Tag Archives: hope

484. Redefining Desires

Or how to see what we are separating ourselves from in wishful thinking to instead see what is feasible and what we can change or create in our lives for our personal and collective betterment.

desire

noun a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. strong sexual feeling or appetite. something desired.

 

When I read some texts on Buddhism 10 years ago, it was mentioned how getting rid of desires was the way to end all suffering which I considered for some time to apply, but as I’ve explained in various previous blogs over the years, I wasn’t taught how to actually understand my desires, how to work with my experience instead of just focusing on ‘shutting my mind up’ and ‘stop all my desires’ right away, which felt like renouncing, separating myself from something and remaining in a ‘lack’ that I was then supposed to perceive as ‘the end to all of my suffering’= see it in a positive light.

Well, this approach certainly did not work for me because I didn’t see the point of simply focusing on being in some ‘inner stability’ and remaining in a ‘Buddha’ type of mindset where one is literally creating a separation to the ‘mundane’ in order to focus on some ‘higher consciousness’ experience. By now I have seen how that state is still only an experience in our minds and it practically doesn’t assist us in becoming better active living human beings in this world empowered to change things.

Over the years I have been aware of this point of desires and to what extent we can create a besotted infatuation about something or someone wherein it becomes the one thought that drives our experience in a constant manner if we don’t decide to confront it and investigate it to see it for what it is.

I was looking at this word ‘desire’ with my partner the other day and he mentioned how ‘desire’ sounds like ‘these-I-are’ which I found very interesting because if we look at desire and the definition in the dictionary, it’s very similar to ‘hope’ in the sense that we fuel a want, a need, a wish for something to happen or be given to us without us doing anything to create it, which this sounding of the word assists us in realizing: these-I-are or ‘this I are’ as in realizing that what we are ‘desiring’ we are already existing in separation of – so, ‘these- I-are’ sounding of the word can be a way to remind ourselves that what we are ‘desiring’ is indicating a set of experiences, of fantasies, or possibilities that we have to first ground within ourselves in order to see how much of this desire is realistic, doable, practical and most important, if it is in accordance to what is supportive for our lives in consideration of what’s best for all.

Let’s look at a couple of examples. Desiring to be successful in life is something very common in our lives. One thing that I’ve also learned to see in desires is to at the same time of acknowledging this desire as a ‘positive point’, there is also an opposite point existing as ‘the negative’ part of it – this is based on how our mind works/operates at a mechanical level. Therefore in this ‘desire to be successful, there’s also a counter-point in its opposite polarity existing as a Fear.

In this example it can be a fear of failure, fear of ending up in poverty, fear of not getting an achieved status or position, fear of not getting the expected results into that which we want to succeed on. This is a very common sensical and grounding approach to see a ‘Desire’ as an opening of a self-investigation of ‘these-I-are’ thoughts and experiences as our fears and desires, as the points of separation that we’ve created in our minds that we have to face, look at, investigate, write out and self-forgive to then see who we really are and who we decide to be in relation to these wants, needs, desires and the fears that accompany such experience of desiring.

Through the process of applying the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, developing self-corrective statements, we can get to create and see our self-honesty about our desires: Are they realistic, are they doable or not? Are they common sensical as in considering what’s best for all? In the example of desiring success, we can get to realize how ‘success’ is not something that will get in our hands just like money raining down the sky – it won’t ever happen that way. We will find out how we have to actively create success, how to go step by step, bit by bit, developing a consistency, a perseverance, an active process of planning, doing, testing, expanding and finding ways and relationships that can assist us to get – slowly but surely – to a point of stability, growth, thriving and expansion through one’s own labor, through one’s own dedication, passion and consistency in creating what it is that we want to achieve.

Here a ‘desire’ then turns into a point that we can plan on, that we can turn into a set of plans, ways, methods to achieve what we want for our lives and that of others – then we are no longer caught day-dreaming within ‘a desire’ but instead, one can get hands on to create it, to make it a reality.

But let’s look at another example. Desiring someone else’s partner while we are in a relationship ourselves. It’s not something we would easily admit yet it can happen and it can become a ‘desire’ that we are fueling with our every thought on a daily basis and we are not even really questioning, what is it that we ARE in fact desiring, seeing the direct consequences of what it would mean to wreak havoc in relationships in order to satisfy an ‘idea,’ most likely a belief and a ‘positive experience’ that we have created in our minds about that other person that we’ve turned into a ‘desirable item’ for us, which is unfortunately something I have done in the past, and as much as one can be ashamed for it, being ashamed changes nothing. I had to ensure that I learn from the experience and no longer repeat the same in any way from now on, which means I have to investigate what am I desiring as a ‘person’ and instead doing the same self-investigation mentioned above to see and understand what am I separating myself from in relation to that person? What traits or qualities am I seeing as ‘separate’ from me that instead of desiring to ‘acquire them’ through a relationship, I can live out and integrate as a part of myself?

In this process of investigating how feasible, doable and supportive this example of desire is, I can realize that it’s not at all something acceptable, it’s not something that is best for me nor for the other person for that matter, where I am overseeing the fact that I am actually desiring relationship breakups in order to get together with that one person that I believe is going to ‘be better for me’ in one way or another. This point here we usually miss out when simply feeding and building up a desire, without at all really laying out the potential consequences of manifesting our desires. Therefore how I saw the point, it was not even a question that this desire is something that I have to self-forgive for all the points I am missing out as consequences I would create, while only existing in and following an experience of desiring something or someone, without placing my feet on the ground.

This reality check that we can do with our desires from my personal experience has to be at a written level, with the tools of self-forgiveness and self-honesty in order to acknowledge our creation, our responsibility and see where do we really want to stand in relation to our fabrications in our mind. There is something essential about this process of being able to see ourselves writing or typing out and seeing in front of us all the plethora of thoughts, experiences, fantasies, imaginations that we’ve built up or accumulated about these desires, to finally realize ‘these-I-are’ as these thoughts, these feelings are myself and I have to work through them all to from there see what do I decide to change, to stop feeding as ‘a desire in me’ and how can I instead use this realization into a supportive outcome for myself and so others as well.

In the topic of relationships, sometimes it is an indication of where we have to instead focus on our already existent relationship with another – or the relationship with ourselves, alone – and see how can we improve it, how can we expand in it, how can we use this ‘weakness’ perceived in ourselves or others and instead assist each other to change it, to strengthen ourselves which in turn makes the relationship a much more supportive platform for personal and so each other’s growth. While also making sure that we ‘leave the other person subject of our desires’ outside of our realm of fantasies and imaginations making a decision to stop feeding it every single moment that it ‘comes up’ again in our thoughts.  If we are to create a world where transparency, integrity, honor and respect reigns, we have to apply and live those principles within ourselves and toward each other first of all.

Here I have shared two examples of desires that indicates to us where do we have to create a direction in our lives to build and create what we want to be and become – and another example of a desire that is mostly indicating where we are separating ourselves from ourselves, where we can look at ways to integrate words, ways of living that we see others are doing for themselves and become that ourselves, which is where the ‘these-I-are’ reminder also comes handy, I have the potential to be that which I am desiring from someone else, I can work on developing and becoming those aspects or words as myself.

This is a genuinely empowering way to look at desires where we no longer just ‘renounce’ or ‘deny’ the desires in an attempt to ‘shut them up’ or pretend they don’t’ exist – no. Within the Desteni I Process, we face our desires, we open them up, we work with them, we learn how to understand the ways in which we are separating ourselves from our own potential, while also assisting ourselves to remain realistic and self-honest about what is possible to do or not do according to what we would ‘ideally’ want vs. what is realistic and doable for each one of us to build and create in our lives.

Thanks for reading

 

Desires

 

Learn how to practically free yourself from Desires:

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464.Changing My World View

Or how I stopped feeding a back door/way out or ‘quick fix’ belief in my reality

 

A continuation on:

454. Embracing Living Potentials

 

There’s something interesting that I’ve noticed not only in myself but through and walking with various individuals I also have the opportunity to assist and support, and that is how much of our own way of looking at thing in our reality, our lives changes as we go walking through our minds which means, understanding ourselves better, getting to know the nooks and crannies of ourselves in terms of how we think, why we experience ourselves in a certain manner in certain situations, what motivates us, what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to fear, to desire, to procrastinate, to hold on to in various ways… it can be endless to get to know us to the T in all aspects. However the more that I’ve gotten to do this and worked through with myself not only to understand me, but to also directly work on changing these aspects, what tends to change as well is the way that we see the world, see our lives and so the way that we experience ourselves in it all.

I can identify with many people I work with where our minds usually tended to look for the pessimistic, fatalist and all-destructive outcomes as a sort of a desired outcome for humanity, believing that it’s the way to do justice to the Earth and Life and all other sentient beings that are not humans. However as much as this could be an acceptable idea, I also had to acknowledge and recognize the fact that a part of me actually was giving up on myself and on everyone else’s potential to change, which translates the whole point of ‘wanting an Armageddon or ultimate self-destruction’ in wanting the ‘easy way out’ while believing this is only fair to Life, that it’s fair to the animals, that it’s fair to nature etc.

Well, once that I understood my own desire to ‘run away’ from reality and justifying it within these seemingly irrefutable facts above, I stopped advocating such ideas in my head and it wasn’t something easy to stop identifying myself with, because as long as I held to my reasons, justifications and blame toward all of us humans for creating the world system ‘as is’ and causing so much destruction and suffering towards what’s here, I was focusing only on the idea of doing what seems right or fair as a form of vendetta that life could take on us, and me accepting it in a form of apparent martyrdom, lol – but more and more I started realizing that I in fact liked to entertain those thoughts of imminent destructions because in reality, I wanted an easy way out of our responsibility that we all hold and have to what is here as our creation, which is this whole world as is.

How do I see that I’ve been slowly but surely changing this approach is based on how I interact with reality. A daily example is how I watch or read news everyday as I’ve shared before in blogs, and how I continually work on not allowing information ‘get a hold of me’ and so driving myself to feed again that self-destructive or ‘end of the world’ type of desire, which became even a sort of experience at an energetic level where a part of me would be really wishing everything to just go wrong and end ‘asap’.

Here what happens when not entertaining those ‘easy way out through destruction’ thoughts any longer and making peace with the realization that: we are not going anywhere, we are here to build the solutions from the ground up, bit by bit, no matter how ‘long’ or how ‘hard’ it may seem, there is like a point of ‘making peace’ with who I am, with what is here as our reality, with what we’ve become as human beings and so instead of continually being existing in friction and conflict towards ‘us’ as the creators of what is here, ‘building my case’ to kind of ‘prove to life’ that ‘we are not worthy as human beings, that we should be eradicated from the face of the earth ASAP’, I have been instead focusing more on seeing where I can start, where do we have to start as human beings to build sustainable solutions from the ground up, and this starts at a very individual level really, which is why I and many others are focusing on this level of self-awareness and so self-creation along with others to understand how is it that as we all go changing one by one, long lasting external changes will invariably also be created as a result of this individual self-change.

With this I am implying how my way of looking at things changed from destruction to creation. I am more grounded and realistic, more ‘here’ in the sense of embracing and accepting what is existent as ourselves, as this world – not to leave it ‘as is’ of course, but to simply stop continually fighting it in a silent yet continuous mode and I can definitely say that this continuous inner fight projected on the ‘outside’ leads nowhere other than procrastinating the real process of self-change that we can start by and with ourselves first. In short, I stopped ‘blaming’ and instead focused more on starting with changing this very aspect of ‘blaming’ and projecting my own experiences onto ‘the world out there’ – self responsibility first of all.

I find it somehow easier to see reality for what it is, to go stopping the judgments that I would usually entertain and feed within the idea of still building a case as to why we are just ‘lost’ and ‘without a remedy therefore we should just cease to exist’, seeing ourselves – human beings – as a cosmic joke, a mistake that should have never been and it is this kind of experiences of disgust, misanthropy in a way and a deep desire to just ‘end it all’ that would continually cloud my view of reality even in subtle yet ever present ways that would be creating this noise for me to not be able to see the potential in me and so in others in a full and crystal clear manner, because there were these constant back doors within me as seemingly ‘hidden desires’ for a ‘quick fix’ really, a way to just ‘end it all’ and not have to face the actual process of learning to recognize and take responsibility for our creation, to understand what is it that we’ve exactly accepted and allowed and so be willing to self forgive, let go of that past and do the work to actually change ourselves to something that we can live with and stand by for the rest of our existence.

Here it’s clear for me to see that one can have the greatest understanding of things and be agreeing with principles and ideas that represent a better outcome for all life, but I saw myself how as long as I held on to these ‘backdoors’ as ‘way outs’ that I still held as something that ‘makes sense’ that is ‘justifiable’ and is an ‘acceptable’ thing to exist within me, I would still eventually exert those beliefs as experiences and judgments that I would project onto ‘humanity’ out there. It’s interesting because I didn’t create a particular ‘personal fight’ against a particular faction of human beings, but all of them/us ‘en masse’ and so whenever doing that exercise where one can bring up the first word that comes to mind when holding in our minds an image of humanity, all that came up in me was an experience I can encompass as disdain, despair, disappointment, disgust, things that represented that part of myself that was not yet seeing the potential that each one of us hold within ourselves, which is of course yet to be developed.

So, upon walking those judgments that would turn into experiences that I would project towards ‘humanity’, I realized how I was only doing what most of us human beings do: blame, being lame in seeing others as ‘the problem’ for what we are experiencing, which as much as I could have reasons and validations for this experience with me based on the, yes, obvious destruction and enslavement we’ve imposed to all life, I had to also realize that there is really no point in blaming as that only keeps me locked into this fatalist experience, seeing no potentials in other beings – therefore within myself – and at the same time, it becomes a comfort zone to not actually change me, challenge me, my views because I believe that ‘I am right, I am making a point with those desires!’ – but that righteousness is precisely what easily blinds us from understanding where we are in fact still reacting, still blaming  – even in very subtle ways – like in the form of ‘doing justice’ or ‘doing what’s right’ yet still holding such experience within me that came from a starting point of giving up, of not wanting to do the actual work and dedication it will take to sort anything out in this world, starting with ourselves.

Therefore, I find it very relevant to check every time that I see myself getting again into that ‘despondent’ experience within me, where I start again building my ‘web’ or my case for seeing ‘no way out’ for us as human beings, which can be as easily as going into the streets and making a mind-decision to focus more on all the things that are wrong, that are consequential, that are creating problems, all the interactions between people that seem problematic and emotional, all the poverty, all the disregard for one another and go building my case as to why it is futile to stand up for any change because ‘look at humanity! It’s impossible!’ Really?

I’ll dare to say nope, it’s not – because I am living this change myself and I am walking it in a very real time process with people in my life that many others could have probably given up on long ago, which is still a process to walk but every day It assists me in seeing what is possible in real time change, only requiring a directive decision and awareness by each one of us to do so, and it’s quite marvelous and I can say for the first time this is not only me doing it in my own life, but also seeing it first hand in the lives of many that I also have the fortune to be walking with in this process and assisting directly as well in their personal Desteni I Process courses.

So whenever I get to feel ‘despondent’ towards the things out there in the world, whenever I get to feel that way in ‘rough times’ I can now use yesterday’s word and remind myself of Hope as an indication that my experience is letting me know there are new ways to explore to create solutions, there is a need to check within myself where is it that I am giving up and so how can I practically create ways through and solutions to the situation I am in or that I can contribute to in the lives of others.

I can therefore openly say that we are the hope for humanity, for real, because we are actively working individually and together in many parts around the world to start one by one creating and sticking to living this self-change that for many that have come and gone, seemed impossible. I definitely can understand all the reasons of why some decided to not follow through with it, I can understand every weakness that leads oneself to make such decisions because in one way or another, I’ve faced those myself in many ways including intense manners as well. But I am also glad to say that those were supportive challenges for me to continually re-affirm my vow to my life and the life in everything/us all – they have been parts of what I can call ‘the eye of the needle’ tests that I’m sure I’ll have to keep on walking through because this is only what is common sensical to do if we are to stand as individuals that can truly stand one and equal to life in all ways, I would not allow half-ways or dubious selves to be part of it.

This is then a realization and sharing of one of  my most tricky, yet ever present, obstacles that I have been able to ‘crackdown’ within myself in the past few months, and it’s quite a lol as well because it’s that which I had become or ‘lived’ within myself to such an extent that I was not even questioning such ‘nature’ in me as this character or set of patterns that saw ‘no way out’ but still found it important to stick to walking this process, while I was still holding on to a part of my easy-way-out ego that preferred to not see potential so as to not have to do the actual work to unearth it, ‘carve it out’, sculpt it and polish it so to speak, which means to actually develop and create something. In essence, diminishing myself in the belief that I could not ‘keep up with’ or be able to stick through the actual process to do this, but here I am going to challenge and prove that self-belief wrong by doing this for real.

This year is coming to an end and as much as it is funny to see people in social media ‘hating’ 2016, I more like understand where that sentiment is coming from, and as much as I could have joined that same charade in older times, I stand corrected with gratefulness for all the various challenges and changes and definitive decisions I took on this year which were quite a few, all of them having their ‘2 cents’ forcing me to look at deeper within me in order to process stuff, to change, which is great I mean, how else could I have gotten to that if it wasn’t for these challenges in our reality?

So, one thing is certain and that is how I definitely don’t see the world as I used to at the beginning of this year, I am committing myself to keep developing that focus on potential, on what is possible, on what can be worked on, carved out, sculpted and polish in each one of us and it’s truly gratifying to do this, I cannot be more grateful than being able to have the trust and confidence of other people walking this process directly with me as assisting them in walking through this same process in a parallel mode with myself, which is definitely not only a ‘one way’ form of support, it’s absolutely mutual as well. I definitely would like us all human beings to be able to do this for each other, to create relationships of support, care, nurturing each other’s lives and having that starting point of being there for each other, genuinely care to contribute in someone’s life to be better in whichever way we can, that’s what to me life is about, at least my current definition of course, but has certainly become one of my living purposes without a doubt.

Looking back to ‘check ourselves’ is cool and to keep a note on all the points yet to be worked on in the following year.

Thanks for reading aaand

Please give yourself some time to hear this awesome episode of Desteni Radio that definitely inspired and evoked this reflection within me today:

 

Desteni Radio # 10 – Joe Goes Mad Part 2: There is no Quick Fix

 

and a great quote from it:

 

Joe

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


463. Redefining Hope

Or how to practically live a word that usually only means an expectation, a desire, an intent

 

I’ve challenged a fellow Destonian, Tormod, to redefine the word hope, but whenever I see within myself and I realize that I also have some redefinition to do around that word then it means: I have take my own suggestion for myself as well.

I also consider it’s timely since this year is ending, and usually what we tend to wish for one another in general is ‘hoping for better times’ in the year to come as in waiting for things to get better, to have ‘the good times/future on our side’, to be fortunate, to have all the best and no more of all ‘the bad/negative’ stuff, which is also an interesting premise first to look at in terms of how hope is usually said when things are not so well, things are going wrong or bad or not having the expected results.

I had shared before how supportive it was for me to in essence adopt the words ‘Kill all hope’ as a means to let go of that usual notion of hope as this word that almost evokes this whimsical experience where one can almost envision these ‘winds of change’ coming through from somewhere, somehow, almost with this ‘magical halo’ as if something/someone will come and fix our problems, will come and save us, sort something out for us, expecting something to get better by itself, “we’ll have better luck in coming times!” the future looking like this promising illusion that is nowhere to be found ‘here’, meaning, we are precisely just staring toward the upper right space above our heads, staring at a nothingness and imagining, fantasizing, wishing and so ‘hoping’ for good things to come our way.

So what do the words ‘killing all hope’ meant to me as a starting point to precisely correct myself in my experience that I just described above and so get back to ‘here’ to my physical reality and myself? Quite simple: stopping waiting, stopping fantasizing or weaving an illusion in our heads that we project and web into the future, someday, somehow…. Out there! So I questioned, who am I existing as within this hope? And I found that I am inaction, I am disempowerment, I am fears, I am sunk in inertia, I am depression, I am positively-thinking and fantasizing only, I am abdicating my responsibility for my self-creation to god knows what or who to do something out there for me.

Upon seeing that, I realized that surely I had to let go of all hope and so instead gear myself to not ‘wait’ but act, move, direct, create, plan and walk the first steps to achieve something, to do that something I was merely existing in ‘waiting-mode’ for. So this is more of a practical approach for changing hope into words that are the reverse of inaction or waiting.

However, I did notice at the same time that I then sort of refrained myself from using the word ‘hope’ and that would mean that I can still do some work to make it ‘my own’, to redefine it in the sense of filling that word with a meaning I can live by, stand by and so share it, speak it within the context that it may be suitable for.

 

So here I want to nail this word down within the context of communicating with others and understanding when they use the word hope as a means or way to, for example, give themselves strength, courage and motivation to keep walking through a particular difficult situation in their lives where it is common to hear ‘let’s hope for the best’. I’ll share a particular example that I want to use as a platform to redefine this word hope for.

I’ve been recently in this situation of being aware of someone being very sick and possibly dying soon, I listened to people express hope for this person’s health to get better. I must say I did get challenged in that I thought it would not get better at all, but I’ve been proven wrong, which is great, but I also considered that as with everything, even if things can go ‘better’ for some time, once that a particular diagnosis is certain, hope can only exist ‘that far’ in terms of a person’s life, and it applies to all of us really, we all have a limited timeframe in this world and if we only ‘wait’ for something better to come our way, we will certainly waste our precious time here.

I shared above how I can now ‘fill in’ the meaning within the word hope in a way that is much more substantial than just waiting or wishing or thinking positively. Developing strength, courage, self-motivation, consistency, diligence and perseverance are great ways to live hope in a way that one can give that to oneself – in whichever measure one is able to and according to the context/situation and conditions. These words are so much more ‘here’ and empowering and able to be lived by and directed entirely by ourselves, no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the tasks we are moving ourselves with, what matters is precisely having this intent, this starting point of supporting ourselves or something/someone with that vision or outcome of creating a better situation for everyone involved moment by moment, day by day.

Here also considering that once that such active support is provided for example for a person, hope applies in the sense of yes doing what is necessary to assist another, the person assisting themselves with these words that they can live for and by themselves regardless, and there comes a practical ‘waiting’ in this case, where yes there is a waiting process at the same time to see how things evolve, what works best in creating a better quality of living in such difficult situation, it’s more of a timeframe to assess, to evaluate – but definitely not a time to be ‘with arms crossed’ doing nothing  – so this is also a practical way to see ‘hope’ as a practical waiting/observing of a development or unfoldment.

It also assists me in letting go of the usual image I have associated with hope which is that of ‘long faces’ as in sad faces that are ‘hoping’ for better times, like people in war that one can have as images etched in our minds of how all of them are yearning for something better, for the war to stop, hoping for the best, but many times being incapable of ‘stopping the war’ themselves – but they, as many people in war torn situations, have demonstrated that in those worst situations the better of themselves can come through and assist them to live through day by day. They do become that courage, that strength, that diligence to face their day to day even in worst case scenarios and not giving up, and that’s a key word here as well that can nurture and substantiate the word ‘hope’: not giving up, not letting oneself be blinded by emotions, but also not fall into ‘false illusions’ but being very realistic about the work to be done, the process ahead, the amount of self-work and diligence it will take to do that and so realizing that hope is not a given thing, hope doesn’t come ‘by itself,’ Hope is created as a day to day living process where each decision we make is in fact affecting and so creating our future.

This is also another dimension as well where at least in my case I tend to associate hope with this elusive ‘future time’/ a future-tense word where one is kept in ‘tension’ and so in a ‘paralyzed’ mode in the present ‘waiting’ for that future someday… but that’s exactly the kind of ‘trap’ that we have to prevent ourselves from falling into when using the word hope and instead be able to redefine it into the realization that we are creating the future every single moment, ‘we are the future’, the future is already here for us to create, because it doesn’t exist in fact ‘out there’, that’s only an illusion. All we have is the present, and so the present is an active living, an active doing and working on that which we want to change, create, redefine, align, build and direct ourselves and others towards.

Here’s another cool dimension that this opens up! Many times hope is linked to an expected outcome or result, that is mostly suiting our interests, our desires and it’s usually something good or positive in however we see or frame things. I’ll take the example of a person with a terminal illness and them waiting and hoping to get better, or their family members. So realistically, it is probably not possible for them to live much longer, but that certain outcome as death should not define ‘who they are’ in their every moment where they are still HERE, still alive, still breathing, yes with definitive problems in the functioning of their body, but there is in fact much more that we can still live of ourselves even in those worst case scenarios, and this is something that I’ve had the luck and opportunity to become recently aware of through the recordings on Eqafe from a dear friend that is sharing with us her process through Cancer, and needless to say that it has changed so much of my perception around the notion of pain and terminal illness that in a way it has assisted me to also dispel my own fears that I projected unto her and others that I see in such terminal-diseases, and realizing that there’s so much more to each one of ourselves, regardless of the physical ailments and impairments that we might or may go through in our lifetimes.

So, hope became a very convenient word to look at in relation to a process of ‘wishing someone to be well/get better’ – but in this I see that it makes much more sense to focus on a day by day basis, not to expect that ‘desired outcome’ as in ‘full recovery’ or ‘back to 100% health’ because that would be an illusion, but instead definitely focusing on living this hope as in sticking to the best aspects of ourselves, our strength, our courage, our transcendence of fears and limitations, which means actual work, a constant being and doing in every moment that we are here breathing, breathing life into life instead of giving it away to worry, fears or empty waiting modes.

I very much appreciate the work from Sunette at SOUL – School of Ultimate Living that has opened to us a myriad of possibilities to look at words and how to practically redefine them, it’s quite a gift to give to oneself once that one is ready and willing to support oneself to change in one’s day to day reality. So, this is here my sharing in honor of what I’ve learned from her and through her in the awesome videos that have been share thus far this year at SOUL. Please check them out!

If you reading this have other points open up for you in relation to hope, please share them! I’d like to read and expand more on possible aspects contained in this word ‘hope.’

And so I take these words I’ve written also to place into context the usual expectations on the new year, and how so whenever hearing or reading the word ‘hope’ one can use it as a ‘flag point’, a reminder that there are actual ‘doings’ attached to that word: it’s up to us to create it, to stand as that which we want to live by and create for ourselves. And so also here realizing that no matter how challenging, harsh and difficult situations might be –because let’s face it, that’s how reality is for the most part – we can decide who we are in those moments, and not allowing ‘the bad/the difficulties’ to define us, but rather decide who we are within ourselves while facing and walking through such moments, challenging ourselves to get past the wishful thinking mode and instead go straight into the actions that stand as solutions, as a clear determination of us deciding to live the best for ourselves and practically do it.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Recommended series that will certainly assist you in those difficult times in one’s life and health, but not limited to that either, gift yourself:

1.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 1

2.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 2

3.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 3

4.      Cancer Becoming Emotional – Death Research

5.      Getting Yourself in Tune – Death Research

 

 Hope

 

I leave the post with a picture that is used by one of my favorite bands and it happens to be that, lol, I never quite got ‘the point’ with this image until now! Throughout the years I actually found myself more like judging or reacting to the fact that they usually have this word ‘hope’ as a constant in their presentations and related images to their music. However, now that I finished this blog and have grounded myself in this redefinition of the word ‘Hope’ I can see that the hammer in this illustration can be a representation of ‘the work to do’, the actual actions to live in order to create such hope in a supportive, realistic and sustainable manner, scaring away the ‘wishful whimsical thinking’ lol.

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


417. How to Become Your Own Role Model

There was a blog entry I made some time ago about the documentary ‘Come and Worry With Us’

397. Come and Stop Worrying about Money & Children with us

about one of my favorite bands and generally discussing the problems that come when lacking sufficient money while still wanting to keep producing art, in this case performing and so generally seeing a more realistic approach to the lives of the people ‘on the spotlight’ so to speak, however I realize there is another dimension there to look at and that is part of my lack of objectivity when viewing this documentary, because I had a particular kinship toward the band itself and the people in it, specifically the leader of the band who happens to be part of another band that has been well known for remaining ‘out of the system,’ giving few interviews over the years, rejecting prizes from mainstream music industry, having no lyrics on their songs yet using their titles and general sounds used in the music as a constant reminder of the turbulent times we live in – such as wars, economic depression, general emotional depression, worrying about the future etc.

So, within investigating this, I realized that the people I had ‘admired’ throughout my life were mostly artists that have been able to ‘make it’ into the system without ‘selling out’ or what I then judged as ‘making lots of money into the system while escaping from complying to “the establishment.” That was my type of ‘ideal’ in life, to be ‘out of the system’ – I once thought that was possible, lol – and still make good money and speak on the frontline of ‘the oppressed’ so to speak. I’ve debunked in the past this character but there’s a dimension that I had missed looking at in terms of how I had admired individuals that I perceived as a form of ‘warriors’ themselves, to ‘stick to their guns’ so to speak, to stick to their beliefs and what they stand for which I see that this particular individual mostly does.

 

Efrim Menuck

 

In the documentary ‘Come and Worry with Us’ Efrim Menuck actually refuses to place higher prices to concert tickets in order for them to make more money  – and so have more economic solvency – because he wants to keep to the point of having ‘fair ticket prices’ for the public. This is something that I would have praised and seen as remarkable – but, is it really Self-Honest to actually go through hardship just to stick to one belief? Or is it really compromising the wellbeing of his own son/family/band for the sake of keeping his stance of anti-capitalism? Is it really common sensical to have a constant war toward money itself and wage a ‘fight against capitalism’ while refusing to do any other work and so placing your own financial security at risk, just because of not wanting to ‘sell out’ or ‘kiss corporate ass’ so to speak? My ideal was to be able to also ‘stick to my guns’ and rebel to the system in one way or another, but back then I had no idea of how even money was created or whether there was a genuine possibility to be ‘outside of the system’ – which I now understand of course cannot be a possibility even if I lived in Papua New Guinea.

 

So, in this, I realize that any trace of creating a preference for a particular individual based on the ‘ideals’ they stand for and those ideals being essentially based on antagonism toward the ‘establishment’ is still idolizing part of the problem in this world, because their ‘qualities’ are based on opposing something, on waging war against a certain faction and that’s essentially re-creating the idea of ‘resistance’ toward something or someone, instead of actually focusing on understanding the problem and so developing solutions.  Efrim himself has said how musicians are cowards because they can sing about the problems but most are not directly involved in creating solutions – and most of the solutions that come from people that follow this kind of ideals are based on further revolts and protesting, which is no actual solution in fact.

 

art workers won't kiss ass

 

 

Today I was pondering why so many artists can see the problems in society , but all that they have managed to do is expose it in pictures, in complicated objects and abstractions that would take more than one ‘quick view’ from a person to understand the actual message most of the times. I have then seen that as much as art has had this role of pointing out what is wrong with society and mirror it back, it lacks any substantial process of creating solutions. Some have gotten more involved into what would seem as social or anthropological work, getting involved with ‘the art piece’ that is part of a particular community/in situ, however those are still packets of solutions here and there, while the more general type of solutions will always come from the greater realms that still direct our society, which is politics, economics, education systems, media, etc. And art is still from my perspective a niche part of society that creates meta-languages that only a few can understand.

 

I simply realized that in order to ‘create change in the world’ as I have aspired to do, it takes more than just presenting images, sculptures, videos to people. Sure, it is a stepping stone, a bridge – but ultimately it is one’s own process of self-change that really enables one to understand also the magnitude of the problem and so also the best ways to go directing ourselves to support this change as well.

It’s interesting that one of the reasons I wanted to be an ‘artist’ is precisely for the kind of statements an attitudes generally attributed to artists such as: ‘an artist won’t lick the establishment’s boots.’ I had not questioned even for one moment that in doing this, one is standing in a constant warfare toward ‘the system’ instead of realizing we all are the system. In this stance, one is acting as any other ego in this world that is separated from others, that is standing with some and against others, while having no real practical solution development process in it. In this it is about clarifying that it’s not about the process of creation here, but rather the personalities I had placed more value and as such an experience on.

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever idolize a particular lifestyle that stood for a particular idea of persona that I wanted to be based on my desire to stand ‘against the system’ without ever realizing how only an ego can stand in separation from another.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idolize another individual based on the principles of ‘standing up to the system’ or ‘sticking to their guns’ as a way to exemplify people that would still survive and ‘make a living’ in an apparent non-sellout way to ‘the system,’ wherein I had created a sense of heroism toward people that would ‘dare’ to do this, and see them as role models, without realizing that in reality creating such kind of ‘stance’ toward ‘the system’ is once again perpetuating the problem as in standing ‘against’ those that we perceive as ‘the wrongdoers,’ ‘the evil ones,’ ‘the capitalistic mafia,’ without realizing we are all part of and co-creators of this ‘evil mafia’ as our world and money system and we would not be able to have the lives we have right now if we weren’t part of the system as  a whole, which implies that by virtue of being a human being in this world, using money, using resources, relating to others, existing in this world = it implies we are all part of the system.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to romanticize the idea of my ‘role models’ being individuals that were cryptic in nature, were antagonistic yet sad and dismal about the state of affairs in the world, which I associated with being profoundly ‘sensitive’ individuals and within this, justifying their stance of being ‘against the system,’ without realizing that this is in fact a victimized state of showing ‘the system’ what ‘it has done to them’ and also remain within such excuse to not partake in the actual process of self-responsibility and self-creation that is required to genuinely change things.

We can actually all learn how to coexist, communicate, come to agreements and work together within the system using our creativity for the betterment of all in a Practical Way, instead of using art as a way to only use representations to criticize, judge, point fingers and blame and taking the vantage point, the righteousness of being the ‘fair one’ that is doing ‘nothing wrong’ and can only resort to ‘complain about it.’ This is precisely how we have disempowered ourselves, by creating yet another bubble in society wherein all the people that are most informed about the problems, that see and understand the problems, that can even create ‘art’ based on it are not really working within the spheres where real change can take place, which is in education, in politics, in law systems wherein we can in fact change the codes, the rules and how we manage our society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have surrounded myself with people that I thought I had admired for ‘taking a stance’ within the system, mostly of judging and complaining about it which I once identified as ‘powerful’ but in fact, it is the most disempowered state one can be in, and more so only channeling one’s observations into a song or a painting or a discourse against ‘the powers that be’ instead of genuinely understanding the process of changing the world beginning with oneself, stopping all antagonistic stance toward ‘the world’ and the perceived ‘evil ones’ and walk the actual process of self-forgiving all the antagonism and inner conflict toward reality so that one can focus on learning how we came to create this mess, this world-system problem and so focus our time, attention and dedication to becoming the solution, to creating and presenting solutions as that’s the real way we can genuinely unite in one single voice that stands as self-responsibility and no longer remain as futile resistance and antagonism.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having ever been in awe and amazed at people that I would see ‘standing up to the establishment’ or ‘daring’ to speak about everything that is wrong about the world and see them as heroes, as ‘superior’ individuals – without realizing that speaking against, shouting, marching, protesting and joining the antagonistic ‘choir’ so to speak is rather a stepping stone and a relatively easier thing to do  – it also creates a self-belief of righteousness and justice, but what has been missed is pondering how such reclamation, how such anger and spite toward the system is in fact supporting to create a solution at all? How is one’s anger, one’s sadness and despair, one’s decision to ‘not sell out’ in fact supporting to change the nature of ourselves as individuals and so with doing that, changing the nature of the world system that does function in a enslavement-mode.

Isn’t it only self-interest to create an experience within oneself of righteousness about one’s ‘beliefs’ and stance when such beliefs are defined according to begin against something/someone? In fact, all our past revolutionaries have become personalities printed on posters as an example to new generations of a perceived ‘way forward’ for change through ideals of change and a call for revolution, when in fact that will only lead to and perpetuate the ongoing wars we have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word idol or hero in the context of people I have seen have apparently ‘stood up to the system’ but only in a fighting mode or in a ‘resistance’ manner, which ultimately keeps the war going between ‘two sides’ that antagonize each other and do not actually get to put down the defenses and work together in self-responsibility to create genuine solutions. This would be the new heroism, wherein we no longer have to ‘fight a battle’ to ‘win’ and so be identified as the ‘hero of the day’ but rather define here-oism as an individual that lives by principle, that commits to being fully HERE as Life and whose actions are aimed at benefiting him/herself and others as well.

Heroism means to stand in absolute self-responsibility and accountability, to ensure one stops all inner wars first, then a real hero or role model emerges as someone that won’t ever antagonize themselves with another, but instead lives the realization that it is only through self-forgiving our polarization, our antagonism and inner battles that we can create a genuine world living in peace and harmony, just as the one that many artists or ‘heroes’ have attempted to create. But ultimately, living in actual self-responsibility makes you no one’s enemy, no one’s ‘freedom fighter’ and so, war is annihilated when recognizing and living in equality.

 

Integrity is the congruence sticking to live by and apply living principles that stand within the consideration of what is best for all, that implies not only sticking to what one prefers or sees as ‘righteous’ but implies actually actively pushing oneself to become a self-responsible and self honest human being. This means walking the talk and stopping any form of hypocrisy by denying what is here as ourselves and blaming someone for it. All is self-responsibility, all is our self-creation.

 

Real self-change begins with oneself, begins with recognizing that this system as ‘capitalism’ is not the problem in itself, but ourselves as human beings . Taking an antagonistic stance and pretending to be an ‘outsider’ to it all is abdicating self-responsibility and creating a new self-religion, a trendy form of excuse, justification and self-belief that the battle against the government/ the establishment can in any way be ‘won’ when there’s nothing to win in a world where if we don’t actually get to work together, we will simply deplete everything that is here and we won’t have anyone to battle on any longer because fighting is never the solution, self-direction and common sense is. Why haven’t we realized how we actually co-create wars as we fight for our plight to freedom? Why should we even have to ‘fight’ for something that should be given as a guaranteed living right?

The solution for myself is once again to be very aware of any reminiscence of praising individuals for having ‘strong beliefs’ that can be disguised as justice, as ‘fighting for what’s right’ but in fact when looking at how they live, what they think and where they stand, compromising one’s financial stability for the sake of ‘sticking to one’s beliefs’ is not common sense. More so with artists, there’s a lot of creativity and engineering processes that are being squandered only in pieces that are shown in museums or streets, but still just pieces of matter, words or images that intend to open up people’s eyes but I’ve realized that art in itself as a material thing is is not enough – it can be a starting point, a bridge, an opening toward a certain perspective or view,  but currently we mostly lack ways in which to give a follow-up to that ‘awakening’ process.

That’s why sharing about this self-creative process is the most important thing I see is required in our current society, so that we can shift our focus from the fights and antagonism or despair, toward an actual recognition of our power and ability to change ourselves and so change the world. Sounds like a cliché, but I’m testing this real time and it works, and it is not a quick fix since it is like re-weaving one’s own life toward a supportive outcome. I can guarantee that you won’t be the same as you were before, but isn’t that the point of living: growing out of the constriction and taking one’s own self-directive decisions and choices in life? What a better way to do this but within a principle where all/everyone is considered, where one recognizes one’s own potential and so lives in the world embracing the current consequential outflows of our past, because we understand that cringing about it makes no difference – and instead, we focus on applying, living and becoming the solution.

 

Within this I realize that I have actually stopped following ‘role models’ and decided to rather commit myself to be my own role model and within that become a living example for myself and others of what living as a self-responsible being implies. This is then something that entails committing to live by the principles of life in self-honesty wherein I decide to make of my life my own work of art that I can actually fully stand for and so debunk the ideas of having to follow other role models that so far have led us nowhere. Not even admiring a great man that shared with us the process of Self Forgiveness is acceptable, because in admiration one beliefs one is incapable of standing as equal to another, and that’s the whole point of walking this process: to recognize our full potential as equals within our individuality, which means: each one holds a very specific key to world-change.

 

Life is rather short, we only got one life so let’s live it every moment fully in self-creation mode.

 

Inspire yourself with people around the globe standing up and walking the process of self creation:

 

Pointing back at me

 

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


390. Making Decisions Based on Feelings, Not Facts

 

Continuing from:

Quote from “The Love/Hate Relationship with Art” entry: The point is I tried to make My definition of Art fit with what would enable me to use it to demonstrate that it is possible to change the world. However I realized that no matter how many images I make, how many pictures I take, how many great ideas I would have I was entirely mostly having an imaginative outflow of how this could operate without ever really landing it into any serious/real project. I always kept everything at a low-fi level because right after the first year in Art school, I discovered Desteni and my interests veered dramatically – hence the ‘shutting down’ of any pursue to further my career to make a name of myself etc..

 

Patterns:

1. The idea of Art as an instrument to “Change the World.” Suiting something according to my interests, to justify my ends in order to cover up another self-definition I am wanting to hold on to – in this case wanting to make the definition of art suit my current interests so that I’m able to say that ‘I’m still doing a form of art, even if it’s not conventional,’ without realizing that it’s merely a definition in itself and that as such, I have to stop making this definition suit my interest around art, and merely see the actions/deeds for what they are and imply.

2. Expecting something to ‘happen to me’, someone to ‘save me,’ someone to ‘find me’ instead of me moving myself in order to make things happen, to become my own directive principle instead of hoping, waiting or fantasizing about the things that can happen ‘in the future.’

3. The idea that something outside of myself can ‘change the world’ in itself, in this case that I could ‘change the world’ through creating art, or that art should be used to demonstrate that we can change the world, when in fact this is once again delegating to something/someone the ability to change, without realizing that there can be many catalysts for change, practical presentations for it – but it will only ever work if we implement it, integrate it, live it and become it ourselves and by ‘change’ I mean becoming an individual that takes responsibility for our creation, that learn how to coexist with everyone else as equals and as such participates to create a world where everyone is supported to live in dignity. Where does that begin? Within self only. A system, a structure can support and promote the change, but it is about each one of us integrating such change within ourselves to make it real. Therefore ‘art’ in itself cannot change the world, only we can one by one.

4. Giving up on something based on seeing ‘no result’ in a short period of time, without taking into consideration that everything in this world and reality requires actual work, time, dedication, constancy and consistency as well as patience to have something be developed in order to give fruition. So giving up on something/someone based on not getting any ‘quick results’ is rather a mechanism of self-sabotage where I am expecting things to work ‘instantaneously’ instead of considering a plan, a structure, the practical steps and timeframes, methods and ways to make something function/work to give the expected results. This means: no wishful thinking.

5. Blaming something/someone for sidetracking from my initial purposes, I have realized how we usually blame something/someone in order to not recognize our sole responsibility to our decisions, words, thoughts and deeds.

6. Making decisions in my life based on emotions and feelings, wishful thinking, desires and fantasies –  mostly going for what ‘feels good’ and avoiding what according to my ego/personalities felt ‘not right’/ ‘not good’ – instead of considering the actual physical space-time planning, structure, steps, time and consequences of the decisions

 

Nada -05

 

 

Self Forgiveness on these patterns:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape a definition of ‘art’ that would suit my personal interests of wanting it to be the ‘tool to change the world’ without realizing that in this equation I was separating myself from such change and only considering that ‘art’ had to be that ‘for me,’ and because I didn’t see results this way in the short-run then I gave it up completely, without realizing that this is a usual pattern wherein I expect things to ‘do something for me’ instead of me being the directive principle within everything that I do – as such it makes sense that a single image, or drawing or video or else can do the ‘change’ process in itself, and as such it is only a tool that can support with the realization and recognition of change that I have to still conduct, apply, live within myself as everyone else as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to this definition of art as the quote by Ernst Fischer that also later on I had a ‘fuck it they’ve done it all first’ moment when seeing that in the beginning of the Zeitgeist movie they used this quote that I was cherishing as ‘the foundation’ for my ‘art project’ in itself which is the quote from his book ‘The Necessity of Art’

“In a decaying society, art, if it is truthful, must also reflect decay. And unless it wants to break faith with its social function, art must show the world as changeable. And help to change it”

And with this, believe that I had to always s stick to these definitions, quotes and theories to justify what I wanted to do with my life as an ‘agent of social change’ and still ‘stick’ to my career, just because of the fear of being seen as a ‘dropout’ or someone that didn’t follow-through with art-creation, which is all based on the beliefs and expectations that I believed people had created upon me, because the career is definitely one that I chose for social-recognition upon something that I considered I was ‘special’ within – therefore the whole conflict of having to justify what I do within an artistic context, without realizing that if we look at it beyond definitions, the process of change and being the example of what it means to change is what I am doing and what I’ve decided to do with my life in function of creating a better world, to establish living principles of creation where there exist barely non at the moment, and as such once again using ‘artistic creations’ and creativity as tools with which to do this, without forgetting that I do not require to justify what I do within an artistic concept for the sake of ‘sticking to my career-choice’ as an idea of ‘who I am.’

I realize that instead I can share how I can apply these principles to what I do/ who I am and the practical ways in which I’ve realized we can conduct this change in our decaying society – whoever I commit myself to no longer wanting to justify what I do within this imperative need to make of my life and my decisions as ‘still’ artistic or part of my career choice, as that single theoretical link that I’m attempting to create is what re-enacts the relationship conflict in relation to me and the studies I took on, without realizing that what really matters is not a tag, a name, a definition but how these principles are lived and applied in real-practical living.

Another pattern is ‘giving up’ on something if it doesn’t satisfy my expectations and not putting it all the effort to make it work, because in the mind I always expect quantum results and having immediate effect of my expectations in this case and example, the entire intent behind everything that I would do as an ‘artistic creation/ project’ was to ‘fit in’ my own desires to make my inner process ‘artistic’ as well, and it can be done and for sure it’s even compatible – though the point here is to point out how within this starting point, I was once wanting the ‘artwork’ to do its effect by itself, and kind of hoping that someone would just ‘notice it’ and make me famous type of ideals, which is really unrealistic because nothing in physical reality really works that way

And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imprint a form of hope and ‘waiting’ with myself and my career, my ‘art’ because I was kind of expecting that someone would knock on my door and discover my creations and make me famous type of ideal and unreality. And this is what I see I had built also around my own ‘career choice,’ wherein I had not defined a plan for my future in fact, but just kind of getting myself into the art world and having something/someone come to me or happen to me that would ‘lead me’ to become successful at it, so there was a lot of wishful thinking, positive thinking involved in wanting this to materialize ‘by itself,’ kind of only having ‘the work do its work,’ which is certainly not how reality works and as such

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give up on my creative skills because of not seeing ‘any results,’ which is the pattern of giving up on something if not getting the expected results right away in turn, which is what happens when I do not consider the actual effort, the actual process of making something work, something be successful, any enterprise that I embark myself on and not expect it to be ‘successful’ right away, but rather work within the accumulation principle wherein the amount of time, work and effort invested onto a business/ an enterprise or anything that I have committed myself to do, is not going to be ‘minimal’ or ‘very little’ as in this reality everything takes time, effort, patience, constancy, consistency, developing further skills, developing further relationships and all of this implies that what I attempted to do with my life and my wishful thinking about my artistic career was not founded upon physical, practical planning and considerations but that I absolutely just ‘jumped into the boat’ because it sounded great and it satisfied my intentions back then when I made the decision to study art – so within this,

I realize that when we make decisions based on emotions/feelings and dreams, it will most likely be crashing down on the pavement back to reality because it was all a temporary foam that I created in my mind as ‘my future,’ without any real consideration of the work, the time, the money, the people, the places, the relationships, the materials, the skills or anything of that, but only wanting to kind of have something/someone ‘make me famous’ or ‘make me successful,’ which is no different to how we as human beings tend to be hoping and waiting that something/someone will come to save us, just because we haven’t yet realized or learned that we can only make things happen if we move within it, if we invest the time, money, effort, patience, consistency that goes with making any plan, any enterprise work.

Further support for business and non-business people on this point: Time = Money – The Soul of Money

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind covertly ‘blame process’ for me not having followed through with my career, without realizing that such ‘blame’ is in fact looking at the actual regret and realizing the nature of the decisions I made in my life, wherein instead of taking absolute responsibility for my life and realizing the lack of practical planning and decision making processes that I had to make, I instead realized the flimsy planning – if any – I had created for me and my life and as such only finished school for the sake of ‘finishing it’ but my ‘heart’ as they say was not into it any longer, because I realized the expectations, dreams and ideals that I entered to school with, which all came ‘tumbling down’ when realizing the reality that I had missed in my decisions – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself in this extreme of going from the absolute experience of being ‘into my career’ and giving it the most to giving it the minimum required based on the realization of my intentions behind studying art, and here instead of just forgiving myself for that and being able to walk through it without reactions, I slowly but surely built a certain experience of overall ‘regret’ about it which is how the love-hate relationship was formed. It all happened in my mind based on the positive experience I had imprinted to the idea of studying art/becoming an artist and how when realizing such positive-feelings and imaginations and hoping and dreaming about what I could do in art, I went into the polarity opposite of deeming it as something negative/bad/superficial instead of just realizing what I had done, take self responsibility for it which in a way I did in relation to finishing studies, but within myself as well wherein I am able to stand sound with understanding the context of my past decisions, walk through the consequence without imprinting ‘the consequence’ with negative experiences, as that is where the whole inner conflict was created – and yes, it is quite unnecessary when it is just a matter of walking physical moments, experiences, processes that require my participation and direction and that’s it.

I realize that what’s done is done and as such the only gift I can give to myself is being able to prevent me from once again making decisions in my life based on ‘how I feel’ about something or someone, and instead learn from the ‘mistakes’ so to speak in order to learn how to take into consideration physical reality, practical planning, realistic considerations and of course in such ‘career decision’ processes, look at the practicality of where I can employ myself and genuinely develop a financial stability with it, because I of course now realize that I could have done it differently if my decision was to remain doing artwork, it was about investing a lot of time to it, which is what I had initially planned to do – but of course, after realizing the actual practical process required in this world, my ‘decision making’ process was almost immediate when choosing to dedicate myself to walk this process that in turn I can apply into and within any other realm that I see is most practical to assist and support others to walk the same process.

I realize here that art once again can be a tool of support for this process that I’ve decided to walk – however I could not realistically see myself investing most of my time in developing certain skills that I knew I wasn’t going to be using any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a ‘fraud’ to the teachers and the people that supported me throughout my stance in art school and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed toward them because of believing that they invested their time ‘incorrectly’ and even the ‘spot’ I had in such important school could have been used by another person that genuinely wanted to be an artist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take me to see ‘the bright side’ as in ‘not everything is lost because I learned a lot from some of the books, teachers and interactions in school as well as the skills,’ which in part it is so, but here it is not to once again want to ‘white wash it’ and get a positive experience out of it –here I then see things for what they are, realizing that yes I probably won’t be making etchings and using all of those techniques I learned, however if my starting point of that is ‘wasting my time’ or ‘someone else’s time,’ then I also forgive myself as that comes within the idea that I took something from someone by attending that school, without realizing that I did want to be there, I did want to learn that and as such, because we cannot turn back time I simply walked through the whole educational process till the end and that’s it. I took responsibility for my choice and now I also take responsibility for my life wherein I recognize other ways in which I can direct myself to support myself and others within this process which is my purpose in life and ‘my life’ in itself, and as such whether what I do is deemed as artistic or creative or not, is not something that matters, as this is not about definitions or how actions and words are categorized, but instead how they are lived and applied.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to step into a career with the sole purpose and idea of ‘making a name’ for myself, to further my recognition ambitions for doing something that people would consider ‘great’ without realizing that in this, I was only spiting myself because I am the one that had to face the consequences of not properly planning my decisions in life, to make sound/physical and practical decisions and not just go for how ‘good’ it made feel and how ‘nice’ my imaginations were in relation to day-dreaming of being an artist and being famous, being recognized and having the ‘time of my life’ within the context of having money, be able to ‘change the world’ – according to my dreams – and at the same time be happy and feel ‘blessed’ as that is the kind of spiritual attitude I was into when I got into art school, quite imbued with spirituality and positive thinking which is why I also allowed myself to want to ‘attract’ success and not consider physical-doings like practical planning, assessing my skills and aptitudes etc. but only choose a career based on my ‘feeling’ of ‘being special/unique’ and having this apparent ‘gift’ to create something, without realizing that we are all capable of creating something and that me taking a decision within this delusion was most likely prone to generate consequences that I am walking through as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in my life in terms of choices, people, places, careers, what ‘I like’ or what makes me ‘feel special’ and what I accept in my life based on experience, based on what ‘felt good’ what felt ‘right’ according to my personalities, and veer off from that which didn’t satisfy my ego, my desire to be doing something ‘more creative’ based on how I defined ‘creativity’ on plastic arts mostly, which as I’ve walked is rather limiting if we only recognized our ability to create based on making ‘art works.’

Therefore, I realize that in my life I made many decisions based on feeling, on the experience, on the beliefs, on the expectations, on the dream-like state that I would usually fuel myself with in order to actually evade looking at the reality that I had considered was ‘too awful’ to face and to walk thoroughly as any other individual. Meaning that my decision to be ‘an artist’ was precisely to be ‘eccentric’ and to be ‘acceptable’ within such eccentricity meaning outside of the regular circles of society because of having a judgment toward ‘the system’ and ‘society’ as a whole based on seeing how politics, education systems, money works and the lack thereof, which is why upon facing this ‘insanity’ I kind of decided to make myself ‘insane’ as well as the ‘good reflection of society’ that I was planning to be and become, and so be able to ‘create’ from such image and likeness of the system. Hence the nature of self-destruction portrayed in what I created, even if I was not able to say ‘why’ I only see death and destruction mostly, sadness, depression and overall madness, which was just me trying to become that and do that to myself and the world to not face the responsibility to it, as it’s easier to ‘destroy’ than deconstruct, reconstruct and create something new and stable again.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize or ‘remember’ that my ‘initial intent’ of what I wanted to be and become in my life was in the very beginning before art was ‘in my life,’ to study a career that would make me have a lot of money and be able to ‘travel around the world’ – the usual ‘dreams’ that came with me initially wanting to become a financial advisor wherein I could use my ‘skills’ in a profitable manner. I also recognize that studying art was my way of apparently ‘spiting my parents/others’ that believed that I was going to study some ‘great and complicated career’ based on the supposed intelligence I had, wherein I realized that the only way to ‘turn the tables’ and not follow the pattern, was to study something wherein what I do wasn’t able to be graded with A’s for ‘being right’ but where I could challenge other skills and abilities that to my perception were not able to get ‘ratings,’ without realizing later on that they would still be rated in the same manner any other school work gets rated, which got me irate and furious the very first time that I considered I had placed ‘all my effort’ into something, for months on, working even in my supposed ‘leisure time’ with the attempt to get an A and I got a B and that was ‘heartbreaking’ for me because I was expecting my work to be recognized as ‘good.’ In this I realize that even if I wanted to supposedly ‘escape’ the grading system and the apparent skills I had by ‘studying art,’ I later on realized that art and the art world is no different to any other part of this system that we live in, wherein it is not this wonderland where system-laws don’t apply – and that is how I was able to also burst my own bubble of escapism when realizing that art was no different to any other part of this reality that is managed by ourselves, individuals and that it doesn’t really imply something entirely ‘different’ to any other career because it is still existent within the context of a world system where what you do is assessed and valued in order to be sold as a product so that one can have money to eat. And that makes it no different to any other career or profession – so even within this, I realized that there was no really a way ‘out’ of the system, which then became another reason to be disillusioned at ‘the art world,’ without realizing that any ‘disillusionment’ is really created based on the initial positive ideals that I had formed around it, which means: I did this all to myself and as such, it is not a ‘guilt trip’ now, as that would evade me from walking now the self-responsibility to my decisions and my life in itself and the decision making processes that I will now consider in practical and physical terms, not based on feelings/emotions and ideals.

 

Rumbos Inciertos 06

 

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389. Are Emotions Necessary to Be Creative?

Demystifying artistic endeavors and the experience during creative processes.

Continuing from:

 

Dejar de Sentir 04

For further context, an emotion is a usually negative experience that in my case I would use as a reason, starting point and ‘catalyst’ to create art. Now, one would believe that ‘negative experiences’ are usually undesirable, however in my case they became similar to how a person would want to hold on to happiness because of enjoying the experience of it. This is how I became a person that was more used to being within emotions rather than feelings – and the reason why being because I linked my experience as a response to me seeing the world around me and making ‘no sense of it,’ and as such having wanted to ‘escape’ it through my experience and my hobby, among other relationships and habits that were intertwined as a way to define ‘me’ as an emotional person that is too sensitive to the state of the world in which I would get to ‘feel good’ in such emotional states – therefore the context of this is to realize that an emotional experience even if it’s negative it is no different to being living through mostly feelings and ‘positive experiences’ as both are energy-based experiences that exist at a mind level.

 

Self Forgiveness on Emo-creations:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘expression’ based on artistic creation and thus limit the word expression to be immediately linked to ‘creating artworks’ or producing a formal piece of art mostly through drawing and painting wherein I would define expressing as experiencing an emotion or feeling within me and producing something while experiencing such feeling or emotion, sometimes of anger, sometimes of gloom and doom – most of the times – sometimes a yearning, hope, hopelessness and some other times just imagining what it would be to live in a perfect world, sadness – all of these I had defined as ‘my expression’ because at that time I had linked the ‘who I am’ entirely intertwined with emotions. This I now realize is not who I really am as those are emotions and feelings that I created a relationship with based on how I would experience myself within them, and thus how I accepted them as ‘who I am’ and eventually believing that ‘this is My expression’ which means an experience that is generated while creating an artwork.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe at that time that my expression was ‘unique’ and that means that my constant ‘mood’ or ‘state of being’ as any of these emotions were my catalyst to express myself/to create – therefore that is how the moment that I stopped being hopeless, angry, sad or moody I stopped ‘expressing myself’ as in creating any artwork, just because of how much I had linked the two points in relation to my emotional experience. Therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my creative abilities and skills based on ‘how I would feel’ and as such determining and defining that I could only ‘express myself’ if I was feeling in a particular ‘mood’ and thus dooming myself to only ‘feel creative’ based on an emotional experience, without realizing that a creative process has nothing to do with an emotional experience as it is a physical act of arranging certain elements to create something physical, to develop certain skills and that has nothing to do with an emotion directing my hand or my use of materials to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the expression of ‘I’m feeling creative’ to an experience, an emotion such as sadness, hopelessness, anger or general state of doom and gloom that I would then get excited about in order to ‘let it all out’ in a painting or drawing or writing sometimes as well, which I see is all linked to how I would hear/read about other artists like painters or musicians or writers how they would feel a certain way when they would create at their best, and so believing within myself in a way that because I was stopping my emotional participation and feeling experiences, then I wasn’t going to be able to create ‘good stuff’ any longer – which is then limiting my creation to emotions and feelings and it shouldn’t be so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘want to turn back time’ in order to change my decisions in life, which is rather not possible and it indicates that I haven’t dealt with the fact that I chose something based on my emotional experience about it and as such I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to choose and make decisions in my life based on how I felt about it, based on my emotional experience and pursuing further emotional involvement in my life, without then knowing or even realizing how this was going to only lead me to continue being in a certain state of mind and ‘mood’ wherein I would have not been able to be stable as I am now since I had linked – back then – the creative process to emotions, a continued state of doom and gloom and be glorified by it – which is something that I saw was ‘special’ about people like Frida Kahlo for example who became a background influence and how I saw suffering as the key for her to make real art, as well as that whole blog I wrote about ‘You’ll need to suffer to make any real art’ as I realize that it’s about time that we as humanity move from linking emotions and feelings to creations that can become a supportive tool to realize ourselves, instead of glorifying emotions and feelings and keep us all trapped in the same mindset of being a ‘tormented sensitive individual in this evil world’ which is how I would see myself back then.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel creative’ when I was frustrated and angry for me not being ‘creating anything’ and as such the last time that I painted for a day or so, I was experiencing mostly emotions that I tried to once again ‘let out’ through the creative process which is rather like a mindfuck really because I realize that painting is a physical act of having materials that one use to arrange and imprint and mold and shape things in order to be arranged as a final product/ a final something that I create. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was incapable of creating anything ‘good’ without experiencing emotions such as sadness or being depressed and so linking my own stability to ‘not having anything to express’ or even ‘not being able to express now because I am not feeling that same way.’

I realize that it is about then dissociating any creative process from ‘how I feel’ or the ‘emotions’ I once believed I had to experience in order for me to ‘feel creative’ and realize that being creative is not a feeling, but a doing, a physical act of arranging certain matters and elements or images that I then use to create something that either generates a specific visual product or creative writing etc – anything that can be used to provide a message, to ‘say something’ through images or words or sounds or it all together. This is how then I see that my creative expression is linked to the media, the tools, the elements I can use to generate an expression, a message and that these are all conscious decisions and physical actions/moves to generate it and that I do not require an emotion to do it.

When and as I see myself believing that ‘I need to ‘feel creative’ as in being in a certain mood to create’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am limiting myself to experiencing emotions and not ‘any’ emotion but very specific ones in order to link it to ‘feeling creative’ which is not acceptable as I’ve already seen, realized and understood that ‘creating’ is a physical act, an intellectual process of picking elements and arranging them in order to produce a physical/digital product that I use to ‘express’ something, without this ‘expression’ meaning an emotion or a feeling only – but sometimes it is for the sheer aesthetics of it, sometimes in order to provide my own version of something I see in the world and this thus means stopping seeing ‘art’ as this emotional-creative process and creation as that is rather limiting once that I realize that I am here, I am a physical being and don’t really require emotions to exist and create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘something is missing’ while creating something and seeing it as ‘pointless’ because I had mostly defined the process of creation as ‘having to generate an experience within me’ and if this was not in place, then It was ‘useless’ – so this is obviously me as the mind speaking and defining what ‘gives it a kick’ as an experience, an emotion while creating something or afterward when seeing the ‘final product’ instead of realizing that anything we create is a physical thing and I do not require to ‘feel’ something while looking at it, while doing it or being creating something – as this would only be ‘feeding the mind’ that seeks an energetic experience out of it. So this implies that expression is just that, me extending myself to use what I have available to say something, to do something, to arrange something in a way that I decide it to be and with a particular purpose – and this is then only doing that, creating something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the definition of something being ‘pointless’ as in not getting an experience out of it in relation to the process of creating something or the final product thereof, based on how I would deem myself as ‘having a point’ or ‘having a reason’ to create when early on I would have people observing ‘my creations’ and writing about it or leaving comments or even poems to which I defined that ‘It meant something, I had a point’ and so when all of this stopped essentially because I stopped wanting to feed this ego of mine, then because I knew I wasn’t going to get the ‘energy fix’ out of it, then it became ‘pointless’ without realizing that this is once again the polarity creation of me first getting an energetic-kick out of ‘my creations’ and then when I stopped generating this emotions and experiences around it, then I saw it as ‘pointless’ – it’s only the mind speaking.

When and as I see myself having the starting point of ‘creating something’ based on the expectations of feedback, comments or others ‘admiring it’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that anything I create is a process that I conduct out of my own volition, for my own support and to ‘straighten my ideas’ instead of expecting others to like it or praise it or comment on it, as this is already a conditional point to my expression based on ‘how others receive it’ which is usually how the ego that I formed in relation to ‘being an artist’ operates: doing things that would make me feel something while doing them, and also confirm such ‘specialness’ through the feedback I’d get from others. In this believing that without such ‘experience’ then it would be similar to rather doing nothing as ‘I would get nothing out of it’ lol, which is just ‘not getting and not participating’ in the ego-kick I had defined art to do ‘for me.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the idea of ‘being creative’ to ‘being an artist’ and as such believing that ‘I am no longer creative because I am no longer emotional’ without realizing that this ‘linkage’ was created within the ‘who I was’ in the past and now I realize that being creative is simply having the ability to use what is here in order to ‘make’ something, to do something that can be supportive to convey a message, to be a supportive tool to illustrate something or sometimes just to make it for ‘the sake of it’ – however I understand that there is now the aspect of self-responsibility in everything that I create either at a mental or physical level and as such, I realize that doing something for the sake of ‘feeling’ something is not viable and not supportive – therefore I allow myself to see the word ‘creative’ or ‘being creative’ as what it means: doing something, making something from ‘scratch’ meaning using the elements that we have available in a particular order or arrangement to make something ‘new’ out of it – even if we cannot really create something ‘out of nothing’ as we always use what is here anyways.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘because of Process I stopped creating’ when in fact it was me through my limited definition of ‘being creative only when I’m emotional’ that I then saw that it was ‘not possible’ for me to create while being ‘stopping participation in emotions and feelings’ and also because of linking ‘creating’ and ‘being an artist’ to already pursuing an experience of ‘being more than/ being special/ being unique/ having to build up this unique presentation of myself’ which are all stereotypes I’ve picked up throughout the years based on how I carefully planned myself, my ego/personality adding up bits and bits that would shape me into becoming the ‘special’ individual I wanted myself to be back then. Therefore when realizing the starting point of my decision to study art, to ‘be creative’ and to follow through with it all into a career, I stopped wanting to have anything to do with it based on my own self-dishonesty as the starting point to it. Hence the ‘hate’ experience toward it that emerged was based on me having to let go of that which I had first given a lot of value, time, effort to create – and so it was like having to deconstruct that which I had invested a lot of time, effort, money on and so believe that now that I have to deconstruct the ‘ego’ of myself that I’ve created as an artist, I cannot now dedicate myself to this as it would be dishonest’ without realizing that such statement is rather limiting as well, and nothing else but holding the same relationship of friction and conflict with it, instead of establishing an equality toward this profession and treat it like any other profession, instead of wanting to ‘scratch it out’ of my life almost – yet at the same time liking and enjoying even watching/looking at the stuff that I did before.

Therefore I realize that in order to align myself to this profession it is to precisely not look at it within the eyes and mind-frame of the ‘who I was’ as that is certainly not here as myself as the decision of who I want to be and become any longer, and it would be rather difficult for me to pretend to ‘feel’ the same way I used to – but this doesn’t mean that I don’t have now the ability to create/be creative and use any material, tool or media to do create something that can be useful to convey a message. I realize that most of my limitation to ‘create’ comes from re-enacting the overall cycle of regretting my decisions, regretting my choice of career and using this to stop me or preventing me from doing anything ‘creative’ or create something, which doesn’t make sense as it is only me in my mind preventing me from doing something based on the definitions I’ve charged to even the moment of preparing myself to pain or create something, believing that I should be ‘feeling’ in a certain mood, while I realize now that it doesn’t have to be that way at all now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind as the ‘who I was’ apply the usual extremism of ‘If I won’t get my emotional fix from it, then I want nothing to do with it’ which is kind of like a tantrum kind of experience or even self-spitefulness when realizing that I cannot continue ‘feeding’ my obsessions so to speak, and creating this ‘special aura’ around myself as ‘the artist’ or any emotional experience and as such, there’s also that layer of not being able to now use art to ‘generate these things for me, therefore I dump it’ and so going into the polarity aspect of denigrating it, seeing it as useless/pointless based on the definitions I had created about it. I realize that in doing this I do nothing but reactivate the grudge or regret or any other experience I had held toward ‘art’ or my career or anything related to ‘artists’ themselves, instead of seeing them and the profession in itself as a any other occupation in this world that one can use and become it in order to direct a new way to live it, to participate in society, to create and innovate ways in which change at an individual level can be conducted.

In this case I realize that de-mystifying the artistic-personality as a highly emotional individual is quite overrated and I realize that it was my ideas, beliefs and perceptions that shaped this definition within me and that an artist itself should not be other than a human being that can use creative processes at a physical and intellectual level in order to provide his/her own view of the world in order to convey a message, or express something that can be received by others as a way of communication.

I commit myself to be able to use any media, elements and skills that I realize can be used to generate a product or ‘something’ that I can use to convey a message, no different to writing and no different to being painting or drawing or creating images, as we can communicate in many ways as human beings, using different tools and methods to it – therefore I use what is here without defining it any longer within the constrains of  my old definition of art, but redefine art as a human creation that is conveying a message, is saying something and that’s it. It doesn’t have to me more or less than that which is equal to everything and everyone else that is here as life.

 

I commit myself to not link words like ‘expression’ or ‘creativity’ to only exist within the past-mindframe of ‘artistic expression’ but to identify them within the physical context that they imply which is me deciding to use certain elements and tools to make something, arrange something in order to give it a purpose, a meaning, and an intent within it.

 

I realize how these experiences stem from the relationship I formed toward art, meaning a relationship of separation wherein I would ‘get something out of it’ for my own mind-benefit and this is how when stopping that benefit – no different to stopping any other relationship with an individual – it is like the ‘shortage’ of experience makes me believe that it is ‘its fault’ or that I should now avoid and have to do nothing with the source of ‘temptation’ so to speak, without realizing that this is how we create our dramas as humans beings with these love-hate experiences based on how we would believe ourselves to ‘benefit’ from something, without understanding the actual relationship of separation formed in the first place.

So this is how through equalizing myself to myself, my ability to do/create/direct and make things is my own decision, my own ability and there’s nothing ‘more’ to it other than what it is as any other point that I create, arrange or direct as they are all also creative processes as well – no more and no less.

 

 

Trees are black

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370. Desteni Insider: God, Spirituality, the Afterlife

 

Coming to the realization that who we are in this world is not working to create a better world made me seek answers to try and make sense/justify the suffering, poverty, wars, corruption, a lack of consideration to one another that I used as an excuse to remain only within a persistent process of questioning reality beyond what one is taught in school. I grew up being influenced by the ideas of there being ‘Life after Death’ and the dead coming through channelers or mediums to tell their ‘loved ones’ how they were alright and how everything was going to be ‘just fine’ for them. But also there were messages coming from a form of ‘brotherhood’ from which myself and my family would be getting all sorts of apparent protections and blessings in order to ‘do well’ in our lives. I kept questioning who exactly these individuals were and why in spite of them seeing the people that were seeking for help – being mostly desperately seeking money – was there no divine intervention to support them and end the suffering, end world hunger or even better: establish Heaven on Earth. All that was shared between these spiritual people were nice messages that gave hope and reinforced any kind of faith that would keep everyone waiting and expecting things turning out to their favor as a sign that this ‘god’ or ‘spiritual beings’ actually existed and were in fact on our side,  taking care of ourselves and solving whichever mundane troubled situation we were stuck in. Yet all of this seemed too staged, too dogmatic since it wasn’t something one could openly discuss due to the entire atmosphere of secrecy and reverence that existed whenever these beings would speak through the channelers/mediums that could only speak for a short period of time.

 

I was then familiar with the existence of a heaven or a spiritual realm beyond the Earth plane where the dead would go, yet we never got any answers as to why the world was in the verge of destruction and why us human beings kept existing in these ‘lessons to be learned’ somehow always yearning for a better living condition (translated to having money to live well and in peace) – these and many other questions were not allowed, it seemed that all that really mattered were our personal queries of any form of personal relationship gone wrong, or money problem which, if resolved, would only confirm our trust on these individuals within the belief that somehow we were being ‘chosen ones’ or ‘special’ for having this kind of contacts. It seemed unfair to me since I knew that everyone in the world could benefit the same way we were – apparently – yet others didn’t seem to agree since I had to keep it a secret throughout my entire life.

 

When watching Sunette Spies as a portal in the Desteni videos that were being broadcasted on YouTube since 2007, the in breath and out breath wasn’t anything unusual or weird to me, I instead thought I knew what was going on: I immediately assumed and believed she was a channeler/ a medium like any of the other beings I had witnessed throughout my life – yet there were significant changes that made me ponder ‘what kind of brotherhood/beings were these’ because the message somehow was quite straight, direct, there were no staged words or fancy presentations charged with the usual key words that the other beings I had witnessed before would express themselves with.  I started questioning more and comparing the Desteni Message to what I had heard before from what I believed were the same kind of beings: how come these beings speaking through Sunette were speaking as any regular person? How come they would be speaking about there being No God and reptilian beings having created the human being? Why were they not just leaving with some message of hope and ‘goodness’ rectifying that god is with us? Instead the reptilian point was opened which wasn’t any longer a mystery to me since I had also done a brief investigation on the subject prior to Desteni. Everything I thought I knew about channelers/mediums was debunked when I got to watch the video and read the articles related to channeling (Kryon – Pre-programmed Channels, Questions and Perspectives: Unconscious Mind Pre-programmed Channels, Questions and Perspectives: Continued pre-programmed Channels , Questions and Perspectives: Oneness and Equality with regards to ‘Channelings’ , Questions and Perspectives: How was psychics and channels controlled and why? , 2007 History of Mankind – Part 16 – Anu’s Plan – YouTube) explaining why it was also part of the program and why all forms of ‘light beings’ were part of the deception on Earth to keep individuals trapped in the belief that somehow, there was a benevolent god, that love was the way and that we only had to continue aspiring to have some manifestation of the divine through thinking positive or asking things to the universe. All of this was the real scam and later on understood as the cult of money that it has become nowadays (Read: Day 450: The Power of Now Illuminated)

 

So continuing with the previous post 369. Desteni: An Insider’s Report what I came to realize is that everything was in fact a preprogrammed and predesigned reality construct that we have been living in wherein even the higher beings, the gods, the ‘supreme energies’ that I had placed any form of belief upon were in fact also part of the reality design that we have all been participating in within our minds and in absolute separation of the reality that was certainly existing in complete dissonance to all the benevolent words we would get within the New Age culture – all of this was perfectly schemed as part of the diversion to never get to question ‘God’s creation’ and the beliefs we have acquired through familial and cultural tradition, all being part of the necessary programs that we have within and existing as Mind Consciousness Systems. This is when the point of enslavement was understood. I grasped how perfect the plan had been wherein everything in this world was in reverse and every single aspect of who we have believed ourselves to be as human beings in terms of the spiritual endeavors, seeking gods, bonding ourselves within religions, seeking eternal life, seeking the philosopher’s stone had been nothing else but a nice game that we blindly followed, never ever questioning why is it that we only sought our personal enlightenment, happiness and comfort? Why were we just expecting some god to do the work for us, or have these ‘special connections with a higher force’ while the rest of the world was submerged in suffering and agony due to lacking the necessary means to live which is the same as: lacking sufficient money to live; furthermore, why were all of these people suffering absolutely unaware that there were apparently some spiritual beings that could grant them healings and protect them from ‘all evils’ – apparently. This all made sense to understand how the vilest form of enslavement had to have a very agreeable and sugar coated image in order to be unquestioned and undoubtedly accepted as ‘truth,’ how our constant need to ‘seek god’ was just fearing to realize we are here alone and responsible for every single aspect that has gone wrong in this world, how the enslavement of humanity had been part of a ‘greater process’ by a few individuals that wanted to ‘be Gods’ in existence – it was all revealed to be a sick cosmic joke that we have all been a part of, life after life.

 

As I went through the material, I committed myself to remain skeptical about that which sounded the most fantasy like to me, simply because I could not witness myself the ‘other side’ or ‘the afterlife’/heaven  yet, once again the consistency of the message from the hundreds of beings from all walks in existence speaking through the portal lead me to realize that the final message was quite clear, consistent and made absolute sense as to why this portal had opened and why we they were calling out humanity to walk a process of Self-Honesty. I understood then how all the New Age agenda, the spirituality movement, the promoted ways for ‘peace of mind’ through meditation and seeking to align your chakras to be in resonance with god had been nothing else but a self-interest brainwashing that I had briefly participated in within an attempt to make my life less ‘miserable’ or as I experienced it to be miserable in my existential woes and ever present form of depression. After understanding religion, love, spirituality, channelings as a pillar and essential part to this enslavement of ourselves in our minds, I was ready to leave that all behind and instead begin walking a very different path that I never ever thought I would place myself in: letting go of the idea of god, of spirituality, of something or someone greater than me in order to get to know me as a creator in this reality.

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What I came to realize was that we were truly all alone as human beings, we are the direct creators of the reality that I was wanting to escape from or completely eradicate or disguise with some ulterior beliefs about a genuine spiritual realm that we could somehow rely to in order to be supported or saved in worst case scenarios by invisible beings or forced of the ‘goodness’ that I thought existed beyond the Earth plane, little did I know it was exactly the opposite that this reality existed as.

These realizations led me to understand how I had veered my life to seek answers and make someone else responsible for the mess on Earth due to the fear that I had about who we are and what we have become as the real perpetrators of our crime scene: the world-system imposed on the Earth. This was what partly caused the emotional breakdown that I had to go through in order to be willing to see beyond what I had initially sought to find at Desteni which was just ‘more of the same confirmations about the goodness in existence’ I was wrong. For the first time I had a crystal clear understanding that if we don’t stop deluding ourselves in spirituality, religions, gods, masters, etc. we will continue to abuse and eventually destroy ourselves if we don’t stop.

I went from being a profuse reader of religions, philosophies and watching all kinds of conspiracy theories videos to a more down to earth verifiable investigation of the state of the world; while being subscribed to the DesteniProductions YouTube Channel (2007-2011) we would regularly get all kinds of documentaries and videos that would expose the reality of this world: poverty, crimes against life, corruption in the political world, the destruction of nature, the abuse of the animal kingdom, the conspiracy theory that our economy and monetary systems are, the madness of the human mind, including spiritual messages that were now clearly understood as a genuine scam to divert the human’s attention from the real problems we had provoked in this world. I was taken aback due to the realization that I had mostly avoided watching the full graphic reality that takes place every single day in this world – It made me angry and sad at the same time, going into a depression upon realizing to what extent we have all been too focused on our personal endeavors to get all kinds of gifts from the universe, attract all the money, health and all the ‘good stuff’’ in our lives, aiming at living a happy fulfilled life without ever really wanting to understand how such nice life was in fact being manufactured/produced/created by every individual that is existing in a slave position that earns the daily bread through creating our personal heavens, the real and actual forced labor that exists in this world happens when having no money means: you die.

The sensitivity that I claimed to have toward the world, the usual depression that I would allow myself to be in whenever I would go out in the streets and witnessed the misery, the ‘soft violence’ and constant fear that we all existed in became slowly but surely debunked as the mechanism to protect myself from actually understanding my responsibility within the creation of the problem in this world. I came to understand that my sadness, my depression, my ‘wanting to end it all’ was another form of manipulation to not take responsibility for myself and this world –the constant belittling believing myself to be ‘too little’ to make a change in this world was exposed as a personality trait that had lead me to stand in the background, to choose seeking to create images and pictures that ‘made me feel good’ in an attempt to seek something of ‘real value,’ something ‘greater’ and meaningful to do the work for me, to protect me, to give me some comfort and happiness while pretending that I could ignore the harsh and crude reality that exists for every individual that somehow we have all collectively decided do not deserve to have a dignified living, and yes I realized I am part of the clan as a human being that have accepted and allowed this without a question throughout ages. I understood my self interest to only have a ‘good time’ in this life and be ‘against the system’ while seeking some higher connection with the spiritual realm that I believed was ‘what was real’ – I was wrong, I was absolutely blind.

 

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What became clear was that such ‘nasty thing’ that I had avoided to talk about and pretended to ignore was suddenly understood as the ‘real god’ of this reality: money and this was the simple message that I could clearly reference within my world due to having been keen on politics and sociology before my ‘spirituality’ phase that I had resorted to due to having been too disillusioned of the political and economic world that going to the opposite side was just another shot at ‘making it’ in this life. I had to go back to reviewing the facts of this reality, the same one that is here the moment we go out from the comfort of our homes and the money we have in our wallets – I realized it wasn’t ‘god’ giving me this life, it was money and so my spirituality trip came to an end within the realization that everything I had participated in was a feel-good story for me-myself and I in the mind and that it had made no difference whatsoever to the genuine struggle that the world is sinking in and is continuing to sink in, in spite of this also having been foretold by the various beings through the Desteni portal in 2007 . Five years later and humanity is still opting to hear the feel good fluff rather than walking through a process of self-investigation to see ‘who am I’ within this world, what is my responsibility within this and  how can I practically contribute to stop the madness in here in order to establish the constant and consistent message that Desteni presents and represents: Life in Equality.

 

I started shedding away the beliefs I had held till then since I understood it was only a mindjob in order to justify the worst crimes in our reality, including the monetary system as a belief system, the idea of self as a self-religion and the seeking of my personal desires as a self-interest life path that was contributing to the enslavement of the many and the ignorance that exudes from every corner of this world wherein we are so used to buying and consuming happiness and avoid anything that makes us re-consider who we are, what we’ve done and become and what we are here for.

 

Slowly but surely I made the decision to become an advocate of the rather ‘harsh’ side of reality in an attempt to provide sufficient evidence and personal realizations for all spiritual and religious devotees to hear about such as there being no god, we’re It and there’s nothing and no one coming to save us: we have to do it ourselves.

 

Once stripped from this individual aspect of spirituality that had lead me to voraciously read the articles on the desteni.org website and watch the videos available, I came to the conclusion that I had to obviously do something about this. It was impossible to now turn my back and pretend I didn’t just hear that, it would have been impossible for me to lie to myself any longer – so I directed myself to what was explained to be the practical process that each one of us could live by and apply: the process of Self Honesty through Writing ourselves to Freedom, Writing and Applying Self Forgiveness, Developing Common Sense and Dedicating ourselves to get to know who we are, how we came to be to begin stopping existing as a preprogrammed organic robot that gets to experience highs and lows in various personalities for all the various ‘life scenarios’ and occasions. That’s when I determined myself to be part of this process, because all of the enigmas about god, the afterlife, the creation of humanity were explained in such detail and with such consistency that the key to create and establish solutions on Earth existed in fact within our individual participation in this process – so, if this was the solution I made the decision to do it, I had to finally try these tools that they were constantly explaining and directing everyone to apply. This meant that I had to actually do the whole Process, I had to test the waters and see whether this was ‘for real’ or not – and so I committed myself to this, wanting to be ‘part of it all’ yet not really yet grasping the actual importance of this process on Earth and the changes that were to come within my world, this certainly was No longer an illusion.

SAYING THAT ‘THE WORLD IS AN ILLUSION’ IS AN ATTEMPT TO SOLVE THE PRIMORDIAL PROBLEM ON ‘WHAT IS REAL/ WHAT IS REALITY’ AND FOLLOW THE LAWS OF THE LEAST EFFORT AND ‘SEEKING/ FOLLOWING YOUR GREATEST EXCITEMENT’ TO NOT HAVE TO FACE AND CARE ABOUT THE WORLD/ REALITY WITHOUT SEEING THAT THIS WORLD/ REALITY IS AS REAL AS WE HAVE TO EAT, SHIT, DRINK AND RELATE TO OTHERS TO CONTINUE EXISTING IN IT. HOW COME THAT WE AS HUMANITY DARED OURSELVES TO SIDE-VIEW THE MOST BASIC COMMON SENSE IN THE NAME OF JOY, HAPPINESS, FAITH AND HOPE? EASY, IT’S NICE TO REJOICE IN THE MIND AND NEGLECT OUR RESPONSIBILITY WITHIN IT ALL.

This will continue…

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The blog that explains it all : Heaven’s Journey To Life

 

Related blogs/ vlogs debunking spirituality – 

A selection of my investigation through the Desteni Process

2012 Life After Death–Interdimensional Portal | Testimony

The Video Tolle Doesn’t Want YOU to See

How to Raise Your Frequency (Ask Teal Episode on Increasing Your Vibrations

Spirituality and Capitalism Make sweet love through Hicks

2011 Pretty Happiness Machines – Vlog the Hell Out of this World

2011 AbrahamHicks – You Are Perfect As You Are – Video

2012 Spirituality and Activism Won’t Change the World – YouTube

Eckhart Tolle – Nirvana Is Already Here –

The Biggest Missing Piece – Abraham Hicks –

Fears and white light beliefs

Don’t try to get rid of the ego!” – Alan Watts’ review

The Jesus Message is Not Religious –

2010 ¿Spiritual Consciousness? Where’s the MATTER? –

2012 Positive Thinking Debunked! Heaven’s Journey To Life

2012 I Used to Be a Loving Person –

2012 Religious Consumerism: God is in the TV

2011 Vatican Exposed & the Faithful Deceived –

2010 EQUALITY: The END of All Religions

2012 Doomsday Character: Sick of Humanity?

2012 Existential Woes: Stop and Know Yourself

2012 Organic Self-Indulgent Lifestyle –

11.11.11 Opening Of The Portal Of The Divine

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 1 –

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 2

The Secret History of the Universe: The Discovery of Light –

2010 Do You Want to Be ETERNAL? –

Bruce Lipton ‘ The Power Of Consciousness’ –

2008 I used to believe in a god

Law of Attraction is Based on Memory

Why isn’t Love an Illegal drug?

2012 Love is a Drug: Are YOU an Addict?

Life After God

135. ‘The Secret’ CULTivates Narcissists |

future and white light crap |

Day 11: I.O.U. Life as a Debt System of Power

Occupy LOVE: New Activist Brainwashing

2012 R.I.P. God |

2011 Desteni Portal: Objectives

Desteni y las Teorías de Conspiración

How I was able to Hear Desteni?

In Heaven Everything is Fine

 


251. Does Hope Solve the Matters of the World?

“There is hope after despair and many suns after darkness” – Rumi

We tend to hope and wait for something to miraculously fix that which we accepted and allowed to happen in the first place.

Statements like Rumi’s are empty words that mean nothing/hold nothing of substance, yet create the most ‘impact’ when it comes to our feeble self interest that exists as the aspect that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as, which is the mind as consciousness.

We were looking at yesterday how we have defied the natural laws of the physical reality  by creating obnoxious hierarchical schemes that a series of bubbles would never follow through with, as any arrangement that represents a point of abuse cannot simply be sustained at a physical level.

bubble efficiency

 

  • Does HOPE exist or is it necessary as a ‘force’ to create this perfect physical demonstration of the inherent properties in which matter arranges itself when having to coexist with equals and working as One unit?
  • Is Love required in order for these bubbles to learn how to arrange themselves in the most perfect way of coexistence that does not even require an actual push by the creator of the bubbles for the matter to arrange themselves in a clear equal disposition in reality ?
  • Is Peace required for them to agree to coexist within the most stable form wherein all bubbles share an equal amount of space from the first bubble upon which the unit is being built upon?

 

The answer to all of the above is: No, and this is one single and plain demonstration of how no one had to speak any form of airy-fairy words to create such perfect arrangement of matter in front of our eyes. There is no Resistance stemming from the bubbles to do this – is this a godly force at hand then?*

What has happened with us human beings and words is that we have used them as energy, as consciousness instead of using words as a physical livable consideration of the best way in which we can in fact live as. This means that what we have become is the result of having neglected physical reality and followed only energy as either positive or negative experiences that in no way have a direct correlation to physical reality, but we have instead imposed such experiences onto the physical laws as a violation to this physical natural disposition, creating our current chaos/ inequality/ abuse and suffering just because of having ignored that principles we should all inherently direct ourselves as.

 

What does this mean?

 

The moment one react to statements like “There is hope after despair and many suns after darkness” can only indicate that: You are existing only as a programmed mind to react with a self-defined positive experience to words that indicate ‘you have nothing to do, you just have to remain in your state of inertia’ wherein a future projection/ Imagination process must take place for you to envision this marvelous outcome after the ‘darkness’ which is what we are currently existing as according to this statement, which is precisely in reverse, I’d say. We are in the era of absolute enlightenment as the ultimate demonstration of ego in its full splendor that uses words like Hope, Love, Peace and Light, Faith, Bliss as a way to Ignore the physical laws that we have violated in the first place, leading us to what Rumi and many other light and love spiritual people consider ‘darkness’ as the ‘bad and the negative.’

 

Test that for yourself – make some bubbles as it is explained within the section of The Code episode of The sphere, bubbles and how nature’s economic laws function – now, speak to the bubbles the word HOPE and see if their arrangement changes to maybe some other marvelous arrangement of sorts, you can also try voicing love, light, peace, joy, happiness, bliss, light, whatever you consider might be ‘supportive’ for these bubbles to coexist. You can do the opposite then, speak darkness, bad, evil, madness, violence, guilt, remorse, shame and see if the bubbles change their arrangement.

What will happen most likely is that they wont’ change no matter how much good positive vibrations/ words you speak to them, their physical stability is not affected by human consciousness.

 

Now, if you do the same experiment with a human being, most likely the person will react to all such words in both a negative and a positive experience – their body will most certainly remain functioning, breathing, stable as a physical unit, but who they are as the mind might go into an array of energetic experiences that they might even follow through with further imaginations, pictures, judgments, reactions, internal conversations, fears and a plethora of mind-experiences that will eventually create an effect upon the physical body. And so, it would be very clear how we are the only ones that create an instability through our words accepted and allowed to exist only as Energy and participate in such experiences while disregarding the physicality, the constancy and consistency of breath as that certainty of who we really are.  It should be very clear with this how we are our own disease and we are our own cure.

 

The question is, why would we need ‘hope’ for things to get better if we can instead work on ourselves individually to understand which words are in fact livable, which words can be definitely actions that can be physically lived as humanity to be able to coexist in such a perfect arrangement like the bubbles above? The answer is: there is no need for hope, we have just created these words to protect self interest, because the reality is that we have not willed ourselves to coexist in such equality-arrangement as bubbles and acting as one single unit composed of various individualized expressions, all sharing equal parts of the main foundation which is the bubble in the center. This thus implies that we don’t really require hope or imagination or reactions of emotions and feelings to create a solution in this world and that the only obstacle is our own ego/ self interest/ desire to have ‘more’ of space while neglecting that such decisions lead to unbearable consequences, which is what we are living now in our world.

 

The solution is being shown by the bubbles themselves which are the same laws that nature in itself is also functioning as. The only external factor that has caused consequence is the human being of course, and not even who we are as physical beings as our physical bodies function within similar processes as any organic entity in this world – thus, it is only who we are as consciousness, as the energy system that has taken the wheel of our beingness in order to exist as the ultimate self interest experience wherein we have certainly Not ever questioned why it is that we have accepted some to have it all and some to have none and as such, create the most heinous imbalance in reality that has existed from the very beginning of our existence, we have just come to the pinnacle of it again and as such, we’re also existing in the most important times we’ll ever face in our current reality: the absolute possibility of Self-Correction and Self-Responsibility in order to align ourselves to a Best for All Outcome.

 

We are presenting the Equal Money System which is exemplified perfectly by the natural arrangement of the bubbles above. Each individual sharing, coexisting as equals with equal support and opportunity to live in the most optimal condition while coexisting in one single unit as a whole.

Many say nature is wise, but it is even wiser to actually learn from the physical laws that are existing as the arrangement that enables the sustainability and trust that we can have on the constancy and consistency that this physical reality represents, and actually implement it as the laws and regulations we can found our lives upon on Earth – who we are as the mind varies from second to second, from word to word spoken to another human being as the example I placed above – how could such flimsy self-experience could be the reality of ourselves? How could we be trust worthy with life if we dare to abuse the physical in the name of an energetic positive or negative experience? We simply can’t.

 

The Equality System also represents a physical preventive set of regulations that will ensure no need for hope or faith is ever looked for again within humans, it is quite obvious that such words stem after the ‘boat has sunk’ and as such, represent an illusory correction to a problem that could have been prevented in the first place. There is absolutely no point in indulging in words that represent a nothingness, an insubstantiality that cannot be physically lived but instead, we can simply erase Hope from our vocabulary and turn it into a disposition and willingness to coexist as equals, without any resistance, without any fear as those points can only exist within the who we are as the ego of the mind, as consciousness.

 

Bubbles of self interest floating around just fall and disappear – bubbles that stick together become more resistant as they are sharing their beingness to create a more stable structure, even if of course eventually all bubbles will be burst, just like ourselves having a defined lifetime wherein the last question that I’ll leave here is the following:

 

It’s clear that all of that which is not directly linked to and supporting what is Real as the physical reality will have to be eliminated, the same as any word that is simply not supporting the expression of who we really are but instead have become the very shackles we have accepted and allowed as a way to remain idle, waiting and hoping for something to resolve the Matters at Hand.

*“If you cannot ‘drive’ the ‘Matter-within’ which is the ‘Matter’ of what is ‘Important’ for ‘Everyone’, the ‘Matter of Equality’ -How can you ‘expect’ ‘Equality’ – to ‘Support-You?’

 

If you are not ‘willing’ to ‘give-up’, that which is ‘causing’ the ‘Problem’ in ‘Matter’, in ‘Space-Time’. In the ‘Physical-Reality’, which is an ‘Unequal Money System’. An ‘System’ that ‘do-not give’, to ‘each-one’ a ‘Support Structure’ to make the ‘most’ of ‘this Life’, in the ‘Physical’ – If one do-not take that-on, and Stop that – Why should ‘Existence’ ‘Matter’ ‘about-You’? Why should ‘Existence’ ‘Care’ ‘about-You’? Because that which you could ‘do-something-about’, you did not… ‘Matter’ to ‘you.’ It didn’t ‘Matter’. It wasn’t…“I don’t..It doesn’t ‘Matter’, I mean. I… ‘See’ if I ‘Care’. Why should-it ‘Matter’ to ‘Me’? I mean, ‘My Life’ is ‘Fine’. I’m ‘Happy’. I mean, I’ve ‘Worked Hard’ to be ‘Happy’! ”

 

Really? Yes, your ‘Genetics’ fell by a ‘luck-shot’ in a ‘place’ where you have ‘Money’. You’re in a ‘Casino’. Now you’re a ‘little-picture’ walking around Here – is ‘Happy’. With a ‘Smile’. Is that ‘really’ the ‘Case’? It’s Not. ‘How’ ‘Far’ are you ‘going-to-go’ to ‘Expose’ the ‘Matter-at-Hand’? ‘How’ ‘Far’ are you ‘going-to-go’ to ‘Make-Sure? Because, unless one take this ‘Matter’ to it’s ‘Conclusion’, there is a ‘Problem’, isn’t it?

 

You have ‘no-option’ but to take this ‘Matter’ to ‘Conclusion’. To ‘bring-about’ a ‘Directive Structure’ within ‘Matter’ that ‘Matters‘, for ‘Everyone’. And that put ‘Matters‘ in this Reality, in such a way, that ‘Everyone Matters‘ – Equally. That should be the ‘only-thing’ that ‘Matters‘, until it’s ‘Done’. Nothing else is ‘really’ ‘of-any-matter’, is it? Everything else that ‘takes’ one’s ‘attention-away’ from this ‘Matter’ = is ‘Deliberate Deception’. One should ‘treat-it’ as-’such’. ‘Focused’ on a ‘Solution’, in-’Matter’, about ‘things’ that ‘Matter’, to ‘all Parts of Life’, ‘Every Being’, ‘Here’.

Once this ‘Matter’ is taken-care-of, we will have a Reality where things ‘Matter’. That will be ‘quite nice’, isn’t it?

 

So – Let’s ‘sort-out’ the ‘Matter-at-Hand’.

Bernard Poolman – May 24th,  2010

 

Would you want to remain only as a lonely bubble drifting around with no direction or cause, or would you want to be a bubble that instead joins other bubbles to create a stable and consistent environment that is for sure a more enjoyable way of living as one and in equality?

If you opt for the second choice, join us at

 

Vlogs:

 

Blogs:

 

 

 

Interviews to Understand the Physical Matters in this world and how to walk through a Self Corrective process to ensure we Never again recreate the use of hope but instead live as a constant solution to this reality.


243. The Sublime and the End of the World

While listening to the Doomsday Activist Life Review, I realized that I had precisely gone for the exhilaration and experience of having a certain moment wherein ‘something’ had to happen in this world  as an ultimate doomsday scenario/ Armageddon type of event, because there were just ‘too many points converging into the same day’ that it was almost undeniable that something would happen, but what? I actually thought for a moment that consciousness would cease to exist that day  – lol – and before Desteni, I thought it was time for a major catastrophe that I simply ‘dreamed of.’

 

“So, it’s interesting that, it has never been Questioned: “Why are there so many different, varying “One’s” and each One believe itself to be “the Right One.” I mean, all the different Prophecies/Predictions cannot ‘materialize’ Simultaneously…with some believing in Ascension, others Jesus coming, others The End of the World by a physical/natural Occurrence and all the different Prophecies/Predictions are aligned with a particular Spirituality/Religion/Movement/Science and each one of those believe themselves to be “the Real Deal”. That, within this – human beings have not seen, realised and understood what all these “the One’s / Chosen One’s” have in common: they abdicate All Responsibility of Individual Human Beings to/as what ‘life on earth’ is/has become, and facilitate more as a distraction and preoccupation from/of Self-Responsibility, Life Responsibility to/as this Physical Existence.” – Sunette Spies *

 

To understand this point better and how I made of ‘The End of the World’  ‘my theme’ and favorite topic is looking also at some of the artwork that I made, which was mostly doomsday-like which I explain here  2008 Paintings portraying slavery of system and can be reviewed at the top of this blog in the Artwork section.

 

Even after a while I kept doing the same thing, doing series of different characters that would end up being part of this depiction of the end of the world, which reveals how much I was truly expecting it, desiring it, making it a recurrent topic and driving-force to be ‘creative’ just because I would get a kick out of it. This is what I could Identify as Sublime after reading Heaven’s Journey To Life blog that I will quote later on.

 

According to Schopenhauer and the ‘types of sublime’ I will be looking at are:

  • Sublime – Turbulent Nature. (Pleasure from perceiving objects that threaten to hurt or destroy observer).
  • Full Feeling of Sublime – Overpowering turbulent Nature. (Pleasure from beholding very violent, destructive objects).

 

According to E. Burke: “With his Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful (1757) Edmund Burke defined canonically its aesthetical prominence as the satisfaction arising from the removal of an imminent threat.” – Wiki Entry on Sublime

 

Last Man on Earth

Last Man on Earth 2009

 

I’ll place one ‘static example.’ This is the last man on Earth. And I would usually depict people having One eye closed, probably depicting that we have always deliberately ‘played blind’ to not see what we are doing to each other and this world, and this man as the last man on Earth turned eventually one-side blind as a result of having neglected reality. It also expresses the shame and regret about what we’ve done. His appearance is deliberately depicting our self consumption when living for the ideals of the ‘who we are’ in the mind– his clothes denote a battered ‘elitist lifestyle’ that has gone through trials and tribulations, some sort of survival point upon the death of the rest of humanity and animas. He’s standing upon a thousand words yet he seems to have nothing to say but his heart is beating and his lungs seem in a good state – he is alive. His hands have turned into the symbol that depicts life, he might be able to start from scratch to create a new world that supports life in Equality, if he can forgive himself past all the regret.

 

Continuing from:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the ‘end of the world scenarios’ as a source of excitement and exhilaration due to the actual fear that I would have with regards to witnessing an ‘end of the world’ scenario, without actually taking into consideration what such ‘end’ would mean and how it is that we would be in essence drawing ourselves back to zero and actually miss out the opportunity to use what is already here as this world and simply give it direction within a new consideration, a new path which is Life in Equality,  and within this: there is no need to destroy/ obliterate the world, but we can simply agree to slowly but surely go stopping our current ways in which we are existing as world-system and civilization and consider new ways of living wherein we can start regarding the environment/ the ecosystem as an actual living being equal and one to ourselves, and within that, establish solutions so that we stop the mass extinction, abuse and exploitation of life in the name of our personal benefits as ‘progress’ and ‘evolution’ that is only the result of us disregarding life and using it to power up our mind-realities of what ‘advancements’ are supposed to be like, disregarding the fact that the life of human beings, animals, plants is not taken into consideration when only using what is here in the name of power/ success/ evolution that is in fact only the evolution of the mind, not life quality. This also implies that I only used this ‘hype’ to tag along and generate an entire personality based on this ‘death and destruction’ ideals, simply because it is so much easier to hope for the end of the world than actually doing something to sort it out and create a new start for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rejoice and get excited about a possible ‘something’ happening in 2012 in order to wake up humanity, and expecting some form of cloudy messy doomsday on a particular date, without realizing that within such waiting it is only a distraction and entertainment to not look at the reality that is already here and pretty much existing  in a doomsday scenario, wherein the billions that have no support from the system to live in dignity live a doomsday on a daily basis – within this (Watch ‘In Heaven everything is fine’ video below.)

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to romanticize this ‘end of the world’ for my own entertainment and ‘delight’ as that expectation and getting a kick out of participating in imagination as all sorts of pictures and end of the world scenes that I would simply dedicate myself to paint, because I wanted to in one way or another be able to ‘predict’ what would happen and as such, also depict myself as one of the last standing on Earth, being a ‘chosen one’ which is the actual desire that I had and wanted to fulfill as a self-prophecy that I wanted to witness, no different to me being expecting a certain ‘event’ such as a concert or a trip and generating the same amount of expectation and excitement about it, which proves to what extent I actually disregarded what such pain and suffering really Is and only made images about it for the sake of propelling my own fascinations as the actual fear that I had toward witnessing some form of ultimate destruction on Earth – which is what I will have to go through as what I in fact experienced. Sublime experience.

 

Now, I suggest reading HOPE – The Metaphysical Carrot: DAY 237

and specifically HOPE – the Metaphysical Carrot (Part 3): DAY 239 

 

I left a comment there with the following realization:

Concepts like the ‘sublime’ have become clear through reading this, which is something I would link to 2012 in the past, all of this from the branch within philosophy and aesthetics of an image/painting that would cause you this ‘sublime experience’ as an actual fear turned into a point of attraction/ rejoice – which is also what Mykey explained in #9 Demons in the Afterlife Interview – all makes sense now.

Here I share some on this point from the Wiki entry on sublime:

“Burke’s treatise is also notable for focusing on the physiological effects of the sublime, in particular the dual emotional quality of fear and attraction noted by other writers. Burke described the sensation attributed to the sublime as a “negative pain” which he called delight, and which is distinct from positive pleasure. Delight is taken to result from the removal of pain (caused by confronting the sublime object) and is supposedly more intense than positive pleasure.”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sublime_(philosophy)

So essentially, same mechanism of ‘hope’ but sublime is more focused even more so just on the energetic experience in itself, without any form of ‘change’ but plain delight/ pleasure and all of that which is caused when looking at terror from afar. What a great mindfuckistic reality we have created. It is definitely time to stop.

 

I cannot say anything else but, this is an entire energetic experience that I had been quite keen on, the point of turning a fear into a fascination and the ‘end of the world’ is one of the fascinations I cultivated ever since I was probably a 5 years old or so when I wanted to be alien abducted with my dad, lol which is precisely what I describe in that video, later on fueled by songs like ‘Spaceman’ by Babylon Zoo – lol. Now, I am reviewing this just to see to what extent we can turn fears into fascinations and even more so, making it a point of pleasure/ excitement/ exhilaration and entertainment/distraction for MY personal experience, MY satisfaction, MY own delight, MY inspiration, depressions and general lack of desire to live, simply because of being subsumed in this ‘I want it all to end’ type of self-experience, just an absolute victimization that has permeated my being till this very day, as I see that any form of ‘lack of drive’ is just because I am not feeding anymore my usual energetic experiences that I had linked to a constant ‘looking forward’ to the future, but instead, the hereness that I am integrating myself as is experienced as a junky going on rehab, that’s what is ‘tough’ about this process and this is but one aspect of what I will be ‘withdrawing’ from.

 

Even the music that I listened to like Godspeed You Black Emperor – my favorite band within the schemes of my last ‘music junky’ fanatic phase –  I could define as this type of ‘Sublime’ / End of the world experience- you can read their story here for the first time told by themselves, since they are the type of people that would rather not speak at all but ‘let their music speak’ and have a look at the type of mentality I was absolutely drawn to, which became my inspiration on a daily basis within my life some 6 years ago.  I’ll leave a couple of videos I made with their music at the end of this blog.

 

When placing all of this little world of my own fascinations into perspective of the actual reality that is going on, I see that I am still drawn to this ‘romantic’ side of reality instead of focusing on the actuality of what is here and focusing not on cultivating further experiences I might get from music or arts in this doomsday-everything is fucked-vein for that matter, but focusing on actual reality considerations that I can educate myself on in order to stop any form of personal-endeavors to cultivate my fascinations instead of taking Self Responsibility for what is here.

 

So I’ll be walking this ‘branch’ of my artistic personality related to the sublime specifically and end of the world/lack of desire to live in blogs to come. This is what happens when a single character such as the ‘tormented artist’ in reality justifies absolute irresponsibility that becomes a morbid fascination and delight and see it as ‘okay’ it is an aesthetic category, it’s okay to cultivate it. Good for you, little artist.

 

Must Read Blogs:
 

Interviews:

 

My End of the World video creations:


240. Inequality in Education: Everyone’s Responsibility

“the Education System that caters for only a select few Intellectuals that in the Teacher’s eyes are guarded as “special, important, unique, elitist, chosen” with regards to Intellect and their Future in/as the World System, with the World System again in its relationship to MONEY only cater for a minority / select few in their relationship to Money to be “special, important, unique, elitist, chosen”. And in this – the Teachers, and also not those within the World System, would ever consider standing up for an equal and one solution to ensure that All Children have an equal and one opportunity to Education, and so eventually Money; because we’re all so blinded by Hope/Promise in our Minds that one day something may/might Change, while we continue living in/as the systems of this world that is perpetuating inequality, separation and Consequence. All of which is the same that 2012, that those that define themselves as “special, important, unique, elitist, chosen”, would remain so in their Minds, in their relationship to their Hope and Promise, without ever questioning, but “what about an actual, real, tangible Equal and One Solution for all, within and as this Physical Existence”, and would not have a ‘care in the World about the Rest’…Only Themselves.” – Sunette Spies*

 

Continuing from:

 

I will share some ingrained memories I have wherein at the moment I placed myself to review the inequality I witnessed in the schooling system, the memories that came up were those that I experienced from first grade of kindergarten to 1st grade of elementary school – three different contexts and people wherein I created the awareness of there being people that had a really tough time within school, but, I did nothing about it, I simply stared just as everyone else and accepted the fact that there was something inherently wrong within them.  As Sunette explains in the quote above, I played that role of being ‘the teacher’s favorite,’ and have placed myself in the victimized position of being teased for being that, even if many others wanted my position: both poles or any ‘side’ for that matter that is not standing in equality is equally fucked, because even if you get the recognition from the adults, you get bashed by your peers. This is how it is so vital to expose how within this ‘good/bad’ student and everyone else in between create the basis of inequality within society, because one grows up believing that one is really a ‘chosen one’ to become this great thing and that there will invariably those that will have to be below you for whatever reasons – I.Q., economic standards, ethnicity, apparent lack of skills etc.  And I witnessed that myself. 

 

The points Ill share here are the moments wherein within me I went into a ‘cannot compute’ experience, simply because of probably wanting to ‘do something about it,’ but just like any other group psychology situation, I remained quiet, I accepted the outcomes without a question. One can say, well you were a little kid, but the fact that these memories are still here imply that I was in fact aware of what went on that it created an effect within me in order to create certain beliefs of people’s abilities and skills.

 

School system – Writing

What happens is that you become completely enthralled with this idea of success that one miss out all those ‘left behind’ that just like with ‘poor people,’ the usual belief is that it’s their fault, they are lazy, they don’t do things properly, they have certain nutritional problems and their minds can’t function properly, they just can’t ever be good enough, they are poor and their parents were poor and have no proper education – all of this is part of what I have participated as well within backchat, without ever questioning further why was this monetary inequality an aspect that could influence a person’s development in school.

 

The inequality witnessed in school began as early as kindergarten in my experience and first memories.  At the end of first year of kindergarten, we were going through our final evaluations that consisted of identifying the colors and some other basic stuff, and one of  my classmates could not learn the colors properly, he failed twice – or maybe more times probably – to differentiate them and he essentially was declared as the first kid that had ever flunked  first grade of kindergarten… I was shocked and saddened for him, I could not ‘get it,’ why he could not learn the colors and would always get it wrong. I remember others making fun of it of course, I could not make fun of that, but did think there was something inherently wrong because to me it was ‘so easy’ – but then came the usual shoving the point aside as an  ‘anyways!’ and accepting the fact that he was lazy with school work and he simply was inherently flawed.  He was taken to another school and as such, just like anything else that ‘came to pass’ I never questioned such event ever again until now.

 

Next memory is third grade – kindergarten – exchange student from New York, he was taken to my school since it was a bilingual one. I can’t understand how I was able to pick up what he was saying – or maybe I made it all up  since I was only 6 years old – but we got to know that his parents were getting divorced, he was like 8 years old but was placed in our grade to learn Spanish. He was in such an emotional turmoil, he’d cry in class, throw tantrums and everyone including myself would only stare at him as if he was quite the rare specimen for behaving that way in school which would distract others and essentially take the teacher’s attention to calm him down, also he would not generally be willing to participate with the rest of the activities. I ended up liking him and playing with him sometimes and found out he was ‘normal’ when not dealing with school stuff, seems he was only having a problem with authority and our grumpy teacher, who I must say was a good teacher, but extremely strict for kindergarten kids and was quite impatient, so… he suffered a lot with her. Lol he would whisper us all the answers in our English class, but obviously he did not do good in any other subject besides English,  it’s as if he was in school in an attempt for someone to educate him while his parents were missing out a crucial time of his upbringing and on top of that, in a foreign country among kids that cannot understand everything you’re saying, quite an irresponsible move from everyone involved in that.

We never question how the lives of such children will be affected  in their educational process at school by external situations,  such as parents breaking up and only reprimand them further for not being able to ‘focus and pay attention’  instead of actually learning how to speak with them and establish a point of support throughout their experience.  I do remember my teacher speaking a lot with him, I would get a sense of tension and nervousness because of not knowing what to do while witnessing the levels of instability he presented – one can say that in our  current definitions of ‘mental disorders’ he would have probably been medicated, not sure even if he even was already. He was hyperactive and quite a cool kid obviously, but it’s really unacceptable how we do not have any form of consideration and regard to support people that are mostly living out a consequential outflow of some parental irresponsibility, as well as an education system that is not designed to consider the individual’s experience and provide specialized support for them.

 

Third memory – primary school, first grade, 7 years old. One of our classmates that I realized was from a ‘lower class’ is asked to go to the blackboard to do some basic maths. Now, this point I have to make clear, I grew up going to private schools, this is a ‘common thing’ when your parents have sufficient money to do so, just because public schools here are not providing ‘great education’ and obviously, the majority of the population is educated in them. Proof is I had one just around the corner of my house and I would go to one far away just to have the education that I got.  And so, it was a well known fact that people with scarce money would go to public schools – and parents that would make a big effort to send their kids to private schools were then quite a rare thing to witness, but it was so with this kid.  So, he went up to the blackboard and he simply stared at it, twitching his eyes, running in circles throughout the whole process only managing to mark lots of dots on the blackboard, but no number at all, he was quite nervous, so much that I would get nervous as well while looking at him, asking myself how come he can’t do that basic simple operation! I don’t know how or why. But I immediately associated the fact that ‘he didn’t have much money, his parents were not that well educated, hence he had learning problems.’ He had lots of problems to ‘make it,’ he only lasted one or two years within the same school, same problem: too strict, almost zero tolerance to kids fucking up which proves the point of how throughout the years we ended up being reduced to a group of 7 people and that was quite the ‘perfect’ elitist learning experience, which is what I owe to greatly my current skills.

Just to give you an idea of what happens when you work in a reduced group at school: we began looking at topics that were meant for junior high – such as algebra, trigonometry, equations, etc. in our last grade of elementary school. We were able to finish our regular curriculum long before the scheduled time and so, we would go out to museums, factories to witness production processes and other places. We then would go out to eat, watch movies and so forth, lol, it was certainly not a regular  school experience, most certainly a privileged one I’d say – but I had no reference of other kid’s experience except through TV or something like that. which I later on went through as well and realized what a ‘real school experience’ was in terms of having different ‘types of people’ and everyone just getting along with certain people and still having the same fucked up hierarchical schemes of ‘good students and bad students,’ that remained a constant of course. Even in the reduced number of 7, hierarchical positions remained just because of how grading systems work.

 

So, we can see how the optimal point of education would be to not have a schooling experience like the one we have now, but maybe smaller groups of study that can learn the basic skills, math, language and have personalized support to develop one’s skills and interests. This learning process in an Equal Money System won’t be any longer motivated as an indoctrination process to ‘equalize people’ to a hierarchical system, but rather giving actual support to people to develop themselves.

Also in the equality system, education will begin at home with the parents, we are able to develop an equal stability that will reflect upon the child’s development in the learning process and throughout their entire lifetime. We can already see how this primordial flaws that begin at home and how the first days at school can define a person’s experience for a lifetime. It is absolutely ridiculous to accept the ‘limitations’ I have placed in this blog as ‘real problems’ or unsurpassable obstacles. Hence, we are here to definitely become aware of what we’ve become and how we have to essentially start from scratch to educate ourselves as living beings that are able to support each other to Live, because in the end, that’s what actually Matters within the Education process:  stopping linking education to survival-mode skills to make the most money through competing against others,  which is the enforced conditioning we currently call ‘educational process’

 

To come, self forgiveness, self corrective statements for having never questioned the privileged life in education I had and how within that, I inherently accepted the above mentioned ‘flaws’ and inequality while continuing my career to seek my personal interests and leaving the rest ‘behind,’ without asking any further questions.

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Blogs:

HOPE – the Metaphysical Carrot (Part 4): DAY 240

Day 240: Apocalypse in Heaven – ADC – Part 87

This blog is part of the After Death Communication Series

 

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