Tag Archives: getting things done

588. Physically Slowing Down

 

Or how I’ve been focusing on and starting to live the ‘physical pace’ or ‘breath pace’ of what it means to live moment by moment in the physical.

 

For a few weeks now I have been deliberately focusing on slowing down in my day to day living, in the minute details of my ‘everyday actions’ wherein I did get to notice or acknowledge how there was this constant form of ‘haste’ or ‘rush’ within me in virtually every movement that I’d take. The interesting thing is that it might not even have been noticeable on the outside or within me at a conscious mind level, but there was a definitive pressure or rush existing within me in every move.

 

An example is when washing dishes where within this experience of ‘doing things diligently’ I would get to wash them, but still would be rushing through it, very subtly experienced within my body even if the outside movements were ‘normal’ or ‘slow’ but it was still there as some form of control/tension that one experiences in the body.

 

So in those moments I would deliberately stop myself from being in that ‘automated drive’ which had become the constant way I had in fact experienced myself in my physical body before, and would instead deliberately do things ‘slowly’ as defined by myself in that moment, meaning doing them actually at a physical-pace, at a ‘breath pace’ which means not being driven by a desire to ‘get it done’ or ‘be over and done with it to move to the next thing to do!’ where I am slightly moving ‘forward’ all the time and not being fully present in those moments, because of perceiving that I have to already be ‘doing what I’m going to be doing next’ in my mind.

 

I had to also at the same time work with and debunk all of these ideas about having to be doing ‘many things at once’ or being ‘super productive all the time’ and in that forgetting about ‘taking some fresh air and smell the roses’ type of approach because I had been entirely geared to constantly ‘doing’ things and not giving some time to myself, which I have also been doing more so in the past months, but now it’s not only about ‘what I do’ for myself, but also ‘who I am’ in every moment of my ‘awake’ state during the day, which has been quite cool.

 

This experience of rush or ‘looking forward’ all the time in a very physical level would be felt like a tension, a tightness, a ‘control’ point experienced as rigidity – another word to describe it can be an anxiety get things done, to complete the task, which has been a very, very ingrained thing within me since I was a child and I’d rush to get things done and be ‘done with it.’

 

Here I’ve also been looking at this desire to ‘get things done’ wherein it implies a slight desire to be ‘over and done with it’ wherein I would only focus on the result/the end point of it instead of actually being aware of who I am in the whole process of doing something, being present, being aware, being in this ‘slowed down’ physical experience, instead of already projecting to the end of it, or ‘wanting to get done with it’ which would also indicate I am not entirely here as my physical in the process of doing something, but I am in some way resisting it, disliking it, which I then open up in the moment to see ‘what is the experience’ I’m having right now, self forgive the experience and then decide to live words like focus, attention, slowing down, living in the moment and most importantly doing it the best way that I can to integrate myself in my physical body, instead of living ‘through the eyes of my mind’ which were of haste, rush and also only doing ‘what I prefer doing’ in one way or another.

 

I saw how upon placing myself to deliberately ‘slow down’, there was an irksome physical-internal experience that would initially emerge upon deciding to slow down, like a form of antsy/restlessness/anxiety that would want to ‘go back to rushing, doing it fast, be done with it’ and in this I would become aware of how I was in fact rushing, but I would justify it with wanting to obtain ‘maximum efficiency’ in terms of time for example, which then relates to how even if I didn’t perceive myself having a ‘battle against time’ at a conscious level – meaning I would not be ‘thinking of time’-  it was still me very much existing as this battle of time within me, because this ‘rush’ and ‘haste’ has all to do with me ‘looking forward’ to things, which I have then become more aware of throughout these past weeks, resulting in what has become more of a defined slowed-down pace within me altogether which has become quite noticeable in various ways.

 

I’ve noticed that I no longer feel the need to ‘rush’ in doing these small day to day things, like within doing dishes or cooking or preparing something that actually takes time – and yes, even in painting where in the past I would rush my way through it and now based on what I’ve been challenged to paint, I just can’t rush through it or I screw it up.

 

I also realized that upon seeing certain kinds of artistic expressions, I got to place myself in their shoes and see ‘who would I have to become to draw like that’ and it all had to do with extensive patience, slow-pace and focus, which are things that I’ve definitely been focusing on living in these ‘moment to moment’ situations, and that I’ll be also integrating more into artistic expression as well for a change, lol, and will see how it goes but I already had a taste of that and it was cool to see how every now and then there was this desire for me to just ‘be done and over with it’ – so upon catching myself doing so, I would then deliberately re-settle myself to this ‘slowing down’ mode, which for the effect of doing so means ‘doing things slowly’ within me until it becomes more of a more natural pace where there’s no haste going on in my mind and I am stable and quiet within myself doing what I need to do with it.

 

I also got some cross reference from the people that know me the best like my mother where she had often complained about my anxiety to always ‘move fast’ and ‘get things done fast’ and ‘speed up’ in traffic and things like that lol, which I am totally aware I did and I in fact explained to her how I had been deliberately focusing on slowing down in all those details within me and the interesting thing is that she had in fact noticed this, which is a cool cross-reference.

 

Somehow it has become the ‘new constant state’ of being within me, where there’s this physical experience of slowing down and I’ve tested this for the past last 2 weeks more so, how even if I would ‘want’ to rush, it’s like physically I am not just ‘into it’ anymore – and yep I can only see this as a result of having been applying myself in this focus/attention to the detail of what it means to ‘slow down’ in every moment and how upon doing so in a constant manner, it kind of has started becoming the ‘new me’ in my physical experience, which I find very interesting to say the least because ‘rush’ and ‘haste’ and a bit of a constant haste or ‘anxiety’ had become a very ingrained part of my physical body, not in the sense of being ‘stressed’ at a conscious manner, but more at a physical tension level that I thought was ‘the normal me’, and now I’m realizing that there is possibility to in fact be in the moment and ‘slow down’ at an internal and so external level and how that changes the way that I approach not only myself but others, and how bit by bit I go moderating this ‘intensity’ that I would also experience as myself coming more from an energetic experience at an internal level, rather than as an expression which I’d link more now to a self-enjoyment, being comfortable in my own skin and voice so to speak.

 

Now, this is maybe an initial phase because I have become aware of the many ‘small things’ that indicate there’s some kind of deeply ingrained form of anxiety, and here I have to say that I had not considered myself as an ‘anxious’ person any longer, yet at a physical level I’ve definitely become more aware of this ‘tension’ that can come up even in simple things like arriving to a certain place in time, where yes before process I would go already tensing up, being nervous throughout the whole trajectory. And now as I’ve been walking for almost a decade of it – I’ve been able to notice how in constantly redirecting myself to be stable, to let go of ‘wanting to get there on time’ and all of these ‘antsy’ things I’d experience, I can let go of the rush at a conscious level.

 

It is only fairly recently that this has become more of a physical experience as well, which I find very interesting, new to me – by all means – and enjoyable considering that there is like this ‘inertia’ that I have to still redirect within myself to not give into this ‘rush’ but, the interesting thing is that I cannot physically give myself into it anymore, which is quite new to me as well.  

 

I also found Matti’s vlog supportive on this point How I Find the Extra in the Ordinary so check it out as well, he explains different dimensions of it but still points out towards the same outcome: slowing down, being fully doing what one is doing in the moment, physically being stable, taking one point at a time, not ‘rushing’ in the mind, not ‘moving forward’ towards ‘the next task’ when doing something completely different in that moment, not creating a battle against time and disregarding what one is busy with and also realizing how we can use these ‘simple’ moments of day to day living as constant reminders to ground ourselves back into the physical pace, because even if I had understood the theory of it and maybe made some adjustments in my relationship to ‘rushing’ at a conscious level, living it physically as my ‘physical pace’ is definitively a new thing for me which I have to now continue to integrate, cultivate and establish as ‘the new me.’

 

Ok, I’ll share more updates as I go and if needed, such as how certain physical movements like rubbing my feet against each other, or pinching some parts of my body or touching my hair or ‘fiddling with something’ while talking on the phone or with someone can indicate other levels of internal experiences that I’ll be placing more attention on because I’ve been able to stop myself in doing them, and then notice that there was this ‘tension’ in a certain muscle group, to then see and try ways to ‘relax’ at a muscular level in that area which then connects to the process of breathing the tension or ‘involuntary movements’ and consciously decide to ‘let go’ of whatever ‘control’ point I was holding on to at a mind level – existing as a very in-depth fear’ for example as well, and move through it in a physical manner, by deciding to relax, let go and in that ‘loosening up’ myself specifically in the area of my body where this ‘tension’ was showing up as these ‘involuntary movements,’ which is also a cool way to ‘slow down’ at a physical level, but that’s the next level of self-awareness to work with for myself and I’ll report back once I go specifying it.

 

Thanks for reading

 

For more support on this, please check out the process of Living Words at SOUL (School of Ultimate Living) with Sunette Spies 

 

 

 

 

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176.Imagining the worst case scenario: Obstacles to Protect Self Interest

Continuing with Procrastination CharacterImagination and the reactions to it

You can read more about the exploration within the Imagination dimension in the following blog: 169. Imagination as a Distraction to Not Do things

 

Now, I have walked the thought-dimension of the image of the office and me creating an experience of dread and further anxiety due to the ‘impending doom’ of actually having to confront the professor with my writing itself.

Then there is the other imagination point which is a future projection moment wherein I am facing all the ‘jury’ and presenting my work and expecting the worst which in this case would be them pointing out that my work has nothing to do with my career.

The third point of imagination is having to go through all the ‘paper work’ go get this done, from printing the document to all the necessary permits and letters and all of that scholar bureaucracy that I have also resisted to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within giving energy to the thought of me being at the office, start ‘rolling the imagination’ and playing out a future possibility of my professor simply pointing out that such writing is not acceptable/ is nowhere near finished, and that I have to re-do it all over again wherein I create an experience within my mind within this imagination moment of anxiety and absolute petrification because this means that I have to actually re-do the whole thing again, without realizing that this worst case scenario is only revealing to me how I am entertaining my mind and how I am allowing one single point of imagination to prevent me from actually simply physically doing it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as incompetent and not good enough when confronting my work with my professor, partly because of fearing that I won’t satisfy the praising of art based on the belief that I have with regards to me having to ‘praise my career’ in such paper, instead of actually realizing that this is my opportunity to be self honest and that as such, this self-investigation does not have to be compromised in any way – I also realize that I am within this participation in imagination, making everything a lot more than what it actually is which is just a protocol aspect of finishing a career, wherein instead, I have allowed myself to go into/ sink into anxiety and fear and what if’s, entertaining me in my mind with all these negative future possible outcomes as imagination, which I have used as an excuse to simply not do anything at all about it.

I realize that within this fear I also immediately realize it for ‘what it is’ and then, a laxity comes after this whole play out wherein it is as if I’ve become ‘comfortably numb’ so to speak with regards to this situation, which actually not acceptable as it is once again, just another way of me giving into energy that seems ‘harmless’ because I am not actively participating in fear, but within that seemingly ‘stable’ calmness I have created my own ‘sedative’/ chill pill within my mind wherein I simply stop looking at those thoughts BUT, instead of moving and taking the opportunity and moment to actually MOVE, I instead leave it for later which is then a point that is revealing to what extent I have made ‘okay’ within my mind to simply not work on this, which is actually based on actual fears emerging within  the imagination and an actual anxiety experienced that I have managed to ‘stop’ in a moment, however it obviously returns because the physical correction is not being done, which means: I can stop fear in the moment as an experience within the entire imagination, and I can stop participating in imagination – however, the point returns and will return as long as I don’t simply do it.

 

When and as I see myself going into imagination point of talking within my professor’s office and hearing the words that indicate that I have to do it all over again, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this imagination is only an excuse for me to actually not do it based on fears and future projections and whatnot which is simply a point of distraction instead of actually DOING IT. I also realize that I can stop the imagination and I can stop the reaction in one breath, however, this same image will continue haunting me as long as I don’t actually DO IT and give it physical direction – this is how I see and realize that no matter if we stop all our participation in thoughts, backchat and imagination and reactions, if we don’t do it, such stopping will simply be another chill pill/ instant placebo remedy wherein we actually then participate in the ‘positive imagination’ in order to make it alright and get back to the ‘feeling good/ better about myself’ in my reality through talking to myself about things that I am doing/ that I can do instead/ that I would ‘rather do’ instead of committing myself to this task.

I commit myself to stop the laxity that comes after relieving myself from these reactions and future play outs within the realization that yes, I am participating in my mind and that is not required in order to do things –however it takes an actual physical movement to ensure that I do not remain the laxity toward my compromise to get this done and believe that ‘fear is just for further self-control’ wherein I talk myself into reasoning why creating fears is simply not necessary to do things, however remain without doing them – thus I commit myself to stop fooling myself when it comes to this ‘stability’ that I know and realize is also a cover up to the actual anxiety that has been suppressed about this point by my own procrastination toward it based on ‘reasoning’ the doing instead of physically doing it.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the future projection/ imagination point of being in that room where examinations take place and being facing a series of people looking at me with a ‘what the fuck’ face, and going into fear because of realizing that my work is not directly linked to ‘art creation’ itself but more of a self-creative process wherein I am my own prime matter – within this creating a reaction of absolute fear and anxiety when projecting myself within this imagination and going into further backchat – which I will explore later –wherein I while being here and imagining all these aspects, go into fear, shut down everything related to ‘doing that work’ and instead focus in ‘something else’ that must be done, which is me then using other responsibilities as an excuse to not do this, while fully seeing how it is linked to this mind-creation of rejection by the academy toward my work.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be pessimistic about my work, myself and my presentation toward others, wherein while imagining myself presenting my work with others, I see myself trying to sound ‘convincing’ to others and fearing them just not ‘buying it’ without realizing that I don’t have to be convincing others in order to present myself, my writing, talking about it and replicating with common sense at all times

When and as I see myself using the future projection of being in the examination room with people and believing that they are rejecting/ not buying my explanation and me going into absolute nervousness and stumbling upon my own words – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am only creating this worst case scenario in my mind as an excuse to actually not Do things  – thus

I commit myself to stop pondering about the ‘what ifs’ and instead commit myself to do it, as I see and realize that it must be done no matter how long it takes – I have to get it done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an experience of disgust and even tiredness whenever I imagine having to go here and there and print and move with lots of permits and paperwork to get this done, wasting money/ time which I have considered as being very ‘valuable’ within me –without realizing that this is one of the aspects of walking the system, or realizing how things work and function whenever one decides to get a proper title and also realizing that I am making it a lot more in my head based on what other people would tell me with regards to ‘all the time it takes’ and ‘all the paperwork’ which I have created as this foggy load in the back of my head when imagining myself having to go through the same process due to me believing that it will just be ‘too much,’ which is how I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself based on the Idea that I create of something/ a particular task, instead of simply focusing on Doing it physically and walking through the necessary points breath by breath, as this is how I have also walked an entire career already  – breath by breath, walking Through it and not wasting my breaths hooking onto the ‘experience’ of going through it.

When and as I see myself imagining the entire process of going to all these offices with bright white light and waiting, and sitting and moving around from campus to campus in order to get the papers done and making it an absolute ‘brick’ on the top of my head wherein I go into this heaviness and dread and apathy to do it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is part of the points that I must walk through in order to get things done – thus I stop judging, I stop listening to the voices of the memories that indicated/ told me about how ‘dreadful’ and ‘tiresome’ and ‘annoying’ this whole process was which I have used as an excuse to simply not do it at all, which is unacceptable since I am simply at the very last stage of getting this done and as such, I cannot ruin it all just by one single imagination aspect of me having to go through all of these things and making it a lot more than what it in fact is in my mind.

I commit myself to stop participating in the imagination play out of me going to all of these offices and institutional dependencies from the university in order to get the necessary paperwork and instead focus on me walking every step breath by breath and realizing that there are No Shortcuts to this, it must be done, it can be done and it is simply one aspect of the entire process of me walking through this entire phase of my career, unconditionally.

 

I see and realize that this means that I don’t have to create a future projection of getting something done the way that ‘I want to get it done’ which is base on my exigencies of wanting everything to be done perfectly, without any ‘obstacles’ and without any ‘objections’ from others which is then part of the ‘controller’ personality that I see and realize will be part of debunking this entire process which is in essence wanting everything to be done ‘perfectly’ and ‘fine’ with no problems/ no flaws without realizing that this is all existent as this ‘immaculate process’ within my mind instead of actually physically dedicating myself to do it.

 

So how can I be holding on to this imagination and thinking about this point being done ‘perfectly’ and ‘without any objections’ if I am not practically and physically simply doing it?

 

I see and realize how much we can fool ourselves in fears and imaginations and future projections as a justification to not do things, whereas if we had our physical body deciding to imagine how ‘awful’ it would be to digest our food the following day, or having to process a physical activity and becoming fearful of having to ooze the toxins while working out or having to digest and poop out our food, we would be dead as nothing in our physical organism would be / get done – thus if I am standing up for Life in Equality – I equalize myself as my physical body that is unconditional to move and physically function 24/7 every single day as long as I am breathing here – and that’s the reality of physicality – I stop participating in bullshit alternate realities of the mind as ‘obstacles’ of self interest

Ludicrous and must stop here – but this will continue lol

 

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Blogs:

Character Dimensions – PHYSICAL/BEHAVIOUR Dimension (Part 3): DAY 176

Day 176: After Death Communication – Part 25 A History with Life After Death – Part 10

 

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The Soul of Money – Part 37

The Soul of Money – Part 36


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