beautiful men/ women,’ wine racks, boats and personal gurus that massage your ears with words that temporarily satiate your ever quenching ego as the mind – reality is something that our human experience cannot even grasp at this stage. Will you Dare to be Real or do you fear losing your ability to imagine and dream?

 

 

“To feel sad implies there is something lost or that can be lost – nothing real can ever be lost – Humans are not real –their bodies are real and will remain and return to earth when the opportunity of equality is recalled suddenly in a breath — when there are no more humans left and only life remain in various forms – you will not miss the illusion as it would never fit in with reality.” – Bernard Poolman

 

In the end: all that was mind-created will simply NOT exist as it was never real in the first place.

Featured Blogs:

Interviews:

Eqafe recommendation to Learn from those that faced the consequences of having ‘followed their dreams’

%d bloggers like this: