Tag Archives: hierarchy

425. If We Dislike Deception, We Have to Become Self-Honest

There is a phase when one becomes aware of the extent of the problems in the world and we go through the vast amount of information that is at our finger tips nowadays and really get to know the nitty-gritty details of the actual prison that we’ve created for ourselves, and the challenge that comes with this is: how not to get imbued by the perception of the ‘oh so ever powerful ones’  – that are in fact a minority in this world – being the sole problem and the ones to blame for everything that’s wrong, we perceive them as being invincible, which is precisely part of the function that they represent within the whole construct of the system in itself. Sometimes the information and getting to know ‘how deep the rabbit hole goes’ becomes a reinforcement to the belief that “there is no possible way out because ‘they’ are everywhere/ ‘they’ are so powerful and invincible.” In that, we actually psychologically become subdued to what we accept as ‘their power’ which we believe ‘is so real’ that the only thing that we apparently can resort to is blaming, complaining, judging others and believing that: there is no possible way out, so why bother? This is the mentality that we have to stop and that I’ll share here how I’ve managed to constantly work on preventing me from falling on the same old patterns.

 

Identifying one’s reactions to the problems

From my perspective and personal experience, it all begins with simple steps, such as how you engage in discussing relevant topics and ‘less known’ information that is termed as ‘conspiracy theories’ which many times are not ‘theories’ but rather the hidden/occult history out of our text books in school and universities and usually explain the actual workings of  this world system, such as who has been in fact ‘behind it all’ and the mechanisms used to galvanize it, which implies that we also had to be part of such control system by compliance. An easy response to knowing ‘who’s who in the zoo’ and in fact ‘sitting at the top of the hill’ can result in us reacting with anger which in turn leads us to ‘spew our mind out’ in blaming and finding this/that president/corporation/elite person as the culprit,  which is not necessarily something that can be supportive for others that might come through and read these comments and opinions on Facebook – or any other social media site – and be exposed to this information for the first time and be shocked at discovering that their president is waging a war in Somalia, Yemen and Pakistan killing over 2000 civilians, which means it is killing people that have most likely nothing to do with any sort of potential terrorists – yet this is all being paid by your taxes… In this case,  what would you say to ‘you’ as that person that is informing themselves about the ills of the world system for the first time, and realizing that their taxes are being used to obliterate certain nations to keep control of poppy fields and trade more drugs? Reinforcing the predictable behavior such as blaming, complaining, calling names and spurting general outrage about it is Not going to solve anything.

 

So where do we start, then?

One thing that I suggest starting with is considering self-responsibility – which is a tough point, and not many people are willing to recognize it, because it involves stopping feeling righteous about calling out the abuse and instead becoming a co-creator of the mess as well. t is about realizing that by virtue of living in this same world: We Are ALL Responsible. So instead of trying to ‘change the world out there’ which becomes indeed an ‘out of reach’ type of experience when considering ‘Oh my god, I have to change the entire world!’ we have to instead consider that this change begins with taking our own lives into our own hands, to become an example, which means: start with our own life.

I bet you also began questioning why this world is the way that it is and why are people in power only being corrupted and evil and being protected by the same laws we are supposed to abide to – is the system rigged in some way? So you as I did most likely began investigating, educating yourself about the problem, developing that interest and critical thinking skills, asking questions, and maybe even getting to know others that were also starting to look for similar answers. What I’ve realized now is that understanding the problem is one part of the solution, but then comes the necessary rule of Taking the point back to oneself and so Dare to ask the more uncomfortable questions, the kind that we’ve forgotten to ask ourselves all along such as: where was I when all of this ‘conspiracy’ took place? How have we allowed ourselves to be consumed and entertained to a point where we forgot about our responsibilities?

Instead we’ve learned to equate happiness to consumption and not consider how real happiness could be genuinely built if we could all come together and agree to integrate the principles we want to live by as a society into a new proposal for a political/economic and social structure, starting with the simplicity of how we can grant each other – for example – the basic right to live in dignity? This is what the provision of a Basic Income entails. This leads to the recognition of Self-Responsibility which implies ‘They’ and ‘Those in Power,’ the ‘Invincible’ ones or those that we perceive as ‘Untouchable’ are not going to give up their power, nor do we have to focus on ‘them’ to create any form of solution either. Instead it’s about focusing on how to empower myself and others at the same time with developing this self-awareness and an understanding of the problem, without reacting to it in the predictability of anger, frustration, rage, blame and wanting to tear the government building down – but instead with maturity and self-responsible assessments.

It is about motivating oneself to see through the a new solution-based mindset and at the same time, inciting others to consider self-responsibility and Act in the awareness of ‘How can I be the solution?’ ‘How can I consider Self-Responsibility?’ within the understanding that we won’t change ‘them’ or others for that matter –  we have to be the ones that step in, we have to be the ones that are willing to correct all of our personal ‘flaws’ which entail a personal debasement to for example, believe that we are disempowered. Instead we have to prove to ourselves that we can stand up as a reformed and corrected type of human being – as a New Human Kind –  that stops all forms of hatred, deception, violence, defensiveness, attack, complacency, defeatism, laziness, conformity and the ever so corrosive illusion of powerlessness, which is precisely what I many times have considered that is created as a result of an extensive amount or information on the fickleness of the human mind that might become emotionally affected by it, becoming obsessed to continue ‘dwelling’ on the same problem in spirals without landing on Earth back with solutions.  It is at the same time strange because this creates a strange sense of false-empowerment that leads – most of the times – nowhere; very, very few are able to read, understand and use the information and awareness constructively to continue building a foundation that gathers even more reasons as to why, for example, in the case of the American ‘Secret War’ as the Drone-Wars, the funds that go to combat a deliberately created boogie man, sending people to kill and enrich all the military contractors, should instead be spent in funding the provision of a basic income in America and creating a genuine safety net to prevent an upcoming crash that has been vaticinated for some time now, yet is already quite palpable based on the amount of poverty that exists in the U.S., isn’t it? So instead of waiting for the war-jackpot to hit home and revive the economy – why not informing people about the possible solution of using that money in a supportive manner that benefits the common man at home – it is about informing the society that such Military Defense budget Is in fact people’s taxes – this is just to name a brief example.

In this, I do not speak of creating Hope either, as it becomes a ‘waiting mode’ with idle expectations based on someone, somehow ‘turning the tables to our favor’ which won’t come at all by itself, and even if it happened that way, we would still then miss out the process of realizing that we actually have to be the ones that must do something about our lives – this whole process of facing massive consequences in this world is in fact a gift to allow ourselves to see what kind of responsibility we’ve abdicated throughout time, and so at the same time realizing that it is in taking self-responsibility that the solution begins.

 

What are the Practical Solutions then?

I can share with you what I’ve done myself which begins with getting to halt my own spewing that I used to vehemently defend and share with anyone else that I could as ‘my right to point out all that is wrong’ in this world and just remain there, in that complain, in that sense of protest which I lived as what I’ve denominated ‘The Loathing Politics’ character and having an ever present and growing hatred and disgust toward virtually anything that has to do with power and politics.  I live in Mexico and one of my first ingrained memories was listening on the radio about the release of a secret tape where some politicians and party enthusiasts were hiding voting ballots beneath the carpets of some governmental building during a presidential election, this was then about the politicians doing the necessary ‘dirty job’ to rig the game…  this became part of the pattern lived throughout my life of getting used to hearing about corruption and political neglect on a daily basis, it is a part of ‘how politics work’ here, hence my loathe and despair to it all back then.

So, to the day (January 30th) 7 years ago I decided to change my life and perspective toward it: from depressive and giving up on anything related to politics/system/society to recognizing that if I want my life and that of others to be genuinely good and supportive = I have to directly do something about it. It all started by me walking my own self-forgiveness on the past hatred toward every aspect of my life that I knew was detrimental to my personal development – this includes my reactions to ‘the world system’ – specifically politicians and people ruling in the catholic church – and so made a clear decision to for once and for stop being the predictable robot that only knows how to complain and blame.I decided to Stop adding my own bs and reactions to ‘those in power.’ Instead, understanding more about ‘the truth’ of this game led me to gather more and more reasons to understand that if a ‘few’ could do it, then our potential if united as the 99% of the world that is not ‘rigging the game’ can form an agreement to take responsibility for creating a new starting point in our society. I’ve also realized there is a massive potential yet to be unleashed that we have to begin growing and enticing within each other with simple steps, changing the way that we look at politics is an example of where one can start with.

 

“We need to do the opposite of what Russell Brand is advocating, we need to use our votes. Even if we don’t want to engage with the current broken system, we should not use that as an excuse for apathy. We should see it as an encouragement to engage in creating our own alternatives, our new co-created systems; to be creative about it and to connect. Connectivity is the key to a rapid change; but information in itself is meaningless if we don’t know how to decode it into wisdom.” –

Birgitta Jonsdottir  “Democracy in the Digital Era” – January, 2015

 

 

This is thus about first understanding the problems, understanding the ‘power structure’ and so realizing that if we see politics plays a big role, if CEO’s play a big role, if influential people in communities play a big role = then We have to become such ‘big roles’ as well! This won’t be an easy task either, because we are all essentially predestined to continue blindly walking the path of the least effort, giving up on the first obstacle we encounter, seeking the most reward without having to move a single finger and so on….  well, those days will be over soon.

We have to consider that we’ve allowed ourselves to be slaves for far too long, therefore it won’t take only 7 years to ‘wake up and change’ – no, we’re talking about walking through the human conditioning that’s lasted for thousands of years, which has increased in the last century at a rapid rate and is ever present now with the ability of be intercommunicated at all times. However in a way it also prompts us to consider first and foremost: how have I contributed to the problem as well with my inaction to take responsibility for it? Is my anger, hatred or blame supportive for myself or anyone? If not, then what would I do if – for example – I was ‘Obama’? or anyone you perceive has more ‘power’ than you for that matter…well, the thing is: we all have the ability and potential, we just squander it too much when being overwhelmed and emotionally driven to give up or just continually seek to focus on something more pleasurable and easily rewarding which is part of the necessary elements to keep ourselves in a divided and conquered mentality = this is the human failure that I decided to not be a part of anymore.

What do I practically do and support?

I support myself and other individuals to walk through this same process I just described, which is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever conceived I’d be doing with my life  – after perusing a rather selfish career in visual arts – and I gave myself a purpose to every single day share what I learn, what I consider as solutions, what I see as the problems and how we can use a documentary, a blog, a news article to reflect how what goes on ‘in the world’ as our individual and collective creation.

So, you can hear all my daily recordings which is a relatively ‘new’ project here: http://mixlr.com/marlen-vargas-del-razo/showreel/ – I support and am directly involved in the promotions of the  Living Income Guaranteed Proposal Living Income Guaranteed Proposal http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal / http://youtube.com/livingincome along with an exemplary group of people around the world at Equal Life Foundation which is part of the various efforts that we’ve proposed throughout the years as stepping stones toward political and economic change, while emphasizing on the necessity to include living principles which are similar to the same ones I’ve shared about my personal process.

So for example, providing a basic income/living income is a starting point to first get ourselves out of this survival-coerced mode and so, give each other the certainty of having the necessary to live. This in turn frees the necessary time to educate ourselves, to realize that it is about us now proposing solutions and giving that opportunity to each other to see who would we really be once that money stops being the main problem and obstacle for our personal and collective development. This also requires the will and volition to develop self-leadership and self-governance. It is not an easy task to do, though it is Not impossible either and everyone at ELF can be an example of what it is to live a regular life and still have the time to actually ‘walk the talk’ and direct ourselves to embody the principles that we agree on, the principles that we want to live by as a society and as a result of understanding the problems, which is what many people in the informed community already does – so now it’s about time to take the next step to encourage the development of a solution-based mindset.  

 

Giving up based on how ‘bad things look’ has become a common excuse to not do something about it – my take is: what else is there to do anyways in this world if not attending the problems we’ve caused? What else is there to do if not attending and raising your children, becoming an example of what is to do your work in the best possible way, supporting others to become better themselves, to recognize their potential and assist others in developing it –  which can be done once that one works on one’s own  – practicing our communication abilities, creating supportive personal and working relationships, becoming a living example of what is to Really ‘Be the change you want to see in this world’ and the list goes on…It only takes a decision from ourselves to be a part of the not-giving up group.

 

I would not even focus on trying to awaken those that are too fearful or complacent to even spare some minutes to read, watch or hear something that is beneficial to the whole. We tend to discourage ourselves from believing ‘no one cares’ when in fact, many Do care, but have no idea of where to even start with looking at a way through this mess, so that’s why education and information with a directive proposal for solutions is required and what we are in fact here for, no matter how ‘impossible’ it may seem at the moment – everything starts steps by step with oneself, isn’t it?


 

If we want to stop corruption, then let’s develop self-integrity, if we want to stop all lies and deception, then it’s time to develop self-honesty, if we are tired of ‘greedy people’ then we have to focus on developing moderation and being able to spot our own behavioral patterns and impulses where we give too much attention to that which only benefits ‘me’; this implies being a little bit more ‘selfless’ which is not giving oneself away, but developing a genuine care and empathy for others around us, as they are ‘us’ as well –  yes, even those in ‘high places.’ If we are so tired of the ‘same old’ bs, well, we have to also do some self-introspection and be willing to see and recognize what of ourselves we would like to change, what destructive patterns and habits we have that we know only lead us to a predictable outcome of failure/giving-up/passivity/complacency… how about instead we start considering how we affect ourselves/ others with our words, actions and inactions? What would it mean and what would I do if ‘I’ today had to become a person that is at the service of others like a public-servant/politician?

These are questions that lead us to recognize that we don’t have to wait for a president to give us nice answers on how to solve the problems, we can instead begin this process bit by bit ourselves, no matter how ‘unrealistic’ the feasible solutions might seem, because this ‘unrealistic’ conclusion about possible solutions becomes part of the obstacles to not think outside of the box and is part of the most common sabotage to potentially great ideas that, fortunately, are gaining more attention these days. 

These are the kind of questions that lead us to introspect and ensure that we live every day willing ourselves to see beyond the ‘fog’ and not get overwhelmed by how things currently operate. The trick is not to get lost in the rabbit hole and come out of it scared and only recreating another war as overloaded criticism and antagonism to those that we perceive as ‘the only culprits,’ or to try and attempt to ‘take the power away’ from someone through protesting and waging war – yet another one – with words, imaginations, intentions and predictable defeated outcomes.

This genuine (r)evolution is about focusing on individual self-change so that the way that we relate to one another and the world itself becomes the sheer result and accumulation of these seemingly ‘small changes’ that will certainly not get ‘Obama’ out of office – but will in turn encourage many others to start seeing behind the fog, to consider ways out in a human brain that is designed to always only focus on the friction/conflict and problem… it is about time we get rid of the belief, hope and sheer religious faith where we think that ‘those in power had to do this For Us’. It is about outgrowing the notion and comfortable denomination of ‘those in power’ by realizing that we are in fact the ones that abdicated such power: we are the majority therefore, we are in fact all capable of standing up for what we see will make our lives much better.

Our biggest problem at the moment is apathy and the perception of being powerless, and with this we do a disservice to life when we get too informed about the ultimate nitty gritty on conspiracies, but we don’t act in ways that prove we understand the problem and so have a better notion of how to start solving the problems as well.

 

I quote Junaid Malik with whom I fully agree with when it comes to the solution he proposes, and when I read his words I was glad to realize that not everyone that informs about the actuality and depth of the problem leaves a blog without a clear directive to self-responsibility:

 

There is no short term solution to the multidimensional problems we are facing. Education and awareness are key prerequisites for the change, which can only be achieved through a long term process. Instead of being selfish we will have to revive our faith in self-sacrifice for the common good. Instead of accepting an unequal educational system, we will have to educate all the children, the next generation in this country, without discrimination. Education doesn’t mean reading, writing or getting a degree and finding a job. It means learning to see through the façade of pretense. It means attaining knowledge and wisdom; knowledge to understand what’s going on and wisdom to change it. Let’s give it a try and hope that our next generation, once educated and enlightened, will stand against injustice and inequality, showing the oligarchy the exit door and replacing it with capable individuals in the decision-making process.” – JM http://wp.me/p2zw1Q-1o

 

So, my suggestion is that instead of continuing to rehash the same old predictable self-defeat, we use our time, our words, our simple interactions to share common sense = What WE Can Do in order to realize that it is about US learning to agree on what is best for all, learning to properly communicate, learning to always take the finger back to us and be willing to recognize our own flaws and self-deception first, and so prevent ourselves from jumping into conclusions and criticizing others – it is about being willing to give it our All that is humanly possible to correct the mess we’ve co-created – we all know what would make our lives in this world better, so why don’t we instead focus on working on that which is not only meaningful and gives a new sense to our lives, but absolutely necessary and ultimately our responsibility to the generations to come?  

 Thanks for reading and: walk along if you are ready to stand up

 

You can listen to the original version of this writing here: http://mixlr.com/marlen-vargas-del-razo/showreel/if-we-dislike-deception-we-have-to-become-self-honest/

 

world_change_self_honesty_responsibility_basic_income

 

 

 


377. What is a Real Democracy?

“…for men change their rulers willingly, hoping to better themselves, and this hope induces them to take up arms against him who rules: wherein they are deceived, because they afterwards find by experience they have gone from bad to worse. This follows also on another natural and common necessity, which always causes a new prince to burden those who have submitted to him with his soldiery and with infinite other hardships which he must put upon his new acquisition.” – Niccolò Machiavelli

 

How many times have we criticized a politician or a person in any place of authority for not ‘sticking to their word’ and breaking whichever promise or commitment they said they would live out and apply under their rule as the representation of the people? Many times, in fact it has become the way to present the idea that we are ‘wise enough’ to understand that ‘we are being duped’ and how this is all ‘being done unto us’ without realizing that in this victimized state one establishes the immediate denial of self-responsibility and inverts it into a point of blame as if they had some godly powers to solve this reality’s problems, which are in fact created individually by each one of us.

 

See how we have conferred and justified this gigantic responsibility of solving the world’s problems to a few individuals that we believe that we are doing a favor to by voting for them to take a position of god/authority over everything and everyone in a particular nation or institution. Within this, we believe that anything that they do wrong is then a point of abuse and we have the right to despise and ask them to ‘pay for their crimes against humanity.’ essentially going from the initial ‘love’ as expectations of change, progress and honesty to ‘hate’ as the disillusion and disappointment that emerges when something or someone doesn’t meet our expectations – but:

Why and How are we expecting, waiting, wanting others to do the work that we all should do as a matter of self-integrity and responsibility?

 

Unless we understand this, we will continue ‘fighting the powers that be’ and believing that ‘a change of powers’ is what’s required in this world, instead of realizing that the way to dissolve any form of abuse is to dissolve the illusion of such power and its structural legitimized form through only voting in ‘democratic elections’ to choose our leaders, without even questioning why such positions in society exist.

 

Affirmations

 

Continuing from:

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever criticize, denigrate, point fingers at and call the people that are in positions of ‘power’ out as in governments or corporations, heads of institutions for not ‘sticking to their word’ and their oath to contribute to everyone’s well being, without realizing that the sheer contract they are signing up for as a ‘position of power’ is already in itself an imposition of a position that creates abuse – because for some to be ‘on top’ some must be ‘below’ – and as such a public consent and permission to rule over others, which is in itself a violation of the law of life in equality since there can be no ‘higher ranks’ in the physicality that we all exist as in reality, there is no ‘hierarchy’ within who we are as human beings of flesh and bones and as such, all of the formation of the hierarchical structures exists only within who we are and have become in and as the mind

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point fingers at, criticize, blame, denigrate or call names to the people in ‘power’ that didn’t stick to their promises through for example a political campaign and in fact end up doing the exact opposite of what they had promised, not realizing that the position of power in itself is deception and a point of abuse with public consent, and how once the contract is signed, the position of allowing one individual to have the ultimate say upon millions of lives while being a collectively accepted delusion that we have only learned how to complain about, instead of realizing that for genuine change in this world, we have to stop ceasing to exist within the belief that we can only progress as humanity if we have a good president/ good people in authority and within that, confiding our self responsibility to one/a few individuals

I realize that the solutions to the problems we face are the outflows of what we have done and/or neglected to do at an individual level.

I realize there is no way in which one or a few individuals can solve the inherent problems within the system that is not only existing as the ‘power structure’ and ‘hierarchical orders’ we have accepted and allowed to exist as ruling powers in our societies, but it is existent within each one of us, individually the moment that we believe that our lives are in the hands of those in governments/positions of power, no different to how we had believed in a god to be taken care of each one of us and delegating all responsibility to a ‘higher power/higher being’ to solve the problems that we individually create and consequent every single day of our lives.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have criticized presidents and people in power for ‘not sticking to their promises’ of what they said they would do and in the end didn’t do, without realizing that I have done exactly the same when saying that I will do/say/act on/change something and eventually don’t do it, wherein my situation is then no different to any other ‘person in power’ that one has placed any form of trust and expectancy upon to ‘do the work for us’ as if it was Their responsibility to take care of our own personal lives, which has never been in fact so because it Shouldn’t be that way to begin with.

I realize that the only way that we will be able to properly function as society is when the idea of something or someone having ‘more power’ than the rest ceases to exist, because then we will no longer be able to point fingers at/ blame/ justify our own abdication of responsibility, but will have to actually take care of our own lives, ourselves as it always should have been.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the existence of ‘power’ defined through a hierarchical structure in society is the acceptance of abuse in a legitimate way, because not even through so-called democratic processes can we confer all our responsibility to one single individual we directly vote on, and as such the real meaning of democracy is not understood yet – 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and think of Democracy as yet another electoral process only implying ‘one man, one vote’ to get one individual in a position of power as in government/ directive positions of authority, without realizing that Democracy as the actual Power of The People is in fact the individual ability to respond and take care of our own lives in the consideration of what is best for all, wherein ‘power’ only means the ability to move, to direct, to  operate and function as a living organism that we are as society, wherein each one of us becomes one single cell that is equally important and equally relevant within the functioning of the whole as the social organism we are.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having ever accepted the idea of any individual being ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’ to myself according to the hierarchical structure that exists at an unconscious level in each one of us, wherein the foundation of our current social, economic and political systems resides, where we haven’t yet realized how these structures exist only for the sake of keeping control through fear,  and allowing ourselves to be directed with the excuse of ‘knowing better’ on how to direct entire populations through politics, economics, education, media – just because we have accepted and allowed ourselves to abdicate our responsibility to our own lives and along with this, be misinformed, uneducated and believe ourselves to be powerless to know how the system operates, to learn the necessary practical knowledge to implement an equally-empowered structural organization in society, because we simply accepted the fact that there were only a few individuals that were meant to be educated in specialized elite schools to become our leaders, and the rest to become followers and as such, having little to no access to the information and support to develop the ability of self-leadership and self-governance.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever take a person in power’s position as real and personal, meaning making of the individual an actual evil, bad, mean, greedy, psychopathic person, without realizing that every time that I also do not act according to what I say I would do and live by, every time that I am moved by self interest to satisfy an experience in the mind instead of doing that which supports me as what is best for all, whenever I expect others to take responsibility for what I see is my responsibility to take care of it, I am living out the exact same patterns that any person in any position of power stands in, because we are all human beings and all that is different is the context in which they exist – yet myself at an individual level contributes and represents that one point that makes the nature of this entire system as self-abuse, which is thus reflecting back to ourselves who we really are in our own minds and personal lives.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that some other individuals have to be specialized in understanding how ‘the system operates’ and that I had nothing to do with it, but that one pays them through taxes to ‘do the work’ that we are and have been unable to conduct ourselves, within this using the saying of ‘give as you would like to receive’ in self interest to abdicate self responsibility, giving money  in taxes, giving our ‘vote’ as preference for one or few individuals to do the work that we haven’t realized must be our own individual point of self-responsibility to conduct ourselves by in our lives.

I realize that the equation we have done with money is of the absolute legitimization of corruption and abuse within the existence of money itself, which makes the act of ‘corruption’ just a redundancy that is tacitly implied in the existence of our monetary systems, our value systems and world-system in itself wherein hierarchy as power is no different to the power that we currently have given to money: it only exists as the collective agreement to abuse and have power over reality with no direct reference to physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the power of people in ruling and leading classes within our social hierarchical structures was legitimate because of being voted by the people, without realizing that this power is no different to the consent we believe we have given to the creation of money as debt, in essence as a pyramid scheme represented as our hierarchical structure wherein we have always bowed down to those that ‘have more/ are in positions of power’ and within that establishing the acceptance of inferiority and self victimization.

I realize that we have become subject to and trapped in our own beliefs of inferiority and ‘power-lessness’ without seeing and realizing that such power we ‘gave away’ is not real in fact since there is no physical power transferred but in the form of money – currently being a collective acceptance of abuse over life – and in the form of not doing and not taking care of everything that will be ‘taken care of’ by those that we vote for to be doing what we have abdicated ourselves to do.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the ‘ills’ and ‘problems’ in society through saying that ‘it is because of the government/ it’s a systematic problem’ without realizing that this it is in fact what we accept and allow to exist in our own minds individually, which then becomes a problem that is hard to solve by one or a few individuals or an entire political structure, if the individual responsibility within it all is not realized.

 

When and as I see myself denigrating, backchatting, cursing at or having thoughts about what a political or corporate leader is doing as a consequential outflow to ourselves in our society, I stop and I breathe – I realize that each individual human being in this world being in a ‘leadership’ position represents the abdication of our self-responsibility and actual political power as the direction of our own lives that we have neglected to take care of, and as such making it a few individual’s responsibility within a structure of disempowerment as hierarchical orders in society.

I realize that whatever ‘they do’ is only an outflow of the inequality in responsibility that we have created, accepted and allowed in our world – therefore instead of blaming and judging and opposing others, I take the point back to myself and ensure that I begin living by the principles of self-honesty, beginning with actually doing what I say I will do, considering what is best for all at all times and in that seeing that my responsibility to my own life to live in integrity and self-honesty means the foundation of a new society that we can create individual by individual until we realize that we do not require one single individual to be in such a position of ‘power’ and leadership, but instead become the embodiment of self-governance, self-leadership, having the ability to always decide and do what is best for all and as such, no more hierarchical powers to conduct our society will be required, for we will be living the actual ‘power of the people’ as a genuine Democracy that exists at an individual level of living self-responsibility.

 

I commit myself to realize that genuine democracy is not ‘choosing a person to be in office through one man, one vote’ only, realizing that such vote is not merely crossing a paper in election day, but actually becoming a self-responsible individual that understands that each one of us taking responsibility for ourselves creates a genuine democracy as each  individual stands in self-honesty and considering at all times what is best for all.

 

A real democracy is the individual ability to direct oneself in self-responsibility and consideration of equal rights and equal responsibilities,  living together in a way that is best for all. The real ‘power of the people’ cannot be represented, it must be individually and practically lived and applied.

 

MLK

 

Investigate:

 

 

For Self-Education:

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311. You Want ‘All The Power’?

 

Power is embedded in the nature of who we are as the Mind, as the actual Evil that abuses the Physical, finding any ways and means possible to get what what we want, what we desire above any consideration and regard for the others that are abused and neglected within such living-out of the word within its current usual definition. We have all collectively created our own worst enemy and nightmare where Power means Manipulation and Control

Continuing from:

We have discussed Power at a System Level as the determining factor that decides how our Rights are created and implemented –or the lack thereof. Rights are a Moral stand point that stem from Power in itself through the following means:

manipulate 
1    exercising unscrupulous control or influence over a person or situation.

2  handle or control with dexterity.
3   examine or treat (a part of the body) by feeling or moving it with the hand.
4  control or influence cleverly or unscrupulously.
5   alter or present (data) so as to mislead.

 

control
n    noun
1    the power to influence people’s behavior or the course of events. The restriction of an activity, tendency, or phenomenon.

 

This means that our current Power is in fact Manipulation to Deceive and Control.

 

Problem:                                                                      

 

Power when embodied by an Authority is accepted and allowed as Real, as Truth, and surprisingly enough we Trust such Power to act in the best interest of all. But as we should have realized by now, Power means control and superiority, the ability to have things done and said the way you want to say it for your own benefit, having the power to decide how all of our lives are conducted when having the ability/power to create laws, set treaties, determine Military Policy, Foreign Economic Policy, Domestic Policy, etc. Which implies that one has the power to regulate the individuals, the State and the System in itself, in essence: have the power to Decide upon people’s lives in all realms of their lives, Our Lives.

 

The dominance in this point is utilized to create Control, Empowerment, Superiority by the people in Power and the Illusion of: ‘Because I can control you, I am In Control of  you’ Which is the paradigm of Manipulation and Deception explained in the following interview by our Designer, which is the existential framework of Authority, Power and Control which implies Manipulation, Deception, Lying, Corruption, Dishonesty.

 

This means that the System Honesty that we have lived in has been based upon ‘following the rules’ of a sovereign, a hegemon that sets such laws/ rules  only to benefit the interests of a minority, never really in fact representing what’s best for all. And this is because of our Relationship to Money, because Power = Money as we have explained, so our entire Power Structure is currently existent within the terms of Manipulation, Control and Deception that we all abide to the moment that we Vote for such power, the moment that we believe in the Power that money has, and comply to perpetuate the same Power System without a question.

 

Power as Self Dishonesty exists within Each One of us where Self-Interest exists at the Sacrifice and Cost of Other Human Beings, maiming and limiting their own ability to have what you/ I have. This is our individual contribution to our current system.

 

Here we have to be absolutely Self-Honest to realize that if we have had the lives of the people in Power, their education, their environment, their conditioning, we would have done exactly the same as they have: seek more power, seek to get more, have more, rule everything and everyone, because ‘they can,’ and this ability is the power we have all collectively agreed upon.

So, now it is to see where in our lives we have accepted and allowed ourselves to embody this desire for Power, Control, Domination, Authority, to have More than others, and for this, resort to lie, deceive, cheat, participate in corruption which is precisely how our lives are currently guided, because who we are as the mind is an entire Lie in itself, there is absolutely No Self-Determination yet, there is no consideration of ‘What’s Best for All’ existent in our thoughts and living decisions, and this is precisely what ‘sets the tone’ of our entire System. It is not to Blame ‘those in power’  – but instead Recognize How we have all collectively participated in manifesting Power as such an abusive mechanism that regulates our lives in every single way.

 

At an Individual and personal level, we create this power-driven inequality the moment we want to posses a person in our relationships, the moment we want to take advantage of our position to have more than what we have, the moment we lie, deceive and manipulate in order to ‘get the most of the cake’ or ascend in our social-status to have more money, not caring who are we directly affecting with such ‘move.’ This is why we haven’t been able to trust each other, because everyone is running after the same bone, and this exists between individuals also in the political spheres, where people are obviously not genuinely determined to serve the people and establish a best for all living condition by writing laws and constitutions that are in fact implemented to better the lives of humans, but instead having a ‘better position’ only means having more money and the ability to write rules and laws that will support and guard such position and power. It is a dog eat dog situation that must stop, because it is unsustainable and it’s ending with the lives of all individuals that see their ability to be supported to live far far away every single day, which is unacceptable.

 

Solution:                                                               

 

Realizing that the Nature of our Own Mind is the one that Creates the Nature of the System will enable us to Stop being the Victims of ‘those in power’ and instead Take Responsibility, individually, for our own nature that seeks to have ‘the most,’ to be ‘on top’ of others and use manipulation and deception in order to attain such desired status. This is all money driven, therefore by us allowing ourselves to be Money-Driven, it is clear that we are not standing within the Principle of What’s Best for All as long as we only look after our own benefit.

 

If we look at the context of Protests and Activism, people seek to ‘Gain the Power back’ but only to then take revenge upon those that held the power before, which will only lead to a ‘turn around’ of the roles with no practical solution. Therefore, we have to realize that the way to stop our current Power Structure is not by ‘overcoming power with ‘greater power,’ but establishing a new political system that can effectively manage the Distribution of Power in Equality, as explained in the previous entries. By this, each individual can realize that we have to unite under one single banner to establish a New Way of Living as Equals- that’s how we are proposing the Equal Money Capitalism System, which one can read about to see how it is a smooth transition from our current system to a more equal and balanced way to establish a social system that is founded upon Life in Equality.

 

Instead of Seeking individual power, we have to set aside all our ambitions, all our desires to ‘make the most’ and realize that if we want to change the world, every single moment wherein we want to possess, have the most, be on top of others, we are abusing and exploiting others, wherein their own ability to have what you pursue is diminish in a direct manner, since the system is set up so that no two individuals are able to possess the same money. This is recreating the same system of Power we’re existing in. This is thus walking through an individual Process of Self-Honesty to see where we are still wanting to have More than others, to be Better, to have Control over others and as such, correct our living application so that manipulation and deception are no longer the means in which we drive our lives toward success, but we start considering that any form of imposition toward another is their enslavement to you. This is why we’re all collectively responsible for our entire system, since we have only complied, but never really taken part of it to actually in fact vote and decide for each policy, law or regulation that is promulgated.

 

 

Rewards:                                                                                                                            

The ability to give and receive in Equality,  in such a non-harmful and harmonious manner will lead to peace on Earth.

Imagine no countries fighting against each other – which means No Wars – but also no rivalry as to who is making more than other, whose resources can be exploited and whose population is now invading another country through immigration, because through Distributing Power to all Equally through Equal profit, we can thus stop worrying about not having money to live, or even more so deciding that we ‘want more’ because that’s what others are able to do. This is a collective way of realizing that everything that we have perpetuated thus far can be corrected by considering each other as Equals, and deciding to give each other the right to life at a system level, this will create a Utopia that we haven’t yet experienced, though it will take this individual realization of how through each one of us stopping the desire for More, the desire to Experience Power at an individual level, we can instead create the immovable certainty and guarantee of being supported within a system where everyone else is being also supported, a real sense of community and cooperation will emerge from this, a state unknown to humanity and yet to be lived which is something I am absolutely looking forward to enjoy.

Power in Equality is recognizing our ability to create a world that can certainly be best for all: what you want and desire you also give your neighbor to.

 

Let’s keep in mind thus this Collective and Individual responsibility within the use of this word ‘Power’ and remember to use it as your ability to Decide, Act and Live in accordance to what is best for you and Everyone Else Equally.

 

For further reference, read  the Equal Money Wiki

God Won't Save the Queen Now

 

 

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310. The Illusion of Power – Self Forgiveness

   “The world is in reverse means that when you do good, bad happens and when you do bad, good happens. Therefore the humans willing to do bad things in self interest are rich with all the power  and the humans willing to do good things for the betterment of others are poor with no power. No correction of this ever takes place as is shown through history. Those in power even rewrite history to fit their version of the mirror of reality. Thus – to bring about change, make sure you do not get trapped in the inaction of hope and faith, as that is the way of the good and will bring only bad. Those that act on the nature of the physical reality do so to control it for their own self interest and the evidence is in every facet of this world system as it exist.” – Bernard Poolman

 

Continuing from:

 

Problem                                                                       

Self Forgiveness is the action with which you take self responsibility for creation and empower yourself to change it to what is best for all life.” – Bernard Poolman

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and become the wordpower’ as the ability to affect, control and influence people’s behavior and self-experience which implies a definitive violation of the equality principle which implies no harm and no abuse toward self and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to legitimate the ability to abuse others through the word ‘power’ wherein such power is held by authorities that I’ve voted for, that I have accepted as  ‘the way the power structure works’ at a system level, without questioning why such imposition of power has been more detrimental than supportive to in fact implement living conditions that are best for all, but instead have used such position to abuse, harm, extort and benefit from the money, the real power that is of the people and that should have always been by the people.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility by voting for a certain ‘power’ to take the executive and legislative powers in our society, wherein I then accepted to become ‘less than’ people in power and begun fearing ‘the power’ that I endowed them with, which makes so sense however, this is currently the power that is being feared in order to generate a new political and economical system wherein power can be equally distributed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge the word ‘Power’ as evil and unjust, without realizing that I am the only one that has created such meaning by virtue of giving my own power away to a few people in politics in order to decide for me, which is the system that we have created as a way to abdicate our direct responsibility toward every single aspect of our reality that we should have always been determined to be responsible for, therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to consider the word Power as abusive just because I have always delegated my own power to ‘authorities’ instead of learning how to become such authority myself and empower myself as an equal participant within this current system.

 

I realize that I have only judged the word based on  the meaning that we have collectively created of it as an authority to control the majority, without realizing that we have all collectively agreed to create such governmental/ authoritarian entities as a result of our inability to govern ourselves effectively.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word ‘Power’ as the experience of control, domination and ability to abuse without having to respond/ be responsible for it, but use the same power to protect myself against the laws that supposedly stand as a protection and guarantee of people’s rights, however, I realize that this is not functioning in such a way because power is currently a synonym of money, and money buys laws and policies to benefit those that have the power to perpetuate it, which implies that by me accepting Money as the Power to Abuse, I accept the current economic system as the disparity that it is and has become.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recognize structures of power as ‘legal’ and as ‘normal,’ wherein I have conditioned myself to always have someone ‘above’ myself as an authority and see others as inferior in the social-stratification based on the amount of money we have, the type of ‘duties’ we have wherein we don’t consider each other as equals but have become used to define ourselves according to our ‘power of acquisition’ and ‘political power’ in society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the hierarchy of society and the division of powers as legitimate just because it has ‘always been this way,’ and in this accepting monarchs, royals, presidents,  wealthy people as a ‘normal living standard’ the same as poor people, homeless people, outlaws and criminals which are the direct result of this same structure of power, wherein the hierarchical level implies the ability to abuse those ‘below’ you.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the use of a word as ‘Power’ as a legitimate action to perpetuate control over others, to have the ability to do onto others something against their will and use this structure of power as away to impose it. I realize that the nature of power resides within the human mind that seeks to control, dominate and create the experience of ‘empowerment’ through exerting this form of control toward others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the experience of ‘empowerment’ as addictive, wherein the ability to have more than others and have power over others has become a ‘way of living’ wherein experience dictates the actions and decisions, instead of considering at all times the equal and one physicality that we all are, wherein power is only a mind experience that is abusive in nature and as an energetic experience, it is a definitive form of abuse not only toward myself but toward others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constrain, invalidate and violate another’s rights to live in dignity and with sufficient support through the acceptance and allowance of Power Structure wherein money as the representation of ‘power of acquisition’ is not readily given to every being equally, where by me accepting money as power is accepting it to be above others, which places them in a position of need and scarcity which is the used as a way to coerce them  to  obtain such power through slave labor by deliberately limiting their ability to have equal access to what they require to eat and live, which means that Money as the entity of power has been accepted by all of us as a ‘natural selection’ type of weapon wherein we justify with all types of excuses and speeches the existence of poverty and criminals in society, without ever questioning ourselves why such people weren’t equally supported to begin with, which is the direct result of accepting our current power structure as a political regulation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed power to be an apparent ‘complex social setting’ wherein this social apparatus determines the lives of the population based on decisions that are currently influenced by money as an ends in itself and not a means to provide and support all people equally. I realize that the struggle between people is determined by these power structures that we have all legitimated by accepting money as real, by accepting our government as legal and as such we have complied to all forms of abuse that we have endowed money with as a power to influence, control, and get from others what we want, because we have made of money the condition to be able to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squander my ability to influence life in a supportive manner, wherein I simply then abdicated my responsibility to a power system wherein my own interests were violated, without realizing how I created and propitiated such violation by me first not being able to be self responsible as an individual human being as part of society, because of always having only looked after my individual interests.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use power as a means to defend myself, to guard my self interest and justify it with free will and free choice, which is nothing else but the ability to abuse something or someone for my own benefit and enjoyment. I realize that power in itself is an energetic experience of the mind that can be addictive, getting to the point of being ‘infatuated with power’ wherein the greedy seek more money, the powerful seek to control further and the tyrant buy more weapons.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in ‘power plays’ in my living reality by the perception of myself having more power or less power than others, I recognize that power exists as myself, as a  physical being of flesh and bones as life that is able to be self directed and never again controlled by others by me abdicating my right to life ever again.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that power is an imposition of the mind upon the physical, which means that it can’t be lived within its current definition of  imposition and control over others, it can only exist as an equal and one recognition of each other’s power as a living organism within this ecosystem.

 

More on Power:

 

 

Solution                                                                      

“The question now would be: why are  you not unconditionally forgiving yourself for what you have allowed as your life and the life of all to empower you to stand no matter what till there is no past for any being in existence     – Bernard Poolman 

  I commit myself to redefine power as the Breath of Life which means I recognize the physical a the one and only power, as life wherein through recognizing this power as myself, as life, I then focus on enabling each other’s life in equality, which means creating a system wherein the physical lives of human beings is able to be supported and assisted the same way that we are unconditionally assisted by our physical body to exist in every breath.

 

I commit myself to establish the Equal distribution of power as life wherein money can stand as the right to be supported and as a responsibility in itself to be made sustainable by our own work and participation.

 

I commit myself to educate myself and others in order to understand how unless we stand as an example of what a living human being in Equality lives like, we are not worthy of life and not trustworthy with it either, because as long as self interest exists, power as a form of abuse exists. Thus it is our responsibility to ensure that all parents are educated to be a living example that can support and assist life as their children to come. This is the new foundation of society on Earth.

 

I commit myself to point out the abuse of power by recognizing it within myself first, Self Forgiving it and then generating the necessary alignments and corrections to redirect such abuse toward self-supportive means that benefit the majority.

 

I commit myself to reinstate the actual power of of the people by me recognizing the equal and one power that I exist as by virtue of existing as a physical body along with all bodies of existence in Equality, wherein the real Democracy is not a flimsy vote for fixed options, but an actual recognition of each other’s rights and responsibilities which is the key to dissolve the current Power structure that we have all subjugated ourselves to.

 

I commit myself to not allow myself to deem another as more or less than myself, as I realize that this single perception is what perpetuates the current power-structure in our reality.

 

I commit myself to redefine and live Power as the ability to direct ourselves as self-responsible beings that consider at all times what’s best for all, wherein our power is summed as 1+1 as equals, wherein never again another can deny or ignore another’s right to live in a dignify manner, nor will anyone will be able to abuse another in means of power since there will be no structure that recognizes such hierarchical levels ever again in our reality.

 

I commit myself to treat the delusion of power as a mental disease that causes most of the current problems in our social, political and economic system wherein people that are addicted to power cannot see the common sense of supporting all bodies of existence in Equality, thus it is a clear mental problem that must be treated in the individual before any reinsertion in society takes place.

 

Further support:

 

Rewards                                 

Recognizing each other’s power in Equality will result in a society that does not ever require a government to be imposing a minority’s self interest since we will know and understand how to consider and care for each other as equals. This will give way to an actual Power of the People that won’t require a sovereign to remind ourselves that life is the only real power in existence.

“The physical exist without ego and self interest in its form as substance. Mind power is Ego Power. Love can only exist as real in a reality of actual consequence that test the love in space time to show whether it produce practically what is best for all.”
 
“Free choice, you will see in Self Honest Self Reflection, is always ego that is spiteful and deliberate in self interest and that manipulates with power play in spite of knowing what is best for all to purely sabotage anything that may threaten the ego. Whenever someone defends their point of view with free choice: know that it is just ego. Benevolent, strong people will always choose what is best for all”  – Bernard Poolman “

 

Further support:

  • 237. Living IntelliSense as Life in Equality

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Print(Adaptation and appropriation of original artwork by unknown source) 

 

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2012 The Power of Equality – Equal Money System –
2012 We Have the Power to Decide: Equal Money System –

 

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235. Intelligence = Profitable Props for the Ego

 

“the Teacher know a lot of Knowledge and Information, that comes from books and sources, which they do not have Direct-Access to in as much as, Ensuring that what they are Teaching, is in fact the Truth. It All Depends on your Culture, and where you Find yourself in the World, as to What you’ll be Taught and what the Teacher will be Teaching. This Knowledge and Information will be Aligned with the current Social-System, and All Critical Thinking will be Aligned to Justify the Current Social System. So, is it then really, actually, Critical Thinking? With using Religion as the Justification why All Men cannot be Equal, Blaming God for Creating Man Unequal – makes the whole Point easy, to Imprint a most Strange thing: the Point of Competition. In Sales, this is called: “the point to watch for”, which is in fact a Distraction, because – while the Person’s focusing on “the point to watch for”, which is the Distraction like for instance, Competing in some form of Sport or in the Academic World, or just looking at the Teacher Performing the Act of Teaching: the Actual Education is happening in the Background, which is Pacifying the Child to Submit Completely to Authority and Control, and Accept the Current System and their lot in Life.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

If who I was defined within the system as ‘intelligent’ is measured by the above mentioned considerations, one can realize that I have only believed myself to be another ‘currency’ based on fake values within the system. I knew that every time anyone labeled me as ‘intelligent’ it was a lie I had I just learned early on to play the game of good grades, build a reputation and have it all go easily for me in school with some, what I can say, preprogrammed traits. I’ve written out some time ago about my decisions in life being based on ‘spiting’ this responsible/ intelligent character, mostly to avoid being seen as a nerd or simply an apparent intelligent person which I would mostly dislike due to the obvious separation/ inequality that it breeds, but at the same time ended up accepting as if I really just ‘that’ because everyone seemed to say so. ‘Cultural and Intelligent, she’ll get very high’ can be read in my ‘senior high school year book’ and there I was slightly smiling to a bright future, probably did get high but not in social ranks of any sort, mostly within my mind and using everything that I could to fly away from my responsibility as a human being, oh yes, that was my specialty and became my career, my bright way to ‘spite’ everyone’s expectations – yes, only did it to myself obviously.

 

But, was any of that real intelligence? I remember struggling a lot because I simply found it so easy to deal with information and learn stuff, and people would ask all the time ‘how do you do it’? or ‘I want to be like you!’ and I had no answer because it was just reading it and that’s it, so I would give a little explanation of how they could do the same that I would do: be responsible, do your homework, pay attention in class, read before the exam and that’s it. People thought I would study for hours on, lol, but as I’ve explained, I would spend those hours on absorbing images and sounds from the TV of which I am still finding every day it’s more of a chunk of old skin that I simply can’t shed so quickly, now that’s the real ingrained part of my ‘learning years’ as everything that I imprinted a LOT of emotions and feelings toward. School? Yes, knowledge and information, being  a ‘good student’ according to teachers and classmates forged within a school system that only regards what is ‘good/ excelling’ within its own little realm of a’s and b’s – 10’s and 9’s here, all indicators of how obedient one would be as a slave in the system. And yes here it is to understand that we STILL live in this system, so even when I was full aware of this in my last years of school, I kept my grades up just to have a cool curriculum within the system, which is what does matter at this stage – not that I actually ‘value’ myself as such grades.

 

To me it was pretty clear how getting A’s/ 10’s meant reward, I’d feel ‘bad’ every time my father would say I deserved something for it, I said I did it for myself, but would eventually end up extending my hand and getting some money for it, so that I could buy my own reward for being ‘such a good student,’ which became just a synonym for pride and show off from my parents to others, and our regular ‘reputation’ – I say ‘our’ because of my sisters being the same.  Yeah, responsibility and discipline, orderly were part of my inherited traits – does that make it ‘fair’ for everyone else? No, is it then a curse? Not either, it simply means that we’ve lived in an unequal way wherein some ‘got it easy’ and some are meant to suffer more in order to achieve similar results or at least the ‘closest’ to it, sometimes, that’s virtually impossible. Why? Because the system was inherently designed that way: no one was meant to be Perfect. I say ‘meant’ because it is preprogramming and an entire system of energetic systematic processes wherein no matter if you were ‘bright’ in some field of your life, another would be absolutely crap so that one would never be satisfied in all aspects of self, which was obviously my case as well. (for more understanding of how this reality works, read Understanding Reality on the various blogs and pins there)

 

I sure could stand on podiums and be the recognized as the ‘best student’ throughout all my school years… does that define who I am? That’s the point to investigate here – of course at face value I say No, but the mere resistance to say it as it is means that I had suppressed it because of being ‘ashamed’ of having played this sectarian hierarchical role within school, which is then indicating I still hold a relationship toward it of self-definition.  I am aware that such trait is not a physical ability as life is not about intelligence as the ability to parrot knowledge and information, but being able to discern reality within common sense and self honesty to act, do and say what’s best for all. And that I learned at Desteni, and that is available for everyone equally. This how I debunked the entire ‘carefully crafted’ self idea/ personality of mine wherein even my attempt to ‘spite my ego’ backfired with further confusion about reality and layers that I still have to walk as the reasons why I followed through a particular road and what was it that I attempted to avoid facing.

 

I’m grateful for al the education I had of course, otherwise I would not be here. I’m grateful within the understanding of how there is only a few chances in this world to be born in a condition and environment where we can get educated and even more so, be able to integrate it as the system preparation it is.

 

Each year that went by in kindergarten, I remember my teacher saying that I would go ‘getting loose’ because I had gotten there as the ‘strong’ one, the serious, responsible, and adamant when discussing with my mother how I wanted to go to school even if I was sick, just because that would make me ‘lose track’ and fear falling behind on my sticks and apples type of calligraphy lesson, lol. I am aware of me actually enjoying being more mischievous later on and using my reputation to my advantage: no one would figure out it was ‘me’ that could do anything wrong. I still find that quite annoying to say the least, and I appreciate anyone that takes the time to correct me in any possible way, it’s been counted times that I can say that in relation to my process and each point were vital to understand myself better – it only happened here at Desteni that people would take that point of support –  anywhere else it is as if you just have this ‘all access pass’ as some form of ‘godliness’ and no one dares to question you – hello, that’s how I was able to get ‘what I wanted’ only to regret it later because of the starting point of it obviously not being self honest. This is quite dangerous if such person loses any ground and then just flies on ‘autopilot’ with such ‘intelligent reputation’ fuel with no question – there’s no doubt that many people that have been graded as ‘A students’ end up involved in quite hectic situations while everyone can’t compute ‘But she was such a good girl, she was the most intelligent in her class, how could she do that? I don’t understand!’ 

This was not my case, but I am well aware of the potentials we all hold toward being an actual self-honest being and an actual self-dishonest nasty being if we cultivate that part equally. This is ‘our choice’ at the moment.

 

Now, looking at the big scope, we’ve all been living in such auto-pilot with No questioning to this so-called intelligence that is promoted, accepted and allowed in our school systems. I just debunked my own perceived ‘superiority’ and ‘specialness’ as a mix of learning how the system works, heritage and further playing-along with the character. Is any of it really who I am? No, since I can stop thinking and reproducing the knowledge and information that makes one ‘really intelligent’ within this current system.

Then, is this current system of knowledge and information of any real validity? Not really unless the knowledge and information is applicable data that Describes how reality functions and as such, it is no longer useless data but a form of comprehending our reality and within such  understanding, we are able to direct it within common sense.

Common Sense is what’s best for all. I require a human physical body and Be in it to realize what is real and what is the energized idea of self as ‘who I am’ as the ego. Could I live without water, food, shelter, sunlight, air, health support, clothes, general secure location to live in?  No. Could I live without all the knowledge and information acquired throughout the long list of schooling years. For the most part, yes, I require language to communicate and mathematics to understand how physical consequences pile up. I can learn more about how my mind works in one half our of an Eqafe recording than an entire year of studying basics in psychology, sociology or biology and that’s certainly not an exaggeration.

 

Hence, what I can conclude is that whatever idea/ belief people had about me would only perpetuate the accepted hierarchical positions that were promoted and supported by our teachers at school, by family and essentially on a social level you always had these ‘intelligent kids’ being gathered for further competitions to see who would win the position as ‘the most intelligent of them all,’ not to say that I imprinted the most anxiety in my body when having to be participating in any of that or English spelling contests for three years in a row, one never considers the amount of strain imposed when ‘all eyes are on you’ and you simply fear fucking it up as it did happen, and then you want to win because one has been told that that is the ‘greatest spot’ to be at, and then one realize that it was all really for nothing other than a pat on your back and a single thought in my head of ‘I won’ – just another prop for the ego –  yet the extreme stress experienced before and during the contest remains as an engraving in my physical body as a result of the extreme nervousness and anxiety,  memories that I would never want to repeat again. This was the limited scope of my world for a while.

Hence my association of intelligence with being in front of people, doing something/ saying something/ picking up some diploma which became like a broken record that others would want to experience, but every time I simply found it more and more pointless, just a stack of cardboard that I could burn out in a couple of seconds.

 

I guess that’s part of why I identified with one of the characters in Magnolia, this ‘bright kid’ I’m Quiz Kid Donnie Smith that is recognized by all and everyone believing that his wits would lead him to ‘guaranteed success’ in life and defined everything he was just because of That – yet he ends up seeing himself in a dog eat dog world where his wits lead him nowhere but being ‘misunderstood’ and ‘looking for love,’ which is pretty much what I did. I wanted to stop being conceived as this ‘bright piece of brain’ that people thought I was, I wanted guys to stop being scared of me so that I could be known for “who I really was” which was just this self created softy version of an emotional/ feeling  concoction that would rejoice with sadness, depression and yearning for bits of heaven in any possible way as my personal entertainment, just because I required some ‘conflict’ in my life’ – that’s what happens when your life is assured and you’re not striving for a living, panhandling or living on the streets or working 18 hours a day, one can focus on just cultivating massive mindfucks. Did I get what I wanted? I did, to a certain extent – did it solve the inner conflict? No, it only aggravated it till I had to face the consequences of everything that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become while ‘spiting my intelligent character.’ Now that’s what I call self-sabotage and one that I am walking till this very day.

 

Just a quick reminder: did I in any of this perceived ‘intelligence’ actually placed into application the skills learned at school’? was I aware of myself as a physical being? Did I regard all beings as equals at all levels? Did I ever considered veering such apparent intelligence to a ‘greater good,’? Self Honestly, not at all. Is intelligence in any way veered toward being at the service of those that do not present such apparent intelligence? Not at all, it is just one lucky trait as propos for your appraisal  in the ‘job market’ and escalate my elitist desired position of maybe doing some ‘good’ here and there, but mostly focusing on selling my wits to the greatest bidder. Again, please do not do what I did ‘spiting the system’ and wanting to ‘escape it,’ you’ll end nowhere and actually wasting a pretty cool opportunity to be In the system to change it.

 

So this is the behind the scenes of the perceived ‘intelligent being’ and the actual stress it represents having people talking to your ear about how much they despise you because of always getting everything right, or how much they wish you fuck up so that they can take your place, or how much they think you’re not normal and ‘don’t count’ when it comes to sharing their usual problems and inabilities to ‘make it’ within school. Has anyone ever placed themselves in the shoes of the few that have to endure such ‘high rank’ positions? Not really, hence this is supportive to walk since we tend to be so judgmental about those in ‘higher places’ but never look at all that which they also have to endure to maintain such positions, even if it is yes of course, inherently fucked that we have to exist in a world of highs and lows – but understanding how this works also leads to stopping judgments and instead, walking a process of self correction so that we no more harbor any form of sectarian attitude toward others based on their ‘traits’ as ‘who they are’ within the system of either a lower or higher position. Until we are equal, we’ll have to face each and every single accepted and allowed hierarchical value imposed upon Life.

 

Is a perceived positive trait all that I want to be? hell no, it’s not real as physicality and will be redefined to a living word, not a data base that consumes time and space that sells well in the system – but, who would we be in a world-system where there are no more ‘grades’ that define who you are? where there are no more ranking systems of who’s the best and who isn’t? Certainly it will already place a more equal stance between kids at school, it is widely ignored how these differentiation made between people according to ‘intelligence’ breeds the most conflict between peers, leading often to problems like bullying or extreme stress when having to keep up with the ‘peer pressure.’ Time to think outside of our protection mechanisms and so called ‘superior traits’ and equalize ourselves as the physicality that we really are.

 

To be continued with Self Forgiveness on the Intelligent word/character along with the necessary bubbles to burst as ingrained self-beliefs that I perpetuated as a ‘positive trait’ of who I am.

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews:


217. You Fear Communism? Why would That Be?

The Nature of the Happy Nation

It’s interesting to see how the moment that Equality is linked to being ‘one more of the heap’ and the opposite to being special, unique, outstanding, original, genuine, one of a kind human being – which is the type of brainwashing used during the last half of the 20th Century – Equality became linked to the then ‘Devil’ that functioned through/as what was considered the opposite back then, which was Communism.  The basic equation that must be read here is not along the lines of USA vs. USSR – but a Living Right that should be given to all beings by virtue of being on this Earth being Sold and Bought instead of readily given, and the example of that can be found anywhere in our current society wherein one could be close to dying in a hospital and, if you have no funds = there will be no support given to you, sorry.

 

This is what we’ve accepted and allowed when it was agreed that life should be sold/ commercialized and even more so, stratified to a series of values that only a Few can actually obtain without any hassle. What about the rest? Oh well, you got your jobs and slave labor, ‘do your best’ and waddle your way through the staircase to success/heaven, never pondering the abuse that was taking place in such ‘heavens’ like actual vampires sucking out the life blood of the rest of the people that are, till this day, being suck dry to dead for not having enough money, even though their sweat and tears are shed every single day for all the worry and concern and desperation of not having the ability to feed children. What about those in warzone today? Can we even imagine the haunting experience of being ready to die in any given moment?

 

Guess what? This reality is not separate from ourselves, at some level we are all aware of everything that is going on here. That’s why no matter how much money you have you are still Owned by it, you still fear to lose it all. And there might be those that don’t really fear at all, however it is not like there is a way to escape consequence, not anymore – father heaven is no longer running the scene (Read the entry to Heaven in the Destonian wiki)

 

Democracy became then a consumer-like sellable product of words that would support that which makes the ‘world go round’ which is, capitalism as our current world system.

You can investigate this for yourself, watch:

Learn about Edward Bernays as the father of selling happiness to Americans while instilling one of the greatest brainwashing mechanisms in our modern era – besides the long-time god belief:
“Bernays used the “Freudian Theory” to deal with the public’s conception of communism, as he believed that we should not be easing the public’s fear of communism, but rather promote that fear and play with the public’s emotions of it. This theory in its own was so powerful that it became a weapon of its own during the cold war.”

n Propaganda (1928), Bernays argued that the In In Propaganda (1928), Bernays argued that the manipulation of public opinion was a necessary part of democracy:

The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. …We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society. …In almost every act of our daily lives, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in our social conduct or our ethical thinking, we are dominated by the relatively small number of persons…who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses. It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind
 
Wiki entry on Edward Bernays
 

And so everyone learned to aim for Individuality, specialness, uniqueness, which could only be ‘obtained’ through Buying your Happiness.

Now this is a short introduction to understand then WHY I was conditioned to see Communism as a threat, the words, people that I linked to the word, the regard I held for most of my life toward it – however it is important to see how it could have been ‘communism’ or any other regime that would mean a threat to the values and lifestyle – yes when life became a ‘style’ – that the American Empire would promote, I may sound like a grandpa saying ‘American Empire’  but that’s what it was. I will then share about how through music I learned to then evade all things politics or listen to music that would demonstrate such evasion for a while to submerge myself in the world of the intangible, which is how now I understand, everyone  that at some point had an intention to ‘do something’ to change this world would end up in: dropping out, being isolated and resorting to drugs, alcohol, poetry or mere suicidal tendencies. Quite a shame, specially when you get to know people and their potential that It’s just HERE however, money becomes the main obstacle all the fucking time for them to develop themselves, learn further, suit themselves with the necessary equipment/ tools to do that which is certainly not only ‘entertainment,’ but bright ideas that we can actually place on march when Money is no longer a kick in the ass more than a living tool to exist – for that visit the Equal Money System website, vote for our goals – it’s time to Stop as I’ve seen and realized what we can do if we all stand up to our max capacity and Will ourselves to Live.

 

 

The Revolutionary Character:

 

Self Forgiveness on ‘Red Fears’ and Capitalist Propaganda

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take words as knowledge and information as ‘truth’ of reality when it came to forming a perspective, opinion and view upon the world, without further investigation and within this, forming/shaping/ molding ‘who I am’ toward reality/ this world based Only on that which I had understood/ learned as knowledge and information that in no way represented the reality of what is here, as all history, knowledge and information is mostly told only from a certain perspective that will benefit the ‘story/history teller’ – and in this,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out any form of common sense development through only taking knowledge and information that I acquired from others – without any form of proof or further investigation – and in this, created an entire character based on fearing that which apparently ‘threatened’ our stability and ‘happiness,’ which is what I came to believe that Communism represented.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the word communism to mediocrity and revolting people, as that is what I got from what I would hear/ listen/ see within the news wherein I didn’t even bother to ask what was the real conflict that lead to seeing Communism as ‘the devil,’ and If I did ask – which I can’t remember – the general idea was that Communists were trying to make the whole world communist, which is the great fat lie that I accepted and allowed to believe, which all came from the perspective of the history being told according to what our northern neighbors – United States of America – were promoting as a belief about Socialism/ Communism in order to justify wars against those whose who represented a threat to the actual imperialism that Capitalism has become over the third world.


 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to generate a sense of rejection toward anything that sounded like ‘giving to all equally’ because of imprinting these images of what in my imagination I had pictured poverty in Russia to be like, wherein the story of people coming from Russia in order to escape poverty became my own ‘reality reference’ to what I believe was ‘Communism,’ and such immediately linking it to a bad thing, without realizing that such people were actually escaping from the downfall of a debunked attempt to establish an actual communism, which has not really existed in the ideal terms of what it would in fact mean to consider all beings as equal.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that one would be Less Free if one would not be able to buy and consume all of that which I have linked ‘power’ and ‘freedom’ to, which is essentially the ability to BUY and Consume things from the capitalist world, and forming the idea of how ‘poor’ and ‘limited’ people were in socialist countries or even in the Eastern Germany, which was also part of my tangible example of how people had apparently suffered through that time and that everyone essentially was asking and pleading for Capitalism, which is nothing else but the result of Capitalism being linked to a sense of Happiness, Joy, Freedom, Liberty and most importantly Democracy through a propagandistic apparatus that we are living in till this day, wherein there is a general conception of having Free Choice and Free Will to buy and consume and experience all the good things in life when you have money – hence promoting the desire for money as the equation of ‘good life’ that in no way stands within an actual meaning of what ‘good life’ would be like, which certainly cannot continue be equated to consuming the most you can, buying products that you don’t need, buying items for the same of the value they represent in a social hierarchy, accumulating wealth as a means of protection, buying properties that you won’t live in and the list goes on, which is widely promoted as lifestyles to ‘seek to attain’ in our current reality through people that we have deemed as ‘rich and famous’ – which is nothing else but adoring and praising the very key-people that are keeping this entire world system of enslavement in place – hence all of this representing everything that communism/ egalitarian societies are Not. Therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see how communism in itself or any form of Equality Consideration of Life was a dynamite to the emerging mind control of linking happiness, well being to Money and the desire for money in itself, being the main driving force that would be adopted by people in order to submit to any form of job, task or activity in order to ‘get the most money’ and within this linking wealth/ power to money to ‘living,’ without ever pondering why such well being wasn’t readily given to all, which is where I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Life is a struggle and that we had to Suffer in order to ‘gain the daily bread’ – nothing else but absolute brainwashing made laws and our current basis of the capitalist world wherein we are able to leave people to starve, die of medical negligence, die of curable diseases, die for not being able to pay their bills and the list goes on, which should be regarded as a massive crime against life, however, we had not taken responsibility for ourselves and in this, we have merely complied to be soldiers that maintain and protect an abusive system that does not regard life, which is Capitalism, simply because of having linked money, wealth, power, products to buy to a sense of happiness, fulfillment, freedom, which are feelings that are generated at a mind level and that do not represent at all who we are as physical beings that exist as constancy and consistency of breath here.

 

Within this all, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear somehow questioning all the abuse that was being accepted and allowed in this world just because of not wanting to then be labeled communist or a ‘revolting person’ even though I ended up gaining a reputation of sorts as being rebellious-anti system which became a character that I wore ‘proudly’ without even realizing how within my emerging opposition to the world system, I was more going to perpetuate my life being angry, mad at the system and ostracizing myself further into my own ‘realm of the non tangible,’ denying nay form of responsibility, which is precisely where I was headed toward if I had not been involved in Desteni quite timely in my life some 5 years ago.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that all of this information stigmatizing Communism, Socialism, Equality was based on maintaining the current world system we’re living in as a majority that believes that one must struggle in order to live – and in this, creating a general fear to stand up due to having learned of revolutions and movements just ending up with people in jail, killed, abducted, high jacked, murdered mercilessly which became a series of ‘warnings’ that I should not ever attempt to confront the system – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hear the word communist linked to being revolutionary due to the various icons and people that I learned were linked to communism and that somehow I regarded as heroic people, however little did I understand how the system works and how any form of open opposition would only light fires and further problems, instead of simply proposing a solution at a political level wherein All beings can be equally supported. This means that my idea, belief and perception of Revolution/ Rebellion had to do with opposing the system without understanding it, just asking for ‘change’ but not knowing how to do it – and at the same time, fearing being labeled as ‘communist’ for the pejorative aspect I had linked to such word, wherein I still didn’t want to end up poor or being given ‘the same to eat every day’ which were common misconceptions and ideas around communist countries that I came to believe were truth and had no further context to it but that, just knowledge and information that I simply feared ending up living in, not seeing the greater picture of for example, the lives of the absolutely poor people that are the direct result of only a fraction of the world embracing Capitalism and exploiting vast majorities to Sustain such ‘Capitalist Dream = American Dream’ at the expense of those that were left in positions of great disparity – mostly in the so called ‘third world’ – which are quite present till this day in our day to day living when reading where our clothes and gadgets were built in.  (Read: 115. Following our Dreams is Plain Delusional an 116. Dreams of Perfect Lives as Mind Control)

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to acquire the common belief of money = satisfaction, joy, security, protection, well being for myself and ‘those around me’ wherein I then believed that this was ‘my perspective’ and ‘my decision’ to support a system wherein one can buy all you want as a means of happiness and fulfillment – this becoming then the basis to form my character as the Revolutionary Elitist wherein Yes I would see poverty and lack for many beings, I wanted “Change” but I was not entirely willing to give up my own pursuit of happiness, which is then revealing how once again, the intentions to change were not absolute as I was not willing to let go of my personal aims and future projections based on having an elitist position in this world Based On this idea of ‘change’ and ‘revolution.’

 

You can read this process here:

 

And so, I see and realize that I used communism as a boogie man in my mind just by following public opinion, by following what I would hear parents speak about and probably on the news and people that had suffered poverty conditions in Russia as the result of a downfall within the socialist scheme, which is then a point to consider in how it actually came to  a downfall and what intervened in that process, which points out in common sense that any form of egalitarianism promoted as a world system, meant a threat to world-systems based on hierarchical structures – which is then the easiest way to understand why we were taught in schools to see the Soviet Union as a living condition that we had to avoid at all cost, having little context of how it came to be, why it didn’t flourish to an absolute success if the principle was apparently aiming at equality. This thus brings the questions: how is it that we have come to Equate a word like Equality to Evil, Equality to ‘Lack’, Equality to Loss of ‘Good Living Standards’ without questioning first how we came to link everything that is good, well, nice, excellent, special and unique to all things that represent the most money/ power as a symbol of success.

 

I realize within this that Communism is just another counteract to Capitalism the way that it is currently conceived and its reality outflows till this day because, it didn’t consider an absolute reform of the monetary system but only remained as a series of political considerations that would ostracize certain countries from the rest of the world, creating a ‘battle’ due to money still meaning a point of power over life. This is how corruption still brewed in communist societies/ countries/ regimes as the problem we have to look at is not only reforming the system but the nature of the human being. And that, my fellow droogs, is not able to be implemented through opposition or wars, but Education.

 

Why has no one realized the actual power to create a new human being resides in Education? That is what actually shapes/ molds and forms who you are going to be and what you are going to value as Life as Reality and what you are going to oppose and refrain from participating in – this is how at Desteni we are educating ourselves to see beyond the veils of human history through capitalism and communism alike, as both were only sides of the same coin, used to justify wars and further rivalry that lead the world nowhere but to where we are now, more embellished with nonsensical desires for happiness and fearing to give to each other what we would want for ourselves – isn’t that the definition of Evil?

 

This will continue with Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments to finally understand where we Stand within the Equality consideration as the Equal Money System and finally stop fearing giving to each other what you would want for yourself, placing common sense that can be acquired, lived and applied by each individual to stop revolting against the system, and instead understand it and act within Self Responsibility to be part of the change in this world that will Not come through Revolution, but through individuals that Stand up for Life in Equality, until it is done.

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews:

Anu explains the Hierarchy of his Race which then brings up the point to ponder here: you are the image and likeness of your creator, find out the fascinating considerations one regards as ‘Elitist’/More than and why we are immediately submerged into this Self-Belief of having to Be the Best of the pack.


108. ‘Like Father, Like Son’

Equalizing communication by letting go of the fear to point out the patterns that we have cycled ourselves as from generation to generation through communicating about it, explaining how we have practically assisted ourselves  to no longer comply to what we have deemed as ‘fuckedup irreversible inherited patterns’ that we would only ‘cope with’ throughout our lives, trying to find some kind of pride through living them out in and throughout our lives.

 

This is a situation that has actually occurred again recently wherein I am having a meal with my parents and my father’s anger comes up as a point to discuss about – the point I am self forgiving is the time when I gave into his reactions when opening up the point to eventually comply to the fear of ‘hurting him’ or being ‘too harsh’ in the moment, which was essentially giving into the mind to ‘smooth things out,’ instead of realizing how I was in fact able and capable of supporting myself to breakthrough the fears and be self-directive in the moment.

However just a week ago I saw my parents and the exact same event took place and this time I was able to break-through the points and get an actual confirmation of it being beneficial for him this time, which is definitely cool.

 

So this is to self-forgive the past to ensure I do not step again on it ever again as I see and realize that we can in fact break the chains of the past by standing immovable as one single point: communicating here as breath, in common sense, not giving into reactions but continuing constant and consistent as breath itself within what we are conveying to another.

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define a point of congeniality with another such as ‘my father’ based on both of us playing out the exact same characters wherein were are in essence defining ‘who we are’ according to being irritable, which I would take as something to be ‘proud’ of, never even considering how in this very acceptance of myself being equal to a father-pattern is in fact the cycles of abuse that must be stopped no matter what.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever take ‘pride’ in being/ becoming like my father, which is essentially an incendiary person that would be known as an ‘angry person’ all the time and as such, creating a reputation of being friendly yet highly irritable if things don’t go my way –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a negative experience within me when I perceive that my father is not listening to me explaining why we must stop being simply angry with ourselves and toward the world, being easily ‘ignited’ by any little thing – without realizing that in this desire I am separating myself from simply sharing how I have supported myself, why I am supporting myself and as such, provide the very basic tools to do that for himself as well.

 

I realize that wanting to change another in order to stop our cycles of abuse, is imposition and it’s wanting to change others before doing this unconditionally for myself – therefore I can only share the path that I’ve walked as a means to show how it is absolutely able to be done and how we don’t have to condemn each other to just play out patterns from generation to generation, and instead learn how to support ourselves and others to do the same.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my father is not wanting to listen to me about stopping his anger and general instant-ignition with any point that may go wrong in his world, and accordingly start diminishing my expression wherein the moment I perceive that I am not being listened, I start considering that I must simply keep quiet and stop talking altogether.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a perceptual observation of him becoming pissed off and uncomfortable when being in a situation wherein we are directly talking about our anger patterns and as such, believing that I should stop talking just because he is becoming very uncomfortable with the entire situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist getting myself and another into a seemingly ‘uncomfortable situation’ which is exposing each other’s patterns to take responsibility for them, without realizing that it is uncomfortable because we had never talked about these points before – therefore, I can continue pushing the point in common sense without being aggressive or too incisive, but instead realizing that we can only become aware of our points to correct by talking about it, by sharing and exposing them – therefore that it is not to be taken personally, but simply realized as points that we can now take responsibility for and walk in common sense.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in such a moment, change the topic in order for him to not go into an absolute lockdown of not speaking and remaining quiet, which is actually me ‘giving-up’ to continuing speaking about relevant points such as patterns that we have to take responsibility for, wherein the moment that I changed the topic, I gave into his mood, made it ‘my own’ and as such consider that I should not ‘spoil the time’ for him – which is giving-up self-direction and comply to my fear of ‘making him have a bad time’ or fearing making him feel uncomfortable, without realizing that we just had to continue expanding on the point to walk through the resistance and get to the core of it through establishing a proper back and forth communication.

 

An update is that I recently went through the same situation – restaurant, being with both my parents and my mother bringing up the point of anger again, and I proceeded to share myself, be directly and specifically pointing at the patterns with specific example that I’ve been able to walk for myself wherein I have clearly stopped going into the anger possession, and instead supporting myself to remain here as breath. This time, he did remain quiet, but listened carefully; I only had to bring his attention back to seeing me and not other tables once, which is quite a cool thing lol considering he’d be mostly looking around whenever we would open up the point. And, I got a message from my mother recently which is like a week after we met, and she said how he’s been doing much better now with his anger and that’s very cool – all I required to do is not allow his evasiveness in communication to affect me in the moment of speaking, but continuing being directive and share practical examples related to breathing, self forgiveness and realizing that every time that we give into anger, we are in essence abusing our physical body, consuming our physical substance in the name of exerting one single experience that is detrimental to all, which is anger. Therefore, I can say that I’ve walked this point into correction in a way, however it is to apply and live it with everyone else that we may notice are deliberately wanting to ignore a point of communication through ‘locking down,’ which implies that there are points that are not being willed to face in the moment –thus we share our practical examples of how we have gone through the same thing and how we have supported ourselves to eventually walk out of the pattern into self-correction.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assess someone’s experience when communicating with them and beginning to worry about whether I am being too incisive, too frank, too direct, too harsh and within this giving into their self-generated experience as the mind in order for me to then go into a similar lockdown wherein I change the topic in order to remain within the ‘safety bounds’ of communication, which is actually further limiting our ability to actually transcend points by facing them in a moment of communication which is, according to what I have realized so far, the best way to support ourselves to face who we are and have become as our mind and as such, give ourselves the opportunity to establish ways to support ourselves, to correct ourselves and start living, as I see that this is the way to go in order to create a collective agreement as humanity to be and become human beings that care about life and are willing to stop perpetuating the cycles of the past as our ego, as our characters and personalities of self-limitation and degradation.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having felt compelled to stop talking to my father whenever I saw that our communication would lead to conflict or confrontation out of existing as ‘fear of conflict’ which has become one of the usual obstacles for ourselves to actually be vulnerable and communicate, because we would be so used to simply going up in flames = getting angry and not really supporting ourselves to face the pattern, realize the trigger points and establish solutions, but because we would always give into each other’s incendiary moods = we’d just give up communication and believe that there is no way we can sort this out and as such, simply giving up communication altogether, which is unacceptable as I see and realize that it is within this acceptance and allowance that we became characters supporting each other’s characters and as such, remain in a character world where we believed that communicating about our problems and finding solutions for them was simply ineffable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for ever having feared ‘ruining’ a moment with my father or anyone else when communicating due to exposing our mind, the pattern playing out wherein because of seeing others’ reactions, I’d also go into a lockdown wherein backchat emerges such as ‘I don’t want to continue speaking any longer either’ and essentially, giving up the communication, instead of actually walking through the conflict, point that is emerging and following through till we can both see the solution and get to a practical solution in order to establish ourselves as a self-directive being that will work with self’s own patterns, instead of taking it personal and just complying to making of a moment of communication a ‘frustration point’ between both parties with no resolution.

 

 

Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself thinking, believing and perceiving that I have ‘something in common’ with another based on playing out a similar character of self-limitation, I stop and I breathe – I realize that taking ‘pride’ in such aspects such as the saying ‘like father, like son’ is in fact the type of thinking that has gotten us to not move as humanity and actually changing into a best for all living realization as a process of self-correction, because we simply accepted our copied patterns from our parents as ‘who we are’ and believing that we had no power or say about it whatsoever, and we could only ‘deal with it’ and ‘cope’ with the inherited patterns, which is the same as accepting this entire world system of money as something that we could not ‘change’ at all, but only try and find ‘better ways to deal with it,’ which is unacceptable because it is in the very acceptance of this world as it is and of ourselves as ‘we are’ that we are simply running as finite cycles of fuckup patterns that in no way support life in equality at all.

 

Therefore I see that the practical way to identify our patterns in relation to our parents is talking them out and clearly sharing ourselves as the example of what is possible to correct and to stop within ourselves within a process of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application, wherein we can in fact make the decision to no longer be bound to ‘inherited patterns’ as a cross-to-bear, but instead taking such points/ patterns as self-corrective realizations that do require our will and decisive action to stop and walk into/ as a correction based on what is best for all.

 

When and as I see myself ever taking pride of any positive/ negative pattern inherited from my parents, I stop and I breathe – I realize that defining ‘who I am’ according to my parents is still limiting my expression and ability to live – thus I walk the patterns that I see and realize I have copied from my parents and ensure that who I am is standing here as a self-created being that can take points that are beneficial as part of one’s self-application, yet in no way define ‘who I am’ according to being someone’s daughter or having this particular ‘inheritance,’ but instead support me to realize that even if we have a certain predisposition to act and be in a particular ‘positive’ way, I require to be self-honest about my application within such traits and ensure that I am in fact aligning myself at all times as what’s best for all, instead of using it as a form of ‘superiority’ toward others.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to share myself based on a desire to change another, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I cannot possibly speak and communicate only from the starting point of ‘changing another,’ but that I have to in fact share my own process of self-realization about my own patterns and points that I am walking and taking self responsibility for, this is to ensure that who I am remains here clear, devoid of any secret agenda such as wanting to impose a change upon another, without such being making the decision for themselves based upon the evidence of what is possible to be and do, which is the example I am able to give and represent as being the living example of how it is absolutely plausible to stop ‘the sins of the fathers’ within ourselves and as such actually start living for the very first time in our reality.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to give into another’s ‘negative mood’ wherein I am perceiving a resistance to speak, talk and interact stemming from another, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the only way to actually walk through the resistance is opening up the communication about the resistance experienced in the first place, as that’s how we ensure that the backchat is exposed and we are thus able to stand ‘on the same level’ with any other being according to walking through a point of resistance from the get go.

 

When and as I see myself having the idea, belief and perception that ‘I should stop speaking because I am making another uncomfortable,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is just another way for us to eventually keep ‘our mind as is’ wherein we are not supporting anyone but only the ego of the mind that takes things personally and creates any form of silent or outrageous tantrum as to not have to face our creation and our patterns in our face.

 

I direct myself to remain constant and consistent within and while communicating with another, without giving into another’s experience and as such, supporting me to instead find various ways of communicating that can be more ‘appealing’ to another to engage them into the communication as well.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘change the topic’ because of fearing conflict in a conversation/ point of communication – I stop and I breathe – I realize that within this fear of conflict I had in fact only secured my own ego and other’s ego, leaving them intact in order to not have to actually open up the points that we can talk about and discuss with each other as a form of self-support. I realize that we are perfectly able to support ourselves to see each other’s patterns, mirror ourselves on others wherein we can in fact start being and becoming self-supportive in any moment we have of interaction as I realize that I am able to decide from here on ‘who I am’ and ‘what I am’ in any given moment of interaction with others, wherein I have the ability to stop being just another compliant character and instead, show the way of how we can really communicate as equals, beyond any character such as father, daughter or any other role that we may wear toward particular human beings, as I realize that change begins within me, and as such, I am the only one able to set the first stone in any given moment to establish a point of communication in equality and common sense, no matter ‘who it is/ was’ in my reality.

 

When and as I see myself taking another’s reactions into consideration as a point to define my own communication and words to them as going into self-suppression, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to communicate with another without having to diminish or lower my voice or ‘change my attitude’ into suppression just to not make them uncomfortable – as I realize that we have built a world wherein because of this fear of making another uncomfortable because of exposing ourselves as who we are as the mind, we rather ‘play safe’ in our communication which is how we have maintained a system of abuse in a blind acceptance and allowance, because we never dared to speak up and expose the patterns that we had accepted and allowed as ‘who we are’ without a question, which is what is relevant to expose and share now that we are able to see and realize how we are the creators of this world and as such, it is ourselves that must take the responsibility to ensure we are no longer perpetuating the limitations of the past, but instead become self directive beings that are willing to support themselves to step out of the self-accepted lie as a character that only ‘plays safe’ in communication.

 

I commit myself to challenge myself and others within communication in common sense, In means of exposing our own ‘reservedness’ as an actual fear of conflict and eventual ‘lockdown’ that we use to defend ourselves whenever we feel the ‘tide is too high,’ without realizing that in such point we are in essence complying to each other’s character an not doing anything about it. This must stop and it begins within and as ourselves.

 

When and as I see myself fearing ‘ruining’ a moment for another due to the topics and/ or point of communication that I am brining up, I stop and I breathe. I realize that whenever I have feared confrontation and/ or conflict, I end up being frustrated myself because of having complied to a mind that limits itself and within that missing out the opportunity to support myself to transcend and walk-through the fear of being ‘imposing myself onto other,’ which is not so in fact when all that I can do in reality is speak, share/ communicate with another in order to bring up points that will be up for them to either take or leave, as I realize that I cannot change anyone – however I can definitely present the practical solutions to walk a point into/ as self-correction.

 

Therefore, I realize that I can use any moment of communication with another as a window of opportunity to share myself, my process and what I am currently being/ doing with and as myself, without any limitation as I see and realize that if communication is based on common sense and sharing myself as the moment, what I am at the moment is walking process, walking my own self-correction and as such communication will invariably be about it, which Is very cool as this is an opportunity we all have to expand ourselves: sharing ourselves as our process without creating a need or want or desire to ‘change another,’ but simply sharing with others what is possible to be and become once that we stand as equals to ourselves as our mind, once that we get to know ourselves as our mind and as such learn how it is possible to go changing the way we live in this world one by one, no matter ‘who’ we are toward one another, self-honesty as the realization of who we are as one and equal comes first at all times.

 

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107. ‘If I don’t get enough attention, I stop sharing myself’

Attention Seeker’s Demise and Parental patterns of aloofness

A point of communication with parents is when we try and get their attention in one way or another, when we try and share ourselves and what we find is ‘meaningful’ as a way to spend some time with them. Expectations are built, the moment arrives and all one can be thinking about is ‘please let them like it, let them just for a moment stay calm and quiet, no phones ringing, no distracting chatters, just focusing for some minutes on this.’ However, once a pattern exists within the parent of, for example, being always ‘on a rush,’ there will be little to no patience to watch/ walk something that takes more than the 30 second attention span, eventually going away or finding any excuse to not remain in the moment. Children take it personally and from there a decision is made in anger and retaliation: ‘I swear I won’t ever share anything I do with him/ her/ them again.’ And so we grow up, keeping our stuff to ourselves in such victimized state from that one single moment where attention was not given as the child requested it.

This is a true-story and a repetitive pattern that I disclose here: a broken moment of communication where even words were not required to be expressed, but was just a moment of co-existence in the same room, watching a piece of film that had been recorded in means of slowing-down to reality. Yet existing in that point of expectation to ‘get their attention’ – in this case – my father’s and for him to not be impatient enough to watch this entire video; I essentially set the tone for what would end up being just another predictable ‘walk-out’ of the scene, which I took personally and once again confirming in my mind ‘I won’t share my ‘creative stuff’ with my parents again’ which became a safe way for me to not see how I also was wanting and desiring their attention the way that ‘I wanted it.’

It takes two to tango – however, a message to all parents is that if children are not supported in order to understand how not to take their actions/ reactions personally, consequences that can ensue from such walk-outs are a definitive crack in any form of incipient communication that could have been developing between the child and the father/ mother.

 

“I commit myself to SHOW that PARENTS in fact understand Nothing of PATTERNS and are the Root cause for All Suffering and Inequality on Earth.

I commit myself to SHOW that PARENTS are the PATTERNS that INFACT Create the CHARACTER of this WORLD.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for wanting to get someone’s attention to ‘see my stuff’ and in that moment already going into the fear of ‘they are not going to like it/ they will simply stand up and leave/ they will say they like it out of compromise’ and essentially self-sabotaging that single moment of inviting others to see something I’ve done with future projections of failing at getting their attention, which is how and why I have become resilient to share myself, in fear of not being ‘welcomed’ the way that I expected.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share myself with the condition of ‘it must be praised/ liked/ revered’ by others, otherwise I won’t share it at all, wherein my sharing is not unconditional, but already expecting a positive experience and outcome out of it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how the entire starting point of me ‘creating something’ is and had been mostly in order to show it and be able to be praised about it, or causing an experience within another, instead of allowing myself to just share it unconditionally, with no expectations toward it and a such not taking it personal or judging the fact that people can walk out, not say any feedback at all or simply dislike it and that is still okay, as a I cannot control the outcome and reactions that will be experienced in such moments.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation toward getting my father’s attention to watch a video that I made and believing that ‘he will love it’ and expecting the best case scenario from the get go mixed with fear of him just not getting to see the whole thing, standing up and leaving, which is what eventually happened – allowing me to then go into the victimized state of ‘he doesn’t want to see what I created’ and making a mental note of ‘not ever sharing anything with him again, he’s not interested,’ and within that severing a point of communication in terms of sharing what ‘I do’ with my parents, creating a rift toward my father and my own doings, deeming my stuff to be simply ‘not relevant’ for him which in a child’s mind translates into: I am not worthy of their attention/ I am not good enough/ entertaining enough for him to remain watching/ I should have done something different to capture his attention’ – which are all backchat statements based on thinking and believing that the problem was ‘me,’ when in fact the reason why he stood up and left is not based on ‘what I showed him,’ but his own personal decision to simply stand up and leave and within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when someone stands up and leaves the room wherein I was showing them something and believing that I simply wasn’t good enough to capture their attention, without realizing it’s not about me or what I do, but a single decision the person made in that moment to leave.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel excited the moment that I was able to capture his attention wherein from this positive starting point, I try to keep the ‘excitement’ and positive attitude on top while actually feeling anxious and fearing that he simply won’t be able to stand/ go through the entire thing, and even thinking ‘if he doesn’t enjoy it, he’ll just stand up and leave,’ which became a reality at the end.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become fully stiff and anxious and nervous while he’s watching because of fearing that he’ll just stand up and leave, which had been a trademark of his, that I actually feared having to experience myself with my own work and sharing something with him.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist in such point of fear of ‘him leaving the room,’ and eventually manifesting it, confirming my own ‘future projections,’ without realizing how I simply had sentenced myself to my own words and supporting the co-creation of a moment wherein all I became was this ‘hope’ of him not leaving the room, eventually confirming that my hope was not a solution and that he ended up leaving the room anyways.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get irritated at him for him standing up of the couch and beginning to arrange things, picking up the garbage and dusting off the cushions while the video is playing, only confirming what I was expecting him to do: standing up from the couch, finding something to do around while he plans to escape the scene/ room in a silent manner.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist as the fear ‘he’s not into it,’ and as such while being nervous and anxious about him eventually leaving, not being here breathing but only becoming this one point of hope and observance that is almost ensuring how things will unfold without having even gone through the actual events – yet eventually experimenting it as we are the ones that are creating our reality according to the words we accept and allow ourselves to exist as.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into a negative experience the moment that he left the room, feeling defeated and essentially declaring that I would give-up on any further attempt to get his attention on my work, which became a sentence that I realized I was in fact just saying out of spitefulness because I eventually realized I could have not taken the point personally.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in that moment when seeing him leaving the room without saying anything, think ‘I won’t show him anything again,’ referring to my creative work and how I simply deemed in that moment that Nothing I would do would be of his interest, which was a rather all encompassing statement that in no way supports an actual realization of, first of all, not taking things personally and secondly assisting and supporting myself to see how I victimized myself there in that moment, holding on to the grudge of that memory, instead of working it with and explaining how I reacted, why I reacted and as such establish a proper communication that is not based only on short-sentences that generate an experience of ‘I am here’ and as such create bonds that in no way are of actual communication, but instead becomes another protocol type of communication that never really supports children to fully open up, because the father/ mother is not really ready to give its full to do so for their children.

 

Self Corrective statements:

When and as I see myself wanting to get someone’s attention to ‘see my stuff’ and in that moment already going into the fear of ‘they are not going to like it/ they will simply stand up and leave/ they will say they like it out of compromise’ and essentially self-sabotaging that single moment of inviting others to see something I’ve done with future projections of failing at getting their attention, which is how and why I have become resilient to share myself, in fear of not being ‘welcomed’ the way that I expected – I stop and I breathe, I realize that I am being conditional with me sharing myself wherein I am only seeking self-satisfaction as instant-gratification instead of sharing unconditionally without expecting anything in advance.

 

I realize that the only reason why I would want to get someone’s attention is because I haven’t allowed myself to give such attention to myself first, wherein then a negative experience and the choice of not sharing myself ever again comes as a spiteful mode for not having acquired the attention that I initially craved. Who I am as breath here is able to share without any drive of self-interest nor an expectation waiting to be fulfilled – who I am is constant here as the interaction that is able to be directed here as breath without any mind-interference of self interest.

 

When and as I see myself creating a positive experience when I do get people’s attention toward what I am doing, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me just satisfying the attention seeker character that would have reacted in the opposite manner if such attention had not been given the way I expected – thus I see and realize how my beingness in the moment is/ was defined according to others, instead of me remaining constant and consistent without shifting into further mind-dimensions of self-interest.

 

When and as I see myself defining my starting point of creation according to creating a positive experience within me and within others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am compromising myself within this very mechanism of positive experience upon expression wherein expression is no longer unconditional, but suiting a particular character that seeks energy as attention to keep existing.

 

When and as I see myself defining an entire point of interaction with another based on a ‘bad experience’ as defined by the ego of the mind in relation to not getting enough attention/ sufficient energy to continue a positive experience, I stop and I breathe – I realize that what I am defining as a point of separation or severing a relationship is in fact a spiteful action taken on by myself as the mind that will now go into the opposite polarity as the negative experience for not having gotten enough attention/ energy to keep a particular character – such as the attention seeker – running. Thus I allow myself to simply continue sharing myself unconditionally without wanting to ‘get’ an experience from another, but simply aligning myself to an equal and one physical stance wherein whether someone is interested in watching or not is not relevant any longer, as who I am is and can’t be defined according to other’s opinions, judgments and experiences created upon my own expression.

 

I assist and support myself to remain here as the physical breath whenever I share myself in any form with others, wherein I stop any expectations of either a positive or negative feedback as that clearly creates a point of expectation that is not required as all that I express myself as in the moment is what I am existing as in the moment – and that cannot be ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ but it’s a simple mirror and tool of self-reflection to get to know myself and as such support myself to See Me. If from this sharing others can support themselves as well in any aspect/ way = cool, yet it doesn’t define the point of expression in itself any longer.

 

When and as I see myself into the giving up mode of ‘I will never show anything to him/her/ them again’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am reacting according to not having fulfilled a character in my mind. Thus, I stop the self-victimization of deciding to ‘not share myself again’ and allow myself to share unconditionally that which I see assists and supports me – therefore I am the one that is responsible for the point of expression in order to reflect back on it and in self-honesty be able to decide whether this is in fact supporting me or not. I direct myself to self-forgive the moment or reaction if it emerges in the moment that another is not ‘paying attention’ to what I say/ do as I realize that this has been a reason for me to keep quiet/ become isolated, just because of thinking, believing and perceiving that just because someone did not want to hear me = no one ever will.

 

When and as I see myself feeling anxious and nervous upon wondering what others have to say in relation to something I created, I stop and I breathe – I realize that such anxiety is stemming from expecting either the worse or the best and as such keeping me in a friction and unnecessary expectation, without realizing that who I am here as every moment of breath does not require to be expecting the next moment with any experience, as it comes breath by breath – thus any further value given to words in separation of myself here as the physical body must be re-assessed to see how I have defined such words as positive assessment or negative assessment.

 

When and as I see myself going into a negative experience for someone remaining silent when I am sharing something, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have associated silence with a negative input instead of realizing that being expecting something out of another is already placing a condition in me sharing myself – thus I simply allow myself to share in the moment, without any expectation – yet also ensuring that the message is clear and asking questions if pertinent about it, instead of just complying to the silence and creating backchat about it instead of directing it in the moment, facing what Is see and cross referencing it with the person/ people involved in such moment.

 

I realize that most of the problems and even wars in our world and reality have been built around misunderstandings that, because they were not clearly and directly spoken, they grew into major conflicts that were able to apparently only be solved through wars and further conflicts, without realizing that such misunderstanding could have in fact been talked through and arranged in a way wherein we are in fact able to come to an agreement of what’s best for all. This is thus speaking in general terms of communication and how silence or physical attitudes had become these ‘indicators’ of something not being ‘alright’ – however, we are the only ones that have decided what is alright and what is not alright according to worth and value of the mind, which is how we have made of our reality a polarized concoction of opinions fighting to get on top of each other, instead of considering the physical reality in common sense at all times, which actually simplifies the points to a self-evident correction that can only be neglected and/or deliberately denied if we are only willing to continue supporting the ‘who we are’ as mind systems of opinions, judgments, beliefs and experiences that in no way have supported life in Equality.

 

As a general suggestion it is to assess ourselves whenever we are sharing or being the ones on the receiver’s ‘end’ and check our reactions, if we go into a fidgety mode, or restlessness or plain mind judgment, to get ourselves back here in the physical wherein we can ‘come back to our senses’ and realize that we are in fact sharing a moment with another being that is sharing themselves unconditionally, and that us shoving away that opportunity to do so will create consequences not only within them but as a general statement of separation that we create in that moment stemming only from our own mind-limitation that in no way regards life in equality, but can only create such separation if there is a ego-perspective to defend, a mind’s desire to fulfill.

 

I assist and support me to walk my process and identify such moments in my day to day living, to ensure that I do not repeat this separation within me, nor do I become the one that denies or shoves away another’s expression in means of fulfilling the desires of the mind in the moment.

 

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102: Communication Noise: Parental Communication

Within looking at specific examples of how I would turn a moment of interaction/ communication with others, I can see how the positive and negative experiences that I have held toward people have been based upon whether the communication was suiting a particular preference/ ideal of a ‘good time’ or not.

The communication that goes on with our parents –or the lack thereof – defines one big chunk of our lives in relation to how we then perceive communication to be either a positive or a negative experience, which involves a set of factors that have to be clarified in order to see how much of our expression is actually tainted and conditioned by factors that go beyond a sheer compatibility aspect – but involve familial, economic, social and cultural standards that are shaped according to ‘how reality works’ within this world system.

 

A point I’ll be walking is a particular way of communicating with my father with whom I spent less time with throughout my life in terms of engaging in conversations and having only specific moments/ events as patterns that repeated throughout our interaction when I was living with them at home.

 

Thus, within exposing the factors behind our communication the point is to see how the way we define a person in our reality is based on the bonds that are formed with them according to, in this case, familial bonds wherein the financial aspect of support is/ was dependent on.

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the communication with my father in the car as usual/ routinely and filled with complains, wherein I know that he will agree with me because of him being similar to myself which is how I have defined communication according to a format-like questionnaire based on survival-questions that lead to short answers that ensure we simply communicate ‘what’s necessary’ and avoid talking anything out of the usual: money, weather, traffic, work and school.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to react positively to his question about me getting enough money to live throughout the week, which is how and why I would keep the communication in ‘good stand’ as this will ensure that I can continue getting his support as in being a ‘good daughter’ that is able to have a cordial relationship with their parents.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively toward him ‘always asking the same questions’ wherein I am only wanting to have things ‘go my way’ in communication, while being annoyed because of having to explain myself and answering the same questions over and over again, apparently, which wasn’t really so as I was really only making a big deal out of it in my mind as unnecessary friction and conflict by sticking to the same pattern I would complain about, without realizing that I am in fact able and capable of stepping out of the usual script and establish a real point of communication with another, regardless of ‘who they are’ in my world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to initiate communication with my father based on experiencing a sense of tension and discomfort within myself, which is how I have compromised my communication toward others wherein I place them as certain characters that I depend on to survive and as such, I act according to how I have judged the characters as a ‘necessity’ in my reality – which is how I created my own barriers to ever communicate with my father/ parents based on an equal and one relationship, as I always saw them as the ‘authority’ that I had to respect and keep a ‘good standard’ toward, just like a credit account relationship: you keep your account in ‘good standing’ in order to be able to get more credit/ be trust worthy in order to continue surviving in our world and reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this point of compromise within myself which adds up to all the relationships in our world that are based on self-interest and in sustaining the same world-system wherein because of money and the relationships that are required in order to survive- in this case family-structure – we compromise each other to deceive and manipulate in order to continue being supported and ‘secured’ in a world wherein that which is required to live is not given unconditionally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get uncomfortable within remaining silent when being with another being in a car, which I have associated this with previous experiences wherein I would fear ending up in silence due to experiencing the same discomfort about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because we remained in silence I had to keep up a conversation out of fear of having ‘nothing to say’ and that I would be judged for having ‘nothing to say,’ which was only a belief and perception as I in fact am able to establish a point of communication openly once that I start seeing ‘my parent’s as human beings that are able to communicate out of the format-like bounds of father/ mother characterization.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self judgment because of wishing I could have done something out of the routine to tell to another in means of creating a point of conversation, which is essentially a point of compromise out of fear of being seemingly ‘detached’ from the family/ not caring about them and as such, losing my father’s support to live.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use music as a positive solution in ‘tense situations’ wherein my decision to enjoy it or not would be based on whether I was feeling compromised in the moment or not in a moment of communication that I perceive being staged and ‘format like’ from the get go.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base an entire moment in my reality based on whether I was liking a particular type of music in order to define ‘who I will be’ within the communication according to whether I wanted to be complacent/ talkative or not – within this I realize how I would place conditions as to ‘who I am’ according to my own interests and suiting the moment to benefit me at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate ‘formal communication’ as politeness that I was ‘forced to’ instead of it being my actual decision to interact with visitors at home, wherein I would immediately react with discomfort when being called out to interact with others, without realizing that in fact it was fear of being later on scolded if I didn’t comply to my mother’s desires.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a grudge toward my mother for ‘having forced me to do things,’ without realizing that the moment that I accepted fear as a motivation to do so, I complied to her will and as such became a victim in my mind based on how I feared making my mother angry = losing my mother’s support at home.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the interaction with visitors as a negative experience based on my starting point for such interaction in the first place, wherein I went into a defense-mode just because of believing and perceiving that I was being ‘dragged’ into the communication without me in fact wanting and/ or being fully willing myself to interact with others unconditionally, but did it based on feeling obliged to, which is why and how I would create and project thoughts about others’ experience toward the point of communication with myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a negative experience toward my mother whenever visitors would come home because of remembering how I was always forced to go downstairs and interact ‘against my will,’ without realizing that I simply complied to participate every time out of fear, out of not wanting to be scolded and/ or exposed in front of the visitors as this ‘ranch person’ that does not like communicating with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then judge silence as a positive experience with my partners in the past based on the memory of how irritated and angry I would get when having to interact in ‘forced communication’ with others, without realizing that such enjoyment was a polarity experience to the past – hence it wasn’t never really a positive experience, but only a counter part to a negative experience I’ve had in the past with my family members.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having chosen partners that were deliberately the type of opposite ‘stereotypes’ from the people that I knew my mother wanted me to end up with in a relationship, which became a spiteful pattern that had to be played out in secret, just because of how my mother would disapprove from the partners I had, which was both a negative experience for having to be hiding – a positive experience based on how I would feel like I was finally ‘rebelling’ to the obliged experiences I went through with my mother, without realizing that I was then only acting and making decisions in spitefulness toward my mother and never in fact making an informed decision based on what is best for me to be and do within the consideration with whom it is best for me to establish a relationship with, without holding on the anti-stereotype of ideal partner in order to annoy my mother as I have realized how within wanting to spite my mother = I only ended up spiting myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately play ‘the silent one’ when being out with my mother just because of knowing how she would always push me to communicate with people and enjoys talking, generally, which was who I was within the ‘rebellious character’ that held a huge grudge toward her because of not having ‘approved’ of the relationships I created in my life. Thus I became the ‘rebel’ just to prove her that I could do things ‘my way’ without requiring her permission, only later on realizing that because my starting point of such relationships was based on spitefulness = I ended up spiting myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a point of ‘positive experience’ whenever I was able to establish communication with my father in a silent manner, which means for example: being able to ride in the car listening to music that we both liked, which would ensure a positive silent experience without realizing that in such moment, I was only keeping things ‘okay’ in order for us to not go into further points of communication that could turn out more insidious in terms of actually getting to know each other and as such, lose the ground of the format like communication between father and daughter

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately control a particular moment of interaction with another based on ‘who they are’ within my world as the character they represent in my reality, wherein I will then adjust, manipulate, shape and mold my expression in a way to ensure that my survival is not threatened, as I knew that if I presented myself as detached or even sharing myself too openly, I would have to take responsibility for my words and the consequences thereof.

 

Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself deciding ‘who I will be’ in a point of communication according to who I perceive the other being to be as a particular character within my life/environment – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to practically establish a point of communication to any other being based on common sense: the realization that we are human beings that live in the same world, facing the same consequences of our creation and as such, I see that communication in common sense as self support is the key to establish a point of awareness within myself and another of an actual way to interact and share that which is usually suppressed under shallow talk.

 

I commit myself to be and become the example of how communication can be established without holding any ‘character’ in place, but instead, establish a platform of self support for myself and another being regardless of ‘who the being is’ as I realize that the moment that I assess ‘who’ they are, limitations, barriers and obstacles are created in the mind according to what I have deemed as appropriate/ inappropriate to share with others. I establish myself as the point of unconditional expression in order to support myself and others to do the same and as such, practically change the way we interact with one another.

 

When and as I see myself manipulating my communication in order to get a positive experience and/ or remain in a ‘good stand’ toward the other person, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to in fact step out of the point of compromise through allowing myself to share and communicate openly, without fearing losing any form of support, as I realize that only a threat toward another could cause any form of conflict – thus I realize that any fear that I had used in the past in order to not communicate with people in my family was only based on the ‘fear’ of ‘who I am’ toward them, which was manipulating, shaping and molding myself in order to not step out of character completely.

 

When and as I see myself deciding ‘who I am’ in a point of interaction with another based on wanting to be agreeable or distant in the moment to demonstrate my standing toward another being in that moment, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the times that I remain quiet as self-suppression means that I am in fact not genuinely having ‘nothing to say,’ but that I am deliberately suppressing myself because of fear of exposing myself, fear of establishing communication with another ‘out of the usual script,’ which is how I had bound myself to remain as a locked-door at all times, simply because of believing that my very life would be ‘at risk’ if I would enable me to be open and sharing in an equal manner toward other beings.

 

When and as I see myself experiencing tension when remaining silent during a conversation, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is not real silence then, but self-suppressive silence that I can open up for myself in order to see how and why I have manipulated myself and within that realize that the point of correction is not to remain silent out of fear or deliberate self-suppression, but is instead direct myself to speak in the moment according to that which emerges in common sense from within me that I find it cool to share in/as self support.

 

When and as I see myself deliberately hiding to not face people in my environment in order to avoid communication, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have created such a resistance based on the idea, belief and perception that ‘I must interact with them,’ which is stemming from the memory of my mother asking me to do this when I was a child.

 

When and as I see myself feeling compelled to speak, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a usual mechanism of self-manipulation wherein I am in fact not being self directive as in making the decision to live, but I am in fact only wanting to restrict myself to a certain type of communication with another from the starting point of reaction.

 

When and as I see myself being forced/ dragged along to communicate – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is a mechanism wherein I am only manipulating myself to interact with others based on the belief that ‘others made me do it,’ as if I had not the voice and ability to decide who I am going to be communicating with and clearing the starting point of it at all times.

 

When and as I see myself categorizing silence as a form of communication based on having suppressed an actual point of expression in fear of ‘getting out of character,’ I stop and I breath, I realize that the point of enjoyment of such silence stems from us actually playing out the same ‘silent character’ wherein we only talk the necessary and prefer to ‘be silent in our minds’ instead of sharing our self-experience, our day today living circumstances, as I realize that communication is the key to get to know ourselves and others in order to become effective within all that we do.

 

When and as I see myself imprinting a particular character to my communication, such as being the ‘daughter,’ or being the ‘rebellious’ one, I stop and I breathe – I realize that who we are as human beings are able to care for one another without having to play a character in someone’s mind in order to exist.

 

This is to realize how instead of having allowed myself to communicate myself unconditionally, I simply became pliable and manipulated myself in order to ensure that my survival – in this case financial support by my father – was not able to be disturbed/ damaged if I would establish a point of communication in equality, because of an underlying fear and limitation wherein I believed that I could not possibly communicate in equality with my father, because of having placed him as ‘my authority’ and as such, I had to tip toe around our communication, keeping it ‘safe’ in order to not create any ‘unnecessary’ friction or conflict, without realizing that in this I simply refrained myself from being able to establish a point of equality with my father which is in fact a possibility to establish once that I have directed myself to talk to both of them as equals, outside of the father/ mother relationship I had caged them into.

 

I realize how communication is limited and restricted by oneself whenever there are other interests and familial aspects existing as a character limitation that is defined according to how we have built our societal hierarchies between parents and children, wherein we bind ourselves to only see another person as a character in our own life-schemes instead of considering them as one and equal.

 

I see, realize and understand that we will be able to in fact communicate as equals when and as we realize that the family system only exists as another form of compromise and enslavement to keep a system of hierarchy in place – therefore within establishing beings in an equal and one stance toward one another, we see that we are in fact able to become much more than just characters surviving each other in the old-familiar ways and instead, get to know ourselves as who we really are, as beings that are able to instead practically establish solutions for our accepted and allowed ‘differences’ and as such, become part of the new way of living on Earth.

 

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Day 20: Childhood Schooling Years

Here I share some of the most prominent experiences that I have realized became part of my identity/ personality as an ‘A+ student’ throughout my life, beginning with childhood which is in itself a label used within the schooling system that is considered as a ‘positive incentive,’ however what’s not considered is how the child that gets such ‘special treat’ is also being ostracized and separated from the majority that cannot obtain the same distinction because of the obvious hierarchical levels, wherein the one on top is taken as a measure point for the rest. And so, the pressure built within the ‘outstanding individual’ becomes a constant point of fear and anxiety to remain in such position, due to the allocated idea that the individual – myself in this case – has built about themselves within a particular context in their reality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to ‘keep up’ this reputation of being the ‘best student’ wherein I had seen, realized made me popular/ recognized with authorities like parents and teachers throughout school.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to deliberately impose myself as an ‘example to follow’ wherein I would get a good experience out of being ‘the best’ and being recognized as someone that was ‘out of this world’ for how obedient, disciplined and such a ‘good student’ overall I was – wherein I absolutely knew that this was the way to have everyone valuing me as everything that I wanted to ‘be’ and ‘become’ as I realized what ‘power’ felt like and I dug it, secretly, while pretending to be humble and modest about my ‘skills’ and abilities – without realizing that such experience of being valued as ‘more than’ was that which mattered in this world, being ‘someone to others,’ and in that only developing this idea that all I am is this role model for others and that all that I am ‘worth’ is this example of ‘what a good student’ is for others.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could not fuckup one single time as that would lower my reputation and within this idea of it all being ‘easy’ for me, extenuating the actual experience of stress and pressure that lead me to experience things like anxiety, nervousness and gastritis at a very young age, simply because I wanted to keep ‘my place’ in school/ my world – which is me becoming infatuated with the sensation of recognition and power at a very young age.

 

I did this to myself, I am very aware how I was not pressured at all by my parents to become this – in fact, they were the first ones that would tell me to slow down and not be so apprehensive, but I just became so rigid with my beliefs within ‘who I was’ that it was virtually impossible for me to let go of this ideal of responsibility and always being on time for school, always getting the best grades, always knowing the answers.  A single example is how when I would be sick and my mother would suggest me to stay at home, I would immediately react about it and would beg her to take me to school, I could not possibly miss one day at 2nd grade in kindergarten! lol – everyone would laugh when my mother shared that story with other people, and that would make me mad because to me it was something serious. I certainly lived ‘backwards’ from the perspective I went from being the most rigid person in school in 1st grade kindergarten and then quite relaxed by the end of my school years – yet always keeping the cool grades for the reasons that I’ll continue sharing as I walk the Self Forgiveness here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to impose this to myself, and not even hear when my mother would say that it didn’t matter what grades I had, but that I had to slow down because it was affecting my body – I didn’t hear, to me reputation was ‘all that I was’ and all that I had to keep up, and in this generating me as an extremely apprehensive kid that only sought to keep up with ‘the best grades’ and engaging in secret competitions toward other classmates that I believed were on to ‘get me off of my throne.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to engage in such competition traits at a very young age – 2nd grade of elementary school – wherein when fellow classmates would express that they were on to ‘get me off of my first place’ I would take that s a deliberate attack that would gnaw my very existence and concern me/ worry me tremendously, to the extent of developing constant anxiety for always being/remaining on top because I could not fathom the idea of being second place.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become so stressed out for keeping a certain place in my reality, which means that I feared being/ becoming a ‘normal person’ without it, because of how I had been so used to getting all the first places and recognition from the very first year in school.

 

It is really unnecessary within the schooling system to do this, I became so fed up yet so used to these award/ recognition ceremonies, I essentially became my own judge wherein I placed rigid standards which is part of the personality I’ve become wherein I tend to be an extremist when doing something ‘going all the way into it’ and often disregarding the actual physical pace that is required in this world. I have walked this point throughout the past which I’ve shared as part of the physical slowing-down in all aspects as I’ve seen and realized how the rushing point is/ was stemming from a constant form of competition and keeping scores toward myself and in comparison to others.

 

Within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to marry with myself as the idea of always having to be ‘on top’ and not allowing anyone else to take such position because it was ‘my place’ and ‘my throne’ wherein all the glory and recognition of being first place was ‘all that I am’ at the eyes of others, therefore existing in an ingrained fear of losing that ‘first place’ and creating a rivalry/ competition toward anyone else that seemed like a threat to my beloved position of ‘first place.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop a constant need and desire to be in control of my environment and others to ensure that I would always have things ‘my way’ and that meant: keeping my first place as a constant point of self-validation that I knew could only be ‘lost’ if I allowed myself to fuck up even once, which is how I developed a fear toward making mistakes because I could not imagine how it would be for others to realize that ‘I’d lost the first place’ as I believe that everyone was expecting me to fall.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live in a perpetual experience of fear of ‘falling’ and ‘losing my place’ wherein I believed that everyone wanted me to lose and fall because I would react to their expressions every time that it would happen and believe that they were ‘mean to me’ because they would solace to the idea of me falling/ being second or third place an losing my usual position.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself within such experiences wherein I believed that everyone was on to ‘see me fall’ and that their happiness depended on ‘seeing me fall/ make a mistake/ fuck up,’ wherein I believed that all eyes were on me and that I was constantly ‘in the spotlight,’ which is essentially the usual delusion we get imbued with wherein we believe that we are the center of the universe and that everyone is looking at us, expecting something from us without ever actually taking a moment to realize: this is me doing this to myself, this is me trying to catch up with an illusion as the cage that I have built for myself wherein I believe I can’t ‘get out’ or I’ll ‘lose’ the ‘who I am’ toward others and myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to associate honor as an inherent recognition that I had to keep up in my reality with good grades wherein being a ‘perfect student’ gave me the recognition that I had not allowed myself to give to myself regardless of ‘who I was’ within the school system.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that being a ‘good student’ at the eyes of my teachers made me ‘special’ and ‘unique’ – which eventually caused much strain the moment that I saw the division that would ensue between my other classmates wherein such specialness was seen as ‘preferential treat’ and causing them to later on develop patterns of bullying toward me – which is what lead me to not want to ‘stand out in the spotlight’ any longer, because I did not want to suffer again.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of going to school because of having to face my classmates after I had filed a complain about the bullying at school, which made me really anxious and fearful with regards to being left alone and having all my ‘friends’ suddenly against me for being a whistle blower about my situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever use this point as a manipulation as to why I had a reason to ‘suffer’ in my world, without ever realizing that it was actually all that I had created for myself, a point that I deliberately sought and fought to maintain which obviously lead to create an opposition due to how much effort/ zeal I would imprint onto my school application which is what became like a constant war zone instead of a learning ground wherein I could simply walk in a normal pace.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to impose these rigid schemes of ‘who I had to be’ just to keep up this idea of myself as ‘the perfect student’ without ever asking: who will I be without it? why am I so petrified to lose this position?

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate within the system of competition and reward and honorable places in the school system wherein the obvious separation and discrimination that is brewed in classrooms become the reality of a world wherein hierarchy is then the way to ‘rule’ within the system. You get trained to either be a ‘leader’ or a ‘follower’ and in that, accepting the fact that not everyone would have equal opportunities to develop their skills efficiently within and throughout the Education system.

Actually there is no such thing as an equal possibility for all people to have such opportunity as the current Educational system is just like an IQ test that doesn’t consider each individual’s special abilities/ capabilities and developing different pedagogical programs to ensure each being is able to learn with different methods/ options – No, the current system is a cookie-cutter system wherein some would fit in it with the utmost efficiency and some others would literally swallow each year hoping to not get kicked out. It’s really terrible to have this as such hierarchy levels are then built at school, in classrooms wherein people begin identifying each other according to the grades they have and in that, an entire stratification of society is ‘in the making.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had something ‘special’ within me that made it all seem so simple to walk through school,  creating a ‘bipolar’ experience within it such as feeling ‘good’ about it yet ‘bad’ at the same time because why can I have it so easy in getting good grades while others have to go through hell to achieve similar or even less than results?

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live out to such points of recognition with proud and modesty wherein I would later on create the opposite experience when realizing that others could not ever ‘get’ to the same position I was in, which really worried me but I was told not to worry because they were only probably ‘lazy’ or ‘not dedicated enough,’ which is how I accepted and allowed the world of inequality as a direct result of each one’s direct participation, never ever considering the entire set of factors that have ensured that such disparity and polarity exist in this world to continue a system based on friction as in having some deliberately wanting to achieve ‘the best’ all the time and in that, generating the necessary opposition, competition and rivalry that has kept this entire system in its polarized status quo.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop rivalry and consider as ‘enemies’ fellow classmates at a very tender age because of hearing how they were ‘on to get me’ and out of fear I simply made sure that I would not allow them to get into my position not realizing that within that, I was becoming part of the game of competing against each other and being under strenuous pressure and constant anxiety/stress because of fearing that they would eventually get ‘better grades than me.’ I mean now that I see it, it is absolutely exhaustive to even remember how bad it was having to keep up this idea/ image of myself toward others and existing in constant competition.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to apparently stop caring that much about grades while continuing being ‘responsible’ and obtaining good-grades yet developing this ‘opposed’ personality to what I had been as a little girl wherein I deliberately would get ‘down from the top of the hill’ not to an equality level, but below sea level wherein I wanted to be simply ‘normal’ as in being a kid that struggles, that fucks up, that makes mistakes as that seemed to be what everyone was talking, a point of identification between one another  and ‘I’ wanted to be part of that – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop an opposite personality as in seeking degradation and problems as that seemed to be what ‘life was about,’ and in that believing that I was “equalizing” myself with others that didn’t have it as easy as me to walk a life of ‘success’ and recognition.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately sabotage me when and while desiring to be ‘a mortal’ and in such position deliberately place myself within relationships and situations wherein I knew that it was not what is best for all, but I wanted to get ‘my hands dirty’ in the sense of experiencing what others were experiencing and doing just because of having defined my life as dull, secure and perfect.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define ‘normal’ as in having ups and downs and riding the rollercoaster of ‘life’ as desiring love, relationships, being miserable for not having them and essentially creating a pattern of being a ‘regular being’ that has stories to tell about how fucked up ‘life’ apparently is and in that, deliberately stand within relationships that I knew were not ‘best for myself,’ but a part of me desired to be equally fucked up as others, just to know what ‘that’ would be like and how I would experience myself within such misery, which was like a false sense of compassion wherein I actually never really ‘cared’ about others, but only developing my own inner energetic experiences that I realized were equally satisfactorily as when I was ‘on a high’ in success and recognition and ‘happiness,’ I could get the same experience out of being depressed, miserable and essentially submerged into a self created torment that I would feed with music, words, books and people in my world.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek to overcome my ‘old me’ through creating an opposite polarity and pattern that went for the exact opposite points that I had defined myself by/ as such as running away from recognition, wanting to stand in the background, wanting to not be ‘seen’ yet defining everything of this experience based on having lived a life in ‘the spotlight’ throughout school years and having tested out what constant competition an desire to keep a certain place was like.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge these experiences as ‘petty’ and insignificant when compared to the reality of others, which is the point that lead me to deliberately seek experiences that would seem ‘more real’ for the actual fuckedupness they represented, without realizing that I must expose and walk the ‘good/ positive’ that I have lived as the opposite creation stemming from the inherent negative point that separation creates in our world and reality.

 

So, I was ‘glad’ in a sense that as I went by/ through my school years, that definition of myself as being ‘better than others’ remained only as a judgment that others would mostly impose onto me, I seriously stopped caring as much as I did as a little child because my body was really protesting about my mental obsessions. I’m glad I did hear my mother within that and realizing that I wasn’t only ‘worth’ that which I was able to obtain and ‘be’ in/ at school but that I was worth by who I am as myself – and that did support me to not only value myself as my school grades, but start realizing that I was ‘more’ than just ‘a good student.’

But! What I did is that because I had only lived as the image of ‘the good student’ I sought to be praised valued in ‘other means’ which is how I realized that I had to create relationships outside of school and develop a particular personality wherein I could be ‘valued’ for ‘who I really was’ as the personality that I deliberately created in order to attract/ live/ obtain a certain lifestyle that I learned from books, media that I wanted to mimic – and in this, becoming part of the system that aspires to become something/ someone greater and better and successful in a rather ‘unusual way’ which is how I developed the entire black sheep or alternative-personality that stood out of the usual standards in society as that would make me ‘more special’ and ‘unique,’ not by ‘who I was’ as an apparent intelligent person, but as a ‘beingness’ as a personality – you can read more about that in:  2012 The hard and soft veneers

 

  I commit myself to create and develop educational systems wherein we ensure that each human being is able to get proper education according to their skills and abilities wherein there will be no more ‘grading programs’ that ensue hostility, separation and hierarchical values between kids/ students – it is our responsibility to ensure that all have a proper foundation to develop themselves to the utmost potential. This implies that a great education reform is required, and this can only happen through politics within the framework of the Equal Money System.

 

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