Tag Archives: humbleness

547. How to Live Humbleness

 

 

Today I’ll write some self forgiveness to see what I haven’t yet lived and applied in relation to humbleness and the specific and subtle aspects where I miss out on living this very relevant word for me.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the consideration of every person’s living context, abilities, skills, life experience and the rest of patterns and habits that create who each individual is wherein I can approach each person with a set of eyes that is devoid of taking ‘me/myself’ into consideration only, but learns to see and get to know an individual for who and what they are in their own creation, as an individual that cannot be measured in ‘better’ or ‘worse’ type of values, but an individual that I can learn to approach and get to know through time and developing communication/getting to know a person, and learning to see who they are in the moment – not based on their past, not based on ‘ideas’ I’ve created about others – but entirely focusing on their words, their actions and deeds in the moment wherein I stop comparing ‘who they are’ to any sort of ‘ideal’ I create about myself or others in a certain situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a differentiation between myself and other people based on a perception of skills or abilities – instead of realizing I can in humbleness use my skills, abilities and do whatever I am capable of living and doing in order to assist others if they also want to assist themselves in improving certain skills, supporting themselves in their own life wherein my humbleness approach is then not based on wanting others to develop ‘the same as me’ or ‘become like me’ but it is about me learning to assist another to sculpt themselves, to polish their strengths and strengthen their weaknesses where I can also learn to know an individual for who they are, devoid of ‘more’ or ‘less’/ superior or inferior contexts, but learning to see people the same way that I see trees or parts of nature that I’ve learned to not compare to one another – because that’s a humble approach to life and to us living beings that are worlds in ourselves and cannot be ‘measured’ in any value-system way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself, my life to a set of perceived ‘skills’ only wherein I can instead be humble in realizing that those ways in which I perceived myself as ‘better than’ others are a limitation, because in reality I want to approach people from a genuinely equal stand point wherein I learn to quiet my ‘analyzer-mind’ that tends to quickly judge and ‘gauge’ people, and instead be here hearing what another person has to say, to learn to take in their words, their deeds as who they are in the moment without judgment or appraisal – wherein I can stand equal to them in that moment and simply share myself if I have something to contribute to and if not, be ok with simply being there getting to know an individual.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to live humbleness in my overall approach to people and how I see people where I can use my skills and ways of living and how I can be focused in the details of things and be specific with myself in order to assist others to learn to do the same for others – so that whatever I see is a potential to develop within myself and others can be shared and so instead of me defining myself according to a particular set of skills or abilities, I can use them to assist others and in doing so expand self’s potentials to live in a supportive manner if I see in common sense that is beneficial for everyone involved.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a subtle arrogance and superiority towards people whenever I’ve allowed myself to go into an impatience towards others, instead of realizing I can use my own skills and place them into application to be patient, to be humble, to be considerate of another’s pace in life and process, wherein I then use this skill of being meticulous and detailed in order to get to know others better and continue challenging myself to be able to place myself in their shoes and see how it would be best to assist others as well from their stand point and considering their current ‘views’ and stance, wherein I can apply humbleness as in stopping seeing ‘through my own eyes’ and learn to see from where another is and what they are experiencing because that is what I would like to develop as a skill that it actually becomes an interesting challenge for myself, to be ‘self-less’ when approaching others in the context of getting to know them or being in a context of providing assistance and support towards them.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to use this skill of ‘being aware’ of myself in order to also be more aware of other people, their lives, their context and learn to fully embrace them in who they are without any judgments, without being exigent or over-analyzing others’ situations and experiences, wherein being humble means reminding myself about my own process wherein I know what it is to feel ‘lost’ in my mind and having a perception of seeing ‘no way out’ wherein I can learn to breathe, be stable, relax whenever I am getting frustrated or desperate in relation to seeing repetitive patterns in my life that of others and in consequence of our own reality loops that will continue existing as such until I decide to stop justifying my impatience and reactions towards ‘repetition’, and instead live humbleness as the consideration of each one’s pace and living process which may or may not be like ‘my experience, ‘ but here it is to stop comparing myself to everyone else for once and for all because that’s the real essence of humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how the notion of specialness exists as the core of separation in our minds, because when applying humbleness towards one another, we learn to consider each other’s lives and minds completely without any judgment, without any ‘value’ attached to it as more or less or inferior and superior – and this is the essence of equality of learning to see with a new pair of eyes wherein I can stand next to a person – not above, not below – and learn to see who they are through their words, through their body language, through their presence and be ‘self-less’ in that moment so that I can stop comparing myself to them or creating an idea of ‘who they should be’ in that moment, but learn to see in innocence as if I was there for the first time facing them and their situation.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to see things always as if it was ‘the first time’ that I approach a context or a situation in relation to walking a process with another person, wherein I can let go of the judgments I’ve created towards others and who they are and instead approach them anew, each time, so that I can then learn to approach a person from their current reality, instead of holding a ‘profile’ of another and myself towards them from the past and so recreating the past which is what I have to stop doing in order to embrace the moment, the current reality as is without judgment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an exasperation and impatience towards other people instead of considering that it is not about ‘others’ that I create an experience but about my own relationship to ‘others’ existing as judgments and piled-up experiences that I have to first sort out within myself, wherein I can apply humbleness as a first point of letting go of any assessments and ‘qualifications’ I have tended to project onto others and instead be humble in how I operate within myself, wherein I can learn to see myself in others in whichever phase or context they are in and stop referencing ‘back to myself’ to decide ‘who others are for me’ and instead learn to see ‘who they are’ for what they are and do – and that’s it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to exist as elitism in the past wherein through not wanting to get to know all kinds of people I would in fact limit my ability to get to know and appreciate other humans that are also myself and so I was preventing myself from living equality. Whereas currently that I am more focusing on living this equality, I am able to be more open and initiate conversations with others to get to know them and I do require at the same time to do so in full equality instead of subtly going into the ‘I know better’ or ‘I know what kind of people you are’ wherein this becomes a limitation in that moment, so I have to focus on being detailed, specific and quite diligent in stopping my own assumptions I can create towards people even upon a first conversation and instead learn to see them in innocence, without judgments, without ‘qualifications’ of any kind, but be there as a physical being, not a mind-being.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live arrogance as the set of identification of my ‘intellect’ as something superior to that of others, when in fact this same apparent ‘intellect’ becomes the very set of programming that I have to now debunk within myself in order to learn to truly live the word humbleness which cannot be tied at all with knowledge and information, because being humble means fully approaching something like a child would do, without any perceptions, ideas, beliefs, notions about myself or another – and in this, true equality emerges where I learn to see another individual and myself for who I am in the moment, instead of re-loading the plethora of memories, ideas of myself that I have recreated as a mind-set of patterns that I am aware is not supportive. Therefore I want to approach people in innocence and humbleness wherein I can stop any quick assessment related to values, perceptions, ideas, beliefs and push myself to see myself and others for who they are in the moment, regardless of what went ‘before’ them or myself, and so live in the moment assessing reality, not holding on to ‘who I am’ as the past to approach people in this moment of reality.

 

I realize that living humbleness also means being devoid of definitions as particular perceptions of skills, experiences or ‘beneficial aspects’ within myself because that only exists as a notion in my head, and all that matters in a single moment is not who I am as all of that baggage of knowledge and information or tools I can use, but all that matters is how I stand in a moment in relation to a person, wherein I have to now be very specific in not recreating this pattern of superiority and inferiority that I’ve lived throughout my whole life in a very subtle manner, yet ever present.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be humble towards myself and so as an extension towards others wherein I can learn to see people as physical beings and assess who they are in the moment based on the words in the moment, their actions in the moments and be willing to ‘start anew’ each time with them, wherein I can use memory only as a reference of what I know of them, but not to hold that past against myself or others either, because this is not a humble approach to life, so I can be humble in approaching each one ‘anew’ which is in fact approaching life and others in self-forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I wanted others to ‘see me’ in a different manner as in not placing myself as ‘superior’ or ‘more than’ themselves, but I didn’t realize how I was doing this towards myself and vice versa wherein we create the same patterns of superiority and inferiority in the most subtle ways that we approach one another – therefore I can live humbleness in ensuring that I am being completely equal to another in a moment, without ‘mind interference’  or ‘mind noise’ that judges, that criticizes and the rest of it, but instead be open, vulnerable, humble, considerate and caring in my communication with others, in my reading towards others and in my general interactions with other human beings no matter ‘where’ I get to interact with others or whatever the ‘context’ might be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give any value to intellect as a point of ‘superiority’ when in fact, this is the very thing that cages us in values and perceptions we create towards everything in ‘consciousness terms,’ because life is not knowledge, life is a living and is a ‘blank slate’ approach from a moment to moment – it is only us as consciousness systems and beings that can generate such separation through our minds towards life, therefore I have to learn how to be life and stop the lies as ‘intellect’  – knowledge and information – from being any form of self-definition within me.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the consideration towards others in self-support, instead of having ‘diminished’ myself to experience problems and conflicts in order to be ‘equal’ to others in my past, instead of seeing how I can be a point of support and share towards others how we can be the better version of ourselves and tap into our potential wherein humbleness becomes not only a way to approach others and learn from them and take them ‘as they are’ but also expands into considering our potential, the creation of the better version of ourselves and this I can start doing by sharing myself and this process in itself of how I decide to stop defining me through knowledge and information and instead see how I can practically become a better living being in something as simple as how I approach a person, a set of information, a context, a culture, a conversation with a strange – any and all things are opportunities and points wherein I can learn to apply humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to breathe through reading, listening to another or getting to be part of a conversation with people and learn to see others as their words in the moment, and not ‘hold others captive’ based on who they have been in the past, because living humbleness and consideration means approaching the moment as is without ‘baggage of the past’ – and this is also something to apply to myself of course wherein living in the moment means not reliving the same judgmental patterns within my mind, but be clear, be anew, approach the moment in innocence – yet with the experience of common sense and self-honesty as well.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the application of equality and considering others in placing myself in the shoes of another without the notion that ‘I am doing this to ‘reduce myself’ because that single perception of ‘reducing’ me, is coming from a form of superiority – therefore I realize that placing myself in the shoes of another is a true equal one on one, no more, no less and this I have to be very cautious and aware of when placing it into application.

 

I commit myself to live humbleness as the consideration of my process and every one else’s unique process and position in life wherein I cannot compare myself to anyone nor vice versa, because each individual is unique and having a very particular set of experiences and living conditions that I cannot at all ever cage into a judgment or ‘value’ of sorts – but only consider equality and consider the potential that we can bring out in each other if approaching ourselves in humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to stand as and in the shoes of another, wherein there is no need to try and ‘connect’ but rather to realize I am them as well and I don’t have to connect through a personality with others, but I can learn to see directly who they are through their expression, and so being humble to get to know another for who they are in that moment and so over time without holding another captive to ‘initial or past memories’ created towards them, which are always not about ‘them’ but about how I used my mind to cage another in certain values and experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the understanding of who we are in our minds and so approach each mind, each person, each life without a judgment to it, wherein I can yes still see and understand patterns, see what another is experiencing but without adding it a judgment as a value of that being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’ anymore – but stick to seeing what is possible if one works on developing a potential, such as the process that it takes to develop self-honesty, learning to be ok with seeing the truth of ourselves, our flaws and be willing to be committed to work on those as part of our humble approach to life as well, because this means we have no limitation as well to do something and to give ourselves an opportunity to live.

 

I commit myself to live attention within myself in my interaction with others wherein I can be humble in my approach towards others and embrace them as equals, learn to see them ‘anew’ in a moment and so also be humble within myself to learn and practice what it is to live equality, which is being devoid of the gauging-mindset or set of polarity values that are separate and have no relationship to life – I instead can be living and embodying equality within myself so that I can ensure my approach towards the life in others is seen in innocence and common sense, considering what’s best for myself and them and the context and life itself.

 

I commit myself to learn to approach another person without any judgment of ‘who I am’ in relation to them, but instead be devoid of knowledge and information that defines me as ‘more or less than’ another, but be physical, be attentive in who I am in that moment and so who another or others are in the moment, because that’s the kind of embracing equality and humbleness that I want to live in my life and that I know will simplify the way I relate to myself and others, where there are no more ‘expectations’ or ‘pre-tense’ but simply living in the moment, as life and that’s the way forward for me. J

 

 

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546. Exploring Humbleness

Or sharing the different ways in which I lived the opposite of humbleness, an initial attempt of being humble and the current application of this word in my process

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

When looking at the word humbleness what first comes up is how I’ve been integrating this word as a key element in my process in relation to considering others and being able to relate to others from a humble approach.

 

What do I mean by this? I have had the tendency since I was a little girl to be ‘ahead’ of the class most of the time. I’ll be the one in the class that would always finish whatever we had to do much earlier than the rest and had to wait for everyone else to finish or catch up with something. I have been the person that would start learning a new language with a group of people and drop out after the first few lessons because ‘everyone else was going so slow, I got easily bored.’

 

I have generally existed within a very ingrained perception towards others that had a tinge of superiority that I would not see or define as ‘superiority’ itself, because I deemed that there was ‘something’ – like some kind of ‘special ability’ – in me that facilitated certain things in my life in relation to studies, processing of information or learning stuff, which surely are skills that can be useful – but I did allow me to think better of myself in that regard and create a distinction between ‘me’ towards the rest of the people.

 

I always assumed ‘I knew better than everyone else’ and I’m speaking of a perception that I had as early as my first day in a social environment with ‘fellow beings’ in kindergarten, where I remember all the kids cried when leaving their parents for the first time and I decided to not follow the trend and ‘stand strong’ and didn’t follow the crowd with the crying choir. From that moment on, I considered that I was superior/better, more ‘mature’ or ‘evolved’ than the rest of my peers – hell, sometimes I even thought I could see through the teachers or ‘knew better’ than them, lol – but, interestingly enough all of this even if I could not verbalize it as I am doing it now, led me to eventually create a point of isolation based on separation and a general sense of ‘specialness’ as self-definitions wherein I created my own bubble of ‘I’m an outsider, I’m better than everyone else,’ while at the same time not dealing with the actual issues I had in relation to being able to see past my judgments towards others as ‘inferior’ or ‘unknowledgeable’ and learn what it would mean to truly be humble towards others.

 

When noticing this, I tried to find ways to not stand ‘above’ the rest but ‘mingle more’ in the midst of it. Sure I’d get along with people, but there was still a very subtle yet ever present regard about myself as ‘knowing better’ than others – which I also consider is more common than we’d like to admit in a lot of people, it’s the typical mind programming where we believe we are the center of the universe instead of learning to consider others as equals to us as life itself.

 

The way that this lack of humbleness would come through in me over time is through an experience of exasperation, impatience, only considering ‘my understanding’ and not really being willing to ‘slow down’ or ‘walk with’ at the pace of others at all times. I did try and help them through for example assisting with studies and such, but other times depending on the people, I’d use this ‘superiority’ as a way to cope with experiences of the opposite polarity as inferiority that I didn’t get to question at first.

 

I got to a point during my teenage years and early adulthood wherein I perceived that most people were simply ‘different’ to me and were not really ‘worth my time’ to interact with, preferring to always get along with those that I deemed ‘equal’ to me in terms of personalities and intellectual capacities, in essence becoming an elitist of sorts while still presenting myself as the opposite of that many times, which is also an interesting feat. However in self-honesty one cannot continue deceiving oneself where we know we are putting a ‘show’ towards others, but haven’t really dealt with the source of our actual discomfort, annoyance, irritation, impatience or judgments towards others, which are all in my case a result of having lived in a very confined self-definition as ‘superior’, even if I would have most likely said ‘not at all’ to this latter assertion back when I was shaping myself as this personality in my early teens.

 

This perceived ‘knowing better’ experience led me to generate an ‘elevated’ separation towards my peers. I truly got to think or perceive that I was simply placed in the wrong planet, at the wrong time and that I simply didn’t deserve to have the life that I had, lol. So, one can get the idea of an ever-present layer in me as a personality that at the same time was co-existing with a deeply rooted sense of inferiority, a sense of worthlessness ‘beyond my intellectual capacities’ which I actually ended up creating as a definition onto myself that I blamed other people throughout my life for, in the sense of ‘them’ only ‘appreciating me’ or ‘regarding me’ as a piece of walking-intellect rather than actually getting to know me as the real being and person – but, the reality is that I was the one that was very quick to label and cage everyone else, being very quick to judge and assess who I would ‘want to get along with’ and who I would simply not treat as an absolute equal – even if being in good speaking terms with them.

 

It’s definitely interesting to realize how one is the discriminator when one believes that ‘others are not embracing me for being ‘sort of different’ while I made it a point to go ‘against the tide’ most of the times which implied by default that I would do things and behave in ways wherein I could come through as pedant, offensive at times towards certain kinds of people and transgressive if not attackative at times, which was my way of compensating for an actual sense of inadequacy experienced while growing up, where the only ‘forte’ I had was a certain set of intellectual skills or capacities that I could use with ease to get me through in ‘good positions’ in schools. But, I also got tired of this and wanted to be more than just a perceived ‘intelligent’ person that I believed no one was really caring to ‘get to know’ about, but in reality I was probably the one that would be quite reserved based towards others to begin with, wasn’t as ‘open’ or affable but mostly had a ‘protective shield’ which probably could scare some people away lol.

 

Many times I considered that others were discriminating me for ‘who I am,’ but I never dared to really look again and see how as much as I wanted to get along with everyone, this underlying judgment of superiority within me sustained at the same time by a sense of inferiority kept me limited and defined by my own acceptance and allowance of judgments and values placed on top of who I really am, which is life, which is equality.

 

Fast forwarding from those times to where I am now, I’ve definitely been able to deconstruct and understand why I created such personalities around people, why I would keep a sense of ‘intellectual superiority’ in order to compensate for a sense of inferiority and how all of this currently translates in my life wherein I work with people, I work in assisting others to walk this process from consciousness to self-awareness as life. And this has been – and still is – quite the perfect position for me to be at considering all of this background that I’ve just shared about wherein I had not admitted to myself that I was in fact throughout my whole life ‘setting myself apart’ through a sense of superiority and specialness, sustained by the opposite polarity that I perceived at the time as ‘the real me,’ the ‘human flawed me’ – which I used as a way to ‘equalize’ myself to people, believing that in order to get out of my ‘tough-headed’ personality as an ‘all-knowing’ person that became a tad arrogant with people, I would have to get along with troubled people, people I considered were suffering in ways that I had no context to in my personal life, and in my quest to understand and help them, I would create friendships and relationships with people that signified – at the time – my desire to be humble and consider others’ misfortunes – and in a way challenge my seemingly ‘perfect’ life where nothing seemed to ever be a real ‘drama’ or ‘go wrong’ in a real way.

 

This path of seeking to be ‘humble’ through diminishing myself in such relationships wasn’t the way either, because I deliberately fed my character weaknesses like the emotional self that would come through as experiences of depression, worthlessness, inferiority, invalidation – all of this I created and believed was ‘who I really was’ so that I could have something ‘in common’ with the people that I was interested in getting along with and understanding in terms of their troublesome self-experience and lives.

 

Well, I ended up realizing that it was not really about ‘them’ but about me and my desire to be apparently ‘normal’ by experiencing the troubles and flaws ‘with them,’ instead of having seen how I allowed myself to go into a superiority, a separation, a ‘thinking better of myself’ type of default experience towards others which then led me to go riding through the ups and downs believing that life wasn’t really about all the good and fortunate positions I had been in my life, and so I kind of had to become ‘flawed’ in order to get along with what I deemed ‘the real people’ and no longer be deemed as the ‘perfect’ one that ‘never makes a mistake’ and instead, I created a personality within me that I knew could get along with or attract the kind of people I was interested in understanding and getting to know, ‘troubled’ people that I believed I could help out yet deemed ‘cool’ for daring to not go through the ‘seeking happiness at all cost’ attitude, but stood ‘true’ to themselves in their emotional experience.

 

Of course all of this that I explain was the way I would reason it at the time, which is not at all how I would see things today.

 

I realize that the truth of ourselves is what we make ourselves and our lives to be, which is visible in everything we think, do and act upon. And that we are the only ones that can define what’s supportive, what’s acceptable and what’s not in our lives – it’s not about considering that those that suffer are ‘more real’ than those that are constantly on the winning side, or that I had to ‘step down’ of my perceived ‘perfection throne’ in order to ‘get more real’ with what I considered more ‘real people’ that had ‘real life problems’ unlike me.  That’s where I realized that people get along with and feel comfortable with whoever shows to have the same flaws or difficulties and at this stage, I cannot be entirely sure if I ever was then that kind of ‘troubled’ person in nature or if I made it all up for the sake of making myself more ‘normal’ or ‘humanly flawed’ in order to fit in with those I deemed as the ‘cool and real troubled people.’

 

Regardless of the order of that, it was self-created and I ended up becoming –or getting lost into- my character to such an extent that I stopped being able to differentiate the act from ‘the real me’ and ended up really getting ‘what I wanted’ from the specific people I wanted to be close to, whom I made myself to have something ‘in common’ with, like emotional experiences of inadequacy and depression, worthlessness or a lack of joy for living – which yes, led me to meet interesting people that I now see also allowed me to get to know about the diversity of ‘life’ as it exists in this world that I would have otherwise been oblivious too if I had not become this ‘tormented character’ that shaped my life for quite some time.

 

Now, all of that process of becoming a certain ‘flawed’ personality in order to be able to connect and also ‘assist’ others was a misconceived form of ‘humbleness’ that wasn’t real humbleness, I was trying to do the empathy game where I reduced myself to a level of experience in order to relate to others, instead of rather being able to understand others through first understanding myself.

 

Of course at the time I didn’t have the tools that I have now to be able to even word all of this out, and in a way it’s not like I could have done it any differently because that particular path led me to where I am now, eventually getting a bit too lost in this process of ‘seeking a truth’ separate from myself and getting lost in my own emotional characters that I’ve had to understand and debunk throughout these years, eventually all of it becoming actual habits and patterns that have taken time to stop and ‘rewire’ within myself, lol, I realize I did it all to myself and very consciously so.

 

But even if I was aware of what I was ‘reducing’ myself to in terms of my life and the personalities I became, my flawed sense of life-worth led me to stick to my perceptions at the time for a variety of reasons that were related to being able to stand out of the crowd, going against the tide and creating a form of specialness and separation through self-definitions that ended up becoming my very own cage.

 

Currently humbleness in my life/process is the ability to consider others’ lives, processes and awareness, it’s a word I constantly use to not forget the process that I’ve walked within Desteni in order to get to understand all of this in my life as my own creation and be able to step back from the programming and see it for what it is =a self-creation that we can decide to change and stand up from with actual work and living words in practice.

 

Doing this can become a second nature after some time, but in no way must it become yet another source of superiority and personal-accolade where even the act of supporting another could become another way to continue living out this subtle ‘superiority’ or ‘knowing better than others’ and feeding my ego about it, but this is precisely one of the key points in my process that I’ve been quite diligent and careful to not fall into – meaning, not falling within the perception that ‘I know better’ or placing myself in a superiority stance because I am aware of how that backfires in self-limitation – yet it can be a very subtle ‘constant’ in me if I don’t constantly also decide to remind me of living humbleness and equality instead.

 

This comes in very subtle ways that at times they might completely go unnoticed within me because of how Ingrained this perception has been throughout my life, and this is where I can remind myself that whenever I am seeing ‘ahead’ of another and start getting desperate, exasperated, frustrated and generally ‘bothered’ by the level of awareness that another person might have in an interaction with me, I have to embrace the word humbleness to truly ensure every time that I am in such position of providing assistance and support that I am not acting out of a sense of superiority, or that I am not placing myself on a ‘superior’ or ‘advanced’ position in relation to others, but instead remind me how this is a self-created perception wherein I cannot really ‘know’ ahead of anything other than what is evident in the moment, and so stop feeding any form of ‘being ahead of the game’ perceptions I may have at times.

 

There are layers of physical experiences that I see come through at times when being amongst people, wherein upon listening to them and getting to see ‘where they’re at’ in their life, I have immediately gone into the labeling or tagging of ‘who the person is’ according to the level of self-awareness I perceive/believe they can have – which is a source of separation and knowledge-based type of assumptions.

 

What I would definitely like to learn to live is real humbleness where I can truly be devoid of self-definitions or any form of ego-interest and stand completely clear and stable within me when interacting with others and simply be there as a point of support, a voice of experience based on my own process and ensure that no matter what, I always s remind myself of our equality, of eating my ‘humble pie’ whenever I see myself going into any shift in my mind that perceives anything or anyone else as more or less than who I am.

 

This is all easier said than done, but it truly has been a process of learning to deconstruct these ingrained yet subtle traits that I deemed as ‘normal’ in me, experiences that still might come through at times when talking or assisting people directly, which is where I have to direct myself to embrace the other person, to step out of the inferior/superior paradigm and learn to see another as an equal, to walk with and side by side, to remember my own process that has led me to be where and how I am today and that this is what the real meaning of humbleness is for me, it’s all about recognizing our equality yet our specific lives, positions, allocations, life contexts and potentials wherein I can stand in a position of assisting others that also want to assist themselves in the same process I’ve decided to live and apply in my own life.

 

More to open up….

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

Self Diminishing Superiority

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536. Transparency (No Pretense!)

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

Here I look straight into the word ‘pretentious’ as it being something that I have a general negative association to – and it being the opposite of the word I’m looking at integrating here which is transparency, without pretense specifically – and it’s interesting to read the whole list of synonyms and antonyms of this word here http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/pretentious because it gives a general feel to what my interest or ‘attraction’ and also ‘repulsion’ towards someone’s expression is all about yet, it all relates to my own judgments towards my own expression.

The first thing that pops into my mind is myself expressing me in what I considered was an ‘over the top’ type of expression, mostly related to memories of how I have been –according to my judgment – conceited or pretentious, which is something I definitely want to fine tune into a point of humbleness, simplicity in expression, transparency – in a way of expressing: here I am, this is my expression, no need to pretend to be ‘more’ or anything less than what I am, which is coming through more in who I am and how I interact with others, but it wasn’t definitely an immediate process to get to be that.

Looking back in my expression a decade ago, I definitely had placed a lot of personalities before me in order to ‘cope’ with reality, sometimes being too shy and reserved – read fearful and judging how others would experience my ‘real’ expression – and some other times appearing too extravagant, conceited, snobbish and getting myself into a ‘high’ of sorts, stemming from the actual inferiority I would experience towards others which led me to create a somewhat defensive self with a tinge of grandeur in order to make myself noticed in fear of being unnoticed – and the rest of the polarities that stem from simply not being accepting oneself.

I can say that I could have come off as pretentious or petulant lol, which I must say was quite a hard-wired personality in me, mostly veering towards the ‘giving a punch with words’ and my expression rather than simply sharing myself in calm and stability, without seeking attention or a form of specialness.

The point is to notice how it has been a process for me to get to a relative point of transparency, openness, comfort when sharing myself with others – walking from the shy, fearful character that didn’t even want to record videos and upload them on the internet (yes, I had made a decision upon first encountering YouTube back in 2006 that I would never be on it, lol) to then deciding to start sharing myself in relation to this process with Desteni and finding ‘my expression’ in those videos, which at times I can see myself currently cringing at how I expressed myself back then and pondering if others considered it too brusque, ‘in your face’ and maybe a bit too snobbish or pretentious at times – which of course were also expressions I have generally disliked in others, which proves again that ‘what one dislikes, exists within oneself as well’ – however, if I had judged myself as all of this and had refrained myself from recording those videos, I would have prevented me from learning to be comfortable in front of a camera and speaking into a recording that will stay there as an archive for posterity, which sure, may sound intimidating at times, but I’ve also learned to not go and ‘delete’ the stuff, but leave it there as a process walked at a certain point in my life – it’s part of the process, as we say.

So, this point of transparency linked to a humbleness and an unconceited expression is something I want to practice more in my expression within specifically getting back to recording videos, because I had also prevented myself from doing so because of how I had judged the ‘YouTube persona’ that I have there as some kind of embarrassment that I could just bury for a while and not get back to my personal vlogs – however this is now out of the bag and I will look at recording myself again, because it is quite supportive to do so, it assisted a lot to see myself, to even get to know myself by seeing how I speak, how I move my face and the rest of tonalities that may come through it, it’s quite a great process of self-exploration as well.

I enjoy writing and apply transparency in the sense of being self-honest, being able to see the ‘nitty gritty’ of myself and have no problem with me sharing it, I’ve been in hangouts and it’s definitely enjoyable also to share oneself because of the interaction with others – but now I have to go back to the self-recording and see what comes up. And one of the words I want to integrate in my expression is that of being transparent, not having any hidden agenda of wanting to be perceived in a certain way, but simply sharing myself, without pretense, without fears, without having to ‘appear’ a certain way that I’ve defined as ‘acceptable for the world to see’ – lol. That’s the pretense right there to stop and correct within me.

This is an interesting thing to look at because it is mostly in the notion of ‘recording’ myself that this experience of having to put on a show comes up, because I have seen myself how I can enjoy and be expressive when sharing with other people real time and no fears like that emerge – but it is in the consideration of doing vlogs – as in material that will remain for posterity and multiple replays – that this emerges, which is in fact something I did to myself, considering how I have been the one that has re-played myself and gotten to judge my expression, therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refrained from recording myself in vlogs again due to how I have judged my expression before and perceiving that I am mildly embarrassed by my previous expression, yet it is what it is, a part and phase of my process where I was discovering ‘who I want to be’ and how I want to express myself, which is also a fine tuning process that I cannot expect to come through ‘perfectly’ at first – also here realizing that I am the one that has to stop seeing myself through the eyes of judgment, of seeking ‘perfection’ in such videos, but instead embrace my expression in the moment, being transparent, having no ‘hidden agendas’ or pretense around it all, but giving myself that opportunity to see me this time through judgment-less eyes, and not doing it only to myself, but also towards others as well.

And the reason is mostly because of how I became a certain person/character on those videos that do not represent what I’m really like currently. I am still quite direct and frank but without that sulkiness or the tinge of cynicism that would come through at times, however I’ll only know until I actually record myself. And this is another thing to debunk here, how I expected myself to kind of ‘replay’ how I presented myself in the past, which is of course not something that is common sensical to do and I’ve been using this excuse as a reason to not do personal vlogs and have given my power away to these justifications and excuses, which doesn’t make sense at all, because if anything then I can show how change is possible and how we don’t have to be the same as yesterday, that change is healthy and it’s actually something that we should all do as well considering it is very much needed to fine tune ourselves to be best for ourselves and so best for all.

I said in my first vlog ever that ‘I felt like an open book’ and it was so in the sense that I was writing out the first pages within this process of self-discovery, self-change and self-honesty creation, and now it’s time to continue doing so not only in writing but get back on doing videos and any other methods I can plan on directing as well in my reality.

So, I’ll be soon recording myself also to share more about my personal process of self-change based on my participation within Desteni – officially for 9 years in my case – and all the bits of changes that I’ve been creating within myself, what I’ve learned, what I’m still working on, etc. And that is then a way to live transparency as well, where I don’t have to put on a show or create an entertaining display of knowledge as myself but instead do a simple practical self-sharing, which I already do in these words, in these blogs – now it’s simply taking it to the vlog level again and get back to being comfortable recording myself.

Bottom line is, if transparency is something I appreciate as an expression in others, why have I separated myself from such transparency and unconceitedness and making it something that I long to experience through a relationship with someone that I perceive as transparent? Why do we create these barriers in our lives of waiting for someone to ‘be that for us’ instead of us taking the lead and learn from them, integrate that expression as ourselves and walk the process that it takes to live a word for real within and for ourselves?

Also, this is not as simple and quick as in saying ‘I want to be transparent here and now’ and that’s it – living this word is also a process and starts with developing self-honesty which is a pillar of this process from consciousness to self-awareness as life. This is just an example in terms of transparency in expression when sharing oneself, going from the notion of having to ‘put on a show’ or ‘appear’ a certain way at the eyes of others, or becoming defensive instead of being vulnerable, open and genuine – aiming at simplicity, instead of trying to do something ‘larger than life’ and ending up elevating oneself too much, losing ground, missing the earthy-expression of saying things as they are, as we are, in a moment, without edits, that’s what’s enjoyable as well from human expression for sure. Therefore I stop expecting others ‘to be that towards me’ or ‘for me’, I have to be the one that lives the word and sets the example.

Transparency to be lived as a direct, frank expression yet self-honest which means, within self-responsibility, within humbleness – not as a ‘show off’ or another kind of pretense of ‘being transparent’ lol, but as a genuine expression without hidden agendas nor back doors, that’s the kind of expression that I am here placing on my table of words to practice in living and developing for myself within communication specifically, considering I have already developed a point of self-transparency as self-intimacy= seeing within myself, getting to know me as I am, pushing through fears of seeing my truth and reality, being willing to see and open up whatever is needed to continue ‘processing’ myself, not hiding from myself – that’s settled to a certain extent over time and with the tools of self-writings, self-forgiveness and the feedback gotten through the network of support as the Desteni I Process, which has been a lighthouse in a vast sea of darkness lol, seriously, considering how one can lose one’s direction at times, the support one gets to get back to self-honesty and self-responsibility to one’s self-creation is always a gift in life to have.

So! Transparency, openness, vulnerability and self-enjoyment in my expression, here I come.

Thanks for reading

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


514. Debunking My Intellectual Arrogance

Or learning to apply the principle of ‘Investigate all things and keep what’s best’ and create a constructive outcome of a personal investigation

Today I woke up and listened to some more information that I’ve been following through for some months that essentially debunk and expose a lot of the ‘alternative culture’ I believed myself to choose to live by while growing up and more so as a teenager and young adult, which was at the time finding a way ‘out’ of the ‘common-culture’ or what I perceived as ‘the normal’ preferences in my environment and mostly in order to form a particular personality ‘out of the normalcy’, but also in an attempt to find something more meaningful in life than what I was immediately ‘offered’ to.  

Now, based on all these investigations I’ve watched, everything that I once learned to appreciate and identify with has been debunked as covert operations to precisely create the types of people and therefore societies in which we are actually living today, with certain notions of ‘radical’ values, ‘out of the norm’ ways of being, preferences that divert our attention from that which I now see and consider of importance and substance in my life.

What I have noticed though is that upon finding out the truth about all those ‘idols’ and people I got to admire at some point in my life and slowly but surely realizing that yes, they were mostly part of some CIA operation that aimed at creating ‘rascals’ or ‘punks’ or ‘hippies’ or ‘socially unfit’ people etc. .and in a way to continue ‘dividing and conquering’ or ‘confusing’ the masses and the youth specially so as to keep everyone well entertained with what I for me and my life consider not relevant things in life.

And here I also noticed that even if I have a clarity on how there is really no ‘mind control’ unless one accepts and allows it through participating it – meaning there’s a two way responsibility here – I still noticed that my overall ‘silent’ reaction was that of disappointment, disenchantment which leads into the usual experiential outflow ‘from love to hate,’ that in my case it turns into this absolutist stance where I am very quick to dismiss it all as ‘a lie’ or ‘bollocks’ or ‘mind control/ brainwashing’ and in one go wanting to completely ‘cut out’ all of myself that I once invested into all of that alternative or ‘counter culture’ that I once was a firm proponent of and supporter.

How did I come to realize this and write about it? Today after I shared the one post on Facebook to prompt people to ‘get informed!’ I went to the Desteni Forum and read a response that Sunette placed for someone else in a similar context to my situation here and that allowed me to be aware of this ‘lashing out’ that I was doing with certain intellectual righteousness and how I have in fact done this ‘from love to hate’ type of relationship with not only musicians, writers or artists in general, but also with philosophies, religious documents and other practices that I did test out for some time in my past and that I completely ‘threw out of the window’ the moment I started this process and in a way creating my own ‘radicalization’ that doesn’t apply the principle of ‘investigate all things and keep what’s best’, but go into the – once again – absolutist stance where I render all of it obsolete in my life, of no use, a waste of time and whenever asked about it, I can quickly dismiss it all as if there was zero value in it at all, which is not so, regardless of its underlying purpose.

So here I want to redeem myself in relation to this and what I so easily jump into a ‘black or white’ type of approach when in reality, it reminds me of having to remember my process. Here specifically considering the life that I’ve lived and how while I was growing up, I took what I found interesting at the time and what I thought would assist me to know ‘alternative perspectives’ and other types of ‘thinking’ than the one around me. At the time I had no reference of living principles or self-honesty or ways to question the kind of values I was getting into – maybe I did know what I was getting myself unto but didn’t question it further because ‘if others were doing it then why shouldn’t I too?’ type of thinking.

At the time I didn’t have any further information that could show me exactly what the ‘agenda’ behind any of the entertainment or arts I got into were really about and if I am honest with myself, a lot of that at the time and in its context allow me to get to know different people and get to nurture different perspectives, maybe not the most ‘supportive ones’ but were a sort of bridge or way for me to then get to be where I am now which was, breaking through certain parameters, norms, learning to question more and explore some other ‘lifestyles’ even if it was mostly through adopting certain preferences in literature, music or arts.

So here’s the quote that prompted me to look into this:

I suggest rather look at your past teachings, information, material, processes – whether good or bad, in a way of “what did I actually LEARN from it? What did I realise as I reflected on the consequences, the good, bad and ugly? How did it all actually assist and support me to realise and understand more about myself? What impact did it have on my life / awareness?” Then, in asking yourself these questions – you can SHARE, in a constructive way what you realized about yourself through it all. This SUPPORTS YOU and MANY others SO MUCH MORE than ‘lashing out / blaming / reacting’ towards anything / anyone in your past, as well as speaks volumes for who you are as a person.

In addition to this all – do realise your responsibility within making the choice / decision to invest in and participate in the past interactions / materials / processes; they did not enforce / demand / control you to. According to what you made of it, was by your will, initiative, self, decisions, reactions, responses, behaviours etc. 


So, again, and this goes for all who has the tendency to do this – POLARISE and REACT TOWARDS others, groups, teachings, materials – rather live “investigate all things, keep what’s good”, where you strive to be HUMBLE and rather UNDERSTAND it / them, take from it that APPLIES TO YOU, that you can use to be the BEST of you in thought, word, deed, self and life creation. 

Now also in your journey with Desteni / within Desteni = ensure you take the responsibility of deciding who you are, how to utilize it, support and assist yourself as you are in your own hands within the confines of your own mind, being and body and so solely responsibility for the decisions you make and the experiences you create; so as to not to one day for some reason shift in your decisions and go into blame and reactions towards something / someone for who you are and what you experience, rather LEARN and GROW and EXPAND. 


We tend to only BLAME and REACT when we in fact did not honestly reflect, learn, see and change at all… – Sunette Spies and the whole context of the topic please, you can read it here: http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=7978

 

This is very supportive for me to consider at the moment and my approach to ‘getting informed’ and how I’ve been using it as a way to covertly lash out towards all of that which I once invested my time and life on.

Here thus taking my own responsibility, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the awareness of what some people have found are the real motives and purposes behind counter culture or alternative culture that I once firmly believed myself to be a part of and that I supported, recommended and promoted through my ways of thinking, speaking, my habits and relationships wherein now that I got to know a different perspective on it – or let’s say one of its main purposes – I reacted to it by deciding to expose it, attempting to generate controversy toward it in an attempt to ‘prevent’ others from being following the same or follow into ‘the same trap’ that I believe myself to have fallen into in the past, instead of realizing that I am definitely not going to be able to save anyone by merely ‘exposing’ stuff and vilifying it with the mightiest words I might have at hand, because I realize that only generates or regenerates the polarization as friction and conflict that lacks actual substantial personal input that could in turn be more humble and considerate to share from myself.

Here I therefore consider that I can instead share what I learned from it, what I discovered about myself with it and so at the same time showing the process I have walked to now understand the effects of my participation and integration of certain ways of thinking and living and how I have come to realize for myself, in my life and context are not best for myself, my life, my principles.

This means that I have to develop humbleness in reminding myself that the actual fact is that I had ‘positive expectations’ and thought of myself to be ‘better off’ or ‘superior’ in relation to my participation in this alternative/counter-culture I once sought to be a part of. Therefore when getting to find out that I ‘got myself duped in it’, all the ‘good’ turns to ‘bad’ and that’s how the lashing out and talking ‘against’ all of it becomes a knee-jerk reaction, instead of realizing that this is who I am as the mind that jumps from one pole to the other, instead of taking a moment to breathe, see how I there’s this ‘impulse’ that is moving me which I must take as an indication that I need to take a breath to look at the situation outside of my initial reaction and expand my perspective beyond the ones that I am now seeing being presented as ‘the reality’ or ‘the only truth’ behind it.

I can realize that I have to jump out of the lashing-out bandwagon and slow myself down to instead take a moment to reflect on that which is being ‘exposed’ about something and learn to process this for myself and so share what I’ve also learned from about myself within it or from it, sharing where I noticed that I compromised myself and my common sense to be ‘part of it’ and  so in turn creating a more constructive review of it all in a way that people can learn to also discern for themselves and reflect back on my own sharing.

Ultimately, I can only ever share my own example, my own discernment and self-investigation, but I definitely have to step out of the notion that through me reproving and exposing something will lead others to immediately change their ways and embrace my views and perspectives, this is more like wanting to ‘convert’ others which is not who I want to be in my life, that would not be me assisting others in their own self-realization either, but me trying to convert others to ‘my views’ now and that won’t ever work.

I can only ever share my views, perspectives in a constructive manner while ensuring that I am not holding any emotions to it or personal investment of ‘ego’ in it all, because the very process of sharing anything in my case is to precisely debunk my own personalities, my own ego, my own bias ultimately and I appreciate the fact that I can read stuff like the quote I posted above and be able to own my creation, to take it as a useful point of feedback that even if it wasn’t intended ‘for me’ per se, assisted me a lot to see my relationship with all of those people related to the counter-culture, philosophies or ‘alternative’ movements that I once embraced as ‘who I am’.

Here also a reminder for myself how even if those movements could have been psy-ops and covert operations to dissociate culture, we have made them effective through our own participation and not questioning to the T what kind of principles and values we are imprinting in ourselves within it all, what kind of direction in life are we aiming at with it?

And this is not about ‘those’ people that directed these movements ‘to blame’ – it’s entirely about our own responsibility, our own participation – myself that decided to get into it all and embrace it without a question– even if for only a phase in my life.

Bottom line is, I could not have done ‘all the perfect choices’ in my life and specially while being a teenager and finding my way through the world – not a justification either – but there’s a lot more that we could instead create as ways for the young ones to not fall prey of certain ‘cultural movements’ that lead oneself ‘nowhere’ in life, but to learn to discern and make choices in self-responsibility.

Therefore, this is not a ‘problem solved’ for me, this intellectual arrogance is something that I definitely have to keep working on because even if I can have a deep understanding of reality, ourselves as human beings, our mind, etc. – it’s all still an understanding, a base or foundation of information that can assist in living our lives in a more supportive manner, yet I still have to live It and continue to test it, apply it, be it and ensure that there is no egotism or superiority formed around ‘what I am aware of’ currently either, because that’s not the point at all about this process from consciousness to self-awareness as life either.

So, I keep working on myself and will continue sharing whenever this point emerges back on, as well as some time sharing more of myself in this counter culture too.

Thanks for reading  

 Master of the Worlds

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


480.From Mental Values to Life Values

“Those who stand on tiptoes

Do not stand firmly

Those who rush ahead

Don’t get very far.

Those who try to outshine others

Dim their own light

Those who call themselves righteous

Can’t know how wrong they are

Those who boast of their accomplishments

Diminish the things they have done.

Compared to the Tao, these actions are unworthy.

If we are to follow the Tao, we must not do these things.”

– Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

 

Yesterday I forgot to add this quote to the blog on ‘Impressions and Impressing’ which I got to almost by a random opening of the Tao Te Ching book while having this word ‘impression’ as my purpose to explore in the day. This one sums up very  nicely the polarities that we create when following ‘the way of the ego’ as our expression, it is a reminder of the consequences of ‘living through our mental values’ and I found it supportive because a part of me, my programming and even familiar influence on my father’s side would have probably been a trigger for me to, for example, still feel the need to be recognized or boast about something even if in an apparent ‘modest’ manner in order to give myself some ‘value’ for something.

However, when walking this process of self-honesty, developing humbleness is of utmost support, because then we stop ‘measuring’ ourselves against others – we stop comparing ourselves – we also stop valuing ourselves based on ‘what we do’ or ‘how much’ of it is done, but instead consider who we are in every moment and understand that the results and outcomes of our ‘every moment’ in a day, are the bricks with which we go building our next moments, our future.

So if one practically let go of the desires or fears that emerge within us when directing ourselves to do or be something, things simplify a lot and the attention and focus is no longer on a ‘value’ based mindset related on a measure, on external values, on others’ opinions or criticisms, but one then focuses on seeing the substance of things, what’s relevant, what’s of support for one’s life and that of others. That would be the real value of things if we are ever to, for example,  recreate money and an entire new ‘value system’ where all things are valued according to how useful or supportive something is to make everyone’s life better.

In that sense, something like bars of gold or some chunks of information in a computer would definitely not be valued the way they are now, but we would regain an awareness of the real valuable and supportive things in life – but, we’ll get there someday, when we realize our massive accepted and allowed brainwashing on these concepts.

Where can we start now? With ourselves, stopping our own self-devaluations, our own inflations, our own ‘future investments’ and derivatives that seek self-interest ‘at all cost’ or that follow the rules of a game where nothing can ever be truly valued as equal, but always unequal: always inferior to something/someone, always superior, always ‘in front of’, always ‘behind from’ – and no, I’m not talking about physical spacing of things or physical dimensions – only talking about the mental-values that we impose onto ourselves in the ego-scale of things.

So in the second to last sentence of this quote, we get the key of all those polarity values explained “Compared to the Tao, these actions are unworthy.” The Tao here as per my understanding and definition is the way of life, not even the ‘good’ as that can sometimes be misconstrued as a morality, but I’d rather say the way of what’s best for all. Therefore, the key word ‘unworthy’ comes up there to see how it is implying a ‘new value system’ that is no longer based on more or less, but instead in a way that considers the depth and potential of life.

In life, the only real value is life – nothing else – and therefore, anything that does not support life, has no meaning, has no value. How can we then make sure that we start changing the values that we believe only the ‘Federal Reserve’ is responsible for in terms of money creation, or a ‘Central Bank’? We have to take the point of ‘worth’ and ‘value’ back to ourselves and see how it is that the concept of inequality wasn’t born in a social construct ‘out there,’ but it is in fact an inherent mechanism in which we think of ourselves and others, a way in which we have ‘learned’ to ‘value’ things as more or less than in a myriad of ways.

Let’s consider then that if Equality – as in Life Equality, as substance, as the realization of how everything that exists is genuinely one an equal – would have been our default measuring point and general understanding in how we relate to everything, then this inequality, this discrimination, wars, poverty would not exist, because we would not be able to disregard that part of ourselves and impose this notion of it being ‘less than’ life, because such concepts of being less than, more than, being superior or inferior would simply not exist as part of our ways to conceive, to see or approach reality, which would assists us in seeing how we are one and equal to every single person, animal or speck of reality that we see around us.

This might seem a bit too ‘out there’ but to ground it back here, my point is emphasizing how many times we become righteous in believing that we know exactly ‘who we are’ and ‘what our purpose in life is’ and we don’t even question it, we get so sure of ourselves that it can create an inflexibility of sorts that only in continuing to investigate oneself in self-honesty does one get to break-out of that secure-shell of ‘knowing exactly’ who we believe we are, but fear to question it, because let’s face it: no one really likes to experience a sense of uncertainty, not knowing ‘who one is’ if we strip ourselves away from every single definition that we’ve built through our minds, our ego that is always existing in a lack, in an inequality. Yet, this is precisely the kind of challenges we have to walk through in order to see ‘what’s real, what’s of real substance’

I’ve tested it out and proven to myself how life, as in genuinely being able to live every moment in a directive, stable, calm way – is a possibility when I precisely let go of these polarized ways of perceiving myself, what I do, how I relate to others and how I see/perceive reality. It seems like a simple decision and feat, but the reality is that we’ve conditioned ourselves so much to always see through the filter of the mind that it does take this process to understand each layer of self-deception and so, learn how to take responsibility of it by acknowledging it, embracing it as our creation, walking it through a process of re-creation and redefinition the same way that we would expect a new seed to grow, to nurture it, to support ourselves with giving ourselves the proper conditions to develop and then seeing our creation come to fruition.

That’s also how building the new world, the new way of living cannot come from a belligerent starting point, cannot come from antagonism, cannot come from denial, refusal or ignorance of what we’ve become or have created – all of us, equally – as our reality, our world system.

Therefore we go back to the point of wanting to change the world – yes, that quest that ‘drives’ me and many more – to see it again as something that is doable by each one of us, first understanding all of these inequalities existing in ourselves and becoming the living example of what it really means to value all life as equal, to value and regard oneself as one and equal with everything that is here.

And no, this is not intended to create a ‘larger than life’ experience, because that would again be a mind-interpretation of this. It is about us daily practicing this living of the word equality, deliberately ending the ‘less than/more than’ mental perceptions and instead practice embracing ourselves, others, reality ‘as is’ in order to not fight it, to not deny it – which doesn’t mean that we then blindly accept it, not at all – but instead can take responsibility for such creation through understanding it, without judging ourselves for it and so walking it by the hand into a correction, which means: we have to do it, we have to walk that process within ourselves first if we are to change the nature of how we value things, how we gauge or assess things in reality.

So this is a challenge then for myself that I expand to anyone reading this, to see how much during our day we go into inferiorities, superiorities, a sense of righteousness, or wanting something ‘more fulfilling’ or feeling too empty, where we go seeking to be ‘valued more by others’ – all of these representing some of the most basic ways and forms in which we have unfortunately conditioned ourselves to interact, constantly perceiving ourselves ‘unfulfilled, incomplete, lacking, desiring, hoping’ That’s the distraction right there to stop and change into words that can instead assist us to user our time, our minds, our bodies for self-creation, self-nurturing for self support.

Even more so, if you get to see that it becomes rather ‘easy’ to just ‘think’ of yourself as one and equal with everything, it doesn’t stop there, absolutely not, that’s only the first realization, from there it is still all about directing, developing and making of our potential something real through actual work, actual doings and self-responsible direction by each one of us.

It would mean nothing at all to understand oneself as ‘one and equal with everything’ but don’t take any actions, don’t embark into personal changes to genuinely create a life, a world system that can be driven by and embody the kind of principles that we then are individually – one by one – deciding to live within ourselves.

So, a cool point for self-reflection is to see and understand ourselves as the creator of actual value as life values that we can cultivate individually and so collectively – that’s where our real power resides and so far we have been squandering it seeking change only ‘out there’– but we also have to start here, one by one, and that is then us living an ‘idea’, living a word that cannot be silenced or censored, because a new set of living principles and so living values within ourselves cannot be suppressed or repressed if we all start waking up to this realization – there’s no need to fight wars or protest to do this, it’s in all of our heads and hands to use as tools of self-creation in equality, so let’s act, think and live words in a way that is genuinely supportive for all.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Louis Morton

Louis Morton 2014

 

Learn how to express your genuine self:

 


472. Humbleness in Process

Or how to stop the recreation of consciousness values while walking the process from consciousness to living awareness.

I was having a conversation with my partner about the importance of being humble in this process wherein it can happen that upon making the decision of changing oneself to align to the principles of life in equality, oneness and what’s best for all, one can tend to see oneself as ‘better than the rest’ of the people, superior due to knowing certain information and having an awareness of tools for self-support that yes, can in fact be a complete life changing point. However we often forget how by deciding to walk this process from consciousness to awareness, we are not becoming something ‘more’ or ‘superior’ in any way – it is in fact only re-aligning ourselves to what we could have always been like if we hadn’t stepped into a relationship of separation/inequality between one another and creating the plethora of illusory values (superior/inferior, more or less than, better/worse, good/bad) that we’ve now made very real because of our acceptance and allowance of them as ‘who we are.’

We were discussing how it is not supportive at all to take a position of being on a high horse when one is able to transcend something, to change something in oneself successfully and believe that one then has the authority to call others out for not doing so, or expecting others to do the same and patronizing others essentially when not following the same route. I definitely agree, this is all ego-based/consciousness reactions of better/worse, superior/inferior and comparison mode that leads us to only recreate the same kind of systems, patterns and tendencies that already exist in this world, where we value people more or less based on ‘what they know’ or ‘the decisions they make’ in their lives.

Reflecting on this, I’ve seen myself living that pattern out even if it is in very subtle manner where a part of me sees that I have a certain authority over another when it comes to pointing out something, having to explain another what exactly it is that I see or assess they are doing wrong or should do instead. But, in my own relationship this has been a pattern that I’ve had to first become aware of through being made aware of it and so learn to stop myself from acting on this ‘impulse’ that emerges – read energy – that wants to point out ‘what should be done’ or ‘what’s wrong’ in someone else’s life/situation.

This is certainly one of those things I completely ‘have become’ that it’s hard for me to see it. It’s no different to when in the past, I used to take pride of apparently understanding things better, faster, cultivating some kind of intellect to create a form of superiority to in essence judge/criticize everything of this world-system and the actors in it as ‘less than myself’ because I could explain their flaws and problems – or so I made myself believe, lol. What happens is that I used to justify doing this within a righteousness of doing so in the name of creating a form of betterment, that I could stand ‘for the people’ someday in my life Against those that underestimated us – that type of personality was very strong in me, a ‘savior’ and ‘justice maker’ type of person.

What I missed in this type of mentality and so personality is that my whole starting point of wanting to ‘be superior’ was masked with a good intention = helping people, showing the way, leading people to understand what’s wrong in this world – while in fact not wanting to admit to myself that my starting point was that of being in inferiority, perceiving that I had to ‘overcome’ those perceived authorities I accepted and allowed myself to portray as ‘the enemy’ that ‘I/we had to stand up to’.

Yet because of coloring it/valuing it in these ‘positive’ ways like saying it is in the name of justice and doing something commendable ‘for the people,’ or ‘to wake others up,’ I completely numbed myself from really asking myself ‘who am I’ in this role of enlarging my intellect for the sake of having sufficient ‘wits’ to apparently ‘outwit’ others in the name of some common benefit? Makes no sense, it defeats the whole purpose to begin with as I would be recreating the same pattern of ‘the masters and slaves’, the superior and inferior in my own attitude towards others that – to begin with – I believed I had to save, teach, show the way to, which in fact disables anyone from creating their own resolve and ‘make up their own mind’ about what they see is their way, path and process. Therefore such stance I was taking recreated the same antagonism and inequality that I was supposedly attempting to ‘stand up’ from, while inadvertently limiting others from taking responsibility for themselves at the same time.

 

 I’ve seen throughout this process how even if I have stopped such personality within myself of aggrandizing my ego through intellect or antagonism toward ‘the enemy’ out there as the system, this same tendency can seep through now taking this very process from consciousness to awareness into an ego-field where one can start building up say a ‘new ego’ personality based on ‘being walking this process’ or having a particular awareness developed over time that one could perceive makes us better/more than others, when this is of course not in fact so.

The key word to prevent oneself from falling into the ego trap of ‘feeling superior because of walking process’ or ‘because of knowing/being aware of all of these facts about reality and tools of self-support’ is in fact Humbleness. And this is what I go realizing every day that I go learning how to express and share myself when writing these blogs, when talking to people, when assisting people in their own same process, this word Humbleness is a key element for me to continue cultivating it and applying it/practicing whenever I see that there’s a surge of ‘taking pride on’ any point of awareness or ‘achievement’ in whichever form within my personal process or life.

What I do instead is to eat my ego words up, lol. It’s a way that I’ve learned to refrain myself from expressing words in the form of boasting about something and realizing that if my intent of saying it was only to create a competition, create a ‘race’ against others, or place myself in my imaginary pedestal – then I have to keep it to myself and make it sufficient that I am aware of what I see, what I am working on or have worked on and instead of seeing my way as the ‘ultimate way’ or ‘better’ or any of that type of comparison/competition, I direct myself to learn more from others, to realize that there is a never ending – most likely – process of learning from one another in this life and in the next ones.

With understanding the many possible ways that we can expand ourselves beyond the very limited ego-values of judging/perceiving something or someone as more or less or superior and inferior, etc. we can jump into the realization that this process is about aligning oneself to principles  of how we could have always lived by from the very beginning of our existence.

So it definitely isn’t about becoming ‘superior’ in the values that we currently hold in global consciousness where we grade ourselves with numbers and positions and money or reputations – it is about making decisions to become individuals that honor the life that is in all of us in thought, word and deed, seeing it as a move and decision that we could – and dare I say here should-  have applied a long time ago, doing what we were supposed to have done from the get go, but only now we are waking up to realize it.

Therefore one can visualize it as in getting back to the original path while having gone astray for far too long – there’s nothing ‘superior’ in incorporating oneself to another path, it is more like becoming aware of and deciding to act on that responsibility that we all have by the very fact of being alive, and so live this decision in humbleness. There’s nothing to take pride of in this, really, and my personal point to learn in this is precisely to not patronize, to not be generating any sort of ‘superiority’ for deciding to walk this path, but the other way around, keep cultivating humbleness and keep challenging myself to expand beyond ‘me’ all the time, to consider other people, their processes, the multiple ways of assisting each other as well – because we all are in this process, no matter if we are aware of it or not – their lives, their experiences, their expressions and individuality.

I have to focus on myself and not try and ‘impose’ anything onto anyone, I can only ever share my example and by doing so, not expect any result of that, not to expect any direct and visible outcome from ‘me sharing myself’ but doing so unconditionally as an act of understanding, of standing in principles and remaining very aware that I am not in any way subtly feeding ‘an ego’ about doing so, because it would defeat the whole purpose of this process to begin with.  And yes, it is a constant thing to do in my case since my familiar patterns indicate that we had existed in a long history of inferiority that sought superiority through boasting about things, through seeking recognition, through playing the ‘superior’ one in any possible way – which only indicates a vast existence in inferiority that seeks to become ‘more’ in any form or way of values that we have all collectively accepted and allowed as something ‘real’.

The only real value is life and it exists in all of us as a potential for us to realize it, recognize it and walk it as who we are in every moment. Each one’s path, ways of living it and outcomes will always be unique as it is part of an individual’s expression, lifetime, experiences, positioning and location in each one’s reality and decisions – and so, I’ve got to learn to embrace that as it is, as it expresses – no more and no less, and make sure that any time I see my subtle diminishment of someone’s expression, ways of walking their own process, ways of applying themselves as ‘less than’ or ‘wrong’ or ‘not as good as’ I stop myself and I remind myself to live humbleness and consideration, because that way I can learn to embrace another’s life and process as an extension of myself that I can get to know more of, learn from and if it is in my ability to do so, be able to assist in any way that is possible – not from ‘top to bottom’ type of hierarchical perception, but as equals, learning from one another in a symbiotic relationship.

This approach has definitely been assisting me to grow as a person in fact every single time that I get to learn from others on how to best assist oneself and so others in their own process, and I do insist here on how if we can transform our relationships from one another to best get to know ourselves and create ways to change our lives to live principles that honor our very own lives, we can definitely change who we are as humans in this world, no doubt about it.

As a last word, I can only speak from my own experience and I can only share of the multiple benefits that I’ve been realizing exist as a potential in all of us and that I’m continuing to test out, apply, learn from and live in my reality – we can all give ourselves a chance to test it out, to start cultivating some self-awareness, to decide to improve oneself even if it is in very simple ways, bit by bit –every effort done in the realization of becoming part of this emerging change in reality is another part and bit of ourselves that decided to align with life, standing in equality where there’s no more or less or better or worse, we are then no longer defined by the bipolar nature of consciousness values and egotistical scales – we simply decide to live as life, as equals  while remaining unique and individual.

Thanks for reading

 

Recommended support:

  1. Humble & Considerate
  2. Humble, Considerate & Godhood
  3. Redefining Humble & Considerate

 

Humble Me

 

Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


460. American Pastoral: My Reflection

I recently watched the movie ‘American Pastoral’ and I can say it became a very interesting reflection to myself and my past in the role of a teenage daughter within a family. In fact, I wanted to catch this movie in the theatres because I watched the trailer and saw the plot related to a ‘typical American family’ that sees the only child  – female – involved in extremist political groups that started shaping her character to a point of becoming a terrorist.

There were moments of her ‘early stages’ of rebellion at home that reminded me so much of myself, like how this girl is screaming at the television news and calling them ‘fuckers’ and just becoming insta-angry at what’s being said on TV. Yep, been there, done that many times, creating a constant battle with the point of ‘having the TV on’ and the news themselves, getting pissed and worried about everything that was happening, blaming the corporations, the politicians the ‘unaware people’ etc. – as I’ve written many times in these blogs already.

But this is not the only point, in the whole history I was able to see the extremes of what happens when there’s a child within a family where the parents are the epitome of ‘perfection’ as in ‘model individuals’ according to the usual social standards – the father being the popular American football player in school that becomes successful in his business/life, marrying a lady that had been a beauty queen and essentially having all the ingredients to be the ‘perfect family.’ Yet, their child from a very early age starts to react to that, desiring the opposite of what her parents consider to be a mark of success and tradition. She starts doing the opposite like affiliating herself with ‘political groups’ that want to essentially disrupt any sense of ‘American Dream’ or ‘normalcy’ at that time – 1960’s, 1970’s in America – starts talking about being anti war, anti capitalism and being constantly pissed off at the world, at the system and at her parents for being ‘so perfect.’

I could relate to that so much based on how I was back then. I didn’t take it that far into becoming an extremist, but I very well know I could have gone into some sort of extremes to antagonize – and that’s the keyword here – whatever is considered as ‘normal’ or ‘mainstream’ or ‘moral’ to any society. My way of challenging this was through the way I behaved, talked, dressed, my preferences, my relationship preferences, the ways in which I had ‘fun’ all of what I built as myself was precisely a way to ‘unconsciously’ rebel and set myself aside from the rest of my family, a way to make myself the ‘black sheep’ and ‘show them’ that I wasn’t going to be like them, which means I was existing in judgment of them, their ways/behaviors, preferences, traditions and the rest of ‘who they are’ in an attempt to ‘change them,’ to ‘make others care’, to ‘have them open their eyes!’– wrong way of course! But I thought that was the way back then.

Here, I know that many might have gone through something similar to this in their teenage years, which is kind of common at some point in everyone’s life, though here the key is looking at creating a healthy balance between awareness and ignorance, between considering ‘the world out there’ and one’s own life and doings.  Therefore I share this so as to not follow through the ways of the people in the movie where they start reprimanding and preventing the girl from having contact with others, only causing the inevitability of her running away from home – but instead, be able to understand that phase of ‘awakening’ of sorts that many teenagers might go through and so, making it that phase where parents can be understanding and considerate of that phase, not jumping into antagonizing it or fearing it or attempting to curb it with ‘locking them up’ either – in a school or their room or ‘away from home’, but creating a space of comprehension of what this desire to ‘show the bad and the ugly’ of the world and being interested in acknowledging it in fact means, which is also why as parents one would have to first and foremost have already gone through that phase of also developing some introspection to be willing to face and see all those things that we usually hide away from in the idea of ‘ignorance is bliss’.

 

american pastoral

 

In the movie the daughter becomes that embodiment of ‘becoming aware of all the things that the parents were oblivious of’ or simply not caring much about – yet she took it to an extreme in order to make a statement, in order to ‘rebel’ against the status-quo. Yet she would eventually find out that becoming an ‘extremist’ is not the way forward and it gets to a situation where it compromises her own health and stability for the sake of ‘caring for the world or others’ and turning it into a religion, which is what happened to her.

But without going into the movie itself so much, bringing it back to myself I could see how I could have gone into certain extremes in my life in some similar ways as Merry in the movie, and I am so thankful that I found the Desteni message relatively early on in my life to prevent myself from going further down the rabbit hole and till this day, still walk my process of ‘stopping antagonizing’ the world, stopping my anger and sadness in relation to all things that we usually go blissfully unaware of, realizing that becoming emotional and a ‘fighter’ myself against everyone is not the way, will not show to people an answer but only will endorse fighting and blaming endlessly, which is pointless, absolutely pointless to the objective of learning self-responsibility and actually doing something about it to stand as that solution we usually only get ‘pissed’ about others not doing so for themselves or ‘the world.’

Here then I can stand as proof that no matter how much one gets angry/pissed at ‘the world’ or attempts to do certain extreme ways to ‘get people’s attention’ it one won’t actually change anything, it won’t get a message through either, one won’t actually in fact contribute to anything but only enhance the usual ‘war mentality’ when we go ‘fighting against everything that we define is wrong!’ and becoming of a belligerent nature that is ‘non-stopping’ for all the wrong reasons. I can see myself in that diligence and belligerence that Merry – the daughter – had in so many ways, but I’ve learned to redirect that diligence to my own self-support, to supporting others to learn how to also stand and live by principles that we can absolutely then prove to ourselves and show to ourselves what it means to ‘be the solution’ in this world, instead of going fighting and blaming and even inflicting damage upon others in order to ‘make a statement.’

It’s really silly how the protesting nature exists in us which has its origins in our tantrums as children and making it a point to ‘possess’ ourselves with anger and create a whole drama to get what we want – well at least that’s what happened in my case and even if I didn’t get what I wanted, I developed a relationship to anger from a very early age and later on suppressed it in so many ways, only to later on have to re-open it through this process of knowing myself, taking responsibility for my mind, my body, my everyday living and this thus becoming a point that I have been walking for some years now in order to Stop the fight within myself and ‘towards others in the world’ – but instead understand my reactions, decide to stop them in the realization that: my anger, my rage won’t do anything in this world of substantial change, it doesn’t nurture anything, it only feeds the war mentality.

So I instead self-forgive these emotional experiences as the ‘habitual me’ I had become, and direct myself to focus on my own self-creation which practically means going changing, aligning, redirecting every bit of myself that may want to ‘slip through the cracks’ into the old patterns of ‘blame’ and ‘anger’, then I make it a point to rather change that which I judge ‘outside’ in the inside of myself, learning to live words that are supportive and dedicating my life to do this with myself and those that I come to interact and support on a daily basis.

This then prevents any ‘extremist’ behavior, this then prevents ‘terrorists’ as well, this then prevents sects, cults and religious extremism where people get so diligent and belligerent with a set of beliefs that they are willing to ‘walk over others’ – harm, abuse, discriminate, hate – in order to ‘make a point’ that stands in a morality point of what’s good or bad, missing out the equality equation: what’s best for all, what’s the common sense solution, what’s our common/one and equal responsibility for what exists in this world, what’s humbleness in considering others?

And these set of principles and questions above has assisted me a lot whenever my ‘belligerent and extremist mindset’ wants to pop out, fueled with some righteousness which usually becomes a way to justify our anger or hatred, which is once again only self-interest, only believing it will ‘make a point’ but it doesn’t, it only alienates people, it only makes us walking ‘angry fits’ that show no solution at all.

Instead  I’ve found and proven that actually developing humbleness, consideration, embracing others as myself is a much more self-challenging process because then I don’t pose myself as ‘superior’ and ‘more aware’ than others believing ‘I know what’s right and wrong’ –  but instead have to challenge myself to find ways to talk to any person, about any topic, understand ‘where they are’ in their life/process of awareness and recognize that the best way to assist anything or anyone in this world, is by first focusing on changing me, stopping my belligerent nature and instead becoming an embracing one, one that understands what ‘living as equals’ in fact means, and this is then the process here which has actually supportive results that emerge as ripples here and there, without me even having to ‘push’ for it, because we simply become the ‘living words,’ we just are being the living examples and that’s as far as we can go when it comes to ‘changing the world’ really, doing so with one’s words, thoughts and deeds in every  moment that we are alive… but wanting to change ‘others’ and ‘fighting them’ is definitely not the way at all.

So, I suggest checking out this movie also for parents because the relationship between them and toward the child is quite an interesting one, if anything one that can leave aspects to learn how to prevent to the extremes in the story, and rather focusing on channeling/redirecting a teenager’s ‘awakening’ into one of self-creation and self-support  

Enjoy 🙂

 

American Pastoral Merry

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


450. Is it about Others or is it about ME?

Today there was a great point opened up in a group discussion about how easily we give up on ‘others’ which in fact means we give up on ourselves. This reminded me essentially of every single relationship I’ve had with people that are of more intimate and personal nature. It reminded me of how easy it is to keep that backdoor as ‘opt-out’-mode whenever any relationship becomes challenging, it is then when I can look at myself becoming very uncomfortable in those relationships/situations with people, starting to find flaws every time and in a way becoming paranoid wherein every single thing they said or did, I started to ‘frame’ it within this same belief and idea of ‘there being something wrong with them, very very wrong!’ and interestingly enough, I never, ever questioned myself as in seeing:

‘Who am I within this experience I have towards OTHERS in my life? Is it only my experience and so my creation that I am projecting as these emotions of discomfort, of disgust, of ‘unpleasant’ times that I actually am having within myself and imposing onto ‘them’ Where am I not focusing more on dealing with my inner experiences instead of focusing on others and calling them the ‘reason of my experience’?

Nope, I never asked myself these questions because I’ve realized how our default ‘status’ in our minds is that of believing that we are ‘always right’ and ‘always the ones that are ‘objective’ in the situation’ – lol, I can laugh at myself now because that’s exactly what I have been/become throughout my entire life, always considering that I had some kind of ‘special view’ that was more objective than others, and so if I saw anything ‘out of place’ in another, then it would be so… which is of course the ego speaking for us in which we trap ourselves looking ‘outwardly’ instead of inwards.

But as it was shared in this awesome group discussion, the only way to know if what we see is really an observation about another, is to Drop all Charges – to drop the energetic experience toward another and take responsibility for it – to then be able to first work with one’s own reaction as an experience of say ‘discomfort’ towards another and realize: it’s our creation and I have to take responsibility for it; and once that one is absolutely and totally clear, nothing moving energetically towards ‘another’ then I can focus in re-assessing if I still see this point in a situation or in another as I did when I was possessed/controlled/dominated by an emotional reaction within me.

Man, these are the moments where yes in a way ‘I wish I knew this before’ back in the day in my life, but as with anything, to convert Regret into a gift that we can give to ourselves in our lives from today.

Please watch this video for support from Sunette discussing on this one: Regret – Remembering the Great https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6VbGWxbMoo  

Also this great other one about Conflict

A Conflictual Relationship with Conflict – YouTube

 

I remember exactly how some 10 years ago I would write ‘my thoughts’ on a diary, but mostly all of the words there were used to justify my experience, to build up on my paranoia about ‘why everything is so wrong with another person’ and never did I ever open up or even consider how ‘Hmm! Maybe I am the creator of that experience within myself!’ Never happened, and that very much shows the ‘real nature’ or ingrained status-quo of who we are in our minds, where we are always quick to judge, point fingers, blame – blame, blame, blame – others for whatever we are experiencing within ourselves.

Here, if there’s one point that I see is of utmost necessity that all of us human beings look at is the word Blame, really. There is nothing else that I’ve seen ingrained as fuck – sorry for the word but that is so – as ‘stuck’ in our minds as this desire to always look ‘outside’ of ourselves for the source of our experiences, instead of first asking ourselves ok why am I ‘B-Laming /(being Lame’ towards others? Why not first looking within myself, focusing on myself and my experience TOWARDS that person?  Actually today I was talking with someone about the word ‘inward’ and this can be a key word to remind ourselves of looking first and foremost at the inner-ward we are keeping ourselves in our inner-wars of experiences that we believe another is capable of causing within ourselves…. When in fact, time and time again, it seems we have to remind ourselves that this is not able to happen in fact, we can only do it to ourselves. And that’s the necessary bucket of cold water that we all need to wake up whenever we see we are having this ‘person in our heads’ and making of them our human-piñatas, the punching bag that we can kick and blame for how we experience ourselves, which is in fact a deplorable aspect of our humanity and it’s got to change, and I cannot change anyone else but myself.

So, back to the point of giving up on others in my life. I can honestly also see where it is that I did ‘all that was possible’ with some and how I gave up too easily and too quickly on others, very prematurely I’d say. And now it is not for me to judge myself for that either, but to rather see from now on and recognize these moments of going into a form of desperation really, where apparently I cannot ‘keep going with’ or think that ‘something is not working’ or believing that ‘I’ve done all I can.’ I now know I have to make sure I am not reacting about it, because if I am, what do I know? I am in fact justifying and magnifying my vilifying towards OTHERS when in fact, I have some real shit to deal with within myself first of all.

So far I cannot say I have done this successfully with most people, but have managed with a very few and it is precisely the points where I learned to understand another in their very context, situation, mind, getting to really know them to understand ‘why they are what they are’ and that has been very, very supportive for me to learn what it means to consider another in themselves, in the totality of themselves. I have shared before how this has been the case with my current partner and in the very beginning of getting to know him, there were several times I just saw ‘no point’ or a ‘lost cause’ in certain situations, but the interesting thing is that he would be very stable and just being ‘himself’ in those moments, lol, whereas I would at times break down in tears and expectations of ‘being treated differently’ or expecting some ‘evident changes’ in what? A matter of weeks or few months of talking/getting to know ourselves? Which also proves how I was coming more from the perspective of wanting to ‘change’ another, instead of actually first getting to know and understand another and being unconditional in the sense of not expecting ‘anything in return’ other than the mutual communication and support this can mean for both or more people involved.

So I can definitely relate on how if there is an experience of ‘giving up’ on another and seeing it almost as a struggle, then, hello! The problem is not ‘them’ but ourselves, who we are towards them, what are our fears, expectations, desires, wants, needs that are not being ‘fulfilled’ by another? Or what is it that we ‘wanted them to be’ that we just can’t get ‘from them’ and so in fact become unsatisfied and so bring up the ‘ending the relationship’ card any moment that one faces these challenges that don’t really define the other, but it defines everything about oneself/myself.

What I’ve learned thus throughout this relationship is to see what it means to let go of ‘my desire to change another’ and instead only be an example, be a point of support but at the same time getting to know myself in a relationship where yes I speak up whenever it is required and when I notice patterns that we have talked about time and time again, yet I don’t create a reaction around it – here, it’s not been as easy to get to this point as I am able to share it now – it is a moment to moment process, where I have to remind myself to not get possessed when not seeing my ‘expectations met’ and to not be demanding and controlling of another, but to rather stand as an example, if anything, for another yet at the same time not creating that condition of ‘wanting to be paid with the same amount/ways of how I’ve done onto another’ – because it’s not really about ‘another’ but about me living and expressing who I want to be as myself, as my expression, me doing as I’d like to be done onto – without expecting anything in return – and surprisingly so, this has actually created that flexibility or say ‘letting go of my constant expectations ‘towards others’, it definitely is one of those points I’d say can create an actual stability to ‘walk with another.’

Now I’ve developed ways to bring up the points and in the moment I also have had to still stop myself from several times wanting to ‘make a case against someone’ and not clearing myself first, and after I’ve cleared myself if I still see the relevance of opening up a point/subject, I do so, but what I’ve noticed is that it is no longer this ‘running around in circles’ point in my head, but I speak it very directly and ‘as is’ and then I can be assertive in my stance because I’m not reacting, I’m speaking based on a clear assessment and this is then where it even becomes easier to assist another if the other person goes into a reaction, to speak about it, open it up, but best thing is to be able to ‘see it for what it is’ and so focus on practical considerations once that the ‘storm dissipates’, what each one has to do/work with or let go of and so we keep walking.

An example of what I’ve noticed is how whenever I am in a reaction and I am trying to ‘make a point’ is that I start speaking louder and almost in a ‘preachy’ mode, which indicates that I am holding a personal investment in the point, that I am bringing it up hoping to get some kind of benefit back or ‘proving myself right’ etc… which has been also cool to be pointed out about it, because it is something I know I am experiencing and that’s where I have to spot a pride situation going on where I don’t want to admit ‘Yes, I am reacting’ as that would prove we first have to deal with the things within ourselves first.

It’s weird we have assigned almost like a ‘negative charge’ to being honest about oneself still having to deal with things, instead of making these moments those self-honest treasures that we can then open up to reveal ourselves to ourselves and work with those points to correct ourselves, to align ourselves for once and for all.

If we work on that first point of being OK with admitting ‘Ok yes, I am reacting here indeed’ or ‘Ok, yes you are right, I am exalted in this point, I need to take a moment to reflect on it’ or even ‘Yes, I agree, it is true, I am reacting here, what do you see in this point?’ and so get feedback on what the other person says and then it becomes about referencing self-honesty and common sense, rather than an: I said, you said, she/he said… and it is so much better to develop a communication and interaction with others where we actually learn to ‘dig’ within ourselves and so share our perspectives and experiences, rather than continuing building up our personal paranoia ‘about others’ and not even daring to open up the point ‘as is’ with another.

So yes, this is what I’ve worked with, walked with and continue to do so in my relationship, with a person that goes at his own pace in his decision to support himself to become a better person, which means that the first dimension is there for me to also stand with in this situation, we are both individuals supporting ourselves in our individual ways to learn to see ourselves as our mind, to understand our reactions and commit to work through it. And this has actually made of the relationship a lot less challenging in those aspects than it was before. Now this doesn’t mean it’s ‘perfect’ but it is quite great for me to learn to first take a step back whenever I see myself wanting to ‘flare up’ in certain situations and dig further, ask more questions, get the full perspective and so learn to even communicate effectively!

Lol this morning I was precisely remembering how it is that there have been existential wars between races because of essentially not having effective communication, having misunderstandings and this was like a huge ‘Duh!’ I had at the time when I got to understand that, because I see how a lot of the problems we create (note, we don’t have them, we create them) are based on not understanding something, so just like I read from Sunette’s blog one day whenever we have a problem we can instead ask ourselves: what am I not understanding effectively yet? And so learn to become like these investigators ourselves of our experience, of how to ‘solve’ our problem and so be able to more effectively support/assist others to try out the same ways/techniques of self-introspection within themselves, like asking questions, asking lots of questions in the ways of getting the ‘the self interest’ point, like: what do I fear losing here? What do I desire to get? What is limiting myself? Or ‘What is it in me for doing/saying/acting on this/that point?

Here then some examples of what I’ve been actively applying, where it does take that one moment to ‘put a guard in front of my reaction-engine’ in my mind and body so that I can instead take a moment to understand better, get more information, cross-reference the points in common sense, devoid of my preferred outcome or self-interest, so in a way yes being unconditional – and so in that, learn to better understand another, their context, their mind, their experience and so make sure that whatever I experience based on what is said or done, I take responsibility for and only when I am clear, I can lay out the points not as ‘this is the problem, deal with it’ but also with the opening to create solutions, to be willing to ‘do my part’ as well in being part of the solution, and in this, very important: also letting go of the expectation that ‘the other will do their part too as I do’ – because this is about myself, who I am and what I decide to be and become, not about another.

To me, having been a very controlling and imposing person – almost a fascist at times with people, sorry about that lol  – I am now learning more about what it means to be more considerate, flexible and humble toward others and so to let go as well. And so also have to remind myself to first focus on me, to not be demanding of others something I haven’t lived/done for myself entirely. And yes, whenever I am very direct, straightforward and to the point in how I ‘walk’ with another, how I assist another, it is because I have done this for myself and it works best – though in this I also learn how to be more gentle or approach the same support in various ways depending on where the person is/at in their life, process, mind, life experience. So this has been every enjoyable for me really, also related to assisting/supporting people in this same process, it’s such a nutritional experience for a lack of a better word, and I am grateful for being in the position I am and with the responsibility it entails because it also pushes me to become a better person myself in what I do and what I’ve decided to live for the rest of my life: making of myself an example of what it means to let go of conflict and problem-based mentality, but being entirely willing to first and foremost be my own source of solutions and corrections that I can then nurture, cross-reference with others and in doing so, create also relationships of support geared to changing the nature of relationships/interrelationships which is what currently life is based on.

In terms of ‘giving up’ on someone, doesn’t define them but it entirely defines who we are, and this can only be assessed case by case, situation by situation where we can make sure we’ve done all we can possibly can do to stand up with/par on par with another, where one is not compromising oneself for the sake of ‘supporting’ another in means of ‘saving them’ because that’s quite consequential. And I am entirely looking forward for more support on these topics through the great website that has changed/expanded the reaches of ‘what is possible’ for ourselves as human beings in this world Eqafe.com, so check it out too and learn what it really means to be focused on being the change we want to see in this world.

 

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433. Humbleness and Consideration

 

I want to share about a process of living certain words to correct certain traits like being demanding/exigent, controlling, bossy and authoritarian, imposing my views/my ways onto others in an almost dictatorial way. I had not become aware of this until I started walking a relationship with a person that particularly reacts and/or noticeably dislikes any form of authoritarianism or clear-cut black or white impositions in a way of ‘do-as-I-say-so.’ Therefore of course, upon the clashes in this regard, I was able to see how much I tend to create an expectation of ‘how things should be/ how people should act’ and if this does not ‘match’ my ideal, then I get irritated at it.

Now, the first thing I had to do in order to recognize this is when seeing that I was the only one making a big deal out of a situation – which means reacting in my mind –  and that I had been the only one that assumed/created an ideal expectation of how something would have to be done/acted upon. When talking out this particular clash of me reacting to something being ‘short of my expectation,’ I realized how I had not at all considered the other person, their life, their background, the process they’ve walked in their life and so, in my own head I assumed that he would act/do things in a certain way in a particular environment. So here, upon realizing this as I walked the point with him, I had to ‘eat humble pie’ and walk a moment of stopping ‘making my point’ as in wanting to hold on to righteousness, and instead step down from my ‘horse’ to change my stance toward the situation into one of humbleness and consideration. 

I realized how much I put pressure upon another based on my sudden reaction to an expectation that I had in no way shared or communicated to the other person, nor had I realized it wasn’t a common sensical expectation but it was all built within me according to my mind/my views/ my ways. When listening how the other person lived that same situation in their mind, I realized that my own consideration, my own expectations were nowhere to be seen in that mindset, because they were not  entirely common sensical considerations, but more of an exigency that I’ve learned through ‘familiar tradition’ in this case, which my partner had no idea or reference of.

So, first thing that I suggest to anyone facing a similar situation is to immediately shift from righteousness and believing that ‘my way or the highway’ is the right stance, into practically live humbleness and consideration. This is a directive move to rather hear what the other person has to say, not react in any way to their words but understand where they are coming from, consider their living context, the past experiences that influence them, the lack of awareness or reference of other certain aspects that I did not make a point to share beforehand. I realized how specific I had to be now in order to ensure that I am not the only one having a ‘clear idea’ about something, but that I share about it, cross reference if he is ok with it and if not to work out through the points until we both understand each other and agree to a certain outcome or resolution. In this of course, there is also the process of doing the same on his side too, recognizing what can be improved, considered, practiced, applied in spite of resistances or challenges to do so, considering it is usually something he hasn’t ever lived or applied. So it takes two to tango in this for sure and it’s been rather cool to seeing him do the same as I have described above at times, realizing there’s no need to shout to make a point – this only makes things worse – but speak calmly, as clear as possible and with the firm intent to assist each other to see and understand something.

When deciding to live humbleness in this regard, I realized how many times not only now but in the past I have only considered ‘me’ in my expectations and assuming that everyone else ‘should be on the same level’ as in understanding/seeing the same I do, especially when being in a close relationship. I’ve thus now been continually learning to be more considerate of another’s mind, process, life experiences, patterns when interacting with them, and so realized how much I make a fuss about things in a demanding way, like being very exigent of ‘how this should have been done’ or ‘how you should have acted with x people’ – when in fact, these were all my expectations, my particular ‘quirks’ that I had not even questioned within myself before. So, in a way it was also important to ask forgiveness because I understood how much pressure this also created in the other person upon essentially demanding them to be/do something that they had no idea or reference of.  This also clarified a lot the previous stance where I took a ‘haughty’ position of having been wronged, when it was essentially the other way around in a misunderstanding or lack of communication situation.

I realize how I have this same tendency in many other aspects in my interactions with others, wherein I see something that could be done differently, that I need to ‘let others know’ of in a way to correct them, to show them ‘why they are wrong’ about something. But this is mostly a stance that would come through in an imperative manner, which implies having a starting point and stance of knowing better, being superior or having this idea that others are not capable of doing or handling something. This is all of course only ego and superiority traits that don’t assist others at all, because one gives feedback almost in a complaint-manner, offering no solutions, nor considering the impact it makes on others to come across in a very bossy manner.  

So for example today when recalling this point with my partner, he explained how sometimes I can bring up some facts about certain things he cannot do, and turn it into a sort of amazement in a way of saying ‘how is it possible that you still cannot do it!’ considering that to me it is a simple thing, a natural thing and so expecting that ‘it should be simple for others to do so as well.’ Well, I have to realize it is not. So he suggested I instead assist in that moment to verbalize points of reference so that he also pushes himself to be more aware of the point, to practice memorizing certain things, and so be more ‘here’ and aware of surroundings. I realized how much my remarks – even if my intent is not of ridicule – can be perceived as such, because I am not supporting another, but only pointing out in a sense of ‘amazement’ how something is not yet part of his natural abilities. This is a lack of consideration and so, what I will do from now on is watch myself to not make these unnecessary remarks, but instead turn it immediately into a feedback process where I usually then ask questions to see what is lacking, where is a misunderstanding, how can I assist and identify the ‘weak link’ in the process. All of this done of course in a very humble manner, with the sole starting point of wanting to assist another to develop themselves, not having a high-pitched demanding voice or a tonality of desperation, irritation or plain annoyance, that will get one nowhere in this life when talking to another.

I also just now see that gentleness is the word that also is then lived when moderating one’s voice and pace of words when walking through a misunderstanding, where usually if one fires up, the other one follows. It is definitely cool to apply then this humbleness, consideration and gentleness when communicating to clear up a situation and in essence, be more creative when considering solutions all the time, instead of rehashing the problem in an attempt to blame or keep one’s ‘pride’ untouched. It is mostly lame and even difficult when trying to ‘save face’ as some say and keeping one in this mode of ‘I am right and you are wrong’ it truly leads nowhere but further problems.

Now I enjoy actually the process of recognizing: yes, I realize I fucked up in that moment, sorry about not considering you in this – from now on I will ask you, reference it and ensure I communicate all details so that we both are on the same page on this. I will also share what I see you can also consider to apply, yet not forcing it upon you, you decide how you apply the principles in that moment and what you are comfortable doing.

It really takes nothing but humbleness to do this, and patience as well considering how many times things can repeat, to not get flustered about it, but to apply that consideration, patience and humbleness as many times as it is needed.

Today it was actually great to get feedback on some points he sees that he’s bettered himself at, and the points he still struggles with, which I realized the best support also exists by sharing my own examples of what I’ve walked, and when I haven’t lived something he’s dealing with, I share examples of other people I have worked with/walked with in similar patterns and how they have come to trance-end /transcend certain points in their lives. This is the kind of living examples or ‘living feedback’ that is of most value, to show how change is possible and so be willing to take the time to walk with the person in such assistance, to take them by the hand with care, consideration and humbleness into becoming something that they haven’t yet seen themselves being capable of being or becoming.

Through doing this, I’ve also then been able to be more aware of my tendencies to control, to impose, to be authoritarian and generally bossy. I’ve been learning a lot and I’m grateful for being able to change it in real time and live the difference this makes, how else would I have been able to spot these aspects that exist in me?

Thanks for reading.

 

Don't Be Hard on Yourself

 

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431. Recognizing the Potential in Ourselves

 

One of the points that came up for me today was the ability to recognize the potential in others and within this, be able to use that awareness of what we see another is able to be and become. I consider this is one of the things that have assisted me in being able to see past certain habits, traits, personalities, ego-feuds in order to get to ‘seek out’ and ‘unearth’ the actual potential in myself and others – and in a way, get to see the real being that is somewhere there in the background, behind the usual presentations that we get to know ourselves with: our habits, traits, emotional fits, quirks, manners, traumas, judgments etc. In essence it means being able to see a person beyond what they could have becomes as their mental design, their ‘disguise’ yet have a willingness to change, to assist themselves to become essentially a better person, to give the most of themselves for their benefit and that of others.  This is the potential of change that exists in every single one of us.

In this process of learning how to actually live and become an individual that stands with living principles, sometimes we hold ourselves captives to our past and believe that we cannot change, that we will always remain the same, that we cannot get past the usual problems – but if we actually dare to apply this recognition process, to really step back and look at who we were in the past, and what kind of decisions  we’ve made to actually assist ourselves, we will start giving ourselves a bit more of a recognition of what we’ve done, the path we’ve walked thus far and what is yet to come,  yet to be aligned and fine tuned  to learn from our everyday experiences and interactions. This is what I see this process in itself is, to learn how to live and push a bit further every time to continue discovering our own potential, to learn from the past mistakes to not repeat them and stick to creating and living that which we can in fact be and become with dedication, consistency and a deliberate decision to step out of the old patterns and become a person that we can live with for the rest of our existence.

The ability to recognize this potential in others comes when one has been able to identify such potential within oneself first, when one has seen that underneath the mind clutter of personalities, ego traits and the rest of the ‘programs,’ one is able to see one’s real self, ready to be placed into use to strengthen oneself, to look past any judgments, to be accountable, to learn self respect, to learn how to cooperate with others, to be humble, to learn from mistakes, to be ok with failure and learning to stand up again, to learn how to build supportive relationship, to learn what it means to go past one’s fears and limitations – all of these points are there for us to live if we make the decision to not feed the old patterns, the usual egotistical traits that feel ‘safe’ because it’s all we’ve ever known, but instead be willing to step into the actual process of creating oneself as something that one probably could have never conceived one could be or become, and then recognize that the fears and limitations were nothing  but a masquerade that we thought we were proudly wearing as ‘who we are.’

Once that one starts seeing glimpses of one’s potential, it is very vital to remind ourselves of and take note of the processes we’ve walked to actually ‘dig out’ this potential and to keep track of the changes in oneself, so that there is always a point of reference we can go back to whenever we get to feel that ‘we were born living our potentials’ when in fact, unfortunately it is not at all how our lives as human beings work at the moment. It is a process and forgetting it usually leads to the perception that either we haven’t changed or this is how we’ve always been, or missing out the ability to relate to others that are in their initial processes of change. As a point of reference, reading past journals and blog entries is assisting to see how I could have not been able to remember certain things I used to think about or experience, that I see I would definitely not be saying/thinking in the same manner now as I did before.

It’s also crucial to consider that when reaching any point of potential or finding a clear drive and motivation to do things, this should always be measured according to its starting point – asking questions is usually a great way to get to know oneself and one’s real ‘drive’ in it: is it to glorify myself? Is it to prove others wrong? Is it to make up for my past mistakes? Is it to feel better about myself? Is it because I want to be accepted by others? Is it because I want to feel like what it is like to be ‘the best’ or be ‘at the top’? Is it because I want the money and the good life? Is it because it will make me find a great partner? Is it because I want to stop feeling like a loser? Is it because I want to trump others that have done me wrong? Is it because I want to show that I can better than everyone else…? And the beat goes on…

If there’s something I suggest one always takes into consideration is humbleness when achieving certain life goals or starting to live certain potentials. If anything, any point of empowerment should not be defined as such if it only benefits the same ego/idea of ourselves that merely exists in comparison/in contrast to others.

To me it is clear that any advantage position in any point or aspect in our lives, should stand as a point of extra responsibility to consider others that are not yet ‘there’ in living their full potential yet, to be humble in considering each one’s living process, their past, their traits and skills, their weaknesses yet to be turned into strengths  – in essence, to always have a firm idea that one cannot be in any position of leadership if there is no actual empathy, humbleness, consideration toward others that have yet to be assisted to start digging out their potential.

Also, not giving up on others is essential, not judging them, not holding them captive within their ‘usual flaws’ but to always rather assist others  – and of course ourselves – to remind us of what we have actually managed to create, to build within ourselves, what we have managed to change, what we have managed to overcome and so stands as prove that ‘change is possible.’ This might sound like something ‘easy’ to do, but it’s not always something that can be readily done if there isn’t a personal process of an individual deciding to create an actual change for the better in their lives.

Seeing a potential begins with oneself, then we extend it toward others and from there as one goes living this potential, it is about remaining grounded, assertive, reminding oneself of the path walked, the points yet to be aligned, the fails and mistakes we will still make to learn from them and the potentials yet to develop. This is another way I’d say we can practically live the word ‘recognition’ in a supportive manner, for oneself and for others, who are an extension of ourselves anyways.

 

 

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