Tag Archives: help

635. #EqafeDiscovery: From Wanting to Help to Being the Best for Me and Sharing It

 

I was listening to the Eqafe recording  I Just Want to Help – Quantum Systemization – Part 121 and I recognize that this programming is quite ingrained within me and I’ve basically lived out this pattern of wanting to help, wanting to save or fix another person throughout most of my life or since I have memory. The ‘funny’ thing is that I knew it, but I would still do it because I believed that my intent was ‘good’ and therefore “it would not do any harm to the other person to at last – apparently – feel supported by a helping hand.” So the story begins… hehe

I created various – if not most – of my personal relationships from this starting point which of course, led them all to have to cease to exist, because the whole starting point was for me to become their helper, their ‘savior’ and their ‘fixer’ which I then used as an excuse to not solely focus on what was My experience in my relationship to them – meaning, to see and focus on getting to acknowledge what were my reactions, my backchat, my emotions and feelings emerging towards them – and instead I solely focused ‘on them’ and trying to assist them or support them, this is taking on the ‘savior’ mode and attempt to control, manipulate and ‘direct’ them to what I perceived was a better path or a better way of being. The results are varied, mostly ending up in disappointment on my side of course when realizing that I was offering, giving and wanting to change and fix others that were not asking for it, nor were looking at ‘changing themselves’ – it was ‘just my imagination’ lol. Which I don’t judge really, I do have a tendency to see the potential that people can be but there’s a huge step from seeing such potential to living it, and I know for a fact it takes work and it is just futile to try and have someone do this for themselves if there is no intent to do so.

In other cases some were explicitly ‘open’ to be supported, but it became the sole point of the relationship in the sense that, there were no two individuals standing as equals, I always placed myself as the one that considered had to be the ‘helping hand’ towards the other, and this of course also became a very draining situation, which would turn into a suppressed of inner- conflicts that I invariably had to end one way or another. This means, the relationships could not stand this way because its starting point was compromising both of our responsibilities and self-integrity, we were only supporting each others’ personality roles.

So, this audio I shared at the beginning of this blog opens up about a situation where a person wants to help when they have not walked their own process first, and when their sole purpose of interacting with others was to immediately see what they could fix or help them to change because of immediately seeing certain aspects as flaws or problems. I can relate a lot to this approach too. In fact, many times I created my own emotional ‘problems’ in order to kind of understand how to ‘help’ people around me and try to understand their experiences… but it is a fact that I cannot walk ‘all kinds of experiences’ on my own to be able to walk through them and then share about to help others, lol, Nope. That’s where the relevance of walking a process like we do at Desteni comes in, because person walks through specific patterns, ways of doing things, particular situations that may be very common or similar for several ‘kinds of people’ so to speak, and so the support comes when we share about our experiences, how we face them and how we support ourselves to stand up from them or change in them.

This also creates a network of support where perhaps I can see someone is experiencing something and they are asking for support and I see that I would like to support them but, I am learning to see within me if I can relate to their experience and if I don’t, then I provide links to Eqafe recordings to understand that particular pattern or experience, I direct them to some other Destonian blogs that I’ve come across with that may relate to what they are facing, or directly ask them to go to the forum to place it there and see who can relate to that specific situation and share their self-support.

This has been a learning process to me, it’s a bit hard to know when to step in to support and when to let go of this want to ‘give the answers’ if you will as in providing ‘the way’ they can support themselves, or ‘ease’ their pain, suffering or emotional experience. But I’ve seen how this had also become a blinding point for me, because I do have a tendency to focus and worry more about others and in that, it is somewhat easy to leave myself out of the self-support equation. That’s a problem to correct.

What I’m currently working on is in placing ‘me’ first not as a point of selfishness, but in the realization of what has been a lifelong pattern where I tend to worry more about others, to want to save, fix, change and help others out first and not really looking at what am I causing to myself and my own body and life when merely and solely focusing on everything and everyone outside of myself, and neglecting me in it all.

In the end, I’ve come to see how I have projected my own need to support me first upon others and this is also a very common distraction created in our minds, where instead of focusing on ourselves, we project it ‘out there.’ Lol I laugh because this is an ongoing point within me and it even happened quite recently where in an attempt to support or give seemingly ‘good ideas’ to someone facing a particular difficulty in their lives – and I don’t particularly have a close relationship with – it kind of backfired because of trying to ‘help’ someone that is clearly not in such mindset of seeing the relevance of ‘supporting’ themselves first. So an idea I had on ‘how to make things better’ simply became another outlet to reinforce their righteousness about the problem they have created for themselves and recreate a point of blame….

I was talking about this with my partner and one of my friends and realized: Oh-oh, shit,  I’ve done it again, had a seemingly ‘good idea’ and it backfired, because I can’t have good intentions and pretend they will simply work out with someone that is not even willing to look back at themselves as the source of a problem! I learned the lesson. I agree that I have to let go of these good intentions with people that I barely know or actually know are not in such stance where they are ready to take self-responsibility for something or are in the process of wanting to at least do something about it within themselves. Extending a helping hand to someone that is blatantly ‘spewing’ back at you so to speak is not the way, at all, lol. It is the mother-Theresa construct again in me that I need to stop.

It needs to stop here because I do create certain stress within me about such situations where I see someone ‘needs help’ but of course I know I can’t be such ‘changer’ or ‘point of help’ for them. What’s the answer then? Well, lol, my mother just sent me this internet pic about people that are called ‘crazy’ – just like she calls me in a tenderly manner lol – who get concerned with other people’s suffering and want to make things better for everyone, so upholds such hope in the way they live. Well, I am sort of that but there is an equilibrium needed where I just don’t go ‘concerning’ with people’s suffering and make it a concern of my own.  I mean, my body just immediately pointed this out in the situation I described above in saying ‘nope, nope, nope don’t go there again!’ And so it was supportive to share about it with my partner and he pointed out the same ‘Stop trying to help people that are not asking for it’ and that is so. Even if they were only asking for it, it’s not enough if they are not understanding what it entails to live self-support.

It is not an act of selfishness to do this, it is an act of self-love and self-responsibility and applying common sense. I am totally willing to be a point of support for someone that is willing to support themselves and not only ‘willing’ because I’ve also ‘been there and done that’ and it is not enough to have someone say ‘yes I am willing to do this for the best of me’ – but actually LIVE the words with their every word, thought and deed and have their lives be a visible proof of that. This is where I currently am for example in my partnership relationship and I can see the difference of what a ‘hassle’ or a ‘burden’ felt like before when placing myself as ‘the savior’ in my personal relationship and how it is when two people simply join their lives while already living self-support for themselves – even if it is in very different ways or paths – which enables one another to become a point of support for each other whenever we lose ourselves in ‘our ways’ to a point where we no longer are aware of it. But this doesn’t become a ‘dragging’ situation or a burden, it becomes a feedback process that, to me, is one of the most enjoyable parts of a relationship, because we get to create more intimacy that way, seeing ‘deeper’ within each other and getting to know our weaknesses and strengths which is great, but no longer feel like ‘I’ have to ‘sort someone out’ – which was a mistake in any case throughout all the times I lived out this savior-complex in my relationships.

My partner has a way of approaching life and situations in a way in which I wasn’t brought up by my parents, but he was and that’s how he’s come to be the person he is. He didn’t have that constant ‘helping hand’ for him, so he had to build who he is from scratch and I can see how that can be a way to strengthen one’s character as well, because there is no sense of ‘needing help’ really, but simply deciding to do things and getting on it in with whichever tools and ways he had with limited resources. This perspective seems ‘way too tough’ for people that he usually shares this perspective with – including myself – because most of us avoid having to stand up on our own feet or fear having to confront such absolute ‘nothingness’ point to stand up from it and create ourselves from scratch. And this is how this ‘fear’ of having nothing or no one as a ‘helping hand’ also becomes a projection of ‘wanting to help others’ to not ‘feel’ or ‘go through’ what may be at times – if not all times – a necessary part of our process to grow, mature and actually strengthen ourselves. This is to no longer fear existing in such ‘helplessness’ points but see them as the opportunities to start from scratch in self-creation.  

He was telling me the butterfly story while it is in its chrysalis and how one person once saw the incipient butterfly was struggling to get out of the chrysalis, so the human gave a ‘helping hand’ by cutting it and allowing the butterfly to come out… the result? The butterfly died because part of her process was to go through such struggle or difficulty to strengthen herself in order to survive.

I can totally see how I can stifle someone’s personal process of growth and learning to stand up for themselves when attempting to immediately join in and ‘help out’ and try and fix or sort out others’ problems… it’s just not the way.

So, it has really been a constant point for me to continue creating awareness of and I still have to learn to take a step back, get back to my senses out of that ‘itching’ desire to help someone and instead consider the benefits of having them stand on their own two feet and decide to do it by themselves. Otherwise, I become another ‘cane’ they walk with and become dependent ‘on me’ or on anything else to continue walking their life and that is mutual enslavement, mutual dishonor  – I’ve been there and done that and it’s not a happy ending.

Therefore! I have to continue applying what I’ve defined as tough love which I’ve shared about before, which I have applied in the past as well, but only after a long time of wanting to fix someone’s life. I realize I don’t have to get to such point as a last resort, but have it as a starting point. This way I won’t immediately try and jump to ‘help another’ but instead rather see how they do on their own, let them be and see how they are living their own willingness to support themselves. This also implies to completely let go of wanting to save, fix or change ‘the world’ but simply share myself, what I’ve learned, what I’ve walked through and realized about myself without a hidden intent to create such impact that ‘it changes people’  – lol, that’s not really possible, only self-change, self-motivation, self-will can do that – no one can ever ‘be’ or ‘do’ that for you, we always have to do it for ourselves which is great because that’s the essence of self-responsibility and the essence of the principle of what’s best for all. How can one ever be ‘best for all/others’ if one is not ‘best for self’ first?

So I’ll continue assessing these moments when wanting to save, help or fix another’s’ life and take all of these points into consideration, to not be ‘driven’ by wanting to alleviate someone else’s suffering. I personally know how supportive it is to do this for myself, and how that creates an actual experience of strengthening myself in seeing how my own efforts and dedication work and that is what I can then share with others as well, which is what I decide to define as support: to share myself from my own experience without attempting others to ‘follow it to the T’ and ‘change their lives’ with it – it’s like a form of unconditional love, which is a cool thing  to do.  A friend of mine was telling me about this and how he notices that in me, that I am already living this result of what I’ve been applying and as such,  one understands the necessity and importance to share one’s process in ‘getting there’, yet doing so without ‘forcing’ others to do so, it is a form of unconditional sharing and that’s something I’ll continue to do because that’s what satisfies me the most and it’s ‘effortless’ in the sense that I’m not trying to convince anyone anymore, I’m just me, I share me and what I learn in my life for whoever wants to take it in – and that’s simply part of my responsibility of being part of the whole  that has found certain ways that work for me to support me J

Ok thanks for reading! And here are other blogs that I’ve written about similar topics:

520. Self-Accountability and Tough Love

 

552. Who Am I as a Savior?

 

519. From Fear of Speaking up to Doing So

 

502. From Feeling Sorry to Owning our Consequences

 

506. From Despair to a Constructive Aftermath

 

 

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Mantis, Bernard Poolman 

 

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257. A Piece of Heaven at the Expense of Life

Why do people turn to drugs? There is a definitive reason that cause all the dimensions that play a role  in our current Drug Culture as either cause/effect,  but a common thing is definitely the root and cause of WHY people turn to drugs. We all know the usual things, for example: to escape from oneself, to hide, to run away from the mind, to stop the abhorrent self-experience, to avoid taking responsibility for one’s life and relationships, self-loathing, etc. – but, have we asked why do we have these problems? One can say: family problems, relationship problems, issues with one’s ‘flawed self,’ physical issues, lack of self esteem, heritage, cultural trends, traditions, religions, survivalism in clans/ mafias/ brotherhoods, spiritual beliefs, shamanism, environmental contingencies, availability of narcotics due to associations/ alliances, legal drugs due to psychological conditions, and the list may go on – However, behind all of this one must see one common thing: human conditions that have lead to all of these problems/ issues/ separations and sectarianism that stems from a basic problem in our society: a lack of support for all living beings to have a dignified living that creates a proper environmental condition where All beings would be able to live without having to worry about not making it through the next day, not having to tolerate the injustice and abuse that is accepted and allowed within a system that only caters for some– that’s it. 

 

And that’s what we know in common sense and what can also be watched in all the various documentaries* about drugs that are affecting our societies wherein there is simply an absolute boredom, menial jobs for the working class – or no job opportunities at all – and a general dissociation from wanting to have anything to do with a ‘shitty world/ shitty system that doesn’t give a fuck about life!’ hence turning to have an alternate reality where ‘everything is fine, a heaven in one’s mind for a moment, a harmful  momentary high that turns into a lethal habit that leads to a living condition that is mostly deplorable in most of the cases, as well as leading to any other ‘sudden deaths’ out of the usual ODs and other negligence  that stems from lacking any form of precaution when ingesting/ inhaling/injecting/smoking a drug. It is even common to have people that do this on a regular basis become ‘icons’ in our society, our ‘role models’ which can already point out what type of ‘human quality’ we’ve become fanatics of.

 

It is also interesting how drug-culture became mainstream to a point now wherein one can watch a “music video” and there’s people smoking weed, one can watch a movie and get all the specifics on how people shoot themselves heroin and even all the withdrawal processes in a explicit manner, like in Trainspotting which is probably one of the most popular and obliged reference about drugs for many people that even learned how to do drugs through watching the movie.  I will tell more about that in following posts.

 

The reason why this is an important topic is because drugs as any other form of escapism, represents the aspect we hold on to the most, as it is a self-created intricate relationship we form with only Experience as an Energetic physical experience induced by chemicals in the physical body – the reason why I find it so important to expose is because it’s ubiquitous nowadays for people to be aware of all types of drugs and ways to get high or even self-harm to get a moment of absolute adrenaline –rush/drug of the mind . That’s becoming a children’s game  and I’m referring to what I became aware of today as the salt and ice challenge – I mean, this is how kids age 10 or even less can get used to having a way to get this absolute pain and fear that are the most ‘powerful’ self-experiences created at a mind level when inducing pain along with the ‘challenge’ aspect – where kids will mostly broadcast themselves doing so to ‘prove’ to others they are able to ‘handle it,’ and what mostly happens is kids then will turn to seek for more ‘intense experiences’ like that. Even our words and vocabulary is pointing out blatantly what it is that we are inducing within ourselves: that was Intense! all energy based, and if you’ve been reading these series, you would be aware by now of how energy operates within the physical body through consciousness as a system that we believe is ‘who we really are,’ which is comprised of all our thoughts, emotions and feelings that we whole-heartedly have believed is ‘what living is for’ and if not.

 

This Grave mistake of identifying ourselves with all the drama, excitement and high-intensity of any self-experience is what is mostly leading us to an actual death wherein we disregard actual life/living just for a ‘little piece of heaven.’

And this is what’s leading humanity to a certain end if a single pattern of addiction continues without any definitive decision to STOP.

 

Please read the series to catch up to this point:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

I had made a pause in these series due to the impending ‘doomsday’ that I decided to write about due to my inherent responsibility in having participated pretty much in that type of doom-mentality or gloomy-self-experience as we’ve called it – and what is left is pretty much ourselves, having to face what we have become and as such, take the wheel of our reality in all levels, in all ways and have a look at how we’ve become what we’ve become, which is also another form of escapism through the mind to evade the responsibility we all have here.

 

Drug Culture is quite a common topic virtually everywhere in the world, no matter if it’s a high-energy-hyped society like many places in Europe and America or a third world/ poor country in Africa, or under developed regions like South America – everyone’s got the same ‘epidemic’ which is drugs which includes alcoholism as main problems that maim  the ability for any being to realize and take self responsibility, because drugs imply one single point: a giving up experience that is now turned into an addiction, a need, a fascination and obsession wherein people are literally willing to give all their money, all their life just for one single initial ‘rush’ that any drug can give them. While observing this, it is impossible to not create a parallel to what we understand now of how the mind works, wherein we create our own fixations in order to fuel and satisfy this idea of ourselves that we’ve simply copied, absorbed and ‘become/ embodied’ without a question, and that includes addictive patterns of seeking this ‘greatness’ as an energetic experience that is able to be obtained with drugs, pretty much flushing your entire life down the toilette for a single self belief of you being ‘perfectly fine/ in control / able to quit any time and all of the people that have been severely enrolled in hardcore addictions mostly find it very hard if not impossible to actually live out that belief of being able to stop and quit at any time.

 

That is One single dimension of the addiction: the energetic experience that we are familiar with the moment we accept emotions and feelings as ‘who we are’ and what drugs do is an overall enhancement of this relationship within the ‘who we are’ as the mind, which implies that we are completely hooked on absolute self abuse, since any energetic experience  – as anything that requires energy – is not ‘for free,’ it is an actual process of consumption of the very physical tissue/ fabric that provides the necessary resources for any drug to function properly – this is why the deterioration of the physical takes place in drug addicts/ consumers – among other various dimensions that involve the living conditions that hard-core long-time addicts end up living in or are born in, which is also another aspect that leads to drugs – all in all: stems from lacking actual living support in all ways to live in a sound and healthy environment where life could be actually honored = hence it is a matter of Collective Responsibility, since we are all responsible for continuing fueling a system that is not providing a sound environment for us to develop our expression to our utmost potential.

 

The purpose of these blogs will be to point out main factors that lead to drug consumption, the reasons behind that and how to support oneself to Prevent drug-addictions, referencing the usual ways in which one picks up this belief of drugs being the ‘greatest thing ever’ as well as gathering enough strength to realize there IS a solution to this world, there IS a way to support ourselves to stop seeking to ESCape from reality and instead, sober up and stand up to support the actual change we all dreamed of, it’s in our hands, so we must clean our act before we can establish ourselves in the actual world we have all wanted to live in, and within this, also paving the way for the children to come and ensure they do have the absolute opportunities  to Live and express themselves, and never again resort to any form of escapism through the mind to manifest a self-abusive ‘heaven’ in the mind.

 

Erroneously – those that Profess to be ‘Souls’, will Claim that the Body of Flesh is a temporary Illusion. And they would base it on the Experience they Generate through Mind Systems, which Follows the Design of the System where: the Search for Meaning and Reason, would Follow through the Combination of Predesigned Platonic Solids as Key Parts to Systems that produce Energy and Visual Input which the Person Align with, So Intensely that they Believe that it is Real, and they Disregard the Simple Reality of a Breath and Food and Bodily Functions that Keeps them Alive.
In this, these ‘Souls’ End-up Acting like Vampires in the Physical Reality, Seeking to Consume everything in their Path for the Self-Interest of the ‘Feeling’ that Produce, according to them, the ‘Experience of Happiness’. The fact that this ‘Happiness’ is Produced at the Cost of the Suffering of Uncountable Living Beings – Simply is Ignored or Seen as ‘Collateral Damage’ of an Illusion that will ‘Suddenly, Magically’ Disappear.”  – Bernard Poolman +

 

Self Support to Begin your Journey to Life is Here:

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews:

 

Documentaries/ Videos suggested that present the context of what Drug Culture implies– Viewers discretion suggested: NSFW


225. Is Living Life about Getting High?

 

“So, if you Experience God – you can just as well go and take a Drug and you will have the Same Experience.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

How many times have we equated Life to Experience? Only all the time. It should be a frightening thought to realize that we’ve never lived and that everything that we had deemed as our ‘peak experiences’ have only been energetic – read Limited – experiences that define the totality of who we are for a few seconds, minutes, hours through perpetuating our day to day living as a life-long dedication to keep seeking the same ‘feeling’ which means being addicted our whole lives seeking that ‘something’ that we can call our ‘little peace of heaven’ – in our culture – read ‘collective indoctrination/ brainwashing – we have equated living life to getting the most experiences that we have deemed as positive such as happiness, love, peace, joy and money, which enables all of these experiences as the ability to buy them.

 

Elitist Character: Drug Culture – Introduction 

 

What I’ve realized throughout this process of self support through writing and understanding our human mind is that, no matter if you take what’s regularly known as ‘drugs’ or not: we are all addicts to Energy.

But what happens when you got the basics to live/ you got what you essentially NEED to have a proper life and you got some money to spare? Well, you certainly look for more and more ways to ‘fill in the void’ that is experienced every day, isn’t it? It’s as if the air we breathe, the body that keeps us living here is just ‘not enough’ and there’s this something that keeps tormenting us… is it really ‘the world’? is it really ‘’life’ that’s playing tricks on us? Not at all. It is the same with our current world system: Is the world/ life the problem in this world? Is it Us not being ‘good enough’? No, it is the money system that is the problem, and it’s not even ‘money’ in itself but the ways in which it has been set to work, this means: the Human Mind that has created the rules for it is the problem. Same goes for our lives – our body is perfectly functional by itself, it is only when we start THINKING instead of Living that all goes down the toilet down the pipelines of ‘shitty experiences’ such as emotions and temporary ‘positive thinking– fixes’ such as all of the above mentioned temporary ‘fillers’ to a life that I know, most are simply not ‘happy’ about, not that I would want to change your perspective on that either, however, we dug our own grave and we’re the only ones that can ensure we don’t actually remain there.

 

What  happens when you live in a society wherein the minutest displeasing experience such as sadness, depression, anxiety – which is Utterly misunderstood in this reality –  please listen to Mykey’s explanation on Anxiety – dread, fear or any regular lack of attention at work/school or just lack of  self motivation =  you can be sold a drug and ‘solve the problem’ apparently. Now, I would mostly discourage anyone from taking any form of drug, but I’m not here to put you out of your meds either. Just read and follow through the common sense and ‘hopefully’ you make a decision that is best for all, best for your pocket and gain some self respect with a sense of self responsibility.

 

Understand the following point: We live in a world wherein marketing is used to sell ‘ice to a Eskimo’ as it’s been said, however what happens when the ice is changed to drugs and the Eskimo is any regular person that may experience any ups-downs as a result of participating in the mind of thoughts, emotions and feelings?  Well, you got it. The person will buy drugs in order to solve what they believe is some from of ‘chemical imbalance’ – which is the usual drill propagated by well-paid psychiatrists to say the same over and over again and ending up hooking you up with Paxil, Xanax, Zoloft, Prozac or valium – among many others – oh and don’t forget your Tafil to sleep well.  The moment we Believe that there is an actual problem that can be cured with medicines, we are not only abdicating our responsibility to our mind and what we in fact created and participated in to create ‘our experience,’ but we’re also then choosing to begin supporting  an entire industry that is certainly willing to promote this type of symptoms to a position of ‘absolute illness,’ placing you in a ‘powerless’ position to do anything about it But taking this or that drug to solve it.

 

It is not a mystery that the majority of the population that have sufficient money to eat and live in a dignified manner, spends money on drugs to ‘feel better’ or regulate some form of ‘mental instability’ that has been entirely Self Created. But what is that ‘feel better’ been equated to? – Yes, the entire ‘Happiness’ Propaganda that’s part of this capitalist system – catch the drift? Is Happiness then an actual disease that should be promoted as the actual delirium that is causing people to believe there is something ‘wrong’ with them for not being ‘satisfied’ with their lives – yes, same as love.

 

 

We’re all fed up with buying, consuming, popping pills, rolling joints, seeking the next great thrill.

 

Have we stopped for a moment and look at all the people, beings, parts of our reality we’ve abused in order to satisfy our Wants, Needs and Desires? And that includes not only our external reality, but our own physical body, using and abusing its components as catalyzers to create energetic deliriums when being stimulated with external substances that are meant to fuel the mind only, they are Not in any way an actual indication of us Living Life. And looking outside of ourselves, you can look at all the violence and drug-trafficking problems that are related to drugs, which should Not exclude Alcohol of course. I mean the array of drug addictions can be extensive if we expand our level of awareness of that which alters our experience in the body and creating a form of addiction to it. There are gigantic industries being moved by this desire to ‘live life in peace’ through taking drugs – and for that I suggest you inform yourself with the documentaries:

 

Now, how come this form of  self abuse and self destruction became popular? It’s not about characters, people’s context or troubled lives – no, this is all about a ‘greater scheme’ that has always been invisible to us until today.  The more I understand how reality functions, the more I clarify and get proper in detail explanations about how our every single cell in the body functions, every atom, every thought, our entire mind, the different aspects each layer of the mind correspond to in our personal experience as the mind, understanding and getting to hear from animals themselves the actual IntelliSense they live as physical beings and how I can only laugh at our attempt as humanity to evolve, placing ourselves above a single blade of grass. I see that the first time I heard from Bernard that ‘a single blade of grass is more aware than the entire humanity as a whole’ I realized that we were truly blind.

 

 

Why is there all this emphasis on Needs, Wants and Desires everywhere in our reality? They are the key to keep us preoccupied in our minds, always in the NOW as Consciousness, as time bound to a past, future and a presence that is only here as a mind trying to ‘silence itself’ and ‘think positive,’ while the very desires of the so-called ‘rehabilitated presence’ have caused the most outrageous abuse on Earth, on each other – this is our responsibility, this is what we’ve all done to one another, this is the result of following our addictions – whatever they might be. As long as you’ve experienced a want, need and desire we can know one thing: we are not HERE breathing, we are only  keeping ourselves chained to the next fix like addicts we’ve become.

Is this life? No

Is this what our entire ‘effort’ is worthy of? No

Are we willing to face the truth of ourselves? Yes, as there is no other way to create solutions if the actual way of how the problems were created is not understood in the first place. For now I suggest investigating that which one can see is ‘living for’ on a day to day basis: are you here living as You for you to actually dedicate your life to become a human being that is worthy of living life through Becoming the living word as Life? or are you only here just ‘passing by’ and expecting to catch some ‘good ride’ so you can die with a full tummy and a mind gnawed with tons of ‘good times,’ even if your liver is destroyed by alcohol or your veins are rot with chemicals you pumped with pills on a daily basis –

 

Think about it: is popping a pill, rolling a joint, shooting up some coke, taking acids, or buying your regular drugs over the counter an actual Meaning of what it is to BE Alive and WELL? Why would anyone Require a Substance to LIVE other than the nutriments that are here as our food, the oxygen that we breathe, the water that we drink and the physical participation that proves that we are HERE. That is what the basics of living is about, now, our world is being run as a happiness machine that sells drugs – in legal and illegal ways – to keep humans busy with the delirium of ‘Happiness’ and that we have to be ‘happy’ all the fucking time. Is this real? No! It is just like selling ice to a Eskimo – it is selling you a well being that is Not an energetic experience but an actual equal and one self-realization of who you are As your physical body that Does Not require a stimulant/ drug to ‘be well.’

 

Drugs only work at a mind level – if the mind is a system that only works on energy resourced from your physical body/ substance/ life – then what does that indicate? Isn’t seeking happiness and joy and bliss then them same as saying ‘I require to get high to live’? – How could Anyone Claim to ‘Love Life’ if Life is being equated to love, happiness, joy, bliss or any other temporary mind-fix of energetic churning inside your body generated by a systematic set of rules in your mind that you’ve acquired from the media that you’re fed with from the moment you learn to sit up straight and get a TV in front of you.

Our great demise as humanity is living as Mind Systems instead of Physical beings of flesh and bones that care for each other as a one and equal organism. We’re living in the consequential outflow of an entire existential process of having existed as Energy-based beings instead of standing equal and one to life as who we really are.  This all may sound weird to you at first, but when you understand the following equation as our absolute mistake and misconception of equating life = experiencing positive/ negative energetic experiences, only looking after our Own Mind and our Own Benefit, disregarding the fact that such experience is only a mind-generated energetic fix and that in No Way contributes to an actual understanding of life-living, you can clearly see that we’ve fallen in the greatest trap of it all: equating life to energy, getting virtually addicted to energetic ‘positive experiences’ while the world falls apart where we simply continue shooting up the next happy pill, roll the next joint, pop in the next Prozac and pretend that everything is just fine.

 

There can be no more self interest lasting for long on Earth, we’ll have to work together anyways. I will continue to give a more personal experience on this process along with the tools of SELF Support to walk out of your beliefs of having to be ‘happy’ or else, you are Ill and Mentally Instable or having some form of ‘chemical imbalance of the neurotransmitters in the brain’  which is each psychiatrist’s punch line when you know next thing you’ll be handed a list of new ‘friends’ – read drugs – that will ‘help you out to cope with reality’ – never even bothering to warn you about it all being just another list of drugs that are sold in the street with non-marketing names. That’s what ‘finding god’ has been reduced to, there you go.

You decide whether you want to Live or Die.

I decided and also say the end of film cliché: Choose Life

 

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161. Good Deeds as Future Investment

Continuing from 160. Pious

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘good deeds’ according to ‘doing good to another’ and within this justifying my own feeling good based on what I had done onto others, instead of realizing that everything that I do ‘onto another’ is in fact done toward self as one and equal and within this, there can be no ‘positive experience’ when directing oneself to support another the same way that I would like to be supported.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accumulate good deeds as in doing ‘positive things’ onto others from the starting point of accumulating positive-karma and a positive reputation within the system for my own benefit, in this forgiving myself for having accepted and allowed myself to brush aside and hide the actual driving-factor to do things for my own reputation/ benefit, instead of actually doing it absolutely and unconditionally for another – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be hypocritical the moment that I would not want to do something such as ‘helping someone’ but because I had to keep up my reputation of being ‘the helper/ the supporter,’ I would do it from the starting point of simply not ‘messing with my reputation,’ instead of actually being fully willing to support another as myself, which proves to what extent I would be willing to compromise myself and pretend to be ‘something’ at the eyes of others only to not ‘spoil my goodness record’ of being an actual pious person that will ‘enlighten’ those that don’t know the road to do the same themselves.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to listen to a person within wearing the ‘good person’ suit, wherein in my attempt to ‘change them,’ I would deliberately listen and waiting for the moment to erupt all the ‘negative aspects’ that I had heard them say from the puritan stance of me apparently being already ‘beyond that,’ which is part of the ‘good person’ reputation that I believed myself to be wherein I deliberately pushed aside my own experience, my own deeds, words and backchat in the moment wherein I would take such stance as there being ‘nothing wrong with me,’ and within this existing in a superiority position when supporting others as in being the ‘virtuous person that supports the impaired ones,’ which is absolutely denoting separation in all ways and part of what the masquerade of benevolence creates within oneself: “I am right, you are wrong and must be helped out”

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use points of support toward others as ‘points for my own score’ wherein I would keep score of myself being a ‘good person’ for having helped out people during the day, without ever actually proposing for example a change within the entire way that such point of conflict for many could be approached within school so that ‘I’ would not have to take on the pride and positive experience of ‘helping others,’ and instead support the educational system to be supportive for all beings equally, within the realization that if Many have the same problem, then the flaw is within the way it is being taught, instead of the problem being the beings not understanding it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to Invest on my own ‘good person’ character within the realization that within building this reputation from an early age, I would get ‘doors open’ more easily within the system in the future, wherein I was from an early age already looking forward to way, means and relationships that I would use in order to make a ‘good living,’ wherein I would go as far as supporting my classmates from that starting point of thinking that ‘Someday they will be in a position wherein they will be the ones that will be able to support me’ and within this, not being unconditionally supporting others as myself in the moment, but actually see it as a positive-credit investment to the future, wherein I was aiming at ‘using my credits’ at some point in the future whenever I wanted and If I would require such ‘gears’ in the system to my own benefit.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately seek to create ‘political relationships’ with people at school, which were not necessarily ‘friendship based,’ but going straight to the point of being in ‘good terms’ with everyone in order to get a positive reward in the future wherein I expected me to be supported by others due to me being ‘remembered’ as having been a ‘good person,’ which once again proves that I was in fact investing on my own positive-feedback within my participation in the school-system as a way to be recognized by others and as such, ensure that no matter what, people will remember me for ‘how good I was in everything I did, ‘ which is plain self-interest based type of actions, words and deeds at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberate shove aside my ‘negative backchat’ toward others in the moment of interacting with them, and immediately play out this point of ‘them probably being able to support me in the future’ and as such, immediately shift my way of communicating with them to being more affable and open and ‘charismatic,’ from the starting point or vantage point of realizing that I could ‘use their friendship/ colleagueship’ later on in life in order to support ME, so I better behave in a friendly manner in order to be liked by them.

I realize that within this way of socializing – social-lies are kept from one another in what is euphemistically called ‘political relationships,’ wherein we all knew that we were building ‘relationships’ for our future and within this know before hand that we didn’t necessarily have to ‘like’ each other or be empathetic toward one another, but only see relationships as ways to climb within the system and to support each other’s interest as a way to keep ourselves ‘on top’ of society, which is what we were being trained for at school.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately be a ‘good person’ toward those that I knew had more impact within the political arena in my environment, due to believing that money and politics as part of my ‘relationships’ would be of great use in order to have someone to ‘aid me’ in the future if I ‘help them out’ at this stage- which was schooling years – and within this, from an early age learn the ways within the system of corruption and recommendations wherein things are much easier if you are supported by another in a position of power/ control within the social structure that being ‘one more in the mass,’ which is how I learned that creating a positive reputation within me toward others that I knew would be ‘potential future support’ was to my own benefit, and that helping them out ‘today’ would ensure my own help ‘tomorrow,’ which is how people in positions of power and control support each other to always remain winning, looking for one’s own benefit and position within the system, instead of actually supporting one another to be equally supported, wherein such corruption and favoritism would not have to exist any longer to be supported within the system, but instead equal opportunities as equal support being given as an unconditional living right.

 

I see and realize how I have used this point of support within my reality as a way to gain/ accumulate ‘positive points’ within my imaginary positive-feedback/ positive reputation chart, wherein I was ensuring my own survival and positioning within the system by deliberately using my ‘wits’ and ‘understanding’ in a place like school to support those that would not understand/ required help and doing so from the starting point of thinking that ‘I am helping them today but I expect to be supported by them tomorrow,’ which mostly implied people being in positions to support me to get to a certain job/ position within the identification of myself as a ‘good person’ and ‘hard working’ and ‘benevolent’ at their eyes, wherein the memories of ‘me having helped them’ throughout school would become the usage of such positive points to ensure that I am able to be supported by people, due to understanding how this world system works based on relationships and understanding the importance of school and relationships within school to create a network of support toward each other to keep us all in the same positions of power/ control/ direction according to what we were supposed to do/ be within the world system.

 

I commit myself to expose the system of values as positive and negative as the starting point of our entire personalities and beingness being driven to survive within such system basing our actions, words and deeds within the starting point of being ‘good to others’ to our own benefit within the distorted principles of supporting others the same way that one would like to be supported but using it as a way to support each other within a closed system of favoritism and recommendations used to gain or preserve certain positions within the world system wherein the majority of people have no access to such ‘colleagueism’ in order to ensure that those with already enough power/ consideration within the system, remain in such positions through being supported by those in power to remain in the same point of power above others.

 

I commit myself to stop existing within this favoritism system of ‘being a good person’ in order to await for a positive reward from my initial investment as the ‘good doer person,’ and within this actually walk the process to understand and realize how such benefits from being a ‘good person’ can only exist in a system of Inequality – therefore we can only support each other as equals within the realization that any benefit we currently experience above others is in fact a point of abuse that will no longer be able to exist once that the Equal Money System is in place and established as an actual opportunity to become an example of what giving and receiving in an unconditional manner is all about, which is supporting each other to live in dignity, supporting each other to in fact become living beings and within this realizing that there is no ‘benefit’ to await for within this all, but simply realizing that I am supporting self as one and equal and within this there is nothing to win or lose as it is part of self-support that I have decided to walk as myself within this Process of Self Realization

 

I commit myself to actually walk the principle of giving to others as one would like to receive in an absolute manner wherein there are no ‘hidden agendas’ of personal benefit to do so, and within this becoming aware of any positive-experience of upliftment or personal satisfaction as an energetic experience if such point arises in any given moment of interaction within supporting others, and instead, assist and support me to realize that there is no ‘other’ that I am supporting here but Self as one and equal, and within this, humbling myself to the point of realizing that it is only through supporting each other to get to an optimal point of expression, self-awareness and self-realization that we will in fact be able to assist and support ourselves as the whole to create a system wherein ‘good doing’ won’t exist as a positive-reputation system for one’s personal benefit, but instead become simple principles that we will all live by, wherein one’s actions, words and deeds are understood within the context of the whole being our responsibility and creation at all times.

This is how we transform the positive-thinking, positive doing as self-investment toward positive rewards in the future, to a constant realization that within giving to others as we would want to receive what’s being benefitted is not only self or the other person but Self as a whole as one and equal, and within this understanding that there will be no need to create relationships based on self-interest to maintain a certain position within the system, but instead actual empathy and understanding and relationships of physical interaction will emerge, as there will be no need to have relationships that support the perpetual positioning of only a few on top of the ‘social chain’ within a hierarchical system of values that would support only a few – but instead, the majority as the whole will learn how to support and work together as one single organism wherein any point of abuse is understood as a disease.

 

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160. Pious

Making a Hypocritical display of virtue

The word hits the nail on the head to explain a self-conscious virtue that one display in order to get quite a satisfaction from actually showing it off, while waiting to ‘gain points’ to obtain that which is either able to be categorized as a ‘good being reputation,’ a ‘benevolent’ person that supports those in need or a piece of heaven for it, which was the type of constant self-consciousness I would have: be good, be benevolent, you don’t want ‘others’ talking shit about you.  Hence, all this ‘good deeds’ were in fact always motivated by ‘how others will see me’ and maintaining this flawless reputation that I created from when I was in school. However, I learned how the system works and started using it for my own benefit, which included creating a positive reputation so that later on no one could ‘doubt’ of me doing something that was ‘wrong’ or ‘bad.’ And I must say that even in this point of awareness of human-reputation, I would mostly fear doing something bad/ wrong because of an ingrained fear of god/ punishment in ‘unknown ways,’ because I also learned how people were supposed to get a hell of a life if they had been ‘bad people’ in their lives – hence the ignorant belief that poor people had been in fact very bad people in past lives.

When thinking of the word pious what I get is several experiences lined up as the same type of event: showing others how to do something in school/ supporting them to get past any form of problem to which I would always get a kick when being thanked or even praised for ‘being such an angel/ good person’ and helping them out, deeply knowing that I was in fact doing it to get this type of psychological reward while believing as well that they would only say that to later on be able to ask me again/ be supported/ helped by me.

In this the superwoman point emerged, I mean, believing that one is in fact able to help others and live a life doing that in order to ‘make others feel good and make myself feel good,’ however how much of that was in fact actually supportive if I were to only solve their problems without them taking responsibility for it? And also within me: what was the driving force to place myself at the disposition to support? Altruism and ‘good hearted people’ may seem like apple pies on the outside, but as we know and realize our human nature we cannot possibly remain within this nice belief considering that the very system that we live in is based upon Rewards, which translate into any type of positive energy/ money that adds up like stars in a rating system. And that’s what it was all about: being the star with most ‘positive feedback’ to, just like any other product, gain value in my world-market to make myself feel good, ensure a future of well-being – because, you know, people that are able to establish such good reputation from an early age were supposed to be winners/ ensured successful beings in the world system. And it seems even unreal to say it, but I became aware of it at a very early age upon seeing how such reputation worked at the level of world-system/ business/  money/ relationships, becoming this ‘golden trophy’ that I knew would add up within my reputation the more I ‘did good.’

 

And this is essentially what I was basing my life upon, it was actually like a constant masquerade I’d wear and become very aware of whenever I would get to a new school, with any ‘new people’ I’d meet, new environments I’d settle in, using a ‘good sense of humor’ and the willingness to ‘help’ as a way to create relationships out of self interest, realizing how I would probably eventually ‘need them in the future,’ and as such becoming a calculator within my demon.stration of benevolence as a pious showoff of such ‘virtues’ = making relationships in an easy way out of self interest. This lasted up to the time when I still wanted to be such an example of ‘good person’ and that ended like 10 years ago. After that I went to the opposite side due to becoming rather critical about any attempt to be successful in the world, however I still would not give up my ‘achieved path,’ I kept the desire to build such reputation but in an apparently ‘unconventional manner’ which lead me to an even ‘more’ special point of reputation to the point of sickening myself with feedback from others saying how benevolent/ good person/ considerate one I was. And hell,  for all that we are aware now as our process, I would not trust a single thing of feedback anyone else had to say about me, because I knew I was doing it and probably everyone else was also doing it and as long as any of such ‘benevolent acts’ were actually fueled by the desire to get a point of recognition/ positive feedback/ stars accumulated in my curriculum, none of it can be considered as an actual point of self-support in consideration of others as myself.

This is within the vein of ‘The Force of Good’ points that we probably never investigated within us, because we believed that such ‘good/ positive’ thinking/ deeds were ‘absolutely honest’ and ‘good natured,’ however how can Anything of what we’ve done in fact be ‘good’ if we only considered our own reputation, our own ‘good feelings’ about such deeds in fact. We have all been hypocritical for that matter and this is just part of the aspects of how we have hand picked our life experiences to remember always in a positive/ laureate manner while hiding the actual starting point for such actions being only self interest.

What we have to realize is that we are in fact able to support each other to get to stand as our optimal living condition in this world once that there is no competition to be ‘the most benevolent one’ to get the most “good reputation” that translates to credit/ money within the world system to get all the benefits. IF we give benefits to ALL beings equally,  THEN, what is there to ‘disguise’ as a benevolent being/ pious display of virtues in self interest any longer? Nothing, there will be no more laureate people doing anything ‘benevolent’ in self interest, and instead it will become a single living-integrated realization that life can only flourish and continue if all beings are Equally Supported as Life. Once that survivalism is no longer the measure point for our actions, our lives can be measured/ valued and lived according to the physical-worth of actions that in fact support life in Equality.

 

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