Tag Archives: gossip

528. Hostages of the Past

Or how I’ve been existing in righteousness about the ideas, beliefs, opinions and perceptions towards people that I haven’t seen in a long time yet have dared to create an opinion about ‘who they are’ in their lives – and standing up from the gossipy me.

I listened to this audio interview called Directing Relationships and found it quite supportive considering I had a similar situation recently based on having to explain my past relationship with someone that another person also got to know of and we both had the point in common that our relationship with that person ended up with some kind of discontent on that person’s side so, in a way through this conversation we were seconding our perspectives about that other person being conflictive or ‘the problem.’

However the reality of the point is that I haven’t really talked to this person we were talking about in years and even if our last failed interaction ended up in me being like ‘what did I do that made him get so pissed off?’ I never really made any move to clarify things or haven’t made any decision to get in contact with the person and see where they’re at in their life currently, because ‘I saw no point’ but the reality is that there are judgments there that created such vacuum for me towards that other person.

Based on what I got from this sharing that Sunette recorded in that audio, I got to see how I did participate in a form of gossip in that conversation, where I was caging the person in a definition of who they were over ten years ago and where I last saw them which was almost four years ago, which means: a long time ago already.

I’ve noticed that I’ve actually kept this and many more people in my life in a particular bubble of judgments as all the reasons why I stopped talking to them, why I cut ties with them at the time – this mostly happening some 9 or 8 years ago, which is already quite a long time to even believe that I have a say on ‘who these people are’ currently, because I know for myself that I am certainly not the same person I was 10 years ago and that any idea, belief or perception I’ve kept throughout this whole time about someone being ‘this or that’ without actually talking to them and referencing ‘who they currently are’ ends up being an assumption and yes also a form of gossip where I believe ‘I know’ the person ‘so well,’ but is it, really? Not at all.

And another aspect is that even if I would spend my days with such person currently, I would still not have any authority to have a definitive say about ‘who they really are’ as a person, because it all would still be my perception, my opinion and limited judgment about another.

So I got a very cool wakeup call through this recording where I got to see where I had just precisely done that whole gossiping myself without even having identified it as such to begin with, because I was really certain about my ‘final verdict’ on ‘who this person is currently’ and I was standing in my judge position as if I knew exactly who the person is, not considering the time that has passed and the lack of interaction with them currently.

Therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold people in my past as hostages in my mind, wherein I would only ‘release them’ if I could have any interaction with them where I could define that ‘I am ok towards them again’ and therefore, release all of the judgments of the past, instead of realizing that I am the one that has created this whole hostage situation based on my own judgments and that it is because of those judgments that I would not actually allow myself to approach them currently in my life, even if an opportunity would arise, which I hereby realize I have to change and be willing to be open and approachable if the opportunity arises to see, talk and hang out with these people again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in gossip towards another person that I believe I know ‘so well’ and speak from past memories of who I believed them to be ten years ago, while pretending to know ‘who they currently are’ as if I had an authority over them and have a say on their lives and ‘how they are’ which is not at all so.

Here I realize that what came through are all the judgments that I’ve kept towards that person as a series of reasons and justifications of why I decided to not talk to that person again, wherein I made up a belief in my mind of ‘who they are’ and thus why we are no longer able to get along or talk to each other – this is limiting for myself because I am holding another captive in my mind based on past judgments, which means I am holding myself captive to my own judgments as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have any say about another person that I haven’t had any contact with in years, yet that I’ve held in the exact same position of ten years ago where I last interacted with them sufficiently to say ‘I know them’- when in fact, I currently do not know them, haven’t talked to them at all therefore have no say in ‘where they’re at’ in their life or ‘what they’re all about’ – which means that any judgments and opinions I shared with another person about this person is nothing else but gossip, assumptions, opinions and judgments which I would certainly not want any person to do onto myself, therefore I have to live my own principles and not dare to speak of another out of old memories, experiences and judgments that I’ve held towards another for so long and that I have to take responsibility for within myself, not share my own ‘backchat’ about them with others as ‘the truth of who they are’ which is definitely now who I want to be in conversation with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my opinions and judgments towards another individual because of believing that ‘I know that person so well’ that I am entirely correct in all of my assessments, and therefore it gives me this ‘authority’ to say what I have to say about the person – when in fact, it is actually really daring to say ‘I know someone’ in the totality of who they are even if they were part of my own family or a close relationship, because most of the times we really don’t know a person in their totality and therefore it doesn’t give us any ‘authority’ to speak about them or define them in a set of words that I’ve kept mostly as a reason, justification and excuse to not have to align my relationship towards that person in self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I am right’ in my words and assessment about that person because this is what I’ve told to myself for all of these years to justify keeping that person in a ‘cage’ in my own mind, which I have not even dared to open up and investigate for myself, what the truth and reality of my relationship with that person entailed in my life and the impacts it had  in general, where I do not only look at all the seemingly ‘bad’ but instead I can also now dare to see it and open it up to recognize the aspects that I could take form that person in my own life and benefit from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep the idea of a person in my head captive, judging them and loading them with ‘all the bad stuff and aspects I could think of’ in order to also make myself belief that ‘there is no value in another person because of all of that’ when in fact, I am the only one that is devaluing myself in keeping judgments like these about another person, even more so when not having kept in contact with them for such a long time which means, I don’t really know the person currently and I have no say in where they’re at in their lives currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an absolutist judge in my head towards people in my past where I ended off relationships because of only focusing on ‘all the bad aspects’ that I saw at the time in them and so in a way giving up ‘on them’ without realizing that I in fact gave up on myself and my ability to learn to see a person for who they are in their totality, with all the pros and cons and not ‘give up’ on someone based on only focusing on the  problems, conflicts or disagreements that we had during a relationship, but instead be willing to also see the supportive and constructive aspects of a person as well, instead of believing that because I am no longer in a relationship with them and haven’t seen them in such a long time, I have a right to diminish and judge them with all my past judgments that were also created and kept from the time where I got to be most radical in myself and very absolutist in nature as well, which in the end has only been a limitation in me to not approach them with clear eyes myself.

Therefore I realize that I’ve kept my own righteousness, absolutism and judgmental perspectives upon people after all of this time based on ideas, beliefs or perceptions that I certainly see do not honor them as beings, nor does it all honor myself as the holder of all of that backchat as opinions, judgments, beliefs about ‘who others are’ which actually do not define them, but define myself as I am the creator and holder of such judgments ‘towards others.’

I hereby commit myself to stop holding others as hostages of the past in my own mind – including myself as well – wherein I have to remind myself that I can only be holding myself captive by those judgments wherein I am the one creating a barrier to not interact with these people anymore or believe that I would not dare to talk to them again, all of it based on memories, ideas, prejudices of the past which would mean I haven’t really self-forgiven and let go my relationships with them ‘back then.’

Therefore I have to give myself the opportunity to start from scratch and let go of the notion of having ‘a say’ about anyone of my past, and instead dare to get to know who they currently are, what they are about, how they are currently doing in their life and open up a door for me to also transcend a lot of my judgments of the past and within that, transcend the ‘judgmental me’ that I’ve kept with righteousness for so long within myself.

I also here commit to stop holding myself captive in ‘who I was’ in the past and therefore who I was in interactions with others in the past, so that if and when anyone speaks about another person that I used to be related with a long time ago, I can genuinely say that I sincerely not know where they’re at right now or how they are doing and I cannot really say I ‘know them so well’ either, because I only interacted them such a long time ago that it is not a fresh perspective that I can have any authority to share with another – and even if I had any current interaction with another, I genuinely have no say in defining another person with a few words in their totality either.  I can instead share a general experience of how I interacted with that person ‘back in the day’ while clarifying  that this is how it was before, that this defines me and my experience only, so this is only memory and perception based and has no validity to define who the person actually is.

By sharing these past experiences and emphasizing on how they were ‘experiences of the past that don’t define the person currently, nor myself’ I can also possibly assist others in learning to see for themselves how we tend to hold others captive in our minds based on a conflict or disagreement that happened in the past, which ultimately diminishes our ability to transcend our own limitations as judgments, perceptions, opinions and beliefs about ourselves and others.

So, I will walk as well a personal process in opening up more in relation to this person in my life because it is for a reason that they keep ‘coming up’ in my awareness and it might just be because I have kept them ‘in a cage’ in my mind, loading the idea of that person with opinions, judgments and perceptions that I sincerely had not actually realized I was doing, because of being completely believing that ‘I was right’ about my perceptions on that person and in essence, containing myself in a relationship with them of avoidance, of judgment, of holding a grudge and perceiving that ‘they were a mistake of my past’ which is part of what I have to deconstruct for myself for sure and so set myself free and set the idea I have of this and many others in my life ‘free’ in my mind, and standing one and equal to who they really are.

Thanks for reading.

 

 Captivity

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478. Want Transparency and Integrity? Let’s BE It

Or how to start becoming the solution to all lies and deception within our very own minds

There was a great opening by Cerise and Joe to consider how it would be for every person in our lives to know about what we have thought, imagined, fantasized in absolute detail doing or saying to them throughout our entire life and then asking ourselves if knowing all of this would change the way they see us, and if we would be able to face them without shame or guilt.

The ‘scary’ thought of this implies right off the bat: we got a ton to work on in relation to developing self-honesty which means acknowledging our very own thoughts, every fantasy or imagination, every experience created by ourselves as a form of self-interest where we only consider ourselves but never really give too much of a thought about that person that we are ‘thinking, gossiping, judging, fantasizing’ about in any way – positive or negative, same thing – because for the most part we’ve believed that these things do not affect others, but it’s become quite clear that we cage each other in our own ideas, beliefs, perceptions about others which we synthesize as a form of judgment, backchat, reaction towards another that we then turn into behaviors, ways of ‘treating’ a person which means, we make of those opinions a ‘very real’ representation of the other person in our minds, which then defines how we treat them/see them/acknowledge them, where we justify whatever we are doing onto ‘them’ because it seems righteous, because we believe ‘that’s who They are’ – but, considering that every single person would be able to see and get to know the exact detail of everything I have ever thought about them in my mind, it would surely be a daunting consideration, but to be honest I’ve been hearing the words ‘all will be known’ for close to 9 years now and this has definitely been a factor to curb my ‘self-entertainment’ in a continuous  way related to how and what I think about others.

However this does not mean it is entirely done and sorted out in me, not at all. I’ve faced many forms of challenges in relation to what I think, perceive, judge or react to in others, and the truth is that I many times don’t immediately stand on my ground of self-responsibility to rather see what are these thoughts, judgments, fantasies or experiences revealing about myself. I actually had been considering this for the past couple of days and here to answer the question, I do consider that people would definitely react upon seeing whatever I have thought or perceived about them, because we are not really taught to deal with such perceptions/imaginations about others in our minds as the expression of those that think or fantasize about it and that in no way does it really define ‘who we are’ – meaning, in any case, anything I have thought, gossiped, idealized, imagined, judged, reacted about towards ‘others’ is in fact defining myself and only myself as aspects or parts of myself that I have to work on, but that we as human beings conveniently usually deflect to ‘others’ in an attempt to dodge self-responsibility and self-reflection, which usually stems from wanting to see ourselves under a the light of ‘being a good person.’

Here then, I have pondered many times throughout the years about a potential situation in this world where we could suddenly have all the ‘veils of the mind’ lifted from ourselves in one go and all the chaos that would possibly ensue if we were to suddenly see every single detail of anything that every person we know – or don’t even know – but get to know of have had such imaginations, fantasies, judgments, opinions about ourselves, and how that could ensue like a real ‘world war’ if we don’t get to settle ourselves to understand how everything that we ‘think’ – imagine, perceive, judge, fantasize, react to – about another is in fact our own expression, judgments, ideas, perceptions and that in no way does it really define ‘another’ but ourselves.

That realization is usually an ‘ouch’ experience to most where we’d like to think that we ‘have a right’ to think of another in our heads ‘whatever we want’ with some sort of power to judge, criticize, fantasize about in whichever way – this is certainly a timely situation to consider that we don’t, and that no matter what we do, we’ll face each and every single person in our lives that we have ever had those thoughts about and walk every one of those relationships – no matter how menial – into a point of correction. That’s what our Life Reviews will be about.

So, I’ll share here how through walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness, I have already had my own taste of shame, regret, embarrassment and a personal experience of wanting to ‘dig a hole’ for my own head upon reviewing some of the most shameful things I’ve done, thought or fantasized about in my  mind about others. I am sure I haven’t walked through them all, but it is so that in those moments I have also projected possible scenarios where if I would face those people again, I would ask forgiveness and explain ‘where I was’ at the time of my life where I was creating those ideas, reactions, perceptions ‘about them’ – and in several occasions how I acted the way I did toward them, how my decisions were influenced by all of this mental chatter – and how I eventually found out all of it was in fact about myself only; I would share how I have learned to assist myself to correct these judgments, ideas, thoughts or participations so that we can stop recreating this ‘invisible world’ of lies and deception that we allow to exist in our minds towards another, but we don’t dare to actually confront and lay out before another to be honest about one’s own experience and walk a process of self-honesty to realize oneself as the origin and creator of those reactions that we are simply projecting or imposing upon others as ‘who we believe they are’ – when they are then, in fact, not.

Would they decide to change the way they see me upon knowing all of this? Considering how most of us operate in our minds, I’m sure it would create a lot of rifts in a relationship, because we haven’t learned to not take things personally, but we always are quick to believe that ‘that which another said about me defines me’ and forget all about questioning the creator of such judgment in the first place. So it would be quite expected and normal to walk through a phase of having all of those people suddenly see me with ‘bad eyes’ and then it would be my responsibility to acknowledge where and how have I worked on taking responsibility for those things said or fantasized about another and accordingly go working on my own responsibility about them through self-forgiveness and so walking a process of self-correction.

Would I be able to face them without shame or guilt? As I explained above, most likely not, even if I am not ‘technically’ seeing the people I have been reviewing memories or situations of my past – including ‘recent present’ – in my mind in order to process it, take responsibility for it in my head, I have felt such shame, regret, embarrassment and guilt many times before. But at the same time, I’ve learned how it can only be a temporary experience really, and it’s up to me to make of this shame more of a transitory learning experience rather than a self-bashing and self-judgment process that then becomes another layer of judgment for me to process. I’ve created a reminder to myself to not fall prey of ‘double-judgment’ where one judges oneself for the judgments, beliefs, perceptions one has created about another… it’s definitely easier to acknowledge the point, and yes it sometimes it may be impossible to not go through shame, guilt, regret, but here I can stand as my own surety so that it doesn’t become a form of emotional manipulation for me to not continue seeing my responsibility in it all, but step out of that belief that I become ‘less’ in acknowledging my faults, my own judgments – and so see how it is actually only a point of self-respect and integrity that I decide to build and create as myself when deciding to acknowledge my own creation of those parts of myself that I have the power – as in being capable and able – to change them for and by myself.

A very important reminder that has assisted me quite a bit lately is the realization that what defines a person is not ‘all that they have been’ in their past, but more like how we decide to stand up from ‘the past’ that we’ve been and become. It’s only us that hold ourselves/each other as prisoners of our own past perceptions, judgments and beliefs, leading us nowhere really other than recreating the same illusions of separation that are able to be self-forgiven, taken responsibility with the purpose to change the way that we stand in our minds, the way that we ‘use’ our minds and so in turn, changing how we interact towards others.

A practical reminder for me is precisely to consider how every single thought, word and deed Is part of who I am, my creation, therefore I have to be accountable for it all, because how I face and confront those challenges – such as suddenly people finding out all about how I ‘thought’ of them – is what defines me, and so I have to remind myself that no matter how ‘awful’ some of these points might be, what defines me is who I decide to be from now on that I acknowledge that aspect/part of myself that requires a direction, that requires my responsibility to change because of seeing, real time, that it is not at all supportive to remain in my own denial of these parts of myself if I am a person that is craving or even demanding transparency in this world.

If I am ‘demanding’ transparency and integrity, the ‘truth’ out there, we have to start by creating these words, living these words within ourselves. I bet that none of us that have desired this to exist in our ‘world systems’ have considered to what extent the solution resides in the very secret corridors of our minds and all those accumulated experiences toward people around us, people that we see on our ‘screens’, people that we interact with on a regular basis either in a very personal or impersonal manner… I personally would like to see the day where we could eventually see everything of each other, because then it would be so in our face to recognize that no one can claim innocence in not having ever gossiped, fantasized or judged another; we all have done it in various degrees and the way to start getting a taste of what it would mean to live in a transparent world with integrity is by reviewing all of those judgments that we have created or fantasized about in relation to others, take responsibility for it in recognizing it as or own creation, as our own acceptance and allowance that doesn’t define ‘that other person’ or situation, but ourselves entirely.

And so the only ‘salvation’ that exists here is truly self-forgiveness, no doubt about it. How else could we give ourselves a second chance to face these very grim, dark or despicable aspects of ourselves if we didn’t give ourselves the ability to stand up from it, learn from our mistakes and ensure that we stand ‘hands clean’ from now on in order to not recreate/repeat those same patterns toward other people, but instead develop the practice of ‘placing a guard in front of our mouths and minds’ as in being more aware of what we think, say, do, fantasize or react towards another about, and make sure that we know we are defined by what we believe is ‘defining another’ that we are projecting these thoughts upon.

It is all about self-reflection and in that, we will then be able to not only actively change the way that we interact, live and create our societies, but also at the same time stop the ‘sins of the fathers’ in relation to this deception, hypocrisy, judgments, fears in relation to others, so that we can start becoming self-accountable beings that don’t require a ‘thought police’ to be punished for some ‘bad thoughts’ about others that we turn into heinous acts or crimes – we can then know exactly what we nurture or feed within ourselves, we can exactly decide who we are in every moment in relation to another and ensure that we can stand ‘at the end of time’ clear and self-corrected in relation  to those thoughts, those judgments or experiences towards ‘others’ that, ultimately, are in fact also ourselves anyways – equal and one.

This is actually a very cool subject to bring to our awareness because it is through ‘dropping the veil’ of seeing another as a ‘separate me’ that we can start realizing how much of what we believe is ‘done onto another’ is always done to oneself – abuse, is always Self-abuse. Therefore, doing this exercise, practically, can assist us in becoming more comfortable and closer to the actual truth of ourselves, which is by default not something nice, pretty and pure – we all have our aspects and parts of ourselves to change and correct. Here then, we must not see guilt, same, regret or embarrassment as the solution, nor as a ‘way out’ of actually sorting out these points in us – these reactions are but distractors if they remain a bit too long as our experience – we have to walk through our creation and take responsibility, it’s the least we can do after we’ve ‘fired those bullets’ existing as harmful thoughts and experiences ‘shot’ at others.

Once the trigger is pulled, there’s no going back. But fortunately, with what goes on in our minds, we can at least correct it, ensure we don’t act upon it or recreate it any longer and more so, ensure we don’t take such thoughts or experiences about another into an actual bullet that maims another’s life. We can remind ourselves of this every time that we believe it’s ‘easy’ to imagine stuff, to think stuff and believe it all goes ‘away with the wind’ because ‘it’s only thoughts’ but nope, it’s all here, recorded in the very physical day to day life that we walk through in this world.

So, let’s define ourselves by having the guts to acknowledge and recognize our creation, by deciding to walk through all of these judgments towards ‘others’ and claim them back as our own creation that ‘defines us’ until we decide to also change those reactions about ourselves into something that is genuinely supportive for our lives, that can stand as a building block of the self that we are willing to stand by and with for the rest of our existence.

If we want a world that is no longer ‘full of lies,’ we have to stop lying and deceiving ourselves with an image or belief of ‘being a good person’ – none of us have really been so if we have ever allowed but one single thought about another in a compromising or harmful situation. Food for self-reflection, because it’s more honorable to take a step forward and say ‘I’ve done that, that’s me’ than giving a step back and running away with an idea of ‘I’d never dare to do something like that!’ – that’s a choice right there into self-honesty or self-dishonesty, all up to us – but let’s be aware that each decision we make defines our present, who we are and by all means defines the nature of the future that we are co-creating for ourselves and generations to come.

I’d say, it’s time to stand up with courage and claim ownership of our own lies, so that we can then take responsibility and gift those parts back to ourselves as words that we want to live within and toward others in our lives.

Thanks for reading

 

Suggested interview:

If you tolerate this then your children will be next

 

Walk with us in our path to create a transparent world:

 


166.Absinthe-Minded Comfort Zone

Enter-tament, me-die and the perfect drug for our minds created by ourselves as our mind.

Continuing from the blogs:

We’re diving in for a moment into a palpable aspect that is constantly ‘there’ as a seemingly innocent distraction that turns into a temptation which comes packaged and sold as ‘acceptable products’ called diversion and entertainment.

One of the aspects wherein we tend to ‘give in’ to this seemingly ‘enjoyable comfort’ is when we in fact get way too comfortable for extended periods of time surfing the net, watching series, looking at pictures, videos, reading magazines of filling-information – al of these actions that involve passively watching/ reading/ hearing something that is – most of the times – not supportive or even related to informing ourselves about the current state of the world, other than revealing and depicting the actual downward spiral that indicates the current state of the mind-possession we are existing as humanity. I have to clarify that I am in no way condemning entertainment, but I’ll speak today from my own experience.

To write about this today, I obviously had to try the enticing ‘cocktail’ first as I saw a news note about one of my past ‘idols’ being arrested for weed and hash possession while looking extra skinny/ anorexic. I wondered why it is that we are placing so much attention on people’s melt downs and disgrace and how this type of entertainment – such as celebrity gossip and all this type of sensationalism – becomes this pastry that we all nibble on to get a ‘filling’/ feeling for a moment,  even just when reading absolutely different kind of news, one ‘dabbles’ on the right side of the window where all the ‘showbiz’ news are on.

 

I saw myself gasping on the amount of money wasted in in a single nail polish, the entire scandals upon ‘rockstars’ throwing tantrums on stage or being jailed for drug possession, seeing people having babies and getting married or getting back together, ‘racy’ shots at all times and essentially this is something that no matter where you go in the net within a regular ‘newspaper’ / news site you get to. And the point of curiosity and eventual ‘enticement’ is what we eventually drown ourselves into, for a moment, for a while and suddenly we are just following an experience instead of actually being HERE as breath.  And  the important point to consider is this sudden shift wherein we can be doing something that is practically here and we’re for example being fully directive, however when this point of ‘temptation’ emerges and we go into it, it’s like diving into the rabbit hole if one is obviously not really self directive in handling images, information and pictures that can create this sense of ‘comfort’ through entertaining ourselves with other people’s lives and stories.

“This being due to the extent of our automated participation, acceptance and allowance of our relationship, definition and experience of/as the Mind as Energy that one would in the beginning of one’s process only become aware of a Character Activation in later phases of its activation stage. Essentially, that – we’ve in our Awareness, accepted and allow the “Force” of/as the Mind/Consciousness to automatically control, direct and ‘take over’ within ourselves, and so now one is assisting and supporting self in the Process of re-establishing self and so self’s awareness into and as self-directive principled living.” – Sunette Spies

 

So this is what I noticed in relation to us allowing the ‘force’ to become the directive principle, and  us giving ourselves away to become the ‘Absent-Minded’ Character, wherein one simply let oneself ‘flow’ with the drive of whatever is in front of us and start thinking and going deeper this is how the entire passivity that becomes our ‘’way of living’ in our current society, it is how the reward system after long hours of work is set up; you get home from work, you require to sit down and just Chill – worry not about the actual problems in the world – and ‘entertain us’ to in fact live in denial of what is here, and more than a denial a deliberate neglect toward our reality, how it functions, how other human beings are living in.   And within me trying this out and becoming ‘absent minded,’ I saw it and experienced it: it’s like being constantly watching movies wherein you don’t really have to do anything else other than looking, probably reading and filling in the gaps in the mind, and creating a sense of ‘comfort’ within it, which indicate obviously: mind experience as the only constant self-comfort that exists in fact and reality is here as breath, being absolutely self directive at all times.

For now we know that following this accepted and allowed pattern of entertainment is the best way to keep ourselves busy in trivial points that have no transcendence within our reality as humanity other than stimulating one’s own fantasies, dreams, imagination and any other mind experience, which is how ourselves as the mind and the entire world functions, really, even making money out of such ‘spare time’ is the greatest ways to make money, which implies that the system in itself is perfect within which we’ve lead ourselves to our own guaranteed doom if we do not act out and actually Do what is required to be done to re-establish a point of self responsibility toward everything and everyone on Earth.

 

Now, what does this have to do with procrastination? Distraction, it is within this decision to deliberate Not do what is required to be done that we immerse ourselves within the entire ‘media world’ wherein even if you’ve watched/ read the same news once, one go seeking for more as if there was a sense of vicarious atonement to other people’s lives that seem like ‘unreal’ to us, while presenting this absolutely deluded aspect of reality that somehow we’ve managed to venerate and revere to as humanity, calling it the outflows of fame and fortune: This is our civilization at the expense of the physical substance that is life on/ as Earth.

And this is our ‘entertainment,’ which seems quite innocent when it begins with quick glances at news from showbiz, quick glances at magazine covers, then getting hooked up in a particular article/ news and from there,  ‘one thing leads to the other,’ which is just a blatant excuse of course. What is is this sense of ‘feeling good’ within this all as the absent minded character, losing track of one’s breath and setting in on autopilot , it’s because one for a moment only delves in the experience of not having to be ‘performing’ something, not having to be doing/ acting/ speaking within the world, one can just simply ‘sink in,’ set in the media-drive and ride in autopilot for as long as we allow The Force to drive us by. 

 

What I realized is how media is an externalization of our own imagination, backchat, internal conversations and general mind-tament that we have created for our individual pleasure. Before there were ever iPhones and iPods and personal computers, there was only the theatre of our own mind, being able to be ‘fine tuned’ to match our own ‘wildest dreams,’ never ever ever being aware of what actually could power such marvelous ‘colorful theatre’ up there in the realm of ‘ideas’ that we identified as ‘who we are.’ Well, we have become such thoughts through actually acting them out/ living them out in the physical and that’s the ultimate possession. We have become drones of our own externalization of the mind and now it is as if Marshall McLuhan almost could have ‘gotten it’ for a moment, however he never pondered about the actual energy that could power such mind mechanism later on externalized as our current mediatized society.

Once again, I can see myself as the character I had become when judging the media and its ‘tacky contents,’ however who are we whenever we are not HERE present as the physical, who are we when we are not really aware of every breath that we take, where are we and what are we driving ourselves to when being passively observing, hearing and essentially consuming experiences in an audiovisual mode and see how we don’t necessarily have to be watching TV or reading up stories for that, we within the mind create our own entertainment. And, yes,  it’s the perfect addictive state to continue creating our own theatre of shadows wherein the shadow self is what we have actually become: nothing else but a single automated version of ourselves, allowing ourselves to miss ourselves here physically– however we often do not ponder How it is that we created such entertainment, why, what was its purpose? And it’s quite easy to answer all of this when realizing how within us accepting and allowing ourselves to build a world based on that which we could THINK of and rationalize about reality –with its obvious diversion-mechanisms – instead of actually physically being here, interacting, exploring and discovering what is HERE as the entirety of the physical relationships that we have absolutely missed when only living in a plastic bubbled type of living, always thinking about reality and/or rejoicing in absorbing/ consuming information that is utterly useless for us to develop as humanity.

 

There is a moment of deciding to Not do what we have to do, to Not give proper direction to our every day living wherein we Instead, picture ourselves being comfortably numb with sounds, pictures, stories that somehow we’ve sought to read in order to activate our autopilot throughout the day and pretend that ‘that is all to life,’ which is how it goes on with Television and any other social-media site wherein one spend long ours a day just consuming, passively taking and taking and taking in and missing every breath as we just zone-into the comfort zone.

 

And this is how within the nature of us seeking our own self-interest of the ‘good feeling/ comfortable’ experience in one single moment, we give into the mind, completely and absolutely. Test this out for yourself, probably you’ll not be even aware of this while ‘testing it out,’ but only realize about it once you directly decide to stop it/ step out of it, and that is where we fall flat on the face of ourselves and the amount of time we can spend on a daily basis doing practically nothing – be it media, be it just sitting doing nothing, finding any point of distraction to not direct ourselves to do things.

 

And this is thus exploring the thought that comes up which is a remembrance of such seemingly ‘enjoyable moments’ wherein we then seek to repeat such pattern at all cost, never ever knowing that such cost is not paper-money or metal coins or digital numbers on a screen – even if most of entertainment at such level must be a service one pay for – It is instead our very own flesh and physical body that we consume every time that we just hop in the bandwagon of entertainment which does not only comprise the most obvious types of media entertainment within TV or pc’s as well. This is about one single thought that we’ve attached this idleness/ passivity to, creating a single image, picture, thought, internal conversation and absolute ‘beingness’ of the being suddenly realizing: how the hell did I just spend hours surfing on the web, looking for this and eventually getting nothing out of it other than a few moments of believed and perceived ‘enjoyment’ at the actual expense of the physicality that is transformed into energy, which is how we power up any seemingly ‘good feeling’ experience.

 

Now, it is to understand that such media is our creation and reflection of who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become: self-gratifying individuals that hardly ever look at how it is that the money that buys the honey is created. And within this ‘machinery’ it is to also see how these are mind control and mind created mechanisms that we as humans have imposed onto fellow humans to generate passivity in relation to what should be our direct participation in the world system.

 

From Absent-Minded to Presence-Hereness

Have a look at how life would be if we suddenly had access to a dignified living for all, would we spend time only diving into images, pictures and sounds 24/7? or are we in fact living out the slave-enter-tament that we’ve ensured to even deify or even laureate as being ‘more’ than ourselves, never realizing that the entire set of entertainment is a well-made joke on us. This is not to satirize media or in any way become a blatant critic of it, it’s about recognizing the actual self direction that we abdicate every moment that we go into the me-die and allow ourselves to be mind controlled: we just hook on, log in and ‘play’ in our minds or more like get entertained by all pictures, sounds, stories and any other occassional artsy shot that we are so used to seeing everywhere nowadays. And this is how self movement and self expansion is mutilated at the core, creating a sense of ‘everything is fine-ness’ that we believe is real because we see happy people in our screens and magazines that we want to experience as well, in an imaginary way through this entertainment, believing that there must be ‘something’ about life other than endless payrolls and spending your last ‘savings’ on getting yourself bailed out for another couple of years.

 

Who has done this all ? We have, we as the mind invading the physical have driven ourselves to our very own decay, and within understanding the basic frame of how the mind words, one can go seeing, realizing and understanding that it is very easy to slip back into habitual patterns of finding out these type of entertainment that is not necessary to ‘exist’ at all. We rather breathe and take things for what they are, see the world for what it currently is: the externalization of our ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ about our creation/ our reality and within this ensure that we start pondering what actual honor is and how immovable it must be  to catch us all within the fishnet. And once again, having a snail teaching us about what science should be and how deluded our words are, is the most humbling experience, to learn how to see and recognize our mistakes, where we invest’ our time in, where we waste away our breaths into feeding a mind leech curiosity that we believe is ‘normal and innocent;’ well, best is to Not assume at all but actually understand this relationship between the mind and the physical and within this realizing what we have in fact postponed on Earth which is the ultimate establishment of an equality system, wherein no more profitable excuses will exist in order to NOT explore, support and expand ourselves in our Physical reality.

We are the ones that have created our limitations, we are the only ones that can set us free, beginning with ourselves. Thus is it still a ‘real freedom’ or a simple alignment to give and receive as equals, as what’s best for all?

 

We decide how we live the words and like any other addiction, we decide when and how to ‘give up’ the absinthe-minded droneism and start living here as breath in the physical.

 

to be continued…

 

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Day 29: Bite Back for More

A way to see backbite is when talking/ thinking/ using another person as a way to create ideas, beliefs perceptions as thoughts that become ‘the flavor of the week’ in our minds, in order to make ourselves ‘feel’ something that we have defined as ‘good/ positive/ fulfilling’– how? When and while we keep ourselves busy thinking about someone/ something, we are giving away all our attention and focus to generate thoughts – and even feelings/ emotions – toward something/ someone that we are essentially using to occupy our minds while they are Not in fact HERE in our physical immediacy. In other words: backchatting/ fantasizing about others to entertain ourselves.

 

So in terms of backbite only talking maliciously or ‘unkindly’ about someone that is absent, can also mean being thinking about someone and using that someone as a crutch to create experiences within ourselves for the sake of our own satisfaction. Yes, as crude as it sounds when placed in such a way, this is what the usual ‘Thinking of you’ type of attitude manifests to the point where obsessions escalate until it becomes an absolute possession as uncountable breaths are entirely disregarded to keep up such energetic thrill going on, and all that remains is then a tremendous hangover once that we realize what the hell have we actually in fact done: using the idea that we have created of someone in our minds in order to generate any form of experience that is either ‘good’/ positive or ‘bad’/ negative, which is backchat that we have  become so used-to that stopping it is experienced with withdrawal symptoms, which results in not getting our ‘thrill’ in place –  just like in any other type of addiction.

 

This is why Self Honesty is not nice or beautiful, it’s like stopping sugar. Such instant custom-made gratification that we are able to produce in the confines of our mind is simply ‘too sweet’ to let go of – why? Because it makes us ‘feel’ something- whether it is negative or positive, it’s still a state of mind that will take us from pole to pole to continue existing as that spark that keeps the fire alive as consciousness within ourselves.

Furthermore, we have created such infatuations in our own mind = they are only thoughts/ beliefs/ ideas that we have allowed ourselves to generate and create further experiences about – it’s never about ‘them,’ it’s always about each one of us that creates the mindfuck.

 

Needless to say, this type of thinking and behavior is commonly accepted and encouraged in our reality – it is seen as harmless/inoffensive without realizing that the only consequence is and must be faced by the creator of such backbite, which is each one of us that have used the idea/ belief and image of another for the sake of creating a certain experience within ourselves, which in this case will be with regards to making myself feel ‘good’ about ‘me’ through using others as a crutch to sustain that positive experience. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce another being to being simply an idea in my mind that I use in order to satisfy my own moments while recreating and replaying the idea in my mind as something that ‘I enjoy,’ which is recognizing that words, pictures, images are able to possess me into the point of infatuation, wherein all obsessions are fed with words, pictures, thoughts that I then give enough power to in order to continue existing in such a ‘thrill’ in my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what which I am ‘fantasizing’ about has in no way any possible real, direct correlation of the actual reality of the subject matter, as it is all created in my own mind for the sake of generating a momentary satisfaction that takes me from my state of seeking ‘something’ to entertain myself with wherein a point is created through giving it constant and continuous attention, building up enough energy as backchat/ thoughts and in that, start experiencing this positive experience wherein because this energy overrides common sense, I  lose my ground and eventually stop focusing on breathing and give myself into thinking/ fantasizing/ day dreaming, which is using thoughts as a crutch for a positive experience about something/ someone – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get to a point of excitement through constantly feeding the idea about something/ someone that is effectively creating a positive experience within myself, wherein then such point requires regular attention and in that, losing my own physical awareness of being here, breathing and directing myself in my physical reality which requires no energy for me to continue existing as all that I am is the physical body grounding myself to physical activities that don’t require for a constant energetic experience for me to move.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and generate thoughts about another as a trigger point to generate a ‘good feeling’ within me wherein I give my power away as in using my physical body to carry the consequences of me having lived a life of seeking the next greatest excitement, without being actually aware of what is it that I am in fact consuming while existing in such mind-projections, which is always self as substance, as life being used and abused for the sake of my own personal entertainment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only now see how deluded and abusive it is to hold thoughts as a crutch to create an experience within us, wherein I was making the statement: ‘this physical reality is not enough for me to think that I am alive’ – and in that, disregarding the very breath that I take to generate such a life-degrading thought that can only exist when and due to me having defined ‘who I am’ as energy, as a personality that seeks to be constantly reinforced through ‘triggers’ from ‘the outside world,’ to keep existing as a the ‘I feel/ I think’ human that is only defined as an energetic experience.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce who I am of/as substance of equality and oneness into a single idea/ belief of myself as a certain energized set of characteristics that seek out for words/characters/pictures to generate enough backchat that is accumulated until the positive experience as self-created reward is experienced to the point of instant ‘satisfaction,’ until the experience runs out again as any other energetic experience, wherein I then proceed to continue ‘searching’ for more points to give enough attention to build up as energetic experiences that I can rejoice about, which is only  thought, emotions related.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is actually about another person that I am ‘thinking’ about, which is only the idea that I have created about someone/ something that serves as the ignition point for me to continue generating, thoughts and giving them enough attention to eventually lose myself from being here in the physical an instead, existing as a set of predictable patterns in my own mind that seek to create an energetic feeling such as excitement and curiosity, which lead me to act in a rather rushed and clumsy manner, as I am not here breathing/ walking/ existing only in the physical, but fueling a constant coming an going of thoughts that serve no other purpose than being the necessary wood to keep the initial fire I started alive.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it socially acceptable and even promoting it through cultural clutches like songs, movies, pictures, books, images to make it seem perfectly ‘normal’ to have the thought of something/ someone in your mind in order to generate a positive experience within you, which becomes nothing else than a lollipop that we are constantly licking to keep the sugary experience as feelings ‘alive,’ which is then realizing that we have become addicts to our own mind wherein it is never about ‘another’ in fact, but only the relationship formations we’ve created toward a point that we perceive is separate from ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I never stopped for a moment to question why I had to have the thought of something/ someone as a constant and continuous thought pattern that I would be constantly fueling and generating an energetic experience about it while having no actual physical interaction or living-out of the point in reality, which implies that I gave myself away completely to exist as a set of thoughts to fuel an experience that can only exist if I consume me of/as substance and transform such unconditional life that I take into essentially mind garbage that keeps my ego in place, that keeps me preoccupied with useless bullshit that has no direct correlation to my physical reality in the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and others by reducing them to be simply ‘thoughts in my head,’ which reveals to what extent we have never in fact had an actual relationship with others as we have only always communicated to our own minds as personalities and pictures that we form judgments/ ideas upon, which implies that we become the actual separators from equality when abdicating the physicality as the only reality that exists in equality, and accepting separation as mind definitions of ‘who we are’ as personalities toward one another, which is all that we have ever believed ourselves to be: a person/ personality that interacts with other persons/ personalities that ‘get along well’ because of ‘being similar’ and in that, continue the propagation of sectarianism in society wherein all that we identify ourselves with is ideas, pictures, thoughts, experiences instead of standing one and equal to that which is real and requires no differentiation/ specialized set of attributes as thoughts/ opinions/ beliefs to exist.

 

I see, realize and understand that the only point that I can trust is myself here breathing, that is the physical confirmation that I am here and that everything that I can do is direct my thoughts so that I can stand one and equal as the physical, as the mind, as the thoughts in conjunction to the immediate physical reality wherein no mind-energy is required to move, only physical energy that I consume to support me to move/ walk/ live/ direct myself in physical reality.

 

I see, realize and understand that it is only through me stopping this constant pattern of having to create a nice idea about someone in my head to make me ‘feel’ something that is generally ‘good,’ I am only fuelling my own tendency as a mind system to keep itself occupied taking all the energy from the physical and transforming it into fuel to generate an experience about that which has no physical-correlation to my reality at the moment, that which I don’t require to constantly ‘feed’ to continue existing.

 

I commit myself to stop using thoughts, pictures, imagination and ideas that I can create/ generate about something/ someone in my reality that I use as a crutch to create a positive experience within me, which eventually reaches its peak and must die, leaving a desire to re-experience, re-charge the same thought with ‘new inputs’ to keep the same energetic experience going, which is how I realize that it’s never about an actual person/ place/ event but only the very thoughts I create and eventually manifest as obsessions that are kept alive by myself only. This is how I take self responsibility to ensure that such Self-Interest system is stopped within me, as thoughts created to generate a ‘good experience’ is the basic existence to create a world wherein abuse is perpetuated in the name of such ‘good experiences.’

 

I commit myself to expose how that which is culturally accepted and promoted as infatuation and feeding our obsessions is only linked to the energetic-addictive system that we have all agreed to participate in the moment that we diminished ourselves to a single Idea of self that is fundamentally ‘flawed’ and ‘incomplete’ which is the state by ‘default’ that we have lived as a negative experience that seeks to get to a point of positive experience through using thoughts as a way to push the necessary personalized buttons and create energy to get to such climatic positive energy, which it wanes and decays only to get back to ‘where we started,’ which indicates that a new point/ relationship formation in my mind is created and fueled in order for me to get the most of it while I can.

 

I commit myself to expose how the nature of relationships can only exist as conflict and separation, as this is how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to ‘live’ as programs that are constantly seeking a positive energetic experience because of having diminished ‘who we are’ to a single personality that seeks recognition/ validation/ acceptance from other personalities equally ‘flawed’ to then become dependent on each other as energetic crutches wherein relationships become wells for energy to be sucked and sipped until it is dry and the next well is sought to continue the idea of life/ living going.

I’m the fire starter and I can only be the one that Puts the Fire Out

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